1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:01,639 Speaker 1: Hi and here. 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 2: Military and army personnel are regularly pushed to the limits 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:09,640 Speaker 2: of the human body and mind. From my time in 4 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 2: the military, I know firsthand what toll this can take 5 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 2: on your physical and mental health. In this special episode, 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,480 Speaker 2: I'm revisiting some of these powerful conversations I've had and 7 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 2: the lessons we've learned. First up, my brother in the DS, 8 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 2: Audiolitan Olie, spoke to me about his military career and 9 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 2: the moment he realized that the war he was fighting 10 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,480 Speaker 2: was within himself. 11 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 3: When you're sat there on selection, which is the hardest 12 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:42,520 Speaker 3: thing we've ever chosen to do, chosen when you sat 13 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 3: there on selection, like the bigger pictures. Sometimes when the 14 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 3: pressures aren't of being a special force, if one of 15 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 3: the few percent past, that course starts to really dissolve 16 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 3: and become overwhelming. So forget that, Just do today, Just 17 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 3: do right now, Just do this next second. And as 18 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 3: you know, going through the interrogation, that does go down 19 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 3: to do the next second. You know what I mean 20 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 3: about six hours, Just do the next second. So yeah, 21 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,760 Speaker 3: that was it, and then I joined my team and 22 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 3: everything else, and it was like I was I was 23 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,639 Speaker 3: disappointed when I got there. Yeah, I mean, I passed 24 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 3: out and I was disappointed. 25 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 2: At so you passing in your head, You're like, wow, 26 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 2: this lifelong dream of mine, I've got what made you think? 27 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,480 Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know it was for me. 28 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 3: I look back at it now, right, and what was 29 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 3: pushing me for? 30 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:33,120 Speaker 4: You know? 31 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 3: Even today, I'm like walking here thinking about stuff about 32 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:38,839 Speaker 3: that whole you know, from the ten. 33 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:39,320 Speaker 1: Year old boy. 34 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 3: I'm starting to think about what I did in my life. 35 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 3: It's like it's quite interesting. I don't know if there's 36 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 3: any wait in this, but this is my thoughts on it. 37 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 4: Right. 38 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: I look back at that afterwards. 39 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 3: Ten I surrounded myself with the hardest people I could. 40 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 3: You know, even through school, I didn't like my friends 41 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 3: were out of school, they were older than me. There 42 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,080 Speaker 3: were the hardest people in my local town, you know 43 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 3: what I mean. When I got out and I would 44 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 3: surround myself with these people. Then I joined the Ron Marines, 45 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 3: hardest band of brothers, and then I joined the Special Forces. 46 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: And now I'll look back. 47 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 3: It was almost like I had to create this defense 48 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 3: system because of that young boy. 49 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: And this is what I do believe. 50 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 3: It was always trying to create this defense around me, 51 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 3: like build this sort of armor around me as hard as. 52 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: Possible, and that's what's kind of pushed me. 53 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 3: There was also another thing that I would later on discover, 54 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 3: you know, when I went through the plant medicine which 55 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 3: helped me unravel so much, the ahuasca in Costa Rica. 56 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 3: And for me, looking back, it was like I was 57 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 3: searching for a war. You know, I wanted to be 58 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 3: at war. I wanted to be at war every day. 59 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 3: And we always think as humans, success, happiness, everything, even 60 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 3: despair is an external issue, you know what I mean, 61 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 3: there's a you know, happiness is an external fit of course, 62 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 3: you know. It's when I lost going ship with someone 63 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 3: else to play yah blah blah blah. So for me, 64 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 3: I was chasing this external thing that I was drawn towards. 65 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 3: But I didn't realize until much later in life when 66 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 3: I crashed and burned that the war was inside and 67 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 3: that's what I needed to resolve. But I was looking 68 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 3: for that war externally. Did you have some fun times there, 69 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 3: some great times, great time? 70 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 2: Did you realize the level of capability that you were at. 71 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 4: Yeah? 72 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 3: No, absolutely, it's like, as you know, like selection, you 73 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:27,560 Speaker 3: then join your team and it's ongoing, constant training went 74 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 3: back in my day, there wasn't loads of operations, but 75 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 3: we did operational stuff, which was brilliant. 76 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: That's all I wanted to be there for. 77 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 3: For me, I wanted to be on the you know, 78 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 3: because of that ten year old boy seeing that, you know, 79 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 3: the Embassy. You know, I was constantly on the black role, 80 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 3: so I wanted I wanted the Embassy all over again. 81 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. 82 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 3: I mean, so I was constantly on the ct cateterrorism 83 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 3: wing doing. You know, I was constantly on that, and 84 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:52,280 Speaker 3: that to me was. 85 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: Like I loved it. 86 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 3: I loved it, but I wanted to be on operations, 87 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 3: not training, not not on camp. 88 00:03:58,560 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: I want to be on operations. 89 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 2: It almost feels like you passed in the wrong sort 90 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 2: of era later on, when you know myself and Iraqs 91 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 2: and Afghans, you know, just back. 92 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 5: To back tours and operations. 93 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 2: I always say this, and you know, only a few 94 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,240 Speaker 2: of the older generation will admit this, but you know, 95 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 2: the older generation, they were more. 96 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,359 Speaker 5: Highly trained and hidly tuned. 97 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 2: You know, the training, training, training, operation would come up, 98 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 2: you decide between the squadros who would ump on it, 99 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,159 Speaker 2: and they'd go into it, and you know, like they're 100 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:31,479 Speaker 2: few and far between, you know, but it's training, training, 101 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 2: training where the new school generation, like myself, our training 102 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:37,680 Speaker 2: ground was a battle film. 103 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 1: I passed straight out to Afghanist six month. 104 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,640 Speaker 2: Tour, kicking doors down every day and as point man, 105 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 2: you know that's you. 106 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,720 Speaker 1: Know, so it's exactly. 107 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 2: It was almost like, you know, we were so much 108 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,560 Speaker 2: more combat hardened then, but then you go back to 109 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,799 Speaker 2: the old school, you know, where they they're more finally 110 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: trained and tuned, and it was just a different. 111 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 3: And I do believe that if it was I was 112 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 3: a bit later. Yeah, I probably stayed in a lot longer. 113 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,039 Speaker 3: But me it was like but also the fact it 114 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 3: was like, I just think a big problem with me. 115 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,919 Speaker 3: I don't know if anything external would have satisfied what 116 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 3: I needed to solve inside, you know, and I needed 117 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,320 Speaker 3: to learn that the hard way. I finally left after 118 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,919 Speaker 3: six years said I was never going back to a 119 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 3: war zone. Three months later, I'm in the war zone 120 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 3: as a contractor. 121 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 5: So you never go back to a war. 122 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:26,279 Speaker 2: Zone, Yeah, and then someone comes along and back in 123 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 2: that day though, when the iar racks as a private contractor, 124 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 2: it was you were earning some ridiculous amounts of money. 125 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 5: What it was about the money. 126 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 2: It wasn't really about going into and having job satisfaction. 127 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:39,159 Speaker 5: Is like I've got the s F stamp. 128 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah. 129 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 2: Now as a private contractor, you're getting paid ridiculous amounts 130 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 2: of money. You're going from your fifty quid a day 131 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 2: to your five. It was and all of a suddenly 132 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 2: living you know, yeah, you just living in the process, 133 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 2: but you're living like a pop star. 134 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 3: Right yeah, yeah, undred percent, which was was a blessing 135 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 3: and a curse. 136 00:05:58,960 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. 137 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 3: Well for me, it was like I got out there exactly. 138 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 3: I now call it fools gold because I've never compromised 139 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,919 Speaker 3: my mental and physical state to do any job, you 140 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 3: know what I mean. We are the most important project 141 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 3: is that is fact. So for me out there, you're 142 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 3: obviously compromising everything, the safety and everything that I don't 143 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 3: talk about safety because health and safety wasn't something that 144 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 3: we was a part of our life anyway. But the 145 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 3: thing is you're out there doing jobs that you would 146 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 3: never do in the military, you know what I mean, 147 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 3: and you're like doing you're risking things like you know, 148 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 3: I've got twelve people. I'm looking there's two of us 149 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 3: looking after twelve people on a convoy, you top cover 150 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 3: as well, no top cover, no nothing, So you know 151 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 3: that if you get whack, when you get whacked, it 152 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 3: is probably highly likely you're not coming out. So that's 153 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,919 Speaker 3: happening on a far too regular basis, you. 154 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: Know what I mean, And you haven't. 155 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 3: And for the first time I can remember that first attack. 156 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,760 Speaker 3: I talk about it a lot because I learned a 157 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 3: lot about myself in that, you know, one hundred and 158 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 3: forty k's one hundred and forty kilometers driving down the 159 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 3: road in the convoy got whacked by the militia two 160 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 3: car attack on tours from behind, and mate, in that moment, 161 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 3: it was like a absolutely ship myself. 162 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: Not literally, but you know what I mean. 163 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 3: When that attack came in, it was like and I'm 164 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 3: driving a car and I'm like realizing what's going on 165 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 3: at cover? 166 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 2: You've got nowhere assets, you've got a weapon, a couple 167 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: of mans, two of you against a whole army. 168 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 1: Base exactly who don't give, don't give. 169 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 2: Don't and you've got no yeah, there's no fire and 170 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 2: maneuver out there. 171 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: And no no no safety covering, nothing. 172 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 3: And then you realize in that moment that how you know, 173 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 3: back in the day when that happened. 174 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: When you're in s F you would like, bring it on, Yeah, 175 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:36,280 Speaker 1: bring it on. 176 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 5: Yeah you got. 177 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: You know what I mean, everyone's best weapon system in 178 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: the world, you know what I. 179 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:47,679 Speaker 3: Mean, and you just want that to happen. You gagging 180 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,920 Speaker 3: for it to happen. But in that moment, myself and 181 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 3: I started thinking all this is. You know, I've analyzed 182 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 3: this time and time again about what happened in that moment, 183 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 3: because it was almost like I'd stop breathing for a minute, 184 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And that's what happens when 185 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 3: we get into stress situations. You you start to shallow breathe, yeah, 186 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 3: of course. And then once you start to do that, 187 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 3: Cortersole starts to increase chemical reaction, which is the fight 188 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 3: or flight or freeze. 189 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: I'm driving a car. It's not the best thing to happen, 190 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. 191 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 3: I start thinking about all the things that could go wrong, 192 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 3: So you then start to build into that fear. Fear 193 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 3: is a mental and emotional rehearsal for something you don't 194 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 3: want to happen, you know what I mean. You can't 195 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 3: allow it to dominate. It's contagious, isn't it. Doesn't mean 196 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 3: to turn you back on it, but you can't. And 197 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 3: in that moment, it wasn't until I actually they started 198 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 3: shooting at it, you know, the intimidating sound of that 199 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 3: orchestra of hell, of all those AK forty sevens going off, 200 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 3: that it snapped me out and it was like bang. 201 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 3: Nothing more was Everything was subconscious from that moment and 202 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,400 Speaker 3: the training kit back in, thank god. And I took 203 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,160 Speaker 3: a breath in that moment, almost like I'm not breathed 204 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 3: for the last minute and a half or whatever, and 205 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 3: in that moment, breathing just adding clarity, which which dropped 206 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 3: the quartersole give me a mindset of clarity and not confusion. 207 00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 3: What do I need to focus on? Not the people 208 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,319 Speaker 3: in front, not the things, all the things that could 209 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 3: go wrong, the people are shooting at me. Nothing else 210 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 3: matters apart from that, Yeah, you know, And in that 211 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 3: moment that that's why I learned so much. And I'll 212 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,959 Speaker 3: talk about that breathely calibrate delivery. 213 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 2: Alery that would gives you that calvity of mind exactly. 214 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: Yeah. 215 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, And as you know, and I talked about that 216 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 3: a lot with people afterwards, and it was like, you know, 217 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 3: that's the one thing that got me out that situation. 218 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 3: We got back and it was incredible. Although in that 219 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 3: you know, I learned so much from that, so much 220 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 3: from that, And that's the fact that you know, and 221 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 3: you can use that adapt that in every situation because 222 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 3: you get to a stressful situation, whether you're asking for 223 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 3: a pay rise or whatever you're doing, or any situation 224 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:38,239 Speaker 3: that is uncomfortable. Unless you get control of your faculties, 225 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 3: you're going to make a decision. The heightened sense of 226 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 3: emotion which is then going to create a negative situation 227 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 3: that you know, you're pushing yourself in your mind just goes, 228 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 3: get me out whatever wherever you want to take me. 229 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 2: Get the first thing that pops up, you action it 230 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 2: and yeah, it's desperate, and it's desperate, and. 231 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 3: It's in the wrong direction, you you know, and that's 232 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 3: obviously quite an extreme, but people could. 233 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, but people, you. 234 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 3: Know, there's a lot of stuff now out there, breath 235 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 3: work which is so powerful, you know, starting to control 236 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 3: your breathing and everything else, which is incredible. So but 237 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 3: that moment taught me so much about that situation, about 238 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 3: about myself. But the thing is the negative side is 239 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 3: that that was the fact that I thought that was 240 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 3: early on in the days of getting there as a contractor. 241 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:17,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. 242 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 3: And then from that moment on, I was like, I 243 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,600 Speaker 3: ain't coming back from here, but I kind of giving 244 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,000 Speaker 3: up by that time. Anyway, I was drinking too much 245 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 3: a lot. You know, we went back to the village, 246 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 3: I was drinking. Everyone was drinking. When the tools went down, 247 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,319 Speaker 3: everyone was drinking. But I think I was drinking more. 248 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 6: You know. 249 00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 3: I was like, I made sure in my room I 250 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,199 Speaker 3: had a stash, so I knocked myself out, you know 251 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 3: what I mean. I used to sleep with a pistol 252 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 3: under my pillow, not knowing if the door was going 253 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,440 Speaker 3: to be bashed in by the militia. 254 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 1: And I lived like that for four years. 255 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 3: Started taking Valley in the day after, just to handle 256 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 3: the anxiety of the hangovers and this living in bag 257 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 3: Dad in the red Zone, and it was it was 258 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 3: a horrible. He was absolutely horrible. I look back now, 259 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 3: and that really dicayed me in mentally. You know, I 260 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 3: had to get out of there. Four years later. I 261 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 3: just said up the courage to leave. And it's so 262 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 3: hard when you're being paid that much money, you know 263 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 3: what I mean, and that's why I call it fools 264 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 3: gold now, yeah, because we're quite happy to compromise everything. 265 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,839 Speaker 1: For the dollar. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, we do, you 266 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:12,320 Speaker 1: know what I mean. 267 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,960 Speaker 3: It's like, you know, there was other situations because my 268 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 3: drinking was bad and there was a few bad parties 269 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:19,559 Speaker 3: that went a bit haywire. 270 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: So I was kind of nudged out. 271 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 3: And I feel if I wasn't nudged out, I would 272 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 3: have just stayed there, you know what I mean, for 273 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 3: a while longer anyway, So it's a natural good thing 274 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 3: for me to went over to Australia. I was living 275 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 3: there at the time, and again I was like, never 276 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 3: going back to a war zone. I'm going to get 277 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 3: some stability. I'm going to get some money into property 278 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 3: in this, that and the other real real estate, and 279 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 3: sounded all good. But then I heard about this thing, 280 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 3: the Gray Man, and that was get rescuing kids from 281 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 3: child prostitution slavery in Southeast Asia. Before I knew it, 282 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 3: I was over there. 283 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 4: Now. 284 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 3: I went from the sort of moral standing that I 285 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,520 Speaker 3: wanted to help these kids, but I didn't realize the 286 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 3: gift that that was going to give me. It was incredible. 287 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 3: I went over there, kids are being held in these 288 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 3: satellite camps. We would go up, get the kids out, 289 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 3: get them to an orphanage, says them through before the 290 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,080 Speaker 3: cartels got to. 291 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 2: Right, So you basically intercept them, right the process was 292 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 2: already happened. They're already being traffic. You find out the 293 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,320 Speaker 2: routes that they were going, Yeah, whether and you'd intercept yeah. 294 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,520 Speaker 3: Well, we get them at the core of where they're 295 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:17,199 Speaker 3: being held, you know what I mean. So we got 296 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 3: to the camp's got them out. But the bottom line 297 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:24,559 Speaker 3: is before long the whole thing. There was a picture 298 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 3: that went viral all over the world and we had 299 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 3: to escape out of Thailand. Those people hunting us down, 300 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 3: they knew your face. 301 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: They knew what we had. 302 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 3: The picture that went in actually had black across the eyes, 303 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 3: but you know what I mean, that's not so anyway. 304 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 3: It was like we had to escape out of there, 305 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 3: get out there, and then they ended up back in Australia. 306 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 2: It's mad how it goes from once you could go 307 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 2: once you because ultimately you talked about living that war 308 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 2: in your head, you always wanted that war that was 309 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,719 Speaker 2: and ultimately all you've done is you've got You've gone 310 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 2: from war zone with the gym war zone with the military, 311 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 2: to war zone as a private contract, to war zone 312 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 2: with getting these So you've you're always seeking for that 313 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 2: war exactly without even realizing it, right because you just 314 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 2: brough I'm done. 315 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: No, the war is not over. Yeah, I mean it's 316 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 1: calls you back. 317 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 5: It's still in my head. 318 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 1: It's over. It's not over. 319 00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,559 Speaker 2: It's not over until you actually. 320 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 5: Can process it properly and go, Actually, the war is 321 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 5: in my head. 322 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,720 Speaker 3: It's in me, yeah, one hundred percent. And this is 323 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:22,960 Speaker 3: the thing as well. It's like, this isn't just military 324 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 3: or this is people in general, isn't it. You know 325 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,839 Speaker 3: a lot of people anyone that thinks that they can 326 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:31,440 Speaker 3: change their outside world by changing their externals, they can 327 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 3: change their inner world by changing their external world. It's 328 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:36,920 Speaker 3: not gonna You're always going to Like if I hadn't 329 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,480 Speaker 3: discovered that it's an inside job. That's where we need 330 00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,560 Speaker 3: to work on, you know, I mean I'd probably been 331 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 3: you're never going to. 332 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: Get that fixed. 333 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 5: And how did you discover that? 334 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 3: Well, I actually got back that whole thing is when 335 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 3: I questioned Burner got back out of Australia, found something 336 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 3: finally that meant so much to be more than the 337 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 3: military or anything. It was like the dots finally connected. 338 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 3: And I talk about that because I finally had first 339 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 3: hand experience of understand and in the power of helping 340 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,600 Speaker 3: other people. It's quite natural, isn't it to understand that 341 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 3: we should feel good from helping our fellow human. 342 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 2: Melody is all about. That is humanity at its pures, exactly. 343 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: And this is the thing, and a lot of people 344 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,320 Speaker 1: are losing the grip on that. 345 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 3: There's so many people that are more invested on how 346 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 3: many followers they've got an egogram or any social platform, 347 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 3: you know what I mean. They're quite happy to step 348 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 3: over each other in a close knit sports team or 349 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 3: corporate team. But it's the power of helping others, the 350 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 3: power of collaboration. I'll tell you what I learned this 351 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 3: the other week. And I think this is so powerful 352 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 3: because how we've been misguided through society, through the Western world. 353 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 3: The true original meaning of the word compete is to 354 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 3: strive together, but we've twisted that into the other person. 355 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,800 Speaker 3: And you look how that's affected society. So everyone out 356 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 3: there is trying to beat the other person from the 357 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 3: original term compete there's two people that gain from that, 358 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 3: the person that passes on the knowledge and the one 359 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 3: that gains from the knowledge. 360 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 2: My next guest survived the unthinkable when he came face 361 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 2: to face with a three hundred pounds bull shark. Paul 362 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 2: de Gelder is a shark attack survivor turned conservationist. 363 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 6: We were in the water right alongside hma Is Cutable, 364 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 6: which I called Garden Island. It's a big Navy base 365 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 6: in Sydney in the harbor. Work there my whole career 366 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 6: with the Navy's worked there for decades. In the water 367 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,280 Speaker 6: every day. That's where we do ninety nine percent of 368 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 6: our training with the warships on the holes as well. 369 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 6: So this isn't anything new. But I'm in the water 370 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 6: swimming from point A to point B doing what we're 371 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,160 Speaker 6: called finning, So you're on the surface on your back 372 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:50,160 Speaker 6: wetsuit fins, just kicking along. Added ah. So not really 373 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 6: an exciting day by any means. But I once again 374 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,320 Speaker 6: have sharks on the brain, and I'm just thinking to myself, Look, 375 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 6: I know there's been sharks seen in the harbor. The 376 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 6: fishermen see them all the time. We don't see them 377 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 6: that really, I'd never seen a large, dangerous shark in 378 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 6: my entire life with my own eyeballs, but they're still 379 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 6: on my mind. And because I don't have a real 380 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 6: task to do, there at the front of my mind, 381 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,560 Speaker 6: because I'm just finning, I got nothing to think about. 382 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 6: But I'm going, Okay. You know, when we train to 383 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 6: fin we swim like that, so we're streamlining. You just 384 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 6: kind of glide through the water, but you are across 385 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 6: your chest. Yeah, but I like to have my hands 386 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,160 Speaker 6: by my side, sort of like feeling the water. I 387 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:32,680 Speaker 6: don't know, it's just what I like. And I'm thinking 388 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 6: of myself. If I have my hands across my chest 389 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 6: and a shark grabs me, then by my body, both 390 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 6: my arms are pinned and I won't be able to 391 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 6: fight back. If I have my hands down by my side, 392 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 6: at least maybe it'll grab one arm and I'll be 393 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 6: able to fight it off. And then I turn around 394 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 6: a look to make sure I go. I'm going towards 395 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 6: the bow of the warship. Shark gets me. 396 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 5: How long have you been in the water? 397 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 6: For probably four or five minutes. I've just literally. 398 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 5: Pulled them of everything, right. 399 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 6: I pulled the new guy out of the water. Because 400 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,080 Speaker 6: he was in the water for about thirty minutes. My 401 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 6: body lockey pulled him out, said jump out, mate, let 402 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 6: me take over. I'll give you a rest. And so 403 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 6: I jump in. Four or five minutes later in the water, 404 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 6: just swimming along thinking about sharks, get this big whack 405 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 6: in my leg, not thinking too much of it because 406 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 6: it didn't really hurt, and I turn around and there's 407 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,919 Speaker 6: a giant shark's head attached to my body. 408 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 4: Wow. 409 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,160 Speaker 2: So you hit this thing, you think it's you think 410 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 2: it's something else, and then you turn around and you're 411 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 2: literally face to face with this shot. What's the first 412 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 2: thing you see? Just when you turn around, what's the 413 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,879 Speaker 2: first thing you see? What? 414 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:44,160 Speaker 6: The funny thing is when when you haven't seen something 415 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 6: ever before in your life, it's hard for your brain 416 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,919 Speaker 6: to process that. Like I remember flying to South Africa 417 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 6: one time from Australia and you go across like the 418 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,720 Speaker 6: Antarctic just you kind of touch on it. And I 419 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,960 Speaker 6: looked out the window and I couldn't I couldn't fab 420 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,120 Speaker 6: them what I was seeing, Like I thought it might 421 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 6: be the Antarctic, but it was. It was white and shiny, 422 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,879 Speaker 6: and it had like what looked like roofs and squiggly lines. 423 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,919 Speaker 6: My brain couldn't work it out. And that's what happened 424 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 6: with the shark. It took me felt like a couple 425 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 6: of seconds to work out what I was actually looking at, 426 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 6: because it's just not something that you think you're going 427 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,919 Speaker 6: to see in your whole life, a giant shark with 428 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 6: its teeth embedded into your leg and a big eye 429 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,760 Speaker 6: just staring at you. So finally, you know, my instincts 430 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 6: kicked in and I thought, you know, I've seen the 431 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 6: crocodile hunter. I've seen shark week on Discovery Channel. I'll 432 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 6: jap it in the eyeball, but it had my leg 433 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,480 Speaker 6: and my hand, so I couldn't get it with my 434 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 6: right hand. I couldn't reach the eye with my left hand. 435 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 6: I tried to push it off, but that didn't do anything. 436 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 6: And so the final thing that they mentioned is you 437 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 6: punched in the nose, and so I cocked back to 438 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 6: punch it in the nose. But then the shark, I guess, 439 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:01,760 Speaker 6: decides that I'm edible, starts rushing me around with its mouth, 440 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 6: and the pain from the teeth just tearing through my 441 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 6: flesh and my muscle of my hand and my leg 442 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,440 Speaker 6: took every ounce of fight out of me, and I 443 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:18,480 Speaker 6: was just a ragdole getting taken underwater and ripped apart. 444 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,440 Speaker 6: So I didn't think I was going to make it 445 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,439 Speaker 6: out of the water that day. I just thought I 446 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 6: was going to die. The pain was just so inconceivable. 447 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,159 Speaker 6: To have flesh and muscle torn out of your body 448 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 6: is just something that I would wish on another human being. 449 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 6: You just realize how powerless we really are. Like as humans, 450 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 6: we're lucky. We have this big old brain which can 451 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:47,680 Speaker 6: think up tools and that sort of stuff, But when 452 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,119 Speaker 6: it comes down to the line one on one with 453 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,119 Speaker 6: an animal, we're pretty piss weak, to be honest. And 454 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 6: this is the scientists measured the bite in my wetsuit 455 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:01,480 Speaker 6: and the teeth marks in my leg devised that it 456 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,320 Speaker 6: was a two point seven to three point two meter 457 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 6: bull shark. So nearly take. 458 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 5: Your muscle, pure muscle, pure muscle. 459 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 6: In its environment. And you know, at that point, I'm 460 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 6: probably eighty four kilos, ring and wet, pretty fit but lean, 461 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 6: and there's nothing you can do, literally nothing. You're just 462 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,960 Speaker 6: a victim, And so what do. 463 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,399 Speaker 5: You start doing? What do you do? 464 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,360 Speaker 1: Pull? So you I gave up. 465 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,879 Speaker 5: You give up? You think do you do you think 466 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 5: I'm dead? I'm not getting out of the water. 467 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,240 Speaker 6: Exactly that, I think, you know what, I'm not going 468 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,919 Speaker 6: home today. I'm going to die right now. And the 469 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:44,560 Speaker 6: funny thing that happened was, you know, I don't think 470 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,000 Speaker 6: it's like time slows down. I think our minds and 471 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 6: our bodies are such incredible tools that everything goes into hyperdrive. 472 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 6: That adrenaline or whatever, cortisol or whatever kicks in, and 473 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 6: you just think things in the blink of an eye. 474 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 6: And I thought to myself, are you ready to die? 475 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 6: And I looked back on that shit kid who had 476 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,520 Speaker 6: been so misdirected and bullied his whole life, and all 477 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:11,639 Speaker 6: the horrible things that I've done to everything that i'd achieved, 478 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 6: and my sense of purpose and value and service to 479 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 6: what i'd achieved in the Army and then even to 480 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 6: a greater extent in the Navy, and I thought, you 481 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,879 Speaker 6: know what, I've lived ten lives in these thirty one years. 482 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:27,160 Speaker 6: I've done more than I probably even deserve. If I'm 483 00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:30,359 Speaker 6: going to die now, I'm ready to go. I have 484 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 6: no regrets. I've made up for everything, and I just 485 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 6: let go, and I was waiting for death. In those instances. 486 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 6: The shark's teeth met in the middle of my leg 487 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,280 Speaker 6: as it's thrashing me and ripped out my hamster. It 488 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,000 Speaker 6: ripped off my hand, and it starts to thrash and 489 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 6: swim away. My wetsuit makes me buoyant, so I pop 490 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 6: to the surface and take a big gasp of air, 491 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,000 Speaker 6: realize I'm not dead, and just think I'm going to 492 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 6: get out of here before this shark comes back. There's 493 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 6: another one in the water. I've always thought bullsharks swim 494 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 6: in packed. I know nothing, and so I just think 495 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 6: I got to get out of here so I don't 496 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,520 Speaker 6: get bitten again. I can't feel my leg at this 497 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,639 Speaker 6: point because the sharks ripped out my whole hamstring in 498 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,920 Speaker 6: twenty five centimeters my psiatic earth. I start to take 499 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 6: a stroke to go back to the boat, and my 500 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 6: hand is gone. My arm ends at the end of 501 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 6: my wetsuit. Medical training kicks in. Okay, I've got to 502 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 6: keep that wound above my heart to stem the bleeding. 503 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 6: So I start swimming back to the boat one hand, 504 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,840 Speaker 6: one leg, can't feel my other leg through a pool 505 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 6: of my own blood and the guys in the safety boat, 506 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,639 Speaker 6: my three teammates and the little sod. They're gunning it 507 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,960 Speaker 6: towards me, and they said the blood was so thick 508 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,239 Speaker 6: in the water they could actually taste it in the 509 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 6: air when they got close to grabby. I didn't think 510 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 6: I was going to make it. I didn't think I 511 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 6: was going to survive. But I had one thing that 512 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 6: I had to do, get to the boat, so that's 513 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:57,120 Speaker 6: all I focused on. I was just thinking, any second, 514 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,199 Speaker 6: this shark is going to come back if I was 515 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,400 Speaker 6: waiting for thews to close down on my other leg 516 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 6: and pull me under and die. But it never came, 517 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,640 Speaker 6: and so I made it to the boat. Guys pulled 518 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 6: me out of the water, and just out of relief 519 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,120 Speaker 6: really that I wasn't going to get eaten any anymore. 520 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,520 Speaker 6: I was safe in the boat. I relax, I pass out, 521 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,400 Speaker 6: and then my buddy Tomo thinks I'm going into cardiac 522 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:26,399 Speaker 6: arrest because the wound in my leg is enormous. They 523 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 6: did not expect it to be this severe, and so 524 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 6: he starts pummeling me in the chest to stimulate my 525 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,840 Speaker 6: heart to wake me back up, which worked, and I 526 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 6: look over and my hand's gone freshly ripped off by 527 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 6: a shark, and I look up and Tomo's beating the 528 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 6: shit out of me, and I just think today sucks. 529 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 6: And so everyone's stressed out. The boys are springing into action. 530 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,359 Speaker 6: I can hear the engine of the boat going, so 531 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,359 Speaker 6: I know we're going towards the wharf. One of the 532 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:57,119 Speaker 6: guys is putting a tornique around the wound above the 533 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,199 Speaker 6: wound on my leg. I didn't know out to what 534 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 6: because we didn't have a safety kit with torny cays 535 00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 6: in it. So I find out later they've taken their 536 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 6: t shirts off of their backs, jammed it into the wound, 537 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 6: and then strapped it all down with straps from a 538 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,639 Speaker 6: life jacket. And so I'm trying to crack jokes because 539 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:16,360 Speaker 6: I know it's such a it's such a military thing 540 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,360 Speaker 6: for us to do. When it starts. 541 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:22,240 Speaker 1: A situation, I'm too serious. 542 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't want everyone to worry. I'll just crack 543 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,399 Speaker 6: a couple of jokes. 544 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. 545 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 6: I just figured as long as I could see Tomo's 546 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 6: face and as long as I could hear his voice, 547 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,520 Speaker 6: then I wasn't dead, and so that's all I focused on. 548 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,919 Speaker 6: So they got me back to the wharf, waited for 549 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 6: the paramedics to get there, which took about ten minutes, 550 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,280 Speaker 6: and then after some instance which was fifteen minutes up 551 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 6: the street. And so very very fortunate to have like 552 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 6: the great fitness that I had, the training that I had, 553 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 6: my mates with their medical training, and then everything came together. 554 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,960 Speaker 6: One of the guys had to actually stick his hand 555 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:03,000 Speaker 6: the inside the wound of my leg and pinch closed 556 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 6: an artery with his fingers to stop me from bleeding gown, 557 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 6: something he said he never ever wants to do again. 558 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 5: But I don't blame him, Paul, I don't blame him. 559 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 6: So with the surgery, it was because the shark took 560 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:21,160 Speaker 6: my hamstring, and so if they removed above the wound, 561 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 6: it would have made me a hip disarticulate amputee because 562 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 6: there would be no residual limb left to put a 563 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,080 Speaker 6: socket on. And so they didn't want that to happen 564 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 6: to me. So what they did was they cut off 565 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 6: my foot. They fill it it open the back of 566 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 6: my leg from the shark bite down to where my 567 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,720 Speaker 6: ankle was. Where they cut off the foot, they took 568 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,160 Speaker 6: all the bone out of my lower leg, took out 569 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,840 Speaker 6: my knee joint, and they cut off the end of 570 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 6: my fema and then they folded the calf muscle into 571 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 6: where my hamstring used to be. And so I'm laying 572 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 6: there two days after. I'm like, well, the Chief of 573 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 6: navyes just spoken in front of the media and said, 574 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 6: as long as Paul wants a job in the Navy, 575 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 6: he'll have one. And so I think, okay, I want 576 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 6: my old job back, and so that's it. There's nothing else. 577 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,960 Speaker 6: It's like, I want my old job back. How do 578 00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 6: I achieve that? Because I can't fucking lay here thinking 579 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 6: about this shit. I need to start taking some semblance 580 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:14,720 Speaker 6: of action to start achieving that impossible dream because it 581 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:18,440 Speaker 6: felt impossible. But I'm like, well, I didn't start in 582 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 6: the clearance styles, did I? It was a slow process. 583 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 6: You don't start by climbing everest, do you. So okay, 584 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 6: small goals, small challenges. I can't even get out of 585 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,920 Speaker 6: bed at this point. I've got a bedpan to piss 586 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 6: and shit in. I can't go to the toilet. But 587 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,199 Speaker 6: I see the bar above my bed and so I 588 00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 6: grab that. And I remember my old chief, Tony Isles. 589 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,800 Speaker 6: He broke his back surfing and he dragged his body 590 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 6: along the sand to get back to shore, and I 591 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,160 Speaker 6: heard him telling a story where he used the bar 592 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,439 Speaker 6: above his bed to do one arm chin ups, And 593 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 6: so I saw that bar and I thought, that's it 594 00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,840 Speaker 6: all right, I don't need to recreate the wheel. I'll 595 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,719 Speaker 6: just start training like this. And then over a period 596 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,840 Speaker 6: of days and weeks, my buddy's brought weights, they brought 597 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,439 Speaker 6: in proteins, they brought in ferraband, so I could like 598 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,639 Speaker 6: tie him off to the bars around my bed, so 599 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 6: even before I could stand up, I could at least 600 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,679 Speaker 6: feel like I was doing something to get moving on 601 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 6: to that impossible goal. 602 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 2: In two thousand and nine, Commando Damon Tomlinson was serving 603 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 2: in Afghanistan when one night changed everything. He was working 604 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:30,680 Speaker 2: a night patrol when his unit drove over a Taliban 605 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,159 Speaker 2: ied Damien lost both of his legs in the explosion 606 00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 2: and was left fighting for his life. He was determined 607 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 2: to reclaim his life on his own terms, and he 608 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,439 Speaker 2: spoke to me about the mindset that enabled him to 609 00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:47,960 Speaker 2: do so. 610 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 4: I got hit at about ten o'clock ten thirty. My 611 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:58,600 Speaker 4: vehicle jump did like a ninety degree turn. Guy next 612 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 4: to me blew his ear drumming out. Kid in the 613 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 4: back was knocked out as well. Woke up, they came. 614 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,879 Speaker 4: My right leg was gone, left was broken, like really badly. 615 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,560 Speaker 4: It's the coolest X ray and I can't find it now. 616 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,280 Speaker 4: I don't know where it's gone, but it's it looks bad. 617 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 4: My right elbow was hanging out somewhere around here. The 618 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,720 Speaker 4: bones were broken, the hand was busted, this arm, that 619 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 4: thumb like, my nose was shattered, cut a little bit 620 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,000 Speaker 4: of cosmetic damage. 621 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:30,159 Speaker 2: Where were you when when the straps happened? 622 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 4: So I was driving, Yes, I was driving. 623 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,199 Speaker 2: So you were in the driver so you you you 624 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:35,200 Speaker 2: got the full front of it. 625 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, so it went off on the front right wheel. 626 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 4: And I mean that's something that took me like a 627 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 4: while to actually ask. You know what I mean, just 628 00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 4: because you do what you can to minimize risk, you know, 629 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 4: you find you find the wall. That's the best thing 630 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,040 Speaker 4: you can do is make sure that you know you're 631 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 4: doing as much as you can to minimize the risk 632 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,080 Speaker 4: of something like that happening. So we were driving in 633 00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 4: each other's wheel tracks, no light, everyone on the everyone 634 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:06,240 Speaker 4: wearing night vision. Like obviously you can hear the cars, 635 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:07,680 Speaker 4: but if you're on the side of a mountain. It's 636 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,360 Speaker 4: hard to still hard to shoot out traveling in a 637 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 4: period of darkness as well. So yeah, I was looking 638 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 4: through and I had to say, like, eventually to one 639 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 4: of the guys, who the guy was next to me, 640 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 4: who this is wild? We grew up three suburbs away 641 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,560 Speaker 4: from each other. He's a year younger than me, and 642 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 4: we'd never met, and we now are both out of 643 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,480 Speaker 4: the army. We live two suburbs away from each other, 644 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 4: and every now and then we had beers. But yeah, 645 00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,800 Speaker 4: he's I remember saying to him and just going, look, 646 00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:39,640 Speaker 4: all right, I need you, need you to tell me 647 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 4: the truth about this. Did I fall asleep like we've 648 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 4: been up the day we ten days earlier. 649 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 2: You're beating yourself up automatically. You're beating yourself up. How 650 00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 2: did if you're not fucking asleep, mate, you're fucking driving vehicle. 651 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,240 Speaker 2: You're probably like on a hyper alert, which I know 652 00:29:57,320 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 2: that you do. And I don't get food fatigue. You're 653 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 2: you're you're there, right, You're present, especially through the green light, 654 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,600 Speaker 2: you know, through the way that you fell asleep. 655 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:08,360 Speaker 4: Bro, You're on So that was that was what I 656 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 4: was thinking. I was like, how, And that's also like 657 00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 4: if if that was the case, all I was thinking was, 658 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 4: that's the biggest that fuck I could have cost someone 659 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 4: Like I'm cool with me, Like, I'm one hundred percent 660 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 4: cool with me getting hit, But if that was to 661 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 4: cost one of the other guys and I had fallen, 662 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,280 Speaker 4: and he just goes, no, we're just were driving in 663 00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:29,280 Speaker 4: the tracks and what. 664 00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 2: Did you manage to keep? Then what did you lose? 665 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,240 Speaker 2: And what did you manage to keep? Because I was 666 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 2: looking pretty grim at one moment that you're you're going 667 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 2: to lose your arms. 668 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:40,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, So when my parents found out, the word was 669 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,920 Speaker 4: he's really low single digit percentage chance of living and 670 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 4: if he does, it's going to be a triple ampeteque 671 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 4: like And at that stage, I was in at Camp Bastion, 672 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,080 Speaker 4: which is the UK base, with the trauma team, under 673 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 4: a space blanket and if I couldn't hold my body heat, 674 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 4: I was I was gone. So that was that was 675 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,600 Speaker 4: when they found out. And I mean, he's so disjointed 676 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 4: when you get back, But to me, I woke up 677 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 4: and I was still meet. 678 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,360 Speaker 2: You seem to have tackled it with a super positive mindset. 679 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 2: Do you think if you hadn't, Do you think there's 680 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,240 Speaker 2: any gray areas heel, Do you think you go to 681 00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 2: your stoop, to the lowest of the lows where you 682 00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 2: don't want to be here anymore? And did that mindset 683 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:23,040 Speaker 2: ever take charge and. 684 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 4: Got to dark places through it? Yeah? I definitely did, 685 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 4: but not in the initial phases for me were like 686 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 4: I remember having this comment with my dad because he's 687 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 4: always said, you've never used your brain. It's just disappointing. 688 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 4: He walked in with his great, big grin on his face. 689 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,640 Speaker 4: I'm like smiling anymore, having a laugh like in a hospital, 690 00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 4: and he goes, well, you gotta use your brain now, 691 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:43,520 Speaker 4: don't you. 692 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:45,880 Speaker 5: Good old dad, you. 693 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:49,520 Speaker 4: Got me cv I'm gonna now. And then you know, 694 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 4: you're sort of mapping out or up. We've got to change, 695 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 4: we've got to do different things. But to me, the 696 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,920 Speaker 4: most important thing was there's a group of guys who 697 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 4: have gone through something that I kind of imagine seeing, 698 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,440 Speaker 4: let alone it being somebody you care about, and they've 699 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 4: somehow kept me alive. So the mess that I could see, 700 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 4: I saw was the result of people's effort on the ground, 701 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 4: you know, which I still see it as that it's 702 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,440 Speaker 4: what it is. So I've got to try and do 703 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 4: something that then has them know how good of a 704 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 4: job they've done. So to me, I then had a 705 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:25,959 Speaker 4: finite timeline of when they were flying home, and I 706 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 4: had to be up walking standing in a pair of 707 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,080 Speaker 4: jeans so you couldn't see prosthetic legs. And it didn't 708 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,720 Speaker 4: matter what it took and the like. There were bits 709 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 4: where like it it hurts a lot. 710 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 2: That was your goal, that was your next objective, that 711 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,600 Speaker 2: was your next mission. Again, we talk about purposes, like 712 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 2: and you've done everything that you can to make sure 713 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 2: that you've done that. 714 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, And I mean I was, like, by all accounts, 715 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,880 Speaker 4: I was probably one of the worst patients in the 716 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 4: history of north Shore Private Hospital because I was just 717 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,360 Speaker 4: donecompromising with it. You know, if I didn't think and 718 00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 4: right or wrong, didn't think that someone was aligned with 719 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 4: my goal, I would like remove them from the process 720 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,560 Speaker 4: or ignore their advice. You know, I just go all right, 721 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,720 Speaker 4: I've been through enough to know where I'm going with this, Like, 722 00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 4: I know my limits. You don't like there's a picture 723 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:15,160 Speaker 4: of me like five weeks after on a prosthetic that 724 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 4: you're not really supposed to wait bear through. But I 725 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,560 Speaker 4: was like, I'm going down the hall on this because 726 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,520 Speaker 4: we've got so I'm on one of those walkers pushing 727 00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 4: it along with the thing, like and there's just concerned Faith. 728 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 2: Dracking his prosthetic leg along. Yeah. 729 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 4: Well, and I'm just like, well, okay, cool, Well this 730 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,720 Speaker 4: is what we've got to do this. I'm still plated 731 00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 4: at the time, like there's a lot of stuff going 732 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,520 Speaker 4: wrong with it. But I was like, I'm not going 733 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 4: to heal laying down and they're like you just you 734 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:41,840 Speaker 4: just you got to rest, you gotta rest. And I'm 735 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 4: like everyone tells me to rest, like go home, you rest, 736 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 4: Like get it up, I've got stuff to do. 737 00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 2: Talk about using rehab and you know, reshaping your life 738 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 2: and coming out the other side with a positive mindset 739 00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 2: that you have. You went, I'm looking at my notes 740 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 2: in front of me. You got a golfing career and 741 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:09,479 Speaker 2: a snowboarding career. Is where the hell did that come from? 742 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,759 Speaker 2: Where the hell did you just think to yourself, right, 743 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:17,600 Speaker 2: because you're actually extremely good with both, aren't you. It 744 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,760 Speaker 2: says here that you are the third multi emputy golfer, 745 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 2: third ranked multi ampuity golfer in the world. Just to 746 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,759 Speaker 2: walk again and live your life and try and be 747 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 2: normal wasn't enough for you. You then had to go 748 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,920 Speaker 2: on and do these amazing things. And we can talk 749 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 2: about the Evictors Games, but just that rehab, really you 750 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:40,759 Speaker 2: use that to your advantage. 751 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 4: I mean I had, that's the thing. I had the tools, 752 00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:44,800 Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like, that's one thing that 753 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,680 Speaker 4: special Forces does. It just prepares you for stuff like that, 754 00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,440 Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Like had then just becomes 755 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,360 Speaker 4: part of the process. Then people are going on and 756 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,759 Speaker 4: it was a consistent thing. But guys from our unit 757 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,919 Speaker 4: that got the medical staff after a few years got 758 00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:01,640 Speaker 4: used to the fact that I would heal quickly. You know, 759 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,880 Speaker 4: they'd be doing things at crazy paces, and I mean, 760 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,720 Speaker 4: I just need something to keep me going. 761 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:13,799 Speaker 2: Actor as well, Actor, you've got about how do you 762 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 2: get into a tour to this and then become again 763 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:18,880 Speaker 2: the best at what you do with no legs. 764 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:23,360 Speaker 4: I left the Army. I had done a winter sports 765 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,600 Speaker 4: camp and snowboarding was the closest thing I could get 766 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 4: to surfing. I went too hard on my second tour 767 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,879 Speaker 4: to Utah. I was riding with Team Utah's Adaptive snowboarding team. 768 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,600 Speaker 4: And a compression fraction of my back, my old two, 769 00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 4: which I mean now it fractioned something on everything, so 770 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:45,560 Speaker 4: kind of completed a picture. Then I came back and 771 00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,280 Speaker 4: I you know, I was doing well the motivational speaking. 772 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,319 Speaker 4: I feel that like it's my responsibility, after being through 773 00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,440 Speaker 4: something that's that complex, to share what it looks like 774 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,520 Speaker 4: from the inside of the bottle, you know what I mean. 775 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,239 Speaker 4: Everyone can read the outside, so it's my job to 776 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 4: tell them what's on the inside. And I find that 777 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,239 Speaker 4: in vulnerability is a really important part of that, you know, 778 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,280 Speaker 4: people seeing the true you, which is when I really 779 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,440 Speaker 4: feel like the last bits of armor came off. You know, 780 00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,799 Speaker 4: I can't control what's you know, of all things that 781 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 4: come into fashion, skinny jeans when you're wearing prosthetics, they're tiny, 782 00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,799 Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Like then you start going, well, 783 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,319 Speaker 4: I can't care about what people think now, you know. 784 00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,440 Speaker 4: It's now just I've got to do things for the 785 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 4: right reason. And at the end, when I was young, 786 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 4: I probably would have wanted to be an actor, you know, 787 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 4: I loved I love performing, except it was never something 788 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:36,319 Speaker 4: that you know, my dad was bigger than numbers, and 789 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 4: you know, in the US people who are who are 790 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:43,960 Speaker 4: on SAG. There's how many of them. There's three percent 791 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,520 Speaker 4: of them that are making enough money to provide an income, 792 00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,120 Speaker 4: and then the top one hundred thousand, you know what 793 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 4: I mean. Like it's wild, But yeah, when I was 794 00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,200 Speaker 4: but I went to an acting school just going I 795 00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,839 Speaker 4: just want to do it because no one thinks I can. 796 00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,600 Speaker 4: And I'm all right, I'm going to give you the 797 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:07,880 Speaker 4: secrets it. With any of these things, no one expects 798 00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 4: a disabled guy. So it was just funny. It's ironic 799 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 4: that I've said I don't care what anyone thinks, and 800 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 4: now now I've started that with what people think. No 801 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:19,319 Speaker 4: one expects a disabled guy to do it anyway. So 802 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:21,520 Speaker 4: you do it, you win, you don't do it, you 803 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 4: haven't disappointed anyone. Like I play golf now with guys 804 00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 4: who like I hit the ball a long way. I've 805 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,399 Speaker 4: just always had the talent to hit a big ball, 806 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,520 Speaker 4: and now it's just controlling that. That's been the fun 807 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,160 Speaker 4: I've built a set of prosthetics around it. But like, 808 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,439 Speaker 4: so I play other guys who are big hitters. If 809 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,400 Speaker 4: we both get one and I turned to you and 810 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:46,839 Speaker 4: we're kind of nodding, and we know it's on this guy. 811 00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:53,400 Speaker 4: This guy's got two options, right, One I drove him 812 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 4: and you got out driven by a double amputee. The 813 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,919 Speaker 4: other option is you out drove a handicap guy. Yeah, 814 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,600 Speaker 4: you know what I mean, like you want to lose loose. Yeah, 815 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 4: you're just always fighting a lose loose, So it is. 816 00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 4: And then the hatsort, the hat sort of thing was 817 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 4: like this a similar sort of thing. I mean, I 818 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 4: learned that, you know, I wasn't as good an actor 819 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,800 Speaker 4: as I thought I would have been growing up. I'spent 820 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,080 Speaker 4: two years at school and then one of my teachers 821 00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,840 Speaker 4: was auditioning for it, and then I just got on 822 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 4: the set and I don't know if you might have 823 00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:28,839 Speaker 4: come across John Ales. He Yeah, he's one of our 824 00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 4: one of our ex SA S blogs who works in 825 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:35,160 Speaker 4: that sort of industry, and so he was the weapons 826 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,560 Speaker 4: tech we turn up for a week. I've got Vince Vaughn, 827 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,600 Speaker 4: Sam Worthington. I'm literally thinking I've died and just gone 828 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:44,759 Speaker 4: to this Hollywood and then you know, like Spider Man 829 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:47,080 Speaker 4: standing over there, who you can't say Spider Man near him, 830 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:52,120 Speaker 4: but yeah, and then I know the weapons tech. Hey, John, 831 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,960 Speaker 4: here you going man like you know, and then all 832 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:56,839 Speaker 4: of a sudden, I felt comfortable in that world, and yeah, 833 00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:59,319 Speaker 4: it's it's a it's a cool story to be a 834 00:38:59,320 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 4: part of. 835 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,840 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for joining me on Headgame. If you 836 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, make sure you're subscribed so you don't 837 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,360 Speaker 2: miss any of our incredible stories, and leave me a 838 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:11,440 Speaker 2: review wherever you're listening. 839 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,120 Speaker 5: I'm Aunt Middleton. Catch you again next time.