Speaker 1: You're not actually afraid of failure. You're afraid of other
Speaker 1: people's perception of you failing. So you're actually worried about
Speaker 1: what other people think of you failing, not you actually failing.
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to Stephing Up. If this is
Speaker 1: your first time joining us, well me Hi. I am
Speaker 1: Steph Steph the Mess who is also ironically known online
Speaker 1: for my organization hacks, and I'm also the CEO of
Speaker 1: my planner and last our brand, steph Pace Planners. I
Speaker 1: am also recently an author, a mom of two, and
Speaker 1: amongst all that, I have ADHD, which is lots of fun.
Speaker 1: You can find me across most social media like Instagram,
Speaker 1: YouTube and all the things. Maybe not so much TikTok
Speaker 1: because I can't keep it all up. And whilst that
Speaker 1: is all going on, I still misplace my phone in
Speaker 1: the fridge more times than I like to admit. And
Speaker 1: if you have been here before, thanks for letting me
Speaker 1: disappear and then suddenly come back like nothing ever happened.
Speaker 1: I have just loved this is episode two and I
Speaker 1: know that, but I have just loved so much being
Speaker 1: back in your ears and the response I've already had
Speaker 1: from being back has been next level and I'm just
Speaker 1: so so bloody grateful. I've been getting dms and all
Speaker 1: the things, and I'm just so stoked to be back
Speaker 1: in your ears every Monday with hacks routines talking all
Speaker 1: things motherhood. Pretty much nothing is off limits, honestly. To
Speaker 1: celebrate the relaunch of the pod, I'm doing a giveaway
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be doing this for the first
Speaker 1: few episodes back. So all you have to do is
Speaker 1: take a little photo or a video of you listening
Speaker 1: to these episodes and pop it on Instagram and just
Speaker 1: tag Stepping Up and my page, which is steph Pace Underscore,
Speaker 1: and I'll be choosing one winner per episode, and each
Speaker 1: winner will be drawn before the end of March, and
Speaker 1: you will actually get one hundred dollars SPP voucher, which
Speaker 1: is my brand staph Face Planners, and that's going to
Speaker 1: really help you get organized. Look, and if you don't
Speaker 1: win the prize, you're still going to get a prize
Speaker 1: in this episode, which is a free download. And I'm
Speaker 1: really trying to hold your hand through this now. Look,
Speaker 1: I know, oh it's like the end of February, but
Speaker 1: if you're still feeling a little bit scattered this download
Speaker 1: I'm giving you. It's like your guidebook to help you
Speaker 1: get reset and just stop being so hard on yourself
Speaker 1: as well. This is my realistic reset guide to the
Speaker 1: New Year, which will also be linked in the show
Speaker 1: notes below. Now, this episode is part of a mini
Speaker 1: series I'm calling Mastering Your Messy Life, which yes, I
Speaker 1: ripped straight from my book Mastering My Messy Life, which
Speaker 1: you guys are absolutely loving and I'm so so proud
Speaker 1: of that, and I just love seeing you guys taging
Speaker 1: me and all that too. Now, this episode is for
Speaker 1: you if you felt like this year has been a
Speaker 1: bit of a shit show and not at all like
Speaker 1: you had imagined. We know what it's like the start
Speaker 1: of a new year and you feel like yep, new year,
Speaker 1: knew me. And then you get to January tewod and
Speaker 1: it turns to shit. You've been trying to get back
Speaker 1: on track with like your goals, your routines and habits
Speaker 1: and nothing sticking. Well, this episode is a must for you. Now.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be covering a lot of eye opening
Speaker 1: things with you in this episode, and I can guarantee
Speaker 1: you by the end you will be crystal clear on
Speaker 1: what your happiest life looks like, and also your happiest self,
Speaker 1: and that's also in terms of health success and just
Speaker 1: living as your authentic self. And also how to know
Speaker 1: when to pivot when your goals and routines don't really
Speaker 1: align anymore, because that happens now before we get into it,
Speaker 1: here's a quick life update, because there's always things going on,
Speaker 1: Like you know when people you see people when you
Speaker 1: bump into them like wool worse, and it could be
Speaker 1: someone who went to school with and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: what have you been up to? And you both just
Speaker 1: go not much, but actually, like that's actual bullshit, Like
Speaker 1: you know, your kid broke the TV this morning, and
Speaker 1: you know, you feel like everyone hates you if you're
Speaker 1: someone like me and you're just an overthinker and you
Speaker 1: know you're late on emails and all the things happening
Speaker 1: and you just still say, yeah, yeah, not much, not much,
Speaker 1: but my life is falling apart. So my intention for
Speaker 1: this year is I want to edit my life. And
Speaker 1: what I mean by that is I want to really
Speaker 1: just look at my life life like zoom out and
Speaker 1: then see what parts of it I want to delete,
Speaker 1: Like maybe some bad habits and things like that, like
Speaker 1: me scrolling and buying stupid kitchen appliances that I don't
Speaker 1: actually need, and just deleting the things that aren't serving
Speaker 1: me anymore. But also you know, duplicating or copy pasting
Speaker 1: the areas that make me feel good. So so one
Speaker 1: thing I really wanted to do, like a year ago,
Speaker 1: was to get back into the hobbies and things that
Speaker 1: just you know, eight year old me would have loved
Speaker 1: to have done. So I started playing guitar this year.
Speaker 1: I started sorry, last year, so I've been doing it
Speaker 1: for a year now. So I started last January, and
Speaker 1: I've loved it, like I've always wanted to play guitar.
Speaker 1: And what I think sparked that was, you know the
Speaker 1: movie Freaky Friday. I loved that movie. It's got Lindsay Lohan.
Speaker 1: They recently, like a few months ago now, they brought
Speaker 1: out number two, Freaky of Friday, and it's got Jamie
Speaker 1: Lee Curtis, and it's just you know, Chad Michael Murray
Speaker 1: who's still beautiful and is so like some guy like
Speaker 1: men just get better with age, isn't it. It's just
Speaker 1: wild anyway, So that sparked me into wanting to play guitar,
Speaker 1: but I was never able to. So I went and
Speaker 1: got myself a guitar, and I even started going to
Speaker 1: guitar lessons on Tuesdays, and I loved it so much.
Speaker 1: And my goal was to be able to play Wonder War,
Speaker 1: which I can now play. Maybe not well, but I
Speaker 1: can play it, so that's good. So doing things more
Speaker 1: like that, and even editing things down to my wardrobe.
Speaker 1: I've done a big wardrobe edit where I've just cold
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of things that you know, maybe now
Speaker 1: they've really gotten into my color season. If you guys
Speaker 1: know about that, there's like autumn, summer, spring, and winter,
Speaker 1: and they're the colors that like suit you and you're
Speaker 1: coloring and things like that. I fully hyperfixiated on this
Speaker 1: for like a month, guys, but it has changed my life.
Speaker 1: It's taken me to be thirty five years old to
Speaker 1: figure out what colors suit me, and it just really
Speaker 1: helps because they work together. Anyway I should do. I
Speaker 1: want to actually interview a color specialist, which I know,
Speaker 1: a lovely lady. I'm going to do that, so we'll
Speaker 1: do a whole other episode. But it has actually changed
Speaker 1: my life, so I just really want to like simplify life,
Speaker 1: edit it down cul a lot of things, and just
Speaker 1: try to make it have less resistance, Like even like
Speaker 1: day to day tasks that I always have to like
Speaker 1: I struggle with. So, for example, with my business, I
Speaker 1: do a lot of things on Canva, which is like
Speaker 1: a graphic design website if you guys haven't heard of
Speaker 1: it before, And I have so many photos loaded in there,
Speaker 1: and every time I try to make a post, it
Speaker 1: literally will take me hours just to find a photo.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, why haven't I just fixed this problem
Speaker 1: and sorted it into albums so I could have photos
Speaker 1: from like motherhood, photos from Stefan's planets, like that type
Speaker 1: of thing, and it would make it so much faster.
Speaker 1: But I still keep like touching the hot stove like
Speaker 1: Bart Simpson anyway, things like that. I could go on
Speaker 1: about that forever. So just really simplifying my life, editing
Speaker 1: it down. And in other news, our house is moving
Speaker 1: along and we recently got grass in the backyard. Now
Speaker 1: I know this sounds odd, but we've had just dirt
Speaker 1: dirt for years, and you know, first of all problems,
Speaker 1: but we can touch grass now. Even the kids were
Speaker 1: like mam, we've got grass. It was so exciting, So
Speaker 1: we're excited we can touch grass now. And you know,
Speaker 1: the kids have started a new year at school, so
Speaker 1: we're just navigating those things and just getting them settled.
Speaker 1: On that note, though, I have to say, I remember
Speaker 1: when I was a kid and we had to start
Speaker 1: a new year at school. We were just like day one,
Speaker 1: You're just thrown in the classroom. You don't know who
Speaker 1: teacher is, you don't know who you're with, and then
Speaker 1: you just deal with it. Whereas now, which I love, like,
Speaker 1: I love this for my kids, they have a whole
Speaker 1: the whole first week back, they slowly like integrate them back,
Speaker 1: so they go back to their old classroom with their
Speaker 1: old teacher, and then they slowly put them into the
Speaker 1: new one. I'm like, oh, that's nice. What's that like?
Speaker 1: At least we can say we're resilient. Okay, but yes,
Speaker 1: that's pretty much what's going on in my world at
Speaker 1: the moment. But I'm going to stop upping because I
Speaker 1: will sit here all day and do so. So this
Speaker 1: episode is part two of mastering your Messy life. And
Speaker 1: as I said, it is a realistic twenty twenty six
Speaker 1: reset and in the last episode, I explained why I
Speaker 1: tend to reset later in the year then you'd expect.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in resetting in December or January. And yes,
Speaker 1: it's literally pretty much March now, and that is okay
Speaker 1: because you still got to just you need to walk
Speaker 1: before you can run. You know, we're trying to just
Speaker 1: diffuse from you know, the holiday season and getting back
Speaker 1: into the swing of things, getting back into our routines.
Speaker 1: And I explain why that is so important. And I
Speaker 1: also took you through a reflection in the first episode,
Speaker 1: and which is also looking in your review mirror, because
Speaker 1: before you can drive forward, you need to look back
Speaker 1: behind you at all the potholes and the U turns
Speaker 1: and the wrong turns you've made to see how you
Speaker 1: can move forward, because it's kind of just like driving
Speaker 1: with a blindfold, which I don't recommend. I also covered
Speaker 1: my little thing I do with habits so stop, start
Speaker 1: and stick with, so habits to stop, habits to start,
Speaker 1: and habits to stick with, And this is something this
Speaker 1: episode and the next will actually really help you with
Speaker 1: as well. And I also shared my simple three day
Speaker 1: reset itinery if you're feeling really, really behind. So it's
Speaker 1: just three days and I lay it out for you
Speaker 1: exactly what to do to feel like you've caught up
Speaker 1: a little bit. So if you haven't listened to that,
Speaker 1: definitely go back and have a listen now today, As
Speaker 1: I said, I'm going to get you crystal clear on
Speaker 1: what your happiest self looks like. And I know, like,
Speaker 1: this is just an exercise that I came up with
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago now, but it has actually
Speaker 1: changed my life and something I revisit whenever I'm feeling
Speaker 1: a little bit lost or stuck. And that's usually because
Speaker 1: you've outgrown the past version of yourself. Like we are
Speaker 1: always evolving and growing, and now, like I'm thirty five
Speaker 1: years old now and I think back to who I
Speaker 1: was at thirty and it's just like I'm a different
Speaker 1: human honestly, Thank God for that. And sometimes things what
Speaker 1: you think you want change along the way, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: And a lot of the time, if you set a
Speaker 1: goal or you know you're striving towards something and then lady,
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't want to do that anymore, but
Speaker 1: you continue to do it because it's like that's what
Speaker 1: we think we have to do because we don't want
Speaker 1: others to perceive us as failing. And this kind of
Speaker 1: relates back to a point I always make. You're not
Speaker 1: actually afraid of failure. You're afraid of other people's perception
Speaker 1: of you failing. So you're actually worried about what other
Speaker 1: people think of you failing, not you actually failing, because
Speaker 1: when you think about it, you go off and try
Speaker 1: to do the thing. Maybe you try and start a
Speaker 1: side hustle and maybe it doesn't work out. What's the
Speaker 1: worst that can happen? You just go back to living
Speaker 1: life as it was before, like nothing bad is going
Speaker 1: to happen. So you're actually worried more so of other
Speaker 1: people seeing it not work out. And that's like, you know,
Speaker 1: that really has this chained to staying stuck to you know,
Speaker 1: maybe the job you're in at the moment, or you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you've started, you know, polarates and you actually blood
Speaker 1: you hate polarates, and you're still going because you're just
Speaker 1: scared of what your friends will think. This exercise is
Speaker 1: going to get you so crystal clear on what your
Speaker 1: happiest self looks like. You know, we always hear people
Speaker 1: talking about your best self you know, I want to
Speaker 1: be my best self. But for me and how my
Speaker 1: brain works, my best self is calls perfect it's perfectionism,
Speaker 1: and that's something I have a lot of issues with
Speaker 1: because I and then asshole to myself. I have very
Speaker 1: high expectations of myself, so I try to just be
Speaker 1: really careful about the language we use. And yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: best self, like the intention behind it is not bad.
Speaker 1: It's about us trying to level up, I guess, but
Speaker 1: for people like me who have perfectionism and all that,
Speaker 1: it can be a little bit tricky. And I did
Speaker 1: talk a lot about language and what we use, like
Speaker 1: what language you use around ourselves and our life and
Speaker 1: our goals and how important it is. And it's the
Speaker 1: same with this. Now we need to do this exercise
Speaker 1: because before we can decide on what habits, routines and
Speaker 1: goals we want to go for, we need to do
Speaker 1: the groundwork first. Otherwise it's like running in the dark
Speaker 1: and it's not going to end well. Me running in
Speaker 1: general just doesn't end well. I went for my first
Speaker 1: run the other month, and honestly, I don't know what
Speaker 1: came over me, but I did it. And you know,
Speaker 1: if you did witness that I'm very sorry. If you
Speaker 1: thought I was dying, you would be correct and mind
Speaker 1: your business. Now. We do this is because otherwise you
Speaker 1: might find yourself setting goals and then a couple months
Speaker 1: later you ask yourself, why did I even want that?
Speaker 1: Like why? But anyways, we are doing this so we
Speaker 1: can actually set goals that are for our happier self
Speaker 1: and not for other people. It's kind of like when
Speaker 1: you look back at our old photos from when you
Speaker 1: used to go clubbing and you wore that disgusting dress
Speaker 1: from Soupre and you had no eyebrows. That was a
Speaker 1: good time, good time. So I do miss that, and
Speaker 1: they are saying, you know, twenty twenty six is a
Speaker 1: new two thousand and twenty sixteen for god Now. I
Speaker 1: also mentioned in the last episode the filter you need
Speaker 1: to apply. This is a filter or lens that you
Speaker 1: need to apply to everything in your life. This is
Speaker 1: to help you figure out if what you're currently like,
Speaker 1: how you're currently showing up or doing or being or whatever,
Speaker 1: if that's actually what you want. Now. The filter is
Speaker 1: actually a question. Now, I want you to ask this
Speaker 1: right now, when you you know, I want you to
Speaker 1: zoom out on your life on who you are. And
Speaker 1: I want you to ask, if no one was watching
Speaker 1: or clapping me on, would I still be doing this
Speaker 1: slash wanting this. Yeah, it can be pretty confronting. So
Speaker 1: today we're not setting habits or goals for anyone else.
Speaker 1: We're going to impress anyone else. We're doing that for ourselves. Now,
Speaker 1: this is a visualization exercise, and it's not wu woo,
Speaker 1: you know, like I want you to be woo woo,
Speaker 1: but I'm not really, I'm not there. I need the
Speaker 1: science with things and this is an amazing exercise to do.
Speaker 1: So depending on what you're doing right now. If you're driving,
Speaker 1: please keep your eyes open. If you're at home, I'd
Speaker 1: like you to close your eyes. If you're driving, just
Speaker 1: just picture it in your head. Now. I want you
Speaker 1: to imagine you've just walked into a room and in
Speaker 1: front of you there are three mirrors. I want you
Speaker 1: to imagine that you're walking up to the first mirror,
Speaker 1: and the reflection you see in that first mirror is
Speaker 1: your healthiest self. Now, this is not the version of
Speaker 1: you that you know. We might have grown up with thinking,
Speaker 1: you know, with the Biggest Loser and the magazines we
Speaker 1: saw with you know, celebrities with six packs and that
Speaker 1: this is not your read self. This is not the
Speaker 1: version of you that has a twelve pack. This is
Speaker 1: a version of you that takes rests when he or
Speaker 1: she needs it. They're not someone that smashes themselves at
Speaker 1: the gym when they're burnt out or tired. They're not
Speaker 1: someone that restricts themselves. They move their body because it
Speaker 1: makes them feel good. They move their body because it
Speaker 1: makes them happy and it helps their mental health. They
Speaker 1: don't just do it for looks. They're a person that
Speaker 1: sleeps well at night, they have energy to keep up
Speaker 1: with their family and kids. I want you to see
Speaker 1: what that version of you is doing and how they
Speaker 1: live their life. What's their fridge full of? What do
Speaker 1: their days look like? How much do they rest and
Speaker 1: what does their self talk sound like. Are they someone
Speaker 1: that puts themselves down if they miss a day or
Speaker 1: do they just you know, next day they go straight
Speaker 1: back at it. What do they do? What do they
Speaker 1: do to move their body? What do they do to
Speaker 1: make themselves feel good? What do they eat? And again,
Speaker 1: this is not about this is not the version of
Speaker 1: you that restricts themselves. This is a of you that
Speaker 1: just has the energy, They have the patience, they have
Speaker 1: the compassion towards themselves, and they're realistic as well. Now
Speaker 1: you walk up to the second mirror, and in that
Speaker 1: mirror you see your most successful self. And just remember
Speaker 1: success looks different on everybody. This version of you is
Speaker 1: living success by their own means of what it means
Speaker 1: to them. Maybe for this version of you, it's a
Speaker 1: balanced between work and family. Maybe it's being present to
Speaker 1: raise your kids. It doesn't always mean titles or working
Speaker 1: crazy hours. It doesn't even mean the paychecks you get.
Speaker 1: But maybe for you, it could be this version of
Speaker 1: you could possibly be choosing themselves after some hard relationships.
Speaker 1: Maybe they started a new business or a new hobby.
Speaker 1: This version of you is so proud of themselves and
Speaker 1: they don't doubt themselves because they're just showing up no
Speaker 1: matter what. They're fulfilled in what they do and they
Speaker 1: don't care about what anyone else thinks. So for me personally,
Speaker 1: with this one, success for me is being able to
Speaker 1: provide for my family, but I am present with my family.
Speaker 1: It's being able to live slowly. So just remember with
Speaker 1: this one, especially, make sure whatever you see you ask yourself,
Speaker 1: if no one was watching, would I still want this? Now?
Speaker 1: How is your most successful self living day to day?
Speaker 1: What are they doing? How do they feel? Are they
Speaker 1: living slowly or are they rushing? And how do they
Speaker 1: feel at the end of each day when their head
Speaker 1: hits the pillow. Do they feel proud of themselves? Do
Speaker 1: they feel fulfilled? Are they excited for the next day? Now,
Speaker 1: I want you to walk over to the third mirror,
Speaker 1: and when you reach that mirror, you see your truest self.
Speaker 1: And this is a version of you before society, judgment
Speaker 1: and expectations formed you and what you think you should
Speaker 1: be doing. This is your unapologetic self. They don't compare
Speaker 1: themselves to others. They don't compare themselves to the version
Speaker 1: of you years ago. What are they doing? What's your
Speaker 1: truest self doing? What does she enjoy? Is she trying
Speaker 1: new things every day? Maybe she's also starting guitar. Think
Speaker 1: about how she feels and how she's with her friends
Speaker 1: and family and even at work. Especially, think about how
Speaker 1: her brain sounds, how she talks to herself, what she
Speaker 1: tells herself. Does she hype herself up? What does she
Speaker 1: tear herself down? Now I want you to imagine you're
Speaker 1: turning around to leave this room and behind you, you
Speaker 1: look down and there is your six year old self
Speaker 1: looking up at you. She's looking at you in absolute
Speaker 1: awe for all the things you've done so far. Now,
Speaker 1: I want you to tell your younger self all the
Speaker 1: amazing things you've overcome, all the things you've done, and
Speaker 1: all the hardships you face, but you still got through
Speaker 1: and you're still standing here today. Give your little self
Speaker 1: a hug, because you know what, she's so bloody proud
Speaker 1: of you, and she thinks she was so fucking cool,
Speaker 1: and I think you forget that now. I want you
Speaker 1: to open your eyes or continue to drive if you're
Speaker 1: driving now. I know that exercise can feel a little
Speaker 1: bit confronting, especially when you see your younger self. I
Speaker 1: know whenever you do anything like even seeing photos of
Speaker 1: your younger self. And there was an AI trend where
Speaker 1: everyone was making themselves now holding their younger self, which
Speaker 1: is what I did. It just gets you, It really
Speaker 1: gets you. But the reason why it's important to think
Speaker 1: of your six year old self is because it gives
Speaker 1: you that distance from you now and when you look
Speaker 1: back at your younger self. You see the gap in
Speaker 1: between ages and just all the things you've done and
Speaker 1: overcome in the middle, and with that it actually gives
Speaker 1: you the permission to feel proud of yourself. You know,
Speaker 1: we have a lot of tall Poppy syndrome and austral
Speaker 1: which is really really hard and it makes us uncomfortable
Speaker 1: to sit with our own achievements and success because it
Speaker 1: makes us think, oh, I have a big head or
Speaker 1: you know, you just you're full of yourself. But that's
Speaker 1: not the truth. And I think for me myself, like
Speaker 1: I have, you know, even this podcast, like there's so
Speaker 1: many things I've managed to achieve by just just showing
Speaker 1: up even when it was scary or hard, and just
Speaker 1: because I'm just following what I'm passionate about. But because
Speaker 1: with the nature of who I am, I'm always moving
Speaker 1: the goalpost. So when I reach a goal, I'm never
Speaker 1: still long enough to actually feel proud or to feel
Speaker 1: it because I'm already focused on the next goal. And
Speaker 1: it's so important that we learn to slow down and
Speaker 1: just allow ourselves to be proud. Now, what I hope
Speaker 1: you've gained out of this exercise is clarity and also
Speaker 1: shifting the load that we subconsciously place on ourselves that
Speaker 1: we need to go out and do all the things.
Speaker 1: And what you know healthy looks like or what success
Speaker 1: looks like when to us, it's different to every single person.
Speaker 1: And for me personally in my third like now I'm
Speaker 1: in my thirties, hit the mirror that hits me the
Speaker 1: most is the success one, because you know, growing up,
Speaker 1: you've always been told to pick one lane, do one thing.
Speaker 1: And I always was just I was just all over it.
Speaker 1: I just loved so many different things. And I talk
Speaker 1: about this a lot in my book, being a jack
Speaker 1: of all trades. I just love even now, like I
Speaker 1: love doing all the things. I've got YouTube, I've got
Speaker 1: the planners, I've got the pod. I just want to
Speaker 1: do all the things like and I also love the
Speaker 1: color theory now and guitar, and that's just who I am.
Speaker 1: But you know, growing up, when you're always being told
Speaker 1: to just do one thing, and you stay there even
Speaker 1: if you're miserable, which doesn't make any sense, but you know,
Speaker 1: sunk cost fallacy, it's hard to then pivot over to
Speaker 1: being like I'm allowed to be passionate about many things.
Speaker 1: And now the people that are most successful are actually
Speaker 1: passionate about multiple things. Like times have changed, but unfortunately
Speaker 1: our thinking can still be stuck back. And I used
Speaker 1: to always tie my worth to titles and achievements and
Speaker 1: how busy I was. I thought busy meant success, but
Speaker 1: it actually means burnout. Like we don't get trophies for
Speaker 1: who works eighty hour weeks? Like who are we doing
Speaker 1: this for? And at the end of the day, you know,
Speaker 1: life is just too short to be smashing yourself and
Speaker 1: for what If it's not to make you happy, then
Speaker 1: why are you doing it? I also think for me,
Speaker 1: the success mirror hits me the hardest because one of
Speaker 1: the biggest lessons I learned was from my dad's death.
Speaker 1: And I know this is a little bit morbid, sorry,
Speaker 1: but when Dad got sick a few years ago, it
Speaker 1: really did change my definition of success because you see, Dad,
Speaker 1: he waited his whole life to retire to then enjoy himself,
Speaker 1: Like he literally waited to retire it and to then
Speaker 1: live his life and do the things, and he never
Speaker 1: got to. So when I visualized looking at myself in
Speaker 1: that mirror, I have a lot of days off, I
Speaker 1: have free time, I'm present with my family. I live
Speaker 1: slowly and that to me now is success. I need
Speaker 1: to do and live that because Dad never got to.
Speaker 1: And I would love to know in all of this
Speaker 1: what mirror hit you hardest, because for me, definitely the
Speaker 1: health mirror, like my healthier self. That mirror really did
Speaker 1: hit me hard, like after kids. And that's a whole
Speaker 1: other story I'll go into. But everyone's going to feel
Speaker 1: probably a bit more attached or drawn to a certain mirror,
Speaker 1: whether that's your successful self, your healthier self, or your
Speaker 1: truer self, or maybe you're most tied to your six
Speaker 1: year old self, and that usually the one you're tied
Speaker 1: to is the one you really need to focus on most.
Speaker 1: So if you're tied more to your six year old self,
Speaker 1: you just really need to let yourself be proud. You
Speaker 1: need to feel that. You need to have that reflection
Speaker 1: and be like, fuck, I did the things I killed that.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe we can't. We don't all show up
Speaker 1: and be one hundred percent all the time, but you did,
Speaker 1: and you show up every day, and even if you're
Speaker 1: going through a season right now where you're struggling, you're
Speaker 1: still showing up and that counts. And you don't always
Speaker 1: have to be like, okay, look I'm going to pause
Speaker 1: this for a sec. I know where like sorry, not
Speaker 1: actually pause it. I know I'm talking about goals and
Speaker 1: things like right now. But the thing is, you don't
Speaker 1: actually need to be one percent better every single day.
Speaker 1: You don't always have to be pushing and pushing and pushing.
Speaker 1: If you're in a season where you need slowness and
Speaker 1: you just need to be still for a sec and
Speaker 1: catch a breath, You're allowed to be stagnant if you
Speaker 1: need that. Like that's you know, people think not leveling
Speaker 1: up or moving forward is bad, but sometimes it actually
Speaker 1: serves a purpose. So for me, like when I wrote
Speaker 1: my book, yes it was I was actively doing a
Speaker 1: huge goal of mine, but a lot of other things
Speaker 1: in my life stopped. The podcast, stopped my social media,
Speaker 1: my YouTube, you know, I stopped going to the gym
Speaker 1: that was not fun, and I lived on Uber eats.
Speaker 1: But the thing is a lot of things paused in
Speaker 1: my life. But that gave me the space to be
Speaker 1: able to write the book. And that's why I always
Speaker 1: say balance is bullshit because you can't do everything perfectly
Speaker 1: all the time. Whatever season you're in, you need to
Speaker 1: be able to focus on that. So for you, if
Speaker 1: you're listening to this, your habits and goals can be
Speaker 1: about rest. That's okay, Like you're allowed to do that.
Speaker 1: So yes, please let me know, like maybe send me
Speaker 1: a message on Instagram or whatever, and let me know
Speaker 1: what mirror you related to the most. This is going
Speaker 1: to take me on to our plot points. Now. In
Speaker 1: the last episode, I talked about a lot about the
Speaker 1: language we use when we talk about ourselves, our life,
Speaker 1: and especially in relation to resolutions and goals, because a
Speaker 1: lot of the language people use are quite harsh. Where
Speaker 1: like you know, as I said, resolutions, I don't really
Speaker 1: like that word because it's kind of makes me feel
Speaker 1: like we're trying to be resolved, like we're a problem,
Speaker 1: and it also kind of takes the fun out of it.
Speaker 1: So I want you to just this is my little
Speaker 1: spin on it, and it's probably because you know I'm
Speaker 1: an author now and all the things, but I want
Speaker 1: you to think of your year as the plot. This
Speaker 1: is your twenty twenty six plot, and you're the main character,
Speaker 1: and you're also the author. You're writing the plot points
Speaker 1: for your character to live out. So I want you
Speaker 1: to think, like, what do you want this plot to
Speaker 1: look like for your character? What does your character need
Speaker 1: right now? And it makes it more fun and it
Speaker 1: takes the pressure off because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: life's not that serious. It's really not you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. We're on like, we're on this tiny, tiny
Speaker 1: compared to the universe. We're on this little speck floating
Speaker 1: around like, let's just chill for a sec. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: stop rushing so much. Now we do that exercise because
Speaker 1: now we're clear on what our happiest selves look like
Speaker 1: and that's now going to translate into our plot points
Speaker 1: or habits or goals, whatever you want to actually call it.
Speaker 1: And before we look into our plot points or goals,
Speaker 1: I want you to make sure you're applying that filter
Speaker 1: I taught you earlier, which is, if no one was watching,
Speaker 1: would I still want to be doing this? Do I
Speaker 1: still want this now? Goals in general can be a
Speaker 1: little bit overwhelming or plot points, whatever you want to
Speaker 1: call it. This is why we want to break it
Speaker 1: down into categories. It's good to do categories for something
Speaker 1: like this. We don't want any areas of our life
Speaker 1: to get neglected, kind of like shave in the back
Speaker 1: of your legs. We don't want it to give be neglected.
Speaker 1: So the categories you know, these can be different for everyone,
Speaker 1: but generally they are personal, home, relationships, health, business, or education,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it, hobbies. And I want
Speaker 1: you to write down you know, now we know our
Speaker 1: happiest self, and now we've got our filter on. I
Speaker 1: want you to write down, even just two two goals
Speaker 1: or plot points or habits or maybe routines for each
Speaker 1: category of your life. I want to give you some
Speaker 1: examples for each category of your life of what possibly
Speaker 1: they could be. And these don't have to be crazy
Speaker 1: goals like these are. These can be micro moments. It
Speaker 1: could be a journal before a coffee in the morning,
Speaker 1: like these can be whatever you want them to be,
Speaker 1: whatever you saw in the mirror, for the versions of yourself,
Speaker 1: whatever they were doing. That's kind of what you want.
Speaker 1: So some examples for personal plot points, goals. Whatever. For
Speaker 1: me is to read every night at eight pm. Because
Speaker 1: I have a bit of a confession. Since writing my book,
Speaker 1: I haven't read a book. I have not read a
Speaker 1: single book. And if you guys know me, I love reading.
Speaker 1: I adore it. I've read my whole life, and I
Speaker 1: haven't been able to read. And I know during writing
Speaker 1: the book, I was just not able to, Like I
Speaker 1: was so wrecked. And I also started like pulling apart
Speaker 1: my own book or I'm looking into other like more,
Speaker 1: seeing the little strategies of what writers do. Like I started,
Speaker 1: it just kind of wrecked it for me. So I
Speaker 1: still haven't got back into reading. So that's one of mine.
Speaker 1: Another one could be cut out caffeine. It could be
Speaker 1: as I said, journaling before coffee in the morning. It
Speaker 1: could be doing the hobby your eight year old self
Speaker 1: would love. There's so many things for your personal self.
Speaker 1: It could be drinking more water. There's yeah, so just
Speaker 1: writing like like in some categories might only have one
Speaker 1: or maybe none. It just depends what season you're in now.
Speaker 1: Health is another category. So for me, mine is to
Speaker 1: get a full panel of blood work and an iron
Speaker 1: check because I'm a low iron girly, which is lots
Speaker 1: of fun. I just love headspins and taking daily supplements
Speaker 1: is one for me. So your health could be you know,
Speaker 1: being more active or getting back into gym, or it
Speaker 1: could be sleeping like sleeps. Actually that should be one
Speaker 1: in mine, getting better sleep. That is very important. And
Speaker 1: then we've got things like relationships. So this is relationships.
Speaker 1: It can mean anything to you. It could be you know, romantically,
Speaker 1: it could be family, it could be friends. It could
Speaker 1: be at work, like whatever you want to do like
Speaker 1: with work, it could be to network more, something like that.
Speaker 1: So some example of mine is dinner at the table
Speaker 1: five nights a week, which we've been doing so I'm
Speaker 1: happy with that. And phones away from five to seven.
Speaker 1: So this was a big rule I had years ago
Speaker 1: with Ryan and I and the kids, and I used
Speaker 1: to physically put my phone in the drawer just to
Speaker 1: have that distance, and it was really helpful because a
Speaker 1: lot of the time, especially in the afternoons, as a parent,
Speaker 1: it's very overwhelmed. It's like witching hour. You know. They
Speaker 1: go from babies they need to feed every two minutes,
Speaker 1: and now they're kids that need to ask a lot
Speaker 1: of questions. And if you're trying to multitask and you're
Speaker 1: on your phone, that's when you get overwhelmed and you
Speaker 1: can get a bit cranky and a bit snappy. And
Speaker 1: that's the time. I also know if we're not like
Speaker 1: focused on the bedtime routine, then the kids will not
Speaker 1: be asleep when I want them to be, which lately
Speaker 1: it's been a bit of a shit show. So if
Speaker 1: you've got any tips, let me know. But it's already
Speaker 1: going much better. So that was another one for us.
Speaker 1: And another one was also for me to have a
Speaker 1: bit more social like for years I've literally been a hermit,
Speaker 1: Like my friends have stuck by me through my most
Speaker 1: boring ear I ever, thank you friends and even you
Speaker 1: guys have because I've been busy. But for me, that
Speaker 1: was a big one and I have been more social
Speaker 1: and it's good because like I am not I'm homebody,
Speaker 1: and you know, I've got a small like I've got friends,
Speaker 1: but like I don't know, I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: like ADHD or something, but I just I don't like
Speaker 1: to do a lot of big things often. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a big one for me and I feel like
Speaker 1: that's been going well. So the next category is home. Now,
Speaker 1: this could be literally just how your home feels. So
Speaker 1: you could be popping candles around, you could open all
Speaker 1: the blinds like whatever your happiest self what the house
Speaker 1: was like is what you kind of want to strive for,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean having expensive items and things. It's
Speaker 1: just like having the feeling like it could feel clutter free,
Speaker 1: it could be organized, it could be you know, comfortable
Speaker 1: and homely, like you could have you know, cute little
Speaker 1: coloring and books that in the lounge room to do
Speaker 1: every night, Like it could be so so simple for
Speaker 1: me personally, it's like, so our house is still unfinished
Speaker 1: if you guys didn't know that. So for me, it's
Speaker 1: trying to just finish little corners of the house that
Speaker 1: I can just try to get across the line, just
Speaker 1: to make it all feel more homely for us. And
Speaker 1: that's like the main thing it could be down to,
Speaker 1: like having a functional pantry, So that's that one, and
Speaker 1: that also can come into routines. So maybe you constantly
Speaker 1: feel like you're chasing your toiel at home and it's
Speaker 1: always a mess, which you know we all relate, but
Speaker 1: it could be deciding, Okay, at night, I'm going to
Speaker 1: do a closing shift for the house. I'm going to
Speaker 1: put the house to bed by you know, doing the dishes.
Speaker 1: I want to wipe the benches, I want to like
Speaker 1: reset the lund room so when you wake up you
Speaker 1: feel fresh the next day. Like that's a great one.
Speaker 1: To do, so something like that for us personally. One
Speaker 1: for me was, you know, our laundry just got wild
Speaker 1: and out of control. So I created like a laundry
Speaker 1: schedule and it's really really held. So that was a
Speaker 1: home habit goal for me. Now there's business, so for
Speaker 1: you that could be you know, starting a project or
Speaker 1: getting more on top of emails. So for me, like
Speaker 1: I was, I'm not the best with emails, like give
Speaker 1: me mad anxiety, but I used to be very reactive
Speaker 1: with it. So I only checked my emails twice a day,
Speaker 1: so in the morning and then the afternoon. I think
Speaker 1: it's just any systems within your business or in your
Speaker 1: work or career that feel hard or there's like a
Speaker 1: resistance you need to kind of zoom out and kind
Speaker 1: of get creative with how you can fix that. I
Speaker 1: know there was a period of my period of time
Speaker 1: with you know, SPP my business, that I just felt
Speaker 1: a bit flat. It felt a bit blurt, and I
Speaker 1: didn't feel very inspired, which can happen. That's normal. But
Speaker 1: I figured out, like, and this sounds very superficial, but
Speaker 1: it's not like just just hear me out. So the
Speaker 1: resolution I came up with was I was going to
Speaker 1: start because I used to go to work in just
Speaker 1: like my gym clothes and it didn't really like you'd
Speaker 1: be surprised how much how you look does contribute to
Speaker 1: how you feel. And again I'm not trying to say
Speaker 1: like you need to look hot all the time, like Jesus, no,
Speaker 1: we're not. We're not doing that. But I started just
Speaker 1: quickly getting changed at the gym into some work clothes
Speaker 1: and it could just be like a singlet and some
Speaker 1: nice pants, and I started feeling so much more switched
Speaker 1: on and just better, like I could step to that
Speaker 1: version of myself. So that was like something that I
Speaker 1: started doing a while ago and it just really really helped.
Speaker 1: So as you can see, these are just some different
Speaker 1: ideas for you guys to have a think about for
Speaker 1: your different categories or goals. Now, I want you just
Speaker 1: to know you're probably hearing all these life areas and
Speaker 1: these goals and habits or whatever and thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 1: there's so much for me to do. I just want
Speaker 1: you to stop right there, because I'm not telling you
Speaker 1: to do all of these things. I just want you
Speaker 1: to brainstorm and write them down, because less is more,
Speaker 1: less is more with a lot of things. And this
Speaker 1: is a big principle I applied to my health and
Speaker 1: fitness journey, which I will do in another pod. Because
Speaker 1: the thing, as soon as you put too much pressure
Speaker 1: on yourself, you will run the other way. And you're
Speaker 1: not even going to tie your shoes up, dull, So
Speaker 1: we're not doing that. We're just going to chill for
Speaker 1: a sex. So now I just want you to just
Speaker 1: look over these goals and habits, plot points for this
Speaker 1: year and for the season of life that you're in
Speaker 1: right now. I want you to only pick one to two.
Speaker 1: That's it, one to two. And look, you might be
Speaker 1: ambitious and you might think, no step I want to
Speaker 1: do like five. Just listen to me, please, as a
Speaker 1: lady who's done this many times before. When you go
Speaker 1: all in and too hard, that's when you are just
Speaker 1: putting too much pressure on yourself and that's gonna like
Speaker 1: it's you're so likely to fall into all or nothing.
Speaker 1: You know so much of us do it. I do it.
Speaker 1: I go so hard. And then because you know, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to do the gym, I'm trying to milk prep,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to do this with the business. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to do my emails, and then you burn out and
Speaker 1: then you just think, then you give up on all
Speaker 1: of it. We need to have slow changes to actually
Speaker 1: make it sustainable. An example of this is with me,
Speaker 1: with my you know, less is more mindset is I
Speaker 1: used to try to aim for ten thousand steps a day,
Speaker 1: and you know, with my with my business and stuff,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting down a lot. Actually like I'm sitting down
Speaker 1: a lot. It's great, but not so at the end
Speaker 1: in the afternoon, I would look at my step count
Speaker 1: and I was way off ten k. I was like,
Speaker 1: so what I do? I wouldn't even try. I would
Speaker 1: not even try. So then I lowered my goal to
Speaker 1: eight k steps and suddenly I'm like, oh, that's just
Speaker 1: a quick walk, you know. And then I was studied.
Speaker 1: I started to hit it consistently. So these small efforts
Speaker 1: do add up. So just reflect on the season of
Speaker 1: life you're in right now and see what you need.
Speaker 1: Does your health need you to pay a bit more
Speaker 1: attention to it? Do your kids, maybe your family, maybe
Speaker 1: your home could be your business. So just pick one
Speaker 1: to do. Like for me, for example, my character Steph
Speaker 1: pays she in this next chapter is focusing on her
Speaker 1: meal prep, something that she definitely fell out with, and yeah,
Speaker 1: we already know about that. And I'm leaning back into
Speaker 1: fun again because I actually haven't played guitar for a
Speaker 1: few weeks, like last year's kind of was on and
Speaker 1: off a little bit, So just focusing more on that.
Speaker 1: So they're my plot points that I'm focusing on right now,
Speaker 1: and even within those, I don't put the pressure on.
Speaker 1: So when with meal prep, I'm not expecting myself to
Speaker 1: do the old Steff pace meal prep. So if you remember,
Speaker 1: I used to prep so much food and it was great,
Speaker 1: but I'm just not there right now. So if I
Speaker 1: can prep one to do things a week, I'm happy.
Speaker 1: And the same with guitar. I'm not going to sit
Speaker 1: down and play guitar for an hour every day. I'm
Speaker 1: talking like five minutes maybe, and it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be every day. So just really just just be honest.
Speaker 1: Let's be realistic with ourselves here. Now. I mentioned earlier
Speaker 1: how sometimes you can set goals and later on you
Speaker 1: wonder you think to yourself, like why am I even
Speaker 1: doing this anymore? Or maybe you know, with these goals
Speaker 1: we've written down just now, you might achieve a couple
Speaker 1: or the habits or routines. You might get into the
Speaker 1: swing of those and be ready to move on to
Speaker 1: another one, and then you look at your goal or
Speaker 1: habit and think, oh, I don't really want to do
Speaker 1: that anymore. And I just want to let you know
Speaker 1: that that is very, very normal. And this is where
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to you about how to know
Speaker 1: when to pivot with purpose and when to give up
Speaker 1: on goals that you set. And I'm going to give
Speaker 1: you some very specific examples because this is really important
Speaker 1: to note because a lot of the time times when
Speaker 1: as I said, we pivot on a goal, a lot
Speaker 1: of the time we think we are failing, and that
Speaker 1: is just simply not true. So here are the different
Speaker 1: ways you can know when to pivot on your goals,
Speaker 1: or change your goals, or stop your goals. So the
Speaker 1: first one is when the goal was built for a
Speaker 1: past version of you. So let's say you set a
Speaker 1: goal to work until ten pm every night to grow
Speaker 1: your business, and that made sense in that season then
Speaker 1: where you had the capacity, But now you have kids
Speaker 1: and you've got different priorities and you have very limited
Speaker 1: energy with the season that you're in and pushing those
Speaker 1: same hours is costing you more than it's giving back.
Speaker 1: So pivoting doesn't mean giving up because it's hard. It
Speaker 1: means zooming out and maybe finding new ways you can
Speaker 1: make it work still. So it could be by creating
Speaker 1: new systems to simplify. So like my Canva example earlier,
Speaker 1: it could be changing the hours you're actually working. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're doing it during the kids nap time, or maybe
Speaker 1: in the morning, or you know, maybe just after dinner.
Speaker 1: Like just pivoting with that, because I'm not saying when
Speaker 1: I say it, I don't mean give up altogether unless
Speaker 1: it calls for it. I just mean just working with
Speaker 1: where you're at. Another example of when you know you
Speaker 1: should pivot is when you like the idea of the
Speaker 1: goal more than the reality of the goal. And I've
Speaker 1: had a lot of examples of this, Like there was
Speaker 1: a time after Harper was born, my first child, who's
Speaker 1: nearly ten, I wanted to become a personal trainer, which,
Speaker 1: you know, because I love fitness, So yeah, it makes sense,
Speaker 1: you know, Like it's like like ice cream, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna buy an ice cream truck. So I went and
Speaker 1: did the course, I did the things so there was
Speaker 1: a point in time where I actually worked at the gym,
Speaker 1: and then I saw the reality of what it meant
Speaker 1: to be a personal trainer. It's early mornings, which is fine,
Speaker 1: but it's also like you're they have to work around
Speaker 1: work hours. And then for me, you know, as a mom,
Speaker 1: later on, I didn't want to do that. I did
Speaker 1: not want to I want to be with my kids
Speaker 1: in the afternoon. Okay, maybe that's debatable, but usually I
Speaker 1: want to be with my kids, and I realized that
Speaker 1: the reality of the goal isn't actually what I wanted.
Speaker 1: That's a very good example. It's also like, you know,
Speaker 1: and I love this how a lot of people are
Speaker 1: training for marathons and things, and that's something I probably
Speaker 1: would love to do one day. Well I think I do,
Speaker 1: But it's kind of like that. So you tell everyone
Speaker 1: you're training for half marathon, but you dread running and
Speaker 1: you secretly hope it rains on the day, So maybe like,
Speaker 1: let's not do that. Yeah. Another example is when the
Speaker 1: intention is right but the structure is wrong. So, for example,
Speaker 1: your goal is to journal every day for your mental health,
Speaker 1: but sitting with a notebook every morning just you struggle
Speaker 1: to make it happen. But pivoting looks like voice notes
Speaker 1: in your car or writing it at night. It could
Speaker 1: be just chucking it in your notes up on your phone.
Speaker 1: It's the same intention but different format, and that's okay too.
Speaker 1: Another one is when a goal only works in ideal conditions.
Speaker 1: And this is very much all or nothing thing I
Speaker 1: was talking about before. So an example is, say you
Speaker 1: plan to go to the gym five days a week,
Speaker 1: but it only happens when work is quiet, or if
Speaker 1: the kids are easy, or if you've slept well. So
Speaker 1: pivoting looks like two gym sessions and daily steps, which
Speaker 1: actually survives your life. So that's another really good example
Speaker 1: of pivoting. The last sign that you need to pivot
Speaker 1: with purpose or give up on a goal is when
Speaker 1: dropping that goal or that expectation feels relieving, not dramatic.
Speaker 1: For example, you quietly stop pursuing a goal and you
Speaker 1: feel so much lighter, and you're like, oh, thank god
Speaker 1: with that, like thank god spin class got canceled, or
Speaker 1: freaking hate spin class, Like just just stop going, go
Speaker 1: find something else to do. Okay, fore you movement, go
Speaker 1: do boxing or on no, do dancing. You know, so
Speaker 1: that calm you feel. That's your answer, all right, guys,
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I know there was
Speaker 1: a lot to take in there, and I just really
Speaker 1: really hope that you realize that you don't need a
Speaker 1: brand new year. You don't need a new week, you
Speaker 1: don't need a Monday, you don't need to be a
Speaker 1: brand new version of yourself, and you definitely don't need
Speaker 1: to smash yourself with habits that don't fit your life anymore,
Speaker 1: which is going to change your goals. You're writing down
Speaker 1: right now, your plot points, you might not want to
Speaker 1: do those in three months, and that's fine, like just
Speaker 1: cross them out. What you do need is clarity and
Speaker 1: know what actually matters to you in the season that
Speaker 1: you're in, and also what you're willing to stop just
Speaker 1: because it looks good on the outside. Because I don't
Speaker 1: know if you realize, but you're the only one living
Speaker 1: your life. You're the only one that wakes up to
Speaker 1: your life every day, so you need to stop performing
Speaker 1: for others. And please don't forget to download your Master
Speaker 1: and your Messy Life Guide, your free download which is
Speaker 1: in the show notes, which is going to take you
Speaker 1: through all these steps plus heaps more, and it's really
Speaker 1: going to help you get that clarity that I'm talking
Speaker 1: about and also a quicker mind. I don't forget to
Speaker 1: enter the giveaway and please subscribe and leave a review.
Speaker 1: I would love that so so much. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys being back. I just love seeing all your dms
Speaker 1: and everything. So if you have any suggestions of episode ideas,
Speaker 1: please let me know. I would love to chat your
Speaker 1: ear off even further. And also don't forget to follow
Speaker 1: us on Instagram and also our Facebook community because we'll
Speaker 1: have heaps more resources in there, and you guys can
Speaker 1: also chat together about what we're talking about on here.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here and thank you for letting
Speaker 1: me be back in your ears, and I will see
Speaker 1: you next Monday. Bye,