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Speaker 1: We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land

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Speaker 1: on which this podcast was produced, the Galligle people of

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Speaker 1: the Urination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present.

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Speaker 2: It's December fifth, twenty twenty three. Some of Australia's biggest

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Speaker 2: names have gathered at Sydney's Bondi Pavilion for GQ's Man

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Speaker 2: of the Year Awards. It's a night that celebrates how

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Speaker 2: Australia's best and brightest have helped shape the world for

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Speaker 2: the better. The first award for the night is Model

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Speaker 2: of the Year. The crowd rars as James Parr takes

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Speaker 2: to the stage to accept the award. It's a night

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Speaker 2: James never thought possible following the amputation of his leg

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Speaker 2: six years earlier. For James, it's a win that means

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Speaker 2: more than just being Model of the Year. It represents

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Speaker 2: how he reframed public perception of disability. I'm Att Middleton

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Speaker 2: and this is headgame on today's episode, James Parr and

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Speaker 2: how he's now turning perception of disability and the fashion

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Speaker 2: industry upside down. Now you've got quite a story. Just

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Speaker 2: take us back to you know, your childhood take us

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Speaker 2: back to where it all started, where you grew up

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Speaker 2: and how you grew up and what life was like

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Speaker 2: as a kid.

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Speaker 3: Well, I grew up in Deniliquin. Do you know what

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Speaker 3: that is? No, it's rural New South Wales. So I

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Speaker 3: grew up there my parents and my family. We grew

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Speaker 3: up on a farm until I was around seven, and

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Speaker 3: so I had four older siblings. I was the oldest one,

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Speaker 3: only one sorry between my two parents. And yeah, my

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Speaker 3: mum was diagnosed with cancer I think around six to seven,

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Speaker 3: and then we ended up moving in down and selling

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Speaker 3: that and then my mum died when I was eight.

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Speaker 2: So your mum was diagnosed with cancer at the age

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Speaker 2: of six and within two years she'd passed away. Were

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Speaker 2: you was there any treatment any What was it like

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Speaker 2: back then and how involved were you or you quite

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Speaker 2: sheltered from from that moment.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I was sort of sheltered from it, so I

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Speaker 3: didn't actually realize what was happening at the time. She

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Speaker 3: did go treatment, undergo treatment, but I think it was

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Speaker 3: sort of past that that she sort of just stopped

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Speaker 3: the stop the treatment became a bit too hard, and yeah,

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Speaker 3: I remember the night like she died even then, I

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Speaker 3: still had no idea actually what was going on. And

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Speaker 3: I guess being eight, you sort of don't realize. And

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Speaker 3: I guess it was sort of like a slow release

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Speaker 3: as well.

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Speaker 2: Because this back from what you know now and what

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Speaker 2: you remember, right, Yeah, got yea.

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Speaker 3: And even in the time, like I had no idea it.

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Speaker 3: Within a couple of years later that sort of really

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Speaker 3: hit because I was seeing her lesson mass so when

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Speaker 3: she did die, it sort of didn't really feel too indifferent.

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Speaker 3: But then, yeah, I lived with my dad from then.

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Speaker 2: And did you attend your mom's funeral?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Okay?

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Speaker 2: And what was going through your mind? Was it was

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Speaker 2: a confusion? Was it frustration? Was it?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: Because I know we're so adaptable. I lost my father

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Speaker 2: when I was five years old, and a new man

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Speaker 2: came into our life, and I almost feel guilty that

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Speaker 2: that I, you know, attached on to him so quick

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Speaker 2: and sort of felt like I forgot about my father that,

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Speaker 2: But I think it's it's a defense mechanism. How did

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Speaker 2: you how how were you feeling and what was going

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Speaker 2: through your head that are that such a young age

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Speaker 2: or can't you really remember?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Look, to be honest, I actually can't really remember.

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Speaker 3: I do remember I chose her gravestone because there was

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Speaker 3: like a couple of different designs, and to be honest,

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Speaker 3: I was a favorite kid, and I knew.

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Speaker 2: That always favorite.

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Speaker 3: So I would play into it. Yeah, and it says

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Speaker 3: it on the gravestone. I think it says like especially

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Speaker 3: James or something. And even my siblings tried to like

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Speaker 3: argue with me that I wasn't the favorite. My mate

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Speaker 3: is on her actual grave.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you.

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Speaker 3: Need to look too deep, like is there? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: And so yeah, I don't really remember too much of

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Speaker 3: the whole sort of funeral experience. I remember a little

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Speaker 3: bits and pieces, but regards to how I was feeling, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm not really sure. Actually, I think it was just

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Speaker 3: like going with the flow, because yeah, I wasn't aware

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Speaker 3: of what any of those things meant.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you sort of do, you know, as especially as

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Speaker 2: kids were so adaptable, were so muldable. How was your

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Speaker 2: relationship with your father.

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Speaker 3: Now and then then? It wasn't too bad, but I

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Speaker 3: did end up like running away. I left my dad

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Speaker 3: around twelve thirteen.

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Speaker 2: So you were when your mom passed you we were

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Speaker 2: at home with your father, was home with my dad

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Speaker 2: a normal school routine, and then we moved.

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Speaker 3: He got a new girlfriend, and then he had another

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Speaker 3: two kids. Okay, gotcha, Yeah, and then yeah, I reckon.

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Speaker 3: They broke up and maybe a year later I was

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Speaker 3: still living with him and he had a new wife,

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Speaker 3: and then yeah, I just left. I reckon. I was

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Speaker 3: like twelve thirteen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and did that manifest because of your dad, you know,

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Speaker 2: having a new partner, having more children. How did you

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Speaker 2: get on with your step siblings?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so my younger ones. Once they broke up,

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Speaker 3: we didn't have any contact with them, so I didn't

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Speaker 3: actually speak to them until like fourteen years later. There

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Speaker 3: was no contact, so and then their mom died, so

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Speaker 3: then it was just sort of like a.

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Speaker 2: Sort of like a domino.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and then they went and lived with their auntie

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Speaker 3: and stuff like that. And yeah, I think I was

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Speaker 3: just like constantly living in survival mode and didn't feel

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Speaker 3: safe where I was and there was a lot going on,

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Speaker 3: and I think it sort of took me like a

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Speaker 3: month that I sat on the idea of like leaving

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Speaker 3: and running away, somebody running away, but it sort of

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Speaker 3: was and then you have one day I was just

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Speaker 3: like I'm leaving and I just left, So, yeah.

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Speaker 2: What was what was your mindset? Did you feel alone?

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Speaker 2: Did you feel afraid? Did you feel quite isolated? What

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Speaker 2: was what was going for you?

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Speaker 3: I think.

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Speaker 2: There's a confusion of all those emotions and just.

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Speaker 3: Knowing that I wasn't where I wanted to be, I

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Speaker 3: wasn't doing what I wanted to do. Is I felt

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Speaker 3: like I couldn't do anything?

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Speaker 2: What did you want to do? Where did you want

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Speaker 2: to be or didn't you know?

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Speaker 3: Well? I didn't know. I sort of had ideas I

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Speaker 3: wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to do this.

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Speaker 3: And then in that I think if I hadn't have left,

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Speaker 3: I think my path would have led me somewhere else.

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Speaker 3: So I think it was also knowing that if I

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Speaker 3: wanted to go and pursue those things and basically do

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Speaker 3: whatever the hell I wanted to do, I knew I

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Speaker 3: had to leave. So I think that was like the

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Speaker 3: decision making process in that. And I have not spoken

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Speaker 3: to my dad since.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, So at the moment you left the house,

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Speaker 2: So when you say you ran away, you didn't know

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Speaker 2: what you Yeah, you were gone, gone, gone for Where

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Speaker 2: did you go? What did you do? Who did you seek? What?

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Speaker 3: How picked me up?

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Speaker 2: Did you know in your head that once you left

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Speaker 2: that was going to be it? Or did you think

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to do this just to you.

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Speaker 3: Know, I think deep down on you but also the

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Speaker 3: unknown you guys, you never actually know what's going to

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Speaker 3: happen when you do something you've never done before. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and yeah, like I called my nan on Monday one

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Speaker 3: hundred reverts and I was like, I think I'm going

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Speaker 3: to leave now, so like, can you come pick me up?

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Speaker 3: And I'll just like go home and get some stuff.

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Speaker 3: She lived an hour away, so yeah, I just went

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Speaker 3: did that, grab some stuff and then called her back

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Speaker 3: and then just went way for her.

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Speaker 2: Did you have time to miss your mom? And do

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Speaker 2: you think that's why you rang your nan?

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Speaker 3: I don't think I had time to miss my mum

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Speaker 3: or to sort of even still process. I think I

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Speaker 3: was just like living in survival mode that I was

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Speaker 3: just really getting by each day, and I think the

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Speaker 3: processing my mom and grieving her and even missing her

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Speaker 3: came later. I think I just called my nan because

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Speaker 3: I didn't really have anywhere else to sort of go,

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Speaker 3: and I used you to come and get me. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think that came later, when around maybe eighteen, that

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Speaker 3: all of that stuff sort of caught up with me.

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Speaker 2: It does. It's the same with myself. When I was five,

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Speaker 2: my father passed away. How was it like living with

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Speaker 2: your nan? Did you make your NaN's life easy? Well?

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Speaker 3: I went to live with my auntie, like my dad's sister,

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Speaker 3: and look not very dissimilar to living with my dad

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Speaker 3: in different ways, So I guess same sort of thing,

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Speaker 3: sort of just like survival mode and sort of get

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Speaker 3: but in that I was in a better place than

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Speaker 3: I was living with my dad, and so I think

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Speaker 3: I lived with them until about eighteen, and then as

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Speaker 3: soon as I finished school, I got a traineeship at

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Speaker 3: the special school where I was living. And yeah, so

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Speaker 3: I did that trainee ship for a year, and then

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Speaker 3: I started teaching online and worked in a special school

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Speaker 3: I think for another three years, and then I went

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Speaker 3: to mainstream and did two years there, and then I

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Speaker 3: was a welfare officer in a primary school for one

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Speaker 3: more year.

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Speaker 2: Wow, So you know this, your your childhood is without

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Speaker 2: you realizing, it's breeding resilience, it's breeding strength. You know

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Speaker 2: you're you know you're still here, so you're you're getting stronger,

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Speaker 2: you're learning to live with not only yourself, but you're

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Speaker 2: learning to live with other people. You've had to grow

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Speaker 2: up super quick. And you said that with at the

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Speaker 2: age of eighteen, it started, you know, you started to

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Speaker 2: realize and missing your mom and going through that process

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Speaker 2: of grieving. When did that initially hit you do? Was

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Speaker 2: there a moment that hit you where someone says something

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Speaker 2: or was it just it just like trickle fed into I.

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Speaker 3: Think it's trickle fed because I was the kids that

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Speaker 3: I was working with come from a lot of trauma

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Speaker 3: themselves and had a lot of challenging behaviors, and so

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Speaker 3: looking at the kids and observing them that you know,

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Speaker 3: were affected by traumas or a lot of myself without

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Speaker 3: actually realizing. And then when I studied child and adolescent development,

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Speaker 3: especially in like a trauma lens, I think I just

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Speaker 3: remember I was like, is this play about me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, wow, I was like, this is me.

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Speaker 3: So I learned a lot about myself then, and I

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Speaker 3: think that was the time where I really processed everything

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Speaker 3: and was able to like look at it in a

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Speaker 3: different way and also look at the kids in a

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Speaker 3: different way and be able to understand them a lot more,

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Speaker 3: and you know, I think that's where like the passion

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Speaker 3: came from being able to understand the kids and you know,

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Speaker 3: even just understanding their behavior, why they're disruptive, and you know,

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Speaker 3: there's a lot more to it. And I think in

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Speaker 3: that also read the book The Body that Keeps the

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Speaker 3: Score and the same thing. I think, I read that

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Speaker 3: once a year, and I always pick up on something

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Speaker 3: else I learn about myself. And I think just like

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Speaker 3: studying that and learning those things made me really self

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Speaker 3: aware about how my trauma has affected me. Probably in

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Speaker 3: everyday life.

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Speaker 2: When did you feel, you know, outside of that survival mode,

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Speaker 2: when did you feel at most sort of peace with yourself?

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Speaker 2: Are you just for I do know what, I'm in

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Speaker 2: a good place.

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Speaker 3: Here, I think like every day after that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, every day survival motive. Yeah yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think it also gave me a big push to

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Speaker 3: sort of like look at my life and figure out

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Speaker 3: what I wanted to do and where I wanted to

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Speaker 3: be and sort of like in a weird way, sort

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Speaker 3: of design a life or like create a life that

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Speaker 3: made me happy and made me fulfilled. And you know,

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Speaker 3: I think a part of that, you know, there's a

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Speaker 3: lot of like intergenerational trauma and those type of things

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Speaker 3: within my family. So I think even just being able

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Speaker 3: to understand that and figure out how I fit in

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Speaker 3: that and how I fit in that with my family,

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Speaker 3: because like you know, my family is very different and

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Speaker 3: with there's half siblings, they're all everywhere. And yeah, I

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Speaker 3: think just being able to look create a life myself

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Speaker 3: I reckon.

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Speaker 2: And what did that look like when when you managed

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Speaker 2: to do that or when you you know you're no

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Speaker 2: longer running from from yourself? Ultimately, what did that life

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Speaker 2: look like? And what did you have planned out? And

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Speaker 2: was a roadmap that you had for yourself?

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Speaker 3: So it sounds like I had all of that, but

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Speaker 3: I didn't. I think it was just being able to

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Speaker 3: actually live in the present for the first time and

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Speaker 3: be able to do what I wanted to do and

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Speaker 3: what was going to make me happy.

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Speaker 2: Really, could you be yourself?

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Speaker 3: Could? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: You felt you felt like there was a sense of

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Speaker 2: normality settling there for sure, And then all this is happening,

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Speaker 2: you find yourself in a good place, do you take forward?

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Speaker 2: Do you injure yourself when playing cricket? And then you think,

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Speaker 2: you know, you think it's just an injury, and it

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Speaker 2: turns out to be something that ultimately ends up, you know,

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Speaker 2: turning your life back upside down, if you wish to

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Speaker 2: take me back to that moment when you when you

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Speaker 2: realize that, wow, this is a lot more serious than

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Speaker 2: I thought it was.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Well it was a cricket bat. I was playing

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Speaker 3: cricket with the with the kids, and so the plastic

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Speaker 3: cricket bat just like brushed the side of my own

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Speaker 3: cool and yeah, I just like fell over and it

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Speaker 3: took me like a whole minute to get out because

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Speaker 3: it like really hurt. You know when you sort of

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Speaker 3: hit your funny bones paralyzes. Yeah, it was sort of

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Speaker 3: like that.

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Speaker 2: And that was on your ankle, on my ankle, yeah,

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Speaker 2: outside of inside inside the inside of you, with.

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Speaker 3: Like a little bit of like nerve pain. That was

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Speaker 3: really weird pain. And then I guess that sort of

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Speaker 3: just like alerted me into this pain. And I think

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Speaker 3: like for three weeks I just had this random pain

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Speaker 3: that was like weird.

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Speaker 2: You didn't think anything of it. You decided what we

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Speaker 2: just had an accident.

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Speaker 3: I thought maybe the cricket bat like hit something. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: there's nothing I could have done.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly and there wasn't. It wasn't it just skimmed

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Speaker 2: it right, so it must have. Yeah, yeah, so it

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Speaker 2: wasn't any direct impact or anything. So you're just thinking,

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Speaker 2: do you know what?

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Speaker 3: I was only like, I was also like big into CrossFit,

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Speaker 3: so I was like training six days a week, so

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Speaker 3: I also thought it was something to do with that,

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Speaker 3: and I didn't pay much attention to it. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: I ended up going to the doctors I think maybe

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Speaker 3: like three weeks after, and she told me how to cast.

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Speaker 3: If I'd ligament, There's nothing I could do, so I

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Speaker 3: left it and then it just like got worse. And

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Speaker 3: then I got diagnosed with like an ostereoosteroid, which is

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Speaker 3: like a benign tumor in the bone in the same

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Speaker 3: bone in the ankle right, And then I was on

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Speaker 3: a waiting this to have that removed. I was on

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Speaker 3: that waiting this for ten months, and the pain in

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Speaker 3: those ten months, I would have like four to six

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Speaker 3: every four to six hours, I'd have to take one

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Speaker 3: panet or one ibuproven for that pain to stop, because

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Speaker 3: like if it hit it would take like two hours

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Speaker 3: for it to stop. Would sort of just like numb

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Speaker 3: my whole leg and I wouldn't be able to walk.

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Speaker 2: So you was just staying on top of it for

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Speaker 2: ten months, Yeah, every day medicating waiting for this operation

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Speaker 2: or for this operation around.

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Speaker 3: Because I'd go back and You're like, it's getting worse,

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Speaker 3: Like I can barely sleep.

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Speaker 2: Do you think, oh if I strap it up or

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Speaker 2: we Yeah, I did everything, you've done it, You've done

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Speaker 2: everything you can still wasn't.

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Speaker 3: Because it was like looking back now I can say

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Speaker 3: it was inside the bone, but back then I was

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Speaker 3: I had no idea because even strapping it would hurt,

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Speaker 3: like touching that side of my ankle, like even just

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Speaker 3: the skin it would kill, like it would paralyze. Even

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Speaker 3: if I put a sock on, like I had to

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Speaker 3: like not touch it.

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Speaker 2: Because I was that bad.

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Speaker 3: That's how bad it was. Yeah, And then after ten

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Speaker 3: months there was still no movement on the list. So

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Speaker 3: I just like chose to go private and pay I

326
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,720
Speaker 3: think it was like five thousand dollars for the for

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Speaker 3: him to treat what they had diagnosed me with. But

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Speaker 3: the surgeon was a psackoma surgeon, which was like a

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Speaker 3: cancer surgeon, and so what they were doing to treat

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Speaker 3: that is I put a needle in the middle of

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Speaker 3: it and to ninety degree is leaving there for six

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Speaker 3: minutes to pull it out, and it was done, and

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00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,160
Speaker 3: so it's a CT guided procedure. But when he got

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00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 3: the image up, he knew straight away that it was

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00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: like psychoma, and so he treated it as he was

336
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,120
Speaker 3: supposed to and then took some more biopsies, and then

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00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,240
Speaker 3: I remember him like, I remember him saying that I

338
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,040
Speaker 3: would walk out of the hospital leg pain free, like

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00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 3: would go straight away.

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Speaker 2: So what was the case of doing a simple op Yeah,

341
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,919
Speaker 2: just and just removing moving apart of the.

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00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,640
Speaker 3: Just removing the tim with the with the heat.

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00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you're thinking that this

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00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,000
Speaker 2: stage right good? Yes, chill yeah, chill yeah, chill.

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00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,879
Speaker 3: Right. Then I limped out of the hospital and that

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00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:24,679
Speaker 3: was when I was like, why is this still sore? Right?

347
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,000
Speaker 2: So that happened and then you limped out the hospital.

348
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Speaker 3: And then about a week later the surgeon called me

349
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Speaker 3: and the results I come back from the biopsy, which

350
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,800
Speaker 3: it was like an osteopsychoma, which is bone cancer in

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Speaker 3: the ankle, and I think at that stage it was

352
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:44,040
Speaker 3: like a centimeter in diameter, so it was like quite small. Yeah,

353
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:49,280
Speaker 3: not too big and yeah, so pretty much started chemo.

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00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 3: I think the week after that I went straight into.

355
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,200
Speaker 2: Was this due to the trauma of the of the

356
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 2: quick amount?

357
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,080
Speaker 3: Oh yeah. So essentially all it is is like your

358
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 3: bone cells just get muddled up when they're forming the bone.

359
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,640
Speaker 3: So typically it happens to children adolescent. I think maybe

360
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,639
Speaker 3: I just went through a growth spurt by twenty one,

361
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,639
Speaker 3: still growing and yeah, the souls just get muddled up

362
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:13,520
Speaker 3: and then turn into cancer.

363
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 2: When do you realize how serious is You know this is?

364
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 2: You're feeling the pain, obviously you know it, but the

365
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,159
Speaker 2: doctors are saying, yeah, we do this, You're gonna limp out. No,

366
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 2: why he's at all? And when do they go, well, actually,

367
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 2: this is James coming. You need to sit down, buddy,

368
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 2: we we need to talk about this.

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00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,159
Speaker 3: I think the moment I left the hospital, I was

370
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,200
Speaker 3: sort of like, something's a bit weird about this. And

371
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,440
Speaker 3: then I still had pain the week after, like the

372
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,200
Speaker 3: pain had never gone away, and so I think in

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00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 3: that I was sort of just not preparing myself for

374
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,960
Speaker 3: the worst. But you know, it's subconsciously I was like,

375
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:48,400
Speaker 3: I know something's wrong. I would be surprised if nothing

376
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 3: else happens as a result. But yeah, he called me

377
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,600
Speaker 3: the week after because he couldn't get me into the

378
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 3: week after that, and he deserted and just didn't want

379
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 3: to leave me all weekend and be like, I can't

380
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:01,680
Speaker 3: not tell you why. I'm making an appointment for you

381
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,360
Speaker 3: next week, so I'm just going to tell you have cancer. Wow,

382
00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 3: And which I wasn't surprised, so I think in that

383
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,800
Speaker 3: was probably like more relief. It all made sense.

384
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 2: And what's your personal life look like when he tells

385
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 2: you this year? Are you alone? Have you got a partner?

386
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 2: Are you living by yourself? Because you know that support

387
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:27,159
Speaker 2: network is so vitally important. When you receive, you know,

388
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 2: such information that you've got cancer, it's like, well, who do.

389
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 3: You go to?

390
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 2: Did you have anyone to go to?

391
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,920
Speaker 3: Well? I think growing up, my whole support system is

392
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:40,720
Speaker 3: always me, So I guess I even now when things happen,

393
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,440
Speaker 3: I just fall back into that. I mean, obviously I

394
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,920
Speaker 3: have friends and a support system, but yeah, in that moment,

395
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 3: I was living alone. I had a full time job,

396
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 3: and I was working at schools but at the school holidays,

397
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,920
Speaker 3: so I was like, crap, I'm not going to be

398
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 3: able to go back next term. But I also don't

399
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 3: know that.

400
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 2: And you've you've gained this resilience and gained this sort

401
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:08,159
Speaker 2: of strength of isolation of being by yourself. That's all

402
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 2: you've known growing up, right, So so ultimately then I'm

403
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,800
Speaker 2: not sure the coating this in any way, but when

404
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,120
Speaker 2: he when you've received that information, it was a case

405
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 2: of right, okay, I'm just you know, I've dealt with

406
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 2: you know, I've dealt with this all my whole life.

407
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 2: You know I've dealt with I've dealt with you know,

408
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 2: with with and I'm going to deal with with with

409
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,840
Speaker 2: this diagnosis right now.

410
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,560
Speaker 3: I think it was also time and place. Like before

411
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 3: what I was saying, I wanted to create myself like

412
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 3: a great life, and I had. I was doing everything

413
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,600
Speaker 3: I wanted to do in a job that I've always

414
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 3: wanted to do, but I also sort of felt stuck

415
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 3: in my life, and I also didn't know what was next,

416
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:52,399
Speaker 3: or like I didn't feel feel fulfilled, and so I

417
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 3: didn't know what I wanted to do next. I guess

418
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 3: so in that when he did tell me, for me,

419
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 3: it was more just acceptance of, well, this was supposed

420
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 3: to happen, and maybe this is what I needed to

421
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,920
Speaker 3: stop feeling stuck, if that makes sense, Like it was

422
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 3: a new path, which is exactly what happened.

423
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 2: So you're making the best of a bad situation. Basically,

424
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 2: you're going, look this, listen, this is I can't change it.

425
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,520
Speaker 2: I'm not going to try and control what I can't control.

426
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 2: But now I need to you know, this is this

427
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,440
Speaker 2: has forced me into a new into a new head space.

428
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 2: It has forced me into into a new space that

429
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 2: I need to figure out.

430
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think even see, I don't even look

431
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 3: at us a bad situation, like I understand, like cancer

432
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 3: is scary, obviously can die. But I look back now

433
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 3: and even in the moment, actually probably one of the

434
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 3: nice experiences I've had in my life where the time

435
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 3: that I spent even in hospital with like the nurses,

436
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 3: some of them are my friends now, and you know,

437
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 3: being able to go there and then go back home,

438
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 3: and it was like it but in that I actually

439
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 3: really enjoyed it. It's actually a really nice experience and

440
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 3: also a really nice experience to carry through, I guess

441
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 3: for the rest of my life.

442
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 2: Do you think that do you think that was because

443
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,239
Speaker 2: people were going on the journey with you rather than

444
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 2: you going on a journey by yourself.

445
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 3: Yes, I would definitely say yes, Like I feel like

446
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 3: then you definitely find you figure out who your friends

447
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 3: and your family are and your support system is. But

448
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 3: I also like kept everything like pretty private from my

449
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 3: friends and my family just because I actually feel like

450
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 3: their sort of grief within it themselves was harder for

451
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 3: me because I didn't feel the same. They had a

452
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 3: lot of trouble like processing the emotions and being scared,

453
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 3: where I was just sort of chill.

454
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 2: You're a pretty chill guy, James, So I have to

455
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 2: give you that.

456
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,200
Speaker 3: So in that I sort of just like, yeah, I

457
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 3: sort of shielded them from that and just didn't speak

458
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 3: or told them anything until I was ready.

459
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,479
Speaker 2: And so when did you get that news? When did

460
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 2: they say to you, we're gonna have to chop your

461
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 2: leg off? Oh yeah, what was that news?

462
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 3: Like?

463
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 2: Because that's yeah, I know you're chill, you're chill, but

464
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 2: that must.

465
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 3: I was chill And I don't even want to say that.

466
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 3: My actually asked me about it the other day. I'm like, Oh,

467
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 3: that was chilly. It's just like it must be really desensitized.

468
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, not. I actually just don't care. What

469
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 3: was that like? It was interesting.

470
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 2: I just take me through that day when you get

471
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 2: the phone call and they go come in and they

472
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 2: sit you down and they go we're gonna we're gonna

473
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 2: love your leg off you.

474
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 3: Well, that was never at the start. At the start,

475
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 3: this was just a centimeter that we're going to start

476
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 3: off with chemo. Yeah, the treatment plans like chemo for

477
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 3: three months and then they look again to see like

478
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 3: what the chemo is doing and how the cancers reacting

479
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 3: to it and responding to it, and then they would

480
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 3: look at a surgical plan. In the three months of chemo,

481
00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 3: the pain just got worse. Actually, there were like two

482
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 3: occasions where I think I was even in the hospital

483
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,360
Speaker 3: and they probably had given me every strong like pay

484
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,159
Speaker 3: med occasion that they could have that in the end

485
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 3: that ended up knocking me out because I couldn't sleep

486
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 3: because of the pain. Yeah, so chema for three months,

487
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,680
Speaker 3: and they went back for the scans to find out

488
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,679
Speaker 3: what they were going to do in surgery, which up

489
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: until then they had always told me a bone graft.

490
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 3: But I think the pain is getting worse. I remember

491
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 3: that morning and I just actually had a dream that

492
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 3: night that my surgeon told me amputation. Oh really yeah yeah,

493
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 3: And so I woke up in the morning. I was

494
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 3: sort of not surprised, and I was also like I

495
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 3: didn't know anything about prosthetics. I didn't know anything. And

496
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 3: I remember that morning I was like, because my numb

497
00:24:58,119 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 3: was there, I didn't want her to see, but I

498
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 3: was like google prosthetics and just like, oh you were you. Yeah.

499
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 3: I was just like researching how all that works. And

500
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 3: then when I got there for the appointment, they give

501
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 3: you like a little appointment slip. I only had one appointment,

502
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 3: true slips came out and I was like, where's that

503
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 3: second appointment coming from? And I was like I know

504
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 3: what this is. So yeah, when I went in and

505
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 3: the search and told me amputation, yeah, I was just

506
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 3: actually chill, yeah, no response. And there was also like

507
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 3: one of the social worker in there from the hospital

508
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 3: and they were both just like looking at me waiting

509
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 3: for reaction, and my nan she was crying, but I

510
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 3: just had to ignore her for that second, respectfully.

511
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: Getting there but also disrespectfully yeah keep quiet, Yeah, I'm

512
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: going through this at the moment.

513
00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 3: At the moment, yeah, that was just like staring at

514
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 3: me for a reaction, and I was just like looking

515
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 3: at them, but both like okay, I can sign it now,

516
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 3: because I just wanted to get out of there instead

517
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:08,159
Speaker 3: of them staring at me. And so yeah, the surgeon

518
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 3: was like, ay, sure, like we can do the other option.

519
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, it's actually not really an option, so yeah,

520
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 3: I'm sure. The other option was to remove the whole

521
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 3: ankle joint, because the cancer ended up going around the

522
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:23,200
Speaker 3: whole ankle joint, and so the first well, the alternate

523
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 3: option was to remove the ankle joint and then put

524
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 3: a rod up through my heel to hold the foot

525
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 3: and the I know, the angle that's not there together,

526
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 3: I don't know.

527
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, but then an ankle reconstruction.

528
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, but then I'd have a fixed ankle as well.

529
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be able to remove it, and then there's

530
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 3: like skin contaminations, so then I'd have to have plastic

531
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,719
Speaker 3: surgery to remove parts of the skin where the cancer

532
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 3: the souls were so they don't turn cancerous, and greater

533
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 3: risk of the cancer coming back.

534
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: You're still very active, right, You're still sporty still.

535
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 3: That would have limited me, yeah, and it would have

536
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 3: annoyed me that I would have wanted them to actually

537
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 3: chop it off.

538
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,920
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly, So there was a multiple You already calculated it,

539
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 2: like you said that you already had the answer in

540
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 2: your head.

541
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 3: I was already into it.

542
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,120
Speaker 2: So take me through the day that they actually decided

543
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:17,199
Speaker 2: to put you.

544
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 3: On there, and oh yeah, so happened the week after?

545
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,920
Speaker 2: Oh so that quick? So you made the decision. You

546
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 2: want to talk you out of it?

547
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 3: Was anyone know that I did? Not necessarily because like

548
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 3: in the appointment that day, I signed the paperwork and

549
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: after that was like all rightyes, So like when I

550
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 3: thought maybe like a month, it's like next Tuesday, I

551
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 3: was okay, great, yeah, yeah, wow, and look scary because

552
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 3: you're like having a leg chopped off. And my sisters

553
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 3: were there and they had freaked me out. But like,

554
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 3: imagine if they take the wrong leg when they take both.

555
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,639
Speaker 2: Ye. Now, yeah, obviously talk you through where they're going

556
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 2: to take it from.

557
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 3: And I just knew it was blowney And maybe I

558
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,919
Speaker 3: don't know if they told me specifically.

559
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 2: So they didn't show you any charts or anything that

560
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 2: I like, ye, we're going to take off from here.

561
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 3: The surgeon showed me the knife.

562
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, lovely.

563
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 3: It was a serrated one.

564
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,639
Speaker 2: Because you were so chill. He's like, I want some

565
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 2: reaction from you. James.

566
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,399
Speaker 3: Well, he kept explaining to me and like showing me,

567
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 3: and then he was like trying to show me how

568
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 3: as they're cutting with the knife, there's like a suction

569
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,199
Speaker 3: that like sucks up all the blood. I'm like, why

570
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 3: are you showing me?

571
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 2: This is my leg?

572
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 3: Just get on with But yeah, he did sort of

573
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: say the process. But what they do really is they

574
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 3: stop all the nerve endings first and sort of I'm

575
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 3: going to say, kill them, yeah, just so as your

576
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 3: brain's last memory of the ankle is a pain free

577
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 3: one because it was in pain. So they do that

578
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 3: first to make sure that you're rain's last memory.

579
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 2: And how do they do that is it? Is it

580
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 2: a medicine or.

581
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 3: Yeah? And then that's all I know.

582
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 2: So you wake up. What's the first thing you do

583
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 2: when you wake up?

584
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 3: Well, I woke up with an EPI drool. So the

585
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 3: first thing I wanted to do actually was checked to

586
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 3: make sure.

587
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 2: They took the correct leg because of your sisters.

588
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 3: But there was a nurse in there and I just

589
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 3: did not want her to know. That's what I was

590
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 3: doing like checking and make sure the leg was the

591
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,719
Speaker 3: right one. So then I go through a thought process,

592
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 3: Oh my god, why don't I just like move my

593
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 3: left leg. I have an epidriol. So then I can't

594
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 3: feel my left leg and I can't move that. I

595
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 3: was like, shit, have they taken the wrong leg. But

596
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:01,880
Speaker 3: then I literally just grabbed my phone and I knew, look,

597
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 3: I just wanted macas breaky. I don't know why. I

598
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 3: was just craving out. It's like he's going to get

599
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 3: it for me. And I was like, I know, if

600
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 3: I call my sisters and tell them that's what I want,

601
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 3: then I'm going to deliver. So I had to like,

602
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 3: oh my god, I need you to come here. Players.

603
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, just my leg cut off, get me McDonald's.

604
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, it came straight away, and I was like, I

605
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 3: just wanted to make his break.

606
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 2: And they wanted to leg off.

607
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm actually really fine, And is.

608
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 2: There a moment that reality kicks in that you go WHOA, Well,

609
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: actually I've got quite a quite a journey from here onwards. Yes,

610
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 2: you straight into it, your mindset, you just straight into.

611
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 3: So I had the surgery done on Tuesday Friday, and

612
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 3: I still had an every drool and stuff. Friday, I reckon.

613
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 3: I argued with the doctors all day Friday, and they

614
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 3: settled on turning everything off but leaving it in overnight

615
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 3: to see how it go, and they took everything out

616
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 3: on Saturday morning. I never had pain since.

617
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 2: Oh really, yeah, so the pain that you've been experiencing

618
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 2: for over a year now.

619
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 3: Was gone gone. And I had no pain from the

620
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 3: surgical wound either, wow, which I remember in that moment

621
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 3: when they did turn it off, I was like, oh shit,

622
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 3: this actually might be really sore, like they did just

623
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 3: chop a whole leg off, but you know, no pain.

624
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 3: And they sent me home a week after because there's

625
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 3: like no point in me being there. I was doing

626
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 3: everything myself. And then I think I went back to

627
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 3: cross fit while the while it was healing on one leg.

628
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,480
Speaker 2: You're just on crutches. You're back in the CrossFit gym.

629
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 3: Because I hadn't had chemo, I was starting to feel

630
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 3: like normal again, like my in terms of my energy and.

631
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 2: So everything really is even though it's a negative situation,

632
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: everything for you, pain wise, mobility wise, it was was

633
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 2: was positive right because you're no longer in pain. I'm

634
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 2: no longer going through chema. Get back into the gym. Yeah,

635
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 2: I might have might be hobbling around for a bit,

636
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 2: but I'll get used to it. I'll figure it out.

637
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 2: So everything was I suppose a positive challenge for you,

638
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 2: then woulds and that's how you looked at it. I'm

639
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 2: just like adapting, Yeah, adapting. Yeah.

640
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 3: I remember my friend said to me once, like when

641
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 3: I told her that it was like being amputated, she

642
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: said to me once, this would just be your new normal,

643
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my god. True. So I

644
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 3: think just taking that on board and using that into

645
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 3: creating my own new normal of what that would look like.

646
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 3: And I think it's like a human vestor you're constantly

647
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 3: making sense of the world. Every interaction, like everywhere you go,

648
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 3: you're gumuly taking an information that you're going to use

649
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 3: tomorrow and the day after. And I think it's all

650
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 3: part of that.

651
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 2: Really, there's all part of that process, isn't it. Do

652
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 2: you feel in these these phantom pains? And so you

653
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 2: didn't feel that you didn't go through any of that

654
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 2: and wait a little bit, Yeah.

655
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 3: Where I just had the feeling of like wanting to

656
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 3: stretch my toe is out that my toes went.

657
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 2: So that does exist. It's just true.

658
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 3: It does. Yeah, but I don't I get it very

659
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 3: I can bring it on like I can sit here

660
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:13,239
Speaker 3: and I have to actually really think about it now,

661
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 3: but I can like move my big toe that's not there.

662
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,959
Speaker 3: Because essentially what it is is your brain is unable

663
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 3: to recognize that that part of the body's gone because

664
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 3: it's not a typical thing. So because your brain hasn't

665
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 3: had a response from it for a while, it will

666
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 3: send pain signals to be like hey you up. Essentially,

667
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 3: So when I first started in the phantom pain, I

668
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 3: just distracted myself because I was like, it's just my

669
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,640
Speaker 3: brain thinking about it, and you know, so it's just

670
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 3: distracted myself when it'll stopped. And I also think it

671
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 3: comes from like a positive mindset as well. I know

672
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 3: other people who have lost limbs, and you know, obviously

673
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 3: people experience things differently, and you know, different types of

674
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 3: trauma when you lose a limb, and I see I

675
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 3: have seen a lot of people like with phantom pain

676
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 3: that you know that sometimes I forget the hospital and

677
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 3: your hospital asked for it. But yeah, I've never had

678
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:12,800
Speaker 3: any of those experiences.

679
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 2: So I don't know, but I love that because you

680
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 2: you have you know, you've got such a positive way

681
00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: of breaking things down, process and things.

682
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, even I remember in OT saying that I would

683
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 3: never have a dream again. I would never not have

684
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 3: a dream with nothing but two legs because your brain

685
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to comprehend that I now have one leg. Ye,

686
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 3: so I would never have a dream from the amputation.

687
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 3: I've never actually had a dream of two legs. So

688
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 3: I'm like, I really think it's just really accepting and

689
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 3: tapping into that.

690
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's powerful, really really really powerful. So you go

691
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 2: along your your loving life again. Is that right? You're

692
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 2: after the amputation? You're back in the gym? Are you

693
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 2: back at work? Are you back in the back to

694
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 2: go straight back with the Yeah?

695
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 3: So I think I finished came around November, there was

696
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 3: literally like four weeks left of term. But as soon

697
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 3: as term one started I was straight back full time.

698
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 3: And yeah, straight back into normal life, straight.

699
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 2: Back into normal life. And then when did the modeling

700
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 2: career come around? I know that your friend had had

701
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 2: a clothing company, was that right?

702
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, well her family owned the clothing shop where

703
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 3: I lived and I reckon that was a year after.

704
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 2: So during that year you're back into a routine your

705
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 2: loving life. Are you still sort of stuck in the

706
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 2: you know where you don't know where the next journey

707
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 2: is or you don't know where the next you know,

708
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 2: the purposes or the next goal? Were you well in?

709
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,800
Speaker 3: That is when I sort of, I think realized and

710
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:53,399
Speaker 3: then that sort of all came at once. I think

711
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 3: then going from able to then being disabled, to seeing

712
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 3: how people interacted with me and you know, spoke to

713
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: me differently. I think every day for like a good

714
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 3: six months, I would hear someone say that's I'm so

715
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 3: sad for you and that's so sorry, which to me

716
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 3: was nothing.

717
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 2: But the word yeah, the worst thing.

718
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 3: I can imagine that even looking at me as like

719
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,800
Speaker 3: a sad sack or like, oh you feel sorry for me?

720
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 3: Nothing to feel sorry for. I think in that opened up,

721
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 3: did that piss you off? Oh yeah at the start, yeah,

722
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 3: because it's like you have no way out and you

723
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 3: can't even say anything.

724
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 2: Because what can you say, and that you know that

725
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:37,360
Speaker 2: it's China they mean good but oh yeah yeah yeah.

726
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 3: And it comes from yeah, it comes from like yeah, yeah,

727
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 3: yeah yeah, but it also comes from the perception and

728
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,759
Speaker 3: narrative around disability that we have, and I think that

729
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 3: really just comes from media and the perception that we have.

730
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 3: I love that because then I was able to like

731
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,279
Speaker 3: look back at or I had to really debunk it

732
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 3: myself and redefine it myself, because I even had trouble saying,

733
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:04,279
Speaker 3: oh ya, I'm disabled or like being referenced in that way,

734
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 3: because for me, in that moment, disabled meant something different

735
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 3: that I was unable or I couldn't do this, or

736
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 3: I couldn't do that, and that was not the correct perception.

737
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 2: That what it is. You just hit the man on

738
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 2: the side that disabled almost is unable. Yeah, yeah, And

739
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,200
Speaker 2: it seemed like it is portrayed like that. The media

740
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 2: portrayed like that.

741
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 3: Someone can sit by a car, what happens at the end,

742
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,240
Speaker 3: someone's all of a sudden now using wheelchair. That can happen,

743
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 3: but that's portrayed, and what you infer from that is

744
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 3: that it's the worst thing that could happen to you.

745
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 3: And then you take that on and that starts to

746
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 3: form a perception of a disability or someone using a wheelchair.

747
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 3: And I definitely had that even when I worked and

748
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 3: then looking back at my work at the special school,

749
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 3: I was like, same thing. Then sort of realized that

750
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 3: I had my own internalizedablest thoughts that I had to

751
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 3: work through. And for me, yeah, just come down to

752
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 3: the either lack of representation or the misrepresentation in media.

753
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 2: So you're learning about this firsthand, right, you would It

754
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 2: wouldn't have even entered your head before. Right, And now

755
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 2: you're you're starting to see what people are look at me,

756
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 2: Different people are talking to me, different people are treating

757
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 2: me differently. And then is it is it a case

758
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 2: of right? No, no, no, no, this is this? Isn't

759
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 2: it now that it was? It a new sense of

760
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 2: purpose for you?

761
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 3: Yes, because I went on the journey myself time.

762
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 2: Yes, and I realized that.

763
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 3: And then as I would interact with more people and

764
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 3: I would hear those things, I would just question them

765
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 3: like why because they would also not have the answer

766
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 3: for that would tell me they felt so sad for

767
00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: me or sorry for me. I'm like, okay, why oh,

768
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 3: because you lost your Like okay, but like why does

769
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 3: that make you sad?

770
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm actually like still doing everything, I'm pain free, and.

771
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 3: Like that does not define or purpose. So yeah, I

772
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 3: think because my friend owned a clothing shop, has just

773
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:10,720
Speaker 3: got a camera and they were just like mucking around

774
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 3: for social media. Yeah, I just did that for fun

775
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 3: with a friend. And then from then is when I

776
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:20,279
Speaker 3: started modeling and people were just like reaching out to

777
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 3: me online.

778
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,719
Speaker 2: And then I think, but why you were doing that?

779
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:28,800
Speaker 2: Were you were you? Were you still passionate and portraying

780
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 2: this message of yes, yes, so simultaneously that you merge

781
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 2: the two together.

782
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 3: And then in that is when I realized, oh, this

783
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 3: is probably how I could shift the narrative. Love that

784
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: and you know, probably be in a position to at

785
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,399
Speaker 3: least unknown him, use my voice or at least create

786
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 3: more representation for people with the disability.

787
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 2: Is the power the power of social media, because that's

788
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,240
Speaker 2: when the power of social media really comes alive because

789
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 2: people can relate to it. And that's where I thinks

790
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 2: a viable and you start to make a name for

791
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 2: yourself and you you start to think, wow, you know

792
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 2: people are listening. I can change people's perspective, I can

793
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 2: change people's minds, I can change people's lives one percent.

794
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:13,560
Speaker 3: And I think in that I really learned that how

795
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 3: to sort of do that rather than telling people, because

796
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 3: when you tell people, they're not going to listen. They

797
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 3: need to come up with it themselves. So even you know,

798
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 3: when I yeah, even when I first started advocating, you know,

799
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 3: I guess I was just sharing my dating messages where

800
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,439
Speaker 3: people would message me straight up be like what happened

801
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 3: to your leg? Or like question this in question that,

802
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 3: And all I would do is just screenshot it and

803
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 3: share it because then people would start to form their

804
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 3: own perception and sort of realize what was happening in

805
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 3: that themselves that I actually didn't ex spell it out

806
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 3: for them. So I think that became a powerful tool

807
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 3: in inviting people into the conversation, also with a bit

808
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 3: of humor, like I don't really care, it's funny, you know.

809
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 3: So I think that also realized how to tap into

810
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 3: people and how to advocate in a way where people

811
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 3: come up with the answers themselves rather than telling.

812
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 2: People, because that's what they need to do. You need

813
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 2: to make them think ultimately, exactly, exactly, Wow, So you're

814
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 2: doing this, when do you realize, shit, you know, people

815
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:20,319
Speaker 2: that you know this is this is real?

816
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I took a year. I think it

817
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 3: was like that whole year of just like building a

818
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:28,719
Speaker 3: career that I didn't like. To be honest, respectfully, I

819
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 3: didn't even try.

820
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 2: Just like doing your thing.

821
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 3: Let's see what happens there. Yeah, and then I think

822
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: after a year it was probably at the end of

823
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,760
Speaker 3: that year that I remember I spoke to my principal.

824
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,919
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I don't know if I will

825
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,840
Speaker 3: come back next year, like I had an ongoing contract.

826
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 3: But then I said to him, maybe I'll just like

827
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 3: come back for the first two terms and then I'm

828
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,800
Speaker 3: out after that, just give him a heads up. And

829
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 3: I remember him saying, the job that you do here,

830
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 3: you might be able to find more purpose in doing

831
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 3: that in different ways. And that's when it really clicked

832
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 3: for me. And I was like, right, I do need

833
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 3: to get out of here. So yeah, I finished up

834
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,879
Speaker 3: at then determined. Then I moved to Melbourne. And then

835
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 3: in that is when I sort of like realized what

836
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 3: you were saying before everything I do and say and

837
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 3: sort of did change.

838
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:22,520
Speaker 2: And was there a moment, Was there a moment you thought, Wow,

839
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 2: you know I'm in this now my life, you know

840
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,239
Speaker 2: this is the direction that I'm going in. Yeah, I

841
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 2: think all the responsibility altip that that I have.

842
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. I think it was probably at the

843
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,080
Speaker 3: end of that year when I when I did that.

844
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 3: At the end of that year, I booked a Calvin

845
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 3: Klein International campaign, and I remember saying to my manager

846
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 3: for like three months, I'm like, I'm not doing bonds.

847
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:47,239
Speaker 3: I do like, for no reason except for if I

848
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 3: was to do underway, I just want to do Calvin Client,

849
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,000
Speaker 3: which even now I'm like, that's crazy that I actually

850
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 3: did do that, But I was like, I'll never get that,

851
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,399
Speaker 3: but it doesn't matter. I'm sticking to it. And then

852
00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 3: I booked it like a month after they to me

853
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 3: it was like who do who do we talk to?

854
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 3: And yeah, So I think that then was probably like

855
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:12,200
Speaker 3: the moment, Yeah, that sort of ticked over for me.

856
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that just went on from one to another

857
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 2: to another to another. Then when did you get the

858
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 2: the call for the GQ. You know, that's quite a

859
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 2: you know, quite a remarkable moment when you're recognized, you know,

860
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 2: GQ Man of the Year. You know, it's known, not

861
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 2: only known globally. I've been to I've been to one

862
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 2: myself in the UK and it's you know, you get

863
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 2: some really inspirational and motivational, and you know people there

864
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 2: that you can't help but just listen to. And what

865
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 2: does it feel like to go there knowing that you're

866
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 2: one of those people.

867
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 3: Like out of body?

868
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 2: Yeah?

869
00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess I sort of knew from if the

870
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 3: award show was in December, I probably knew from September.

871
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 3: So from September is when the Convert leg they came

872
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 3: to me and we're just asking my availabilities for the

873
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 3: award show and then like looking at a photo shoot

874
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 3: and stuff like that. I was saying to my manager,

875
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, does that, Like, why what's it? Am I

876
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 3: model of the ear?

877
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 2: Yeah?

878
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 3: She was like, well, they haven't confirmed it. I'm like,

879
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 3: I don't think they need to, Like I think this

880
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 3: is it. And then when when I booked the photo shoot,

881
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 3: I was on the phone to her. I'm like, so

882
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 3: you're gonna ask them now am I it or not?

883
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 3: Like what's the photo shoot for? But yeah, and then

884
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 3: that was confirmed, so I sort of knew. And then

885
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: I did the photo shoot and then yeah, another two

886
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 3: that was in October, so I knew for good two months.

887
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 3: In that two months, I felt weird.

888
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 2: So you embraced it so everything that came you embraced.

889
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 2: And what was it like standing, you know, being awarded,

890
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 2: you know, even though you knew it, I know you

891
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 2: knew it, and but you know, the whole world now

892
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:55,000
Speaker 2: knows it. Yeah.

893
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, it such a weird experience. Actually, I was, you know,

894
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 3: obviously two month to prepare for it, and then we.

895
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 2: Got to the day and I was like, oh, crap,

896
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 2: where you cheer one a day or not?

897
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 3: But like.

898
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 2: The one time that you wasn't killed.

899
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 3: That everyone was worried chill until they told me I was,

900
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 3: I think the first award winner that I was like,

901
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm going to have to be first

902
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 3: up there, Like what if I'm like I want to

903
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 3: see what other people are saying, Like what if I'm

904
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 3: up there too long? Like what if I need to

905
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 3: pull some stuff out? But being the first was like

906
00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:31,800
Speaker 3: actually probably the best because then I just had a

907
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 3: good night for the rest. But I remember getting up

908
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 3: there and just like Willow Smith was looking into my

909
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 3: soul and cheering my name, and I was just like

910
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:41,080
Speaker 3: I cannot talk now.

911
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 2: Yeah now I'm not chill.

912
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that was the scariest. But no, I think

913
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,360
Speaker 3: it's you know, even though it was a water to me.

914
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 3: I think it's mainly awarded for people with the disability,

915
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 3: and I think it's also having people with the disability

916
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 3: in mainstream spaces and spaces that they may not have

917
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 3: been before, and you know, valuing people with the disability

918
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 3: as people without a disability.

919
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 2: And would you say that your disability is the best

920
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 2: thing that's ever happened to you.

921
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 3: Made I like better parking, So yeah, absolutely.

922
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 2: Yes, what's next for you, James?

923
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:26,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sort of we established that before. I sort

924
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 3: of live in the present. Yeah, I feel like up

925
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,800
Speaker 3: until now, I've done everything that I wanted to achieve

926
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 3: or do. Last year, you know, I just planted a

927
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 3: seed in my head. I'm like, I want to do

928
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,840
Speaker 3: a Ted talk, and then like two weeks later someone's

929
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 3: asking me, so yeah, I don't know. I feel like

930
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:44,760
Speaker 3: I sort of just like go through and float around

931
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 3: and I have little ideas in my head of what

932
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 3: I do want to do. But I think it's just

933
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:55,959
Speaker 3: keeping them in my head until the right time, the opportunity. Yeah,

934
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 3: because I feel like I'll plant the seed in my

935
00:46:58,320 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 3: head and it turns into something different. Sure, you know,

936
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 3: but I think there's more of a need for people

937
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 3: with disability and acting. I remember when I did my

938
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,960
Speaker 3: first runway, and I had done a runway earlier in

939
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 3: the week and then I had to go back later

940
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 3: in the week for a fitting. And so where they

941
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 3: had the runway was at fed Square in Melbourne, and

942
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 3: there was a big billboard out the front that had

943
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 3: like just like highlights of the runway. I remember seeing

944
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:25,160
Speaker 3: myself up there while I was waiting for the fitting.

945
00:47:25,680 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 3: And coincidentally, I don't know how things like this happen

946
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,680
Speaker 3: all the time, but coincidentally, there was like I reckon

947
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 3: It was about five or six years old with his

948
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 3: dad and he had a prosthetic and he was walking

949
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 3: past the screen. I don't know why, but they just

950
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,880
Speaker 3: like stopped and watched the screen and I was like, oh,

951
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 3: I wonder if you'll see me, And so yeah, I

952
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 3: watched and when I popped up on the screen and

953
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 3: the way, he like grabbed his dad and like pointed

954
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 3: and just like that what that's exactly what? Yeah? Because

955
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 3: I was like, how beautiful is that that? That's probably

956
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,320
Speaker 3: the first time he's ever seen someone like him? But

957
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 3: also how sad is that?

958
00:48:01,719 --> 00:48:01,919
Speaker 2: Yeah?

959
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,000
Speaker 3: Why has that taking this long, whether it's five or six,

960
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 3: five or six years without seeing someone that looks like you.

961
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 2: They was exactly where it was supposed to be at

962
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 2: that time and apparently. Wow, yeah, amazing. James, You've been

963
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 2: absolutely phenomenal. What a story. Listen, thanks ever so much

964
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 2: for coming in, Thanks for your time. You and I

965
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:28,759
Speaker 2: know that a lot of people will gain a lot

966
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 2: of inspiration and motivation and knowledge from this podcast, So

967
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 2: thank you, mate, Thank you. You can follow James on

968
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok. I'll put the details in the show notes.

969
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining me on this episode of head Game.

970
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,400
Speaker 2: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review.

971
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,399
Speaker 2: I'm at Middleton. See you again next time.