1
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,240
Speaker 1: Have everyone. It's Cali here for this week's Mojo Monday.

2
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,640
Speaker 1: So here's a question. Have you ever held yourself back

3
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:19,320
Speaker 1: because you've felt less than? So maybe it is less attractive,

4
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:24,400
Speaker 1: or less capable, or less successful or less confident. You know,

5
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,600
Speaker 1: it's like you walk into a room and immediately your

6
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,760
Speaker 1: mind starts scanning and looking for evidence, you know, like

7
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,560
Speaker 1: she's fitter, or he's more articulate than me, or they

8
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:39,200
Speaker 1: seem happier, or that person's achieved more, and without even

9
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:44,159
Speaker 1: realizing it, you start to shrink yourself. And maybe that

10
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:51,279
Speaker 1: looks like speaking less or not taking a risk or withdrawing.

11
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,760
Speaker 1: And here's what most people don't realize. Comparison is such

12
00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:02,080
Speaker 1: a normal human reflex. Brains are wired for it. It's

13
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,600
Speaker 1: how we learned where we stood in the tribe. We

14
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,640
Speaker 1: had to know we were valued for survival of the

15
00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,640
Speaker 1: tribe and of course our own survival as well, because

16
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,840
Speaker 1: if we weren't being valuable, we'd get kicked out. So

17
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,160
Speaker 1: it was actually really useful. So if you compare yourself

18
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:23,600
Speaker 1: to others, it's normal. It's a normal, innate human response.

19
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,600
Speaker 1: It's just that our environment has changed so much that

20
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,240
Speaker 1: now it can have a negative effect, a huge negative

21
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,679
Speaker 1: effect on our choices, and what it can do is

22
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:39,520
Speaker 1: take us down very two different pathways. So it can

23
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:43,120
Speaker 1: plummet your self esteem and make you feel small and stuck,

24
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:49,840
Speaker 1: or it can actually be motivating. And from a heartiness perspective,

25
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,880
Speaker 1: this comes down to one very powerful lens. Do you

26
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,960
Speaker 1: see comparison as a threat or do you see it

27
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,360
Speaker 1: as a challenge. So when you see it as a threat,

28
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,800
Speaker 1: your nervous system reacts. You might withdraw, you might start

29
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:10,360
Speaker 1: criticize yourself. You might avoid the thing altogether, like the

30
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,480
Speaker 1: gym or the social event, or the opportunity or the conversation,

31
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: and your choices start to be based on avoidance. But

32
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,480
Speaker 1: when you see it as a challenge, something shifts in

33
00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:28,120
Speaker 1: your mind, which then shifts your behavior. As soon as

34
00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,359
Speaker 1: the situation is viewed as a challenge, you actually get

35
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,520
Speaker 1: into action mode. And if you feel stuck, the best

36
00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,280
Speaker 1: way to get unstuck is to focus on what you

37
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,200
Speaker 1: can control and not focus on the things you can't control.

38
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,320
Speaker 1: And you don't have to like the things you can't control,

39
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,200
Speaker 1: But what you can do is shift your focus to

40
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:53,040
Speaker 1: something way more constructive. And this is certainly not about

41
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:58,520
Speaker 1: pretending you don't feel inferior. Sometimes it's not about force confidence,

42
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,480
Speaker 1: it's about how you interpret the moment and then what

43
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:07,160
Speaker 1: you do next. You cannot stop your brain from comparing

44
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,760
Speaker 1: yourself to others. So that advice, which I'm sure we

45
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,880
Speaker 1: have all had at some stage in our life, stop

46
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:17,880
Speaker 1: comparing yourself to others, Actually isn't that helpful because it's

47
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:23,040
Speaker 1: very very hard not to. But maybe instead the advice

48
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:26,200
Speaker 1: should be, well, that may be so, but is it

49
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,480
Speaker 1: helpful to focus on those thoughts? What is actually in

50
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:35,120
Speaker 1: your control right now? Where you direct your attention, your effort,

51
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:40,200
Speaker 1: your preparation, developing skills, your consistency, your willingness to practice.

52
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,600
Speaker 1: You can decide, am I willing to stay engaged here

53
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,560
Speaker 1: even if I feel uncomfortable that someone else is ahead

54
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,760
Speaker 1: of me, or prettier than me, or one up on me.

55
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,720
Speaker 1: And you can even remember that the person you're comparing

56
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,200
Speaker 1: yourself to has there all their own insecurities that you

57
00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:01,960
Speaker 1: can't see. So an inferior complex doesn't have to dictate

58
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:06,240
Speaker 1: our choices. It's a lens we're seeing the world through,

59
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:11,600
Speaker 1: and lenses can be adjusted. So this week, notice if

60
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:16,640
Speaker 1: you start to shrink yourself notice when comparison makes you hesitate,

61
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,320
Speaker 1: and instead of getting caught up in that web of

62
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:25,320
Speaker 1: that I'm not good enough story, try asking what's one

63
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:30,080
Speaker 1: small action I can take because your life won't change

64
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,120
Speaker 1: from waiting to feel more confident. Confidence is an action word,

65
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:39,960
Speaker 1: not just a feeling. You develop confidence from acting with courage,

66
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,279
Speaker 1: the feeling feeling that discomfort while you do what matters.

67
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,320
Speaker 1: And that can be really hard, but that's okay because

68
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,760
Speaker 1: we know that growth happens when you do hard things.

69
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,720
Speaker 1: Have a great week, everyone, and I will catch you

70
00:04:54,760 --> 00:05:05,920
Speaker 1: next week. Soa