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Speaker 1: Apogae Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the shep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashley and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 3: This podcast is.

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Speaker 4: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,

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Speaker 4: and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics

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Speaker 2: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 4: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 2: Today we're talking about loneliness. This is something that we

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Speaker 2: have noticed come into our dms, come onto our forum,

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Speaker 2: we experience. I noticed a lot of Tiana's content last

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Speaker 2: week was about loneliness.

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Speaker 1: Yes, And I.

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Speaker 2: Said of a text of like are you okay? Yes,

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Speaker 2: she did hear you can comfortably profile you know. I

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Speaker 2: just felt like you might have been feeling lonely and

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Speaker 2: it's just a topic it coming up, so like, let's

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Speaker 2: talk about it, because I don't really hear anyone talk

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Speaker 2: about it, yet we all experience it, regardless of how

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Speaker 2: many people we have in our life.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's a really important thing to cover because,

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Speaker 4: like what you mentioned, no one talks about it, but

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Speaker 4: everyone experiences it, and I think it's really important for

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Speaker 4: us to be able to learn how to shift mentally

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Speaker 4: out from that lonely state and like in the thick

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Speaker 4: of it, into a more productive place. It's going to

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Speaker 4: benefit us and help us learn how to navigate those

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Speaker 4: feelings of loneliness when they do come up.

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Speaker 2: And like I said, we've all felt a sense of loneliness.

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Speaker 2: I think I've felt it more in my younger years,

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Speaker 2: when I didn't know how to enjoy my own company

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Speaker 2: and I didn't have my own back, yeah, and I

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Speaker 2: was always looking for outside people to validate me, to

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Speaker 2: have their overflow, to fill me up, to fix me,

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Speaker 2: to save me. And I feel like the last couple

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Speaker 2: of years, probably the last two years, I've really learned

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Speaker 2: to enjoy my own company. So now when I'm going

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Speaker 2: through stuff, I still lean on my friends, as you

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Speaker 2: know you and Steve a lot. However, I do sit

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Speaker 2: with myself now and I enjoy my own company, and

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Speaker 2: I'm learning to have my own back more and to

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Speaker 2: be able to soothe and regulate by myself. So I

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Speaker 2: don't feel lonely these days copared to what I used to, yeah,

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Speaker 2: when I was always needing it from outside people.

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of women be able to resonate

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Speaker 4: with that of like leaning on other people when you

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Speaker 4: are feeling lonely, because it is a scary thing. And sometimes,

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Speaker 4: at least in my experience as well, I can resonate with,

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Speaker 4: you know, relying on other people.

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Speaker 3: To avoid feeling lonely.

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Speaker 4: Yes, you know, like using other people or busy relationships

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Speaker 4: is a clutch almost, like I know for me, like

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Speaker 4: I've had like six relationships total since I was probably

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Speaker 4: like fourteen. Right when I was younger, I remember feeling

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Speaker 4: in those moments like I can't be myself without having

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Speaker 4: a relationship because I rely on that person so much

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Speaker 4: emotionally to make sure that I'm not crumbling that they

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Speaker 4: become a clutch for me to avoid the way that

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Speaker 4: I felt internally about myself or just the natural things

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Speaker 4: that would come up day to day, like loneliness or

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Speaker 4: any self doubt or anything that was really uncomfortable to

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Speaker 4: face and look at.

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Speaker 3: So I can definitely resonate with that.

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Speaker 4: And I think as you become better at facing yourself

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Speaker 4: dealing with the things that come up for you, you're

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Speaker 4: not as scared of what's going to come up. And

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Speaker 4: I think that's a real common theme, Like I've got

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Speaker 4: my clients experiencing that, you know, people on social media

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Speaker 4: comment on my posts and stuff, all experiencing this insane

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Speaker 4: amount of loneliness, but like not really knowing what to

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Speaker 4: do with it when it comes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really hard.

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Speaker 2: Is The cool thing about getting to sit with yourself

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Speaker 2: and enjoying your own company is like say, before you

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Speaker 2: came along, like I've got beautiful friends whatever, But we

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Speaker 2: definitely are quite inseparable. We do a lot together.

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Speaker 1: We love it.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't lonely, but it highlighted for me too. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I enjoyed my own company, but I also really value friendship.

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Speaker 1: I really love.

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Speaker 2: Doing things with people, and we've spoken about how lonely

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Speaker 2: business can be. And when it came to my old

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Speaker 2: co host leaving, there was a period there of should

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Speaker 2: I do this by myself? And I did the Twelve

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Speaker 2: Days of Christmas by myself, one to see if I'd

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Speaker 2: enjoy it, and two to see if I was capable

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Speaker 2: because I had a limited belief that I needed someone

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Speaker 2: else with me. But ultimate decision to get another host

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Speaker 2: on Akau was I don't want to do it by myself. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's lonely. I like spending time by myself, but I

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Speaker 2: want someone to go through the hard times together with,

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Speaker 2: to celebrate the winds, to grow, to learn from each other,

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Speaker 2: to make you pack together, to travel together to all

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Speaker 2: the things. And I had that with Steve with Hideaway too.

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Speaker 2: Just like having a partner that you get to do

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Speaker 2: all that together. It's so freaking cool. But it's a

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Speaker 2: balance of like not needing that person to do that

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Speaker 2: for you to be able to be by yourself through

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Speaker 2: your shit as well, sooth and regulate yourself without other

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Speaker 2: people too.

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Speaker 3: What you were just saying around not needing it.

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Speaker 4: It's almost like if there is a beautiful balance, You've

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Speaker 4: got to be able to be okay with being on

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Speaker 4: your own, doing things on your own, navigating life on

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Speaker 4: your own, navigating your challenges, and really what it is

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Speaker 4: is being reliant on yourself.

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Speaker 1: Love.

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Speaker 3: You've got to be able to rely.

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Speaker 4: On yourself in those moments, but also there gets to

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Speaker 4: be both. There gets to be both of you relying

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Speaker 4: on yourself but equally valuing connection with others. And when

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Speaker 4: you're reliant on people to help you to with the

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Speaker 4: loneliness is when you know that you're not dealing with

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Speaker 4: it on your own, but when you know that you

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Speaker 4: can be okay without them, then when they do come,

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Speaker 4: you value it.

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Speaker 3: So much more.

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Speaker 4: Definitely, you're not trying to like hold them down and

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Speaker 4: make them stay and experiencings with them and go, holy shit,

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Speaker 4: I'd be lost without you or I would crumble without you,

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Speaker 4: but also knowing like you can handle things on your

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Speaker 4: own too.

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Speaker 2: And I think that impacts relationships in a positive way

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Speaker 2: because in hindsight, I can see how past friendships would

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Speaker 2: have felt a bit suffocated by me, because I think

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Speaker 2: it came from such an anxious place of abandonment and

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Speaker 2: needing them and I didn't want to be alone that

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Speaker 2: I think it could have felt like a lot, whereas

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Speaker 2: now I think my friendships are so much healthier because

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Speaker 2: it's not coming from an anxious place. It's coming from

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Speaker 2: a very genuine, authentic pool and alignment and connection rather

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Speaker 2: than like anxious please stay, don't leave me, I need you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I disagree. You're not suffocating, but.

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Speaker 1: In the past maybe I would have.

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Speaker 2: I think our friendship is coming from a different energy

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Speaker 2: to what mine would have five years ago, and that's

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Speaker 2: where I can take ownership and some friendship breakdowns of

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Speaker 2: the part that I played. I think everyone plays their

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Speaker 2: own roles sure, Like you always say, all you can

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Speaker 2: do is clean up your own laying right. And there's

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Speaker 2: probably times in my intimate relationship too that would have

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Speaker 2: shown up for Steve too. I would have been co

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Speaker 2: dependent on him, yeah, and needed him and relied on

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Speaker 2: him and wasn't able to soothe myself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't think it's a healthy way to be in

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Speaker 2: a relationship, and it doesn't feel good for other parties. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: learn to sit with your lonely. It's actually okay for

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Speaker 2: you to feel lonely too. It's not going to kill you.

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Speaker 2: It's okay for you to sit there and go, shit,

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Speaker 2: what's coming up for me? And to explore that it's

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Speaker 2: an invitation to grow and to see what's really coming

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Speaker 2: up for you.

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Speaker 4: It's funny because when it comes up, it doesn't matter

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Speaker 4: whether you actually have nobody around and whether you're surrounded

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Speaker 4: by people.

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Speaker 3: It will still come up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it will.

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Speaker 4: Surprise you in the most random moments. But like what

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Speaker 4: you said, when you rely on other people so much,

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Speaker 4: you almost put pressure on that relationship for them to

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Speaker 4: be everything for you, and we just can't. We don't

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Speaker 4: get to do that, Like it's hard for us to

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Speaker 4: put pressure on everyone to be everything for us. That's

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Speaker 4: when that self responsibility has to come in and go like,

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Speaker 4: holy shit, I need to look after myself here, because

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Speaker 4: if I can't look after myself, how is somebody else

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Speaker 4: going to be able to do that too? Like, we

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Speaker 4: just create a safe place for ourselves. And I can

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Speaker 4: one hundred percent resonate what you were saying. I was

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Speaker 4: definitely an anxious friend way back when, and I know

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Speaker 4: my behavior one hundred percent was too much for past friendships.

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Speaker 4: Like the friendship literally ended because it was overbearing, yes, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, and it did.

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Speaker 4: It come from not a good place because I was

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Speaker 4: running from myself.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't handle it.

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Speaker 4: I was hoping that other people's love and acceptance and

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Speaker 4: approval would soothe me, would soothe me. I was trying

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Speaker 4: to seek like that sense of safety and roundedness outside

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Speaker 4: of me and being like, oh, my God, through your love,

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Speaker 4: I get to feel this way about myself.

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Speaker 3: But it's not.

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Speaker 4: It's like through the love of myself, even in the

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Speaker 4: things that are uncomfortable, even in the loneliness, you know,

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Speaker 4: loving yourself through the discomfort of what comes up for

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Speaker 4: you and just like holding a safe space for yourself like.

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Speaker 3: You would a best friend.

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Speaker 2: Where do you think that comes from? You think it

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Speaker 2: comes from our childoo, because both of us can we

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Speaker 2: have relatability and that that we were the anxious friend

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Speaker 2: that was seeking outside validation to feel safe and loved.

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Speaker 2: Do you think that stems from our childhood? That's truly

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Speaker 2: got to be a deep rooted wound, and we've obviously

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Speaker 2: moved through that now and that's why we have healthier

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Speaker 2: relationships now.

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Speaker 1: But I wonder where that comes.

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Speaker 3: From, the sense of abandonment.

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Speaker 4: I would say so, yeah, I would say so and Dad, he.

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Speaker 2: Sucked me out, and dads, I'm going loved kidding, love

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Speaker 2: me mom.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Again, this is one of those conversations people think that

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Speaker 4: abandonment is like this be huge trauma. It's not the

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Speaker 4: size of the trauma. Trauma is not the size of

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Speaker 4: the trauma. It's the way that it psychologically impacted you. Yes,

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Speaker 4: it could be the smallest thing, but it impacted you

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Speaker 4: in a large way. And that's why you can't compare trauma.

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Speaker 4: You can't compare experiences that you've had to me to

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Speaker 4: the next person because it's not about that's how it

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Speaker 4: left an imprint on us when we were that age.

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Speaker 1: They well explained.

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Speaker 2: I remember having a friend and and she's like, I

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Speaker 2: have no trauma. First of all, Red like, get you

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Speaker 2: do it. She was like, I haven't been raped, I

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Speaker 2: haven't been kidnapped, I haven't been stolen from I was like, wow,

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Speaker 2: is that your perception of trauma. She's like, well, when

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Speaker 2: someone says trauma, it's a traumatic event, right, I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: but it could be micro moments that you felt abandoned

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Speaker 2: by your parents, or someone didn't see you or hear you,

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Speaker 2: or you were pushed to the side or sent to

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Speaker 2: your room. It can be the micro moments that as

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Speaker 2: a child leaves huge impact that impacts the rest of

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Speaker 2: your life, especially from age zero to seven.

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Speaker 4: And when you're a child as well, that's your whole life.

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Speaker 4: Your parents, you're inside, your physical home is your whole life.

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Speaker 4: You don't have friends yet, yeah, maybe not even going

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Speaker 4: to school.

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Speaker 3: Yet, Like do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 4: It's like, that's the whole world. So of course it's

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Speaker 4: going to have some level of impact on you in

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Speaker 4: a great way. So yeah, I definitely think it is

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Speaker 4: due to childhood and not saying that I had a

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Speaker 4: bad childhood or anything like that. But the little micro

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Speaker 4: moments that impacted me in that way one made me

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Speaker 4: an anxious human who felt the need to get validation

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Speaker 4: outside of myself. But also the self responsibility from that

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Speaker 4: is as an adult, I continued to abandon myself, right, So, yes,

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Speaker 4: I felt a sense of abandonment. But as I continue

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Speaker 4: to get older, I abandoned myself and then that created

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Speaker 4: my own microtraumas from my own behavior, you know. So

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Speaker 4: then I continued to look for validation in other people

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Speaker 4: because I was just like, well, I need your validation

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Speaker 4: because I don't know how to give it to myself.

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Speaker 3: I don't know how to be that for myself, and

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Speaker 3: a lot of people don't know.

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Speaker 2: And it's also hard, like I'm like, oh, how I

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Speaker 2: fucked Taje up? I wonder one of those first seven

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Speaker 2: years I gave him enough validation All the time will tell.

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Speaker 2: But it's so scary as a parent because you understand

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Speaker 2: all of this and you just don't want to fuck

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Speaker 2: your kids up. You don't want to do things that

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Speaker 2: can impact or create those kind of wounds.

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Speaker 4: Everything that we experience is going to create micro traumas

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Speaker 4: In a way, it doesn't matter what it is. It

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Speaker 4: doesn't matter how much we try to bubble rat and do.

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Speaker 4: All you can do is to what you can do

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Speaker 4: to prevent it from happening, which you do so beautifully

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Speaker 4: day to day. I've witnessed you parent and I'm so

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Speaker 4: inspired by you in it makes me excited to be

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Speaker 4: a parent. But it's like, all you can do is go, Okay,

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Speaker 4: how can I prevent as much as possible and then

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Speaker 4: give him the tools to be able to handle it

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Speaker 4: moving forward when he's an adult.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it's scary being a parent, though I

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Speaker 1: could imagine.

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Speaker 4: Goodness, why do you think I haven't become one yet.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about what we do when we've felt lonely

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Speaker 2: in the past. I definitely know what I've done. I've

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Speaker 2: eaten and turned to food, and I've scrolled to numb

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Speaker 2: out like I'll turn to my phone and I'll.

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Speaker 1: Keep really fucking busy so that I have to feel it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I've just gone straight into my work and hustled, hustled, hustled,

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Speaker 2: and in my work in the past, there's always something.

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Speaker 1: To do, so it's very easy to do. Yeah, it's very.

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Speaker 2: Easy to just like hide behind the loneliness and not

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Speaker 2: let anyone know how I was feeling because I was.

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Speaker 1: Just so busy. Yes, it's so easy to do.

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Speaker 2: I will notice, like my feet walking to the pantry

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Speaker 2: and I'm not hungry, and I'm noticing that I'm wanting

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Speaker 2: a snack and I'm super aware of it.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, are you really hungry? What's happening here for you?

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Speaker 2: What do you wanna do with it? Do you want

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Speaker 2: to get a snack and then sit with it? Or

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Speaker 2: sit with it? And I'll notice I want to get

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Speaker 2: to have a scroll. And sometimes, you know what, sometimes

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Speaker 2: I allow a ten to fifteen minute moment for myself

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Speaker 2: to have a numbless scroll and I'm like, okay, right,

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Speaker 2: let's sit with this. Yeah, coming up, light your candle,

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Speaker 2: put some music on so it comes up. Like I

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Speaker 2: refuse to abandon myself and let that build up to

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Speaker 2: be a big explosion later on.

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Speaker 4: I can resonate with the working thing. You're right, it

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Speaker 4: is so easy because there is always something to do,

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Speaker 4: so you can never not be busy. If you're productive,

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Speaker 4: You're like, oh my god, I'm moving the needle forward

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Speaker 4: in my business excellent, amazing, I'm not lonely. Let's just

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Speaker 4: throw that shit over my shoulder and part that let me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've definitely done that.

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Speaker 4: I've specifically have numb myself in relationships, so I distract

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Speaker 4: myself with men in the past.

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Speaker 3: Not now, but debatable. I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 2: Not today, I maybe last week.

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Speaker 4: But when I was younger, it was definitely my clutch

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Speaker 4: because relationships were away for me to feel really good

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Speaker 4: about myself. I got a lot of validation. I got

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Speaker 4: to have sex, I got to be close attention. I

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Speaker 4: was always somebody to rely on emotionally, So I really

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Speaker 4: leant towards having intimate relationships because I got that sense

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Speaker 4: of relief. Those were probably my biggest ways. That and

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Speaker 4: just any kind of form of distraction and struction. When

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Speaker 4: I was younger, I used to drink a lot, So honestly,

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Speaker 4: I used to numb out a lot with drinking. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you know, because I got to be my carefree self

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Speaker 4: who didn't have a care in the world, who had

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Speaker 4: you know, all of our inhibitions were gone and I

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Speaker 4: was just confident, fierce Tiana. I just didn't give a

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Speaker 4: fuck about what anybody thought about her until I would

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Speaker 4: wake up the next day and it would hit me

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Speaker 4: like a ton.

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Speaker 3: Of bricks, you know.

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Speaker 4: So I was feeling yeah, But then, you know, as

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Speaker 4: I grew, I realized those coping mechanisms weren't productive. You know,

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Speaker 4: went celibate for like two and a half years, decided

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Speaker 4: to wean away from that, stopped drinking completely, stop doing drugs,

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Speaker 4: all that sort of stuff, and then just realized that

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Speaker 4: like the only way to get over it is to

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Speaker 4: go through it. Isn't that true, And when you show

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Speaker 4: yourself it's not scary thing to feel, and you're not

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Speaker 4: going to die by feeling it, it actually like dissolves.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like a little tug.

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Speaker 4: It's like almost like you're standing up and there's like

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Speaker 4: a two year old version of you tugging on your

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Speaker 4: shirt or your pants, Like.

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Speaker 3: Can you look at me? I just need you to

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Speaker 3: look here for a second.

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Speaker 4: I just can I have some attention or love or

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Speaker 4: praise or just tell me that everything's going to be okay.

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Speaker 4: And then when you do that, it's like, okay, cool,

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Speaker 4: I'm good. I'm going to go play now. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 4: and like when you can be.

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Speaker 3: That for yourself, it soothes that.

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Speaker 4: Part of you that is longing for someone to come

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Speaker 4: and tell you that it's going to be okay, so nice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.

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Speaker 2: So for anyone listening and they're like, fuck, I just

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Speaker 2: feel so lonely right now in life and everything. Do

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Speaker 2: you have any advice on how I can kind of

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Speaker 2: move through that?

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Speaker 1: More? Do you advise if a client came to you? So,

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Speaker 1: I'm just so fucking lonely, Tianna, and I'm so sad.

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Speaker 4: I think the first thing that I would say is

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Speaker 4: toist acknowledge that it's there. You know, I think a

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Speaker 4: lot of the times we've run from the loneliness. And

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Speaker 4: even if you admit it, are you really giving yourself

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Speaker 4: permission to feel it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Like, are you really.

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Speaker 4: Giving yourself half an hour to just sit and feel

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Speaker 4: the emotions and let yourself cry and let all the

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Speaker 4: stories come to light of that you're not good enough,

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Speaker 4: or that people don't love you, or that you're never

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Speaker 4: going to be loved, You're never going to find your people, Like,

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Speaker 4: allow all of it to flood out and just be

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Speaker 4: present without judgment, Like you've got to just let it

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Speaker 4: be there and just acknowledge the fact that you're feeling lonely. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you know, I think it's important to just note it first.

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Speaker 4: But the way that I would walk my client through

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Speaker 4: this is a simple perspective shift that will actually change

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Speaker 4: the game of how you deal with loneliness. So one

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Speaker 4: being able to acknowledge it, feel it, create space for it,

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Speaker 4: don't judge it, just let it be there. But just

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Speaker 4: know that this is the best time in your life.

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Speaker 4: The fact that you are going through a lonely phase

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Speaker 4: right now is the most productive thing that you can

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Speaker 4: do for your growth. That's cool, right because instead of

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Speaker 4: automatically falling into lack and going, holy shit, there's no

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Speaker 4: one in my life?

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Speaker 3: Where are they? Where's my friends?

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Speaker 4: Where's my life partner that I want to be with?

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Speaker 4: Why is nobody around me? You're focused on the lack.

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Speaker 4: But instead what you can do is go, holy shit,

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Speaker 4: I have so much time right now to get to

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Speaker 4: know myself, to create the woman that I actually want

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Speaker 4: to be, so that when the people who I actually

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Speaker 4: want in my life come around, they're gonna want to

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Speaker 4: stick around because they're a mirror of me.

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Speaker 1: That's so cool.

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Speaker 4: You get to literally go, Okay, who are the people

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to call in what do they do, how

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Speaker 4: do they act, how do they behave? What are their beliefs?

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Speaker 4: And then you get to go, holy shit, where am

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Speaker 4: I not that become that? Give yourself time now to

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Speaker 4: go holy shit, I am a work in progress so

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Speaker 4: that when those people come, I am fucking ready to

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Speaker 4: hold them when they come.

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Speaker 1: That's cool.

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Speaker 4: It's a beautiful way for you to not fall into

401
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Speaker 4: self doubt in this moment because it doesn't mean anything

402
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Speaker 4: about who you are. That's beautiful, It really doesn't. It

403
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Speaker 4: just means that in this season there are just less

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Speaker 4: people around.

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Speaker 2: What about the other day, I saw you did a

406
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Speaker 2: video and for anyone that missed it on your social media,

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Speaker 2: but you said you had a comment that they've been

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Speaker 2: low for twenty five years. I'd love you to explain

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Speaker 2: your take on that, because it's a long time to

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Speaker 2: feel lonely.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, My opinion on this is there's got to come

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Speaker 4: a point on your quotation's lonely journey where you are

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Speaker 4: taking responsibility for where you're creating your own suffering. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and this is a very self responsibility angle to go down,

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Speaker 4: but it's a really necessary part of the journey because

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Speaker 4: you can sit back and go. Why is nobody coming

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Speaker 4: to me? Why does nobody want to be my friend?

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Speaker 4: Why is nobody going first? Why does nobody want to

420
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Speaker 4: make the effort to come see me? It's all about

421
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:43,160
Speaker 4: waiting for the other person to come to you. Where

422
00:17:43,201 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 4: in that are we taking responsibility for going out and

423
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Speaker 4: getting what we want? After twenty five years, there's got

424
00:17:48,481 --> 00:17:50,640
Speaker 4: to come a point where we take responsibility for the

425
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Speaker 4: fact that I'm actually.

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Speaker 3: Just not putting myself out there.

427
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Speaker 4: Yes, right, we hide behind fear because we get blame mothers.

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Speaker 4: Let's say you going through a lonely period. You get

429
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Speaker 4: comfortable in isolation. You get comfortable being by yourself, have

430
00:18:05,281 --> 00:18:08,321
Speaker 4: anybody to do anything with. You're real safe, And instead

431
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,321
Speaker 4: of putting yourself out there and going and talking to

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Speaker 4: the person at the gym, you choose to hide in

433
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Speaker 4: the corner instead. You get comfortable doing that that you

434
00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 4: create a habit, You fucking lose your confidence and so

435
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:22,321
Speaker 4: it just becomes this vicious cycle. But with that and

436
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,080
Speaker 4: knowing that, just be aware that we get comfortable in

437
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,161
Speaker 4: isolation and then it's actually our responsibility to go how

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Speaker 4: do I get myself out of this? So what I

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Speaker 4: would suggest and recommend is to make a pact with

440
00:18:33,521 --> 00:18:36,961
Speaker 4: yourself and make a challenge for the next three months.

441
00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:39,360
Speaker 4: Every single day, I'm going to create and start a

442
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 4: conversation with one person that I've never met col and

443
00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:46,200
Speaker 4: just get myself comfortable talking to people again, because you

444
00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:48,241
Speaker 4: will realize if you do that for three weeks time,

445
00:18:48,321 --> 00:18:50,360
Speaker 4: I promise you, you won't feel as scared to make new

446
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 4: connections and you'll actually meet a shit ton of people.

447
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, you never know who you're going to meet, that

448
00:18:55,721 --> 00:18:58,321
Speaker 2: soul aligned you've been wanting someone like this in your life.

449
00:18:58,481 --> 00:19:00,281
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to put yourself out thehay.

450
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

451
00:19:00,961 --> 00:19:02,920
Speaker 1: Love that aspect of taking responsibility.

452
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:06,041
Speaker 4: It's really important on the journey. Otherwise we'll just get

453
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:09,640
Speaker 4: stuck in feeling lonely forever and we will blame the

454
00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 4: world for us being lonely.

455
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

456
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,001
Speaker 4: And it's not a fun place to be. And you

457
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,241
Speaker 4: have so much more power over yourself and your life

458
00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:16,561
Speaker 4: than that.

459
00:19:16,801 --> 00:19:19,001
Speaker 1: Don't make that at your emotional home. Yeah, not a

460
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,761
Speaker 1: nice place to live. Oh.

461
00:19:20,921 --> 00:19:23,200
Speaker 2: As a mom too, I feel quite lucky with the

462
00:19:23,201 --> 00:19:24,920
Speaker 2: friends that I have in my life, Like you're my

463
00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:27,001
Speaker 2: newest friend, but I've got friends who happen twenty years

464
00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:29,201
Speaker 2: but a lot of moms I see in forums all

465
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:32,400
Speaker 2: the time don't have friends. I don't have adult friends.

466
00:19:32,441 --> 00:19:34,801
Speaker 2: I feel like everyone's got kids and it makes time

467
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 2: for each other. Motherhood can be quite a lonely place.

468
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:40,880
Speaker 2: But once again, you have to prioritize your time. Steve

469
00:19:40,921 --> 00:19:42,721
Speaker 2: knows how much I have valued my friends. I make

470
00:19:42,761 --> 00:19:44,401
Speaker 2: time for it, and I get a lot of shit

471
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,081
Speaker 2: for it online. Weep were like, oh, she puts her

472
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,400
Speaker 2: friends or a business or a partner before kids. It's like, no,

473
00:19:48,441 --> 00:19:50,561
Speaker 2: I just they're all important to me, and I'm a

474
00:19:50,561 --> 00:19:53,160
Speaker 2: better person when I'm valuing all the things that I enjoy.

475
00:19:53,241 --> 00:19:59,001
Speaker 2: And having female sisterhood friendship just lights me up so much.

476
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,561
Speaker 2: And I also want my daughter and my son to

477
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,521
Speaker 2: see healthy friendships. If I'm not role modeling that, how

478
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,761
Speaker 2: are they going to know the importance of that. We

479
00:20:07,801 --> 00:20:09,681
Speaker 2: are meant to be in tribes and are not doing

480
00:20:09,721 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 2: life alone. Yeah, so put yourself out there if you

481
00:20:13,281 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 2: are listening to this being like, well, I have no friends.

482
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,681
Speaker 2: I don't know how to make them. Like we literally

483
00:20:16,721 --> 00:20:19,321
Speaker 2: started talking at the gym. Put yourself in a mum's group,

484
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 2: go to a gym class, go to a sip and paint,

485
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,761
Speaker 2: go to a breath work at the beach on Sunday morning,

486
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,640
Speaker 2: dance class. Yeah, anything, There's so many cool places you

487
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:28,481
Speaker 2: can meet people and you.

488
00:20:28,481 --> 00:20:29,161
Speaker 1: Just never know.

489
00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:31,360
Speaker 4: Think about how many places you go day to day.

490
00:20:31,561 --> 00:20:35,561
Speaker 4: Literally you walk past so many people. Say hello to

491
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,441
Speaker 4: one person. Yeah, get out of your comfort zone, say hello,

492
00:20:38,481 --> 00:20:39,880
Speaker 4: be courageous, just be like you know what, I'm going

493
00:20:39,921 --> 00:20:41,481
Speaker 4: to rip the band aid off, don't even think about it.

494
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:42,561
Speaker 2: Hi, how are you how today?

495
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 1: Yeah?

496
00:20:42,961 --> 00:20:45,001
Speaker 4: Say oh wow, a nice outfit? Oh my god, wow,

497
00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:47,640
Speaker 4: I really like your hair. It's really so simple, but

498
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:51,241
Speaker 4: we as humans over complicated and truly, if you want

499
00:20:51,241 --> 00:20:52,920
Speaker 4: to get out of this lonely phase, you've got to

500
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:54,321
Speaker 4: do things differently and.

501
00:20:54,241 --> 00:20:56,241
Speaker 2: Also be okay to be rejected if that person doesn't

502
00:20:56,241 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 2: smile back or say hello back. Don't attach yourself to

503
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 2: a story that oh I'm not good enough. They could

504
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,161
Speaker 2: just be having a really fucking bad day. Their mum

505
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 2: could have just died. They're not the mood to talk

506
00:21:03,521 --> 00:21:03,680
Speaker 2: to you.

507
00:21:03,801 --> 00:21:04,281
Speaker 1: That's okay.

508
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,281
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't attached self to one story.

509
00:21:06,321 --> 00:21:08,401
Speaker 1: Try again. You just give up. When something gets hard,

510
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 1: you go again.

511
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 4: You know it really helped me with that. It's like

512
00:21:10,721 --> 00:21:14,161
Speaker 4: facing rejection is going. If I'm so terrified of saying

513
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,321
Speaker 4: hello to somebody else, imagine what they're thinking. Yeah, imagine

514
00:21:17,321 --> 00:21:19,041
Speaker 4: how scared that person is to be the one to

515
00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:21,161
Speaker 4: make the first move, because we always wait for somebody

516
00:21:21,201 --> 00:21:23,600
Speaker 4: else to make the first move. When we wait and

517
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,041
Speaker 4: we wait and we wait, and then we're twenty five

518
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 4: years lonely, literally, right, So just know that if you're scared,

519
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 4: the other person is scared too. So why don't you

520
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:31,721
Speaker 4: just be the one to break the ice.

521
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, they will try again.

522
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,201
Speaker 3: They will thank you for it later.

523
00:21:34,241 --> 00:21:36,241
Speaker 2: I feel like babies really inspiring this sense. It's like

524
00:21:36,241 --> 00:21:38,761
Speaker 2: when they're trying to crawl a walk. Do they get

525
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,360
Speaker 2: up and fall down and just give up? Hell no,

526
00:21:41,961 --> 00:21:43,801
Speaker 2: They will get up and get up and get up

527
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 2: until their little legs give way and they've got no

528
00:21:45,481 --> 00:21:47,281
Speaker 2: more strength of them. It's time for fucking bed. Yeah.

529
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:49,201
Speaker 2: They will not stop until they get it. They're so

530
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:52,041
Speaker 2: determined that they get frustrated they can't do it. You'll

531
00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,241
Speaker 2: see them climbing up on literally everything because they just

532
00:21:54,281 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 2: want to be able to walk.

533
00:21:55,321 --> 00:21:57,041
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's so inspiring.

534
00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:57,721
Speaker 3: That's amazing.

535
00:21:57,761 --> 00:22:00,041
Speaker 2: Like when you get rejected, try again. When that person

536
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,961
Speaker 2: says no, try again again for that job you didn't

537
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 2: get it, Try again.

538
00:22:02,761 --> 00:22:05,401
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like you've gotta be willing to try hundreds

539
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 4: two times and understand something.

540
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 2: Try again, find a new video, find a new podcast,

541
00:22:08,521 --> 00:22:11,681
Speaker 2: ask another question, try again, get back up. Yeah, it's

542
00:22:11,721 --> 00:22:13,961
Speaker 2: just life. Yes, and just give up because life feels hard.

543
00:22:14,001 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 4: And then it's knowing how many times it takes before

544
00:22:16,441 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 4: you give up, Like what's your limit? Can you stretch

545
00:22:19,241 --> 00:22:21,281
Speaker 4: your capacity on? How many times you try before you

546
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,281
Speaker 4: give up? Can you stretch your capacity literally?

547
00:22:23,521 --> 00:22:24,001
Speaker 3: Try again?

548
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,120
Speaker 1: I remember tell your swifts.

549
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,321
Speaker 2: I don't know how many, but it's hundreds of record

550
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:32,281
Speaker 2: label companies. She sent her tapes to hundreds, rejection after

551
00:22:32,321 --> 00:22:34,841
Speaker 2: rejection after rejection. No one would take her on. Wow,

552
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,521
Speaker 2: it's not good enough, don't have strong enough vocals, all

553
00:22:37,561 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 2: the excuses in the world, until someone was like, I'll

554
00:22:40,441 --> 00:22:42,121
Speaker 2: give you a go, and now look at it. She's

555
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,801
Speaker 2: the most downloaded pop star in our universe right now.

556
00:22:44,801 --> 00:22:45,201
Speaker 1: Am my god.

557
00:22:45,201 --> 00:22:46,881
Speaker 3: She's like one of the most influential women in the world.

558
00:22:46,921 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 2: Actually, because she never gave up. She just kept on knocking.

559
00:22:51,201 --> 00:22:53,161
Speaker 2: She's knocking on all the wrong doors until she found

560
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,360
Speaker 2: no one, but she was determined. She's like, I'm not stopping.

561
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 2: This is what I would do for the rest of

562
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,321
Speaker 2: my life. Mister Beasts, He's another example. I watched an

563
00:22:59,360 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 2: interview with him the other day and he just said

564
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,041
Speaker 2: growing up, he was the most stubborn little fucker. He goes,

565
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: I would still be doing neutbe right now even if

566
00:23:06,041 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 2: I was getting no views, because I was determined to

567
00:23:08,201 --> 00:23:08,801
Speaker 2: make it happen.

568
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,961
Speaker 1: And for the first four years I got no views. Yeah,

569
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:11,920
Speaker 1: no one was watching me.

570
00:23:12,001 --> 00:23:15,361
Speaker 2: I was putting weeks and weeks of effort into filming,

571
00:23:15,441 --> 00:23:18,481
Speaker 2: into editing, into learning, or doing the most outrageous videos

572
00:23:18,521 --> 00:23:20,440
Speaker 2: that no one else was doing because they're hard. Yeah,

573
00:23:20,521 --> 00:23:23,401
Speaker 2: I still do the most outrageous videos that are really

574
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:24,921
Speaker 2: hard that no one else is doing, and that's why

575
00:23:24,921 --> 00:23:27,001
Speaker 2: people love watching me now. Cool, But he's like, I

576
00:23:27,001 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 2: would still be doing it now because I'm so determined

577
00:23:29,281 --> 00:23:31,521
Speaker 2: and I'm so stubborn that like, nothing will get in

578
00:23:31,521 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 2: my way. I've got this personality just gets so obsessed

579
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,001
Speaker 2: you can't knock me down and plaser focus. Yeah, people

580
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 2: didn't like me, and I didn't connect with anyone, even

581
00:23:39,721 --> 00:23:42,241
Speaker 2: at school. He said, all the kids were watching South

582
00:23:42,281 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 2: Park and Simpsons or whatever. He was like, what a

583
00:23:44,561 --> 00:23:47,121
Speaker 2: fucking waste of time. I don't belong here. Yeah, why

584
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,360
Speaker 2: are you not wanting to grow businesses and being entrepreneurs?

585
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 2: He just couldn't relate, but he's like, I don't care

586
00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:52,681
Speaker 2: about my word, Lane, I'm going to go after it.

587
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 1: Just get up, try again, push go.

588
00:23:55,721 --> 00:23:57,001
Speaker 3: Thank you guys for joining us.

589
00:23:57,041 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 1: Thanks, we'll see you Leada, bye

590
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 3: Y