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Speaker 1: Appologie production.

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Speaker 2: She Rises twelve days of Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to She Rises day seven, pre

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Speaker 1: warning you we had the gigels. I cannot stop giggling.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why. It's not even two thirty yet,

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Speaker 1: which is normally the time we get the Zoomi's witching hour.

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Speaker 1: But today we're talking all about our phones. And we're

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Speaker 1: not sitting on our high horse saying that we are perfect,

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Speaker 1: but we're talking about how how much we're on our

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Speaker 1: phones and how much it is destroying real connection because

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Speaker 1: it's really sad. We don't even realize how many times

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Speaker 1: we pick up our phone. One way I realized this

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Speaker 1: was when I did Ioascar. The first time I had

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Speaker 1: this visual of my two kids' faces and there was

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Speaker 1: fire flames and all these phones been thrown at me.

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Speaker 1: I didn't at the time know what that meant, but

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Speaker 1: afterwards I was like, I think that is a sign

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Speaker 1: that I need to put my phone away more. Because

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Speaker 1: I am on my phone a lot. I work on

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Speaker 1: my phone. It was when I was running a big team.

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Speaker 1: Someone was always needing me. There was deadlines, it was

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Speaker 1: launches after work hours. So I made this rule up

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Speaker 1: and I've pretty much stuck to it. It's like when

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Speaker 1: I get home, my phone goes into my bedside table

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Speaker 1: draw I don't have access to it, it's not there.

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Speaker 1: I don't think about it. Yeah, a habit in front

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Speaker 1: of me. I'm in habit of just checking it like

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Speaker 1: Instagram click, my emails click. I just go through and

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Speaker 1: make sure everything's sorted. But in reality that can all wait,

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Speaker 1: and it takes away time for my children stuff. I

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Speaker 1: put it away and at nighttime with Steve too. If

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Speaker 1: it's away in my bedroom, I don't go on it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I'm way more present in the moment with my family,

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Speaker 1: and it feels really good. Yeah, you definitely do do this.

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Speaker 2: There's like a period after work where like Ash, you know,

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Speaker 2: we'll finish like a workday. It'd be like three thirty

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Speaker 2: or something. She'd be like, okay, babe, just letting you know.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be am I for a couple of hours.

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Speaker 2: I'll message you after eight o'clock. Yeah, and like that's

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Speaker 2: like your time slot when I'm present with the kids

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Speaker 2: and with Steve, Like that's my time with them.

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Speaker 1: It is. It was an easy way to break a habit.

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Speaker 1: I think when you're trying to break a habit like this,

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Speaker 1: you have to make it achievable. And if it's stuck

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Speaker 1: to you and you've got a habit of checking it,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna keep doing it. Yeah, but put it out

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Speaker 1: of sight, it's out of mind. Kids will distract you

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Speaker 1: a day energy, but it's really nice. So we just

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Speaker 1: want to bring this conversation forward for you to check

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Speaker 1: in around Christmas Day, especially when you're with your loved ones,

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Speaker 1: when you're building memories, when you're around the table, like

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Speaker 1: you don't need your phone, yeah, and like yes, i

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Speaker 1: have log bits and pieces of mine for sure, but

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Speaker 1: I'm still like conscious to make sure that I'm spending

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Speaker 1: majority of the quality time off my phone and just

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Speaker 1: in the moment because tomorrow's not promised. It's really important

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Speaker 1: to enjoy that time. Absolutely. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so interesting as well, especially around Christmas. Like

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Speaker 2: obviously with our generations, it's so normalized to have a

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Speaker 2: mobile phone, yeah all the time. There's not a time

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Speaker 2: where we don't have it. So to get those like

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Speaker 2: pockets of time where we are fully present, it's just

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Speaker 2: like really make sure that you're maintaining those connections you

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Speaker 2: have and like actually pouring time, effort, and energy into

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Speaker 2: being present with the people that you care about instead

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Speaker 2: of you know, having your phone that's going to distract

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Speaker 2: you or you know give you a dopamine heit or

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Speaker 2: something like that. Yeah, really like having boundaries with yourself

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Speaker 2: around it.

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Speaker 1: And you know, it's funny.

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Speaker 2: I remember, probably around the time that I was like

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Speaker 2: nineteen to maybe twenty one, I used to get really

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Speaker 2: triggered when my mom would be on her phone, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because we'd all come together and then she'd like sit

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Speaker 2: on her phone for like a little bit, or she's

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Speaker 2: very like love's.

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Speaker 1: Facebook could TikTok.

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Speaker 2: And shows she has a bit of a scroll sometimes,

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Speaker 2: you know. And I remember it just used to trigger

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Speaker 2: me so bad because it'd be like, I'm here, I

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Speaker 2: just want you to spend time, Like can we just

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Speaker 2: connect in this moment, Like I don't want you to

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Speaker 2: send me memes, I want you to talk to me,

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Speaker 2: you know. And so I was really craving that connection

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Speaker 2: from her at the time. But the funny thing about

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Speaker 2: triggers is that it's showing you parts of yourself.

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Speaker 1: Where you do the same thing we do.

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Speaker 2: You do the same thing, and so it's interesting, it's

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Speaker 2: like I used to get so triggered at her, and

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Speaker 2: then there was this one time that she pulled me

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Speaker 2: up on it and she was like, you're doing the same.

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Speaker 1: Thing and I was like, oh shit, we all do it. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're of.

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Speaker 2: It absolutely, and so it was a really cool moment

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Speaker 2: for me to reflect on that. I'm okay, cool, Like,

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Speaker 2: where am I not being the standard that I'm upholding

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Speaker 2: for other people, you know, because it's all good and

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Speaker 2: well for me to go, oh my god, mom, you're

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Speaker 2: doing that thing. You're on your phone again, But like,

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Speaker 2: where am I being the one that's like, I've got

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Speaker 2: people in front of me, I'm sitting on my phone.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I think more now.

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Speaker 2: That I'm older, I'm conscious to not do that unless

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Speaker 2: I'm doing a.

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Speaker 1: Work task and like real communicate. Yeah, Like especially.

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Speaker 2: Within our dynamic, because we have on time where we're working,

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Speaker 2: we're like we know we're going to be doing we

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Speaker 2: work on our phone a lot. Yeah, absolutely, So I

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Speaker 2: think we're pretty good with that. We have a standing

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Speaker 2: in our dynamic, whereas like when it's Christmas or someone's

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Speaker 2: birthday or you know, like more intimate times we are

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Speaker 2: sitting down.

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Speaker 1: We're going for dinner even.

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Speaker 2: Yes, actually there have been a couple of times where

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Speaker 2: we've worked at dinner, but we intentionally.

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Speaker 1: Wear it's like a launch, sort of like trying to

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Speaker 1: reply to everyone, but we're doing it together. We're doing

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Speaker 1: it together.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Whereas like other than that, like we're phones down,

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Speaker 2: we're deep in the conversation and like we're both holding space.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think we've all been there too, Like

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Speaker 1: it doesn't feel nice if you're sitting at a cafe

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Speaker 1: or sitting with a family friend, or sitting with someone

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Speaker 1: and you're in a conversation, then it goes bit bit

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Speaker 1: and they pick their phone up to check. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of signing that like this on my phone is more

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Speaker 1: important than you, unless there's something said at the start,

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Speaker 1: like hey, I'm so excited to be at lunch, but

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Speaker 1: I'm expecting a call from my doctor or you know,

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Speaker 1: for me, you always know if Taj's school calls, yeah

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Speaker 1: that is priority because if something's happened, I need to

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Speaker 1: be there straight away. But without that communication, you just

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Speaker 1: feel like you're not important. You feel like the screen

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Speaker 1: is more important, and then there's nothing worse that someone's

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Speaker 1: just having a scroll and you're outed at lunch or dinner,

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Speaker 1: it's like why are we here? Yeah, Like, why the

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Speaker 1: fuck are we here? I'm not here for you to

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Speaker 1: be on your phone when you think about it, when

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Speaker 1: you're with your family and friends for Christmas Day or

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Speaker 1: any day, but you're checking what everyone else is doing,

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Speaker 1: like do you actually care? Like when I've caught myself,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't actually care what anyone's doing, and

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Speaker 1: they go fuck with it on Christmas Day. They care

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Speaker 1: about what's in fun of you, the people that you love,

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Speaker 1: the people that you want to cherish memories for. And

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Speaker 1: it can be a habit and it can be addictive,

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Speaker 1: and also you can get stuck in that comparison game

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Speaker 1: as well. Like I know on Father's Day, like I

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Speaker 1: really go offline because it's quite triggering for me to

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Speaker 1: see everyone's beauty and I'm happy for everyone. I don't

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Speaker 1: want anyone to feel how I feel, but I know

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Speaker 1: it just brings up a lot for me, of course,

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Speaker 1: So like I have a day with no social media,

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Speaker 1: and so same with you. If you're feeling lonely, or

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Speaker 1: you're feeling triggered, or oh you just want to be present,

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Speaker 1: just put it away, vibe without being on your phone

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Speaker 1: on Christmas Day. I think your boss will let you

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Speaker 1: have a day when you're not checking your phone.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, and even what's important is also social skills. Yes,

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Speaker 2: us putting our phone down intentionally is helping us rebuild

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Speaker 2: those social skills that we have lost. People are more

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Speaker 2: anxious now than they ever have been, but because they

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Speaker 2: have a buffer. The buffer is the phone when they're

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Speaker 2: scared you're in a public setting and you don't know

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Speaker 2: anybody on your phone, when you're in a new environment

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Speaker 2: at school and there's new mums like on your.

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Speaker 1: Phone, Like, it doesn't matter where you are. It is

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Speaker 1: a buffer.

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Speaker 2: So true, stops you from being uncomfortable, stops you from

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Speaker 2: having to try and try to connect with other people

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Speaker 2: that you're surrounded by. So like, why do we have

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Speaker 2: more people in the world than we ever have, but

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Speaker 2: we're all so disconnected? So true, it's for this reason.

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Speaker 2: So I think if we want to change that and

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Speaker 2: we want to learn how to rebuild those social skills

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Speaker 2: and become stronger in ourselves not only for our confidence,

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Speaker 2: but to reduce anxiety and to actually reconnect with the

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Speaker 2: people that we love. It actually takes training, it takes work,

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Speaker 2: It takes effort, and that's you putting your phone at

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Speaker 2: moments like Christmas and just being totally plugged in for

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Speaker 2: the day.

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Speaker 1: Definitely.

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Speaker 2: And you know the interesting thing is like when I

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Speaker 2: spend too much time on my phone, I feel wired.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But when I feel.

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Speaker 2: Plugged in and I haven't looked at my phone all day,

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Speaker 2: if I've ever done, oh my gosh, I feel like

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Speaker 2: a different.

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Speaker 1: Version of myself. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's so nice to have that human connection because it's

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Speaker 2: something I really value.

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Speaker 1: It is one hundred percent. And back to what you

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Speaker 1: were saying about their lack of communications skills, it is

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Speaker 1: really concerning this next generation because kids are getting phones,

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Speaker 1: Like most of TAJA's friends have phones. They're ten, ten

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Speaker 1: years old, yeah, and they're on social media scrolling TikTok.

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Speaker 1: Like even when TAJA's friends, like she stays up on

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Speaker 1: TikTok till ten pm at night. Wow, there's no boundaries

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Speaker 1: of time or what she can watch. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my goodness. And I've had to explain Tarje because

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Speaker 1: he's like, why can't I go on TikTok? Why can't

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Speaker 1: I watch those kind of videos? And I explain to

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Speaker 1: my reasons why and every hearsehold has a different reasons,

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Speaker 1: but like it's getting younger and younger and younger. It's

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Speaker 1: really scary because you're right, there's that buffer there is.

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Speaker 1: We didn't have that growing up. No phones came around.

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Speaker 1: I have one in high school, but the first to

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Speaker 1: get a phone because I work quite young. But even

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Speaker 1: then it was a Nokia that you can only text

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Speaker 1: and call. There's no social media or play snake yes,

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Speaker 1: whereas now it's like they're so plugged into everything, and

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Speaker 1: it's really really scary because that addiction starting really young

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Speaker 1: and the lack of connection. Also, they aren't able to

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Speaker 1: concentrate for very long because they're so used to taking

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Speaker 1: in short form content that their attention span is just

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Speaker 1: not there anymore. Yeah, it's really damaging.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely if we take this like one step deeper as well,

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Speaker 2: it's like people struggle being bored.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my mum always says this, it's a healthy if

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Speaker 1: you gets to be bored.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, no one knows how to be bored anymore

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Speaker 2: because we're so distracted. Yeah, I've got TikTok, We've got Instagram.

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Speaker 2: If there's not that app, there's ten more. If it's

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Speaker 2: not that it's Netflix. If it's not Netflix, it's fucking

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Speaker 2: sum up something else. And because there's so much technology,

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Speaker 2: it's like we don't know how to sit in silence anymore. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: how to sit being bored, being okay, not doing anything

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Speaker 2: and something that sparks this for me, My parents when

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Speaker 2: I was growing up, took photos of everything everything. I

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Speaker 2: have suitcases full of family photos from different events, family holidays,

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Speaker 2: just them doing nothing. Family and everyone is like sitting

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Speaker 2: around a table near a pool in someone's house that

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Speaker 2: we know, sitting around a table. There's no phones, there's

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Speaker 2: no nothing. That wasn't normalized then that people actually had

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Speaker 2: to sit connect and I'm sure that they would have

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Speaker 2: been bored out of their minds, but they found things

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Speaker 2: to end it, or even if they didn't, they were

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Speaker 2: okay being bored, whereas like now, we don't have that

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Speaker 2: level of patience, no be able to just sit without

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Speaker 2: being like I need to be stimulated, right.

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Speaker 1: Yes, And for kids it's really dangerous because when they're

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Speaker 1: constantly go screen in front of their face every time

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Speaker 1: they're bored, they can't tap into the creativity. You take

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Speaker 1: a screen away from a kid, like even with Steve

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Speaker 1: sometimes like if he's got work to do, he'll put

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Speaker 1: like Pepper Pig on Foratala. But when I'm with her

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Speaker 1: at the moment, I'm amazed. And I've shown Steve too

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Speaker 1: when it comes home, Like this is what she does, babe,

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Speaker 1: when there's no TV. She is so creative. Literally sits

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Speaker 1: and talks to her fucking dolls by herself, makes up

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Speaker 1: scenarios that Buddy Dole how she got her. She loves

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Speaker 1: basically every single day to get us some more kidy.

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Speaker 1: She loves the cats, little cat dolls. But she like,

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Speaker 1: if I'm doing washing, I can literally hear her talking

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Speaker 1: to herself. She will find a box and play with it.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to occupy her and with work. Like

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Speaker 1: I'm not judging Sea four because I've done it before too.

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Speaker 1: Like if I've got a jump on a meeting, I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't afford for her to interrupt. Yeah, I've got

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Speaker 1: like full staff on or something. So I get we

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Speaker 1: all utilize screen sometimes, and I'm not anti screen. I

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Speaker 1: think there's a time and place for them. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: for kids, it's really important for them to be bored

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Speaker 1: because that's how they tap into their creativity. And even

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Speaker 1: with targe sometimes like it's cool to watch what he

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Speaker 1: wants to do outside, and even we've got these monkey

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Speaker 1: bars outside and he'll set like little fitness challenges for himself.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, if I just put them on a screen,

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Speaker 1: he wouldn't be out there being active and doing that.

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Speaker 2: Love that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So we have to be the walking role models. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: It's it's hard in this generation too. I find as

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Speaker 1: a parent that does work for my phone a lot.

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Speaker 1: I work more on my phone than I did my laptop. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because I'm like constantly filming, and it just it's easily accessible.

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Speaker 1: But I have to know that I'm setting an example

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Speaker 1: that I'm on my phone quite a lot. Yeah, So

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Speaker 1: if they see us do it, then they'll think, well,

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Speaker 1: that's normal, mom does it? Why would I not do it?

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Speaker 1: That's a good point. So that's why when I get home,

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Speaker 1: it's like phones aways, it's a whole period. I don't

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Speaker 1: have my phone. Christmas Day and the special day's birthdays

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Speaker 1: and everything. Just plug in because tomorrow's not promised. You'd

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Speaker 1: hate to look back and how's your Christmas? Like, oh

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Speaker 1: it's all right, but you were just weren't present. Don't

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Speaker 1: even remember it? What happened phone. Yeah, you do not

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Speaker 1: remember what you watch? You would have a clue what

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Speaker 1: you watch? You just doomed, scrolled full done it.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, absolutely, especially in the younger years too.

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Speaker 1: I think it's interesting.

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Speaker 2: I think it's an important skill as an adult now

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Speaker 2: that we've been conditioned into not knowing how to be

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Speaker 2: bored yea, to learn how to bring ourselves back from that.

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Speaker 2: It's like, we are adults, We lead ourselves. No one

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Speaker 2: is showing us what to do. Yes, we may be

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Speaker 2: following and unconsciously kind of doing what all of society

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Speaker 2: is doing. But where did the internal boundaries come for ourselves?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Where? And this is something I actually am thinking of

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Speaker 2: for myself now. I'm like, okay, cool, Like where can

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Speaker 2: I have more boundaries around my phone and yeah I'm

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Speaker 2: not present and how my work day leaks into my

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Speaker 2: family time, you know, with my nieces and nephews at

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Speaker 2: home yea, or my sister or you or whoever else.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, cool, I could definitely tighten up some

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Speaker 2: boundaries around that for myself and also for the people

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Speaker 2: in my life too, because.

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Speaker 1: Even a day last week we go for a walk,

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Speaker 1: like a couple of times a week and we both

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Speaker 1: left our phones in the car. Oh that was the best,

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Speaker 1: and we're like, oh my gosh, that was so nice

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Speaker 1: not having our phone, Like we should do that more often.

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Speaker 1: It was so nice. It was really nice, wasn't it.

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Speaker 1: We're just so glued to it that we think we

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Speaker 1: always need it.

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Speaker 2: To even just not be holding it in my hand,

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Speaker 2: I felt so disconnected from it in the best way.

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Speaker 1: Exactly. It's good, isn't it is good? It's really cool.

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Speaker 1: I like to do that more definitely.

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Speaker 2: This is also something I see as well with my

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Speaker 2: nieces and nephews at home, Like there's you know, I

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Speaker 2: live with my sister, like we live together, and she's

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Speaker 2: also got three little ones, you know, and I'm so

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Speaker 2: grateful that I get to see them grow up in

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Speaker 2: the way that I do and be so plugged in.

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Speaker 2: And I noticed this with the two older ones, like

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Speaker 2: they're sometimes when they don't have the screens or they

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Speaker 2: don't have you know, the TV or whatever it is, they're.

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Speaker 1: Like, mom, I'm bored, like I oldn't.

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Speaker 2: And every single time it comes out of my mouth

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Speaker 2: and I sound like an old timer, but I'm like,

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Speaker 2: it's good to be bored.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's good. You need to be bored.

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Speaker 2: Go sit outside, go on the trampoline, go ride your

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Speaker 2: bikes like you've got, you know, getting them out of

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Speaker 2: the house now and more, because like how much better

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Speaker 2: do you feel when you're able to, like, you know,

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Speaker 2: for them instead of them being on an iPad or

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Speaker 2: a computer. It's like they're playing with each other as

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Speaker 2: a brother and sister. Yeah, you know, getting to have

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Speaker 2: those moments where they play dress ups, or they go

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Speaker 2: and like do stupid shit in the garage or whatever.

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Speaker 2: It is like growing up. Times like that with my

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Speaker 2: siblings were the best. Yes, as you know, before my

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Speaker 2: brother was born, it was like us four girls. We

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Speaker 2: would like making up dance routines and showing them to

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Speaker 2: the whole family on every Christmas. So like that was

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Speaker 2: like a thing for us, everyone us and my cousins

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Speaker 2: and like all that sort of stuff. And my pop

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Speaker 2: would dress up as Sanna and like, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 2: so it's like, let's bring those traditions back where we

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Speaker 2: actually enjoy Christmas and it gets to be about real

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Speaker 2: connection not just surface level shit.

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Speaker 1: No I know what everyone else is doing. Oh I

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Speaker 1: don't really care what's happening. I don't want that.

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Speaker 2: We don't want to be the generation that's the most

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Speaker 2: disconnected even though we're the most technically connected.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. That sad, isn't it. I want that where the

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Speaker 1: problem we can always also the change.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're the solution. We are the solution. That's it.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. So get off your phone

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Speaker 1: after you've listened to the Twelve Days of Christmas.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and also pay attention to how long it takes

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Speaker 2: you before you want to go to your phone. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like if you can like just check in with yourself,

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Speaker 2: like how long does it actually take you before you

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Speaker 2: like have a break and then you're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I want to reach my phone.

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Speaker 1: Check in with yourself.

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Speaker 2: See how naturally unconsciously ingrained it is in you to

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Speaker 2: want to reach for your phone.

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Speaker 1: You know what I've done too that my screen time

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Speaker 1: is on the Apple in your settings, you can put

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Speaker 1: the alert we get app limits, Yeah, like screen time limit. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I've got two hours on each of my social

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Speaker 1: media and it'll literally pop up and say like you've

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Speaker 1: hit your limit for the day, and it instantly gets

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Speaker 1: me off. So good. My screen time has like halved,

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Speaker 1: which is so cool because I'm not mindlessly scrolling now

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Speaker 1: because I'm where I don't want my screen time to

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Speaker 1: go back up.

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Speaker 2: I'm like quite competitive, and when that limit comes up,

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Speaker 2: you're like, oh, oh shit, okay, I'm.

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Speaker 1: My two hour mask. Yeah, that's already how long I've

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Speaker 1: been on for the socials for And sometimes it can

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Speaker 1: say ignore for the next fifteen minutes. So if I'm

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Speaker 1: in the middle of work task, or i need to

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Speaker 1: get a reel out, or I've got a film something

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Speaker 1: for work, I'll be like, ignore for fifteen minutes. You're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: time them now, You've got fifteen minutes to get that done.

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Speaker 1: Then put it away. It's really cool and you sleep

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Speaker 1: so much better too, helping on your phone at night

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Speaker 1: or Yeah, anyways, hope you enjoyed this. We'll see you

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Speaker 1: for day eight tomorrow. Bye bye,