WEBVTT - JOSH AND STEFANO: A Sad (And Honest) Update... 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.760 Hello to all of you following the Josh and Stephano journey, 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:05.720 and I'm going to be honest with you right now. 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:09.920 The podcast addition to this series has fallen off, and 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:14.680 that was somewhat intentional on my behalf, because I knew 0:00:14.840 --> 0:00:18.360 if Stephano and I continue doing big, sit down, full 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:22.280 length chats every few days, we would inevitably have to 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.279 get to certain topics and issues that I have been 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:31.160 desperately ignoring, and so has Stephano. Because we knew once 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:34.040 we got to those things and really sat down and 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.440 got into the logistics of what they mean for our relationship, 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:40.800 I'm not sure that we could get through them and 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:44.720 then how much longer we would have together, which is 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:47.960 essentially where we're at right now. Fuck, I feel like 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:51.879 I'm about to cry. But before we get to the 0:00:52.159 --> 0:00:57.160 right now today this morning, like on what's happening literally now, 0:00:57.320 --> 0:01:00.000 I'm just going to briefly recap the last nine days. 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.120 So the last podcast episode of Josh and Stephano that 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:07.320 you heard was me talking about trying to leave him 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.920 at four am once we'd moved in together because I 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:12.720 had so much on my mind and so many things 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:15.520 I hadn't found the courage to bring up to him yet, 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:19.080 And that was mostly all about the fact that he'd 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:22.000 said during the podcast we did on the final morning 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.240 of our honeymoon that he thinks I'm too sensitive about 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:29.720 certain things. And after that moment when I did try 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:32.320 to leave at four am, Stefano and I did then 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:35.440 sit down and I shared this from my past with 0:01:35.560 --> 0:01:39.120 him on the honeymoon, when you say I am maybe 0:01:39.160 --> 0:01:42.640 too sensitive with things already again upset, but like these 0:01:42.640 --> 0:01:45.959 are like these huge things to me. And when you 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:50.480 did look online and there's like articles like when I 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:54.880 was sexually assaulted and raped. 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:58.480 Were it read, it was a fragment of what happened. 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:02.040 It was no situation that you couldn't escape or couldn't 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:03.360 do anything. 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:08.200 In a new partner. It's it's hard to get there, 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.600 to be comfortable to talk about it. You know, every 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:11.960 time I think about it, I think, why did I 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:13.480 not shout more? 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:13.880 Push me? 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:15.920 Like but it's like I kind of just it was 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:19.640 like that moment, that incident, it was like it validated 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:22.760 how I'd felt my whole life, never feeling enough, almost 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:27.360 like I a lifelong battle in my head of feeling 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:30.920 a certain way that finally the world sees me how 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:33.480 I've always felt and this is now my place as 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:35.440 like nothing. 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:40.400 Maybe I didn't use the rye wars, uh, it was 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:42.400 not my intention, So I. 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:46.240 Know you, like I have nothing bad against you here 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:49.680 like that those kind of language barriers, confusion and how 0:02:49.720 --> 0:02:51.920 we say things, and you are a lot more black 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:54.640 and white and a lot of things where it's like, well, 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:56.679 you knew that was bad. Why do these bad things 0:02:56.720 --> 0:03:01.160 in that cycle? After that incident, and like that was 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:05.320 in my head a lot throughout the honeym and obviously 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:06.840 we're still having a lovely time, and I kind of 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:08.280 just put that back to the back of my mind. 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:14.680 And then there was that night when maybe I wasn't 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.640 feeling it as much and it felt like your body 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:20.239 language maybe changed when I wasn't so receptive. And then 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:23.840 I've obviously had a lot of sex, like in that 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:27.080 spiral after the incident, it was personal after person just 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.600 trying to feel anything or feel more worthless. And sex 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:32.240 is this weird thing for me because I grew up 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:35.440 like so ashamed of it, like I have to be 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:37.640 very comfortable, and like I have been so comfortable with you, 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:41.120 but it was just that one time where I felt 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:41.560 just like. 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:47.680 A body didn't know anything of the things that you 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:50.160 went through. I'm so sorry again. 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:51.960 Like, trust me, this is not me having to go 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:56.640 You did nothing wrong, like withre do people in a relationships. 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.560 I'm just sorry that maybe I couldn't bring it up 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:02.760 earlier to make you understand a little bit more because 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:05.600 I felt like guilty in a way, Like you've probably 0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:11.680 questioned why it's Josh slowly pulling away or being a 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:15.600 bit less receptive, and as this content I was just 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:18.640 started rolling out, like day by day, I knew you 0:04:18.640 --> 0:04:20.640 had the only fans, I said. I realized that quite 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:23.359 quickly because I'd recognize you from Instagram to then have 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:25.800 every day strangers all over the world, Like I think 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:29.800 it's acceptable to send me messages like look at your 0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:32.440 husband fucking this person in this video. I don't like, 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:35.800 I don't know how to respond to that. 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.839 Well, that doesn't mean that I don't want a relationship 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:42.159 or I don't want to connect with people in a 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:45.440 deeper way. I do this, this and this, like I 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:48.679 do different things. This is what made my bills. 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:51.160 You're so much more than that, I suppose it's the 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.320 point I'm trying to get and then after we had 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:55.560 that sit down and I got all that off my chest, 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:59.040 like things have been great, Like we started splitting our 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:02.560 time between his place and mine. The feelings we already 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.080 had started to develop for each other felt like they 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:10.160 were growing each day, and everything felt so easy and real, 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:13.240 and like, I know we've been doing this as an experiment, 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:16.479 but we kind of forgot that in so many moments, 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:19.320 like we'd often just forget to even capture any content. 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:23.080 And on the Friday just gone, we went into the 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.400 city and a friend did some filming of us at 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.000 Vivid and we had a producer, and then you know, 0:05:28.080 --> 0:05:31.600 once we had finished that content side of it, we 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.320 just went for a night dinner Stefano and I and 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:36.680 during that he said to me, Josh, do you think 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:40.039 this is like our first official date? And I was 0:05:40.040 --> 0:05:42.680 confused at first because we've had so many dates and 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.360 have done so much and you know, we're spending every 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:48.960 night together. But then I thought, actually, like this is 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:52.440 the first time we're out on the town doing something 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:55.919 like fun and we've made an effort and it's not 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:58.960 for content, it's not being captured. We've not got our 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.280 phones out, it was just us because we wanted to, 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:06.680 and it did then feel like that night we really 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.880 progressed as a couple. And during that night while out 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:12.960 in the city, you know, walking around at Vivid and 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.039 then to dinner, then we got ice cream. Like I 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:18.680 think maybe five different people approached us over a few 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:22.160 hours and recognized us from the content, and some asked 0:06:22.200 --> 0:06:24.479 for a selfie, and another woman said that she cried 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.000 at the video You've just hit the audio from where 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:30.000 I was opening up to stepan out, and like every 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:33.680 single person was so supportive and hopeful and wishing us 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:37.520 the best, And that kind of messed with my head 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.520 as we then got home a few hours later, because 0:06:41.040 --> 0:06:45.120 this series feels like it's become bigger than I ever 0:06:45.279 --> 0:06:47.760 thought in terms of like how many people are watching it, 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:50.480 how many followers that page has got, the fact people 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:52.760 are stopping us on the street, not just to go oh, 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:57.039 I watched that, but they genuinely are rooting for us. 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:00.640 And then I just started to think about how the 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:04.440 fairy tale we've been presenting online up until this week 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:08.800 isn't entirely accurate, Like, of course every sweet moment and 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.520 cute post you've seen has been real and that's how 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.360 we feel, and that's the reality of whatever that moment was. 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:18.200 But I made the choice to exclude one big thing, 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:22.120 not just from the content, but almost from Stefano and 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:25.200 I every day as a couple in the real world, 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:29.800 and that's the fact that Stefano's sole income is doing 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:33.680 OnlyFans and now we're back in Sydney, he has returned 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.960 to having to film content for that, which does include 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:41.240 him filming content with other people. And I have no 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:44.120 judgment towards anyone doing that kind of work, like good 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:46.200 on them, I say, I know so many friends in 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:50.640 their sex industry, but I've never thought like, can I 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:54.800 be with someone who's doing that? And given how we met, 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:57.040 I suppose I never got the chance to think about 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:01.280 that before entering a relationship with someone who well does 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.440 have to sleep with other people to pay his bills 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.760 and film that and then people watch that. And everything 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:09.960 else between Stephano and I has been so lovely and cute, 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:12.320 and it's like we've been in this bubble of like 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:15.800 bliss or holiday romance, and I've just been wanting to 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:18.840 prolong that as long as possible and put off having 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:21.640 the chat about this because I knew when we did 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:24.960 things would change, which is what has now happened, because 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.440 yesterday early afternoon, we did sit down to talk about 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:30.880 this and you may have seen a brief video of 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:33.320 this last night on Instagram, but here is the full 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:34.600 audio from that sit down. 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:39.080 I don't want to have an open relationship, but I 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:41.720 had to sleep with other people for my job. 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:44.560 That is not cheating. 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:49.400 It's just a way that I had to put my bills. 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:55.800 And that's the point where at now in this relationship. 0:08:56.720 --> 0:09:00.040 So I said to you today that I want the 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:04.200 content we're posting to be a lot more honest, and 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:08.320 like everything has been honest, like everything we've done is real, 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:14.800 but I have chosen to exclude certain things almost because 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:18.200 I feel protective of you. I don't want you to 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:22.320 be villain villainized or you know, people turning you. But 0:09:22.679 --> 0:09:26.360 like this is now the reality that now we're back 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:30.120 in Sydney, you have to go back to work, and 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:37.520 that work means sleeping with other people, and I don't 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:38.680 know how I feel about that. 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.520 This doesn't mean that I don't want to have a relationship, 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:47.040 that I want to be with you, but this is 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:49.480 just a way, as I told you, this is the 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.199 way that I pay for this apartment and leave alone 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:56.000 here in Bondi, which is no easy. And if I 0:09:56.320 --> 0:10:01.360 stopped doing this, what do what do I? I mean 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:03.000 if I want to be a lawyer here, you know 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.480 how much I have to be study for at least 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:09.160 one year? Do the bark Sam so many things? To 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:11.160 be honest, I don't know if I'm ready for the 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:16.480 if I want to give up all the life standard 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:17.800 that I that I go. 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:20.960 I think it's worth pointing out here that this is 0:10:21.000 --> 0:10:24.679 not like you've trying to do a bombshell or something 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.240 in this content. That you told all of this to 0:10:27.320 --> 0:10:30.280 Pedro the producer, who much does he knew? This was 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:33.360 the reality you in a relationship can be committed in 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:35.920 the relationship, but for your work you still have to 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.920 do that. And I also told Pedro the type of 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:43.000 relationship I want would not be open, it would be monogamous, 0:10:44.280 --> 0:10:48.840 and Pedro the producer just for oh, we'd figure it out. 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:52.600 And I've been putting off this conversation and I've tried 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:54.040 not to ask. You know, when I go to work 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.080 in the day, I'm not really asking what you're doing, 0:10:57.600 --> 0:11:00.800 which isn't me not showing an intro start caring. It's 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:03.760 more because when the more I think about you doing 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:09.960 that during the days lately, I question can I be 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:14.880 with you? Because I again I think in the gay word. 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:18.080 Open relationships so common that it seems everybody's doing it. 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:20.520 It seems that's just the most accepted thing, and that's 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:24.199 the way relationships are now defined. But for me, I'm 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:27.400 so old fashioned in the sense of I like romance. 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:31.000 I like this idea of I'm with someone and that's it, 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:31.880 It's just me and them. 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:33.360 I don't want to. 0:11:33.920 --> 0:11:37.520 Have a type of relationship where, oh, what we're doing 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:39.680 this weekend, I might go see this person, I'm still 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.080 on the apps and that I was like, nah, I 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.280 want my person to be enough. And I know you 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:48.320 said you don't want an open relationship and that is 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:52.040 just your work, but you're still sleeping with other people. 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:55.880 How you use that word because in Spanish sleeping like 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:59.520 a minute, like a deeper meaning like sleeping with somebody. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:05.280 And I'm just sharing like two hours filming content with somebody, 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:07.600 you know. But then at the end of the day day, 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.920 at the end of the day, I'm sleeping, I'm coloring you. 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.319 I'm not coloring that person. 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:16.280 I'm not sharing like a TV show or like I'm 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:17.400 not even cooking for. 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:19.760 That person. 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:23.400 And I get that, and I don't doubt your feelings 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:26.760 towards me. But I suppose maybe I've reached a point 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:31.800 now where as this goes on and I'm developing more 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:34.320 feelings for you the more time we spend together, and 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:39.400 it feels like we're building something. I can't keep ignoring this, 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:42.679 And I suppose the question in my mind that has 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:45.160 been can I change my views? Can I accept this? 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:48.720 Because I I'm not against that industry in the slightest 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.439 and know so many people that do it, and I 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:53.640 know that when they perform and they're filming content with 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:56.160 other people, I know it's almost like it is performing. 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:59.680 It's almost like acting, right, it's a job. And I 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.120 have seeing your content now and when I see you 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.800 in that, and then compare that to when we're into 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:09.360 my I see very different people and different things. But 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:15.240 you came into this project experiment, whatever we call it, 0:13:15.280 --> 0:13:18.880 with this idea that your partner would have to just 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:20.400 accept that in you, and. 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:22.880 I don't know if I can. 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:27.280 Something that I learned in this industry is to split 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:32.680 sex and low, like you can have both, but you 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:35.080 can also have one thing and the other thing. You 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:43.120 know what I mean. I mean, I understand you, but 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:46.200 I had to be one hundred per honest. I don't 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:50.679 know if I can change my content. I mean, there 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:54.040 is a chance I can try to do solos. I 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.760 don't know all that kind of content. Maybe that doesn't 0:13:57.400 --> 0:14:01.359 include sex with other people, something that I have to analyze, 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:06.960 So I can I conceive it worth it or no? 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:11.600 Because I don't want to give up on my lifestyle 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:13.719 right now, I'm going. 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:14.240 To take. 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:21.320 This weekend to think about it, to see what I 0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:26.320 what I can do mmm, because I don't want to 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.080 make like a big decision without thinking. 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:33.320 I think that we spend a day or two a 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:37.840 part because I can't work out how I feel about 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:40.160 they're still seeing you every day and having like these 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:43.600 lovely moments at home and the romance and that dream 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:48.160 that I want in a relationship. Like I'm so caught 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.440 up in that that I'm not really thinking about this 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.840 until now, and seeing you every day is making that difficult. 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.640 So I think, yes, a couple of days apart, and 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:03.400 we should both really think about what a relationship looks like. 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:10.680 To both of us. I think that will be the. 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:13.760 And then yeah, I packed a bag, went home and 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.840 I did intended of spending a couple of days apart, 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:20.760 not talking, not seeing each other. But once that video 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.320 you've just hit the audio from went live a few 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:27.040 hours later, I think around four thirty pm on Socials. 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:31.280 The confusion of what's happening between us and the comments 0:15:31.360 --> 0:15:35.360 and then the negativity towards Stephanel, all that like combined 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:40.040 made me emotional, and it also made Stephane quite upset. 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.680 And when I heard he was upset, like I thought, 0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:46.080 I can't not go over and see him. I want 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:48.120 to see him. I want to give him a hug. 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:52.800 I want to be there for him because there isn't 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:55.000 a villain here, no one's done anything wrong. It's just 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:59.200 this is the reality. And he told all of this 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:02.080 the peduro before the experiment, like he it wasn't like 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.240 he was trying to do a bombshell up promote himself, 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.600 like he still wants a relationship. But yeah, hearing him 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:11.520 upset like over WhatsApp when he texted me saying that, 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.600 I was like, nah, I'm I'm going there. So this 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.000 is then what happened. 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:20.800 I feel that, you know, I look like very tough 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.920 but very sensitive with all. 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:32.360 I'm reading this and crying like, I don't know. 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:36.200 This is the first time that I and then. 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:39.400 I make this out of public, you know what, I 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.960 do too much. 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:44.640 I know this is meant to be our first night apart, 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:46.920 but I cannot set at home right now. I'm knowing 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:51.760 that he is upset, and I'm just here too some ay, 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.480 doing nothing, like I just want to go and hug 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:55.320 him because. 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.520 I know he is struggling, especially. 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:01.960 With the comments and maybe the uncertainty. 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:02.560 I don't know. 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.960 I just want to go and give him a hug 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.120 to honest. Okay, So I've just left and I'm now 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:11.840 going on because I do still think we need time apart, 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:15.159 and staying over is not gonna have that. But I 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:19.040 just wanted to say that there isn't a villain here. 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:21.480 There isn't a bad person. People don't need to take 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:25.960 sides with two people different views trying to figure something out. 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:31.479 I still have so much respect and care for Stephan Now, 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:35.159 I don't like seeing people that care about upset and 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:38.480 especially stephanel And maybe we should have had this child 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:39.440 a lot sooner. 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:43.400 But we were both so caught up and just enjoying 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:47.560 being together and developing feelings that I mean, we knew 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:53.359 this would happen. And yeah, and this now brings us 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:57.320 to this morning today, right now, me sat here in 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:01.000 the studio alone, and I've got no idea what's going 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:04.480 to happen next. We both are taking space to think 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.399 and I suppose chat with our friends and maybe family 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.960 and try to figure out where this goes. And yeah, 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:13.560 I do feel sad, to be honest, and I know 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:17.359 he does too. Maybe we can find a way through this, 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.879 Maybe there is a compromise, maybe there still hope, But 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:24.760 at this moment, I don't know. So all I'll say 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:27.880 is thank you to everyone who has been following this journey. 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.919 Will update you when there is an update.