1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,600 Speaker 1: Thanks for downloading the show. It's better than yesterday. Useful tools, 2 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: useful conversations here to make your day to day better 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: than yesterday. Every week since twenty thirteen. My name Josha Ginsburg. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 1: I'm glad you're here. Every morning usually starts about the same. 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: I shuffle out of bed, flick on the expresso machine. 6 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: Have we grind my beans as I wait for the 7 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: thing to heat up, which is good because my feet 8 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: are cold on the kitchen floor. Flick open a news 9 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: app the other day, as I'm grinding my beans, thinking 10 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: about my cold feet, I read in very bold font 11 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:46,279 Speaker 1: us attacks Iran Now like you probably did. I had 12 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,839 Speaker 1: quite a physical reaction to this because I know that 13 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: as a world, as a planet, we don't really come 14 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: back from something like that easily. The last three years 15 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 1: or so, though, has been a steadily escalating level of 16 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: chaos in our news feeds, no matter where we look 17 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: or try not to look, And depending on your algorithm, 18 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 1: you're getting a perspective on death and destruction, calamity and 19 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: chaos and fire and flood and horror and more and 20 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,119 Speaker 1: more and more and more and more and more and more. 21 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 1: It can be a lot. The other day chatting with 22 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 1: Sally Gould. She's a paramedic who's written a book about 23 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: her job and the things she's learned doing that job. 24 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,360 Speaker 1: She talks about keeping a bucket empty and that there's 25 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: only really so much space between our ears for all 26 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: that kind of stuff, and you've got to actively work 27 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: to keep that bucket empty, and that is really important. 28 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 1: So the other day when a friend of mine who 29 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: lives in Africa, she's Dutch, she lives over there, she 30 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: reached out to me the other day It's gone, how 31 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: the fuck am I supposed to handle all of this 32 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: at the same time as raising my door? I love 33 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: to a voice note, but I thought, you know what, 34 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: this might actually be useful. That's what I want to 35 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: talk about today. Right after the break GOODA, thanks for 36 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 1: being here. Just really quickly. We have a live show 37 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,880 Speaker 1: coming up on the sixth of July. Phil O'Neil, Mary Watt's, 38 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: Marley Silver, Nadia Townsend, Zoe Don't Lodge and myself will 39 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: be telling stories at story Club. It's a live comedy 40 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,239 Speaker 1: storytelling show. We do it once a month, six point 41 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,359 Speaker 1: thirty on the sixth of July. Tickets are in the 42 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 1: show notes it's a super fun show. It's really really great. 43 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: I'd love you to be there. There's also a substack 44 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,680 Speaker 1: for that as well as that. In the show notes, 45 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: there is a link where you can pre order my 46 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: new book, So What Now What, illustrated by Campbell Walker, 47 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: also known as Truthless. It's an incredibly powerful book, and 48 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: there's a little bit from that book I want to 49 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: talk to you about today because I got a text 50 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,080 Speaker 1: the other day from my friend she lives in Africa, Osha, 51 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,120 Speaker 1: how are you are you finding ways to saying these days? 52 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: It's all such a mess? And she and I kind 53 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: of had a bit of a back and forth, mostly 54 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: voice notes and stuff, But the core of what I 55 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: was telling her is that, look, it takes work. It 56 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,239 Speaker 1: takes work to say saying in these days and ages, 57 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: this day and age, these days and ages. I don't 58 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:20,960 Speaker 1: know what the grammatically correct way of saying this, but 59 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 1: at the core of it is a willingness to be 60 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 1: with how messy things are and still go about your 61 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 1: day in alignment with what you value. You can notice 62 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: those emotions, you can still enjoy the delicious cup of coffee, 63 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: the call of a bird in the morning, the smile 64 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: of your child, because when I was really, really sick, 65 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: I know what it feels like. When I was really sick, 66 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 1: I couldn't hear the giggle of a child. Or I could, 67 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 1: but I wouldn't do anything to me. I couldn't see 68 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: an azua blue sky just peerless and just piercing. I 69 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: couldn't notice the beauty of nature and physics and symmetry 70 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: that exists in a flower. I couldn't appreciate how incredible 71 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,119 Speaker 1: each of those things is because I had such a global, 72 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:06,120 Speaker 1: catastrophic sandbag of doom stuck on my brain with just 73 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: like ruminating anxiety and terrifying paranoid delusions. It was fucked. 74 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be that bad, though, because there's 75 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,600 Speaker 1: a bit of a trap rolling around, And so I 76 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: was telling my friend, there's a bit of oh, how 77 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 1: can you blank when children in blank ah blank every 78 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 1: single day, And that's a bit of a trap, and 79 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: I would advise you to not fall into it, because 80 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: there is a space to grieve the horror of the world, 81 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 1: the horror of war, the horror of starvation, the horror 82 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 1: of inequality, and there's also space to connect with the 83 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: world around you and enjoy delight and joy in your 84 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: actual life, the life you can touch, not the far 85 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,839 Speaker 1: away life that people are upset at you because you're 86 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 1: not being upset. Because I think that is bullshit. All right, 87 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,320 Speaker 1: I'm done with that. It's a lie. It's a trap, 88 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,239 Speaker 1: and I don't like that. I don't like this trap 89 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: because it does feel it's got a controlling element to it. 90 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: I kind of need to model it over a bit more. 91 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: But this is what I was telling my friend. It 92 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: feels a bit controlling, a bit. No, no, no, you 93 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: have to be upset and mad and sad or outraged 94 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: at this thing. If you don't, you are just as 95 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 1: bad as those people over there. That's fucking bullshit. Don't 96 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: fall for it. We can feel sad, we can grieve, 97 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:42,279 Speaker 1: we can be present to enormous tragedy, horror, sadness, unfairness, inequality, 98 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: and we can also giggle and enjoy the sound of 99 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: a rainbow lorikeet twiddling by. It's not a zero sum 100 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:52,280 Speaker 1: game to be able to hear the giggle of a 101 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 1: child enjoying something and feel that joy. Because you can 102 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: feel that joy, that does not mean that you do 103 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 1: not care and feel sad and grieve and be aghast 104 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,080 Speaker 1: at the horror of the tragedy of a stranger's child 105 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: who is suffering on the other side of the world. 106 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: You can have both of those things. I've been a 107 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: funerals where people laugh their ass off at the same 108 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:17,919 Speaker 1: time as having just buried their child. As humans, we 109 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: have the capacity to do both. We can do both, 110 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 1: and it's okay to do both. And you're not betraying 111 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 1: one or the other by doing both because we can 112 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: do both. So don't believe that bullshit, all right, don't 113 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: fall into that trap, because it's just going to rob 114 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: your life of fucking joy. To be honest, what good 115 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,279 Speaker 1: are you to anybody if you get stuck in that place. 116 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 1: If you get stuck there and your kids like, come on, 117 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 1: let's do this thing, or your partner's like, come on, 118 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: let's do this thing, and you're like, but I can't. 119 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: I've got to read and scroll more about this horrible thing, 120 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 1: because if I'm dit, I'm going to be and people 121 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: looking upset at me that I like, fuck off. You 122 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: can be upset and sad about one thing and still 123 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,119 Speaker 1: connect with other people with joy and happiness and enjoy 124 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: watching the football team when or your kid dance or whatever. 125 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 1: But if that position sounds familiar to you and you 126 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,039 Speaker 1: find yourself stuck there, how do you get out of 127 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: that spot? Well, I'll take a leaf out of my 128 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 1: new book and I'll chat to you about it in 129 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 1: just to mate. So, what's a way that you can 130 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,200 Speaker 1: get unstuck when you're trapped in a spot where staying 131 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: sane and trying not to be crushed by all the 132 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: negativity in the world is staying to feel beyond your reach. Well, 133 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 1: it starts by understanding the part of your brain that 134 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: is trapping you there, and then using that part of 135 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,000 Speaker 1: your brain and the thing that it does very well 136 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,040 Speaker 1: to help you get back out of the hole that 137 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: you're in. Let me explain. So, our brains evolved to 138 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: survive in a world where avoiding death was the priority. 139 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: You and me and everyone you know. We are pretty 140 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: much identical to fossils found three hundred thousand years ago. 141 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 1: Nothing really has changed about us. We are exactly the 142 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 1: same as these human beings that lived, and so when 143 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 1: we have this fight or flight thing, it's a very 144 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: valid evolutionary response because unlike your appendix, or if you're 145 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: a man, your nipples, fight or flight was really important, 146 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: and it kept us alive. We evolved in a time 147 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,400 Speaker 1: where death was all around us every day, not just 148 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 1: from other humans who wanted our food as shelter, but 149 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 1: creatures that would stalk the earth, that would eat us alive. 150 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: Not just saber tooth tigers, but all kinds of horrific, 151 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: bloody beasts. Not just that there was no CPR, there's 152 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: no antibiotics. A cut could kill you dead, all right. 153 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 1: We as humans evolved with everyone around us dying horribly 154 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,680 Speaker 1: all the time, so we were rightly quite averse to 155 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: that happening to us, and anything that might possibly give 156 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: us clues that this sort of thing was coming towards us, 157 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: that a death was coming for us. We wanted to 158 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,719 Speaker 1: get out of there, all of us. We're all the 159 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: descendants of the most jumpy and the most frightened of 160 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 1: our ancestors. This evolutionary survival trait, this fire or flight thing, 161 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: also gave us a wonderful gift, the negativity bias, which 162 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 1: is the thing our brains do. It's really great for 163 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: survival and it delivers fantastic results for reactionary news outlets 164 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 1: coming up. The Devastating Scam Targeting podcast listeners claims, get 165 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 1: another victim with police powers to stop it. How you 166 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: can protect yourself and your children. Next, here's an ad 167 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: for some shit that you didn't realize you need until 168 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 1: just now, But now that you know it's there, you 169 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: can't sleep at night until you own it. It's a 170 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: good business model, man. Here's how it works. The more 171 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,640 Speaker 1: we see terrible things happening, the more we get this 172 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: false view that we live in a world where terrible 173 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:51,840 Speaker 1: things happen everywhere and all the time. But that is 174 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: not actually true. Yes, it is true. The most awful 175 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 1: things you could imagine are probably happening as we speak. 176 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 1: And at the very same time, somewhere there is a 177 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,439 Speaker 1: basketful of labrador puppies making little cooing noises, waggling their 178 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:11,040 Speaker 1: tails because a little family of toddlers have just walked 179 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,120 Speaker 1: into the same room as them and they're starting to 180 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,240 Speaker 1: pick up these little puppies. Both of those things exist 181 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: in our world at the same time, and they can 182 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,839 Speaker 1: exist at the same time, and they have to exist 183 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 1: at the same time. Now, we shouldn't eliminate this negativity bias. 184 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,800 Speaker 1: It's quite useful. We do need to manage it. However, 185 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 1: we need to manage it so we don't make poor 186 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: decisions that are based in fear. But when that negativity 187 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: bias is really hammering us, it can be almost impossible 188 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: to see the beautiful things and the good things all 189 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: around us. So when we start to believe that all 190 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 1: the world is terrible, we become susceptible to a thing 191 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: known as the frequency illusion. This is the idea that 192 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: this is a bad thing, and that's a bad thing. 193 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's bad things everywhere. Now you know 194 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,679 Speaker 1: the frequency illusion. There was a time where as far 195 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 1: as you were concerned, there was no one anywhere on 196 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: the street ever that ever walked anywhere with a stroller. 197 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:05,959 Speaker 1: And then you peed on a stick. There were two 198 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 1: stripes on that stick. And now everywhere you look you 199 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: are being stalked by the upper baby two point oh like. 200 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,720 Speaker 1: It's a terrifying monster from a Stephen King novel. It 201 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:16,600 Speaker 1: follows you everywhere. It's in every car park, over, every shoulder, 202 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: every left and ctinema whatever. It's called a frequency illusion. 203 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,320 Speaker 1: Now we can deliberately exploit this thing. Abrain does this 204 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 1: frequency illusion to get a brain to start to see 205 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,920 Speaker 1: more of the wonderful things around us. And start to 206 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: get things back in balance. And it's all got to 207 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,960 Speaker 1: do with getting lucky. And I'm not talking about the 208 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,560 Speaker 1: Pharrell Williams Daft Punk getting lucky. I'm talking about luck. 209 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: And this is the thing I wrote about in the 210 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: new book. So what now what? It's a very simple trick. 211 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,599 Speaker 1: I do it at nighttime when I put Wolfgang to bed. 212 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: Just try to notice three times every day when you 213 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: got lucky. I don't know, you caught a green light, 214 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 1: you got an excellent casp Today, Audrey and I got 215 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 1: a bang shotgun Rockstar park right in front of the 216 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: Vinnie with us bootful of stuff. We did a big 217 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 1: toy clean out. While Wolf is at school. He doesn't 218 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: notice yet that the do blow's gone. Well that's fuck 219 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 1: off park right in front like amazing. I don't know. 220 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: You heard a moment where two magpies were having a 221 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 1: conversation from two different trees. And there's beautiful melody in 222 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: the morning, like little lucky moments like that, just beautiful moments. 223 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: Just look for three. Find another person at the end 224 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: of the day, tell them this is the three you know, 225 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,559 Speaker 1: ask him what three things happened to you? Here's three 226 00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: things happened for me is where I got lucky, because 227 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: by starting to notice when things go well, we start 228 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: to notice when things go well, and overtime, our experience 229 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 1: of the world changes because when we get stuck in 230 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: that negative version, oh my god, we just start to 231 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: see how terrible the parking is, and how magpies are 232 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,520 Speaker 1: terrible and they swoop everywhere, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. 233 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 1: But to make it happen, you've got to do it regularly. 234 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 1: And to do it regularly you need to make it 235 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,680 Speaker 1: a habit, which is why I do it. At night, 236 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 1: when I'm putting Wolf to bed, I either ask him, Hey, 237 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: what went well for you today? Or you know, did 238 00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: you get like you did? I got really lucky today. 239 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: This happened. It was incredible. And by doing that every day, 240 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,199 Speaker 1: it starts to help remind us that, yes, while terrible 241 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: things do happen in the world, I'm not saying they don't. 242 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: They absolutely do. The world in itself is not all terrible. 243 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: In the words of Hans Rosling from the brilliant book Factfulness, 244 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:20,079 Speaker 1: it's this great line, things are bad, but they're getting better. 245 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that the bad parts are bad. They 246 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 1: are bad, but it's not all bad. There's good everywhere, 247 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 1: And that's the part that we can actually have some controlling, 248 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,960 Speaker 1: Because when there's everything bad and there's far away, you're 249 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 1: looking on the telly, you're looking on your phone, and 250 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: it's it's often very far away or not immediate to you, 251 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 1: and it feels so uncontrollable and you can't do anything 252 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: about it. The only part of all this that we 253 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: can control is what we choose to put into the 254 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: world around us, the immediate world we live in. Worrying 255 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,839 Speaker 1: about things we can't control and can get us caught 256 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 1: in a loop that's very hard to get out of. 257 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: What we can control is how much good we put 258 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,680 Speaker 1: into the world around us. Are we giving the benefit 259 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 1: of the doubt to our spouse? Are we being kind 260 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: making sure we're calm around our kids and trying to 261 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: understand that the air they're tired, their brains are growing, 262 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 1: they don't have any impulse control. Are we holding the 263 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: door open for a stranger. Are we offering to grab 264 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: a coffee for somebody when we're heading down the shops? 265 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: Are we helping out the people around us because helping 266 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 1: other humans and being kind to other people. That really 267 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,520 Speaker 1: is the only thing that we can control. It puts 268 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: good into the world that we live in, that we 269 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,240 Speaker 1: exist in, and makes the world that we exist in 270 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: a better place to be. And also it unlocks things 271 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: inside us that make us feel good. Helping another human 272 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: really is one of the only things that helps bring 273 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 1: sustainable happiness. That's another wonderful evolutionary trait we are wired 274 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: to connect. It's survival of the friendliest. In the words 275 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: of Richker Brickman, like I said, I'm not saying terrible 276 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: things in this world need be ignored. That's not the 277 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: case at all. But I am saying it's no good 278 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 1: to get caught in a trap of like cyclical morning 279 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: and then feeling your pressured to write something a comment 280 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: or a post or whatever, and you get stuck and 281 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: like trying to one up yourself on how bad can 282 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 1: you get and scratching that itch, and it's like ex 283 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 1: mera and blur. It's a fucking trap. Man. You are 284 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: capable of having something good and something hard in your 285 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: brain at the same time. You are. You have the 286 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: space inside of you. The more we practice it, the 287 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: better we get at it. The better we get at it, 288 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: the less the news can destroy us. And that's the 289 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: long version of what I sent to my friend in 290 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: a voice note far far away in Africa. I hope 291 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: it was helpful. If you want to get that book, 292 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,600 Speaker 1: where a Little Better is from The Getting Lucky Trick, 293 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: you can find the link in the show notes. If 294 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: you want to come and hear me tell a story 295 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:57,360 Speaker 1: about my neighbors when I was fifteen, because that's the 296 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: theme of our next Story Club show, Everybody Needs Good Neighbors, 297 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 1: you can find that link in the show notes as well. 298 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 1: Get on substack. If you need to email me, send 299 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: us an email at gmail dot com. I'll see you 300 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: back here on Wednesday. Thanks for listening.