1
00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281
Speaker 1: Appolgie production.

2
00:00:10,561 --> 00:00:11,481
Speaker 2: I need your advice.

3
00:00:12,161 --> 00:00:15,321
Speaker 1: Are you okay? What happened? Promise it won't be too much.

4
00:00:16,081 --> 00:00:16,641
Speaker 1: Bring it in.

5
00:00:17,921 --> 00:00:25,961
Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment, Girl, this is the place

6
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:26,281
Speaker 2: for you.

7
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:30,281
Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to She Rises, another bestie segment

8
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,480
Speaker 1: in today's one. It's a little bit heartbreaking, So we're

9
00:00:32,481 --> 00:00:35,001
Speaker 1: going to come in and give out honest best advice,

10
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,561
Speaker 1: just as if one of us was going through this

11
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,881
Speaker 1: exact same situation. So what if for good?

12
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,120
Speaker 2: Absolutely let's take it away, shall we? Hey? Queens need

13
00:00:42,161 --> 00:00:44,520
Speaker 2: some help navigating? Just been told that I've been led

14
00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:47,041
Speaker 2: to you for months and he's been sleeping with his ex.

15
00:00:47,521 --> 00:00:49,961
Speaker 2: What do I do? How do I move on? I'm

16
00:00:49,961 --> 00:00:52,880
Speaker 2: feeling really hurt and really sad and really feel like

17
00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:54,560
Speaker 2: I need to level up and move on, but I'm

18
00:00:54,601 --> 00:00:57,801
Speaker 2: feeling so disappointed. I really thought he was my person.

19
00:00:58,281 --> 00:00:59,881
Speaker 2: Please tell me what do I do?

20
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:03,041
Speaker 1: Risha with more context because she's still seeing him, has

21
00:01:03,081 --> 00:01:05,560
Speaker 1: she broken it off and she's moving on now considering

22
00:01:05,601 --> 00:01:08,001
Speaker 1: taking him back? Like, there's not a lot of context.

23
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,241
Speaker 1: If anyone is bringing anything in the bestI segment, the

24
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,321
Speaker 1: more details you give us the better, because we give

25
00:01:12,801 --> 00:01:15,560
Speaker 1: more solid advice. Absolutely, you kind of have to assume

26
00:01:15,801 --> 00:01:18,640
Speaker 1: that you've left, or assume that you're considering taking him back.

27
00:01:18,801 --> 00:01:21,041
Speaker 2: I think she's still there. Yeah, not sure what I

28
00:01:21,121 --> 00:01:22,681
Speaker 2: do if she hasn't decided yet.

29
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,401
Speaker 1: I mean, if it was me, i'd be out of there.

30
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,761
Speaker 1: It's one of the biggest forms of betrayal, was one cheating.

31
00:01:27,961 --> 00:01:30,640
Speaker 1: The trust is broken, there's cracks in the relationship. He

32
00:01:30,681 --> 00:01:34,441
Speaker 1: obviously still has feelings attraction connection with his ex. That

33
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,600
Speaker 1: chapter hasn't been closed. Yeah, So for me, it's that's

34
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,201
Speaker 1: like an immediate done so, no brainer, it's it. Yeah,

35
00:01:40,241 --> 00:01:41,361
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even consider it.

36
00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:44,321
Speaker 2: I agree, he's showing you where he's feelings still lie. Yeah,

37
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,441
Speaker 2: because it's one thing to be in a new relationship

38
00:01:47,481 --> 00:01:49,001
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, like, of course I still have

39
00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:52,081
Speaker 2: love for my ex because we shared time together, versus

40
00:01:52,161 --> 00:01:54,121
Speaker 2: I'm going to go back and do the physical act

41
00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:57,241
Speaker 2: of being intimate together. That's a whole other kettle of fish.

42
00:01:57,441 --> 00:01:59,041
Speaker 1: By the sounds of the message, I don't think it's

43
00:01:59,041 --> 00:02:02,481
Speaker 1: just been one time, so there's probably an emotional connection

44
00:02:02,561 --> 00:02:04,801
Speaker 1: of texting, of calling, of meeting up, and then the

45
00:02:04,801 --> 00:02:07,121
Speaker 1: con decision over and over it to be intimate with

46
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,960
Speaker 1: this person. Yes, there's so many levels of trust broken

47
00:02:09,961 --> 00:02:12,841
Speaker 1: For me. I just know myself if my partner was

48
00:02:12,921 --> 00:02:15,800
Speaker 1: to cheat to that extent, I would never truly get

49
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,481
Speaker 1: over it, and so I'd always be like throwing it

50
00:02:17,481 --> 00:02:19,241
Speaker 1: back in their face, or I'd always be like, well,

51
00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:21,241
Speaker 1: where he actually going? Can I see your phone? Like

52
00:02:21,481 --> 00:02:23,641
Speaker 1: did you go there? Why are you late? I feel

53
00:02:23,641 --> 00:02:25,560
Speaker 1: it would just play on my mind so much.

54
00:02:25,641 --> 00:02:28,121
Speaker 2: I feel like I would punish him, yes, like not

55
00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:30,441
Speaker 2: mean to, but because I didn't feel fully safe. I

56
00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:32,801
Speaker 2: think that I would throw little digs at him, or

57
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,401
Speaker 2: I would find myself saying things not very nicely, or

58
00:02:36,441 --> 00:02:38,121
Speaker 2: because I was holding all this pain but I was

59
00:02:38,161 --> 00:02:40,761
Speaker 2: trying to pretend like the relationship was still good. And

60
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,960
Speaker 2: I think that in itself would break down the relationship

61
00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:44,921
Speaker 2: and just it's hard to come back from that level

62
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:45,481
Speaker 2: of betrayal.

63
00:02:45,601 --> 00:02:47,841
Speaker 1: It is, and then it makes you question yourself, your

64
00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,601
Speaker 1: self worth, Why do you do this and mine not enough?

65
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:51,720
Speaker 1: Am I not good enough? I'm not pretty enough? Don't

66
00:02:51,761 --> 00:02:54,641
Speaker 1: do something wrong in the relationship. Then this is an

67
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:56,921
Speaker 1: opportunity for you to take the time to heal yourself

68
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,840
Speaker 1: and know that this wasn't about you.

69
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,441
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, Yeah, absolutely, honestly, I would leave you

70
00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:06,361
Speaker 2: can start fresh. And I just truly believe that, even

71
00:03:06,441 --> 00:03:08,921
Speaker 2: though it's not may not be him, there are so

72
00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:12,121
Speaker 2: many men who would be willing to worship the ground

73
00:03:12,121 --> 00:03:14,001
Speaker 2: that you walk on and respect you in the way

74
00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:17,161
Speaker 2: that you deserve to be respected, and also value loyalty

75
00:03:17,201 --> 00:03:19,361
Speaker 2: in the way that you value. Yes here because obviously

76
00:03:19,401 --> 00:03:22,001
Speaker 2: this is something that he's been willing to break in

77
00:03:22,041 --> 00:03:24,001
Speaker 2: the relationship and to go back to a place where

78
00:03:24,001 --> 00:03:26,280
Speaker 2: he once felt comfortable. And I just think like, because

79
00:03:26,321 --> 00:03:29,961
Speaker 2: the ties aren't fully broken with his ex, it's like

80
00:03:30,121 --> 00:03:31,201
Speaker 2: that for me feels so icky.

81
00:03:31,281 --> 00:03:33,081
Speaker 1: It's like want to be second best, you know, or

82
00:03:33,081 --> 00:03:34,001
Speaker 1: your fallback option.

83
00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:36,041
Speaker 2: No, and there was obviously a life that he lived

84
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,481
Speaker 2: before you with this woman, and it's obviously not done,

85
00:03:38,641 --> 00:03:40,561
Speaker 2: and that is something that I will never want to

86
00:03:40,601 --> 00:03:42,641
Speaker 2: get in the middle of. If that happened to me

87
00:03:42,761 --> 00:03:44,561
Speaker 2: and someone showed me like I'm still in love with

88
00:03:44,601 --> 00:03:46,481
Speaker 2: my ex, I'm amazing. You know what, You go sort

89
00:03:46,481 --> 00:03:47,601
Speaker 2: that out with her, but this is not going to

90
00:03:47,641 --> 00:03:48,441
Speaker 2: involve me. Yeah.

91
00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:50,881
Speaker 1: Something we joke about with you is like, say, if

92
00:03:50,881 --> 00:03:52,441
Speaker 1: you're talking to a man and he does something, you're

93
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:54,921
Speaker 1: like Oh, my husband wouldn't do this? Oh? Absolutely, Think

94
00:03:54,961 --> 00:03:56,561
Speaker 1: about the man that you want to marry and spend

95
00:03:56,601 --> 00:03:58,161
Speaker 1: the rest of your life with. Is this his kind

96
00:03:58,161 --> 00:04:00,241
Speaker 1: of behavior? No, you had a daughter, would you want

97
00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:03,081
Speaker 1: her putting up with this? Hell? No, absolutely not. If

98
00:04:03,081 --> 00:04:05,001
Speaker 1: your best friend was in the situation, I always say,

99
00:04:05,881 --> 00:04:07,961
Speaker 1: you wouldn't encourage him, be like, oh my god, stay babe,

100
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,881
Speaker 1: He's just made a little mistake. He didn't mean it.

101
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,481
Speaker 1: I mean because Dick accidentally slipped inside, didn't know what

102
00:04:13,561 --> 00:04:15,441
Speaker 1: I was doing. Sorry, I tripped.

103
00:04:15,601 --> 00:04:17,681
Speaker 2: Sorry I was blindfolded and couldn't see.

104
00:04:17,881 --> 00:04:20,281
Speaker 1: She forced me. Yeah, I was a victim in this.

105
00:04:20,641 --> 00:04:24,681
Speaker 1: Let no, consciously made that decision. And he's showing you

106
00:04:24,721 --> 00:04:26,520
Speaker 1: where he's at and the feelings he has for his

107
00:04:26,721 --> 00:04:29,200
Speaker 1: X and how much he didn't doesn't respect or consider

108
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,841
Speaker 1: how this would impact you, Consider how this would make

109
00:04:31,841 --> 00:04:34,001
Speaker 1: you feel, and consider the damage that it does to

110
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,521
Speaker 1: your potential future relationship. May have had to go.

111
00:04:36,721 --> 00:04:37,960
Speaker 2: And you know what this shows me as well? This

112
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:40,561
Speaker 2: shows me like a lack of self control. Yeah, because

113
00:04:41,401 --> 00:04:43,481
Speaker 2: he went to go Yeah, absolutely, because he was willing

114
00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:45,961
Speaker 2: to go back to that place and had no regard

115
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:49,001
Speaker 2: for the consequences of his actions that to me shows character.

116
00:04:49,241 --> 00:04:51,841
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, and if you were to stay, you're kind

117
00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:55,080
Speaker 1: of saying like, it's okay, yeah, well I enable this behavior.

118
00:04:55,201 --> 00:04:58,281
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like you don't necessarily have consequences for this, So

119
00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:01,441
Speaker 2: if it were to happen again for whatever reason, he

120
00:05:01,481 --> 00:05:03,881
Speaker 2: would almost invite that because you're not saying to him,

121
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,841
Speaker 2: this actually doesn't stand for me. This is a non negotiable,

122
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,080
Speaker 2: like cheating is my limit. This is my line where

123
00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:12,441
Speaker 2: I throw in the towel. Yeah. He'll then go, Okay, well,

124
00:05:12,481 --> 00:05:14,200
Speaker 2: she forgave me for that, she'll forgive me for everything

125
00:05:14,201 --> 00:05:15,401
Speaker 2: else too. Yeah.

126
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,921
Speaker 1: And it really does come back to that self worth

127
00:05:16,921 --> 00:05:19,081
Speaker 1: because you think of a woman that really values herself

128
00:05:19,561 --> 00:05:21,241
Speaker 1: if something of someone you admire that just has so

129
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,801
Speaker 1: much self worth, like, would you put up with that?

130
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,281
Speaker 1: Definitely not. You know that you're worthy of being treated right,

131
00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:27,281
Speaker 1: And that's not okay.

132
00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:28,681
Speaker 2: I love the point that you brought up of what

133
00:05:28,681 --> 00:05:30,721
Speaker 2: we talk about of like my future husband would never

134
00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:33,841
Speaker 2: because I do think about this when I'm dating and

135
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,921
Speaker 2: if there's anybody who comes into my life.

136
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,681
Speaker 1: We just had a conversation about this morning. This is

137
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:39,041
Speaker 1: literally this morning's conversation.

138
00:05:39,281 --> 00:05:41,840
Speaker 2: Like I do think about him, like, my husband would

139
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,441
Speaker 2: never be this inconsiderate.

140
00:05:43,561 --> 00:05:44,961
Speaker 1: Yes, my husband.

141
00:05:44,601 --> 00:05:48,801
Speaker 2: Would never even think that cheating was remotely okay or

142
00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:51,001
Speaker 2: deceiving me in this way. It wouldn't even be a

143
00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:53,640
Speaker 2: thought in his mind because he would be considerate of me.

144
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:56,721
Speaker 2: He'd be respectful, he'd think about my feelings, he'd think

145
00:05:56,761 --> 00:05:59,321
Speaker 2: about the way that his actions make me feel. He'd

146
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,320
Speaker 2: naturally just have that urge to want to be considerate.

147
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,001
Speaker 1: He also doesn't want you to do that to him,

148
00:06:03,001 --> 00:06:04,681
Speaker 1: so he's behaving in a way that he expects to

149
00:06:04,721 --> 00:06:06,201
Speaker 1: be treated as well. It's like you're both in the

150
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,841
Speaker 1: same page. Yeah, both value integrity. Yeah, you have the

151
00:06:08,841 --> 00:06:11,121
Speaker 1: same morals and you want to treat each other with respect. Yeah,

152
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:13,081
Speaker 1: it goes both ways. It's not just one sided.

153
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:16,561
Speaker 2: It's not I'm setting these high expectations because I expect

154
00:06:16,601 --> 00:06:18,521
Speaker 2: you to be this way. But I can do whatever

155
00:06:18,601 --> 00:06:20,881
Speaker 2: I want and I can be No, it's like you're

156
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:23,481
Speaker 2: meeting him in the exact same behavior you're expecting of him,

157
00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:26,161
Speaker 2: and I would question and i'd be curious to know

158
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,121
Speaker 2: your level of loyalty. You'd be all in on the relationship,

159
00:06:30,521 --> 00:06:32,481
Speaker 2: and if that is true, you're allowed to expect that

160
00:06:32,561 --> 00:06:34,921
Speaker 2: of him too, and you're not wrong for wanting that.

161
00:06:34,841 --> 00:06:36,561
Speaker 1: And you will find someone to com meet you there

162
00:06:36,601 --> 00:06:38,241
Speaker 1: as well. Absolutely, for a lot of people, it's just

163
00:06:38,241 --> 00:06:41,481
Speaker 1: the bare minimum, Like it's not even a even a.

164
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:41,921
Speaker 2: Thought, you know.

165
00:06:42,561 --> 00:06:45,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's our advice. If we're in this situation,

166
00:06:46,161 --> 00:06:48,241
Speaker 1: we'd be telling you, oh my gosh, get out of there. Honestly,

167
00:06:49,361 --> 00:06:50,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to take you.

168
00:06:50,241 --> 00:06:52,561
Speaker 2: Yeah. Literally, the conversation would literally be like us sitting

169
00:06:52,601 --> 00:06:54,481
Speaker 2: in the car having coffee or something, being like, babe,

170
00:06:54,521 --> 00:06:56,640
Speaker 2: you deserve so much more. Yeah, as she has once

171
00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:59,681
Speaker 2: said to me, babe, you are deserving of so much

172
00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:01,561
Speaker 2: more than this, And there would literally be a man

173
00:07:01,641 --> 00:07:03,881
Speaker 2: who is actually going to be worth your time and

174
00:07:04,121 --> 00:07:07,121
Speaker 2: worth deserving of love and intentionality that you bring in

175
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,200
Speaker 2: a relationship. Please don't settle for that.

176
00:07:09,881 --> 00:07:13,561
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, amen, backdrop, Yeah, give us an update. You've

177
00:07:13,561 --> 00:07:15,161
Speaker 1: got this. You're worth so much more.

178
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,521
Speaker 2: We're so sorry that this has happened. All he has

179
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:19,681
Speaker 2: to go through this because betrayal is a really hard

180
00:07:19,681 --> 00:07:20,321
Speaker 2: thing to overcome.

181
00:07:20,401 --> 00:07:22,761
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine and like the exit even, I

182
00:07:22,801 --> 00:07:25,081
Speaker 1: feel like that it's even worse than a stranger. I

183
00:07:25,121 --> 00:07:25,441
Speaker 1: don't know.

184
00:07:25,841 --> 00:07:28,321
Speaker 2: Such a terrible feeling. But also I actually think this

185
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:30,241
Speaker 2: is going to sound really weird. I don't know if

186
00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,121
Speaker 2: you will agree as well, but I think it's less worse. Yeah,

187
00:07:33,361 --> 00:07:36,840
Speaker 2: because with this, I feel like it's easier to emotionally detach. True,

188
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,841
Speaker 2: because when I think of this situation, I think of

189
00:07:38,881 --> 00:07:41,361
Speaker 2: my ex partners. They've already built a history before me

190
00:07:41,881 --> 00:07:44,201
Speaker 2: that was something out of my control. Yeah, okay, cool,

191
00:07:44,201 --> 00:07:45,841
Speaker 2: if you're still there, that's fine. I feel like I

192
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,481
Speaker 2: have compassion for that where I'm like, you know what,

193
00:07:47,521 --> 00:07:48,721
Speaker 2: if you want to go there and you want to

194
00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:50,881
Speaker 2: work that out, please go do that, Like, if that's

195
00:07:50,921 --> 00:07:52,641
Speaker 2: your happiness, please go back there.

196
00:07:52,961 --> 00:07:53,561
Speaker 1: Just let me go.

197
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,441
Speaker 2: When I feel like it's someone random or like and

198
00:07:55,481 --> 00:07:57,401
Speaker 2: you've been building a relationship and he just decided it

199
00:07:57,441 --> 00:07:59,681
Speaker 2: was some random chick that he just self control and

200
00:07:59,721 --> 00:08:02,841
Speaker 2: needed to sleep with, that I find offensive because I'm like, wow,

201
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:05,041
Speaker 2: you literally like self control and have no self disciple.

202
00:08:05,521 --> 00:08:07,321
Speaker 1: And then if it's over and over again, it's a

203
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:10,601
Speaker 1: conscious choice making right every time he's texting, calling, meeting up,

204
00:08:10,681 --> 00:08:12,921
Speaker 1: taking her clothes off, taking his clothes off, putting a

205
00:08:12,921 --> 00:08:14,681
Speaker 1: condom on, Like there's so many steps where you can

206
00:08:14,681 --> 00:08:16,601
Speaker 1: pull out and go this isn't right absolutely, and he's

207
00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:19,481
Speaker 1: decided that it is right for him in that moment selfishly. Yeah,

208
00:08:19,521 --> 00:08:20,321
Speaker 1: no thanks.

209
00:08:20,081 --> 00:08:21,961
Speaker 2: And again you know what, like, we don't judge anyone.

210
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:25,281
Speaker 2: We know that humans are make mistakes. Yeah, people do

211
00:08:25,681 --> 00:08:27,441
Speaker 2: whatever is in the best interest of themselves.

212
00:08:27,521 --> 00:08:28,081
Speaker 1: We get that.

213
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,041
Speaker 2: We can be neutral to that. But also, it doesn't

214
00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,881
Speaker 2: mean you have to stand for it, put up with it,

215
00:08:31,961 --> 00:08:33,561
Speaker 2: and you don't have to allow it in your life

216
00:08:33,601 --> 00:08:35,161
Speaker 2: just because somebody is choosing that behavior.

217
00:08:35,201 --> 00:08:36,481
Speaker 1: You can have boundaries and standards.

218
00:08:36,561 --> 00:08:37,241
Speaker 2: Yep, for sure.

219
00:08:37,641 --> 00:08:39,921
Speaker 1: Give us an update, girlfriend, sending you lots of love,

220
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,641
Speaker 1: lots of love. Bye guys, Bye,