Speaker 1: We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
Speaker 1: on which this podcast was produced, the Galligle people of
Speaker 1: the Urination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present.
Speaker 2: It's December fifth, twenty twenty three. Some of Australia's biggest
Speaker 2: names have gathered at Sydney's Bondi Pavilion for GQ's Man
Speaker 2: of the Year Awards. It's a night that celebrates how
Speaker 2: Australia's best and brightest have helped shape the world for
Speaker 2: the better. The first award for the night is Model
Speaker 2: of the Year. The crowd rars as James Parr takes
Speaker 2: to the stage to accept the award. It's a night
Speaker 2: James never thought possible following the amputation of his leg
Speaker 2: six years earlier. For James, it's a win that means
Speaker 2: more than just being Model of the Year. It represents
Speaker 2: how he reframed public perception of disability. I'm Att Middleton
Speaker 2: and this is headgame on today's episode, James Parr and
Speaker 2: how he's now turning perception of disability and the fashion
Speaker 2: industry upside down. Now you've got quite a story. Just
Speaker 2: take us back to you know, your childhood take us
Speaker 2: back to where it all started, where you grew up
Speaker 2: and how you grew up and what life was like
Speaker 2: as a kid.
Speaker 3: Well, I grew up in Deniliquin. Do you know what
Speaker 3: that is? No, it's rural New South Wales. So I
Speaker 3: grew up there my parents and my family. We grew
Speaker 3: up on a farm until I was around seven, and
Speaker 3: so I had four older siblings. I was the oldest one,
Speaker 3: only one sorry between my two parents. And yeah, my
Speaker 3: mum was diagnosed with cancer I think around six to seven,
Speaker 3: and then we ended up moving in down and selling
Speaker 3: that and then my mum died when I was eight.
Speaker 2: So your mum was diagnosed with cancer at the age
Speaker 2: of six and within two years she'd passed away. Were
Speaker 2: you was there any treatment any What was it like
Speaker 2: back then and how involved were you or you quite
Speaker 2: sheltered from from that moment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was sort of sheltered from it, so I
Speaker 3: didn't actually realize what was happening at the time. She
Speaker 3: did go treatment, undergo treatment, but I think it was
Speaker 3: sort of past that that she sort of just stopped
Speaker 3: the stop the treatment became a bit too hard, and yeah,
Speaker 3: I remember the night like she died even then, I
Speaker 3: still had no idea actually what was going on. And
Speaker 3: I guess being eight, you sort of don't realize. And
Speaker 3: I guess it was sort of like a slow release
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 2: Because this back from what you know now and what
Speaker 2: you remember, right, Yeah, got yea.
Speaker 3: And even in the time, like I had no idea it.
Speaker 3: Within a couple of years later that sort of really
Speaker 3: hit because I was seeing her lesson mass so when
Speaker 3: she did die, it sort of didn't really feel too indifferent.
Speaker 3: But then, yeah, I lived with my dad from then.
Speaker 2: And did you attend your mom's funeral?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Okay?
Speaker 2: And what was going through your mind? Was it was
Speaker 2: a confusion? Was it frustration? Was it?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: Because I know we're so adaptable. I lost my father
Speaker 2: when I was five years old, and a new man
Speaker 2: came into our life, and I almost feel guilty that
Speaker 2: that I, you know, attached on to him so quick
Speaker 2: and sort of felt like I forgot about my father that,
Speaker 2: But I think it's it's a defense mechanism. How did
Speaker 2: you how how were you feeling and what was going
Speaker 2: through your head that are that such a young age
Speaker 2: or can't you really remember?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Look, to be honest, I actually can't really remember.
Speaker 3: I do remember I chose her gravestone because there was
Speaker 3: like a couple of different designs, and to be honest,
Speaker 3: I was a favorite kid, and I knew.
Speaker 2: That always favorite.
Speaker 3: So I would play into it. Yeah, and it says
Speaker 3: it on the gravestone. I think it says like especially
Speaker 3: James or something. And even my siblings tried to like
Speaker 3: argue with me that I wasn't the favorite. My mate
Speaker 3: is on her actual grave.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 3: Need to look too deep, like is there? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: And so yeah, I don't really remember too much of
Speaker 3: the whole sort of funeral experience. I remember a little
Speaker 3: bits and pieces, but regards to how I was feeling, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm not really sure. Actually, I think it was just
Speaker 3: like going with the flow, because yeah, I wasn't aware
Speaker 3: of what any of those things meant.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you sort of do, you know, as especially as
Speaker 2: kids were so adaptable, were so muldable. How was your
Speaker 2: relationship with your father.
Speaker 3: Now and then then? It wasn't too bad, but I
Speaker 3: did end up like running away. I left my dad
Speaker 3: around twelve thirteen.
Speaker 2: So you were when your mom passed you we were
Speaker 2: at home with your father, was home with my dad
Speaker 2: a normal school routine, and then we moved.
Speaker 3: He got a new girlfriend, and then he had another
Speaker 3: two kids. Okay, gotcha, Yeah, and then yeah, I reckon.
Speaker 3: They broke up and maybe a year later I was
Speaker 3: still living with him and he had a new wife,
Speaker 3: and then yeah, I just left. I reckon. I was
Speaker 3: like twelve thirteen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and did that manifest because of your dad, you know,
Speaker 2: having a new partner, having more children. How did you
Speaker 2: get on with your step siblings?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so my younger ones. Once they broke up,
Speaker 3: we didn't have any contact with them, so I didn't
Speaker 3: actually speak to them until like fourteen years later. There
Speaker 3: was no contact, so and then their mom died, so
Speaker 3: then it was just sort of like a.
Speaker 2: Sort of like a domino.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then they went and lived with their auntie
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. And yeah, I think I was
Speaker 3: just like constantly living in survival mode and didn't feel
Speaker 3: safe where I was and there was a lot going on,
Speaker 3: and I think it sort of took me like a
Speaker 3: month that I sat on the idea of like leaving
Speaker 3: and running away, somebody running away, but it sort of
Speaker 3: was and then you have one day I was just
Speaker 3: like I'm leaving and I just left, So, yeah.
Speaker 2: What was what was your mindset? Did you feel alone?
Speaker 2: Did you feel afraid? Did you feel quite isolated? What
Speaker 2: was what was going for you?
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 2: There's a confusion of all those emotions and just.
Speaker 3: Knowing that I wasn't where I wanted to be, I
Speaker 3: wasn't doing what I wanted to do. Is I felt
Speaker 3: like I couldn't do anything?
Speaker 2: What did you want to do? Where did you want
Speaker 2: to be or didn't you know?
Speaker 3: Well? I didn't know. I sort of had ideas I
Speaker 3: wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to do this.
Speaker 3: And then in that I think if I hadn't have left,
Speaker 3: I think my path would have led me somewhere else.
Speaker 3: So I think it was also knowing that if I
Speaker 3: wanted to go and pursue those things and basically do
Speaker 3: whatever the hell I wanted to do, I knew I
Speaker 3: had to leave. So I think that was like the
Speaker 3: decision making process in that. And I have not spoken
Speaker 3: to my dad since.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, So at the moment you left the house,
Speaker 2: So when you say you ran away, you didn't know
Speaker 2: what you Yeah, you were gone, gone, gone for Where
Speaker 2: did you go? What did you do? Who did you seek? What?
Speaker 3: How picked me up?
Speaker 2: Did you know in your head that once you left
Speaker 2: that was going to be it? Or did you think
Speaker 2: I'm just going to do this just to you.
Speaker 3: Know, I think deep down on you but also the
Speaker 3: unknown you guys, you never actually know what's going to
Speaker 3: happen when you do something you've never done before. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and yeah, like I called my nan on Monday one
Speaker 3: hundred reverts and I was like, I think I'm going
Speaker 3: to leave now, so like, can you come pick me up?
Speaker 3: And I'll just like go home and get some stuff.
Speaker 3: She lived an hour away, so yeah, I just went
Speaker 3: did that, grab some stuff and then called her back
Speaker 3: and then just went way for her.
Speaker 2: Did you have time to miss your mom? And do
Speaker 2: you think that's why you rang your nan?
Speaker 3: I don't think I had time to miss my mum
Speaker 3: or to sort of even still process. I think I
Speaker 3: was just like living in survival mode that I was
Speaker 3: just really getting by each day, and I think the
Speaker 3: processing my mom and grieving her and even missing her
Speaker 3: came later. I think I just called my nan because
Speaker 3: I didn't really have anywhere else to sort of go,
Speaker 3: and I used you to come and get me. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I think that came later, when around maybe eighteen, that
Speaker 3: all of that stuff sort of caught up with me.
Speaker 2: It does. It's the same with myself. When I was five,
Speaker 2: my father passed away. How was it like living with
Speaker 2: your nan? Did you make your NaN's life easy? Well?
Speaker 3: I went to live with my auntie, like my dad's sister,
Speaker 3: and look not very dissimilar to living with my dad
Speaker 3: in different ways, So I guess same sort of thing,
Speaker 3: sort of just like survival mode and sort of get
Speaker 3: but in that I was in a better place than
Speaker 3: I was living with my dad, and so I think
Speaker 3: I lived with them until about eighteen, and then as
Speaker 3: soon as I finished school, I got a traineeship at
Speaker 3: the special school where I was living. And yeah, so
Speaker 3: I did that trainee ship for a year, and then
Speaker 3: I started teaching online and worked in a special school
Speaker 3: I think for another three years, and then I went
Speaker 3: to mainstream and did two years there, and then I
Speaker 3: was a welfare officer in a primary school for one
Speaker 3: more year.
Speaker 2: Wow, So you know this, your your childhood is without
Speaker 2: you realizing, it's breeding resilience, it's breeding strength. You know
Speaker 2: you're you know you're still here, so you're you're getting stronger,
Speaker 2: you're learning to live with not only yourself, but you're
Speaker 2: learning to live with other people. You've had to grow
Speaker 2: up super quick. And you said that with at the
Speaker 2: age of eighteen, it started, you know, you started to
Speaker 2: realize and missing your mom and going through that process
Speaker 2: of grieving. When did that initially hit you do? Was
Speaker 2: there a moment that hit you where someone says something
Speaker 2: or was it just it just like trickle fed into I.
Speaker 3: Think it's trickle fed because I was the kids that
Speaker 3: I was working with come from a lot of trauma
Speaker 3: themselves and had a lot of challenging behaviors, and so
Speaker 3: looking at the kids and observing them that you know,
Speaker 3: were affected by traumas or a lot of myself without
Speaker 3: actually realizing. And then when I studied child and adolescent development,
Speaker 3: especially in like a trauma lens, I think I just
Speaker 3: remember I was like, is this play about me?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, wow, I was like, this is me.
Speaker 3: So I learned a lot about myself then, and I
Speaker 3: think that was the time where I really processed everything
Speaker 3: and was able to like look at it in a
Speaker 3: different way and also look at the kids in a
Speaker 3: different way and be able to understand them a lot more,
Speaker 3: and you know, I think that's where like the passion
Speaker 3: came from being able to understand the kids and you know,
Speaker 3: even just understanding their behavior, why they're disruptive, and you know,
Speaker 3: there's a lot more to it. And I think in
Speaker 3: that also read the book The Body that Keeps the
Speaker 3: Score and the same thing. I think, I read that
Speaker 3: once a year, and I always pick up on something
Speaker 3: else I learn about myself. And I think just like
Speaker 3: studying that and learning those things made me really self
Speaker 3: aware about how my trauma has affected me. Probably in
Speaker 3: everyday life.
Speaker 2: When did you feel, you know, outside of that survival mode,
Speaker 2: when did you feel at most sort of peace with yourself?
Speaker 2: Are you just for I do know what, I'm in
Speaker 2: a good place.
Speaker 3: Here, I think like every day after that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, every day survival motive. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: I think it also gave me a big push to
Speaker 3: sort of like look at my life and figure out
Speaker 3: what I wanted to do and where I wanted to
Speaker 3: be and sort of like in a weird way, sort
Speaker 3: of design a life or like create a life that
Speaker 3: made me happy and made me fulfilled. And you know,
Speaker 3: I think a part of that, you know, there's a
Speaker 3: lot of like intergenerational trauma and those type of things
Speaker 3: within my family. So I think even just being able
Speaker 3: to understand that and figure out how I fit in
Speaker 3: that and how I fit in that with my family,
Speaker 3: because like you know, my family is very different and
Speaker 3: with there's half siblings, they're all everywhere. And yeah, I
Speaker 3: think just being able to look create a life myself
Speaker 3: I reckon.
Speaker 2: And what did that look like when when you managed
Speaker 2: to do that or when you you know you're no
Speaker 2: longer running from from yourself? Ultimately, what did that life
Speaker 2: look like? And what did you have planned out? And
Speaker 2: was a roadmap that you had for yourself?
Speaker 3: So it sounds like I had all of that, but
Speaker 3: I didn't. I think it was just being able to
Speaker 3: actually live in the present for the first time and
Speaker 3: be able to do what I wanted to do and
Speaker 3: what was going to make me happy.
Speaker 2: Really, could you be yourself?
Speaker 3: Could? Yeah?
Speaker 2: You felt you felt like there was a sense of
Speaker 2: normality settling there for sure, And then all this is happening,
Speaker 2: you find yourself in a good place, do you take forward?
Speaker 2: Do you injure yourself when playing cricket? And then you think,
Speaker 2: you know, you think it's just an injury, and it
Speaker 2: turns out to be something that ultimately ends up, you know,
Speaker 2: turning your life back upside down, if you wish to
Speaker 2: take me back to that moment when you when you
Speaker 2: realize that, wow, this is a lot more serious than
Speaker 2: I thought it was.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well it was a cricket bat. I was playing
Speaker 3: cricket with the with the kids, and so the plastic
Speaker 3: cricket bat just like brushed the side of my own
Speaker 3: cool and yeah, I just like fell over and it
Speaker 3: took me like a whole minute to get out because
Speaker 3: it like really hurt. You know when you sort of
Speaker 3: hit your funny bones paralyzes. Yeah, it was sort of
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: And that was on your ankle, on my ankle, yeah,
Speaker 2: outside of inside inside the inside of you, with.
Speaker 3: Like a little bit of like nerve pain. That was
Speaker 3: really weird pain. And then I guess that sort of
Speaker 3: just like alerted me into this pain. And I think
Speaker 3: like for three weeks I just had this random pain
Speaker 3: that was like weird.
Speaker 2: You didn't think anything of it. You decided what we
Speaker 2: just had an accident.
Speaker 3: I thought maybe the cricket bat like hit something. Yeah,
Speaker 3: there's nothing I could have done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly and there wasn't. It wasn't it just skimmed
Speaker 2: it right, so it must have. Yeah, yeah, so it
Speaker 2: wasn't any direct impact or anything. So you're just thinking,
Speaker 2: do you know what?
Speaker 3: I was only like, I was also like big into CrossFit,
Speaker 3: so I was like training six days a week, so
Speaker 3: I also thought it was something to do with that,
Speaker 3: and I didn't pay much attention to it. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I ended up going to the doctors I think maybe
Speaker 3: like three weeks after, and she told me how to cast.
Speaker 3: If I'd ligament, There's nothing I could do, so I
Speaker 3: left it and then it just like got worse. And
Speaker 3: then I got diagnosed with like an ostereoosteroid, which is
Speaker 3: like a benign tumor in the bone in the same
Speaker 3: bone in the ankle right, And then I was on
Speaker 3: a waiting this to have that removed. I was on
Speaker 3: that waiting this for ten months, and the pain in
Speaker 3: those ten months, I would have like four to six
Speaker 3: every four to six hours, I'd have to take one
Speaker 3: panet or one ibuproven for that pain to stop, because
Speaker 3: like if it hit it would take like two hours
Speaker 3: for it to stop. Would sort of just like numb
Speaker 3: my whole leg and I wouldn't be able to walk.
Speaker 2: So you was just staying on top of it for
Speaker 2: ten months, Yeah, every day medicating waiting for this operation
Speaker 2: or for this operation around.
Speaker 3: Because I'd go back and You're like, it's getting worse,
Speaker 3: Like I can barely sleep.
Speaker 2: Do you think, oh if I strap it up or
Speaker 2: we Yeah, I did everything, you've done it, You've done
Speaker 2: everything you can still wasn't.
Speaker 3: Because it was like looking back now I can say
Speaker 3: it was inside the bone, but back then I was
Speaker 3: I had no idea because even strapping it would hurt,
Speaker 3: like touching that side of my ankle, like even just
Speaker 3: the skin it would kill, like it would paralyze. Even
Speaker 3: if I put a sock on, like I had to
Speaker 3: like not touch it.
Speaker 2: Because I was that bad.
Speaker 3: That's how bad it was. Yeah, And then after ten
Speaker 3: months there was still no movement on the list. So
Speaker 3: I just like chose to go private and pay I
Speaker 3: think it was like five thousand dollars for the for
Speaker 3: him to treat what they had diagnosed me with. But
Speaker 3: the surgeon was a psackoma surgeon, which was like a
Speaker 3: cancer surgeon, and so what they were doing to treat
Speaker 3: that is I put a needle in the middle of
Speaker 3: it and to ninety degree is leaving there for six
Speaker 3: minutes to pull it out, and it was done, and
Speaker 3: so it's a CT guided procedure. But when he got
Speaker 3: the image up, he knew straight away that it was
Speaker 3: like psychoma, and so he treated it as he was
Speaker 3: supposed to and then took some more biopsies, and then
Speaker 3: I remember him like, I remember him saying that I
Speaker 3: would walk out of the hospital leg pain free, like
Speaker 3: would go straight away.
Speaker 2: So what was the case of doing a simple op Yeah,
Speaker 2: just and just removing moving apart of the.
Speaker 3: Just removing the tim with the with the heat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you're thinking that this
Speaker 2: stage right good? Yes, chill yeah, chill yeah, chill.
Speaker 3: Right. Then I limped out of the hospital and that
Speaker 3: was when I was like, why is this still sore? Right?
Speaker 2: So that happened and then you limped out the hospital.
Speaker 3: And then about a week later the surgeon called me
Speaker 3: and the results I come back from the biopsy, which
Speaker 3: it was like an osteopsychoma, which is bone cancer in
Speaker 3: the ankle, and I think at that stage it was
Speaker 3: like a centimeter in diameter, so it was like quite small. Yeah,
Speaker 3: not too big and yeah, so pretty much started chemo.
Speaker 3: I think the week after that I went straight into.
Speaker 2: Was this due to the trauma of the of the
Speaker 2: quick amount?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah. So essentially all it is is like your
Speaker 3: bone cells just get muddled up when they're forming the bone.
Speaker 3: So typically it happens to children adolescent. I think maybe
Speaker 3: I just went through a growth spurt by twenty one,
Speaker 3: still growing and yeah, the souls just get muddled up
Speaker 3: and then turn into cancer.
Speaker 2: When do you realize how serious is You know this is?
Speaker 2: You're feeling the pain, obviously you know it, but the
Speaker 2: doctors are saying, yeah, we do this, You're gonna limp out. No,
Speaker 2: why he's at all? And when do they go, well, actually,
Speaker 2: this is James coming. You need to sit down, buddy,
Speaker 2: we we need to talk about this.
Speaker 3: I think the moment I left the hospital, I was
Speaker 3: sort of like, something's a bit weird about this. And
Speaker 3: then I still had pain the week after, like the
Speaker 3: pain had never gone away, and so I think in
Speaker 3: that I was sort of just not preparing myself for
Speaker 3: the worst. But you know, it's subconsciously I was like,
Speaker 3: I know something's wrong. I would be surprised if nothing
Speaker 3: else happens as a result. But yeah, he called me
Speaker 3: the week after because he couldn't get me into the
Speaker 3: week after that, and he deserted and just didn't want
Speaker 3: to leave me all weekend and be like, I can't
Speaker 3: not tell you why. I'm making an appointment for you
Speaker 3: next week, so I'm just going to tell you have cancer. Wow,
Speaker 3: And which I wasn't surprised, so I think in that
Speaker 3: was probably like more relief. It all made sense.
Speaker 2: And what's your personal life look like when he tells
Speaker 2: you this year? Are you alone? Have you got a partner?
Speaker 2: Are you living by yourself? Because you know that support
Speaker 2: network is so vitally important. When you receive, you know,
Speaker 2: such information that you've got cancer, it's like, well, who do.
Speaker 3: You go to?
Speaker 2: Did you have anyone to go to?
Speaker 3: Well? I think growing up, my whole support system is
Speaker 3: always me, So I guess I even now when things happen,
Speaker 3: I just fall back into that. I mean, obviously I
Speaker 3: have friends and a support system, but yeah, in that moment,
Speaker 3: I was living alone. I had a full time job,
Speaker 3: and I was working at schools but at the school holidays,
Speaker 3: so I was like, crap, I'm not going to be
Speaker 3: able to go back next term. But I also don't
Speaker 3: know that.
Speaker 2: And you've you've gained this resilience and gained this sort
Speaker 2: of strength of isolation of being by yourself. That's all
Speaker 2: you've known growing up, right, So so ultimately then I'm
Speaker 2: not sure the coating this in any way, but when
Speaker 2: he when you've received that information, it was a case
Speaker 2: of right, okay, I'm just you know, I've dealt with
Speaker 2: you know, I've dealt with this all my whole life.
Speaker 2: You know I've dealt with I've dealt with you know,
Speaker 2: with with and I'm going to deal with with with
Speaker 2: this diagnosis right now.
Speaker 3: I think it was also time and place. Like before
Speaker 3: what I was saying, I wanted to create myself like
Speaker 3: a great life, and I had. I was doing everything
Speaker 3: I wanted to do in a job that I've always
Speaker 3: wanted to do, but I also sort of felt stuck
Speaker 3: in my life, and I also didn't know what was next,
Speaker 3: or like I didn't feel feel fulfilled, and so I
Speaker 3: didn't know what I wanted to do next. I guess
Speaker 3: so in that when he did tell me, for me,
Speaker 3: it was more just acceptance of, well, this was supposed
Speaker 3: to happen, and maybe this is what I needed to
Speaker 3: stop feeling stuck, if that makes sense, Like it was
Speaker 3: a new path, which is exactly what happened.
Speaker 2: So you're making the best of a bad situation. Basically,
Speaker 2: you're going, look this, listen, this is I can't change it.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to try and control what I can't control.
Speaker 2: But now I need to you know, this is this
Speaker 2: has forced me into a new into a new head space.
Speaker 2: It has forced me into into a new space that
Speaker 2: I need to figure out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think even see, I don't even look
Speaker 3: at us a bad situation, like I understand, like cancer
Speaker 3: is scary, obviously can die. But I look back now
Speaker 3: and even in the moment, actually probably one of the
Speaker 3: nice experiences I've had in my life where the time
Speaker 3: that I spent even in hospital with like the nurses,
Speaker 3: some of them are my friends now, and you know,
Speaker 3: being able to go there and then go back home,
Speaker 3: and it was like it but in that I actually
Speaker 3: really enjoyed it. It's actually a really nice experience and
Speaker 3: also a really nice experience to carry through, I guess
Speaker 3: for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2: Do you think that do you think that was because
Speaker 2: people were going on the journey with you rather than
Speaker 2: you going on a journey by yourself.
Speaker 3: Yes, I would definitely say yes, Like I feel like
Speaker 3: then you definitely find you figure out who your friends
Speaker 3: and your family are and your support system is. But
Speaker 3: I also like kept everything like pretty private from my
Speaker 3: friends and my family just because I actually feel like
Speaker 3: their sort of grief within it themselves was harder for
Speaker 3: me because I didn't feel the same. They had a
Speaker 3: lot of trouble like processing the emotions and being scared,
Speaker 3: where I was just sort of chill.
Speaker 2: You're a pretty chill guy, James, So I have to
Speaker 2: give you that.
Speaker 3: So in that I sort of just like, yeah, I
Speaker 3: sort of shielded them from that and just didn't speak
Speaker 3: or told them anything until I was ready.
Speaker 2: And so when did you get that news? When did
Speaker 2: they say to you, we're gonna have to chop your
Speaker 2: leg off? Oh yeah, what was that news?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: Because that's yeah, I know you're chill, you're chill, but
Speaker 2: that must.
Speaker 3: I was chill And I don't even want to say that.
Speaker 3: My actually asked me about it the other day. I'm like, Oh,
Speaker 3: that was chilly. It's just like it must be really desensitized.
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, not. I actually just don't care. What
Speaker 3: was that like? It was interesting.
Speaker 2: I just take me through that day when you get
Speaker 2: the phone call and they go come in and they
Speaker 2: sit you down and they go we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 2: love your leg off you.
Speaker 3: Well, that was never at the start. At the start,
Speaker 3: this was just a centimeter that we're going to start
Speaker 3: off with chemo. Yeah, the treatment plans like chemo for
Speaker 3: three months and then they look again to see like
Speaker 3: what the chemo is doing and how the cancers reacting
Speaker 3: to it and responding to it, and then they would
Speaker 3: look at a surgical plan. In the three months of chemo,
Speaker 3: the pain just got worse. Actually, there were like two
Speaker 3: occasions where I think I was even in the hospital
Speaker 3: and they probably had given me every strong like pay
Speaker 3: med occasion that they could have that in the end
Speaker 3: that ended up knocking me out because I couldn't sleep
Speaker 3: because of the pain. Yeah, so chema for three months,
Speaker 3: and they went back for the scans to find out
Speaker 3: what they were going to do in surgery, which up
Speaker 3: until then they had always told me a bone graft.
Speaker 3: But I think the pain is getting worse. I remember
Speaker 3: that morning and I just actually had a dream that
Speaker 3: night that my surgeon told me amputation. Oh really yeah yeah,
Speaker 3: And so I woke up in the morning. I was
Speaker 3: sort of not surprised, and I was also like I
Speaker 3: didn't know anything about prosthetics. I didn't know anything. And
Speaker 3: I remember that morning I was like, because my numb
Speaker 3: was there, I didn't want her to see, but I
Speaker 3: was like google prosthetics and just like, oh you were you. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was just like researching how all that works. And
Speaker 3: then when I got there for the appointment, they give
Speaker 3: you like a little appointment slip. I only had one appointment,
Speaker 3: true slips came out and I was like, where's that
Speaker 3: second appointment coming from? And I was like I know
Speaker 3: what this is. So yeah, when I went in and
Speaker 3: the search and told me amputation, yeah, I was just
Speaker 3: actually chill, yeah, no response. And there was also like
Speaker 3: one of the social worker in there from the hospital
Speaker 3: and they were both just like looking at me waiting
Speaker 3: for reaction, and my nan she was crying, but I
Speaker 3: just had to ignore her for that second, respectfully.
Speaker 2: Getting there but also disrespectfully yeah keep quiet, Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: going through this at the moment.
Speaker 3: At the moment, yeah, that was just like staring at
Speaker 3: me for a reaction, and I was just like looking
Speaker 3: at them, but both like okay, I can sign it now,
Speaker 3: because I just wanted to get out of there instead
Speaker 3: of them staring at me. And so yeah, the surgeon
Speaker 3: was like, ay, sure, like we can do the other option.
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, it's actually not really an option, so yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm sure. The other option was to remove the whole
Speaker 3: ankle joint, because the cancer ended up going around the
Speaker 3: whole ankle joint, and so the first well, the alternate
Speaker 3: option was to remove the ankle joint and then put
Speaker 3: a rod up through my heel to hold the foot
Speaker 3: and the I know, the angle that's not there together,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then an ankle reconstruction.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then I'd have a fixed ankle as well.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be able to remove it, and then there's
Speaker 3: like skin contaminations, so then I'd have to have plastic
Speaker 3: surgery to remove parts of the skin where the cancer
Speaker 3: the souls were so they don't turn cancerous, and greater
Speaker 3: risk of the cancer coming back.
Speaker 2: You're still very active, right, You're still sporty still.
Speaker 3: That would have limited me, yeah, and it would have
Speaker 3: annoyed me that I would have wanted them to actually
Speaker 3: chop it off.
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, So there was a multiple You already calculated it,
Speaker 2: like you said that you already had the answer in
Speaker 2: your head.
Speaker 3: I was already into it.
Speaker 2: So take me through the day that they actually decided
Speaker 2: to put you.
Speaker 3: On there, and oh yeah, so happened the week after?
Speaker 2: Oh so that quick? So you made the decision. You
Speaker 2: want to talk you out of it?
Speaker 3: Was anyone know that I did? Not necessarily because like
Speaker 3: in the appointment that day, I signed the paperwork and
Speaker 3: after that was like all rightyes, So like when I
Speaker 3: thought maybe like a month, it's like next Tuesday, I
Speaker 3: was okay, great, yeah, yeah, wow, and look scary because
Speaker 3: you're like having a leg chopped off. And my sisters
Speaker 3: were there and they had freaked me out. But like,
Speaker 3: imagine if they take the wrong leg when they take both.
Speaker 2: Ye. Now, yeah, obviously talk you through where they're going
Speaker 2: to take it from.
Speaker 3: And I just knew it was blowney And maybe I
Speaker 3: don't know if they told me specifically.
Speaker 2: So they didn't show you any charts or anything that
Speaker 2: I like, ye, we're going to take off from here.
Speaker 3: The surgeon showed me the knife.
Speaker 2: Yeah, lovely.
Speaker 3: It was a serrated one.
Speaker 2: Because you were so chill. He's like, I want some
Speaker 2: reaction from you. James.
Speaker 3: Well, he kept explaining to me and like showing me,
Speaker 3: and then he was like trying to show me how
Speaker 3: as they're cutting with the knife, there's like a suction
Speaker 3: that like sucks up all the blood. I'm like, why
Speaker 3: are you showing me?
Speaker 2: This is my leg?
Speaker 3: Just get on with But yeah, he did sort of
Speaker 3: say the process. But what they do really is they
Speaker 3: stop all the nerve endings first and sort of I'm
Speaker 3: going to say, kill them, yeah, just so as your
Speaker 3: brain's last memory of the ankle is a pain free
Speaker 3: one because it was in pain. So they do that
Speaker 3: first to make sure that you're rain's last memory.
Speaker 2: And how do they do that is it? Is it
Speaker 2: a medicine or.
Speaker 3: Yeah? And then that's all I know.
Speaker 2: So you wake up. What's the first thing you do
Speaker 2: when you wake up?
Speaker 3: Well, I woke up with an EPI drool. So the
Speaker 3: first thing I wanted to do actually was checked to
Speaker 3: make sure.
Speaker 2: They took the correct leg because of your sisters.
Speaker 3: But there was a nurse in there and I just
Speaker 3: did not want her to know. That's what I was
Speaker 3: doing like checking and make sure the leg was the
Speaker 3: right one. So then I go through a thought process,
Speaker 3: Oh my god, why don't I just like move my
Speaker 3: left leg. I have an epidriol. So then I can't
Speaker 3: feel my left leg and I can't move that. I
Speaker 3: was like, shit, have they taken the wrong leg. But
Speaker 3: then I literally just grabbed my phone and I knew, look,
Speaker 3: I just wanted macas breaky. I don't know why. I
Speaker 3: was just craving out. It's like he's going to get
Speaker 3: it for me. And I was like, I know, if
Speaker 3: I call my sisters and tell them that's what I want,
Speaker 3: then I'm going to deliver. So I had to like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I need you to come here. Players.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just my leg cut off, get me McDonald's.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it came straight away, and I was like, I
Speaker 3: just wanted to make his break.
Speaker 2: And they wanted to leg off.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm actually really fine, And is.
Speaker 2: There a moment that reality kicks in that you go WHOA, Well,
Speaker 2: actually I've got quite a quite a journey from here onwards. Yes,
Speaker 2: you straight into it, your mindset, you just straight into.
Speaker 3: So I had the surgery done on Tuesday Friday, and
Speaker 3: I still had an every drool and stuff. Friday, I reckon.
Speaker 3: I argued with the doctors all day Friday, and they
Speaker 3: settled on turning everything off but leaving it in overnight
Speaker 3: to see how it go, and they took everything out
Speaker 3: on Saturday morning. I never had pain since.
Speaker 2: Oh really, yeah, so the pain that you've been experiencing
Speaker 2: for over a year now.
Speaker 3: Was gone gone. And I had no pain from the
Speaker 3: surgical wound either, wow, which I remember in that moment
Speaker 3: when they did turn it off, I was like, oh shit,
Speaker 3: this actually might be really sore, like they did just
Speaker 3: chop a whole leg off, but you know, no pain.
Speaker 3: And they sent me home a week after because there's
Speaker 3: like no point in me being there. I was doing
Speaker 3: everything myself. And then I think I went back to
Speaker 3: cross fit while the while it was healing on one leg.
Speaker 2: You're just on crutches. You're back in the CrossFit gym.
Speaker 3: Because I hadn't had chemo, I was starting to feel
Speaker 3: like normal again, like my in terms of my energy and.
Speaker 2: So everything really is even though it's a negative situation,
Speaker 2: everything for you, pain wise, mobility wise, it was was
Speaker 2: was positive right because you're no longer in pain. I'm
Speaker 2: no longer going through chema. Get back into the gym. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I might have might be hobbling around for a bit,
Speaker 2: but I'll get used to it. I'll figure it out.
Speaker 2: So everything was I suppose a positive challenge for you,
Speaker 2: then woulds and that's how you looked at it. I'm
Speaker 2: just like adapting, Yeah, adapting. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I remember my friend said to me once, like when
Speaker 3: I told her that it was like being amputated, she
Speaker 3: said to me once, this would just be your new normal,
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my god. True. So I
Speaker 3: think just taking that on board and using that into
Speaker 3: creating my own new normal of what that would look like.
Speaker 3: And I think it's like a human vestor you're constantly
Speaker 3: making sense of the world. Every interaction, like everywhere you go,
Speaker 3: you're gumuly taking an information that you're going to use
Speaker 3: tomorrow and the day after. And I think it's all
Speaker 3: part of that.
Speaker 2: Really, there's all part of that process, isn't it. Do
Speaker 2: you feel in these these phantom pains? And so you
Speaker 2: didn't feel that you didn't go through any of that
Speaker 2: and wait a little bit, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Where I just had the feeling of like wanting to
Speaker 3: stretch my toe is out that my toes went.
Speaker 2: So that does exist. It's just true.
Speaker 3: It does. Yeah, but I don't I get it very
Speaker 3: I can bring it on like I can sit here
Speaker 3: and I have to actually really think about it now,
Speaker 3: but I can like move my big toe that's not there.
Speaker 3: Because essentially what it is is your brain is unable
Speaker 3: to recognize that that part of the body's gone because
Speaker 3: it's not a typical thing. So because your brain hasn't
Speaker 3: had a response from it for a while, it will
Speaker 3: send pain signals to be like hey you up. Essentially,
Speaker 3: So when I first started in the phantom pain, I
Speaker 3: just distracted myself because I was like, it's just my
Speaker 3: brain thinking about it, and you know, so it's just
Speaker 3: distracted myself when it'll stopped. And I also think it
Speaker 3: comes from like a positive mindset as well. I know
Speaker 3: other people who have lost limbs, and you know, obviously
Speaker 3: people experience things differently, and you know, different types of
Speaker 3: trauma when you lose a limb, and I see I
Speaker 3: have seen a lot of people like with phantom pain
Speaker 3: that you know that sometimes I forget the hospital and
Speaker 3: your hospital asked for it. But yeah, I've never had
Speaker 3: any of those experiences.
Speaker 2: So I don't know, but I love that because you
Speaker 2: you have you know, you've got such a positive way
Speaker 2: of breaking things down, process and things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, even I remember in OT saying that I would
Speaker 3: never have a dream again. I would never not have
Speaker 3: a dream with nothing but two legs because your brain
Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to comprehend that I now have one leg. Ye,
Speaker 3: so I would never have a dream from the amputation.
Speaker 3: I've never actually had a dream of two legs. So
Speaker 3: I'm like, I really think it's just really accepting and
Speaker 3: tapping into that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's powerful, really really really powerful. So you go
Speaker 2: along your your loving life again. Is that right? You're
Speaker 2: after the amputation? You're back in the gym? Are you
Speaker 2: back at work? Are you back in the back to
Speaker 2: go straight back with the Yeah?
Speaker 3: So I think I finished came around November, there was
Speaker 3: literally like four weeks left of term. But as soon
Speaker 3: as term one started I was straight back full time.
Speaker 3: And yeah, straight back into normal life, straight.
Speaker 2: Back into normal life. And then when did the modeling
Speaker 2: career come around? I know that your friend had had
Speaker 2: a clothing company, was that right?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, well her family owned the clothing shop where
Speaker 3: I lived and I reckon that was a year after.
Speaker 2: So during that year you're back into a routine your
Speaker 2: loving life. Are you still sort of stuck in the
Speaker 2: you know where you don't know where the next journey
Speaker 2: is or you don't know where the next you know,
Speaker 2: the purposes or the next goal? Were you well in?
Speaker 3: That is when I sort of, I think realized and
Speaker 3: then that sort of all came at once. I think
Speaker 3: then going from able to then being disabled, to seeing
Speaker 3: how people interacted with me and you know, spoke to
Speaker 3: me differently. I think every day for like a good
Speaker 3: six months, I would hear someone say that's I'm so
Speaker 3: sad for you and that's so sorry, which to me
Speaker 3: was nothing.
Speaker 2: But the word yeah, the worst thing.
Speaker 3: I can imagine that even looking at me as like
Speaker 3: a sad sack or like, oh you feel sorry for me?
Speaker 3: Nothing to feel sorry for. I think in that opened up,
Speaker 3: did that piss you off? Oh yeah at the start, yeah,
Speaker 3: because it's like you have no way out and you
Speaker 3: can't even say anything.
Speaker 2: Because what can you say, and that you know that
Speaker 2: it's China they mean good but oh yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: And it comes from yeah, it comes from like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: yeah yeah, but it also comes from the perception and
Speaker 3: narrative around disability that we have, and I think that
Speaker 3: really just comes from media and the perception that we have.
Speaker 3: I love that because then I was able to like
Speaker 3: look back at or I had to really debunk it
Speaker 3: myself and redefine it myself, because I even had trouble saying,
Speaker 3: oh ya, I'm disabled or like being referenced in that way,
Speaker 3: because for me, in that moment, disabled meant something different
Speaker 3: that I was unable or I couldn't do this, or
Speaker 3: I couldn't do that, and that was not the correct perception.
Speaker 2: That what it is. You just hit the man on
Speaker 2: the side that disabled almost is unable. Yeah, yeah, And
Speaker 2: it seemed like it is portrayed like that. The media
Speaker 2: portrayed like that.
Speaker 3: Someone can sit by a car, what happens at the end,
Speaker 3: someone's all of a sudden now using wheelchair. That can happen,
Speaker 3: but that's portrayed, and what you infer from that is
Speaker 3: that it's the worst thing that could happen to you.
Speaker 3: And then you take that on and that starts to
Speaker 3: form a perception of a disability or someone using a wheelchair.
Speaker 3: And I definitely had that even when I worked and
Speaker 3: then looking back at my work at the special school,
Speaker 3: I was like, same thing. Then sort of realized that
Speaker 3: I had my own internalizedablest thoughts that I had to
Speaker 3: work through. And for me, yeah, just come down to
Speaker 3: the either lack of representation or the misrepresentation in media.
Speaker 2: So you're learning about this firsthand, right, you would It
Speaker 2: wouldn't have even entered your head before. Right, And now
Speaker 2: you're you're starting to see what people are look at me,
Speaker 2: Different people are talking to me, different people are treating
Speaker 2: me differently. And then is it is it a case
Speaker 2: of right? No, no, no, no, this is this? Isn't
Speaker 2: it now that it was? It a new sense of
Speaker 2: purpose for you?
Speaker 3: Yes, because I went on the journey myself time.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I realized that.
Speaker 3: And then as I would interact with more people and
Speaker 3: I would hear those things, I would just question them
Speaker 3: like why because they would also not have the answer
Speaker 3: for that would tell me they felt so sad for
Speaker 3: me or sorry for me. I'm like, okay, why oh,
Speaker 3: because you lost your Like okay, but like why does
Speaker 3: that make you sad?
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm actually like still doing everything, I'm pain free, and.
Speaker 3: Like that does not define or purpose. So yeah, I
Speaker 3: think because my friend owned a clothing shop, has just
Speaker 3: got a camera and they were just like mucking around
Speaker 3: for social media. Yeah, I just did that for fun
Speaker 3: with a friend. And then from then is when I
Speaker 3: started modeling and people were just like reaching out to
Speaker 3: me online.
Speaker 2: And then I think, but why you were doing that?
Speaker 2: Were you were you? Were you still passionate and portraying
Speaker 2: this message of yes, yes, so simultaneously that you merge
Speaker 2: the two together.
Speaker 3: And then in that is when I realized, oh, this
Speaker 3: is probably how I could shift the narrative. Love that
Speaker 3: and you know, probably be in a position to at
Speaker 3: least unknown him, use my voice or at least create
Speaker 3: more representation for people with the disability.
Speaker 2: Is the power the power of social media, because that's
Speaker 2: when the power of social media really comes alive because
Speaker 2: people can relate to it. And that's where I thinks
Speaker 2: a viable and you start to make a name for
Speaker 2: yourself and you you start to think, wow, you know
Speaker 2: people are listening. I can change people's perspective, I can
Speaker 2: change people's minds, I can change people's lives one percent.
Speaker 3: And I think in that I really learned that how
Speaker 3: to sort of do that rather than telling people, because
Speaker 3: when you tell people, they're not going to listen. They
Speaker 3: need to come up with it themselves. So even you know,
Speaker 3: when I yeah, even when I first started advocating, you know,
Speaker 3: I guess I was just sharing my dating messages where
Speaker 3: people would message me straight up be like what happened
Speaker 3: to your leg? Or like question this in question that,
Speaker 3: And all I would do is just screenshot it and
Speaker 3: share it because then people would start to form their
Speaker 3: own perception and sort of realize what was happening in
Speaker 3: that themselves that I actually didn't ex spell it out
Speaker 3: for them. So I think that became a powerful tool
Speaker 3: in inviting people into the conversation, also with a bit
Speaker 3: of humor, like I don't really care, it's funny, you know.
Speaker 3: So I think that also realized how to tap into
Speaker 3: people and how to advocate in a way where people
Speaker 3: come up with the answers themselves rather than telling.
Speaker 2: People, because that's what they need to do. You need
Speaker 2: to make them think ultimately, exactly, exactly, Wow, So you're
Speaker 2: doing this, when do you realize, shit, you know, people
Speaker 2: that you know this is this is real?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I took a year. I think it
Speaker 3: was like that whole year of just like building a
Speaker 3: career that I didn't like. To be honest, respectfully, I
Speaker 3: didn't even try.
Speaker 2: Just like doing your thing.
Speaker 3: Let's see what happens there. Yeah, and then I think
Speaker 3: after a year it was probably at the end of
Speaker 3: that year that I remember I spoke to my principal.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I don't know if I will
Speaker 3: come back next year, like I had an ongoing contract.
Speaker 3: But then I said to him, maybe I'll just like
Speaker 3: come back for the first two terms and then I'm
Speaker 3: out after that, just give him a heads up. And
Speaker 3: I remember him saying, the job that you do here,
Speaker 3: you might be able to find more purpose in doing
Speaker 3: that in different ways. And that's when it really clicked
Speaker 3: for me. And I was like, right, I do need
Speaker 3: to get out of here. So yeah, I finished up
Speaker 3: at then determined. Then I moved to Melbourne. And then
Speaker 3: in that is when I sort of like realized what
Speaker 3: you were saying before everything I do and say and
Speaker 3: sort of did change.
Speaker 2: And was there a moment, Was there a moment you thought, Wow,
Speaker 2: you know I'm in this now my life, you know
Speaker 2: this is the direction that I'm going in. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think all the responsibility altip that that I have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. I think it was probably at the
Speaker 3: end of that year when I when I did that.
Speaker 3: At the end of that year, I booked a Calvin
Speaker 3: Klein International campaign, and I remember saying to my manager
Speaker 3: for like three months, I'm like, I'm not doing bonds.
Speaker 3: I do like, for no reason except for if I
Speaker 3: was to do underway, I just want to do Calvin Client,
Speaker 3: which even now I'm like, that's crazy that I actually
Speaker 3: did do that, But I was like, I'll never get that,
Speaker 3: but it doesn't matter. I'm sticking to it. And then
Speaker 3: I booked it like a month after they to me
Speaker 3: it was like who do who do we talk to?
Speaker 3: And yeah, So I think that then was probably like
Speaker 3: the moment, Yeah, that sort of ticked over for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that just went on from one to another
Speaker 2: to another to another. Then when did you get the
Speaker 2: the call for the GQ. You know, that's quite a
Speaker 2: you know, quite a remarkable moment when you're recognized, you know,
Speaker 2: GQ Man of the Year. You know, it's known, not
Speaker 2: only known globally. I've been to I've been to one
Speaker 2: myself in the UK and it's you know, you get
Speaker 2: some really inspirational and motivational, and you know people there
Speaker 2: that you can't help but just listen to. And what
Speaker 2: does it feel like to go there knowing that you're
Speaker 2: one of those people.
Speaker 3: Like out of body?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess I sort of knew from if the
Speaker 3: award show was in December, I probably knew from September.
Speaker 3: So from September is when the Convert leg they came
Speaker 3: to me and we're just asking my availabilities for the
Speaker 3: award show and then like looking at a photo shoot
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. I was saying to my manager,
Speaker 3: I'm like, does that, Like, why what's it? Am I
Speaker 3: model of the ear?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: She was like, well, they haven't confirmed it. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't think they need to, Like I think this
Speaker 3: is it. And then when when I booked the photo shoot,
Speaker 3: I was on the phone to her. I'm like, so
Speaker 3: you're gonna ask them now am I it or not?
Speaker 3: Like what's the photo shoot for? But yeah, and then
Speaker 3: that was confirmed, so I sort of knew. And then
Speaker 3: I did the photo shoot and then yeah, another two
Speaker 3: that was in October, so I knew for good two months.
Speaker 3: In that two months, I felt weird.
Speaker 2: So you embraced it so everything that came you embraced.
Speaker 2: And what was it like standing, you know, being awarded,
Speaker 2: you know, even though you knew it, I know you
Speaker 2: knew it, and but you know, the whole world now
Speaker 2: knows it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it such a weird experience. Actually, I was, you know,
Speaker 3: obviously two month to prepare for it, and then we.
Speaker 2: Got to the day and I was like, oh, crap,
Speaker 2: where you cheer one a day or not?
Speaker 3: But like.
Speaker 2: The one time that you wasn't killed.
Speaker 3: That everyone was worried chill until they told me I was,
Speaker 3: I think the first award winner that I was like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm going to have to be first
Speaker 3: up there, Like what if I'm like I want to
Speaker 3: see what other people are saying, Like what if I'm
Speaker 3: up there too long? Like what if I need to
Speaker 3: pull some stuff out? But being the first was like
Speaker 3: actually probably the best because then I just had a
Speaker 3: good night for the rest. But I remember getting up
Speaker 3: there and just like Willow Smith was looking into my
Speaker 3: soul and cheering my name, and I was just like
Speaker 3: I cannot talk now.
Speaker 2: Yeah now I'm not chill.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was the scariest. But no, I think
Speaker 3: it's you know, even though it was a water to me.
Speaker 3: I think it's mainly awarded for people with the disability,
Speaker 3: and I think it's also having people with the disability
Speaker 3: in mainstream spaces and spaces that they may not have
Speaker 3: been before, and you know, valuing people with the disability
Speaker 3: as people without a disability.
Speaker 2: And would you say that your disability is the best
Speaker 2: thing that's ever happened to you.
Speaker 3: Made I like better parking, So yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2: Yes, what's next for you, James?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sort of we established that before. I sort
Speaker 3: of live in the present. Yeah, I feel like up
Speaker 3: until now, I've done everything that I wanted to achieve
Speaker 3: or do. Last year, you know, I just planted a
Speaker 3: seed in my head. I'm like, I want to do
Speaker 3: a Ted talk, and then like two weeks later someone's
Speaker 3: asking me, so yeah, I don't know. I feel like
Speaker 3: I sort of just like go through and float around
Speaker 3: and I have little ideas in my head of what
Speaker 3: I do want to do. But I think it's just
Speaker 3: keeping them in my head until the right time, the opportunity. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because I feel like I'll plant the seed in my
Speaker 3: head and it turns into something different. Sure, you know,
Speaker 3: but I think there's more of a need for people
Speaker 3: with disability and acting. I remember when I did my
Speaker 3: first runway, and I had done a runway earlier in
Speaker 3: the week and then I had to go back later
Speaker 3: in the week for a fitting. And so where they
Speaker 3: had the runway was at fed Square in Melbourne, and
Speaker 3: there was a big billboard out the front that had
Speaker 3: like just like highlights of the runway. I remember seeing
Speaker 3: myself up there while I was waiting for the fitting.
Speaker 3: And coincidentally, I don't know how things like this happen
Speaker 3: all the time, but coincidentally, there was like I reckon
Speaker 3: It was about five or six years old with his
Speaker 3: dad and he had a prosthetic and he was walking
Speaker 3: past the screen. I don't know why, but they just
Speaker 3: like stopped and watched the screen and I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I wonder if you'll see me, And so yeah, I
Speaker 3: watched and when I popped up on the screen and
Speaker 3: the way, he like grabbed his dad and like pointed
Speaker 3: and just like that what that's exactly what? Yeah? Because
Speaker 3: I was like, how beautiful is that that? That's probably
Speaker 3: the first time he's ever seen someone like him? But
Speaker 3: also how sad is that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Why has that taking this long, whether it's five or six,
Speaker 3: five or six years without seeing someone that looks like you.
Speaker 2: They was exactly where it was supposed to be at
Speaker 2: that time and apparently. Wow, yeah, amazing. James, You've been
Speaker 2: absolutely phenomenal. What a story. Listen, thanks ever so much
Speaker 2: for coming in, Thanks for your time. You and I
Speaker 2: know that a lot of people will gain a lot
Speaker 2: of inspiration and motivation and knowledge from this podcast, So
Speaker 2: thank you, mate, Thank you. You can follow James on
Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok. I'll put the details in the show notes.
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining me on this episode of head Game.
Speaker 2: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review.
Speaker 2: I'm at Middleton. See you again next time.