1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:25,201 Speaker 1: Apogae Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am I 2 00:00:25,321 --> 00:00:29,921 Speaker 1: A Bad Mum? Podcast? That's the question we constantly ask, 3 00:00:30,121 --> 00:00:30,961 Speaker 1: am I A Bad Mum? 4 00:00:31,121 --> 00:00:35,361 Speaker 2: We ask it in hope. I guess, don't we that 5 00:00:35,441 --> 00:00:37,641 Speaker 2: other people are feeling the same way we are when 6 00:00:37,681 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 2: it comes to day to day parenting, the inns and outs. 7 00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,241 Speaker 1: I had a conversation the other day because I've got 8 00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: my dad coming over for Christmas from the UK with 9 00:00:46,001 --> 00:00:49,241 Speaker 1: his wife, and I said, like, you haven't seen the 10 00:00:49,281 --> 00:00:52,160 Speaker 1: girls for a while. Yeah, you're going to have days 11 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,481 Speaker 1: where you go, oh, they're really lovely, and you're going 12 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,841 Speaker 1: to have days where you go, they are complete assholes. 13 00:00:57,881 --> 00:00:59,761 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that happens to most of us. So 14 00:01:01,041 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 2: I felt like I felt like that was possibly how 15 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:09,081 Speaker 2: I rolled this morning driving to school, just like that 16 00:01:09,241 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 2: moment of going, sorry, why do I do this again? 17 00:01:11,961 --> 00:01:13,961 Speaker 1: Do you want to tell people what you actually said 18 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,521 Speaker 1: to go see this morning? Because you just sort of 19 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,481 Speaker 1: skimmed over that without saying what you actually said. So 20 00:01:20,601 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: she had been doing your head in in the car 21 00:01:23,081 --> 00:01:26,241 Speaker 1: and you were dropping her off at her like introduction 22 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,081 Speaker 1: to high school. 23 00:01:27,161 --> 00:01:30,121 Speaker 2: Yeah, transition day they call it. You know where it 24 00:01:30,161 --> 00:01:32,521 Speaker 2: came from. Katie was another mom messaged me and goes, 25 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I'm a mess. She was just doing 26 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 2: drop off, same school, same thing, and she was like, 27 00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:40,481 Speaker 2: I'm a mess. And I replied to her. I was like, 28 00:01:40,481 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 2: I'm actually fine, so fine, it's gonna be a great day. 29 00:01:43,401 --> 00:01:45,481 Speaker 1: Yeah, a good one because she was doing your headed. 30 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:49,201 Speaker 2: She just was such a bitch to me all the 31 00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:52,801 Speaker 2: way in that when I dropped her off, I was like, 32 00:01:53,001 --> 00:01:55,241 Speaker 2: see ya, I hope you get eaten alive in there. 33 00:01:55,601 --> 00:01:59,201 Speaker 2: See ya having a day. It's like, you're not getting 34 00:01:59,201 --> 00:02:01,201 Speaker 2: out of the car. I was like, no, no, you 35 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,041 Speaker 2: do that. You know, I have moments where I feel 36 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,601 Speaker 2: bad for saying what I just said, But at the 37 00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:06,841 Speaker 2: same time, I was like, you know, in my own 38 00:02:06,841 --> 00:02:10,921 Speaker 2: little self pity. Now with driving in, I've got two 39 00:02:10,961 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 2: girls in the car, Gracie and a little friend. They 40 00:02:14,161 --> 00:02:15,721 Speaker 2: say to me, Hey, when we get there, can you 41 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:20,081 Speaker 2: take a photo of us walking in? And I was like, oh, yeah, sure, 42 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 2: Why well, because when you know, in six years time, 43 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,121 Speaker 2: when we're finishing, we're going to get another photo of 44 00:02:25,201 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 2: us walking out together. And I was like, oh that's 45 00:02:28,121 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 2: a bit cute. Yeah. Sure. Skip forward to where I'm 46 00:02:31,081 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 2: like dropping them off, and I'm thinking, I hope you 47 00:02:33,561 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 2: getting alive in there. It's you know, first day of 48 00:02:35,761 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 2: high school. Good luck. And then I get out of 49 00:02:38,841 --> 00:02:40,761 Speaker 2: the car to take the photo. They were like what 50 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,800 Speaker 2: are you doing? And I was like, you asked me 51 00:02:42,841 --> 00:02:45,081 Speaker 2: to take a photo. Yeah, well you know, we don't 52 00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,881 Speaker 2: need to take a photo. I was like, you just 53 00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,081 Speaker 2: you just asked me to take the photo. So I'm 54 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,761 Speaker 2: out of the car to take the photo. And now 55 00:02:50,761 --> 00:02:52,721 Speaker 2: you're telling me what are you doing? Why are you 56 00:02:52,721 --> 00:02:56,121 Speaker 2: taking a photo? What the You're just gaslighting me massively. 57 00:02:57,361 --> 00:02:59,521 Speaker 2: I said, stand there and take a photo. So you 58 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,521 Speaker 2: got the photo of them. I'm so confused where I 59 00:03:02,601 --> 00:03:03,481 Speaker 2: just went wrong with that. 60 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,881 Speaker 1: And then that's the thing. You're always in the wrong. 61 00:03:07,081 --> 00:03:10,561 Speaker 1: You're always the one in the wrong. And they will argue. 62 00:03:10,641 --> 00:03:16,361 Speaker 1: My girls will argue that red is fucking blue. When 63 00:03:16,401 --> 00:03:20,641 Speaker 1: I'm like, no, you're not understanding. They will argue with 64 00:03:20,721 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 1: it's something in I don't know what it is, something 65 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 1: in them that's like I'm just gonna keep arguing even 66 00:03:27,601 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: though like I will not allow you to be right no, 67 00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 1: And you. 68 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:37,081 Speaker 2: Sit there second guessing yourself, going why are we even 69 00:03:37,201 --> 00:03:41,121 Speaker 2: having this conversation, right, why, yeah, why are you fighting this? 70 00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:43,321 Speaker 2: Because you can clearly see the answer and you're just 71 00:03:43,361 --> 00:03:46,241 Speaker 2: still fighting it. I don't even understand why we're doing this. 72 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:49,321 Speaker 1: The most recent example of this, well, this is not 73 00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:51,761 Speaker 1: even the most recent. It's just one that's popped into 74 00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:56,761 Speaker 1: my head. There'll be others was the day when Holly said, 75 00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,961 Speaker 1: I've got so much school work to do. I've got 76 00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:01,801 Speaker 1: so much school work to do this weekend. I come 77 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:05,801 Speaker 1: home from a walk on Friday afternoon and starting TikTok 78 00:04:05,841 --> 00:04:08,801 Speaker 1: for an hour. That was my fault. It was my fault. 79 00:04:08,841 --> 00:04:12,561 Speaker 1: You don't understand it's my Friday. I'm like, mate, you 80 00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:14,881 Speaker 1: had a perfectly good hour there that you were scrolling 81 00:04:14,881 --> 00:04:15,441 Speaker 1: on TikTok. 82 00:04:15,561 --> 00:04:19,321 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then fast forward Saturday. Didn't get it done 83 00:04:19,361 --> 00:04:22,001 Speaker 2: because you don't understand it was her Saturday. 84 00:04:22,281 --> 00:04:25,961 Speaker 1: She deserves a sleeping god. 85 00:04:26,361 --> 00:04:29,561 Speaker 2: Sunday. You don't understand. I have a friend over it. 86 00:04:29,641 --> 00:04:34,961 Speaker 2: It's really important. Monday. Don't hand in assignment. You clearly 87 00:04:35,001 --> 00:04:35,841 Speaker 2: don't understand. 88 00:04:35,961 --> 00:04:37,201 Speaker 1: No, it's all what I fault. 89 00:04:38,161 --> 00:04:40,801 Speaker 2: You're a that person that just got no idea, never 90 00:04:40,841 --> 00:04:53,721 Speaker 2: been there, never done that, no assholes. Am I a 91 00:04:53,721 --> 00:04:56,721 Speaker 2: bad mom for taking it personally. 92 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,801 Speaker 1: Oh, no, everything I do this at the moment, I 93 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,721 Speaker 1: really think that as kids get older, it's really bad 94 00:05:04,761 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: face self esteem. 95 00:05:06,601 --> 00:05:09,881 Speaker 2: Yeah, but I was also thinking about that exact point 96 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:13,721 Speaker 2: of like when I was driving to drop Gracie off, 97 00:05:13,721 --> 00:05:16,601 Speaker 2: this is still a continuation of the same thing, and 98 00:05:16,681 --> 00:05:20,681 Speaker 2: I was sort of like battling with myself, battling internally 99 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 2: with myself over the whole idea of just going like, no, 100 00:05:26,601 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: I don't understand, like, maybe I'm not seeing the point, 101 00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:33,721 Speaker 2: Like you start to second guess yourself, Katie, maybe I'm 102 00:05:33,721 --> 00:05:35,801 Speaker 2: not seeing it the way that they're seeing it. Maybe 103 00:05:35,801 --> 00:05:39,721 Speaker 2: I'm not listening properly, because she's like, maybe i'm And 104 00:05:39,761 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 2: then you just start thinking, fuck, am I the parent 105 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,561 Speaker 2: or am I the child? Like I took everything that 106 00:05:45,641 --> 00:05:49,041 Speaker 2: she said this morning personally as like a personal dig 107 00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:51,721 Speaker 2: at me. Her friend said something about a school, and 108 00:05:51,761 --> 00:05:55,121 Speaker 2: then Gracie went, oh, I'd love to go there. This 109 00:05:55,281 --> 00:05:59,081 Speaker 2: is as we're driving to a transition day for her 110 00:05:59,161 --> 00:06:02,801 Speaker 2: high school that she chose, but I allowed her to 111 00:06:02,921 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 2: choose that I allowed her to audition, or she got 112 00:06:05,761 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 2: in off her own merit. And then now she's sitting 113 00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:12,001 Speaker 2: in the car on the day that we're driving there, saying, oh, yeah, 114 00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:16,001 Speaker 2: I love that school. I'd love to go to that school. Bro, 115 00:06:16,641 --> 00:06:18,721 Speaker 2: I'm taken that personally. That's number one. 116 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,481 Speaker 1: She may as well have said, you book me into 117 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,121 Speaker 1: the wrong school. 118 00:06:21,201 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 2: YEP, might as well. That's exactly how I took it, 119 00:06:24,521 --> 00:06:25,961 Speaker 2: because in my head I was like, this is not 120 00:06:26,121 --> 00:06:29,481 Speaker 2: my school of choice, but I allowed you anyway, just 121 00:06:29,601 --> 00:06:32,601 Speaker 2: moving forward. I took that one personally. Then she made 122 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:35,961 Speaker 2: a comment of like, oh, they've even got boarding school there. 123 00:06:36,641 --> 00:06:39,001 Speaker 2: I'd love to go to boarding school. And then her 124 00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:41,841 Speaker 2: little friend goes, oh, I wouldn't. She goes, I'd really 125 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:45,241 Speaker 2: miss my parents a lot, like I'd miss my mom especially, 126 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 2: like so much that I couldn't do boarding school. Gracie 127 00:06:49,081 --> 00:06:51,681 Speaker 2: proceeds to go, oh, no, I think I would be 128 00:06:51,761 --> 00:06:54,001 Speaker 2: actually fine. I think it would actually be really good 129 00:06:54,041 --> 00:06:56,001 Speaker 2: for me. But I think I would do really well 130 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,361 Speaker 2: in a boarding school situation. 131 00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:00,161 Speaker 1: Yeah, and so let me just guess what you heard. 132 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:03,601 Speaker 1: I hate my mom. Yeah, I want to go to 133 00:07:03,641 --> 00:07:06,281 Speaker 1: boarding school because I hate my p parents. This is 134 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,801 Speaker 1: like recently Holly said to me one of her really 135 00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:12,281 Speaker 1: close friends. She said, oh, her and her mom are 136 00:07:12,321 --> 00:07:15,921 Speaker 1: like best friends. They're like, like best friends, like we 137 00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:19,761 Speaker 1: don't have that. And I was like, okay, well I 138 00:07:19,801 --> 00:07:21,481 Speaker 1: don't want to be a best friend, but now I 139 00:07:21,521 --> 00:07:22,881 Speaker 1: do because now I feel bad. 140 00:07:23,201 --> 00:07:25,241 Speaker 2: How do we just not take it? In my head? 141 00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:28,041 Speaker 2: I was like listening to this conversation going round and 142 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,841 Speaker 2: around and round in my head exactly like that situation. 143 00:07:31,841 --> 00:07:34,401 Speaker 2: But then the boarding school, I really took it personally 144 00:07:34,401 --> 00:07:38,201 Speaker 2: because I thought, fuck you. Your friend has just sat there 145 00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:40,961 Speaker 2: and said how much she would miss her mom and 146 00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:43,961 Speaker 2: she would not like boarding school at all. You've sat 147 00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:48,881 Speaker 2: there with your dickhead mom driving you to school, and 148 00:07:49,321 --> 00:07:51,441 Speaker 2: you're saying how much better off you would be in 149 00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:55,721 Speaker 2: boarding school. So I was like, fuck you, and they're. 150 00:07:55,401 --> 00:07:57,561 Speaker 1: Off to boarding school. You go because I would quite 151 00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:58,041 Speaker 1: like that too. 152 00:07:58,121 --> 00:07:59,801 Speaker 2: You said that, Katie. I was like, if you want 153 00:07:59,801 --> 00:08:03,881 Speaker 2: to go, absolutely I'll do that. I'll absolutely take you 154 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,641 Speaker 2: and you can go there, and I'm not picking up 155 00:08:05,641 --> 00:08:06,601 Speaker 2: for holidays. You can stay. 156 00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:10,641 Speaker 1: You're only twenty minutes away from home. 157 00:08:11,161 --> 00:08:13,441 Speaker 2: Don't care, you're going to stay there. But the other 158 00:08:13,481 --> 00:08:15,481 Speaker 2: thing is the little friend's out there and goes. One 159 00:08:15,481 --> 00:08:18,201 Speaker 2: of my brother's friends here boards and he always says, no, 160 00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:21,081 Speaker 2: you definitely don't want to board because the older kids 161 00:08:21,121 --> 00:08:24,201 Speaker 2: pick on you and this, this and that and made 162 00:08:24,281 --> 00:08:26,041 Speaker 2: up all these things and graces to Oh yeah, I 163 00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:27,081 Speaker 2: think i'd be great. 164 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,401 Speaker 1: There because that's how much I hate my mum. Yeah, 165 00:08:29,481 --> 00:08:30,641 Speaker 1: I we just don't suck it up. 166 00:08:30,921 --> 00:08:33,601 Speaker 2: Look at her. She just drives me because she wants to. 167 00:08:34,041 --> 00:08:36,121 Speaker 2: She's got nothing better to do. She just wants to 168 00:08:36,121 --> 00:08:38,281 Speaker 2: sit in the traffic for an hour just to drive 169 00:08:38,361 --> 00:08:40,801 Speaker 2: me to school. And oh here I am. 170 00:08:40,961 --> 00:08:46,201 Speaker 1: It's almost like taking the bully from school, sitting her 171 00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:49,281 Speaker 1: in your passenger seat and just driving her around everywhere 172 00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:50,801 Speaker 1: she wants to go and paying for everything. 173 00:08:50,881 --> 00:08:54,401 Speaker 2: Honestly, Katie, I was like, even if the therapist was 174 00:08:54,481 --> 00:08:58,161 Speaker 2: listening to us right now, I genuinely was in that 175 00:08:58,321 --> 00:09:01,601 Speaker 2: headspace of like battling going, don't listen to it, don't 176 00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:05,681 Speaker 2: take it on board, not mine, that's yours. Then like 177 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:08,681 Speaker 2: she just keeps on going, she keeps rolling with the punches, 178 00:09:08,721 --> 00:09:10,561 Speaker 2: and I'm like, I even turned up the music so 179 00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:16,801 Speaker 2: I could try and drown her out. I'll put on 180 00:09:16,961 --> 00:09:20,481 Speaker 2: music that I know she doesn't like, because I was like, 181 00:09:22,001 --> 00:09:25,961 Speaker 2: and then the last thing, Katie was the conversation around 182 00:09:25,961 --> 00:09:29,441 Speaker 2: a phone and now you and I know exactly with 183 00:09:30,081 --> 00:09:33,081 Speaker 2: this how it rolls in our house. And now Gracie 184 00:09:33,161 --> 00:09:36,761 Speaker 2: is eleven, yes, and she keeps on pushing the boundary 185 00:09:36,801 --> 00:09:38,721 Speaker 2: with the phone. I need a phone. I want to 186 00:09:38,761 --> 00:09:42,121 Speaker 2: phone either. Then her friend says in the back of 187 00:09:42,121 --> 00:09:45,681 Speaker 2: the car after the boarding school conversation, so I'm already 188 00:09:45,721 --> 00:09:50,001 Speaker 2: on edge, and she goes, oh, Gracie, are you getting 189 00:09:50,001 --> 00:09:52,561 Speaker 2: a phone? And Gracie goes, oh, I don't know, Like 190 00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:57,801 Speaker 2: maybe when I'm like thirteen or probably thirty two. I 191 00:09:57,881 --> 00:10:00,161 Speaker 2: was like, well, at this stage, it's going to be 192 00:10:00,241 --> 00:10:03,441 Speaker 2: fucking thirty two when you're still finishing boarding school and 193 00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:06,481 Speaker 2: paying for it yourself, like you say, yourself, And then 194 00:10:06,521 --> 00:10:08,401 Speaker 2: afterwards you're like, Rachel, they was. 195 00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:13,241 Speaker 1: So childish, but they drive you to it. It was 196 00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:13,921 Speaker 1: her fault. 197 00:10:14,161 --> 00:10:15,921 Speaker 2: Do you want to know something really deep down and 198 00:10:15,961 --> 00:10:18,761 Speaker 2: personal about me, about the way that my brain works. 199 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:23,601 Speaker 2: I see other people driving their high school kids to 200 00:10:23,761 --> 00:10:27,601 Speaker 2: high school and they're sitting in the same car, but 201 00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:30,841 Speaker 2: the kid has a big set of fucking headphones on 202 00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:34,401 Speaker 2: or like AirPods in, and I look at that and go, 203 00:10:34,521 --> 00:10:35,721 Speaker 2: I don't ever want to be like that. 204 00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:38,841 Speaker 1: Mm yeah, until you do want to be like that. 205 00:10:39,001 --> 00:10:42,001 Speaker 2: Now I look at that and go, they're really disconnected. 206 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:44,201 Speaker 2: I don't want to be like that. It's something that 207 00:10:44,241 --> 00:10:46,841 Speaker 2: obviously for me, like maybe deep down there's something in 208 00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:48,441 Speaker 2: it for me. But I look at that and guy, 209 00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:50,081 Speaker 2: I don't want to be that disconnected. I don't want 210 00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:51,521 Speaker 2: to not be able to talk in the car. I 211 00:10:51,521 --> 00:10:54,041 Speaker 2: don't want to be like anyway. This morning I drove 212 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,841 Speaker 2: off and I was like, I understand why they do it. Yeah, 213 00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:59,641 Speaker 2: why would you want to talk to somebody that just 214 00:10:59,681 --> 00:11:00,521 Speaker 2: wants to bring you down? 215 00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:03,841 Speaker 1: Yes, this is my life. This is my life at 216 00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:07,081 Speaker 1: the moment. And so when those headphones go in, I go, 217 00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:09,401 Speaker 1: I'm really enjoying how disconnected we are. 218 00:11:12,281 --> 00:11:15,801 Speaker 2: Dead set, no judgment, but I didn't understand it. Today 219 00:11:16,001 --> 00:11:17,441 Speaker 2: I understood, yep. 220 00:11:17,721 --> 00:11:22,441 Speaker 1: So watch the game for Christmas. Headphones nothing, get the headphones. 221 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:23,601 Speaker 1: Headphones are the winds.