WEBVTT - Guess Which One of Us Slept With a Woman Last Week

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to First things first, I'm brook Bletting. My pronouns

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<v Speaker 1>as she and her.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Maddie meals. My pronouns are he and him. And

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<v Speaker 2>before we get started, I'd like to acknowledge the custodians

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<v Speaker 2>of the land on which we record, And for me

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<v Speaker 2>it's the Gaddigel people of the.

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<v Speaker 1>Urination, and for me it's a wondering people of the

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<v Speaker 1>cooler nation.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's get it.

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<v Speaker 2>We're here. I'm literally fresh off the back of a

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<v Speaker 2>massive weekend. But I had such a thrilling time being

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<v Speaker 2>in Darwin. Yeah, I love Darwin.

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<v Speaker 3>Have you been Darwin? Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, isn't it a vibe?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean you can't really swim because of the crocs.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but they have the whole waterfront that they made,

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<v Speaker 2>like Darwin Waterfront is like a man made lagoon. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>but now when you're in there, you're constantly thinking, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>a crocodile could be in here, so it's not that enjoyable.

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<v Speaker 2>My thought is, if I was a crocodile, I'd climb

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<v Speaker 2>over the wall at nighttime when everyone's asleep, wait for

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<v Speaker 2>the morning. Those first people to jump into the lagoon breakfast.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't think crocodiles could climb. And two I saw

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<v Speaker 1>a video of it climbing this big fence and I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, kid, do not clime. Yeah, they can and

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<v Speaker 1>they can run. Fuss, it's insane.

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<v Speaker 2>Well let me tell you, jog.

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<v Speaker 3>Light Jog.

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<v Speaker 2>I swam with a crocodile on the weekend. Believe it

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<v Speaker 2>or not. It was insane. So there was one thing. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I was shitting myself, Oh my god, especially because you

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<v Speaker 2>get to watch the experience before you go in like

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<v Speaker 2>other people do it. And there were these two girls

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<v Speaker 2>and the crocodile was going like frantic for them, like

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<v Speaker 2>it wanted to eat these two women in this cage.

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<v Speaker 2>And it was the only thing that I really wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to tick off my list in Darwin once I got there.

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<v Speaker 2>And I've been to Dawn a few times, but I

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<v Speaker 2>never got to go to Crocosaurus Cove. It's like their

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<v Speaker 2>main tourist attraction for crocodiles. Yeah, and it's right in

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<v Speaker 2>the heart of the CBD like the city. Anyway, I

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<v Speaker 2>had a couple of hours off in the afternoon and

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<v Speaker 2>I booked in for the Cage of Death. It is

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<v Speaker 2>a Perspecs cage.

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<v Speaker 3>And giving me anxiety.

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<v Speaker 2>In an enclosure with crocodiles. I didn't have one. I

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<v Speaker 2>had two, and it's like you're in a piece of

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<v Speaker 2>tupperware about to be dropped.

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<v Speaker 1>In to that I can't. That makes me so panic.

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<v Speaker 2>And then once you're in the water and under the water,

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<v Speaker 2>your brain doesn't really adjust, so it doesn't realize that

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<v Speaker 2>there is perspects between you and the crocodile. So when

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<v Speaker 2>you put your hand out, it's like you can touch

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<v Speaker 2>the crocodile because you can't see the clear covering of

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<v Speaker 2>this container. It's weird.

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<v Speaker 1>That's so crazy, that's so scary, and that's probably what

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<v Speaker 1>a croc sees as well, right maybe.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, they was circling me the whole time. They're

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<v Speaker 2>very opportunistic, so what they normally do in the wild

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<v Speaker 2>is they will watch something for weeks on end before

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<v Speaker 2>they attack it.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow.

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<v Speaker 2>They don't just go over and like immediately get it,

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<v Speaker 2>unless you know, it's like.

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<v Speaker 3>A delicious snack like you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, unless unless it's like me, and then it's like

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<v Speaker 2>drooling at the mouth. Now, But was that big?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that?

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<v Speaker 2>You know what? It was scary, But I'm so glad

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<v Speaker 2>I did it, and I loved one this time of

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<v Speaker 2>the year.

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<v Speaker 1>This year, do you remember the namurs right, Yeah, the

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<v Speaker 1>National Indigenous Music.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I did well. Barker was a big winner on

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<v Speaker 2>the night. She took out two awards Dan Sultan one

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<v Speaker 2>Album of the Year. It was a stella knight like

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<v Speaker 2>Jess performed three times. She did like a mad medley

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<v Speaker 2>of all her big hits.

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<v Speaker 3>Amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>And then at the end there was this twenty year

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<v Speaker 2>anniversary of the Nemas that's been going for twenty years,

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<v Speaker 2>where all the artists on stage. It was like fifteen

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<v Speaker 2>probably our best First Nations artists in this country, all

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<v Speaker 2>performing like hits. And one thing that stood out was

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<v Speaker 2>like Jess performing better in Black by film a Plant.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like a cover. It was epic.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh that's amazing. I love that song by Filma so good.

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<v Speaker 2>How was your weekend? I mean we had a good

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<v Speaker 2>conversation while I was in Dark. Want to spill the

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<v Speaker 2>beans are what? No?

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<v Speaker 3>I had a bit of a what did I do?

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<v Speaker 2>Let's go to surprises? Any surprises? The email?

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<v Speaker 1>It's so weird? Hell, why am I getting so weird

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about this? I never get weird about talking

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<v Speaker 1>about sex.

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<v Speaker 4>M So.

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<v Speaker 1>Every time I have a crush on a girl, or

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<v Speaker 1>I talk about a girl, I get like real, like

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<v Speaker 1>like real.

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<v Speaker 3>Like blushed. I guess it's funny.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyways, I had my first, not my first.

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry you are flustered, girl, I'm so flustered.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so flustered. Okay, get the fucking shit together. I

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<v Speaker 1>am back on the Pisa train.

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<v Speaker 3>It's been a long time, guys, it's been a long time.

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<v Speaker 2>I put the roomors to sleep.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, put the rumors to sleep.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I was kind of in this rebellious stage

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<v Speaker 1>where because my bisexuality was fucking plastered everywhere and everyone

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<v Speaker 1>would ask so much about my sexuality, I kind of

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<v Speaker 1>got so fatigued and so exhausted about it that I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, fuck this, I can't be bothered. And then

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<v Speaker 1>I sort of just like went one way to sort

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<v Speaker 1>of move away from that, and then I sort of

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<v Speaker 1>stayed there because it was like, it's not that it's comfortable,

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<v Speaker 1>like being straight is comfortable, but it's easier and guys

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<v Speaker 1>are easier, and it's just like.

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<v Speaker 2>Wait, guys are easier.

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<v Speaker 3>A little bit.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well like easier in a sense where it's like

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<v Speaker 1>I can kind of detach very quickly in a way.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you get what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>Like, guys are easy, but I'm thinking about the bedroom well.

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<v Speaker 1>In terms of relationship, right, I find that because I

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<v Speaker 1>respect women so much and I put women on a

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<v Speaker 1>like high pedestal, I never want to be disrespectful or

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<v Speaker 1>not give a woman the time of day. So not

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<v Speaker 1>that I don't respect men, but I have this kind

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<v Speaker 1>of feeling like like you get over it, kind of

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<v Speaker 1>fucking vibes, you know what I mean. But with a woman,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to give them absolute time and effort in

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<v Speaker 1>emotion and be present. So I haven't had that capacity

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<v Speaker 1>to really feel and do that.

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<v Speaker 3>So I haven't explored that.

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<v Speaker 1>That's not my excuse, but that's kind of my reasoning

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<v Speaker 1>to why I've stayed away from dating women for a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit, because I love them actually a lot. Like

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<v Speaker 1>I realized like having sex with a woman again, I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, oh my god, I'm so clearly fucking gay.

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<v Speaker 3>So I was quote.

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<v Speaker 2>From you over the weekend on the phone, You're really

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<v Speaker 2>good in the sack question.

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<v Speaker 1>I did not say that, did not did?

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<v Speaker 2>I said, Okay, I was doing it too. I was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>you are. But I just remember being like, so, how

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<v Speaker 2>was it tell me everything, Like was it like, did

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<v Speaker 2>you really want to do it? And you were like

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<v Speaker 2>I was a bit tired, but then I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really good at it, so I might as well.

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<v Speaker 3>Confidence. No, I it's like I switched.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I just know and I feel like I

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<v Speaker 1>doubt went.

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<v Speaker 2>Into d and you were.

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<v Speaker 3>The visual I got.

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<v Speaker 1>Just there was so fucked up, like I got a

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<v Speaker 1>tongue with like for the drive wheels.

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<v Speaker 3>It's so unhinged. Oh god.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyway, Yeah it was great, It is great.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I was like, did the bit of nostalgia come

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<v Speaker 2>up from this experience? Like did it take you back

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<v Speaker 2>in time?

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<v Speaker 1>To be fair, my early twenties were mostly consumed by women,

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<v Speaker 1>if I'm being honest, Like I didn't really date a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of men, and my friends will vouch for that

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<v Speaker 1>as well, because most of my girlfriends, you know, that

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<v Speaker 1>I played footy with or that I worked with, or

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<v Speaker 1>we're all sort of mostly lesbian women or queer or

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<v Speaker 1>bisexual or whatever, and so it was just such an.

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<v Speaker 3>Environment that I was surrounded by.

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<v Speaker 1>But yeah, no, I just feel like it just took

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<v Speaker 1>me back to my early twenties, where I was like

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<v Speaker 1>I used to have these like massive parties.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know what you've ever really spoken about this.

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<v Speaker 3>This is so funny.

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<v Speaker 2>Orgies.

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<v Speaker 3>They're not orgies. No, no, no, no.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I had this house and it was like me

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<v Speaker 1>and my two best friends when we're all gay, and

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<v Speaker 1>we lived in this house and it was kind of

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<v Speaker 1>like a bachelorette pad, if I'm being honest, like it

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<v Speaker 1>was we had this shed, I had this garage where

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<v Speaker 1>I put all these fun posters and I covered the

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<v Speaker 1>side of the wall and had this brick wall. So

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<v Speaker 1>it was kind of this urban sort of garage that

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<v Speaker 1>we used to all hang out at. But then when

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<v Speaker 1>we'd have parties, it would get pretty bloody loose. When

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<v Speaker 1>I got rid of this couch when I was moving

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<v Speaker 1>out of this house, I was like, I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>there's so much sex that just.

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<v Speaker 3>Happened on that couch. I was like, this should be

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<v Speaker 3>in like one of those museums. Like it was the

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<v Speaker 3>couch that everyone fucked on. It was hilarious. Yeah, but

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<v Speaker 3>it's hot and it was fine and it.

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<v Speaker 1>Was exciting and it was my early twenty.

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<v Speaker 2>No more told me about it. So if the party

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<v Speaker 2>started like eight nine o'clock, how would the night go.

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<v Speaker 2>It would be like table tennis drinks until you got

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<v Speaker 2>a bit unhinged, and then you would just see like

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<v Speaker 2>girls scissoring on the lounge.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, you can fucking ask that question, because if

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<v Speaker 1>a straight guy asked me that question, I'd punch him

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<v Speaker 1>in the face. But no, it was just like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>there'd be people hooking up pretty much and you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>and then yeah, just whatever, but.

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<v Speaker 3>You know you're not like watching it and it doesn't happen.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone kind of gets to a point where where everyone

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<v Speaker 1>goes to bed or goes back to their rooms, like

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<v Speaker 1>my housemates when everyone leaves, and then you know, there's

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<v Speaker 1>the last few stragglers that are hanging around, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Crash on my couch. I don't care.

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<v Speaker 1>Back then, I'd slept with more women than I had men,

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<v Speaker 1>which is quite funny, and then now it's yeah, they've

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<v Speaker 1>taken over.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm interested in what made you get with a woman recently? Like,

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<v Speaker 2>was there a moment it wasn't wasn't the coffee girl,

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<v Speaker 2>was it?

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<v Speaker 3>No, it wasn't the coffee girl.

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<v Speaker 1>No, it was a girl that I've known and hooked

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<v Speaker 1>up with maybe like once a year we actually physically

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<v Speaker 1>catch up. We'd only met in person maybe halfway through

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<v Speaker 1>last year. Honestly, it was when the sort of maybe

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<v Speaker 1>the World Cup was happening. Okay, So we talked online

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<v Speaker 1>for months and we'd sort of check in and say hi,

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<v Speaker 1>and then all of a sudden we sort of got together.

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<v Speaker 1>And there's obviously that sexual tension. But the first time

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<v Speaker 1>we met, it just didn't happen. They were going on

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<v Speaker 1>a flight at like four am in the morning, and

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<v Speaker 1>where were.

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<v Speaker 2>They going back to London? Okay?

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<v Speaker 1>And then this time they were back from Paris and

0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:56.600
<v Speaker 1>flew into Sydney and then flew to Melbourne.

0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:58.439
<v Speaker 3>Anyways, you're so.

0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:01.640
<v Speaker 2>I want to get all the details.

0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:06.959
<v Speaker 1>Well, I can't give you the detail because she's.

0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:09.360
<v Speaker 2>Not like the details. I'm trying to figure out who

0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:09.720
<v Speaker 2>it is.

0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:11.280
<v Speaker 3>Oh, I got you.

0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:13.560
<v Speaker 2>Would you ever try to pursue.

0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:15.079
<v Speaker 1>It as a relationship?

0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:21.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? No, no, Okay, why I mean why not?

0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:23.959
<v Speaker 3>Because I would be a wag.

0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:26.839
<v Speaker 2>She would be Brook Blaton because I look at him

0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.440
<v Speaker 2>thinking you're already somebody. It's not like you're going to

0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:31.600
<v Speaker 2>be turned into a wag like you are Brook Blurton.

0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.360
<v Speaker 2>So it's like you two would have like a level

0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:36.280
<v Speaker 2>playing field when it came to light, I.

0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:37.440
<v Speaker 3>Just don't love a couple.

0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:40.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah no, And I think she's amazing, and I think

0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:43.280
<v Speaker 1>this it would be a great it's a great friendship

0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:46.480
<v Speaker 1>before like a sort of relationship, And we haven't really

0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:49.200
<v Speaker 1>spoken about that, but we've both sort of been on

0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:52.360
<v Speaker 1>the same path of you need to be with someone

0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:54.840
<v Speaker 1>that has their own things going on, which we both

0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:58.160
<v Speaker 1>felt like that. But every time she has got with someone,

0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:02.360
<v Speaker 1>I think she's felt that they want to immediately.

0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.200
<v Speaker 3>Be in a relationship with her.

0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.200
<v Speaker 1>And I don't think that's something that I've ever wanted

0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:06.520
<v Speaker 1>with her.

0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:07.720
<v Speaker 3>And I think that's what.

0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:11.360
<v Speaker 4>I guess attracts her about me, is that I'm not

0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:13.920
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, yeah, I'm here, but I'm not trying to

0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:15.679
<v Speaker 4>like wife you up. And that's what kind of what

0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:18.080
<v Speaker 4>happens with lesbians a little bit, is that there's this

0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:20.120
<v Speaker 4>u hole like I need to move in quickly, that

0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:21.080
<v Speaker 4>you need to be together.

0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.920
<v Speaker 3>And I mean I do it with guys as well sometimes.

0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:25.559
<v Speaker 3>And it's not like I.

0:12:25.480 --> 0:12:28.920
<v Speaker 1>Don't like her, I just don't know what a relationship

0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.640
<v Speaker 1>looks like with her, and so we just haven't really

0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.800
<v Speaker 1>explored that and it's just been like this really beautiful

0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:39.240
<v Speaker 1>friendship slash, you know, sexual tension and catching up.

0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:47.439
<v Speaker 2>So anyways, moving on, So you called me on the weekend. Yeah,

0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:51.360
<v Speaker 2>and you were hanging out with your ex.

0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:54.320
<v Speaker 1>So, for those who don't really know, I'm not in

0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:57.920
<v Speaker 1>a relationship. I am two people at the same time

0:12:58.000 --> 0:12:59.360
<v Speaker 1>and they've just had sex with a girl.

0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:01.800
<v Speaker 3>So my love's days about life.

0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:04.160
<v Speaker 2>It is, and I'm here front seat of the road

0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:05.280
<v Speaker 2>ready to go.

0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:08.959
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, there's that guy that I was telling you about

0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:12.640
<v Speaker 1>who's I'm seeing casually. So we're seeing each other once

0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:16.560
<v Speaker 1>a week and we're letting it naturally progress because he's

0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:20.319
<v Speaker 1>really lovely and he's great. But obviously I still have

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.520
<v Speaker 1>such an attachment to my ex boyfriend, who I see

0:13:23.679 --> 0:13:26.520
<v Speaker 1>quite often, but it's not a relationship.

0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:29.560
<v Speaker 3>It's just more of a convenience or hanging out thing.

0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:38.040
<v Speaker 1>Anyways, I went over to his house and I went

0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:41.080
<v Speaker 1>to the bathroom and I looked in his bin and

0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:46.319
<v Speaker 1>there was makeup wipes and tampon wrappers. We've communicated that

0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.360
<v Speaker 1>if we are seeing other people or we are sleeping

0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.719
<v Speaker 1>with other people, we would let you know each other.

0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:55.040
<v Speaker 2>Know, that is a tough thing to put yourself.

0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:56.400
<v Speaker 3>Through it is it really is.

0:13:56.559 --> 0:14:00.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I see so many red flags with this, and

0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:04.520
<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you why. I know, because he is having

0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:07.600
<v Speaker 2>you when he wants, but then also not giving you

0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:08.240
<v Speaker 2>what you need.

0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.640
<v Speaker 1>What if he is giving me what I need.

0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:14.680
<v Speaker 2>But he's not because you're seeking something else, You're seeking more,

0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:15.720
<v Speaker 2>that's why you're back there.

0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:17.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:21.400
<v Speaker 2>No, you're looking for something in him that I just

0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:23.320
<v Speaker 2>don't think that he's going to give you. But I

0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.360
<v Speaker 2>think we should continue with the story before I make

0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:26.280
<v Speaker 2>my no.

0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:30.240
<v Speaker 1>I love the revelations. Look to be fair. I'm whoever's listening.

0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:32.880
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, you know, if you've been in the situation,

0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.240
<v Speaker 1>please help a girl out, because I have no idea

0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.040
<v Speaker 1>sometimes what the situation is going to end up, and

0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:40.800
<v Speaker 1>I do feel like I will end up getting hurt,

0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:44.200
<v Speaker 1>which I'm equally prepared for in a way, and luckily

0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:45.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm fucking in therapy every week.

0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:48.720
<v Speaker 2>But when you spoke to him about this, what did

0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:49.040
<v Speaker 2>he say?

0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:49.480
<v Speaker 3>Okay?

0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:53.640
<v Speaker 1>So, I, you know, called my friends to ask for advice,

0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.040
<v Speaker 1>as you would, and I'm really helpful that I've got

0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:59.080
<v Speaker 1>reasonable friends and great friends that have seen two sides

0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.600
<v Speaker 1>of the story, you know, like good friends that you're

0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:03.360
<v Speaker 1>just like, Okay, this could be this, and it could

0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.520
<v Speaker 1>be this, and they're like, you know, you need to

0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.640
<v Speaker 1>communicate with him what the scenario is and sort of

0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:10.800
<v Speaker 1>try to find the facts and do it in a

0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:11.560
<v Speaker 1>calm response.

0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.400
<v Speaker 3>Don't just be like I found this blah blah blah blah,

0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:14.680
<v Speaker 3>you know.

0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:16.920
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, okay, what's the reasonable I thought,

0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:20.280
<v Speaker 1>maybe it's his mom. I'm like, no, your mom's probably

0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:24.480
<v Speaker 1>a little bit older, you know, maybe premenopause kind of age.

0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't think she would be getting her period at

0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:30.320
<v Speaker 1>that age. And I was just making an assumption. That's

0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:32.440
<v Speaker 1>just one. But it was the makeup wipes for me,

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:35.280
<v Speaker 1>So obviously someone stayed over because they've taken their makeup off.

0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:37.000
<v Speaker 3>That's my assumption.

0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.640
<v Speaker 2>Yes, turns out he's a drag queen.

0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:48.240
<v Speaker 1>Hidden life, the hidden Secret life. Anyways, So I thought about, Okay,

0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:49.960
<v Speaker 1>this could be the scenario. But then I was like, okay,

0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:53.200
<v Speaker 1>don't jump to assumptions. Let's just find out the facts.

0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 1>And so I asked him if he could help me

0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:57.960
<v Speaker 1>with something, and he came over and we went for

0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:01.440
<v Speaker 1>a walk and we got like breakfast coffee, and you know,

0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:03.400
<v Speaker 1>we're walking and I said, oh, I have something to

0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:06.080
<v Speaker 1>ask you and bring up with you on the walk

0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:08.880
<v Speaker 1>and he's like, yeah, no worries like ask away, and

0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:11.800
<v Speaker 1>I said, so, I noticed that when I was at

0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.840
<v Speaker 1>your house there was makeup wipes and tampon wrappers in

0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.160
<v Speaker 1>your bin, and I thought we were being really honest with

0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.960
<v Speaker 1>each other. So I wondered, you know, if you are

0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:23.760
<v Speaker 1>sleeping with someone else or seeing someone else, like you

0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:25.640
<v Speaker 1>would let me know right like you would be honest

0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.880
<v Speaker 1>with me. And he was like, yeah, yeah, I would

0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:31.000
<v Speaker 1>be honest with you, and I'm not I promised you.

0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:33.280
<v Speaker 1>And he was like, are you sure, like and then

0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.760
<v Speaker 1>he sort of questioned whether it was his mom's and

0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:39.320
<v Speaker 1>I was like, you know, I would love to believe

0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.280
<v Speaker 1>that it's your mum, but I'm sure, you know, she's

0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:43.680
<v Speaker 1>an older lady, and not to assume. I'm sure she's

0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:46.440
<v Speaker 1>not getting a period at this age. And he didn't

0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:50.320
<v Speaker 1>give excuses, but he was like, he hadn't cleaned that

0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:53.600
<v Speaker 1>bin out for months, and it may have been a

0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:56.600
<v Speaker 1>crossover between myself and another girl that he was seeing

0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.760
<v Speaker 1>in May, which is when we that we had connected.

0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.239
<v Speaker 1>Hadn't cleaned the bin out for three months?

0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:05.000
<v Speaker 2>Does that sound like something he would do.

0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:10.600
<v Speaker 1>Is he like a entirely grubby But I think it's

0:17:10.680 --> 0:17:14.000
<v Speaker 1>definitely believable. And I did look him in the eye

0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:15.919
<v Speaker 1>and I said to him, like, you wouldn't lie to me,

0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:18.159
<v Speaker 1>would you, like, please just tell me, like if you

0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:20.960
<v Speaker 1>are seeing someone or you have slept with someone, that

0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.959
<v Speaker 1>you would just tell me and be honest and you know,

0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.280
<v Speaker 1>And he was very like, you looked me in the eye,

0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:29.160
<v Speaker 1>said he was telling the truth. He promised me that honestly,

0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:30.960
<v Speaker 1>he just hadn't cleaned the bin out.

0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:32.639
<v Speaker 3>I believe he.

0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.680
<v Speaker 2>Told you that he hadn't slept with a girl since May.

0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:40.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well, I believe that because he's been with.

0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:42.480
<v Speaker 2>Me since May.

0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:46.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah really? Yeah?

0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:50.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh okay. I thought that that makes a little bit

0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.520
<v Speaker 2>more understandable because in my head, there was a break.

0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:55.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it was maybe like a week or two.

0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:58.800
<v Speaker 2>A week or two, yeah, okay, I get it. In

0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:02.080
<v Speaker 2>my head, I thought you'd just reignited this flame and

0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:04.760
<v Speaker 2>that there had been much more of like a substantial break.

0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.360
<v Speaker 2>But there hasn't. So you've been like consistently seeing each other.

0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:09.560
<v Speaker 2>That means that maybe he hasn't slept with someone else.

0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.679
<v Speaker 2>I was thinking, come on, this man has to have

0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:14.520
<v Speaker 2>slept with someone else if you've only just rekindled that yeah,

0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:15.520
<v Speaker 2>had that big break.

0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:20.000
<v Speaker 1>No, we reconnected during Mother's Day around that time.

0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:23.240
<v Speaker 2>May have you seen that bin during that time between

0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:24.119
<v Speaker 2>May and August.

0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:28.920
<v Speaker 1>See, this is my avoidant attachment, is that I don't

0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:32.120
<v Speaker 1>love staying at his house because I then get more

0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:36.359
<v Speaker 1>attached to our lives being together totally. Whereas if he

0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:38.800
<v Speaker 1>just comes and goes from my house, I'm like, Okay,

0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.720
<v Speaker 1>that's fine, this is my house, you know, like more comfortable.

0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:42.320
<v Speaker 3>For me, yeah, a little bit.

0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:44.800
<v Speaker 1>And so this is probably the second time and maybe

0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:45.439
<v Speaker 1>stayed at.

0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:48.600
<v Speaker 2>His house, so there's not like a chance that you would.

0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:51.480
<v Speaker 1>Have yeah, like I would have noticed all for you know,

0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:54.359
<v Speaker 1>my X was like are you sure? And I was like, well,

0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:56.359
<v Speaker 1>I know what a fucking tampon rapper looks like.

0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:59.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't. I don't like the fact that he said

0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:01.760
<v Speaker 2>are you sure? That's a little bit gaslighting for me.

0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:04.280
<v Speaker 1>It is a little bit gaslighting, and I do because

0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:05.720
<v Speaker 1>do acknowledge that for sure?

0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:11.719
<v Speaker 2>It's him making you question your reality. I don't know.

0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:14.320
<v Speaker 2>There's some red flags with this fellow for me because

0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:15.080
<v Speaker 2>the past.

0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:18.919
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I guess the past is that you know,

0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:24.080
<v Speaker 1>he cheated on his previous X where they were together

0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:25.960
<v Speaker 1>for eight years and he cheated on.

0:19:25.920 --> 0:19:26.960
<v Speaker 3>Her for two years of that.

0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:29.879
<v Speaker 1>It's not complex because it doesn't need to be like

0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:32.640
<v Speaker 1>I literally could just be like, Okay, I've had enough now,

0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:37.200
<v Speaker 1>I really do, because I feel so comfortable and he.

0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:39.919
<v Speaker 3>It's so fucked.

0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:42.880
<v Speaker 1>It doesn't have any red flags for me other than

0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:43.840
<v Speaker 1>the cheating aspect.

0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:46.040
<v Speaker 3>I know this is so fucked.

0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:49.200
<v Speaker 1>And like the preface he did say this, he said,

0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:52.640
<v Speaker 1>from what I've learned before, he said, I would never

0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:55.480
<v Speaker 1>lie to you. That's the thing that I'm practicing is

0:19:55.520 --> 0:19:57.440
<v Speaker 1>I'm not I don't want to lie. I want to

0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:00.159
<v Speaker 1>be open. So he did preface that and did say

0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:04.679
<v Speaker 1>that that he is like trying so hard to be

0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:09.440
<v Speaker 1>honest and open from his past. So he's acknowledging that.

0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.520
<v Speaker 1>So I think that is something to count for. I

0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:15.360
<v Speaker 1>know that, you know, people can change, and I think

0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:17.160
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people think, oh, will you cheat once

0:20:17.200 --> 0:20:17.840
<v Speaker 1>you cheat again?

0:20:18.160 --> 0:20:20.000
<v Speaker 2>I think people can change, but I think it, Yeah,

0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:24.600
<v Speaker 2>I think people can also change with relationship dynamics. What

0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:27.000
<v Speaker 2>I just made you break up? What made you break

0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:28.199
<v Speaker 2>up because of the communication.

0:20:28.920 --> 0:20:31.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we had a bad week of communication last year,

0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:35.320
<v Speaker 1>and we because we were together for about three months

0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.600
<v Speaker 1>and it was going really well, and I honestly felt

0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:41.000
<v Speaker 1>so madly and deeply as I do, but like deeper

0:20:41.000 --> 0:20:44.080
<v Speaker 1>than I'd ever really felt for someone within like four weeks,

0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:48.080
<v Speaker 1>Like I just felt so comfortable and so I guess

0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:50.920
<v Speaker 1>loved by him in such a way that I'd never

0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:54.199
<v Speaker 1>felt before. So yeah, I actually asked him out. Remember

0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 1>when I did like a little date card and I

0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:59.159
<v Speaker 1>wrote and he selected the right one, you know, Like

0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:02.320
<v Speaker 1>I was in my like romantic error and I was

0:21:02.320 --> 0:21:05.679
<v Speaker 1>feeling like I could be my sort of soft girl, feminine,

0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:08.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, and he makes me feel like that, which

0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:08.720
<v Speaker 1>is really good.

0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:10.080
<v Speaker 3>It's just so fucked.

0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:12.280
<v Speaker 1>I hate the fact that I talk about him like

0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:15.560
<v Speaker 1>this and I'm like, ah, but we're not even together.

0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:17.239
<v Speaker 2>But and what's stopping that?

0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:23.080
<v Speaker 1>Well, both of us have had some stuff going on,

0:21:23.480 --> 0:21:27.520
<v Speaker 1>I think, you know, for us, my thing is I

0:21:27.520 --> 0:21:31.919
<v Speaker 1>don't want to commit myself to someone unless they're fully

0:21:31.960 --> 0:21:35.520
<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent in. And he's just openly told me

0:21:35.560 --> 0:21:39.240
<v Speaker 1>that he could never, not never, But he can't give

0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:44.120
<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent into a relationship because he's still working

0:21:44.240 --> 0:21:47.880
<v Speaker 1>on his shame and guilt from what he's done, which

0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.119
<v Speaker 1>I think is admirable, like, go, you know, you need

0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:51.840
<v Speaker 1>to work on that, and you know what, and I

0:21:51.880 --> 0:21:54.200
<v Speaker 1>don't want to rush that process for you. I think

0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:56.199
<v Speaker 1>he's just got his own shit going on, and I

0:21:56.200 --> 0:21:58.120
<v Speaker 1>think I have my own shit going on. And it's

0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:00.560
<v Speaker 1>just like we we both acknowledge that we're not perfect,

0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:04.320
<v Speaker 1>but I think we do want that next relationship to

0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:09.119
<v Speaker 1>be something that is worth it. But we're both a

0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:09.679
<v Speaker 1>bit scared.

0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:12.600
<v Speaker 2>So is there an issue with him? Like would you

0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:14.480
<v Speaker 2>have an issue with him sleeping with anyone else?

0:22:17.200 --> 0:22:20.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I probably would be upset. And I have openly

0:22:20.320 --> 0:22:22.960
<v Speaker 1>told him that, and he's like, I just don't want to.

0:22:23.240 --> 0:22:25.239
<v Speaker 1>And if he said if I wanted to, or if

0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:30.440
<v Speaker 1>I did, he'd probably like tell me first before it happened,

0:22:30.600 --> 0:22:33.160
<v Speaker 1>or like he would immediately tell me if it did.

0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:37.439
<v Speaker 1>You know, he's not actively dating anyone, but I'm honest

0:22:37.480 --> 0:22:40.600
<v Speaker 1>with him, and I think that's also what he admires,

0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.040
<v Speaker 1>is that I'm so honest about my experiences, you know,

0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:48.919
<v Speaker 1>like seeople the woman recently, and my relationship with this

0:22:49.000 --> 0:22:52.640
<v Speaker 1>other fellow who's just like you know, naturally progressing from

0:22:52.680 --> 0:22:54.040
<v Speaker 1>a friendship.

0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:56.840
<v Speaker 2>Your heart is really set on your ex and then

0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:59.920
<v Speaker 2>you're seeing like once a week, what is a give

0:23:00.160 --> 0:23:01.160
<v Speaker 2>you that you need?

0:23:01.760 --> 0:23:02.080
<v Speaker 3>For me?

0:23:02.960 --> 0:23:07.400
<v Speaker 1>I sometimes don't know what a healthy relationship looks like,

0:23:07.800 --> 0:23:10.800
<v Speaker 1>but if I'm in one, I generally sometimes think it's boring,

0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.440
<v Speaker 1>and I know that's really sad. It's like I need

0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:17.439
<v Speaker 1>it to be like fiery and passionate and intense and

0:23:17.600 --> 0:23:21.960
<v Speaker 1>toxic before it to feel normal. So for me being

0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:24.960
<v Speaker 1>with Ax, which is so healthy and he communicates so

0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:28.919
<v Speaker 1>openly and so freely and so lovely, and he wants

0:23:29.000 --> 0:23:34.560
<v Speaker 1>to take it slow and progress into a more natural relationship,

0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:38.359
<v Speaker 1>that's I guess I'm giving it the time to see

0:23:38.400 --> 0:23:42.879
<v Speaker 1>it for what it is and play out how it could.

0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:45.040
<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean, Like, Yeah, there's a part

0:23:45.040 --> 0:23:46.600
<v Speaker 2>of me that wants to say to you to let

0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:49.720
<v Speaker 2>your X go because he is what you've had in

0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:53.320
<v Speaker 2>the past in terms of the really high passion, the

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:56.639
<v Speaker 2>lots of emotions. There's this other person in your life

0:23:56.640 --> 0:24:00.240
<v Speaker 2>who is all green flags, but you're not giving yourself

0:24:00.240 --> 0:24:03.000
<v Speaker 2>to them fully to experience that. And you say that

0:24:03.040 --> 0:24:06.320
<v Speaker 2>it might get boring, But what do you want? Do

0:24:06.359 --> 0:24:09.560
<v Speaker 2>you want the passion, the really high passion, but the

0:24:09.600 --> 0:24:13.959
<v Speaker 2>heartbreak and then with somebody like so you're saying is

0:24:14.000 --> 0:24:17.359
<v Speaker 2>like he has all these good character traits that you're after,

0:24:18.040 --> 0:24:21.760
<v Speaker 2>but it's like he's too there's something about.

0:24:21.560 --> 0:24:25.120
<v Speaker 1>Like too nice, you know, like the whole too nice thing, Like.

0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:29.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but he seems like somebody who's not going to

0:24:29.400 --> 0:24:29.760
<v Speaker 2>hurt you.

0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:32.679
<v Speaker 1>The weird thing is is that they've both been in

0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:37.439
<v Speaker 1>an eight year relationship. So it's just this is a

0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:42.480
<v Speaker 1>whole new experience for me, like being this like open communication,

0:24:43.520 --> 0:24:47.480
<v Speaker 1>these different varied relationships because such like an old version

0:24:47.520 --> 0:24:50.720
<v Speaker 1>of me was so black and white, like we're together

0:24:50.840 --> 0:24:53.360
<v Speaker 1>or we're not together, you know, but all of this

0:24:53.440 --> 0:24:55.680
<v Speaker 1>is sort of in the gray, and this is all

0:24:55.720 --> 0:24:58.760
<v Speaker 1>sort of in the mud. Well it's not really that

0:24:58.920 --> 0:24:59.720
<v Speaker 1>muddy to be found.

0:24:59.720 --> 0:25:00.200
<v Speaker 3>I don't I.

0:25:00.119 --> 0:25:04.440
<v Speaker 1>Feel like I'm my mental health is really that being

0:25:04.480 --> 0:25:08.160
<v Speaker 1>impacted that much. But then maybe I don't need a relationship.

0:25:09.520 --> 0:25:13.200
<v Speaker 1>What do you think? And I actually really love your honesty,

0:25:13.359 --> 0:25:16.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, like I really appreciate that you're so real

0:25:16.880 --> 0:25:19.439
<v Speaker 1>with me and you tell me what you think is

0:25:19.480 --> 0:25:21.680
<v Speaker 1>best for me, because sometimes I can't see it through

0:25:21.680 --> 0:25:24.119
<v Speaker 1>that lens. And sometimes you need a friend that can

0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:27.160
<v Speaker 1>and you know, and I haven't really had time to reflect,

0:25:27.160 --> 0:25:30.200
<v Speaker 1>but I feel like, because I'm in a good state

0:25:30.240 --> 0:25:33.520
<v Speaker 1>of mind, I feel like everything is fine, Yeah, until

0:25:33.560 --> 0:25:34.040
<v Speaker 1>it isn't.

0:25:34.160 --> 0:25:37.760
<v Speaker 2>I think it's about expectation for you, Like you're pretty

0:25:37.880 --> 0:25:42.480
<v Speaker 2>realistic with your own expectation. But I feel like because

0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:43.880
<v Speaker 2>I remember in the past that I can't get over

0:25:43.920 --> 0:25:46.919
<v Speaker 2>my ex. Do you want to get over him or not?

0:25:47.880 --> 0:25:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Because if you want to get over him, you need

0:25:50.400 --> 0:25:52.719
<v Speaker 2>to cut the cord and you need to move on

0:25:52.800 --> 0:25:54.960
<v Speaker 2>and pursue something else, and if it's meant to happen,

0:25:54.960 --> 0:25:57.399
<v Speaker 2>you will find each other again. But what's the point

0:25:57.440 --> 0:25:59.560
<v Speaker 2>of holding onto something that isn't going to give you

0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:02.680
<v Speaker 2>what you need need right now? Or like he's been

0:26:02.720 --> 0:26:05.119
<v Speaker 2>really honest and open, which is great about him, Like

0:26:05.200 --> 0:26:08.000
<v Speaker 2>I can't commit to you, so why are you holding on?

0:26:09.080 --> 0:26:10.919
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna throw a spanner in the works here, But

0:26:11.640 --> 0:26:16.919
<v Speaker 1>I think there's part of me that I know that

0:26:17.200 --> 0:26:20.479
<v Speaker 1>a serious, committed relationship is not on the cards for

0:26:20.520 --> 0:26:21.480
<v Speaker 1>me for this year.

0:26:21.760 --> 0:26:24.359
<v Speaker 2>But then that's cool if that's your that's your vibe.

0:26:24.359 --> 0:26:26.680
<v Speaker 1>But I feel like I'm accepting that, you know, Like

0:26:26.720 --> 0:26:29.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm accepting that that's not what I and you know,

0:26:29.240 --> 0:26:33.440
<v Speaker 1>I potentially would be moving away or exploring, you know,

0:26:33.920 --> 0:26:37.520
<v Speaker 1>work elsewhere with acting or whatever. So I'm sort of

0:26:37.560 --> 0:26:40.520
<v Speaker 1>staying this like open minded, which the old me would

0:26:40.520 --> 0:26:42.359
<v Speaker 1>be like, Nope, this is where I want, this is

0:26:42.359 --> 0:26:45.159
<v Speaker 1>what I'm gonna get, and it's fine. Like that sometimes

0:26:45.200 --> 0:26:47.160
<v Speaker 1>comes into play with things that I want and I

0:26:47.280 --> 0:26:50.359
<v Speaker 1>want to achieve then and there. But I think a

0:26:50.480 --> 0:26:54.040
<v Speaker 1>relationship from what I've learned I guess doing our podcast

0:26:54.119 --> 0:26:58.240
<v Speaker 1>and having these conversations, is that I still have so

0:26:58.320 --> 0:27:02.520
<v Speaker 1>much work that I'm doing on myself, which my relationships

0:27:02.760 --> 0:27:05.880
<v Speaker 1>from my childhood how they play out in my adulthood.

0:27:06.480 --> 0:27:08.760
<v Speaker 1>Still trying to figure that out. He's still trying to

0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:12.280
<v Speaker 1>understand that it's taking me a while, but you know,

0:27:12.440 --> 0:27:15.159
<v Speaker 1>the process is slow and you're going to enjoy the journey.

0:27:15.280 --> 0:27:17.000
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, like I committed.

0:27:17.040 --> 0:27:19.800
<v Speaker 1>I think that's also what's kind of great because Semini

0:27:20.000 --> 0:27:23.240
<v Speaker 1>sort of we are in a relationship, but it's not

0:27:23.320 --> 0:27:24.120
<v Speaker 1>a relationship.

0:27:24.160 --> 0:27:26.119
<v Speaker 2>Well, I was about to throw a little spinner in

0:27:26.160 --> 0:27:28.760
<v Speaker 2>the works and ask if he was if he admitted

0:27:28.800 --> 0:27:31.000
<v Speaker 2>to you, and he said, yes, I'm sleeping with someone else.

0:27:31.000 --> 0:27:33.720
<v Speaker 2>And that was probably her rappers. What would your reaction be?

0:27:35.440 --> 0:27:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Then I would be really upset that he's lied to me.

0:27:39.840 --> 0:27:42.960
<v Speaker 1>Obviously first, because I'm big on principle. And you said

0:27:42.960 --> 0:27:46.080
<v Speaker 1>that you'd be honest and you haven't, the trust would.

0:27:45.920 --> 0:27:49.040
<v Speaker 2>Be gone and then you would and then.

0:27:48.960 --> 0:27:51.320
<v Speaker 1>I would yeah, and then I would say to him,

0:27:51.680 --> 0:27:54.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't trust you. Therefore, you know, I don't think

0:27:54.840 --> 0:27:57.000
<v Speaker 1>that I could pursue this whatever.

0:27:57.720 --> 0:27:59.760
<v Speaker 2>But what if he told you before the fact and

0:28:00.119 --> 0:28:01.680
<v Speaker 2>before he saw those things, and he told you that

0:28:01.720 --> 0:28:03.640
<v Speaker 2>he'll sleeping with someone else? Would you be okay with it?

0:28:04.359 --> 0:28:05.480
<v Speaker 3>Yes? I would.

0:28:05.680 --> 0:28:08.280
<v Speaker 1>I would be like, Okay, they've got a heads up

0:28:08.320 --> 0:28:11.040
<v Speaker 1>of where we stand more so, not that I don't

0:28:11.040 --> 0:28:14.000
<v Speaker 1>know about already, but yeah, yeah, yeah, Like it's the

0:28:14.080 --> 0:28:17.680
<v Speaker 1>honesty thing for me because obviously he's previously lied and

0:28:17.880 --> 0:28:23.280
<v Speaker 1>cheated and not been honest, where I feel like, yeah,

0:28:23.359 --> 0:28:25.960
<v Speaker 1>he'd be repeating that same pattern, so therefore I know

0:28:26.040 --> 0:28:28.280
<v Speaker 1>that he hasn't done the work and he hasn't changed.

0:28:28.000 --> 0:28:31.000
<v Speaker 2>So I'm on the same page as you, like, I

0:28:31.080 --> 0:28:34.640
<v Speaker 2>think honesty in a relationship equals hope. For instance, if

0:28:34.760 --> 0:28:37.199
<v Speaker 2>my partner came home to me and I knew that

0:28:37.200 --> 0:28:40.440
<v Speaker 2>they had cheated and I asked them and they said

0:28:40.480 --> 0:28:43.120
<v Speaker 2>to me, yes, I did. There would be a slither

0:28:43.240 --> 0:28:47.640
<v Speaker 2>of hope, yes, that there would be respect there really

0:28:48.480 --> 0:28:50.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah for saying yes instead of trying to deny it.

0:28:50.760 --> 0:28:53.240
<v Speaker 2>If somebody could say, like, for instance, if Jenny came

0:28:53.280 --> 0:28:55.000
<v Speaker 2>home and I found out he cheated, then I said, hey,

0:28:55.040 --> 0:28:56.680
<v Speaker 2>have you cheated on me? And he said yes, I have.

0:28:57.480 --> 0:28:59.280
<v Speaker 2>I was trying to figure out how to tell you.

0:28:59.560 --> 0:29:01.320
<v Speaker 2>I'll be his stuff. The best option would be that

0:29:01.320 --> 0:29:02.920
<v Speaker 2>he walked through the door and said, hey, I've done

0:29:02.920 --> 0:29:05.360
<v Speaker 2>something wrong and I've cheated on you. You know that

0:29:05.440 --> 0:29:08.320
<v Speaker 2>level of honesty. I feel like honesty in a relationship

0:29:08.360 --> 0:29:10.960
<v Speaker 2>is where the hope lies. As soon as somebody like

0:29:11.440 --> 0:29:13.440
<v Speaker 2>doesn't tell you the truth, then the respect for me

0:29:13.520 --> 0:29:14.640
<v Speaker 2>for them goes out the door.

0:29:15.080 --> 0:29:16.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah of course. Yeah.

0:29:16.400 --> 0:29:18.880
<v Speaker 2>But if I gave them the opportunity to tell me

0:29:18.920 --> 0:29:21.560
<v Speaker 2>the truth and they told me the truth, then there's

0:29:21.560 --> 0:29:23.680
<v Speaker 2>an opportunity for us to build something because I know

0:29:23.760 --> 0:29:24.400
<v Speaker 2>that you will.

0:29:24.280 --> 0:29:25.880
<v Speaker 3>Be taking the Countess route.

0:29:26.040 --> 0:29:28.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you'll be honest in the tough times.

0:29:28.200 --> 0:29:29.840
<v Speaker 3>Yes, yeah, yeah, I agree.

0:29:30.040 --> 0:29:32.360
<v Speaker 2>So it's like I hope that he's being honest with

0:29:32.400 --> 0:29:34.040
<v Speaker 2>you because I don't want anything to come down.

0:29:34.280 --> 0:29:37.080
<v Speaker 3>I hope so too. I mean when we did, you.

0:29:37.040 --> 0:29:39.600
<v Speaker 1>Know, go on the walk and I sort of confronted

0:29:39.680 --> 0:29:44.800
<v Speaker 1>him in a less confrontational way, he was like, you know,

0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:48.920
<v Speaker 1>I would never lie to you, Like it's something I've tried,

0:29:49.000 --> 0:29:51.040
<v Speaker 1>not ever to do, is to lie to you and

0:29:51.120 --> 0:29:51.880
<v Speaker 1>be honest with you.

0:29:51.920 --> 0:29:58.560
<v Speaker 2>And at what point do we hide the cameras next week? Yeah,

0:29:58.600 --> 0:30:00.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm the handy man. Just toooked me to some plumbing,

0:30:00.560 --> 0:30:01.040
<v Speaker 2>I'll go in.

0:30:01.800 --> 0:30:04.680
<v Speaker 1>Guys, I just know that, you know, in a matter

0:30:04.680 --> 0:30:07.120
<v Speaker 1>of fucking weeks, months, whatever time it is, I'm going

0:30:07.160 --> 0:30:09.520
<v Speaker 1>to be crying on this podcast because.

0:30:09.720 --> 0:30:12.120
<v Speaker 2>Why what do you think? What do you what are

0:30:12.120 --> 0:30:13.320
<v Speaker 2>you foreseeing.

0:30:13.840 --> 0:30:17.440
<v Speaker 1>That the novel two of him being with me we're

0:30:17.480 --> 0:30:20.280
<v Speaker 1>aware of and then we're back to her. But the

0:30:20.320 --> 0:30:22.720
<v Speaker 1>thing is, we've been together longer in this period of

0:30:22.720 --> 0:30:24.120
<v Speaker 1>time than we were ever together in a.

0:30:24.120 --> 0:30:27.480
<v Speaker 2>Relationship you've just had. You've just given yourself a revelation

0:30:28.040 --> 0:30:32.000
<v Speaker 2>so many of these relationships and novelty for you. Yeah, damn,

0:30:32.360 --> 0:30:33.280
<v Speaker 2>mic drop.

0:30:34.520 --> 0:30:34.680
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:30:34.720 --> 0:30:39.440
<v Speaker 1>Well that's all we have time for today. Thank you

0:30:39.480 --> 0:30:41.560
<v Speaker 1>so much for listening to First things First, and if

0:30:41.560 --> 0:30:44.400
<v Speaker 1>you love as guys, you love what you're hear, leave

0:30:44.480 --> 0:30:45.920
<v Speaker 1>us a rating and a review.

0:30:46.160 --> 0:30:48.200
<v Speaker 2>And if you want us to cover anything on the pod,

0:30:48.320 --> 0:30:51.120
<v Speaker 2>just reach out slide into our DMS. Brooks handle is

0:30:51.160 --> 0:30:53.640
<v Speaker 2>at brook dop Blerton Mine is at its Muddy Meals

0:30:53.680 --> 0:30:56.000
<v Speaker 2>and you can check out all the Nova Podcast action

0:30:56.120 --> 0:30:57.600
<v Speaker 2>over at Nova Podcast of Visual.

0:30:58.040 --> 0:31:03.080
<v Speaker 1>See you guys next week, Love you, bye bye bye

0:31:03.440 --> 0:31:03.480
<v Speaker 1>m