Speaker 1: Hello to all of you following the Josh and Stephano journey,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be honest with you right now.
Speaker 1: The podcast addition to this series has fallen off, and
Speaker 1: that was somewhat intentional on my behalf, because I knew
Speaker 1: if Stephano and I continue doing big, sit down, full
Speaker 1: length chats every few days, we would inevitably have to
Speaker 1: get to certain topics and issues that I have been
Speaker 1: desperately ignoring, and so has Stephano. Because we knew once
Speaker 1: we got to those things and really sat down and
Speaker 1: got into the logistics of what they mean for our relationship,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure that we could get through them and
Speaker 1: then how much longer we would have together, which is
Speaker 1: essentially where we're at right now. Fuck, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm about to cry. But before we get to the
Speaker 1: right now today this morning, like on what's happening literally now,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to briefly recap the last nine days.
Speaker 1: So the last podcast episode of Josh and Stephano that
Speaker 1: you heard was me talking about trying to leave him
Speaker 1: at four am once we'd moved in together because I
Speaker 1: had so much on my mind and so many things
Speaker 1: I hadn't found the courage to bring up to him yet,
Speaker 1: And that was mostly all about the fact that he'd
Speaker 1: said during the podcast we did on the final morning
Speaker 1: of our honeymoon that he thinks I'm too sensitive about
Speaker 1: certain things. And after that moment when I did try
Speaker 1: to leave at four am, Stefano and I did then
Speaker 1: sit down and I shared this from my past with
Speaker 1: him on the honeymoon, when you say I am maybe
Speaker 1: too sensitive with things already again upset, but like these
Speaker 1: are like these huge things to me. And when you
Speaker 1: did look online and there's like articles like when I
Speaker 1: was sexually assaulted and raped.
Speaker 2: Were it read, it was a fragment of what happened.
Speaker 2: It was no situation that you couldn't escape or couldn't
Speaker 2: do anything.
Speaker 1: In a new partner. It's it's hard to get there,
Speaker 1: to be comfortable to talk about it. You know, every
Speaker 1: time I think about it, I think, why did I
Speaker 1: not shout more?
Speaker 3: Push me?
Speaker 1: Like but it's like I kind of just it was
Speaker 1: like that moment, that incident, it was like it validated
Speaker 1: how I'd felt my whole life, never feeling enough, almost
Speaker 1: like I a lifelong battle in my head of feeling
Speaker 1: a certain way that finally the world sees me how
Speaker 1: I've always felt and this is now my place as
Speaker 1: like nothing.
Speaker 2: Maybe I didn't use the rye wars, uh, it was
Speaker 2: not my intention, So I.
Speaker 1: Know you, like I have nothing bad against you here
Speaker 1: like that those kind of language barriers, confusion and how
Speaker 1: we say things, and you are a lot more black
Speaker 1: and white and a lot of things where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you knew that was bad. Why do these bad things
Speaker 1: in that cycle? After that incident, and like that was
Speaker 1: in my head a lot throughout the honeym and obviously
Speaker 1: we're still having a lovely time, and I kind of
Speaker 1: just put that back to the back of my mind.
Speaker 1: And then there was that night when maybe I wasn't
Speaker 1: feeling it as much and it felt like your body
Speaker 1: language maybe changed when I wasn't so receptive. And then
Speaker 1: I've obviously had a lot of sex, like in that
Speaker 1: spiral after the incident, it was personal after person just
Speaker 1: trying to feel anything or feel more worthless. And sex
Speaker 1: is this weird thing for me because I grew up
Speaker 1: like so ashamed of it, like I have to be
Speaker 1: very comfortable, and like I have been so comfortable with you,
Speaker 1: but it was just that one time where I felt
Speaker 1: just like.
Speaker 2: A body didn't know anything of the things that you
Speaker 2: went through. I'm so sorry again.
Speaker 1: Like, trust me, this is not me having to go
Speaker 1: You did nothing wrong, like withre do people in a relationships.
Speaker 1: I'm just sorry that maybe I couldn't bring it up
Speaker 1: earlier to make you understand a little bit more because
Speaker 1: I felt like guilty in a way, Like you've probably
Speaker 1: questioned why it's Josh slowly pulling away or being a
Speaker 1: bit less receptive, and as this content I was just
Speaker 1: started rolling out, like day by day, I knew you
Speaker 1: had the only fans, I said. I realized that quite
Speaker 1: quickly because I'd recognize you from Instagram to then have
Speaker 1: every day strangers all over the world, Like I think
Speaker 1: it's acceptable to send me messages like look at your
Speaker 1: husband fucking this person in this video. I don't like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond to that.
Speaker 2: Well, that doesn't mean that I don't want a relationship
Speaker 2: or I don't want to connect with people in a
Speaker 2: deeper way. I do this, this and this, like I
Speaker 2: do different things. This is what made my bills.
Speaker 1: You're so much more than that, I suppose it's the
Speaker 1: point I'm trying to get and then after we had
Speaker 1: that sit down and I got all that off my chest,
Speaker 1: like things have been great, Like we started splitting our
Speaker 1: time between his place and mine. The feelings we already
Speaker 1: had started to develop for each other felt like they
Speaker 1: were growing each day, and everything felt so easy and real,
Speaker 1: and like, I know we've been doing this as an experiment,
Speaker 1: but we kind of forgot that in so many moments,
Speaker 1: like we'd often just forget to even capture any content.
Speaker 1: And on the Friday just gone, we went into the
Speaker 1: city and a friend did some filming of us at
Speaker 1: Vivid and we had a producer, and then you know,
Speaker 1: once we had finished that content side of it, we
Speaker 1: just went for a night dinner Stefano and I and
Speaker 1: during that he said to me, Josh, do you think
Speaker 1: this is like our first official date? And I was
Speaker 1: confused at first because we've had so many dates and
Speaker 1: have done so much and you know, we're spending every
Speaker 1: night together. But then I thought, actually, like this is
Speaker 1: the first time we're out on the town doing something
Speaker 1: like fun and we've made an effort and it's not
Speaker 1: for content, it's not being captured. We've not got our
Speaker 1: phones out, it was just us because we wanted to,
Speaker 1: and it did then feel like that night we really
Speaker 1: progressed as a couple. And during that night while out
Speaker 1: in the city, you know, walking around at Vivid and
Speaker 1: then to dinner, then we got ice cream. Like I
Speaker 1: think maybe five different people approached us over a few
Speaker 1: hours and recognized us from the content, and some asked
Speaker 1: for a selfie, and another woman said that she cried
Speaker 1: at the video You've just hit the audio from where
Speaker 1: I was opening up to stepan out, and like every
Speaker 1: single person was so supportive and hopeful and wishing us
Speaker 1: the best, And that kind of messed with my head
Speaker 1: as we then got home a few hours later, because
Speaker 1: this series feels like it's become bigger than I ever
Speaker 1: thought in terms of like how many people are watching it,
Speaker 1: how many followers that page has got, the fact people
Speaker 1: are stopping us on the street, not just to go oh,
Speaker 1: I watched that, but they genuinely are rooting for us.
Speaker 1: And then I just started to think about how the
Speaker 1: fairy tale we've been presenting online up until this week
Speaker 1: isn't entirely accurate, Like, of course every sweet moment and
Speaker 1: cute post you've seen has been real and that's how
Speaker 1: we feel, and that's the reality of whatever that moment was.
Speaker 1: But I made the choice to exclude one big thing,
Speaker 1: not just from the content, but almost from Stefano and
Speaker 1: I every day as a couple in the real world,
Speaker 1: and that's the fact that Stefano's sole income is doing
Speaker 1: OnlyFans and now we're back in Sydney, he has returned
Speaker 1: to having to film content for that, which does include
Speaker 1: him filming content with other people. And I have no
Speaker 1: judgment towards anyone doing that kind of work, like good
Speaker 1: on them, I say, I know so many friends in
Speaker 1: their sex industry, but I've never thought like, can I
Speaker 1: be with someone who's doing that? And given how we met,
Speaker 1: I suppose I never got the chance to think about
Speaker 1: that before entering a relationship with someone who well does
Speaker 1: have to sleep with other people to pay his bills
Speaker 1: and film that and then people watch that. And everything
Speaker 1: else between Stephano and I has been so lovely and cute,
Speaker 1: and it's like we've been in this bubble of like
Speaker 1: bliss or holiday romance, and I've just been wanting to
Speaker 1: prolong that as long as possible and put off having
Speaker 1: the chat about this because I knew when we did
Speaker 1: things would change, which is what has now happened, because
Speaker 1: yesterday early afternoon, we did sit down to talk about
Speaker 1: this and you may have seen a brief video of
Speaker 1: this last night on Instagram, but here is the full
Speaker 1: audio from that sit down.
Speaker 2: I don't want to have an open relationship, but I
Speaker 2: had to sleep with other people for my job.
Speaker 3: That is not cheating.
Speaker 2: It's just a way that I had to put my bills.
Speaker 1: And that's the point where at now in this relationship.
Speaker 1: So I said to you today that I want the
Speaker 1: content we're posting to be a lot more honest, and
Speaker 1: like everything has been honest, like everything we've done is real,
Speaker 1: but I have chosen to exclude certain things almost because
Speaker 1: I feel protective of you. I don't want you to
Speaker 1: be villain villainized or you know, people turning you. But
Speaker 1: like this is now the reality that now we're back
Speaker 1: in Sydney, you have to go back to work, and
Speaker 1: that work means sleeping with other people, and I don't
Speaker 1: know how I feel about that.
Speaker 2: This doesn't mean that I don't want to have a relationship,
Speaker 2: that I want to be with you, but this is
Speaker 2: just a way, as I told you, this is the
Speaker 2: way that I pay for this apartment and leave alone
Speaker 2: here in Bondi, which is no easy. And if I
Speaker 2: stopped doing this, what do what do I? I mean
Speaker 2: if I want to be a lawyer here, you know
Speaker 2: how much I have to be study for at least
Speaker 2: one year? Do the bark Sam so many things? To
Speaker 2: be honest, I don't know if I'm ready for the
Speaker 2: if I want to give up all the life standard
Speaker 2: that I that I go.
Speaker 1: I think it's worth pointing out here that this is
Speaker 1: not like you've trying to do a bombshell or something
Speaker 1: in this content. That you told all of this to
Speaker 1: Pedro the producer, who much does he knew? This was
Speaker 1: the reality you in a relationship can be committed in
Speaker 1: the relationship, but for your work you still have to
Speaker 1: do that. And I also told Pedro the type of
Speaker 1: relationship I want would not be open, it would be monogamous,
Speaker 1: and Pedro the producer just for oh, we'd figure it out.
Speaker 1: And I've been putting off this conversation and I've tried
Speaker 1: not to ask. You know, when I go to work
Speaker 1: in the day, I'm not really asking what you're doing,
Speaker 1: which isn't me not showing an intro start caring. It's
Speaker 1: more because when the more I think about you doing
Speaker 1: that during the days lately, I question can I be
Speaker 1: with you? Because I again I think in the gay word.
Speaker 1: Open relationships so common that it seems everybody's doing it.
Speaker 1: It seems that's just the most accepted thing, and that's
Speaker 1: the way relationships are now defined. But for me, I'm
Speaker 1: so old fashioned in the sense of I like romance.
Speaker 1: I like this idea of I'm with someone and that's it,
Speaker 1: It's just me and them.
Speaker 3: I don't want to.
Speaker 1: Have a type of relationship where, oh, what we're doing
Speaker 1: this weekend, I might go see this person, I'm still
Speaker 1: on the apps and that I was like, nah, I
Speaker 1: want my person to be enough. And I know you
Speaker 1: said you don't want an open relationship and that is
Speaker 1: just your work, but you're still sleeping with other people.
Speaker 2: How you use that word because in Spanish sleeping like
Speaker 2: a minute, like a deeper meaning like sleeping with somebody.
Speaker 2: And I'm just sharing like two hours filming content with somebody,
Speaker 2: you know. But then at the end of the day day,
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I'm sleeping, I'm coloring you.
Speaker 3: I'm not coloring that person.
Speaker 2: I'm not sharing like a TV show or like I'm
Speaker 2: not even cooking for.
Speaker 3: That person.
Speaker 1: And I get that, and I don't doubt your feelings
Speaker 1: towards me. But I suppose maybe I've reached a point
Speaker 1: now where as this goes on and I'm developing more
Speaker 1: feelings for you the more time we spend together, and
Speaker 1: it feels like we're building something. I can't keep ignoring this,
Speaker 1: And I suppose the question in my mind that has
Speaker 1: been can I change my views? Can I accept this?
Speaker 1: Because I I'm not against that industry in the slightest
Speaker 1: and know so many people that do it, and I
Speaker 1: know that when they perform and they're filming content with
Speaker 1: other people, I know it's almost like it is performing.
Speaker 1: It's almost like acting, right, it's a job. And I
Speaker 1: have seeing your content now and when I see you
Speaker 1: in that, and then compare that to when we're into
Speaker 1: my I see very different people and different things. But
Speaker 1: you came into this project experiment, whatever we call it,
Speaker 1: with this idea that your partner would have to just
Speaker 1: accept that in you, and.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I can.
Speaker 2: Something that I learned in this industry is to split
Speaker 2: sex and low, like you can have both, but you
Speaker 2: can also have one thing and the other thing. You
Speaker 2: know what I mean. I mean, I understand you, but
Speaker 2: I had to be one hundred per honest. I don't
Speaker 2: know if I can change my content. I mean, there
Speaker 2: is a chance I can try to do solos. I
Speaker 2: don't know all that kind of content. Maybe that doesn't
Speaker 2: include sex with other people, something that I have to analyze,
Speaker 2: So I can I conceive it worth it or no?
Speaker 2: Because I don't want to give up on my lifestyle
Speaker 2: right now, I'm going.
Speaker 3: To take.
Speaker 2: This weekend to think about it, to see what I
Speaker 2: what I can do mmm, because I don't want to
Speaker 2: make like a big decision without thinking.
Speaker 1: I think that we spend a day or two a
Speaker 1: part because I can't work out how I feel about
Speaker 1: they're still seeing you every day and having like these
Speaker 1: lovely moments at home and the romance and that dream
Speaker 1: that I want in a relationship. Like I'm so caught
Speaker 1: up in that that I'm not really thinking about this
Speaker 1: until now, and seeing you every day is making that difficult.
Speaker 1: So I think, yes, a couple of days apart, and
Speaker 1: we should both really think about what a relationship looks like.
Speaker 3: To both of us. I think that will be the.
Speaker 1: And then yeah, I packed a bag, went home and
Speaker 1: I did intended of spending a couple of days apart,
Speaker 1: not talking, not seeing each other. But once that video
Speaker 1: you've just hit the audio from went live a few
Speaker 1: hours later, I think around four thirty pm on Socials.
Speaker 1: The confusion of what's happening between us and the comments
Speaker 1: and then the negativity towards Stephanel, all that like combined
Speaker 1: made me emotional, and it also made Stephane quite upset.
Speaker 1: And when I heard he was upset, like I thought,
Speaker 1: I can't not go over and see him. I want
Speaker 1: to see him. I want to give him a hug.
Speaker 1: I want to be there for him because there isn't
Speaker 1: a villain here, no one's done anything wrong. It's just
Speaker 1: this is the reality. And he told all of this
Speaker 1: the peduro before the experiment, like he it wasn't like
Speaker 1: he was trying to do a bombshell up promote himself,
Speaker 1: like he still wants a relationship. But yeah, hearing him
Speaker 1: upset like over WhatsApp when he texted me saying that,
Speaker 1: I was like, nah, I'm I'm going there. So this
Speaker 1: is then what happened.
Speaker 2: I feel that, you know, I look like very tough
Speaker 2: but very sensitive with all.
Speaker 3: I'm reading this and crying like, I don't know.
Speaker 2: This is the first time that I and then.
Speaker 3: I make this out of public, you know what, I
Speaker 3: do too much.
Speaker 1: I know this is meant to be our first night apart,
Speaker 1: but I cannot set at home right now. I'm knowing
Speaker 1: that he is upset, and I'm just here too some ay,
Speaker 1: doing nothing, like I just want to go and hug
Speaker 1: him because.
Speaker 3: I know he is struggling, especially.
Speaker 1: With the comments and maybe the uncertainty.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just want to go and give him a hug
Speaker 4: to honest. Okay, So I've just left and I'm now
Speaker 4: going on because I do still think we need time apart,
Speaker 4: and staying over is not gonna have that. But I
Speaker 4: just wanted to say that there isn't a villain here.
Speaker 4: There isn't a bad person. People don't need to take
Speaker 4: sides with two people different views trying to figure something out.
Speaker 4: I still have so much respect and care for Stephan Now,
Speaker 4: I don't like seeing people that care about upset and
Speaker 4: especially stephanel And maybe we should have had this child
Speaker 4: a lot sooner.
Speaker 1: But we were both so caught up and just enjoying
Speaker 1: being together and developing feelings that I mean, we knew
Speaker 1: this would happen. And yeah, and this now brings us
Speaker 1: to this morning today, right now, me sat here in
Speaker 1: the studio alone, and I've got no idea what's going
Speaker 1: to happen next. We both are taking space to think
Speaker 1: and I suppose chat with our friends and maybe family
Speaker 1: and try to figure out where this goes. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I do feel sad, to be honest, and I know
Speaker 1: he does too. Maybe we can find a way through this,
Speaker 1: Maybe there is a compromise, maybe there still hope, But
Speaker 1: at this moment, I don't know. So all I'll say
Speaker 1: is thank you to everyone who has been following this journey.
Speaker 1: Will update you when there is an update.