Speaker 1: Apologie Production.
Speaker 2: Welcome to She Rises, Freaky Friday, Secrets, Horror, Scandal and
Speaker 2: Mysterios Smild Freaky Friday.
Speaker 1: It's your favorite alter ego, Stephanie and Tatiana.
Speaker 3: We have another submission for you. Don't forget.
Speaker 1: These are all anonymous, so if you have anything you
Speaker 1: want to bring in, we'll leave the link in our
Speaker 1: description box.
Speaker 3: Then let's get into it.
Speaker 1: Excited all right, Today's submission.
Speaker 3: Here, he goes, give me the goods.
Speaker 1: When I was single, I worked somewhere and kind of
Speaker 1: liked a guy from another company we worked with. Time
Speaker 1: went on and I met someone new, and I had
Speaker 1: a baby, etcetera, etcetera. About two years later, I realized
Speaker 1: the guy I had a crush on out of me
Speaker 1: on Snapchat, but I never accepted at the time as
Speaker 1: I didn't realize who it was. Long story short, we
Speaker 1: spent some time chatting here and there and occasionally flirting.
Speaker 3: Ooh.
Speaker 1: He now has a partner, as do I, and we
Speaker 1: have stopped speaking naturally, although when we were speaking we
Speaker 1: did both say.
Speaker 3: How we liked each other, et cetera.
Speaker 1: Shit, even though I'm ool, even though I'm fairly happy,
Speaker 1: that would.
Speaker 3: Fairly I don't know.
Speaker 1: Even though I'm fairly happy in my relationship, I cannot
Speaker 1: get this guy out of my mind and really just
Speaker 1: wish he would message me, as I'd love to chat.
Speaker 1: As wrong as that is, as I wouldn't message him first,
Speaker 1: How can I stop thinking about him?
Speaker 3: Lock him?
Speaker 1: His dad and I must have mutual Facebook friends. So
Speaker 1: comes up in my suggested friend's list and his dad has.
Speaker 3: A picture of him in it. Even the dad is
Speaker 3: hot too, Stop it, saucy girl.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also you're in a relationship and so is he.
Speaker 1: How would you feel if your husband wanted to reach
Speaker 1: out to a girl or he was hoping another girl
Speaker 1: would reach out to him. Yeah, there's something missing in
Speaker 1: your relationship, even.
Speaker 2: The fairly good I'm my girl, there's something to look
Speaker 2: at here because it's just for you to I mean,
Speaker 2: the fact that you even think the dad is attractive. Like,
Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, you can look it's so fine,
Speaker 2: and you're allowed to think that people are attractive. But
Speaker 2: also it's like, really, honey, in that sexual energy of yours,
Speaker 2: if it's like you're not getting it from your relationship,
Speaker 2: it's not permission to reach outside. It's actually permission to
Speaker 2: like look within and go to that relationship and go, Okay,
Speaker 2: what do we fix?
Speaker 3: How do we fix what's broken? What's missing? There's something
Speaker 3: in there.
Speaker 1: From my experience, and I've been with Steve for seventeen
Speaker 1: years now, when we are connected, our needs are getting met,
Speaker 1: when we're feeling so in love or communicating beautifully, it's
Speaker 1: like tunnel vision.
Speaker 3: I don't look at men.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there has been times throughout our seventeen years, and
Speaker 1: Steve and I have spoken about this openly where if
Speaker 1: we're not connected and we're in a Yucky's phase or
Speaker 1: we're not getting our needs met, the eyes start to wander.
Speaker 3: Of course, we've never cheated, but like I start to wander.
Speaker 1: And we've spoken about this openly, and I think it's
Speaker 1: a really healthy conversation to have because I never want
Speaker 1: his eyes wandering, So I'm always making sure that I'm
Speaker 1: fulfilling his needs and we're communicating and checking and where
Speaker 1: our love languages are at. So I just feel like,
Speaker 1: you're not fully in this relationship. And I feel for you,
Speaker 1: and I feel for your man, but put yourself in
Speaker 1: your partner's shoes. How do you feel if he was
Speaker 1: feeling like this would you appreciate him coming to you
Speaker 1: and saying, hey, babe, fuck, I'm just not feeling really connected,
Speaker 1: or we're not having sex, or I don't know if
Speaker 1: someone's just missing for me.
Speaker 3: Do you want to talk about it? You want him
Speaker 3: to do that for you.
Speaker 1: So I feel like you need to pour more into
Speaker 1: your relationship and stop looking outside for it.
Speaker 2: This is definitely one of those things as well, Like,
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, you're choosing to be
Speaker 2: committed to your partner, right, You've chosen that, You've chosen that,
Speaker 2: and so it's like it's your responsibility as a partner
Speaker 2: to starve out anything that kind of builds elsewhere, like
Speaker 2: emotional connections, physical attraction, whatever it is with somebody else
Speaker 2: or outside of that union dynamic that you've built. It's
Speaker 2: literally your responsibility to starve out anything that is there.
Speaker 2: And also, as while it's not dismissing the fact that
Speaker 2: you might feel this way, there's nothing wrong with that,
Speaker 2: but it's also going, Okay, what is it about this
Speaker 2: person that you're fantasizing about? What is it about this
Speaker 2: person that is drawing you in? Because there's a way
Speaker 2: that you're feeling from this other person that you're not
Speaker 2: getting in your relationship, but because you get it with
Speaker 2: that person, it's like enticing for you to want to
Speaker 2: go there, but you're not going to be proud of
Speaker 2: yourself about it later. So just getting clear on what
Speaker 2: that actual thing is that it's making you feel, and
Speaker 2: then going okay, having that conversation with your partner and going,
Speaker 2: this is what I'm meeting in the relationship.
Speaker 3: How can we cultivate this together?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like you can feel and think something but not
Speaker 2: have to make it mean something. And that's a really
Speaker 2: important thing to note. But it's just how much are
Speaker 2: you entertaining these thoughts because if you give them weight,
Speaker 2: trust me, your mind will run with them and you'll
Speaker 2: make up an entire story around how you should leave
Speaker 2: your partner and this is the person for you. But
Speaker 2: maybe it's not that. It's just the feeling that you're
Speaker 2: wanting to chase that's making you feel good about yourself
Speaker 2: that you can look at and implement into your current relationship.
Speaker 1: But I would not be adding on Snapchat, I would
Speaker 1: not be inviting messages. Now you're encouraging that in there,
Speaker 1: and that is like what's your intention behind that? Like
Speaker 1: that's for example, he did message you and said, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you doing? You look really happy right now?
Speaker 1: What have you been up to? You start initiating this
Speaker 1: conversation back and forth? What's the outcome you want? Is
Speaker 1: this going to be a couple of messages or are
Speaker 1: you thinking about cheating? And where your energy goes, energy flows,
Speaker 1: So why you're putting energy into this other guy who
Speaker 1: was also in a relationship. You're starving out your current relationship,
Speaker 1: and of course that's going to start to break down.
Speaker 1: How are you going to feel when that starts to
Speaker 1: break down, or how is your partner going to feel
Speaker 1: when he finds out that you are excited?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming because we don't have a lot of context.
Speaker 1: Maybe you are just wanting to feel more desired and
Speaker 1: more wanted and more sexual, and maybe you're not getting
Speaker 1: that in your relationship. But once again, that's your responsibility
Speaker 1: as an adult and as a partner, is to devote
Speaker 1: a partner to go to your husband and say, hey,
Speaker 1: stop feeling it here.
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's a.
Speaker 1: Sexual energy, or you're distressed with work, or we're both
Speaker 1: in our own heads, but I'm just not feeling connected.
Speaker 1: How do we bring that back in more because I
Speaker 1: don't want to have a wondering eye, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I do like be honest. Yeah, sometimes honesty all
Speaker 1: the time. I think honest communication is kind communication.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you say that often. I love that you say that.
Speaker 3: And it's important as well that.
Speaker 2: These sorts of things are a really slippery slope if
Speaker 2: you entertain them right and in a relationship, anybody given
Speaker 2: the opportunity, there's always an opportunity for something bad to
Speaker 2: go wrong right, for bad something bad to happen, But
Speaker 2: in a relationship is about preventing those things from escalating.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's like anybody in the right situation can
Speaker 2: be capable of anything, but you don't want to be
Speaker 2: that person, and you're not choosing to be that person.
Speaker 2: So how can you prevent things like this from happening
Speaker 2: where you don't end up being the person who cheats,
Speaker 2: Where you don't end up being the person who's out
Speaker 2: of integrity and doing the wrong thing by the person
Speaker 2: that you say that you love. It's about foreseeing the
Speaker 2: future and going, Okay, where is this behave you're going
Speaker 2: to land me? And am I going to be proud
Speaker 2: of that? That's the biggest thing. If you can anchor
Speaker 2: into that, I promise you you'll stop doing what you're doing.
Speaker 1: One.
Speaker 3: I just know i'd feel physically ill if I was
Speaker 3: entertaining that. I would not be proud of who I am.
Speaker 3: I would feel sneaky. Sneaky? Are you doing something wrong?
Speaker 2: Like you're doing something wrong by the people you love?
Speaker 1: Ask yourself morally, where you're at. Is that someone that
Speaker 1: you want to be? Probably not, so I would be
Speaker 1: investing a lot more into my relationship. And there also
Speaker 1: might be questions of are you guys aligned anymore?
Speaker 3: Is it just not? There? Is your chapter done with
Speaker 3: that partner? But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I would rather, I've always said Steve, I would rather
Speaker 1: him hurt my feelings in the moment of coming to
Speaker 1: me and being honest and saying I've got a running
Speaker 1: oh I'm not feeling attracted to you or things are
Speaker 1: missing for me. Then him go and cheat on me
Speaker 1: or do something outside the relationship and I find out
Speaker 1: like that because me, then the trust is broken and
Speaker 1: the lack of communication it's very hard to come back
Speaker 1: from a repair. Whereas if you're hurt an upset, but
Speaker 1: you've got something to change and work on. You can
Speaker 1: go and do that together, and it only builds a
Speaker 1: stronger foundation of trust, which I think is so important
Speaker 1: in a relationship.
Speaker 2: I think as well, then when you do what you
Speaker 2: just said, you also can go wow, I did everything
Speaker 2: I could to make this relationship work.
Speaker 3: And then once you've.
Speaker 2: Gone through all the options, at least you can if
Speaker 2: you decide you're not happy, you can go wow, I
Speaker 2: actually tried everything, and I feel okay to leave now
Speaker 2: if that's the direction you want to go in. But again,
Speaker 2: not shaming yourself or judging yourself for the fact that
Speaker 2: this has come up and you're in this situation. It's
Speaker 2: really about what you choose from this moment on. That's
Speaker 2: all you need to focus on.
Speaker 1: There was a past Freaky Friday submission and she had
Speaker 1: gone that step further and cheated. It was ages ago
Speaker 1: and the guilt she felt and then she wanted to
Speaker 1: go back and try again, and she was like it
Speaker 1: just was not worth it. She've had so much regret
Speaker 1: and so much shame. So that's just something to think about,
Speaker 1: like you said before, thinking about who you want to
Speaker 1: be and how you would feel if that happened. And
Speaker 1: also I just think put yourself in his shoes, shoes
Speaker 1: and your partner's shoes. You would hate for him to
Speaker 1: be doing this.
Speaker 3: With another woman. Would you break you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you feel like you're not good enough or your
Speaker 1: insecurities come up, you'd just if you got it'd be
Speaker 1: so sad. So why would you want to inflict that
Speaker 1: on another humor? Yeah, yeah, but they mean.
Speaker 3: To think about appreciate it. We appreciate the honesty.
Speaker 2: And yeah, if you have anything else you want to
Speaker 2: bring in, feel free to write another submission.
Speaker 3: We'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 2: But if anybody else has any submissions like this, we
Speaker 2: would love to hear from you. Bring all the stories in.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be like this.
Speaker 2: It can be your own unique story, and that's what
Speaker 2: we want to hear. We want to hear what's authentic
Speaker 2: to you and anything that you've got that you want
Speaker 2: to share or get off the chest.
Speaker 1: And the more details, the more context.
Speaker 3: The better. We love it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we love the details because it helps us understand
Speaker 1: the situations, what's going on, and this is kind of
Speaker 1: stuff we would talk about in our friendship or without
Speaker 1: other girlfriends or whatever. So the more context and details
Speaker 1: the better.
Speaker 2: Just remember like you're getting Stephanie and Tatiana's like raw
Speaker 2: on his thoughts, like you're going to hear it straight,
Speaker 2: no bullshit, no fluff, no, none of that stuff.
Speaker 3: As we work for each other.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, so good, thanks for joining us, guys, see
Speaker 1: you next week.
Speaker 3: Bye,