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Speaker 1: Apoday production.

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Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the

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Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects

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Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect

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Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.

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Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level

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Speaker 3: up together. Let's go deep, let the.

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Speaker 1: Emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and glow.

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Speaker 1: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and

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Speaker 1: we're here to be your expander. Hello guy, Hello, welcome

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Speaker 1: back to the potty, back to Growing Glow. While since

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Speaker 1: we've done one of these episodes.

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Speaker 3: We have but we've been asked to give some advice.

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Speaker 3: This is your best advice. We are not professional qualify,

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Speaker 3: but just to have our take on a situation that

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Speaker 3: one of you guys are going through. This lady messaged

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Speaker 3: over in our Facebook fla. So if you guys have

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Speaker 3: any situations you're going through and want us to unpack

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Speaker 3: anything for you or get our advice on anything, head

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Speaker 3: over and join our Facebook forum. Such a beautiful community

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Speaker 3: of like minded women and yeah, we will just chat

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Speaker 3: in there, and it is really nice, such a beautiful space.

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Speaker 1: We always want this podcast to feel like two Best

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Speaker 1: is seing on a couch, because that's literally what we

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Speaker 1: are doing right now. Yeah. So yeah, this lady rode

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Speaker 1: in and one of our advice so we're going to

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Speaker 1: read out her story, which we.

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Speaker 3: Have asked for permission to do.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, I let you read it.

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Speaker 3: That's your old story bag, that's your old story words.

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Speaker 3: I need advice. I have a girlfriend whom I've known

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Speaker 3: since KINDI. She grew up without her mum in the

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Speaker 3: picture or very distant at least, an alcoholic. So my

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Speaker 3: friend who I thought I knew as a person having

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Speaker 3: very strong morals, a person who lives very authentic, vegan

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Speaker 3: pilates yoga, all the bits and pieces. And then I

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Speaker 3: have this guy's friend that she's been dating recently, who

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Speaker 3: I actually saw for a few months in like grade ten,

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Speaker 3: most genuine, beautiful person. They had been together for ten

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Speaker 3: plus years, lived very separate lives. For the last maybe

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Speaker 3: five years. They were in an open relationship where they

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Speaker 3: could see other people as long as it wasn't anybody local.

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Speaker 3: Last year before they got married, we went out on

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Speaker 3: a girl's night and she was after this guy. He

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Speaker 3: was a local. We didn't think anything of it until

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Speaker 3: later in the evening we found out he has a

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Speaker 3: wife and two children, and his wife was actually altering

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Speaker 3: her wedding dress. I found them kissing close to closing

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Speaker 3: time and was so shocked. Obviously he's married, so I

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Speaker 3: didn't want anyone to see or make a big deal

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Speaker 3: about it. She stayed at my house. I absolutely had

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Speaker 3: some things to say. The next day she said, I

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Speaker 3: think he did say that they were in an open marriage,

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Speaker 3: and I made it very clear she needed to tell

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Speaker 3: her partner as she was about to get married and

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Speaker 3: can't go into this marriage with a lie. I'm very

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Speaker 3: black and white with cheating though my dad cheated on

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Speaker 3: my mum, and she you just had no feelings because

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Speaker 3: of that trauma, etc. So I have obviously carried that. Anyways,

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Speaker 3: we move on maybe two to three months later, and

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Speaker 3: two weeks before her wedding, she is telling me she's

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Speaker 3: tapped out, she's not happy, and I said, that's fine,

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Speaker 3: you need to figure that out. I can't do that

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Speaker 3: for you, but when you do, we can go away

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Speaker 3: for a few days and just let that take its

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Speaker 3: new path and I'll be there. She still went ahead

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Speaker 3: with the marriage, and on their honeymoon fell pregnant. Fast

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Speaker 3: forward another four months and this local guy's wife has

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Speaker 3: found messages on his phone of this affair with my

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Speaker 3: friend for almost two years. So now all of this

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Speaker 3: has come out, and she's had to tell her partner

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Speaker 3: the absolute truth, let us know that obviously they're breaking up, etc.

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Speaker 3: I'm just shook. I'm so mad that she flat out

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Speaker 3: lied to me. Loyalty and honesty are huge for me.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm done, But she's also just about to

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Speaker 3: have a baby in one of the most vulnerable headspaces ever,

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Speaker 3: and it's all already going to be different to what

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Speaker 3: having a baby into a healthy relationship normally looks like.

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Speaker 3: I can't see past the lies and what's been going on,

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Speaker 3: and I just obviously value our friendship more than she does.

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Speaker 3: I told her almost six weeks ago that I needed space,

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Speaker 3: and she hasn't even tried to get in touch. I

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Speaker 3: get it, I asked for space, but we're meant to

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Speaker 3: be best friends. Any advice would be amazing, So I

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Speaker 3: think we go through bit by bit. Okay, if we

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Speaker 3: go from the top, unpack it. Let's unpack it. I

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Speaker 3: have a girlfriend who I've known since KINDI. She grew

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Speaker 3: up without her mum in the picture or very distant

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Speaker 3: at least, an alcoholic my friend who I thought I

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Speaker 3: knew as this very strong morals person living an authentic life,

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Speaker 3: all the bits and bobs, I don't know. I feel

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Speaker 3: like just hearing that, it feels very harsh, like she's

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Speaker 3: judging her friends, saying I thought she had strong morals, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and not saying that anything that her friend has done

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Speaker 3: it is right. But I feel like there's definitely a

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Speaker 3: bit of her own stuff being.

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Speaker 1: Project expectations of what's right or wrong and regardless of

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Speaker 1: what her friend has done, Like we had this conversation

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Speaker 1: in a previous podcast, like you may not agree with it,

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Speaker 1: and it maybe not what you're doing, but this is

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Speaker 1: like her life and can you love her unconditionally through

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Speaker 1: all of her shit?

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Speaker 3: And also like people fuck up? Yeah, people aren't perfect.

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Speaker 3: We don't always get everything right all of the time.

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Speaker 3: And just because people make mistakes doesn't mean that that

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Speaker 3: then becomes a whole identity. And you bet her best friend,

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Speaker 3: it shouldn't make you think that now her morals and

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Speaker 3: she's not all those things that she does do on

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Speaker 3: a day to day life. She might have just had

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Speaker 3: a really fuck up of a moment.

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Speaker 1: She's vegan and she goes to pilates and she has

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Speaker 1: you know, healthy habits, but then does this mistake. And

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Speaker 1: there's also so many layers to this whole situation. Like

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Speaker 1: they were in open relationship, they were happy, but then

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Speaker 1: maybe there were some underlying things that she really wasn't happy,

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Speaker 1: and the open relationship was the last straw to like,

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Speaker 1: we stay together because we love each other and we

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Speaker 1: care about each other. Let's try this because we're obviously

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Speaker 1: not fulfilling each other's needs or we want to explore. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that might not be right for you, but that's right

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Speaker 1: for her. And then it went down a different path

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Speaker 1: that she didn't expect. Yeah, we're just going to read

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Speaker 1: the little bits out and then unpack it as we go.

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Speaker 3: I'm just shook. I'm so mad that she flat out

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Speaker 3: lied to me. Loyalty and honesty are huge for me.

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Speaker 3: I think I'm done. But she's also about to have

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Speaker 3: a baby and in one of the most vulnerable headspaces ever,

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Speaker 3: and it's already going to be different to what having

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Speaker 3: a baby into a healthy relationship normally looks like.

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Speaker 1: So there's so many layers to this and why she

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have told you. And I can understand why you'd

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Speaker 1: be upset because your quote unquote best friends. You probably

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Speaker 1: tell each other everything. You'd think she would come to

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Speaker 1: you and like tell you this. But I would assume

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Speaker 1: if you're going through an affair and you're hiding this,

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Speaker 1: you're already beating yourself up, You're already carrying so much shame,

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Speaker 1: you already feel so embarrassed, and by your language here,

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Speaker 1: I do feel like maybe you haven't created the safest

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Speaker 1: place for her. She knows your opinion on the open relationship.

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Speaker 1: She knows your opinion on all of this, and it's valid.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying your opinion is right or wrong. Everyone's

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Speaker 1: experiences and opinions are their own. You're allowed to have those.

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Speaker 1: But if she can feel your judgment or you know,

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Speaker 1: you've said down here, I definitely had some things to say.

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Speaker 1: So I'm guessing you've told her how you really feel,

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Speaker 1: she wouldn't have felt safe to come to you and say, Puck,

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm going through, Like I'm in it.

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Speaker 1: I love this man so much, but I also love

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Speaker 1: my husband to be I feel stuck, Like you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, I'd be so scary for her.

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Speaker 3: That's exactly what I've thought as well, is you know,

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Speaker 3: you probably might not have intentionally, but also her being

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Speaker 3: your best friend, she would know your trauma, she would

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Speaker 3: know what you've gone through with your parents, she will

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Speaker 3: know that it's a triggering conversation for you, So she

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Speaker 3: probably also is protecting you and maybe protecting herself because yeah,

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Speaker 3: she might not feel safe or might not know how

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Speaker 3: your reaction's going to be, so she might just be going, Okay,

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Speaker 3: maybe she's not the person. So I know, I've got

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Speaker 3: different friends that I go to for different conversations. Like

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Speaker 3: we said this all the time. We have certain friends

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Speaker 3: could hold space in some areas, other friends have more

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Speaker 3: capacity in other areas. And yeah, I mean maybe right

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Speaker 3: now in this season that you're not the person that

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Speaker 3: she's coming to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if someone's got very strong opinions about cheating and

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Speaker 1: they're they're cheating, they're not going to go.

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Speaker 3: To you about the cheating issues, like you said, they're

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Speaker 3: already going to feel so shameful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're going to go to someone that's just like,

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Speaker 1: isn't so black and white about it? I think, and

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Speaker 1: they would just be able to hold that, and then

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Speaker 1: there's a lot to hold. I'm not saying it would

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Speaker 1: be easy, especially with your past trauma.

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Speaker 3: I really feel for you.

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Speaker 1: Like I watched my stepdad that we know of three

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Speaker 1: year long affair and it broke my mum. I get it,

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Speaker 1: but it just isn't black and white. Yeah, and I think, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: our work that we've been trying to do is just

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Speaker 1: always come from a place of understanding and regardless of

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Speaker 1: decisions that people make, is just yeah, ask yourself, can

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Speaker 1: you love them unconditionally? Can you hold that space with them?

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Speaker 1: Do you have the capacity for that? And overall it

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Speaker 1: sounds like it's just feeling a lot for you, which

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Speaker 1: it's really valid. It's not right or wrong, but you've

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Speaker 1: got to honor that for yourself, Yeah, and not make

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Speaker 1: it so much about.

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Speaker 3: Her, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: If that is about her, but it's also about you

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Speaker 1: because it's bringing up a lot of your unhealed trauma. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're hurt.

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Speaker 3: If I was you as well, I would honestly be

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Speaker 3: trying to space myself from the situation. I think if

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Speaker 3: you're feeling all of these triggers coming up, then maybe

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Speaker 3: you're not the person for her to go to as well,

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Speaker 3: like on her side, but also your side, Like Tay,

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Speaker 3: this time to go internal. I'm like, wow, Like why

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Speaker 3: do I feel like I need to know all the

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Speaker 3: details about this or you know, but.

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Speaker 1: To the stuff that's coming up for you as well. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's so many beautiful invitations and moments like this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't to read the next section.

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Speaker 1: Obviously he's married, so I didn't want anyone to see

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Speaker 1: or make it a big deal. She stayed at my

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Speaker 1: house and I absolutely had some things to say. The

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Speaker 1: next day she said, I think he did say they

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Speaker 1: were in open marriage, and I made it very clear

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Speaker 1: she needs to tell her partner as she's about to

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Speaker 1: get married and can't go into this marriage with a lie.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so so I've just written down here you told

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Speaker 3: her flat out that she has to tell her husband,

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Speaker 3: rather than supporting and guiding her along the way. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: when situations have happened in our own life, it almost

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Speaker 3: triggers us to go back reliving that moment and rather

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Speaker 3: than coming from a place of like supporting your friend

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Speaker 3: I think because straightaway, like you have to tell her,

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Speaker 3: it's maybe pushing her away and making her feel really

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable pressured to talk when she's not ready. She's coming

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Speaker 3: to you like I need to just get this off

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Speaker 3: my chest and then yes, need some time to process

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Speaker 3: and then go to him.

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Speaker 1: And can you be that safe place to hold that

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Speaker 1: for her? Yeah, I think that's been a huge skill

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Speaker 1: that I definitely learned over the last couple of years.

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Speaker 1: It's like you're not there to fix everyone's problems a

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Speaker 1: lot of the time. Your friends just actually need you

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Speaker 1: to hold space. And the girlfriends I've got around me

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Speaker 1: are now very good at saying, hey, I want your advice,

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Speaker 1: like what would you do, or hey, I'm coming to

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Speaker 1: you for a rant. I just need to get this

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Speaker 1: off my chest, And that to me is clear communication

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Speaker 1: to what they're needing. Yeah, it felt like in that

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Speaker 1: moment she probably would have needed you to just hold

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Speaker 1: that for her, like far out. Even if I had

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Speaker 1: an opinion, I think I would say, I have no

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Speaker 1: idea what I would do in this situation, but I

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Speaker 1: want you to know I'm here with you right now.

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Speaker 1: What do you need? What do you think is the

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Speaker 1: right thing for you right now to do. Is this

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Speaker 1: something you want to tell them about? Do you need

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Speaker 1: extra support? Do we need to go away for a

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Speaker 1: couple of days to digest this? Like, what do you

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Speaker 1: want to do right now? And I've got you as

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Speaker 1: a friend.

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Speaker 3: The last thing I'd be doing is speaking my harshest

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Speaker 3: opinions straight away at the moment, in that moment when

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Speaker 3: they're so vulnerable. Yeah, and I know that that's easier

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Speaker 3: said than done, especially when it's something that's super triggering.

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Speaker 3: So there's no ill feelings, Like, you know, everyone's got

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Speaker 3: to do their own journey and do their own work.

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Speaker 3: But I think if you're wondering why this friend is

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Speaker 3: pulling back, then i'd really have a little look at yourself,

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Speaker 3: because it always works both ways. There's always none of

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Speaker 3: us are perfect.

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Speaker 1: And just reflect on the conversations and like there's also

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Speaker 1: things like your body language, your tone, the language that

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Speaker 1: you used, how you said it, what do you say exactly?

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Speaker 1: All of those will stack tor. I think her reason

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Speaker 1: for not coming to you to tell you about the

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Speaker 1: affair later on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and she might be feeling just as much hurt

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Speaker 3: as you are. You know how you're missing her and

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Speaker 3: you're wanting, you know, to reconnect. She could be feeling

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Speaker 3: that too.

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Speaker 1: She might be scared and so lonely. And also she

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Speaker 1: is so much on her shoulders now, yeah, to have

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Speaker 1: a baby. She's got this husband, she's got the guy

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Speaker 1: she was having an affair with, so many mixed emotions,

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Speaker 1: she's hormonal, so.

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Speaker 3: Many people involved, by the sounds as well, very messy. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because now there's a baby involved, there's the husband, and

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Speaker 3: there's the husband she cheated with, and the wife, then

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Speaker 3: the friends that there's so many people involved, and she

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Speaker 3: with children. Yeah, they have two children.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so she Yeah, and which I can hear, which

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Speaker 1: is so beautiful. I can hear your saying you think

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Speaker 1: you're done. However, you also know she's in a really

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Speaker 1: vulnerable spot. So shows how much you really do care

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Speaker 1: for her. So like us saying, as we know your

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Speaker 1: heart's there and we know that you're wanting to be

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Speaker 1: there for her. But it is just a cool place

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Speaker 1: to reflect on, like, oh, I can see like I've

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Speaker 1: done it before. I did it the other day with

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend. I was like, I'm so sorry if I was

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Speaker 1: too honest there, and she came back to me and

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Speaker 1: she was like, never apologizing. I love your bigness and

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Speaker 1: I love your honesty, and I asked you for your opinion. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if I don't want your opinion, I won't ask I

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Speaker 1: asked you for it. So, yeah, it's very tricky, isn't it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so you've said I can't see past the lies and

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Speaker 1: what's been going on, and just obviously value our friendship

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Speaker 1: more than she does. First of all, on that that's

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Speaker 1: an assumption.

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Speaker 3: You don't know.

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Speaker 1: That assumption is the opposite of communication. You don't know

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Speaker 1: how she's feeling. You might feel like that and be

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Speaker 1: putting yourself on like a different level to her, but

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Speaker 1: that's not the truth. Yeah, you can't make that your

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Speaker 1: truth because you actually don't.

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Speaker 3: Know, definitely, And even like I can't see pass the

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Speaker 3: lies and what's been going on, you don't have to.

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Speaker 3: If you actually feel like you hold too much resentment

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Speaker 3: and it just feels so unaligned, then maybe that's the

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Speaker 3: route that you're going to. Yeah, but that's your decision.

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Speaker 1: Don't blame it on her for her not reaching out.

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Speaker 1: That was the next pit. I told her almost six

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Speaker 1: weeks ago that I need space, and she hasn't even

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Speaker 1: tried to get in touch. I get it. I asked

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Speaker 1: the space, but were meant to be best friends. So

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Speaker 1: we spoke about this in a previous episode, everyone having

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Speaker 1: their own set of rule books, Like your rule book

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Speaker 1: is like, I don't know. It feels kind of like

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Speaker 1: she must reach out to and she must contact you

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Speaker 1: for her to be a good friend, but you've asked

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Speaker 1: for space. In my head, she's respected that if someone

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Speaker 1: asked me for space.

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Speaker 3: You would wait for them to reach out with the

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Speaker 3: whole of branch'd be like, I'm ready to talk. I

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Speaker 3: would as well. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And if you wanted space, but then she reached out,

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Speaker 1: then she'd almost be violating your boundary.

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Speaker 3: And I've had that happen before and that feels really uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Would then you have been like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: I've asked her for space and she's still contacting me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I honestly feel like if you are wanting, because

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Speaker 3: it sounds like you are, I feel like you would

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Speaker 3: not be messaging us if you didn't deep down love

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Speaker 3: this girl so much. We can see that, and it

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Speaker 3: seems like you're not done with the friendship. So what

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Speaker 3: would do you've asked for space? I feel like it's

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Speaker 3: whoever's asked for the space is the first person that

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Speaker 3: would be like, Okay, I've had enough. So then your

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Speaker 3: friend knows, like, okay, how much space does she want?

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Speaker 3: Does she? She doesn't know if you mean six months

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Speaker 3: or if you mean six weeks, but she's respecting you.

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Speaker 3: And Yeah, like I said before, I've had somebody before

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Speaker 3: I've asked for space and they have not given it

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Speaker 3: to me. It's made me pushed me away so far. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because oh it was a really suffocating feeling, and because

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Speaker 3: we need space sometimes to process things. Yeah, I'm sure

342
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Speaker 3: if she knows you're frustrated and your feelings towards this,

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Speaker 3: she's just trying to be extra cautious with making sure

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Speaker 3: she's not poking you.

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Speaker 1: Or upsetting you. Yeah, and I also, like I hear

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Speaker 1: that you're not maybe not feeling like a priority. There

347
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Speaker 1: might be some sisterhood wounds around that. I only say

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Speaker 1: that because I've got sisterhood wounds and I feel you.

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Speaker 1: And it's like if there's abandonment issues or rejection issues,

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Speaker 1: but like if you would have become from a place

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Speaker 1: of understanding, Yes, your friendship's important, but she's also pregnant,

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Speaker 1: she's also just had an affair. She's also just had

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Speaker 1: to tell her husband. She's also got the other guy.

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Speaker 1: Plus she's probably working and like worry about finances. Like

355
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Speaker 1: this woman has one hundred tabs open, that she is

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Speaker 1: just probably on the verge of a mental breakdown, I

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Speaker 1: would assume, so, like she might not have the capacity

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Speaker 1: to pour into your friendship right now. Yeah, that's where

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00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:06,121
Speaker 1: I would be like, just a little bit more and

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Speaker 1: more understanding.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe just take a second and really put yourself

362
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Speaker 3: in her position. YEA, really sit in it picture as well,

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Speaker 3: that she feels like it's the biggest mistake she's ever

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Speaker 3: made in her life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not condoning this. We're not saying this is

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Speaker 1: right cheating. I don't agree that whatsoever. I just don't

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Speaker 1: think it's so black and white. I've done a previous

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Speaker 1: episode on it, and I just I don't judge people cheating.

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Speaker 1: I can understand and I can see how it happens. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: how the breakdowns happen, how needs not getting met, where

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Speaker 1: humans were messy. I don't judge it, but I also

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Speaker 1: don't condone it.

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Speaker 3: But it's also blurry because they are in an open relationship.

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Speaker 3: So I feel like that's why it's a bit blurred

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Speaker 3: and it's a bit different ray it is because they're

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Speaker 3: already in an open relationship.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, so yeah, put yourself in her shoes. We're

378
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Speaker 1: not condoning it, and you don't have to agree with it,

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Speaker 1: and you may never ever do something like that, and

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Speaker 1: that's okay, but I would just definitely be trying to

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Speaker 1: be understanding and if I really valued that friendship, even

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Speaker 1: if she did not tell me this, that would be

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Speaker 1: a further conversation I would have later on, and I

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Speaker 1: would let her know and be like, I'm really sad

385
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Speaker 1: that you didn't feel safe enough to come and tell me.

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Speaker 1: And I really hope that you can let me know

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Speaker 1: what I can do to make you feel safe for

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Speaker 1: in the future, because I never want you going through

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Speaker 1: this shit alone.

390
00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:12,521
Speaker 3: I was going through this.

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Speaker 1: I fucking hope that I could rock up at your

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Speaker 1: door and you would just open your arms and just

393
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Speaker 1: hold me while I cry. You know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And even if you would never ever ever do

395
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Speaker 3: that yourself, doesn't mean you can't accept her for making

396
00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:26,321
Speaker 3: a mistake. Don mean you can't accept her for doing that.

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Speaker 3: I've got girlfriends now we're like, I'll chat to them

398
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Speaker 3: and they'll tell me about something they've done in their past,

399
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Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh my gosh, like that's hechtic. But

400
00:17:32,441 --> 00:17:35,360
Speaker 3: then I'm like, I love you anyways exactly, and I

401
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,680
Speaker 3: accept you anyway, and that's part of your stay and

402
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:39,761
Speaker 3: I've always loved you, So why would I stop loving

403
00:17:39,801 --> 00:17:41,600
Speaker 3: you just because of something you did ten years? Have

404
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,400
Speaker 3: an option? It's not even an option. So I think

405
00:17:44,721 --> 00:17:48,161
Speaker 3: remembering that she is fucked up, she has done something

406
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,321
Speaker 3: that obviously has hurt her a lot and hurt other people,

407
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Speaker 3: and it's.

408
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Speaker 1: Against your rule because to what you think I'd see it.

409
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Speaker 3: But you can still accept her anyway. You can still

410
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Speaker 3: love her.

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Speaker 1: Be there for her if you value her, and you've

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Speaker 1: set up here that you value the friendship more than her,

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Speaker 1: If you truly value that friendship, you'd be there for her.

414
00:18:03,481 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 3: It wouldn't be so conditional. Yeah, I think.

415
00:18:07,321 --> 00:18:08,720
Speaker 1: So we were a little bit nervous to do this

416
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Speaker 1: episode because we definitely were like, oh, I feel like

417
00:18:10,721 --> 00:18:12,881
Speaker 1: we've got a bit of pushback, but we also really

418
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Speaker 1: admire you for writing in and w a yeah, being

419
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Speaker 1: brave and wanting our honest opinion because Kiara and I

420
00:18:18,041 --> 00:18:20,160
Speaker 1: have a very honest friendship. We've also got girlfriends that

421
00:18:20,241 --> 00:18:22,481
Speaker 1: are very honest and like you encourage.

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Speaker 3: A girlfriends are pretty dune honest it.

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Speaker 1: Is, and I'll like sometimes Steve will say like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure you should have said it like that,

425
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Speaker 1: and I'll be like, shit, okay, I'm going to go

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00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,360
Speaker 1: back and have a conversation, or I don't know. I

427
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,080
Speaker 1: think honesty is so important, even if it's uncomfortable, like

428
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,880
Speaker 1: that transparency and just that unconditional love that they're going

429
00:18:37,961 --> 00:18:40,361
Speaker 1: to love you regardless of what you say or how

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00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,521
Speaker 1: it came out. You know their heart's in the right place.

431
00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 3: And taking accountability. It's not too late to if you

432
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,641
Speaker 3: listen to this and you're like, oh, I don't really

433
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,281
Speaker 3: think about it, go to her and say, you know

434
00:18:49,321 --> 00:18:51,241
Speaker 3: what I've thought about this, I've had in my space.

435
00:18:51,441 --> 00:18:52,960
Speaker 3: I'm really sorry. I wish I could have held more

436
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,481
Speaker 3: space for you. I wish I could have been that.

437
00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:56,241
Speaker 3: I don't agree with what you've done, and I don't

438
00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:58,521
Speaker 3: agree with everything that's happened, but I wish I could

439
00:18:58,561 --> 00:19:00,321
Speaker 3: have been a better friend in that.

440
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,921
Speaker 1: And like a lot came up for me. This brought

441
00:19:01,961 --> 00:19:05,521
Speaker 1: up stuff and my parents and because that's fair enoughationship

442
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: and I just felt like sick about it or whatever,

443
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 1: you know, whatever. But regardless all that happened, at the

444
00:19:10,681 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 1: end of the day, I still love you and.

445
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,120
Speaker 3: I want to be here for you. Vulnerability and power.

446
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:20,160
Speaker 3: It really is like vulnerability and apologizing, holding yourself accountable

447
00:19:20,241 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 3: and be like, oh my god, I probaly shouldn't done that.

448
00:19:21,681 --> 00:19:24,761
Speaker 3: Probation and said that goes so far, so much connection,

449
00:19:24,961 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 3: It really does. That's what we're all wanting. Your friendship

450
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,440
Speaker 3: will be like even stronger because of it.

451
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,920
Speaker 1: I feel, yeah, yeah, Outif I was to ever go

452
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:34,801
Speaker 1: through anything like that, I know I would have my

453
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,761
Speaker 1: girlfriends there and I'd be really leaning on them.

454
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,841
Speaker 3: Hey you would need them, Yeah, yeah, you need their support.

455
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 3: So I hope that helps.

456
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,041
Speaker 1: If you don't agree with what is said, that's so okay.

457
00:19:43,201 --> 00:19:44,281
Speaker 3: This is just our opinion.

458
00:19:44,441 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 1: And this is also I'm sure there's actually so much more,

459
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,161
Speaker 1: Like imagine if we got to hear the other side

460
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,721
Speaker 1: of the girl's story. Absolutely this is on your side.

461
00:19:51,761 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's so many layers and more context that

462
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,441
Speaker 1: we could have been given. So this is like just yeah,

463
00:19:56,521 --> 00:19:58,241
Speaker 1: one of us had a friend that came to us,

464
00:19:58,321 --> 00:19:59,840
Speaker 1: is what we would say and what we talk and

465
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:00,640
Speaker 1: how we would handle it.

466
00:20:00,761 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, but if it's not for you, it's not for you.

467
00:20:02,561 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

468
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:05,241
Speaker 3: And what we always speak about is two people can

469
00:20:05,241 --> 00:20:08,200
Speaker 3: experience the exact same situation and have two completely different

470
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:12,241
Speaker 3: experiences and opinions, journeys and lessons and perspectives and all

471
00:20:12,281 --> 00:20:14,801
Speaker 3: the other bits from that one particular moment. So that's

472
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,761
Speaker 3: you know, even like the husband or that this like

473
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,200
Speaker 3: imagine because you're in the open relationship with the husband's like, oh,

474
00:20:19,241 --> 00:20:21,281
Speaker 3: I don't mind whatever she had one stuff a local

475
00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:23,880
Speaker 3: guys like you don't know what everyone else's or he

476
00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:26,161
Speaker 3: could have been absolutely shattered, like you don't, you don't know.

477
00:20:26,681 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: And we've all grown up different backgrounds, different parents, different traumas,

478
00:20:30,561 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 1: different experiences, So like to expect us all to agree

479
00:20:33,681 --> 00:20:36,600
Speaker 1: and like understand what each other's experience is, it's just

480
00:20:36,721 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 1: such that could be so boring, silly expectation.

481
00:20:39,001 --> 00:20:41,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and life is so different boring as if we

482
00:20:41,721 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 3: all thought the exact same way. Yeah.

483
00:20:43,921 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, So we hope this lends. We hope this is

484
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: just an invitation and even for everyone else listening, like

485
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,120
Speaker 1: Kiara and I do this all the time. Just always

486
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,801
Speaker 1: reflect on how we can do things better, how it

487
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,640
Speaker 1: can show up with more love and compassion, how we

488
00:20:56,681 --> 00:21:00,681
Speaker 1: can improve the way we communicate communications so powerful. Yeah,

489
00:21:00,721 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 1: like there's always little bits that we can improve on.

490
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:07,001
Speaker 1: So yeah, to reflect on the way that you're showing

491
00:21:07,041 --> 00:21:09,281
Speaker 1: up and being there for your friends and yourself, holding

492
00:21:09,321 --> 00:21:11,880
Speaker 1: your boundaries, your standards, what you value, what you don't.

493
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 1: Are your friendships aligned anymore? Maybe they're not. That's okay

494
00:21:14,961 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 1: as well, Like so many relays to it, but just

495
00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:20,721
Speaker 1: take this episode as an invitation to reflect. Yeah, yeah,

496
00:21:21,201 --> 00:21:23,680
Speaker 1: you hope that helps if anyone else has any questions

497
00:21:23,761 --> 00:21:27,441
Speaker 1: or situations. We started doing sticky situations when we first.

498
00:21:27,281 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 3: We did, but it was he's so really repetitive.

499
00:21:29,561 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 1: Very repetitive. Yeah, but we do like doing them every

500
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:32,961
Speaker 1: out again.

501
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:34,561
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when we get one in and we're like, wow,

502
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,761
Speaker 3: that's really like interesting or yeah, it's fun.

503
00:21:37,961 --> 00:21:41,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll see you on Friday for a little bite

504
00:21:41,120 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 1: sized bonus episode.

505
00:21:42,561 --> 00:21:43,641
Speaker 3: Bite sized bonus.

506
00:21:46,721 --> 00:21:47,521
Speaker 2: Thank you guys,