1 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:13,161 Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,081 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761 Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:34,481 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to she Rises. Have you Monday? 10 00:00:34,681 --> 00:00:36,601 Speaker 1: Got a bit of a juicy, maybe a little bit 11 00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:39,640 Speaker 1: controversial kind of episode For all the moms out there, 12 00:00:39,681 --> 00:00:42,721 Speaker 1: you've probably heard a lot of these shaming comments or 13 00:00:43,081 --> 00:00:45,441 Speaker 1: just had judgments or projections put onto you, or maybe 14 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: you've seen other women online copet as well. So we're 15 00:00:47,441 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: going to talk about some of the rogue things that 16 00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:51,881 Speaker 1: people have said to me as a mom recently or 17 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,721 Speaker 1: in the last year or two. But before we get 18 00:00:53,761 --> 00:00:56,041 Speaker 1: into it, Share of the Week make go first. 19 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,601 Speaker 2: Yes for sure? Okay, So my Share of the Week 20 00:00:57,681 --> 00:01:00,161 Speaker 2: is actually just a lip liner that we just recently felt. 21 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,601 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, a beautiful makeup artist that we've been using. 22 00:01:02,721 --> 00:01:06,361 Speaker 2: She recommended it and it's called Signature by Morphi Morphie 23 00:01:06,401 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 2: Moffee so cheap, yeah, so creamy, probably like twelve dollars. Yeah, 24 00:01:09,881 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 2: and I'm like, yes, please. 25 00:01:11,081 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 1: It's amazing. It's such a beautiful. 26 00:01:12,801 --> 00:01:15,481 Speaker 2: Color, really nice color. I'm very obsessed with it. Highly 27 00:01:15,481 --> 00:01:15,961 Speaker 2: recommend it. 28 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like Meca classy that one. Yes, I love 29 00:01:19,081 --> 00:01:21,721 Speaker 1: macwell as well, which is a little bit deeper. Yes, yeah, 30 00:01:21,961 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: love the actual m alright in minds something I'm going 31 00:01:25,121 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 1: to read out on Instagram A saved because I thought 32 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,881 Speaker 1: it was really cool. The highest love language you have 33 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: as an adult is often the highest unmet need you 34 00:01:32,681 --> 00:01:35,640 Speaker 1: had as a child. So example, if your love language 35 00:01:35,681 --> 00:01:38,561 Speaker 1: is words of affirmation, you probably grew up with silence, criticism, 36 00:01:38,681 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 1: or high expectations. You were rarely praised and often picked apart. 37 00:01:42,481 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: So now loving words aren't just loving the healing it's 38 00:01:45,881 --> 00:01:47,241 Speaker 1: my love language. 39 00:01:47,721 --> 00:01:48,761 Speaker 2: Definitely feel that too. 40 00:01:48,881 --> 00:01:51,201 Speaker 1: If it's access service, this used to be my biggest 41 00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:53,761 Speaker 1: love language. If it's access service, you were probably the 42 00:01:53,761 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: one who had to grow up fast, the fixer, the helper, 43 00:01:56,001 --> 00:01:58,001 Speaker 1: the caretaker in your household, you may be the one 44 00:01:58,001 --> 00:02:00,681 Speaker 1: who held together. You learn to give without expecting anything 45 00:02:00,681 --> 00:02:02,681 Speaker 1: in return. So now when someone shows up few without 46 00:02:02,681 --> 00:02:05,761 Speaker 1: being asked. It feels like it's love and it's purest 47 00:02:05,921 --> 00:02:08,441 Speaker 1: If you crave quality time, Chances are your parents were 48 00:02:08,481 --> 00:02:10,641 Speaker 1: physically there, but not as emotionally there as you needed 49 00:02:10,681 --> 00:02:12,721 Speaker 1: them to be. You remember, their presence were not their 50 00:02:12,761 --> 00:02:15,761 Speaker 1: deep connection. So now when someone gives you their full, full, 51 00:02:15,841 --> 00:02:18,641 Speaker 1: undistracted attention, it makes you feel what you always long for, 52 00:02:19,001 --> 00:02:22,481 Speaker 1: seen important and lack you matter. If it's physical touch, 53 00:02:22,561 --> 00:02:24,961 Speaker 1: you might have had parents who withheld affection or only 54 00:02:25,001 --> 00:02:28,081 Speaker 1: gave it on their terms. Maybe touch was rare, conditional, 55 00:02:28,161 --> 00:02:30,921 Speaker 1: or inconsistent. So now physical touch is how you know 56 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,841 Speaker 1: you're loved, accepted, and you're not alone. If you value 57 00:02:33,881 --> 00:02:36,041 Speaker 1: receiving gifts, it's not about the price to act. It's 58 00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: about knowing someone thought of you, maybe that you grew 59 00:02:38,881 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: up feeling forgotten, overlooked, or like an afterthought growing up. 60 00:02:42,081 --> 00:02:44,281 Speaker 1: So now a small gift says you matter and I 61 00:02:44,281 --> 00:02:46,801 Speaker 1: see you. Your love language is not just how you 62 00:02:46,841 --> 00:02:49,121 Speaker 1: give or received love. It's your inner child saying this 63 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,881 Speaker 1: is what I needed most and I never got it. 64 00:02:51,281 --> 00:02:54,921 Speaker 1: So this is from a page's Matt underscore calmer, Wow 65 00:02:55,001 --> 00:02:56,361 Speaker 1: you still on the goal, goes think he lives in 66 00:02:56,401 --> 00:02:58,601 Speaker 1: American now but when I read that, I was like, wow, 67 00:02:59,161 --> 00:02:59,841 Speaker 1: that's so true. 68 00:02:59,921 --> 00:03:02,081 Speaker 2: You're so seen. Yeah, all those things I feel like 69 00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: I can relate to the first flour or specially Wow, 70 00:03:05,321 --> 00:03:06,601 Speaker 2: I wonder which one's more prominent. 71 00:03:06,721 --> 00:03:09,321 Speaker 1: Yeah, mine's access service, but now it's words. 72 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:15,201 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, definitely physical touch and quality time yeah right, yeah, 73 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,321 Speaker 2: And it just depends where you're at at the time, what. 74 00:03:17,361 --> 00:03:18,641 Speaker 1: You're not getting a lot of, even what you're not 75 00:03:18,641 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: getting a lot of now in your adult life, you 76 00:03:20,281 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 1: will then crave more of. So that's why they can change. Yes, yeah, wow, 77 00:03:23,841 --> 00:03:27,321 Speaker 1: that's powerful. Anyways, let's get onto the episode absolutely, so 78 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: straight into it. Okay, So recently I got sent a podcast. 79 00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:34,761 Speaker 1: It's a gossip podcast, which I hate listen to these 80 00:03:34,761 --> 00:03:36,321 Speaker 1: things because you know, a lot of the time and 81 00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:37,841 Speaker 1: I have listened to a couple of late that I've 82 00:03:37,841 --> 00:03:40,361 Speaker 1: been sent. They don't even have the full facts. They're 83 00:03:40,401 --> 00:03:44,081 Speaker 1: gossiping about my businesses when I go away, so many things, 84 00:03:44,121 --> 00:03:46,641 Speaker 1: and I'm like, it's not actually the truth, the spin 85 00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:48,841 Speaker 1: that from, or you're missing out so many parts of 86 00:03:48,881 --> 00:03:51,921 Speaker 1: the story just to make it sound worse. Absolutely, I 87 00:03:51,961 --> 00:03:55,041 Speaker 1: really struggle to understand well from a business perspective, I 88 00:03:55,081 --> 00:03:56,601 Speaker 1: get why they do it, yeah, but from like an 89 00:03:56,641 --> 00:03:59,201 Speaker 1: integrity point view, I'm like, you're literally making money off 90 00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:01,561 Speaker 1: gossiping of people's lives and not even having all the 91 00:04:01,561 --> 00:04:03,641 Speaker 1: true facts, but you're spinning things to make things sound 92 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:06,441 Speaker 1: bad and to put the woman down so people click 93 00:04:06,481 --> 00:04:08,921 Speaker 1: your content. So anyways, I don't know why I listen 94 00:04:08,921 --> 00:04:09,921 Speaker 1: to it. I was just on a walk. It's like, 95 00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:11,481 Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm just curious what they've got to say. 96 00:04:11,841 --> 00:04:13,681 Speaker 1: I said a few things. The first thing that they 97 00:04:13,681 --> 00:04:16,641 Speaker 1: were talking about was how I'm always going away and 98 00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:19,401 Speaker 1: poor Steve's stuck at home with the kids. Poor Steve. 99 00:04:19,681 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that's so interesting. And one of 100 00:04:22,481 --> 00:04:25,561 Speaker 1: the hosts does have children, and I'm guessing the other 101 00:04:25,601 --> 00:04:28,641 Speaker 1: one doesn't. But I was like, Steve goes away too, 102 00:04:28,681 --> 00:04:30,281 Speaker 1: because they were saying, oh, poor Steve, like never gets 103 00:04:30,281 --> 00:04:32,121 Speaker 1: to go away. I'm like, he goes through all the time. 104 00:04:32,161 --> 00:04:33,721 Speaker 1: I just don't talk about it because I don't feel 105 00:04:33,721 --> 00:04:36,361 Speaker 1: safe people knowing that I'm not at home with a man. Yeah, 106 00:04:36,481 --> 00:04:39,121 Speaker 1: I feel unsafe without him in the house. I don't 107 00:04:39,201 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: like it. I've got three male neighbors. They all know 108 00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:42,801 Speaker 1: when Steve goes away. Just in case something was to happen, 109 00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:44,681 Speaker 1: I can call on them, so I'd be like, oh 110 00:04:44,681 --> 00:04:46,961 Speaker 1: my gosh, Steve's away tonight. But he goes away all 111 00:04:47,001 --> 00:04:48,961 Speaker 1: the time, Like he just went to America for ten days. 112 00:04:49,361 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: At the end of this month, he's going to tailand 113 00:04:50,921 --> 00:04:53,281 Speaker 1: for ten days. He goes on little work trips like 114 00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:54,241 Speaker 1: you know. 115 00:04:54,201 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 2: What's funny as well, like Steve's such a private person. 116 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,361 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Like he doesn't want to be on camera, 117 00:04:58,521 --> 00:05:00,041 Speaker 2: Like it was how hard it was to get him 118 00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:02,361 Speaker 2: on the podcast. It's taken me years, Like that was 119 00:05:02,401 --> 00:05:04,521 Speaker 2: in itself was surprising in itself. 120 00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:06,121 Speaker 1: So surprising, very out of his comfort zone. 121 00:05:06,121 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 2: Doesn't have his own like he has a social media 122 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,561 Speaker 2: account and stuff like that, but he doesn't post on 123 00:05:09,561 --> 00:05:11,721 Speaker 2: it actively. I doesn't want like the world to know 124 00:05:11,761 --> 00:05:12,161 Speaker 2: those things. 125 00:05:12,161 --> 00:05:14,001 Speaker 1: And he's very very opposite to me in that. 126 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,361 Speaker 2: Yeah, fully tells like he's very close people that he's 127 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,921 Speaker 2: going to do things like that, and that's about it. 128 00:05:18,961 --> 00:05:21,521 Speaker 1: And it's also offensive to him in a way of like, oh, poor, 129 00:05:21,561 --> 00:05:23,201 Speaker 1: So he's stuck at home with the kids, Like he's 130 00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:25,601 Speaker 1: an incompetent dad. He likes being at home with his kids. 131 00:05:25,641 --> 00:05:27,601 Speaker 1: What do you mean, Like when he went away. I 132 00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:29,001 Speaker 1: was like, great, I have a good time. I had 133 00:05:29,001 --> 00:05:30,361 Speaker 1: the best time with the kids. I guess one on 134 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,521 Speaker 1: one time with them, like my girlfriend's co o of 135 00:05:32,561 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: a sleepovers Like I loved it. Yeah, it's not a 136 00:05:34,481 --> 00:05:36,401 Speaker 1: bad thing when a parent goes away. But why is 137 00:05:36,481 --> 00:05:39,401 Speaker 1: when a mum goes away they get really really slammed 138 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,001 Speaker 1: and they're a bad mum for leaving their kids. But 139 00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: if dad goes away, no one says anything. 140 00:05:42,481 --> 00:05:44,320 Speaker 2: I think motherhood is such a hot topic when it 141 00:05:44,361 --> 00:05:46,841 Speaker 2: comes to controversy. Yeah, so it's like, why is it 142 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,561 Speaker 2: different for a dad? Yeah that's so interesting. 143 00:05:48,561 --> 00:05:51,481 Speaker 1: But we're both equal parents. Yeah, we both decided to 144 00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: have children, we both made them, and we both parent them. 145 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,241 Speaker 1: Why is the dad not getting shit? Why am I 146 00:05:56,281 --> 00:05:58,441 Speaker 1: the bad person I go away? Yeah, it's just such 147 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,241 Speaker 1: an interesting topic. 148 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,481 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like different expectations for different either or dad. 149 00:06:02,761 --> 00:06:06,961 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's wild to me. I like whatever, whatever, Stephanie, 150 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,121 Speaker 1: Stephanie's out. Okay. The next one is I get this 151 00:06:10,201 --> 00:06:12,481 Speaker 1: quite often actually, But then I also got it differently 152 00:06:12,521 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: when I went away with Taj that Tala is my 153 00:06:14,481 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: favorite kid because I show her more on social media. 154 00:06:17,921 --> 00:06:19,761 Speaker 1: What people forget is that Taj is at school five 155 00:06:19,801 --> 00:06:21,761 Speaker 1: days a week, she's a home I spend a lot 156 00:06:21,761 --> 00:06:23,921 Speaker 1: more time with her now because I get that time 157 00:06:23,921 --> 00:06:26,841 Speaker 1: with her. I intentionally wanted a big age gap because 158 00:06:26,841 --> 00:06:28,841 Speaker 1: I wanted to have the first five years with Tag 159 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,521 Speaker 1: without another child there. So I got that time with him, 160 00:06:31,561 --> 00:06:33,241 Speaker 1: and then we went to school. Now I get that 161 00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:35,801 Speaker 1: time with her, and a lot of the time, Taj 162 00:06:35,841 --> 00:06:38,121 Speaker 1: doesn't actually want to be on camera. If he wants 163 00:06:38,161 --> 00:06:39,841 Speaker 1: to be on camera, he is asked to be on camera, 164 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: and it's something that he wants to do, like a 165 00:06:41,521 --> 00:06:44,361 Speaker 1: food tasting thing or a silly prank or something. She 166 00:06:44,401 --> 00:06:46,121 Speaker 1: doesn't actually love to be on camera all the time 167 00:06:46,361 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 1: where she's like, mom, take my photo, take a video. 168 00:06:49,921 --> 00:06:51,801 Speaker 1: She's literally like, look what I'm wearing. I want to 169 00:06:51,841 --> 00:06:54,721 Speaker 1: show everyone, look my hair like the day. Yeah, she 170 00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: loves to be on camera. She loves to be center 171 00:06:57,081 --> 00:06:59,921 Speaker 1: of attention, wants her photo taken all the time. So 172 00:07:00,001 --> 00:07:00,881 Speaker 1: naturally she's a monk. 173 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:04,361 Speaker 2: She's a big personality. She's not afraid to take up space. 174 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,841 Speaker 1: No that about her before, so that's naturally why she's 175 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,681 Speaker 1: on more. But then when I took Taj to Europe, 176 00:07:09,761 --> 00:07:11,921 Speaker 1: was like, oh, Taj is the favorite kid. Of course 177 00:07:11,921 --> 00:07:12,521 Speaker 1: she took him. 178 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,401 Speaker 2: I'm like he left Tyler behind. 179 00:07:14,681 --> 00:07:17,201 Speaker 1: Yes. Wow, It's like we know, no matter what you do, 180 00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:19,281 Speaker 1: they're going to find a way to make you look 181 00:07:19,321 --> 00:07:20,281 Speaker 1: like a bad mood, yes, and. 182 00:07:20,201 --> 00:07:22,121 Speaker 2: To criticize you for whatever it is you're choosing in that. 183 00:07:22,081 --> 00:07:23,961 Speaker 1: Moment, which just goes to show It's like, I just 184 00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:25,961 Speaker 1: think it's something within them that it's triggered, and they 185 00:07:26,081 --> 00:07:28,001 Speaker 1: just projected out into you to try to bring you down. 186 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,161 Speaker 1: But I want to quality time attage? Is that a 187 00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:32,281 Speaker 1: beautiful age? Where's going to remember a lot of the trip? Yes, 188 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,001 Speaker 1: he's a lot easier to travel with than a two 189 00:07:34,081 --> 00:07:37,041 Speaker 1: or three rook. I'm not a shame to admit that. Yeah. 190 00:07:37,121 --> 00:07:40,041 Speaker 1: So it's just interesting people see such a little snippet 191 00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:42,241 Speaker 1: of your life and they make such big assumptions on 192 00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:43,601 Speaker 1: watching sixty seconds. 193 00:07:43,681 --> 00:07:46,201 Speaker 2: Yeah. So interesting, Like, even as an outside of somebody 194 00:07:46,201 --> 00:07:48,841 Speaker 2: who's not a parent, it seems like motherhood is such 195 00:07:48,841 --> 00:07:51,561 Speaker 2: an area where there's a lot of projection. It's a 196 00:07:51,561 --> 00:07:54,441 Speaker 2: lot of shame as well, because obviously the book, everyone's 197 00:07:54,481 --> 00:07:57,041 Speaker 2: doing the best that they can and making choices that 198 00:07:57,081 --> 00:07:58,561 Speaker 2: are best suited for them, and the way that they 199 00:07:58,641 --> 00:08:01,401 Speaker 2: choose to parent. But everyone seems to be so in 200 00:08:01,441 --> 00:08:03,201 Speaker 2: each other's business when it comes to the way that 201 00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:06,561 Speaker 2: other people parent. I'm just like, stay in your bother you? 202 00:08:06,601 --> 00:08:08,441 Speaker 2: Why does it bother you? Yeah, you should be concerned 203 00:08:08,441 --> 00:08:10,321 Speaker 2: about the way that you parent and how you want 204 00:08:10,321 --> 00:08:12,881 Speaker 2: to raise your children. And I don't imagine that anything 205 00:08:12,921 --> 00:08:15,161 Speaker 2: else outside of that actually directly impacts you. 206 00:08:15,201 --> 00:08:18,121 Speaker 1: No, definitely not. And everyone's got their own set of 207 00:08:18,161 --> 00:08:20,081 Speaker 1: rules on the right way to parent. But just because 208 00:08:20,121 --> 00:08:22,281 Speaker 1: you believe there's a right way, it might not fit 209 00:08:22,321 --> 00:08:25,481 Speaker 1: with another family's culture or beliefs, or the way they 210 00:08:25,481 --> 00:08:27,841 Speaker 1: could behave, the way they could respond to certain discipline. 211 00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:32,081 Speaker 1: Every child, family, lifestyle and culture is so different. So 212 00:08:32,241 --> 00:08:34,721 Speaker 1: just like let them do their thing. Yeah, Like, why 213 00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:36,721 Speaker 1: does it bother you that much? Unless I'm not talking 214 00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:39,521 Speaker 1: like abuse or something. No, that's like just day to 215 00:08:39,641 --> 00:08:41,401 Speaker 1: day yeah, Or I like, if you want to follow 216 00:08:41,441 --> 00:08:44,041 Speaker 1: a sleep utuine or you don't want follow sleep routine, cool? Yeah, 217 00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,121 Speaker 1: what does it bother you if their kid's not sleeping? Yeah, 218 00:08:46,201 --> 00:08:48,881 Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Yeah, you know, it's so interesting. 219 00:08:48,881 --> 00:08:51,841 Speaker 1: It's an interesting world. The next one that I get 220 00:08:51,961 --> 00:08:53,921 Speaker 1: quite a lot is that I portray my kids are 221 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,681 Speaker 1: perfect because I only post when they're happy and when 222 00:08:56,721 --> 00:08:59,361 Speaker 1: they're doing cool stuff. But yes, I'm not going to 223 00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:01,521 Speaker 1: get my camera out when they're having a tantrum. I'll 224 00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:03,881 Speaker 1: hang on kids, Sorry, keep having a tantrum. I'm just 225 00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:06,001 Speaker 1: going to get my phone. So everyone knows you guys 226 00:09:06,001 --> 00:09:07,561 Speaker 1: aren't perfect, and I'm not for trying you to be. 227 00:09:08,361 --> 00:09:11,121 Speaker 2: Just way awayway, stay here, don't move, let me get 228 00:09:11,161 --> 00:09:11,561 Speaker 2: my camera. 229 00:09:11,881 --> 00:09:15,761 Speaker 1: My responsibility and my role as their parent if they're 230 00:09:15,761 --> 00:09:19,281 Speaker 1: having a meltdown is to support them. The last thing 231 00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:22,121 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about is to get out my camera for content. 232 00:09:22,441 --> 00:09:24,361 Speaker 1: So no, and I'm not going to embarrass them and 233 00:09:24,401 --> 00:09:25,641 Speaker 1: like put that on the internet. 234 00:09:25,761 --> 00:09:28,761 Speaker 2: Yeah. It's so different as well from when somebody like, 235 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:31,521 Speaker 2: let's say, for example, like you know, you share very 236 00:09:31,601 --> 00:09:33,721 Speaker 2: vulnerable moments in your journey when you're having a bad 237 00:09:33,801 --> 00:09:35,201 Speaker 2: day or something like that. But that's your choice. In 238 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,281 Speaker 2: that way, you're doing it because you want to teach something, 239 00:09:37,321 --> 00:09:38,961 Speaker 2: not because you're like, hey, look at my life, it's 240 00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:41,681 Speaker 2: like ups and downs, just because there's something constructive behind 241 00:09:41,721 --> 00:09:44,161 Speaker 2: it exactly. And also I imagine as a parent, I 242 00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:46,641 Speaker 2: don't have experience in this, but I imagine as a parent, 243 00:09:46,641 --> 00:09:48,521 Speaker 2: you're just trying to regulate yourself as well as your child, 244 00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,281 Speaker 2: or just saying I've already got enough things to worry 245 00:09:50,281 --> 00:09:52,601 Speaker 2: about in the middle of a tantrum. Let alone like 246 00:09:52,961 --> 00:09:56,001 Speaker 2: to normalize that tantrums are real when every parent already 247 00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,281 Speaker 2: knows that that's true. I don't need evidence of that 248 00:09:58,361 --> 00:10:00,321 Speaker 2: to know that it's true. You just have a conversation 249 00:10:00,361 --> 00:10:01,681 Speaker 2: with another mom and be like, Wow, I had a 250 00:10:01,681 --> 00:10:03,761 Speaker 2: really shit day today. It was really hard, for sure. 251 00:10:04,281 --> 00:10:05,561 Speaker 1: But I'm not going to get my camera out when 252 00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:08,401 Speaker 1: they're having a melt down. No, absolutely not. I feel 253 00:10:08,401 --> 00:10:10,641 Speaker 1: sad when I see that Sometimes onlines, I'm like, gosh, 254 00:10:10,641 --> 00:10:11,961 Speaker 1: they don't need a camera in their face. They need 255 00:10:12,001 --> 00:10:14,081 Speaker 1: you to hold them, you know, yeah, like be there 256 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:16,241 Speaker 1: for them. Yeah. So that's why I know my kids 257 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,601 Speaker 1: are not perfect. They are fighting like absolute cat and 258 00:10:18,641 --> 00:10:21,001 Speaker 1: dog at the moment. It's been hard lately. I'm being 259 00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:23,481 Speaker 1: completely honest, But I just don't film them when they're 260 00:10:23,481 --> 00:10:25,561 Speaker 1: fighting and bickering and having the melt down. 261 00:10:25,601 --> 00:10:27,081 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's they trying to be there like something you'll 262 00:10:27,081 --> 00:10:28,361 Speaker 2: come to me with and be like, oh, I need 263 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,521 Speaker 2: to let this out literally. 264 00:10:29,681 --> 00:10:32,001 Speaker 1: No, Yeah, I'm not going to film them. So I 265 00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:34,881 Speaker 1: know my kids are not perfect. And you see such 266 00:10:34,921 --> 00:10:36,321 Speaker 1: small simboits of my day. 267 00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:38,721 Speaker 2: And you know it as well, not just in relation 268 00:10:38,761 --> 00:10:41,921 Speaker 2: to kids, but everyone in general. Post the highlight reel 269 00:10:41,921 --> 00:10:44,561 Speaker 2: on social media. Most people do, Yeah, because those are 270 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,681 Speaker 2: the good moments. People want to share the good moments. Yeah, 271 00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:48,881 Speaker 2: people still go through hard times. But sometimes people don't 272 00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:51,241 Speaker 2: want to share that stuff, and that's okay. People don't 273 00:10:51,281 --> 00:10:53,601 Speaker 2: have to. There's no rules on like how you have 274 00:10:53,641 --> 00:10:55,601 Speaker 2: to be in show up on social media, especially when 275 00:10:55,641 --> 00:10:57,721 Speaker 2: it comes to your children. Yeah, you know, you might 276 00:10:57,761 --> 00:10:59,641 Speaker 2: not want to show whatever it is that you don't 277 00:10:59,641 --> 00:11:01,721 Speaker 2: want to show on social media, and that's perfectly fine. 278 00:11:01,721 --> 00:11:04,401 Speaker 2: You don't need to have a reason or explain yourself. Yeah, 279 00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:06,361 Speaker 2: you do the things you do as a parent, I imagine. 280 00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:08,321 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think people forget too. My page is 281 00:11:08,361 --> 00:11:10,521 Speaker 1: not a family of blocking page. Yes, I don't vlog 282 00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:13,001 Speaker 1: my whole life just to show my kids off like 283 00:11:13,041 --> 00:11:15,161 Speaker 1: they're a part of my life, of course, but yeah, 284 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,081 Speaker 1: look at my page. It's very rare that I actually 285 00:11:17,121 --> 00:11:19,201 Speaker 1: post them and put them on my page permanently. Yes, 286 00:11:19,281 --> 00:11:21,801 Speaker 1: because I'm not a family page. It's my life. It's 287 00:11:21,801 --> 00:11:23,321 Speaker 1: the impact I want to make. It's the things that 288 00:11:23,361 --> 00:11:26,121 Speaker 1: I'm doing, It's the products that I'm working with or 289 00:11:26,161 --> 00:11:29,081 Speaker 1: like things that we're building. That's my page in my life. 290 00:11:29,161 --> 00:11:30,481 Speaker 1: And if they want to do that when they're older, 291 00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:33,881 Speaker 1: they can, you know. So anyways, that's that one. 292 00:11:34,241 --> 00:11:37,561 Speaker 2: Then anyways living on the next one. 293 00:11:37,641 --> 00:11:40,521 Speaker 1: Was on the Gossip podcast as well. They were having 294 00:11:40,521 --> 00:11:42,921 Speaker 1: strong opinions about how we should have taken our kids 295 00:11:42,921 --> 00:11:46,241 Speaker 1: to Europe and I was like, okay. So one was saying, oh, 296 00:11:46,281 --> 00:11:48,441 Speaker 1: but you know, as a mum, I can totally understand 297 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,681 Speaker 1: why they need to break from their kids and go 298 00:11:49,721 --> 00:11:51,161 Speaker 1: and experience and have fun. So she was kind of 299 00:11:51,161 --> 00:11:53,841 Speaker 1: playing Devil's advocate, which was cool because she's got kids. 300 00:11:53,841 --> 00:11:54,961 Speaker 1: And then the other one was like, oh, but all 301 00:11:54,961 --> 00:11:56,761 Speaker 1: my kids to experience everything with Like what's the point 302 00:11:56,761 --> 00:11:58,441 Speaker 1: of having kids if you're not going to experience everything 303 00:11:58,481 --> 00:11:59,801 Speaker 1: with them? Like don't you want to show them, well, 304 00:11:59,841 --> 00:12:01,761 Speaker 1: don't want to do this and that? And like, I 305 00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:04,001 Speaker 1: can see your points are totally valid, and yes, we 306 00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:06,681 Speaker 1: will be doing that when T was a little bit older. Yeah, 307 00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:09,521 Speaker 1: but there was also us before we had children. Yes, 308 00:12:09,601 --> 00:12:11,681 Speaker 1: And I also, as much as I love spending time 309 00:12:11,721 --> 00:12:14,761 Speaker 1: with my children and building memories of them. I also 310 00:12:14,841 --> 00:12:17,521 Speaker 1: love doing that with my husband one on one, intimately 311 00:12:17,761 --> 00:12:20,241 Speaker 1: more sexier, like doing adult things that we wouldn't do 312 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,041 Speaker 1: with the kids. Why can't I enjoy both? And I 313 00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,961 Speaker 1: also love going with my girlfriends and guess what, I 314 00:12:25,001 --> 00:12:27,161 Speaker 1: also loved going with my mum. And I also love 315 00:12:27,241 --> 00:12:29,481 Speaker 1: my own time. I love it all, and I don't 316 00:12:29,481 --> 00:12:31,801 Speaker 1: believe there's a limit or a cap on what I 317 00:12:31,841 --> 00:12:34,201 Speaker 1: get to enjoy and where I can have joy and 318 00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:36,201 Speaker 1: fun and play. Yes, so if you want to just 319 00:12:36,201 --> 00:12:38,201 Speaker 1: do everything with your kids, amazing. I know plenty of 320 00:12:38,201 --> 00:12:40,281 Speaker 1: moms to do that. That's great. Good on you. I don't 321 00:12:40,361 --> 00:12:42,161 Speaker 1: judge you for that. But I like to do other 322 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:42,721 Speaker 1: things as well. 323 00:12:42,881 --> 00:12:43,121 Speaker 2: Yeah. 324 00:12:43,401 --> 00:12:46,521 Speaker 1: So it's just interesting how strongly people have their opinions. 325 00:12:46,561 --> 00:12:49,521 Speaker 1: But once again, it doesn't impact you what I do 326 00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:51,601 Speaker 1: with my life. If I go and have a sexy 327 00:12:51,641 --> 00:12:54,481 Speaker 1: holiday with my husband, and why are you that concerned? Yeah, 328 00:12:54,881 --> 00:12:57,961 Speaker 1: it doesn't bother you. Yeah, like I shouldn't bother you. Oh, 329 00:12:58,001 --> 00:12:59,721 Speaker 1: this is a common one, I get. Oh, she's always 330 00:12:59,801 --> 00:13:02,841 Speaker 1: out doing things without her kids. Once again, I do 331 00:13:02,841 --> 00:13:05,241 Speaker 1: do things outside of my children, and I'm allowed too, 332 00:13:05,441 --> 00:13:08,441 Speaker 1: and I enjoy that. But also when I'm with my kids, 333 00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:11,161 Speaker 1: I'm not filming them all the time. I'm present with them. 334 00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,121 Speaker 1: So the stuff I share it might look like I'm 335 00:13:13,121 --> 00:13:15,681 Speaker 1: always at doing stuff, but you also see ten percent 336 00:13:15,721 --> 00:13:18,001 Speaker 1: of my life. Yes, literally, when I'm at work with you, 337 00:13:18,081 --> 00:13:19,881 Speaker 1: when we're doing a stay ca here to do the 338 00:13:19,881 --> 00:13:22,241 Speaker 1: podcast all we can, I'm not on socials that much 339 00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:24,441 Speaker 1: because I'm just with my kids. Yes, we're not doing anything. 340 00:13:24,441 --> 00:13:26,521 Speaker 1: We're at home, swing in the pool, kicking the footy 341 00:13:26,521 --> 00:13:28,841 Speaker 1: out the front, go down to the park, walking the dog. Yeah, 342 00:13:28,961 --> 00:13:31,361 Speaker 1: doing groceries together, Like it's not something I just feel 343 00:13:31,361 --> 00:13:32,441 Speaker 1: like I need to get the camera out and film 344 00:13:32,481 --> 00:13:32,681 Speaker 1: the whole. 345 00:13:32,801 --> 00:13:34,481 Speaker 2: It's so true as well, especially when we're together and 346 00:13:34,561 --> 00:13:36,921 Speaker 2: we're in work mode. We're in work mode and we're 347 00:13:36,961 --> 00:13:39,281 Speaker 2: also filming because you have the freedom to be able. 348 00:13:39,121 --> 00:13:40,601 Speaker 1: To do that, and it's part of our job to 349 00:13:40,641 --> 00:13:42,521 Speaker 1: film content and that's right, and it's part of our job. 350 00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:44,921 Speaker 2: So it's like regimented. We're like, okay, we're on, we're on. 351 00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:48,081 Speaker 2: We're working now. And then even like as an outsider, 352 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,401 Speaker 2: I know between a certain time in the day as 353 00:13:50,441 --> 00:13:52,081 Speaker 2: she won't message me and she'd be like, hey, babe, 354 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,481 Speaker 2: just letting you know I'm gonna be present with the kids. 355 00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:55,161 Speaker 2: I'll message you after eight pm. It's once they go 356 00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:57,201 Speaker 2: down for bed, which really you know, so it's like 357 00:13:57,201 --> 00:13:59,001 Speaker 2: there's like a good four hour period there where like 358 00:13:59,041 --> 00:14:01,641 Speaker 2: I don't speak to her unless it's like an absolute emergency. 359 00:14:01,681 --> 00:14:03,321 Speaker 2: I'm like, no, that's her time with her kids, and 360 00:14:03,361 --> 00:14:04,401 Speaker 2: that's every single day. 361 00:14:05,321 --> 00:14:06,801 Speaker 1: Yeah, I not to Friday and then all we can 362 00:14:06,841 --> 00:14:07,201 Speaker 1: I'm with them. 363 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:07,481 Speaker 2: Yeah. 364 00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:08,761 Speaker 1: And if I go for a walk with my girlfriends 365 00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:10,881 Speaker 1: for an hour in the morning, shoot me, it's one 366 00:14:10,961 --> 00:14:13,041 Speaker 1: girls coming an hour away from a kid. Yeah, it's 367 00:14:13,081 --> 00:14:15,761 Speaker 1: just like crazy. We're all guilty of it, but we 368 00:14:15,841 --> 00:14:18,921 Speaker 1: literally say such a small portion of someone's life. Yes, 369 00:14:19,081 --> 00:14:21,961 Speaker 1: you just cannot judge and assume anything because you really 370 00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,281 Speaker 1: don't know as much as what you think. 371 00:14:23,561 --> 00:14:24,961 Speaker 2: And I feel like there's on least so much I 372 00:14:24,961 --> 00:14:26,681 Speaker 2: can say on this topic as well, because like I'm 373 00:14:26,681 --> 00:14:28,241 Speaker 2: not a parent, so I'm not going to pretend like 374 00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:30,321 Speaker 2: I know all the things. But even as somebody who 375 00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:32,881 Speaker 2: doesn't have children, if I don't do things for myself 376 00:14:32,921 --> 00:14:35,161 Speaker 2: now without children, I lose my mind. 377 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,281 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I. 378 00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:39,241 Speaker 2: Feel so stretched. I feel more emotional. If I don't 379 00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:41,281 Speaker 2: go for walks, if I don't do things that fill 380 00:14:41,321 --> 00:14:43,241 Speaker 2: my cup up, I can so easily fall into a 381 00:14:43,241 --> 00:14:46,761 Speaker 2: really negative headspace. Now, I imagine bringing children into the 382 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:48,681 Speaker 2: mix where you have to be on all the time. 383 00:14:48,761 --> 00:14:50,521 Speaker 2: You have a twenty four hour job, it doesn't stop, 384 00:14:50,561 --> 00:14:52,401 Speaker 2: Like your role is literally the most important role in 385 00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:55,001 Speaker 2: the world of like taking care of these little humans 386 00:14:55,481 --> 00:14:58,201 Speaker 2: and then try to not have a full cup, you know. 387 00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:01,001 Speaker 2: And I know like mums and parents and dads, like 388 00:15:01,041 --> 00:15:03,081 Speaker 2: they all run on empty most of the time because 389 00:15:03,081 --> 00:15:05,001 Speaker 2: they're doing their best to give all that they can. 390 00:15:05,681 --> 00:15:08,041 Speaker 2: But it's like I don't understand why there's so much 391 00:15:08,121 --> 00:15:10,961 Speaker 2: judgment around, like actually wanting to better yourself as a 392 00:15:11,001 --> 00:15:12,561 Speaker 2: mom because it only makes you show up as a 393 00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:15,601 Speaker 2: better person anyway, And I imagine it would make you 394 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:19,241 Speaker 2: be more present with them, show up more, be happier 395 00:15:19,241 --> 00:15:21,401 Speaker 2: when you're around patient. I want to spend more time 396 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:24,481 Speaker 2: with them because you have that energy, that overflow that 397 00:15:24,521 --> 00:15:26,001 Speaker 2: you just put all into them anyway. 398 00:15:26,201 --> 00:15:28,401 Speaker 1: I also think about what I want my kids to 399 00:15:29,041 --> 00:15:32,761 Speaker 1: value when they're older, and I want them to value themselves. Yeah, 400 00:15:32,841 --> 00:15:34,881 Speaker 1: I want them to know the importance of taking care 401 00:15:34,921 --> 00:15:39,121 Speaker 1: of themselves, having passions, hobbies, purpose, to put themselves first, 402 00:15:39,121 --> 00:15:41,121 Speaker 1: to be able to say yes or no. Tatter lines. 403 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,561 Speaker 1: I can tell them to do that. They're going to 404 00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,121 Speaker 1: do what I say they're going to do? Is I 405 00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:48,241 Speaker 1: do Yes. I have to be that walking role model absolutely, 406 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,321 Speaker 1: so like, yes, it's important even if they're upset. Steve 407 00:15:50,321 --> 00:15:51,241 Speaker 1: and I go on a date and I'm like, oh, 408 00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:52,561 Speaker 1: I want you guys home, Like we want to be 409 00:15:52,561 --> 00:15:54,601 Speaker 1: home with you too. We've got the whole weekend. But 410 00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:56,641 Speaker 1: it's so important for mom and daddy to stay connected. Yes, 411 00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:59,761 Speaker 1: we're so much happier and in love and our relationship 412 00:15:59,841 --> 00:16:02,201 Speaker 1: is really important. We're better parents and I want them 413 00:16:02,201 --> 00:16:04,001 Speaker 1: to value their relationship and the older I want Taj 414 00:16:04,121 --> 00:16:06,841 Speaker 1: to put his wife that's the utmost priority and make 415 00:16:06,881 --> 00:16:09,361 Speaker 1: it feel like a queen and so important and plan 416 00:16:09,521 --> 00:16:11,841 Speaker 1: date nights and do surprises for her. So we have 417 00:16:11,881 --> 00:16:13,041 Speaker 1: to like roamodel that. 418 00:16:13,241 --> 00:16:13,761 Speaker 2: Yeah. 419 00:16:13,921 --> 00:16:17,041 Speaker 1: I really struggle to understand how parents can't see that, 420 00:16:17,481 --> 00:16:19,441 Speaker 1: But it's all from a good place. I think most 421 00:16:19,441 --> 00:16:21,201 Speaker 1: parents like, oh, I've spent every week in moment with 422 00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:22,641 Speaker 1: my kids, like they will feel really loved. 423 00:16:22,721 --> 00:16:23,801 Speaker 2: Yes, I want to be there for them. 424 00:16:23,841 --> 00:16:26,601 Speaker 1: Don't want to miss a moment, Yeah, for sure. But 425 00:16:26,641 --> 00:16:28,001 Speaker 1: I just think about what I value on what I 426 00:16:28,041 --> 00:16:29,801 Speaker 1: would like my kids to have when they're older, and 427 00:16:29,841 --> 00:16:31,321 Speaker 1: I want them to have all of that. 428 00:16:31,441 --> 00:16:33,121 Speaker 2: It definitely all comes from a good place. But then 429 00:16:33,161 --> 00:16:36,081 Speaker 2: there's a lack of accountability when it turns into a projection. 430 00:16:36,281 --> 00:16:36,881 Speaker 1: Yeah, when it. 431 00:16:36,841 --> 00:16:38,801 Speaker 2: Turns into her you should be doing this, and why 432 00:16:38,841 --> 00:16:40,841 Speaker 2: aren't you doing that? That's so shit that you're doing that. 433 00:16:40,921 --> 00:16:43,601 Speaker 2: It's like no, Like, yes, how you're feeling is not 434 00:16:43,641 --> 00:16:45,321 Speaker 2: because of what somebody else is doing. It's because of 435 00:16:45,361 --> 00:16:47,681 Speaker 2: how you feel it. It's something inside of you that 436 00:16:47,721 --> 00:16:50,241 Speaker 2: hasn't been looked at that you can look at that 437 00:16:50,281 --> 00:16:52,001 Speaker 2: will stop you from feeling that way of being triggered 438 00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:54,001 Speaker 2: when other people, other parents are doing things that they 439 00:16:54,001 --> 00:16:56,401 Speaker 2: want to do well other people in general. 440 00:16:56,361 --> 00:16:59,001 Speaker 1: We have a chance to break cycles as well. My 441 00:16:59,121 --> 00:17:01,961 Speaker 1: mum never put herself first, never put her health first, 442 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:06,001 Speaker 1: never put her mental health first. Passions, hobbies, careers, all 443 00:17:06,041 --> 00:17:09,001 Speaker 1: the things. And there was a lot of resentment of 444 00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:10,721 Speaker 1: her and sadness there when she went through a divorce. 445 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: She didn't know who she was. It's like, I've just 446 00:17:12,681 --> 00:17:15,921 Speaker 1: dedicated my life to working NonStop, being in an unhappy 447 00:17:15,961 --> 00:17:18,761 Speaker 1: relationship where I wasn't treated nicely, didn't think I was 448 00:17:18,761 --> 00:17:22,120 Speaker 1: worth anything, never put myself first, and then gave everything 449 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,521 Speaker 1: else to my children and now what And it was 450 00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: like a long, hard journey for her to like actually, 451 00:17:26,961 --> 00:17:28,721 Speaker 1: even now, she still feels bad. She doesn't feel like 452 00:17:28,761 --> 00:17:30,921 Speaker 1: she's worthy of going to get a massage. I feel 453 00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:34,041 Speaker 1: like she's worthy of taking care of herself. I've seen 454 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,160 Speaker 1: that growing up, and I'm like, I want more for 455 00:17:36,241 --> 00:17:38,161 Speaker 1: myself and I want my kids. I want to break 456 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,321 Speaker 1: that cycle, so my kids do it differently. But it 457 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: starts with me. And it's not to judge my mom 458 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,441 Speaker 1: or anything. Like she did everything from a good place 459 00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 1: and thought she was doing the best she could and 460 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,281 Speaker 1: had very little support, and she was in full survival 461 00:17:48,321 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: motor the whole time. She's done an amazing job. But 462 00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: as a mum, now I witnessed all of that. I'm 463 00:17:52,761 --> 00:17:55,041 Speaker 1: I'm going to do things differently. I want my kids 464 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,121 Speaker 1: to grow up and not feeling guilty for doing things 465 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,521 Speaker 1: for themselves because they are important. And you can't pour 466 00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: from a empty cup. Well, mums can, but you're not 467 00:18:01,441 --> 00:18:03,281 Speaker 1: doing the best job that you want to be. You're 468 00:18:03,281 --> 00:18:06,200 Speaker 1: not feeling your best seeing that, and your kids are 469 00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:10,201 Speaker 1: feeling that. So yeah, it's a conscious decision. Yeah, yeah, 470 00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:13,201 Speaker 1: this is an interesting one. I don't get this too much, 471 00:18:13,281 --> 00:18:16,521 Speaker 1: but I have seen this a lot online. It's when 472 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:20,640 Speaker 1: mothers share too much of their kids, but then don't 473 00:18:20,681 --> 00:18:23,761 Speaker 1: share enough. It's like both sides of the coin, whether 474 00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: you share them or it's like, oh, you're exploiting them 475 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,680 Speaker 1: and you're selling them and you're doing this and that. 476 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,361 Speaker 1: Then if you don't share them, what she hiding or 477 00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,080 Speaker 1: are you ashamed of your kids. 478 00:18:31,921 --> 00:18:33,361 Speaker 2: Or what's going on behind closed door? 479 00:18:33,441 --> 00:18:36,561 Speaker 1: You're not with your kids enough, Like you must be socializing. 480 00:18:36,761 --> 00:18:38,120 Speaker 1: Like the comments that I get, you know, you never 481 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 1: with your children because you never show them. Yeah, it's like, 482 00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:42,441 Speaker 1: no matter what you do, someone's gonna find something wrong 483 00:18:42,481 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 1: with it. But once again, you see such a small 484 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,961 Speaker 1: part of it. Yeah, you know, this is interesting. 485 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,081 Speaker 2: It's just a tough one. Hey, it does It really 486 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:52,201 Speaker 2: doesn't matter what you do. No, you're going to talk 487 00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 2: about it based on their perception and how they see things. 488 00:18:54,761 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 1: Yes, And it's like what' said old saying, you could 489 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,681 Speaker 1: be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there'll 490 00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:05,041 Speaker 1: still be someone that just doesn't like pictures. So true, right, Yeah, yeah, 491 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,041 Speaker 1: I think this son's a funny one. You shouldn't wear 492 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: that as a mum? 493 00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:09,281 Speaker 2: Who said that? 494 00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:12,120 Speaker 1: I get it all the time. It's wild as with 495 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:14,401 Speaker 1: that to school? You shouldn't be showing cleavage, Like why 496 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,281 Speaker 1: are you wearing that? Sixteen year olds wear that, but 497 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:17,521 Speaker 1: it's an outfit of the day. And I was wearing 498 00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:19,161 Speaker 1: a dress from so Prey and they're like, how old 499 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 1: are you? Didn't you shop there when you were a teenager? 500 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,561 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I do, and I still love it? 501 00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:25,001 Speaker 1: How cool? Like who made the rule that when you 502 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,321 Speaker 1: hit a certain age you can't shop at the Prey? Yes, 503 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,121 Speaker 1: so you can't wear a tight fitted dress, you can't 504 00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: show cleavage, you have. 505 00:19:29,921 --> 00:19:30,761 Speaker 2: To dress a certain way. 506 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,161 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like what do you want me to wear a move? 507 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,241 Speaker 1: Is that what mums wear? Yeah? Is that our uniform? 508 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,041 Speaker 2: Now I'm going to cover myself from my neck to 509 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:36,481 Speaker 2: my feet? 510 00:19:36,561 --> 00:19:38,161 Speaker 1: Is that a badge of honor? That wear a mum 511 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,361 Speaker 1: and now we cover up? I thank you. You can 512 00:19:40,561 --> 00:19:42,281 Speaker 1: if you want to do that, by all means you 513 00:19:42,321 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: do you boo? I'm not Yeah, for as long as 514 00:19:44,921 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 1: I feel confident in my skin, I feel well what 515 00:19:46,481 --> 00:19:49,121 Speaker 1: it makes me feel confident, and outside of being a mum, 516 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,120 Speaker 1: I like to feel sexy, I like to feel confident. 517 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: I like to feel good. 518 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 2: So this comes in that conversation if you're not just 519 00:19:54,201 --> 00:19:57,001 Speaker 2: a mum, Yes, you have so many other hats. You 520 00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,001 Speaker 2: wear so many other hats. There's so many different sides 521 00:19:59,001 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 2: of your personality or not just you, but women in general. 522 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:02,041 Speaker 1: Same. 523 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 2: I can imagine how that comes about. But it's like, 524 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 2: you don't have to follow the rules of what most 525 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,761 Speaker 2: people do. Can always create new rule book for yourself. Yeah, 526 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 2: however feels good for you. Whatever you want to do, 527 00:20:13,721 --> 00:20:15,001 Speaker 2: the way that you want to live your life, the 528 00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 2: way that you want to feel in your own body, like, 529 00:20:16,761 --> 00:20:17,561 Speaker 2: you get to choose that. 530 00:20:17,721 --> 00:20:19,521 Speaker 1: The rebellion me when someone says you can't wear that, 531 00:20:19,561 --> 00:20:21,241 Speaker 1: I'm like, Oh, you don't like this? What should I 532 00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: wear tomorrow? 533 00:20:22,561 --> 00:20:22,880 Speaker 2: Colors? 534 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 1: Yeah? Literally, don't like this? Cleavage made you what I've 535 00:20:26,481 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: got flap dad. I just I want every mom to 536 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,961 Speaker 1: know there is no rules on what you want to wear. 537 00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:36,361 Speaker 1: Whatever you feel comfortable in. If that's a beautiful, flowy dress, amazing, 538 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,360 Speaker 1: if that's active We're cool. If that's a low cut 539 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,601 Speaker 1: top and you just got your boobs done, great, you're 540 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 1: gonna wear fake tan and lots of makeup. Awesome. If 541 00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,721 Speaker 1: it's a moomoo amazing, wear whatever you want to wear. 542 00:20:47,001 --> 00:20:49,041 Speaker 1: Why would it impact me what you wear? Why does 543 00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 1: it impact you what I wear? Actually, if you ask yourself, 544 00:20:51,721 --> 00:20:53,880 Speaker 1: like what is being triggered within you? Like why does 545 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: it bother you enough to actually say something? There's something 546 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,321 Speaker 1: there for you to look absolutely you know yep. Because 547 00:20:59,321 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 1: when I see other moms, I'm like, damn. 548 00:21:00,961 --> 00:21:03,481 Speaker 2: Milk, Yeah, you like, get a girl, get a girl. 549 00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:06,481 Speaker 1: Amazing you pop three kids? Like your system? Like, yes, 550 00:21:06,521 --> 00:21:08,481 Speaker 1: were kids? Are that bodying? You of abs? Wow? 551 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,481 Speaker 2: I know Chant is insane in the way she takes 552 00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:13,281 Speaker 2: care of herself, and like just the fact that she 553 00:21:13,321 --> 00:21:16,001 Speaker 2: has three kids under six, I'm just like wild get it. 554 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,400 Speaker 1: Like I do not look at her and be like, oh, 555 00:21:17,441 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: she shouldn't wear a little boy shots. I'm like, don't 556 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,880 Speaker 1: wear those booty shots. Why would you not flaunt that body? 557 00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:26,360 Speaker 1: Damn girl? And then kind of goes back to the 558 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,721 Speaker 1: other one that I've already said is like when people 559 00:21:28,801 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 1: say I could never, I could never leave my kids. 560 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:33,921 Speaker 1: I could never leave my kids over night. I could 561 00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 1: never leave my kids for a holiday. I could never 562 00:21:35,521 --> 00:21:38,640 Speaker 1: leave my kids to go to work. That's cool, But 563 00:21:38,721 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 1: I do, and I'm going to do it more, and 564 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,001 Speaker 1: I have no guilt and no shame about it. Once again, 565 00:21:44,041 --> 00:21:46,041 Speaker 1: you live your life. I live mine. Whatever feels good 566 00:21:46,041 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 1: for you, whatever you believe in, it shouldn't bother you. 567 00:21:48,201 --> 00:21:50,001 Speaker 1: What I do, though, what other mums. 568 00:21:49,801 --> 00:21:51,640 Speaker 2: Do, And honestly, no offense, but I don't believe in 569 00:21:51,681 --> 00:21:52,640 Speaker 2: absolute statements. 570 00:21:52,761 --> 00:21:54,561 Speaker 1: No saying never always should. 571 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,001 Speaker 2: You're telling a fib. 572 00:21:56,241 --> 00:21:57,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a fib. 573 00:21:57,241 --> 00:22:00,160 Speaker 2: It's a lie, you know, because it's an absolute statement. 574 00:22:00,201 --> 00:22:02,721 Speaker 2: You're literally saying I would never do that, and. 575 00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:03,160 Speaker 1: That's not true. 576 00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:06,441 Speaker 2: No, or I always do. There's likely times where you don't. 577 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:07,401 Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. 578 00:22:07,561 --> 00:22:09,761 Speaker 2: And I call myself out on that too, just saying 579 00:22:09,801 --> 00:22:12,281 Speaker 2: it to you guys like it's because I hold myself 580 00:22:12,281 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 2: to that standard. I'm like, oh, when I catch myself 581 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:15,161 Speaker 2: save that, I'm like, no, that's not true. 582 00:22:15,241 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, I actually have done it before. You know what, 583 00:22:17,041 --> 00:22:17,841 Speaker 1: that's a bit of a lie. 584 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,801 Speaker 2: I was trying to make it sound better, yes, you know. 585 00:22:19,801 --> 00:22:22,161 Speaker 1: Because I've got good self awareness though, yes, so, yeah, 586 00:22:22,321 --> 00:22:24,681 Speaker 1: it is a big statement. Hey, I would never. Yeah, 587 00:22:24,681 --> 00:22:27,641 Speaker 1: so you wouldn't if it was your best friend's hens 588 00:22:28,001 --> 00:22:30,241 Speaker 1: you were a maid of honor and she wanted you 589 00:22:30,281 --> 00:22:31,920 Speaker 1: to go away for a night to celebrate, like you 590 00:22:31,961 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 1: wouldn't go? Okay, I would? Yeah I did last weekend. Yeah, 591 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,360 Speaker 1: I celebrated Chezy. You had the best time with her, 592 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,841 Speaker 1: you know, made her feel special, planned it for months. 593 00:22:42,521 --> 00:22:46,121 Speaker 1: Yeah I did. Yeah, that's my last one. So if 594 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,041 Speaker 1: you are a mom out there, you're getting lots of 595 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: judgments and projections, just please know that it's honestly got 596 00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Yeah, and you get to 597 00:22:52,681 --> 00:22:54,921 Speaker 1: make motherhood your own way, make your own rule book 598 00:22:54,961 --> 00:22:58,121 Speaker 1: for whatever works for your family, your situation, your culture, 599 00:22:58,120 --> 00:22:59,481 Speaker 1: the way you want to bring them up. It's totally 600 00:22:59,521 --> 00:23:01,760 Speaker 1: up to you, and you do you absolutely No, you're 601 00:23:01,761 --> 00:23:03,561 Speaker 1: doing an amazing job too, and you know it as well. 602 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 2: Just because somebody says something or something to say about 603 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,521 Speaker 2: what you're choosing doesn't mean it's wrong. No, it doesn't 604 00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:10,200 Speaker 2: make it wrong, doesn't mean that what you're doing is 605 00:23:10,201 --> 00:23:11,960 Speaker 2: something that you should stop doing. It just becaus if 606 00:23:11,961 --> 00:23:13,961 Speaker 2: somebody has an opinion about it. And that's also Okay, 607 00:23:14,721 --> 00:23:16,761 Speaker 2: you know what's going to be important is like whether 608 00:23:16,801 --> 00:23:18,841 Speaker 2: you let yourself wobble in that or not, Like you're 609 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,041 Speaker 2: gonna wobble in what's important to you just because somebody 610 00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:23,241 Speaker 2: has something to say about it. Yeah, be willing to 611 00:23:23,241 --> 00:23:24,400 Speaker 2: stand behind what you believe in. 612 00:23:24,521 --> 00:23:26,801 Speaker 1: But if you do wobble, sometimes I think that's like, oh, 613 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,720 Speaker 1: maybe you do believe part of what they're saying. Yes, So, 614 00:23:29,921 --> 00:23:31,840 Speaker 1: like say, if I have been away, there's definitely been 615 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,961 Speaker 1: periods I've been a month for over ten years now. 616 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,120 Speaker 1: There has definitely been periods where I've had to go 617 00:23:36,201 --> 00:23:39,041 Speaker 1: away from work more more often. I miss the kids. 618 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 1: I want to be with them. So if someone says like, oh, 619 00:23:40,721 --> 00:23:42,400 Speaker 1: you're always away from the kid, and if I get triggered, 620 00:23:42,441 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, yeah, I do miss them. I do 621 00:23:44,761 --> 00:23:46,241 Speaker 1: wish I didn't have to go away so much trouble, 622 00:23:46,241 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 1: wasn't so busy in this particular season. Yeah, but I 623 00:23:49,001 --> 00:23:51,561 Speaker 1: also know that in the scheme of their life, me 624 00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:53,640 Speaker 1: having a couple of work trips or having some couple 625 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,761 Speaker 1: of longer days, it's not that big a deal. And 626 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,681 Speaker 1: next month's going to be quieter and I'll get way 627 00:23:57,721 --> 00:24:00,120 Speaker 1: more time with them. Yes, but if you are getting triggered, 628 00:24:00,201 --> 00:24:02,041 Speaker 1: just know that there's something within you that maybe doesn't 629 00:24:02,041 --> 00:24:05,481 Speaker 1: feel right. And that's a little like a little notification. Okay, 630 00:24:05,521 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 1: this isn't working. How can you shuffle around? What can 631 00:24:07,561 --> 00:24:09,281 Speaker 1: you do to make this feel better? Yeah? You know, 632 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: so that's cool as well. Triggers are an invitation to 633 00:24:11,921 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 1: see what's underneath it for you absolutely, as well as 634 00:24:14,281 --> 00:24:17,081 Speaker 1: it being their projection, you can also look within. Never 635 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: doesn't bother you? Cool? Move on, return to sender. Thanks, no, thanks, goodbye, 636 00:24:24,681 --> 00:24:27,041 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us. We will see you all tomorrow 637 00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,321 Speaker 1: for our Bestie segment. Bye bye,