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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.

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Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most

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Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode it's all about how to stop being an

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Speaker 2: anxious mess when he pulls away and stop falling into

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Speaker 2: an emotional heap. So we're gonna share a little bit

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Speaker 2: about maybe times in the past where we've fallen anxious,

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Speaker 2: how we moved out of it, some tools that are

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Speaker 2: going to help you kind of bring yourself back to basis,

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Speaker 2: and what's really going to help you come into like

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Speaker 2: a really solid foundation in yourself whilst you're navigating relationships.

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Speaker 1: Love it so.

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Speaker 2: Really hard one. Relationships can be really challenging.

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Speaker 1: Really challenging. Before we get into it, though, what's your

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Speaker 1: share of the week?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, my share of the week is actually just my

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Speaker 2: Oh I love it. It's called my new life. Actually

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Speaker 2: shared this on a podcast but I thought i'd put

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Speaker 2: it in here. It's My New Life by Tea Dash

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Speaker 2: Wild with Double D And this is the playlist that

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Speaker 2: I was listening to in Bali when I was on

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Speaker 2: the back of the mopeds and it was like my

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Speaker 2: freedom playlist and that's what I like kind of labeled

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Speaker 2: it in my head. So if you're ever looking for

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Speaker 2: feel good music that just like is uplifting, It doesn't

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Speaker 2: have any derogatory language or anything like that and you

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Speaker 2: want to feel good, highly recommend listening to it on

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Speaker 2: your next book.

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Speaker 1: Love that Mine is a protein powder, Oh, bring it in.

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Speaker 1: I have recently started tracking my macros and just learning

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Speaker 1: about what I need, and I definitely find it hard

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Speaker 1: to hit my protein amount each day. So if I

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Speaker 1: get to the end of the day and I haven't

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Speaker 1: hit it, I just have a protein jake. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: the passion fruit vegan protein water. If you have not

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Speaker 1: tried protein water, it is so good. I definitely prefer

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Speaker 1: protein water over milky proteins now, yes, it's definitely. It's

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Speaker 1: just so refreshing, and you can add it with soda

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Speaker 1: water or just normal water, but it tastes like pisito.

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Speaker 1: It's so oh yummy. There's a tropical one, there's a

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Speaker 1: peach and apple one. There's a great one. But with

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Speaker 1: the protein waters, get the vegan not the way. The

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Speaker 1: way ones have a creamy undertone, which I feel like

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Speaker 1: for protein water you don't want. Yeah, so go the

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Speaker 1: vegan one. It's so much yammy. It's to the Happy Way.

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Speaker 1: But it's just so friakin delicious, the passion fruit vegan one.

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Speaker 2: When Ash first showed me this, I was like, I

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Speaker 2: need that for my whole life, you know, a lifetime supply.

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Speaker 1: I go through it so quick, delicious, and I'm the same.

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Speaker 2: I don't really like the milky stuff either, so if

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Speaker 2: I can avoid that, I will, And it just feels

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Speaker 2: like a fruity drink.

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Speaker 1: It's so nice coming what is it? Spring?

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Speaker 2: And summer now too, so it's like the perfect weather

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Speaker 2: for it's cool.

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Speaker 1: I've also been an ambassador for Happyway since they first started.

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Speaker 1: So the owner of Happyway actually used to work for me.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow. So he was a head trainer for the

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Speaker 1: ashevines pick Anybody Challenge in Adelaide. Yeah, and then yeah,

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Speaker 1: he's developed Hapfyway and I was their very first ambassador

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Speaker 1: and i'm their longest standing ambassador. Wow. So yeah, I've

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Speaker 1: got a couple of flavors in collaboration with them and

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Speaker 1: an ongoing discoont code. If you guys need protein powders,

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Speaker 1: They're all natural, They're absolutely delicious. They have so many flavors.

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Speaker 1: You can just use ashy at checkout. I'll save you

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Speaker 1: some money. But how they recommend writing down, but write

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Speaker 1: it down shopping now alrighty, let's get into it. We

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Speaker 1: I feel like good people to talk about this because

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Speaker 1: we have been anxious.

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Speaker 2: Oh We've been anxious girlies through and through, and this

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Speaker 2: is why we connect so much.

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Speaker 1: Was it you that said that in a lot of

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Speaker 1: relationship dynamics, you'll attract the opposite. So anxious will attract

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Speaker 1: a avoidant and then you learn to like heal each other.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we've probably had many conversations about that,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, it's usually what happens. They call it like

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Speaker 2: that anxious avoidant trap. They call it that because it's

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Speaker 2: quite intense.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And if you've read the book Attached by doctor

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Speaker 2: Adam Levine, you'll understand a little bit more about that.

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Speaker 2: And if you haven't, you can read it's really really good. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: It talks about how because when an anxious is anxious,

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Speaker 2: their natural coping mechanisms to lean in, in in, yeah,

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Speaker 2: whereas like an avoidant is like as soon as things

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Speaker 2: get too hot and heavy, they want to run away,

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Speaker 2: so they naturally have this push and pulled dynamic or

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Speaker 2: it's almost like cat and mouse. So the closer you get,

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Speaker 2: the further they get. Yeah, that's why they call it

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Speaker 2: a trap, because it's hard to get out of unless

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Speaker 2: both partners are super conscious about it.

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Speaker 1: Steve and I have played that role for sure. Not anymore,

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Speaker 1: but for the first part of our relationship. For a

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Speaker 1: long time, he was more avoidant and just would shut down.

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Speaker 1: It's not necessarily like run away, but emotionally, yeah, he

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Speaker 1: would shut down and avoid and I was really anxious

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Speaker 1: and wanted to sort things out on the spot and

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Speaker 1: like talk to that sort of out because I could

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Speaker 1: not go to bed angry. Yeah, go to bed if

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Speaker 1: we weren't sorted in together.

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Speaker 2: We're resolving it now, Yeah, resolver it now.

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Speaker 1: But it would just make him shut down more because

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Speaker 1: coming in anxious, I'm coming with quite an intense energy

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Speaker 1: and quite an anxious energy, and that felt overwhelming for him. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so over the years we've learned to just soothe ourselves

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Speaker 1: first and regulate before we come in like that. But

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Speaker 1: I don't feel like he's as avoidant anymore, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not as anxious anymore. I feel like we've kind of

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Speaker 1: healed a lot of that, which is cool. But there's

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Speaker 1: a conversation is like, what to do when your partner

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Speaker 1: does want to run away? How do you cope? How

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Speaker 1: do you manage? For me? Over the years, I've definitely

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Speaker 1: learned to read the room. There's a time and place

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Speaker 1: to have a hard conversation, and everyone processes things really differently,

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Speaker 1: I know, even for myself. Now, the more I've come

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Speaker 1: into myself, the more I actually need space to just

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Speaker 1: process and regulate myself before I can have a conversation.

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Speaker 1: Whereas when I was anxious, I was not breathing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was coming in hot and heavy and just so

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Speaker 1: scared of the abandonment and the rejection that it would

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Speaker 1: just like spit out whatever came up. Foras now I

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Speaker 1: need space to just calm, even go to a girlfriend

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Speaker 1: or go to nature and regulate myself before I go

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Speaker 1: to him, and same vice versa. So we've had a

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Speaker 1: lot of conversations around how that looks, and also asking

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Speaker 1: to like do you have space to talk about this

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Speaker 1: has been really important because even that question, it's like

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Speaker 1: they can take a moment to think like do I

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Speaker 1: actually have the capacity to talk about this right now?

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Speaker 1: If they don't, it's then asking when do you have it?

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Speaker 1: So for an anxious asking when can you have space,

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Speaker 1: then you've got reassurance it's not going to get swept

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Speaker 1: under the rug or forgot about. Yeah, we're going to

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Speaker 1: come back tomorrow at this time and we're going to

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Speaker 1: have this conversation. So anxious can then be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: they're not going to forget about me. Yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: have to just park how I feel, reconnect. We're all good,

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Speaker 1: and that reassurance is there, and I find that's been

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Speaker 1: really helpful.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you're also not guessing like when are

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Speaker 2: we going to have that conversation?

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Speaker 1: Oh, we're ever going to have the.

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Speaker 2: Conversation or is this just going to get swept under

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Speaker 2: the rock like done before?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Oh, such an interesting one. I remember in this one

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Speaker 2: specific relationship, I was very anxious, and there were a

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Speaker 2: couple of different components to why I was anxious. One

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Speaker 2: because I don't think I'd ever felt for anybody like

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Speaker 2: I felt for him, and so I was just like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god. My fear of abandon was just like, hello,

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Speaker 2: I am here, I am feeling I love not going,

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Speaker 2: or you thought I was gone because you were single haha, yep, right,

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Speaker 2: And yeah there was that, and then there was like

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Speaker 2: his partner, his behavior and his need to like lean

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Speaker 2: out and avoidance, and like in our relationship dynamic, he

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Speaker 2: had explored the most depth emotionally with me, which is

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Speaker 2: beautiful and I'm so grateful that I could have let

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Speaker 2: him in that. But it also meant that I was

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Speaker 2: like the trial and error person. So it was like, yes,

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Speaker 2: I got all of the anxious avoidance stuff. And I

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Speaker 2: think for me, what I used to struggle with was

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Speaker 2: that it would feel like the end of the world. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like when I was in my anxiousness and it was

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Speaker 2: like my peak anxiousness, not just oh I feel a

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Speaker 2: bit off, like I cannot breathe right now, I'm borderline

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Speaker 2: panic attack. It felt like the world was ending, and

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Speaker 2: it felt like this person was going to leave me

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Speaker 2: and I was going to lose everything. Like That's how

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Speaker 2: it felt for me at the moment. And I think

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Speaker 2: the way that I helped myself kind of soothe was

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Speaker 2: really learning like a lot of breathing techniques and just

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Speaker 2: relying on YouTube and relying on nervous system regulation and

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Speaker 2: learning how to like parent myself, you know, that inner

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Speaker 2: child healing, you know, even if it's just like the

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Speaker 2: wrapping your arms around yourself and just like rocking side

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Speaker 2: to side, like for me, that really helped me. Like

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Speaker 2: I remember this one time I was super anxious and

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Speaker 2: I was sitting in a park and I was like

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Speaker 2: borderline having a panic attack. And it was because we

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Speaker 2: had had a fight and I thought he was gonna leave.

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Speaker 2: And I remember wrapping my arms around myself and I

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Speaker 2: just was literally in public, like on a park bench

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Speaker 2: or something, and I put my legs up so like

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Speaker 2: my knees were like up around my chest, my arms

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Speaker 2: were around my body, and I just closed my eyes

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Speaker 2: and I started rocking side to side and I just

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Speaker 2: was like like you're okay, Like you're okay, And I

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Speaker 2: just kept doing that until my breath got slower and

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Speaker 2: I felt safer and I felt more comfortable, and I

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Speaker 2: was like wow, Like it took me a good ten

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Speaker 2: minutes for me to do this before I could regulate.

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Speaker 2: But learning little things like that really helped me when

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Speaker 2: I was at my peak, you know, and also addressing

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Speaker 2: the fear that I was feeling too, because I was

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Speaker 2: so terrified that people would leave because I had experienced

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Speaker 2: that in the past. You know, I made up stories

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Speaker 2: in my head that the people that I loved always left,

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Speaker 2: and so then I started to get into this habit

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Speaker 2: of like leaving before people would leave me, oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: because I was so scared, you know, I didn't know

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Speaker 2: how to deal with that fear. But I think one

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Speaker 2: of the biggest things that really helped me, which I

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Speaker 2: feel will help you, is like give yourself permission to

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Speaker 2: sit with the fear, you know, like don't try to.

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Speaker 1: Run from it.

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Speaker 2: Just don't try to reason with it and try to

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Speaker 2: squash it or try to gaslight yourself into thinking that

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Speaker 2: you're not scared, because it's also okay that you feel scared,

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Speaker 2: Like relationships are hard, and vulnerability is scary, and intimacy

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Speaker 2: can bring up your biggest wounds and it does, you know,

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Speaker 2: So just giving yourself partition to sit with the fear

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Speaker 2: of loss, because that's what it is, you know, and

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Speaker 2: when I made friends with that fear, I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: Like this is so uncomfortable and I hate sitting in it,

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Speaker 2: but I'm just gonna sit with it and just not

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Speaker 2: make a big deal out of it. And the more

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Speaker 2: they did that, the more that it dissolved, and then

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Speaker 2: the less I was afraid of it.

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Speaker 1: That's cool with everything, Hey acknowledging all of your emotions,

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Speaker 1: not laborly them as good or bad. It's like, if

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Speaker 1: you're sad, you're sad. If you're happy, you're happy. If

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Speaker 1: you're frustrated, you fresh. If you're angry, you're angry. If

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Speaker 1: you're excited, you're excited. You're all emotional feelings. You all

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Speaker 1: get to feel every single day like you can't label

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Speaker 1: them as bad. Then you suppress them, yes, and then

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Speaker 1: it just builds up bigger in your head and build

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Speaker 1: up bigger in your body, more anxiety, and can show

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Speaker 1: up in really not nice ways for yourself. It gets

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Speaker 1: worse too.

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Speaker 2: And I remember when I was scared of the fear,

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Speaker 2: scared of someone leaving or for my ex partner, I

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Speaker 2: thought he was going to leave it. Actually that fear

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Speaker 2: came out in behaviors me. It became out like I

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Speaker 2: would rab for him and like need his attention.

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Speaker 1: Do you love me? Do you are you leaving? Are

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Speaker 1: you going to stay?

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Speaker 2: Like lots of reassurance, lots of reassurance, and like overly

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Speaker 2: ask for those things because I was just so terrified

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Speaker 2: that he would leave.

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Speaker 1: I didn't feel good.

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Speaker 2: Well, no, because that in itself is like sabotaging the

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Speaker 2: relationship because I was needing him to reassure me because

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Speaker 2: I didn't know how to do that myself, you know.

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Speaker 2: So it was like I couldn't be a solid foundation

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Speaker 2: that I was like, please, I need you to help

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Speaker 2: me without knowing how to do that for myself.

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Speaker 1: Such a skill to be able to soothe yourself, Oh

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Speaker 1: for sure, everyone needs to learn that.

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Speaker 2: But that was the thing that kind of helped me

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Speaker 2: soothe my anxious attachment, you know, and also the relationship.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say that, but I didn't know how

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Speaker 1: else to say it.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly the words I was going to say.

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Speaker 1: Because it was a mix of your anxiousness and his behavior,

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Speaker 1: behavior and the lack of growth moving through it together. Correct.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So it was, yes, my wounds were showing up,

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Speaker 2: but also it was his behavior as well. So leaving

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Speaker 2: the relationship also was like a huge relief on my

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Speaker 2: nervous system. And then I could come back into like

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Speaker 2: focus and now in relationships, like even if it pops

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Speaker 2: up with us or anyone else in my life, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't come up in the way that it used to,

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Speaker 2: know because I feel so much more secure in myself

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Speaker 2: because one, I'm more grounded. I know how to regulate better.

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Speaker 2: I getting better at doing that. I'm not perfect, but

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Speaker 2: I'm better at it. And I have safe people in

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 1: You know how to communicate well too, Yes, which is

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Speaker 1: a huge part of it as well, because it's not

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Speaker 1: scary for the receiver. Yes, when you come in with that.

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Speaker 2: Those were really helpful things for me. And I say

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Speaker 2: it because when you're in that anxiousness and you feel

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Speaker 2: like your partner's going to leave, it feels like the

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Speaker 2: scariest thing in the world. It's like you can't focus

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Speaker 2: on anything else. You can't focus on your work, you

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Speaker 2: can't show up. If you're a parent, I'm sure you

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Speaker 2: can't parent properly. It consumes you entirely. When you were

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Speaker 2: in your anxious attachment.

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Speaker 1: I think when I was first got with Steve too.

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Speaker 1: I was super codependent on him and so anxious. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was going to die something happened to us.

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Speaker 1: And what helped me also is actually having my own

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Speaker 1: life outside of him. Yes, and I do this very

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Speaker 1: well now, very well balanced and everything that I do.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, having hobbies, having friends, having things look forward to,

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Speaker 1: not having my whole life revolve around him, and it

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Speaker 1: helped me grow my independence and my confidence to be

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Speaker 1: without him. But then I realized and could have the

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Speaker 1: conversation with myself of I'm with this man because I

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Speaker 1: want to be here, not because I need to be here,

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Speaker 1: And that's such a different energy in an intimate relationship

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Speaker 1: or being there because you want to because it's the

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Speaker 1: need and your people they're going to leave or like

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Speaker 1: I might die of this person. Situlate my life healthy, No.

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Speaker 2: It's not, because that in itself, it makes you reliant

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Speaker 2: on somebody.

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Speaker 1: And that feels heavy for them as well. It's a

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Speaker 1: lot to carry. So having your own things outside of

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Speaker 1: the relationship is really healthy. Hobbies, friends, interests, goals, personal things.

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Speaker 1: It's so important.

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Speaker 2: You know what else that's really powerful for is when

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Speaker 2: things aren't going right in the relationship, you have other

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Speaker 2: things to fall back off, because let's say, do what

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Speaker 2: I did in this relationship, I didn't have anything outside.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't prioritizing my friends, I wasn't tizing my purpose.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't doing all those things because I made the

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Speaker 2: relationship my sole focus. And then he became my everything,

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Speaker 2: which puts so much pressure on him. And so because

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Speaker 2: he became my everything when things were bad between us,

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Speaker 2: everything was crumbling. Yes, but because I didn't have those

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Speaker 2: other things in my life that stabilized me, you know,

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Speaker 2: they were my stabilizers. Like right now, you're a stabilizer

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Speaker 2: for me, you know, and forever. Please don't believe.

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Speaker 1: Me anywhere there's that anxiousness.

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Speaker 2: You're not anxious anymore, No, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: And you are a stabilizer solely for me. And then

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Speaker 2: I've got other friends and family in my life who

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Speaker 2: are stabilizers. And then my purpose, my passion, she rises,

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Speaker 2: my coaching business. These are all stabilizers that actors like legs, yeah,

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Speaker 2: my foundation, you know. So when one leg gets knocked out,

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Speaker 2: which is the relationship temporarily, and you're feeling anxious, you're stable.

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Speaker 2: You're not crumbling like a house of bricks.

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Speaker 1: You know if you said that, because I remember seeing

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Speaker 1: this girl, I won't say. She has been on social

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Speaker 1: media and she went through a very public breakup and

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Speaker 1: I remember doing a video because someone had said to her,

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Speaker 1: looks like your coke pin your breakup, and you guys

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Speaker 1: I have because they've got really good friends and family,

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Speaker 1: So like, yes, it her, But I'm not crumbling into

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Speaker 1: a million pieces because I've got other people in my

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Speaker 1: life that I really love and care about, so it

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel as hard as what maybe it would for

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Speaker 1: someone else that didn't have anyone and then they're actually

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Speaker 1: lonely ers. I don't get a chance to be lonely

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Speaker 1: because I've got some new good people around me. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that's really cool, it's really nice. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's so beautiful. What we all should have absolutely village

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Speaker 1: around us that if she falls to pieces, you've got

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Speaker 1: people that to help you pick the pieces back up.

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Speaker 1: We love the village. We do love a village. It's

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Speaker 1: not the Australian culture but not, but we're making it.

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Speaker 1: Which we're making it. We're want a compound. We are.

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Speaker 1: That's so true.

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Speaker 2: Actually sent me this thing the other day and it

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Speaker 2: was like two houses side by side. She's like, my

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Speaker 2: besties house or is it my dream my house, my

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Speaker 2: houseols everything.

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Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, this is this is it?

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Speaker 2: That's the goal.

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Speaker 1: It's a drill. Oh I love that.

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Speaker 2: I think what's also important is if you can ground

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Speaker 2: yourself and learn how to manage your own emotions, you

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Speaker 2: will be a stable foundation for him as well. True,

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Speaker 2: which is really important if you're going to be in

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Speaker 2: a relationship, friendship, dynamic, whatever it is, like, you've got

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Speaker 2: to be able to be just as stable for them

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Speaker 2: as they are for you. And so if you are

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Speaker 2: falling anxious, if you can regulate yourself super quickly and

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Speaker 2: your partner pulls away, you can come back into the

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Speaker 2: dynamic in a really supportive way because you don't have

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Speaker 2: your emotions in the game.

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Speaker 1: It's so true, or you're.

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Speaker 2: Regulated, you're coming in like, hey, just checking, I've noticed

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Speaker 2: you pulled away, Like is everything okay in your life?

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Speaker 2: Like can I support you with anything? And then you're

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Speaker 2: the rock for them.

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Speaker 1: So beautiful, you know.

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Speaker 2: But then if you're an anxious mess, you can't show

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Speaker 2: up efficiently in the way that they need you to.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes if you are the one who is always

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Speaker 2: having an emotional reaction, that person may start to feel

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Speaker 2: like you're not holding space for them if you're holding

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Speaker 2: space for you. So it's just yeah, being the best

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Speaker 2: partner that you can be, but being the best version

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Speaker 2: of yourself you can be for you and then for

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Speaker 2: your partner too.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that in everything? Though? Like I just I don't

385
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Speaker 1: know why parenting just came up for me. Yeah, the

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Speaker 1: more grounded and regulated eye I am, the better parent

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Speaker 1: I am. Absolutely. The more I'm resting, the more I

388
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Speaker 1: take care of my training and my food and my sleep,

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Speaker 1: the more I can hold all of their emotions. If

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Speaker 1: I have not got sleep, their emotions I find really

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Speaker 1: hard to hold, like the noise, the yelling, or the

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Speaker 1: tantrums or them getting upset about something they're fighting. Oh

393
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Speaker 1: my god, it feels too much. But if I'm really

394
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Speaker 1: well regulated and I've trained and I've slept and feeling good,

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Speaker 1: I can hold it for a lot longer. You're like,

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Speaker 1: I've got you. Yeah, I've got you both, and we

397
00:16:32,961 --> 00:16:34,841
Speaker 1: can figure the sad and let's go outside and I

398
00:16:34,841 --> 00:16:36,361
Speaker 1: can use my tools and I can think clearly of

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Speaker 1: how to navigate it. But if I'm not good. They're

400
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:41,041
Speaker 1: getting the rest of me rather than the best of me.

401
00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:42,601
Speaker 1: And that's why it's always so important to for your

402
00:16:42,641 --> 00:16:43,081
Speaker 1: cup up.

403
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Speaker 2: I think that's also to add to that, why it's

404
00:16:45,841 --> 00:16:48,001
Speaker 2: so important to have other stabilizers in your life, like

405
00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:49,721
Speaker 2: what you're talking about, like hobbies and things that are

406
00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:52,641
Speaker 2: important to you, passions, because then you're getting fulfillment from

407
00:16:52,681 --> 00:16:53,521
Speaker 2: other areas exactly.

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Speaker 1: It's not just relying on them.

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Speaker 2: Oh, you're filling up your cup in other areas. So

410
00:16:56,721 --> 00:16:58,641
Speaker 2: for the most part, your energy is at eighty percent

411
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Speaker 2: most of the time, instead of down at twenty because

412
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Speaker 2: you've got nothing. You're meeting them at eighty because you've

413
00:17:04,001 --> 00:17:06,281
Speaker 2: got like I'm happier here and I love my family,

414
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Speaker 2: I love my career, and I love my passions, and

415
00:17:08,721 --> 00:17:10,760
Speaker 2: my hobbies make me so happy. And then you come

416
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Speaker 2: into this relationship be like, I've got energy to give and.

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Speaker 1: It's like that cup analogy which I just love a

418
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Speaker 1: banging on about it all the time. People probably sick

419
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Speaker 1: of me explaining it, but it is. It's that cup.

420
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Speaker 1: So if I'm feeling people wonder why I see my

421
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,801
Speaker 1: girlfriends and why I go to dance class and go

422
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,120
Speaker 1: on holidays and do things that I freaking love because

423
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,801
Speaker 1: it fills my cup up. And guess what happens to that?

424
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Speaker 1: Then it overflows, and guess who gets that? My husband,

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00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:32,600
Speaker 1: my kids, my purpose, she rises, All the things I

426
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,281
Speaker 1: care about get this overflow. Yeah, but I don't do

427
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Speaker 1: any of that, and I'm running on dry I've got

428
00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:39,440
Speaker 1: nothing to out pour. They get the scraps, which is

429
00:17:39,761 --> 00:17:42,041
Speaker 1: no patience, which is I can't hold the space. I

430
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,120
Speaker 1: can't regulate myself. So how am I going to regulate

431
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,640
Speaker 1: my children and co suit them. I don't have the

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Speaker 1: time for my part or the energy for my partners

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00:17:48,521 --> 00:17:51,160
Speaker 1: in a shit mood, no thank you. Yeah, I'm not

434
00:17:51,201 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 1: who I want to be. It's such at that cup up,

435
00:17:53,721 --> 00:17:57,200
Speaker 1: and it takes conscious energy and choice. So when I

436
00:17:57,241 --> 00:18:00,161
Speaker 1: cop shit for going on a girl's trip or going

437
00:18:00,201 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 1: on date night or go to a dance class when

438
00:18:02,761 --> 00:18:05,281
Speaker 1: I should be bothering my kids, It's like, Okay, you

439
00:18:05,321 --> 00:18:06,921
Speaker 1: do you, but this makes me feel good and I'd

440
00:18:06,921 --> 00:18:08,561
Speaker 1: come back and I'm a better partner and a better

441
00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:11,001
Speaker 1: parent and a better friend, and it makes me better.

442
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,360
Speaker 1: So I'll continue to do that, make filling that cup up.

443
00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:17,761
Speaker 1: Yes's permission, slip yes up and also like it just

444
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,921
Speaker 1: write it down. Create you know, we love a good list.

445
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:22,481
Speaker 1: We love a good we love a good list.

446
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,161
Speaker 2: So write a list of the things that make you happy.

447
00:18:25,321 --> 00:18:25,400
Speaker 1: Like.

448
00:18:25,481 --> 00:18:27,120
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be a big thing, it doesn't

449
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 2: have to cost money. You can be in the sun,

450
00:18:29,921 --> 00:18:31,880
Speaker 2: you can go for a swim, you can listen to

451
00:18:31,921 --> 00:18:36,321
Speaker 2: your Spotify, you can with a girlfriend, whatever, whatever you have. Honestly,

452
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,601
Speaker 2: highly recommend it. It's been very healing for us.

453
00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:41,680
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, it doesn't have to cost anything. No, it doesn't.

454
00:18:41,681 --> 00:18:42,961
Speaker 1: But it's also okay if a cost too.

455
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,881
Speaker 2: Dance class, yes, a dance class, absolutely, But what I'm

456
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:49,321
Speaker 2: saying is, like this ample opportunities for you to marketings.

457
00:18:49,441 --> 00:18:52,281
Speaker 1: You know that's a good point. Yeah, we hope that

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00:18:52,321 --> 00:18:54,600
Speaker 1: helps all that anxious girlies. And let us know if

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00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,561
Speaker 1: you'd like us to do another whole episode. I did

460
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,801
Speaker 1: see it pop up a questions box to do more

461
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,080
Speaker 1: on the attachment styles. Yeah cool, Well we've done one

462
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,761
Speaker 1: a little while ago, but maybe it was ages ago.

463
00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:03,400
Speaker 1: I can't remember.

464
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,360
Speaker 2: I can't remember either, but we can totally do that.

465
00:19:05,481 --> 00:19:08,761
Speaker 1: We're just anxious and disorganized. Yeah, let's see that you

466
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:13,281
Speaker 1: are and how they show up different in different relationships too, yeap,

467
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,041
Speaker 1: so we can talk about that. So we have maybe

468
00:19:15,041 --> 00:19:16,001
Speaker 1: we need to go back and have listen.

469
00:19:16,201 --> 00:19:18,161
Speaker 2: I don't think we've done it separate like that. Maybe

470
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:20,640
Speaker 2: so we've probably spoken about those, but I think we

471
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:21,721
Speaker 2: can definitely do a deep dive.

472
00:19:21,801 --> 00:19:23,121
Speaker 1: We'd love to hear from you, guys in the form

473
00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:26,801
Speaker 1: let your whole episode, explaining what each of them are,

474
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,561
Speaker 1: how they show up, and how to work through them.

475
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 2: Yep.

476
00:19:28,921 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 1: Cool sounds amazing. Thanks for listen, guys, will see in

477
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,281
Speaker 1: the next episode. Bye bye,