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Speaker 1: I appolgiate production. One finding out that I've got a

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Speaker 1: brain aneurysm, two finding out then a few months later

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Speaker 1: that I need to have surgery, and three how I've

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Speaker 1: come to the decision to close down Baseline Active. I

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Speaker 1: was really not feeling happy. I didn't want to go

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Speaker 1: to work, I didn't want to handle my responsibilities. I

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Speaker 1: felt stressed all the time. I felt very stretched. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I just wasn't enjoying my tasks and my

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Speaker 1: roles and even being around older people. I kind of

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Speaker 1: felt like I just wanted to go in and be

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Speaker 1: at home more and be with my kids more. And

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Speaker 1: I was crying all the time, Like honestly, every second

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Speaker 1: or third night, I would just sit on the couch

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Speaker 1: and sometimes I would try and hold it back because

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Speaker 1: I just got so sick of crying, and Steve would

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Speaker 1: just have to take one look at me and I

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Speaker 1: would start crying again, and I was like, I'm just

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Speaker 1: so unhappy, and I don't know why, but I did

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Speaker 1: start to really feel like majority of it came from

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Speaker 1: my work life. We'd organized a little girl's sleepover myself, Nadine,

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Speaker 1: and Sarah because they were all feeling a bit like oh,

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Speaker 1: let's get together. We always have fun. Tap into that

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Speaker 1: playful energy, stepped over there. We had a beautiful night.

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Speaker 1: The next morning, I woke up and I thought, God,

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Speaker 1: my neck just feels really really tight. Anyways, went to training.

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Speaker 1: On the way back from training, I was meeting the

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Speaker 1: girls at the cafe, and just as I was pulling out,

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Speaker 1: probably a couple hundred meters away, I started to lose

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Speaker 1: sight in my left side of my eye. It was

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Speaker 1: flickering flashes of black. If I would look straight ahead,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't see on my left side. And I was

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Speaker 1: like driving, so I was just so scared. Luckily was

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Speaker 1: really close. Pulled into the cafe and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my goodness, what is going on. I must be getting

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Speaker 1: a migraine. Then I was all good until the Sunday

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Speaker 1: and I'm sitting at breakfast with Steve and his family,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I lose sight in both

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Speaker 1: my eyes. I look at my father in law because

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Speaker 1: we're talking about this, and he's like, that happens to

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Speaker 1: me when I get migraines. And I said, I can't

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Speaker 1: see you. I'm looking at him. I'm staring straight at him,

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Speaker 1: And I said, I can't see you. So he helped

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Speaker 1: in the car, went to the doctor and he took

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Speaker 1: me straight in and he just looked at my eyes.

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Speaker 1: He then got on the phone and must have rang

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Speaker 1: a neurologist or someone who specializes in eyes, and they said,

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Speaker 1: send us straight to the hospital. I've got a CT scan,

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Speaker 1: I've got a ton of eye test done. Everything with

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Speaker 1: my eyes came back clear. And then eight hours later

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Speaker 1: the doctor comes out and said, your eye tests are

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Speaker 1: all fine, but we have found a brain aneurysm. And

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Speaker 1: I was like what. When I went into the doctor

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Speaker 1: he said, look, you know, we've sat down and spoken

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Speaker 1: about your case and all the neurology team here. We've

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Speaker 1: decided it's best for you to move forward with surgery.

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Speaker 1: And I said, but it's only small. He goes, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter, it's the placement of it. It's your age.

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Speaker 1: The best thing to do is for us to get

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Speaker 1: in there and to do something about it. We only

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Speaker 1: can go off stats, and I could tell you that

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Speaker 1: you could be fine for the next ten twenty forty years,

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Speaker 1: but you could walk out of here and tomorrow it

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Speaker 1: ruptures or you stroke. It is best if we do

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Speaker 1: surgery to prevent any of that happening. I just had

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Speaker 1: a lot of time to think, and I was really

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Speaker 1: reflecting on my life and what's important and what I'm

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Speaker 1: enjoying and what I'm not and where my stress is

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Speaker 1: really coming from. And when it all came down to it,

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Speaker 1: it was baseline. And that was a really hard pill

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Speaker 1: for me to swallow because I think I've wrapped so

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Speaker 1: much of my identity around this business and being a

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Speaker 1: successful business woman and being able to juggle all the

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Speaker 1: hats and do so much and hustle and be successful

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Speaker 1: and grow this beast of a business that it is,

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Speaker 1: and I've been so proud of that, and I have

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Speaker 1: enjoyed so much of it until I haven't. And you know,

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Speaker 1: on social media, I definitely show more the highlight stuff

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Speaker 1: around business because that's the fun stuff that people want

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Speaker 1: to see and it's a high vibe. But most of

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Speaker 1: my time is sitting behind a desk and dealing with

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Speaker 1: the logistics and the cash flow and managing a team

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Speaker 1: and just the stress of running a big business. And

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Speaker 1: I'm being completely honest, I fucking hate it. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: until I had that time and space to reflect that

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Speaker 1: I was like, ah, I can see this so clearly now,

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Speaker 1: But in the same breath, it's like, well, what do

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Speaker 1: you do about that? You don't give up. You've got

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Speaker 1: to keep going. You've got staff that need jobs. You've

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Speaker 1: paid for nine months worth of collections. That's hundreds of

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Speaker 1: thousands dollars that I put deposits on for the next

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Speaker 1: nine to twelve months. I can't just quit a business,

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Speaker 1: and this business is very heavily reliant on me. It's

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Speaker 1: probably one of the biggest mistakes I've made throughout my career,

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Speaker 1: is everything being really heavily focused on me because I'm

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Speaker 1: the front end on the face of But once again,

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Speaker 1: I've loved that part of it. So I don't know

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Speaker 1: how I would have done it differently. Maybe I would

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Speaker 1: have hired different team members to train them up to

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Speaker 1: do different I don't know, But yeah, I just come

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Speaker 1: to the conclusion that I don't want to do this anymore.

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Speaker 1: But the sadness and the fear didn't last too long,

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Speaker 1: and that's how I knew this was the right decision

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Speaker 1: for me. Overall, this experience with my health, it's really

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Speaker 1: shaken me up and shaken my whole world up. I

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Speaker 1: just was so burnt out and I didn't even realize it.

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Speaker 1: And I think the universe has a really interesting way

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Speaker 1: to give you your little gentle nudges. And I always say,

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Speaker 1: the universe will like a whisper to you first and

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Speaker 1: give you a little couple of symptoms to see if

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Speaker 1: you'll take action and honor that. And if you don't

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Speaker 1: listen to that, it'll get a little bit louder and

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Speaker 1: push you a little bit harder. And if you don't

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Speaker 1: listen to that, it'll then yell and push you so

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Speaker 1: hard that it'll force you to stop. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like the universe has been telling me for the last

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Speaker 1: couple of months that this isn't working for you anymore

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Speaker 1: and you're not happy, but you keep ignoring it because

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Speaker 1: I kept pushing through, like okay, I'm crying up, set, okay,

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Speaker 1: get up, try again, keep going. You've got to keep going,

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Speaker 1: Like just never give up. Push push, push, You've got this.

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Speaker 1: It's just a hard time. It's just everyone's finding it

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Speaker 1: hard right now. It's just a phase. And then when

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Speaker 1: you find out a healthcare like that, it just like

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Speaker 1: I felt like the universe literally shook me and was like,

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Speaker 1: wake the fuck up. I'm going to force you to stop,

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Speaker 1: and I want to remind you all that it's really

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Speaker 1: important that you meet yourself where you're at right now,

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Speaker 1: because I think so much of Ashy Binds I've been

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Speaker 1: living in from who I was five years ago, with

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Speaker 1: fitness and with business and being on social media and

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Speaker 1: just being this identity. I'm always authentic and I share

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Speaker 1: very honestly, but there's definitely parts of myself that I've

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Speaker 1: just made my identity. I've changed and evolved and rebirthed

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Speaker 1: so many times that Ashi Winds five years ago, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't even recognize her anymore. So meet yourself where

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Speaker 1: you are at right now. And that's what I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: I'm meeting myself where I'm at. It's a whole new

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Speaker 1: chapter new Ashy that I'm still getting to know as well.

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Speaker 1: If you ask who I am underneath all those labels

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Speaker 1: and achievements and titles, I probably couldn't give you a

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Speaker 1: clear ancey Yet, if you ask yourself that being interesting

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Speaker 1: thing to journalong like do you know who you are

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Speaker 1: when you take off your mum hat, your business hat?

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Speaker 1: Or your success? Is your achievements, your things that people

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Speaker 1: praise you on, Like who are you? A lot of

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Speaker 1: people can't answer that, but it's really important. We know that.

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Speaker 1: So meet yourself where you're at right now. Fully own

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Speaker 1: your truth, like exactly who you are, like no one

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Speaker 1: can argue with you or criticize or change your narrative

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Speaker 1: to your truth. They can't. It's your truth. And people

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Speaker 1: can make up their own assumptions as to where you're

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Speaker 1: at or what you should be doing with your life,

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Speaker 1: because that's their projections and their truth and what they

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Speaker 1: think is right. But you know your truth even if

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Speaker 1: someone's like, I don't know what to do with this,

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Speaker 1: like your heart and your head, No, you know when

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Speaker 1: you create the space to reflect and journal or just

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Speaker 1: like be with yourself, the answers are all within you.

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Speaker 1: But most of the time we just keep parking to

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Speaker 1: the side because we're so busy. We've got so much

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Speaker 1: to do. I want you to all give yourself permission

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Speaker 1: to begin again. Give yourself permission to change your mind,

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Speaker 1: Give yourself permission to be the beginner, Like why do

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Speaker 1: we always have to know it at all? Or be

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Speaker 1: afraid to start something new and be starting something fresh

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Speaker 1: that's actually really exciting. Give yourself permission to do it.

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Speaker 1: I think it's so scary to change your mind. Like

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Speaker 1: maybe you're in a relationship or a man marriage, or

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Speaker 1: a friendship, or a job or a career or a business,

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Speaker 1: and it's so scary to change your mind. But give

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Speaker 1: yourself permission to do that. That's part of life, and

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Speaker 1: just honor what you want to do. You're allowed to,

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Speaker 1: it's your life. I think sometimes we lose our power

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Speaker 1: in thinking that we can't or that we're stuck. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I've healed this younger self of just needing

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Speaker 1: to be seen and needing to be proven that she's

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Speaker 1: worthy of having it all. I am. I don't need

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Speaker 1: to prove that to anyone anymore