WEBVTT - #2082 Muffin Guilt - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:02.120 I get a team. It's Halps and Bobby. It's a 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:05.400 You project. It's installment one for the great Man. He's back, 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:08.920 the man that we love, who's been an integral part 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.960 of the You project for years, let's be honest, years. 0:00:12.440 --> 0:00:15.319 He's probably done somewhere in the vicinity of I would 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:19.880 think fuf fifty two one hundred shows. You know him, 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:21.959 you love him, I love him. He's my weird little 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:24.799 brother from another mother. His name's Robert Capuccio. 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:27.480 Hi, bro, I am so happy to be back here 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:31.760 with you and all of you. I've missed this. I've 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:35.120 missed all of us. Actually, it's technic a little bit 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:35.440 of break. 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:38.479 I thinking the other day, how some of my friends 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:44.040 like my good friends, and that's you. I really well, 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:48.960 it's kind of situational and geographical. It's not through choice, 0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:52.680 but we do most of our connecting while we're talking 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:54.120 to like ten thousand people. 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:57.920 It's just not having to catch up. 0:00:58.280 --> 0:01:01.000 Yeah, it's you and me catching up with ten thousand people, 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:04.920 just sitting off to our left, just listening, or however 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:08.320 many we have. It varies, but yeah, it is a 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:12.759 weird kind of relationship in that sense. 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:14.200 I like the voyeurism. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:18.920 Yeah, well there's that. Let's hope that we have conversations 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.000 that are actually worth listening to this year. I think 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:24.200 we for the most part did last year. So we're 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:28.319 recording this. It's my second podcast for the day, folks. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:30.000 So if you go you said that the other day, 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:32.399 well that's because it's the same day for me. Right now. 0:01:32.480 --> 0:01:36.440 I interviewed Professor Chris Evans this morning. If you haven't 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:40.880 heard that, listen up, because he's fucking great. But it's 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:45.240 the seventh. It's Wednesday, seventh of January, of course, twenty 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:48.760 twenty six. And I just told young Robert that right 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:50.960 now in now fine city by the Bay down here 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:55.360 in Melbourne. It's in the old fashioned language, the fahrenheit language. 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:59.560 It's about one hundred and eleven degrees. Well that's the 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:03.080 four forty four degrees celsius, and I had to look 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:06.560 it up. I think they used to say something like 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:10.040 double it and AD thirty. Double the celsius and AD thirty, 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:13.000 and that would give you a ballpark number. But let's 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:15.880 just go with stupidly hot. Stupidly hot. 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:18.520 I don't even know how those form bullas work. I 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.240 just for the most part just do it in my head. 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:24.680 It's almost like operating on two different systems. It's weird, 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:26.560 but they both make sense to me anyway. 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.520 You've lived in countries with both, so you're kind of 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:34.440 very temperature fluent. I would say, so when I tell 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:37.080 you forty four, you don't have to think is that 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:39.679 hot or not? You know that's hot as fuck. So 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:45.160 and Professor Chris, who I chatted to this morning, he 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:50.960 said it was where he lives minus one, but not 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:55.679 far away from him was minus twelve. I'm like, how 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:59.520 does it is imagine that I would not cope in 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:00.280 minus twelve? 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:05.160 Now, just given the choice minus twelve forty four? Ah, 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:07.160 that is, what would you rather be in? 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:13.920 Yeah, that's a good question. Probably forty four, because like 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:15.720 this morning, I got up at four point thirty because 0:03:15.720 --> 0:03:19.480 I knew it was going to be stupid hot, and 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.600 I started working at four forty five, So when I 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:25.600 started walking it was twenty degrees. By the time I 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:30.600 got to Caffeine Central, it was probably a balmi twenty 0:03:30.639 --> 0:03:33.799 three degrees at six hundred. But I kind of look 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.960 back now and I've done most of my steps for 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:41.280 the day I've been out. I'm lucky that I'm lucky 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:43.520 that I live on a main street. Let's put an 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:45.800 asterisk next to that. But what it means is I 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:48.040 can walk out the front door and I can walk 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:51.520 in shade for like two kilometers like because I can 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:57.240 walk down past the shops and the bustling humanity and 0:03:57.400 --> 0:03:59.480 have shade over my head the whole time, which is 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:01.360 a nice thing to do. It's not It's not my 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.160 idea walking route, to be honest. But for the bloke 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:10.200 who's had probably fifteen to twenty skin cancers cut off 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:15.960 his body, walking in the forty four degree brutal sun 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:20.760 is probably not a great formula for me. You never 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:23.920 had skin you have had skin cancer, not that I 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:27.120 know of. No, I could have it now and be undiagnosed. 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.800 I should probably go. Would you go? But chicked? 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:32.880 I need to the doctor a little bit more than 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:35.680 I do. But yeah, to my knowledge, and I've never 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:39.880 had I've never had skin cancer. I'm I'm the opposite 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:43.919 where I mean, I contradict myself because I've lived in 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:47.400 heart environments. I would take cold. I would take freezing 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.279 cold or scortch and heart any day. I just fare 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:53.360 better and cold weather than I do in the heat. 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:57.880 Although here's the thing. If I had to commit to it, 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.480 if it's like, all right, you've got a year, I 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:03.840 would probably take the heat because I know in Singapore 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:08.120 when I first was living there, Oh my days, I 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:10.800 was miserable. I was like, I think I'm gonna pass out. 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:13.280 I felt like every minute of every day was a 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:16.400 struggle when I was outside, because I mean, we didn't 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:19.320 get to forty four degrees, but you would, you would 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:22.560 be in the upper thirties. Like the thirties were pretty standard. 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.560 Every day was exactly the same, and it was just 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:33.200 so uncomfortably youmid and then after about six months, I 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:36.479 didn't care. I was unaffected by it. I just went 0:05:36.520 --> 0:05:38.080 out and said, oh, it's just a normal day. So 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.040 I think if I could have enough enough of a 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.839 chance to acolam, I think I would take the heat. 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:45.960 But other than that, I'm a cold weather person. 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.400 Well I mean, look, you did we weren't basing that 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:52.720 on forty four or minus twelve. If it would say 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:57.000 two degrees. I'm choosing two degrees all the time, cause 0:05:57.760 --> 0:05:59.599 you can rug up, you can go for a walk, 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.440 you can walk in the cold and still be relatively warm, 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:05.640 and you can come back into your home and walk 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:08.920 around in bare feet in a seventeen or eighteen degree room, 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:14.840 you know, thermistatically controlled environment. So this is probably gripping 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:16.760 for our listeners. Hey, what did you do? 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:20.280 We're literally talking about the weather first podcast in the 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:23.640 new Year. It's like talking so how's the weather out there? Grag. 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:25.039 It's like two old books. 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:29.080 Oh god, yeah, what did you What did you do ever? 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:32.359 Christmas in the summer? Do you celebrate or are you 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:33.080 low key? 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:38.560 Christmas Eve was fantastic where I got to see some 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:40.960 really good friends I have not seen in a long time, 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:43.680 and you know, I got to go over there and celebrate. 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:46.080 And it's amazing because I was sitting down talking to 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:50.760 my guard son and it's so weird because I remember 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.440 holding him when he was a baby and he's a 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:59.800 young man in his twenties, like tall, strappingly handsome, extremely intelligent, 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:03.920 And it was such a great experience for me. One, 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:06.719 I felt really old, that was kind of obnoxious of them. 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:10.560 But two to see like a type of individual this 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:14.800 guy has become and that was great and it just 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:19.160 felt you know, this is a family that basically adopted 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:21.560 me in my early twenties and brought me and has 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:24.800 wanted their own. And while they they have families of 0:07:24.840 --> 0:07:27.640 their own, so they weren't all there, enough of them 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:31.000 were there, and it just felt it felt so comforting 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:35.160 and nostalgic. Christmas. I made a mistake of going into 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:37.920 uh to a neighborhood in Brooklyn. I'm used to like 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:42.640 Manhattan on Christmas, where everything's open, everyone's like eating Chinese food, 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:46.280 everyone's at the cinema. There was nothing. It was dead. 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:48.760 I dragged my wife all the way to this neighborhood. 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:50.280 It was an absolute ghost town. 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:53.880 Wow, it's you and I have you. And I have 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:57.880 a similar story in that I have a godson also, 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:01.400 who is tall and handsome. Mitchell shout out to Mitchell 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:06.640 just turned twenty five. He's a lawyer, and he's you 0:08:06.640 --> 0:08:08.200 don't you know those people you don't want to get 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:12.560 a photo taken with. So he's that person because he's, like, 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.160 I don't know, five six inches taller than me, one 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:20.040 hundred years younger than me. Like not just that he's 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:22.280 twenty five, but he could literally be a model, right, 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:26.080 twenty five stupidly good looking, good human. I took a 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:30.480 photo of Oh no, he after his graduation I just 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:34.320 put up a like a proud godfather. I had a 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:36.840 proud godfather moment and went, hey, you on, this is 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:39.840 my godson. I don't have any kids, so this is 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:41.959 as close as it gets to me being a fucking 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:45.920 bragging dad. I put up this photo of Mitchell. It 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:51.120 got over two hundred thousand views just because he's fucking stunning. 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:56.920 I'm like, what about me? Oh yeah, incredible. Oh it's 0:08:57.440 --> 0:09:00.880 it's a value add one hundred percent. Like oh, looks 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:03.559 don't matter. I'm like, fucking bullshit. Have you seen it? 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:08.480 It's like he's a handsome boy. And it went nuts. 0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:11.760 And what else was hilarious was and this is something 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:13.439 that I rang him and I went, have you seen 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:16.439 the stats on your photo? Like it's not me and him, 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:19.800 it's him. And he's like yeah, I said, what's the 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.600 thing that stands out to you? So there was over 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:29.400 a thousand people that saved the photo. I'm like, what 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:33.240 is that about? Like, why are all these strangers around 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.240 the world saving your photo to their phone? 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:40.120 I don't find that a bit weird at all. Actually, wow, 0:09:41.040 --> 0:09:46.160 yeah that's something they can't say I ever do. But yeah, 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:48.120 not saying if you're one of those people that saved 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:50.760 the photo. You're weird, I mean just a little bit, 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:54.200 but not much, just just just slightly tipping over on 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:57.280 the wrong end of the weird scale. But yeah, I 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:01.120 think our entire world is based on and I don't 0:10:01.120 --> 0:10:05.800 know how much of that is commercialism or vanity or 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:12.240 maybe it's evolution genetic compatibility, but we are attracted to 0:10:12.360 --> 0:10:16.000 all things and people that are beautiful. I think there 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:19.439 is something I don't want to say, deeply spiritual. I 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:21.480 don't want to go there, but there is something deeply 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:25.800 resonant with things of beauty, like not just not just people. 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.360 I mean not to be like this guy who talks 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:33.400 about his cats, but even my cats. If there is 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:38.319 something that is beautiful, like a sculptor or they'll stare 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:41.320 at it and they'll like tilt their head and it's like, Okay, 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.800 I don't know what they're thinking. I mean, I don't 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:46.000 know how much of an art critic my cat is. 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:48.719 Who knows. Maybe he has very complex thoughts. Maybe he's 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:52.800 like a you know, pretentious little muppet, just sitting there, like, 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.280 you know, like wishing he had a glass of wine 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:58.000 and he could say something somewhat intelligent about what he's 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:02.240 looking at, or maybe he just see something icy and 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:05.680 like me, can't really describe it, but knows that it's compelling. 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:11.120 From yeah, yeah. The beauty conversation is a slippery slope 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:13.760 and a tricky door to open in a public forum 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:17.679 because on the one hand, we want to say it 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:21.200 doesn't matter, which I agree with in terms of you know, 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:24.760 a person's whether or not how loved a person should be, 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:28.000 or how valuable they are or they work all of that. 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:31.120 We get that you're not a better person because you 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:33.600 happen to have good genetics and you're born pretty or handsome. 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:38.200 We get that. And so in a world where the 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:43.480 kind of the messaging is it doesn't matter, the reality 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:48.720 is away from the messaging, people who are attractive and 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:53.480 tall men who are tall tend to get rewarded, right, 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.160 and that we might not like that. That might not 0:11:56.240 --> 0:11:58.120 be a message we want to hear, but it's the 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.360 fucking truth. And you have to look at like the 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:04.880 stats on I think it was who was it was 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:07.440 somebody recently, it'll come to me, But they were talking 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:13.360 about on dating apps, like guys that are tall, irrespective 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:17.120 of all of the other variables get significantly more matches 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:21.560 so or more interest or more dates or whatever it is. 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:27.440 I just yeah, I think that it's it's hardwired into 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.280 us that we find some things, whether it's a waterfall, 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.560 or whether or not it's a piece of art, or 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.320 whether or not it's a human, or whether or not 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.280 it's a fucking labrador puppy. Oh my god, get me 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:40.480 near a Golden Retriever or a Labrador puppy. I'm fucking 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.040 I'm gone. That's it. I'm done. They're the cutest things 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.280 of all time. You put me in front of an 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.760 ard Vark, I'm like, not, fuck your ardvark. Give me 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:51.400 a golden Redream puppy. Shout out to the Ardvark lovers, 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.080 you know, Like, and I don't want to be It's 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:57.000 like I wish that wasn't I wish I didn't feel 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.600 that way. But it's like, I'm not choosing to find 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.920 a labrador puppy cute and an ardvark not. That's just 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.840 something innate. That's part of how I'm wired, you know, 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:11.240 just like some people are attracted to men, some people 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.199 are attracted to women, some people are attracted to both. 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:18.240 It's it's how they're wired. Some people, fucking you know, 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:22.040 love motorbikes. Some people are terrified. Like we're all different, 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:26.720 and we all are either aroused by, or attracted to, 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:32.240 or enamored with, or fascinated with or curious about different things. 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:36.240 But it's almost like you're in trouble if you don't 0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.679 agree with the narrative about what you should find attractive. 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.520 There's so many things I want to unpack here. First 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:47.800 of all, you know, there's I'm becoming less and less 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:51.319 invested in whatever the narrative tells me that I should 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:56.160 be discussing or not discussing. I know, I had my 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.439 social media apps on my phone when I was away 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:01.480 on holiday because I knew I didn't want to bring 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:03.840 my iPad or whatever, and I usually keep everything on 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:08.680 separate devices as a behavior modification tool. So during the holidays, 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.440 I found myself surfing on social media way more than 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:16.240 I normally would, And every message seems like every other message. 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.120 I don't want to say every message, because there are 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:20.720 some really cool and I'll use the word beautiful things 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:23.440 on social media I found, but every other message is 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:27.120 look at what these people are doing. Aren't you outraged? 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:29.440 Look at how they think? And people come out. Well, 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:32.800 I think this, and it's like it's a forum where 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.880 I don't have to see you. I don't have to 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:41.040 empathize with you. I don't need to engage in or 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.400 demonstrate critical thinking. All I have to do is put 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:51.160 something that is emotionally provocative and incite some type of 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:56.720 angry or fear based response, and that's that whole engagement there. 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.080 I don't really care about that. But you know, talking 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:03.400 about like things that are beautiful, and I look at 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.040 this a little bit differently because, as we know, we've 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:09.320 had conversations about this. Growing up, I was not what 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.080 you would consider beautiful. I mean, I'm no prized now, 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:14.360 let's just be clear for the people who have only 0:15:14.400 --> 0:15:18.720 experienced me on audio, but I was physically deformed. I 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:22.280 was disfigured in my face. So for me, beauty was 0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:25.840 a very interesting subject. I looked at it like, wow, 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.240 I didn't even want to be beautiful. I just wanted 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.800 to be normal, Like I wanted to be a solid 0:15:30.920 --> 0:15:34.400 five where I didn't evoke a positive or negative response 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:37.080 in someone and I could pretty much go unnoticed. 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:42.440 But kind of like kind of like desert boots. Do 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:44.160 you know what desert boots. Huh. 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:48.560 We had this conversation, yeah, years ago. 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:53.520 It's a desert boot is kind of your multi functional. 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.800 It's like it's it's yeah, it's not it's not a 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.520 dress shoe, it's not an athletic shoe. It's like, it's 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:03.480 not ugly, it's not pretty something we would call it. Yeah, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:07.240 so you just aspired to be a human desert boot, 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:10.720 just sys functional, just just go unnoticed. 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:15.920 That was my goal to attract as little attention as 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.720 I possibly could. Then I went ahead and chose public 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:22.040 speaking as a career, so that didn't work out very 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:27.080 well for me. But there are beautiful attributes in people 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:30.920 that transcend appearance, obviously, and I think a lot of 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:35.000 the ways that we engage with one another, increasingly engaged 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.360 with one another has the potential to either draw those 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:41.160 out or in a lot of ways, suppress that. And 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:44.680 what surfaces is something far more ugly. I mean, you 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.360 could be And when people say looks don't matter, I 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.040 used to get really angry about that because the people 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:53.240 that used to tell me that about dating were, for 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.400 the most part, very good looking people. Wow, looks don't matter. 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.520 That's like you know that, that's like you know someone 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:04.479 who is a deca millionaire telling a homeless person that 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:08.320 money won't make it happy. It'll definitely, it'll definitely change 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.720 this person's experience of the world today, won't it. And 0:17:11.800 --> 0:17:15.879 So when I would hear that, I rejected it. But 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.760 as I'm getting older and as I reflect upon people 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:24.080 who I am very attracted to, not just physically but 0:17:24.359 --> 0:17:29.320 emotionally and psychologically, Yeah, there's so there's so many attributes 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:33.760 that do have nothing to do with physical appearance that 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:37.960 make you highly attractive, and I think everybody has those 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:42.480 quite honestly. The question is is the environment you're in, 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:46.439 is it bringing it out or is it suppressing it 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.520 in favor of I think which less attractive. 0:17:49.880 --> 0:17:52.800 We're going to make a distinction between, you know, So 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.560 if we're talking about attraction here, let's let's have too care. 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:59.840 Let's have the physical attraction where the person might be 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:04.439 complete prick. Right. But yeah, yeah, I mean there's lots 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:08.600 of people who are fucking stunning, but not particularly nice people, right, 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:11.520 I'm sure. And there are a lot of beautiful, amazing 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:16.240 people who are physically and emotionally beautiful, right, But I 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.520 think you know that despite the message, you know it 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.960 doesn't matter what you look like. Well, my experience is 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.840 fat kid, fat kid, fat kid, very few friends, no 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:30.040 attention from the opposite sex, nobody interested in me, Da, 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.080 da da, all of that. And there's no self pity 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.960 in this, by the way, anyone, So don't mistake the 0:18:35.000 --> 0:18:37.960 story of self pity. There's none. There's just awareness. And 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:39.679 then I get fit, and then I get strong, and 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:43.200 I lose all this weight, and I start training, and 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:46.480 for my genetic potential, I get in good shape. I'm 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:49.800 now strong, I'm now fit, I'm now lean. I'm not 0:18:49.840 --> 0:18:52.560 a great athlete, but I'm not the worst athlete. I'm 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:56.800 not winning, but I'm going okay. All of a sudden, 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.359 I'm not socially invisible. All of a sudden, I'm not 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.600 number thirty on the list of thirty. I'm maybe in 0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:08.240 the top fifteen now, all of a sudden. And so 0:19:08.600 --> 0:19:12.880 my lesson was, oh, Craig, when you look different, when 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:16.320 you look better, people like you more, Craig. When you 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:19.920 lose weight, when you're lean, when you're less ugly, when 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:23.520 you're less whatever, this is my story to me, Then 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:27.359 you're more desirable. People want you more, people are attracted 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:30.400 to you more. Girls actually notice you, girls even want 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:33.800 to talk to you. Fucking hell, this is a revolution, right, 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.640 And so it's very hard when you go through an 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:40.040 experience like you did and I did, where you got 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:42.520 rejected for how you look. And I'm not trying to 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:45.200 compare my story to yours, because you had it infinitely 0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:48.760 harder than I did. But it's yeah, you grow up 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:51.479 and you go, oh, well, the evidence tells me that 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:55.040 when I look better, I'm treated better. That's my n 0:19:55.080 --> 0:19:58.879 equals one. Research is like, the data tells me that 0:19:58.960 --> 0:20:03.040 when I'm out of shape and what people would typically label, 0:20:03.240 --> 0:20:06.560 you know, or you know back then anyway a fat kid, 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:10.480 you know, then in a certain response and then in 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:14.800 shape different. So it's it's well and good, but that 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:17.640 the you know, we kind of our beliefs are intertwined 0:20:17.720 --> 0:20:22.359 really with our experiences more so than what some you know, 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:25.840 mouthpiece over the airways tells us. 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:32.760 Yeah, it's really hard. It's really hard to be open 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:37.160 to a worldview when all of your experiences have presented 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:42.280 evidence to the contrary. And it's not just data, it's 0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:46.959 experiences that have severe emotional wheat. I think you know, 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:51.680 the fact of being wanted and being accepted versus being rejected. 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:56.800 I think that shapes all of us in highly profound ways. Yet, 0:20:57.200 --> 0:21:00.879 you know, to your point about I've encountered people that 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:07.240 are just so physically stunning, but their personalities are just 0:21:07.480 --> 0:21:11.400 not And I've been about as sexually attracted to them 0:21:11.920 --> 0:21:15.080 as I am a red eminem you know, totally neutral. 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:18.680 I mean, everybody knows blue eminem's are dead sexy, they 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:26.240 are so hot, they're just plain So yeah, and the 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:29.280 opposite as well, people who I might not have noticed 0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:35.640 originally but they were so kind, or they were absolutely witty, 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:40.280 or there was something that I found gorgeous about this person, 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:44.440 and over time I became extremely attracted to them. So yeah, 0:21:44.440 --> 0:21:48.199 there's there's I think the point that I'm trying to 0:21:48.320 --> 0:21:56.560 make is around what is your antidote? I've talked about that, 0:21:56.640 --> 0:21:58.320 I've talked about that film. 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:00.480 What do you mean today to what? 0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:04.200 Well I've talked about midnight in Paris on the show. 0:22:04.000 --> 0:22:07.440 Before You're banned from talking about films or producers or 0:22:07.480 --> 0:22:08.119 books today? 0:22:08.680 --> 0:22:08.960 What? 0:22:10.240 --> 0:22:12.960 Yeah? Okay, so go on, I'll give you. I'll give 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:15.960 you one one joker card if you go. 0:22:17.160 --> 0:22:21.119 So one morning I was I woke up, I was 0:22:21.119 --> 0:22:25.040 in Denver, right, you remember our Denver offices, and my 0:22:25.119 --> 0:22:27.520 friend Morgan, she was like, hey, you want to go 0:22:27.560 --> 0:22:30.640 see a film. It's at this Mayan cinema and it's 0:22:30.640 --> 0:22:33.640 this art deco cinema. It hasn't been it hasn't been 0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:37.000 changed since the nineteen twenties other than like renovated, but 0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:39.560 it still has the same look and it's like talk 0:22:39.600 --> 0:22:41.840 about things of beauty, So like, yeah, let's go see 0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:43.560 a film. When we went to go see Midnight in Paris, 0:22:43.640 --> 0:22:46.080 and there's just there's this one scene. And I've talked 0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:50.600 about it a lot because what I love about cinema 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:53.840 is at its best, any form of art is provocative. 0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:56.640 It changes the way the way you think, the way 0:22:56.640 --> 0:23:00.520 you feel. At its deepest level, it changes something out you. 0:23:01.160 --> 0:23:04.520 And there was this one line where Owen Wilson, who's 0:23:04.560 --> 0:23:07.560 playing this role of a guy that was a screenwriter 0:23:07.600 --> 0:23:10.199 who went back in time, so it's this whole magical thing. 0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:15.400 He's sitting across from Gertrude Stein and she reads his man, 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:19.320 she reads his novel, and she tells him what a 0:23:19.359 --> 0:23:23.200 beautiful voice he has, but then she chastises him, says, God, 0:23:23.280 --> 0:23:26.600 but you're such a defeatist, and he's arguing with her 0:23:26.720 --> 0:23:30.240 about the nature of reality. I mean, she hasn't seen 0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:34.880 the horrors of the late twentieth and twenty first century. Now, 0:23:34.920 --> 0:23:37.480 she hasn't seen the rise of the Nazi regime, so 0:23:37.560 --> 0:23:39.920