WEBVTT - The Magpie That Kept Sam Bloom Alive 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:03.400 We'd like to acknowledge that traditional custodians of the land 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:06.840 on which this podcast was produced the Gadighl people of 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:10.440 the orination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present. 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:15.440 This episode contains discussion of suicide. If this raises any 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:18.360 issues for you, support is available through the links and 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:20.000 phone numbers in the show notes. 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.720 It's twenty thirteen and we're on a family holiday in 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:30.560 Thailand with Sam Bloom. Days are spent swimming and relaxing. 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:34.319 Sam thinks to herself, it doesn't get much better than this. 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:39.160 After a few days, the Blooms decide to head north 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:43.960 and check into a new hotel. They excitedly spot a 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:49.559 rooftop lookout. Sam leans on a wooden railing, but it 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:53.760 has rotted and collapses, causing her to plumit two stories. 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.880 She's rushed to hospital and will spend the coming days 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:04.560 undergoing multiple surgeries before being medivacked back home to Sydney. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:10.440 It's an anxious weight at hospital, Sam will never walk again. 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.880 The next few months are filled with intensive rehab and 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:21.880 heartbreaking thoughts. Sam doesn't want to be here anymore. When 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:25.760 one day, a frail and injured Magpie shows up on 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:31.640 the family doorstep. She's black, white and waddles. So Sam's 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:39.520 sons name her Penguin. I'm at Middleton and this is Headgame. 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:44.440 In this episode, our penguin saved the well parasurfing champion 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:53.680 Sam Bloom. Sam Bloom, welcome to my podcast head Game. 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:56.320 Do you know what when I read your story, I 0:01:56.480 --> 0:02:01.360 recognized it. Then when I realized what unfolded from a 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:05.560 negative to I suppose a positive story, it was cat 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:09.000 It was quite shocking to me. But can you just 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:12.440 take us back to what your family household was like 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:14.120 before the incident happened. 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:18.080 Yeah, of course, I've got three boys. Yeah, I mean 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:21.519 we live on the Northern Beaches in Sydney, so we 0:02:21.639 --> 0:02:23.399 grow up. You know, we spent a lot of time 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:28.320 at the beach. We spent a lot of time outdoors, 0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:31.440 super active family. Like I always say, the boys bushwalking, 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:35.799 on mountain, biking and just everything. Our whole life was 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:38.840 spent outside and you know that was who we were. 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:41.640 We had you know, I had a great life. It 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:44.239 was awesome. I absolutely loved my life and I love 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:46.519 you know, like if the boys are riding skateboards and 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.119 always grab the skateboarding ride, U skated with them and 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:51.239 you know, and it was funny because we go to 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.040 this bear Max track quite a lot, and I'd wait 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:55.960 till all the parents had left, and then I'd rag 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.320 one of their bikes and race them so you can 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:00.639 get the highest of the jump. So that was kind 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:04.440 of who we were. We was incredibly active. And it's 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:09.280 funny because cam my husband, his photographer, and ever since 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:12.560 we were young, we've loved traveling and so we wanted 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:16.240 to instill our love of travel in the kids. And 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:19.120 so it's kind of frustrating because initially we actually wanted 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:22.200 to take the kids to Ethiopia and Egypt. That was 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:25.519 it because Kamela went to Ethiopia twenty five years ago 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:28.320 absolutely loved it. So we're like, yeah, let's say the 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.079 kids there, you know, show them how magical and how 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:36.320 amazing the people are. And I can't remember how long beforehand, 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:39.480 but there was a lot of unrest in Cairo, so 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:41.320 that's why we fought no, but not risk it. We 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:45.000 don't want to, you know, get injured or hurt in Cairo. 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:46.920 So that's why we decided to take them to Thailand. 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:48.160 So that was in twenty. 0:03:47.920 --> 0:03:51.760 Thirteen, and you tip up there. You're all excited, the 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:55.520 kids are excited. What happened when you When you got 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:56.800 to Thailand, we flew to. 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:59.400 Pricket, and to be honest, we actually didn't like Pricket. 0:03:59.480 --> 0:04:01.480 It was too and it was just not our thing. 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:05.240 So we started to head north. So we went. We 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:09.080 ended up about halfway between Puquet and Bangkok, and we 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:11.960 found this really cool hotel on the beach in the 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:15.400 middle of nowhere. So we spent one night there. And 0:04:15.480 --> 0:04:19.599 then on our second day, we'd been swimming and we'd 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:21.800 actually planned to hire bikes and ride up to a 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:25.680 fishing village which was about two kilometers away, and so beforehand, 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:28.359 one of the kids we'd had breakfast, and then the 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:30.200 boys got a juice and one of the kids saw 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.560 like a staircase going up onto this big flat rooftop, 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:35.560 and so we three year we just go up there 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.000 and check out the view, drink our juices before we 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:42.120 go riding. And so yeah, we went up the stairs 0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:44.279 and I actually don't have any memory of even going 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:47.920 up the stairs. And apparently I leaned on the railing 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.640 and it had dry rot, but I didn't realize, so 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:54.920 I leant for it obviously backwards and fell six meters 0:04:54.960 --> 0:05:00.200 and yeah, broke my back and sustained numerous other injuries. 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:02.799 That was our fourth day of our holiday. 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:06.320 Fourth day of your holiday. Everything's going well. The kids 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:09.880 are loving it. You're loving it. The children are up there. 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.440 Is that correct? So the children do they do? They 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:15.200 witness you for six meters onto the ground. 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:18.600 Yeah, they saw, well, a couple of them just saw 0:05:18.640 --> 0:05:21.360 my feet go over and then they heard the crashing kids. 0:05:21.400 --> 0:05:24.560 It was like a metal railing and then so yeah, 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:27.360 they all ran down and yeah, it was horrific. I mean, 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:30.760 I obviously knocked myself out. I freshened my skull, so 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.360 I was like bleeding from my head and oh, I'd 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:35.440 bit through my tongue so there was blood coming out 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:39.080 of my mouth. Yeah. Yeah, I was just lying there 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.800 unconscious and gurgling because I had a lot of internal 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.880 bleeding in my lungs and stuff just from the force 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:49.200 of falling. So yeah, it was horrible because you know, 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:52.320 it's pretty horrific to like run down the stairs and 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.880 then see your mom like lying unconscious. 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:57.360 Bleeding, especially when you're going from one extreme to the other. 0:05:57.480 --> 0:06:00.000 You know, you're havingough time of your life and you 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:04.440 and then that literally gets flipped upside down from having 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:08.480 you know, all smiles, laughing and loving life to life's 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.360 going to change from this moment onwards. 0:06:10.520 --> 0:06:14.440 Yeah, and it split second everything changed. Yeah, So no, 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:17.520 it was terrible. So then Cam rolled me over because 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:19.480 I landed on my back and that's how I hit 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.640 my head as well. And then he rolled me over 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:25.240 and he saw this massive lump on my back and 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:29.719 he started yelling for an ambulance. And yeah, it was horrible. 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:32.799 I mean I don't remember it, but it was massive. 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:34.640 You know, it would have been horrific for the kids 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:36.080 and Cam absolutely. 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:39.520 What was your if you don't mind talking about, what's 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:44.280 your first memory of realizing that you'd been in an accident? 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:49.839 Yeah, now, my first memory was probably two days after, 0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:53.960 and my mum and my sister had come to Thailand 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:58.320 to see me, and so at first after the accident, 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:00.719 I was taken just to a little reach a hospital 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:02.599 and they were trying to stitch up my head and 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:04.479 X ray me and they're kind of like, yeah, it's 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:06.760 not looking good, and so they put us all in 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:09.280 the ambulance and drove us another three hours up to 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:10.280 a private hospital. 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:12.960 And you can't remember any of this man. 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:15.360 I don't remember it, no, not one, but I know 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:17.640 well I was conscious. Apparently I was saying to Cam, 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:19.720 I can't feel my legs, but I don't remember that. 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.040 And so, yeah, it would have been a couple of 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:24.560 days after the accident and I woke up. I remember 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:26.760 seeing my mom and sister there and I'm like, what 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:29.280 are you guys doing here? And then I remember saying 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:30.680 to Mom, I want to get up. I want to 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:33.200 get up because I was strapped to a spider board 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:35.800 and I must have had this strap over my chest 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:38.480 and I remember saying to Mom, you know it's hurting 0:07:38.480 --> 0:07:40.640 my boobs. It's hurting my boobs. I want to get up. 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:44.240 So then that's all I remember then. And it's funny 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.480 because my second memory, I was in theater, but I 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:49.880 didn't know I was in theater. I had no idea 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:52.360 what was going on. And I remember them pulling up 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:54.280 my T shirts. I had this aqua T shirt, was 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:56.600 quite a bright T shirt on and I remember them 0:07:56.600 --> 0:07:58.800 pulling it up and then cut it off, and then 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.400 I stuck like a central line was something in my 0:08:01.520 --> 0:08:04.119 neck and that really hurt, and I remember just gripping 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.760 onto the sheet and then you just see the mask 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:10.560 come down, and yeah, that's my next memory. But I 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.000 had no idea what was going on. 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.880 When did the reality of what the hell is going on? 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:16.920 When did that kick in? And did you freak out? 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:19.600 And what was what was going on? No? 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:24.600 Actually, you know, that's the weirdest thing. I don't actually 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:28.640 think I realized that I couldn't walk, mate, not so 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:31.280 I got home from Thailand. 0:08:32.120 --> 0:08:34.760 So they didn't tell you that you were paralyzed. 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:39.040 No, Well, initially my main focus was actually on my 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:43.040 head because I had like subdural extra papotomers, so I 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.880 liked the most insane headaches and that was kind of 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.280 all I could think about. And to be honest, I 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.480 remember that the nurses would often come in and just 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.640 inject i don't know, some sort of painkiller, and I 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:55.320 was pretty out of it a lot of the time. 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.840 And I remember my best friend she also flew out 0:08:58.960 --> 0:09:01.880 to Thailand, and yeah, I remember seeing her and bursting 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:05.079 into tears. But then oh, it was just so it's 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:09.240 so incredible, like how your your brain can just like 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:14.040 just erase. Yeah, yeah, it's incredible. 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:17.760 Yes, phenomenal, isn't it? But when when did the news 0:09:17.840 --> 0:09:20.200 hit and how long were you in Thailand for before 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:20.960 you got flown home? 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.840 Well, I was in Thailand for about three weeks. 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:26.240 You in Thailand for three weeks and no one told 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:27.319 you that you were paralyzed. 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:31.440 Wow, I know, I know, and it sounds really weird, 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:35.920 like thinking back, like how did I not realize? I 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.600 do remember. So I was in in this big hospital 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:42.480 where they operated on me. They flew am or they drove. 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.240 I don't know how he got down there, A neurosurgent 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:48.920 from Bangkok. They got they they took they brought him 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:51.360 down to this town called Wahin, which is where I 0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:54.120 was operated on. So I was there for ten days 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.720 and then once I was stable en off, they took 0:09:56.720 --> 0:10:00.800 me in Nablus after Bangkok. But I don't know. I 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:02.880 figured something must have been pretty wrong, because I do 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:05.880 remember when I was in Bangkok. I remember saying to camera, 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.160 I wish I'd died. So I kind of figured something 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:09.800 wasn't right. 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:12.359 And do you remember being in that headspace? 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:12.800 Sam? 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:15.080 Do you remember being in this sort of negative headspace? 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.480 I I wish I'd died. I don't want to be here. 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.680 Did you want to die? Did you think the best 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.360 way for me? Yeah you did. Wow. 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.800 Yeah, I would rather have been dead, Yeah, because I 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:31.199 was just lying there. And yeah, it's funny because I'm 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:34.240 pretty sure the doctors in Bangkok told camera I wouldn't 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:36.199 be able to walk again, but no one told me, 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:38.959 and so I guess in my mind, in a weird way, 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:41.720 I was probably thinking, that's fine, I'll get flying back 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:44.200 to Australia and I'll be fine. I'll stay in hospital 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:45.520 for a little bit and then i'll go home and 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:49.600 I'll be me again. So once I was stable enough, 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:52.079 I remember when I was in Bangkok that I was 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:54.000 trying to sit me up to make sure I wasn't 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.640 going to pass out on the plane coming back. And 0:10:56.679 --> 0:11:00.199 then once once I didn't pass out, yeah, they they 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:03.000 organized an Australian doctor and a ty nurse to fly 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:07.760 me back home. So yeah, it was just bizarre. So 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:10.240 I didn't actually find out I would then walk again 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.559 until I got back to Sydney. And then I was 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:16.720 met by some ambulance officers at the airport and taken 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:19.120 to a Ronald Shore Hospital, which is a major teaching 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.920 hospital in Sydney, and yeah, take into the spining unit. 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:25.360 And then the next day I went down for an MRI, 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.040 and yeah, I just I was so scared. I'd never 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:31.520 had an amma rye before, and I don't know if 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.200 you've ever had mine, but they're horrible. And I just 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:36.480 remember lying there and they give you that little button, 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:38.640 you know, in case you want to get out or whatever, 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.600 and I just meant within in my head and I 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:44.560 had my eyes closed because I was just I was terrified. 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:47.880 Don't press the button, don't press the button. Yep, just 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:49.600 get through this so you don't have to do it again. 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:51.959 And so I had the MRI and then went back 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:55.000 up to the room and luckily my mom was there, 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:58.400 and then this young doctor just came in and he's like, oh, 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:01.400 I've looked at you, Mr. I'm like, you know, yes, 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.160 And in the schain he said, like on a scale 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:07.760 and moderate say severe. Your injuries are definitely severe. And 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.280 I asked him will I ever walk again? He was 0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:13.640 so blunt. He just goes no. And I just remember 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:15.760 I was just lying there and I pulled a shot 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:18.120 over my head and I burst into tears and that 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:21.920 was it. But he could have just given me even 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.559 like a little glimmer. I mean, obviously had to tell 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:29.080 the truth. You know, yeah, i'd like really badly damaged 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:30.720 my spinal cord, but if it's just given me a 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:31.439 tiny bit of. 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.040 Hope when he said that, when he just Las said, 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.760 you know, of course I'm never going to walk again. 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.480 What was your initial thought process? 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:42.040 I used to say with this Sam died in Thailand 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:45.000 and dish Shell came back because it was kind of 0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:48.880 like I've lost my identity, you know before like before 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.680 the accident, I'd always go mountain biking and surfing and 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:54.959 riding skateboards and running, going to gym. That was who 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:58.160 I was, you know, that was kind of and I'm 0:12:58.160 --> 0:13:01.440 playing soccer. Yeah, to strike it on a soccer beach, 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:06.120 that was me. Yeah. And then to like lose lose. 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:10.840 The worst outcome, like you said, apart from dead. 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:15.280 As my greatest fear, the greatest fear was to lose 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:19.360 my mobility. And yeah, so yeah, I was just like, well, 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:20.320 that's my life over. 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:22.840 How did you get through it? And who did you 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.880 use around you to help you to where you are now? 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:30.280 Well, I didn't have a choice, you know, to be honest, though, 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.960 if I didn't, if I didn't have the kids, yep, 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:34.520 I don't reckon I'd be here. 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:39.320 Wow, honestly, And were you going through that on a 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:41.480 daily basis? Oh? 0:13:41.720 --> 0:13:45.080 Mate, yeah, yeah, especially when I actually came home from hospital. 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:47.800 It was even worse. It that I just felt like 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.000 thought about that all the time, but I would never 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:52.440 do it because I had the kids and Cam and 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:54.800 I didn't want to put them through even more stress 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:58.800 and more horror. So in my head I was kind 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:02.080 of like, will you have to, yeah, just be there 0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:06.640 for the kids, And yeah, it was so hard. I remember, 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.320 like kiss, I used to say, in a pressure injury 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:13.040 because when I was in Thailand and they left me 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:15.840 on a spinal board for three days, so I had 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:20.240 this massive, like this five by six centimeter hole in 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:24.400 my sacrum which was necrotic like it was disgusting. So 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.480 I was essentially on my side. Every two hours, they'd 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.400 come and flip me from my left to the right 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:31.880 to keep me off the sacrum, and I'd be going 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:35.400 down to theater and yeah, it was just horrible. So 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.600 I just, yeah, I just tried to put on a 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:42.600 brave face for the kids. And I don't know, so. 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.960 Your children, you're three boys that kept you kept you 0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:47.560 alive that yeah, got through. 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:50.400 It, like literally, yeah, literally they have. 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:03.920 How long did the process take from you hitting Australia 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:05.960 to you then coming home? 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:11.000 Talk about six months? Yeah, hospital, then rehab and yeah, 0:15:11.040 --> 0:15:14.640 then I came home. So it's funny because everyone I 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.480 remember when it was my time to come home, and 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:20.800 everyone was so excited and I was so nervous. Why 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.200 because it's so easy when you're in hospital or rehab. 0:15:24.360 --> 0:15:27.520 You're not the only one you're surrounded by. Everybody else 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:31.000 is in the same situation, so everybody gets it. And 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:33.040 then you know, and you know you've got the nurses 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:36.080 there if you need hand, if you need help. Yeah, 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:38.920 I remember just coming home. That was my That was 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:40.880 by far the hardest part. 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.600 And did it help you coming home or did you 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:47.960 steep further into your depression? Yeah? 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.800 No, it made it way worse because when I came home, 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.400 because I was the only one in the wheel chair 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:56.880 and we overlooked the beach, so I used to sit 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.520 here and I'd stare at my favorite surf spot and 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.720 would make me so angry. And then I'd look kind 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:04.400 of to the west and I could see the National 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:06.160 Park where used to go mountain biking all the time, 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:08.960 So it was kind of like everything I loved doing 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.560 was right in my face, but I just couldn't touch it. 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:14.280 So yeah, no, and you know, and there was a 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:16.960 lot of mum guilt as well. You know, I came 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:20.000 home and I couldn't I couldn't run around after the 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.120 kids anymore. I couldn't go shopping, and I couldn't clean 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:25.840 the house or change like stupid little things. Couldn't change 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:29.280 the sheets, do the washing. Yeah, just things like that 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:31.480 so damn made it's so much harder. 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:35.400 Do you think being there and doing that over and 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:39.040 over again, do you think that that helped you ultimately 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.560 come out of this or did it just get worse 0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:43.800 and worse and worse and worse, Because I can imagine 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:46.160 the more you sit there and you watch your favorite 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:48.840 surfing spot, you watch the mountain biking, you go you 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:50.480 want to be there. I want to be there. Then 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:52.920 after time do you go, well, actually now I need 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:54.840 to adapt, I need to or was it just getting 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:55.720 worse and worse and worse. 0:16:57.120 --> 0:16:59.800 I'd say it was probably getting worse and worse worse. Okay, 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.320 funny because when I was in rehab, there was this 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:05.840 he was a sport recreational officer. He was amazing and 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.720 he knew I liked sport and all that before my accident, 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.760 so he tried so hard to find me something. He 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:15.080 take me to wheelchair basketball too, you know, murdible, you. 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:19.680 Know, yeah, murder Wow. I love vertibles. I love vertible. 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.400 Yeah yeah, So he take me to all these things 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:24.400 and I was like, yeah no, and I remember saying 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.560 to him maybe I could kayak and he was amazing, so, 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:30.800 you know, organized everything. So I came. I was home 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.440 for two weeks, and then after two weeks I started 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.159 kayaking and it was just one day a week and 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:38.400 it was like fifteen minutes away, just on the lake. 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.600 And that to me was awesome because I was out 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:44.879 of the wheelchair, just surrounded by nature, back on the 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:47.520 water again and I sort of, I mean allously, I 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:49.960 didn't feel like my old self, but it was just 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:50.879 had a sense of freedom. 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:52.840 It was a little spark there, right, It is like a. 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:55.480 Little spark, yes, yeah, yeah yeah. 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:58.840 And how how long was that after you got home 0:17:58.880 --> 0:18:00.720 that you decided to do kayaking? 0:18:00.920 --> 0:18:03.199 Two weeks after I got home from rehab. Yep, that 0:18:03.359 --> 0:18:05.720 was my first time kayaking, And yeah, it was this 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.199 awesome and I was really lucky because I had the 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:11.320 most amazing coach. She was just a volunteer and she 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.199 was just she's this incredible. So we've been she's like 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:17.960 best mates now for like eleven years. 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:21.000 Yeah great, And how did how did your husband and 0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:24.200 your children change around you when you came home? Because 0:18:24.680 --> 0:18:27.320 I can imagine the change being quite bizarre and quite 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:28.800 off putting and offsetting. 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:32.520 It was a bit bizarre, and I did feel, like 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:35.159 I said before, there was a lot of guild. But 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:37.080 you know, the kids, the kids were just still the kids. 0:18:37.080 --> 0:18:39.119 They'd still jump off the roof and you know, do 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:41.840 crazy things, which was unreal. I didn't want them to 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:45.240 be frightened of anything. I wanted them to still keep 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.479 living the way we would have lived, Like take risks, 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:50.080 obviously not two bigger risks, but you know, just be 0:18:50.160 --> 0:18:50.480 a boy. 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:52.840 Yeah, trip up and get up again, dush yourself off, 0:18:52.880 --> 0:18:53.479 and away you go. 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:56.200 Yeah exactly. But yeah, I mean they had to grow 0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:59.600 up pretty quickly. I mean they had to walk themselves 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:03.160 to school, and yeah, just do a lot more things 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:07.160 on their own. I do remember one time, though, Noah, 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:10.240 he's our metal kid, and his serfs, and I remember 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:12.679 it was the first summer and he grabbed his surfboard 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:14.600 because we lived like two minutes from the beach. He 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:16.240 grabbed his board and he looked at me and he goes, 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:18.119 I'm just going for surf And he looked at me 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:20.280 and goes, oh, I'm so sorry. Mom. I'm like, oh 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.320 my God, like, oh my dude, just go down and 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.959 get like an amazing way and that will make me happy. 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:29.320 You know. Yeah, it's like so much guilt and I'm like, no, 0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:31.840 just go and enjoy yourself. 0:19:31.920 --> 0:19:35.720 Like, yeah, did that help you with your recovering the 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:39.280 kids acting normal, going out, taking risks and not seeing 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:42.000 a huge change in how in their demeanor and how 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:43.120 they acted around you. 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.280 Yeah, absolutely, Yeah, No, they treated me. They treated me 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:49.719 like normal. You know, they still bag me out, and 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:52.840 you know, it was it was. They were very amazing. 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:56.000 Kids are pretty incredible. I think they're a lot more 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.200 resilient and tougher than adults. 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:00.440 Just got a with it. 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.360 I mean I remember sometimes we'd be out shopping and 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:04.920 they had come along to help me and I'm like, 0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:07.400 are you embarrassed, Like I'm in a wheelchair now. They're like, nah, 0:20:08.160 --> 0:20:12.719 it is our mom, your mom. Yeah, yeah, you're just 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:16.560 doing mom. So I was like, yeah, no, there, they're amazing. 0:20:17.600 --> 0:20:20.600 There was a few nights. I remember one night and 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.520