WEBVTT - #2002 Life Situation vs. Life Experience - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:03.960 A good a champions Craig Anthony Harper and young Bobby 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:08.079 Gapuccio Capuccio even not Gabuccio from the other side of 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:09.680 the world, over there on the West coast of the 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:11.000 United States of America. 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:12.399 Hi, buddy, how are you. 0:00:13.160 --> 0:00:15.920 I love it when you call me young Barby Kapuccio. 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:19.319 Well, you're young to me, bro, so you like my 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:23.279 little brother and from another mother on the other side 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:26.360 of the world. And you and I a little bit. 0:00:26.440 --> 0:00:28.520 This is probably not a great way to start, but 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:30.160 fuck it, this is real. You and I are a 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:33.960 little bit melancholy right now because we were going to 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:36.239 talk about another topic, which we'll do next time. But 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:40.519 you and I were just chatting about the fact that yesterday, 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:44.000 as we record this, it's Thursday, the twenty fifth of September, 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:47.920 So yesterday, the twenty fourth was our two thousandth episode 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:50.240 went live. Thank you everybody for all the feedback and 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:52.680 the love and the best wishes. You're fucking great. We 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:55.360 dig you even more than you dig us, So thank you. 0:00:55.440 --> 0:01:01.120 But I said to you, mate that you know January 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:04.240 twenty eighteen, and I said, one of the really interesting 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.640 but kind of sad things is that since we started 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:11.760 the show, six of our guests have passed away and 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:15.360 you didn't even know, well, one you didn't know that 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:17.360 stat and two you didn't know who they were. But 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:20.120 it kind of made you really sad. And I could 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:24.440 see in the moment like it's just and then you said, 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.479 how fleeting is it? And we just like, I'm sitting 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:29.720 here thinking we were going to talk about something else, 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.039 So I thought, I think maybe we should unpacked this 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:35.319 a little bit. But what was that reaction from you. 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.679 I think there was a few layers to it, and 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:43.360 you added to the context. I don't know, it's not 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:48.160 my age, because I've always known this, like how fragile 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:51.360 we all are. Yeah, and I think a lot of 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:56.680 times when we come across as being not fragile and 0:01:56.880 --> 0:02:04.040 we come across as being in or we overproject our 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:09.640 abilities and kind of underacknowledge of vulnerabilities. I don't know 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:13.600 if that's existential dread and we're just we're just trying 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.200 to grapple with that. But one of the people that 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:19.959 you were talking about and how he struggled with mental 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:25.440 illness M and how that led up to M this 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:30.320 person losing their life. That really hit me because life 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:33.720 is life is hard, and and yes, it's hard for everyone. 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:39.120 But I feel like sometimes a lot of us underestimate 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:46.720 what people with traumatic brain injuries and legitimate mental health 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:54.200 issues go through and how hard these people try and 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:55.720 work on themselves. 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:57.760 Yes, and. 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:05.800 Sometimes how difficult it is to just move forward like 0:03:06.000 --> 0:03:06.680 a millimeter. 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:12.960 Yeah I am, without trying to sound like a bloody 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:16.360 broken record, I apologize everyone, But the last couple of months, 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:19.799 I've just been a bit crook, right, And one of 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:24.120 the symptoms it has just been that my bra I 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:28.040 felt like my brain was working at fifty percent, which 0:03:28.120 --> 0:03:30.359 terrifies me, which I spoke about the other day on here. 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.640 But it's like, and just to get a little bit 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:36.760 of an insight for me whom I feel very very lucky, 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:42.560 very fortunate, very blessed. Like I think I have pretty 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:46.600 good genetics in the sense that I'm not predisposed to 0:03:46.800 --> 0:03:50.360 depression or anxiety or which doesn't mean I never get 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:52.000 a bit flat or never get a bit anxious, but 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:55.280 for the most part. But even then, this little kind 0:03:55.320 --> 0:04:00.280 of this little phase that I was going through. I 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.560 had this you know, infection in my sinuses which was 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:08.240 affecting everything including cognitive function and mood and a whole 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:12.080 lot of other stuff and energy and thirst and hunger 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.880 and all of these boxes that it ticked. I knew 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:17.880 that it was only for a little while, because I 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:21.640 kind of went from great to about shit in a week, 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:26.120 you know, But I thought, oh my god, this gives 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:30.080 me an insight into a tiny insight into what I 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:33.880 normally don't have real world experience myself. And yes, I've 0:04:33.880 --> 0:04:36.479 worked with lots of people with mental health issues and 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:39.840 people with addiction issues, and people battling anxiety, depression, all 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:44.119 of these things. But when I started personally to feel 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:46.640 a little bit sad, a little bit disconnected, a little 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:53.599 bit anxious, I started to think about, what if this 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:55.880 is it? What if this doesn't get better in a 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:59.080 week or two, what if this is my you know, 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:02.000 I couldn't remember of things, like my brain was foggy, 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:05.320 that that sharpness and all of that stuff that's kind 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:09.640 of almost my tools of the trade, it was gone, 0:05:10.560 --> 0:05:14.080 And I got a bit scared, and I'm like, I 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:18.719 hope that this is temporary, But it really gave me 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:25.120 another dimension of understanding and empathy and awareness around, you know, 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:28.960 like a tiny, tiny insight and I don't for one 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:32.400 moment pretend to truly understand the depth of deep, deep 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:37.400 depression and anxiety. But yeah, maybe it's just one of 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:38.960 those things that you have to have a bit of 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:42.039 it to really understand, I mean to truly personally on 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:43.920 a cellular level, understand it. 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:49.960 Yeah, but it's not just an acessarliar level, because you 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:54.200 could pick up a book and read about the neurobiology 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:59.080 the psychology of mental illness and still not have the 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:05.400 willingness or to project yourself into someone else's situation that's 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:06.240 struggling with it. 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:07.200 Yeah. 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:10.719 So I remember years ago, I was in my friend's 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:12.840 office and again I'm not going to say too much 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:14.719 because I don't want to give away who this person is, 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:19.600 but extraordinarily successful and built like one of the coolest 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:26.320 brands in this person's industry, and we were talking and 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:30.240 he was just grappling with this crushing level of depression, 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:33.760 like debilitating. And this is a this is a person 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:39.159 who is filled with charisma, creativity, works fifteen hours a day. 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.159 If you know who this person is, a lot of 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:47.159 people have admiration for who he appears to be on 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:50.000 the outside. And he was just saying there's nothing in 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.360 my life that's wrong. Yes, like, yeah, I want to 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:55.920 grow my business obviously, yeah, you know, I want to 0:06:55.960 --> 0:07:00.160 be like a really good dad. But there's nothing I really. 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:01.119 Want right now. 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:07.680 It's like things are objectively going very very well, and 0:07:07.880 --> 0:07:14.200 I am unable to even think or the slightest thing 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:18.400 feel so hard, like going for a walk to run 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:22.320 an errand feels like an impossibility right now. And there 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.880 are people that you know, periodically they live in that reality. 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.960 And I'm not saying, you know, we there are certain 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:34.880 things that we should enable with certain people, Like you know, 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:40.360 there's never a reason to abuse somebody or mistreat someone 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.920 because you're going through something. Or I remember at a 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:48.680 seminar not too long ago, somebody in the room, one 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.160 of the one of the facilitators had had made a 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:56.440 comment and someone's response was in an evol you know, 0:07:56.480 --> 0:07:59.280 not everybody can make changes in their life. Some of 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.960 us are really struggling with mental health issues, and you know, 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:06.160 basically I'm not capable of doing anything. So when you 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:08.880 say that it's really insensitive, I'm like, oh my goodness, 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:13.600 imagine what that feels like. You know, to be this person, 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:16.600 like everybody can do something. 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:17.920 Yeah. 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:22.000 I like, I remember when I was in my last 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:28.440 year of out Here High school, right, and a lot 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:32.760 of people were well meaning telling me all the things 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:35.760 that they could do for me, like with job placement 0:08:36.000 --> 0:08:40.240 and you know, free bus passes because I was handicapped, 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:44.520 or I had this thing that made life harder for me. 0:08:45.679 --> 0:08:48.880 And I didn't. I didn't really feel that these people 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.720 endeared themselves to me. I had a lot of resentment. 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:56.880 And my not my first boss, but my boss, who 0:08:57.360 --> 0:09:04.240 really was my first train transformative mentor was kind of like, yeah, 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.600 you struggle with a lot of things, but if you 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:11.400 double down on the things that you're good at, your 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:16.920 strengths and you work really, really horrid on that, yeah 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:21.760 you could become more and you should. And I didn't 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:26.319 think that was insensitive. I thought that was the most 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:31.040 liberating and inspiring thing anyone had ever said to me. 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:35.000 I was like, this person doesn't think I'm incapable. 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:40.280 This also capable of doing something. Yeah, but that dude 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.040 knows you, right. And so it's like, I've said to 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:45.720 you things over the years, and I love you, You're one 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:48.800 of my favorite people, but I've said things to you 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:50.959 in the moment that I know you fucking hate it, 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.120 and you probably hated me for a day or two. 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:58.320 And I've also probably gotten many things wrong with you 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:03.600 over our twenty five year class friendship, but you always knew. 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:06.960 I think that I want you to succeed. I want 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:10.800 the best for you, you know. And that's that unreasonable 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:14.640 friend bit. It's like everybody wants feedback until it's feedback 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:19.640 that I want, you know, And I think that surrounding 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.080 yourself with people who tell you perhaps what you want 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.480 to hear or what they think they should say, is 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:29.360 appropriate in this I get that, but it's really more 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:33.120 debilitating than it is empowering, because when someone goes, look Bobby, 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:36.320 I know you. I love you his By the way, 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:38.680 and I've said this to you personally and I've said 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:40.920 it publicly. You're one of the five smartest people that 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:43.480 I know. And I know many people, and people would 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:46.160 think I'd be enamored by PhDs and all these things. 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:48.040 I'm fucking not. I think. By the way, to get 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.480 a PhD, if you've got one, well done, great achievement. 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:53.720 But knowing you and knowing your journey and your story 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:55.480 and where you've come from and what you've dealt with 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:58.840 and while you're still flawed and you still have issues, 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:03.400 as do I, as does everybody, your capacity to just 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:07.120 keep fucking adapting and solving problems and figuring shit out 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:11.240 in the middle of all your fucking quirkiness is nothing 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.440 short of fucking astounding to me, because I know what's 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:17.480 behind the curtain, like most people see the front of 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.720 the curtain, you know, and it's not that it's a show, 0:11:21.480 --> 0:11:23.720 but it's you doing you and you being the best 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:26.280 you out you know, in that public forum where you're 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:29.960 the teacher, the educator, the storyteller, you know, but away 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.840 from that version of you, where there's been lots of 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:36.240 stuff going on. Your capacity to be able to thrive 0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:38.720 in the middle of what most people would capitulate, I 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:43.240 think many people like to me, that's that's very very 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.479 for me, very admirable. But I think also your ability 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:50.120 to surround yourself with people who have different kinds of 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:53.480 skills and knowledge to you. And because you are such 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:56.520 a great students, you're a far better student than I 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.840 have ever been. Because you absorb stuff, you read it, 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.320 remember it, you apply it. You learn from books, you 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.000 learn from research, you learn from science, you learn from 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.959 watching other humans, you know. So I don't know how 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:11.720 I got onto this, but I just think that that 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:13.439 capacity to be able. 0:12:13.200 --> 0:12:13.760 To go. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.520 Without self pity or self indulgence to go, yeah, my 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:21.800 childhoo was actually pretty shit. I had a lot of challenges, 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.240 but nonetheless, here I am, and so what can I 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:28.439 do now? And I think that you know, that combination 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.120 of being able to empathize with people and love people 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.880 and acknowledge that their life is shit or part of 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:36.440 it's as shit, parts of it are shit, or that 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:40.200 you know, yeah, you have been treated badly. You I 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:43.360 get that, I acknowledge it. I'm with you all the love, 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.720 all the sympathy. What are we going to do, though? Like, 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:48.480 what are we going to do? Though? We what action 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:50.440 are we going to take? What decision and are we're 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:53.160 going to make? Because I don't think you want to 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.840 spend the next fifteen years just swimming around in these 0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:59.920 emotions and these fears and these anxieties about past event, 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.720 you know, And that's that's that line between compassion and practicality. 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:09.600 I think, first of all, thank you, I feel I 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:11.800 feel really seen by you. Not to make this all 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:15.480 warm and fuzzy, but thank you very much, you know. 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:22.200 And second, you have said things very directly yeah to 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:27.839 me yeah, or have told me to do something directly. 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:32.360 And it's not like I didn't like it. I just 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:35.599 didn't understand why I had I had to be completely 0:13:35.720 --> 0:13:39.679 undressed to have that conversation or work on that project 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:39.960 with you. 0:13:40.240 --> 0:13:42.839 Well, I thought it was just vulnerability. 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.600 It's just like, but you didn't explain that. I mean, 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:52.319 I would all right, fair enough. Other times I think. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.040 Just when I think you're starting to get grown up 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:57.560 and be like a little bit profound, you just open 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:58.160 that door. 0:13:58.520 --> 0:14:06.120 Just that's I hope I never grow up like Peter 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:09.240 Pan was right to a degree. To a degree, he 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.320 was also a tragedy, but that's not what we're talking about. 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:13.360 And there's also times when you said something to me, 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:16.480 and what bothered me is I knew at some level 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:19.560 you were right and that that is very irritating, just 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:21.720 to let you know. But then I go in and 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:26.520 think about it. There have been times where I appreciated 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.440 the candor I just didn't think. I was like, Craig, 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:33.360 you don't have the context behind this. You think you do, 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:41.200 but you really don't. But like this morning at work, 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:46.080 so I had launched. I had launched an initiative in 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.760 my company with a group of people, and this morning 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:52.840 I was in a meeting with one of these people. 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:56.640 It was just just me and her, and she laid 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:02.480 into me about about this whole thing and a couple 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:06.640 of blind spots I had and how that impacted her. 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:12.960 I felt so much gratitude for her in the moment. 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:19.840 I feel like it strengthened our relationship because I have 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:24.160 had blind spots at work or I have not processed 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:28.720 things completely correctly, which happens. But she did something that 0:15:28.920 --> 0:15:32.440 very few people in my work and personal life would 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:36.440 do tell me directly, and it wasn't a general thing 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:38.480 like well, I just think you're you know, you don't 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:42.480 think things through or you know, I think you're stupid. Great, 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:45.200 you might be right about that, But what do I 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:47.520 do with that? Like? What do you want to response with? 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:51.160 So here's exactly what happened. Here was the impact, and 0:15:51.200 --> 0:15:55.480 here's why I'm upset. I'm like, oh, I can change, 0:15:56.200 --> 0:16:00.120 I can't grow based on that information. I think that 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:02.280 in and of itself. Time back to what we're talking about. 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.880 That's an act of empathy, Like she I think she 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:09.360 part of her was not only communicating her experience, but 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.600 she understood what my experience was. Is she knew what 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:17.080 my intentions were, so it wasn't an accusation. I think sometimes, 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:23.200 especially when we're we have all this messaging coming at 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:26.320 us and not a lot of us sitting with each other, 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:29.640 we really don't have the capacity to go what's it 0:16:29.720 --> 0:16:31.800 like to be that other person? I think that I 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:37.240 think empathetic listening, not condoning, not approving of, not condemning, 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:43.200 but just listening with the intent. What did she say today? Yeah, yeah, 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:47.080 with the intent not to know, but to understand, Like 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:50.640 knowing is the enemy of understanding. I'm like, ah, wow, 0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:54.400 that's smart. It was so genius the way she put 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:57.720 it to me, just to understand. I think so many 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:01.360 of our problems that we create for ourselves would, if 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:06.359 not disappear, be greatly diminished. But we really don't do that. 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.560 So you can you know, you could read ten books 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:13.680 on my bookshelf right now about the complexity of human 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:19.120 behavior or what goes wrong when someone's struggling with their 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:23.879 mental health. But does that give you the ability to 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:27.480 sit with someone and really try to understand rather than 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:30.560 arriving at a conclusion about why somebody does things the 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.840 way they do it, or don't do things that you 0:17:33.080 --> 0:17:36.160 think they should be doing. I think that's about as 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:40.480 useful as trying to become an Olympic downhill skier by 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:45.560 reading books on the biomechanics and aerodynamics of skiing. You're 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:47.600 going to get on the black double diamond and die 0:17:48.160 --> 0:17:50.400 it in no way prepares you. You've got to get 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:53.280 on the slopes if you have to sit with people, 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:55.600 even when it's uncomfortable. 0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.160 When you're talking before about your friend that you knew 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:05.720 that is super successful, you know, very accomplished. People knew him, 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:10.040 know him, look look up to him. It kind of 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:15.119 for me I was thinking about, like because when and 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:17.600 I'm generalizing here, this is not everybody, but I think 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:20.520 this is pretty representative of We grow up in a 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:26.280 kind of a a thought bubble or a culture that 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.440 says that success is about what everyone can see. You know, 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:31.159 what you have, what you earn, what you own, what 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.800 you drive, where you live, what people think you your brand, 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:38.480 your money, your business, your career, your stratospheric bloody rise, 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:41.080 you know all of that, your academic credibility, all that 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:44.840 stuff right, all the scene stuff. So and you know, 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.200 you can have your friend, and I've had lots of friends, 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:49.840 and there have been moments when I've been moderately successful, 0:18:49.920 --> 0:18:52.200 I guess, and in the middle of my moderate success, 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:57.199 my situation is good, but my experience is shit. Like. 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:02.040 So there's this juxtaposition between a person's life situation, which 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:05.719 from the outside looking in is a Disney movie, it's 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:10.560 a Hollywood episode of something, but the experience for the individual. 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:18.800 So the inner world, you know, thoughts, feelings, emotions, joy, pain, pleasure, sadness, euphoria, disconnection, confusion, 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:24.440 like this internal world that we really live in versus 0:19:24.520 --> 0:19:29.520 the external world that we kind of inhabit. You know that, 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.920 you know, there's that we base so much of what 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:37.760 we think is good or bad or successful or desirable 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:41.280 on what we see people doing. Oh look at her, 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.439 she's in great shape. He's in great shape. Her career 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.439 is flourishing. Oh she's all over this and that, or 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:50.000 he's making that, or he's built this business, or she's 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:53.879 built this brand, or she's in this incredible relationship. And 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:55.680 I understand all of that because that's part of the 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:59.160 human experience too, But nobody's looking across the room going 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:03.800 look at her. She looks really really calm. She doesn't 0:20:03.800 --> 0:20:06.920 look anxious at all, Like, and I've spoken to her, 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:12.080 like she's just really she's not particularly ambitious, but fuck 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:15.199 she's happy. Huh. And she doesn't even have a to 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:18.359 do list. She's just calm, you know, she's just like 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:23.760 we aren't having those conversations because at least externally, we 0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:29.240 don't seem to value what's got like let's say, emotional wealth, 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:34.119 spiritual wealth, social wealth, intellectual or not intellectual, but perhaps 0:20:35.600 --> 0:20:38.760 mental wealth. You know, like all of these things which 0:20:38.840 --> 0:20:42.600 really determine our human experience to a larger extent than 0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:44.880 what the fuck we drive or where the fuck we live, 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:47.960 or what people think of our latest post on Instagram. 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:52.040 Craig Harper, you know, like I think that that's that 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:54.960 we live in a mindset, or a collective mindset and 0:20:55.040 --> 0:20:58.119 culture that is always looking at the external, if not 0:20:58.280 --> 0:21:03.720 obsessed with the external while trying to Yeah we should 0:21:03.760 --> 0:21:05.840 talk about mental health more, and yeah we should, but 0:21:06.560 --> 0:21:10.200 it's it doesn't seem like that we really value it 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:11.920 until something goes wrong. 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:16.359 That's the thing. We do value it. We value it 0:21:16.400 --> 0:21:18.960 when we're sick or someone we love is very sick. 0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:23.280 We value it when we're on our deathbed. Yeah, yeah, 0:21:24.240 --> 0:21:27.320 the like the Five Top Regrets of the Dying that 0:21:27.520 --> 0:21:31.159 was a beautiful and tragic book to read, but but 0:21:31.840 --> 0:21:36.040 also hopeful, and we value it at a funeral, like 0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:38.959 the stuff people talk about at funerals is the stuff 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:43.480 that really makes your life matter in the end. But 0:21:43.480 --> 0:21:46.399 but then we go back to doing the It's almost 0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:50.520 like somebody wrote us a playbook on how to be 0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:56.720 miserable and struggle through self inflicted wounds, and we're following. 0:21:56.800 --> 0:22:00.280 We're following that rule book to the t. And and 0:22:00.440 --> 0:22:02.879 when we catch ourselves like getting off of it and 0:22:02.920 --> 0:22:06.280 actually doing something that connects us to something we care 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:08.760 about as someone we care about, it's like, oh wait, 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:11.520 I got to get back to following this thing. But 0:22:11.640 --> 0:22:15.359 the way we're told to live, so much of it 0:22:15.400 --> 0:22:18.680 is making us sick. It's making us sick physically, it's 0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:22.840 making us sick mentally. If something makes you sick, it's 0:22:22.920 --> 0:22:27.400 out of harmony with nature. It's not a good philosophy. 0:22:27.520 --> 0:22:31.080 Something that makes you well is in harmony with nature. 0:22:31.119 --> 0:22:35.280 It's probably a good ideology that's producing those practices. I 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:39.360 mean that for me should be but I guess I'm 0:22:39.359 --> 0:22:41.840 not smart enough all the time. But it should be 0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:45.080 a litmus test. Is this thought I'm having, is this 0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:48.800 thing I'm about to do? Is this exchange I'm having? 0:22:49.400 --> 0:22:52.240 Is it making me well or is it making me sick? 0:22:53.440 --> 0:22:53.720 Yeah? 0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:56.240 And you know, sometimes you're in sickening situations and you 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:59.920 got to deal with them. But what's the pattern? Is 0:23:00.119 --> 0:23:01.840 this the same thing I was doing yesterday and the 0:23:01.920 --> 0:23:05.440 day before that and the day before that having this thought. 0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:08.439 I've just had conversations over the past week that have 0:23:08.560 --> 0:23:12.960 been a massive punch in the face in a really 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:15.840 good way, Like it just snapped me out of something. 0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:18.480 And when my head snapped back, I was able to 0:23:18.480 --> 0:23:21.640 get a look at a different vantage point and go, oh, 0:23:21.680 --> 0:23:23.800 my goodness, this is not accurate at all. 0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:27.840 And I think zooming out from the micro of what 0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:30.359 I'm feeling and what's going on in this moment. Like 0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:33.720 just to like a question for all of our listeners, 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:38.679 I would go, here's just a question to think about 0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:42.359 what's going great in my life and what's not going great? 0:23:42.600 --> 0:23:46.760 Like what am I currently doing that doesn't work? Like, 0:23:47.000 --> 0:23:50.159 don't overthink that, just brainstorm write that on a bit 0:23:50.160 --> 0:23:52.960 of paper. What am I currently doing that doesn't work? 0:23:54.520 --> 0:23:57.080 Am I moving in the direction I want to move in? 0:23:57.800 --> 0:24:01.159 No judgment, no hate, no self flow, just trying to 0:24:01.200 --> 0:24:04.960 open the awareness s dooor like, if I continue on 0:24:05.040 --> 0:24:09.879 my current trajectory with my career, with my habits, my behaviors, 0:24:09.920 --> 0:24:12.919 my health, my lifestyle, if I kind of stay on 0:24:12.960 --> 0:24:15.679 the path I'm on in two years, am I going 0:24:15.720 --> 0:24:17.720 to be better or worse? Like if I'm being real 0:24:17.800 --> 0:24:20.560 big and brave putting on my big boy pants in 0:24:20.640 --> 0:24:23.560 two years, if I stay on my current trajectory with 0:24:23.680 --> 0:24:26.560 those things, will my life be better or worse? And 0:24:26.600 --> 0:24:28.800 then if the answer is better, we'll fucking giddy up, 0:24:28.920 --> 0:24:32.720