Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing style with.
Speaker 1: The boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in
Speaker 1: a trash bin. He's non recyclable. Catching them up.
Speaker 2: I love being love. I love love. On today's episode
Speaker 2: of Where's Your Head At, we are sharing some of
Speaker 2: our experiences that we've had with ghosting.
Speaker 3: We've both been ghosted and we both have ghosted, so
Speaker 3: we'll be discussing why people decide to ghost rather than
Speaker 3: end things properly and why it crushes us so much.
Speaker 2: Stay tuned to hear how I got ghosted Pyana.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At?
Speaker 3: Is a podcast that talks all things relationships, breakups, reality TV,
Speaker 3: trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more. All right, and welcome
Speaker 2: to the studio. We have a very spooky episode today.
Speaker 2: We are discussing ghosting. I'm that before we get stuck
Speaker 2: into it. How have you been. How's your life going? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Good, Everything's been really busy.
Speaker 3: I feel like I came back from Bali and just
Speaker 3: hit the ground running. So we've just been in the
Speaker 3: studio a lot. Michael and I are going really well.
Speaker 3: But you've got some very exciting news.
Speaker 2: Yes I do. So, Jen and myself have found a
Speaker 2: rental property. So actually we are renting maybe two to
Speaker 2: three streets away from you, so very close.
Speaker 1: And that can't get enough of me. So he's moved.
Speaker 1: He's moved in right beside me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon, I could try put a footy to
Speaker 2: your front door. But yeah, So we've decided to rent
Speaker 2: with Jen's twin sister, Nikki and her boyfriend Murph. So
Speaker 2: the four of us have got a three bedroom in
Speaker 2: Saint Kilda East. Ah.
Speaker 1: Congratulations, that's really exciting news.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah. I've been joking though because the twins
Speaker 2: last name is Ward. Yeah, so I've been saying that
Speaker 2: we're moving into the psychiatric ward. That's so me and
Speaker 2: you know it's a red flag when the inmates run
Speaker 2: the asylum, so they run a tight shift there. So
Speaker 2: me and mrf Dog are in for some dramas there.
Speaker 1: Poor Jen and Nikki.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, we've got a It's really weird because the
Speaker 2: last weekend, my weekend was completely different. We started shopping
Speaker 2: for house ornaments, I guess apparently, Yeah, furnishure shopping. Apparently
Speaker 2: we're going with a coastal vibe. Have told me so. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was looking at like clam bowls because I don't
Speaker 2: know all this weird stuff. That's just not what I do.
Speaker 3: But never did I think I'd see the day that
Speaker 3: Natt was shopping for clam ball It's really like on
Speaker 3: this podcast. This podcast has evolved so much. I love it, mate.
Speaker 2: I know I ended up buying as well, a prickly
Speaker 2: pair so it's just big cactus. Yeah, just an inside
Speaker 2: joke between Jen and I. We watched Naked and Afraid
Speaker 2: and they eat prickly pears a lot. So I saw
Speaker 2: one and I was like, all right, we're gonna have
Speaker 2: that in case we can get starving one night. We
Speaker 2: can go eat that. But we're talking today about ghosting,
Speaker 2: so I've got a funny story. Obviously, we're moving out
Speaker 2: of my property. With that, Me and the boys have
Speaker 2: been renting for a year. I've touched on how Jen
Speaker 2: had to clean it when she moved in. We've had
Speaker 2: numerous parties there. The boys aren't the most hygienic blokes
Speaker 2: you'll meet in the world. So we're doing a couple
Speaker 2: of quotes to clean the house from different cleaning mobs
Speaker 2: and got this one. They seem promising as they like,
Speaker 2: they're good. They're like, yeah, yeah, we can do this,
Speaker 2: we can do that. Then I showed them a little
Speaker 2: bit of like the the nitty gritty stuff that need
Speaker 2: to get done. They seemed a bit skeptical. I was like, awesome,
Speaker 2: seem like we're all good to go from there.
Speaker 1: That skeptical of it's still awesome.
Speaker 2: Yes, say we can do this. It's been nearly two
Speaker 2: and a half weeks have not heard back from them
Speaker 2: for a quote clean the house.
Speaker 3: So you've been ghosted by the cleaners. Wow, that's a
Speaker 3: whole new loan mat.
Speaker 2: I know, I know they've gone, They've probably copped back
Speaker 2: into their van and they've gone, you know what, fuck this,
Speaker 2: it's not worth it.
Speaker 1: Hell no, this isn't worth the money.
Speaker 2: Let's let's just take off and never speak to this
Speaker 2: flok again. So, yeah, I've been ghosted by cleaners. I've
Speaker 2: been ghosted by a lot of people. I've ghosted a
Speaker 2: lot of people, but never cleaners.
Speaker 1: Well, look, let's jump into our ghosting episode on that night.
Speaker 2: Okay, So what is ghosting?
Speaker 3: Okay, so we've all heard of the term ghosting. It's
Speaker 3: a way of ending things or breaking up without actually
Speaker 3: having the confrontation and the conversation, that awkward conversation.
Speaker 1: And I reckon that's the worst part about dating.
Speaker 3: That is you literally meet someone and you really want
Speaker 3: it to work out, like everyone wants to meet the
Speaker 3: one or they're happily ever after fairy tale story. But
Speaker 3: sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So ghosting has come to a rise through social media.
Speaker 2: We've become so used to the whole like disposable sort
Speaker 2: of life where you swipe right, you swipe left if
Speaker 2: you don't like him, And it's come to the point
Speaker 2: now where even if you meet up with someone, if
Speaker 2: you don't like him, and you just swipe left to
Speaker 2: him and yeah, next I'm done with you. I'm not
Speaker 2: even gonna send you a text message.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So it's essentially you're giving someone the silent treatment, not
Speaker 3: giving them an explanation, and it is actually a form
Speaker 3: of emotional cruelty because it does leave that person really
Speaker 3: powerless to the situation.
Speaker 1: They start questioning themselves, what did I do wrong? Am
Speaker 1: I good enough?
Speaker 3: It really like hits the ego, it hits the self worth,
Speaker 3: all right.
Speaker 2: And so I'm gonna ask you a quick question. If
Speaker 2: you've gone on a couple of dates with this bloke,
Speaker 2: you've had sex a handful of times, would you really
Speaker 2: expect him to take you out to dinner or for
Speaker 2: a drink and sit you down and be like, look, Anna,
Speaker 2: you're a great person, but I just see this going anywhere.
Speaker 2: We don't have a future.
Speaker 1: No, absolutely not.
Speaker 3: I think if you're not keen, I think you just
Speaker 3: send a respectful text message to kind of inform that person.
Speaker 3: And I think that's why people get so annoyed with ghosts,
Speaker 3: because they're like, it's so simple to send someone a
Speaker 3: really easy text message, and I think things that you
Speaker 3: can say if you don't want to see someone again. Ah,
Speaker 3: I don't think there's a spark between us. I feel
Speaker 3: like we're on different pages. I don't see a future
Speaker 3: between us. It's such a simple message, and I know
Speaker 3: it's hard. I know it's a bit icky, and you
Speaker 3: feel really bad because you don't want to let people down,
Speaker 3: But sometimes you just got to send those messages.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I've got another one for you. Then, imagine
Speaker 2: if you got sent that text message from a guy saying, like,
Speaker 2: you know, like it's not you, it's me. You've only
Speaker 2: seen him a couple of times. Wouldn't you prince wearing
Speaker 2: that and send that straight to me and say, have
Speaker 2: a look at this asshole. Why is he sending me
Speaker 2: a text message breaking up with me after three days?
Speaker 3: You do want to have those conversations with friends, and
Speaker 3: we all are within our right to have those conversations.
Speaker 3: But I think what's worse is going what's happening. I'm
Speaker 3: not really sure. He's kind of drip feeding me text messages.
Speaker 3: I don't really know what's going on. Like, that's worse.
Speaker 3: I think it's respectful to give people clarity and clear messages. Matt.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sitting up here asking you this stuff.
Speaker 2: But we know I'm the first person that gets ghosted.
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, what the fuck did I do? Well?
Speaker 2: Where did it go wrong?
Speaker 3: That takes it very hard being ghosted, But look sixty
Speaker 3: to seventy percent of emerging adults have ghosted someone, so
Speaker 3: it's not that uncommon.
Speaker 2: I'm not surprised by that statistic at all. I mean,
Speaker 2: the amount of ghosting I've seen in my life. I'm
Speaker 2: not surprised at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I.
Speaker 3: Think, like what we've always said that is no response
Speaker 3: is a response, Like, if someone has enough respect for you,
Speaker 3: they're going to at least at a bare minimum, give
Speaker 3: you a respect full end to the situationship or the
Speaker 3: exclusivity ship or whatever it is you have going on
Speaker 3: with them. I think the moment that someone ghosts, it
Speaker 3: doesn't make them a bad person.
Speaker 1: It just means that they're just not that invested in you.
Speaker 1: They just don't care enough about you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just not interested. They've gone on and met
Speaker 2: someone else.
Speaker 3: Even so, Matt, do you think that I ghosted you?
Speaker 3: Because you said that before in our intro and I
Speaker 3: was a little bit confused.
Speaker 1: Do you want to explain that?
Speaker 2: So if everyone's listening to this podcast. On the first episode,
Speaker 2: we touched on the dms that I had sent Anna
Speaker 2: back in probably got what year now, years ago before
Speaker 2: we went on Love Island, and I asked you, I think,
Speaker 2: to dinner. Yeah, and I think you just didn't reply.
Speaker 2: And then I asked you to come watch me wrestle.
Speaker 1: I mean it was a bit random.
Speaker 3: I think you like we had like done one modeling
Speaker 3: shoot together. I had met you once or twice, and
Speaker 3: all of a sudden you were asking me for dinner
Speaker 3: and I didn't even really know you.
Speaker 2: So it isn't at the point of a date.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I think I just didn't feel like
Speaker 3: I owed you a reply. As savage as that sounds,
Speaker 3: I actually feel bad saying that, but yeah, I just
Speaker 3: didn't feel like I owed you a response.
Speaker 2: Look, I haven't held a garage obviously because we're here now,
Speaker 2: but I mean it would have been a little bit
Speaker 2: nicer to me. Again, it's till the touch selty. So
Speaker 2: there are different types of levels of ghosting.
Speaker 3: Anna, Yeah, what are they Okay, So this is important.
Speaker 3: So there's mild ghosting, there's moderate ghosting, and then there's
Speaker 3: proper ghosting. So mild ghosting is say you're out at
Speaker 3: a bar, you meet a guy, you give them your number,
Speaker 3: you might give them a bit of a kiss on
Speaker 3: the dance floor, and then you move on with your
Speaker 3: life and in the morning you get a message from them.
Speaker 1: And then you just don't feel like replying.
Speaker 3: You're like, maybe had a bit of beer goggle vibes
Speaker 3: last night, or maybe on Instagram. Yeah, like maybe I'm
Speaker 3: already seeing someone who I'm more interested in and you
Speaker 3: just don't reply. In my opinion, that type of ghosting
Speaker 3: is fine.
Speaker 2: Have you done that many.
Speaker 1: Many a time?
Speaker 2: I think there is nothing wrong with that. I almost
Speaker 2: would say, is that ghosting? It is to a level,
Speaker 2: but like.
Speaker 3: Everyone does that, Everyone does it, and like you don't
Speaker 3: know that person, you don't owe them anything.
Speaker 1: It is what it is.
Speaker 3: In my opinion, I agree, then there's moderate ghosting. So
Speaker 3: moderate ghosting is when you've actually been on a proper
Speaker 3: date with someone, You've got to know them, You've maybe
Speaker 3: talked a little bit about your lives. It could be
Speaker 3: a first date, a second day, a third date, whatever
Speaker 3: it is, and then you realize that the interest level
Speaker 3: just isn't there to continue on with what's going on,
Speaker 3: and you ghost Have you done this map?
Speaker 2: You know what? It's funny we talk about this And
Speaker 2: I was thinking while I was driving into the studio today,
Speaker 2: I was like, how did any situationships ive ever? In end?
Speaker 2: Like I don't even remember or recall because I've never
Speaker 2: sent a text message or received one from a situationship,
Speaker 2: so I don't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes they just fizzle out.
Speaker 2: They just don't they just messaging each other.
Speaker 3: But then it's a case of like did they think
Speaker 3: that you ghosted them and you just weren't that interested
Speaker 3: so you never realized. Maybe maybe that's a moderate level.
Speaker 2: Ghost without knowing, without.
Speaker 1: Knowing, it's a serial moderate level ghost.
Speaker 3: May and then we have proper ghosting. So, in my opinion,
Speaker 3: proper ghosting is when you've actually had a sexual relationship
Speaker 3: with someone, so you've been on a few dates, it
Speaker 3: has turned into a bit of a situationship, you've had sex.
Speaker 1: I think when you open up to.
Speaker 3: Another human being and like let them, yeah, like let
Speaker 3: them in in that type of way. I think, in
Speaker 3: my opinion, each party should have the respect to just
Speaker 3: send a message saying, hey, sorry, the spark's not there,
Speaker 3: the ViBe's not there, or hey I'm sorry, like I've
Speaker 3: started seeing someone else. I hope you understand. Like small,
Speaker 3: respectful text like that can go such a long way,
Speaker 3: because I think when you have sex with someone, it
Speaker 3: can really feel super painful to be ghosted after having sex,
Speaker 3: because then you start questioning yourself. And I know a
Speaker 3: lot of people might think, oh, like was I shit
Speaker 3: in bed or whatever it is, you know, and that's
Speaker 3: a really like bad feeling to leave someone.
Speaker 2: That would be pretty shit. You've been talking to him
Speaker 2: like maybe on and off for a couple of weeks,
Speaker 2: and then you finally go on a date, you have intercourse,
Speaker 2: and then you they ghost it. Yeah, you'd be second
Speaker 2: guessing like what did I do wrong?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I do this wrong? Was I not worthy enough for them? Matt?
Speaker 1: Have you been ghosted?
Speaker 2: Yes? I have? Actually I believe it or nos?
Speaker 1: He looks sad.
Speaker 2: Believe it or not? People have ghosted.
Speaker 1: This tell us a bit about that we want to know.
Speaker 2: So I've seen girls and then like try to organize
Speaker 2: another like date with them or another like meetup. And
Speaker 2: I think the classic one is actually when they say
Speaker 2: they just keep having plants, they have something on you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And they go, is that ghosting?
Speaker 2: Well, in a way, yeah, because they're not organizing another
Speaker 2: date with you. So like you read between the.
Speaker 1: Lines, it's something that I do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's ghosting. So you go, hey, are you
Speaker 2: available to get dinner or get a movie or something
Speaker 2: this week? And they reply saying, oh, no, I'm busy.
Speaker 2: But then they don't give you another date that they're busy,
Speaker 2: But then.
Speaker 1: Shouldn't you read the room? Why keep asking?
Speaker 2: Well, I don't, so I classify that as yeah.
Speaker 1: Well it's bread crumbing, right, bread crumbing? Yeah, well like
Speaker 1: drip feeding.
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you want to give us the definitions of
Speaker 3: bread crumbing and drip feeding because it's a similar scenario.
Speaker 2: It is almost now that you say it. So. Bread
Speaker 2: crumbing is when your crush has no intentions of taking
Speaker 2: things further, but they still like the attention. So really
Speaker 2: they'll flirt here and there, send DMS textas just to
Speaker 2: keep the person interested, knowing damn well that they're not
Speaker 2: going to take it any further.
Speaker 1: That's what that sounds like to me. A little bit
Speaker 1: of attention here, attention there.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you might be seeing someone else as well well,
Speaker 3: and you don't want to fully shut the door on
Speaker 3: that person, like you kind of want to keep them
Speaker 3: there just in case things don't work out. That's very
Speaker 3: common in twenty first century dating.
Speaker 2: It is, Well, did you ghost anyone when you started
Speaker 2: seeing Michael, Because I know when I started seeing Jen,
Speaker 2: I ghosted quite a handful of girls, just stopped stopped
Speaker 2: any communication. I knew I'd found a special one.
Speaker 1: So I think it was his handful of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, couple, a couple of what scoops? It was a
Speaker 2: couple of girls here and.
Speaker 1: There, you know, yeah I did. There was a guy
Speaker 1: I ghosted. I went on a date with him.
Speaker 2: It just is this the one that you that you
Speaker 2: went on a date with him and you just were
Speaker 2: not vibing it. So I was on a date as well,
Speaker 2: finnily enough, and you were blowing my phone up telling
Speaker 2: me to come and crash the dates.
Speaker 1: I was like, save me.
Speaker 2: So I brought my date to your date and I
Speaker 2: ended up having a random double date on a Wednesday night.
Speaker 3: I believe we haven't told this story on our podcast,
Speaker 3: Like that is one of the classic Anna and Matt
Speaker 3: single moments. In more detail, yeah, like, look, it's basically
Speaker 3: what Matt said. I basically was on the date, wasn't
Speaker 3: like liking it, So it was like going to the
Speaker 3: toilet a lot during the date.
Speaker 1: And I was like, Matt, save me, Like what are
Speaker 1: you doing?
Speaker 3: I know you're on a date tonight and on Chapel
Speaker 3: Street the same street that I'm in.
Speaker 1: Let's meet up, and so basically.
Speaker 2: Wand you My date was actually going quite well.
Speaker 1: Sorry about that.
Speaker 3: So anyway, Matt and his date came and saved me,
Speaker 3: and then it ended up being the four of us,
Speaker 3: and then I bailed, and.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure my date bailed on me in the end.
Speaker 2: I think I.
Speaker 3: Ruined that one for you, But yeah, and then I
Speaker 3: ended up ghosting him. He messaged me, and then I
Speaker 3: think I replied like twelve hours later to try and
Speaker 3: like give him a hint, and then he replied back
Speaker 3: straight away and then unfortunately.
Speaker 1: I had to go.
Speaker 3: But I guess it comes down to the fact that
Speaker 3: I didn't want to have like that deeply emotional breakup
Speaker 3: conversation with someone who I had met once, Like it
Speaker 3: just didn't feel comfortable for me to go there and
Speaker 3: to open up emotionally to someone who, as savage as
Speaker 3: it sounds, I just didn't care about.
Speaker 2: And I agree with that. You don't owe those people anything.
Speaker 2: You don't one on one date with them, you didn't
Speaker 2: vibe it, You don't owe them that message. You don't
Speaker 2: owe them like you know what I mean, flowers and
Speaker 2: nice break up message.
Speaker 1: So it didn't work out Flowers, Yeah.
Speaker 2: You don't. And anyone that thinks that they are owed that, like,
Speaker 2: I think you need like a reality check it's just
Speaker 2: one date. You'll go on hundreds of first dates hopefully
Speaker 2: in your life. And do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: And I think, yeah, you can't put too much emphasis
Speaker 3: on a first date, like people might go on three
Speaker 3: four different dates every week if someone's like a serial
Speaker 3: data or if someone's just like very in to that
Speaker 3: dating scene or whatever it is. And I think why
Speaker 3: people ghost is just because it's too hard, they're seeing
Speaker 3: multiple people and they just don't really feel like they
Speaker 3: owe you anything.
Speaker 1: Which look, if it's one date, that's fair enough.
Speaker 3: But as we said, as it gets into like moderate
Speaker 3: ghosting and then into more extreme ghosting, then it becomes
Speaker 3: not okay in our opinion.
Speaker 2: In our opinion. So to sum this up, Anna, do
Speaker 2: you think it's easier to ghost rather than end things
Speaker 2: with a person with an explanation of why it went wrong?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 3: Look, sometimes it's just hard to navigate your emotions and
Speaker 3: to get really deep and emotional with someone who you
Speaker 3: don't really care about. And I think it's easier to
Speaker 3: sometimes as bad as it is to hide behind our screens.
Speaker 1: Like you know, these people know that we haven't died.
Speaker 3: They can see we've been active thirty minutes to go
Speaker 3: posting an Instagram story it would like to. I think
Speaker 3: it's about reading the room and understanding that maybe you're
Speaker 3: just not high on the priority list.
Speaker 2: You remember when you used to have like Messenger and
Speaker 2: used to see when they were active. Yeah, and then
Speaker 2: you'd be like, they're clearly ghosting me or Snapchat when
Speaker 2: they to say when they used to last on.
Speaker 4: Oh god, yeah, oh that's giving me so much like
Speaker 4: well past traumas or yeah, so I can understand why
Speaker 4: it's easier to go so on just to send that message,
Speaker 4: all right.
Speaker 2: And so a lot of people would see ghosting in
Speaker 2: a negative way if they've been ghosted and they've been hurt.
Speaker 2: But what does ghosting actually say about you?
Speaker 3: Look, I think it does mean that you have some
Speaker 3: work to do on yourself and you need to get
Speaker 3: better at having tough conversations. I was really shit at
Speaker 3: having tough conversations up until about two years ago. If
Speaker 3: I'm being really honest with myself, I always avoided them.
Speaker 3: I ran away from them, and I kind of just like,
Speaker 3: it's hard to say, but I would prefer to people
Speaker 3: please rather than to have those tough conversations. Or if
Speaker 3: there was something wrong, Like I remember there was something
Speaker 3: feeling not quite right in one of my relationships, and
Speaker 3: instead of verbalizing that, I would say, oh, like, I've
Speaker 3: got some bad mental health issues at the moment, I
Speaker 3: just need to focus on myself, which is kind of
Speaker 3: true because I was getting a lot of anxiety from
Speaker 3: the situation. But yeah, I think sometimes just ripping the
Speaker 3: band aid off and being really open and transparent makes
Speaker 3: such a difference.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that when you go so on, it
Speaker 2: shows that you are inconsiderate and don't care much about
Speaker 2: the impact of consequences of your actions. And I really
Speaker 2: feel like when you have been hurt in that way,
Speaker 2: then you will realize that it can hurt other people.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's the moment when you realize, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't really want to make people feel a certain way,
Speaker 3: because look, if you've got on a really amazing first day,
Speaker 3: or in your eyes it was a really amazing first
Speaker 3: day and the other person isn't vibing it, you can
Speaker 3: put all of these hopes and expectations and dreams, like
Speaker 3: I could come up with a first date and think
Speaker 3: I've met my future husband, and if he doesn't feel
Speaker 3: the same way. It's really crushing to feel that way,
Speaker 3: and we never want to make people feel that way.
Speaker 3: So we definitely don't want to condone ghosting. We understand
Speaker 3: that a lot of people do it, but sometimes just
Speaker 3: sending those really easy messages saying, look, I'm not really
Speaker 3: vibing it, you're really cool, thanks again, thanks for coming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just no, thanks for no thanks, yeah, thanks for
Speaker 2: no thanks. All right, And so what if you have
Speaker 2: been ghosted?
Speaker 3: Then yeah, so if you've been ghosted, like we've all
Speaker 3: been there, we really like someone, you send them that message,
Speaker 3: You get nothing back.
Speaker 1: Every minute starts to feel like an.
Speaker 3: Hour, Your thoughts start becoming more and more obsessed with them.
Speaker 3: You keep looking at your phone every time you get
Speaker 3: a notifications, hoping, praying it's them, and you just you're
Speaker 3: waiting and praying for that serotonin hit, and that serotonin
Speaker 3: hit just never comes.
Speaker 1: We've all been there.
Speaker 3: It sucks, but I think it's important to really distract yourself,
Speaker 3: realize that your worth is still high, you're still high value,
Speaker 3: you deserve to be valued. And if they're not replying
Speaker 3: to you in a timely manner, or if they're playing games,
Speaker 3: or if they're ghosting you, then they're not worth your
Speaker 3: time because at the end of the day, we all
Speaker 3: want to be with someone who wants to be with us,
Speaker 3: like we don't want to be with someone who doesn't
Speaker 3: value us and doesn't appreciate us.
Speaker 2: And the most important thing to remember is when you've
Speaker 2: been ghosted, it says more about them and nothing about
Speaker 2: the person you are.
Speaker 1: Totally couldn't agree more.
Speaker 3: You're still enough, You're still worthy, and there will be
Speaker 3: someone out there who will value you.
Speaker 2: So just jump on that dating app or slide into
Speaker 2: those dms and put those feelers out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you deal with being ghosted in that?
Speaker 3: Because when we spoke about it before, you looked a
Speaker 3: little salty, and that salty look has come back.
Speaker 2: So how do I deal with being ghosted? Cry? No,
Speaker 2: it depends on the situation and how I felt about
Speaker 2: the girl. I'll just probably just you know, send a
Speaker 2: scathing message and just go on to the next No,
Speaker 2: I actually haven't I joking aside, I get pretty like upset.
Speaker 2: I know a girl ghosted me last year and you
Speaker 2: and me were having a laugh about it on your couch.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that? Yeah? I do, But I just
Speaker 2: you know, just go, like I said before, jump back
Speaker 2: on that horse and see who else is out there
Speaker 2: and see what Because, like we said, I know what
Speaker 2: I bring to the table. I know my value, I
Speaker 2: know my worth, So I don't let it knock me
Speaker 2: down too bad.
Speaker 3: And as annoying as it is, like when people say this,
Speaker 3: there are plenty of fish in the seat, Like, there's
Speaker 3: so many amazing people out there today. If there's someone
Speaker 3: who's ghosting you, they're not as great as you think
Speaker 3: they are, And I think it's important to remind yourself
Speaker 3: of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just don't sit there and stress about it. Loose sleep.
Speaker 2: There's heapes more people out there.
Speaker 3: Oh that's easier than done there, I think. Yeah, don't
Speaker 3: chase the person ghosting you. I think resist the temptation
Speaker 3: to do things like troll them on the internet. Resist
Speaker 3: the temptation.
Speaker 2: Don't put up first traps for them either, trying to
Speaker 2: reel them back in, Like, yeah, just forget about it.
Speaker 2: They're not worth your time. I'm saying that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, you're like, I love giving advice to people
Speaker 3: when you don't actually take this advice yourself.
Speaker 1: Matt is the biggest first trap I've ever met.
Speaker 2: Talking from experience well from like because it doesn't work.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it feels good to put up a thirst trap
Speaker 3: and to be like, ha, this is what you're missing
Speaker 3: out on.
Speaker 2: This is true as well. Yeah, where is that thought
Speaker 2: as well? All right, and let's put yourself first, Like
Speaker 2: we always say, take some self care. This might mean
Speaker 2: get some sleep, spend more time with your close friends
Speaker 2: and family, make a conscious effort to go to healthy
Speaker 2: activities and do things that make you feel good.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think distracting yourself as a big one. Every time.
Speaker 3: I know that when I was ghosted, every time I
Speaker 3: would think about that person, which was frequently, I would
Speaker 3: just really, in a relaxed way, tell myself, Okay, Anna,
Speaker 3: I know you're thinking about that person again, but we're
Speaker 3: gonna move on, and I'm going to focus my attention
Speaker 3: and energy on this. And every time you move your
Speaker 3: attention on, it becomes easier and easier, and as bad
Speaker 3: as it is, the more time that goes past after
Speaker 3: being ghosted, the easier it becomes.
Speaker 2: Time heals all wounds, doesn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, So we've touched on a couple of reasons why
Speaker 2: people ghost, But what are the main reasons are and
Speaker 2: there's a handful of main ones that we should get into.
Speaker 2: What are they, Well, you said.
Speaker 1: It before, Matt, what was the reason that you ghost?
Speaker 2: I met someone else? I met Jen?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you meet someone else. So I think that's a
Speaker 3: big one. Like they've met someone else, they're more aligned,
Speaker 3: they're a better fit, and unfortunately you are no longer
Speaker 3: on that priority list. I think another one is ending
Speaker 3: a relationship takes energy, time and may require emotions that
Speaker 3: people just aren't willing to tap into.
Speaker 2: Maybe you've been on the date, or you've been on
Speaker 2: a couple of dates and someone has offended you, given
Speaker 2: you the ick, or even creeped you out in a way,
Speaker 2: so you're just like, nah, this isn't for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I actually ghosted someone because they offended me. I went
Speaker 3: to school with this guy and he said to me, oh,
Speaker 3: you were too cool at school or something, and I
Speaker 3: was like, what do you mean? Like it was just bizarre.
Speaker 3: I just didn't understand why he said it. He was
Speaker 3: actually two years above me, and I just didn't respond
Speaker 3: to him. And then he messaged me saying have I
Speaker 3: done something wrong? And I just said, oh, you said
Speaker 3: some things that were kind of offensive to me. On
Speaker 3: the date and he kept putting me down and talking
Speaker 3: about like school days, and I just didn't understand where
Speaker 3: he was coming from, Like I've always been super nice,
Speaker 3: respectful to everyone, and I think he just had this
Speaker 3: opinion of me. Well, we didn't talk at school. He
Speaker 3: was two years above me. I was intimidated by him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think he thought I was too cool, But
Speaker 1: I think I was shy.
Speaker 2: Speaking about speaking about that. I ghosted a girl because
Speaker 2: she asked me. We were sitting there and she asked
Speaker 2: me to tell her my most embarrassing story. And I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, jeez, I begin I was. I was like,
Speaker 2: how long do we have? And I said, well, you
Speaker 2: go first. I wanted to set the tone. She started
Speaker 2: talking about like school and I was like, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm fucking twenty five here, like, and she was like,
Speaker 2: obviously twenty And she started talking about like school days
Speaker 2: and I was like, hmm, she's a bit too young
Speaker 2: for me. So I ghosted her.
Speaker 1: Okay, wow, I didn't know that.
Speaker 2: Didn't you know that? Yeah, it just was a bit
Speaker 2: of an ick. I was just like, oh, that gave
Speaker 2: you the ear. I was like, oh, you're a bit young,
Speaker 2: Like who the fuck talks about school.
Speaker 1: Well, mate, you're no one.
Speaker 3: You're you're used to dating older women, so they're probably
Speaker 3: like so far removed from school that you haven't heard it.
Speaker 1: But I mean, you're only at twenty five.
Speaker 2: Twenty is like, well yeah, of course, and a twenty
Speaker 2: I was probably still talking about school as well. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it just was just like, Okay, we're at different
Speaker 2: parts of our life now. Yeah, what I mean, like
Speaker 2: I don't even remember like who was in my class
Speaker 2: or anything like that, let alone an embarrassing moment that
Speaker 2: happened at school.
Speaker 3: Yeah, speaking of giving you the creeps, I have a
Speaker 3: story about me having to actually go someone so they
Speaker 3: actually did something wrong to me, like they got caught
Speaker 3: sleeping with someone else. And then I obviously removed myself
Speaker 3: from the situation because I was like, I don't want
Speaker 3: any part in this, Like you're clearly sleeping with other people,
Speaker 3: that's fine, but this just isn't for me. So I
Speaker 3: kind of pulled back, just kind of stopped communication, and
Speaker 3: then they started becoming more and more intense, blowing up
Speaker 3: my phone. I was getting like thirty calls.
Speaker 1: A day, and I think my withdrawal.
Speaker 3: From the situation even although I was well with my
Speaker 3: rights to withdraw, almost made them like want me more.
Speaker 3: It's kind of like you want what you can't have
Speaker 3: type of situation. And yeah, I had to block because
Speaker 3: I was like, this is getting too for long, Like
Speaker 3: you're giving me the creeps.
Speaker 2: Now, Well, he should definitely listen to this episode and
Speaker 2: hear us say that do not keep pursuing someone if
Speaker 2: they ghost you, because that's what happens. You could scare
Speaker 2: them away completely.
Speaker 1: End up with a restraining order.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's worse. Yeah, all right, and I so
Speaker 2: we've spoken about like mild and moderate ghosting, but what
Speaker 2: happens if it's a more serious relationship and they ghost
Speaker 2: you after that?
Speaker 3: Like I can't imagine being in an actual relationship with someone,
Speaker 3: or even being exclusive with someone and then being ghosted.
Speaker 3: It's so savage and just horrible. I just couldn't imagine
Speaker 3: that happening.
Speaker 2: Do you mean like you're actually boyfriend and girlfriend and
Speaker 2: they ghost you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard of that space.
Speaker 2: That's just that's what it means that somebody would do that.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean you bought a life thing that
Speaker 3: they might have died, Like, are you still alive?
Speaker 1: Do I need to call the police.
Speaker 2: Imagine you're living with them as well. That's sad if
Speaker 2: that's actually happened to.
Speaker 3: Someone, and that has I've heard of plenty of stories
Speaker 3: where that's happened, and I just think that level of
Speaker 3: ghosting is almost like becoming a bit psychotic and not well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that persons savage. They have no respect for like
Speaker 2: human etiquette or the other person at all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just it's it's wild behavior.
Speaker 3: And we are obviously totally against any sort of ghosting
Speaker 3: like that. That's just a whole different level of ghosting.
Speaker 3: It's just like awful.
Speaker 2: There is no real advice to give someone on.
Speaker 3: That because that's just Look, if it happens to you,
Speaker 3: I guess the only advice is just give yourself plenty
Speaker 3: of time to really pro assess and get over that.
Speaker 3: I can't imagine everyoneting to trust anyone again.
Speaker 2: What was you if you came home and Michael was
Speaker 2: just ghosted you?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm so sad to think about.
Speaker 3: What would you do if Jen just ghosted you never
Speaker 3: heard from her again after this?
Speaker 2: I'd probably asked Nikki what she was up to the twin.
Speaker 2: Another good point would be to speak to someone who
Speaker 2: consider therapy because you need to. Yeah, that would really
Speaker 2: like you'd imagine how much in your mind you would
Speaker 2: be like, what have I done wrong? Where are they?
Speaker 2: What's going on? I definitely suggest talking to a professional
Speaker 2: on that one.
Speaker 3: And I think in those really bad situations, it's important
Speaker 3: to try and take away something from the situation to learn. Obviously,
Speaker 3: in those situations, if you had a boyfriend and he
Speaker 3: ghosted you, it's absolutely not your fault at all. But yeah,
Speaker 3: just trying to always find the lesson in those really
Speaker 3: tough situations is a really good coping mechanism. Okay, mat
Speaker 3: So what can we text someone.
Speaker 1: After being ghosted?
Speaker 3: Like, do you even want to send that text? Is
Speaker 3: there anything that you want to say? Or do you
Speaker 3: just realize that no response is a response.
Speaker 2: I'm going to start off by saying I don't suggest
Speaker 2: texting them.
Speaker 3: Neither someone ghosts me, I'm like, I'm a ghost for life.
Speaker 1: After that, I'm like, no matter if you ever want.
Speaker 3: To talk to me again, whether in real life, in
Speaker 3: text message or via like a phone call, I will
Speaker 3: never be available to you. That's it done, capoof Yeah
Speaker 3: out later.
Speaker 2: Never play hard to get I play forget it. So
Speaker 2: but if you must, because I know a lot of
Speaker 2: people want to and they're probably listening to this and
Speaker 2: they're like, no, but I want to send a message.
Speaker 2: I want to know what's wrong, what I did wrong.
Speaker 2: Here are some stuff that you can say to them.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you can just say to them, Hey, disappointed
Speaker 3: things haven't worked out for us. I'd love to know
Speaker 3: what happened, good or bad.
Speaker 2: Well, you must be feeling brave and that message.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't look like sending that message, but I mean,
Speaker 3: if you really have to, like, if you really must.
Speaker 3: But the thing is is if you send that message,
Speaker 3: you could get double ghosted, and that.
Speaker 2: That would happen.
Speaker 3: That's more and that's the risk that you have to
Speaker 3: be willing to take with a ghoster because they just
Speaker 3: don't value your kindness or time.
Speaker 2: Here's one if you would be this is the one
Speaker 2: I would send personally. If anyone knows my personality, they
Speaker 2: know I would send this. You turn it back onto
Speaker 2: them and say thank you for the time we spent together.
Speaker 2: But unfortunately I value the time we spent together, but
Speaker 2: it's not going to work with me. Thanks, but no thanks.
Speaker 2: That's so insulting that that's just someone that has ghosted you.
Speaker 1: Why I send that you've already been ghosted. You just
Speaker 1: look like you're desperate.
Speaker 2: You're just futty them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I just think I just wouldn't bother.
Speaker 3: That's my advice to anyone who's listening, Like, no matter
Speaker 3: how much you want to send that text message, if
Speaker 3: there is a lot that you have to get off
Speaker 3: your chest for closure, open up your note section, write
Speaker 3: it all down, every single thing that you want to
Speaker 3: say to them, and then just delete it because you've
Speaker 3: got it off your chest. I feel like sometimes writing
Speaker 3: things out gets that off your.
Speaker 2: Cha fashion one as well. You write down on a
Speaker 2: notepad and then you burn the piece of paper. Yeah
Speaker 2: it's done. It's to be seen off again.
Speaker 1: Or you could get a photo of them and burn it.
Speaker 2: I've actually coming through.
Speaker 1: I've actually done that.
Speaker 3: With an ex boyfriend. I literally had a photo of
Speaker 3: both of us and I burnt it and it really
Speaker 3: like made me feel a lot better. Really, it was
Speaker 3: like a real like moment of liken you, this has died,
Speaker 3: this is literally burned, this relationship has burned, and now
Speaker 3: it's over.
Speaker 2: There, you go, I've done the writing it on a
Speaker 2: piece of paper and burning it. Yeah, you're seeing what
Speaker 2: your feelings die.
Speaker 1: It's therapeutic, it is.
Speaker 2: It is very therapeutic, and sometimes.
Speaker 3: Like doing these kind of ritualistic things do kind of
Speaker 3: give you that sense of closure. And the thing about ghosting,
Speaker 3: which we know, is that you don't get closure and
Speaker 3: you feel like the last memory you have with them
Speaker 3: is this really positive happy date or whatever is in
Speaker 3: your mind and then you're like, wait, what what happened? Okay, guys,
Speaker 3: So just to reiterate one last time instead of ghosting,
Speaker 3: because we don't condone ghosting, here are some things that
Speaker 3: you can message. The first one is, I don't think
Speaker 3: there's a spark between us. I'm so sorry. It was
Speaker 3: really great meeting you.
Speaker 1: Easy. Simple.
Speaker 2: Another one is I feel like we're on different pages
Speaker 2: and we're at different stages of our lives. Classic, it's
Speaker 2: not you, it's me.
Speaker 1: It's not you, it's me.
Speaker 3: It's just like a bit savage for me, like it's
Speaker 3: just been on one too many rom coms and I
Speaker 3: feel like it's not you, it's me.
Speaker 1: As a bit offensive. I mean, it's better than ghosting, true,
Speaker 1: it's better than ghosting. And the final one. Unfortunately I
Speaker 1: don't see a future between us. Thanks for everything.
Speaker 2: That's just straight up and that's good. I like that one, and.
Speaker 3: Like just have these little sentences in your notes so
Speaker 3: that if you don't want to get really emotionally, like
Speaker 3: have those emotional chats with someone, you can literally just
Speaker 3: copy paste them through a move.
Speaker 1: On with life. Sounds really really awful.
Speaker 2: Yeah it does, but you know some people do that.
Speaker 3: So okay, guys, it's time for that part of the
Speaker 3: show you've been waiting for.
Speaker 1: It's called Where's Our Head At? And it's starting now.
Speaker 2: Okay, So this is from one of our Where's Your
Speaker 2: Head Out? Listeners.
Speaker 3: It reads, I went on an amazing date with a girl,
Speaker 3: such a good night, and we made plans for future dates,
Speaker 3: but she wasn't available for any dates I suggested. And
Speaker 3: now I'm left hanging thinking I had a different view
Speaker 3: of the night to what she had. Now I'm judging
Speaker 3: everything I said and did and feel really insecure going
Speaker 3: into another dating situation because I think I'll be questioning everything.
Speaker 2: Help all right, brother, I'm going to tell you straight up,
Speaker 2: she's not interested in you.
Speaker 1: She's not interested.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe you did say something.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe you did. Look, you'll never know. I suggest,
Speaker 2: like we said earlier, not reaching out to her.
Speaker 1: Look, I can kind of understand where this girl's coming from. Obviously.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you go on a date, you meet a person,
Speaker 3: they're actually a nice person, so you do have a
Speaker 3: good date.
Speaker 1: Like I'm always going to.
Speaker 3: A date with the mentality like, let's make the most
Speaker 3: of this, whether I like you or not. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: have a fun date. I'm gonna have some wines, let's
Speaker 3: get a bit lit.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, maybe she just
Speaker 3: didn't want to break it to you that she wasn't
Speaker 3: as interested as maybe you were.
Speaker 1: It has nothing to do with you. It just wasn't
Speaker 1: meant to be.
Speaker 2: So he was trying to organize the next date while
Speaker 2: they were still together on that date.
Speaker 3: Yeah, look, she's probably not going to say to you,
Speaker 3: I'm not interested. She's probably just going to agree, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't suggest doing that.
Speaker 3: I've had someone do that, and I've agreed to a
Speaker 3: date that I was absolutely never even looking like going on. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I just it's nothing personal. Please don't take it personally
Speaker 3: in future.
Speaker 2: Mate, Probably just don't to ask for dates on a
Speaker 2: first date. For the second date, maybe leave it a
Speaker 2: bit played a bit cooler than that. No matter how
Speaker 2: terrific you think that date is going, just try to
Speaker 2: act a little bit cooler and rain it in a
Speaker 2: little bit.
Speaker 1: Okay, we have another listener who's written in and they say.
Speaker 2: I was seeing a guy for a couple of dates.
Speaker 2: We had sex on the third date. We are chatting
Speaker 2: straight after, but the messages now have slowed down and
Speaker 2: fizzled out. Last week, I double messaged him and I
Speaker 2: have not heard back. Can I send a third to
Speaker 2: explain my disappointment in his behavior?
Speaker 1: Never double message.
Speaker 2: Said that before? Like, if you're going to send another message,
Speaker 2: you have to be ready to realize that they might
Speaker 2: not message back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like, it sounds like he's kind of lost a
Speaker 3: little bit of interest. As you said that, he could
Speaker 3: have met someone else.
Speaker 2: Maybe they know this sounds bad, but maybe he got
Speaker 2: the sex on the third day and he realized this
Speaker 2: isn't really what he wants to spend the foreseeable future with.
Speaker 3: So you think the guys literally will go on dates
Speaker 3: and once they get sex, they'll fuck off, that's the thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's very common.
Speaker 1: This is why I hate man. Honestly, fuck men are
Speaker 1: growth Well.
Speaker 2: This guy obviously sounds like he's loved to thrill of
Speaker 2: the chase and he's got it.
Speaker 3: I just think the moment that someone doesn't text you back,
Speaker 3: it speaks volumes.
Speaker 1: And if you're double texting, I don't know. I just don't.
Speaker 1: I just don't like a double text.
Speaker 2: She should never send a third text straight.
Speaker 3: Up if she wants to express her disappointment after they've
Speaker 3: had sex. I mean that's fair, but it's not gonna
Speaker 3: achieve the outcome that you want. And I think that's
Speaker 3: the key point there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so he seems like a bit of a fuck boy,
Speaker 2: So I don't think he's going to send you the
Speaker 2: message that you want to hear back, But do it
Speaker 2: and let us know how it goes.
Speaker 3: If it was me, i'd just bow out with my
Speaker 3: dignity intact and say fuck you.
Speaker 1: You're never going to hear from me again either.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, that's all we have time for. We hope
Speaker 3: you've enjoyed this episode. Make sure that you are staying
Speaker 3: on top of our socials. That's where's your head? App
Speaker 3: pod on Instagram and TikTok and make sure to give
Speaker 3: us a five start review. Guys, we are a small
Speaker 3: podcast and we really appreciate your reviews. Until next time,
Speaker 3: Thank you, Siyah