Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, it's not Malam Monty, It's Monty.
Speaker 2: We're their friend.
Speaker 3: Brook Hey, the og the Show and Tell.
Speaker 2: The Show and Tell og.
Speaker 1: So Brooke and I started Shoon Tell as a website
Speaker 1: probably twelve years ago now and the website's not anymore.
Speaker 1: But from that it evolved into a podcast. We did
Speaker 1: live eventschooky, like, how awesome was that time?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 4: Oh my god, it was the best time. We had
Speaker 4: so much fun. Yes, and I feel like we were
Speaker 4: pretty early, you know, in terms.
Speaker 3: Of the whole blogging thing. Yes, and we had a ball.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: There weren't really any rules then, and we had I know,
Speaker 3: we just.
Speaker 2: Had no idea what we were doing.
Speaker 1: And we started this beautiful website where we'd interview well
Speaker 1: known women and put the videos up on the site.
Speaker 1: And Stacey joined us as well, who's still a part
Speaker 1: of Show and Tell. And then mal senting a written
Speaker 1: piece and we were like, oh my god, this girl's
Speaker 1: an amazing writer. So she joined the team and it
Speaker 1: was kind of the four of us with little add
Speaker 1: ins here and there. A Karla was with us for
Speaker 1: a while and we just ran this beautiful site and
Speaker 1: then kind of people started consuming content differently, so we
Speaker 1: closed it down and just podcasting it. But today's it's
Speaker 1: obviously a different podcast. And Brooke, who I call Chuck,
Speaker 1: you and I have been talking about this for a
Speaker 1: while and we were like, let's do a podcast. No,
Speaker 1: let's not, okay, let's do one, and so we've decided
Speaker 1: to do it for ourselves. I'm already going to get emotional,
Speaker 1: I know, how weird.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not going to cry today.
Speaker 1: But also for you, if you have chronic health issues,
Speaker 1: or you have a disease, you have anything that's chronic
Speaker 1: with your health, whether it's mental health or physical health.
Speaker 1: If you know anyone, maybe pass this episode onto them.
Speaker 1: But also for you, if you do, maybe you want
Speaker 1: to pass this episode onto people in your life so
Speaker 1: they can understand.
Speaker 2: What you were going through.
Speaker 1: So obviously I've spoken about my migraines on the podcast before,
Speaker 1: but probably not to the extent as well as my
Speaker 1: chronic fatigue. But Brookie, let's start with you and then
Speaker 1: in kind of your backstory, because everyone's even though we
Speaker 1: have very different things that are going on for us,
Speaker 1: we really relate to each other on so many levels.
Speaker 1: And I think this is for any form of chronic
Speaker 1: pain or disease. It's so different to everyone, but there's
Speaker 1: so many similarities in how you feel.
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, I couldn't agree more. I think with any
Speaker 4: kind of chronic illness, yes, they might all be very different,
Speaker 4: but there are so many similarities in terms of the
Speaker 4: emotional side of things. And so I think that's where
Speaker 4: I find it so helpful and cathartic talking to you.
Speaker 4: You and I talk a lot on the phone. We're
Speaker 4: in different states. I'm in Sydney, your own Byron, but
Speaker 4: we talk a lot on the phone when we're having
Speaker 4: a bad day and have a good event, because I
Speaker 4: know that you understand what I'm going through, even though
Speaker 4: it's not exactly what you're going through. You can relate
Speaker 4: and you understand, and it's so helpful to have that
Speaker 4: because most people don't. And it's not that you know,
Speaker 4: they don't try or they don't want to, but I
Speaker 4: think it's hard to understand what it's like if you're
Speaker 4: not living that particular life totally.
Speaker 1: So when we were like kind of I guess nearly
Speaker 1: your all since I guess you went through puberty, did
Speaker 1: you get dometriosis? Like, how does that come about? And
Speaker 1: talk me through that, because I don't have and do
Speaker 1: and I know so many people do, but can you
Speaker 1: talk us through that as one of your plethora of illnesses.
Speaker 3: I'm lucky be I just hit the jacktors my health. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I got my period quite early.
Speaker 4: I was ten, and then probably not long after, only
Speaker 4: kind of three years after or so, So around yeah,
Speaker 4: thirteen fourteen, I started to have really painful periods and
Speaker 4: get quite like really ill, like so nauseous, the big endo,
Speaker 4: belly bloating. Occasionally I would vomit and just have those
Speaker 4: awful sharp pains all the time. And that's hard when
Speaker 4: you know you're a.
Speaker 1: Kid and you're a school because ten is so young
Speaker 1: to get your period anyway, let alone.
Speaker 3: You start doing. Yeah, my daughter's almost ten now, and
Speaker 3: so I'm like, oh.
Speaker 2: My god, that's a baby.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's a baby, that's right.
Speaker 4: So yeah, and I was probably about seventeen or so,
Speaker 4: I think when I had my first laparoscopy, and then
Speaker 4: I've just kind of had them my entire life, and
Speaker 4: it's come back in different different ways throughout different stages
Speaker 4: of my life.
Speaker 3: I'm now forty one.
Speaker 4: After each pregnancy, after each birth, it kind of manifested
Speaker 4: it a different way as well. Also, I stopped getting
Speaker 4: my period when I wanted to start trying for a
Speaker 4: baby my first child. I went off the pill for
Speaker 4: years and I just never got my period again, but
Speaker 4: still had endometriosis. So for a while, I was like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, what's happening, Like thinking like, oh, I've
Speaker 4: got gastro or something, you know, yeah, because you're so sick.
Speaker 2: And would it happen once a month or constantly.
Speaker 4: It would be really random times, so you could never
Speaker 4: kind of put like, okay, there was no rhymal reason
Speaker 4: to it. Ever, sometimes it would happen at the time
Speaker 4: of the month where I should have my period, but
Speaker 4: other times it would flare up at other times during
Speaker 4: the month, which made it all so confusing. You don't
Speaker 4: actually have a period. It was really complicated and confusing.
Speaker 4: But you know, I've been lucky. I've had lots of
Speaker 4: you know, really good specialists over the years, and each
Speaker 4: time they've gone in, there's been loads of endo for
Speaker 4: them to burn out. So we've done that. And then
Speaker 4: I had my second daughter five years ago.
Speaker 1: And you went through IVF with both of those bases,
Speaker 1: which was pretty intense to I remember all of the
Speaker 1: stuff that you had to do to get the girls,
Speaker 1: and it was like, oh my god, do you think
Speaker 1: that was linked to the endo?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So part of the reason I don't get a
Speaker 4: period is because I don't ovulate.
Speaker 3: So I didn't know that, didn't you.
Speaker 1: I mean I probably did, but I'm just like a
Speaker 1: shit friend who forgets important information right now.
Speaker 3: Terrible friends, terrible.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So that's that's so, that's why I had to
Speaker 4: had to do IVF.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And I thought after my second daughter, who was born
Speaker 4: five years ago, that I would just have a hysterectomy
Speaker 4: after her and just get it all taken out because
Speaker 4: I don't need it or want it. But then it's
Speaker 4: it's been really good for such a long time, so
Speaker 4: I haven't.
Speaker 3: I haven't gone down that path yet. Okay, so we'll
Speaker 3: have to yeah, wait and see.
Speaker 1: And so then you get another surprise diagnosis. So you're
Speaker 1: dealing with your ENDO, but it's quite manageable. But then
Speaker 1: talk us through what's happened in the last couple of years.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: I don't know why I feel all emotional now because
Speaker 4: I'm talking to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I went to bed one Saturday night, you know, healthy, happy,
Speaker 4: care free, and then woke up the Sunday morning and
Speaker 4: was just numb down my right side.
Speaker 3: And I'm very much.
Speaker 4: Of the attitude, you know, like, oh it'll be fine,
Speaker 4: I'll be fine.
Speaker 2: You're very much like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so kind of just thought, oh, I must have
Speaker 4: hit a nerve. I was out with my girlfriends and
Speaker 4: not before, and I thought, maybe I just like hit
Speaker 4: my leg or I did something, and you know, it'll
Speaker 4: be fine. And then as the day went on, it
Speaker 4: started to get a lot worse. And then I couldn't
Speaker 4: really walk, walk or go to the toilet. And then
Speaker 4: I knew that something was something was up. I did
Speaker 4: a telehealth with my doctor, who said, you need to
Speaker 4: go straight to emergency.
Speaker 3: Like I googled it.
Speaker 4: I'd looked up, you know, all typed in all the
Speaker 4: symptoms and everything said it was it would either be
Speaker 4: a stroke or MS. And I felt, well, I'm not
Speaker 4: having a stroke and I don't have MS. So I
Speaker 4: just thought, you know, it wasn't anything significant, but went
Speaker 4: to emergency like it was probably I don't know, at
Speaker 4: nine o'clock in the morning, and then by eight o'clock
Speaker 4: that night, Yeah, they said to me, Yeah, you have MS,
Speaker 4: which is multiple sclerosis.
Speaker 3: Don't make me for.
Speaker 1: I just like think of you in the hospital getting
Speaker 1: that diagnosis and going, what the fuck.
Speaker 2: Does this mean?
Speaker 1: Because I think for people like me, MS was we
Speaker 1: used to do readers on for it, you know, at school,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of all I knew about it, did too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 4: It was really again, I didn't know anything about it either,
Speaker 4: And it was such uncanny time. I mean because that
Speaker 4: morning the following morning when I was at the hospital,
Speaker 4: Christina Applegate was on the doing the Hollywood.
Speaker 3: Walk of you know, getting her star on the.
Speaker 4: Hollywood Walk of Fame, and you know, she was talking
Speaker 4: about her miss and she was walking with the cane
Speaker 4: and she, you know, she said, this is me now
Speaker 4: of you know, put on like twenty kilos, I can't walk.
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god, is that going
Speaker 3: to be me?
Speaker 4: And when they first told me, which you know, the
Speaker 4: doctor that was there was actually just so amazing and
Speaker 4: beautiful when she told me. But I said, what's going
Speaker 4: to happen? Like, am I going to be able to
Speaker 4: walk again? Because at that point I couldn't walk, And
Speaker 4: she just kept saying, I don't know, I can't tell
Speaker 4: you that, and so my like worst, you know, my
Speaker 4: mind obviously went to the worst place, which is I'm
Speaker 4: not going to be able to walk out of here.
Speaker 3: What am I going to do? You know what? All
Speaker 3: my girls do? You know?
Speaker 4: All of those things kind of go through your mind.
Speaker 4: And then it was probably twenty four hours later. So
Speaker 4: I kind of had that mindset and those fears for
Speaker 4: a good twenty four hours. And then I saw that
Speaker 4: the neurological team at the hospital and they kind of
Speaker 4: just kind of helped me deal with it and explain
Speaker 4: a lot more, and I felt much better after talking
Speaker 4: to them and kind of having a plan.
Speaker 3: I'm very good with a plan.
Speaker 2: A plan.
Speaker 1: I think that's a huge thing with chronic health or
Speaker 1: and so MS is a disease, right, Yeah, sounds so
Speaker 1: hectic saying you've got.
Speaker 3: A disease or it's a disease or a disability either. Yeah,
Speaker 3: good call it either.
Speaker 1: And I think that is the thing with having, yeah,
Speaker 1: a disability, which is very confronting to except that you
Speaker 1: have that too, you know what I mean, But saying that,
Speaker 1: you know, having a plan is the only thing that
Speaker 1: sometimes gives you hope it's when you don't have a
Speaker 1: plan that things feel really hopeless, Like sometimes in between
Speaker 1: those appointments or when you're having a really bad day
Speaker 1: and you don't have a strong plan in place to go, Okay,
Speaker 1: well this maybe could get better because I've got this
Speaker 1: to try or this to try. It feels so exists,
Speaker 1: so unbelievably hopeful hope, right, totally.
Speaker 4: It's the hope, you know, same with you. You know,
Speaker 4: like if you go and see and you specialist and
Speaker 4: he says, Okay, well we're going to try this all this, yes,
Speaker 4: and it just gives you that little bit of hope. Okay,
Speaker 4: maybe this is going to help this all that. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 4: I think that that's yeah, that's really important. Yeah, it's
Speaker 4: really important to have that hope and to have a
Speaker 4: good plan in place.
Speaker 3: And I'm good with a plan.
Speaker 1: Or your producer at heart, so you like you're organized
Speaker 1: and have a plan. And so then you ended up
Speaker 1: going home and just going Okay, well, now I've got
Speaker 1: to live this life with MS.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I remember still in the hospital.
Speaker 4: The neurologist said to me, I'd probably been there for
Speaker 4: over a week at this point, and I was starting
Speaker 4: to walk better. But it was still a struggle, and
Speaker 4: I said, what am I going to do? Like, how
Speaker 4: do I how am I going to live my life
Speaker 4: like I can't walk properly? And he said to me,
Speaker 4: this is your life, now, this is it. So you
Speaker 4: are going to learn to walk like that. That's going
Speaker 4: to be okay, and you're going to get used to
Speaker 4: it and it's going to be fine.
Speaker 3: And I just remember thinking, oh my god, like what
Speaker 3: that is? No, that is so mean?
Speaker 4: Yeah, and how can you just get used to not
Speaker 4: being able to walk and being in pain when you walk?
Speaker 4: But you know what, he was right and I did
Speaker 4: get used to it, and all those things that you
Speaker 4: know often happen with MS, you know, like for example,
Speaker 4: one of the things that has never gone away for
Speaker 4: me is my hands are I guess feel numb like
Speaker 4: pins like pins and needles and numb that I don't
Speaker 4: really have much sensation, so they get really achy and
Speaker 4: it's just it's a weird feeling to think, you know,
Speaker 4: trying to imagine your hands always having pins and needles.
Speaker 4: And that's another thing. He said, You'll just get used
Speaker 4: to it, You'll get used to it. I was like,
Speaker 4: what the hell, I'm not going to get used to that,
Speaker 4: but then I do, and you know.
Speaker 1: It seems I'm just amazing how we do adapt. But
Speaker 1: you go even like if I think, oh my god,
Speaker 1: if my hands had pins and needles constantly things like
Speaker 1: that would make me depressed, I know, like just the
Speaker 1: like the chronicness of it and the fact that it's
Speaker 1: never going away, I would go fuck this. You and
Speaker 1: I constantly say to you, it's quite remarkable how strong
Speaker 1: your mental health is. Mine is not anywhere near as
Speaker 1: good as yours. And I'm because things keep cropping up
Speaker 1: for you. You'll be like, oh fuck, I think I've
Speaker 1: twisted my ankle, and then no, it's not MS related,
Speaker 1: or you know, you're finding out a lot of your
Speaker 1: endo issues are actually MS related. And the other day
Speaker 1: started seeing fucking bright lights in your eyes. And it's
Speaker 1: like what it almost now when we speak to each
Speaker 1: other is comical because it's so free.
Speaker 4: It's such a joey like the weirdest things happen all
Speaker 4: the time, and you just are like, what like something else?
Speaker 3: Like what the heck? Like this is ridiculous? Like I
Speaker 3: often feel.
Speaker 4: You know, I say to you, like I feel like
Speaker 4: I'll get over something like, you know, whatever it might be,
Speaker 4: Like I've had this. I don't know if anyone listening
Speaker 4: has heard of or had or know someone who's had
Speaker 4: trigenial neuralgia. It is like the most excruciating face pain
Speaker 4: you could imagine, like all down like the side of
Speaker 4: your face, like it is I can't even describe. It's
Speaker 4: just my god, fucking awful.
Speaker 5: But you know, you feel like you get over that
Speaker 5: and then something happens with your leg, or something happens
Speaker 5: with your arm or like there's just like you feel like,
Speaker 5: oh my god, like just give me a break now,
Speaker 5: like this is a joke.
Speaker 2: There's nothing predictable about it. For you is so unpredictable.
Speaker 4: But you know, then I have really good runs where
Speaker 4: everything is working and feels good, and so I just
Speaker 4: have to really remember to make the most of that time,
Speaker 4: you know, get out and walk and exercise and do
Speaker 4: things because you don't know when what's going to happen next,
Speaker 4: and do.
Speaker 1: You find it's almost like a panic when you have
Speaker 1: good days because when I have like my good days
Speaker 1: at the moment are so few and far between where
Speaker 1: I'm not in bed, and so when I'm up, I
Speaker 1: am like a fucking mad woman, just like doing even
Speaker 1: simple things like prepping the dinner, Like it's like I'm
Speaker 1: prepping to go away and I'll freeze all food for
Speaker 1: the kids and I'll do the lunches.
Speaker 2: It is, it's like this panic of going.
Speaker 3: Are prepping to go away right.
Speaker 2: Totally because I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, if tomorrow I'm not good, I want
Speaker 1: to have made this a bit easier for Sam, who
Speaker 1: takes the line's share when I'm unwow, and which is
Speaker 1: majority of the time, and I'm like so i feel like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm good enough. I'm going to go and do a
Speaker 1: pilates class. I'm going to catch up with this person.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this because it's this panic, and
Speaker 1: in the back of my mind there's always this anxiety.
Speaker 2: Of like, oh, but it's going to come back. It's
Speaker 2: going to come back.
Speaker 1: And if I have a good day and it's time
Speaker 1: for me to go to bed, I'm anxious because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I've had a good day and I don't want this
Speaker 1: feeling to go and tomorrow I could wake up and
Speaker 1: not feel okay. So it's like this constant state of
Speaker 1: when I'm not good feeling annoyed and anxious about that,
Speaker 1: but when I am good, still having that anxiety of
Speaker 1: it going bad again. So it's like it's hard to
Speaker 1: soak up the good because you feel like, well, it's
Speaker 1: never inevitable that the bad is that this.
Speaker 4: Is going to yes, But then but then you put
Speaker 4: so much pressure on yourself because you feel like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I feel good, so I should be doing all these
Speaker 4: things and I should meet that person for coffee because
Speaker 4: I keep turning them down because I don't I feel
Speaker 4: like chit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so you try.
Speaker 4: And do as many of those things as you can,
Speaker 4: and then often that's just not the answer.
Speaker 2: No, it's just fructure even more, totally totally.
Speaker 4: So it's it's such a fine balance of looking after
Speaker 4: yourself but also just getting back into normal life.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think that's something I struggle with because you
Speaker 1: and I do talk a lot about this is because yours,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm like MS and is so full on
Speaker 1: that I feel like going I've got chronic migrain just
Speaker 1: sounds ridiculous when we chat about what you know is
Speaker 1: going on for us, and I feel like people listening
Speaker 1: to would be like, but Monty, you've just got migraines,
Speaker 1: books got mes Like, I just am embarrassed that something
Speaker 1: like migraine, which I know a lot of people suffer from,
Speaker 1: is so debilitating in my life that takes me out
Speaker 1: of the game of life a lot of times.
Speaker 2: But it is migraine.
Speaker 1: It's so linked to even people get a headache, so
Speaker 1: they think they understand what migraines are, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. So I just feel like sometimes guilty when
Speaker 1: you and I are going tip for tat with what's
Speaker 1: wrong that fucking ms and mine's migraine.
Speaker 3: No, I honestly I hate that you feel like that.
Speaker 4: I hate it breaks my heart when you say that,
Speaker 4: because anyone I think that's a hard thing though with migraines,
Speaker 4: Like people don't often understand the severity of what it's
Speaker 4: like to have chronic migraines, and.
Speaker 3: You do, obviously, and it is so debilitating.
Speaker 4: And I often, you know, when I'm talking to you,
Speaker 4: feel like you know, and we're having a big bitch
Speaker 4: and mode.
Speaker 3: That all the stuff that's throng with us.
Speaker 4: But I often feel the same to you, like I
Speaker 4: feel like, oh my god, I'm okay, I'm not that bad,
Speaker 4: Like you have days you can't get out of bed
Speaker 4: for you know, four or five days, Like I don't
Speaker 4: have that, So I then feel guilty that you're going
Speaker 4: through something so much worse.
Speaker 1: And we've probably had promise each other not to compare
Speaker 1: and not feel guilty about in venting like we it
Speaker 1: was fraying when we spoke a little while ago and
Speaker 1: we just both vented, and we're like, let's not apologize
Speaker 1: and let's do this because it's so fucking lonely. And
Speaker 1: I think that's the one of the biggest parts is
Speaker 1: like even for you and I, like we've got our
Speaker 1: different things, so it's we can chat and relate to
Speaker 1: each other, but it's only you going through what you're
Speaker 1: going through, and the loneliness of it is so fucked
Speaker 1: up because people like even Sam you know, who lives
Speaker 1: with me and looks after me everything, can't get it.
Speaker 2: You just can't.
Speaker 1: Like you can have compassion and empathy, but it's like,
Speaker 1: but you're not living what's going on inside me, So
Speaker 1: it's I'm fuck. We all have our own like no
Speaker 1: one can ever get anyone's shit, but it is so
Speaker 1: lonely and it's so frustrating when I see I get
Speaker 1: really jealous when I see other people out doing things
Speaker 1: and just living a normal life.
Speaker 4: And I think this all the time, like how people
Speaker 4: just out there being like healthy and not having any hues,
Speaker 4: any healthy shoes in the world, just walking around the
Speaker 4: streets doing their things.
Speaker 1: Like how Yeah, oh my god, I think I honestly
Speaker 1: when I see it, Yeah, are those people? They're totally
Speaker 1: those people who were just out in the back. Because
Speaker 1: I at the moment will not plan anything because I'm
Speaker 1: in such a bad cluster. I'm like, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to My calendar is literally free unless I've got a
Speaker 1: fucking appointment, because I'm like, I don't want to cancel things.
Speaker 1: I don't have the energy to go and see people
Speaker 1: at the moment and do things, do much of anything.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm just keeping it free. But I lie,
Speaker 1: like I lie all the time because I'm so embarrassed
Speaker 1: about canceling. Or somebody will organize a lunch or something
Speaker 1: and I instead of going, I'm just gonna have to
Speaker 1: play it by year and see however I'm on the day,
Speaker 1: I'll be like I can't sorry, I've got an appointment
Speaker 1: or I've got a meeting on or something like that,
Speaker 1: because I'm so over having to cancel or being that
Speaker 1: girl who's, oh, yeah, Monty's got a migraine again, Like
Speaker 1: I just don't want And.
Speaker 4: You know, we've talked about this so much because I
Speaker 4: feel exactly the same. But you know, if I were
Speaker 4: catching up with you and you say to me, oh,
Speaker 4: I can't because I just don't feel great today, of
Speaker 4: course everyone would understand and they would get it. But
Speaker 4: there's just something that you feel like is embarrassing because
Speaker 4: you're like, oh again, like I feel shit again. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I have to cancel again, and it's embarrassing. And I,
Speaker 4: you know, I when all this happened, not not long
Speaker 4: after the MS diagnosis, I was at Channel nine nine
Speaker 4: dot com do AU. I'd been there for a long
Speaker 4: time and but it was you know, I anyway, that's
Speaker 4: a whole other story, but I ended up leaving work.
Speaker 4: They were amazing and so so super supportive and incredible,
Speaker 4: but I just felt like I needed to just switch off,
Speaker 4: you know, going into hospital so much and never knowing
Speaker 4: when and for how long, and it was just stressful
Speaker 4: and I just decided to concentrate on me and my
Speaker 4: little family.
Speaker 3: So I did that.
Speaker 4: But I've just started now getting into like a little
Speaker 4: bit of work again, just things that I can do
Speaker 4: from home that.
Speaker 3: Are like, you know, stressful.
Speaker 4: I'm not managing a big team, you know, things that
Speaker 4: I can I can do easily. But one of my
Speaker 4: first thoughts when I have said yes to doing certain
Speaker 4: things is like, oh, I'm going to have like work,
Speaker 4: so I can say to people I can't do something.
Speaker 3: Because I'm working out.
Speaker 4: Yes, so I have an excuse for things, like a
Speaker 4: normal excuse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's real, it's not a lie.
Speaker 3: I can just lie. You'll never know. And because I'll
Speaker 3: just be doing it at home.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'm actually doing it as opposed to yeah,
Speaker 1: I know what you mean.
Speaker 2: But it's also like messed up.
Speaker 1: It's so messed up, and no one like Sam will
Speaker 1: often hear me say that to people and you'll be like,
Speaker 1: why do you do that? And I'm like, you won't
Speaker 1: get it, but I am embarrassed. He's like, what if
Speaker 1: you got to be embarrassed about Like it's very hard
Speaker 1: to understand why you are embarrassed about it. And the
Speaker 1: reason we didn't want to do this is because we
Speaker 1: don't want to be known as the sick girls, because
Speaker 1: it's not just what we are there's this, but that
Speaker 1: we're also so many other things as well. And then
Speaker 1: I was also nervous to do it because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want work to not come my way. I
Speaker 1: don't want people to not consider me for things if
Speaker 1: they know that I have that my health is like
Speaker 1: because I put on a big act a lot of
Speaker 1: the time, like the you have to.
Speaker 2: I have to because also.
Speaker 1: People don't even care, like no one gives a fuck really,
Speaker 1: because I know why I don't. When somebody's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've got a fucking flu or something, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a shame, like and then you go on and
Speaker 1: you give zero shits about it, you know what I mean, Like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's only so much people actually, and of course they
Speaker 1: feel sorry for you and stuff, which sometimes I hate
Speaker 1: as well. Sometimes I'm like, no, I want you to
Speaker 1: get it. I want you to get my reality. And
Speaker 1: then other times I'm like, oh, I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about it. I don't want you to feel sorry
Speaker 1: for me.
Speaker 4: Or they say I don't know if this happens with you,
Speaker 4: but they'll say, oh, I know someone, and you know,
Speaker 4: my Auntie's sister's friend has has MS and she's really
Speaker 4: great and you know she lives like my yeah, great,
Speaker 4: that's wonderful for her. But no one situation with MS
Speaker 4: is ever the same.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: I interviewed the amazing Tim ferguson The Comedian last week,
Speaker 4: and he has MS and he's in a wheelchair, so
Speaker 4: he's where he is is so different from where I'm
Speaker 4: at and so different from where someone else with me.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So and also like say that, I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, fuck, yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like when you're in America and somebody's like, oh,
Speaker 1: do you I know so and so in Australia do
Speaker 1: you know that person?
Speaker 2: It's like but also it's just what I.
Speaker 1: Find hard is and people just mean well, but it's
Speaker 1: so unhelpful, people giving you suggestions of things to try,
Speaker 1: like if you tried herbs, Like no, what the.
Speaker 2: Fuck do you think?
Speaker 1: I'm thirty years into this, Like I started getting migraines
Speaker 1: when I went through puberty and they have progressively got
Speaker 1: worse over the years, and at the moment they're so
Speaker 1: unbelievably bad. I cannot tell you the amount of money
Speaker 1: I've spent on treatments, like it would be literally over
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollars, like probably up towards two over
Speaker 1: this time span, which is just so ludicrous.
Speaker 2: But it's like I've tried every.
Speaker 4: It's another thing you feel guilty about, right, Like you
Speaker 4: feel guilty because no one you know, Sam, your partner,
Speaker 4: Sam doesn't you know, doesn't have any.
Speaker 3: Health issues, and so you're the one to spend it
Speaker 3: just gobbling money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or I feel so guilty, yeah, yeah, Oh, there's
Speaker 1: so much guilt involved in it. And I also I am
Speaker 1: so conscious of the fact that I do am able
Speaker 1: to do things like the other week, I was in
Speaker 1: hospital for a week and the medication they've put me
Speaker 1: on is over five hundred bucks a month for this
Speaker 1: new medication, and I'm like, well, like, how do people
Speaker 1: do that? I'm so fortunate with our situation that it's
Speaker 1: like okay, and then you know, a fifteen hundred dollar
Speaker 1: bill to get out of hospital because of these different
Speaker 1: tests and stuff, and I'm like, that's just so much
Speaker 1: money and that's not even a fraction of what it
Speaker 1: costs for.
Speaker 2: Me to do what I need to do to do.
Speaker 1: But other people have to wait on majority of people
Speaker 1: have to wait for the public system, which can take
Speaker 1: fuck knows how long, which is also another thing where
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, like thank god, I'm so lucky,
Speaker 1: but you also feel guilty as.
Speaker 3: Well about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: That's a joke, isn't it.
Speaker 4: They're so they're so Yeah, the guilty is hard. Don't
Speaker 4: even like get me started on the guilt I feel
Speaker 4: with my kids.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, yeah, that is that's the worst. I
Speaker 3: think it's.
Speaker 1: I think my kids are only ever gonna remember me
Speaker 1: being in bed. Like I got Arlo to do a
Speaker 1: play therapy and I could hear him in there with
Speaker 1: her and he's like, you know, what do you like
Speaker 1: to do with Mark? She was like what do you
Speaker 1: like to do with mum? And he said she's always
Speaker 1: in bed and do anything.
Speaker 2: She's always in bed. And I'm like, fuck's right, like
Speaker 2: I am, oh my god. It was awful.
Speaker 4: And then but you know, they can cuddle you in bed,
Speaker 4: you can read and they can read to you.
Speaker 3: You know, there are things you can do even though
Speaker 3: you're in bed.
Speaker 1: But it's just ship Like I so vividly remember being
Speaker 1: at the beach once and seeing a mom have her
Speaker 1: kid on a boogie board on the just in the
Speaker 1: shallow bit so on the sand and pulling the string
Speaker 1: that it's on and running really fast with that. What
Speaker 1: see I looked at her doing that, won't see, but.
Speaker 4: Then you know I can't Well you're not that, you really,
Speaker 4: but then I can't move or breathe for the next
Speaker 4: few days.
Speaker 3: But I'll I took my girls to Fiji on.
Speaker 4: My own as they were like, Mom, we want to
Speaker 4: go on the jet ski and we want to do
Speaker 4: the water barke.
Speaker 3: And because I'm so head you.
Speaker 2: Are so headstrong it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: So I'm like, Okay, I'll take you on that jet ski.
Speaker 3: I can do that. You just watch. I can do
Speaker 3: that fucking hell. So I did it all, you know,
Speaker 3: and then you spend the next however.
Speaker 2: I'm paying for it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's funny, isn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Because I see people just do things and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I want to do that. I want
Speaker 1: to be able to go for a jog or I
Speaker 1: want to do that, and it's like I have to
Speaker 1: wait every morning to see how I am to go
Speaker 1: Today you can do that or no, today you can't
Speaker 1: do that. Like even to do today, I was like,
Speaker 1: am I going to cancel because I have a yucky
Speaker 1: headache that then I get anxious is going to go
Speaker 1: into a full migraine. But I'm like no, just just
Speaker 1: it's almost like the different degrees you know, where you
Speaker 1: can push yourself, but sometimes you just push it too far.
Speaker 4: What you've just said there resonates with me too, like
Speaker 4: the anxiety of, like I have a lot of stomach issues.
Speaker 4: So often with neurological disorders and disabilities that involve the brain,
Speaker 4: what can happen just in a nutshell is like the
Speaker 4: brain slows down messages to the gut, which can result
Speaker 4: in a lot of gut issues and pain. And yes
Speaker 4: that too, yes conservation all of wonderful, beautiful things, And
Speaker 4: so that happens. I have that a lot, and when
Speaker 4: it flares up, I don't know if it's going to
Speaker 4: last for a day or for two weeks. And so
Speaker 4: when it happens, the anxiety of when, how when is
Speaker 4: this going to go? How long is this going to
Speaker 4: go on? For that's probably when I get like in
Speaker 4: my darkest place, because you still even though you have
Speaker 4: this stomach pain and your nauseous, and I think a
Speaker 4: lot of people listening will probably relate to that too.
Speaker 4: You don't have to have a you know, a disease
Speaker 4: or a disability to have stomach pain. A lot of
Speaker 4: women have gut stomach issues and it can be debilitating.
Speaker 4: It is so hard, but you still have to go
Speaker 4: out and do pick up and drop off and do
Speaker 4: all life with this, like just feeling so sick and
Speaker 4: it is so hard.
Speaker 1: Like that energy takes then to go out and just
Speaker 1: because you don't, you're right, like, and we've got to
Speaker 1: do more. I think we've got We've got so much
Speaker 1: to cover that we should come back and do another
Speaker 1: one because I'm just thinking about you know, avoiding people,
Speaker 1: the acting that goes on, Like there's so much that
Speaker 1: comes with this. I reckon we do, We'll do another one.
Speaker 1: We're going to do another one. There's going to be
Speaker 1: parts to this and we really want to hear from
Speaker 1: you as well. So yeah, go to show and tell
Speaker 1: online is we're on Instagram and send us through if
Speaker 1: you've got if you're going through anything, you've got any questions,
Speaker 1: because we get it.
Speaker 4: And it doesn't have to be yeah, what we're going through,
Speaker 4: it can be anything, totally. I think anyone with a
Speaker 4: chronic illness we're all like on the same like, on
Speaker 4: the same spectrum, on the same.
Speaker 1: Page, and it's wild how many of us are out
Speaker 1: there walking around and you would never know. And that's
Speaker 1: why we wanted to do this, is because if you
Speaker 1: saw Brooke and Eye in the street, you would never
Speaker 1: know what our reality is. Because we can put on
Speaker 1: an act and we can get to work and we
Speaker 1: can do the things sometimes that need to be done.
Speaker 1: But then there's also times we really can't, but the
Speaker 1: outside world doesn't see that, and that's again when it
Speaker 1: becomes really lonely and it's isolating and it's shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a big one.
Speaker 4: I would love to talk more about that too, because
Speaker 4: I have you know, I can have like a month
Speaker 4: or two even where I feel amazing and great and normal.
Speaker 4: So you go out and you do all of the
Speaker 4: things and live your best life, and then it comes
Speaker 4: crashing down again, and it's hard for people who are
Speaker 4: in your life, I think, to understand that, like, oh,
Speaker 4: but you're great, and you I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 1: I saw a Sam will often get oh I saw
Speaker 1: him on to you the other day.
Speaker 2: She looked really good.
Speaker 1: And every time he hears that, he wants to punch
Speaker 1: somebody because he's like, yeah, yeah, because you've seen her
Speaker 1: when she's out.
Speaker 2: Of fucking bed. So it's like, all right, well, we're
Speaker 2: going to leave.
Speaker 1: It there, and there's so much more to uncover that
Speaker 1: we will do another one. We're not sure when, but
Speaker 1: we will get you and we will do another chat
Speaker 1: and we'll just wait to hear from you if you
Speaker 1: want to hear more, or if stuff that so many
Speaker 1: of you have switched, but if you're there listening now,
Speaker 1: you get it, if you've hung in this long, so
Speaker 1: you're people, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so hit us up. We'd love to hear from you,
Speaker 2: and we will chat to you.
Speaker 1: Right by.
Speaker 3: Thanks for having me