1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: It's June twenty twenty two. Saya Saki Kibara is in 2 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: the middle of her BMX World Cup campaign in the 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: Netherlands when she crushes out and suffers a concussion. It's 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 1: her third head injury in just two years. It comes 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: just two years after her brother Kai was left fighting 6 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,240 Speaker 1: for his life and suffered a traumatic brain injury after 7 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: a major crash in Bathurst. The fear of further injury 8 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: pushes Saya to breaking point as she quits the sport. 9 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,520 Speaker 1: After some time away and reflection, Saya decides she can't 10 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,720 Speaker 1: let fear get in the way of glory and triumphantly 11 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 1: returns to the BMX circuit. I'm at Middleton and this 12 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,839 Speaker 1: is headgame today. Olympic gold medalist and three time BMX 13 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:55,280 Speaker 1: World Champion Saya Sakikubara on how passion and purpose helped 14 00:00:55,280 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: her get past a crippling fear. Say, how are you? 15 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: First and foremost, I'm doing really good. 16 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 2: I'm doing It's actually day four of my holiday, which 17 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 2: is basically a staycation where I don't have to think 18 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 2: about training, and one thing I didn't really think about 19 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 2: that was taking up a lot of my mental load 20 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 2: was planning my meals because I like to plan out 21 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 2: my week and then go shopping and buy exactly what 22 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 2: I need. I don't just buy things and try to 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,679 Speaker 2: create something. I think about it. And in the last 24 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 2: four days I've just just forgot about it. Saw what's 25 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 2: in the fridge when it came when I'm hungry, I 26 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 2: don't even Like yesterday I didn't even have lunch, and 27 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 2: I just I was like, oh, this is nice, not 28 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 2: having to think about food, not having to think about training. 29 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: It's yeah, best kind of and how does how does 30 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: that feel? Say, you know, being an elite athlete, you 31 00:01:55,600 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 1: obviously have to you know, prepare psychologically. The food putting 32 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 1: your body is super important for for longearity, for injury prevention, 33 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: et cetera, et cetera. What's it feel like just to 34 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: go what's in the fridge today? And how long are 35 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,359 Speaker 1: you going to do this before before you get back 36 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 1: into a routine. 37 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,120 Speaker 2: How long am I going to do this? I don't 38 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 2: know actually, but yeah, for now, I'm just very happy 39 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 2: with what I'm doing talking to you and like this 40 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 2: is the highlight of my day. 41 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 1: There you go, listen, I'm happy I can be the 42 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 1: highlight of the day. And you are mine as well, 43 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, let's get straight into it. Because you car 44 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: you're twenty five years old, twenty four to twenty five six, 45 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: twenty six, let us say there you go. Listen, I'm 46 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: making you younger as well. The day's got even better. 47 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,360 Speaker 1: And you've had such an amazing career so far and 48 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: just going from strength to strength. But it didn't hasn't 49 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 1: come without its setbacks and without its psychological barriers. Let's say, 50 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: what was it like growing up? What was your child like? 51 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: And I suppose it's not too for it, not too 52 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: long ago, but did you were you? Did you grow 53 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 1: up in a happy household? I know you have a 54 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: brother who you're very very close to. How did that 55 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,080 Speaker 1: bond transpire when you were growing up? 56 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 2: Yeah? I had a great childhood and I got to 57 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 2: live in two countries. So I was born in the 58 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 2: Gold Coast and I don't have much memory of doing that. 59 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,920 Speaker 2: But when I was about two years old, my parents' 60 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 2: visas ran Now they're both my mom's Japanese and my 61 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 2: dad's English, and their visas ran out. So they were like, 62 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 2: should we go to Japan or should we go to 63 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 2: Sunny England? 64 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: Sunny sunny England. 65 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 2: So they chose Japan, and I think they made a 66 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 2: good choice and I basically grew up as a Japanese kid. 67 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 2: But before we moved, actually, my older brother Kai is 68 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 2: three years older than me. He started riding bikes and 69 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 2: he just fell in love with the sports straight away, 70 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 2: in BMX racing. So when we moved to Japan, my 71 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 2: parents are like, well, let's try to continue this and 72 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 2: where is the local track? You know, when is the racing? 73 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:17,039 Speaker 2: What do we do? And they basically just found the 74 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,159 Speaker 2: local community and then they started doing the local races. 75 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 2: And then when I was around four years old, they 76 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 2: bought me a bike and basically I didn't really have 77 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 2: a choice. They were like, off you go down the hill, 78 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,480 Speaker 2: and I was off. I went around the dirt track 79 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 2: in Japan, and yeah, it was That's all I remember. 80 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 2: I don't know a life without BMX. My earliest memories 81 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 2: are traveling in the car for hours and hours, traveling 82 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 2: to eraces all around Japan, being a normal Japanese kid, 83 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 2: loving going to school, and just riding bikes with Kay. 84 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 2: That's literally just all I remember. And when I was eight, 85 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 2: my parents' visas got approved again, so they were like, then, yeah, 86 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 2: let's go back to Australia. This time we landed in Sydney. 87 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 2: But that's where the BMX life really took off because 88 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 2: compared to Japan, Australia had so many more BMX tracks 89 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 2: around and we could not believe that there were five 90 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 2: BMX tracks we could go to within an hour and 91 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 2: a half, where in Japan there's like seven in the 92 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,359 Speaker 2: whole of Japan and we have to drive hours and 93 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,440 Speaker 2: hours for and they might only be open on the weekends. 94 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: But these ones you could go in the afternoons and 95 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,640 Speaker 2: kids were riding on them with no helmets and it's like, 96 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 2: what is this land? 97 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:49,279 Speaker 1: What's going on? Where's this undisciplined sort of sport come from? 98 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: And there was no stop in Sunny England. You missed 99 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 1: out Sunny England. 100 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 2: Well were we landed in sunny Australia? So we made 101 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 2: a bredded for it was yeah, just for BMX paradise. 102 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: And what was the cultural change like? Because I'd done 103 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,479 Speaker 1: the same when I was young. I left the UK 104 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: and went to France. But the difference there as well. 105 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: I remember going and thinking to myself caught that you know, 106 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,200 Speaker 1: that cultural difference sort of certainly hit me. Did it 107 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,599 Speaker 1: hit you when you came back to Australia, not just 108 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: with you know, Australia being a bit more sort of outdoors, 109 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: aren't they. That's what I like about Australia. They're a 110 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: bit more loose cyclized, They're a bit more outgoing. Did 111 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 1: you notice that straight away when you moved back? 112 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 2: Over some things? One thing that comes to mind was 113 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,840 Speaker 2: I couldn't believe how much rubbish was on the ground. 114 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 2: Or I would see kids open their lunch box, take 115 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,720 Speaker 2: out their packet of chips, finish eating them and then 116 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 2: throw that on the ground when there's a bin right there. 117 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 2: And that just me growing up in Japan, where everything 118 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,680 Speaker 2: is so clean and there's so much real respect for 119 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 2: your communal areas and things like that, I just could 120 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 2: not believe that people would just throw rubbish on the ground. 121 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 2: And also the coggatoos. I couldn't believe the cockatoos and 122 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 2: how they can open garbage bins and like work together 123 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 2: as a team to Yeah, it was wild. 124 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 1: And you came back, obviously with your brother. What was 125 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 1: it like having him at your side everywhere that you went. 126 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,800 Speaker 1: I've got a lot of family, I've got two older brothers, 127 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: two younger brothers, and the younger sister. I'm one of six, 128 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: and you know, it didn't matter really where I went 129 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: because I always had someone to sort of look to 130 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 1: and just sort of bounce off and be there for 131 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 1: and for someone to be there for me as well. 132 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: What was that like having him by your side during 133 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: these these traveling days let's call. 134 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 2: It, Well, well, I guess it was great to just 135 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 2: have a constant. Really it was just my parents and Kai. 136 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 2: We were always a family, and we were we had 137 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 2: this thing that was BMX, so we were always together. 138 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 2: Everything revolved around when we go into the BMX rack 139 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 2: and when is the next race. So it was a 140 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 2: whole family affair. There was no me doing dancing or 141 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 2: him doing cricket or something and us being like separate. 142 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 2: It was a huge, whole family affair, and I think 143 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 2: having it was still I was still young when I 144 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 2: moved from Japan. It was only seven or eight, but 145 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 2: it was it was too early for me to have 146 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 2: a strong like bond with Japan, of that strong identity. 147 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 2: Because when I heard about moving to another country, I 148 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 2: thought it was awesome. 149 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, yes, an adventure isn't absolutely, Yeah, so. 150 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 2: I think that was that helped, and also having been 151 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 2: able to continue BMX also helped. 152 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:01,120 Speaker 1: I think, how did the education differ and how how 153 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:05,599 Speaker 1: did people take it that you were BMX, you know, 154 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:08,439 Speaker 1: how did that go? And when you started school back 155 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,119 Speaker 1: in Australia. 156 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 2: I thought it was cool that I did BMX. A 157 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 2: lot of people knew about it. 158 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: Well. 159 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 2: I liked that I did something different to others. But 160 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 2: then at the same time, I wished sometimes that I 161 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 2: didn't do it. I wished that I was a normal kid. 162 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 2: Sometimes I had to miss out on birthday parties because 163 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 2: we had to go to a race, or I couldn't 164 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,320 Speaker 2: play with my friends because I need to go BMX 165 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 2: training at night. So there was a part of me 166 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 2: that wanted to be a normal kid. But I think 167 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 2: that I liked what I did with my brother. I 168 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 2: liked going to the races. Were really fortunate enough to 169 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 2: travel the world every year for the World Championships and 170 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,760 Speaker 2: also travel around Australia for the national championships each year 171 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 2: and the state championships. And yeah, it was such a 172 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:09,560 Speaker 2: whole family affair. It was so integrated in our lives, 173 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 2: you know. I just didn't see any different, and I 174 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 2: think that's why I stayed in. There were moments that 175 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 2: I didn't really enjoy it that much, and I could. 176 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 2: I knew that I didn't enjoy it as much because 177 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:25,680 Speaker 2: Kai would be so excited to go ride and so 178 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 2: excited to go train, and I would get excited when 179 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 2: it rained and we couldn't go. Yeah, so I know 180 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 2: I'm not as passionate as Kai, and I wish I 181 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 2: didn't have to push myself. And there were these moments, 182 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: but I always kind of imagined if I was to quit, 183 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 2: I would still have to go to the BMX track 184 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 2: and people will be like, why aren't you riding? And 185 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 2: I will have to be saying I quit. And I 186 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 2: didn't want to say that, and that just. 187 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: That just you kept you prepelling. Yeah, you know what, 188 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: And I say that I always say that there's no 189 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: growth in comfort, and it's when you actually step outside 190 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: of your comfort zone. You don't want to do things 191 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 1: and the passion isn't always there. Well, guess what that's life. 192 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 1: That's going to be with everything that you do. You know, 193 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:22,160 Speaker 1: the passion and the enthusiasm is going to die down 194 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 1: and then something great will happen once you step outside 195 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: of your comfort zone, and then you get that release 196 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,880 Speaker 1: of energy again, and then you know, you get this 197 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: new found respect. It might be a new found respect, 198 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: it might be a new found love, it might be 199 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: a newfound skill that you've managed to ascertain things. And 200 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: then you jump on that and aware you go. So 201 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: BMX in engulfed your life from what age? Thing, did 202 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,040 Speaker 1: you realize that things are starting to get serious? Now? 203 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: You know, we're starting to win competitions, We're starting to 204 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: you know, I could potentially do this as a career. 205 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 2: Oh, that wouldn't have been in recently. Well, from a 206 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 2: young age, I always had to push past my comfort 207 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 2: zone because in BMX, you can't just keep doing the 208 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 2: same thing. You have to keep progressing your skills. You 209 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 2: have to try a new jump that you haven't jumped before, 210 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 2: or go to a new track, and always keep pushing. 211 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 2: And I'm so lucky that I had KAI and my 212 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:24,240 Speaker 2: dad was also heavily involved, and he was also pushing 213 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 2: me to try these new jumps when I really didn't 214 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 2: want to. But I always knew that once I did it, 215 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:35,960 Speaker 2: I would feel so good when I leave, So I 216 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 2: knew that, But again, I still didn't want to do it. 217 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 1: But it's about getting out there, isn't It's about getting 218 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: out there attempting it, and once you do it, it's 219 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 1: the repetition, isn't it. I always say it's exposing that 220 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 1: emotion of whether it's fear, whether it's anticipation, whether you 221 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: just don't want to do it, exposing that emotion and 222 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,920 Speaker 1: repeating the process. And the more you repeat it, the 223 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,320 Speaker 1: more you expose that emotion and you repeat the process 224 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: that the happier you get with it, the more you 225 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: start to understand about it, and the more you can 226 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,439 Speaker 1: make it work to your advantage. And well, what was 227 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: it like when you experience your because a lot of 228 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: people look at bmxing and was it like falling off 229 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 1: your bike? You know? And I'm talking about falling off 230 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: your bike for the first time when you hurt yourself. 231 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 1: And I know as a youngster you're falling off your 232 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,840 Speaker 1: bike all the time, but I'm talking about you know, 233 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,959 Speaker 1: when you experience a proper full, can you remember your 234 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: proper full and when you fall hot? You know, this 235 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: is not only a serious sport, but it's a dangerous 236 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 1: sport as well. If you get it wrong. 237 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 2: The first time I went to the hospital was when 238 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 2: I was still living in Japan. I think I was 239 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,959 Speaker 2: around five or six. But basically I was going really 240 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 2: fast down this section and lost control, crashed and the 241 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 2: you know the sprocket where the chain goes around like 242 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 2: into the back of my ankle, and it just made 243 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 2: these two big cuts and ended up needing to go 244 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:14,320 Speaker 2: to hospital for stitches. That was a traumatic experience. I 245 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 2: remember getting this X ray done and also just been 246 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 2: in so much pain when they put the local anesthetic in. 247 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 2: But I remember feeling like super proud of myself that 248 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 2: I went through it. 249 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: Exactly. It's a bounce back, right, yeah. 250 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 2: But I never really I never really thought of it 251 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 2: as a dangerous sport. I just thought it was just 252 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 2: part of it, and it's just part of what I did. 253 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 2: I was always following Kai and basically I just didn't 254 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,360 Speaker 2: really have to think about anything, whether I liked it 255 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 2: or not, whether when we're going to go training, where 256 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 2: we're going to race. It was all done for me. 257 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 2: So that was just years and years and years that 258 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 2: so there was never really a time where I was 259 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 2: thinking I can do this as a career kind of thing. 260 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 2: There was no light bulb moment, because it's kind of 261 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 2: just morphed into this life kind of thing. But I 262 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 2: do remember talk like hearing Kite do interviews and say 263 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: that I want to make this as a career. I 264 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 2: want to go to the Olympics. I was like, Okay, 265 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 2: maybe that's what I should do. I'll make it a 266 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 2: career and I want to go into the Olympics. And 267 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 2: there was It was something that I just heard from 268 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 2: Kite and copied pretty much. I don't know if it 269 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 2: was actually something that I wanted, but I'm sure that 270 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 2: there was a part of me that loved this challenge 271 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 2: of it, the progression, the speed, and always winning, winningless 272 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 2: one so being the best is great. Yeah, yeah, I 273 00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 2: kept coming back. 274 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 1: When you finish high school, you turn professional, don't you, 275 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: and you start traveling with your brother to his competitions. 276 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: What was that like when you finished high school and 277 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 1: you were traveling with Kai and you were watching him 278 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: on the circuits. 279 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,800 Speaker 2: Again, it was something that I morphed into. It was 280 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 2: really cool though, because Kai finished high school three years 281 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,040 Speaker 2: before me, and he went straight into being a professional 282 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 2: BMX racer and he had to hustle, he had to hustle. 283 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,400 Speaker 2: He did heaps of coaching sessions to get the money 284 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 2: in order to go overseas. Or he didn't get selected 285 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 2: in the Australian team straight away. He had to get 286 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 2: the results but in order to get the funding. But 287 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 2: then he had to fund himself to get to the 288 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 2: races to get results. So it was very inspiring to 289 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 2: see him going through that and his own me that 290 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 2: it's possible and you can. You can make a living 291 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 2: out of this sport if you really try, and that's 292 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,439 Speaker 2: all I wanted to do. I knew that Kay and 293 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 2: I we were getting closer and closer as we got older, 294 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 2: because we start I started to understand his passion a 295 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 2: little bit more, and I started to understand where he's 296 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 2: coming from and that training is important. And yeah, we 297 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 2: started to work together more as a team, training together. 298 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 2: And then yeah, once I left high school, we were 299 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,520 Speaker 2: definitely a team. We were brother and sister traveling the 300 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 2: world together. We actually made a tea Takaki Bara brand 301 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,640 Speaker 2: and made our own jerseys and had our own sponsors. 302 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 2: That he was really he was the forefront of getting 303 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 2: those sponsors. I just kind of enjoyed the benefit. Yeah, 304 00:17:55,600 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 2: he was just just the Powerhouse, and I I like 305 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 2: to think that I brought my creative side. I guess 306 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 2: we did some videos on YouTube. I was editing those 307 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 2: videos and I tried to cook. I guess when we're 308 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 2: on the road. But yeah, just having someone so close 309 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 2: that I trust overseas, going to Europe America doing it 310 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,199 Speaker 2: together was incredible. Like I didn't want anything else. It 311 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,360 Speaker 2: was the best thing I could ever imagine to do. 312 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds amazing having that relationship. So it sounds 313 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 1: like he wasn't just a brother, He was a mentor. 314 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: He was a best friend, you know, and someone that 315 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 1: you looked up to. And I suppose take me back 316 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:49,199 Speaker 1: to the moment in twenty twenty when there was a 317 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,160 Speaker 1: big accident that Kai was involved in. 318 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 2: Well, it was February of twenty twenty where it was 319 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 2: one of the last races to qualify for the Link 320 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:04,400 Speaker 2: that was supposed to be held in twenty twenty August 321 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 2: that year. But yeah, it was just a terrible weekend 322 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 2: in terms of weather. There was so much wind, so 323 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,879 Speaker 2: much rain, and unfortunately he had a big stack in 324 00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,520 Speaker 2: dune racing and had a traumatic brain injury. He was 325 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:27,880 Speaker 2: he was he stopped breathing on site. He was airlifted 326 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:34,400 Speaker 2: to Canberra Hospital and all the while racing was paused 327 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 2: and I was yet to race, So I was thinking 328 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,439 Speaker 2: about racing. I was thinking about how just breathe, Kay's 329 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,800 Speaker 2: going to be okay. He always crashes and he just 330 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 2: he's going to be fine. I was more worried about 331 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 2: how does this change his Olympic chances? You know, he 332 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 2: was kind of on the bubble. He needed to get 333 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,920 Speaker 2: a good result for to make it to the Olympic team. 334 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:01,440 Speaker 2: So it was, yeah, the I just didn't really think 335 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,600 Speaker 2: too much of it, and I was kind of bummed 336 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 2: for him that maybe his Olympic dream was over. But 337 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:10,439 Speaker 2: never in my mind did I think that he was 338 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,760 Speaker 2: going to change his life the way that it did. 339 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:18,160 Speaker 2: No one change our lives for the rest yeah forever. 340 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,160 Speaker 1: And when do you realize the extent of how bad 341 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,959 Speaker 1: it is and what's going through your head at that stage. 342 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 2: Well, the competition got canceled in the end due to weather, 343 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 2: but we were still racing the next day, so I 344 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 2: was trying to keep my mind off it. But yeah, 345 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 2: at seven am the next morning, I had a call 346 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,680 Speaker 2: from my dad because him and my mom went down 347 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 2: to Camber with him, and he was like, Kai's going 348 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,440 Speaker 2: into brain surgery, so I think you should come down. 349 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 2: And I think it was in that moment when even 350 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,840 Speaker 2: though I didn't know what was going on, I knew 351 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 2: it was bad. My body just went into this emotional 352 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,840 Speaker 2: state where I just couldn't stop crying. I didn't know 353 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 2: what about, but it was just everything was pouring out, 354 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 2: and I knew that he wasn't going to be the same, 355 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 2: and I just just couldn't believe that it was happening. 356 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 2: To be honest, I was like, what am I living 357 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 2: a nightmare right now? 358 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 1: Like? 359 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 2: Can I wake up? Is this actually real? And it 360 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,520 Speaker 2: was very real. When I got to Camber Hospital and 361 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,560 Speaker 2: I saw my parents, the looks on their faces, it 362 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 2: was just too telling, you know, it was like this 363 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:45,720 Speaker 2: is not good. And yeah, I got there just as 364 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 2: he was getting wheeled out of surgery. That was an 365 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:58,119 Speaker 2: unbelievable sight. Really, Like just twenty four hours before, he 366 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:02,640 Speaker 2: was racing and when we were just doing our normal thing, 367 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 2: we were chatting, we were hyping each other up, but 368 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 2: suddenly he was he looked dead on the hospital bed, 369 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 2: and yeah, I just couldn't believe it. But But what 370 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,080 Speaker 2: I did, though, it was I took out my phone, 371 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 2: I opened the camera app turned my phone landscape because 372 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,240 Speaker 2: I knew that this was day one of his recovery. 373 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 2: One day there's going to be a documentary about how 374 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 2: he miraculously survived, how he turned his life around or whatever. 375 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,160 Speaker 2: I knew that it was going to happen. So that's 376 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 2: why it did. As every part of me told me, 377 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 2: don't do it. 378 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 1: It felt he started documenting the journey. 379 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it felt wrong, but I'm like, I know that 380 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,720 Speaker 2: this is day one, this is going to be his 381 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:58,440 Speaker 2: rough bottom. And yeah, I guess I had that hope 382 00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,680 Speaker 2: in me from there. 383 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: And also, you know, like you said, you have this 384 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,920 Speaker 1: outpour of emotions. You know, you don't know how you're 385 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 1: going to cope until your body just kicks into some 386 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 1: form of coping mechanism. You know, some people they break down. 387 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: Some people they just need people around them. Some people 388 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,920 Speaker 1: jump into work, you know, they jump into action. They 389 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,119 Speaker 1: have a seed in their head and a positive seed 390 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 1: or a motivation that causes them to jump into And 391 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: I call it positive action because anything after something like that, 392 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,720 Speaker 1: you know, actioning something is always going to be a 393 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,679 Speaker 1: positive thing because it keeps your mind stimulated and it 394 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,600 Speaker 1: is a coping mechanism of what you do. So did 395 00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,880 Speaker 1: you use it as a motivational tool that you're going 396 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,159 Speaker 1: to do it? For you and Kai? How did your 397 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 1: mindset transpire from them? 398 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 2: Well? Yeah, I always think about how a life changing 399 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 2: event it takes time for you to get used to. 400 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 2: If someone asked me how you're feeling about what's happened 401 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,959 Speaker 2: to Kyle, I wouldn't be able to give you an 402 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:05,520 Speaker 2: answer about what's happening, because it's just to be it's 403 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:10,520 Speaker 2: we need time to process, we need time to wrap 404 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:14,159 Speaker 2: your head around it. And for us, though, there was 405 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,760 Speaker 2: just so much uncertainty of what's going to happen with Kai. 406 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 2: In the earlier days. We didn't even know if he 407 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 2: was going to wake up. We didn't know if he 408 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 2: was going to survive the surgery. We didn't know if 409 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 2: he's gonna be able to talk or walk. We didn't 410 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 2: know any of that, and I think that's what was 411 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 2: also very hard, because we didn't know what's happening, Like, 412 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,479 Speaker 2: we didn't know what we needed to wrap our heads around. 413 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,359 Speaker 2: It was super hard. But I do remember just being like, well, 414 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,520 Speaker 2: if he's not going to the Games, then I have 415 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 2: to and I had this crazy sense of responsibility that 416 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 2: wasn't daunting, it was empowering. I was like, I'm gonna 417 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 2: do everything that was Kai was doing which I didn't 418 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 2: get to do, which was a lot. There was all 419 00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 2: the corresponding with sponsors, and he took charge in all 420 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,520 Speaker 2: the emails, and he took charge on phasing out the 421 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:19,280 Speaker 2: training in the lead up to races. And since I 422 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 2: made that decision that I was going to the Olympics 423 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,480 Speaker 2: for the both of us, there was like a huge 424 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:30,919 Speaker 2: shift in my personality. I suddenly knew what phase of 425 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,760 Speaker 2: training I'm doing, why I'm doing that. I started to 426 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,639 Speaker 2: actually look at the food I was eating. I was 427 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 2: thinking about recovery. I was thinking about how can I 428 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:47,000 Speaker 2: best become the best athletes? And over time I started 429 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,720 Speaker 2: to see so much of what I saw in Kai 430 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 2: in myself that I didn't know that I had, and 431 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:58,160 Speaker 2: I was like, WHOA, that's kind of cool. Then COVID came. 432 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 2: Everything got shut down. I couldn't go overseas for racing, 433 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,840 Speaker 2: so I was like, well, all I can do is train, 434 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,280 Speaker 2: and then the Olympics got postponed. A few months later, 435 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 2: I saw that as a good thing because I knew 436 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,640 Speaker 2: that I was going through a lot emotionally, even though 437 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 2: I wasn't really feeling it. Another year was going to 438 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 2: be beneficial for me, And I was like, well, what 439 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 2: would Kai do? Kai would just keep going. He wouldn't 440 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,400 Speaker 2: change anything. He would just keep training, keep looking ahead 441 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 2: and do the best that you can. Wake up every 442 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 2: day and do the best that you can every day. 443 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 2: And that's what I did. And I loved seeing that. 444 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,600 Speaker 1: I love what you just said that he said, what 445 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: would Kai do? You know, he would keep going and 446 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,800 Speaker 1: he wouldn't give up. And at the beginning of this conversation, 447 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: when you were growing up, you said that you wouldn't 448 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: give up and you wouldn't quit. So you know, it's 449 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,400 Speaker 1: almost what would Kai do? But actually, what would say 450 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,360 Speaker 1: I do? Is there any doubts in your mind about 451 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,639 Speaker 1: you potentially crashing or if you're not allowed that to 452 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: sink in, if you're not if you looked at the 453 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 1: situation and for cough, even though I'm carrying on and 454 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: doing what I need to do for myself and for 455 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,480 Speaker 1: Kai and to you know, to really really up the ante, 456 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,639 Speaker 1: is there any anything in the back of your mind 457 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: that you know that makes you realize coh, you know, 458 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: your one crash away from from turning your life around. Yeah, 459 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,400 Speaker 1: if you get that at Bay, you know. 460 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,480 Speaker 2: That's a valid question, you know. I'm sure that that's 461 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,440 Speaker 2: what a lot of people do wonder, and it's something 462 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 2: I did wonder in the first few months, and it 463 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 2: was only maybe it was the next year, almost a 464 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,199 Speaker 2: year after his crash. Is when I was training up 465 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 2: in Brisbane. It was a few months out of the 466 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 2: Olympic Games and I had a crash and it wasn't bad. 467 00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 2: I just collided with it's one of my training partners 468 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:05,439 Speaker 2: in crash, but that was like, okay, cool. That was 469 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,199 Speaker 2: my first crash after Kay's crashed, and it was like 470 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,920 Speaker 2: this relief that I got it out of the way. 471 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know the 472 00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,399 Speaker 2: logic behind that, but I got it out of the 473 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 2: way and I was okay. I just had some grazes. 474 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:26,920 Speaker 2: I'm okay. As if I was destined to have a 475 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 2: crash like him straight after, I don't know, but it 476 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,480 Speaker 2: did play on my mind for sure. When I did 477 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,640 Speaker 2: crash at the Olympic Games where I was winning my 478 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 2: semi final on my way to the final and I 479 00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 2: got taken out by another American rider and I hit 480 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: my head and had a concussion. I was knocked out 481 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 2: for a few minutes. 482 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,680 Speaker 1: On the track. You would out on the track. 483 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, there's a video of it, which I don't 484 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 2: like seeing that at all. And it was on live TV, 485 00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 2: national broadcast, and yeah, it was quite I think it 486 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 2: would have been scarier for the people who were watching, 487 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 2: like my family, after everything that they've gone through in 488 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 2: the last year. But for me, it was a start 489 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:30,840 Speaker 2: of many kind of moments and experiences that would doubt 490 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:35,240 Speaker 2: me and doubt my abilities and think that every time 491 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 2: I crash, I hit my head, and then every time 492 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 2: I race, I crash, and there was this story beginning 493 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:48,360 Speaker 2: to be written, and then there was always yeah, And 494 00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 2: there was also that, well, what is the worst that 495 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,920 Speaker 2: can happen? And I know what the worst thing that 496 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 2: can have ever happened, it's living under my roof. So 497 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 2: it took me on a journey where I did start 498 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 2: to develop a huge fear with BMX and crashing and 499 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 2: especially hitting my head, knowing what had happened to Kai. 500 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 2: And I also had multiple crashes where I hit my 501 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:17,600 Speaker 2: head and I had prolonged concussion symptoms where I'll have, 502 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 2: you know, headaches for months or end and not been 503 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 2: so fatigued for months on end, and my heart rates 504 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 2: spiking every time I take out the laundry or something. 505 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:28,520 Speaker 1: It was. 506 00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 2: A traumatic experience for me to think I'm putting myself 507 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 2: in danger where I'm altering me my brain and we 508 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 2: need our brains, like we don't have a spare So 509 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 2: it was yeah, very scary and really made me think 510 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 2: about my future in the sport and if it's really 511 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:52,280 Speaker 2: worth it. 512 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,600 Speaker 1: What is kai is in rehab? You're competing and you 513 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:11,000 Speaker 1: qualified for your first Olympics in Japan? Right, take me 514 00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,760 Speaker 1: back to that moment when you knew you'd qualified And 515 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,200 Speaker 1: what was it like going back telling the family that 516 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: you'd qualified for your first Olympics and it's in Japan. 517 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,600 Speaker 1: You know, it's almost is like having a result or 518 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 1: having something so positive after such a negative sort of 519 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 1: few months. What was that moment like? 520 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 2: It was next feelings? For sure, it was kind of 521 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,480 Speaker 2: surreal to think that I've actually qualified for an Olympic Games. 522 00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 2: It was like, wow, this is amazing, But at the 523 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,720 Speaker 2: same time, my mind went straight to Kai because this 524 00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:54,840 Speaker 2: was our dream and all of twenty nineteen, in a 525 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 2: lead up to twenty twenty before his crashed, we did 526 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 2: so many interviews about the hype for the Olympic Games. 527 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 2: We're half Japanese, we have strong ties to Japan, We're 528 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 2: brother and sister. We were developing this story and getting 529 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:16,240 Speaker 2: people along on the journey, and the dream came true, 530 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 2: but only for one of us, and that was Yeah. 531 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 2: I think that's also how my parents felt as well. 532 00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 2: You know, they were so happy for me. But at 533 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 2: the same time, we were dealing with Kay's rehab and 534 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 2: understanding his prognosis and how his future is going to be. 535 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 2: So it was, yeah, this bittersweet moment for sure. But 536 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,040 Speaker 2: at the same time, I was really proud of myself 537 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 2: because of the changes I've seen in how I approached training, 538 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,719 Speaker 2: how I took ownership of my future. I couldn't believe 539 00:32:54,800 --> 00:33:01,280 Speaker 2: how good that felt to have that ownership, that responsibility, 540 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,560 Speaker 2: because all that time I was just passing in on 541 00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 2: to Kai. I didn't even have to think about training 542 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,560 Speaker 2: or anything. But now it was all on me, and 543 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:13,400 Speaker 2: I felt that I lived up to that standard, and 544 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 2: I was so proud of myself already coming into Tokyo. 545 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 1: What was it like going back? Had you been back 546 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,160 Speaker 1: after you moved back from Japan? What was it like 547 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 1: going back and competing at that level? 548 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 2: It was so bizarre, It was so weird. Well, we 549 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 2: actually did a pre Olympics test event at the back 550 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 2: end of twenty nineteen and that was very successful. I 551 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 2: want that one. But when we arrived there, it was 552 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: middle of COVID and we had to be in this bubble. 553 00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:57,680 Speaker 2: There was no one in the grandstand. And mind you, 554 00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:02,280 Speaker 2: I hadn't raced for almost a year, over a year 555 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:06,959 Speaker 2: against my competitors because I couldn't travel and do all 556 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,279 Speaker 2: the World Cups that was held before the Games. So 557 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,080 Speaker 2: I had absolutely no idea how I matched up against everyone. 558 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,200 Speaker 2: I knew what I did for training. I was very 559 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:19,280 Speaker 2: proud of myself, but I was so out of touch 560 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:24,239 Speaker 2: of from what I did on race day. What's my 561 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:29,480 Speaker 2: race routine? How do I prepare like, what's my mental strategies? 562 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 2: And I had none of that. And I came into 563 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,480 Speaker 2: this huge event called the Olympic Games, the pinnacle of 564 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:42,319 Speaker 2: BMX racing or almost all sports, and yeah, it was 565 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:47,720 Speaker 2: definitely overwhelming. My first few races were all over the shop. 566 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,440 Speaker 2: I got thrown off the track on one of one 567 00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,120 Speaker 2: of the laps, and I got last one of the 568 00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:58,400 Speaker 2: other laps, and yeah, it was all over the shop. 569 00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:01,680 Speaker 2: But it was probably the last race of the semifinals 570 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 2: when I was feeling like myself again. I was able 571 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:12,319 Speaker 2: to get past those mental challenges and get past all 572 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,000 Speaker 2: this crazy, crazy stuff that was going in my mind 573 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,879 Speaker 2: and the pressures and kind of wrapping my head around 574 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 2: into the Olympic Games. But then there's no one in 575 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 2: the grandstands, and there's COVID and being scared of getting 576 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,520 Speaker 2: COVID and not being able to race. It was just 577 00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:32,920 Speaker 2: so much going on, doing it for kai, so much media. Yeah, 578 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:39,080 Speaker 2: it was definitely challenging. And then we know what happened. 579 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:46,239 Speaker 2: We crashed in the semifinal, had that concussion, and I 580 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:50,840 Speaker 2: wasn't ready for it. I wasn't ready for it not 581 00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 2: to go well. 582 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, so you went through your career of winning, winning, 583 00:35:55,560 --> 00:36:00,360 Speaker 1: and then when I suppose it doesn't go well, well, 584 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 1: it's it's it's something that yeah, I can sort of 585 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,399 Speaker 1: literally knock you off your feet. Right, it's a case 586 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,400 Speaker 1: of right, how do I react to this? How do 587 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,279 Speaker 1: I respond to this? How did you respond to it? 588 00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 2: Well? It was my first real setback because nothing meant 589 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 2: so much to me than these Olympics. It was I 590 00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:30,799 Speaker 2: was representing not only myself, but for Kai. It was 591 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:36,719 Speaker 2: in Japan. Everything that our family has gone through led 592 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:44,279 Speaker 2: to this moment, and it crumbled. I I didn't know 593 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 2: how to get back, but to get back straight away, 594 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:52,960 Speaker 2: and it's like, okay, we'll just bounce back. You know, 595 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 2: what's the next race. Let's redeem myself. And I was 596 00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:03,640 Speaker 2: feeling so disappointed, heartbroken, exhausted from that that race, and 597 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:07,799 Speaker 2: I was so eager to reading myself and to show 598 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,560 Speaker 2: the world that I did deserve a medal, and that 599 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:17,359 Speaker 2: I not that I did, but I thought that I 600 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,560 Speaker 2: needed to prove myself to the world and to myself. 601 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:24,399 Speaker 2: So that was where my mind was at. It was 602 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 2: when is the next race? All the while battling with 603 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 2: this concussion symptoms, I couldn't didn't know how to navigate 604 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 2: when it prolonged for over two weeks, which I hadn't 605 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:43,160 Speaker 2: experienced before, So I was like, Okay, when's the next race? Okay, 606 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,160 Speaker 2: I'm not ready for that. My head's not right. Okay, 607 00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:47,799 Speaker 2: when's the next race? Oh my head? Oh no, it's 608 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,080 Speaker 2: not good now. Now I haven't trained for two months, 609 00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 2: but now I'm not ready for this one. And it 610 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:56,480 Speaker 2: was so much back and forth and I it was 611 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:57,560 Speaker 2: just super exhausting. 612 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:03,560 Speaker 1: And how how does how how does a prolonged concussion, 613 00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 1: these prolonged concussion symptoms, how does it affect you psychologically? 614 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:13,600 Speaker 1: Because obviously it does immediately affect you psychologically. Is it? 615 00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:14,040 Speaker 2: You know? 616 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:16,960 Speaker 1: Are you going for you? Like you said, you sort 617 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 1: of spiraled into this fearful sort of you know, person 618 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:24,920 Speaker 1: that was just fearful to get on a bite, Fearful 619 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 1: you didn't want to bang your head again because you 620 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,200 Speaker 1: knew the worst outcome, because like you said, it was 621 00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:33,880 Speaker 1: living under your roof. How do you perform with these 622 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:37,520 Speaker 1: with this fear engulfing you and ultimately, you know, sort 623 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,600 Speaker 1: of taking your mind off of what you need to do. 624 00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:46,560 Speaker 2: You can't, you can't perform. I remember the next year, 625 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:51,960 Speaker 2: I was so desperate to still get a result, but 626 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:56,840 Speaker 2: I was still also very scared. And every time I 627 00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 2: lined up for a race and a World Cup or something, 628 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:04,560 Speaker 2: I would be shitting my pants. I would be like, 629 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,840 Speaker 2: I'm going to crash and I don't. 630 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 1: Want that was at the forefront of your mind is crash, crash, crush. 631 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:17,000 Speaker 1: You're pedaling into into a negative space straight from the off. 632 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 1: That's you know, oh yeah, thinking about winning. You're not 633 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:22,520 Speaker 1: thinking about you know, lifting that trophy. You're not thinking 634 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,080 Speaker 1: about You're just thinking, where am I going to crash? 635 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:29,280 Speaker 1: It's gonna happen, yeah, yeah, And it was so exhausting. 636 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:33,680 Speaker 1: I will cross the finish line and I will think, oh. 637 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:37,520 Speaker 2: I survived, Okay, at least I made it through that one. 638 00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:43,319 Speaker 2: So every race day was so exhausting, and when I 639 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,360 Speaker 2: got to the end of it, I was proud of 640 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:50,080 Speaker 2: myself that I got through it, but it didn't feel 641 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 2: so satisfying. It just felt like I was just running 642 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:58,560 Speaker 2: away from this monster that I couldn't run away from. 643 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:06,840 Speaker 2: And and ultimately it made me crash again, probably because 644 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:09,840 Speaker 2: I was being so tense or not thinking very clearly 645 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:14,160 Speaker 2: or making the wrong moves. I crashed by myself when 646 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:19,160 Speaker 2: I crashed into another rider and hit my head again. 647 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:26,440 Speaker 2: Only eleven months after That was probably the lowest moment 648 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:32,120 Speaker 2: because of how I was feeling about racing before then 649 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:37,680 Speaker 2: and having another crash, having another concussion. I knocked myself out, 650 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:41,640 Speaker 2: and I remember being in the medical ten at the track, 651 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,759 Speaker 2: and I've been sitting there for a bit. But when 652 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:49,000 Speaker 2: I came to my boyfriend Rom, he's also a racer, 653 00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,440 Speaker 2: he kind of came in and he was like, are 654 00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:54,160 Speaker 2: you okay? And I was just like I just started 655 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:58,040 Speaker 2: crying and saying not again, Like no, I don't want 656 00:40:58,080 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 2: to go through this again. 657 00:40:59,320 --> 00:40:59,840 Speaker 1: I'm done. 658 00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:06,520 Speaker 2: Yeah I was. Yeah, it was very hard. I didn't 659 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:07,960 Speaker 2: know how I was going to get back from that. 660 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:10,359 Speaker 1: Was it not a moment that you wanted to quit, 661 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,360 Speaker 1: that you thought, you know what, if there's ever a 662 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 1: time to quit, if there's ever a time to stop, 663 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:19,879 Speaker 1: it's now. Was there ever those moments in your head? 664 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:26,960 Speaker 2: And there was a moment where I did come to quitting. 665 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:35,880 Speaker 2: I had conversations with my family, my coach, my my manager. 666 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,920 Speaker 2: I told them I'm done because in my mind it 667 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:44,799 Speaker 2: felt justified. It felt like, well, I'm not enjoying it, 668 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:50,360 Speaker 2: I'm not winning. I'm very scared. I only did BMX 669 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,279 Speaker 2: because of Kai, and Kai's not doing BMX, so why 670 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,480 Speaker 2: am I doing this for me? It just made total 671 00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,319 Speaker 2: sense that this is. 672 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:03,799 Speaker 1: It for me. Yeah, The ritings on the wall you know, 673 00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,520 Speaker 1: take yeat of it and do what you need to do. 674 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:13,400 Speaker 2: But there was this little voice. There was a little voice. 675 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:17,760 Speaker 1: Mad There's always a little voice, Always a little voice. 676 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,240 Speaker 2: There was. There was a little voice, and I think 677 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:26,080 Speaker 2: I'm sure it was to do with growing up with Kai, 678 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,560 Speaker 2: the beliefs and the values that he instilled in me 679 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:33,560 Speaker 2: that this is not the way to go. I had. 680 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:38,040 Speaker 2: I have so much potential in the sport, Like physically, 681 00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:41,279 Speaker 2: even though I was racing with so much fear, I 682 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,719 Speaker 2: actually came third on one of the World Cups on 683 00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:47,719 Speaker 2: a grand stage. So I was like, well, physically, I'm there, 684 00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,840 Speaker 2: I'm fast. The only thing that's stopping me is my mind. 685 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,120 Speaker 1: And I suppose there's a thing as well. If I 686 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:57,960 Speaker 1: can get these results with this fear weighing down, you know, 687 00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:01,480 Speaker 1: eating away at me whilst I'm race. Just imagine if 688 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:05,200 Speaker 1: I could push that fear to one side. Just imagine 689 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,120 Speaker 1: the results that I would get if I could do that. 690 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:13,520 Speaker 2: You got it, knew, Yeah, that's exactly what I thought. 691 00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,880 Speaker 2: I was like, how far can I go in this? 692 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,239 Speaker 2: And I felt like I hadn't given that everything. I 693 00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,160 Speaker 2: hadn't tried everything. 694 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:28,440 Speaker 1: Together and exhausted all the options exactly out there. There 695 00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,160 Speaker 1: was still a few left that you could you could 696 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,319 Speaker 1: push and that you could go. I get it. I'm 697 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:38,040 Speaker 1: the same. But what I'd done, I managed to break 698 00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:42,319 Speaker 1: down my fears. And really, you know, I've written a 699 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,839 Speaker 1: book called The Fear Bubble, where I broke down being 700 00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:47,200 Speaker 1: in that fear bubble. You know, we let it engulf 701 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:50,120 Speaker 1: us and for days on end, when ultimately you only 702 00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,040 Speaker 1: need to be in it for seconds or minutes. And 703 00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,840 Speaker 1: when I broke down those fears of being in those bubbles, 704 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,160 Speaker 1: whether it was, for example, you know, getting off that 705 00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 1: start bomb, that's the first one done, you know, and 706 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,400 Speaker 1: then breaking it. You know, there's a big jump coming up, 707 00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,759 Speaker 1: that's the second one that's you know, and almost when 708 00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,520 Speaker 1: you pop those bubbles and you take the layers off 709 00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:10,880 Speaker 1: of of that fear, you're you're becoming lighter and lighter. 710 00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,239 Speaker 1: And that's what I started doing, and it sounds like 711 00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:17,000 Speaker 1: you've done exactly the same because getting back on to yourself, 712 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,800 Speaker 1: you know, you've got this fear sort of engulfing you 713 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:23,439 Speaker 1: and you know you're quitting and then something comes back, 714 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,400 Speaker 1: because you don't just come back, You come back with 715 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:30,799 Speaker 1: a vengeance, right, You come back and you completely annihilate 716 00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,680 Speaker 1: the field. When do you decide that you're coming back 717 00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,640 Speaker 1: and what state of mind are you in when when 718 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,040 Speaker 1: you come back is it? Is it all in or nothing? 719 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:44,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? There was no around November of that year that 720 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:49,120 Speaker 2: I crashed. I crashed in June and by November I 721 00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 2: had quit. And then now I had come back or 722 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:58,520 Speaker 2: decided to come back, and I knew that I wanted 723 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:02,280 Speaker 2: to do it differently. It was like I had nothing 724 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,160 Speaker 2: to lose. I was going to lose everything. I was 725 00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:08,920 Speaker 2: going to quit. Yeah, I was going to quit. I 726 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:10,640 Speaker 2: was going to lose on my fans, I was going 727 00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:14,440 Speaker 2: to become irrelevant. I was going to probably find a job. 728 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:15,960 Speaker 2: I didn't know what I was going to do. So 729 00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:20,960 Speaker 2: I was like, well, this BMX thing, I'm going to 730 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,799 Speaker 2: do it the way that I want to do it. 731 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,280 Speaker 2: I'm just going to follow my instincts. It doesn't matter 732 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:30,560 Speaker 2: if it flops, if I doesn't matter, even if I'm 733 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,640 Speaker 2: putting myself at risk of crashing. But I also want 734 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,080 Speaker 2: to find that love again. I want to fix my 735 00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:40,320 Speaker 2: relationship with BMX because I had so much anger towards 736 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,600 Speaker 2: what it's taken from me. It's taken the brother that 737 00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:48,680 Speaker 2: I knew. It's given me so much grief with concussions. 738 00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:55,200 Speaker 2: I knew that that wasn't all BMX, like that was 739 00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:59,520 Speaker 2: my perception of it. But I knew that BMX I 740 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,120 Speaker 2: started it and continued it for a reason, and I 741 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,959 Speaker 2: wanted to find that love. So my way of doing 742 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:11,320 Speaker 2: that was going through cutting out everything that I didn't 743 00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,839 Speaker 2: feel like was becoming stale. And one of the things 744 00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:19,920 Speaker 2: I did was cutting ties with my longtime bike sponsor 745 00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 2: who was sponsoring both Kai and I, and we were 746 00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:29,000 Speaker 2: like a team kind of deal, and you know, we 747 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,680 Speaker 2: were both kind of feeling a bit weird about the 748 00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:35,279 Speaker 2: whole thing. So but it was a huge paycheck for 749 00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,319 Speaker 2: my to fund my everyday life. But I knew that 750 00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:41,520 Speaker 2: it was my decision. I had to make a decision 751 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,759 Speaker 2: for myself. It felt like it was the right thing, 752 00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:48,080 Speaker 2: even though if it sounded wrong to not have a 753 00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:52,800 Speaker 2: bike sponsor. So I did that and realized that everything 754 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,960 Speaker 2: I thought would go wrong after it didn't happen and 755 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,759 Speaker 2: nothing happened, it was like, oh, maybe I can make 756 00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,319 Speaker 2: more decisions for myself. So it took me on this 757 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:07,000 Speaker 2: journey of changing my coach, changing my helmet, changing everything. 758 00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,640 Speaker 2: I moved from Sydney to Adelaide for a few months 759 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:15,640 Speaker 2: for a new training environment. I tried track cycling and 760 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:19,600 Speaker 2: added embedded that into my training, which was completely new, 761 00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,400 Speaker 2: and I just went on this journey. 762 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,480 Speaker 1: You took control of your life. 763 00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 2: It was a reinvention. It was about It wasn't about 764 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:34,719 Speaker 2: going back to who I was. It was about becoming 765 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:41,560 Speaker 2: someone new. And I saw that coming, becoming and building. 766 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,560 Speaker 2: That added to my confidence. Although I was still very 767 00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:49,239 Speaker 2: scared of racing, my training really paid off. I was 768 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:54,080 Speaker 2: getting really strong, getting really fast, so I was less 769 00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:57,439 Speaker 2: likely to crash already because I was ahead of the pack, 770 00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:03,960 Speaker 2: and that gave me confidence. And that whole year, the 771 00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:07,919 Speaker 2: World Cup started in June and we had five weekends, 772 00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:13,000 Speaker 2: ten rounds, and every race I got onto the start 773 00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,440 Speaker 2: hell and every time there was a doubt that came in, 774 00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:21,360 Speaker 2: I counted it with, well, I don't want to crash, 775 00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,120 Speaker 2: and in order not to crash, I need to do 776 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:27,080 Speaker 2: my best gate. And in order to do my best gate, 777 00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,480 Speaker 2: and you know, get out of that fear bubble in 778 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,120 Speaker 2: that start on that start heill. I need to trust 779 00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:36,960 Speaker 2: myself and I need to believe in myself and I 780 00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:38,560 Speaker 2: need to do this and this and this and then 781 00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:40,560 Speaker 2: that's all that I was focused on. I didn't even 782 00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:43,040 Speaker 2: care about the result. I just wanted to do the 783 00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:46,200 Speaker 2: best that I can. And because if I do the 784 00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,400 Speaker 2: best that I can, I'm putting in myself in the 785 00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,319 Speaker 2: best position not to. 786 00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:54,640 Speaker 1: Crash you midle of you. 787 00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:58,520 Speaker 2: Now. Yeah, even though I was running away from a 788 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:04,759 Speaker 2: negative like that, it paid off because that's that was 789 00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:08,000 Speaker 2: kind of like survival mode. Like I needed to do 790 00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:10,440 Speaker 2: that a few times. I needed to run away from 791 00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:15,520 Speaker 2: fear a few times. And then I won that season, 792 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:18,840 Speaker 2: which was amazing. I couldn't believe it. 793 00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:19,320 Speaker 1: I couldn't. 794 00:49:19,719 --> 00:49:25,000 Speaker 2: I couldn't believe how many I wanted that. Fear was 795 00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:29,040 Speaker 2: so powerful. I just wanted to get away from it. 796 00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:36,560 Speaker 2: What was interesting was the year after that, fear started 797 00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:41,320 Speaker 2: to not have that much power, so I no longer 798 00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:48,040 Speaker 2: was running away from something something The monster wasn't there. Yeah, 799 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:53,840 Speaker 2: and that was when I had to find that motivation 800 00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:58,120 Speaker 2: to run towards something that I want rather than running 801 00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:01,880 Speaker 2: away from something I don't want, Like, I had to 802 00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:05,400 Speaker 2: switch my thinking and turn that motivation into something positive 803 00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:10,560 Speaker 2: of like I want to win, I want the gold medal, 804 00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,200 Speaker 2: and that switch was interesting as well. 805 00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,879 Speaker 1: Well. That switch worked because you did get the gold 806 00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:22,319 Speaker 1: medal and you went from success to success twenty twenty three, 807 00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:26,160 Speaker 1: twenty twenty four, twenty twenty five. And here you are 808 00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:30,160 Speaker 1: in the present moment, Sayer, with all those victories under 809 00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:33,440 Speaker 1: your belt, where you know, yeah, taking full control of 810 00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:37,000 Speaker 1: your life ultimately and your destiny and your mindset and 811 00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:41,400 Speaker 1: your emotions to absolutely smash and become the you know, 812 00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:45,719 Speaker 1: the world champion. Three years on the trot and you're 813 00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:49,160 Speaker 1: going from strength to strength. Right. You've written a book 814 00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:53,640 Speaker 1: called Just Go, which sort of sums up you know, 815 00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:57,520 Speaker 1: this whole podcast which I love. Talk to me about 816 00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,839 Speaker 1: Just Go and you know the detail of it and 817 00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:02,360 Speaker 1: what that book means to you. 818 00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:07,040 Speaker 2: It's cool. The opportunity came about a couple of months 819 00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:12,439 Speaker 2: after I won gold last year at Paris, and it 820 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:16,399 Speaker 2: was like, yeah, one hundred percent, I want to write 821 00:51:16,400 --> 00:51:20,319 Speaker 2: a book. I went through so much shit, but I 822 00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:24,880 Speaker 2: still won, and I knew that there was there's so 823 00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:29,200 Speaker 2: many lessons that I learned that I wanted to share, 824 00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:34,919 Speaker 2: and so much that I learned about mindset and how 825 00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:39,360 Speaker 2: I was able to transform myself from that scared girl 826 00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,759 Speaker 2: a few years ago to becoming a gold medalist or 827 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:48,279 Speaker 2: believing more so, becoming a person who thinks that they 828 00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:53,880 Speaker 2: can win a gold medal. That was the biggest transformation. 829 00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:58,280 Speaker 2: But yeah, this book came about, and it was hard 830 00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,920 Speaker 2: because in order to tell the story, I had to 831 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:06,799 Speaker 2: revisit all the old memories of memories that I didn't 832 00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,879 Speaker 2: really want to revisit write about it in a way 833 00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:14,680 Speaker 2: that people will understand. But at the same time, I 834 00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:18,959 Speaker 2: think it was a really good experience because I think 835 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:22,960 Speaker 2: that us humans we like stories. We use stories to 836 00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:26,160 Speaker 2: make sense of the world. And for myself to go 837 00:52:26,200 --> 00:52:29,160 Speaker 2: through an experience where I'm writing my own story has 838 00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,440 Speaker 2: allowed me to really you know, take ownership or be 839 00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:36,400 Speaker 2: empowered by it and be really proud of what I 840 00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:39,520 Speaker 2: went through. So I'm just super grateful that I was 841 00:52:39,760 --> 00:52:45,520 Speaker 2: able to have that experience. And yeah, basically, it's it's 842 00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:48,800 Speaker 2: not a whole it's not my whole life. I really 843 00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:53,280 Speaker 2: kind of put like a magnifying lens between twenty twenty 844 00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,480 Speaker 2: and the gold medal. So Ky's crashing the gold medal, 845 00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:02,279 Speaker 2: and it's action packed, it's very tense, very emotional. I'm 846 00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:04,759 Speaker 2: a very emotional person. Now, I don't know why. I 847 00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:08,520 Speaker 2: just cry everything and so much emotion that went into 848 00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:12,840 Speaker 2: this book, and you can see it through the diary 849 00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:17,920 Speaker 2: entries as well, that I was doing throughout that whole experience. 850 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,880 Speaker 2: And I actually include some of the diary entries in 851 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:25,960 Speaker 2: their word for word, which is terrifying, but at the 852 00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:29,040 Speaker 2: same time, it really gives you a good sense of 853 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,760 Speaker 2: the self talk that I was saying through that time 854 00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,960 Speaker 2: of well through especially when I was having that second 855 00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,320 Speaker 2: concussion of am I going to quit? Am I good enough? 856 00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:43,120 Speaker 2: I'm not good enough, I can't do this, blah blah 857 00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:48,040 Speaker 2: blah too. Now, writing before the game is like I'm 858 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:52,360 Speaker 2: going to win this shit. 859 00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:54,200 Speaker 1: Where's that gold medal? Where's that next goal? Yeah? And 860 00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:56,680 Speaker 1: that's what I say. It's almost like a Michael Jordan's 861 00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:59,200 Speaker 1: sort of success to it. The three peats, you know, 862 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:04,080 Speaker 1: you becoming three times back to back world champion and 863 00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:08,040 Speaker 1: the gold medals, and so the last question for you 864 00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,600 Speaker 1: say it, where is the next gold medal? 865 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:15,719 Speaker 2: Well, not long ago. Actually, at the start of this year, 866 00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:21,360 Speaker 2: Kai has gone back on two wheels. He's now a 867 00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:26,040 Speaker 2: paratrack cyclist, so he's going around and around the Belodrome 868 00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:31,680 Speaker 2: at sixty days an hour on crazy heavy gearing. But 869 00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:36,040 Speaker 2: he did about two years of doing some rowing. He 870 00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:38,880 Speaker 2: started back in twenty twenty. It was a great outlet 871 00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:43,000 Speaker 2: for him to explore his physical abilities, train hard work 872 00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:46,799 Speaker 2: towards something. But now he's picked up a bike. It 873 00:54:46,920 --> 00:54:50,319 Speaker 2: feels so much more like him. I love that he's 874 00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:54,480 Speaker 2: on a bike and he is gunning to become a 875 00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:58,760 Speaker 2: Paralympic gold medalist, and that's our dream. Now we're going 876 00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:04,040 Speaker 2: to LA twenty twenty eight, him as a paracyclist, myself 877 00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:08,000 Speaker 2: as a BMX raser. Yeah, the dream is alive again. 878 00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:12,560 Speaker 1: So the next gold medal is for your amazing brother. 879 00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:16,800 Speaker 1: I love that. Finishing up on a super positive note, sayah, 880 00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:19,000 Speaker 1: thank you so much, best of luck with your future. 881 00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:23,239 Speaker 1: I will be watching with a super positive lens. Keep 882 00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,719 Speaker 1: smashing it, keep being you, and keep inspiring. Thank you. 883 00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,880 Speaker 2: Thanks so much, Jane, this is great. 884 00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:34,000 Speaker 1: Sayer's book Just Go is out now. All the details 885 00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:36,440 Speaker 1: are in the show notes. Thanks for joining me on 886 00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:39,280 Speaker 1: this episode of head Game. If you enjoyed this episode, 887 00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:43,000 Speaker 1: please share it with a friend. I'm at Middleton. See 888 00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:44,439 Speaker 1: you again next time.