1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,160 Speaker 1: This is the Fits In with Kate Richie podcast. 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,960 Speaker 2: Well do you know what? We have a beautiful person 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 2: in here, not just physically but also spiritually as well. 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 2: And be Imperfect podcast sixth season. Wow, this is it's 5 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 2: back again. You can get it wherever you get your 6 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 2: good podcast from. We love this Manu event. 7 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,919 Speaker 3: It's so nice to see you. Can I just clear 8 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 3: up something quickly with you. I heard on one of 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 3: the podcasts somebody calling you, Hugh Van silent bird. Is 10 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 3: that correct? 11 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:36,160 Speaker 1: I have been called so many things. Cycling bird. Wonder 12 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,159 Speaker 1: that's not bad. Yeah, cycling bird. I like that as 13 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: an indiview on the ABC. And then I a friend 14 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: of mine said, you found a picture on Google image 15 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: of a bird riding a bike. 16 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,560 Speaker 4: Anyway, mate, let's talk about Resilience project, because one of 17 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 4: the key topics which came up and we were discussing 18 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 4: this off air, was addiction to mobile phones. 19 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: So in the hotel this morning where I was, I 20 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: went down for breakfast and there was a family of four, 21 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: so it was it mum and dad. It was a 22 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: boy would have been thirteen, girl looked about fifteen sixteen, 23 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,600 Speaker 1: and I was chatting to the dad at the buffet area, 24 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: and he was saying that had come down from Kensall 25 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: that stayed for two nights, and he was sitting near me, 26 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,680 Speaker 1: and he went back to his table and he sat 27 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 1: there and his two kids were slumped in their chairs 28 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: on their phones. Mum was on the phone, and I 29 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 1: was watching Gang. That's so sad, Like if that was 30 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: us back in the day, you would be just so 31 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: You're so excited with your family trip to the city, 32 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: chatting in amouth and the guy, after about two minutes, 33 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: he said, is there any Dan drugging have some conversation 34 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: with some in my own family? And he looked so 35 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 1: upset about it, and no one answered, like no one 36 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: looked up from their phone, like it was just met 37 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: with complete silence. And he was sitting there eating his music, 38 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: looking so shattered. And I was like, oh, that'sually depressing. 39 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: And then ten minutes later I realized all I've been 40 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,600 Speaker 1: doing myself for the last ten minutes of being on 41 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: my phone as well. And so I've talked about this 42 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 1: so much over the last five to ten years, addiction 43 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: to devices. I've realized that. So in my book that 44 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 1: I wrote, which is called The Far Too Personal Trainer, Oh, no, Nory, 45 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: that's the book which I wrote. That's sorry, that's still 46 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 1: a couple of copies of alible dot com. How do 47 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,839 Speaker 1: you know jo Loo has heard about it? Believable? She yeah, 48 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:19,400 Speaker 1: she has, Oh my god, she loves Yeah. 49 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 4: She hasn't read it yet, which she heard about it. 50 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 1: So in my book, I did a whole section. I 51 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: wrote it in twenty nineteen and it was all and 52 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: I did this whole thing on addiction to devices, and 53 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: I was all, I had four strategies in there, and 54 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:36,079 Speaker 1: I won't listen on now, but because I've realized that 55 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: they worked back then but they don't now. I feel 56 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: like big tech and the algorithms have got smarter and 57 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 1: smarter and smarter, and I've got better at making this 58 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 1: addicted and we just so that don't really and there's 59 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 1: any one out of it, like there was stuff like 60 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: I was saying back in twenty nineteen, Oh, put your 61 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: put all your social media apps in a folder and 62 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 1: put it fast screens across and label that like folder 63 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,320 Speaker 1: regret or some of that, because you know, going to 64 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: regret and aprobably the most common emotion anyone experiences after 65 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 1: ten minutes or more on social media is regret. So 66 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: I was like, you could name that regret and you 67 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 1: could put it five screens across. I've realized for the 68 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,839 Speaker 1: last three years, I just swiped five screens, click on regret, 69 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,799 Speaker 1: don't even read it, and I just go straight into 70 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: Instagram and I'm stuck. And so I've sort of realized 71 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: that it's the strategy I write about the book because 72 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: of the way technology has It's just got smarter and smarter. 73 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: The algorithms too good. It just keeps sending me videos 74 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 1: of Brett Lee bowling Yorkers and Snake's being taken out 75 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 1: of people's houses. I cannot say no to that. I 76 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: cannot not look at that. And so I've in the 77 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: last literally in the last three weeks, I've taken a 78 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: new step and it's the only thing that really works 79 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: for me, and I'd love people to try this. It's 80 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: a technique and it involves literally putting your phone in 81 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: a really inconvenient place where you actually can't physically get 82 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: to it. So when I get home from work at 83 00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: five o'clock five ish, I leave it in the car 84 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: and I park about fifty meters down the road. Wow, 85 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: and then I'm going otherwise do you really do this? Well, yeah, 86 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: like in the last three weeks, and it's been because 87 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: I've noticed I reckon. If you think about it, the 88 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: reason we go to our phone so often, the reason 89 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: we go to our phone is actually just to numb 90 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: a needive emotion, well convenience, and also we try to 91 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 1: number negative emotion. So the second we feel sad, lonely, disconnected, you, 92 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,479 Speaker 1: whatever it is, we just grab our phone and we 93 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,599 Speaker 1: try to numb the negative emotion. It works and numbs 94 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: the negative emotion, but it doesn't it doesn't fix the problem, 95 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: so we put the phone down. We're still where we 96 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,119 Speaker 1: were before. So the example I'll give is my daughter 97 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 1: who's four has the last six months is having a 98 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: lot of problems around bedtime. Her meltdowns honestly will last 99 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: about an hour. I reckon, yea and so, and it's 100 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: my job to put her to bed Pennies with the 101 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 1: with the boys, and I have had my phone on 102 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: me whenever she's melting down, I just get my phone 103 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 1: out and sort of look at snakes being taken out 104 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: of people's houses or in Swinging Yorkers and it's just 105 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: like I just I've been doing that just because it's 106 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: a negative emotion. I'm so upset with how she's going. 107 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 1: Then I'm just grabbing my phone. And then I was like, 108 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: now what am I doing? Like she's just watching me 109 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 1: be on my phone this whole hour when she's in distress. 110 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: So I put it downstairs. But then after ten minutes, 111 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,159 Speaker 1: I like, I'll just go and get it, and i'd go. 112 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,159 Speaker 1: I would almost like I'd sleepwalking. I didn't even know 113 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: I was going downstairs getting my phone. Now I've left 114 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,919 Speaker 1: it in the car as too far. I was like, 115 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 1: I can't be bothered. And I've actually noticed that we 116 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: get through the hour together, Like we both get upset together, 117 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: then we both cheer up together, and we go through 118 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,760 Speaker 1: all the emotions together. We go through the stress cycle. 119 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: This we sort of complete this stress cycle together. And 120 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: it's been really beautiful to really totally be present with 121 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: her as she struggles and then works her way through it. Yeah, 122 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: and I think she's going to sleep. Is it has 123 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 1: a help in that sense. I know it still takes 124 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: about an hour and a half way to fall asleep, 125 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: but I'm lying there with her and I'm present for it. 126 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: And when she's struggling the message she's getting is Hey, 127 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 1: I'm here with you. You know, we're in this together, 128 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 1: as opposed to, oh, look at that delivery from Brettley, 129 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: there's no way. I was driving the other day my 130 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 1: car and I was in an area sort of where 131 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,680 Speaker 1: I grew up, and I was feeling quite nostalgic, dragon 132 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: around all the streets I grew up in, and I 133 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,360 Speaker 1: was reflecting back on really happy memories from when I 134 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 1: was a kid. You know, one of the happiest memories 135 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 1: I've got is every day after school, but it was 136 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 1: ten minute walk from school to the tram stop, twenty 137 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 1: minutes on the tram, and then about fifteen minutes from 138 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: the tram stop to my house. Walking all up, it 139 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: was pretty much about an hour, and I just like, 140 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,080 Speaker 1: what did we used to do? We would just sit 141 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: there and look out the window and stuff, and then 142 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: we would walk looking at things and we were just 143 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: alone with our thoughts, and I reckon it was we 144 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,920 Speaker 1: I think. I love sort of processing the day and 145 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: just thinking about all the stuff that took place and 146 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: reconciling my brain and confirming all the stuff that I 147 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: sort of went through during the day, and just having 148 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 1: that time to myself before I got home. I think 149 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 1: it was really nice. Kids don't well, no one gets 150 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: out anymore that time of just doing nothing, just walking 151 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: around instead of taking the Yeah, and so I think 152 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: that's I just I mean, I know all the adults 153 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: sits thing will feel very grateful they grew up without devices, 154 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,039 Speaker 1: But I just know, I just feel so sorry for 155 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 1: kids who from the age of I mean, that's the 156 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: other I mean when I mean, when do you give 157 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: kids a device? They're all asking you know what, Hugh. 158 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 4: What's important was there was a there's a push at 159 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 4: the moment in the state of Florida to ban social 160 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 4: media for kids under sixteen. Oh, now that that would 161 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 4: be an absolute heaven, wouldn't It would be the most 162 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 4: I think most social medias these days, except because you 163 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 4: can't go on too young. I think, yeah, the age 164 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 4: is really thirteen, but you know there's key developing years 165 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 4: from thirteen to sixteen, and a three year period is 166 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 4: just so crucial. And I was a young teenager for 167 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 4: you to experience the right things and have your mind 168 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 4: in the best place possible. 169 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, So we had a guy on that. We had 170 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: a guy. It's a great point were you had a 171 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: guy called Adam Grant on our podcast Well it hasn't 172 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: come out yet, to be out soon. We interviewed him 173 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: other day and he talked about research that's just come 174 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: out that basically shows the younger a person who's going 175 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: to get a device, the more likely are to develop 176 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,840 Speaker 1: anxiety and depression. Basically, this is such a strong link. 177 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 1: And so I, I mean, we know how dangerous is 178 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 1: we know how unhelpful it is for kids to with devices. 179 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 1: I just feel like there should be a rule. 180 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 4: Isn't it. 181 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 3: We just well, it's not policed, necessarily, very hard, very 182 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 3: very hard to police. And I think that even when 183 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 3: people listening to something like this, they're kind of thinking, yeah, okay, 184 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 3: it's all very well and good to say, oh, you're 185 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 3: not allad devices. But when I attempt to try and 186 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 3: get my phone or the iPad off the child at home, 187 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 3: they are a screaming nightmare, which also shows the level 188 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 3: of addiction to these devices when you try and remove 189 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 3: the thing that they're addicted to. 190 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: So how do we. 191 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:37,959 Speaker 3: Implement the change, because it's never too late, So how 192 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 3: do you kind of because I look just personally, when 193 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 3: we don't have we have device free weekends or weeks 194 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 3: or we just don't take them away with us. My 195 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 3: daughter is a better person. No, we have it, do 196 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 3: you know? 197 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:53,560 Speaker 4: No? 198 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 3: I mean it's very hard to get there, but I 199 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 3: think the less you have it, the better experiences that 200 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,559 Speaker 3: everyone has as a family. But how do you convince 201 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 3: a parent who's using it as maybe a bit of 202 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,959 Speaker 3: a babysitter and a timeout thing to get to that point? 203 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: I spoke to a community in Country New South Wales 204 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,719 Speaker 1: about a year ago, I think it was, and a 205 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,559 Speaker 1: lady had so one of the lays in the audience 206 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: her job as she works with recovering addicts, so Heroin addicts, 207 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: and she said that when she takes a device, her device, 208 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 1: her kid's device off her fifteen year old girl, she said, 209 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 1: her response is very similar to when you depride, you know, 210 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: an addict from Heroin. She said, it's so frightening to see. 211 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:37,719 Speaker 1: And the other issue, and I'll get to that in 212 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: the second cad. The other issue is I think for 213 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: a lot of parents are listening going, yeah, but if 214 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: I don't give my kid a device, then they're missing out. 215 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: You know, they've been left out and all the conversations 216 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,319 Speaker 1: that are taking place because and they feel and that's 217 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 1: really true. So a lot of parents are saying I 218 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 1: don't want my kids to a device, but I also 219 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,560 Speaker 1: I don't want them to feel like they're missing out 220 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,160 Speaker 1: and their left out management. So yeah, I feel like 221 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: it's not on the individual right now. I feel like 222 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: there needs to be policy. Feel like we need to 223 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: have big change sort of at a much higher level 224 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 1: than just household saying don't have your phone. I feel 225 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: like it should be are sure. I feel like Apple 226 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: or whoever Sampson, surely there's a device out there where 227 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 1: it's got text messages, it's got phone, and that's pretty 228 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,679 Speaker 1: much that. Surely they could come up with that. It 229 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 1: shouldn't be that hard, and that's what kids have till 230 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 1: their sixteen I reckon, Well, honestly eighteen would be it'd 231 00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:26,319 Speaker 1: be like driving to me. Yeah, and then you can 232 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 1: go berserk when you're eighteen, do whatever you want to do. 233 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 1: But I think for their brain to protect their brains 234 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,440 Speaker 1: from the avalanche of information that's coming in. 235 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 3: And the stats that we have on mental illness and 236 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 3: load and you like, as you said, anxiety, the earlier 237 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,559 Speaker 3: you get these things and when we can't really ignore it. 238 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:43,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, So I haven't answered your question at all, Kate. 239 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, that's what happens every day. 240 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 1: Honestly, I honestly don't know. I don't know what to 241 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 1: say to parents right now whose kids are addicted to devices. 242 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: I don't. 243 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 3: Don't you think you need to then treat it like 244 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 3: every other addiction. You're talking about this woman who said 245 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 3: sometime when I take the device off my child, it's 246 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 3: like an addict withdrawing from something else that they're using 247 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 3: in their life. So you've got a knuckle. You've got 248 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 3: to kind of white knuckle it and take the device, 249 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 3: implement strict rules and just stick to it and know 250 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 3: that eventually you will come out the other side better 251 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 3: for it. You, your house, your child. You know, you 252 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,080 Speaker 3: can't get rid of it all together. Like you said that, 253 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,880 Speaker 3: it's too such a big part of them feeling included 254 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,679 Speaker 3: within their you know, friendship groups. But I think you 255 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 3: just got to start somewhere so much better. 256 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 4: We only do it on the weekend. It's banned now, 257 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 4: it's banned during the week Yeah, so any gaming consoles, iPads, 258 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 4: that's weekend only. 259 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 1: Nice. 260 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 3: We do an hour on a TUESDA, but then. 261 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 4: Against dangers because you get to the weekend, all they 262 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 4: want to do is do that again. No, no, no. 263 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 5: My youngest son at the moment has a real passion 264 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 5: for gaming. So he loves sitting there and talking to 265 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,080 Speaker 5: mates while playing a game and loves it. And I 266 00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:00,359 Speaker 5: understand that. But we give him, we give him times. 267 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 5: And this is the thing he asked that the hardest 268 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 5: thing is for him to say goodbye to his mates 269 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 5: and stop it all together. But I think the most 270 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,800 Speaker 5: the most important question you out of all of this 271 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 5: is how does Brett Lee hold the ball to you. 272 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: To I just knew related. I just know it. You 273 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: just knew the whole time. I don't know how he 274 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: does it. Here so beautiful. If you want to have 275 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 1: a good time on YouTube, just typing Brettley and swinging 276 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,319 Speaker 1: your cat and yeah, it's good. You know that's a device. 277 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: Don't do that. 278 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 3: I was reading a story I don't know if you 279 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 3: saw it in the news about Libby Trickett, of course, 280 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 3: hero swimmer champion, and she had an awkward encounter I 281 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 3: think with a family member who said to a child 282 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 3: of hers who is nine, something about the fact that 283 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 3: she seems to have dropped some weight and she's looking fantastic, 284 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 3: and that was to the child in the house. Now, 285 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 3: Libby thought long and hard about whether she was going 286 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,319 Speaker 3: to deal with this privately or she was kind of 287 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,319 Speaker 3: going to open the discussion publicly because of how disgusted 288 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 3: she was. Let's have a little listen to Libby. I 289 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 3: had someone close to us say to my eight year 290 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 3: old daughter today, Wow, you look like you've lost weight. 291 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 1: Have you lost weight? 292 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 5: You look great? 293 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 3: My daughter's eight, and that she kind of continues on 294 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 3: in her socials post. I guess what I want to 295 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 3: ask is, yes, there's the whole discussion around how we 296 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 3: talk about body image and how that's projected onto particularly 297 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 3: little girls. But I'm guessing, and I don't know who 298 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 3: the family family member was, but there's always a tricky 299 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 3: family member. And sometimes the older generation thinks that the 300 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 3: way they parent or the way that they spoke to 301 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 3: their children is going to work for you and your 302 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 3: children today it doesn't always. How do you have those 303 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 3: you know, how do you kind of say to people, hey, 304 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 3: guess what, these aren't your children to be looking after. 305 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 3: These aren't your child to speak to that way, And 306 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 3: we're not going to have that in our house. And 307 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 3: still be kind of okay with them. Am I making sense? 308 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,079 Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean? Because I mean I've 309 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 3: even there's even books. I've seen books for grandparents or 310 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 3: books for unties and uncles, because sometimes it's not great 311 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 3: for everybody to get involved and put their parenting skills 312 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 3: into a different household. 313 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: The most important conversation in that point is the conversation 314 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: between Liby and her child. And so I don't think 315 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: you are going to change a person who says that 316 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 1: you can have a hard conversation with them if you want, 317 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: but that relationship there, I think they'll probably double down 318 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 1: and say that's true, that's how I feel. I'm just 319 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 1: saying how I feel, or whatever it is. I don't 320 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: think they're going to go. Do you know what. I 321 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,280 Speaker 1: can't see a well in which that person goes. Do 322 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 1: you know what, You've made some really good points. I 323 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: think I'm wrong, and I'm going to go and have 324 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 1: a chat to this child to explain you're right. 325 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 3: They do tend to say I was just saying that they. 326 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 4: Look like appecip it's a family member. 327 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. And I think they'll just justify what they said, 328 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: or they'll they'll try and downplay the significance of it 329 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: and sort of almost sort of gaslight. I don't know 330 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 1: this person maybe, but in general I would say that's 331 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: what's going to happen. Let's say it's just I would say, 332 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: all the emotional energy you have in that moment goes 333 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: to the child just to say to them, just to 334 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 1: explain to them that what was just said was utter 335 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 1: nonsense in whichever language will work for you and your child. 336 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: And what matters is how kind they are, how compassionate 337 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: they are, how much you know all the stuff that 338 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,320 Speaker 1: we know that kids you need to hear, and basically, 339 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: you are enough as you are right now. You are enough, 340 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 1: and you don't need approval from outside people all that 341 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 1: kind of stuff. And so when an adult said something 342 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,920 Speaker 1: that to a child, of course the child's going to 343 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: trust the adult because they're the adult in that situation. 344 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: The message there to Liby Trigget's daughter was you look 345 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: better when you're thin. Such a dangerous, toxic message to receive. 346 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 1: So I think I know Libby very well. We're very 347 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: lucky to have her on our podcast. She's a beautiful person, 348 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: she's amazing, and I know that she would have put 349 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: a lot of work into that conversation, so miss so 350 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: I'm very long sorry if I could give this in 351 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: a revery quick way. No, yeah, all the emotional I like. 352 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 3: The long way, by the way, but I know we 353 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 3: don't usually have time for it on the show. 354 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,760 Speaker 1: All the emotional energy you have in that moment needs 355 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 1: to go towards your child and to sort of almost 356 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: rescue that situation. But I'm sure for a lot of 357 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 1: parents that have done so much great work in that 358 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 1: area that it won't be that much of a struggle 359 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: to get them to understand. 360 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 3: And you can adapt to then that kind of that 361 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:32,360 Speaker 3: way of parenting, whether it's a chat, sorry, you can 362 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 3: adapt that way of parenting, whether it's a discussion about 363 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:40,520 Speaker 3: kind of wait or about other things within the household. 364 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 3: Always put your focus on the child, not the person 365 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 3: who's saying the things you don't want them to say. 366 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, we love you to the end. 367 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 5: The sixth season of The imperfect It starts when is 368 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 5: it up? 369 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: When's your first episode? Do you whant you? Kick it off? Monday? 370 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: This coming Day? Episode one with I don't think I'll 371 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 1: have to say who? But it times with hat rummins, Wow. 372 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 4: Wow, the tennis player. 373 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:10,520 Speaker 1: That is amazing. Hey, I could do a good in swinging. 374 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,679 Speaker 1: Round it out very much. Love you here, thanks for 375 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: coming in back, thank you, thank you. 376 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 4: Sits In Whipper with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast 377 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,360 Speaker 4: walk great shows like this. Download the Nova Player by 378 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,520 Speaker 4: the app Store or Google Play.