1 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Apodjay Production. 2 00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:14,201 Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashi and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:15,201 Speaker 2: This podcast is. 4 00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 3: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, 5 00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,761 Speaker 3: and most authentic version of yourself. 6 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level. 7 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 8 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about. 9 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761 Speaker 4: Get ready for your next level of self. 10 00:00:31,361 --> 00:00:33,521 Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of She Rises. 11 00:00:33,841 --> 00:00:35,881 Speaker 4: Ashy and Tiana, Thanks for joining us. 12 00:00:35,921 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 2: Today's episode is a big one. We're excited to talk 13 00:00:38,361 --> 00:00:40,801 Speaker 2: about this because it's so important for us. 14 00:00:40,921 --> 00:00:44,721 Speaker 3: We have this conversation all the time about transparency. Now, 15 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,681 Speaker 3: this is the way that we believe we create the 16 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:50,841 Speaker 3: secret to stronger bonds and SA relationships, Yeah, safe for 17 00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:54,441 Speaker 3: relationships and preventing relationship breakdowns. And this is a huge 18 00:00:54,441 --> 00:00:57,241 Speaker 3: conversation we've been having with people in our dms, anyone 19 00:00:57,281 --> 00:01:00,561 Speaker 3: who's putting in best the advice segments, conversations with other 20 00:01:00,641 --> 00:01:03,281 Speaker 3: women that we've been having. And it's a huge topic 21 00:01:03,361 --> 00:01:08,161 Speaker 3: right now of relationships, breakdowns and communication. And I think 22 00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:14,081 Speaker 3: the biggest thing about relationships is not about necessarily repairing, 23 00:01:14,481 --> 00:01:16,761 Speaker 3: but more about preventing preventing. 24 00:01:17,121 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: Yes, and this is. 25 00:01:18,041 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 3: Something we actively do all the time, and I think 26 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:24,041 Speaker 3: we both have only just realized recently how important it. 27 00:01:23,961 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: Is this since I've met you. Yeah, I didn't realize 28 00:01:26,161 --> 00:01:26,801 Speaker 1: how important it was. 29 00:01:26,801 --> 00:01:28,441 Speaker 2: And it's cool because I've then been able to teach 30 00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:30,601 Speaker 2: it to Steve and he's on the same page now. 31 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,761 Speaker 2: He didn't really understand it. But such a difference between 32 00:01:34,081 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 2: being fully transparent and missing out bits and peaceful Yes. 33 00:01:37,441 --> 00:01:39,961 Speaker 4: First of all, anyway, we have a share of the week. 34 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,081 Speaker 2: Mine is a bit of a shameless plug, but it's 35 00:01:42,121 --> 00:01:44,681 Speaker 2: something I don't really talk about that much on socials. 36 00:01:45,081 --> 00:01:46,601 Speaker 2: I mean, a big reason is because we sell out 37 00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:48,641 Speaker 2: so often. But if you have not tried our clean treats. 38 00:01:48,921 --> 00:01:50,281 Speaker 2: The reason I'm bringing this up now is we had 39 00:01:50,281 --> 00:01:51,841 Speaker 2: a meeting the other day with another company that wants 40 00:01:51,881 --> 00:01:54,361 Speaker 2: to collaborate with us, and she was asking us our 41 00:01:54,721 --> 00:01:57,121 Speaker 2: reason why we do the clean treats. In my early twenties, 42 00:01:57,161 --> 00:02:00,041 Speaker 2: when we first started Clean Treats, I had really bad 43 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,961 Speaker 2: sisteric acne. It came off the pill and really bad acne, 44 00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:05,761 Speaker 2: and my nature told me to go off gluten. I 45 00:02:05,841 --> 00:02:07,481 Speaker 2: was in massive sweet tooth that went down like three 46 00:02:07,521 --> 00:02:09,401 Speaker 2: blocks of chocolate a week. I loved ice cream. I 47 00:02:09,401 --> 00:02:10,721 Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, I'm going to get my 48 00:02:10,761 --> 00:02:13,401 Speaker 2: sweet tooth hits. So I started then having a lot 49 00:02:13,441 --> 00:02:15,881 Speaker 2: of raw treats. But some of the raw treats were 50 00:02:15,921 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 2: like a thousand calories deep for one little slice of something, 51 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,161 Speaker 2: or they just tasted like nuts, or they just tasted 52 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:24,601 Speaker 2: like dates. I knew that there was something missing in 53 00:02:24,641 --> 00:02:27,401 Speaker 2: the market, and that's when I collaborated with someone to 54 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:31,681 Speaker 2: create clean treats, and we now have over forty five 55 00:02:31,721 --> 00:02:34,241 Speaker 2: different flavors. I think most are not in stock because 56 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,121 Speaker 2: they sell it so quick, but they're basically a gluten free, 57 00:02:37,201 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 2: dairy free, soy free, preservative free, natural, vegan, healthy alternative 58 00:02:42,321 --> 00:02:44,641 Speaker 2: to your favorite sweet treats. So we have ones that 59 00:02:44,761 --> 00:02:49,281 Speaker 2: replicate mal teasers, TwixT bars, Mars bars, cookie dough. My 60 00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 2: favorite is a caramel almond dough. There's just so many 61 00:02:51,401 --> 00:02:55,081 Speaker 2: flavors to suit everyone. Mint, orange, like literally fudge, anything 62 00:02:55,121 --> 00:02:57,761 Speaker 2: you can donk on it. We have like a Kramelk slice. 63 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:00,841 Speaker 2: They're so delicious and so yummy. And if you're someone 64 00:03:00,841 --> 00:03:02,801 Speaker 2: that cares about your health and cares about what's getting 65 00:03:02,841 --> 00:03:05,441 Speaker 2: put into your body and your children's bodies is the 66 00:03:05,481 --> 00:03:08,681 Speaker 2: best healthier alternative. So if there's any online when you 67 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,721 Speaker 2: go and check them out stock cop By, you can. 68 00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:12,601 Speaker 2: They're freaking delicious and we do have a new flavor 69 00:03:12,601 --> 00:03:14,400 Speaker 2: coming out soon as well. Would you guys gonna die? 70 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 2: So I'll leave the link in the description box and 71 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,161 Speaker 2: you guys can check it out. Yeah, the kids love them, don't. 72 00:03:18,161 --> 00:03:20,721 Speaker 2: They just gone out of style, the fun fetty ones 73 00:03:20,721 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 2: which have little sprinkles and they're the only ones that 74 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 2: are not gloing free because of the sprinkles. Fun fetty 75 00:03:24,881 --> 00:03:27,681 Speaker 2: but that is my kids absolute favorite. Everyone's like, how 76 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,761 Speaker 2: long do you clean? To you this last in your 77 00:03:28,761 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 2: free room? Like, well a day. 78 00:03:30,121 --> 00:03:31,721 Speaker 1: Maybe because they get all eaten. 79 00:03:32,201 --> 00:03:35,041 Speaker 2: But the rest of the ingredients are the sprinkles, sprinkles 80 00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:38,241 Speaker 2: all gun free. Yeah, so good. That's my little shameless plug. 81 00:03:38,281 --> 00:03:40,641 Speaker 2: But I'm really passionate and proud of that product. Yeah, 82 00:03:40,681 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 2: so you sure, thank you. 83 00:03:43,001 --> 00:03:45,601 Speaker 3: My Share of the Week is actually an Instagram page. 84 00:03:45,721 --> 00:03:47,801 Speaker 3: It's called World Poetry Collective. 85 00:03:47,921 --> 00:03:48,121 Speaker 1: Oh. 86 00:03:48,201 --> 00:03:51,001 Speaker 3: Yes, I from when I was young have always been 87 00:03:51,081 --> 00:03:51,921 Speaker 3: like a poetry girl. 88 00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:52,161 Speaker 2: Yeah. 89 00:03:52,201 --> 00:03:53,881 Speaker 3: I used to read poetry books when I was like 90 00:03:53,961 --> 00:03:56,481 Speaker 3: sixteen or such a little lover girl and always have 91 00:03:56,561 --> 00:03:59,121 Speaker 3: bins for the end of the days. So when I 92 00:03:59,161 --> 00:04:00,841 Speaker 3: was going through my heartbreak phase and I was going 93 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,161 Speaker 3: through my lover phase anyway. Actually the purpose of this 94 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 3: is because I found a quote on there by Carl 95 00:04:04,801 --> 00:04:08,081 Speaker 3: Jong and it says, there is no coming to consciousness 96 00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:12,561 Speaker 3: without pain. And I thought this was really cool because 97 00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:15,721 Speaker 3: a lot of the times, myself included, we wish for change, 98 00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:19,401 Speaker 3: but we don't realize that change comes with changed behavior, 99 00:04:19,441 --> 00:04:21,681 Speaker 3: and that change behavior sometimes can be really challenging. 100 00:04:22,201 --> 00:04:24,281 Speaker 2: And I think if you are trying. 101 00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:27,161 Speaker 3: To become aware of your blind spots, become aware of 102 00:04:27,241 --> 00:04:29,641 Speaker 3: things that you do, whether you're a parent, whether it's 103 00:04:29,641 --> 00:04:33,401 Speaker 3: in friendships, relationships, in your workplace, procrastination, whatever it is, 104 00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,601 Speaker 3: when you're trying to become aware of what you were 105 00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:37,921 Speaker 3: doing so that you can change it, it often comes 106 00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:40,921 Speaker 3: with like discomfort. And I think if you can know 107 00:04:41,201 --> 00:04:43,241 Speaker 3: and realize that, like anytime you were going to change, 108 00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:45,641 Speaker 3: there's going to be some level of discomfort, but knowing 109 00:04:45,681 --> 00:04:48,601 Speaker 3: that you can handle the discomfort, you won't be so 110 00:04:48,721 --> 00:04:49,561 Speaker 3: scared to change. 111 00:04:49,641 --> 00:04:50,160 Speaker 1: That's cool. 112 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I just thought that was a cool reminder. 113 00:04:52,681 --> 00:04:54,161 Speaker 2: They know you're going to be okay, You're going to 114 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:57,321 Speaker 2: be okay. Discomfort doesn't mean impossible. Yeah, comfort doesn't mean 115 00:04:57,320 --> 00:04:59,721 Speaker 2: you can't do it. It's just uncomfortable. 116 00:04:59,761 --> 00:05:01,921 Speaker 3: And it's only uncomfortable because you've created a habit out 117 00:05:01,921 --> 00:05:03,841 Speaker 3: of what it is you're choosing right now, and it's 118 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:04,721 Speaker 3: new and it's new. 119 00:05:05,081 --> 00:05:08,681 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's really cool. So many good Instagram pages out there, 120 00:05:08,721 --> 00:05:10,841 Speaker 2: isn't there? Oh my god, you can have a good scroll. 121 00:05:11,001 --> 00:05:14,081 Speaker 2: You actually are taking in really really good information that 122 00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:15,841 Speaker 2: can make impact. You got me onto quotes. 123 00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:18,681 Speaker 1: I love it, love it, love love it. Okay. 124 00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:20,921 Speaker 2: The first thing that I want you to explain is 125 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:24,361 Speaker 2: what is the difference between being transparent and being honest? 126 00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:26,481 Speaker 2: The words I'm going to quickly a change. Yeah, it's 127 00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 2: easy if you don't mind. Is telling the truth and 128 00:05:28,921 --> 00:05:29,681 Speaker 2: being transparent? 129 00:05:29,761 --> 00:05:30,121 Speaker 1: Okay. 130 00:05:30,161 --> 00:05:32,041 Speaker 3: And we had a conversation around this, and this has 131 00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:35,641 Speaker 3: been a huge game changer for me in terms of 132 00:05:35,921 --> 00:05:39,801 Speaker 3: learning how to communicate effectively from myself to others. Right, 133 00:05:40,121 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 3: the difference between it is telling the truth is hey, babe, 134 00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:47,081 Speaker 3: I'm going to amigo start with the boys. Transparency is 135 00:05:47,201 --> 00:05:49,721 Speaker 3: hey babe. On Friday, I'm going to Amigos with the boys. 136 00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:52,001 Speaker 3: We're probably going to go around seven o'clock. Joe and 137 00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 3: Adam will be there, and probably his wife Karina is 138 00:05:54,641 --> 00:05:56,201 Speaker 3: going to be there as well. I'm not sure who 139 00:05:56,241 --> 00:05:58,161 Speaker 3: else is going to be there, but I'll probably home 140 00:05:58,241 --> 00:06:00,601 Speaker 3: around nine o'clock and I'll be home in bed with 141 00:06:00,641 --> 00:06:02,001 Speaker 3: you by nine point thirty. 142 00:06:01,721 --> 00:06:03,601 Speaker 1: And I'm planning having a few drinks, if so. 143 00:06:03,761 --> 00:06:04,721 Speaker 4: That too, right? 144 00:06:04,801 --> 00:06:08,241 Speaker 3: Yeah, So that's the difference between telling the truth and transparency. 145 00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:11,041 Speaker 3: It's like transparency is like I'm telling you all the 146 00:06:11,081 --> 00:06:14,361 Speaker 3: little finder details that I know and no effort at 147 00:06:14,401 --> 00:06:16,721 Speaker 3: all for me to share with you. There's no reason 148 00:06:16,761 --> 00:06:18,720 Speaker 3: to hide it. There's no reason to hide it. Whereas 149 00:06:19,121 --> 00:06:21,681 Speaker 3: if you have had wounds like what Ashi and I have, 150 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:25,041 Speaker 3: where we have had people lie to us, cheat, deceive us, 151 00:06:25,081 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 3: betray us in some way, which I'm sure you have 152 00:06:27,681 --> 00:06:31,361 Speaker 3: most humans have. Is that you will look for cracks 153 00:06:31,361 --> 00:06:34,561 Speaker 3: in someone's story, especially if you've been hurt before, and 154 00:06:34,641 --> 00:06:36,801 Speaker 3: so when you are telling the truth, it's easy to 155 00:06:36,841 --> 00:06:39,600 Speaker 3: go okay, cool, Well, now I want to question who's 156 00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:41,561 Speaker 3: going to be there now? I want to question what 157 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:43,001 Speaker 3: are you going to do when you're there? Are you 158 00:06:43,041 --> 00:06:44,761 Speaker 3: going to be drinking? Are the boys going to be there, 159 00:06:44,761 --> 00:06:46,801 Speaker 3: how long you're going to stay out for, or when 160 00:06:46,801 --> 00:06:48,001 Speaker 3: it comes to a friend, you. 161 00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:48,721 Speaker 4: Know the same thing. 162 00:06:49,121 --> 00:06:52,361 Speaker 3: And so when somebody is transparent with you, specifically your partner, 163 00:06:52,361 --> 00:06:55,121 Speaker 3: because that's just where I've gone with this, it allows 164 00:06:55,161 --> 00:06:57,601 Speaker 3: you to soften as a woman. It allows you to go, 165 00:06:58,841 --> 00:07:02,201 Speaker 3: I'm safe with this person because they have over communicated 166 00:07:02,201 --> 00:07:04,841 Speaker 3: with me and they have been transparent. Now I don't 167 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 3: have to ask questions, I don't have to croak, I 168 00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,961 Speaker 3: don't have to be a detective and try to figure 169 00:07:09,961 --> 00:07:11,801 Speaker 3: out what it is that they're doing because they've overly 170 00:07:11,841 --> 00:07:14,441 Speaker 3: given me what I needed. And I think that's a 171 00:07:14,481 --> 00:07:17,561 Speaker 3: really important thing to note if you're trying to communicate better, 172 00:07:18,161 --> 00:07:22,881 Speaker 3: or if you have a partner who has wounds with trust, deceit, loyalty, 173 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:23,961 Speaker 3: been cheated on before. 174 00:07:24,001 --> 00:07:25,401 Speaker 1: And it's actually so easy to do. 175 00:07:25,561 --> 00:07:27,721 Speaker 2: It's so easy. It's so easy, and you can do 176 00:07:27,761 --> 00:07:29,481 Speaker 2: this in all of theendo dynamics. We do it in 177 00:07:29,521 --> 00:07:32,121 Speaker 2: our friendship sometimes and like we've said in the previous episodes, 178 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,041 Speaker 2: sometimes we're like, oh, that's okay, baby, don't need to 179 00:07:34,281 --> 00:07:35,761 Speaker 2: tell me the details. I was like, no, I don't 180 00:07:35,761 --> 00:07:37,881 Speaker 2: need to, but I want to because I'm preventing there 181 00:07:37,881 --> 00:07:39,841 Speaker 2: ever being any reason for you to question or wonder 182 00:07:39,881 --> 00:07:41,721 Speaker 2: what's happened to, where's this gone or whatever. It's just 183 00:07:41,841 --> 00:07:43,441 Speaker 2: I'd rather put it all out on table and than 184 00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:46,881 Speaker 2: just it's there. Yeah, and it's so beautiful, so beautiful. 185 00:07:46,921 --> 00:07:49,041 Speaker 2: I've taken this into my relationship with Steve and it's 186 00:07:49,121 --> 00:07:51,921 Speaker 2: really helped both of us be able to communicate way 187 00:07:51,961 --> 00:07:54,281 Speaker 2: more clearly. Why would you not want to if you 188 00:07:54,361 --> 00:07:56,481 Speaker 2: really truly care about that person, even if they don't 189 00:07:56,481 --> 00:07:59,561 Speaker 2: have deep wounds. If you can prevent any question, why 190 00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:00,121 Speaker 2: would you not. 191 00:08:00,921 --> 00:08:02,201 Speaker 3: The thing that I kind of put it down to it. 192 00:08:02,241 --> 00:08:03,401 Speaker 3: I don't know if this is correct or not, but 193 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,001 Speaker 3: this is just how I've kind of explored this. If 194 00:08:06,001 --> 00:08:09,921 Speaker 3: that person hasn't experienced somebody lying to them before, or 195 00:08:09,961 --> 00:08:12,641 Speaker 3: having been betrayed or having been cheated on, or something 196 00:08:12,641 --> 00:08:15,961 Speaker 3: where they've had to really question someone what somebody's telling them, 197 00:08:16,441 --> 00:08:18,321 Speaker 3: then maybe they think, oh, this isn't a big deal, 198 00:08:18,521 --> 00:08:20,601 Speaker 3: like or why would I need to overly explain like 199 00:08:20,641 --> 00:08:21,081 Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? 200 00:08:21,121 --> 00:08:22,161 Speaker 1: It does it's like an interrogation. 201 00:08:22,721 --> 00:08:23,601 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right. 202 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:26,401 Speaker 3: It's like to that person, it doesn't matter to them 203 00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:28,961 Speaker 3: to get every fine detail. And for the most part, 204 00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:31,201 Speaker 3: I think men are more predisposed to be like that. 205 00:08:31,281 --> 00:08:33,321 Speaker 3: They're like, oh yeah, whatever, Like they're like, I'm good. 206 00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:35,601 Speaker 1: Good to the pub, to the pub, what I need 207 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:36,881 Speaker 1: all the details. 208 00:08:36,401 --> 00:08:37,121 Speaker 4: Totally, you know. 209 00:08:37,201 --> 00:08:39,481 Speaker 3: So I feel like they're naturally more that way. But 210 00:08:39,521 --> 00:08:41,681 Speaker 3: then when you see a man who has been hurt before, 211 00:08:42,081 --> 00:08:44,281 Speaker 3: he needs more of those details. He wants to know 212 00:08:44,321 --> 00:08:45,921 Speaker 3: what you're doing, he wants to know who you're going with. 213 00:08:45,961 --> 00:08:48,441 Speaker 3: He has to understand all those things. So it's just 214 00:08:48,481 --> 00:08:50,961 Speaker 3: like having compassion that just because you don't need something 215 00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:52,561 Speaker 3: doesn't mean that somebody else won't need that. 216 00:08:52,721 --> 00:08:53,721 Speaker 1: Someone's got their own pain. 217 00:08:54,281 --> 00:08:57,241 Speaker 3: And that comes with curiosity, right, curiosity about what you 218 00:08:57,361 --> 00:08:59,441 Speaker 3: need and curiosity about all your partner needs to. 219 00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:01,481 Speaker 2: Yeah, let's also explain that it's like, hey, like, you 220 00:09:01,561 --> 00:09:03,321 Speaker 2: don't have to give all the details, but I'm telling 221 00:09:03,361 --> 00:09:05,361 Speaker 2: you when you do, gosh, it makes me feel good. 222 00:09:05,401 --> 00:09:07,241 Speaker 2: It makes you feel heur it makes you feel safe, 223 00:09:07,241 --> 00:09:08,281 Speaker 2: It makes me not question anything. 224 00:09:08,321 --> 00:09:09,161 Speaker 1: I don't need to worry. 225 00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:10,561 Speaker 2: I want you to go and have a good night 226 00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:13,321 Speaker 2: and then come home to me, and it's all good. Yes, Yeah, 227 00:09:13,361 --> 00:09:16,681 Speaker 2: it's a preventative Yeah, that's amazing, And yeah, this isn't 228 00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:19,081 Speaker 2: just in the intimate relationships. I've got a friend so 229 00:09:19,161 --> 00:09:22,041 Speaker 2: I love very very very dearly. She's been in my 230 00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:24,081 Speaker 2: life for a very long time, and I will always 231 00:09:24,081 --> 00:09:26,121 Speaker 2: be here for her. I will always show up for her. 232 00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:29,841 Speaker 2: But I found in the last maybe like five years, 233 00:09:30,241 --> 00:09:32,921 Speaker 2: that she's not fully transparent with me, even to the 234 00:09:32,921 --> 00:09:36,281 Speaker 2: point where there's little lies told in her stories. Because 235 00:09:36,281 --> 00:09:38,841 Speaker 2: she tells me a story that she thinks I want 236 00:09:38,841 --> 00:09:40,881 Speaker 2: to hear, and then she'll tell her other friend a 237 00:09:40,921 --> 00:09:42,521 Speaker 2: story that she wants to hear, and then the other 238 00:09:42,561 --> 00:09:45,041 Speaker 2: friend a different one. So there's a lack of transparency 239 00:09:45,041 --> 00:09:47,041 Speaker 2: amongst all of us. So then if we bring something 240 00:09:47,081 --> 00:09:49,721 Speaker 2: up and talk about it and now has created distance 241 00:09:49,761 --> 00:09:51,721 Speaker 2: and cracks in the friendship. And I've gone to this friend, 242 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,441 Speaker 2: I've spoken to her about this and she's aware of it. 243 00:09:53,521 --> 00:09:55,641 Speaker 2: So this is something that I would be happily having 244 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:59,521 Speaker 2: another discussion with her. But it does it creates questions 245 00:09:59,521 --> 00:10:02,521 Speaker 2: so that when she tells me something, I'm like, did 246 00:10:02,521 --> 00:10:04,601 Speaker 2: that really happen? Or is that the full truth? That 247 00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:06,881 Speaker 2: I start to question things I'm just not quite sure, 248 00:10:07,401 --> 00:10:11,081 Speaker 2: And it's created distance because when there's cracks. It creates 249 00:10:11,081 --> 00:10:14,281 Speaker 2: a little bit of distrust. I don't fully trust. 250 00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:14,681 Speaker 1: Your word any law. 251 00:10:14,761 --> 00:10:17,121 Speaker 2: You don't fully feel safe, you don't fully feel reliant. 252 00:10:17,721 --> 00:10:20,321 Speaker 2: So that has created a distance and a disconnection in 253 00:10:20,361 --> 00:10:20,921 Speaker 2: our friendship. 254 00:10:21,641 --> 00:10:23,801 Speaker 1: I still love her and I don't judge her for it. 255 00:10:23,881 --> 00:10:26,001 Speaker 2: She's coping how she knows how to cope, and I 256 00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:29,081 Speaker 2: think unconsciously she's probably got shame around different things that 257 00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:31,641 Speaker 2: she's doing, and that's why she suppresses it and tells 258 00:10:31,641 --> 00:10:33,761 Speaker 2: a different story because she thinks that will I don't know, 259 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,561 Speaker 2: make us happy or make us proud, like you know. 260 00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:39,201 Speaker 2: But it's sad because when you're not transparent and there 261 00:10:39,241 --> 00:10:41,801 Speaker 2: is little lies told in your story, it does affect 262 00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:47,041 Speaker 2: your relationships. And if you're craving deep, connected, authentic, honest relationships, 263 00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:49,481 Speaker 2: and that's what I want, it can't be there if 264 00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:50,521 Speaker 2: you're not fully transparent. 265 00:10:50,601 --> 00:10:53,241 Speaker 3: Absolutely, And it's interesting, like what you were saying, I've 266 00:10:53,241 --> 00:10:54,761 Speaker 3: been on the opposite end of that. So when I 267 00:10:54,801 --> 00:10:56,921 Speaker 3: was younger, for some reason, I went into this real 268 00:10:56,961 --> 00:10:59,921 Speaker 3: phase of lying. And I'm talking like fifteen, I was 269 00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:01,761 Speaker 3: really youngest, when I was still living at home and 270 00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:04,601 Speaker 3: I was just I would lie about lots of little things, 271 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,561 Speaker 3: important things, but little white lies, especially if for men, 272 00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,481 Speaker 3: like not getting in trouble with my parents, I would 273 00:11:09,521 --> 00:11:12,481 Speaker 3: be like, oh, like, if I can spin this truth 274 00:11:12,481 --> 00:11:13,881 Speaker 3: a little bit so it sounds a little bit better, 275 00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,801 Speaker 3: to make it more palatable, I'll do that, you know, 276 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,281 Speaker 3: And then that way I wouldn't get as bad of 277 00:11:17,281 --> 00:11:20,481 Speaker 3: a punishment or drug whatever. And then I noticed that 278 00:11:20,561 --> 00:11:22,721 Speaker 3: as I got older, into like seventeen eighteen, I started 279 00:11:22,721 --> 00:11:25,961 Speaker 3: bringing that into my relationships. And when I had a friendship, 280 00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:30,681 Speaker 3: I remember her calling me out on little white lives. 281 00:11:31,001 --> 00:11:33,121 Speaker 3: And at the time I wasn't fully conscious that I 282 00:11:33,161 --> 00:11:34,681 Speaker 3: was doing it, but I remember when she called me 283 00:11:34,721 --> 00:11:35,921 Speaker 3: out on that, I was like, what do you mean? 284 00:11:36,001 --> 00:11:38,001 Speaker 3: Like I didn't even really it wasn't even important detail 285 00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:40,481 Speaker 3: like that kind of you know, that kind of mindset 286 00:11:40,521 --> 00:11:40,841 Speaker 3: around it. 287 00:11:40,881 --> 00:11:42,041 Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, it's not really that big of 288 00:11:42,041 --> 00:11:42,761 Speaker 2: a deal. And I did. 289 00:11:42,801 --> 00:11:44,881 Speaker 3: I was true for but I just didn't say one 290 00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:47,441 Speaker 3: thing or whatever. Then it's like that one thing can 291 00:11:47,481 --> 00:11:49,641 Speaker 3: then ruin that person's trust for you, like I did 292 00:11:49,641 --> 00:11:52,601 Speaker 3: for you. Only takes one crack, you know, or it 293 00:11:52,641 --> 00:11:55,761 Speaker 3: to happen consistently two times three times, so that person 294 00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:57,881 Speaker 3: to go all right, now I don't trust you, you know, 295 00:11:57,961 --> 00:12:00,241 Speaker 3: and so on the receiving end of that, it came 296 00:12:00,281 --> 00:12:01,721 Speaker 3: from a place of I know what it feels like 297 00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:04,121 Speaker 3: to disappoint people that I love and for them to 298 00:12:04,441 --> 00:12:06,921 Speaker 3: not trust me me, and how hard that felt for 299 00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:08,521 Speaker 3: me because I when I used to lie a lot, 300 00:12:08,601 --> 00:12:10,601 Speaker 3: my parents didn't trust me. And then I would be 301 00:12:10,601 --> 00:12:12,281 Speaker 3: so good, so good for six months. Then I would 302 00:12:12,281 --> 00:12:13,921 Speaker 3: tell one little why and they're like, see, you're doing 303 00:12:13,921 --> 00:12:15,161 Speaker 3: the thing that you owe and I'm like, I put 304 00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:18,201 Speaker 3: on all this effort and so yeah, it was like, okay, no, 305 00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:20,401 Speaker 3: this is about how I want to show up who 306 00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,361 Speaker 3: I want to be, and if I can overly be 307 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:25,801 Speaker 3: transparent and I can prevent this from happening, I'm going 308 00:12:25,841 --> 00:12:26,881 Speaker 3: to get a better outcome here. 309 00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:28,921 Speaker 2: It's also that thing of like, how do you want 310 00:12:28,921 --> 00:12:30,721 Speaker 2: the people in your life to treat you? You have 311 00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,881 Speaker 2: to be that yes, kind of your double standard. Yeah, 312 00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:34,841 Speaker 2: you're not showing up that way. So I want Steve 313 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,161 Speaker 2: and you my friends to be totally transparent with me, 314 00:12:37,681 --> 00:12:38,441 Speaker 2: then I need to be that. 315 00:12:38,721 --> 00:12:40,321 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just how it is. 316 00:12:40,561 --> 00:12:42,441 Speaker 3: And then don't you feel as well when you start 317 00:12:42,441 --> 00:12:45,441 Speaker 3: showing up as something you influence the people around you. 318 00:12:46,401 --> 00:12:48,361 Speaker 1: Can you attract more people too? Yeah? 319 00:12:48,441 --> 00:12:50,761 Speaker 3: Will you naturally start being more transparent? It's like, well 320 00:12:50,921 --> 00:12:52,881 Speaker 3: the other person's going to start doing that, Yeah, because 321 00:12:52,921 --> 00:12:55,241 Speaker 3: then you just you grow together exactly. I think that 322 00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,121 Speaker 3: person might look at you and go, wow, like that 323 00:12:57,201 --> 00:12:58,881 Speaker 3: was really cool, that felt really nice. Cool, I'm going 324 00:12:58,921 --> 00:12:59,441 Speaker 3: to do that to her? 325 00:12:59,481 --> 00:13:02,201 Speaker 1: Bad all the drops away? Yes, because you're not aligned 326 00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:03,441 Speaker 1: and they don't have the same beliefs. 327 00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:04,241 Speaker 4: Yes, that's true. 328 00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:05,721 Speaker 1: They don't vally that as much. 329 00:13:05,801 --> 00:13:06,801 Speaker 2: I can definitely won't. 330 00:13:06,841 --> 00:13:08,321 Speaker 1: You won't be aliged, you won't be as connected. 331 00:13:08,441 --> 00:13:11,121 Speaker 3: But this is what at least we believe as how 332 00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:14,841 Speaker 3: you prevent friendship and relationship breakdown is if you can 333 00:13:14,921 --> 00:13:19,321 Speaker 3: have the ultimate value of transparency in everything that you do. 334 00:13:19,561 --> 00:13:22,361 Speaker 3: If you do nothing else but be transparent, you will 335 00:13:22,361 --> 00:13:25,321 Speaker 3: find that there's a lot less problems in your dynamics 336 00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:28,601 Speaker 3: because it just prevents so much. It prevents questioning, it 337 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,841 Speaker 3: prevents breakdowns, it prevents cracks, It prevents you know, distrust, 338 00:13:32,881 --> 00:13:35,241 Speaker 3: all going behind each other's back and worrying about what 339 00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:37,401 Speaker 3: the other person is going to say, or you know, 340 00:13:37,601 --> 00:13:39,761 Speaker 3: worrying about how the other person is feeling you're just 341 00:13:39,761 --> 00:13:40,441 Speaker 3: being transparent. 342 00:13:40,441 --> 00:13:41,721 Speaker 2: If you're in a fight, and if you don't want 343 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:43,481 Speaker 2: to tell the full truth because you're worried how they 344 00:13:43,601 --> 00:13:46,401 Speaker 2: might respond or react or how they might feel, that's huge. 345 00:13:46,441 --> 00:13:48,601 Speaker 2: If you're worried, you already know they're going to be upset, 346 00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:51,081 Speaker 2: so even more reason to bring it forward. There's people 347 00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:52,441 Speaker 2: going to be at this event that they don't like, 348 00:13:52,561 --> 00:13:54,121 Speaker 2: or there's being a hissue with or something, and you're 349 00:13:54,161 --> 00:13:56,041 Speaker 2: keeping that from them. You're worried how they're going to react, 350 00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:57,881 Speaker 2: even more reason to tell them. 351 00:13:58,081 --> 00:13:59,161 Speaker 1: Yes, you know what I mean. 352 00:13:59,281 --> 00:14:01,721 Speaker 2: If you're already feeling like that, you know you know 353 00:14:01,761 --> 00:14:04,001 Speaker 2: they're going to be upset. That's a conscious choice whether 354 00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:06,881 Speaker 2: you hide that from them or you tell them. And 355 00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:09,801 Speaker 2: once again, it prevents later on them finding out be like, 356 00:14:09,841 --> 00:14:10,881 Speaker 2: why didn't you tell me he was. 357 00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:11,481 Speaker 1: Going to be there? 358 00:14:11,881 --> 00:14:14,161 Speaker 2: You've lied to me, so you've ere going to be there. 359 00:14:14,441 --> 00:14:16,201 Speaker 2: Now I can't trust when you go to the next event, 360 00:14:16,601 --> 00:14:18,601 Speaker 2: because if you were straight up honest with them, Hey, 361 00:14:18,641 --> 00:14:20,401 Speaker 2: this person's going to be there. I know you don't 362 00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:22,481 Speaker 2: like them. I know the great history there. You can 363 00:14:22,481 --> 00:14:24,801 Speaker 2: call me at any time. I'll be home at this 364 00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:27,441 Speaker 2: time my phone's on. Whatever you need to feel supported? 365 00:14:27,401 --> 00:14:29,081 Speaker 2: Do you want to come? What's going to make you 366 00:14:29,081 --> 00:14:29,521 Speaker 2: feel good? 367 00:14:30,521 --> 00:14:32,001 Speaker 1: Oh? I know you got my back. 368 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,521 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so true what you said. It's so true. 369 00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:36,721 Speaker 3: It's like, if you think that they're not going to 370 00:14:36,761 --> 00:14:38,401 Speaker 3: be okay with it, they're probably not going to be. 371 00:14:38,441 --> 00:14:39,041 Speaker 1: No, you know. 372 00:14:39,441 --> 00:14:42,881 Speaker 2: And if you the roles were on the other road, yep, 373 00:14:43,201 --> 00:14:45,161 Speaker 2: and if you put yourself in their issues and you 374 00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:47,921 Speaker 2: found out what they were doing, would you be okay 375 00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:48,201 Speaker 2: with it? 376 00:14:48,281 --> 00:14:48,601 Speaker 1: Exactly? 377 00:14:48,641 --> 00:14:51,601 Speaker 2: And if the answer is no, then lead by that exactly. 378 00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:52,921 Speaker 2: Let that be ale standard. 379 00:14:52,921 --> 00:14:55,081 Speaker 3: No, Let that be your compass for how you behave 380 00:14:55,121 --> 00:14:57,241 Speaker 3: when it comes to other people, because it won't stray 381 00:14:57,281 --> 00:15:00,721 Speaker 3: you wrong because you know what's inherently right alo you 382 00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:04,041 Speaker 3: can feel it, and you'll know what their response. 383 00:15:03,801 --> 00:15:06,001 Speaker 2: Is going to be to by doing that. Yeah, we 384 00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:07,921 Speaker 2: did this in our friendship too. I think we said 385 00:15:07,921 --> 00:15:09,801 Speaker 2: this in our previous episode, but it happened the other day. 386 00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:10,401 Speaker 1: With money. 387 00:15:10,841 --> 00:15:13,241 Speaker 2: I think you're transferred money to something whatever and you're like, hey, 388 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:14,841 Speaker 2: you just said you know that. I'm like, yeah, that's 389 00:15:14,841 --> 00:15:16,601 Speaker 2: all good, Like where are that? Like, you don't have 390 00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:18,041 Speaker 2: to tell me that? And you're like, no, I do 391 00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:20,001 Speaker 2: need to tell you. I'm just being transparent because it's 392 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,561 Speaker 2: our money and I want you to know where everything's gone. 393 00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:24,961 Speaker 2: And in my head, I've trust you with anything and 394 00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:27,161 Speaker 2: all of our money. But it's once again, it's preventing 395 00:15:27,161 --> 00:15:28,721 Speaker 2: it later on being like, oh, well, what happened to 396 00:15:28,721 --> 00:15:31,041 Speaker 2: that seven thousand dollars? Yes, it's like, oh, well, didn't 397 00:15:31,041 --> 00:15:32,561 Speaker 2: you know I had to pay this. It's like, no, 398 00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,361 Speaker 2: I didn't know why I would not tell me that. Yeah, 399 00:15:34,361 --> 00:15:35,681 Speaker 2: it was like I told you about it. I sent 400 00:15:35,721 --> 00:15:39,401 Speaker 2: you a screenshot, Yeah, either a receipt. Yeah, just transparency. 401 00:15:39,441 --> 00:15:41,241 Speaker 2: You can see how later on it could cause a 402 00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,401 Speaker 2: breakdown or a miscommunication be like well you didn't tell 403 00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:44,241 Speaker 2: me you're transferring that. 404 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,881 Speaker 1: What about this five hundred dollars? What's that for? And 405 00:15:45,881 --> 00:15:47,641 Speaker 1: then it starts qushing everything. 406 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:49,481 Speaker 3: That's right, and it's like just preventing a problem or 407 00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:51,721 Speaker 3: a future conversation when it can be done now. Yes, 408 00:15:51,761 --> 00:15:53,521 Speaker 3: you know, because like let's say, you know, six months 409 00:15:53,521 --> 00:15:55,001 Speaker 3: down the track and we do our tax or whatever 410 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,601 Speaker 3: and it's seven thousand dollars deducted. 411 00:15:57,041 --> 00:15:59,281 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, well, where was that money you got that? 412 00:15:59,401 --> 00:16:01,081 Speaker 2: It's like it creates a question that doesn't need to 413 00:16:01,121 --> 00:16:02,441 Speaker 2: be a question exactly, you know. 414 00:16:02,521 --> 00:16:04,601 Speaker 3: So it's nipped it in the butt before it's that's right. 415 00:16:04,681 --> 00:16:06,841 Speaker 3: So this is the preventative thing that we're talking about. 416 00:16:06,881 --> 00:16:09,481 Speaker 3: And it also does take a certain level of courage 417 00:16:09,521 --> 00:16:12,161 Speaker 3: to be able to prevent these things because it means 418 00:16:12,161 --> 00:16:15,481 Speaker 3: being vulnerable, and it means being brave, and it means 419 00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:17,761 Speaker 3: being willing to communicate when you don't want to communicate 420 00:16:17,761 --> 00:16:19,521 Speaker 3: it if you think that they're going to get mad, 421 00:16:19,881 --> 00:16:21,041 Speaker 3: but you know it will help. 422 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:21,841 Speaker 2: Say it. 423 00:16:22,041 --> 00:16:23,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, if you are. 424 00:16:23,121 --> 00:16:26,361 Speaker 2: Scared to share how you're feeling, say it, do you 425 00:16:26,361 --> 00:16:26,841 Speaker 2: know what I mean? 426 00:16:26,881 --> 00:16:29,321 Speaker 3: Like, you will never lose somebody from being honest about 427 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:32,401 Speaker 3: how you truly feel if they're meant to be so true. 428 00:16:32,521 --> 00:16:33,681 Speaker 1: I really agree with that. 429 00:16:33,601 --> 00:16:36,641 Speaker 2: And I just think that's something to live by. Yeah, 430 00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:38,681 Speaker 2: the right people will stay. Oh. 431 00:16:38,761 --> 00:16:41,281 Speaker 3: Something else that we do that's really powerful, and we've 432 00:16:41,281 --> 00:16:43,721 Speaker 3: done it more so recently, is that we come in 433 00:16:43,761 --> 00:16:44,961 Speaker 3: with reassurance first. 434 00:16:44,721 --> 00:16:45,681 Speaker 4: Before we have a hard commis. 435 00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:46,801 Speaker 1: Yeah. 436 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,921 Speaker 4: I find this is really good because it's disarming. 437 00:16:49,081 --> 00:16:51,961 Speaker 1: Yeah. Even the other day I got like six long 438 00:16:52,081 --> 00:16:52,761 Speaker 1: voice messages. 439 00:16:52,801 --> 00:16:54,081 Speaker 2: I saw the way and I was with the kids 440 00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:56,001 Speaker 2: it's like around the five pm mark, which is my 441 00:16:56,041 --> 00:16:57,641 Speaker 2: hectic time with the kids, and I saw the voice 442 00:16:57,641 --> 00:16:59,681 Speaker 2: message come through and I was she said, don't listen 443 00:16:59,721 --> 00:17:01,921 Speaker 2: to these until you have space, But instantly I was like, oh, 444 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:05,201 Speaker 2: something's wrong. So I listened to the first one to 445 00:17:05,281 --> 00:17:06,721 Speaker 2: my bathroom. I was like, quick, I listen to this. 446 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,441 Speaker 2: And it was like, I'm just setting you know, we're 447 00:17:08,481 --> 00:17:12,001 Speaker 2: all good, reassuring you nothing's wrong. This is just about data. Yes. 448 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,321 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, cool, I can listen to. 449 00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 4: That later whenever I'm ready. 450 00:17:14,961 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 1: She's not dying, she's not leaving me. Yeah, yeah, she 451 00:17:17,321 --> 00:17:18,161 Speaker 1: wants to do the podcast. 452 00:17:18,241 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, still yes, yeah, still just the reassurance. 453 00:17:22,921 --> 00:17:25,881 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, because we've had conversations and I know 454 00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:28,961 Speaker 3: what a triggers for you, and I know you're wounding, 455 00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:30,640 Speaker 3: and I know my wounding, and I know how to 456 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 3: support you in yours. So I'm like, okay, cool, how 457 00:17:32,721 --> 00:17:34,041 Speaker 3: can I make sure that she doesn't have a heart 458 00:17:34,041 --> 00:17:36,481 Speaker 3: attack when I try to bring a conversation yeah into 459 00:17:36,481 --> 00:17:38,400 Speaker 3: her because the first thing that happens when you go 460 00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:41,041 Speaker 3: to have a conversation is oh my god, and you 461 00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:41,681 Speaker 3: think worst case. 462 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,361 Speaker 2: Scenario, Yeah, because you're scared yeah, this person. 463 00:17:44,241 --> 00:17:45,441 Speaker 1: Don't leave. I'm going to die. 464 00:17:45,481 --> 00:17:47,321 Speaker 4: They're going to be mad at me. The worst case 465 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:48,081 Speaker 4: scenario things, and. 466 00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:49,840 Speaker 2: It's normally the opposite. Even when you brought your work 467 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:51,481 Speaker 2: thing in, I was like, oh my gosh, of course 468 00:17:51,521 --> 00:17:53,321 Speaker 2: I feel the same. Yeah, I'm so aligned with that. 469 00:17:53,481 --> 00:17:54,561 Speaker 1: Yes, do that. 470 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,961 Speaker 2: It must have been such a relief for you because 471 00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 2: it was kind of sitting on you for a little 472 00:17:58,481 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 2: It was something that I just kind of needed to 473 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 2: sit with. 474 00:18:00,241 --> 00:18:02,481 Speaker 3: But I haven't really gotten clear on whether I wanted 475 00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:04,440 Speaker 3: to voice it on yeah, okay, cool, like I feel 476 00:18:04,481 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 3: ready to just was like, oh my gosh. 477 00:18:06,441 --> 00:18:07,241 Speaker 1: Yeah I feel the same. 478 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like cool, done, done, But yeah, the 479 00:18:10,201 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 2: reassurance is really nice. And I think because we have 480 00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:15,681 Speaker 2: similar wounds of abandonment and rejection, we both know how 481 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 2: nice that feels. 482 00:18:16,441 --> 00:18:18,321 Speaker 1: Just be reassured that we're all good, nothing's wrong. 483 00:18:18,481 --> 00:18:20,400 Speaker 3: And there was something I can't remember exactly what it 484 00:18:20,441 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 3: was about, but I remember feeling a little bit anxious 485 00:18:22,441 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 3: the other day and just feeling like overwhelmed. I remember 486 00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:27,041 Speaker 3: bringing something into you and you're like, I just want 487 00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:29,001 Speaker 3: to let you know that you're never too much, You're 488 00:18:29,001 --> 00:18:29,441 Speaker 3: not too much. 489 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,281 Speaker 2: You're not too hard to love. You're not Yeah, all 490 00:18:31,281 --> 00:18:32,561 Speaker 2: of the things safe with me. 491 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're saying, Oh, that's right. You said you're so 492 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,161 Speaker 3: safe with me. You're so safe with me. You can 493 00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:39,561 Speaker 3: bring this in. And I just was like, oh, like 494 00:18:39,681 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 3: let me took a big deep breath and I was 495 00:18:41,241 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 3: just like, oh, I love it here. 496 00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:42,801 Speaker 2: I'm so safe. 497 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I can just be. 498 00:18:44,201 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 3: And that felt really good because I was sharing something 499 00:18:46,321 --> 00:18:48,880 Speaker 3: that I felt a little bit uncomfortable with and I 500 00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:51,240 Speaker 3: hadn't really worked out in my head. So to know 501 00:18:51,321 --> 00:18:54,200 Speaker 3: that she was like my safe place to come and 502 00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:56,281 Speaker 3: be messy, It's like cool. 503 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: Bring it all in. 504 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you it the other day as well, another 505 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,041 Speaker 2: example something I was feeling a bit triggered by, maybe 506 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 2: something online. I think I was beating around the bush 507 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,201 Speaker 2: and trying to be polite of this message that I got, 508 00:19:07,241 --> 00:19:09,761 Speaker 2: and you were like, Stephanie, bring her in. 509 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:10,880 Speaker 1: What does she really think? 510 00:19:10,961 --> 00:19:14,481 Speaker 2: I was like, actually, I'm fucking pissed this fucking person 511 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,281 Speaker 2: said this, and I don't like it. 512 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,561 Speaker 1: For better now, yeah, And I could respond to her 513 00:19:18,561 --> 00:19:19,841 Speaker 1: in a really polite way. I was like, I'm good. 514 00:19:19,921 --> 00:19:21,761 Speaker 2: You were like, Stephanie's been away. I haven't seen her 515 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,481 Speaker 2: for a while. I was like, you're right, Yeah, she's 516 00:19:23,521 --> 00:19:26,160 Speaker 2: been hiding, and it's so healthy to bring that forward. 517 00:19:26,321 --> 00:19:26,641 Speaker 4: So good. 518 00:19:26,681 --> 00:19:28,761 Speaker 2: I could feel that you were holding back for some reason, 519 00:19:28,761 --> 00:19:29,241 Speaker 2: and I was like. 520 00:19:29,241 --> 00:19:31,001 Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, we're not going to do that here. 521 00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,360 Speaker 2: Because the story is I don't want to be a bitch. 522 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,001 Speaker 2: I want to be understanding, I want to be compassionate. 523 00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:35,481 Speaker 2: I want to be nice girl and be a good girl. 524 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,360 Speaker 2: All those stories resurfaced, and I actually was really angry 525 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,200 Speaker 2: and I wasn't allowing that anger to come through. As 526 00:19:40,201 --> 00:19:41,921 Speaker 2: soon as you said, Stephanie, I was like, oh, she's 527 00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:43,881 Speaker 2: a very bitch. Yeah, yeah, cool, I'm going to bring 528 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,640 Speaker 2: this forward. And I was like actually, yeah, I don't 529 00:19:45,681 --> 00:19:47,840 Speaker 2: like this. Yeah, and that annoys me that she thinks that. 530 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:49,761 Speaker 2: And then once I got it off, I was like, okay, 531 00:19:49,961 --> 00:19:52,241 Speaker 2: feel good not squashing those emotions. 532 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:52,561 Speaker 1: Yeah. 533 00:19:52,561 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 2: I was like okay, I replied to her, and then 534 00:19:54,001 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 2: I was like, actually I don't even need to give 535 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,881 Speaker 2: that any energy, and it was done. 536 00:19:57,041 --> 00:19:59,681 Speaker 1: I'm done. Yeah, So it's cool. The resurance is really cool. 537 00:19:59,761 --> 00:20:00,281 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's good. 538 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 2: Love it. 539 00:20:02,241 --> 00:20:04,761 Speaker 3: But you can see how this really takes two people 540 00:20:04,801 --> 00:20:07,641 Speaker 3: to be will right because anybody listening here can hear 541 00:20:07,681 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 3: that we're both just as open, just as vulnerable, both 542 00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:14,081 Speaker 3: on the same page about what we want from each other, 543 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 3: what we want from friendships, and where we want to 544 00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 3: go from here. And I think we both uphold the 545 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:21,921 Speaker 3: standard we want from each other with ourselves too, which 546 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:24,201 Speaker 3: is cool if you can find people who are willing 547 00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:26,961 Speaker 3: and I know it's easier than done, but just all 548 00:20:27,001 --> 00:20:29,440 Speaker 3: you need from people is just willingness because you can 549 00:20:29,481 --> 00:20:30,281 Speaker 3: figure it out together. 550 00:20:30,321 --> 00:20:32,041 Speaker 2: That's what we're doing. It's so special when you find 551 00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 2: someone with but you'ret any life partner, your friendships, your 552 00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:36,001 Speaker 2: family members, everything. 553 00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,321 Speaker 1: Yep, yeah, it's beautiful. 554 00:20:37,521 --> 00:20:37,761 Speaker 2: True. 555 00:20:37,961 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 3: Something that we both do in our dynamic to prevent 556 00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:45,200 Speaker 3: any breakdowns and prevent any cracks being formed is I 557 00:20:45,241 --> 00:20:48,640 Speaker 3: think when we both get triggered, we both clock it 558 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 3: pretty quickly, have a moment, and then we'll both go 559 00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:53,640 Speaker 3: oh shit, Like I think I said that in a 560 00:20:53,681 --> 00:20:56,601 Speaker 3: condescending way. Yeah, we do passive aggressive or I think 561 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 3: that maybe didn't come out of the way that I 562 00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 3: meant it, or you know, when we get triggered and 563 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,041 Speaker 3: something happens, we come back very quickly and it'll be 564 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,360 Speaker 3: like within ten minutes each other a voice note and 565 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,120 Speaker 3: be like, hey, babe, I just wanted to let you 566 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,841 Speaker 3: know this is what came up for me. Sorry, this 567 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,641 Speaker 3: is my part, Like I can see how I could 568 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,721 Speaker 3: have done this better. Yes, you know, I feel like 569 00:21:14,761 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 3: we do that really well and it hasn't happened very often, 570 00:21:17,281 --> 00:21:20,561 Speaker 3: but when we do, we repair quickly, very quick to repair. 571 00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:24,361 Speaker 3: I think by us both taking accountability for what we've done. 572 00:21:24,481 --> 00:21:26,201 Speaker 2: I say to you, you know, like I did this. 573 00:21:26,321 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 3: I know that how this would have felt, would have 574 00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,561 Speaker 3: made you feel like this, I'm so sorry for that, 575 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,481 Speaker 3: Like I didn't mean it, And this is what I'll 576 00:21:31,481 --> 00:21:34,041 Speaker 3: do better next time. You know, I'm learning, and then 577 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,200 Speaker 3: you'll do the same thing for me. And by taking 578 00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,880 Speaker 3: full accountability and then also creating a plan for of 579 00:21:38,921 --> 00:21:40,920 Speaker 3: like I'll do this better next time. This is what 580 00:21:40,961 --> 00:21:43,041 Speaker 3: I'm willing to work on, Like I'm trying to move 581 00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:43,521 Speaker 3: through this. 582 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:45,001 Speaker 1: Da da da da, And. 583 00:21:44,961 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 2: A lot of the time it's a learning opportunity because 584 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,321 Speaker 2: both people can always improve. It's like when you come 585 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,640 Speaker 2: to me and say that, I'm like, yeah, but I 586 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 2: can also see how I could have set that softer, 587 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:55,041 Speaker 2: or use different language, or I didn't mean for that 588 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,481 Speaker 2: to come out so fast. Or maybe I'll pause next 589 00:21:57,481 --> 00:21:59,561 Speaker 2: time and just think a little bit more, or you know, 590 00:21:59,721 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 2: communicate and ask you what you actually need. Like whatever 591 00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:05,441 Speaker 2: the situation, we'll always both clean up our own lanes together, 592 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,041 Speaker 2: like next time, let's do this. Absolutely. 593 00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:09,321 Speaker 3: So when we were in Bali, we were creating content 594 00:22:09,521 --> 00:22:11,680 Speaker 3: and we like, you know, you've been feeling super stretching, 595 00:22:11,721 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 3: you're just traveling and all the things. 596 00:22:14,281 --> 00:22:16,561 Speaker 2: Yes, that's right, you had. Yeah, you had sinus issues 597 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:16,881 Speaker 2: from the. 598 00:22:16,801 --> 00:22:19,321 Speaker 1: Air so tired, can't keep my eyes open. It was 599 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:20,201 Speaker 1: a really low state. 600 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,321 Speaker 2: You just traveled a whole lot. 601 00:22:22,481 --> 00:22:25,441 Speaker 3: Yeah, you just like we were filming content and there 602 00:22:25,481 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 3: was this moment where you just like kind asked me 603 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,521 Speaker 3: to take over. You're like, I don't want to lead. 604 00:22:29,001 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 3: Something happened. We were just like talking about content anyway, 605 00:22:31,521 --> 00:22:32,680 Speaker 3: You're like, I just don't I don't want to lead. 606 00:22:32,681 --> 00:22:33,321 Speaker 1: I'm tapped out. 607 00:22:33,521 --> 00:22:35,600 Speaker 3: Yes, it was just this moment where I was like, oh, 608 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:37,201 Speaker 3: I noticed that it was like in a different turn 609 00:22:37,281 --> 00:22:38,881 Speaker 3: and I was like, oh, okay, Like I wonder what 610 00:22:38,961 --> 00:22:40,881 Speaker 3: was like underneath that, And then there was more there 611 00:22:41,241 --> 00:22:42,640 Speaker 3: and I remember like coming to you and being like 612 00:22:42,721 --> 00:22:44,761 Speaker 3: hey babe, like you know, and voicing it and talking 613 00:22:44,761 --> 00:22:47,121 Speaker 3: through it with you. We both went on our separate ways. 614 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 3: We're like, okay, we'll just part content for now, like 615 00:22:48,961 --> 00:22:51,400 Speaker 3: obviously there's a lot going on, and then we jumped 616 00:22:51,441 --> 00:22:53,481 Speaker 3: on bikes, went to dinner, and then we kind of 617 00:22:53,481 --> 00:22:55,360 Speaker 3: came back together for dinner. We were like I love you, yeah, 618 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,240 Speaker 3: you know, a moment, but it was just in that moment. 619 00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 3: What we did after the fact was important because when 620 00:23:01,321 --> 00:23:03,321 Speaker 3: we came together and you were like, hey, babe, like, 621 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,761 Speaker 3: I just want to let you know, like this is 622 00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:07,281 Speaker 3: what I was feeling. And then once you shared with 623 00:23:07,321 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 3: me what you were feeling, I was like, oh, you 624 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,681 Speaker 3: know what, this is what I could have done better too. 625 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 3: You know, I could have noticed that you were feeling 626 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:14,600 Speaker 3: really tired and that you didn't want to lead in 627 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,001 Speaker 3: this area, and I could have naturally just taken the reins. 628 00:23:17,041 --> 00:23:19,200 Speaker 2: But then I took something feeling saying I should have 629 00:23:19,241 --> 00:23:23,241 Speaker 2: communicated more openly and said I was feeling really fucking chit. 630 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,440 Speaker 2: But I wanted to keep the high vibes and I 631 00:23:25,441 --> 00:23:27,401 Speaker 2: wanted to enjoy myself my time in Bali. I didn't 632 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 2: want to lay in bed and sleep all day and 633 00:23:29,201 --> 00:23:30,521 Speaker 2: not go out to dinner. So I tried to just 634 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,401 Speaker 2: keep the energy up yet. But I should have said 635 00:23:32,441 --> 00:23:34,801 Speaker 2: to you, I feel fucking shit my brain. I can't 636 00:23:34,801 --> 00:23:37,521 Speaker 2: even think right now. Was winning off sleeping tablets too? Oh? Yes, 637 00:23:37,721 --> 00:23:40,001 Speaker 2: it was a lot going on. I should have just said, 638 00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:41,840 Speaker 2: are you able to leave? Choose the content and I 639 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,721 Speaker 2: will jump in anything you want me to jump in. Yes, 640 00:23:43,721 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 2: but I can't lead right now? Is I took on 641 00:23:46,241 --> 00:23:48,801 Speaker 2: the leadership role when I didn't want to, and they 642 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 2: got a bit frustrated, and then it caused a little moment. 643 00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:53,001 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And it. 644 00:23:53,001 --> 00:23:54,921 Speaker 3: Was so easy for things like that to happen once 645 00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:57,041 Speaker 3: it's tired, or you haven't eaten, or like you haven't 646 00:23:57,041 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 3: slept or whatever, the reality of it, Like you know, 647 00:23:59,961 --> 00:24:01,360 Speaker 3: when you spend a lot of time together, it's like 648 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,081 Speaker 3: things like this are going to like look, yeah, I 649 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:03,801 Speaker 3: I've done it too. 650 00:24:04,001 --> 00:24:04,561 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. 651 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,440 Speaker 3: And I think that was a really cool moment for 652 00:24:06,561 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 3: us to just like see how quickly we repaired in yeah, 653 00:24:09,321 --> 00:24:10,841 Speaker 3: and even anything, so it's not even a big deal, 654 00:24:10,961 --> 00:24:13,521 Speaker 3: was even anything to necessarily repair because in the moment 655 00:24:13,521 --> 00:24:15,241 Speaker 3: we were both just like, oh cool, Yeah, I could 656 00:24:15,281 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 3: have done this better. You could have done this better, 657 00:24:17,201 --> 00:24:19,801 Speaker 3: and then we just both took accountability for that. Yeah. 658 00:24:20,761 --> 00:24:23,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was really beautiful. Love that. I love that. 659 00:24:23,681 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 3: Look, we hope this has been helpful. This has honestly 660 00:24:25,801 --> 00:24:27,761 Speaker 3: been such a game changer for us in our dynamic. 661 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,961 Speaker 3: And you know, we're always getting questions around this sort 662 00:24:30,961 --> 00:24:32,561 Speaker 3: of topic and like how to prevent it and how 663 00:24:32,561 --> 00:24:33,321 Speaker 3: to communicate and. 664 00:24:33,281 --> 00:24:35,721 Speaker 1: How to be their relationships. 665 00:24:35,721 --> 00:24:38,161 Speaker 2: It's a huge topic and it's a huge want and desire. 666 00:24:38,241 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 2: But when you can learn how to do it, you'll 667 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,721 Speaker 2: create really beautiful friendship dynamics. I've been wanting to bring 668 00:24:43,721 --> 00:24:46,281 Speaker 2: this conversation in for a while because it's such a 669 00:24:46,281 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 2: big conversation with us that we have all the time, 670 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 2: and even we will giggle and be like just over reshowing, 671 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 2: but it's going to share it all because it's like, yeah, 672 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,241 Speaker 2: that's what we get to do with each other. Yeah, 673 00:24:55,281 --> 00:24:57,241 Speaker 2: it's so beautiful. So we hope this helps. We hope 674 00:24:57,241 --> 00:24:59,160 Speaker 2: you take this into your relationships and the way it 675 00:24:59,241 --> 00:25:01,400 Speaker 2: teaches to the people around you got to start with 676 00:25:01,441 --> 00:25:01,721 Speaker 2: you though. 677 00:25:01,921 --> 00:25:03,961 Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, thanks for joining us. 678 00:25:04,281 --> 00:25:05,041 Speaker 4: We'll see you on the next time. 679 00:25:05,281 --> 00:25:10,521 Speaker 1: Goodbye bye.