1 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,319 Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Carli Tayley here and welcome back to 2 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 1: this week's Mojo Monday. So last week we were looking 3 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: at polyvagel theory and I kind of touched on this 4 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 1: concept of glimmers, and I wanted to dive a bit 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:29,200 Speaker 1: deeper into glimmers because it's such a simple but amazingly 6 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 1: effective way to calm our nervous systems, or to help 7 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: calm our nervous systems. So if you're feeling overwhelmed or 8 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:43,279 Speaker 1: stressed out or anxious, glimmers can help regulate you just 9 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: enough to create some space for making choices based less 10 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: on fear and more on what is important to you 11 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: and to those around you at that moment. So let's 12 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: dive into glimmers. So you would have heard of triggers, 13 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: and if you haven't, you must be living under a 14 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: rock because being triggered is part of our seems to 15 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: be part of our everyday language, which is not necessarily 16 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,960 Speaker 1: a good thing. But in general, triggers are those moments 17 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: that send your nervous system into a bit of over drive. 18 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 1: So maybe somebody cuts you off in traffic, or you know, 19 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: it could be just a stranger giving you a weird look, 20 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,759 Speaker 1: or the dishes are piling up next to the sink, 21 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: or your child melts down at the worst possible time 22 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 1: and suddenly boom. You know, you go from feeling calm 23 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:37,199 Speaker 1: to being in a fie or flight situation. And that's 24 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: your sympathetic nervous system firing up. So it's saying danger, danger. 25 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 1: It's an evolutionary survival response, that response that has kept 26 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:50,080 Speaker 1: us alive since the dawn of time. It's just that 27 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: now our environment is generally safe, but our nervous system 28 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: is reacting as if it's not so. Trigger they're just 29 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: a part of life. But when we live in a 30 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: state of constant triggering, our nervous system can get stuck. 31 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,519 Speaker 1: So we start operating from a place of stress or 32 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: hypervigilance and reactivity. And that's not a place that we 33 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: want to be stuck in. But the good news is 34 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: that you can get unstuck. And just as we can 35 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 1: be triggered, we can also be glimmered. So glimmers are 36 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 1: these tiny micro moments that que safety in our nervous system, 37 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: so they send a signal to the ventral vagual state, 38 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: which is that calm and connected. It's that social part 39 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: of the parasympathetic nervous system. And when we're in Ventral 40 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 1: we feel grounded, we feel calm, connected to others, curious 41 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: and grateful, and Ventral is kind of like our home base. 42 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: This is what deb Dana, who I spoke about last week, 43 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: who's an expert in poly vaguel theory, she calls it. 44 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: It's the home base. So we leave it every day, 45 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: which is normal. We go in and out of Ventral 46 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 1: and move through the other states. We can't stay in 47 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: Ventral twenty four to seven, but what we can is 48 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: move towards it when we're feeling stuck. Now, our brains 49 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: have a negativity bias, and some of us have more 50 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: of a negativity bias than others, and that I think 51 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: that really depends on a lot of things, on our 52 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: experiences from the moment we were born right up till now, 53 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: and also our level of self awareness. You know, I 54 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 1: think if somebody asks you, or next time somebody asks you, 55 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: how are you just notice whether your automatic response is 56 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: to tell them about the bad stuff or do you 57 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: kind of catch yourself on and then talk about the 58 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 1: good stuff. But if we want to support our mental fitness, 59 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: we have to actively retrain our brain to notice the good, 60 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: especially having an understanding of our brain having that negativity 61 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 1: bias and glimmer hunting can be part of that training. 62 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 1: So let me share a few of mine. So a 63 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: glimmer that I was thinking. I have lots of glimmers, 64 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 1: but one of them I was thinking the other day 65 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:27,919 Speaker 1: is I've got this friend who is just so supportive 66 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: and she motivates me, she challenges me, and every time 67 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: we are together, I feel I feel a sense of 68 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,840 Speaker 1: joy and a sense of kind of happiness. And so 69 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: that is a glimmer. So just notice the people you 70 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 1: are surrounded with. Are any of them glimmers in your life? 71 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 1: And are you a glimmer for them? I mentioned last 72 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: week there's a beautiful cooker barrough that sits on the 73 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: same wine near my house each day and I drive 74 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: past it and I smile. There's a glimmer. My dog 75 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 1: half asleep on her mat, so you know, letting out 76 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,920 Speaker 1: those beautiful doggie soft size when I pat her. There's 77 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: a glimmer. There's a photo of my kids, So when 78 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: my daughter calls me or my son calls me, a 79 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,240 Speaker 1: photo of them when we're on holiday shows up on 80 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: my phone and I look at it and it brings 81 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,839 Speaker 1: me this beautiful sense of joy. So there's a glimmer. 82 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 1: And I could go on and on and on, because 83 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 1: there are so many glimmers in our life. So just 84 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: start thinking about those small things each day that bring 85 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: you a little sense of calm and joy and connection. 86 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 1: And of course these are not magic pills. They don't 87 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:51,039 Speaker 1: make the pain disappear, or they don't delete any of 88 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: life's challenges that you're going through. But what they can 89 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 1: do is just soften the edges of them. They give 90 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: enough space to signal to your nervous system you're safe, 91 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: you're okay, you're connected. And that's not necessarily a conscious thing. 92 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: So it doesn't mean that you've got to think about 93 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,839 Speaker 1: being safe, but it's a message to your nervous system 94 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 1: that you're safe. I hope that makes sense. So since 95 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,400 Speaker 1: I started intentionally looking for glimmers, I've just noticed that 96 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: I've become more grateful, Like even if I'm going through 97 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,559 Speaker 1: a hard time, so when I was stressed, when things 98 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: went going to plan, when I felt overwhelmed, I'm still 99 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: seeing the glimmers, And the more I notice them, the 100 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,799 Speaker 1: more they start appearing. And it's almost like my brain 101 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 1: is saying, Okay, you're looking for these, now let me 102 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 1: show you a few more. See, we're training our brain. 103 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: We're wiring our brain to look for these glimmers. And 104 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,119 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what you're going through. Glimmers are there 105 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: if you look for them, and if you don't look 106 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: for them, you won't notice them. So this is like 107 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 1: an attentional strategy. You can choose what you pay attention to, 108 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: so shine that light of attention on the many glimmers 109 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: that you have at hand. So here's your Mojo Monday 110 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: challenge for this week. Each night, before you go to bed, 111 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: write down your glimmers from that day. So it can 112 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: be three, five, as many as you want, really, but 113 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: they don't have to be big. Could be just a 114 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 1: smile from a stranger, or the smell of your morning coffee, 115 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: or a lyric from a song that you know you 116 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: were listening to. The listening to in the car brought 117 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: back a memory from the past. And talk about your 118 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 1: glimmers with your kids, and you know, it's a great 119 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,920 Speaker 1: dinner time conversation to have. Ask them what made them 120 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 1: feel calm and happy or connected today, and you'll be 121 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,360 Speaker 1: amazed at what they actually noticed, and remind them before 122 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: they go to school to look out for glimmers, because 123 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: how amazing would that be if you could train your 124 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 1: children to start looking for glimmers, and what difference that 125 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 1: is going to make as they grow older. And make 126 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 1: it a daily ritual because if you do this every day, 127 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: and you do this consistently, it'll become a habit and 128 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,400 Speaker 1: then over time, your brain will start scanning for glitters 129 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: and maybe it'll cut down on scanning for the threats. 130 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: So polyvagel theory teaches us that our nervous system is 131 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 1: always listening. It's always asking am I safe? Am I connected? 132 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: And when we feed our nervous system the glimmers, that 133 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,280 Speaker 1: means we're not just surviving, we're building a life filled 134 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: with little moments of meaning and magic. So be a 135 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 1: glimmer hunter this week, because your nervous system is going 136 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,959 Speaker 1: to thank you for it. So have a beautiful week, everybody, 137 00:08:52,160 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: and I will catch you next week. See you