Speaker 1: Hi, everyone. Welcome to Mojo Monday. If you're new, I'm
Speaker 1: Karlie Taylor, so a special welcome to you. And on
Speaker 1: that note, I actually just wanted to thank you for
Speaker 1: being here. So Mojo Mondays gets around one point five
Speaker 1: thousand listeners and I'm so grateful for that. And this
Speaker 1: is very much related to the topic today because I
Speaker 1: started doing these Mojo Mondays because Paul was flat out
Speaker 1: busy with his PhD. But we continued on and I
Speaker 1: really enjoy sharing these strategies and tool for life with
Speaker 1: you because you know, we're all struggling with this roller
Speaker 1: coaster of being human and I'm a passionate believer that
Speaker 1: we all need the skills to develop our capacity to
Speaker 1: be our own coach, so we can develop our mental
Speaker 1: fitness to throw in life even when we get hit hard.
Speaker 1: So that's kind of my purpose behind these Mojo Mondays.
Speaker 1: But when I first started doing these, I didn't really
Speaker 1: feel worthy of being a podcaster. But what I did
Speaker 1: have is a lot to talk about, and I had
Speaker 1: a real passion and drive to help as many people
Speaker 1: as I could with these life skills. So the podcast
Speaker 1: really aligned with that. So instead of using my level
Speaker 1: of self worth as my compass here, I used what
Speaker 1: really mattered to me, and that was helping others. So
Speaker 1: that leads me into what we're going to talk about today,
Speaker 1: and that is about self worth. And Paul and I
Speaker 1: did when we were doing Merjo Mondays together. We did
Speaker 1: talk about self worth back in twenty twenty three, but
Speaker 1: I want to I want to talk about it again.
Speaker 1: So if you do a Google search on self worth,
Speaker 1: it comes up with things like being overly self critical,
Speaker 1: feeling unworthy, so maybe it's un worthy of love or
Speaker 1: respect of others. And it talks about our in increasing
Speaker 1: your self worth through self understanding, self love, self acceptance.
Speaker 1: And what I want to do today is expand on
Speaker 1: those And the common thread here is that it's about
Speaker 1: me and my beliefs about myself. So let's just pause
Speaker 1: here and take a moment and ask yourself right now,
Speaker 1: how do you rate your self worth across the different
Speaker 1: areas of your life? So you think about your roles
Speaker 1: in life, you know, like at work, in relationships as
Speaker 1: a friend, how worthy do you feel in each Is
Speaker 1: there any area of your life where you struggle because
Speaker 1: you don't feel worthy? So how do we coach ourselves
Speaker 1: when that self defeating narrative kicks in. So I'm going
Speaker 1: to walk you through what I call the four a's
Speaker 1: in relation to self worth. So the first A is awareness.
Speaker 1: So we're going to look firstly at the role of
Speaker 1: neurodevelopment in relation to our self worth. So how our
Speaker 1: brains would developed from the moment we are born right
Speaker 1: up to now, and depending on our environment growing up
Speaker 1: and how safe and secure we were, it's going to
Speaker 1: have a huge influence on the wiring of our brain.
Speaker 1: We see the world and ourselves through the lens of
Speaker 1: our experience, and to be able to acknowledge that helps
Speaker 1: us to develop an awareness of why we think and
Speaker 1: act the way we do. And it's not an excuse,
Speaker 1: it's an awareness of where we're at right now. Because
Speaker 1: if we don't have this awareness of ourselves as unique
Speaker 1: humans based on our life experiences, then we can easily
Speaker 1: get caught up in this self defeating behavior based on
Speaker 1: our self worth and self worth if it's low, is
Speaker 1: not a good compass for life. And this is really
Speaker 1: important for change because the way we see our own
Speaker 1: value can really influence the decisions that we make. When
Speaker 1: we cling tightly to the belief that we're less than others,
Speaker 1: that we don't deserve happiness or success or love. We
Speaker 1: can easily slip into a really dark place, and when
Speaker 1: you're in the dark, you can't see your way out,
Speaker 1: and the easy option is to give into these thoughts
Speaker 1: of unworthiness. So if we can start with awareness, being
Speaker 1: aware of your default thoughts about yourself is the first
Speaker 1: step to change. And there can be like almost in
Speaker 1: our harm moment. So for example, if you were emotionally
Speaker 1: abused as a child, then chances are your self worth
Speaker 1: could be pretty low. And this is where self compassion
Speaker 1: can come into play, not as a victim, but as
Speaker 1: an intrinsic, non judgmental understanding of who you are are.
Speaker 1: So with that then comes acceptance. So acceptance is around
Speaker 1: accepting those things that are not within your control. And
Speaker 1: if you think about the alcoholics anonymous serenity prayer, God
Speaker 1: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Speaker 1: the courage to change the things I can, and the
Speaker 1: wisdom to know the difference. So let's apply this to
Speaker 1: low self worth. What is it that you have to
Speaker 1: accept about yourself? Accept about your past, the people who
Speaker 1: mistreated you, in the past that you cannot change. And
Speaker 1: of course this doesn't mean you're excusing it or that
Speaker 1: you like it, but you have to accept because you
Speaker 1: simply cannot change it. And it's really helpful to avoid
Speaker 1: language like oh, if only things had been different, if
Speaker 1: only I hadn't made that choice, or I didn't deserve
Speaker 1: to be treated that way. This can lead to this
Speaker 1: spiral of regret and shame and resentment and even haste.
Speaker 1: And unless those thoughts and emotions are going to serve
Speaker 1: you in some capacity now, so unless they motivate you
Speaker 1: and drive you in some way, then they're self defeating
Speaker 1: and they can really hold you back from living your
Speaker 1: life to the fullest right now. So now we're going
Speaker 1: to move on to the third A, which is attention.
Speaker 1: So attention is, in my experience, the the most powerful
Speaker 1: tool that we have. But without the awareness and the acceptance,
Speaker 1: our attention can go into default mode where we don't
Speaker 1: take control over it, and we can end up living
Speaker 1: a life of reaction rather than a life of intention.
Speaker 1: So imagine you are holding a flash light and that
Speaker 1: beam of light is your attention. So what we consistently
Speaker 1: shine that beam of light on is how we live
Speaker 1: our life life. We know that we pay what we
Speaker 1: pay attention to, our brains commit sels to So if
Speaker 1: you keep directing that light on thoughts of unworthiness, those
Speaker 1: feelings can grow stronger. It's like throwing fuel on the fire.
Speaker 1: So instead, imagine that you have control over where you
Speaker 1: shine that light, So you redirect that beam of light
Speaker 1: away from the self criticism and onto the things that
Speaker 1: matter to you. And this is where the shift happens.
Speaker 1: So becoming a worthy person isn't about thinking ourselves worthy
Speaker 1: or going into battle with those default thoughts that pop
Speaker 1: up when we don't want them to, or it's not
Speaker 1: about waiting to feel worthy. It's certainly not about getting
Speaker 1: our worth from other people or even from our achievements,
Speaker 1: although this can raise our self worth in the short term.
Speaker 1: But what if we look at this from a different perspective.
Speaker 1: What if rather than approach this as a feeling, we
Speaker 1: approach this more as a behavior. So you don't need
Speaker 1: to feel worthy to be a worthy person. So if
Speaker 1: we go back to my example of doing these mojo mondays,
Speaker 1: where I didn't feel worthy, but I didn't need to
Speaker 1: feel worthy to actually start doing the mojo mondays, because
Speaker 1: what mattered to me, and I'm super clear on this,
Speaker 1: is that you, the listener, get value and worth from
Speaker 1: listening to them. So if that makes me feel worthy,
Speaker 1: then that's a bonus. But as long as I can
Speaker 1: keep passing on what I have learned over the years
Speaker 1: and that you benefit from that, then that makes what
Speaker 1: I do worthy of it. So how I feel about
Speaker 1: myself and my worth is really irrelevant as long as
Speaker 1: I'm doing what matters. So the goal here is not
Speaker 1: to try and change the way I feel. It's about
Speaker 1: using what matters my values as my compass. But what
Speaker 1: the research does show is that over time that feeling
Speaker 1: about how I feel about myself does change, and that's
Speaker 1: a real bonus. So that brings me to the final
Speaker 1: A and that is around action. So this is about
Speaker 1: doing what matters, doing worthy things for others, aligning your
Speaker 1: actions with that, not on how you're feeling, not on
Speaker 1: your low level of self worth, which if you did
Speaker 1: use that as a compass, you could easily go into
Speaker 1: avoidance mode distraction mode. So and this framework of the
Speaker 1: four a's is not a step by step framework, because
Speaker 1: you may need to keep going back to awareness or
Speaker 1: back to acceptance, while you're getting into the action. So
Speaker 1: your compass is your values what matters to you deepen
Speaker 1: your heart, not your feelings of self self worth. So
Speaker 1: let's go back to the serenity prayer, which I just love.
Speaker 1: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I
Speaker 1: cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,
Speaker 1: and the wisdom to know the difference. You know, it
Speaker 1: takes courage and wisdom to recognize your painful past and
Speaker 1: your default mode in order to change to focus on
Speaker 1: doing worthy things rather than the feeling of self worth,
Speaker 1: which I know is really difficult. I don't want to
Speaker 1: make this out that it's easy, because I know those
Speaker 1: feelings of self worth can really take over. You take
Speaker 1: that feeling with you and you put one foot in
Speaker 1: front of the other and you move yourself towards a
Speaker 1: life of worthy action. So I hope you have got
Speaker 1: value from that. It is a different a bit of
Speaker 1: a different perspective on self worth and how we can
Speaker 1: increase our self worth earth. It is definitely these strategies
Speaker 1: of what I use myself and I also use with
Speaker 1: my clients, and I find it's really really effective and
Speaker 1: it really encourages us to live a life based on action,
Speaker 1: aligned with the things that matter to us. So have
Speaker 1: a great week everybody, and I will catch you next week.
Speaker 1: See