WEBVTT - Using Snapchat In A Relationship... 0:00:00.340 --> 0:00:02.719 This podcast was recorded on the land of the Gadigal 0:00:02.740 --> 0:00:18.880 people of the Eora Nation. Hey guys, what's crackin'? Welcome back! 0:00:19.180 --> 0:00:21.280 Guys, another week, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, thanks 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:22.520 so much for joining us. It means a lot. 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:23.620 Yeah. 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:25.540 Guys, this week on the pod, we got an episode 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:28.340 inspired by a little chat we actually had... on the 0:00:28.360 --> 0:00:30.830 pot a week or so ago when we dabbled into 0:00:30.870 --> 0:00:34.430 some fun debate style questions. Now the idea of flirting 0:00:34.470 --> 0:00:36.630 came up in that chat and then it evolved into 0:00:36.729 --> 0:00:41.830 like a chat about cheating and then micro cheating. And, um, yeah, 0:00:41.970 --> 0:00:44.030 it seems that Jad put out sort of like a 0:00:44.070 --> 0:00:47.550 call to you guys and it seems that, uh, micro cheating, uh, 0:00:47.620 --> 0:00:50.780 it seems to be quite rampant. Should we define dating economy? 0:00:50.820 --> 0:00:50.979 Yeah. 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:51.360 Go nuts. 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:54.440 Um, Well, I haven't got the actual definition in front 0:00:54.460 --> 0:00:55.980 of me, but I feel like it's just been made 0:00:56.060 --> 0:01:02.230 up anyway. But basically, it's like a series of actions 0:01:02.510 --> 0:01:08.000 that make you feel uncomfortable or... you know, a sense 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:12.000 of betrayal that wouldn't necessarily be deemed as cheating. For example, 0:01:12.340 --> 0:01:15.509 your partner liking photos on Instagram that, you know, that 0:01:15.590 --> 0:01:18.770 you wouldn't necessarily want them liking. That would be considered 0:01:18.810 --> 0:01:21.330 like a micro cheat. So it's not like you're not 0:01:21.350 --> 0:01:23.250 going to dump them because they've done it, but it 0:01:23.390 --> 0:01:24.530 feels like a betrayal. 0:01:24.670 --> 0:01:26.190 You can dump them if you want. Well, yeah. 0:01:27.620 --> 0:01:29.600 Most, I feel like most people would have a chat first. 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:31.360 You know what I mean? Whereas if someone's straight up 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.179 just hooked up with someone else, it's like, okay, see 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:36.570 you later. So there's like, it's kind of like the, 0:01:36.890 --> 0:01:40.479 the lead up to those things or little things that, yeah, 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:43.419 just make you feel uncomfortable that, that you would deem 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:45.380 as inappropriate. 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:49.520 In a relationship. Non-traditional cheating behavior that's been made more 0:01:49.580 --> 0:01:52.980 like accessible with like the internet and social media. 0:01:53.280 --> 0:01:56.100 Talking to people you shouldn't be talking to or yeah. 0:01:56.160 --> 0:01:59.620 Starting conversations, DMing people with, you know, the intention of 0:01:59.740 --> 0:02:04.090 making some kind of connection, you know, or, Yeah, texting 0:02:04.110 --> 0:02:06.720 a colleague too much perhaps or something like that. 0:02:07.220 --> 0:02:10.000 Yeah, so Jad put out the call and it was 0:02:10.020 --> 0:02:13.620 for micro-cheating specifically. So I did get an influx of 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:16.459 stories and some of them were just like blatant cheating. 0:02:16.480 --> 0:02:18.720 And I was like, I think you're just excited to 0:02:18.780 --> 0:02:20.899 share that you were cheated on, which is not nice. 0:02:20.960 --> 0:02:25.880 But I had to filter out these into like micro-cheating specifically. 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:28.560 So yeah, just so you know, if I did not 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.020 put yours in, that's sort of why. But I always 0:02:31.100 --> 0:02:33.000 kind of find it interesting when we put out a 0:02:33.020 --> 0:02:35.560 call like this, how many responses I get, because it 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.180 obviously is a bit of an indication on like perhaps how, 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:40.900 you know, rampant this issue is. And I did get 0:02:41.100 --> 0:02:44.830 heaps and heaps of submissions this week. And people were 0:02:44.850 --> 0:02:48.470 very invested to share. So obviously it's a very touchy 0:02:48.490 --> 0:02:51.530 thing being cheated on, micro-cheated on. So I think it 0:02:51.630 --> 0:02:53.510 hits a nerve with some people and they're excited to 0:02:53.570 --> 0:02:54.570 sort of get it off their chest. 0:02:54.690 --> 0:02:56.750 I think especially because the behavior is the kind of 0:02:56.790 --> 0:02:59.209 behavior where people would then also experience a lot. 0:02:59.169 --> 0:03:04.220 Of Yeah, and that has been put forward in a 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:07.880 lot of them that essentially the other party argued, you know. 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:09.310 That it wasn't the wrong thing. 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:10.630 Yeah, until they were blue in the face that. 0:03:10.530 --> 0:03:12.489 It's not actually cheating. 0:03:12.500 --> 0:03:15.790 You know what I mean? So, yes, stay tuned for that. 0:03:15.810 --> 0:03:17.209 Our last moment out at the end is from a 0:03:17.230 --> 0:03:19.690 girl who says that she's getting frustrated not having enough 0:03:19.830 --> 0:03:23.850 alone time with her partner. So, we will attempt to 0:03:23.889 --> 0:03:26.450 help her there. Now, as always, before we divulge your experiences, 0:03:26.930 --> 0:03:29.650 I'll ask Jad if she's ever experienced the old micro-cheating. 0:03:30.260 --> 0:03:30.560 Yeah. 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:33.299 Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, do you want to tell us about 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:37.100 it or just say yeah weirdly? 0:03:37.180 --> 0:03:39.180 I feel like a lot. Heaps. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:41.160 Well, just give us one then. We don't need to 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:42.400 hear it all because we want to get into other 0:03:42.420 --> 0:03:43.210 people's stories. 0:03:43.380 --> 0:03:47.150 My partner at the time, I was quite young, but 0:03:47.290 --> 0:03:51.570 he had asked, was talking to a girl online and 0:03:51.730 --> 0:03:54.070 telling her to go meet up with him at a 0:03:54.130 --> 0:03:57.210 club that I wasn't allowed to go to because it 0:03:57.250 --> 0:04:01.720 was boys' night. Oh, okay. Yeah. So I feel like 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:04.220 that's a micro cheat because he's not done anything yet, 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:06.640 but it's giving you're going to, right? 0:04:07.100 --> 0:04:08.180 Yeah, I was pretty. 0:04:09.720 --> 0:04:12.140 Surely. Like even if you meet up with a girl 0:04:12.180 --> 0:04:14.220 and you just chat with her and you haven't actually 0:04:14.240 --> 0:04:17.160 hooked up with her, to me, the going to the 0:04:17.260 --> 0:04:20.059 club with another woman, that's weird. 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:24.900 Yeah, but like specifically neglecting your partner from coming because 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:26.760 you're saying it's boys night and then inviting another woman, 0:04:26.779 --> 0:04:27.700 that's like pretty. 0:04:28.420 --> 0:04:31.479 And I was totally gaslit about it, 100%. 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.140 What did he say when you said that was inappropriate? 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:34.560 How did you find out that he did that, by 0:04:34.580 --> 0:04:35.120 the way? 0:04:35.260 --> 0:04:38.500 Well, I had a sneaking suspicion, and so I went 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:42.539 through his phone. Not something that I'm proud of, but 0:04:42.580 --> 0:04:45.500 I will say I was in the right to do so, 0:04:45.540 --> 0:04:47.940 I feel. Anyway, he wasn't very trustworthy. 0:04:48.779 --> 0:04:52.020 Evidently. But what gave you the inkling that? Like he 0:04:52.060 --> 0:04:54.339 was going to randomly be meeting a girl that night 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:55.460 at the club. He was just giving me sus vibes. 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:56.360 When he said like, oh, I'm just going to the 0:04:56.380 --> 0:04:57.580 club with the boys tonight. We're just going to have 0:04:57.600 --> 0:04:57.900 a boys night. 0:04:57.940 --> 0:04:58.480 No, sus vibes. 0:04:58.720 --> 0:04:59.560 Yeah, what was the. 0:04:59.620 --> 0:05:03.040 Being cagey with his phone, like lots of messages. I 0:05:03.100 --> 0:05:05.740 think I might have seen something that was weird over 0:05:05.779 --> 0:05:07.860 his shoulder where I was like, no, it doesn't look 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:09.440 like you're messaging your mates or whatever. 0:05:09.460 --> 0:05:10.500 I just snuck up behind him. 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:12.200 And then I had a look-see. 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:13.760 Yeah. Nice. 0:05:13.820 --> 0:05:14.849 I was very upset. 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:17.170 We did speak about when it was justified to look. 0:05:17.550 --> 0:05:18.090 It was justified. 0:05:18.270 --> 0:05:18.910 Add that to the list. 0:05:18.930 --> 0:05:19.310 Yeah. 0:05:19.890 --> 0:05:23.530 Um, I guess my micro cheating, um, once when I 0:05:23.550 --> 0:05:25.680 was dating a girl, I kind of just like felt 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:28.620 uneasy because there was this guy that would kind of 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:32.280 like always sort of hang around, uh, and then would 0:05:32.300 --> 0:05:36.500 like message her heaps, but like a little like inappropriate 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:41.510 flirtatious things. And she never sort of rejected it. She 0:05:41.529 --> 0:05:44.010 kind of like, you could tell sort of enjoyed the 0:05:44.050 --> 0:05:48.930 attention and then like, never said like, Hey, I've got 0:05:48.950 --> 0:05:52.020 a partner, like back up or leave it alone. So 0:05:52.380 --> 0:05:55.780 kind of that he was sending it inappropriate stuff. She 0:05:55.820 --> 0:06:00.900 was almost like enjoying it and then wasn't rejecting it. 0:06:00.980 --> 0:06:02.609 I guess like that was my experience with it. And 0:06:02.630 --> 0:06:05.430 then they would like go and hang out, like never alone, 0:06:05.470 --> 0:06:07.229 but like together in a group, which would always kind 0:06:07.250 --> 0:06:08.730 of like, I'd be like, Oh, I know he's going 0:06:08.750 --> 0:06:10.830 to be cracking onto her or putting the moves on 0:06:10.870 --> 0:06:14.010 because he does it, you know, over, phone a message. 0:06:14.029 --> 0:06:15.690 So like when he's in person, I'm not there. It's 0:06:15.730 --> 0:06:17.529 definitely going to happen. So it just made me uneasy, 0:06:17.550 --> 0:06:19.350 but that would be my, like, I guess it would 0:06:19.370 --> 0:06:22.870 be like the, the lack of rejection from my partner 0:06:23.029 --> 0:06:25.600 around receiving like flirtatious attention. 0:06:25.820 --> 0:06:28.260 It's just, yeah, it's like a lack of respect. Like 0:06:28.980 --> 0:06:31.360 you would expect your partner to do these things without 0:06:31.380 --> 0:06:34.619 you having to ask basically. And it feels like it feels, 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:38.760 it feels frustrating and upsetting and irritating that you have 0:06:38.779 --> 0:06:41.500 to ask. Cause it makes you feel like almost like, 0:06:42.430 --> 0:06:45.070 am I like, am I crazy for asking this of them? 0:06:45.089 --> 0:06:49.330 And am I overreacting? You know, like, cause that's how 0:06:49.350 --> 0:06:51.230 they make you feel at the end that, you know, 0:06:51.270 --> 0:06:52.110 these kinds of people. 0:06:52.410 --> 0:06:55.430 And it's nice. Like I'm sure every person likes to 0:06:55.470 --> 0:06:58.150 be wanted. Like that's a nice feeling to be desired 0:06:58.230 --> 0:06:59.070 by others. 0:06:59.190 --> 0:06:59.589 Yeah. 0:06:59.610 --> 0:07:02.050 But it's when you're, when you're leading them on to 0:07:02.089 --> 0:07:04.570 believe that perhaps they could have you or, you know, 0:07:04.630 --> 0:07:07.010 like you're entertaining the idea. I think that's when it's 0:07:07.060 --> 0:07:11.920 becomes problematic. Um, yeah. So that's, yeah. I mean, Pretty 0:07:11.980 --> 0:07:14.330 tame from us, but let's get stuck in. 0:07:14.340 --> 0:07:16.580 But it's micro. It's a micro cheat. Yeah. 0:07:16.620 --> 0:07:19.120 Some of these are like, I dare say they're boring 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:19.679 on macro. 0:07:19.700 --> 0:07:20.340 Macro, yeah. 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:22.260 All right. First one says, I was with someone for 0:07:22.260 --> 0:07:25.330 10 years. Just after our 10-year anniversary, I came across 0:07:25.370 --> 0:07:29.310 a message on Snapchat on my partner's phone. This Snapchat 0:07:29.430 --> 0:07:32.530 photo was from a married woman and the receptionist at 0:07:32.550 --> 0:07:35.870 the school he was teaching at. They were exchanging photos 0:07:36.150 --> 0:07:39.340 that weren't appropriate for people who were both in relationships. 0:07:39.820 --> 0:07:41.820 I confronted my partner at the time and he tried 0:07:41.860 --> 0:07:44.160 to tell me that this was not cheating. A few 0:07:44.180 --> 0:07:46.080 years later, it came out again. He was living a 0:07:46.140 --> 0:07:49.520 double life with myself and another single mother. Once a cheater, 0:07:49.940 --> 0:07:50.480 always a cheater. 0:07:50.740 --> 0:07:51.140 Yeah. 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:53.580 I feel like- She started micro there, but then. 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:54.320 Just cheating. 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:54.900 Went macro. 0:07:55.610 --> 0:07:58.630 I feel like even the first act was just blatant cheating. 0:07:59.470 --> 0:08:01.210 I mean, we don't- Inappropriate photos. We don't need to 0:08:01.250 --> 0:08:03.030 discuss the double life, but that's definitely cheating. 0:08:03.150 --> 0:08:06.010 Inappropriate photos. Yeah. But I feel like that's cheating. That's 0:08:06.060 --> 0:08:07.820 a bit different to like just chatting to someone you 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:08.720 shouldn't be chatting to. 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:11.680 Definitely. Like talking to a colleague at work, if it's 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.760 like pertaining to work stuff and like, it's not saying 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:15.260 you can't be friends. 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:17.480 And he talked his way out of it. That's crazy. Yeah. 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:21.560 But sending like Snapchat is not really a means for 0:08:21.620 --> 0:08:24.320 communication for people who've been in relationships for 10 years. 0:08:24.380 --> 0:08:26.180 Why do you have a, why do you, why do 0:08:26.220 --> 0:08:29.260 you for starters have Snapchat as a teacher who is 0:08:29.540 --> 0:08:32.680 very clearly not 18 years old or 16, I should say. 0:08:34.490 --> 0:08:37.360 And in a long-term relationship, what do you have Snapchat for? 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:39.460 It sounds like to microchip. 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:40.040 So do that. 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:40.579 Yeah. 0:08:40.780 --> 0:08:42.980 You shouldn't have Snapchat in that position in your life, 0:08:43.460 --> 0:08:46.000 I feel. Delete the app. Grow up. 0:08:46.220 --> 0:08:49.830 I don't know. That's like us being together for another 0:08:49.929 --> 0:08:52.730 few years because we're only at like eight years or something. 0:08:52.929 --> 0:08:53.870 I think this year's nine. 0:08:53.929 --> 0:08:54.870 And then acquiring. 0:08:54.910 --> 0:08:55.200 Isn't it? 0:08:55.650 --> 0:08:58.730 Acquiring. Yeah. Yeah, it will be nine. 0:08:58.750 --> 0:08:59.470 This is nine. 0:08:59.490 --> 0:09:02.839 So we're in the eights here, I guess. 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:03.400 Cool, man. 0:09:04.179 --> 0:09:06.600 But yeah, like us in two years time, me just 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:11.120 downloading Snapchat and just start sending photos to Sheila's online. 0:09:11.140 --> 0:09:13.420 DMing your teacher and then me being like, fine, when 0:09:13.460 --> 0:09:15.040 you tell me that it's not the wrong thing to do. 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:17.230 Yeah. But a few years later, I'll have another life. 0:09:17.260 --> 0:09:18.489 So all good. 0:09:19.450 --> 0:09:19.610 Yeah. 0:09:19.660 --> 0:09:21.260 That's cheating. 0:09:21.540 --> 0:09:22.849 Let's put that in the cheating category. 0:09:24.750 --> 0:09:26.809 Cheat. All right. Next one. Did you need me to 0:09:26.850 --> 0:09:27.390 confirm that? 0:09:27.550 --> 0:09:31.300 Next one. Um. With an ex, I got accused of 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:33.959 cheating based on the color of a heart emoji I 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:37.030 sent to a male friend. Context. I went to the 0:09:37.080 --> 0:09:39.980 male friend's birthday and thanked him the next day via DMs, 0:09:40.100 --> 0:09:42.660 said I hope he enjoyed his night with a red heart. 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.260 Was told this would have been fine if the heart 0:09:45.300 --> 0:09:48.420 was another colour, like blue or yellow, but apparently red 0:09:48.460 --> 0:09:51.760 is suggestive. I'd be interested to know the conversation around 0:09:51.870 --> 0:09:55.750 emojis and their meanings. That is so interesting. 0:09:55.870 --> 0:09:56.330 How funny is that? 0:09:56.770 --> 0:10:00.580 That's very interesting because I would almost say that there's 0:10:00.860 --> 0:10:05.360 a plethora of people who would agree. Red emoji is inappropriate. 0:10:05.380 --> 0:10:06.640 No, that's some.... 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:09.780 You think all good? Red emojis go ahead. 0:10:09.800 --> 0:10:12.960 I don't think anything of it. Like, it sounds like 0:10:13.420 --> 0:10:17.080 just a nice... Like, I don't... I don't understand what, 0:10:17.340 --> 0:10:18.980 if she sent a blue heart or a yellow heart, 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:20.760 how does that change anything? 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:23.140 Okay. Are there emojis that are off limits then? 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:25.840 Well, yeah. If you sent like, had a great night 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:29.040 and sent him the old eggplant or something, and with 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:30.800 a bit of dripping water next to it, that'd be 0:10:30.830 --> 0:10:31.370 a bit weird. 0:10:31.429 --> 0:10:34.430 But that's what I mean. Some people think red love 0:10:34.470 --> 0:10:38.270 heart exclusively for partners. Other love hearts, you've got so 0:10:38.309 --> 0:10:40.710 many to choose from. Why couldn't you pick another color? 0:10:42.350 --> 0:10:44.670 That's fair for them to think. I just think that's 0:10:44.710 --> 0:10:47.030 a bit. Odd. Like, I think that's a bit lame. 0:10:47.190 --> 0:10:50.230 In this scenario, I personally would say that if you've 0:10:50.270 --> 0:10:53.610 had a long-term friend who you've had a friendship with 0:10:53.650 --> 0:10:55.270 for a long time and you've thanked them for a 0:10:55.309 --> 0:10:57.770 nice night and you've used a love, red love heart emoji, 0:10:57.929 --> 0:11:02.069 in this instance, all good. Maybe if the friendship was 0:11:02.270 --> 0:11:03.690 new and it. 0:11:03.830 --> 0:11:07.920 Wait, so you're advocating for the dude getting upset about 0:11:07.940 --> 0:11:08.179 the car? 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:10.620 I'm just thinking, right? I'm putting myself in dude's shoes. 0:11:11.220 --> 0:11:14.910 If you had a new friend... And you sent them 0:11:14.950 --> 0:11:17.710 red love heart, I'd be like, why that one? 0:11:17.750 --> 0:11:19.369 Wait, so if I sent them blue love heart or 0:11:19.390 --> 0:11:20.410 yellow love heart, it'd be all good? 0:11:20.650 --> 0:11:21.700 They're not suggestive. 0:11:22.140 --> 0:11:23.180 What's it suggestive of? 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:23.900 Love. 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:26.320 But what's the blue one suggestive of? 0:11:26.820 --> 0:11:27.340 Friendship. 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:28.360 And the yellow one? 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:29.380 Friendship. 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:30.380 The purple one? 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:32.000 Also friendship. 0:11:32.020 --> 0:11:33.330 That's so weird. 0:11:33.350 --> 0:11:35.729 There's plenty of friendship choices. This is what I'm saying. 0:11:35.790 --> 0:11:39.870 So it's like, it depends on the context of the friend, 0:11:39.929 --> 0:11:42.410 I feel. How close are you? Because it's like, you know, 0:11:42.450 --> 0:11:44.430 if I sent one to, you know, my friend Dimitri, 0:11:44.790 --> 0:11:47.320 like whatever. I've known him since high school. No one's 0:11:47.340 --> 0:11:49.360 going to be like, you sent a red emoji to Dimitri. 0:11:49.740 --> 0:11:51.660 But if I sent a red emoji to someone who 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:53.520 I'd maybe met through the industry and was like a 0:11:53.580 --> 0:11:56.660 new friend and like that would be a little bit, 0:11:56.800 --> 0:12:00.420 I wouldn't do that. I would out of respect choose 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:01.020 a different color. 0:12:02.460 --> 0:12:05.740 What? Out of respect? I wouldn't care. Send someone 10 0:12:05.740 --> 0:12:07.560 red hearts. It doesn't mean anything to me. 0:12:07.620 --> 0:12:11.280 Oh, okay. I feel like, but you're not very text literate. 0:12:11.630 --> 0:12:12.240 That's the thing. 0:12:12.250 --> 0:12:12.980 Yeah, that's the issue here. 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:17.340 You're not very text literate. So unfortunately, Locke's text literacy 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:20.220 is like really bad. And he also writes texts as 0:12:20.300 --> 0:12:22.840 if they're emails. So the lines for him are blurred 0:12:22.900 --> 0:12:25.620 with what is and isn't appropriate. In this instance, I 0:12:25.660 --> 0:12:28.040 would say it sounds like it's all good. Very innocent. 0:12:28.300 --> 0:12:30.490 We don't need to have an argument about that. But 0:12:30.620 --> 0:12:32.530 there are certain instances where I would say, yeah, the 0:12:32.570 --> 0:12:33.870 red love heart is reserved. 0:12:33.890 --> 0:12:35.970 Oh my God. You would like to chat GPT the 0:12:35.990 --> 0:12:37.850 other week, just doing a little bit of both sides. 0:12:37.990 --> 0:12:41.180 No, I'm just saying the context is important. But I 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:44.430 think there is a place where red love heart you 0:12:44.450 --> 0:12:47.950 shouldn't be using. There are some emojis, I think, also 0:12:47.990 --> 0:12:48.970 that are inappropriate. Oh, yeah? 0:12:49.010 --> 0:12:51.250 Hit us with them. 0:12:51.530 --> 0:12:55.330 Like, winky face. We don't need to wink. There's plenty 0:12:55.350 --> 0:12:57.300 of other options to express your feelings. 0:12:57.320 --> 0:12:58.360 But there's no need to say, I hope you had 0:12:58.380 --> 0:13:00.300 a nice birthday night, winky face. 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:02.339 Someone could do that, though, and then go, it's just 0:13:02.380 --> 0:13:05.839 an emoji. Like, get over yourself. There's plenty of people 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:10.369 who do that. That's micro-cheating. Could be. Sounds like it. 0:13:11.270 --> 0:13:11.750 Don't you reckon? 0:13:11.770 --> 0:13:16.350 I might head out. You could just do this chat 0:13:16.370 --> 0:13:17.350 with yourself. 0:13:17.890 --> 0:13:21.330 Winky emoji to me, microchip. Yeah. 0:13:21.390 --> 0:13:24.120 I mean, contextually is again. Yeah. 0:13:24.390 --> 0:13:27.100 Like you said, eggplant. You're not sending that and then 0:13:27.160 --> 0:13:30.120 lips and then the little wet one, are you? We're 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:33.540 not sending that. That's inappropriate. That's a series of emojis 0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:36.240 that should not ever be sent to anyone except your partner. 0:13:36.910 --> 0:13:40.449 Or someone you're, you know, wanting to engage in physical. 0:13:40.470 --> 0:13:42.530 This is fine. And then could be not fine. So 0:13:42.610 --> 0:13:43.150 very helpful. 0:13:43.350 --> 0:13:44.390 In this scenario, sounds okay. 0:13:44.410 --> 0:13:46.929 I think it's totally fine. I think your partner, perhaps 0:13:46.970 --> 0:13:48.860 maybe a little bit insecure about this person. Yeah. Is 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:49.500 a bit worried. 0:13:49.550 --> 0:13:52.179 I think in this scenario, you're all good. But I 0:13:52.220 --> 0:13:54.780 think there are scenarios where it might not be all good. 0:13:55.140 --> 0:13:55.720 Oh my God. 0:13:55.820 --> 0:13:56.140 Yeah. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:56.699 I'm going next. 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:57.520 I wouldn't send a. 0:13:57.500 --> 0:13:58.880 Red love heart. I'm going next. I don't want to 0:13:58.920 --> 0:13:59.880 hear about the red love heart anymore. 0:14:00.300 --> 0:14:03.300 I wouldn't send a red love heart to a colleague. Okay. 0:14:03.740 --> 0:14:04.240 Or my boss. 0:14:04.900 --> 0:14:06.100 I would hope not. That would be weird. 0:14:06.350 --> 0:14:09.690 But that's what I'm saying. So now you're saying, right, 0:14:09.710 --> 0:14:11.189 that there is a place. 0:14:11.450 --> 0:14:14.910 I think I sent Xander a love heart today and 0:14:14.950 --> 0:14:15.470 it was blue. 0:14:16.340 --> 0:14:16.700 See? 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.300 But that's, you know why that is though? Because this 0:14:19.380 --> 0:14:21.860 is weird. No, no. As soon as we had a 0:14:22.020 --> 0:14:24.160 kid and it was a boy, I just started sending 0:14:24.180 --> 0:14:25.140 blue love hearts to everyone. 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:25.920 That's really nice. 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:27.770 Just for some reason. But we're having a girl now, 0:14:27.790 --> 0:14:29.310 so I'm going to have to pick and choose. But 0:14:29.330 --> 0:14:31.850 does that mean if I sent Xander a pink one 0:14:31.910 --> 0:14:33.910 or a red one, you'd be like, oh, something's going 0:14:33.950 --> 0:14:34.150 on there. 0:14:34.190 --> 0:14:37.450 I feel you would just like blind, but Xander would go, 0:14:37.510 --> 0:14:39.010 why is he sending me pink love hearts? 0:14:40.430 --> 0:14:42.340 And then what? He texts you and go, hey, locks 0:14:42.420 --> 0:14:42.880 hidden on me. 0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:45.440 Locks just microchipped. Just letting you know. 0:14:46.070 --> 0:14:47.330 Holy moly. 0:14:47.450 --> 0:14:50.520 But anyway, my point is there's an appropriate place for that. 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:53.140 And for example, if you wouldn't do it with your 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.100 boss or your colleague, then obviously it means there's a 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:55.780 boundary there. 0:14:55.780 --> 0:14:59.210 100%. Let us know what you think, guys. 0:14:59.250 --> 0:15:00.590 I want to know. I want to know what you think. 0:15:01.310 --> 0:15:03.210 Is there certain emojis that are off limits? 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:14.280 All right, next story says, I was in a long-term 0:15:14.300 --> 0:15:16.840 relationship with someone who went traveling for a month and 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:18.940 when he got home, he was a different person. He 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:21.780 almost immediately started sleeping with his phone under his pillow, 0:15:22.020 --> 0:15:24.760 Snapchatting someone he'd met overseas who ironically was from our 0:15:24.830 --> 0:15:27.810 small town. He also tried to exclude me from social 0:15:27.870 --> 0:15:31.830 catch-ups because I assume his friends knew something that I didn't. 0:15:32.430 --> 0:15:34.530 He was reassuring me that there was nothing to worry 0:15:34.590 --> 0:15:37.370 about because she was a lot older than him. One time, 0:15:37.430 --> 0:15:39.610 I was able to check his messages and found they'd 0:15:39.650 --> 0:15:43.380 been planning a bucket list together. and being very flirty. 0:15:43.700 --> 0:15:48.340 He never took accountability for it. He's now married to her. Bro, 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:49.330 that sounded like your one. 0:15:49.830 --> 0:15:52.590 That's cheating. That's just cheating. 0:15:52.610 --> 0:15:55.050 Yeah, but the initial part, I think she's saying, not 0:15:55.130 --> 0:15:58.590 that he's now with her, but that he was, you know, 0:15:58.690 --> 0:16:01.520 like Snapchatting, keeping his phone secret. 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:04.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are microcheats, in my opinion. 0:16:04.580 --> 0:16:06.380 A lot of people on the old Snapchat. 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:10.390 I'm telling you, Snapchat's not where you should be if 0:16:10.430 --> 0:16:15.010 you're in a relationship and it's long-term. And you're over 12. Exactly. 0:16:15.130 --> 0:16:17.910 Not a teenager. It's just weird. If I met a 0:16:17.970 --> 0:16:21.010 man at our age who had Snapchat, I would immediately 0:16:21.100 --> 0:16:25.080 laugh in his face and say, what for? Are you 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.240 talking to 12-year-olds? It's weird. 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:28.240 That is weird. 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:28.800 Anyway. 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:31.840 So what about this one? That's cheating. 0:16:31.860 --> 0:16:34.010 He cheated. He cheated. 0:16:34.790 --> 0:16:36.310 Obviously. Bucket list? 0:16:36.330 --> 0:16:38.410 Sorry, you're writing a bucket list with someone, but she's 0:16:38.490 --> 0:16:39.650 old as though it doesn't matter. 0:16:39.990 --> 0:16:40.290 Yes. 0:16:40.410 --> 0:16:41.830 I don't care how old she is. You don't write 0:16:41.910 --> 0:16:45.200 bucket lists with your mates unless it's like a matey 0:16:45.260 --> 0:16:45.620 bucket list. 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.920 He was doing what- So you just met her. What 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.480 yours did to you is excluding her from social catch-ups. 0:16:50.660 --> 0:16:50.780 Yeah. 0:16:50.900 --> 0:16:54.180 Not because she was there, but because maybe he didn't 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:55.760 want her talking to one of the friends and the 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:59.050 friend slipping up about something happening with old mate. 0:16:59.190 --> 0:16:59.950 That's bad. 0:17:00.850 --> 0:17:01.570 What's bad there? 0:17:01.730 --> 0:17:02.850 Yeah, the exclusion. 0:17:02.870 --> 0:17:03.430 I know. 0:17:03.610 --> 0:17:03.890 Anyway. 0:17:04.030 --> 0:17:04.649 You probably feel that. 0:17:04.750 --> 0:17:06.390 Obviously ended badly, so. 0:17:06.750 --> 0:17:07.270 Yeah, I mean. 0:17:07.330 --> 0:17:08.130 Sorry to hear. 0:17:08.150 --> 0:17:09.810 Snapchat seems to be the place to go if you 0:17:09.830 --> 0:17:10.710 want to microchip at the moment. 0:17:12.230 --> 0:17:14.149 Okay, this one says, a few years ago I was 0:17:14.190 --> 0:17:16.420 dating this guy that was best friends with a girl 0:17:16.500 --> 0:17:19.379 he used to casually see. She was living overseas by 0:17:19.420 --> 0:17:21.040 the time we were dating, so I never met her 0:17:21.060 --> 0:17:24.260 and it was all virtual. The dynamic created insecurity because 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:26.980 they would be messaging on or on a call for hours, 0:17:27.300 --> 0:17:29.520 tried to be cool and continued to brush it off. 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:32.469 As the months went on, he would get defensive when 0:17:32.510 --> 0:17:35.470 I questioned why they would use love heart emojis and 0:17:35.670 --> 0:17:39.100 XX at the end of messages or say love you often. 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:41.340 Why are you questioning that even? 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.300 Who, what? Sorry. Sorry. 0:17:44.260 --> 0:17:46.419 After an argument we had about five months in, I 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:48.739 decided to check his Apple Watch texts while he was 0:17:48.790 --> 0:17:51.350 in the shower. What I found was messages between the 0:17:51.369 --> 0:17:54.090 two of them debriefing on the entire argument we had, 0:17:54.570 --> 0:17:58.129 both calling me awful names, him saying he'd rather be 0:17:58.170 --> 0:18:01.580 with her and all while he was crying, apologizing to 0:18:01.619 --> 0:18:04.459 my face an hour earlier. I broke up with him. 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:05.840 Hell yeah. 0:18:06.180 --> 0:18:06.500 Good. 0:18:06.859 --> 0:18:08.459 He admitted to me a couple of months later that 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:11.340 it was wrong. Yeah. And she had blocked him when 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:14.000 she got into a new relationship herself. That's the only 0:18:14.040 --> 0:18:17.370 reason he admitted it. It's because he felt the same feeling. 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:21.250 And he went, oh, that's what it feels like. What 0:18:21.290 --> 0:18:21.750 a tool. 0:18:21.770 --> 0:18:26.229 These are really stirring up some emotions. 0:18:26.250 --> 0:18:27.630 Where did men get the audacity? 0:18:27.650 --> 0:18:30.330 I think you got a bit of microchipping PTSD, my love. 0:18:30.850 --> 0:18:34.859 Oh, God. God, it's so irritating. The gaslighting is so irritating. 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.159 See, I think when we had the initial conversation, I 0:18:37.220 --> 0:18:40.399 mentioned something like this as well, like discussing your relationship 0:18:40.540 --> 0:18:43.040 inappropriately with someone of the opposite sex who you're not 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:46.580 like friends with, I think is inappropriate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:48.180 If you have a relationship trouble, like go to your family, 0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:50.750 like go to your friends. Don't go to like someone 0:18:50.850 --> 0:18:55.000 who you know. Well, your ex-partner. Yeah, or, you know, 0:18:55.020 --> 0:18:58.920 a semi-slightly romantic feeling towards you or whatever. But you're 0:18:58.940 --> 0:19:01.580 definitely not an ex-partner, like ragging on your current partner. 0:19:01.619 --> 0:19:05.820 Horrible. Calling your names even. Not just divulging for a 0:19:05.859 --> 0:19:07.300 shoulder to lean on, which is bad anyway. 0:19:07.340 --> 0:19:09.869 That would be so tough. Like imagine reading that. Like 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:10.940 you've had a battle with your partner. 0:19:10.960 --> 0:19:12.610 Oh, I'd be fuming. And then you open up messages and. 0:19:12.510 --> 0:19:15.690 See that he's been messaging Stacey, who you hate, about 0:19:15.750 --> 0:19:16.989 how bad you are. 0:19:17.170 --> 0:19:18.810 I don't know what I'd do. I don't know if 0:19:18.850 --> 0:19:21.450 I'd storm into the shower and just guns blazing or 0:19:21.470 --> 0:19:24.590 if I'd leave. And do something really sinister before I left. 0:19:24.830 --> 0:19:25.850 Like a toothbrush toilet. 0:19:26.510 --> 0:19:27.609 No, not that, but something. 0:19:27.670 --> 0:19:28.950 Well, he'd be in the bathroom, so he wouldn't be 0:19:28.990 --> 0:19:29.830 able to get away with that. 0:19:29.850 --> 0:19:33.000 Make life inconvenient in some way. And then just ghost him. 0:19:33.020 --> 0:19:34.200 Because people hate that. 0:19:35.180 --> 0:19:36.160 Being ghosted? Yeah. 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:38.840 Like out of nowhere with no reason. Like he would 0:19:38.859 --> 0:19:41.470 never know. He would never know that you found out. 0:19:41.470 --> 0:19:42.190 He'd just guess. 0:19:42.190 --> 0:19:44.520 Yeah, but what you do, you leave. And you disappear. 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:46.960 You leave the Apple Watch messages open on the bed 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:47.800 and just walk out. 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:50.240 That's yeah that's like a music video it's like get 0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:52.840 out is it like a music yeah it feels like 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.840 that from the 90s don't you reckon or early 2000s 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:58.580 feels like a music video slow motion toss the apple 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:01.139 watch walk out of the door in slow motion the 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:05.070 girl's got big hoops on don't. 0:20:03.670 --> 0:20:06.880 You reckon You said, don't you reckon a lot? No. 0:20:07.140 --> 0:20:08.820 I just think it would be a good idea. 0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:09.740 I just had a vision. It was like. 0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:10.550 It's beautiful. 0:20:10.590 --> 0:20:11.430 I think in pictures. 0:20:11.450 --> 0:20:18.650 Yeah. Sometimes I can tell. Yeah. Okay, go. Next one. 0:20:18.670 --> 0:20:22.210 Next story says, my partner would regularly message women he 0:20:22.260 --> 0:20:24.720 had met on his travels when he was much younger 0:20:24.859 --> 0:20:27.410 or while we were in a relationship. Some he'd been 0:20:27.550 --> 0:20:30.250 intimate with in the past. Being young and naive when 0:20:30.270 --> 0:20:32.370 we met, I never even thought about it. But now 0:20:32.410 --> 0:20:34.169 that I'm older, I've put my foot down and said 0:20:34.190 --> 0:20:36.780 there's no reason for him to maintain these pen pals, 0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:39.659 especially when he's had sex with most of them. He 0:20:39.700 --> 0:20:44.360 literally stayed in contact with these women for 15 years. What? 0:20:44.380 --> 0:20:46.480 That's how long you put up with it for? 0:20:46.660 --> 0:20:49.070 I feel like it's the equivalent to how men would 0:20:49.130 --> 0:20:51.649 send love letters in the olden days. But instead of 0:20:51.670 --> 0:20:54.190 to just me, it's to lots of women all around 0:20:54.230 --> 0:20:57.460 the world. You're such a loser if you're doing that. 0:20:57.540 --> 0:20:58.330 Are you still together? 0:20:58.350 --> 0:21:01.290 I mean, it sounds like it. She said she's put 0:21:01.310 --> 0:21:04.030 her foot down. Oh. So like to me, that would be, 0:21:04.050 --> 0:21:07.990 I said, hey, don't do this anymore. And he's adhered 0:21:08.030 --> 0:21:08.770 to that request. 0:21:08.950 --> 0:21:10.290 I hate that so much. 0:21:10.790 --> 0:21:16.040 But it seems like holding on to that, you know, 0:21:16.440 --> 0:21:20.160 like these women and you had an experience and they 0:21:20.180 --> 0:21:23.109 desired you at some point and it's like, holding on. 0:21:22.950 --> 0:21:23.790 To that relation. 0:21:23.810 --> 0:21:24.750 Like, what are you talking? 0:21:24.770 --> 0:21:25.899 Do you still have the hots for me? 0:21:25.910 --> 0:21:27.690 Just some chick 15 years ago from Portugal. 0:21:27.780 --> 0:21:30.720 He's keeping them on the radar just in case. 0:21:31.200 --> 0:21:33.600 That's so lame. Just if any, if you break up 0:21:33.619 --> 0:21:36.340 with your missus, you'll find someone else. Like, or have 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:37.350 a look around. You don't need to keep an old. 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.080 Some men do this. They like to collect women. 0:21:39.100 --> 0:21:41.359 A 15 year old flame. Yeah. Why don't you just 0:21:41.380 --> 0:21:43.900 click the phone number though? And then you don't need 0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:44.980 to like collect them. 0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:47.820 Cause it makes them feel powerful. Like I have all 0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:51.650 these women who are still interested in me. Maybe, yeah. 0:21:51.670 --> 0:21:54.169 It could be a weird little fetish thing, I guess. 0:21:54.190 --> 0:21:54.490 It is. 0:21:54.490 --> 0:21:55.350 A little kink thing. 0:21:55.690 --> 0:21:58.230 But yeah, sometimes I read these things and I'm like, 0:21:58.590 --> 0:22:00.150 you're a much better person than me. 0:22:00.390 --> 0:22:00.810 Yeah. 0:22:00.830 --> 0:22:04.370 Because if my father was doing that, I'd just be like, you're. 0:22:03.590 --> 0:22:05.149 Not the one for me. I wouldn't tolerate that for 0:22:05.190 --> 0:22:07.380 a second. I think I got upset at you once 0:22:07.410 --> 0:22:11.419 when your ex-girlfriend sent you a birthday message and you 0:22:11.460 --> 0:22:14.020 replied and I was like, how dare you reply to that? 0:22:14.100 --> 0:22:15.180 Which experience? 0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:18.340 You don't remember? We were in Spain. I remember it vividly. 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:18.419 No. 0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:20.100 In pictures. No. 0:22:21.780 --> 0:22:25.260 What were we doing? It was your birthday. Who was it? 0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:27.020 Like old, old ex? 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:28.719 You have to bleep the name out. It was. 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:29.359 Oh. 0:22:30.619 --> 0:22:33.700 It was your, so it was like an ex who 0:22:33.760 --> 0:22:37.180 you'd had a good relationship. Like you ended on fine terms. Yeah. 0:22:37.500 --> 0:22:40.660 So obviously a part of me was like, they don't 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.300 hate each other. Like I hate all my exes. So 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:46.040 there's no chance of me, you know, rekindling. But in 0:22:46.080 --> 0:22:48.810 my head I was like, he could, he could decide 0:22:49.070 --> 0:22:51.090 that she's the one for him. And so when she 0:22:51.130 --> 0:22:54.010 sent you birthday message and you replied, I was like, 0:22:55.170 --> 0:22:57.490 I think I felt like you should have at least 0:22:57.670 --> 0:23:02.240 asked me first if it was appropriate to reply. So anyway, 0:23:02.260 --> 0:23:06.320 that's where I'm coming from. Like if she'd messaged you 0:23:06.340 --> 0:23:06.919 happy birthday? 0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:11.920 No, no, like not being 23, 24, like just being 0:23:11.940 --> 0:23:13.010 a little bit more mature. 0:23:13.330 --> 0:23:16.209 I think I wouldn't care as much because we're married 0:23:16.250 --> 0:23:19.510 and we have kids. Like there's less to be insecure about, 0:23:19.630 --> 0:23:19.850 you know? 0:23:20.430 --> 0:23:23.510 Sure, but I'm saying now, like, do you think that 0:23:23.550 --> 0:23:23.890 that was. 0:23:24.890 --> 0:23:26.449 Oh, now do I think at the time? 0:23:26.510 --> 0:23:27.970 Was it weird? Yeah, was that warranted behavior? 0:23:28.010 --> 0:23:30.010 At the time, it was in line with who I 0:23:30.050 --> 0:23:30.850 was as a person. 0:23:31.630 --> 0:23:35.130 Sure. Which was? 0:23:35.490 --> 0:23:40.570 A bit insecure and wanting to defend what I felt 0:23:40.609 --> 0:23:42.260 was mine, my honor. 0:23:42.390 --> 0:23:45.149 I would love to... I would love to read the 0:23:45.190 --> 0:23:47.110 message to see how I responded to see if there 0:23:47.130 --> 0:23:48.109 was any reason to be annoyed. 0:23:48.130 --> 0:23:49.610 No, no, you were just like, hey, thanks so much, 0:23:49.650 --> 0:23:53.170 but you've done little X's. That pissed me off. The 0:23:53.230 --> 0:23:54.540 X's didn't need to be there. 0:23:54.680 --> 0:23:56.760 Sorry. I'm sorry for sending the virtual kiss. 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:58.780 I can't believe you don't remember this. We had a 0:23:58.800 --> 0:24:00.820 huge fight and I was like, I really don't want 0:24:00.840 --> 0:24:02.160 to start a fight on your birthday, but. 0:24:02.180 --> 0:24:04.220 Oh, it was on my birthday. 0:24:04.340 --> 0:24:06.860 It was a birthday message you had replied to. 0:24:06.880 --> 0:24:10.110 Were you having a little gaze over the shoulder again? 0:24:11.710 --> 0:24:12.109 Must have. 0:24:12.130 --> 0:24:13.270 Or did you go through my phone when I was 0:24:13.290 --> 0:24:13.609 in the shower? 0:24:13.630 --> 0:24:14.150 No, I saw. 0:24:14.170 --> 0:24:15.590 This seems like behavior that's really. 0:24:15.609 --> 0:24:17.189 I saw who you were talking to. 0:24:17.210 --> 0:24:17.929 Oh, okay. 0:24:18.820 --> 0:24:20.760 And I was like, that's weird. Why are you messaging 0:24:20.800 --> 0:24:21.160 your ex? 0:24:21.580 --> 0:24:24.939 Yeah. Okay. I'm very sorry again for doing it. And 0:24:24.960 --> 0:24:26.659 I'm super sorry for sending the exes. 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:28.740 Anyway, my point is I wouldn't let that fly. That 0:24:28.760 --> 0:24:30.780 would not be like something I'd just be like, okay, 0:24:30.940 --> 0:24:34.390 all good. Continue messaging your ex lovers for the next 0:24:34.830 --> 0:24:37.410 several years. I would shut that down then and there. 0:24:37.450 --> 0:24:38.750 That's what I'm saying. Yeah. 0:24:38.830 --> 0:24:42.750 But messaging ex lovers is a bit different to. yearly 0:24:42.850 --> 0:24:44.830 maybe getting a message just saying like, hey, happy birthday, 0:24:44.850 --> 0:24:45.189 hope you're well. 0:24:45.210 --> 0:24:47.310 That's what I'm saying. I'm saying the happy birthday message 0:24:47.770 --> 0:24:51.790 is like more acceptable. So getting messages from these random 0:24:51.830 --> 0:24:54.330 women all the time. Oh, yeah. I feel far less 0:24:54.369 --> 0:24:56.970 acceptable than birthday message from ex, you know. 0:24:56.990 --> 0:24:59.689 Yeah, this is very odd. Yeah. And I think your 0:24:59.710 --> 0:25:01.750 partner has some stuff going on. 0:25:01.990 --> 0:25:02.510 Yeah. 0:25:02.810 --> 0:25:04.910 If you're talking to someone you slept with 15 years 0:25:04.950 --> 0:25:06.970 ago and trying to keep that alive, when you're in 0:25:06.990 --> 0:25:08.970 a relationship, it's very odd. Yeah. Very odd. 0:25:09.010 --> 0:25:20.360 I'm glad you shut it down though. My boyfriend was 0:25:20.400 --> 0:25:27.240 messaging my sister. Then he was 1,000% gaslighting me and 0:25:27.300 --> 0:25:30.370 making up excuses as to why he had to message her. 0:25:30.869 --> 0:25:33.750 It was nonstop. They would hide their phones from me, 0:25:33.850 --> 0:25:36.090 and at one point she was receiving all the good 0:25:36.150 --> 0:25:41.050 morning messages that I wasn't. That relationship didn't last long, 0:25:41.230 --> 0:25:45.870 but it sure caused some emotional damage. Oh, that's so icky. 0:25:46.010 --> 0:25:49.520 In this scenario, right? Like when I read that. I 0:25:49.520 --> 0:25:52.200 was like, but if it was my sister and some 0:25:52.220 --> 0:25:55.220 dude I was dating or like in this chick's case, 0:25:56.109 --> 0:25:58.590 I don't care about the dude. Like, flog him off, whatever. 0:25:58.730 --> 0:26:01.229 Oh, yeah, but your relationship with your sibling. 0:26:01.270 --> 0:26:04.650 If your sister's hiding the fact and if you're saying like, hey, 0:26:04.770 --> 0:26:06.619 what are you saying to John? And like, let me 0:26:06.640 --> 0:26:08.000 have a look. And she's hiding it from you and stuff. 0:26:08.950 --> 0:26:10.700 It means your sister's doing the wrong. 0:26:10.760 --> 0:26:12.340 So much worse of a betrayal. 0:26:12.420 --> 0:26:15.040 Yeah, who cares about the random bloke you're dating? It's 0:26:15.119 --> 0:26:16.720 your blood, it's your sister, it's your family. 0:26:16.740 --> 0:26:18.720 Yeah, that's really sad. Double whammy. 0:26:19.080 --> 0:26:22.300 Double homicide. Yeah, I dare say that's kind of on 0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:24.220 the sister more than the boyfriend. 0:26:24.440 --> 0:26:26.780 Oh, they're both in the wrong, obviously. That's horrible. 0:26:27.119 --> 0:26:28.479 Yeah. 0:26:29.900 --> 0:26:30.660 I can't believe you. 0:26:30.830 --> 0:26:32.590 Would you come back from something like that with your sibling? 0:26:32.750 --> 0:26:35.090 Is that kind of like, yeah, we were just so stupid? 0:26:35.109 --> 0:26:35.590 No, I don't think so. 0:26:35.630 --> 0:26:37.969 Or you would never talk to your sibling again? Even 0:26:38.020 --> 0:26:39.280 if it was like some dude you've been dating for 0:26:39.300 --> 0:26:39.439 a month. 0:26:39.500 --> 0:26:41.480 I would get to a point where I'd be amicable 0:26:41.560 --> 0:26:43.280 for the sake of my parents or whatever. 0:26:43.720 --> 0:26:43.980 Sure. 0:26:44.020 --> 0:26:47.720 You know, like, but I wouldn't have any kind of 0:26:47.760 --> 0:26:50.129 relationship with someone who'd be willing to do that to me. 0:26:50.390 --> 0:26:53.050 Would it change if like you'd been just dating them 0:26:53.090 --> 0:26:54.489 for a month or if you've been dating them for 0:26:54.830 --> 0:26:56.290 three years? You know what I mean? 0:26:56.310 --> 0:26:58.490 No, because if you're messaging them at the time, no. 0:26:59.190 --> 0:26:59.350 No. 0:27:00.640 --> 0:27:03.280 That's just like, if you're really in love with my 0:27:03.320 --> 0:27:06.130 boyfriend and my boyfriend's in love with you, the least 0:27:06.150 --> 0:27:08.790 you can do is wait and then have a conversation 0:27:08.830 --> 0:27:11.090 with me about it down the line after we've been 0:27:11.109 --> 0:27:13.190 broken up for some time. Do you know what I mean? 0:27:13.290 --> 0:27:14.150 What's the appropriate time? 0:27:15.740 --> 0:27:20.650 At least it depends on how long the relationship was for. Well, 0:27:20.670 --> 0:27:22.850 I don't know. If it's three months, I would wait 0:27:22.869 --> 0:27:25.150 a year. If it's like five years, I would wait 0:27:25.190 --> 0:27:26.190 a lot longer than that. 0:27:26.970 --> 0:27:29.149 Okay, well, by three-month standard, you've got to wait a year. 0:27:29.170 --> 0:27:30.930 You've got to wait four times the length. 0:27:31.350 --> 0:27:32.290 Not necessarily. 0:27:32.310 --> 0:27:34.659 Oh, okay. So, if it was a two-year relationship, do 0:27:34.680 --> 0:27:35.600 you have to wait eight years? 0:27:35.619 --> 0:27:42.660 No, like four. No, two. Two. Two years gets two years. 0:27:43.440 --> 0:27:45.620 Two years gets two years. So, the longer you date, 0:27:45.660 --> 0:27:47.530 they actually... Unless you have to wait. 0:27:47.590 --> 0:27:50.190 Yeah, so you better break up and then, you know. Anyway, 0:27:50.210 --> 0:27:54.429 we don't need to get into those semantics, but that's cooked. 0:27:54.750 --> 0:27:56.270 Yeah, that's cooked. 0:27:56.550 --> 0:27:57.169 Oh, sorry, I read that one. 0:27:57.190 --> 0:28:00.270 Next story says, not me, but my friend's boyfriend got 0:28:00.350 --> 0:28:03.270 caught liking another girl's stories after we were looking at 0:28:03.390 --> 0:28:06.580 her Instagram page on his phone. We had seen that 0:28:06.600 --> 0:28:09.820 throughout their entire relationship, he'd actually been liking her stories. 0:28:10.240 --> 0:28:12.680 Mind you, this girl is very attractive and kind of 0:28:12.740 --> 0:28:17.000 known for her assets she got upset and went to 0:28:17.040 --> 0:28:19.300 bed and forgot about it in the morning my boyfriend 0:28:19.320 --> 0:28:21.380 and i were there when it unfolded and we both 0:28:21.440 --> 0:28:23.320 agreed this is not the kind of situation we would 0:28:23.359 --> 0:28:25.140 just be okay with how do you forget about that 0:28:25.400 --> 0:28:29.020 he also was still texting other girls he had relations 0:28:29.080 --> 0:28:32.000 with previously whilst they were dating he never saw them 0:28:32.040 --> 0:28:34.280 or did anything to actually cheat but this man is 0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:38.900 the ceo of micro cheating yeah and they're still together. 0:28:38.340 --> 0:28:41.630 Okay hella micro cheating I feel like the thing that 0:28:41.670 --> 0:28:44.290 worries me as well is the micro-cheating is a gateway. 0:28:44.550 --> 0:28:45.430 It's a gateway drug. 0:28:45.450 --> 0:28:47.430 Yeah, you see what you can get away with, right? 0:28:47.590 --> 0:28:51.150 To the macro-cheating. And it would be likely that if 0:28:51.230 --> 0:28:54.990 someone is conducting behavior like this regularly, they could already 0:28:55.030 --> 0:28:57.800 be cheating on you. You just don't know it yet. 0:28:58.400 --> 0:29:00.620 Yeah, well, it did say there, like, you never saw 0:29:00.640 --> 0:29:02.860 them or did anything. But, like, how would you know? 0:29:02.880 --> 0:29:03.540 How do you know? 0:29:03.560 --> 0:29:06.870 Yeah. but also when it, when like, this was obviously 0:29:06.910 --> 0:29:08.970 not the person writing and it was, Hey, I experienced 0:29:08.990 --> 0:29:10.959 this with my friend. And she's saying like, you know, 0:29:11.000 --> 0:29:13.020 he's a bit of a dodgy guy and they're still together. 0:29:13.680 --> 0:29:16.840 I feel like it's your responsibility as the friend to 0:29:16.900 --> 0:29:19.280 go to your friend and go, Hey, your partner does 0:29:19.320 --> 0:29:22.590 all this really dodgy stuff. He treats you really poorly. 0:29:23.590 --> 0:29:26.090 Perhaps like, you have a chat to him and tell 0:29:26.110 --> 0:29:27.670 him to reel it in otherwise like this is not 0:29:27.690 --> 0:29:29.020 going to work because you don't deserve to be treated 0:29:29.060 --> 0:29:29.880 like this maybe. 0:29:29.700 --> 0:29:32.020 They've already had those chats and she's just stayed with 0:29:32.080 --> 0:29:33.800 him and then it gets to a point where you 0:29:33.840 --> 0:29:34.420 are then it doesn't mean. 0:29:34.360 --> 0:29:36.070 You have to only have the chat once you can 0:29:36.250 --> 0:29:39.390 pull your friend over again and say hey he's still doing. 0:29:39.190 --> 0:29:33.070 These things it's really Yeah, but if. 0:29:33.270 --> 0:29:39.300 They're not listening to. 0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:42.700 You, then all of a sudden you become the bad 0:29:42.740 --> 0:29:45.820 guy in their mind. Because you're just giving them information 0:29:45.840 --> 0:29:47.860 they don't want anymore. They don't want to hear it. 0:29:47.880 --> 0:29:49.290 They don't want to borrow it. They want to keep 0:29:49.310 --> 0:29:50.810 their head in the dark. And then you're the bad 0:29:50.850 --> 0:29:53.070 guy because you're just bashing on their partner who they're 0:29:53.110 --> 0:29:55.610 pretending is a good person. And then they don't want 0:29:55.630 --> 0:29:57.390 to confide in you as well because then they're going 0:29:57.410 --> 0:29:59.050 to be embarrassed when something does happen. 0:29:59.070 --> 0:29:59.150 Yeah. 0:30:00.130 --> 0:30:02.370 And they need someone to talk to. And you're going 0:30:02.390 --> 0:30:04.010 to be like, told you so. And they don't want that. 0:30:05.230 --> 0:30:05.930 Yeah. I mean. 0:30:06.410 --> 0:30:08.230 This is what happens in toxic relationships. 0:30:08.600 --> 0:30:10.050 Definitely possible. If they've said to you. 0:30:10.060 --> 0:30:11.280 You just withdraw. If your friend's like. 0:30:11.300 --> 0:30:12.780 If they've said to you specifically, I want to keep 0:30:12.800 --> 0:30:14.520 my head in the sand. I don't care that he's 0:30:14.540 --> 0:30:15.080 doing that. That's very. 0:30:15.100 --> 0:30:16.040 They're not going to say those words. 0:30:16.060 --> 0:30:16.720 That's very different though. 0:30:16.740 --> 0:30:19.270 They're just going to, they're just going to like coast 0:30:19.370 --> 0:30:21.010 over it and act like it's not a big deal. 0:30:21.390 --> 0:30:23.570 Yeah, but if you have the conversation and they say, yeah, 0:30:23.610 --> 0:30:25.730 we actually, we did have a chat about it. Like, 0:30:25.850 --> 0:30:27.110 and he says he's going to reel it in. And 0:30:27.130 --> 0:30:29.850 then you notice that he's not doing that. Then don't 0:30:29.870 --> 0:30:31.290 you think it's fair to then have the conversation and 0:30:31.310 --> 0:30:32.750 go like, hey, he said he was going to do 0:30:32.770 --> 0:30:34.390 these things a bit differently and he's still not doing it. 0:30:34.410 --> 0:30:36.060 Yeah, but who's to say he said he's going to 0:30:36.080 --> 0:30:37.340 reel it in? I'm just saying. 0:30:37.380 --> 0:30:38.030 Your friend says that to you. 0:30:38.060 --> 0:30:39.980 She might want to live in the dark and just 0:30:40.040 --> 0:30:41.330 ignore that it's happening. Yeah. 0:30:41.350 --> 0:30:42.770 I don't know. I feel like you have a responsibility 0:30:42.810 --> 0:30:43.150 as a friend. 0:30:43.230 --> 0:30:45.090 Yeah, you do. But you have a responsibility to say 0:30:45.110 --> 0:30:47.570 it once or twice and then just accept that like, 0:30:47.590 --> 0:30:49.520 that's it. They're not like, they don't want to hear it. 0:30:49.790 --> 0:30:51.790 People need to choose for themselves. They need to like 0:30:52.150 --> 0:30:53.770 make their own decisions in life and they need to 0:30:53.810 --> 0:30:56.230 want to help themselves. And some people just don't. And 0:30:56.270 --> 0:30:58.860 unfortunately you just have to wait until they figure it out. 0:31:00.660 --> 0:31:03.620 unless you want to become their, like you then become 0:31:03.640 --> 0:31:06.660 an enemy of theirs because they just feel these, every 0:31:06.700 --> 0:31:08.480 time you talk to them, they feel like negative and 0:31:08.600 --> 0:31:11.660 anxious because you're like, they feel judgment from you for 0:31:11.700 --> 0:31:14.400 that kind of criticism, you know? So it's tricky. There's 0:31:14.420 --> 0:31:16.810 a fine line between being a good friend and, you know, 0:31:17.230 --> 0:31:19.890 telling someone the truth and then letting them come to 0:31:19.910 --> 0:31:21.870 their senses themselves. Like it's hard. 0:31:23.390 --> 0:31:24.390 Fair enough. Yeah. 0:31:25.090 --> 0:31:26.590 As someone who's been there on either side. 0:31:26.610 --> 0:31:27.110 Oh, okay. 0:31:27.730 --> 0:31:28.450 Oh, this is a long one. 0:31:28.470 --> 0:31:29.590 Okay. 0:31:29.610 --> 0:31:32.720 Okay. Strap in. I had an ex who micro-cheated and 0:31:32.760 --> 0:31:36.030 continuously gaslit me into thinking it wasn't cheating. He started 0:31:36.070 --> 0:31:38.250 a new job that was FIFO and spent periods of 0:31:38.290 --> 0:31:40.550 time away from home. One weekend, he went camping with 0:31:40.590 --> 0:31:43.270 his co-workers instead of coming home. Mind you, this was 0:31:43.370 --> 0:31:47.719 over Valentine's Day. Stroke number one. He had told me 0:31:47.740 --> 0:31:49.060 he was going to share a tent with one of 0:31:49.100 --> 0:31:51.360 the other boys and that they wouldn't have reception until 0:31:51.400 --> 0:31:52.680 they got back. Hate that. 0:31:52.700 --> 0:31:54.460 The old no reception until you get back. 0:31:55.050 --> 0:31:57.510 The day that they returned, I asked how it was 0:31:57.750 --> 0:31:59.950 and asked to see any pictures that he had taken. 0:32:00.090 --> 0:32:02.210 Amongst all the pictures he sent through, there was a 0:32:02.250 --> 0:32:03.810 picture of the guy he was meant to share his 0:32:03.850 --> 0:32:07.430 tent with who was sleeping in his car. I asked 0:32:07.490 --> 0:32:09.350 why he was sleeping in the car and he said 0:32:09.430 --> 0:32:12.130 because all the tents were full. I asked who he 0:32:12.170 --> 0:32:14.490 slept with if it wasn't that guy and he stuttered 0:32:14.700 --> 0:32:16.640 and admitted he shared his tent with one of the 0:32:16.680 --> 0:32:19.640 other girls that he worked with. I was obviously shocked 0:32:19.780 --> 0:32:22.520 and asked him why and if anything happened between them. 0:32:23.020 --> 0:32:25.479 He said that she tried to spoon him, they were 0:32:25.500 --> 0:32:28.710 supposedly drunk, and he let her until he realised how 0:32:28.750 --> 0:32:30.410 much he loved me and moved. 0:32:30.430 --> 0:32:38.830 LAUGHTER I'm sure she wasn't laughing, guys, when he said that. 0:32:38.870 --> 0:32:41.470 Sarah just lost it. 0:32:41.710 --> 0:32:41.870 I know. 0:32:42.350 --> 0:32:45.930 And moved her arm off of him. We were together. 0:32:46.050 --> 0:32:46.450 Oh, no. 0:32:46.470 --> 0:32:48.490 We were together for six and a half years at 0:32:48.530 --> 0:32:49.390 this stage. 0:32:49.410 --> 0:32:50.110 That's crazy. 0:32:50.370 --> 0:32:52.940 In the week to follow, it was his birthday. At 0:32:53.100 --> 0:32:56.800 mid-birthday FaceTime, he hung up because someone was at his door. 0:32:56.960 --> 0:32:59.640 It was her. I called him back and asked why 0:32:59.680 --> 0:33:01.520 he hung up, and he said he didn't mean to. 0:33:01.880 --> 0:33:03.400 He said that she had left a note on his 0:33:03.440 --> 0:33:06.540 door saying, happy birthday, ex. and had been waiting for 0:33:06.560 --> 0:33:08.580 him to leave his room to walk with him into 0:33:08.620 --> 0:33:10.610 the mess hall, but it was because he was taking 0:33:10.670 --> 0:33:12.570 a while and talking to me on the phone that 0:33:12.610 --> 0:33:15.850 she decided to knock. It's giving you're in a full-blown relationship. 0:33:16.150 --> 0:33:16.360 Hey. 0:33:16.380 --> 0:33:20.160 Yeah. Yeah. We spent a very long time arguing about it, 0:33:20.410 --> 0:33:23.010 about how it wasn't cheating because the other girl knew 0:33:23.050 --> 0:33:24.690 he had a girlfriend. I knew there was more to 0:33:24.730 --> 0:33:26.670 the story, especially if she was doing a little more 0:33:26.690 --> 0:33:30.010 than just being friendly and he always defended her. We 0:33:30.050 --> 0:33:32.450 broke up over a year later and when he came 0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:35.080 to drop off my things, his Apple Watch showed that 0:33:35.140 --> 0:33:38.960 she had sent him a Snapchat. Oh, Snapchat again. To 0:33:39.340 --> 0:33:42.100 this day, I believe he was micro-cheating even it was 0:33:42.160 --> 0:33:44.910 just even if it was just him being overly friendly. 0:33:44.970 --> 0:33:46.440 Oh, he was definitely. You don't need to believe him. 0:33:46.450 --> 0:33:48.870 Oh, babe, I hate to break it to you. He's cheating. 0:33:49.230 --> 0:33:50.610 That's cheating, right? 0:33:50.930 --> 0:33:52.850 He was probably doing, you know, Jad's initial. 0:33:52.870 --> 0:33:55.610 I think he lied about the snuggle. I don't think 0:33:55.650 --> 0:33:56.350 he's going, no, don't spoon me. 0:33:56.370 --> 0:33:58.290 You know Jad's initial acronym for FIFO? I think he 0:33:58.310 --> 0:33:59.070 might have been doing that. 0:33:59.810 --> 0:34:03.070 He might have been doing. 0:34:02.570 --> 0:34:03.450 A bit of the original. 0:34:03.810 --> 0:34:04.730 Oh, no. 0:34:04.850 --> 0:34:06.950 Yeah, that's a tough one. 0:34:07.310 --> 0:34:09.950 Oh, God. He's living a double life, isn't he? 0:34:10.660 --> 0:34:12.900 Yeah, the old FBI looking at the photos, seeing the 0:34:12.940 --> 0:34:14.680 guy who's meant to share a tent with, that's good 0:34:14.700 --> 0:34:14.980 from you. 0:34:15.040 --> 0:34:16.020 Yeah, I love that. 0:34:16.040 --> 0:34:17.759 I love that you noticed that. 0:34:17.780 --> 0:34:18.880 You're like, why is he in his car? 0:34:19.100 --> 0:34:21.959 How good was the line, she spooned me, but. 0:34:21.960 --> 0:34:24.120 Then I realized how much I loved you. I realized 0:34:24.300 --> 0:34:24.779 I was in love. 0:34:24.960 --> 0:34:28.640 Is that like, can you just use that line ever? Like, oh, 0:34:28.680 --> 0:34:31.200 we started sleeping together and then midway through, I just 0:34:31.280 --> 0:34:33.360 realized how much I loved you. So I stopped. It's like, 0:34:33.400 --> 0:34:34.900 does that just negate. 0:34:34.960 --> 0:34:37.600 All the poor behavior? He also said it's not cheating 0:34:37.660 --> 0:34:39.000 because she knows I have a girlfriend. 0:34:39.140 --> 0:34:39.319 Yeah. 0:34:39.380 --> 0:34:39.859 That's the reason. 0:34:39.880 --> 0:34:40.299 Yeah, that's fair. 0:34:40.790 --> 0:34:42.550 That makes it not cheating because she knows. 0:34:42.969 --> 0:34:46.259 Yeah. I don't know. I don't understand how, I don't 0:34:46.280 --> 0:34:48.980 understand how people put up with this behavior. Like that's, 0:34:49.460 --> 0:34:50.420 that's the issue, right? 0:34:50.440 --> 0:34:53.259 It's the gaslighting. It makes you feel crazy. I've been 0:34:53.300 --> 0:34:56.160 in a relationship where I've been gaslit to the nines 0:34:56.380 --> 0:34:59.140 and I genuinely started thinking I was the problem. I 0:34:59.160 --> 0:35:02.810 was like, it's me. I'm unreasonable for wanting to see 0:35:02.830 --> 0:35:05.390 my partner more than once a fortnight. Like that's what 0:35:05.430 --> 0:35:08.190 I believed, you know? So like, you've got your rose 0:35:08.230 --> 0:35:10.469 colored glasses on. You think this person's great. And then 0:35:10.489 --> 0:35:13.230 they start telling you little things that make you feel like, 0:35:13.930 --> 0:35:17.440 oh no, this is normal. And I'm, I'm, I'm reaching 0:35:17.480 --> 0:35:19.500 and I'm being crazy and like, I'm not letting him 0:35:19.520 --> 0:35:21.400 have his freedom. And if I don't let him have 0:35:21.440 --> 0:35:23.460 his freedom, then he's going to want to leave me, 0:35:23.520 --> 0:35:25.260 you know, like it's all part of the game. 0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:27.700 Six and a half years into a relationship. If I 0:35:27.719 --> 0:35:29.190 went on a camping trip and there were girls and 0:35:29.270 --> 0:35:31.310 boys involved and it was like a work thing. And 0:35:31.370 --> 0:35:36.310 then like it ended up, randomly who knows how it 0:35:36.350 --> 0:35:39.430 happened it sounds like they were close outside of before 0:35:39.450 --> 0:35:42.190 this trip right but let's say randomly i got divvied 0:35:42.290 --> 0:35:44.259 up and put in a tent with a girl and 0:35:44.280 --> 0:35:46.400 i was in a relationship for seven years i'd go 0:35:46.420 --> 0:35:48.940 oh i'll probably sleep in the car like someone else 0:35:48.960 --> 0:35:51.060 can take my spot or like i'll let me sleep 0:35:51.080 --> 0:35:52.779 with one of the lads like i'm not going to 0:35:52.920 --> 0:35:56.799 sleep in a tent with a woman female it's just 0:35:56.880 --> 0:36:00.230 not appropriate so i don't understand how I mean, obviously 0:36:00.350 --> 0:36:02.969 it sounds like maybe something was going on before this camping. 0:36:02.710 --> 0:36:03.630 Trip with them. 0:36:03.710 --> 0:36:04.009 I think yes. 0:36:04.030 --> 0:36:08.770 It sounds like they've already developed some form of a friendship. 0:36:09.170 --> 0:36:10.450 Work-wife, work-hubby sort of thing. 0:36:10.469 --> 0:36:12.980 This camping trip was probably an exciting time for them 0:36:13.020 --> 0:36:15.120 to spend some alone time together outside of work. 0:36:15.140 --> 0:36:18.799 All right. So let's do one final story. And we're 0:36:18.840 --> 0:36:21.080 ending on something a little bit different. This person wrote 0:36:21.100 --> 0:36:22.899 to me and said, and it's funny, they actually wrote 0:36:22.920 --> 0:36:25.600 from a fake account. So it wasn't, there was a 0:36:25.700 --> 0:36:28.400 zero post. Yeah, it was a burner account, right? And said, 0:36:28.830 --> 0:36:31.230 So I'm outing myself as someone on the other side. 0:36:31.390 --> 0:36:33.770 I met a guy through work connections, and we developed 0:36:33.810 --> 0:36:36.210 a close friendship where we talk to each other every day. 0:36:36.570 --> 0:36:38.509 I know he has a girlfriend, but I don't know 0:36:38.550 --> 0:36:41.290 her name or anything about her, mainly because I think 0:36:41.350 --> 0:36:44.509 if I know more, I'm more complicit. I've told him 0:36:44.530 --> 0:36:46.570 where the line is and to make sure it's not crossed, 0:36:46.630 --> 0:36:48.990 but what I do know is that if I was her, 0:36:49.150 --> 0:36:52.799 I'd feel extremely uncomfortable about our relationship. But from my 0:36:52.880 --> 0:36:55.279 point of view, I feel very selfish because it's so 0:36:55.360 --> 0:36:57.700 nice to have someone that genuinely checks in to see 0:36:57.760 --> 0:37:00.460 how I am, brings me treats. He's even tried to 0:37:00.500 --> 0:37:03.190 bring me supplies when I'm sick, which I have declined 0:37:03.270 --> 0:37:05.310 as I think coming to my house is a step 0:37:05.350 --> 0:37:07.589 too far. Sounds like you're worried about if he comes 0:37:07.610 --> 0:37:11.489 to your house, he'll take your clothes off. 0:37:11.530 --> 0:37:13.170 Yeah, thanks for your admission. 0:37:13.210 --> 0:37:15.960 Yeah, it's not like at least you know, but let 0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:18.660 me just say you're already complicit. You're not knowing anything 0:37:18.680 --> 0:37:20.359 about her. Not knowing the name doesn't help. It doesn't 0:37:20.380 --> 0:37:23.360 really change the fact that. You're knowingly sort of. 0:37:23.800 --> 0:37:26.280 It would actually make it harder for you, I think, 0:37:26.830 --> 0:37:27.989 to let it continue. 0:37:28.650 --> 0:37:29.470 What do you mean? Explain. 0:37:29.730 --> 0:37:31.020 Having information on the girl. 0:37:32.420 --> 0:37:33.640 Oh, because it would be more like a person. 0:37:33.660 --> 0:37:35.370 Like you don't want it to be harder. You like 0:37:35.410 --> 0:37:37.069 that you want to keep having the fun. 0:37:37.090 --> 0:37:37.330 Sure, sure. 0:37:37.350 --> 0:37:39.009 So it would be harder if you knew. 0:37:38.790 --> 0:37:41.270 Who she was. Yeah, maybe it would be you'd see 0:37:41.290 --> 0:37:43.070 her more as a human and that you were perhaps 0:37:43.790 --> 0:37:46.799 wrecking something. But I think once someone's already doing this 0:37:46.840 --> 0:37:48.700 with you, it means they're open to do it with anyone. 0:37:48.739 --> 0:37:50.020 So if it wasn't you, they'd probably be doing it 0:37:50.040 --> 0:37:50.820 with someone else. 0:37:50.940 --> 0:37:53.160 People need to remember if they're willing to do this 0:37:53.540 --> 0:37:57.210 with you, they're willing to do it to you most likely. 0:37:58.350 --> 0:38:00.350 It's very rare that you're in a situation like this 0:38:00.370 --> 0:38:03.069 and then you become the exception to the rule. That's not, 0:38:03.790 --> 0:38:06.569 you know, it's just not how it goes. 0:38:06.590 --> 0:38:09.029 There's also plenty of people that will check on you 0:38:09.070 --> 0:38:09.750 and bring you stuff. 0:38:09.770 --> 0:38:10.610 Yeah, a lot of people. 0:38:11.380 --> 0:38:13.700 This is not the only guy, so keep turning over 0:38:13.719 --> 0:38:14.660 the rocks and having a look. 0:38:14.700 --> 0:38:18.280 That's a very baseline level of expectation from a partner 0:38:18.500 --> 0:38:19.820 or someone you like even. 0:38:20.219 --> 0:38:23.600 Yeah, but I dare say trying not to know anything 0:38:23.640 --> 0:38:25.440 about her is not really helpful. 0:38:25.500 --> 0:38:26.880 I think you should cut it off and tell her. 0:38:27.290 --> 0:38:32.060 You're kind of the, not the good guy in this scenario. 0:38:32.080 --> 0:38:35.800 Yeah, you should tell her. Yeah. You'll redeem yourself slightly 0:38:36.000 --> 0:38:36.580 by being honest. 0:38:37.200 --> 0:38:38.200 No, I just think you need to cut it off. 0:38:38.239 --> 0:38:39.840 Nothing good is going to come from it. And if 0:38:39.880 --> 0:38:41.400 you ever have a relationship with this person, let's say 0:38:41.420 --> 0:38:43.520 he leaves them and you guys kick something off, you'll 0:38:43.580 --> 0:38:46.029 always be worried that he'll be doing something similar to 0:38:46.070 --> 0:38:46.989 you throughout the relationship. 0:38:47.030 --> 0:38:47.490 Exactly. 0:38:47.530 --> 0:38:49.969 It's such an odd position to be in when you're 0:38:49.989 --> 0:38:52.310 starting a relationship or something romantic with someone who's cheating 0:38:52.330 --> 0:38:53.310 on a partner to be with you. 0:38:53.390 --> 0:38:53.460 Yes. 0:38:55.040 --> 0:38:57.240 Yeah, I don't know. It would always have me double guessing. 0:38:57.260 --> 0:38:57.939 Yeah, leave. 0:38:58.380 --> 0:39:01.920 I don't know. Maybe food for thought. All right, guys. 0:39:01.940 --> 0:39:03.880 Thanks for your little submissions. We did have a couple more, 0:39:03.920 --> 0:39:06.500 but maybe we can run it back another week. I 0:39:06.739 --> 0:39:11.580 didn't even open like 50 of them because I read 0:39:11.620 --> 0:39:13.540 these and I was like, oh, these are fun. So, yeah, 0:39:13.580 --> 0:39:15.529 maybe we can. These are fun. We can run it 0:39:15.570 --> 0:39:17.589 back with another episode if you guys did enjoy these 0:39:17.630 --> 0:39:19.730 little micro-cheating stories. And I'm sure it'll bring up a 0:39:19.770 --> 0:39:21.629 lot of emotions for people who go, fuck, that's happened 0:39:21.650 --> 0:39:21.850 to me. 0:39:21.930 --> 0:39:23.790 It brought a lot of emotions up for me. 0:39:24.030 --> 0:39:25.969 I know. Jad look jad look rocked half of that 0:39:26.010 --> 0:39:38.140 episode all right i asked mom and dad guys to 0:39:38.239 --> 0:39:40.259 end says hey guys could really use some advice i'm 0:39:40.300 --> 0:39:42.440 in a relationship with a guy i really love but 0:39:42.460 --> 0:39:45.320 i feel like I never actually get any quality one-on-one 0:39:45.380 --> 0:39:47.800 time with him because his best mate is always around. 0:39:48.410 --> 0:39:50.330 Don't get me wrong. I like his mate and I'm 0:39:50.350 --> 0:39:52.210 not trying to be the girlfriend who says it's me 0:39:52.270 --> 0:39:54.609 or your friends, but surely it's reasonable to want some 0:39:54.650 --> 0:39:56.850 alone time with your partner. How do I bring this 0:39:56.930 --> 0:40:00.009 up without sounding jealous, controlling, or like I'm trying to 0:40:00.050 --> 0:40:02.610 push his best mate out of his life? I feel bad, 0:40:02.650 --> 0:40:04.830 but at the same time, I'm starting to resent both 0:40:04.890 --> 0:40:06.640 of them, which obviously isn't ideal. 0:40:07.060 --> 0:40:08.400 I feel like there's a lot of ways you could 0:40:08.420 --> 0:40:10.859 bring this up. It's not a very dramatic thing to say, hey, 0:40:10.920 --> 0:40:13.220 sometimes I'd like to spend time with you without Steve. 0:40:13.480 --> 0:40:15.980 You know that song? You and me and us and 0:40:16.000 --> 0:40:17.060 your friend Steve. 0:40:17.360 --> 0:40:20.020 A lot of songs happening in today's episode. No, I 0:40:20.060 --> 0:40:23.700 think sometimes people let things go on too long. So 0:40:23.719 --> 0:40:25.719 then it becomes like the norm in a relationship. Let's 0:40:25.739 --> 0:40:27.520 say you've been with him a year and you've allowed 0:40:27.940 --> 0:40:30.480 him to be part of everything that you do for 0:40:30.500 --> 0:40:30.880 a year. 0:40:30.900 --> 0:40:32.620 It's like me all of a sudden having an issue 0:40:32.660 --> 0:40:35.850 with someone, certain someone who we used to be good 0:40:35.890 --> 0:40:37.669 friends with. being around us all the time. 0:40:39.910 --> 0:40:41.069 Am I meant to know who you're talking about? 0:40:42.010 --> 0:40:43.110 Yeah. Oh, okay. 0:40:43.489 --> 0:40:45.069 I'm a bit lost. We can talk about it later. 0:40:45.550 --> 0:40:48.770 But I'm saying once you... Like the partner might think 0:40:48.810 --> 0:40:51.150 that the behavior with his best friend is totally fine 0:40:51.170 --> 0:40:53.469 because she's never said anything about it and hasn't really 0:40:53.489 --> 0:40:55.950 communicated her feelings. So maybe that's why she thinks it's 0:40:55.969 --> 0:40:57.549 a harder conversation than it is. You know what I mean? 0:40:57.570 --> 0:40:59.870 Because like it's weird now out of the blue to 0:40:59.890 --> 0:41:01.839 be like, hey, I don't want Steve around. 0:41:01.860 --> 0:41:03.489 I think you just need to be very plain and 0:41:03.550 --> 0:41:07.040 simple and sit down and say... Hey, listen, just want 0:41:07.060 --> 0:41:09.779 to have a quick chat with you. Absolutely nothing wrong 0:41:09.820 --> 0:41:11.739 with Steve. Love him to bits. We spend plenty of 0:41:11.780 --> 0:41:14.780 time together. But I think that sometimes there are times where, 0:41:15.560 --> 0:41:17.640 you know, I'd like you to myself and it feels 0:41:17.660 --> 0:41:19.640 like I'm sharing your time a bit more than I'd 0:41:19.660 --> 0:41:22.350 like to. And so, you know, maybe we can just 0:41:22.390 --> 0:41:23.990 have a bit more romantic time together. 0:41:24.850 --> 0:41:25.469 Nice. Use that word. 0:41:25.489 --> 0:41:27.410 Package it like that. And then he'll hear the word 0:41:27.489 --> 0:41:31.509 romantic and he'll go, ooh, physical intimacy. And he'll get excited. 0:41:31.610 --> 0:41:32.589 And then he'll be like, yeah, for sure. 0:41:32.750 --> 0:41:35.569 He'll go, we can't naked wrestle if Steve's here. So 0:41:35.610 --> 0:41:36.149 let's do that. 0:41:36.330 --> 0:41:36.930 Yeah. 0:41:36.969 --> 0:41:37.870 I mean, you're very. 0:41:37.890 --> 0:41:40.029 So you've just got to approach it. Like, don't do 0:41:40.070 --> 0:41:41.730 it when you're in the middle of an argument. Don't 0:41:41.750 --> 0:41:43.370 bring it up when you're fighting. Don't bring it up 0:41:43.390 --> 0:41:45.709 when there's hostility in the air. Bring it up when 0:41:45.810 --> 0:41:48.850 everything's nice. You're having a really good time together, whatever. 0:41:49.250 --> 0:41:51.360 And then say, you know, do it face to face. 0:41:51.660 --> 0:41:54.000 And then. you know, just politely let him know. Like, 0:41:54.040 --> 0:41:56.660 I'd like to spend more time with just you. And 0:41:56.680 --> 0:41:57.400 I'm sure he'll be like, yeah. 0:41:57.420 --> 0:41:57.739 No worries. 0:41:58.360 --> 0:42:00.640 If he's reasonable. And if not, and he kicks up 0:42:00.680 --> 0:42:03.740 a stink and there's a whole issue, he might be 0:42:04.540 --> 0:42:05.279 in love with Steve. 0:42:06.610 --> 0:42:08.310 So just secret bisexual. 0:42:08.650 --> 0:42:09.009 Could be. 0:42:09.850 --> 0:42:11.050 Interesting. Interesting take. 0:42:12.630 --> 0:42:14.650 I'm saying if he's got a real big problem with it, 0:42:14.650 --> 0:42:16.430 because I think most people would be like, yeah, no worries. 0:42:17.110 --> 0:42:18.109 Or, yeah, I mean. 0:42:18.830 --> 0:42:20.450 Like, why would anyone have an issue with that? 0:42:21.420 --> 0:42:23.680 I don't know. You literally just told us a story 0:42:23.719 --> 0:42:26.210 that you had to bide for attention from your partner 0:42:26.230 --> 0:42:27.850 that wanted to spend more time with you than once 0:42:27.910 --> 0:42:28.810 every fortnight. 0:42:29.190 --> 0:42:31.830 Yeah, but it wasn't one person who was around. It 0:42:31.870 --> 0:42:34.229 was just like him not being around me. 0:42:34.730 --> 0:42:39.540 Sure. I still think it kind of fits. Like what 0:42:39.560 --> 0:42:42.060 if he's happy to spend time with his missus for 0:42:42.100 --> 0:42:43.580 as long as other people are around because he doesn't 0:42:43.660 --> 0:42:45.000 really want to spend time with his missus. You know 0:42:45.100 --> 0:42:45.540 what I mean? 0:42:45.620 --> 0:42:47.660 Well, yeah, that could be the case. And that's what 0:42:47.680 --> 0:42:49.320 I'm saying. If he has an issue with it, then 0:42:49.840 --> 0:42:53.020 that's a different problem. Then you have a relationship issue, 0:42:53.100 --> 0:42:54.020 not a time issue. 0:42:54.280 --> 0:42:56.300 Yeah, good to find out. You have to have the conversation. 0:42:56.320 --> 0:42:58.259 Could go one of two ways. All the best with 0:42:58.290 --> 0:42:59.370 either option. Let us know how it goes. 0:42:59.489 --> 0:42:59.990 Good luck. 0:43:01.010 --> 0:43:01.370 Good luck. 0:43:01.430 --> 0:43:02.130 Be strong. 0:43:02.170 --> 0:43:04.410 Yeah, be strong. And we hear you and you're so 0:43:04.430 --> 0:43:05.450 valid in how you feel. 0:43:05.570 --> 0:43:08.969 And if push comes to shove, you can start micro-cheating. 0:43:09.050 --> 0:43:12.989 Yeah, but don't push or shove him. Guys, much love. 0:43:13.010 --> 0:43:14.370 Appreciate it. Thanks for writing in. 0:43:14.380 --> 0:43:15.390 Thanks for tuning in. 0:43:15.500 --> 0:43:17.660 As always, your stories make the pod. We love you 0:43:17.680 --> 0:43:19.040 and we'll chat to you in the coming weeks. We'll 0:43:19.100 --> 0:43:19.840 see you soon. 0:43:19.880 --> 0:43:19.960 Bye. 0:43:19.980 --> 0:43:20.050 Bye.