1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,200 Speaker 1: This is the Fits in Whip with Kate Richie podcast. 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 2: Tonight is a very very exciting night eight point thirty 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 2: on the ABC. A role of a lifetime premieres Ryan James. 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: Yeah it is. 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 3: It's a series about how to parent in the rapidly 6 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:19,159 Speaker 3: changing world, using his sitcom Family Now Kate Richie is 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 3: a part of that. Nazim Hussein as well. Amanda Keller 8 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 3: is hosting it and basically they're acting out parenting challenges 9 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 3: which then this lady jumps in and explores and gives 10 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 3: you answers to do in these situations. We love this 11 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,480 Speaker 3: lady to death, the magnificent Maggie Debt. 12 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 2: Way, Maggie, we have been very kindly. You arrived this 13 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 2: morning too with flowers which are going straight to the 14 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 2: beautiful car Richie's house. 15 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 1: Honest to God, when you Kate nails everything in this show, 16 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 1: we're not only in the sitcom. Oh my god, you're 17 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: going to split yourself laughing because they take the piss 18 00:00:57,040 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: out of every situation that's happening in so many houses, 19 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: like starting off with you know, the eleven year old 20 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: boy coming out scratching his bum. So I've got to 21 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: think a new bomb chocolate and also Kate gets frozen 22 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: out by a fifteen year old daughter. Look every mother 23 00:01:13,959 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: on that and that moment is feeling so seen and 24 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 1: so heard. But then stepping out of it and talking 25 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: to the experts and actually going through some of the 26 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,959 Speaker 1: the real life, the real the reasons behind and what's 27 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: a real worry? You know, it really is big stuff. 28 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 1: And then oh my god, the last episode go sort 29 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:29,959 Speaker 1: of I'm. 30 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 2: So glad, yeah, that this show is happening. You know, 31 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 2: I'd liked with Kate yesterday and she's great and she's 32 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,199 Speaker 2: excited about this term, which is awesome, which is great 33 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 2: for her. So I mean, when you come in and 34 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 2: we talk about these sorts of situations, a lot of 35 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,640 Speaker 2: what's played out on the show, like you said, is 36 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 2: real life. So whenever we have you in thirteen twenty 37 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 2: four ten we've got a question from Maggie, then it 38 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 2: doesn't stop. I know, fits you wanted to open with 39 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 2: one about Hueie. 40 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, I did so. 41 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 3: My eldest is fifteen years of age, now, Maggie, how 42 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 3: much how much is that? 43 00:01:59,120 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 4: It is? 44 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 3: It's amazing, it really is. 45 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: And you know what, I get more. 46 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 3: Excited to think about what I went through at that 47 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 3: age like, it's an amazing Look, there are a lot 48 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:09,839 Speaker 3: of problems that you have in your life, but it's 49 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 3: also you're finding your best friends in life and you 50 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 3: are exploring and it's just unbelievable. I wanted to ask you, 51 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,640 Speaker 3: and a lot of parents do ask about the alcohol 52 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 3: because so now he's fifteen years of age. I've had 53 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 3: a good chat to him, he said, Dad, I haven't 54 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 3: touched it, but he's now going. 55 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: To parties where it is there, and I don't know. 56 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 3: I'm really struggling to sort of find do I do. 57 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 3: I hold off as much as I can. I don't 58 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 3: know the way to approach him, who is then going 59 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 3: to these parties Maggie. So I just wanted some advice 60 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,799 Speaker 3: in that area for young kids and teenagers getting into 61 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 3: this area. 62 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 1: All right, The research is overwhelming in this space, and 63 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: that says the earlier that your teenagers start drinking, the 64 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: more likely they're going to have problematic drinking. So what 65 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: you're doing is really really good. And the very fact 66 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: that you know having those conversations. I was a really 67 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,959 Speaker 1: tough ass mum. Mine weren't allowed to parties till year eleven, 68 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: and I never ever bought a many alcohol and it 69 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 1: was of course they'd go to parties and they'd do it, 70 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: but they knew it really wasn't considered okay. So that 71 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: story about oh, give them a taste because we've been 72 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 1: doing that, they'll be fine is absolutely the opposite. But 73 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: you also need to talk to you boy at some 74 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: point then hunger for him to belong with his friends 75 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: and not all. There's really good research that comes from 76 00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: Paul Dylan, who works with teens everywhere. He said that 77 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 1: they're drinking so much less than previous generations and over 78 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 1: twenty percent are not touching alcohol to lead twenty interesting, 79 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 1: so they're already a little bit more sensible than previous culture. 80 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 3: Culture has changed, it's changed massively. 81 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: And so the tip is if that pressure is happening, 82 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: then go for anything that's lower alcohol. So go for 83 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: beer and sit on the one drink, right. But also 84 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: your job when you're there is to watch out for 85 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 1: your mates, you know, watch out for your mate to 86 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 1: get sculling and then wanting to do stupid stuff while 87 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 1: they're really drunk. That's when we're starting to educate them 88 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: about when we go out in social situations. It's a 89 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 1: risky space for all of our teens because their prefrontal 90 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: is not finished. But our job is to watch out 91 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 1: for our friends and our mates in those situations. 92 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 3: So you were anti though, Maggie, you said to your boys, 93 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,479 Speaker 3: I don't want you to drink, but you knew that 94 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 3: they were drinking. They were going to pay. But then, Maggie, 95 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 3: the question I asked, were they comfortable enough to come 96 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 3: and talk to you about it? Or were they worried 97 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 3: that Mum was no, no, but they. 98 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: Would never dare come home inebriated. Right, and then guess 99 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 1: what's happening. They're doing Ops, they're drinking other people's right, 100 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 1: which means those other people aren't drinking as much either. 101 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: And this is a country situation, a house full of 102 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 1: boys in a very boy male world, and they were 103 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: in football clubs where you know, there was a lot 104 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: of drinking. So for holding the ground, if I had 105 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:01,839 Speaker 1: gone too hard, then you get REBELLI so mine was hard, 106 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: but at the same time I knew what was going on. 107 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 1: That's why the rules were how you get home, right, 108 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,599 Speaker 1: because that's the most risky thing is how our teens 109 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 1: get home when they're affected by our colon drugs. That's 110 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 1: when they get run over, that's when they do stumb stuff, 111 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: and that's when sexual violence happens. To be perfect now, yes. 112 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,720 Speaker 2: Maggie, if we go back a few years, what am 113 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,840 Speaker 2: I looking at ten and an eight year old? Why 114 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 2: is it with young kids all the problems come at 115 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 2: nighttime you get into bed, and then things that wouldn't 116 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 2: worry them for one second throughout the day start piling 117 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 2: in in those tears as you're trying to get them 118 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:35,520 Speaker 2: to sleep. 119 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, so what happens is all of us actually do 120 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 1: a bit of a day review, and so anything that's 121 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: been bothering them during the day, they're being distracted around 122 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: meal time or knowing homework time caves and as they're 123 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: getting ready for bed up, it will come up into 124 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: the mind things that do worry them. And that's why 125 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 1: it is one of the windows that teens will often 126 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,160 Speaker 1: want to talk to you as they get all to 127 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,600 Speaker 1: be prepared. Eleven o'clock, just as you're ready to crash 128 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 1: into bed, there's this hanging around the kitchen or they're 129 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 1: just sitting on the end of your bed. We have 130 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: to be available for those times because that's exactly the 131 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 1: time that they're feeling brave enough. You're not distracted by 132 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:13,119 Speaker 1: getting meals, you're not distracted by your phone. You're actually 133 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 1: going to hear me right now. I see that as 134 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,359 Speaker 1: another one of those gifts, and you just want to 135 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: keep saying. When your team comes home and vents all 136 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 1: over you, you know, they're just bringing stuff that they won't 137 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: do at school, but they're coming home to the safest 138 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: human who loves them, So you need to take that 139 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: as a gift. That's because they love me. 140 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:31,560 Speaker 2: That's a good way to pry. 141 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,039 Speaker 1: It, and we want it, doubt not. 142 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 3: It's the worst time of the day though, you're so stuff. 143 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: I'm trying to get down, I know, But isn't it 144 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 1: a great thing that they love you enough to come 145 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:45,479 Speaker 1: with them? 146 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 5: Yeah? 147 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 1: I know, it's their burdens. 148 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 2: Well the other I mean it started when school went back, 149 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 2: that we have these issues at that time now, but 150 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 2: the biggest one was, and it's considered the worst day 151 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 2: of the year for a lot of kids, the swimming sports. 152 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, why is the swimming sports the worst 153 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 1: day of the am Why they so early? 154 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,479 Speaker 2: Holy had it's warming up in this country a bit longer? 155 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, I must admit, I've just had three of my 156 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: grand four of my grandkids once again, but. 157 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 6: I hate it. 158 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: Well, if they've been swimming a lot, they love it. 159 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: So you see, I had a swimmer. So he loved 160 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: it right because that was his chance to dominate. That 161 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: means his mother has been getting out of bed at 162 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: five point thirty in the morning for the last year 163 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,520 Speaker 1: loving it. Thanks very much, Thanks very much. 164 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 2: Because one I said to Ted, I mean he was 165 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 2: overthinking it beyond beloe. If Jack was a little bit 166 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 2: like your other kid, he's just jumping in and roaring. 167 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: And I said, Ted, you're not going to be an 168 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 2: Olympics for that's okay, and no one's. 169 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 1: Expecting you to just want you to jump and have 170 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 1: a guy. 171 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 2: Here's what I want you to do. Dive in, swim 172 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 2: to the end, get out yep. 173 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: And also get into cheering your team. I think that's 174 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: the big thing. This is about us all celebrating our whatever, 175 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: our former culture is, our club, whatever, we come on, 176 00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: get in there and cheer the ones who bust their 177 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: gut all year for this. It's not your thing, but 178 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: it can be a lot of fun. And I have 179 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: to laugh at my granddaughters because they're quite often at 180 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: the back doing somersaults and cartwheels and doing it acrobatics 181 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: over the back while they wait for the next race. 182 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 1: In other words, it's a fun day out of school. 183 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: So I think we've got a different way. It's a 184 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: day off, but let's go for fun, you know, decorate them, 185 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: give them ribbons, make them sing the songs. I think 186 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 1: we can do a bit of both. 187 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 2: Well, said Maggie Dan. 188 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: This is the Fitz and. 189 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 2: Whibber with Cape Richie podcast eight thirty on the ABC. 190 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 2: The Role of a lifetime It premiere is starring our 191 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,400 Speaker 2: very own Kate Richie, but the other mainer is Maggie Dan. 192 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: Heyver, can we just tell people this is design for 193 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: you to sit on the counch with your tween or teen. Yeah, 194 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: so it's it's it done as a family, done as 195 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: a family, you know, because it's funny. And also the 196 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,839 Speaker 1: information that they hit you really hard with both sides 197 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: of us needs to know this and then what they 198 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: do after I think, and then we hear teens voices, 199 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:50,880 Speaker 1: and I think teens need to you know, they're a 200 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: part of this. I love you know. Every now and 201 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,480 Speaker 1: then they're way smarter than us with what they know, 202 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 1: but they don't know all of it. So in actual 203 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 1: fat we need input from pairs and teens to navigate 204 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: this crazy world that is actually harder than ever and 205 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: it's harder being a teen today than ever before. 206 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 6: So sit down with the kids and watch. 207 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 1: There's going to be so many funny moments and cringe moments, 208 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: but each of you will cringe over something different. Lessons 209 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: for everyone, Lessons for everyone. I mean one of the 210 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 1: you know, watching Kate's daughter freezer out. Oh my god, 211 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 1: she ages up putting your head in the freezer. It 212 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,760 Speaker 1: is so well done. And his mother with a daughter 213 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: who's freezing her out right now, who could be aged 214 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: ten to Oh my god, you will love the daughter's 215 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: in the room. She's going to be rolling her eyes 216 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 1: at you because it's so accurate. 217 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 2: What is the age that girls stop talking to their parents? 218 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,200 Speaker 1: Oh, they can start it two or three. They're so clever, 219 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: they really are. But the big one is the it's 220 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 1: around ten, the beginning of puberty. And we've got to 221 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: remember girls going earlier. 222 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 6: Yep. 223 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: And also they're way more savvy, and you know that's 224 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 1: another thing that comes up. I love the eleven year 225 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: old boy and the fifteen year old girl because the 226 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 1: tween and the teen, but also is a really really 227 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: powerful episode about the impact on the different genders that 228 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: will Yeah, it'll rip your heart and girls different what 229 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: do you reckon? I've written a few books about it, 230 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 1: but it's kind of like confronting in a way that 231 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:17,560 Speaker 1: I think many parents will discover how it is to 232 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: be a teen in the world where social media is 233 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: marinating them with stuff that makes them feel awful about themselves, 234 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 1: and yet it also gives them a chance to connect 235 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: and feel safe. So it's a real when we look 236 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 1: at the dilemma through that lens, we've got to work 237 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,959 Speaker 1: out how do we do it in a safer way? 238 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: You know, That's what you and I have been fighting for. 239 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 1: And what's what's really beautiful is it's the eleven year 240 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,959 Speaker 1: old boy that that figures out something's fake, right, Okay, 241 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: not the mum or the nan right. 242 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,559 Speaker 6: Wow, He's gone off. 243 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: To check out something and found out she's fake, whereas 244 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: the other two think she's fantastic. I loved it. 245 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 3: Okay, that's great. Alana's given us kill from Rudy Hill. 246 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 3: You've got the magnificent He didn't hear Alana, She's all yours. 247 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 6: Good morning, Maggie, how are you. 248 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: I'm super good. 249 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 6: I've got a ten year old son and he has 250 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 6: a bigger fame compared to all of his names, his ntes, 251 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,720 Speaker 6: and to kind of almost put him down a little 252 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,440 Speaker 6: bit about it and call him some names and what, Yeah, 253 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 6: sometimes it really gets to him and I'm really struggling 254 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 6: with the best way to navigate through that. 255 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,080 Speaker 1: Look, this is a teasing and banter of boys. Actually men, 256 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 1: They do it all the time, don't they. So he's 257 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,719 Speaker 1: actually got a sensitive side to him. So one of 258 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: my you know, this is completely normal. None of them 259 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 1: really intend to cause him harm. They're actually it's a 260 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 1: crazy thing about boys that if I make other boys laugh, 261 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 1: they're going to like me, and therefore I fit in 262 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 1: my group. So I think you've got to work on 263 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: his sense of humor and create some one liners that 264 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 1: he gives back. You're just jealous. You haven't got my pets, dude, 265 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: whatever it might be, you give him a tool to 266 00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 1: go back with it, because genuinely, it's about connection, it's 267 00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: not about hurting and shaming. And there's a really big 268 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: chapter in you know my book. They are one of them. 269 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,400 Speaker 1: But this online there's a line in the sand, and 270 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,840 Speaker 1: the line in the sand gets crossed a lot with 271 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,679 Speaker 1: our team boys because they're not real sharp at making 272 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 1: great decisions. And I think, ten, I know you're thinking, ten. 273 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,720 Speaker 1: Hang on, it does start here. This is the banter. 274 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,240 Speaker 1: If you listen to guys with their best mates, they 275 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: call their best mats the worst names imaginable because they 276 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: really really like them. Yeah, got it. Female and that's 277 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 1: where it starts, and us females, we don't do that right. 278 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 1: But there is a positive underneath to it. And he's yeah, 279 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: I reckon. He needs to fraunt that fact that you're 280 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 1: all little here I am check me out. Chris Hamsworth 281 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: is jealous. Whatever you need to do, it can create 282 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: some things to lighten it. So he makes them laugh 283 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: at the same time as they're trying to make him lone. 284 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,679 Speaker 2: He'd be stronger than the rest of them. 285 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 1: Absolutely. 286 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,079 Speaker 2: Yeah, good luck with Alana. Thank you, thank you. 287 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:04,679 Speaker 3: You call Adriana from Chromer. You've got Maggie dinn here, Adriana. 288 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,760 Speaker 6: Oh, good morning, guys, thank you so much. In Hi Maggie, 289 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,199 Speaker 6: I was just wondering if I could ask you a question. 290 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 4: I've got a little toddler and often, as most parents 291 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 4: would understand, I grabbed the eyepad and I put them on. 292 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:24,040 Speaker 4: But after she comes off the iPad. Honestly, it's like 293 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 4: I have the Exorcist house. 294 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: That's called the techno tantrum. They do change. Let me 295 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,440 Speaker 1: explain it to you. So, anything that makes our toddlers 296 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: feel good, right, which is quite often throwing food, biting 297 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: other kids, jumping on the you know, like they're just toddlers, 298 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: excites the brain and creates dop for meine. So what 299 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,959 Speaker 1: happens with a small screen. It's wired to trigger lots 300 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,160 Speaker 1: of So anything you're doing, they're not going to want 301 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,840 Speaker 1: to stop doing that, right. And it's a real challenge, 302 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: which is I'm really going to say, please go back 303 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 1: to the TV. Because there's a difference in the mean 304 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 1: between a TV and no child's ever harm watching Bluey 305 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 1: for five days, and that's a big one. The smaller 306 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 1: screen will wire up that connection. Okay, so how do 307 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: I come off it. You've got to offer them something 308 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 1: that sounds just as exciting. That's going to give them 309 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 1: dough to me, right, So what else can we do? 310 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 1: And we're going to do it really gently. I'm going 311 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: to come in a five more minutes. It's going to 312 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: put a timer on. So there's a bit of a 313 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: sense of an ending because we know that we're all 314 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 1: wired with the state of flow once we're in it. 315 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: Like I bet you've gone off to look for a 316 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 1: recipe and forty five minutes, lady, you're still on Instagram 317 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: checking out some and you're in the flow. And you've 318 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 1: got a mature brain, So can you see a toddler doesn't, 319 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: So I would make sure you know you're going to 320 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: have a meltdown. It's just the same as when you 321 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: cut the toast the wrong way. We've got to honor it. 322 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 1: And they're expressing their big feelings and at the end 323 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 1: of that they'll go from mad to sad and then 324 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,560 Speaker 1: you'll be all right. But welcome to toddlers. I actually 325 00:14:55,600 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 1: think toddler's and teens are really similar with their developmental needs, 326 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 1: the hungry for autonomy. They want to do it themselves. 327 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: They want stuff that is instantly feels good. It's just 328 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: hormones at the other end. 329 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:11,320 Speaker 2: Interesting, Yeah, hormones. 330 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 3: Can we go down to Kelly in Bellevue Hill? Jest 331 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 3: go down to Kelly, because this is an interesting one 332 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 3: with a teenager. Kel You've got Maggie. 333 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 7: Hi, guys, how are we today? 334 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,080 Speaker 1: Hi? Kelly? 335 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 5: I have a very forgetful team. We forget where we've 336 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 5: put the school uniform, We forget if we've submitted forms 337 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 5: that the teachers are acquiring. We forget everything drink bottles 338 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 5: and it's like I'm at the end of my other. 339 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: Am I guessing? Am I guessing it's a male? 340 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 5: No? 341 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: Okay, well I'm gonna explain it because there's less girls 342 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: that do this than boys. So what happens in some 343 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: point in the developing and remember why adolescence is so 344 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: confusing and difficult. It is because there's all these changes 345 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: happening at the same time, and they're confusing the heck 346 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: out of them. But what happens is the brain starts 347 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: pre stuff that you're not going to use, as you're 348 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,680 Speaker 1: not using as much of excuse me, I've got some 349 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 1: reflux today, and then what happens It prunes off stuff. 350 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 1: So if you weren't super great at organization and memory before, 351 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: well you weren't using it, so it prunes a bit 352 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: more off. So that means that their organization Oh my god, 353 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: I can tell you. You know, I've written a lot about 354 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: it for boys, but there weren't many girls in my classes, 355 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: high school classes that were like this. So we've got 356 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: to help her build some organization strategies and skills around this. 357 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: It's like a new habit. So it's not her fault. 358 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,200 Speaker 1: She's not deliberately wanting to forget stuff. She actually feels 359 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,920 Speaker 1: really awful. So I want you to come alongside her 360 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: and talk to her about her brain. You'll find articles 361 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,600 Speaker 1: on my website or else. You know, there's lots of others. 362 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, imagine if you 363 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: were you're the one who's forgotten about the mass test, 364 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: and you're the one who's left your backpack on the bus. 365 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: You're not going to feel good for age. It's going 366 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,360 Speaker 1: to feel stupid, and you're going to attack yourself with 367 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: your negative self critic to have big feelings and big moods, 368 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: and some days, those moods for girls can last for ages. 369 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,679 Speaker 1: And so this is what we do. We step up 370 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,760 Speaker 1: saying let's work out a plan. I'm not going to 371 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 1: tell you what to do. Let's together work out a plan, 372 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 1: you know, And that's a big focus of my tenth 373 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 1: and final book, Remember to help me, help my team. 374 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 1: I want to come alongside you so you can work 375 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,359 Speaker 1: out how to overcome this challenge. And then we're going 376 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,480 Speaker 1: to practice it, and we're going to keep supporting you, 377 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,359 Speaker 1: and we're going to keep loving you, and we're going 378 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: to lighten up when once again it happens you've forgotten. 379 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 2: Because forty five year olds can be quite forgetfle you 380 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:37,360 Speaker 2: know what I mean. 381 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:41,360 Speaker 3: I'm not buying another Yetty water bottle, that's for sure. 382 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:48,200 Speaker 3: Frank Green is up there as well. Yeah, everywhere we'll 383 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 3: go one more Shelley and Reevesby, tell us about your son. 384 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: Shell morning. 385 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,800 Speaker 7: Hi Maggie, love you so art. I have a question 386 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 7: that's pretty complex and loaded, so sorry. I think everyone 387 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,679 Speaker 7: knows what autism is on the rise. I have two 388 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 7: beautiful boys. My youngest is severe autistic nonverbal, So my 389 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 7: question is more around how do I maintain the relationship 390 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,439 Speaker 7: between the two of them when my olders do starting 391 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,119 Speaker 7: to say things like oh, I wish I had a 392 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 7: different brother, or can we go on holidays and leave 393 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 7: him behind? 394 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 1: So those thoughts of me, oh, look, it's really hard. 395 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 1: But you notice there's no filter on that. Remember, that's 396 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: one of our challenge, isn't it. When we've got neurodivergence 397 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 1: in our family, they just kind of don't have the 398 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: same filter as others. But underneath that, what's that saying 399 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 1: is that relationship needs some work. So what sorts of 400 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,919 Speaker 1: things can we do to improve it? Is there anything 401 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: they have in common? Because that's exactly it with males 402 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: male friendships. They've got to be something in common they 403 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,239 Speaker 1: like to do and sometimes you know, you know, like 404 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: I don't bat for endless hours on gaming and we 405 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,879 Speaker 1: go a great section on the show on that, is 406 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 1: there a game online that they can play together that 407 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,160 Speaker 1: actually makes them laugh and try to beat each other 408 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 1: and to come out with all those because it's got 409 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: to be something regardless because connection, especially with brothers, I mean, 410 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,960 Speaker 1: it's normal to not like your brother. I'll give you 411 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: a tip. I had four in one house, but my 412 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,360 Speaker 1: job was to make sure they had enough time. Fortunately 413 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,720 Speaker 1: or mine surfed and they tended to play sport, so 414 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: that was and I had a backboard and I love 415 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: beating them because I played a lot of basketball. It's 416 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: nothing like going out and whipping them on the basketball court. 417 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,959 Speaker 1: But there's a lot of laughter and the lightness of that. 418 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,679 Speaker 1: So we've got to work out where can we create 419 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: pockets of lightness and joy and you know, if that's it, 420 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: come to the table with the boys going, let's think 421 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: out some ideas, because I think we've got to remember, 422 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: bring them to the table and let them be part 423 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,199 Speaker 1: of this problem, solving around an issue that is actually 424 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: causing conflict in your home. Look how teens can and 425 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 1: tweens and kids, they really can contribute. We keep trying 426 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 1: to fix everything for them without checking in with them, 427 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 1: even little ones, and come forward with ideas on how 428 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: to make this better in our home. So good luck. 429 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 1: Feed them first, though, feed them before you do that, 430 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 1: and then I scream after the meeting, and then write 431 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,120 Speaker 1: it down as a plan, and then next week let's 432 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 1: have another look at the plan so that you don't 433 00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 1: have to lay awake. 434 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,880 Speaker 3: It is that why you bring inies cookies for us 435 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,160 Speaker 3: before you chat to us every time you come in, Maggie, 436 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 3: Is that why you feed us first? 437 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,119 Speaker 1: I know it's a give away because you don't want 438 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:26,159 Speaker 1: a hungry boy or man. You just can't think of 439 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: they're angry. 440 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,840 Speaker 2: Oh, Maggie, you are a superstar. 441 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,879 Speaker 3: You are a sonaster. If you want more. This is 442 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 3: great because these scenes will be acted out on it 443 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 3: and then Maggie comes in and gives you your answers 444 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 3: as a parent. It's very, very important. It's called the 445 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,399 Speaker 3: role of a lifetime eight thirty to nine on the ABC. 446 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,240 Speaker 3: We love you, Maggie. 447 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 1: Thanks for coming in so much. I just wish they'd 448 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 1: given me a go when I was a bit younger. 449 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 2: It's Whippa, It's Kate. Ritchie is a Nova podcast walk 450 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 2: great shows like this. Download the Nova player, Fire the 451 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 2: App Store, or Google Playing. 452 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 4: I Am