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Speaker 1: Apoday Production. Welcome back to another episode about My Bad

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Speaker 1: Mum podcast. You know how they do studies on anything, anything, anything,

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Speaker 1: if you had somebody that has kids versus somebody that

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Speaker 1: doesn't have kids, and you regulated their nervous system.

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Speaker 2: Stress levels, So you're basically saying, my stress levels, my

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Speaker 2: nervous system.

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Speaker 3: My dreamals be my brothers.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Luke, Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: I am sitting at a dance competition on the weekend,

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Speaker 2: nine am, star time. We left it nine pm, right,

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Speaker 2: So think about nervous systems, dream or all of that, Luke.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, my Sunday has been so lovely. I just

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Speaker 2: got up, I drove to the coast.

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Speaker 3: I went for a swim for an hour, and then so.

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Speaker 2: Good, like cleansed myself and then I went for breakfast

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Speaker 2: and had a wholesome breakfast.

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Speaker 3: And now I'm back and I'm doing some work and

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Speaker 3: it's midday. Her fucking life is bad. Yeah, I know

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Speaker 3: that there is exactly what you were trying to get to.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, that just happened to me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and just the health of the person. Yeah, even

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Speaker 1: little things like a normal morning, put your shoes on.

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Speaker 3: A lady.

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Speaker 2: Last week at work, She's standing there with her little

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Speaker 2: girl and she's deaf, so she's signing to a little

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Speaker 2: girl who would have been three and a half four,

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Speaker 2: And I'm standing in The little girl's like smiling at

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Speaker 2: me and trying to have like her conversation with me.

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Speaker 2: But then the mom turns me and she's trying to

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Speaker 2: sign and have a chat with me, and I'm thinking,

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Speaker 2: oh my, So then I keep talking to the little

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Speaker 2: girl because she's talking back to me, but then the

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Speaker 2: mom's also signing to me, and I was like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, oh my god, over stimulation.

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Speaker 1: Was there any part of you when listening to your

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Speaker 1: kids arguing or shouting or back chatting.

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Speaker 4: I know where you're going with this. I know where

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Speaker 4: you're going with this.

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Speaker 1: Wow, as a parent, it'd be nice to be deaf.

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Speaker 5: I looked at this mom and I was like, lucky

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Speaker 5: you am I a bad mom for.

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Speaker 2: Basically having a tech tantrum. We all have tantrums. My

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Speaker 2: kids don't have Messenger, what's called like MSN Messenger or

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Speaker 2: anything like that. They're not on any social media platforms.

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Speaker 2: That's fine.

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Speaker 3: I do have iPads for school use.

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Speaker 2: And then with the fact that our family uses Apple,

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Speaker 2: you then have an iCloud email, which then gives them

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Speaker 2: access to be able to message people. I check everything

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Speaker 2: going on on iPads and laptops.

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Speaker 3: Just due to safety.

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Speaker 2: You know how you can have more than one person,

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Speaker 2: you have a big group chat, and lots of information

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Speaker 2: goes in there, right, all walks of life in this

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Speaker 2: group chat. Now you're going to be invited or added

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Speaker 2: to the group chat. We all know how it works.

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Speaker 3: But group chats are like the new mean girls.

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Speaker 2: The amount of courage that these kids somewhat feel when

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Speaker 2: they're behind a keyboard is wild.

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Speaker 3: Wild group chats with their friends, supposedly friends.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean for me, I don't have group chats

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Speaker 2: with my friends that are absolutely slendering the shit out

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Speaker 2: of me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so what are the kids writing in these?

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Speaker 2: Gracie has had a little bit of a hard time

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Speaker 2: obviously that transition period of going as being a senior

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Speaker 2: and primary school to then going into high school. Other

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Speaker 2: people now have gone off to high schools and then

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Speaker 2: added other people into what was a group chat for

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Speaker 2: their school only.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, what a mess.

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Speaker 2: This courage that these girls have, well not just girls,

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Speaker 2: but girls and boys to tell each other to go

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Speaker 2: kill themselves. Oh my god, mind blowing Katie. This is

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Speaker 2: so fucking relevant right now, and as parents we have

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Speaker 2: to do something with action around it.

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Speaker 3: That doesn't mean.

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Speaker 2: Going after the other kids that say it, but it's

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Speaker 2: about taking action within our own homes and households and

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Speaker 2: our own families in order to educate our children to

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Speaker 2: be able to make the right choices when it comes

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Speaker 2: to these mean girl behaviors online.

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Speaker 1: And the online part is a tricky one because you

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Speaker 1: can have a bully at school. We've all had bullies

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Speaker 1: at school, right, But then you can leave school and

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Speaker 1: go home and you're in the safe space. Yeah, these

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Speaker 1: schoollies are coming into your safe space, into your child's bedrooms,

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Speaker 1: and you know.

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Speaker 2: And if you're not managing like you say with your girls,

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Speaker 2: your girls are sixteen, your girls you still say to

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Speaker 2: your girls phones are down here at eight, right, that's

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Speaker 2: like me twelve.

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Speaker 4: Pushback on that a lot, but they're almost adult. All

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Speaker 4: of our friends. No one has to do that.

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Speaker 1: It's for two reasons. First of all, it's about managing

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Speaker 1: your time so that you're not doing work and shit

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Speaker 1: late in the evening.

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Speaker 4: And the second thing.

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Speaker 1: Is about preparing your body for sleep and not looking

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Speaker 1: at phones and scrolling just before you go to sleep.

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Speaker 4: You need a good hour where you're not.

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Speaker 1: Looking at and yes, don't get me wrong, they're on

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Speaker 1: their laptops and you got to choosh battles, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But I was like, I don't want you any phones

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Speaker 1: after eight o'clock.

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Speaker 2: Because there's science behind it, right, We've got science behind

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Speaker 2: it showing that adults don't even have the capability of

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Speaker 2: putting their own phones down from distracting themselves or chasing

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Speaker 2: that dopamine hit from that screen, right.

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Speaker 3: Especially pre bed. Yeah, Katie, Like, honestly, it just appaused me.

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Speaker 4: Where do these kids feel?

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Speaker 2: Okay, we're telling another child, another human being, go kill yourself.

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Speaker 3: Where what are we teaching them?

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Speaker 4: You'd hope that the.

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Speaker 1: Other parents are having a look at what their kids

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Speaker 1: are writing and then pulling them up on what the hell? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can't say that to somebody. Remember the time that

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Speaker 1: it was on Snapchat. A girl and Amelia doesn't know her,

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Speaker 1: she's a girl at another school, jumped on there and

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Speaker 1: sent her a message telling her she was a cunt.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's not too much now that goes on in writing.

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Speaker 2: If it's these real bullies that know what they're doing.

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Speaker 2: It's always voice and they send these voice notes three minutes,

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Speaker 2: four minutes.

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Speaker 3: You imagine what's being said in three or four minutes. Horrific.

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Speaker 3: I heard one of them. Horrific.

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Speaker 2: They were fourteen year old girls. I look at that

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Speaker 2: and go, what's happening in your life as a fourteen

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Speaker 2: year old girl to feel the need to send a

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Speaker 2: four minute voice note to another human being, to tell

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Speaker 2: them that their every grotesque name that you've ever thought

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Speaker 2: of under the sun, Go kill yourself. You deserve nothing

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Speaker 2: more to kill yourself. We can't wait to see you

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Speaker 2: kill you. I was like flawed, explawed. So then when

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Speaker 2: I am now having that happen, not to that extremity,

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Speaker 2: but it's only in like grade seven, and having to

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Speaker 2: have that conversation with my children, and then Gracie almost

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Speaker 2: questioning going on but it was okay, she didn't mean it,

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Speaker 2: and hang on a.

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Speaker 3: Sec it's not okay. It's never gonna be okay.

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Speaker 1: How do we get our teenagers to not have that

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Speaker 1: low self esteem? Because it's a mirror, right, So it's

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Speaker 1: a reflection of how they feel about themselves that they're

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Speaker 1: putting onto whoever the innocent person is they're telling us

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Speaker 1: go kill themselves.

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Speaker 4: It's about how they're reflection. I would say to my girls.

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Speaker 1: My girls would never jump on and say anything like that,

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Speaker 1: but they definitely come home and going so that's fine.

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Speaker 2: Little reminds that's different. That's way different it is.

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Speaker 1: But I then pull them up and go, what's that

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Speaker 1: saying about you? You don't need to worry about what

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Speaker 1: they're doing. Yeah, sounds a bit meaner.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm also the same as you.

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Speaker 2: We will have those conversations, and especially like now, I

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Speaker 2: do a lot of pickup and drop off them, so

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Speaker 2: I have numerous kids in the car, and it's always like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: let's flip it and go.

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Speaker 3: I wonder what's happening for them right now, you know.

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Speaker 3: I wonder how their morning was before they got to school.

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Speaker 2: I wonder how their weekend was at their home, if

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Speaker 2: they had any parents around, whether they were That doesn't

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Speaker 2: make their behavior or their actions towards the others any better,

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Speaker 2: but it also just opens up the opportunity for the

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Speaker 2: kids that we can help and influence and teach, being

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Speaker 2: able to see a little bit further outside the box

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Speaker 2: that care and compassion and also that inner resilience of

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Speaker 2: I'm going to take responsibility where I fucked up with this,

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Speaker 2: and I can see where it went better, like, for instance,

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Speaker 2: with Gracie, like I was shocked, I was flawed, and naturally,

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Speaker 2: as a parent, you go through all of these feelings

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Speaker 2: and emotions of going like, oh my god, I'm going.

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Speaker 3: To say something, I'm going to do this, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to do that.

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Speaker 2: But if I go in to fight her battles every time,

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Speaker 2: it won't teach Gracie anything. Right. I was lucky enough

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Speaker 2: that Gracie said, I went in and deleted the people

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Speaker 2: that had been added. That's when she got the kickback,

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Speaker 2: and that's when the comments came through of go kill yourself.

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Speaker 3: She said, so next and so the.

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Speaker 2: Next breath, so we're talking about this, I'm trying not

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Speaker 2: to react, be really calm, hold the space.

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Speaker 3: Let her talk.

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Speaker 2: And then in the next breath she said, so, Mum,

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Speaker 2: I'm just letting you know that this has happened. But

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Speaker 2: I then went in and thought, well I can't. I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to fight that battle. So I deleted the

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Speaker 2: message and blocked herself from that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Good, but how many kids know to do that? How

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Speaker 2: many kids had that action in place and remove this.

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Speaker 1: That there's a lot of cases where the parents aren't

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Speaker 1: seeing it, Like the parents aren't checking, they're not seeing

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Speaker 1: those messages.

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Speaker 3: That every parent should.

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Speaker 1: My question for the person who said that, and it's

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Speaker 1: easy to jump to a disgusting horrible like horrible kids.

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Speaker 4: And where are the parents and.

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Speaker 1: All the rest of it, But I actually go, wow,

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Speaker 1: that's really sad for that child, Like why is that

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Speaker 1: child feeling so bad about themselves that they're then sotting

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Speaker 1: that in? And the other question would be, how would

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Speaker 1: you feel if that person that you told go kill

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Speaker 1: yourself did it? How would you then live the rest

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Speaker 1: of your life if you're thinking about you, how.

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Speaker 4: Can you live with yourself? It's just a flippant comment.

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Speaker 3: I'm with you, it's a flippant comment, right.

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Speaker 2: Just to wrap this up, I did, though, see this

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Speaker 2: particular child at the and I'm not naming names or

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Speaker 2: anything like that. I'm just saying, you know that feeling

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Speaker 2: as a parent, that reaction, right is, I could have.

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Speaker 3: Gone one way or another.

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Speaker 2: When we sort of all came face to face, I

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Speaker 2: genuinely was like I could have taken that road of

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Speaker 2: being that parent of going fuck you.

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Speaker 3: You think you are, but I didn't, but I wanted to.

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Speaker 2: There's like that brain, you know that two parts of

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Speaker 2: the brain again, And I instead just smiled and smiled

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Speaker 2: and smiled because I felt, fuck you. I'm gonna kill

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Speaker 2: you with kindness because I'm not letting you get to me.

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Speaker 2: And I'm so proud of my child's behavior.

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Speaker 1: How was the kid around you a little bit sheepish?

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Speaker 3: Oh, she couldn't look at me.

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Speaker 2: She could not look at me, and interestingly enough, Mum

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Speaker 2: wouldn't even side glance at me. Yeah, so whatever's gone on,

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Speaker 2: I feel for you. But I think the point of

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Speaker 2: this is, Katie, I get it, I feel it, I've

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Speaker 2: experienced it. Now, It's like, how can we help each

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Speaker 2: other make a change from a parent's perspective, because it

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Speaker 2: starts with us.

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Speaker 1: Did you see that chat GPT got into trouble for

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Speaker 1: that same thing?

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Speaker 3: What bullying someone?

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Speaker 4: No? No, no, my chatcho find no.

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Speaker 1: A fourteen year old boy that went on there asking how.

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Speaker 4: He could end his life.

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Speaker 1: Chat GPT gave him a full plan on how to

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Speaker 1: do it and even wrote the note to his parents.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, what did.

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Speaker 1: The note to leave behind? Yeah, okay, chat GBT come on, Well,

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Speaker 1: that will be our next task. We're going to take

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Speaker 1: on chat tib tish. I don't know how they're going

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Speaker 1: to manage that.

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Speaker 2: This leads me down a rabbit or because I go

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Speaker 2: for me and they've got stats on this, the biggest

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Speaker 2: number of views on videos on TikTok around how to

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Speaker 2: kill yourself. Tell me how that's not fucking removed from TikTok.

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Speaker 2: If we know it's got the biggest stats around it,

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Speaker 2: tell me why these are not being deleted.

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Speaker 3: Well, you and I get TikTok to you fuck you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: I'll take your Instagram post down if you swear too

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Speaker 2: much in it. But if you want to put people yeah,

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Speaker 2: but if you want to put a post up about

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Speaker 2: how to keep go for it.

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Speaker 1: If you use a song that hasn't been licensed, they

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Speaker 1: won't down TikTok. We have spoken about this before, but

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Speaker 1: we put a video up and we got slammed, like

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Speaker 1: people were saying parenting yeah, which I enjoyed and it

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Speaker 1: was quite entertaining. But we got a anti bullying notification

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Speaker 1: from TikTok and I was like, okay, great, they've acknowledged

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Speaker 1: the fact that we're getting.

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Speaker 4: From from that video. What the fuck did it do?

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Speaker 3: What it did? Nothing, No, it didn't do anything. There's

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Speaker 3: still going on.

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Speaker 1: That acknowledging, oh yeah, we see that you're getting bullied

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Speaker 1: from that, and then that just

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Speaker 4: Put an emoji on the bottom with the thumbs up.