1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,161 Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:16,881 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment. 3 00:00:16,441 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most 4 00:00:19,201 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761 Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:31,001 --> 00:00:33,921 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to she Risers. We have a 10 00:00:34,081 --> 00:00:36,601 Speaker 1: big episode this week about how to stop being the 11 00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:39,521 Speaker 1: nonchalant I don't care pretending to be the cool girl 12 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:40,481 Speaker 1: kind of vibe. 13 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,280 Speaker 2: Because let's face it, you don't even like being the 14 00:00:42,321 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 2: nonchalant girl anyway. You're not having a good time, You're 15 00:00:44,681 --> 00:00:46,361 Speaker 2: not stop lying to yourself. 16 00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:50,241 Speaker 1: You want to be big, bold, bitchy, bratty. Let all 17 00:00:50,281 --> 00:00:53,161 Speaker 1: of our twenty seven personalities shine through and know that 18 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,681 Speaker 1: we're loved for every single into ourself. 19 00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:58,881 Speaker 2: Absolutely. Do you know how empowering it is to be opinionated? 20 00:00:58,921 --> 00:01:00,681 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's the best. It's so free, it 21 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,721 Speaker 1: really is. And without that's opinionated or more sexual, or 22 00:01:03,761 --> 00:01:06,361 Speaker 1: more loud, or just to use your voice more. That's 23 00:01:06,361 --> 00:01:09,241 Speaker 1: something every single woman and man and child should be 24 00:01:09,441 --> 00:01:12,321 Speaker 1: super empowered to just be all of them. Absolutely, But 25 00:01:12,401 --> 00:01:14,801 Speaker 1: before we get into that, what's your share of the week? 26 00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:17,321 Speaker 2: My share of the week is actually these nipple covers 27 00:01:17,321 --> 00:01:20,121 Speaker 2: that I've been using, Oh the bear. They're actually from 28 00:01:20,241 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 2: a brand called her Form Active, and they come obviously 29 00:01:23,321 --> 00:01:26,201 Speaker 2: with gym ware, but my goodness, when I'm at the 30 00:01:26,241 --> 00:01:29,281 Speaker 2: gym and my nipples are hard, they could cut through us, 31 00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:31,321 Speaker 2: like it is atrocious. So I don't want to make 32 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,761 Speaker 2: my train to feel uncomfortable. But there's such a game 33 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 2: changer because then I don't have to have that little 34 00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 2: niggle in the back of my head of like, oh 35 00:01:37,441 --> 00:01:39,601 Speaker 2: my nipples are showing today, or like, oh, why they're 36 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:40,161 Speaker 2: so hard today? 37 00:01:40,161 --> 00:01:41,521 Speaker 3: It makes you feel a little bit awkward. 38 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,521 Speaker 2: Yes, so they have been an absolute game changer for 39 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,161 Speaker 2: me because I don't wear bras either, so I just 40 00:01:47,321 --> 00:01:49,041 Speaker 2: wear those nipple covers all the time, and they're not 41 00:01:49,121 --> 00:01:51,001 Speaker 2: sticky and they don't rip off you nipples. 42 00:01:50,681 --> 00:01:53,041 Speaker 1: No, which those normal sticky boobs. These have been a 43 00:01:53,041 --> 00:01:55,121 Speaker 1: game changer. Even were a tank top last week that 44 00:01:55,521 --> 00:01:58,121 Speaker 1: it's a pastel yellow color, so without a bra or something, 45 00:01:58,121 --> 00:02:00,961 Speaker 1: it's just a little bit see through and I just 46 00:02:00,961 --> 00:02:02,881 Speaker 1: put those on. I was like, sweet, done, because I 47 00:02:02,881 --> 00:02:04,161 Speaker 1: don't like wearing bras are uncomfortable. 48 00:02:04,201 --> 00:02:05,041 Speaker 3: It's so uncomfortable. 49 00:02:05,161 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: Just don't draw as much attention to my hard. 50 00:02:07,441 --> 00:02:09,721 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, you're like, hello, I'm here, I'm ready to go. 51 00:02:09,721 --> 00:02:12,281 Speaker 2: But honestly, game change. I highly recommend very comfy too. 52 00:02:12,401 --> 00:02:14,241 Speaker 2: Oh mine is just a quote. 53 00:02:14,281 --> 00:02:16,521 Speaker 1: When someone is drowning, this is not the time to 54 00:02:16,561 --> 00:02:19,481 Speaker 1: teach them how to swim. And this can relate to anyone, 55 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,761 Speaker 1: like even kids. You know, when kids are super disregulated, 56 00:02:21,921 --> 00:02:23,481 Speaker 1: that's not the time to give them a lecture or 57 00:02:23,481 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: try and discipline them or make them realize what they've 58 00:02:25,841 --> 00:02:27,401 Speaker 1: done or what they've said. First of all, just like 59 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:29,041 Speaker 1: get them out of the water, get them from like 60 00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:31,761 Speaker 1: not drowning, get them breathing again, Get them to catch 61 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,361 Speaker 1: their breath and just regulate and for their body to 62 00:02:34,361 --> 00:02:38,081 Speaker 1: know it's safe to be, to talk to reflect and 63 00:02:38,161 --> 00:02:40,001 Speaker 1: if your friend or your partner or something's going through 64 00:02:40,041 --> 00:02:42,401 Speaker 1: something really hard. The last thing, most of the time 65 00:02:42,641 --> 00:02:44,400 Speaker 1: they wanted you to jump in and fix them straight away. 66 00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:47,041 Speaker 1: They just want to be heard. Just listen, just hold space, 67 00:02:47,441 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 1: and when the time's right then you can give advice 68 00:02:49,281 --> 00:02:51,120 Speaker 1: and you can help them. I do like that. Most 69 00:02:51,121 --> 00:02:53,001 Speaker 1: of the time when people are drowning, they just want 70 00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:54,921 Speaker 1: to make sure that they're going to be alive. So 71 00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:57,041 Speaker 1: love that they just want to hug. They just want 72 00:02:57,041 --> 00:03:00,681 Speaker 1: to hug. All right, let's get into today's episodes. So 73 00:03:01,041 --> 00:03:02,841 Speaker 1: that word nonchalant, where's that come from? 74 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:03,881 Speaker 3: I don't know. 75 00:03:04,121 --> 00:03:06,321 Speaker 1: We use it so often we do so funny. 76 00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:10,001 Speaker 2: I think maybe there's a stigma online of like nonchalant men. 77 00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:14,161 Speaker 2: There's like this gme in like single life dating well of. 78 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:16,761 Speaker 3: Nonchalant men, there's putting no effort in, super. 79 00:03:16,561 --> 00:03:19,561 Speaker 2: Unreactive, just meh, just. 80 00:03:19,481 --> 00:03:20,041 Speaker 1: Some effort in. 81 00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 2: We don't want meh step up, and we definitely don't 82 00:03:22,281 --> 00:03:24,481 Speaker 2: want to be meh. I know the amount of times 83 00:03:24,481 --> 00:03:26,281 Speaker 2: that I have been the nonchalant girl and I have 84 00:03:26,361 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 2: been internally raging about something. I'm like, my goodness, why 85 00:03:31,001 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 2: have we taught ourselves that it's okay to sit back 86 00:03:34,721 --> 00:03:36,321 Speaker 2: on the things that were actually disappointed about. 87 00:03:36,401 --> 00:03:38,841 Speaker 1: What goes back to the conditioning of being the good girl? 88 00:03:39,241 --> 00:03:40,961 Speaker 1: And what was that? The quiet you are, the more 89 00:03:41,001 --> 00:03:44,241 Speaker 1: accepted you are. Polite women are quiet, they say yes, 90 00:03:44,361 --> 00:03:46,961 Speaker 1: they look after everyone before themselves. 91 00:03:46,721 --> 00:03:48,721 Speaker 2: Or even like where there was this phase of like 92 00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:51,641 Speaker 2: there being like the cool girlfriend. Oh no, she's so 93 00:03:51,721 --> 00:03:54,481 Speaker 2: she's so chill, she doesn't really care. She's not super reactive. 94 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,001 Speaker 2: Same Oh my god, she's a vibe. She's okay with anything. 95 00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:58,401 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think so. 96 00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:00,761 Speaker 1: Nah. I said this in one of my girlfriends. Actually 97 00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:03,641 Speaker 1: she just says yes to everything and in a relationship, 98 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:05,921 Speaker 1: like her partner will describe her as that. But I'm like, internally, 99 00:04:06,001 --> 00:04:07,841 Speaker 1: i can see she's really struggling. I'm like, you don't 100 00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,881 Speaker 1: want that. Why don't you say you don't want that? 101 00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: She's like, oh, you know, it's not worth causing a fart. 102 00:04:11,761 --> 00:04:13,641 Speaker 1: I'm like, but then you have to just build up 103 00:04:13,641 --> 00:04:16,241 Speaker 1: all this resentment and be suffering in silence. Yes, that 104 00:04:16,361 --> 00:04:18,481 Speaker 1: is worth speaking up about. Yeah, but she just hasn't 105 00:04:18,481 --> 00:04:20,681 Speaker 1: found her voice yet. Yeah, And all in divine timing 106 00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: and all we all go on that journey. I know 107 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,041 Speaker 1: I have. It's only been the last couple of years, 108 00:04:24,121 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: especially since our friendship. You guys want to hear us 109 00:04:26,681 --> 00:04:27,441 Speaker 1: behind closed doors. 110 00:04:27,481 --> 00:04:30,161 Speaker 2: Oh my god, if only there were Mike's on then. 111 00:04:30,161 --> 00:04:32,721 Speaker 1: But honestly, it's so freeing and it's not to say 112 00:04:32,801 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 1: that We're just going to jump online and say everything 113 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:37,361 Speaker 1: that our mind thinks, because we all have intruth of thoughts, 114 00:04:37,561 --> 00:04:39,161 Speaker 1: we all have shit that comes out. We're like, oh 115 00:04:39,161 --> 00:04:41,041 Speaker 1: my god, I'm the most horrible person for thinking that. 116 00:04:42,001 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 1: But it's so freeing to be able to say in 117 00:04:44,641 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: a safe environment, or to use our voice in a 118 00:04:46,761 --> 00:04:50,041 Speaker 1: productive way and not be so concerned about what everyone 119 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:52,121 Speaker 1: else thinks about us. If someone's going to judge you 120 00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,841 Speaker 1: or not be your friend because of something you've said 121 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,801 Speaker 1: or an opinion you have, they're not your people. 122 00:04:55,841 --> 00:04:56,361 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 123 00:04:56,401 --> 00:04:58,001 Speaker 1: It's like the whole COVID thing, right. I feel like 124 00:04:58,041 --> 00:05:00,241 Speaker 1: it was such a divide with people, and I just 125 00:05:00,281 --> 00:05:02,161 Speaker 1: could never understand it because I had friends that were 126 00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:05,041 Speaker 1: vaccinated and fully believed in it and other friends that weren't. 127 00:05:05,121 --> 00:05:08,041 Speaker 1: It doesn't affect me, You do you whatever you believe, 128 00:05:08,081 --> 00:05:09,601 Speaker 1: And why would I not be friends with you because 129 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,921 Speaker 1: you're vaccinated or not vaccinated? Even friends with kids that 130 00:05:11,961 --> 00:05:14,241 Speaker 1: are vaccinated or not vaccinated. I don't care. Yeah, it 131 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: was good for you, Yeah, but it was such a 132 00:05:15,801 --> 00:05:17,561 Speaker 1: divide in the world, and I saw so many people 133 00:05:17,601 --> 00:05:21,241 Speaker 1: lose friendships and lose relationships, lose jobs over this, and 134 00:05:21,241 --> 00:05:22,281 Speaker 1: I'm like, damn. 135 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,001 Speaker 3: Such a topic. 136 00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:25,121 Speaker 2: No, that's really fine. It was such an interesting time. 137 00:05:25,121 --> 00:05:25,561 Speaker 1: Wasn't it. 138 00:05:26,081 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, let's never go back there. 139 00:05:27,921 --> 00:05:31,041 Speaker 1: No, thank you are not never lockdown. Thank you. I 140 00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,281 Speaker 1: can definitely relate to this though, because growing up, I 141 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,721 Speaker 1: definitely was scared to say what I truly thought because 142 00:05:36,761 --> 00:05:38,921 Speaker 1: I've got an abandoned wound and a rejection wound, So 143 00:05:38,961 --> 00:05:40,921 Speaker 1: I was scared if I truly said how I felt 144 00:05:40,961 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: about something that people would leave. So I just pretend 145 00:05:43,721 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: I was cool with everything. Yeah, but now I'm like, 146 00:05:45,641 --> 00:05:47,841 Speaker 1: I'm actually not cool with that, And it takes bravery 147 00:05:47,841 --> 00:05:50,201 Speaker 1: and courage to actually go, oh no, I don't really 148 00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:52,200 Speaker 1: agree with that, or that's cool you thinking about this? 149 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,041 Speaker 1: It's even how you worred. It's like, oh wow, that's 150 00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:56,441 Speaker 1: really interesting. But have you thought about it like this? Yes, 151 00:05:56,561 --> 00:05:58,561 Speaker 1: it's just like opening people's mind up and putting it 152 00:05:58,601 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: in a language that doesn't feel so defensive will closed mind. 153 00:06:01,521 --> 00:06:03,841 Speaker 1: It's like, oh wow, that's really cool. I saw this 154 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: the other day. What do you think about this? And 155 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,881 Speaker 1: just open up the conversation. 156 00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:07,601 Speaker 3: Out of curiosity? 157 00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:11,121 Speaker 2: What do you think is different from when you were 158 00:06:11,241 --> 00:06:13,561 Speaker 2: like that to how you are now? What do you 159 00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:15,001 Speaker 2: think is changed the most? 160 00:06:15,161 --> 00:06:18,721 Speaker 1: I think just more coming into myself. Yeah, this last 161 00:06:18,721 --> 00:06:21,961 Speaker 1: twelve months, who I truly am not caring so much 162 00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:24,281 Speaker 1: about while the people think knowing that life can be 163 00:06:24,281 --> 00:06:26,721 Speaker 1: taken away at any moment, and I keep going back 164 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,841 Speaker 1: to this. But since my brain surgeries, I'm like, well, 165 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,041 Speaker 1: I don't want to be eighty and look back at 166 00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:33,001 Speaker 1: my life and think, oh my gosh, I cared so 167 00:06:33,081 --> 00:06:34,801 Speaker 1: much about what everyone thought that I didn't live my 168 00:06:34,801 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: life for me. I didn't go on that work trip 169 00:06:37,641 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: because I'm so worried about what social media is going 170 00:06:39,361 --> 00:06:41,481 Speaker 1: to say, how I'm a bad mum. I didn't go 171 00:06:41,521 --> 00:06:44,561 Speaker 1: and do this because so and so thinks that that's 172 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,041 Speaker 1: a waste of time or money. I didn't buy that 173 00:06:47,081 --> 00:06:48,681 Speaker 1: because someone thinks it's a waste of money. Like I 174 00:06:48,721 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: didn't do what I wanted to do. Everyone can have 175 00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:52,481 Speaker 1: their opinions, and I'm like, I want to live for me. 176 00:06:52,721 --> 00:06:54,801 Speaker 1: I want to look back and go, Wow, you really lived, 177 00:06:54,841 --> 00:06:57,361 Speaker 1: and you really took chances, and you really said yes 178 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:58,921 Speaker 1: even when you're scared. And I want my kids to 179 00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 1: be able to do that as well. So if I 180 00:07:00,081 --> 00:07:01,481 Speaker 1: want them to live like that, then I have to 181 00:07:01,481 --> 00:07:04,001 Speaker 1: be the wrong model. But it definitely took a long 182 00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: time to get to that point. But now that I 183 00:07:06,761 --> 00:07:09,561 Speaker 1: started practicing that, it wasn't as scary as what I thought. 184 00:07:10,041 --> 00:07:11,921 Speaker 1: Love that, you know, and if you lose people along 185 00:07:11,961 --> 00:07:13,601 Speaker 1: the way, I just believe they're not your people. And 186 00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:16,721 Speaker 1: I know that sounds so easier said than done. But 187 00:07:16,841 --> 00:07:18,881 Speaker 1: now I've got my right people in my life and 188 00:07:18,921 --> 00:07:20,921 Speaker 1: they love me for all I am. If anyone else doesn't, 189 00:07:20,921 --> 00:07:23,641 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh okay, Like I feel nonchalant about that, 190 00:07:23,721 --> 00:07:26,121 Speaker 1: but yeah, like, well you do you. I've got people 191 00:07:26,121 --> 00:07:28,881 Speaker 1: that love all of me. But to attract those people, 192 00:07:28,921 --> 00:07:30,561 Speaker 1: you have to be all of you. Because if you're 193 00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: not all of you, you're not going to attract people 194 00:07:32,281 --> 00:07:34,201 Speaker 1: that truly love you for you. You put on a 195 00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:36,561 Speaker 1: mask and you're not being who you truly are. And 196 00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:38,721 Speaker 1: you wonder why your friendships breakdown. Yes, because they're not 197 00:07:38,761 --> 00:07:40,961 Speaker 1: getting the full version of you. Damn straight, they're getting 198 00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 1: a fake version. 199 00:07:41,801 --> 00:07:44,081 Speaker 2: Do you think there's a huge difference in how you 200 00:07:44,201 --> 00:07:47,601 Speaker 2: felt about yourself before as to how you do now. 201 00:07:47,881 --> 00:07:49,481 Speaker 2: Do you think that has played a huge role of 202 00:07:49,521 --> 00:07:51,441 Speaker 2: like your sense of confidence? 203 00:07:51,641 --> 00:07:54,681 Speaker 1: Yes, I really love who I am now. Yeah, I 204 00:07:54,721 --> 00:07:56,641 Speaker 1: didn't love who I was back then. I don't know why. 205 00:07:56,881 --> 00:07:59,521 Speaker 2: But do you feel like that has made it easier 206 00:07:59,601 --> 00:08:01,761 Speaker 2: to yes, stand up for what you believe in and 207 00:08:01,761 --> 00:08:04,521 Speaker 2: not be nonchalant in the moments where you are disappointed 208 00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:05,241 Speaker 2: or angry. 209 00:08:05,281 --> 00:08:07,721 Speaker 1: Or because if you don't love what I say. I 210 00:08:07,761 --> 00:08:09,241 Speaker 1: do love what I say, and at the end of 211 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,281 Speaker 1: the day, that's what truly matters to me. I'm not 212 00:08:11,321 --> 00:08:14,681 Speaker 1: here to be liked by everyone. Yeah, you all know 213 00:08:14,721 --> 00:08:17,041 Speaker 1: this listening to this podcast. We're not a fluffy podcast. 214 00:08:17,041 --> 00:08:19,401 Speaker 1: It just is nonchalant about shit. We say a lot 215 00:08:19,401 --> 00:08:21,001 Speaker 1: of things that are really triggering. We talk about a 216 00:08:21,041 --> 00:08:23,001 Speaker 1: lot of controversial things. We share a lot of things 217 00:08:23,441 --> 00:08:26,561 Speaker 1: really openly. But yeah, I love me now, and I 218 00:08:26,601 --> 00:08:28,281 Speaker 1: love what I stand for, and I love my mission, 219 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,961 Speaker 1: and I love that I speak about whatever's on my mind. 220 00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:34,721 Speaker 1: I think I do it in a really respectful open way. 221 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,281 Speaker 1: You do. But I think back then I didn't love 222 00:08:37,321 --> 00:08:40,081 Speaker 1: who I was, so I didn't believe anyone else would 223 00:08:40,081 --> 00:08:42,801 Speaker 1: love who I was either, so I would do what 224 00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:45,961 Speaker 1: I thought everyone needed from me. But then it didn't 225 00:08:45,961 --> 00:08:48,281 Speaker 1: feel good for me in the end, and I couldn't 226 00:08:48,321 --> 00:08:50,401 Speaker 1: have true, deep connections because I wasn't being me. 227 00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:53,641 Speaker 2: Yeah, it definitely is hard, isn't it, Because you build 228 00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:56,761 Speaker 2: almost building a relationship of something that is in genuine 229 00:08:56,921 --> 00:08:59,681 Speaker 2: it's not real. It's like not a real foundation. I'm 230 00:08:59,721 --> 00:09:02,521 Speaker 2: actually not showing up as my real self. I'm fabricating 231 00:09:02,641 --> 00:09:05,201 Speaker 2: this person that I'm trying to be in hope that 232 00:09:05,201 --> 00:09:07,521 Speaker 2: this person will like me or keep me around. 233 00:09:07,601 --> 00:09:08,641 Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's so exhausting. 234 00:09:08,721 --> 00:09:10,961 Speaker 1: You can't keep that up forever. Oh my gosh, it's like. 235 00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:13,001 Speaker 2: Trying to keep like twenty beach balls under the water 236 00:09:13,001 --> 00:09:14,841 Speaker 2: at the same time you've only got two hands. Yeah, 237 00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:16,881 Speaker 2: like you're going to be tired. You don't have the 238 00:09:16,921 --> 00:09:19,561 Speaker 2: capacity to do that. And then people walk around and 239 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,801 Speaker 2: wonder why they feel so exhausted all the time in 240 00:09:21,841 --> 00:09:24,441 Speaker 2: social settings because you're not being yourself. Literally, I can 241 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,361 Speaker 2: only say that because I've done that. Yes, I would 242 00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:28,441 Speaker 2: spend twenty minutes in a social setting and be like, 243 00:09:28,561 --> 00:09:29,441 Speaker 2: I fucking hate this. 244 00:09:29,841 --> 00:09:31,361 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the worst. 245 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,561 Speaker 2: But because when you're trying to be someone that you're not, 246 00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:36,921 Speaker 2: or trying to present a certain way out of fear 247 00:09:37,361 --> 00:09:39,921 Speaker 2: or whatever the reason, Yeah, it's exhausting. 248 00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:42,521 Speaker 1: I think it's really cool to check INTWO when you're 249 00:09:42,521 --> 00:09:46,721 Speaker 1: reflecting back, what's changed is my nervous system. When my 250 00:09:46,801 --> 00:09:49,921 Speaker 1: nervous system was really dysregulated, I was constantly in this 251 00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:53,161 Speaker 1: like fight or flight panic energy that I just was 252 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,521 Speaker 1: so fearful to be myself and fearful to do anything, 253 00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,641 Speaker 1: so I'd just be almost like a robotes that felt safer, 254 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,081 Speaker 1: or I'd go into the faun response, which is like 255 00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,361 Speaker 1: overcompensating people pleasing because it felt safer, just to make 256 00:10:04,401 --> 00:10:06,881 Speaker 1: sure everyone else was happy, and I would just be 257 00:10:06,921 --> 00:10:09,561 Speaker 1: super disregulated and disrupted in my own body. But as 258 00:10:09,561 --> 00:10:10,801 Speaker 1: long as they're happy that I'm safe. 259 00:10:10,961 --> 00:10:12,081 Speaker 3: Yes, it's so true. 260 00:10:12,121 --> 00:10:15,281 Speaker 2: We're so focused on the other person not realizing what's 261 00:10:15,321 --> 00:10:16,161 Speaker 2: going on internally. 262 00:10:16,401 --> 00:10:18,241 Speaker 1: All it does is put you in the red zone 263 00:10:18,281 --> 00:10:21,241 Speaker 1: more and keep you so much more disregulated and exhausted 264 00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:23,761 Speaker 1: and burnt out. And then it affects your sleep, dusk, in, 265 00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:27,201 Speaker 1: your mood, your hormones, your relationships, everything that I bet 266 00:10:27,241 --> 00:10:29,921 Speaker 1: you value is being affected by how disregulated and how 267 00:10:30,121 --> 00:10:33,681 Speaker 1: inauthentic you are being. Whereas the more connected I am 268 00:10:33,721 --> 00:10:36,361 Speaker 1: to my body and the more regulated and the greens 269 00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:38,881 Speaker 1: that I am with my nervous system, the more I'm 270 00:10:38,881 --> 00:10:41,801 Speaker 1: myself and this is something that we are so frickin 271 00:10:41,881 --> 00:10:43,761 Speaker 1: passionate about. We've been working on the last couple of 272 00:10:43,841 --> 00:10:46,201 Speaker 1: years in our own bodies. And while we are so 273 00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:47,961 Speaker 1: proud to be where we are right now and how 274 00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:50,241 Speaker 1: we show up and the relationships we have and how 275 00:10:50,281 --> 00:10:50,801 Speaker 1: healthy we. 276 00:10:50,761 --> 00:10:53,921 Speaker 2: Are, can we just normalize like being too much and 277 00:10:54,041 --> 00:10:56,441 Speaker 2: it being okay to be big bocked? 278 00:10:56,841 --> 00:10:57,081 Speaker 1: You know? 279 00:10:57,161 --> 00:11:00,121 Speaker 2: Like this whole year has been about refusing to make 280 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:03,281 Speaker 2: myself smaller to make other people feel comfortable fit in. Like, 281 00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:05,241 Speaker 2: I don't want to be the woman who goes off 282 00:11:05,401 --> 00:11:07,521 Speaker 2: you know, the man that I'm dating's calendar just because 283 00:11:07,521 --> 00:11:09,521 Speaker 2: it works for him and doesn't work for me. I've 284 00:11:09,561 --> 00:11:12,081 Speaker 2: been that girl many times before. I've also been the 285 00:11:12,121 --> 00:11:14,641 Speaker 2: friend who never spoke up about what I wanted to 286 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,321 Speaker 2: do or my interests because I was like, this friendship 287 00:11:17,361 --> 00:11:20,601 Speaker 2: is about making this person happy. Yeah, Like, can we 288 00:11:20,641 --> 00:11:24,321 Speaker 2: rewrite the narrative and choose more for ourselves and the 289 00:11:24,361 --> 00:11:27,641 Speaker 2: relationships that we have around knowing that, like, our relationships 290 00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:29,001 Speaker 2: and dynamics are not one sided. 291 00:11:29,161 --> 00:11:30,281 Speaker 3: No, they're not supposed to be. 292 00:11:30,361 --> 00:11:33,481 Speaker 2: It's not supposed to be out over extending yourself to 293 00:11:33,721 --> 00:11:37,561 Speaker 2: please and make somebody else happy without you equally getting 294 00:11:37,561 --> 00:11:39,961 Speaker 2: an equal give and take in that dynamic and relationship. 295 00:11:40,121 --> 00:11:40,601 Speaker 1: When do we. 296 00:11:40,681 --> 00:11:44,441 Speaker 2: Decide that we get breadcrumbs in relationships dynamics? Right? 297 00:11:44,481 --> 00:11:45,121 Speaker 1: Because fuck that? 298 00:11:45,281 --> 00:11:45,881 Speaker 3: I don't want that. 299 00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:50,281 Speaker 1: Fuck that. No, no one shouldn't. That happens so often 300 00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:53,481 Speaker 1: in intimate relationships too. And even Steves realized lately how 301 00:11:53,561 --> 00:11:55,841 Speaker 1: much he doesn't put himself first. This has been such 302 00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:58,721 Speaker 1: a big shift for him. He works, and then he's 303 00:11:58,721 --> 00:12:01,321 Speaker 1: with family and the kids, and I come up here 304 00:12:01,361 --> 00:12:04,721 Speaker 1: and I plan girls dinners and girls' trips and stay 305 00:12:04,721 --> 00:12:07,561 Speaker 1: cay and catch up for walks and do fun shit. 306 00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:09,481 Speaker 1: And he doesn't do a hobby anymore. I got a 307 00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:12,641 Speaker 1: dance class and there's been this big realization and he's like, fuck, 308 00:12:12,681 --> 00:12:14,641 Speaker 1: I kind of like lost myself in this because I 309 00:12:14,681 --> 00:12:16,921 Speaker 1: just wanted to be a good dad and a good husband. 310 00:12:17,401 --> 00:12:19,641 Speaker 1: But I'm like, you also get to do things that 311 00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:21,121 Speaker 1: you want to do. Speak up, what is it you 312 00:12:21,161 --> 00:12:23,241 Speaker 1: want to do? Yeah? What makes you happy? What is 313 00:12:23,281 --> 00:12:25,881 Speaker 1: Steve want? And he's like, fuck, I don't even know anymore. 314 00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:27,721 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so easy to get lost. 315 00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:29,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, when I want to do something for so long. 316 00:12:29,681 --> 00:12:31,401 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, you're allowed to be big as well. 317 00:12:31,441 --> 00:12:34,441 Speaker 1: He's definitely more of an introverted, karma quieter personality than 318 00:12:34,481 --> 00:12:36,921 Speaker 1: what I am. I'm not afraid to say what I 319 00:12:36,961 --> 00:12:38,401 Speaker 1: want now and what I want out of life and 320 00:12:38,401 --> 00:12:40,281 Speaker 1: what I want to do. But he's kind of lost 321 00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:42,441 Speaker 1: that because he's so focused on thinking about everyone else. 322 00:12:42,601 --> 00:12:44,961 Speaker 1: I'm like, bring that forward. What does Steve want? Be loud, 323 00:12:44,961 --> 00:12:47,241 Speaker 1: tell me what you want, let's talk about it. You know. 324 00:12:47,361 --> 00:12:48,281 Speaker 3: But how cool as well? 325 00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:50,961 Speaker 2: Even as somebody who is more prone to being a 326 00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:54,001 Speaker 2: more quiet, more private kind of person. There's been conversations 327 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,681 Speaker 2: we've all had where he's like, I love how much 328 00:12:55,681 --> 00:12:56,761 Speaker 2: fun you guys have work. 329 00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:58,161 Speaker 3: I would love to do more of that. 330 00:12:58,321 --> 00:13:01,841 Speaker 2: I know someone who's predisposed to being more introverted. Yes, 331 00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:04,601 Speaker 2: he still wants and craves to like almost step into 332 00:13:04,641 --> 00:13:06,281 Speaker 2: that big nis, which I think is a really cool 333 00:13:06,281 --> 00:13:08,921 Speaker 2: thing to showcase as a man as well. You know, 334 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,881 Speaker 2: we always talk about it in women, but like us 335 00:13:10,921 --> 00:13:14,401 Speaker 2: as humans in general, definitely want to feel so free 336 00:13:14,441 --> 00:13:16,081 Speaker 2: in ourselves to express ourselves. 337 00:13:16,201 --> 00:13:18,561 Speaker 1: And the more that you practice it, as you're listening 338 00:13:18,641 --> 00:13:20,761 Speaker 1: to this, just know, the more that you are your 339 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,841 Speaker 1: authentic self and your big self. You get to lead 340 00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:26,601 Speaker 1: and inspire other people to do that. And we have 341 00:13:26,721 --> 00:13:29,481 Speaker 1: loved that too, because the more we are ourselves. We 342 00:13:29,521 --> 00:13:31,041 Speaker 1: get messages from girls all the time and like, oh 343 00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:32,601 Speaker 1: my gosh, I love how confident you are? How are 344 00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:34,281 Speaker 1: you so confident? I love that you speak your truth 345 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:37,121 Speaker 1: and it's like you can see it activates something within them. 346 00:13:37,521 --> 00:13:39,041 Speaker 1: And if you get to do that for other people 347 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:41,241 Speaker 1: in your life, your daughters, your sisters, your friends, how 348 00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:44,961 Speaker 1: a freakin cool hold the torch, lead the way, be brave, try. 349 00:13:45,121 --> 00:13:45,881 Speaker 1: And it's also. 350 00:13:45,681 --> 00:13:48,561 Speaker 2: Scary sometimes because there's a fear of like, oh, if 351 00:13:48,601 --> 00:13:52,241 Speaker 2: I'm too big, too much, how is somebody going to react? 352 00:13:52,321 --> 00:13:52,561 Speaker 1: Yeah? 353 00:13:52,601 --> 00:13:53,601 Speaker 3: Are they going to respond? 354 00:13:53,761 --> 00:13:56,601 Speaker 2: Is this person going to receive it in a positive way? 355 00:13:57,081 --> 00:13:59,121 Speaker 2: But if you come into it with that mindset, you're 356 00:13:59,121 --> 00:14:01,441 Speaker 2: going to see where people are receiving it negatively. Yeah, 357 00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:04,281 Speaker 2: you know you're already looking for the problem. You're already 358 00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:07,001 Speaker 2: looking for how you're doing is wrong and bad? What 359 00:14:07,121 --> 00:14:09,721 Speaker 2: if it was inspiration? How can you see it in 360 00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:12,001 Speaker 2: that light? And that exactly what you just said? How 361 00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:14,121 Speaker 2: can you choose to see it from a I get 362 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:16,601 Speaker 2: to lead, I get to go first I get to 363 00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:19,081 Speaker 2: show and lead the torch for the people that I 364 00:14:19,081 --> 00:14:21,081 Speaker 2: do love. And it's been like what you said, it's 365 00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:23,841 Speaker 2: been so powerful for us in our friendship, for us 366 00:14:23,841 --> 00:14:26,481 Speaker 2: to continuously be like, no, bring a bigness in your 367 00:14:26,481 --> 00:14:30,081 Speaker 2: bigness in like review, you know, So that's been powerful. 368 00:14:30,121 --> 00:14:32,401 Speaker 1: We have to undo what we've been togs. I know, 369 00:14:32,441 --> 00:14:34,881 Speaker 1: growing up, I've definitely been told I'm too loud, too much, 370 00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,521 Speaker 1: too aggressive, to opinionated. And it's only like the last 371 00:14:37,561 --> 00:14:40,441 Speaker 1: year I'm like, yeah I am. I'm a fucking lot. 372 00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:43,001 Speaker 1: I'm not for everyone. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. 373 00:14:43,161 --> 00:14:45,641 Speaker 1: Yeah i am loud, i am crazy, I'm a big 374 00:14:45,641 --> 00:14:47,201 Speaker 1: ball of fun. I'm always up for an adventure. I 375 00:14:47,201 --> 00:14:49,121 Speaker 1: will challenge you, I'll ask you the deep questions. I'm 376 00:14:49,161 --> 00:14:51,161 Speaker 1: going to go there. I'm also going to cross the line, 377 00:14:51,241 --> 00:14:55,001 Speaker 1: whether it's sexually, whether it's inappropriately, it's true. I will 378 00:14:55,001 --> 00:14:57,041 Speaker 1: go there and I will turn heads and be like 379 00:14:57,041 --> 00:14:58,841 Speaker 1: does she just say that? I'm like, yes, I did, 380 00:14:58,921 --> 00:14:59,521 Speaker 1: you heard right? 381 00:14:59,641 --> 00:15:02,161 Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't even blink and just like dead luck 382 00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:03,361 Speaker 2: of straight in the eyes. 383 00:15:03,521 --> 00:15:06,481 Speaker 1: Literally, But it's this lug last year that I'm like, 384 00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:09,521 Speaker 1: actually love that side of me, she's so fun. It 385 00:15:09,601 --> 00:15:12,761 Speaker 1: was Stephanie to start with, and now sometimes Steve will say, oh, 386 00:15:12,841 --> 00:15:15,801 Speaker 1: Stephanie's here, I'm like, yeah, she is. But I feel 387 00:15:15,801 --> 00:15:18,961 Speaker 1: Stephanie and Ashy have kind of integrated each other, and 388 00:15:19,041 --> 00:15:21,401 Speaker 1: I love that because Stephanie was almost like my escape 389 00:15:21,401 --> 00:15:24,721 Speaker 1: was like Ash's the nice girl, and Stephanie she's the sexual, 390 00:15:24,801 --> 00:15:27,401 Speaker 1: she's the wild, she's the loud one. It's like our 391 00:15:27,401 --> 00:15:30,801 Speaker 1: Stephanie's heah. Now I'm like, actually, Ash's like that as well, 392 00:15:31,201 --> 00:15:33,481 Speaker 1: and she can be that and still be loved and accepted. 393 00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:36,121 Speaker 1: But it's it's hard when you've been told that your 394 00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,681 Speaker 1: whole life you might have lost people like I've literally 395 00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:41,801 Speaker 1: lost friends from being too honest and too opinionated. Yea, 396 00:15:41,921 --> 00:15:44,121 Speaker 1: And definitely there's the other side of that where I 397 00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:46,641 Speaker 1: still need to learn and I'm practicing getting better at 398 00:15:46,681 --> 00:15:50,521 Speaker 1: holding better space and not just spitting out my opinion 399 00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:53,121 Speaker 1: straight away. That's in a sag a taranemy as well, 400 00:15:53,401 --> 00:15:55,681 Speaker 1: learning to have a filter and finding the right time. 401 00:15:56,121 --> 00:15:57,881 Speaker 1: But I also don't want to dim my light or 402 00:15:57,921 --> 00:15:59,801 Speaker 1: be scared to use my voice because I know it's 403 00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:02,081 Speaker 1: powerful and I know it can make positive impact. Yeah, 404 00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:04,881 Speaker 1: and people can still feel safe with that fire there too. 405 00:16:05,641 --> 00:16:08,081 Speaker 1: It's all like a work in progress. Like you know, 406 00:16:08,161 --> 00:16:10,001 Speaker 1: we all have shows up in different ways for all 407 00:16:10,001 --> 00:16:10,361 Speaker 1: of us. 408 00:16:10,401 --> 00:16:11,241 Speaker 3: You know, even for. 409 00:16:11,281 --> 00:16:14,601 Speaker 2: Me, I find that I feel stronger in my voice 410 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,761 Speaker 2: now in certain areas, but then other certain areas I 411 00:16:16,761 --> 00:16:18,241 Speaker 2: feel not as strong. 412 00:16:18,481 --> 00:16:18,681 Speaker 1: You know. 413 00:16:18,761 --> 00:16:21,961 Speaker 2: This is something we've spoken about before. In intimate relationships, 414 00:16:22,001 --> 00:16:24,761 Speaker 2: I can be more passive, but then in friendships and 415 00:16:24,801 --> 00:16:27,601 Speaker 2: other dynamics that can be very forward, very direct, very 416 00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:29,601 Speaker 2: straight to the point of what I want. But then 417 00:16:29,641 --> 00:16:31,481 Speaker 2: in intimate relationships it's an area of my life that 418 00:16:31,521 --> 00:16:32,361 Speaker 2: I'm still working on. 419 00:16:32,481 --> 00:16:34,561 Speaker 1: Yeah, we're all things come it shows where our wounds 420 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:35,801 Speaker 1: are absolutely, yeah. 421 00:16:35,881 --> 00:16:38,721 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a work in progress. So even being able 422 00:16:38,721 --> 00:16:41,801 Speaker 2: to see how far I've come in that area, it's like, oh, 423 00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:43,681 Speaker 2: I can grow in this space. I don't always have 424 00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:46,241 Speaker 2: to be the way that I've always been, which was 425 00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:49,041 Speaker 2: that really nice girl, cool girlfriend. I wanted to be 426 00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:51,001 Speaker 2: the one that never had a problem, you know, and 427 00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:52,321 Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, she's the best. 428 00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:54,121 Speaker 3: You love you boys love her. 429 00:16:54,281 --> 00:16:56,761 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, like how it goes with the flow, Yeah, 430 00:16:56,801 --> 00:16:59,321 Speaker 1: like having his friends be like, oh my god, she's 431 00:16:59,361 --> 00:17:01,881 Speaker 1: such a cool partner, like, you know, do whatever you want. 432 00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:04,761 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, like I get that, but also I don't 433 00:17:04,761 --> 00:17:05,121 Speaker 2: get that. 434 00:17:05,201 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want that. 435 00:17:06,321 --> 00:17:10,321 Speaker 2: So so yeah, it's really freeing as a woman to 436 00:17:10,441 --> 00:17:13,120 Speaker 2: not have to limit yourself in hopes that other people 437 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,241 Speaker 2: will like you. And I think that's the biggest lesson 438 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:18,281 Speaker 2: of owning our too muchness, muchness, whatever you want to 439 00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:22,161 Speaker 2: call it, our bigness, because it is so liberating. It's 440 00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 2: freeing when you actively connect with your voice, what you want, 441 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,401 Speaker 2: what you need, what you desire, what doesn't sit right 442 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,481 Speaker 2: for you, things that you believe in, the things that 443 00:17:30,561 --> 00:17:34,880 Speaker 2: you advocate for. It is liberating. It lights of fire, literally, 444 00:17:34,921 --> 00:17:37,721 Speaker 2: a feeling in your belly. Yeah, that goes, Oh my gosh, 445 00:17:37,801 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 2: I can actually stand up for what I believe. 446 00:17:39,681 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 3: In here Definitely what I want matters. 447 00:17:42,961 --> 00:17:46,961 Speaker 2: What I say is important, My opinions matter. My voice 448 00:17:47,001 --> 00:17:49,001 Speaker 2: is like to be heard, and when you can meet 449 00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 2: other people who can meet you in that, it is 450 00:17:51,681 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 2: the most freeing thing that you'll ever experience. 451 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,041 Speaker 1: So true. Even back to when I posted that lap 452 00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:59,281 Speaker 1: dance that I did with Steve and there was opposite opinions, 453 00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:01,001 Speaker 1: like some that loved it and some that didn't Yeah, 454 00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:03,161 Speaker 1: it's like the ones that didn't, I kind of hope 455 00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: they unfollow because if they're not viving at all, they 456 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 1: judge or whatever. That's cool, like it's not for you. But 457 00:18:07,241 --> 00:18:10,120 Speaker 1: I felt like it opened up more attracting more women 458 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: and more people that were on that same vibration as me. 459 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 1: And I'm inspired by women who are really sexually embodied 460 00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,801 Speaker 1: and feel free to just be who they are, And 461 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,801 Speaker 1: then it's cool that I could then help other women 462 00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: be free of that as well. Yeah, you can't bring 463 00:18:23,681 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 1: more of those people in that. I'm super aligned with 464 00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: what you're at. If you're not showing up, is that yourself? 465 00:18:29,321 --> 00:18:30,201 Speaker 3: Yeah? 466 00:18:30,241 --> 00:18:32,201 Speaker 2: And I love that you mentioned that too, because there's 467 00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:34,161 Speaker 2: always going to be people who don't like what you do. 468 00:18:34,721 --> 00:18:36,561 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what you do, doesn't matter what you say, 469 00:18:36,561 --> 00:18:38,561 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what you advocate for. It doesn't matter 470 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,281 Speaker 2: what you believe in or how you choose to express yourself. 471 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 2: There is always going to be one percent of people 472 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 2: who have something to say. Like I think the lesson, 473 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,601 Speaker 2: I mean, at least for me, has been how can 474 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,521 Speaker 2: I stand true in what I believe in no matter 475 00:18:51,561 --> 00:18:52,721 Speaker 2: what people around me are saying? 476 00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: You know, it's how unshakable. 477 00:18:55,041 --> 00:18:56,521 Speaker 3: A Yeah, it's like a cool. 478 00:18:56,561 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 2: You can say whatever you want about me, But I 479 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,080 Speaker 2: know who I am deep down, and I know how 480 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,961 Speaker 2: I show up in the important moments. I know how 481 00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 2: I treat the people that I love. I know how 482 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,880 Speaker 2: I deal with conflict. I know that I can be 483 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,360 Speaker 2: empathetic and considerate and kind and all the things, and 484 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,961 Speaker 2: spicy too, But I know how I show up in 485 00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,041 Speaker 2: those important moments. So even if you come at me 486 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,281 Speaker 2: on social media and you say something about my character, 487 00:19:16,681 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 2: it doesn't fucking touch the side because I'm like, that's cool, 488 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,840 Speaker 2: that's cool, but you don't know me. If you don't 489 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,680 Speaker 2: have my phone number, you have no reason to judge me. 490 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:24,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. 491 00:19:24,201 --> 00:19:26,120 Speaker 2: Oh, they can judge me all they want, but it 492 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,601 Speaker 2: doesn't touch a side, know what you mean? 493 00:19:27,721 --> 00:19:27,920 Speaker 3: You know? 494 00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, if I listen to one of those people and say, 495 00:19:29,681 --> 00:19:32,120 Speaker 1: oh my god, you shouldn't be dancing like this, okay, 496 00:19:32,281 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaker 1: underscore Susie ninety three dot com, Like I'm going to 497 00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:38,041 Speaker 1: stop doing something that really makes me feel alive and 498 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: happy and connected to my body and myself and my 499 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,281 Speaker 1: partner because you disapprove. 500 00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:44,201 Speaker 2: Or like you're so right just because I'm a mum, 501 00:19:44,201 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 2: I'm not allowed to wear something that makes me feel 502 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,041 Speaker 2: sexy or liberate with myself or you know what, just 503 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,001 Speaker 2: stop self pleasuring and having sex all together. 504 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,001 Speaker 3: Yeah, put a lit on that. 505 00:19:52,041 --> 00:19:53,521 Speaker 1: But if you're trying to be the nonchalant girl and 506 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,161 Speaker 1: like you, maybe take that on board and go back 507 00:19:56,201 --> 00:19:57,640 Speaker 1: to being that good girl and trying to fit in 508 00:19:57,681 --> 00:19:59,120 Speaker 1: the box that everyone's told you you need to be. 509 00:19:59,201 --> 00:20:00,481 Speaker 1: And no, thank you. 510 00:20:00,561 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 2: I love that point so much. All broken down and 511 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,521 Speaker 2: you're trying to be the nonchalant girl, you will take 512 00:20:05,561 --> 00:20:06,521 Speaker 2: other people's feedback. 513 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,481 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, over your EWE should do this? Yeah? 514 00:20:08,561 --> 00:20:10,200 Speaker 2: Oh my god? No, you know what, Maybe what they 515 00:20:10,241 --> 00:20:11,920 Speaker 2: said is more how I feel. 516 00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:14,761 Speaker 1: Mmm, that's not a life to have true happiness and 517 00:20:14,801 --> 00:20:17,360 Speaker 1: fulfillment in alignment. No way. 518 00:20:17,481 --> 00:20:19,200 Speaker 2: At the end of the day, people are giving you 519 00:20:19,321 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: judgments based on what they think is right their. 520 00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:23,721 Speaker 1: Own experiences and traumas, but. 521 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,161 Speaker 2: Based on what they want in life. Yes, what they 522 00:20:26,201 --> 00:20:28,801 Speaker 2: want is not what you want, So why does their 523 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:29,521 Speaker 2: opinion matter? 524 00:20:29,921 --> 00:20:30,281 Speaker 1: Yeah? 525 00:20:30,481 --> 00:20:32,360 Speaker 2: Why does it matter? What do you actually want? How 526 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,880 Speaker 2: do you want to feel? How do you want to 527 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:34,521 Speaker 2: live your life? 528 00:20:34,561 --> 00:20:36,281 Speaker 1: The world will be a very boring place if we 529 00:20:36,321 --> 00:20:37,801 Speaker 1: all want it the same thing or all believe the 530 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:39,801 Speaker 1: same thing. Yeah, I think it's cool that everyone does 531 00:20:39,801 --> 00:20:40,521 Speaker 1: life so differently. 532 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 2: Honestly, I feel like you'll get more things in your 533 00:20:43,281 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 2: life when you're just willing to be more vocal and 534 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:50,681 Speaker 2: stop being nonchalant. Yeah, a little mean, a little bitchy, like, yeah, 535 00:20:50,761 --> 00:20:52,721 Speaker 2: bring the bread in, like I feel like, she just 536 00:20:52,801 --> 00:20:53,600 Speaker 2: gets shit done. 537 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,200 Speaker 1: And you can do that respectfully, respectfully. You can be 538 00:20:56,281 --> 00:20:58,281 Speaker 1: strong on your word and still say it respectfully. 539 00:20:58,321 --> 00:21:01,760 Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah, it's all about communication, practicing that. 540 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,761 Speaker 3: Don't be scared of the fire that you have. 541 00:21:04,041 --> 00:21:07,561 Speaker 1: No way is a superpower. Yeah, not many people have it. Yeah, 542 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,521 Speaker 1: bet either people that you look up to on social 543 00:21:09,521 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 1: media or in your life, or even someone famous like 544 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,481 Speaker 1: Tony Robins whatever, they have so much fucking fire. Yeah, 545 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:16,841 Speaker 1: and you're inspired and you're moved by that because they 546 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,041 Speaker 1: are a trailblazer. They're like, get out of my way. 547 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:20,400 Speaker 1: This is what I believe, and I'm here to help 548 00:21:20,441 --> 00:21:21,641 Speaker 1: you if you want to be helped. If not, see, 549 00:21:21,761 --> 00:21:24,001 Speaker 1: I don't cat. You're not visible to me. You know, 550 00:21:24,561 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 1: everyone that you're inspired by that are doing massive things 551 00:21:27,281 --> 00:21:29,160 Speaker 1: have a huge fire in their belly and no one 552 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,041 Speaker 1: could put that fire out. 553 00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:31,720 Speaker 3: Absolutely, they're unshakeable. 554 00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,801 Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is how you uncover that fire. 555 00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:36,920 Speaker 1: Yes, by being your full, true, big self. 556 00:21:36,961 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 2: Absolutely, You've gotta give yourself permission to like blow the 557 00:21:40,241 --> 00:21:43,521 Speaker 2: lid off that though not dance around and tiptoe around 558 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,521 Speaker 2: life and the girl tiptoe around the things that you want. 559 00:21:46,761 --> 00:21:47,761 Speaker 3: Fucking own it. 560 00:21:47,761 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 1: It's not cool. It's not pretend to be the cool girl. 561 00:21:50,001 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 3: It's really not. 562 00:21:50,761 --> 00:21:55,600 Speaker 1: It's so two thousand and two that not anymore. Not 563 00:21:55,681 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: here and cheer rises. No, absolutely not. 564 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:02,401 Speaker 2: When you're coming into your bigness and you're coming into 565 00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:05,641 Speaker 2: a more powerful version of yourself, you're going to feel 566 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,400 Speaker 2: when someone can hold you when someone can't. And in 567 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 2: my past relationship, I really felt like he couldn't hold 568 00:22:12,681 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 2: me in all of who I was, and I started 569 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,801 Speaker 2: to feel like I had like a lid put on, 570 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,321 Speaker 2: or like a cap, like maybe like a rubber band 571 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,921 Speaker 2: strapped around like my so to speak. 572 00:22:20,961 --> 00:22:21,321 Speaker 3: Wings. 573 00:22:21,801 --> 00:22:24,200 Speaker 2: It felt like I was being restricted, and there were 574 00:22:24,241 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 2: things that he would do and say that made me 575 00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:29,840 Speaker 2: feel smaller in myself as a woman. And so I 576 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 2: think that the ways that you will notice, whether a friend, family, relative, coworker, partner, 577 00:22:36,681 --> 00:22:39,161 Speaker 2: will make you feel restricted in yourself is when they 578 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,640 Speaker 2: start to like shut you down, or they pick apart 579 00:22:42,681 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 2: your ideas, or maybe when you are super excited about something, 580 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:50,241 Speaker 2: they'll pick it apart and question it and like make. 581 00:22:50,201 --> 00:22:52,640 Speaker 3: You feel like, oh, do you know what I mean? 582 00:22:52,721 --> 00:22:54,880 Speaker 2: Yes, Like, yeah, I don't know how else to explain it. 583 00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 1: That makes sense. 584 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,161 Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think those are cool things to look 585 00:22:58,201 --> 00:23:00,160 Speaker 2: at when you're kind of seeing who can hold you 586 00:23:00,201 --> 00:23:04,001 Speaker 2: and who can't. Is how restricted you either feel or 587 00:23:04,041 --> 00:23:06,881 Speaker 2: how expansive you feel when you're in their company. 588 00:23:07,041 --> 00:23:09,521 Speaker 1: Did you realize that in the relationship or until you 589 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,960 Speaker 1: left then you went, oh, hindsight, wow, I felt really 590 00:23:12,001 --> 00:23:12,681 Speaker 1: restricted there. 591 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,281 Speaker 2: I only noticed it in hindsight. I didn't see it 592 00:23:15,281 --> 00:23:18,160 Speaker 2: at the time because I felt like I was in 593 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 2: my little love bubble, had like my rose colored glasses 594 00:23:20,681 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 2: on in my loft bubble, and so I didn't see 595 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:24,721 Speaker 2: how I was feeling that way at the time. 596 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,041 Speaker 3: It wasn't until after I left the relationship. 597 00:23:27,521 --> 00:23:29,640 Speaker 2: From the moment that I left, did I realize not 598 00:23:29,681 --> 00:23:32,401 Speaker 2: being around this person made me feel bigger. Not being 599 00:23:32,441 --> 00:23:35,561 Speaker 2: around this person made me feel a more expanded, more free, 600 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,481 Speaker 2: more liberated version of myself. 601 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,121 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's interesting that. 602 00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:41,801 Speaker 1: Makes sense because I think it's hard to see sometimes 603 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 1: and in a relationship, you want to please them and 604 00:23:43,921 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 1: you want to respect them, and you want to make 605 00:23:45,441 --> 00:23:47,001 Speaker 1: sure they feel good and they feel happy, so you 606 00:23:47,001 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: feel like that's part of your responsibility. But then to 607 00:23:49,201 --> 00:23:50,921 Speaker 1: step away and be like, oh, but I could still 608 00:23:50,961 --> 00:23:52,640 Speaker 1: be loved while I was being all of myself. Oh 609 00:23:52,721 --> 00:23:54,801 Speaker 1: my god, he could just couldn't hold it. Absolutely, he 610 00:23:54,801 --> 00:23:55,360 Speaker 1: didn't approve it. 611 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 2: And then you know what, Like it was a lot 612 00:23:57,120 --> 00:24:00,161 Speaker 2: of my own behavior in that relationship as well, because 613 00:24:00,481 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 2: I was the nonchalant girl in that relationship. But there 614 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,400 Speaker 2: were so many things that I said that I was 615 00:24:05,441 --> 00:24:08,201 Speaker 2: okay with that I wasn't okay with that, I wasn't 616 00:24:08,241 --> 00:24:10,680 Speaker 2: willing to voice or stand behind because I was so 617 00:24:10,801 --> 00:24:14,041 Speaker 2: afraid of losing him. But in turn, I lost myself 618 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:18,281 Speaker 2: in that relationship, completely lost myself, lost my spark, lost 619 00:24:18,281 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 2: my zest for life. Don't get me wrong, there were 620 00:24:20,321 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 2: some good things and things I learned about myself as 621 00:24:22,481 --> 00:24:25,441 Speaker 2: a woman, but it was more negative than it was positive. 622 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 2: At the end, I was an anxious mess. I was 623 00:24:28,001 --> 00:24:31,160 Speaker 2: overly jealous, I was felt insecure, all the time, lost 624 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,080 Speaker 2: my confidence and after spending like ten years building up 625 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,241 Speaker 2: my confidence bomb, it was gone in a year and 626 00:24:36,281 --> 00:24:39,001 Speaker 2: a half, you know. And so this is why I 627 00:24:39,001 --> 00:24:41,441 Speaker 2: think I advocate so much for not being the nonchalant girl, 628 00:24:41,481 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 2: because I refused to lose myself to anyone ever. Again. 629 00:24:45,041 --> 00:24:46,401 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just not worth it. 630 00:24:46,561 --> 00:24:47,920 Speaker 1: No, it's not worth it. 631 00:24:47,961 --> 00:24:50,201 Speaker 2: And you know, by me trying to be the nonchalant girl, 632 00:24:50,681 --> 00:24:54,321 Speaker 2: I was trying to align myself with someone's perfect vision 633 00:24:54,521 --> 00:24:57,161 Speaker 2: or what I thought that he wanted in a partner, 634 00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,200 Speaker 2: instead of actually being who I am, which means I 635 00:25:00,241 --> 00:25:02,160 Speaker 2: was trying to build a relationship based on something that 636 00:25:02,281 --> 00:25:05,321 Speaker 2: wasn't fucking aligned anyway, because real it was. 637 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:06,121 Speaker 3: No, it wasn't real. 638 00:25:06,521 --> 00:25:08,521 Speaker 2: I didn't let him see the real version of me. 639 00:25:08,801 --> 00:25:11,001 Speaker 2: And by doing that and pretending to be somebody that 640 00:25:11,041 --> 00:25:13,001 Speaker 2: he wanted me to be, or that I thought he 641 00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:13,521 Speaker 2: wanted me. 642 00:25:13,481 --> 00:25:16,201 Speaker 3: To be after you exhausted, was a false reality. 643 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,281 Speaker 2: Yeah, I created a false relationship based on someone who 644 00:25:19,321 --> 00:25:20,001 Speaker 2: doesn't exist. 645 00:25:21,201 --> 00:25:22,561 Speaker 1: Fuck that. I don't know. 646 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 2: It's just it's to see in real time how that 647 00:25:25,281 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 2: can happen. And even as somebody who coaches confidence, how 648 00:25:28,521 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 2: I am still human? 649 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,360 Speaker 1: It can still happen exempt from it. 650 00:25:31,481 --> 00:25:32,161 Speaker 3: No, not at all. 651 00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:34,400 Speaker 2: This was part of my journey and part of my lesson. 652 00:25:35,041 --> 00:25:37,880 Speaker 2: And the interesting thing is that moment that I left 653 00:25:37,921 --> 00:25:41,001 Speaker 2: and I advocated for myself. In that moment, by leaving, 654 00:25:41,281 --> 00:25:44,720 Speaker 2: I said to myself, I choose you me, I choose me. 655 00:25:45,241 --> 00:25:49,201 Speaker 2: And from that moment, every single experience in my life 656 00:25:49,241 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 2: was about me advocating for what I wanted. You know what, No, Tiana, 657 00:25:52,681 --> 00:25:54,720 Speaker 2: We're not gonna squish this. You're gonna voice it. 658 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:55,321 Speaker 3: Okay cool. 659 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,761 Speaker 2: The next person that I date, if this makes me upset, 660 00:25:57,801 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 2: I'm going to speak to it. 661 00:25:58,761 --> 00:25:59,360 Speaker 3: Okay cool. 662 00:25:59,481 --> 00:26:02,241 Speaker 2: And then I started to build all this beautiful evidence 663 00:26:02,721 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 2: that I get rewarded when I speak up, when I 664 00:26:05,441 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 2: for what I want. When I voice the things that 665 00:26:07,521 --> 00:26:08,801 Speaker 2: I want, I get what I want, I get what 666 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 2: I need, I get open communication, I get more trust, 667 00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 2: I get more connection and more depths with somebody like 668 00:26:14,241 --> 00:26:16,400 Speaker 2: which just what you're wanting, which is all I wanted. 669 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,801 Speaker 2: So it was all of these really beautiful pieces of 670 00:26:18,801 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 2: evidence beyond the fear of loss and rejection and abandonment. 671 00:26:23,241 --> 00:26:25,161 Speaker 2: I was like, but look at all these really beautiful 672 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 2: things that are happening instead, and then now the evidence 673 00:26:28,001 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 2: just gets bigger and bigger and bigger. 674 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:30,721 Speaker 1: Maybe the right move. 675 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:33,401 Speaker 2: Anyway, we went on a bit of a tangent, we did, 676 00:26:33,721 --> 00:26:36,041 Speaker 2: and we'd love it, and we love it. But it's 677 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,001 Speaker 2: an important topic and we get it because we have 678 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 2: both been in that place and we both know what 679 00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:42,880 Speaker 2: it feels to feel disempowered at the hands of our 680 00:26:42,961 --> 00:26:45,600 Speaker 2: own and you just don't have to live that life. 681 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,321 Speaker 2: If you are living right now and you feel disempowered 682 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,240 Speaker 2: or you feel like you're squashing your own voice or 683 00:26:50,281 --> 00:26:53,561 Speaker 2: silencing yourself, this is an opportunity for you to choose 684 00:26:53,921 --> 00:26:57,360 Speaker 2: from this moment onwards that you can advocate for yourself. 685 00:26:57,561 --> 00:27:00,241 Speaker 2: If something bothers you, speak up about it. If something 686 00:27:00,281 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 2: you're seeing doesn't align, talk about it. Whatever it is 687 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,201 Speaker 2: that you want. If there's something you need, want or desire, 688 00:27:06,801 --> 00:27:08,561 Speaker 2: absolutely be vocal about it. 689 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,120 Speaker 1: And sometimes it's a lonely in between stage when you 690 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:13,001 Speaker 1: start to be your full self and be bigger and 691 00:27:13,041 --> 00:27:15,680 Speaker 1: speak your opinions. You may lead some people. As you 692 00:27:15,721 --> 00:27:17,521 Speaker 1: grow and evolve, you may lose some people, and they 693 00:27:17,561 --> 00:27:19,961 Speaker 1: can be a lonely transition period. 694 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,441 Speaker 2: Absolutely, when that does happen, it's confirmation that you had 695 00:27:23,441 --> 00:27:25,281 Speaker 2: somebody in your life who wasn't meant to stay there 696 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,281 Speaker 2: and you were just holding on for dear life out 697 00:27:27,281 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 2: of fear. 698 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,161 Speaker 1: Maybe the relationship wasn't what you thought it was either. 699 00:27:30,521 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 2: But if you're here and you're listening to this podcast, 700 00:27:32,681 --> 00:27:35,041 Speaker 2: you're also not somebody who wants to live by fear. 701 00:27:35,441 --> 00:27:39,001 Speaker 2: You don't want to live scared, fearful, hopeful that people 702 00:27:39,041 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 2: won't leave. You want an expansive life. You want to 703 00:27:41,961 --> 00:27:44,120 Speaker 2: be lit up, you want to be like, have a 704 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,241 Speaker 2: fire in your belly. You want to have connections that 705 00:27:46,321 --> 00:27:49,321 Speaker 2: literally make you cry of gratitude because you're so grateful 706 00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 2: that you're doing life with these people. If you was that, 707 00:27:52,441 --> 00:27:54,321 Speaker 2: you have to be willing to let go of everything 708 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:56,481 Speaker 2: that it is that you know and that is familiar 709 00:27:57,001 --> 00:28:00,400 Speaker 2: before you can have those things. That's the leap of faith, 710 00:28:00,441 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 2: Your cost of entry to the life that you want, 711 00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:04,761 Speaker 2: to the things that you want to the people you want, 712 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 2: is literally letting go of all the things that are 713 00:28:07,521 --> 00:28:08,521 Speaker 2: currently holding you back. 714 00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:10,961 Speaker 1: Definitely, and you don't have to do it alone either. 715 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,281 Speaker 1: Like it's been so good for us to find each other, 716 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,160 Speaker 1: and we've got other women in our life who live 717 00:28:15,281 --> 00:28:17,880 Speaker 1: like this too, and it's so empowering and so fun 718 00:28:18,761 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: to be yourself and you know you can say anything 719 00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:24,881 Speaker 1: so unhinged and they're like, haha, me too, that's like, wow, 720 00:28:24,921 --> 00:28:26,401 Speaker 1: that was unhinged. I love it. Yeah, you know you're 721 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,281 Speaker 1: not going to get canceled, no, or judged or left 722 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:32,720 Speaker 1: because you've just said something so rogue. And that's all 723 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,481 Speaker 1: we want to bring more of into Ashized community, whether 724 00:28:35,481 --> 00:28:37,120 Speaker 1: that's in our Facebook forum or when we meet you 725 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,961 Speaker 1: guys out in the street, or that's what. We want 726 00:28:38,961 --> 00:28:41,001 Speaker 1: to bring women together to be their biggest versions and 727 00:28:41,081 --> 00:28:43,801 Speaker 1: know that you're fully accepted and loved. And we actually 728 00:28:43,841 --> 00:28:44,401 Speaker 1: want more of. 729 00:28:44,321 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 2: It, absolutely more, We want more. But you know it's 730 00:28:47,521 --> 00:28:49,281 Speaker 2: funny too. I think next year is going to start 731 00:28:49,321 --> 00:28:50,401 Speaker 2: getting a little bit more rogue, and. 732 00:28:50,481 --> 00:28:52,921 Speaker 1: I think we've got some big episodes planned we do. 733 00:28:52,921 --> 00:28:55,240 Speaker 3: But or just naturally, we're becoming more and more row. 734 00:28:55,601 --> 00:28:57,601 Speaker 1: We're not afraid to trigger people now. I think it 735 00:28:57,681 --> 00:28:59,881 Speaker 1: used to be scary at the start, definitely with some 736 00:28:59,961 --> 00:29:02,161 Speaker 1: topics like oh fuck, I don't know if we should 737 00:29:02,161 --> 00:29:02,561 Speaker 1: go that far. 738 00:29:02,681 --> 00:29:04,921 Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe we should revisit that podcast episode we never 739 00:29:07,721 --> 00:29:10,481 Speaker 2: you guys, Oh you could hear this podcast episode you 740 00:29:10,521 --> 00:29:12,841 Speaker 2: Would Die. The first thirty seconds is so polarizing. 741 00:29:13,041 --> 00:29:14,681 Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is the sen't it. If you have 742 00:29:14,721 --> 00:29:16,601 Speaker 1: any questions about this too, just jump into ours she 743 00:29:16,681 --> 00:29:18,361 Speaker 1: rises Instagram. We're in there all the time, which are 744 00:29:18,401 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 1: the voice messaging so many of you girls having the 745 00:29:20,961 --> 00:29:23,281 Speaker 1: most amazing conversations. Would love to have you on board, 746 00:29:23,321 --> 00:29:24,841 Speaker 1: so head to the she riises Instagram. 747 00:29:24,881 --> 00:29:26,241 Speaker 3: Absolutely, we'll see you on the next one. 748 00:29:26,321 --> 00:29:28,801 Speaker 1: See you tomorrow. Bye.