Speaker 1: I appolgiate production. One finding out that I've got a
Speaker 1: brain aneurysm, two finding out then a few months later
Speaker 1: that I need to have surgery, and three how I've
Speaker 1: come to the decision to close down Baseline Active. I
Speaker 1: was really not feeling happy. I didn't want to go
Speaker 1: to work, I didn't want to handle my responsibilities. I
Speaker 1: felt stressed all the time. I felt very stretched. I
Speaker 1: felt like I just wasn't enjoying my tasks and my
Speaker 1: roles and even being around older people. I kind of
Speaker 1: felt like I just wanted to go in and be
Speaker 1: at home more and be with my kids more. And
Speaker 1: I was crying all the time, Like honestly, every second
Speaker 1: or third night, I would just sit on the couch
Speaker 1: and sometimes I would try and hold it back because
Speaker 1: I just got so sick of crying, and Steve would
Speaker 1: just have to take one look at me and I
Speaker 1: would start crying again, and I was like, I'm just
Speaker 1: so unhappy, and I don't know why, but I did
Speaker 1: start to really feel like majority of it came from
Speaker 1: my work life. We'd organized a little girl's sleepover myself, Nadine,
Speaker 1: and Sarah because they were all feeling a bit like oh,
Speaker 1: let's get together. We always have fun. Tap into that
Speaker 1: playful energy, stepped over there. We had a beautiful night.
Speaker 1: The next morning, I woke up and I thought, God,
Speaker 1: my neck just feels really really tight. Anyways, went to training.
Speaker 1: On the way back from training, I was meeting the
Speaker 1: girls at the cafe, and just as I was pulling out,
Speaker 1: probably a couple hundred meters away, I started to lose
Speaker 1: sight in my left side of my eye. It was
Speaker 1: flickering flashes of black. If I would look straight ahead,
Speaker 1: I couldn't see on my left side. And I was
Speaker 1: like driving, so I was just so scared. Luckily was
Speaker 1: really close. Pulled into the cafe and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: my goodness, what is going on. I must be getting
Speaker 1: a migraine. Then I was all good until the Sunday
Speaker 1: and I'm sitting at breakfast with Steve and his family,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I lose sight in both
Speaker 1: my eyes. I look at my father in law because
Speaker 1: we're talking about this, and he's like, that happens to
Speaker 1: me when I get migraines. And I said, I can't
Speaker 1: see you. I'm looking at him. I'm staring straight at him,
Speaker 1: And I said, I can't see you. So he helped
Speaker 1: in the car, went to the doctor and he took
Speaker 1: me straight in and he just looked at my eyes.
Speaker 1: He then got on the phone and must have rang
Speaker 1: a neurologist or someone who specializes in eyes, and they said,
Speaker 1: send us straight to the hospital. I've got a CT scan,
Speaker 1: I've got a ton of eye test done. Everything with
Speaker 1: my eyes came back clear. And then eight hours later
Speaker 1: the doctor comes out and said, your eye tests are
Speaker 1: all fine, but we have found a brain aneurysm. And
Speaker 1: I was like what. When I went into the doctor
Speaker 1: he said, look, you know, we've sat down and spoken
Speaker 1: about your case and all the neurology team here. We've
Speaker 1: decided it's best for you to move forward with surgery.
Speaker 1: And I said, but it's only small. He goes, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, it's the placement of it. It's your age.
Speaker 1: The best thing to do is for us to get
Speaker 1: in there and to do something about it. We only
Speaker 1: can go off stats, and I could tell you that
Speaker 1: you could be fine for the next ten twenty forty years,
Speaker 1: but you could walk out of here and tomorrow it
Speaker 1: ruptures or you stroke. It is best if we do
Speaker 1: surgery to prevent any of that happening. I just had
Speaker 1: a lot of time to think, and I was really
Speaker 1: reflecting on my life and what's important and what I'm
Speaker 1: enjoying and what I'm not and where my stress is
Speaker 1: really coming from. And when it all came down to it,
Speaker 1: it was baseline. And that was a really hard pill
Speaker 1: for me to swallow because I think I've wrapped so
Speaker 1: much of my identity around this business and being a
Speaker 1: successful business woman and being able to juggle all the
Speaker 1: hats and do so much and hustle and be successful
Speaker 1: and grow this beast of a business that it is,
Speaker 1: and I've been so proud of that, and I have
Speaker 1: enjoyed so much of it until I haven't. And you know,
Speaker 1: on social media, I definitely show more the highlight stuff
Speaker 1: around business because that's the fun stuff that people want
Speaker 1: to see and it's a high vibe. But most of
Speaker 1: my time is sitting behind a desk and dealing with
Speaker 1: the logistics and the cash flow and managing a team
Speaker 1: and just the stress of running a big business. And
Speaker 1: I'm being completely honest, I fucking hate it. It wasn't
Speaker 1: until I had that time and space to reflect that
Speaker 1: I was like, ah, I can see this so clearly now,
Speaker 1: But in the same breath, it's like, well, what do
Speaker 1: you do about that? You don't give up. You've got
Speaker 1: to keep going. You've got staff that need jobs. You've
Speaker 1: paid for nine months worth of collections. That's hundreds of
Speaker 1: thousands dollars that I put deposits on for the next
Speaker 1: nine to twelve months. I can't just quit a business,
Speaker 1: and this business is very heavily reliant on me. It's
Speaker 1: probably one of the biggest mistakes I've made throughout my career,
Speaker 1: is everything being really heavily focused on me because I'm
Speaker 1: the front end on the face of But once again,
Speaker 1: I've loved that part of it. So I don't know
Speaker 1: how I would have done it differently. Maybe I would
Speaker 1: have hired different team members to train them up to
Speaker 1: do different I don't know, But yeah, I just come
Speaker 1: to the conclusion that I don't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1: But the sadness and the fear didn't last too long,
Speaker 1: and that's how I knew this was the right decision
Speaker 1: for me. Overall, this experience with my health, it's really
Speaker 1: shaken me up and shaken my whole world up. I
Speaker 1: just was so burnt out and I didn't even realize it.
Speaker 1: And I think the universe has a really interesting way
Speaker 1: to give you your little gentle nudges. And I always say,
Speaker 1: the universe will like a whisper to you first and
Speaker 1: give you a little couple of symptoms to see if
Speaker 1: you'll take action and honor that. And if you don't
Speaker 1: listen to that, it'll get a little bit louder and
Speaker 1: push you a little bit harder. And if you don't
Speaker 1: listen to that, it'll then yell and push you so
Speaker 1: hard that it'll force you to stop. And I feel
Speaker 1: like the universe has been telling me for the last
Speaker 1: couple of months that this isn't working for you anymore
Speaker 1: and you're not happy, but you keep ignoring it because
Speaker 1: I kept pushing through, like okay, I'm crying up, set, okay,
Speaker 1: get up, try again, keep going. You've got to keep going,
Speaker 1: Like just never give up. Push push, push, You've got this.
Speaker 1: It's just a hard time. It's just everyone's finding it
Speaker 1: hard right now. It's just a phase. And then when
Speaker 1: you find out a healthcare like that, it just like
Speaker 1: I felt like the universe literally shook me and was like,
Speaker 1: wake the fuck up. I'm going to force you to stop,
Speaker 1: and I want to remind you all that it's really
Speaker 1: important that you meet yourself where you're at right now,
Speaker 1: because I think so much of Ashy Binds I've been
Speaker 1: living in from who I was five years ago, with
Speaker 1: fitness and with business and being on social media and
Speaker 1: just being this identity. I'm always authentic and I share
Speaker 1: very honestly, but there's definitely parts of myself that I've
Speaker 1: just made my identity. I've changed and evolved and rebirthed
Speaker 1: so many times that Ashi Winds five years ago, like,
Speaker 1: I don't even recognize her anymore. So meet yourself where
Speaker 1: you are at right now. And that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I'm meeting myself where I'm at. It's a whole new
Speaker 1: chapter new Ashy that I'm still getting to know as well.
Speaker 1: If you ask who I am underneath all those labels
Speaker 1: and achievements and titles, I probably couldn't give you a
Speaker 1: clear ancey Yet, if you ask yourself that being interesting
Speaker 1: thing to journalong like do you know who you are
Speaker 1: when you take off your mum hat, your business hat?
Speaker 1: Or your success? Is your achievements, your things that people
Speaker 1: praise you on, Like who are you? A lot of
Speaker 1: people can't answer that, but it's really important. We know that.
Speaker 1: So meet yourself where you're at right now. Fully own
Speaker 1: your truth, like exactly who you are, like no one
Speaker 1: can argue with you or criticize or change your narrative
Speaker 1: to your truth. They can't. It's your truth. And people
Speaker 1: can make up their own assumptions as to where you're
Speaker 1: at or what you should be doing with your life,
Speaker 1: because that's their projections and their truth and what they
Speaker 1: think is right. But you know your truth even if
Speaker 1: someone's like, I don't know what to do with this,
Speaker 1: like your heart and your head, No, you know when
Speaker 1: you create the space to reflect and journal or just
Speaker 1: like be with yourself, the answers are all within you.
Speaker 1: But most of the time we just keep parking to
Speaker 1: the side because we're so busy. We've got so much
Speaker 1: to do. I want you to all give yourself permission
Speaker 1: to begin again. Give yourself permission to change your mind,
Speaker 1: Give yourself permission to be the beginner, Like why do
Speaker 1: we always have to know it at all? Or be
Speaker 1: afraid to start something new and be starting something fresh
Speaker 1: that's actually really exciting. Give yourself permission to do it.
Speaker 1: I think it's so scary to change your mind. Like
Speaker 1: maybe you're in a relationship or a man marriage, or
Speaker 1: a friendship, or a job or a career or a business,
Speaker 1: and it's so scary to change your mind. But give
Speaker 1: yourself permission to do that. That's part of life, and
Speaker 1: just honor what you want to do. You're allowed to,
Speaker 1: it's your life. I think sometimes we lose our power
Speaker 1: in thinking that we can't or that we're stuck. I
Speaker 1: feel like I've healed this younger self of just needing
Speaker 1: to be seen and needing to be proven that she's
Speaker 1: worthy of having it all. I am. I don't need
Speaker 1: to prove that to anyone anymore