WEBVTT - #1981 "But Did You Die?" - Dr. Rebecca Heiss 0:00:01.440 --> 0:00:04.680 I get a team. It's a you project. It's doctor Rebecca. 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:08.399 We're going to formal doctor Rebecca hart Hie, I should say, 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:10.640 And Tiffany and Cook who's not a doctor, but you 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:12.719 could be one day. Tiff I don't reckon. 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:16.120 I could not WITHHD no way. 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:19.400 What would you like to be a doctor of? What 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:21.639 about a doctor of punching people in the face? You 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:22.040 could do that? 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:23.280 Let me be a doctor of that. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.239 Well there you go. I'm sure there's a degree awarded 0:00:26.280 --> 0:00:26.479 for that. 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:29.840 Well, she's a boxer, so you and I don't want 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.159 to give her any cheek, you. 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:38.280 Know what, but respect much respect absolutely, Now I know 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:41.000 why you're captain lying Craig. This makes sense, doctor Craig, 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:41.960 Doctor Harper. 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:45.320 Excuse well, no, not really. I'm actually about three months away, 0:00:45.440 --> 0:00:48.360 so you can hopefully call me that in three months. 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:54.400 But I'm just stumbling towards submission. Hey, thanks for coming 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:56.360 on the show. How are you. 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:59.960 I'm wonderful, Thanks so much for having me. I am Yeah, 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:01.960 I'm super excited to be here. Well, you are a 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:03.760 lot of stress. Got a lot of stress in my 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:04.319 life right now. 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:05.880 I've heard about It's a good thing. 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:06.600 It's a good thing. 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:07.520 I'm here to help. 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:12.080 Yeah, well, good good, I always need help. I am 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:14.680 in Greenville, South Carolina, us. 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.560 Of A Yeah, perfect. What time is it there? So 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:20.319 it's o seven hundred is here? What is it over there? 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:24.920 It is a semmenteen hunderd hours? So yeah, perfect, Yeah, 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:26.559 just the evening rolling into the evening. 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:28.920 Give us a little bit of a snapshot. So for 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.440 my listeners who are just meeting you for the first time, 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.200 give us a little bit of a snapshot. Rather than 0:01:34.319 --> 0:01:36.960 me read something off a screen which will bore people 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:39.520 to death, not because of your actual bio, but because 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:42.559 of my voice, give us a bit of insight into 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:44.600 who you are and a little bit of your backstory, 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:45.080 if you would. 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:49.120 Yeah. Sure, grew up in a really small town of St. 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:51.840 New York and was a farm girl. Didn't really know 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:54.080 what she was doing with her life. Loved the theater, 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:57.000 but you know, as an eight year old, not really 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.720 a steady career in the theater. So I'd stuck to 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.920 what I was good at, which was science, and earned 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:04.960 a whole bunch of degrees in science. I have a 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:09.480 master's in Ornithology random facts Birds, a bird nerd, and 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.480 a master's degree in evolution human behavior. And then I 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:16.840 did a PhD in stress physiology and I've now used 0:02:16.919 --> 0:02:19.160 that degree and a lot of the research since then 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:23.040 to help people transform their stress to serve them. And 0:02:23.480 --> 0:02:25.760 now I'm a keynote speaker and an author and live 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:28.600 in large love to serve Hike. Got two dogs, Guinness 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:29.480 and Murphy. That's me. 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.880 That's hilarious. That's hilarious. Using stress to serve them is 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:37.640 not something that most people think about, right. Most people 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:41.280 think stress is doing me a disservice, not a service. 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.359 What does that mean? How can stress service? Let's die? 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:48.679 I love it. I love it. I mean I like 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:51.080 to think of myself as the pr agent of stress. Right, 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.359 stress really needs a pr agent here. It's got to 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:55.120 get a better spin. Yeah, it's got to get a 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.760 better spin. So, like my best analogy probably is I 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:01.680 think think about Olympic athole. You know, they're not breaking 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:04.359 world records at practice. They're breaking world records when the 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:06.799 pressure of the stress is that it's peak and we 0:03:07.000 --> 0:03:10.639 all have that opportunity. It's about how we think about 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:13.000 stress and use stress for our advantage. Because stress is 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:16.760 just energy. It's our body producing this energy to move 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.959 us through a challenge, and we don't get to control 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.160 the energy that we receive. What we do get to 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:26.080 control is how we utilize it. And so instead of saying, oh, 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:29.440 stress is debilitating, how can it be enabling to us? 0:03:30.280 --> 0:03:31.440 And that's what I help people do. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:34.320 I feel like a lot of people say stress as 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:38.480 an external thing with an internal consequence, like there's something 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.839 happening out there which creates something happening in here. 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:46.200 Yeah, love that, And I think that's true, right, something 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:49.680 happens externally, we have an internal response. And then there's 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:52.880 two pieces to that, the first of which I think 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.680 is the funniest because humans are the only animal on 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:59.920 the planet that we're aware of that actually creates stress 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.960 of our own minds. So, you know, Robert Sapalski, famous 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:08.720 stress physiologists, wrote, wrote, why zebras don't get ulcers? Because 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:11.160 you know, zebra gets chased, they don't die, They go 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:14.400 back to eating grass lyon missus. The hunt doesn't sit 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:16.520 there and go oh, I'm a failure. I suck at life. 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:19.080 You know, like this is terrible. It doesn't create more stress. 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:22.240 Humans do that. We create our own stress in our brains. 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:24.760 We could tastrify as we sit there just like, oh, 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:29.440 grinding ourselves down, and that's that's not healthy, not a 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:33.120 useful use of stress. And the other piece, the second 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:35.520 piece that I'll say, is yes, sometimes you don't have 0:04:35.640 --> 0:04:39.599 control over the external factors the stresser, So stop trying 0:04:39.640 --> 0:04:42.440 to fight against that. Like I say, invite the tiger 0:04:42.480 --> 0:04:44.640 in for teaue, have come have the SEBT with me. 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:46.760 Let's sit down, let's figure this out. How can I 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.000 get curious in that moment and begin to use this 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:51.560 energy that I'm getting from this thing I can't control 0:04:51.960 --> 0:04:54.040 to appoint me in a direction that actually is useful. 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:57.680 Yeah. So there's the stuff that's in our control and 0:04:57.720 --> 0:04:59.680 the stuff that's out of our control. And I feel 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:02.400 like for many of us anyway, not all of us, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:05.479 but the stuff that's out of our control gets way 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.760 too much attention and focus and energy. 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:14.400 Absolutely absolutely. And what typically happens then is our response 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:18.520 to that is to sit in it without seating action. Yes, 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:20.680 and we procrastinate, or we sit and go, well, I 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:22.480 don't have any control, and we have this like learned 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:26.320 helplessness response instead of saying, what is the smallest step 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:28.479 that I can take to run directly at that tiger 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:31.320 to run directly at that stressor to run directly and 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:34.800 give ourselves agency back to say well, I may not 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:36.920 be able to control that, but I can control my 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:40.520 response to it. So yeah, that action piece is huge. 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:42.880 I feel like in a lot of ways, stress is 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:45.280 a story that we tell ourselves, or you know, it's 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:49.120 an individual response based on a story. Because you know, 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:53.680 so my main job is not podcasting, so it's you know, 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:56.520 I do a lot of podcasting three hundred and sixty 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:59.200 five years, so it's obviously a big part of my life. 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:02.640 But it's corporate speaking, and so I'm always in front 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:06.440 of corporates and groups and teams and working everywhere from 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:10.599 university theaters to you know, like big stages to construction 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:16.240 sites to all that stuff. And people people always talk 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:21.719 about how stressful public speaking is. Right, as you've heard, 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.120 I've seen you on stage. Your great Tiff also gets 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:25.800 on stage, right, so all three of us do it. 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:30.640 But and you think, well, I try to get people 0:06:30.720 --> 0:06:34.200 to think about the space between like the actual objective 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:36.200 thing of walking on a stage and talking to a 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:41.080 bunch of people versus your story about that, and you go, well, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:44.200 when people go, that's such a stressful situation, and I go, well, 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:49.000 how come Rebecca is up on stage with no stress 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:53.200 or maybe very low level stress, but more excitement and anxiety, 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:57.960 more excitement and enthusiasm and curiosity. I know when I'm 0:06:58.000 --> 0:07:02.640 on stage, like, I don't have Maybe I should have, 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:04.680 but I've done it for so long. I don't have 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:08.080 any fear. I just have excitement. Yeah, so it's not 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.840 so much about what's going on, It's about my story 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:12.960 or individual response to what's going on. 0:07:13.160 --> 0:07:16.520 Right, Yeah, you nailed it. I mean, so we don't 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:20.960 have control over the heightened arousal response that we get. 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:23.360 Like you can't look at your adrenal glands and say, hey, guys, 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:25.920 please don't don't release adrenaline in this moment, right, you don't. 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.600 You'll get to control that. What you do get control 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:30.760 is what you're talking about. You know, emotions, you can't 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:34.000 control that you get heightened, but you can control their valance. 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.520 Like what does this mean? Okay, so my body's having 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:40.120 this response? What does this mean? And you know, excitement 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:43.400 and stress and anxiety and fear, they all have that 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:46.840 same heightened state. The difference is what you choose to 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:49.360 interpret that as. And so there's a great Harvard study 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.200 that had people do this public speaking exercise where they 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:56.000 asked one group to say I'm excited and the other 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:59.200 group try to calm down. Which, right, that's the advice 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:02.320 we give people, just calmed down, yeah, which first of 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.560 all is terrible advice for so many reasons. But like, 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:07.640 you can't physiologically do that. And what they found is 0:08:07.680 --> 0:08:10.040 the group that simply told themselves they were excited. Now 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:13.680 they didn't feel any less anxious. Yes, but they presented 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.960 to this group that rated them more confident, more confident, 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:20.680 they were better presenters, they like all of those things 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:24.160 as a result of simply telling themselves the story that 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:28.119 this response they were having was excitement. And so often, 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:30.400 you know, to your point, what I tell people is 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:34.120 if I'm out on stage and I'm not having butterflies. 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:34.800 That's not good. 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:38.160 That's a that's a bad sign because it means I'm 0:08:38.200 --> 0:08:42.280 disengaged or that I stopped caring. And the day that 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.400 I don't get nervous about going on stage, I need 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.120 to quit because I no longer care. 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:54.560 I think it's a really curious thing. Over time, how 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:58.679 like you spoke about, we can't control the adrenal response. 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.240 And and yeah, it just hap like it's so funny 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:06.000 how fear and all the associated physiological responses can hijack 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:09.960 our body. You know, blood pressure, adrenaline, cortisol, all the stuff, 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:14.079 you know, sympathetic nervous system. Right. But then over time, 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:18.120 we can I think, downregulate that response, right, because the 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:20.840 thing that you used to terrify me doesn't terrify me anymore. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.319 So I'm the same guy doing the same thing with 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:29.079 a different physiology or a different physiological response. And so 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:31.920 what you're not saying is you don't need to be 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:34.319 terrified every time you do that thing. Over time you 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:39.080 can downregulate that response, right, yes, And now I. 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.480 Mean okay, yes, like that exposure therapy of like, okay, 0:09:42.480 --> 0:09:44.320 I'm an exposure to the same stressor again and again 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.719 and again. And because our stress response really evolved to 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:52.800 life and death situations, Yep, when you don't get eaten 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:55.280 by the tiger for the twentieth time you go on stage, 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.520 when the people don't kill it eto, you're like, oh, 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:00.599 I can downregulate a little bit, right, And so that 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:03.640 is kind of an exposure therapy type of thing. One 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:06.040 of the things I talk about, though, is that the 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:12.199 stress response because it's so singular. Whether you're getting shot 0:10:12.320 --> 0:10:14.640 at it's like a literal life in that situation, or 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.679 whether you're stepping on stage, or you're asking somebody for 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:20.320 a discount, or you know, trying to sell somebody, all 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:23.760 of these uncomfortable situations, you have a singular response. Yeah, 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:26.439 And so the objective shouldn't be to try and tamp 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:30.240 down that response for every situation. The objective, as I 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:33.439 see it, should be to train your brain that the 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:37.680 response doesn't mean it's life and death. Yes, it simply 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:41.280 means there's something happening that I have the opportunity to 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:45.640 use to my advantage. And that's a different approach in 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.599 trying to calm down or trying to repeat all the 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:51.640 possible outcomes that could happen to try and tamp down 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:52.160 the response. 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:55.439 Does that makes sense, Yeah, yeah, absolutely, that's great. So, 0:10:57.000 --> 0:11:02.680 so we know that, you know, stress and fear and anxiety, 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.480 you know, they're all in the same kind of swimming pool. 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:11.520 But we also know that there's an inverse correlation between 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:17.520 really elevated fear and our ability to think clearly and execute, 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:22.920 Like cognitive function goes down under extreme pressure. Yeah, you know, 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:27.840 so what's that. Is there a sweet spot where I'm nervous, 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.920 I feel stressed, but my brain's still working optimally. I 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:34.720 can still share my thoughts and ideas and be articulate 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:38.080 and read the room and be, in this public speaking example, 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:41.520 read the room and create connection and tell a funny 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:44.559 story and be fucking hilarious without losing much. 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:48.079 Yeah, and I mean, so what you're talking about is 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:50.920 the classic York stats and curve right this upside down. 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.800 You were like a little bit of stress increases your capacity, 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:56.199 and then you fall off the end where you're like, 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:57.920 oh my god, this is too much and I'm losing 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:03.240 my mind. And the my research says it doesn't. You 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:05.439 don't have you don't have to fall off. You actually 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:09.000 don't have to fall off. And I'll share I'll share 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:10.400 the question that I ask people that I think is 0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:14.480 probably most important to this in a second. But really 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:18.599 the question is is there a sweet spot? Probably not, 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:24.200 because if you just treat stress as energy rather than 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.960 labeling it this is good, this is bad, this is distress, 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.280 this is you stress and just say okay, I'm having 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:33.120 a response, then there doesn't become a point where it's like, oh, 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.520 I'm no longer functioning, and you can tell yourself the 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:39.800 story of Okay, this is actually opening my blood bessels 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:42.600 to help the blood flow to get to my brain 0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:44.559 so I can think more clearly. And when you tell 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.800 that story, your physiology actually changes. When you believe that 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:52.719 stress is enhancing, your body responds as if which is 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:56.280 pretty remarkable. Even if, even and this is the closet part, 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.240 even if you don't believe yourself like you can lie 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:01.319 to yourself and your body is still those changes. So 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:05.280 the question that I've asked people to think about is this. 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:08.440 I want you to think of a project or an 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:10.800 accomplishment that you're most proud of. 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:13.480 You at it. 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.320 Yeah, now, go back in time to when you were 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:19.120 in the middle of that project. What was your stress 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:21.600 level scale of zero to one hundred? 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:27.120 Zero, two hundred, Yeah, yeah, it wasn't. 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:28.480 Were you going to say, like a thousand? 0:13:29.200 --> 0:13:31.679 No, no, no, it didn't really stress me when I 0:13:31.760 --> 0:13:35.839 explained to you what it was. It's not. At the 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:40.360 very start the I guess the stress level was relatively high. Yeah, okay, 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:43.800 so yeah out of one hundred maybe, uh well, at 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.120 the very very start, before I knew what the outcome 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.480 would be it would have been a ninety five out 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:49.040 of one hundred. 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:53.000 There it is, so the outcome, This is what people 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.440 like cling to is when we are our most stress, 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:58.800 we don't know what the outcome is and so we're 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:02.320 only kind of looking for control. And again it comes 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:06.199 back to this cost of inaction, like yes, I know 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:10.000 if I say and I do nothing, I know the outcome. Yes, 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:13.280 And that's what people want so much under fear and 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:15.319 uncertain and they want to know the outcome. And it 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:18.840 keeps people in this like state of fear and isolation 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:22.400 and settledness instead of taking that small step toward and 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:26.000 forward and into that into that great future that is 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:28.760 terrifying but unknown because we don't control that outcome. 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:33.160 Yeah, it's that is so true. Like we so hate 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.960 the unknown, the uncertain, the uncomfortable. I call them all 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:42.240 the uns right, you know, the uncontrollable. It's out of 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:46.400 our control. And we love we love certainty and predictability 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:51.600 and familiarity and the known. We love to know what's coming. 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:56.360 Whereas you know, real resilience is being okay with not knowing, Right, 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.640 I don't know, it might hurt, might not be fun 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:01.920 at my not be quick, it might not be pineless, 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:05.240 and that's okay. I might get embarrassed. I might look silly. 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:06.560 That's okay too. 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:09.800 And see that's just it, though, like we measure all 0:15:09.840 --> 0:15:12.800 of the costs of our actions, and those seem really scary, 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:15.040 Like I might look silly, I might fail, I might 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:17.320 be rejected. Those are those are things that we can measure, 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.400 and we can look at what we forget to measure 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:22.120 is the cost of an action. We forget to say 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.680 if I do nothing. And this is why you know 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:28.360 the concept of adaptive peaks. If you think about like, Okay, 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:30.040 I'm sitting on this peak and it's a low peak, 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.600 but you know it's fine. I'm settled. I know where 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:35.560 I am, I know who I am, I know what 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.520 this is all about. Yes, and there's another peak like 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:40.680 just a mile away, and I can get to it 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:42.200 and it's higher and I know it's going to be better. 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:44.240 But in order to get there, you got to go 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:47.000 down that valley, and that valley is scary and unknown, 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:48.640 and then you got to climb up this new mountain. 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:52.600 And it's it's it keeps people. It keeps people in 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.520 the positions that don't serve them because they're scared of 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:56.480 that that first step. 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:01.400 Rebecca, what do people miss understand about stress? Do people 0:16:01.560 --> 0:16:05.720 use like stress and anxiety interchangeably? Like do they go, oh, 0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:08.960 I'm stressed, Oh I'm anxious? Sign Yeah. 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.120 I mean I think I think we do that a lot, 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:14.600 and it doesn't It doesn't bother me as much as 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:17.760 other people, Like I use stress, fear, anxiety, all of 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:21.400 these heightened, heightened emotions. Yes, there are technical differences, and 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:23.520 we can get into it if you want. You know, 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.120 anxiety is more like fear about the future and the 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:30.800 unknown stresses that immediate challenge. Sure, there's differences, but I 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:35.240 think I think it's okay because it's all just energy. 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:37.640 And when we learn how to channel that and use 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:39.920 it to our advantage, and rather than sitting there and 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:42.800 in this state of constant concern and worry, we can 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.840 point it in a direction to move forward into action, 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:48.680 toward the tiger, toward the stress, or toward that roar, 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:52.400 rather than away from it, which is not helpful. 0:16:53.480 --> 0:16:57.000 Stress sign you yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. The idea 0:16:57.080 --> 0:17:01.360 of being comfortable in discomfort. You know, as a physiologist, 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:04.280 you would know that. Me. I've most of my background 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:06.280 was working with or a lot of it was working 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.960 with teams and athletes at an elite level, so you know, 0:17:10.080 --> 0:17:12.200 getting paid to hurt people in a good way, so 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:18.120 much fun, so much fun, you know, and teaching people 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:21.880 about the benefits of you know, the physiological and emotional 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:25.600 and psychological and performance benefits of doing stuff that in 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:29.880 the moment is fucking horrible. You know, it's like, yeah, 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.000 I know, this sucks. I get it. But what we're 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:34.280 trying to do is create a positive outcome, which is 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:37.200 so you can run faster, jump hi, lift more, punch 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:41.520 harder in TIFF's case, you know, whatever it is. But 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:45.120 in order to build that strength and competence and level 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:48.000 of performance, whether or not it's standing on a stage 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:50.639 or running in a race or being in the middle 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:56.560 of a gunfight in war, you know, the principle is 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:58.520 the same. We need to do hard to kind of 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.040 get hard. In a way, that's so true. 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:04.800 I mean, like even even the very it's not even 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.800 an analogy, Like in order to get muscles, you gotta 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:10.560 rip them. You actually have to rip your muscle for 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:12.200 them to grow, and I feel like the same is 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:13.960 true for our brain. You have to rip it apart. 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.320 You have to get into that like really uncomfortable unknown 0:18:16.359 --> 0:18:20.480 space to create new neural connections to say, oh, this 0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:24.680 isn't bad. This is just unknown, and I can be 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:28.520 okay in the unknown, and I can actually grow in 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:31.359 the unknown. But man, is that a scary place for 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:36.360 our brains to go because our brain's number one thing 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:37.960 is to keep us safe. 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:40.600 Yeah, that is that is the number one. 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:42.159 Thing that our brain wants to do. And we have 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:45.240 to override millions of years of evolution to say, actually, 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:48.520 I'm pretty safe right now and it's not serving me. Yes, 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:49.680 let's see what we can do. 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.760 Yeah. Probably, Notice cyber tooth targ are going to be 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:55.080 in my field vision anytime soon. 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:58.000 I mean, we pay people like you don't make us uncomfortable. 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:02.240 What does that say about us people to make us uncomfortable? 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:02.680 That's great. 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:05.280 Here's a little bit of my backstory that you don't 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:06.920 need to know, but I'll tell you just quickly. So 0:19:06.960 --> 0:19:09.520 I set up the first personal training center in Australia 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:13.160 in nine ninety and so I trained thousands of people, 0:19:13.200 --> 0:19:16.320 and I had tens of thousands of sessions, and I 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:18.520 had five hundred trainers work for me over the years. 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:22.240 But when my client sho is to win or complain, 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.600 I'd say, so, here's here's what happens. You come here, 0:19:27.400 --> 0:19:29.879 you give me money, and then I hurt you for 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:31.680 an hour or so, and then you go away. This 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:32.600 is the protocol. 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:33.280 This is what we do. 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:35.240 If you don't want that, that's cool. You can just 0:19:35.359 --> 0:19:37.320 join a gym and do your own thing. But how 0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:39.560 this works is I make you do things you won't 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:44.640 do on your own. Ergo my job, ergo this relationship. 0:19:45.320 --> 0:19:48.600 So don't come here and complain. And it's just like 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:52.080 it was like military after a while, where they would 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:55.040 just come in that they did not complain. They'd go, 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:58.399 this is why I'm doing this. And you know there 0:19:58.480 --> 0:19:59.840 was a bit of fun in that, of course, but 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:03.159 but like helping people to embrace things that in the 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:07.720 moment are not fun or not comfortable or not even familiar, 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:10.840 but there's such great benefits moving forward. 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:14.560 Yeah, I mean this is but did you die? 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:20.000 Right, there's there's this that could be the show that 0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:20.359 could be. 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:21.760 But did you die? 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:25.720 I love writing I'm writing that down, but did you die? 0:20:26.480 --> 0:20:27.000 Did you die? 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:27.240 No? 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:30.439 Great? It means that needs you must have grown, I mean, 0:20:30.560 --> 0:20:35.680 and so I talk sometimes about PTSD, and you know 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:38.240 about eight percent of Americans. I'm not sure what the 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:40.720 number is globally, but about eight percent of Americans experienced 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:44.359 post traumatic stress disorder after after a major stressor I 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:47.560 think that number is probably low. I think probably all 0:20:47.680 --> 0:20:49.640