1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,279 Speaker 1: When we try to have deeper conversations, they don't go anywhere. 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:04,760 Speaker 2: And then he says, I don't know. 3 00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: Oh, play story in. 4 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:13,360 Speaker 2: My life by one direction. Hey, welcome back to it 5 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,880 Speaker 2: just for a girl, Welcome back. I've just. 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: We've like been debriefing for the past twenty five minutes and. 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 2: About a situation. I was actually vaguely talking about it 8 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 2: last week in the last episode with a guy. Yeah, 9 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 2: I've just sent the message in the therapy session we 10 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 2: had on the podcast. Yeah, I've just sent the message. 11 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 2: I sent it. I couldn't I pressent she present to 12 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,559 Speaker 2: kind of close it out. I feel like you do 13 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 2: owe people, but you know I can be a ghost. 14 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 2: You owed him that, Yeah I did. You owed him 15 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 2: that one. 16 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 1: I absolutely did, And like I get ghosting for certain things, 17 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 1: but that one. 18 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 2: You needed, know, like loss of love. There. He's an 19 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,279 Speaker 2: amazing guy. I just not the guy for me. So 20 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 2: I feel like, you know, if I can do it, 21 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 2: you can do it. You can and that message and 22 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 2: if not, just get your pet up to write it 23 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 2: for you. Yeah. 24 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: Prompt is how to end a situationship with a really 25 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,199 Speaker 1: nice guy with. 26 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 2: No that has nothing wrong with him? 27 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, no bad blood just saying you're not looking for anything. 28 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 2: I'm just I we did like two seconds ago checking 29 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 2: like I leave anyway. I had to get Sam to 30 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 2: get up from my chair and send it for me 31 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 2: because I couldn't do it. But that's less. I did it. 32 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:30,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm feeling empowered light light. 33 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, but that sounds mean because it sounds like I'm like, 34 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 2: I've gotten something off my shoulders. You know, well, you've 35 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 2: gotten your feelings off your should I got my feelings 36 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 2: off my shoulders. I was honest the whole way through, 37 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 2: and I was honest. Now good stuff. Put myself in 38 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 2: the back. Good job, thanks girl. Question of the week? 39 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 2: Should we just go straight? All right? Get ready for 40 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 2: question of the week? Okay? 41 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: Is he you you get to rebrand one red flag 42 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 1: into a green flag? What toxic trait are you using 43 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: to make trendy? 44 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,119 Speaker 2: Being late? Yeah, that's my I think that's like something 45 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 2: that's a really bad trait of mine. Mm and something 46 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,519 Speaker 2: that I'm not sure I can get a manage on 47 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 2: any timeson ideally that becomes fashionably late, becomes a thing again, 48 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,959 Speaker 2: and everyone's like, wow, she is so hot for being 49 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 2: twenty and it's late. 50 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: Yeah. 51 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,119 Speaker 2: True, that's a good one. 52 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, trying to think of what I would do of 53 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: my green red flags. Oh yeah, Blake just told me 54 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: something to something that I do. Short responses, as in, 55 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,079 Speaker 1: you're a blunt text. Yeah, I'm such a blunt texture. 56 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: But it's not from like I'm mad at you or 57 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: I'm ill at you. I think every time I message someone, 58 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: like especially Blake, I'm like just in the middle of 59 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 1: something and if I leave it for too long then 60 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: it's rude. 61 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 2: But like so You're like, I just want to reply. 62 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: I just want to acknowledge that I've read it, but 63 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,360 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna message you for a full ten thousand times, Like, 64 00:02:58,600 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: let me read some of the. 65 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 2: Passages I get told. I'm like that as well. But 66 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 2: like Blake, no, yeah, I think if someone doesn't know 67 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 2: you super well, they're like, holy fuck, she's so angry 68 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 2: at me. Yeah. 69 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 1: Me, Like there's like fourteen messages and I'm like, yep, 70 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: love Nah, don't like that as much. The one with 71 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: the gradient will do and look tomorrow. Like I'm just like, 72 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: don't really like those photos? Can we use the sitting ones? 73 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: Like I've just like done, like they're blunt. 74 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,920 Speaker 2: I don't feel like people that need to use an 75 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:31,200 Speaker 2: emoji or an X at the end of every text. 76 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 2: I don't like. I also, you know what I was 77 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 2: talking about the other day with someone, When you get 78 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,560 Speaker 2: in a conversation with a specific person and the commos 79 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 2: are really long, like they're responding to like five different 80 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 2: things within the text. Every time you respond, you then 81 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,320 Speaker 2: have to respond to the five different points of that 82 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 2: paragraph that they've sent you, and it takes me twenty minutes. 83 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 2: Those are conversations I end up leaving on red. 84 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's just such so much effort. 85 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: I have to sit down, put my fucking reading glasses 86 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 2: on with a cup of tea every time I respond 87 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 2: to your text message, and I not be fun. 88 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, mine's yeah, would be like just know that I've 89 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: acknowledged it and I'm way better in person. Yeah, Like 90 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 1: I'm I'm responding every like two to three but I 91 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: was mad I wouldn't reply. Yeah, I'm responding every two 92 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: to three days. It's like a green flag, Like it's fine. 93 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 2: I think you'll struggle to get a hold of me 94 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 2: on a weekend if I don't think, I know, it's 95 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,680 Speaker 2: just struggled together. I'm like, yeah, I'm not talking to 96 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 2: any of you till Monday. Yeah, no one. It's it 97 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: keeps my weekend peaceful. It's me time, you know. 98 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, I just don't respond to anyone like I I 99 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: have that thing on, like when you clear your messages. 100 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,440 Speaker 2: You always reply to me. 101 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 1: I do respond to you do actually, because I know 102 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 1: that you stress out if I don't, and it like 103 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: worries you. But like, I clear my messages and press 104 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,600 Speaker 1: read all to my messages all the time. And I've 105 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: still got fifty six and I cleared them like two 106 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 1: days ago. 107 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 2: I'm like, what do you want to message me for 108 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 2: saying read all? 109 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 1: I could never I do it because I'm like, ah, 110 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: why are you messaging me? It's I'm like, I know 111 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 1: it's out of good love and you just want to 112 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 1: see how I am. But I'm like, oh, go away. 113 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really bad. I'm someone that really struggles to 114 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 2: like talk to people that I haven't spoken to for 115 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 2: at least, Like if it's been a couple of weeks, 116 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 2: I'm like, too much has gone on, too much has happened. 117 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 2: I now will just say yeah, they'll be like how 118 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,840 Speaker 2: are you going? Yeah? Good? Yeah, I'm like, unless it's 119 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,159 Speaker 2: been like a short period and those people I regularly 120 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 2: keep in touch with, I'll just be like, yeah, everything's chill, 121 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,800 Speaker 2: because I just can't be bothered, like rehashing all the 122 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 2: details of my life over the past couple of weeks 123 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 2: because shit happens. 124 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,920 Speaker 1: A lah yeah, and then I just I'm like, I 125 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,920 Speaker 1: don't want to tell you what's going on, Like I 126 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,359 Speaker 1: want to like get a margarita and catch up with you, 127 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: Like I just don't. 128 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,840 Speaker 2: Oh did he respond? No, he hasn't respondered. I'm sorry. 129 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,599 Speaker 2: It's just I saw the reflection and thought it was 130 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 2: the back of my phone, like the back of my 131 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 2: phone case was up from the light above us, and 132 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 2: I thought my phone had dingned it's on, do not disturb. 133 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,840 Speaker 2: I don't know why I did this before recording, Like, 134 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 2: what do you think is an appropriate response to that stuff? 135 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 2: I feel like it's thanks for being transparent. I hope 136 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 2: you will hope like no one else with the best Yeah. No, 137 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 2: you can't argue with her, No, because if a boy 138 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 2: sent me that, I couldn't be like really, but like 139 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 2: I thought, we look at a really good connection, Like 140 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,839 Speaker 2: I wouldn't do that. I just I probably won't respond 141 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 2: you wouldn't know. He's a nice guy. 142 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: He will. 143 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, fuck TVC. We'll figure it out. 144 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: So on this week's episode, we are doing dilemmas. 145 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 2: It's it's been so long. I hope you guys have 146 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 2: all had some juicy stuff going on in your life, so. 147 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: We I feel like it's a breakup season. 148 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 2: Winter's always break up season. 149 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel it's like breakup season at the moment. 150 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people going through like a 151 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 1: shitty time in their relationships that it's making me really 152 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: happy that I'm so single. 153 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,159 Speaker 2: I thought, oh my god, I'm glad you ended that 154 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 2: I thought you were what. It makes me really happy 155 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 2: that everyone's going through a really shitty time. 156 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: No, makes me really happy that I'm single because it's 157 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: like extra baggage I don't have to figure out. 158 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, and like I love I love winter, like I 159 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 2: love the rainy, the cold, being inside. Can't relate. But 160 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 2: so sorry about everyone going through breakup season. But let's 161 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 2: see if we can help some of you with your problems. 162 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: Okay, Dilemma number one, how do you go about jealousy 163 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,119 Speaker 1: and insecure people around you that you love and the door. 164 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,239 Speaker 1: I've got a friend who will purposely take horrible quality 165 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: photos of me. People will ask for my apt and 166 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 1: they don't pass on that info until I find out later, 167 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: et cetera. I get when people can be mean or 168 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: insecure that obviously don't like you, and the default piece 169 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,680 Speaker 1: of advice is be the bigger person and ignore it. 170 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: But when it's someone you've been good friends with for 171 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: ages and they slowly start showing these signs there's something 172 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: more you can say or do, it's so awkward and 173 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: uncomfortable and makes me feel like shit. 174 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 2: I don't actually like, if I'm being dead honest, I 175 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 2: don't think there is anything you can do. I think 176 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 2: a true friend will want the best few and want 177 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 2: to be able to lift you are. And if they're 178 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 2: not passing on your art or if they're intentionally taking 179 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 2: bad photos of you, like I actually just don't think 180 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 2: that's a true friend. It can definitely be someone you 181 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 2: love and have love, but like, I think it comes 182 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 2: to a point you can be jealous and insecure around 183 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 2: people but still like try and be a good friend 184 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 2: and want the best for them, and that should kind 185 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 2: of internalize that almost because I feel like she's not 186 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 2: putting that on you by like her actions. I honestly 187 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 2: just don't think friendship behavior like that. 188 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: I saw this really interesting thing, well, I listened to 189 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 1: this really interesting thing on Mel Robins podcast about female friendships. 190 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,719 Speaker 2: So say to you give advice from like Mel Robins, See, 191 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,439 Speaker 2: I don't know what to answer that. I might you 192 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 2: please tell me how to answer that. 193 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: Okay, so they're with male friendships. So say, let's think 194 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,600 Speaker 1: of Bobby and jack They look at their best friends, 195 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,920 Speaker 1: they've been best friends for fifteen years, and they look 196 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: at each other like cousins subconsciously, like the relationship is 197 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 1: like cousins. With female best friends Susie and Jackie Jackie, 198 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: and they've been best friends for fifteen years as well, 199 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: like they're inseparable. They look at each other like sisters subconsciously, 200 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: so you feel like you're best friends and everything like that. 201 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 2: You treat them like. 202 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: Sisters, and you subconsciously feel like you owe each other something. Right, 203 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 1: So female friendships are fine, but we are so intertwined, 204 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 1: and jealousy is actually okay. You can possess jealousy for 205 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: your best friends. For example, I was really jealous that 206 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: you got to go to Miami and I didn't go 207 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 1: to Miami. 208 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,400 Speaker 2: Right, I don't think jealousy is bad, but you would 209 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 2: never make me feel bad about us, right, So this 210 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 2: is the thing. 211 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,080 Speaker 1: So it's like jealousy is like, I'm really jealous that 212 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: you got to go to Miami because I would have 213 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: loved to go to Miami. But jealousy is a good 214 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: thing because I didn't think you didn't deserve to go 215 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: to Miami. But the problem is when jealousy turns into envy. 216 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: So it's like, I'm jealous that you got to go 217 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,360 Speaker 1: to Miami, and I don't think you deserve to go 218 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: to Miami over me, And that's envy, and that's when 219 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 1: it becomes really really toxic. So when your friend keeps 220 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,440 Speaker 1: posting bad photos of you or something, you have to 221 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,080 Speaker 1: think you have to actually look at it, like, Okay, 222 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 1: I don't think she wants you to get maybe guys 223 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: or succeed or people to think you're really pretty over her. 224 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 2: It's not like that she's so gorgeous and is getting 225 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 2: all these guys. I actually want her to look bad 226 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 2: so she does. 227 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 1: Yes, it comes from an envy standpoint, So everyone puts 228 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:29,559 Speaker 1: it as a bad thing of jealousy, but you actually 229 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 1: have to look at it as envy and be like, 230 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: she's envious of you, And it's like not a nice 231 00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: thing to admit or to see in your friendship. 232 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 2: But it's a lot for comment. I also say that 233 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 2: someone else is potentially jealous of them. It sounds very 234 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 2: self absorbed to set up, but it is the truth. 235 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: There's always going to be saying. 236 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: There's a lot of envy, and everyone has envy in 237 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 1: their lives. But you just have to look at it 238 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: of like it's something that she's dealing with, it's not 239 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: something that I'm dealing with, And you just have to 240 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: split the two things. So it's like she's going through 241 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: a hard time. She may be feeling a little bit 242 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: self conscious about how she looks, and it's not my problem. 243 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: Like you have to just take it with a grain 244 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 1: of soult almost and not take it personally and just 245 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 1: like move on with your life and just like process 246 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,720 Speaker 1: that in your mind. And if she does those type 247 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,520 Speaker 1: of things, you just got to be like, that's just 248 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: who she is. 249 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 2: She's dealing with her own baby. It's not something you 250 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 2: can specifically mention and get a change too. But maybe 251 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 2: like hype her up and make her feel good. Yeah, 252 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,080 Speaker 2: she's feeling really good, she will stop doing it, like 253 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,560 Speaker 2: reflecting and trying to make you feel bad. And I 254 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 2: know that's like a funny way to have a friendship 255 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 2: and think about it that way, but I feel like 256 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 2: sometimes when people are feeling insecure is when they do 257 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:41,480 Speaker 2: those things because they're like, I feel really shit and 258 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 2: she looks really good, so I want to look really bad. 259 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 2: But if you like hype her up and make her 260 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:47,600 Speaker 2: feel better, she'll probably stop reflecting that on you. 261 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: And I don't think she's intentionally doing it, Like I 262 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: don't think she's gonna go, oh, Susie looks really bad 263 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 1: in that photo, I'm gonna post it on my story, 264 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 1: Like I just think she's Some. 265 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 2: Girls do do that. Yeah, I had that when I 266 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,439 Speaker 2: was younger. Oh, like I experience, I'm not maybe specifically 267 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 2: with myself. 268 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 1: I had girls like, for example, like if we take 269 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: a photo together, I'm not looking at how. 270 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 2: You You're not gonna post it eauxily bad. Yeah, I'm 271 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 2: gonna post it because I look good. 272 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, and like you might be blinking in that photo, 273 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: like I'm not thinking of you, But it's not like 274 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, she's blinking that phot I'm gonna 275 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: post on my story. 276 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 2: And I feel like, God, didn't you hate fucking Back 277 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,680 Speaker 2: in the day when birthday posts only consisted of ugly 278 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 2: photos and videos, embarrassing videos of you, I would wake 279 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 2: up fucking six am on that morning, turn my notifications 280 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:34,720 Speaker 2: on and delete everything that they posted. I'm like, get no. Now, 281 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,319 Speaker 2: it's like, okay, we're gonna celebrate this person and post 282 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 2: nice photos of them. I'm glad we've graduated into that age. 283 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: I just think man explaining and over explaining to her 284 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 1: being like, I don't like it when you do this, 285 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: Like she's just gonna roll. 286 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 2: Her eyes or she's not gonna change it. Yeah, she 287 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 2: probably won't admit that she's doing it doing it, so 288 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: there's no point. I think you just gotta like she's 289 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,760 Speaker 2: probably not intentionally it's very probably a very self conscious thing. 290 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, So just explain it to yourself and just like 291 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,600 Speaker 1: understand that there might be some deeper in there, and 292 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: just like focus on yourself and just rationalize in your mind, 293 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: and sometimes over explaining we'll just damage your friendship. Maybe 294 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: take a little bit of distance for a while so 295 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: she can like subconsciously see that maybe what she's doing 296 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: isn't right, but I don't know. Or you could also 297 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: bring it up in the moment. If she posts that 298 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,559 Speaker 1: on an ugly photo of you and your story, you'd 299 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: be like, why. 300 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,079 Speaker 2: Did you do that? Yeah? I look really shit and 301 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 2: that can you take it down? If she says no, 302 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,839 Speaker 2: I'd be like why Yeah, Just be like that's a 303 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,559 Speaker 2: be weird. If someone says something mean to you. This 304 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 2: is something I've always learned. This isn't completely relative, but 305 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 2: in some senses, if you ask them to then explain 306 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,640 Speaker 2: what they mean or repeat it, if they say something rude, 307 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 2: it's like a lot of the time they're having to 308 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,080 Speaker 2: rethink about it or resay something rude that they said. 309 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 2: They'll be like, oh, that was really rude or oh 310 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:48,920 Speaker 2: I can't actually explain that. 311 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 1: So I think if you, like, catch her right in 312 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 1: the moment, be like, don't post that on my story, 313 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,119 Speaker 1: like you know, I look ugly. 314 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 2: And she won't be able to be like, oh, they 315 00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 2: always go no, you don't, uh look at me, Yes 316 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:00,559 Speaker 2: I do. 317 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, So catch her out in the moment. If not, 318 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 1: just don't explain it to her, because I think it's 319 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: just going to frustrate you. 320 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 2: At the end. Of the day. I think, just give 321 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,839 Speaker 2: it a bit of space and try and make her 322 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 2: feel good and supported and listen to it, and maybe, yeah, 323 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 2: bring her up next to Emma take it away. When 324 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 2: I was in year seven, my best friend, let's call 325 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 2: it Emily, and I had a strange encounter. A group 326 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 2: of intimidating year nine students, both boys and girls, approached 327 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 2: us out of nowhere. They started questioning Emily about supposedly 328 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 2: flirting with one of the boys in their group, Tom. 329 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 2: We were caught off guard and denied everything, but oddly enough, 330 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 2: we all ended up adding each other on Snapchat teenage 331 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 2: ways is so I can I'll never understand it. Even 332 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 2: if I think about how I was as a teenager, 333 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 2: I'm like, what the fuck are we all doing all 334 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 2: the time? That's a bit random. Now, Emily was allegedly 335 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 2: flirting with Tom, but Tom was already talking to this 336 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 2: absolutely stunning girl named Abby. Emily even asked Tom directly, 337 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 2: do you have a girlfriend, And instead of saying no, 338 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 2: Tom turned to Abby asked her to pretend to be 339 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 2: his girlfriend, and she agreed. Spoiler alert, they actually did 340 00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 2: end up dating for real. Okay, so basically Tom's lying 341 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 2: to Emily saying he has a girlfriend and he doesn't. 342 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 2: Over time, I became close friends with both Tom and Abby, 343 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 2: although we eventually drifted apart. Then, around September, Tom broke 344 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 2: up with Abby. Oh no, so out of nowhere, their 345 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 2: whole friendship group turned on her, including her best friend Sophie. 346 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 2: With nowhere else to go, Abby started getting closer to me. 347 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,520 Speaker 2: At first, I didn't think much of it, but things 348 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 2: escalated fast. Every time Abbe would leave school with me, 349 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 2: a crowd would follow us, literally the whole school. Sophie 350 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 2: wanted to fight her, and it got to the point 351 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:43,280 Speaker 2: where they followed us home. It was intense. What the lurk? Wait, 352 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,840 Speaker 2: So is Emily in year nine? Or are your seven Emily's? Well, 353 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 2: Emily is her first friend? Yes, okay, Emily and this 354 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 2: girl are in year seven, but Abby and Tom are 355 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 2: in your nine? Smailder. Abby started asking to have sleepovers 356 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:00,720 Speaker 2: every weekend. At first I thought she needed support, but 357 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,520 Speaker 2: soon I realized there was another reason. My older brother, 358 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 2: Oh older brother is juicy. Drown like juicy when you 359 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 2: get older. When you were younger, sorry, do you know 360 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 2: what I mean? You'd always like be like, oh, she 361 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 2: has a whole older brother, like, I want to hang 362 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 2: out with her. 363 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, my brothers were always intimidating to my friends, but 364 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 1: all the girls in the year levels above knew who 365 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: my brother wasn't always found him really hot, and they 366 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: would come up to me at school and I'd feel 367 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: so uncomfortable. 368 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, leme alone, it's my brother yick. Yeah. 369 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 2: First weekend, she say it over. It was me, Emily 370 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 2: and Abby. That night, Abby sat in the couch crying 371 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 2: because we weren't giving her enough attention. She was a 372 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 2: complete rebel, stealing my dad's be is, blasting music, screaming 373 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 2: at the top of my lungs, and constantly vaping. Then 374 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 2: around midnight she told Emily and meet a fake being asleep. Well, why, 375 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 2: we asked, She said, so I can go see your brother. 376 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 2: She whispered. Holy, she was honest. She's right from the 377 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 2: jump we did it. She said she was manipulative and 378 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 2: we didn't know how to say no. She said she'd 379 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 2: be gone an hour. Emily messaged her and she didn't 380 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 2: come back. She didn't return until five in the morning. 381 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:06,679 Speaker 2: After that, she started coming over more regularly. One night, 382 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,199 Speaker 2: I woke up and she was sneaking out of my 383 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:11,439 Speaker 2: room go to sleep, she said as she slipped out 384 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:16,359 Speaker 2: to go. I'd be like, baby, you're not saying at 385 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 2: my house. 386 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 1: I think she likes it because she knows that she's 387 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 1: older than you girls, so she's like, oh, I'm the 388 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 1: older one, Like. 389 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 2: They'll listen to me because there is hierarchy in age 390 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 2: when you're younger like that. 391 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: Yeah. 392 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:30,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, this became routine. Every weekend, from midnight to five am, 393 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 2: she'd sneak off to go hang out with my brother. 394 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,640 Speaker 2: She even told Emily that they'd made out so many times. 395 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 2: Abby had also manipulated me into buying vapes with her. Once, 396 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,480 Speaker 2: when the police were nearby, she peer pressured me into vaping. 397 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 2: I told her, don't record this. She promised she wouldn't. 398 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,120 Speaker 2: That like when you're younger, when you're in your seven 399 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 2: vaping's like a big deal, like it should be. Yeah, thirteen, 400 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 2: She promised she wouldn't, And then you know what she did. 401 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,199 Speaker 2: She sent the video to my brother. He ended up 402 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 2: snitching on me. After months manipulation, lies and using me 403 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,880 Speaker 2: to get closer to my brother, I finally cut her off. 404 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,159 Speaker 2: I stop being friends with Abby and grew closer to 405 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 2: Sophie instead. Ps The only reason Abby went after my 406 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,160 Speaker 2: brother in the first place to make Sophie jealous because 407 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 2: Sophie used to like him. I only found that out 408 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 2: after myself being friends of her. I mean, it's a 409 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,920 Speaker 2: fucking reality check. Well, it's like she had issues. 410 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: I would have gone to the brother and being like, Johnny, 411 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:27,879 Speaker 1: what are you doing, Like, God, he's my friend. 412 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,880 Speaker 2: Ideally, like you stop having Abby over like far earlier 413 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,080 Speaker 2: if she's using that, But I feel like you can't 414 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:40,120 Speaker 2: be manipulated. But then it's like, yeah, fuck, I see 415 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 2: girls like that. I want the word fucking Abby is now. 416 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 2: But I just feel, yeah, the brother being allowing that 417 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,120 Speaker 2: situation to occur, like is exhausting. But then when you're 418 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 2: so young like that, you don't really feel like you 419 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,440 Speaker 2: have much of a voice to like tell these people 420 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,840 Speaker 2: to do things, you know what I mean. Yeah, I'm 421 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 2: glad you've cut her off. She's not worth it and 422 00:18:58,359 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 2: would probably just cause more issues. 423 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: Feeling Dilemma number three. Yao, I'm the brains of the 424 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: relationship Slay. I'm twenty and my boyfriend is twenty two. 425 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,280 Speaker 1: We've known each other for eight years through my older 426 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: brother and we've been dating for seven months. 427 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 2: Now. 428 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:24,399 Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I'm the brains of the relationship. I 429 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,800 Speaker 1: make all the decisions, every single one, and. 430 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 2: I'm hard though. I want the boy to take a 431 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,840 Speaker 2: bit of chout there, so you're the pants of the relationship. 432 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 2: We'll see. Yeah, but I feel like that. 433 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 1: And honestly, I just want to come home after work 434 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: and take my brain off. 435 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 2: I work long hours in the theater. 436 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: He's a trade but some weeks I feel so overstimulated 437 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: from everything, and he just overstimulates me even more. 438 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 2: It's exhausting. That's where the gil creeps in. 439 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 1: I find myself getting frustrated, and I hate that it 440 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 1: still sometimes affects the way that I treat him. It's 441 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,440 Speaker 1: not fair on him, and I know it. But here's 442 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: where things get hard. He hasn't organized a single day 443 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: for us. 444 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 2: Not one. 445 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,360 Speaker 1: It feels like his entire life revolves around his four 446 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 1: wheel drive. Oh yeah, and when we try to have 447 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: deeper conversations, they don't go anywhere. 448 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 2: They just last a few minutes and then he says, 449 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 2: I don't know, oh pay story in my life by 450 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,639 Speaker 2: one direction voice is such a breed. Do you know 451 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,120 Speaker 2: what I mean? 452 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 1: He's just and this is what you've written, like, I 453 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 1: won't keep reading for a second, but you just need 454 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: to realize. I feel like from even reading this, you're 455 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: so Type A and you're so like on the ball, 456 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: and he's so Type B chill, he doesn't care, and like, 457 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,160 Speaker 1: I think you'll realize that that's why you love him. 458 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,679 Speaker 1: I don't feel like a priority, even though I know 459 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 1: he's absolutely in love with me. I feel that, but 460 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 1: when I bring up things I've noticed in our relationship, 461 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: it feels like I'm only talking to myself. The conversations 462 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: don't move forward and nothing changes. He baby talks me, 463 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,639 Speaker 1: doesn't speak with confidence, and he's very in touch with 464 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:57,679 Speaker 1: his feminine side. 465 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 2: Just to be clear, not gay. 466 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: And look, I know I should be enjoying our time together. 467 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: We do spend time together and the quality time is 468 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,639 Speaker 1: a big part of our love languages, but when I 469 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,040 Speaker 1: look on the full spectrum words of affirmation, acts as service, 470 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 1: physical touch, gifts, and quality times, it feels like it 471 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,640 Speaker 1: feels like only one box is ticked. So I'm asking here, 472 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: how do I go about the situation. 473 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:23,159 Speaker 2: I just think I feel like there's always Honestly, I know, 474 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 2: maybe this is stoppy, But I feel like there's going 475 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 2: to be someone out there for everyone that will tick 476 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 2: every single one of those boxes. And it comes to 477 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 2: a point where you're like, is this what I want? 478 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,760 Speaker 2: Am I happy with just this? Is this enough? It's 479 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 2: definitely if you think this guy loves you, like it's 480 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 2: worth having a conversation with him and actually just being 481 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 2: completely honest that you love him. But you feel like 482 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 2: there are these things but she. 483 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,400 Speaker 1: Has When she tries to have a deep conversation with him, 484 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:48,280 Speaker 1: it doesn't go anywhere. 485 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 2: Then it's like, then what's the point? You may as 486 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,439 Speaker 2: well just give it one more crack. It's like you 487 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,919 Speaker 2: need to be able to have deep conversations with someone 488 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:57,640 Speaker 2: that you want to spend your time with or your 489 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: life with. There comes a point where it's like you 490 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 2: need more than just being like they love me, but 491 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 2: they never fucking tell me and they never fucking do anything. 492 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 1: I think it's also for you, like you're thinking right now, grass, 493 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 1: the grass is a little bit greener. And something I 494 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: always say in my relationship is like, I don't want 495 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,280 Speaker 1: to feel like a mother, And I feel like what 496 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 1: you're trying to say is you feel like a little 497 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 1: bit of a mother to him. And I think you 498 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,560 Speaker 1: just need to take a step back and almost like 499 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,400 Speaker 1: planted in your mind. I don't believe in the thing 500 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 1: of like if they want to, they will. I think 501 00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:31,360 Speaker 1: sometimes they need to be told, especially because you're both 502 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: so young, you need to, like, you need to tell 503 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 1: him what you'd like. So you should just plant the 504 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 1: seed in his mind and be like, I would love 505 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: it if you could take me on a date this week. 506 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 2: Oh, i'd love it if you pity. 507 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, just like plant the seed in their mind. 508 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,480 Speaker 1: Make them feel capable that they can do it instead 509 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,600 Speaker 1: of getting frustrated that they're not doing it. So I 510 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,320 Speaker 1: think because you're not having those deep conversations, just be 511 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 1: like I would love if you planned a dinner for 512 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: us this week and he was like, okay, maybe I'll 513 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: have a look, and just be like, give it him 514 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,360 Speaker 1: the opportunity he has the ability, instead of getting frustrated 515 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: to him that he's not doing it. Because I think 516 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 1: you're right now you're thinking that the grass is greener 517 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. 518 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 2: But you just need to make sure make him capable 519 00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:10,439 Speaker 2: of it. 520 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,560 Speaker 1: And because you guys were friends beforehand before you started dating, 521 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 1: I think he's just comfortable and you need to like 522 00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 1: go and be like we're dating now, Like, come on. 523 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 2: I feel like you do need to have a conversation. 524 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,199 Speaker 2: I think I felt like a bit of a parent 525 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 2: in my last relationship and it was a big downside 526 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,320 Speaker 2: for me. And I think that they'll be a person 527 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 2: that won't make you feel like that. So if you 528 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 2: just need, you need, and that could be this guy, 529 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,360 Speaker 2: if you're honest with him, and I think you need 530 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 2: to talk to him and see if he can step up, 531 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 2: you know, with the possibility of maybe losing you or 532 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 2: that you're not happy. He might be like fuck, I 533 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 2: didn't even realize. 534 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's why I think, like, obviously the conversations 535 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 1: aren't really going anywhere at this point, so maybe change 536 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: the way that you're approaching the situation and be like, 537 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,719 Speaker 1: I would love it if you book a dinner this 538 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,719 Speaker 1: week and like kind of make him possible. So then 539 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,639 Speaker 1: you and like you're going like, oh my, and then 540 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,120 Speaker 1: you go out for dinner. Oh my god, I love 541 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:04,280 Speaker 1: it when you plan these things. 542 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:05,720 Speaker 2: So you're giving him those. 543 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 1: Positive reassurance, so then he actually wants to do that 544 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 1: more and see how that goes and plant those little 545 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 1: lighthearted but serious conversations undertone and see how he goes 546 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: from there. 547 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 2: Like, give him the opportunity to prove it, but he. 548 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,760 Speaker 1: Just might need a little bit of a nudge instead 549 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:26,119 Speaker 1: of you always coming from a perspective of like getting 550 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,680 Speaker 1: annoyed that he's not doing those things, because then he's 551 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,360 Speaker 1: just going to roll his eyes and go, oh. 552 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 2: Rather she's annoyed again. 553 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, here we go, Like, I'd rather just go 554 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: out with the boys and my forward drive, you know 555 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: that's like yeah, So just be like, oh my god, 556 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,399 Speaker 1: Like I love it when people do this for me, 557 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: and love it when they do this for me, because 558 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you do love him, 559 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 1: and you will be like, oh, I want this a 560 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:50,520 Speaker 1: relationship with this and this and this, and then you 561 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,520 Speaker 1: get that relationship with him. But the love that you 562 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,960 Speaker 1: have with that person that gives you everything might not 563 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 1: be as strong as a love you have with him. 564 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 1: So I just think you need to change the way 565 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:01,120 Speaker 1: that you're approaching the situation. 566 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 2: Maybe first shout sis. So this is the last dilemma, 567 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 2: but we are having part two in next week's episode, 568 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 2: because you guys gave us so many good dilemmas this time. 569 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 2: So we'll see you in part two. But this is 570 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 2: our last one. So hey, girls, love the pod, Buckle up, 571 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,760 Speaker 2: it's a long one. I love a long one. I 572 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,360 Speaker 2: love not reading the long ones. Yeah, it's like story dime. Yeah, 573 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 2: I need your opinions on this. So I've had a friend, 574 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:28,920 Speaker 2: let's call her Bella. I love when they created a 575 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,639 Speaker 2: name for us. Yeah. I met her through work and 576 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 2: we became close really quickly. I've always been someone who's 577 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,480 Speaker 2: honest and says things how they are, which not everyone likes. 578 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,119 Speaker 2: Bella had a tough time. She cheated on her X 579 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 2: and was always struggling with her mental health, but I 580 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 2: always supported her, even when I didn't agree what she 581 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:48,439 Speaker 2: did avery good friend. One weekend, Bella went out with 582 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,439 Speaker 2: one of our friends. I didn't go because they were 583 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,199 Speaker 2: both single and wanted to let loose, if you know 584 00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 2: what I mean. The next day everything blew up. I 585 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 2: was being accused of talking shit, and Bella came at 586 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 2: me out of nowhere, telling me to stay out of 587 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 2: her life, saying she couldn't wait for me to leave. 588 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 2: I'm moving away soon, and after everything I'd done to her, 589 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,199 Speaker 2: that really hurt fast forward to last weekend. I had 590 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 2: a going away bus trip. Huh, what's a going away 591 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,600 Speaker 2: bus trip like a bus party? Like maybe they like 592 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 2: to Yeah, party buses and my fucking crypt and I 593 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:18,880 Speaker 2: think they're the funnest things in a whole word. 594 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so fun. I thought they wouldn't be because 595 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 1: you get cassick. 596 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 2: I'm not even thinking about being castick at that point. 597 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 2: If everything's like blacked out, it's like, I'm not like 598 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,000 Speaker 2: looking at the road, do you know what I mean. 599 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 2: I'm just enjoying myself. I had a going away bus 600 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,639 Speaker 2: trip and I didn't invite Bella because of all the drama. 601 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 2: Fair enough, that morning I found out she was calling 602 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,159 Speaker 2: me petty for not inviting her. Didn't you want me 603 00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 2: to stay out of your life? Yeah, it's a bit hypocritical. God, honestly, 604 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 2: why would I want someone there who literally said she 605 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 2: couldn't wait for me to leave. To top it off, 606 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 2: she messaged some of the girls going on the ship 607 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 2: asking if she should meet us at the last stop. Oh, 608 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 2: it's like an actual bus party, like they're getting off 609 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:05,400 Speaker 2: and going to like the Barkrel maybe cool, asking if 610 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,320 Speaker 2: she should meet us at the last stop and guess 611 00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 2: what she showed up. 612 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:10,920 Speaker 1: That's like one of those things like I was speaking 613 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 1: to my friend the other day, is like, remember when 614 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,879 Speaker 1: you have gads and you have like people that get crashed, Like, 615 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 1: why would you come to something that you're not? 616 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:22,440 Speaker 2: That is weird? It's weird generally not wanted that Like, yes. 617 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,400 Speaker 1: If you weren't invited, I don't want you there. 618 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,199 Speaker 2: And now what You're just gonna rock up and then 619 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 2: just gonna have a happy dandy time. No, it's awkward. 620 00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 2: Why are you here? 621 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 1: This is my going away party and you've told me 622 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:32,760 Speaker 1: to stay out of your life? 623 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 2: Weird. After an hour of being there, Bella arrives and 624 00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 2: suddenly most of the girls ditch me to be with her. 625 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 2: Oh that's so sad. I hate fucking that shit. She 626 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,640 Speaker 2: got exactly what she wanted, and I ended up going 627 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 2: home because I didn't feel comfortable anymore. Oh, honey, I'm sorry. 628 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,720 Speaker 2: Here's my question. Am I in the wrong? Am I overreacting? 629 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,639 Speaker 2: Is it actually a good thing I've cut her off? 630 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,800 Speaker 2: She reached out to me afterwards, and I honestly don't 631 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,960 Speaker 2: know if I should give her another chance. No, don't 632 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:03,880 Speaker 2: give it another chance. No, not even a little bit 633 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,840 Speaker 2: give her another chance. But I think it's a great 634 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,439 Speaker 2: thing that you're moving away, because it seems like this 635 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,480 Speaker 2: group of girls isn't ready to be that group of 636 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 2: friends that you need right now, and probably very just 637 00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 2: caught up in the moment and the drama. And you know, 638 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,960 Speaker 2: there's always that fucking mean girl growing up that gets 639 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 2: everyone's love and attention because everyone's too scared to be 640 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:23,879 Speaker 2: on the wrong side. Exactly. 641 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,439 Speaker 1: There's so many people I know that, like everyone's so 642 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:29,479 Speaker 1: afraid to like speak up to them and tell them 643 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 1: when they're in the wrong, so it validates their wrongdoings 644 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 1: and they don't actually know that they're doing something wrong 645 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: because everyone's still afraid to speak up. 646 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,600 Speaker 2: You know what it reminds me of, and this will 647 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,720 Speaker 2: relate to a lot of people listening to me off 648 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 2: more secret lives and Mormon wives on season two. Anyone 649 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 2: that's watched that will get that to me, is this 650 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,240 Speaker 2: because she was just so mean, but everyone was never 651 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:49,800 Speaker 2: stood up to her because they were scared of her. 652 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 2: And they'd say that in the confessionals that they're scared 653 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 2: of her. So she just honestly was going through life. 654 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 2: I think you can get away with any of the 655 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 2: way that she's acting and everyone else is in the wrong. 656 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 1: Yes, and that's what it ends up pinning people against 657 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 1: one another. And like, it is so hard when your 658 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,720 Speaker 1: friends go out for drinks or something and you're not there, 659 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 1: because words can get twisted, what you say can get twisted. 660 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,840 Speaker 1: And if you ask someone who speaks your mind quite often, 661 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 1: which I am too, they twist certain things that you 662 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 1: say and then it comes off different to how you 663 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 1: delivered it and everything like that, and then they create 664 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 1: own conclusions of them, and it can just get so tiring. 665 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, if girls are 666 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: going to keep on going on with that story that 667 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 1: you apparently said, like again. 668 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 2: And that's what it takes so much energy and you 669 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 2: just can't. You just got to fucking roll. Your ads 670 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,600 Speaker 2: shouldn't be enough to turn a whole friendship group against 671 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 2: you either. People talk shit, sorry they do. You know, 672 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 2: it's human nature to be like confessing your feelings and 673 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,880 Speaker 2: talking about how you feel about someone. There's obviously a 674 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,600 Speaker 2: line to that, and I get that. But for everyone 675 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 2: to have left you're you at your going away party 676 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 2: to go hang out with her, I'm just glad that 677 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 2: you're moving away and you can find a new group 678 00:29:58,040 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 2: of people, stay connected to who you want to it, 679 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 2: who you feel safe around, and just kind of like 680 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,360 Speaker 2: they're not your circus. No, so onto, bigger and better. 681 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 1: Basically, Yeah, some people can come in your life to 682 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,520 Speaker 1: teach you a lesson and balatot your lesson not to 683 00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:10,920 Speaker 1: be friends to. 684 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 2: Type of people like that. Yeah, you'll be fine, honey, 685 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 2: I promise it'll be the best thing that ever happened. 686 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,760 Speaker 1: Yes, well, we'll see you guys next week for part 687 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 1: two of the Dilemmas. 688 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 2: We love you and once again thank you for interesting 689 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 2: in us and sending us in your problems. 690 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,040 Speaker 1: Hope we aided some of your thoughts and dilemmas. 691 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 2: We'll see If not, sorry, love you guys. 692 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:32,760 Speaker 1: Bye,