Speaker 1: Welcome to First things first, I'm brook Bletting. My pronouns
Speaker 1: as she and her.
Speaker 2: I'm Maddie meals. My pronouns are he and him. And
Speaker 2: before we get started, I'd like to acknowledge the custodians
Speaker 2: of the land on which we record, And for me
Speaker 2: it's the Gaddigel people of the.
Speaker 1: Urination, and for me it's a wondering people of the
Speaker 1: cooler nation.
Speaker 3: Let's get it.
Speaker 2: We're here. I'm literally fresh off the back of a
Speaker 2: massive weekend. But I had such a thrilling time being
Speaker 2: in Darwin. Yeah, I love Darwin.
Speaker 3: Have you been Darwin? Yes?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, isn't it a vibe?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean you can't really swim because of the crocs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they have the whole waterfront that they made,
Speaker 2: like Darwin Waterfront is like a man made lagoon. Yes,
Speaker 2: but now when you're in there, you're constantly thinking, oh,
Speaker 2: a crocodile could be in here, so it's not that enjoyable.
Speaker 2: My thought is, if I was a crocodile, I'd climb
Speaker 2: over the wall at nighttime when everyone's asleep, wait for
Speaker 2: the morning. Those first people to jump into the lagoon breakfast.
Speaker 1: I didn't think crocodiles could climb. And two I saw
Speaker 1: a video of it climbing this big fence and I
Speaker 1: was like, kid, do not clime. Yeah, they can and
Speaker 1: they can run. Fuss, it's insane.
Speaker 2: Well let me tell you, jog.
Speaker 3: Light Jog.
Speaker 2: I swam with a crocodile on the weekend. Believe it
Speaker 2: or not. It was insane. So there was one thing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was shitting myself, Oh my god, especially because you
Speaker 2: get to watch the experience before you go in like
Speaker 2: other people do it. And there were these two girls
Speaker 2: and the crocodile was going like frantic for them, like
Speaker 2: it wanted to eat these two women in this cage.
Speaker 2: And it was the only thing that I really wanted
Speaker 2: to tick off my list in Darwin once I got there.
Speaker 2: And I've been to Dawn a few times, but I
Speaker 2: never got to go to Crocosaurus Cove. It's like their
Speaker 2: main tourist attraction for crocodiles. Yeah, and it's right in
Speaker 2: the heart of the CBD like the city. Anyway, I
Speaker 2: had a couple of hours off in the afternoon and
Speaker 2: I booked in for the Cage of Death. It is
Speaker 2: a Perspecs cage.
Speaker 3: And giving me anxiety.
Speaker 2: In an enclosure with crocodiles. I didn't have one. I
Speaker 2: had two, and it's like you're in a piece of
Speaker 2: tupperware about to be dropped.
Speaker 1: In to that I can't. That makes me so panic.
Speaker 2: And then once you're in the water and under the water,
Speaker 2: your brain doesn't really adjust, so it doesn't realize that
Speaker 2: there is perspects between you and the crocodile. So when
Speaker 2: you put your hand out, it's like you can touch
Speaker 2: the crocodile because you can't see the clear covering of
Speaker 2: this container. It's weird.
Speaker 1: That's so crazy, that's so scary, and that's probably what
Speaker 1: a croc sees as well, right maybe.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they was circling me the whole time. They're
Speaker 2: very opportunistic, so what they normally do in the wild
Speaker 2: is they will watch something for weeks on end before
Speaker 2: they attack it.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: They don't just go over and like immediately get it,
Speaker 2: unless you know, it's like.
Speaker 3: A delicious snack like you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, unless unless it's like me, and then it's like
Speaker 2: drooling at the mouth. Now, But was that big?
Speaker 1: Is that?
Speaker 2: You know what? It was scary, But I'm so glad
Speaker 2: I did it, and I loved one this time of
Speaker 2: the year.
Speaker 1: This year, do you remember the namurs right, Yeah, the
Speaker 1: National Indigenous Music.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did well. Barker was a big winner on
Speaker 2: the night. She took out two awards Dan Sultan one
Speaker 2: Album of the Year. It was a stella knight like
Speaker 2: Jess performed three times. She did like a mad medley
Speaker 2: of all her big hits.
Speaker 3: Amazing.
Speaker 2: And then at the end there was this twenty year
Speaker 2: anniversary of the Nemas that's been going for twenty years,
Speaker 2: where all the artists on stage. It was like fifteen
Speaker 2: probably our best First Nations artists in this country, all
Speaker 2: performing like hits. And one thing that stood out was
Speaker 2: like Jess performing better in Black by film a Plant.
Speaker 2: It was like a cover. It was epic.
Speaker 3: Oh that's amazing. I love that song by Filma so good.
Speaker 2: How was your weekend? I mean we had a good
Speaker 2: conversation while I was in Dark. Want to spill the
Speaker 2: beans are what? No?
Speaker 3: I had a bit of a what did I do?
Speaker 2: Let's go to surprises? Any surprises? The email?
Speaker 1: It's so weird? Hell, why am I getting so weird
Speaker 1: to talk about this? I never get weird about talking
Speaker 1: about sex.
Speaker 4: M So.
Speaker 1: Every time I have a crush on a girl, or
Speaker 1: I talk about a girl, I get like real, like
Speaker 1: like real.
Speaker 3: Like blushed. I guess it's funny.
Speaker 1: Anyways, I had my first, not my first.
Speaker 2: Sorry you are flustered, girl, I'm so flustered.
Speaker 1: I'm so flustered. Okay, get the fucking shit together. I
Speaker 1: am back on the Pisa train.
Speaker 3: It's been a long time, guys, it's been a long time.
Speaker 2: I put the roomors to sleep.
Speaker 3: Yeah, put the rumors to sleep.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I think I was kind of in this rebellious stage
Speaker 1: where because my bisexuality was fucking plastered everywhere and everyone
Speaker 1: would ask so much about my sexuality, I kind of
Speaker 1: got so fatigued and so exhausted about it that I
Speaker 1: was like, fuck this, I can't be bothered. And then
Speaker 1: I sort of just like went one way to sort
Speaker 1: of move away from that, and then I sort of
Speaker 1: stayed there because it was like, it's not that it's comfortable,
Speaker 1: like being straight is comfortable, but it's easier and guys
Speaker 1: are easier, and it's just like.
Speaker 2: Wait, guys are easier.
Speaker 3: A little bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well like easier in a sense where it's like
Speaker 1: I can kind of detach very quickly in a way.
Speaker 3: Do you get what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like, guys are easy, but I'm thinking about the bedroom well.
Speaker 1: In terms of relationship, right, I find that because I
Speaker 1: respect women so much and I put women on a
Speaker 1: like high pedestal, I never want to be disrespectful or
Speaker 1: not give a woman the time of day. So not
Speaker 1: that I don't respect men, but I have this kind
Speaker 1: of feeling like like you get over it, kind of
Speaker 1: fucking vibes, you know what I mean. But with a woman,
Speaker 1: I want to give them absolute time and effort in
Speaker 1: emotion and be present. So I haven't had that capacity
Speaker 1: to really feel and do that.
Speaker 3: So I haven't explored that.
Speaker 1: That's not my excuse, but that's kind of my reasoning
Speaker 1: to why I've stayed away from dating women for a
Speaker 1: little bit, because I love them actually a lot. Like
Speaker 1: I realized like having sex with a woman again, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm so clearly fucking gay.
Speaker 3: So I was quote.
Speaker 2: From you over the weekend on the phone, You're really
Speaker 2: good in the sack question.
Speaker 1: I did not say that, did not did?
Speaker 2: I said, Okay, I was doing it too. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you are. But I just remember being like, so, how
Speaker 2: was it tell me everything, Like was it like, did
Speaker 2: you really want to do it? And you were like
Speaker 2: I was a bit tired, but then I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm really good at it, so I might as well.
Speaker 3: Confidence. No, I it's like I switched.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just know and I feel like I
Speaker 1: doubt went.
Speaker 2: Into d and you were.
Speaker 3: The visual I got.
Speaker 1: Just there was so fucked up, like I got a
Speaker 1: tongue with like for the drive wheels.
Speaker 3: It's so unhinged. Oh god.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Yeah it was great, It is great.
Speaker 2: Well, I was like, did the bit of nostalgia come
Speaker 2: up from this experience? Like did it take you back
Speaker 2: in time?
Speaker 1: To be fair, my early twenties were mostly consumed by women,
Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, Like I didn't really date a
Speaker 1: lot of men, and my friends will vouch for that
Speaker 1: as well, because most of my girlfriends, you know, that
Speaker 1: I played footy with or that I worked with, or
Speaker 1: we're all sort of mostly lesbian women or queer or
Speaker 1: bisexual or whatever, and so it was just such an.
Speaker 3: Environment that I was surrounded by.
Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I just feel like it just took
Speaker 1: me back to my early twenties, where I was like
Speaker 1: I used to have these like massive parties.
Speaker 3: I don't know what you've ever really spoken about this.
Speaker 3: This is so funny.
Speaker 2: Orgies.
Speaker 3: They're not orgies. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: Like I had this house and it was like me
Speaker 1: and my two best friends when we're all gay, and
Speaker 1: we lived in this house and it was kind of
Speaker 1: like a bachelorette pad, if I'm being honest, like it
Speaker 1: was we had this shed, I had this garage where
Speaker 1: I put all these fun posters and I covered the
Speaker 1: side of the wall and had this brick wall. So
Speaker 1: it was kind of this urban sort of garage that
Speaker 1: we used to all hang out at. But then when
Speaker 1: we'd have parties, it would get pretty bloody loose. When
Speaker 1: I got rid of this couch when I was moving
Speaker 1: out of this house, I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: there's so much sex that just.
Speaker 3: Happened on that couch. I was like, this should be
Speaker 3: in like one of those museums. Like it was the
Speaker 3: couch that everyone fucked on. It was hilarious. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: it's hot and it was fine and it.
Speaker 1: Was exciting and it was my early twenty.
Speaker 2: No more told me about it. So if the party
Speaker 2: started like eight nine o'clock, how would the night go.
Speaker 2: It would be like table tennis drinks until you got
Speaker 2: a bit unhinged, and then you would just see like
Speaker 2: girls scissoring on the lounge.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can fucking ask that question, because if
Speaker 1: a straight guy asked me that question, I'd punch him
Speaker 1: in the face. But no, it was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: there'd be people hooking up pretty much and you know what,
Speaker 1: and then yeah, just whatever, but.
Speaker 3: You know you're not like watching it and it doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: Everyone kind of gets to a point where where everyone
Speaker 1: goes to bed or goes back to their rooms, like
Speaker 1: my housemates when everyone leaves, and then you know, there's
Speaker 1: the last few stragglers that are hanging around, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 3: Crash on my couch. I don't care.
Speaker 1: Back then, I'd slept with more women than I had men,
Speaker 1: which is quite funny, and then now it's yeah, they've
Speaker 1: taken over.
Speaker 2: I'm interested in what made you get with a woman recently? Like,
Speaker 2: was there a moment it wasn't wasn't the coffee girl,
Speaker 2: was it?
Speaker 3: No, it wasn't the coffee girl.
Speaker 1: No, it was a girl that I've known and hooked
Speaker 1: up with maybe like once a year we actually physically
Speaker 1: catch up. We'd only met in person maybe halfway through
Speaker 1: last year. Honestly, it was when the sort of maybe
Speaker 1: the World Cup was happening. Okay, So we talked online
Speaker 1: for months and we'd sort of check in and say hi,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden we sort of got together.
Speaker 1: And there's obviously that sexual tension. But the first time
Speaker 1: we met, it just didn't happen. They were going on
Speaker 1: a flight at like four am in the morning, and
Speaker 1: where were.
Speaker 2: They going back to London? Okay?
Speaker 1: And then this time they were back from Paris and
Speaker 1: flew into Sydney and then flew to Melbourne.
Speaker 3: Anyways, you're so.
Speaker 2: I want to get all the details.
Speaker 1: Well, I can't give you the detail because she's.
Speaker 2: Not like the details. I'm trying to figure out who
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 3: Oh, I got you.
Speaker 2: Would you ever try to pursue.
Speaker 1: It as a relationship?
Speaker 2: Yeah? No, no, Okay, why I mean why not?
Speaker 3: Because I would be a wag.
Speaker 2: She would be Brook Blaton because I look at him
Speaker 2: thinking you're already somebody. It's not like you're going to
Speaker 2: be turned into a wag like you are Brook Blurton.
Speaker 2: So it's like you two would have like a level
Speaker 2: playing field when it came to light, I.
Speaker 3: Just don't love a couple.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, And I think she's amazing, and I think
Speaker 1: this it would be a great it's a great friendship
Speaker 1: before like a sort of relationship, And we haven't really
Speaker 1: spoken about that, but we've both sort of been on
Speaker 1: the same path of you need to be with someone
Speaker 1: that has their own things going on, which we both
Speaker 1: felt like that. But every time she has got with someone,
Speaker 1: I think she's felt that they want to immediately.
Speaker 3: Be in a relationship with her.
Speaker 1: And I don't think that's something that I've ever wanted
Speaker 1: with her.
Speaker 3: And I think that's what.
Speaker 4: I guess attracts her about me, is that I'm not
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, I'm here, but I'm not trying to
Speaker 4: like wife you up. And that's what kind of what
Speaker 4: happens with lesbians a little bit, is that there's this
Speaker 4: u hole like I need to move in quickly, that
Speaker 4: you need to be together.
Speaker 3: And I mean I do it with guys as well sometimes.
Speaker 3: And it's not like I.
Speaker 1: Don't like her, I just don't know what a relationship
Speaker 1: looks like with her, and so we just haven't really
Speaker 1: explored that and it's just been like this really beautiful
Speaker 1: friendship slash, you know, sexual tension and catching up.
Speaker 2: So anyways, moving on, So you called me on the weekend. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you were hanging out with your ex.
Speaker 1: So, for those who don't really know, I'm not in
Speaker 1: a relationship. I am two people at the same time
Speaker 1: and they've just had sex with a girl.
Speaker 3: So my love's days about life.
Speaker 2: It is, and I'm here front seat of the road
Speaker 2: ready to go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's that guy that I was telling you about
Speaker 1: who's I'm seeing casually. So we're seeing each other once
Speaker 1: a week and we're letting it naturally progress because he's
Speaker 1: really lovely and he's great. But obviously I still have
Speaker 1: such an attachment to my ex boyfriend, who I see
Speaker 1: quite often, but it's not a relationship.
Speaker 3: It's just more of a convenience or hanging out thing.
Speaker 1: Anyways, I went over to his house and I went
Speaker 1: to the bathroom and I looked in his bin and
Speaker 1: there was makeup wipes and tampon wrappers. We've communicated that
Speaker 1: if we are seeing other people or we are sleeping
Speaker 1: with other people, we would let you know each other.
Speaker 2: Know, that is a tough thing to put yourself.
Speaker 3: Through it is it really is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I see so many red flags with this, and
Speaker 2: I'll tell you why. I know, because he is having
Speaker 2: you when he wants, but then also not giving you
Speaker 2: what you need.
Speaker 1: What if he is giving me what I need.
Speaker 2: But he's not because you're seeking something else, You're seeking more,
Speaker 2: that's why you're back there.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, you're looking for something in him that I just
Speaker 2: don't think that he's going to give you. But I
Speaker 2: think we should continue with the story before I make
Speaker 2: my no.
Speaker 1: I love the revelations. Look to be fair. I'm whoever's listening.
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, if you've been in the situation,
Speaker 1: please help a girl out, because I have no idea
Speaker 1: sometimes what the situation is going to end up, and
Speaker 1: I do feel like I will end up getting hurt,
Speaker 1: which I'm equally prepared for in a way, and luckily
Speaker 1: I'm fucking in therapy every week.
Speaker 2: But when you spoke to him about this, what did
Speaker 2: he say?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: So, I, you know, called my friends to ask for advice,
Speaker 1: as you would, and I'm really helpful that I've got
Speaker 1: reasonable friends and great friends that have seen two sides
Speaker 1: of the story, you know, like good friends that you're
Speaker 1: just like, Okay, this could be this, and it could
Speaker 1: be this, and they're like, you know, you need to
Speaker 1: communicate with him what the scenario is and sort of
Speaker 1: try to find the facts and do it in a
Speaker 1: calm response.
Speaker 3: Don't just be like I found this blah blah blah blah,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, what's the reasonable I thought,
Speaker 1: maybe it's his mom. I'm like, no, your mom's probably
Speaker 1: a little bit older, you know, maybe premenopause kind of age.
Speaker 1: I don't think she would be getting her period at
Speaker 1: that age. And I was just making an assumption. That's
Speaker 1: just one. But it was the makeup wipes for me,
Speaker 1: So obviously someone stayed over because they've taken their makeup off.
Speaker 3: That's my assumption.
Speaker 2: Yes, turns out he's a drag queen.
Speaker 1: Hidden life, the hidden Secret life. Anyways, So I thought about, Okay,
Speaker 1: this could be the scenario. But then I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: don't jump to assumptions. Let's just find out the facts.
Speaker 1: And so I asked him if he could help me
Speaker 1: with something, and he came over and we went for
Speaker 1: a walk and we got like breakfast coffee, and you know,
Speaker 1: we're walking and I said, oh, I have something to
Speaker 1: ask you and bring up with you on the walk
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, no worries like ask away, and
Speaker 1: I said, so, I noticed that when I was at
Speaker 1: your house there was makeup wipes and tampon wrappers in
Speaker 1: your bin, and I thought we were being really honest with
Speaker 1: each other. So I wondered, you know, if you are
Speaker 1: sleeping with someone else or seeing someone else, like you
Speaker 1: would let me know right like you would be honest
Speaker 1: with me. And he was like, yeah, yeah, I would
Speaker 1: be honest with you, and I'm not I promised you.
Speaker 1: And he was like, are you sure, like and then
Speaker 1: he sort of questioned whether it was his mom's and
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I would love to believe
Speaker 1: that it's your mum, but I'm sure, you know, she's
Speaker 1: an older lady, and not to assume. I'm sure she's
Speaker 1: not getting a period at this age. And he didn't
Speaker 1: give excuses, but he was like, he hadn't cleaned that
Speaker 1: bin out for months, and it may have been a
Speaker 1: crossover between myself and another girl that he was seeing
Speaker 1: in May, which is when we that we had connected.
Speaker 1: Hadn't cleaned the bin out for three months?
Speaker 2: Does that sound like something he would do.
Speaker 1: Is he like a entirely grubby But I think it's
Speaker 1: definitely believable. And I did look him in the eye
Speaker 1: and I said to him, like, you wouldn't lie to me,
Speaker 1: would you, like, please just tell me, like if you
Speaker 1: are seeing someone or you have slept with someone, that
Speaker 1: you would just tell me and be honest and you know,
Speaker 1: And he was very like, you looked me in the eye,
Speaker 1: said he was telling the truth. He promised me that honestly,
Speaker 1: he just hadn't cleaned the bin out.
Speaker 3: I believe he.
Speaker 2: Told you that he hadn't slept with a girl since May.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I believe that because he's been with.
Speaker 2: Me since May.
Speaker 3: Yeah really? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh okay. I thought that that makes a little bit
Speaker 2: more understandable because in my head, there was a break.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was maybe like a week or two.
Speaker 2: A week or two, yeah, okay, I get it. In
Speaker 2: my head, I thought you'd just reignited this flame and
Speaker 2: that there had been much more of like a substantial break.
Speaker 2: But there hasn't. So you've been like consistently seeing each other.
Speaker 2: That means that maybe he hasn't slept with someone else.
Speaker 2: I was thinking, come on, this man has to have
Speaker 2: slept with someone else if you've only just rekindled that yeah,
Speaker 2: had that big break.
Speaker 1: No, we reconnected during Mother's Day around that time.
Speaker 2: May have you seen that bin during that time between
Speaker 2: May and August.
Speaker 1: See, this is my avoidant attachment, is that I don't
Speaker 1: love staying at his house because I then get more
Speaker 1: attached to our lives being together totally. Whereas if he
Speaker 1: just comes and goes from my house, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's fine, this is my house, you know, like more comfortable.
Speaker 3: For me, yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 1: And so this is probably the second time and maybe
Speaker 1: stayed at.
Speaker 2: His house, so there's not like a chance that you would.
Speaker 1: Have yeah, like I would have noticed all for you know,
Speaker 1: my X was like are you sure? And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I know what a fucking tampon rapper looks like.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't like the fact that he said
Speaker 2: are you sure? That's a little bit gaslighting for me.
Speaker 1: It is a little bit gaslighting, and I do because
Speaker 1: do acknowledge that for sure?
Speaker 2: It's him making you question your reality. I don't know.
Speaker 2: There's some red flags with this fellow for me because
Speaker 2: the past.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I guess the past is that you know,
Speaker 1: he cheated on his previous X where they were together
Speaker 1: for eight years and he cheated on.
Speaker 3: Her for two years of that.
Speaker 1: It's not complex because it doesn't need to be like
Speaker 1: I literally could just be like, Okay, I've had enough now,
Speaker 1: I really do, because I feel so comfortable and he.
Speaker 3: It's so fucked.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have any red flags for me other than
Speaker 1: the cheating aspect.
Speaker 3: I know this is so fucked.
Speaker 1: And like the preface he did say this, he said,
Speaker 1: from what I've learned before, he said, I would never
Speaker 1: lie to you. That's the thing that I'm practicing is
Speaker 1: I'm not I don't want to lie. I want to
Speaker 1: be open. So he did preface that and did say
Speaker 1: that that he is like trying so hard to be
Speaker 1: honest and open from his past. So he's acknowledging that.
Speaker 1: So I think that is something to count for. I
Speaker 1: know that, you know, people can change, and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people think, oh, will you cheat once
Speaker 1: you cheat again?
Speaker 2: I think people can change, but I think it, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I think people can also change with relationship dynamics. What
Speaker 2: I just made you break up? What made you break
Speaker 2: up because of the communication.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a bad week of communication last year,
Speaker 1: and we because we were together for about three months
Speaker 1: and it was going really well, and I honestly felt
Speaker 1: so madly and deeply as I do, but like deeper
Speaker 1: than I'd ever really felt for someone within like four weeks,
Speaker 1: Like I just felt so comfortable and so I guess
Speaker 1: loved by him in such a way that I'd never
Speaker 1: felt before. So yeah, I actually asked him out. Remember
Speaker 1: when I did like a little date card and I
Speaker 1: wrote and he selected the right one, you know, Like
Speaker 1: I was in my like romantic error and I was
Speaker 1: feeling like I could be my sort of soft girl, feminine,
Speaker 1: you know, and he makes me feel like that, which
Speaker 1: is really good.
Speaker 3: It's just so fucked.
Speaker 1: I hate the fact that I talk about him like
Speaker 1: this and I'm like, ah, but we're not even together.
Speaker 2: But and what's stopping that?
Speaker 1: Well, both of us have had some stuff going on,
Speaker 1: I think, you know, for us, my thing is I
Speaker 1: don't want to commit myself to someone unless they're fully
Speaker 1: one hundred percent in. And he's just openly told me
Speaker 1: that he could never, not never, But he can't give
Speaker 1: one hundred percent into a relationship because he's still working
Speaker 1: on his shame and guilt from what he's done, which
Speaker 1: I think is admirable, like, go, you know, you need
Speaker 1: to work on that, and you know what, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to rush that process for you. I think
Speaker 1: he's just got his own shit going on, and I
Speaker 1: think I have my own shit going on. And it's
Speaker 1: just like we we both acknowledge that we're not perfect,
Speaker 1: but I think we do want that next relationship to
Speaker 1: be something that is worth it. But we're both a
Speaker 1: bit scared.
Speaker 2: So is there an issue with him? Like would you
Speaker 2: have an issue with him sleeping with anyone else?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I probably would be upset. And I have openly
Speaker 1: told him that, and he's like, I just don't want to.
Speaker 1: And if he said if I wanted to, or if
Speaker 1: I did, he'd probably like tell me first before it happened,
Speaker 1: or like he would immediately tell me if it did.
Speaker 1: You know, he's not actively dating anyone, but I'm honest
Speaker 1: with him, and I think that's also what he admires,
Speaker 1: is that I'm so honest about my experiences, you know,
Speaker 1: like seeople the woman recently, and my relationship with this
Speaker 1: other fellow who's just like you know, naturally progressing from
Speaker 1: a friendship.
Speaker 2: Your heart is really set on your ex and then
Speaker 2: you're seeing like once a week, what is a give
Speaker 2: you that you need?
Speaker 3: For me?
Speaker 1: I sometimes don't know what a healthy relationship looks like,
Speaker 1: but if I'm in one, I generally sometimes think it's boring,
Speaker 1: and I know that's really sad. It's like I need
Speaker 1: it to be like fiery and passionate and intense and
Speaker 1: toxic before it to feel normal. So for me being
Speaker 1: with Ax, which is so healthy and he communicates so
Speaker 1: openly and so freely and so lovely, and he wants
Speaker 1: to take it slow and progress into a more natural relationship,
Speaker 1: that's I guess I'm giving it the time to see
Speaker 1: it for what it is and play out how it could.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, Like, Yeah, there's a part
Speaker 2: of me that wants to say to you to let
Speaker 2: your X go because he is what you've had in
Speaker 2: the past in terms of the really high passion, the
Speaker 2: lots of emotions. There's this other person in your life
Speaker 2: who is all green flags, but you're not giving yourself
Speaker 2: to them fully to experience that. And you say that
Speaker 2: it might get boring, But what do you want? Do
Speaker 2: you want the passion, the really high passion, but the
Speaker 2: heartbreak and then with somebody like so you're saying is
Speaker 2: like he has all these good character traits that you're after,
Speaker 2: but it's like he's too there's something about.
Speaker 1: Like too nice, you know, like the whole too nice thing, Like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he seems like somebody who's not going to
Speaker 2: hurt you.
Speaker 1: The weird thing is is that they've both been in
Speaker 1: an eight year relationship. So it's just this is a
Speaker 1: whole new experience for me, like being this like open communication,
Speaker 1: these different varied relationships because such like an old version
Speaker 1: of me was so black and white, like we're together
Speaker 1: or we're not together, you know, but all of this
Speaker 1: is sort of in the gray, and this is all
Speaker 1: sort of in the mud. Well it's not really that
Speaker 1: muddy to be found.
Speaker 3: I don't I.
Speaker 1: Feel like I'm my mental health is really that being
Speaker 1: impacted that much. But then maybe I don't need a relationship.
Speaker 1: What do you think? And I actually really love your honesty,
Speaker 1: you know, like I really appreciate that you're so real
Speaker 1: with me and you tell me what you think is
Speaker 1: best for me, because sometimes I can't see it through
Speaker 1: that lens. And sometimes you need a friend that can
Speaker 1: and you know, and I haven't really had time to reflect,
Speaker 1: but I feel like, because I'm in a good state
Speaker 1: of mind, I feel like everything is fine, Yeah, until
Speaker 1: it isn't.
Speaker 2: I think it's about expectation for you, Like you're pretty
Speaker 2: realistic with your own expectation. But I feel like because
Speaker 2: I remember in the past that I can't get over
Speaker 2: my ex. Do you want to get over him or not?
Speaker 2: Because if you want to get over him, you need
Speaker 2: to cut the cord and you need to move on
Speaker 2: and pursue something else, and if it's meant to happen,
Speaker 2: you will find each other again. But what's the point
Speaker 2: of holding onto something that isn't going to give you
Speaker 2: what you need need right now? Or like he's been
Speaker 2: really honest and open, which is great about him, Like
Speaker 2: I can't commit to you, so why are you holding on?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna throw a spanner in the works here, But
Speaker 1: I think there's part of me that I know that
Speaker 1: a serious, committed relationship is not on the cards for
Speaker 1: me for this year.
Speaker 2: But then that's cool if that's your that's your vibe.
Speaker 1: But I feel like I'm accepting that, you know, Like
Speaker 1: I'm accepting that that's not what I and you know,
Speaker 1: I potentially would be moving away or exploring, you know,
Speaker 1: work elsewhere with acting or whatever. So I'm sort of
Speaker 1: staying this like open minded, which the old me would
Speaker 1: be like, Nope, this is where I want, this is
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna get, and it's fine. Like that sometimes
Speaker 1: comes into play with things that I want and I
Speaker 1: want to achieve then and there. But I think a
Speaker 1: relationship from what I've learned I guess doing our podcast
Speaker 1: and having these conversations, is that I still have so
Speaker 1: much work that I'm doing on myself, which my relationships
Speaker 1: from my childhood how they play out in my adulthood.
Speaker 1: Still trying to figure that out. He's still trying to
Speaker 1: understand that it's taking me a while, but you know,
Speaker 1: the process is slow and you're going to enjoy the journey.
Speaker 3: But yeah, like I committed.
Speaker 1: I think that's also what's kind of great because Semini
Speaker 1: sort of we are in a relationship, but it's not
Speaker 1: a relationship.
Speaker 2: Well, I was about to throw a little spinner in
Speaker 2: the works and ask if he was if he admitted
Speaker 2: to you, and he said, yes, I'm sleeping with someone else.
Speaker 2: And that was probably her rappers. What would your reaction be?
Speaker 1: Then I would be really upset that he's lied to me.
Speaker 1: Obviously first, because I'm big on principle. And you said
Speaker 1: that you'd be honest and you haven't, the trust would.
Speaker 2: Be gone and then you would and then.
Speaker 1: I would yeah, and then I would say to him,
Speaker 1: I don't trust you. Therefore, you know, I don't think
Speaker 1: that I could pursue this whatever.
Speaker 2: But what if he told you before the fact and
Speaker 2: before he saw those things, and he told you that
Speaker 2: he'll sleeping with someone else? Would you be okay with it?
Speaker 3: Yes? I would.
Speaker 1: I would be like, Okay, they've got a heads up
Speaker 1: of where we stand more so, not that I don't
Speaker 1: know about already, but yeah, yeah, yeah, Like it's the
Speaker 1: honesty thing for me because obviously he's previously lied and
Speaker 1: cheated and not been honest, where I feel like, yeah,
Speaker 1: he'd be repeating that same pattern, so therefore I know
Speaker 1: that he hasn't done the work and he hasn't changed.
Speaker 2: So I'm on the same page as you, like, I
Speaker 2: think honesty in a relationship equals hope. For instance, if
Speaker 2: my partner came home to me and I knew that
Speaker 2: they had cheated and I asked them and they said
Speaker 2: to me, yes, I did. There would be a slither
Speaker 2: of hope, yes, that there would be respect there really
Speaker 2: Yeah for saying yes instead of trying to deny it.
Speaker 2: If somebody could say, like, for instance, if Jenny came
Speaker 2: home and I found out he cheated, then I said, hey,
Speaker 2: have you cheated on me? And he said yes, I have.
Speaker 2: I was trying to figure out how to tell you.
Speaker 2: I'll be his stuff. The best option would be that
Speaker 2: he walked through the door and said, hey, I've done
Speaker 2: something wrong and I've cheated on you. You know that
Speaker 2: level of honesty. I feel like honesty in a relationship
Speaker 2: is where the hope lies. As soon as somebody like
Speaker 2: doesn't tell you the truth, then the respect for me
Speaker 2: for them goes out the door.
Speaker 3: Yeah of course. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But if I gave them the opportunity to tell me
Speaker 2: the truth and they told me the truth, then there's
Speaker 2: an opportunity for us to build something because I know
Speaker 2: that you will.
Speaker 3: Be taking the Countess route.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll be honest in the tough times.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2: So it's like I hope that he's being honest with
Speaker 2: you because I don't want anything to come down.
Speaker 3: I hope so too. I mean when we did, you.
Speaker 1: Know, go on the walk and I sort of confronted
Speaker 1: him in a less confrontational way, he was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I would never lie to you, Like it's something I've tried,
Speaker 1: not ever to do, is to lie to you and
Speaker 1: be honest with you.
Speaker 2: And at what point do we hide the cameras next week? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm the handy man. Just toooked me to some plumbing,
Speaker 2: I'll go in.
Speaker 1: Guys, I just know that, you know, in a matter
Speaker 1: of fucking weeks, months, whatever time it is, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be crying on this podcast because.
Speaker 2: Why what do you think? What do you what are
Speaker 2: you foreseeing.
Speaker 1: That the novel two of him being with me we're
Speaker 1: aware of and then we're back to her. But the
Speaker 1: thing is, we've been together longer in this period of
Speaker 1: time than we were ever together in a.
Speaker 2: Relationship you've just had. You've just given yourself a revelation
Speaker 2: so many of these relationships and novelty for you. Yeah, damn,
Speaker 2: mic drop.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Well that's all we have time for today. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening to First things First, and if
Speaker 1: you love as guys, you love what you're hear, leave
Speaker 1: us a rating and a review.
Speaker 2: And if you want us to cover anything on the pod,
Speaker 2: just reach out slide into our DMS. Brooks handle is
Speaker 2: at brook dop Blerton Mine is at its Muddy Meals
Speaker 2: and you can check out all the Nova Podcast action
Speaker 2: over at Nova Podcast of Visual.
Speaker 1: See you guys next week, Love you, bye bye bye
Speaker 1: m