1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:14,961 Speaker 1: Appoche production anytime the embassy would try and do anything 2 00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:18,321 Speaker 1: for me and get rejected. Then my dad went on 3 00:00:18,401 --> 00:00:22,121 Speaker 1: a media frenzy and then the media picked up on 4 00:00:22,201 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: my case. Oh they were ready on my case. But 5 00:00:23,721 --> 00:00:25,761 Speaker 1: then it blew up a bit more because they were 6 00:00:25,841 --> 00:00:28,041 Speaker 1: how come his case partner's got let go and he's not. 7 00:00:28,241 --> 00:00:31,481 Speaker 1: You know, here I go. And at that point the 8 00:00:31,601 --> 00:00:34,001 Speaker 1: UA officials didn't like it that I got the media 9 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:35,761 Speaker 1: involved in the media, but I couldn't help it that 10 00:00:35,841 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: the media were writing about my case. So I'm locked up, 11 00:00:39,001 --> 00:00:41,521 Speaker 1: so I can't. I can't control that. And then I 12 00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:43,401 Speaker 1: had multiple police officers come up to me in the 13 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,561 Speaker 1: prison and say, look, if you don't tell the media 14 00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:48,441 Speaker 1: to tone it down outside, you're gonna you're gonna pay 15 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:52,961 Speaker 1: the price in here. Ah. I think, what do I 16 00:00:53,001 --> 00:00:55,681 Speaker 1: do now? I can't. I can't control what some guy 17 00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 1: in the telegraph is writing. Goords, you know I. So 18 00:00:58,881 --> 00:01:01,521 Speaker 1: it became it became a routine that they would bug 19 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:04,241 Speaker 1: my calls. They would come to me and tell me 20 00:01:04,321 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: everything I was saying on the phone. And so there 21 00:01:07,001 --> 00:01:08,521 Speaker 1: was this one time. There was one time I did 22 00:01:08,521 --> 00:01:12,441 Speaker 1: an interview for BBC Berkshire Radio right. And this was 23 00:01:12,481 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: in the beginning. This was like right after I got sentenced, 24 00:01:15,761 --> 00:01:19,601 Speaker 1: and I'm going full chested out on the phone. Yes, 25 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,641 Speaker 1: they send that, and they did that to me, and 26 00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: they did this to me and and I hang up. 27 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: I finished the interview, and ten minutes later, my name's 28 00:01:29,041 --> 00:01:34,241 Speaker 1: being called. Fuck. I go downstairs and it's the same 29 00:01:35,041 --> 00:01:39,041 Speaker 1: same riot police again and I'm like, now what They're like, 30 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,401 Speaker 1: come out, hold on? And then what have I done? Now? 31 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,401 Speaker 1: It's because of the call. They heard the call and 32 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:50,241 Speaker 1: they were like, why are you doing interviews? Why are 33 00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:51,281 Speaker 1: you bad nouting us? 34 00:01:51,721 --> 00:01:52,281 Speaker 2: Come with us? 35 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:55,441 Speaker 1: And they took me again back in a minivan, swung 36 00:01:55,481 --> 00:01:57,881 Speaker 1: me around, beat the shit out of me in a 37 00:01:57,921 --> 00:02:01,681 Speaker 1: solitary cell again, back and forth. A few days later, 38 00:02:01,841 --> 00:02:04,841 Speaker 1: I was working out in the bathroom. We used to 39 00:02:04,881 --> 00:02:07,521 Speaker 1: use like the we used to break the broomsticks and 40 00:02:07,601 --> 00:02:10,801 Speaker 1: tie water bottles on the eachd use that as weights 41 00:02:10,841 --> 00:02:13,761 Speaker 1: and and sand in the buckets and all that, and 42 00:02:13,761 --> 00:02:16,601 Speaker 1: and we weren't allowed to work out because a few 43 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:20,121 Speaker 1: years before that, some guy basically what he did was 44 00:02:20,121 --> 00:02:24,921 Speaker 1: he trained three four people. Yeah, they these three four 45 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,961 Speaker 1: guys got absolutely shredded, beat the funk out of the 46 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: cops and almost actually made the run for it. So 47 00:02:30,881 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: these guys, they're all fat, they're fuck boustards. They just 48 00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,601 Speaker 1: say so. They don't want us to be strong, they 49 00:02:35,641 --> 00:02:39,561 Speaker 1: want us weak. They just want to gain weight. So 50 00:02:39,721 --> 00:02:41,841 Speaker 1: I got caught. If you get caught working out, you 51 00:02:41,841 --> 00:02:44,761 Speaker 1: get you get in trouble. So these guys were coming. 52 00:02:44,921 --> 00:02:47,761 Speaker 1: They saw me doing push ups. They're like, come with us, 53 00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:51,201 Speaker 1: hood on again back. So I was being for every 54 00:02:51,201 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: other day. I was just being thrown in and out solitary. Mate, 55 00:02:55,081 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: I I think I've spent I've never I used to 56 00:02:58,001 --> 00:03:01,081 Speaker 1: be afraid of spending time alone. I'll tell you, but 57 00:03:01,201 --> 00:03:04,801 Speaker 1: when you are thrown in solitary confinding so much, you 58 00:03:05,161 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: have no choice but to deal with yourself and it's 59 00:03:08,481 --> 00:03:11,001 Speaker 1: just you and your demons. Like and that's when suicide. 60 00:03:11,001 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: When you ask me about suicide, it was after a 61 00:03:12,881 --> 00:03:15,681 Speaker 1: year and a half, two years of that, that is 62 00:03:15,721 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: when I seriously contemptly like I I saw there's no hope. 63 00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,921 Speaker 1: I'm not leaving any type suit and I'm just being 64 00:03:23,761 --> 00:03:28,081 Speaker 1: thrown into solitary. I'm being beaten and being abused in 65 00:03:28,161 --> 00:03:32,241 Speaker 1: every aspect possible at any opportunity, and my case partners 66 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,761 Speaker 1: have left and I'm just left, called out in the wind. 67 00:03:34,841 --> 00:03:38,401 Speaker 1: And that is when suicide looks very appealing, to be honest, 68 00:03:38,481 --> 00:03:40,801 Speaker 1: And when you're in, when you're going in and out 69 00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:43,401 Speaker 1: of a tiny, tiny solitary cell and you're just staring 70 00:03:43,401 --> 00:03:46,521 Speaker 1: at the ceiling and talking to the ants. I promise 71 00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:48,441 Speaker 1: I started talking to the ants. I made friends with 72 00:03:48,481 --> 00:03:50,761 Speaker 1: the ants. I started live, you know, I had I 73 00:03:50,881 --> 00:03:54,121 Speaker 1: named it, I had names for them. I was going crazy, mate, 74 00:03:55,281 --> 00:03:57,521 Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, I think suicide would be 75 00:03:57,641 --> 00:04:00,761 Speaker 1: you know, not so bad right now, like, and then 76 00:04:00,881 --> 00:04:02,841 Speaker 1: there's the other voice in your head that goes, no, 77 00:04:03,041 --> 00:04:06,801 Speaker 1: don't be silly, you know, and then that debate starts. 78 00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:11,921 Speaker 1: But luckily, honestly, I'm a Muslim. My faith, my faith 79 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: is what carried me through, mate. Like I started praying, 80 00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:21,201 Speaker 1: I started concentrating on myself. I started, you know, paying attention. 81 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: A lot of people go in and they try and 82 00:04:23,841 --> 00:04:26,521 Speaker 1: turn a blind eye, and they try and get through 83 00:04:26,521 --> 00:04:31,681 Speaker 1: it by playing cards, sleeping and just you know, burning 84 00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:35,361 Speaker 1: their way through. I said to myself, I said to myself, no, 85 00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:37,641 Speaker 1: I said, I need I need to flip this to 86 00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:40,961 Speaker 1: a positive. I need to use this my advantage. I said, 87 00:04:40,961 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 1: whether I come out today, tomorrow or nine years time, 88 00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:47,241 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. They can continue doing this to me. 89 00:04:47,481 --> 00:04:49,681 Speaker 1: But it's not going to break me because here I 90 00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:52,601 Speaker 1: am still two years in and I said to the 91 00:04:52,641 --> 00:04:54,481 Speaker 1: same thing to myself. You've been through us, You've been 92 00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:56,801 Speaker 1: through us. And it's that sentence that got me through. 93 00:04:57,681 --> 00:05:05,281 Speaker 1: And two years, three years, four years in and I'm 94 00:05:05,281 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: not gonna lie. That is when my mental health really 95 00:05:08,801 --> 00:05:13,401 Speaker 1: started to deteriorate. So I'm talking about I would not sleep, 96 00:05:14,201 --> 00:05:18,001 Speaker 1: I would not sleep for days, I would not eat. 97 00:05:18,761 --> 00:05:21,841 Speaker 1: I I just I just became a different person. And 98 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,361 Speaker 1: some like that, that switch that flicks just does not 99 00:05:25,481 --> 00:05:28,681 Speaker 1: go off. And I think my brain kind of went 100 00:05:28,721 --> 00:05:34,041 Speaker 1: into a coping mechanism that that was kind of that 101 00:05:34,121 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: had to adjust to the circumstances, and I just became 102 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,161 Speaker 1: not myself, not me. 103 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:40,681 Speaker 2: Have you have you gonna have you? Gonna have you? 104 00:05:40,721 --> 00:05:44,721 Speaker 2: Gone a lot more like Schiitze in an argument or 105 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,801 Speaker 2: anything like that, you know what I mean. Like you 106 00:05:46,801 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 2: know when someone pisces you off and triggers you like 107 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:50,921 Speaker 2: it would it would it? You know what I mean? 108 00:05:51,081 --> 00:05:54,481 Speaker 1: You you go a bit mental, you go mental, and 109 00:05:54,841 --> 00:05:59,001 Speaker 1: over there because we're so bored. We used to fight 110 00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:02,121 Speaker 1: over everything and anything. So the tiny they used to 111 00:06:02,201 --> 00:06:04,521 Speaker 1: like they were drama queens. You know, you'd find some 112 00:06:04,641 --> 00:06:07,481 Speaker 1: six put seven thug with tattoos on his face, but 113 00:06:07,641 --> 00:06:10,161 Speaker 1: he would be the biggest drama queen over a couple 114 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,161 Speaker 1: of teas, you know, or what. They would look for 115 00:06:12,201 --> 00:06:14,281 Speaker 1: any excuse to fight. So I just became in this 116 00:06:14,361 --> 00:06:18,121 Speaker 1: mindset that was I had to cope, and I had 117 00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:21,121 Speaker 1: to be whatever skitso psychopath I needed to be to 118 00:06:21,161 --> 00:06:25,481 Speaker 1: get through this basically and and luckily by the grace 119 00:06:25,481 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: of God. But like it was that and my my 120 00:06:28,481 --> 00:06:31,881 Speaker 1: faith and like sticking to praying and trying to you know, 121 00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:36,481 Speaker 1: stay focused and knowing that you know, this is not forever, 122 00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:38,561 Speaker 1: like there is, this is going to end one day, 123 00:06:38,601 --> 00:06:41,681 Speaker 1: and reminding myself constantly everything it's it's a job, like 124 00:06:41,761 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: you have to you wake up and you do it 125 00:06:44,241 --> 00:06:47,041 Speaker 1: all over again, and you have to remind yourself that 126 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 1: it's okay, you're going to get through this. You're going 127 00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: to do it, and you know, and you start, you 128 00:06:53,921 --> 00:06:56,561 Speaker 1: just something flicks in you, Neil, like I can't explain it. 129 00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:01,001 Speaker 1: Something flicks And especially because the circumstances that we had 130 00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:04,121 Speaker 1: over there and everything that was so in just about 131 00:07:04,161 --> 00:07:06,801 Speaker 1: the way that the even my case too, I should 132 00:07:06,841 --> 00:07:09,481 Speaker 1: have even technically, I should have got bail when I 133 00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:11,641 Speaker 1: was on when the hearings were going on, I didn't 134 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:14,041 Speaker 1: get bail. I should have been put in a I 135 00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,801 Speaker 1: should have been put in an under twenty one wing 136 00:07:16,321 --> 00:07:18,721 Speaker 1: before I was twenty one. They didn't. They put me 137 00:07:18,761 --> 00:07:21,001 Speaker 1: in straight in the death row with like I said, 138 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,721 Speaker 1: like murderers, rapist. I mean the guy, the guy on 139 00:07:23,721 --> 00:07:25,761 Speaker 1: the bunk bed on top of me. He was. He 140 00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:30,561 Speaker 1: had a twenty eight year sentence for for doing literally 141 00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:34,241 Speaker 1: about twelve he raped twelve people in the span of 142 00:07:34,281 --> 00:07:39,361 Speaker 1: twenty minutes. What yeah, he rate? So what this Donnie 143 00:07:39,441 --> 00:07:42,761 Speaker 1: decided one day woke up and there's there's a street 144 00:07:42,841 --> 00:07:46,401 Speaker 1: that had that was famous for hairdressers female headdresses. So 145 00:07:46,681 --> 00:07:49,401 Speaker 1: there was like about seven eight stores right all next 146 00:07:49,441 --> 00:07:51,361 Speaker 1: to each other. So this guy woke up one morning 147 00:07:51,361 --> 00:07:53,401 Speaker 1: and thought, right, I'm gonna go on the rampage today, 148 00:07:53,921 --> 00:07:57,441 Speaker 1: and he went into each hairdresser one by one and 149 00:07:57,601 --> 00:08:02,161 Speaker 1: just started going crazy, fucking shit up, raping and going 150 00:08:02,201 --> 00:08:04,601 Speaker 1: into the next. So in twenty minutes, it was such 151 00:08:04,641 --> 00:08:06,961 Speaker 1: a strange. In the span of twenty minutes, he had 152 00:08:07,041 --> 00:08:10,281 Speaker 1: raped suddenly like twelve thirteen people and it was horrific. 153 00:08:10,721 --> 00:08:12,401 Speaker 1: And this guy and so this is the type of 154 00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:15,241 Speaker 1: people I'm sharing a room with. And there's twenty eight 155 00:08:15,281 --> 00:08:19,201 Speaker 1: of us on triple bunk beds like threes, and one 156 00:08:19,201 --> 00:08:23,561 Speaker 1: television that we're all fighting over the remote and one toilet. 157 00:08:24,521 --> 00:08:26,841 Speaker 1: And then you know, every other day I'd wake up 158 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,521 Speaker 1: to some guy getting stabbed or someone screaming in the toilet, 159 00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 1: or some some disaster. Like one day there was a 160 00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:36,561 Speaker 1: guy that he knew he had AIDS, so he we 161 00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:39,441 Speaker 1: had a like a communal teapot, like a hot kettle, 162 00:08:39,881 --> 00:08:43,041 Speaker 1: big one, and this guy just went slit his wrists, 163 00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:47,281 Speaker 1: opened the kettle and started, you know, just bleeding away 164 00:08:47,481 --> 00:08:51,041 Speaker 1: in the communal kettle, trying to infect everything. He just 165 00:08:51,081 --> 00:08:55,561 Speaker 1: you went looming, He started pouring it everywhere. You know, 166 00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,601 Speaker 1: the riot police would have to come tie him down 167 00:08:57,721 --> 00:09:00,881 Speaker 1: and send him off. And so stuff like that on 168 00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:03,241 Speaker 1: a daily basis was normal. You'd see. 169 00:09:03,801 --> 00:09:06,481 Speaker 2: But did any won't get treated like you got treated 170 00:09:07,321 --> 00:09:09,801 Speaker 2: with the fucking but with the back lava over theread or. 171 00:09:10,521 --> 00:09:12,801 Speaker 1: A couple, a couple of people, But they would only 172 00:09:12,841 --> 00:09:16,721 Speaker 1: do that to the people that they wanted to make 173 00:09:16,761 --> 00:09:19,801 Speaker 1: a message like bring an example out, given a message, Yeah, 174 00:09:20,001 --> 00:09:22,441 Speaker 1: send you a message and make it and may and 175 00:09:22,481 --> 00:09:25,361 Speaker 1: make an example out of you. Because basically what they 176 00:09:25,361 --> 00:09:28,161 Speaker 1: were trying to do is on the outside the meat 177 00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:30,641 Speaker 1: that they're from their side. They would look, look at us, 178 00:09:30,801 --> 00:09:33,521 Speaker 1: we caught this foreigner that was coming too our country, 179 00:09:33,601 --> 00:09:37,441 Speaker 1: trying to ruin the country, And well, if you're trying 180 00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:39,361 Speaker 1: to actually protect your country, why did you let go 181 00:09:39,401 --> 00:09:41,441 Speaker 1: of the guy that was actually bringing in all this 182 00:09:41,441 --> 00:09:44,241 Speaker 1: stuff and the other two and the why me? So 183 00:09:45,201 --> 00:09:47,481 Speaker 1: just because of their statements and it suited their narrative 184 00:09:47,521 --> 00:09:50,001 Speaker 1: and it's and because initially the guy who snitched and 185 00:09:50,081 --> 00:09:52,401 Speaker 1: the guy who for the hundred quid he had initially 186 00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:55,281 Speaker 1: brought in my name. So they just you know, they said, 187 00:09:55,281 --> 00:09:57,601 Speaker 1: this suits our agenda. We're going to keep eyes. And 188 00:09:57,641 --> 00:10:00,001 Speaker 1: there were other people that were being treated in the 189 00:10:00,041 --> 00:10:05,641 Speaker 1: same way and for unjust reasons, like you could I could. 190 00:10:06,201 --> 00:10:07,721 Speaker 1: There was there was a there was a guy that 191 00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:12,521 Speaker 1: was simply being thrown into solitary for literally for he 192 00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:14,881 Speaker 1: he asked, he asked to go see a doctor. And 193 00:10:15,401 --> 00:10:18,401 Speaker 1: because they didn't let him go see a doctor. He well, 194 00:10:18,441 --> 00:10:20,641 Speaker 1: this was a bit extreme. He asked a couple of times. 195 00:10:20,841 --> 00:10:23,161 Speaker 1: They didn't let him. So he decided to go on 196 00:10:23,161 --> 00:10:27,361 Speaker 1: a hunger strike. And he's he sewed his own mouth. 197 00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:31,041 Speaker 1: He got a pin, a needle and thread and he's 198 00:10:31,401 --> 00:10:35,041 Speaker 1: in front of me. He started sewing his mouth shut. 199 00:10:36,321 --> 00:10:39,961 Speaker 1: And they drive you to a point. All this guy 200 00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:43,921 Speaker 1: wanted was to see a doctor. Like, they drive you 201 00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:46,401 Speaker 1: to a point where you do things like that, and 202 00:10:46,441 --> 00:10:49,281 Speaker 1: then they come and they throw in solitary and and 203 00:10:49,321 --> 00:10:51,401 Speaker 1: then they tell you, RCI, but you're to blame, you're 204 00:10:51,441 --> 00:10:54,281 Speaker 1: doing this. You're but they'd always have a reason, you know. 205 00:10:54,441 --> 00:10:55,801 Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, you're in their house, 206 00:10:55,841 --> 00:11:00,961 Speaker 1: like the the main the prison manager, you could say, 207 00:11:01,001 --> 00:11:05,601 Speaker 1: who was a colonel something he said to my face. 208 00:11:05,641 --> 00:11:08,001 Speaker 1: He said, look, he said, let me explain something to you, 209 00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:11,561 Speaker 1: he said. He said, you can do whatever you want 210 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:15,121 Speaker 1: on the outside, and your embassy and your and your 211 00:11:15,161 --> 00:11:17,121 Speaker 1: father can say whatever they want in the media can 212 00:11:17,121 --> 00:11:18,801 Speaker 1: write whatever they want. He said, at the end of 213 00:11:18,841 --> 00:11:21,321 Speaker 1: the day, you're in my house and you're sleeping in 214 00:11:21,321 --> 00:11:23,961 Speaker 1: my house, literally said, and he said, I'll do or 215 00:11:24,121 --> 00:11:25,241 Speaker 1: I see fit. 216 00:11:27,641 --> 00:11:29,721 Speaker 2: I want to listen to the episode in full. Click 217 00:11:29,761 --> 00:11:30,721 Speaker 2: the link in the description.