WEBVTT - How about we sign you up for boarding school?!

0:00:05.921 --> 0:00:25.201
<v Speaker 1>Apogae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I

0:00:25.321 --> 0:00:29.921
<v Speaker 1>A Bad Mum? Podcast? That's the question we constantly ask,

0:00:30.121 --> 0:00:30.961
<v Speaker 1>am I A Bad Mum?

0:00:31.121 --> 0:00:35.361
<v Speaker 2>We ask it in hope. I guess, don't we that

0:00:35.441 --> 0:00:37.641
<v Speaker 2>other people are feeling the same way we are when

0:00:37.681 --> 0:00:41.080
<v Speaker 2>it comes to day to day parenting, the inns and outs.

0:00:41.241 --> 0:00:43.241
<v Speaker 1>I had a conversation the other day because I've got

0:00:43.241 --> 0:00:45.920
<v Speaker 1>my dad coming over for Christmas from the UK with

0:00:46.001 --> 0:00:49.241
<v Speaker 1>his wife, and I said, like, you haven't seen the

0:00:49.281 --> 0:00:52.160
<v Speaker 1>girls for a while. Yeah, you're going to have days

0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:54.481
<v Speaker 1>where you go, oh, they're really lovely, and you're going

0:00:54.521 --> 0:00:56.841
<v Speaker 1>to have days where you go, they are complete assholes.

0:00:57.881 --> 0:00:59.761
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I think that happens to most of us. So

0:01:01.041 --> 0:01:04.920
<v Speaker 2>I felt like I felt like that was possibly how

0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:09.081
<v Speaker 2>I rolled this morning driving to school, just like that

0:01:09.241 --> 0:01:11.720
<v Speaker 2>moment of going, sorry, why do I do this again?

0:01:11.961 --> 0:01:13.961
<v Speaker 1>Do you want to tell people what you actually said

0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:17.521
<v Speaker 1>to go see this morning? Because you just sort of

0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:20.481
<v Speaker 1>skimmed over that without saying what you actually said. So

0:01:20.601 --> 0:01:22.720
<v Speaker 1>she had been doing your head in in the car

0:01:23.081 --> 0:01:26.241
<v Speaker 1>and you were dropping her off at her like introduction

0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:27.081
<v Speaker 1>to high school.

0:01:27.161 --> 0:01:30.121
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, transition day they call it. You know where it

0:01:30.161 --> 0:01:32.521
<v Speaker 2>came from. Katie was another mom messaged me and goes,

0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.280
<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh, I'm a mess. She was just doing

0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:37.640
<v Speaker 2>drop off, same school, same thing, and she was like,

0:01:37.681 --> 0:01:40.481
<v Speaker 2>I'm a mess. And I replied to her. I was like,

0:01:40.481 --> 0:01:43.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm actually fine, so fine, it's gonna be a great day.

0:01:43.401 --> 0:01:45.481
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, a good one because she was doing your headed.

0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:49.201
<v Speaker 2>She just was such a bitch to me all the

0:01:49.241 --> 0:01:52.801
<v Speaker 2>way in that when I dropped her off, I was like,

0:01:53.001 --> 0:01:55.241
<v Speaker 2>see ya, I hope you get eaten alive in there.

0:01:55.601 --> 0:01:59.201
<v Speaker 2>See ya having a day. It's like, you're not getting

0:01:59.201 --> 0:02:01.201
<v Speaker 2>out of the car. I was like, no, no, you

0:02:01.321 --> 0:02:03.041
<v Speaker 2>do that. You know, I have moments where I feel

0:02:03.081 --> 0:02:04.601
<v Speaker 2>bad for saying what I just said, But at the

0:02:04.641 --> 0:02:06.841
<v Speaker 2>same time, I was like, you know, in my own

0:02:06.841 --> 0:02:10.921
<v Speaker 2>little self pity. Now with driving in, I've got two

0:02:10.961 --> 0:02:14.120
<v Speaker 2>girls in the car, Gracie and a little friend. They

0:02:14.161 --> 0:02:15.721
<v Speaker 2>say to me, Hey, when we get there, can you

0:02:15.761 --> 0:02:20.081
<v Speaker 2>take a photo of us walking in? And I was like, oh, yeah, sure,

0:02:20.441 --> 0:02:23.240
<v Speaker 2>Why well, because when you know, in six years time,

0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:25.121
<v Speaker 2>when we're finishing, we're going to get another photo of

0:02:25.201 --> 0:02:28.120
<v Speaker 2>us walking out together. And I was like, oh that's

0:02:28.121 --> 0:02:31.000
<v Speaker 2>a bit cute. Yeah. Sure. Skip forward to where I'm

0:02:31.081 --> 0:02:33.520
<v Speaker 2>like dropping them off, and I'm thinking, I hope you

0:02:33.561 --> 0:02:35.680
<v Speaker 2>getting alive in there. It's you know, first day of

0:02:35.761 --> 0:02:38.800
<v Speaker 2>high school. Good luck. And then I get out of

0:02:38.841 --> 0:02:40.761
<v Speaker 2>the car to take the photo. They were like what

0:02:40.761 --> 0:02:42.800
<v Speaker 2>are you doing? And I was like, you asked me

0:02:42.841 --> 0:02:45.081
<v Speaker 2>to take a photo. Yeah, well you know, we don't

0:02:45.121 --> 0:02:46.881
<v Speaker 2>need to take a photo. I was like, you just

0:02:47.201 --> 0:02:49.081
<v Speaker 2>you just asked me to take the photo. So I'm

0:02:49.081 --> 0:02:50.761
<v Speaker 2>out of the car to take the photo. And now

0:02:50.761 --> 0:02:52.721
<v Speaker 2>you're telling me what are you doing? Why are you

0:02:52.721 --> 0:02:56.121
<v Speaker 2>taking a photo? What the You're just gaslighting me massively.

0:02:57.361 --> 0:02:59.521
<v Speaker 2>I said, stand there and take a photo. So you

0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:02.521
<v Speaker 2>got the photo of them. I'm so confused where I

0:03:02.601 --> 0:03:03.481
<v Speaker 2>just went wrong with that.

0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.881
<v Speaker 1>And then that's the thing. You're always in the wrong.

0:03:07.081 --> 0:03:10.561
<v Speaker 1>You're always the one in the wrong. And they will argue.

0:03:10.641 --> 0:03:16.361
<v Speaker 1>My girls will argue that red is fucking blue. When

0:03:16.401 --> 0:03:20.641
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, you're not understanding. They will argue with

0:03:20.721 --> 0:03:23.840
<v Speaker 1>it's something in I don't know what it is, something

0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:27.560
<v Speaker 1>in them that's like I'm just gonna keep arguing even

0:03:27.601 --> 0:03:32.000
<v Speaker 1>though like I will not allow you to be right no,

0:03:32.361 --> 0:03:32.680
<v Speaker 1>And you.

0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:37.081
<v Speaker 2>Sit there second guessing yourself, going why are we even

0:03:37.201 --> 0:03:41.121
<v Speaker 2>having this conversation, right, why, yeah, why are you fighting this?

0:03:41.241 --> 0:03:43.321
<v Speaker 2>Because you can clearly see the answer and you're just

0:03:43.361 --> 0:03:46.241
<v Speaker 2>still fighting it. I don't even understand why we're doing this.

0:03:46.601 --> 0:03:49.321
<v Speaker 1>The most recent example of this, well, this is not

0:03:49.361 --> 0:03:51.761
<v Speaker 1>even the most recent. It's just one that's popped into

0:03:51.801 --> 0:03:56.761
<v Speaker 1>my head. There'll be others was the day when Holly said,

0:03:56.801 --> 0:03:58.961
<v Speaker 1>I've got so much school work to do. I've got

0:03:59.001 --> 0:04:01.801
<v Speaker 1>so much school work to do this weekend. I come

0:04:01.841 --> 0:04:05.801
<v Speaker 1>home from a walk on Friday afternoon and starting TikTok

0:04:05.841 --> 0:04:08.801
<v Speaker 1>for an hour. That was my fault. It was my fault.

0:04:08.841 --> 0:04:12.561
<v Speaker 1>You don't understand it's my Friday. I'm like, mate, you

0:04:12.641 --> 0:04:14.881
<v Speaker 1>had a perfectly good hour there that you were scrolling

0:04:14.881 --> 0:04:15.441
<v Speaker 1>on TikTok.

0:04:15.561 --> 0:04:19.321
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then fast forward Saturday. Didn't get it done

0:04:19.361 --> 0:04:22.001
<v Speaker 2>because you don't understand it was her Saturday.

0:04:22.281 --> 0:04:25.961
<v Speaker 1>She deserves a sleeping god.

0:04:26.361 --> 0:04:29.561
<v Speaker 2>Sunday. You don't understand. I have a friend over it.

0:04:29.641 --> 0:04:34.961
<v Speaker 2>It's really important. Monday. Don't hand in assignment. You clearly

0:04:35.001 --> 0:04:35.841
<v Speaker 2>don't understand.

0:04:35.961 --> 0:04:37.201
<v Speaker 1>No, it's all what I fault.

0:04:38.161 --> 0:04:40.801
<v Speaker 2>You're a that person that just got no idea, never

0:04:40.841 --> 0:04:53.721
<v Speaker 2>been there, never done that, no assholes. Am I a

0:04:53.721 --> 0:04:56.721
<v Speaker 2>bad mom for taking it personally.

0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.801
<v Speaker 1>Oh, no, everything I do this at the moment, I

0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:04.721
<v Speaker 1>really think that as kids get older, it's really bad

0:05:04.761 --> 0:05:05.880
<v Speaker 1>face self esteem.

0:05:06.601 --> 0:05:09.881
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I was also thinking about that exact point

0:05:09.961 --> 0:05:13.721
<v Speaker 2>of like when I was driving to drop Gracie off,

0:05:13.721 --> 0:05:16.601
<v Speaker 2>this is still a continuation of the same thing, and

0:05:16.681 --> 0:05:20.681
<v Speaker 2>I was sort of like battling with myself, battling internally

0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:26.440
<v Speaker 2>with myself over the whole idea of just going like, no,

0:05:26.601 --> 0:05:30.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't understand, like, maybe I'm not seeing the point,

0:05:30.121 --> 0:05:33.721
<v Speaker 2>Like you start to second guess yourself, Katie, maybe I'm

0:05:33.721 --> 0:05:35.801
<v Speaker 2>not seeing it the way that they're seeing it. Maybe

0:05:35.801 --> 0:05:39.721
<v Speaker 2>I'm not listening properly, because she's like, maybe i'm And

0:05:39.761 --> 0:05:42.960
<v Speaker 2>then you just start thinking, fuck, am I the parent

0:05:43.081 --> 0:05:45.561
<v Speaker 2>or am I the child? Like I took everything that

0:05:45.641 --> 0:05:49.041
<v Speaker 2>she said this morning personally as like a personal dig

0:05:49.081 --> 0:05:51.721
<v Speaker 2>at me. Her friend said something about a school, and

0:05:51.761 --> 0:05:55.121
<v Speaker 2>then Gracie went, oh, I'd love to go there. This

0:05:55.281 --> 0:05:59.081
<v Speaker 2>is as we're driving to a transition day for her

0:05:59.161 --> 0:06:02.801
<v Speaker 2>high school that she chose, but I allowed her to

0:06:02.921 --> 0:06:05.760
<v Speaker 2>choose that I allowed her to audition, or she got

0:06:05.761 --> 0:06:09.160
<v Speaker 2>in off her own merit. And then now she's sitting

0:06:09.161 --> 0:06:12.001
<v Speaker 2>in the car on the day that we're driving there, saying, oh, yeah,

0:06:12.081 --> 0:06:16.001
<v Speaker 2>I love that school. I'd love to go to that school. Bro,

0:06:16.641 --> 0:06:18.721
<v Speaker 2>I'm taken that personally. That's number one.

0:06:18.961 --> 0:06:20.481
<v Speaker 1>She may as well have said, you book me into

0:06:20.481 --> 0:06:21.121
<v Speaker 1>the wrong school.

0:06:21.201 --> 0:06:23.440
<v Speaker 2>YEP, might as well. That's exactly how I took it,

0:06:24.521 --> 0:06:25.961
<v Speaker 2>because in my head I was like, this is not

0:06:26.121 --> 0:06:29.481
<v Speaker 2>my school of choice, but I allowed you anyway, just

0:06:29.601 --> 0:06:32.601
<v Speaker 2>moving forward. I took that one personally. Then she made

0:06:32.601 --> 0:06:35.961
<v Speaker 2>a comment of like, oh, they've even got boarding school there.

0:06:36.641 --> 0:06:39.001
<v Speaker 2>I'd love to go to boarding school. And then her

0:06:39.041 --> 0:06:41.841
<v Speaker 2>little friend goes, oh, I wouldn't. She goes, I'd really

0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:45.241
<v Speaker 2>miss my parents a lot, like I'd miss my mom especially,

0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:48.960
<v Speaker 2>like so much that I couldn't do boarding school. Gracie

0:06:49.081 --> 0:06:51.681
<v Speaker 2>proceeds to go, oh, no, I think I would be

0:06:51.761 --> 0:06:54.001
<v Speaker 2>actually fine. I think it would actually be really good

0:06:54.041 --> 0:06:56.001
<v Speaker 2>for me. But I think I would do really well

0:06:56.041 --> 0:06:57.361
<v Speaker 2>in a boarding school situation.

0:06:57.721 --> 0:07:00.161
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and so let me just guess what you heard.

0:07:00.681 --> 0:07:03.601
<v Speaker 1>I hate my mom. Yeah, I want to go to

0:07:03.641 --> 0:07:06.281
<v Speaker 1>boarding school because I hate my p parents. This is

0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.801
<v Speaker 1>like recently Holly said to me one of her really

0:07:09.801 --> 0:07:12.281
<v Speaker 1>close friends. She said, oh, her and her mom are

0:07:12.321 --> 0:07:15.921
<v Speaker 1>like best friends. They're like, like best friends, like we

0:07:16.001 --> 0:07:19.761
<v Speaker 1>don't have that. And I was like, okay, well I

0:07:19.801 --> 0:07:21.481
<v Speaker 1>don't want to be a best friend, but now I

0:07:21.521 --> 0:07:22.881
<v Speaker 1>do because now I feel bad.

0:07:23.201 --> 0:07:25.241
<v Speaker 2>How do we just not take it? In my head?

0:07:25.281 --> 0:07:28.041
<v Speaker 2>I was like listening to this conversation going round and

0:07:28.081 --> 0:07:30.841
<v Speaker 2>around and round in my head exactly like that situation.

0:07:31.841 --> 0:07:34.401
<v Speaker 2>But then the boarding school, I really took it personally

0:07:34.401 --> 0:07:38.201
<v Speaker 2>because I thought, fuck you. Your friend has just sat there

0:07:38.241 --> 0:07:40.961
<v Speaker 2>and said how much she would miss her mom and

0:07:41.001 --> 0:07:43.961
<v Speaker 2>she would not like boarding school at all. You've sat

0:07:44.041 --> 0:07:48.881
<v Speaker 2>there with your dickhead mom driving you to school, and

0:07:49.321 --> 0:07:51.441
<v Speaker 2>you're saying how much better off you would be in

0:07:51.521 --> 0:07:55.721
<v Speaker 2>boarding school. So I was like, fuck you, and they're.

0:07:55.401 --> 0:07:57.561
<v Speaker 1>Off to boarding school. You go because I would quite

0:07:57.601 --> 0:07:58.041
<v Speaker 1>like that too.

0:07:58.121 --> 0:07:59.801
<v Speaker 2>You said that, Katie. I was like, if you want

0:07:59.801 --> 0:08:03.881
<v Speaker 2>to go, absolutely I'll do that. I'll absolutely take you

0:08:03.961 --> 0:08:05.641
<v Speaker 2>and you can go there, and I'm not picking up

0:08:05.641 --> 0:08:06.601
<v Speaker 2>for holidays. You can stay.

0:08:08.881 --> 0:08:10.641
<v Speaker 1>You're only twenty minutes away from home.

0:08:11.161 --> 0:08:13.441
<v Speaker 2>Don't care, you're going to stay there. But the other

0:08:13.481 --> 0:08:15.481
<v Speaker 2>thing is the little friend's out there and goes. One

0:08:15.481 --> 0:08:18.201
<v Speaker 2>of my brother's friends here boards and he always says, no,

0:08:18.241 --> 0:08:21.081
<v Speaker 2>you definitely don't want to board because the older kids

0:08:21.121 --> 0:08:24.201
<v Speaker 2>pick on you and this, this and that and made

0:08:24.281 --> 0:08:26.041
<v Speaker 2>up all these things and graces to Oh yeah, I

0:08:26.041 --> 0:08:27.081
<v Speaker 2>think i'd be great.

0:08:26.881 --> 0:08:29.401
<v Speaker 1>There because that's how much I hate my mum. Yeah,

0:08:29.481 --> 0:08:30.641
<v Speaker 1>I we just don't suck it up.

0:08:30.921 --> 0:08:33.601
<v Speaker 2>Look at her. She just drives me because she wants to.

0:08:34.041 --> 0:08:36.121
<v Speaker 2>She's got nothing better to do. She just wants to

0:08:36.121 --> 0:08:38.281
<v Speaker 2>sit in the traffic for an hour just to drive

0:08:38.361 --> 0:08:40.801
<v Speaker 2>me to school. And oh here I am.

0:08:40.961 --> 0:08:46.201
<v Speaker 1>It's almost like taking the bully from school, sitting her

0:08:46.241 --> 0:08:49.281
<v Speaker 1>in your passenger seat and just driving her around everywhere

0:08:49.281 --> 0:08:50.801
<v Speaker 1>she wants to go and paying for everything.

0:08:50.881 --> 0:08:54.401
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, Katie, I was like, even if the therapist was

0:08:54.481 --> 0:08:58.161
<v Speaker 2>listening to us right now, I genuinely was in that

0:08:58.321 --> 0:09:01.601
<v Speaker 2>headspace of like battling going, don't listen to it, don't

0:09:01.641 --> 0:09:05.681
<v Speaker 2>take it on board, not mine, that's yours. Then like

0:09:05.921 --> 0:09:08.681
<v Speaker 2>she just keeps on going, she keeps rolling with the punches,

0:09:08.721 --> 0:09:10.561
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, I even turned up the music so

0:09:10.601 --> 0:09:16.801
<v Speaker 2>I could try and drown her out. I'll put on

0:09:16.961 --> 0:09:20.481
<v Speaker 2>music that I know she doesn't like, because I was like,

0:09:22.001 --> 0:09:25.961
<v Speaker 2>and then the last thing, Katie was the conversation around

0:09:25.961 --> 0:09:29.441
<v Speaker 2>a phone and now you and I know exactly with

0:09:30.081 --> 0:09:33.081
<v Speaker 2>this how it rolls in our house. And now Gracie

0:09:33.161 --> 0:09:36.761
<v Speaker 2>is eleven, yes, and she keeps on pushing the boundary

0:09:36.801 --> 0:09:38.721
<v Speaker 2>with the phone. I need a phone. I want to

0:09:38.761 --> 0:09:42.121
<v Speaker 2>phone either. Then her friend says in the back of

0:09:42.121 --> 0:09:45.681
<v Speaker 2>the car after the boarding school conversation, so I'm already

0:09:45.721 --> 0:09:50.001
<v Speaker 2>on edge, and she goes, oh, Gracie, are you getting

0:09:50.001 --> 0:09:52.561
<v Speaker 2>a phone? And Gracie goes, oh, I don't know, Like

0:09:53.001 --> 0:09:57.801
<v Speaker 2>maybe when I'm like thirteen or probably thirty two. I

0:09:57.881 --> 0:10:00.161
<v Speaker 2>was like, well, at this stage, it's going to be

0:10:00.241 --> 0:10:03.441
<v Speaker 2>fucking thirty two when you're still finishing boarding school and

0:10:03.521 --> 0:10:06.481
<v Speaker 2>paying for it yourself, like you say, yourself, And then

0:10:06.521 --> 0:10:08.401
<v Speaker 2>afterwards you're like, Rachel, they was.

0:10:08.361 --> 0:10:13.241
<v Speaker 1>So childish, but they drive you to it. It was

0:10:13.321 --> 0:10:13.921
<v Speaker 1>her fault.

0:10:14.161 --> 0:10:15.921
<v Speaker 2>Do you want to know something really deep down and

0:10:15.961 --> 0:10:18.761
<v Speaker 2>personal about me, about the way that my brain works.

0:10:19.161 --> 0:10:23.601
<v Speaker 2>I see other people driving their high school kids to

0:10:23.761 --> 0:10:27.601
<v Speaker 2>high school and they're sitting in the same car, but

0:10:27.761 --> 0:10:30.841
<v Speaker 2>the kid has a big set of fucking headphones on

0:10:31.081 --> 0:10:34.401
<v Speaker 2>or like AirPods in, and I look at that and go,

0:10:34.521 --> 0:10:35.721
<v Speaker 2>I don't ever want to be like that.

0:10:36.001 --> 0:10:38.841
<v Speaker 1>Mm yeah, until you do want to be like that.

0:10:39.001 --> 0:10:42.001
<v Speaker 2>Now I look at that and go, they're really disconnected.

0:10:42.041 --> 0:10:44.201
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be like that. It's something that

0:10:44.241 --> 0:10:46.841
<v Speaker 2>obviously for me, like maybe deep down there's something in

0:10:46.921 --> 0:10:48.441
<v Speaker 2>it for me. But I look at that and guy,

0:10:48.441 --> 0:10:50.081
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be that disconnected. I don't want

0:10:50.081 --> 0:10:51.521
<v Speaker 2>to not be able to talk in the car. I

0:10:51.521 --> 0:10:54.041
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be like anyway. This morning I drove

0:10:54.121 --> 0:10:56.841
<v Speaker 2>off and I was like, I understand why they do it. Yeah,

0:10:56.921 --> 0:10:59.641
<v Speaker 2>why would you want to talk to somebody that just

0:10:59.681 --> 0:11:00.521
<v Speaker 2>wants to bring you down?

0:11:00.801 --> 0:11:03.841
<v Speaker 1>Yes, this is my life. This is my life at

0:11:03.881 --> 0:11:07.081
<v Speaker 1>the moment. And so when those headphones go in, I go,

0:11:07.321 --> 0:11:09.401
<v Speaker 1>I'm really enjoying how disconnected we are.

0:11:12.281 --> 0:11:15.801
<v Speaker 2>Dead set, no judgment, but I didn't understand it. Today

0:11:16.001 --> 0:11:17.441
<v Speaker 2>I understood, yep.

0:11:17.721 --> 0:11:22.441
<v Speaker 1>So watch the game for Christmas. Headphones nothing, get the headphones.

0:11:22.641 --> 0:11:23.601
<v Speaker 1>Headphones are the winds.