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Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.

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Speaker 1: Good morning, everybody. Welcome back to She Rises with Ashley

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Speaker 1: and Tiana. We have a very vulnerable episode, not for me,

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Speaker 1: but for Tiana. This has been an episode you've been

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Speaker 1: wanting to do for quite a while, but haven't quite

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Speaker 1: felt ready. And I think you just wanted to allow

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Speaker 1: yourself to have more time to grieve, to think about it,

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Speaker 1: to process, and to move on with your life. Before

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Speaker 1: we get into the juiciness of it. What's your share

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Speaker 1: of the week.

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Speaker 2: So there's this Active Way that I've been wearing and

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Speaker 2: I cannot take it off. It's actually like a viral

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Speaker 2: tank and a signature set. I believe it's called and

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Speaker 2: they've just released some new colors at a place called

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Speaker 2: her Form Active. Honestly, cannot take it off. The top

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Speaker 2: is so soft like fabric, feels like something I could

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Speaker 2: wear in the gym, but also something I could wear

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Speaker 2: running errands too. And then the shorts are like made

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Speaker 2: of magic or something. The way that they lift your bum,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, and they're not see through anything,

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Speaker 2: like you can squat in them and everything. So I

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Speaker 2: wear them when I'm training, when I'm going on my

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Speaker 2: whole girl walks, when I'm doing errands and all the things.

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Speaker 1: So colors are beautiful, the colors.

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Speaker 2: The range in the variety honestly is like my favorite,

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Speaker 2: and like they have the signature set in different colors.

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Speaker 2: I am the biggest fan. Yeah, so ive highly recommend cute.

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Speaker 1: Mine is an app. It's really random. It's called lens Buddy.

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Speaker 1: This is more for content creators or even if you're

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Speaker 1: a mum and maybe your partner's not great at taking

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Speaker 1: candid photos, or you're buy yourself with your kids and

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Speaker 1: you want to get some cute photos with them. You

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Speaker 1: set it up with like you're sticky on glass or

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Speaker 1: on a tripod or just wherever you want, and then

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Speaker 1: you can select take like ten, twenty five, fifty or

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Speaker 1: seventy five photos and it just like gives you a

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Speaker 1: three second countdowns for like three two one takes photo

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Speaker 1: three two one takes a photos so you can be

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Speaker 1: moving and just organically playing with your kids and it

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Speaker 1: will capture all these photos and you can go through

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Speaker 1: and select which runs you want, and then it can

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Speaker 1: also do like a video one as well. So just

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Speaker 1: really handy. We are using them now to take photos

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Speaker 1: off each other, yes, because they set up one self

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Speaker 1: time or on your phone. It's like then you have

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Speaker 1: to do that open over again, you get to short

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Speaker 1: you on. It's actually really good.

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Speaker 2: So we found it out even to take photos together

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Speaker 2: as well, and it's so handy.

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Speaker 1: It's so good. So it's called lens Buddy, highly recommend.

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Speaker 1: It's alrighty, let's get into this episode. So this episode

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Speaker 1: is all about your breakup story, what really happened, the

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Speaker 1: lessons you learned, how you showed up, the downloads you've had,

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Speaker 1: how it's changed you as a woman today, how it

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Speaker 1: really was. I feel like it was like the next

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Speaker 1: chapter for you because it was the moment that ended,

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Speaker 1: was the moment you actually chose yourself. Yeah, and I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about the depths of that because I

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Speaker 1: think so many women are going through breakups, or maybe

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Speaker 1: they're inner relationship that isn't feeling aligned, or they're trying

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Speaker 1: so hard to make it work and their partner just

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Speaker 1: isn't willing to meet them. There's so much informative information

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Speaker 1: here that I think can really help women decide whether

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Speaker 1: they're in the right relationship or even if they're single.

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Speaker 1: Just things to look out for, yeah, and things not

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Speaker 1: to ignore, especially strong women's intuition. Absolutely, can you like

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Speaker 1: take us back, where did you meet him, how did

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Speaker 1: you meet how did it feel in the beginning, and

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Speaker 1: then how did it slowly start changing?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, So before I get into that, I just want

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Speaker 2: to give some context. So this is a relationship that

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Speaker 2: happened over a year and a half ago now, and

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Speaker 2: we were together for about a year to a year

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Speaker 2: and a half. It was quite short lived, but very

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Speaker 2: intense kind of relationship dynamic. I've spoken about it briefly

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Speaker 2: over the podcast, the little snippets here and there, but

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Speaker 2: that's kind of like the timeline. This was basically when

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Speaker 2: I moved to the Gold Coast from Cronulla. And it's

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Speaker 2: really interesting because the way that I met him was

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Speaker 2: my mum reshared something to me about a business conference

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Speaker 2: that was being hosted on the Gold Coast, and it

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Speaker 2: was like probably five days after I had moved here,

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Speaker 2: and I remember going booking you know, a ticket and whatever,

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Speaker 2: going by myself because I was just like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: new place, new location, and I'm going to get out

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Speaker 2: of my comfort zone. And I ended up going to

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Speaker 2: this business conference, and you know, throughout like the conference,

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Speaker 2: I remember going out for lunch and like having a

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Speaker 2: little break. As I was walking back into the auditorium,

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Speaker 2: this man walked up next to me. It was like,

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Speaker 2: how are you liking it so far? And I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's pretty good so far, like can't complain kind of thing. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: it's very short lived and brief. I walked up to

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Speaker 2: where I was sitting, and he so happened to sit

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Speaker 2: right in front of me. He was in the seat

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Speaker 2: in front of me, and I was like one seat

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Speaker 2: behind him, a diagonal. The show goes on, and we

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Speaker 2: watched the whole conference and everyone's getting up to leave

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Speaker 2: as it finishes, and this man, this same man turns

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Speaker 2: around and looks at me and he goes, so, how

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Speaker 2: did you like that? And like we started a conversation.

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Speaker 2: He ended up coming and sitting next to me, and

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Speaker 2: we ended up staying in the bleachers for like thirty

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Speaker 2: five minutes. After that, the cleaners actually ended up coming

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Speaker 2: and kicking us out because they were like, we need

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Speaker 2: to pack up the bleachers now, like you guys have

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Speaker 2: got to go. And this is how I met Max Partner.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting because from that moment, it was like one

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Speaker 2: of those moments where he was just like I feel

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Speaker 2: really compelled to get to know you, like can I

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Speaker 2: see you again kind of thing. We ended up going

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Speaker 2: to the after party of this business conference only because

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Speaker 2: each other were going and sat for an hour and

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Speaker 2: a half just getting to know each other and like

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Speaker 2: talking about probably our deepest and darkest wounds and things

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Speaker 2: that have happened that are really fucked up, and just

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Speaker 2: understanding like who we are as people. And honestly, from

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Speaker 2: that moment, we kind of just ended up spending like

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Speaker 2: almost every second day together, Like every second day he

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Speaker 2: was coming to see me, visiting me, dropping off food

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Speaker 2: to me, like just like it was really sweet, and

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Speaker 2: like I remember being so intrigued by this man because

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Speaker 2: at first, like I was just like, oh, like do

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Speaker 2: I want to see this man again? Like, you know,

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Speaker 2: should I give him my number? It is this something

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Speaker 2: I want to do. But at the time, I was

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Speaker 2: kind of like I'm on the gold Chorus, It's fresh start,

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Speaker 2: Like I wasn't looking for a relationship. And then I

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Speaker 2: was just like you know what, like what's the worst

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Speaker 2: could happen?

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Speaker 1: Kind of yeah.

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Speaker 2: Anyway, So we kind of built a relationship over the

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Speaker 2: next like eight weeks or so, and it was really

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Speaker 2: one of those experiences where I don't know, there was

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Speaker 2: just like something about him that I just like fell

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Speaker 2: in love with, Like I just was intrigued by him,

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Speaker 2: and I thought he was so intelligent and like the

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Speaker 2: level of conversation that we could have in terms of

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Speaker 2: like growth and depth in terms of business, his big

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Speaker 2: vision mindset, like a lot of the traits that he

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Speaker 2: had actually really reminded me of my dad. And I know,

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Speaker 2: my mum always used to say to me, like, if

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Speaker 2: you can find somebody like your dad, like you'll live

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Speaker 2: a good life, you know. And he's such a beautiful man.

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Speaker 2: But he's always been very ambitious and big driven and

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Speaker 2: big minded and all the things. And I really saw

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Speaker 2: that in this man.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I just remember thinking one day and like I even

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Speaker 2: said this to my mom, like I was like, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to marry that man, you know, like that's how

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Speaker 2: like sure and sure. I was that like this was

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Speaker 2: going to be my person. And I remember seeing him

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Speaker 2: like obviously as we were building our relationship, you know,

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Speaker 2: and we were like obviously just like having a really

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Speaker 2: intimate moment, and I remember thinking, like, where have you

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Speaker 2: been on my life? And he was like I was

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Speaker 2: going to say the same thing about you, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 2: And it was just like one of those moments anyway.

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Speaker 2: So it was like a real like energetic pool, you know,

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Speaker 2: those ones where you just like you can't stay away

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Speaker 2: from each other energetically for some reason, you just like

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Speaker 2: feel so drawn to this person. I felt like that

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Speaker 2: he felt like that, and we were just kind of

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Speaker 2: like in awe of each other.

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Speaker 1: I like, he you've said, and I know this whole story.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to bump in and ask some questions

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Speaker 1: as we go along that I think we'll give more

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Speaker 1: context and help tell the story a little bit more

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Speaker 1: energetically drawn to each other, yes, physically not so much

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Speaker 1: more yes, drawn, But the physical side of things is

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Speaker 1: something I'd love you to dive into. Because it's such

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Speaker 1: a big part of a relationship, especially for a girl

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Speaker 1: that has physical touch as her number one love language.

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Speaker 2: So he's a very private kind of guy, Like he's

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Speaker 2: a very like likes his personal space. He's not really

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Speaker 2: much like a hugger or like if he meets someone

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Speaker 2: new for the first time, he'll shake the hand like

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Speaker 2: he doesn't like people touching him. And it's so valid.

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Speaker 2: I so get that. And so even for like the

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Speaker 2: first like two weeks of the relationship, he didn't hug me,

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Speaker 2: didn't give me a kissed did anything. I actually asked

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Speaker 2: for a kiss after like two and a half weeks,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, it was one of those things where it

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Speaker 2: was like, he's not big on public space of affection

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Speaker 2: and I, for one, am a very physical touch kind

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Speaker 2: of girl. So for me it was almost like not jarring,

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Speaker 2: But it took me by surprise because it was so

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Speaker 2: different to how other men that I've dated has been,

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Speaker 2: where men are usually more confident, willing to put the

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Speaker 2: hand around you, willing to give you a kiss, lean

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Speaker 2: in first, those sorts of things sooner rather than later,

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Speaker 2: whereas he was the complete opposite, did the actual opposite,

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Speaker 2: and for some reason that stood out to me. I

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Speaker 2: was like, Oh, I don't know why kind of like.

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Speaker 1: This, Yeah, you did like it.

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Speaker 2: I remember in the beginning being like, wow, that feels

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Speaker 2: like a lot of respect, you know. But then what

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Speaker 2: I learned, like over time, was that he also didn't

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Speaker 2: like public displays of affection in the gym or in

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Speaker 2: public places out for dinner. We wouldn't ever really like

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Speaker 2: hold hands or go up to him in the gym

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Speaker 2: and give him a kiss, or like he wouldn't slap

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Speaker 2: me on the bum, and little things like that that

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Speaker 2: I grew up seeing my parents, do you know for me,

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Speaker 2: that's so normal, you know, walk around with the big

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Speaker 2: family and my dad's got his arm around her, or

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Speaker 2: was smacking my mum on the bum like that was

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Speaker 2: normal growing up, And so to want those things from

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Speaker 2: him and to not receive those and then to start

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Speaker 2: making up stories in my head of like, oh, why

219
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Speaker 2: isn't he being you know, touchy with me in public?

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Speaker 2: Like why doesn't he want to be perceived like us

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Speaker 2: being together? And I remember starting to create these stories

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Speaker 2: and started to feel really like not anxious, but really

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Speaker 2: like questioning things in the very beginning of like, oh,

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Speaker 2: that's really interesting. Why wouldn't he do that and doesn't

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Speaker 2: make me feel very good? Like I want you to

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Speaker 2: do those things with me.

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Speaker 1: Did you communicate how much she wanted that from him? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely I did. Yeah, I communicated those things for me.

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Speaker 2: But to him, he was just like, I'm just not

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Speaker 2: much of a public displays of affection kind of guy,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't like, I'm very respectful and mindful of

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Speaker 2: how I'm making other people feel in public, you know.

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Speaker 2: So that was a very big thing for him, And

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I get that because I'm like that to

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Speaker 2: some degree. I'm not going to sit on my partner's

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Speaker 2: lap and like make out with the line. There's a line, right,

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Speaker 2: But little bids for connection of like little taps or

238
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Speaker 2: little hold hands or a little peck on the cheek

239
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Speaker 2: or just anything for me is a really big thing.

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Speaker 2: And that's how I stay plugged into my partners, you know, partners.

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Speaker 1: That sounds bad, but like my partner at the time, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I think that was kind of the first thing

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Speaker 2: that kind of highlighted to me that things were starting

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Speaker 2: to change and like kind of raise like little red

245
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Speaker 2: flags for me. But at the time, like I just

246
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Speaker 2: justified it. I was like, no, of course, he just

247
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Speaker 2: wants to be respectful in public. But then what happened

248
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Speaker 2: is like, over time, the more that it started to happen,

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Speaker 2: especially when he would be talking to female friends of

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Speaker 2: his and stuff like that, I would notice that he

251
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Speaker 2: wouldn't do those things in front of other women as well.

252
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Speaker 2: And that started to make anxious because I was like, well,

253
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Speaker 2: why don't you want to be seen with me? And

254
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Speaker 2: then I remember thinking like, oh my god, am I

255
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Speaker 2: a secret? You know? Right? But it's interesting, right because

256
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Speaker 2: he introduced me to all of his close friends, right,

257
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Speaker 2: He introduced me to his family, introduced me to all

258
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Speaker 2: of the people that were important to him. But when

259
00:10:18,561 --> 00:10:20,801
Speaker 2: it came to like people in public, it was like

260
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Speaker 2: we were friends or acquaintances or strangers or something like that.

261
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Speaker 2: And so it was like we would walk up to

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Speaker 2: each other, we wouldn't hug each other or kiss or

263
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Speaker 2: anything like that. Only would he hug me when he

264
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Speaker 2: would like, hey, do you want do you want to

265
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Speaker 2: hug and I'd say yes, and then he would hug me,

266
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Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? So it just felt

267
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Speaker 2: very like at arm's length kind of thing.

268
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Speaker 1: So this is about two months and you're noticing it.

269
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Speaker 1: You're starting to feel a little bit anxious. But the

270
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Speaker 1: relationship continued. So did you just like suppress that and

271
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Speaker 1: then keep asking him or are you like just accepting

272
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Speaker 1: of like that's just not who he is. I'm just

273
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Speaker 1: gonna have to get used to this.

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Speaker 2: I communicated a lot in that relationship. I was very

275
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Speaker 2: vocal about things that I wanted and being like, hey,

276
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Speaker 2: like I would really love this. I really loved to

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Speaker 2: like say hello to you in the gym or little

278
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Speaker 2: things like that, and I would communicate that. But then

279
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Speaker 2: I would communicate it and he wouldn't do it. It was

280
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Speaker 2: like something that felt really hard for him to do.

281
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Speaker 2: Feel like he was very willing to hear me in

282
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Speaker 2: what it was that I was needing and why it

283
00:11:08,761 --> 00:11:10,921
Speaker 2: was so important to me, because he didn't have that

284
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Speaker 2: love language. Yeah right, So like for him it was like, oh, well, no,

285
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Speaker 2: I don't do this and it doesn't feel comfortable for me,

286
00:11:16,001 --> 00:11:17,801
Speaker 2: so like to do that for me it almost felt

287
00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:19,801
Speaker 2: like it was hard and there was a lot of

288
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Speaker 2: resistance for him to show up for me in that way.

289
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Speaker 2: And I created a lot of conflict, Like it created

290
00:11:24,481 --> 00:11:27,281
Speaker 2: like a lot of emotional disconnect because I felt like

291
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,561
Speaker 2: I'm trying to tell you like how to love me,

292
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Speaker 2: and you're not listening to me. And because I didn't

293
00:11:32,361 --> 00:11:36,281
Speaker 2: feel listened to, I felt like started to build resentment. Yeah,

294
00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:38,521
Speaker 2: and you know what's interesting, Like throughout all of this

295
00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:41,561
Speaker 2: as well, like I thought the fucking world of this man,

296
00:11:41,761 --> 00:11:45,121
Speaker 2: like even to this day, like I still very much

297
00:11:45,161 --> 00:11:47,841
Speaker 2: think highly of him. But I think it was because

298
00:11:48,161 --> 00:11:50,161
Speaker 2: how much I thought that I loved him at the time,

299
00:11:50,281 --> 00:11:51,521
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? I was very much

300
00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:55,001
Speaker 2: in love with him, idolized him, you know, wanted him

301
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:56,601
Speaker 2: to be the man that I married, and I just

302
00:11:56,641 --> 00:11:58,441
Speaker 2: like I really saw him in that light. So even

303
00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:00,881
Speaker 2: when little things like this were happening, I was really

304
00:12:01,081 --> 00:12:05,001
Speaker 2: justifying the discomfort that I was feeling and justifying his reason.

305
00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,561
Speaker 2: And even if it felt like I had like an

306
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:10,521
Speaker 2: intuitive like nudge of like something's not right about this,

307
00:12:10,681 --> 00:12:12,801
Speaker 2: like this isn't right tis like you need to listen

308
00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:15,361
Speaker 2: to this, like this feeling keeps coming back, like you

309
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,601
Speaker 2: need to pay attention to that. It's like I would

310
00:12:17,641 --> 00:12:20,681
Speaker 2: squash those intuitive pools, and I would squash them down

311
00:12:20,721 --> 00:12:23,441
Speaker 2: so far that I would then disregard my own intuition,

312
00:12:23,641 --> 00:12:25,321
Speaker 2: and then I would be like, no, but he's saying this,

313
00:12:25,441 --> 00:12:27,401
Speaker 2: of course that must be true, right, And I would

314
00:12:27,441 --> 00:12:30,441
Speaker 2: try to justify and reason with myself and my emotions

315
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,201
Speaker 2: because I would be like, well no, like, of course

316
00:12:33,201 --> 00:12:35,761
Speaker 2: that makes sense, yes, right. And so that was kind

317
00:12:35,801 --> 00:12:38,521
Speaker 2: of the beginning of me really squashing my needs and

318
00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:42,121
Speaker 2: prioritizing his needs, his wants, his way of doing things

319
00:12:42,201 --> 00:12:42,881
Speaker 2: over my own.

320
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Speaker 1: Okay.

321
00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:45,241
Speaker 2: And it was kind of like the start of me

322
00:12:45,921 --> 00:12:50,321
Speaker 2: really like closing up as a woman, started abandoning myself. Yeah,

323
00:12:50,401 --> 00:12:52,081
Speaker 2: it was really the start of the journey of me

324
00:12:52,961 --> 00:12:56,441
Speaker 2: not prioritizing my needs, not putting myself first, not taking

325
00:12:56,481 --> 00:12:59,961
Speaker 2: into consideration what I wanted because I was overly focused

326
00:12:59,961 --> 00:13:02,361
Speaker 2: on how I could please him, show up for him,

327
00:13:02,801 --> 00:13:05,761
Speaker 2: be considerate of his emotions. It was almost like I

328
00:13:05,841 --> 00:13:07,961
Speaker 2: was allowing my empathy to get the better of me

329
00:13:08,201 --> 00:13:11,401
Speaker 2: and like prioritize that person over myself, which is something

330
00:13:11,401 --> 00:13:13,521
Speaker 2: that I've had to really learn how to overcome over

331
00:13:13,561 --> 00:13:16,481
Speaker 2: the years. But in this relationship dynamic, it really came

332
00:13:16,561 --> 00:13:18,121
Speaker 2: out tenfold, okay.

333
00:13:18,401 --> 00:13:21,441
Speaker 1: And so that was publicly what about behind the scenes?

334
00:13:21,921 --> 00:13:25,881
Speaker 1: Was he affectionate? Were you guys super intimate, What did

335
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:27,961
Speaker 1: it feel like when doors are closed? Did you feel

336
00:13:27,961 --> 00:13:29,521
Speaker 1: fully fulfilled intimately?

337
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:32,681
Speaker 2: I think this is where it got really challenging for me,

338
00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:37,641
Speaker 2: is because we did have a fucking amazing connection, like mentally,

339
00:13:37,881 --> 00:13:41,921
Speaker 2: emotionally for me, I would say intellectually, we had all

340
00:13:41,961 --> 00:13:44,601
Speaker 2: of those parts. And so for me, those are really

341
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:46,521
Speaker 2: big things for me in relationships, like I need to

342
00:13:46,561 --> 00:13:49,201
Speaker 2: be mentally stimulated because I get bored easy, and I'm like,

343
00:13:49,241 --> 00:13:51,721
Speaker 2: if I don't have that, I will leave. And for me,

344
00:13:51,801 --> 00:13:53,561
Speaker 2: I never got to that point of feeling like, oh

345
00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:55,361
Speaker 2: I feel bored, I'm going to leave, yeah, which is

346
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,881
Speaker 2: something I've had with every other previous partner that I've had.

347
00:13:58,281 --> 00:14:00,361
Speaker 2: So for me, in my head, it's like this relationship

348
00:14:00,401 --> 00:14:02,681
Speaker 2: stood out to me because it felt different, you know.

349
00:14:02,921 --> 00:14:05,481
Speaker 2: But the challenging thing for me is that like I

350
00:14:05,521 --> 00:14:07,561
Speaker 2: would have these deep connections with him, and he would

351
00:14:07,561 --> 00:14:10,161
Speaker 2: be touchy feeling and like you know, enough want to

352
00:14:10,161 --> 00:14:12,481
Speaker 2: be closed behind closed doors, but then the moment we

353
00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:14,641
Speaker 2: would step into a gym, you'd be a completely different person.

354
00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:16,761
Speaker 2: And so it was like I felt this like real

355
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:19,361
Speaker 2: jarring feeling of like, but you're behaving one way when

356
00:14:19,361 --> 00:14:21,641
Speaker 2: it's just us, but when it's with everybody else, like

357
00:14:21,681 --> 00:14:24,641
Speaker 2: I'm a stranger, and it made me feel like a secret.

358
00:14:25,201 --> 00:14:28,761
Speaker 2: But also in saying that, you know, obviously for reasons why,

359
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,121
Speaker 2: I like, I won't share now maybe somebody in the future,

360
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,201
Speaker 2: but I don't feel ready for that yet. We didn't

361
00:14:33,241 --> 00:14:35,561
Speaker 2: have sex and weren't like actually intimate for like eight

362
00:14:35,561 --> 00:14:37,041
Speaker 2: months into the relationship, not.

363
00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:39,001
Speaker 1: For religious reasons, not for religious.

364
00:14:38,681 --> 00:14:42,481
Speaker 2: Reasons, no, like obviously some like challenges that we had

365
00:14:42,521 --> 00:14:45,681
Speaker 2: faced as to why that was the case. But to me,

366
00:14:45,881 --> 00:14:49,281
Speaker 2: in my head, it didn't seem wrong at the time

367
00:14:50,761 --> 00:14:52,441
Speaker 2: because I just was like, well, it's going to be

368
00:14:52,481 --> 00:14:54,761
Speaker 2: worth it. He's worth the way he's worth the way

369
00:14:55,121 --> 00:14:56,921
Speaker 2: he was saying the same thing about me, like you'll

370
00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:58,321
Speaker 2: be worth the wait kind of thing. And it was

371
00:14:58,401 --> 00:15:00,441
Speaker 2: just like this thing almost like we created in our

372
00:15:00,481 --> 00:15:02,841
Speaker 2: heads with this storyline that I was being sold or

373
00:15:02,881 --> 00:15:05,801
Speaker 2: believed based on what I was telling my myself and

374
00:15:05,841 --> 00:15:08,361
Speaker 2: also what he was sharing with me about the future,

375
00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:11,481
Speaker 2: that I was just like, oh, like, what's eight months

376
00:15:11,561 --> 00:15:13,201
Speaker 2: or what's this amount of time when we have like

377
00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:15,881
Speaker 2: forever together, you know, So I really had that in

378
00:15:15,921 --> 00:15:17,441
Speaker 2: mind that I was like, this feels just like a

379
00:15:17,561 --> 00:15:20,401
Speaker 2: quote unquote sacrifice that I have to make of like

380
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:24,201
Speaker 2: physical intimacy and like going that deeper like bond with him,

381
00:15:24,361 --> 00:15:26,521
Speaker 2: creating that deeper bond with him because I'm going to

382
00:15:26,561 --> 00:15:27,801
Speaker 2: get this spen the rest of my life with him,

383
00:15:27,841 --> 00:15:30,601
Speaker 2: and I'd be happy to do that. We created a

384
00:15:30,681 --> 00:15:33,961
Speaker 2: very big foundation in terms of like mental connection because

385
00:15:33,961 --> 00:15:37,121
Speaker 2: we didn't have the physical aspect. We were obviously exploring

386
00:15:37,161 --> 00:15:38,721
Speaker 2: and playing and do all the things, but like we

387
00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:42,721
Speaker 2: didn't actually have sex, and so I think without that

388
00:15:42,921 --> 00:15:45,161
Speaker 2: last bit of like connection, it was hard for us

389
00:15:45,201 --> 00:15:48,361
Speaker 2: to like fully connect all the way and just with

390
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:51,401
Speaker 2: like the flow and effect of things of not having sex,

391
00:15:51,881 --> 00:15:54,641
Speaker 2: not being intimate in that way, not having PDA in

392
00:15:54,681 --> 00:15:58,201
Speaker 2: front of other people, it just felt like we were roommates,

393
00:15:58,601 --> 00:16:00,841
Speaker 2: you know, And it felt for me like we were

394
00:16:00,881 --> 00:16:03,401
Speaker 2: just friends, you know. And I started to just get

395
00:16:03,441 --> 00:16:06,481
Speaker 2: really anxious in the relationship, and I started to notice

396
00:16:06,521 --> 00:16:08,641
Speaker 2: the more that I would require more of him, the

397
00:16:08,641 --> 00:16:11,441
Speaker 2: more that he would lean out. And it was a

398
00:16:11,481 --> 00:16:14,201
Speaker 2: really hard thing to face because I just wanted him

399
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:17,641
Speaker 2: so badly, and at first, like for the first few months,

400
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:20,761
Speaker 2: it felt reciprocated. It was like the want that desire,

401
00:16:20,841 --> 00:16:24,401
Speaker 2: everything was reciprocated, and then to feel him pull away

402
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,401
Speaker 2: after like a couple of months, it was really hard

403
00:16:26,441 --> 00:16:27,721
Speaker 2: to comprehend.

404
00:16:27,521 --> 00:16:28,441
Speaker 1: And understand why.

405
00:16:28,681 --> 00:16:30,761
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I was like okay, cool. Like obviously,

406
00:16:30,761 --> 00:16:33,321
Speaker 2: with everything that I do as a coach, I was like, okay, cool, anxious,

407
00:16:33,361 --> 00:16:36,121
Speaker 2: avoidant nature, and obviously this is like one of those

408
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,801
Speaker 2: traps that were stuck in. And you know, the more

409
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:39,441
Speaker 2: that I lean in, the more that he leans out.

410
00:16:39,481 --> 00:16:41,321
Speaker 2: And then you know, when I finally get sick of

411
00:16:41,361 --> 00:16:42,961
Speaker 2: it and I've like had an off and I'm like, no,

412
00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:45,601
Speaker 2: fuck this, I then lean out and then all of

413
00:16:45,641 --> 00:16:46,881
Speaker 2: a sudden he comes running.

414
00:16:46,641 --> 00:16:48,641
Speaker 1: Back game this cycle that rows back around.

415
00:16:48,721 --> 00:16:50,641
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was like, oh, she's pulling away, now, okay, cool,

416
00:16:50,641 --> 00:16:52,001
Speaker 2: I've got to like come back in to like make

417
00:16:52,001 --> 00:16:53,681
Speaker 2: sure that she doesn't go anywhere kind of thing. And

418
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,441
Speaker 2: I think that was a really hard thing to deal

419
00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:57,841
Speaker 2: with because it was just consuming me. He was all

420
00:16:57,841 --> 00:17:00,001
Speaker 2: I thought about. He was on my mind all the time.

421
00:17:00,081 --> 00:17:03,521
Speaker 2: I was so like in love and like also like mildly.

422
00:17:03,161 --> 00:17:03,961
Speaker 1: Obsessed with him.

423
00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:05,881
Speaker 2: I just was like, oh, this is how I want

424
00:17:05,921 --> 00:17:09,041
Speaker 2: to feel an intimate relationship. But then came the back

425
00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:10,920
Speaker 2: and forth and the push and pull and like the

426
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:15,360
Speaker 2: emotional volatility of wanting to be close with him, him

427
00:17:15,481 --> 00:17:17,321
Speaker 2: leaning out, and then me feeling like I have to

428
00:17:17,321 --> 00:17:21,360
Speaker 2: pull back and like reserve how much I care because

429
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,400
Speaker 2: I didn't want to push him away, you know. And

430
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:26,281
Speaker 2: I started to like filter the way that I would

431
00:17:26,281 --> 00:17:28,120
Speaker 2: show up, and I would filter the things that I

432
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:29,960
Speaker 2: would do and what I would want and how I

433
00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,920
Speaker 2: would want to be, and not because he forced me

434
00:17:31,961 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 2: to or told me to or anything like that, but

435
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 2: because I wanted to almost be the ultimate version of

436
00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:39,160
Speaker 2: myself so that he would want to stay with me.

437
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,241
Speaker 2: And this is where we kind of like lose ourselves

438
00:17:41,281 --> 00:17:45,281
Speaker 2: as women in relationships, because we try to shape shift

439
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,160
Speaker 2: and mold ourselves into what we think other people want

440
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,280
Speaker 2: us to be. And that's why I really started to

441
00:17:50,481 --> 00:17:53,721
Speaker 2: lose myself, and because I was feeling more and more anxious.

442
00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,840
Speaker 2: It's like, even in the smallest moments in the relationship,

443
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,520
Speaker 2: like I couldn't be myself, you know, like even when

444
00:17:59,561 --> 00:18:01,160
Speaker 2: we were just sitting together, or I felt like I

445
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:03,080
Speaker 2: had to be a certain way or be stronger and

446
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 2: more resilient and all the things. Whilst I have all

447
00:18:05,721 --> 00:18:08,680
Speaker 2: of those traits. It was me trying to prove my

448
00:18:08,801 --> 00:18:11,321
Speaker 2: worth to him, you know, and trying to prove that

449
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,241
Speaker 2: I was a good enough partner to be with long term,

450
00:18:14,801 --> 00:18:17,321
Speaker 2: because there were moments in the relationship where we had

451
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:20,720
Speaker 2: where we would talk about choosing your forever partner and

452
00:18:20,721 --> 00:18:22,521
Speaker 2: we would both always say like, who you choose to

453
00:18:22,521 --> 00:18:24,720
Speaker 2: be your intimate partner is like the biggest decision that

454
00:18:24,721 --> 00:18:27,120
Speaker 2: you can ever make in your life. And then he

455
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,921
Speaker 2: would ask me, how do you know when it's the one,

456
00:18:30,281 --> 00:18:32,801
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm not the person you need to ask, like,

457
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,000
Speaker 2: I can't answer that for you, And it would trigger

458
00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:38,321
Speaker 2: me because that, to me, showed that he had uncertainty

459
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,321
Speaker 2: about the relationship. And he's a very logical man, right,

460
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,521
Speaker 2: So to him, he's like, no, this is a logical

461
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,801
Speaker 2: question to ask. But because I was so emotional and

462
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:48,881
Speaker 2: I felt like I was all in to hear him

463
00:18:48,921 --> 00:18:52,521
Speaker 2: say that created instability in me and made me think like, oh,

464
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,721
Speaker 2: you're not in, Oh you don't want to be here,

465
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,561
Speaker 2: or you're still questioning whether like other options are going

466
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,881
Speaker 2: to be better than me. I'm like, I'm fucking all in.

467
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:02,001
Speaker 2: Like I've never been all in on anybody in my

468
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,321
Speaker 2: life before, and I feel all in on this relationship

469
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,360
Speaker 2: and you're not there. And I felt so triggering to

470
00:19:07,441 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 2: hear that, and I just I couldn't contain my emotional

471
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:14,440
Speaker 2: state and like that uncertainty feeling and my intuition knowing

472
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,081
Speaker 2: that for some reason he just fucking wasn't all in.

473
00:19:18,001 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 2: It started to create this feeling in me that I

474
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,120
Speaker 2: didn't feel chosen, that I didn't feel wanted, that I

475
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,681
Speaker 2: felt undesired by him, because we also weren't having sex,

476
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:26,160
Speaker 2: So I felt like there was something wrong with me,

477
00:19:26,481 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 2: like I'm obviously not wanted sexually, There's obviously something wrong

478
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,120
Speaker 2: with me, like he doesn't desire me. And I started

479
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,120
Speaker 2: to think, like is it me? Like am I the problem?

480
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,521
Speaker 2: Am I not sexy enough? Am I not desirable enough?

481
00:19:36,521 --> 00:19:39,561
Speaker 2: Am I not ambitious enough? Like all of these things,

482
00:19:39,561 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 2: And I started to internalize this behavior that I was

483
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,001
Speaker 2: experiencing from him onto myself and I just shrunk as

484
00:19:45,041 --> 00:19:49,041
Speaker 2: a woman. I became so small and like just didn't

485
00:19:49,041 --> 00:19:52,160
Speaker 2: feel confident anymore, and I felt insecure all the time,

486
00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 2: and like little things that shouldn't piss me off or

487
00:19:54,441 --> 00:19:57,120
Speaker 2: shouldn't trigger me triggered me so bad. You know, he'd

488
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 2: have female friends or female coworkers and stuff, and I

489
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 2: would be so anxious, like wondering, you know, if anything

490
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,441
Speaker 2: was happening behind clothes stores, because he wasn't actively making

491
00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:09,801
Speaker 2: it known that he was with me and that he

492
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,160
Speaker 2: wanted to claim me and wanted to choose me and

493
00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:14,201
Speaker 2: be with me. Yes, And so I was like, well,

494
00:20:14,201 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 2: how do these women know that he's actually not a

495
00:20:16,561 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 2: single man and not someone that they can hit on,

496
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,681
Speaker 2: because how off he's behaving when he's around them.

497
00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:23,920
Speaker 1: There's also like moments I remember, just little things. I

498
00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:27,080
Speaker 1: remember when he was like working alongside another female and

499
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,561
Speaker 1: she'd then bent to and be like, oh, she was

500
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,281
Speaker 1: super flirty with me, Da da da, And You're like,

501
00:20:30,321 --> 00:20:32,041
Speaker 1: oh God. And then the next week he's like, oh,

502
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:34,441
Speaker 1: she's coming back over to record something. We're like, yeah,

503
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,120
Speaker 1: I mean the woman that you just said was flirting

504
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:37,561
Speaker 1: with you, Why are you having her back in your house?

505
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,640
Speaker 2: Yes? Yes, in one and things like that, And it

506
00:20:40,721 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 2: was almost like a lack of consideration. This man is

507
00:20:43,120 --> 00:20:46,720
Speaker 2: very self driven and like very connected to his mission

508
00:20:46,721 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 2: and stuff like that, and so I found that, like

509
00:20:49,961 --> 00:20:52,281
Speaker 2: for me personally, for the level of consideration that I

510
00:20:52,321 --> 00:20:54,121
Speaker 2: need in a relationship. I felt like he didn't meet

511
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:57,481
Speaker 2: me in that. So with this example, it just felt

512
00:20:57,481 --> 00:20:59,321
Speaker 2: like there was a lack of consideration for me. It

513
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,801
Speaker 2: was like he would, you know, bring over coworkers or

514
00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:03,761
Speaker 2: people that had to do with work that he would

515
00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 2: know would be really flirty women and really women who

516
00:21:06,281 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 2: were like try to hit on him and stuff like that,

517
00:21:08,241 --> 00:21:10,321
Speaker 2: but then wouldn't tell me about it. I'd found out

518
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 2: after on social media, after he had posted like a

519
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 2: podcast episode or something like that with this woman already

520
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,281
Speaker 2: so anxious, feeling that he was uncertain, and it was

521
00:21:18,321 --> 00:21:20,241
Speaker 2: like all of these behaviors that he was doing were

522
00:21:20,241 --> 00:21:22,640
Speaker 2: really triggering. I felt like he would reassure me in

523
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:26,001
Speaker 2: certain ways, but then like his behavior would prove otherwise.

524
00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:28,920
Speaker 2: So I really felt this incongruency between moments like that.

525
00:21:29,001 --> 00:21:31,801
Speaker 2: It created more and more anxiousness in me, and I'm like, okay, well,

526
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,640
Speaker 2: like I'm not getting reassured in the way that I need.

527
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,761
Speaker 2: It was almost like a fucking five year old version

528
00:21:35,801 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 2: of me. It was like, please don't leave, Please don't go, Like,

529
00:21:38,561 --> 00:21:40,921
Speaker 2: stay with me and I'll show you that I'm worth being.

530
00:21:40,681 --> 00:21:41,801
Speaker 1: With it more. Can I do?

531
00:21:41,961 --> 00:21:44,281
Speaker 2: What else? Can I do, and so I would overgive,

532
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 2: show up all the time. I would abandon myself and like,

533
00:21:47,961 --> 00:21:50,761
Speaker 2: when I think about my role in this dynamic, that's

534
00:21:50,801 --> 00:21:53,161
Speaker 2: my part to play. My part to play in this dynamic.

535
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 2: Was the problem that we had faced two months in

536
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,561
Speaker 2: was something worth leaving for that confusion. If you're a

537
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 2: woman and you're feeling confused in a relationship, there's a

538
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 2: reason for that. And for me, I couldn't comprehend and

539
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 2: that at the time, Like that confusion that I felt

540
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,001
Speaker 2: caused me to want to prove my worth more instead

541
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:13,001
Speaker 2: of actually pull back and go, wait a minute, this

542
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,641
Speaker 2: actually isn't good for me. I should show that I'm

543
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,001
Speaker 2: disinterested now because this person is showing me that they're

544
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 2: unsure about me. Yes, but it caused me to do

545
00:22:20,241 --> 00:22:20,880
Speaker 2: the opposite thing.

546
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense. And it was confusing because I

547
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: remember him saying things to you like, oh, I just

548
00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 1: need a bit more time, like stick with me, because

549
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,680
Speaker 1: once I finished this project, once I feel like this,

550
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,641
Speaker 1: once I move through this, like then I'll be able

551
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: to spend more time with you and then things will change.

552
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 1: So I think he was kind of like selling you

553
00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 1: a story of like it's going to get better. I

554
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,041
Speaker 1: think when you choose to be with someone, you want

555
00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:41,641
Speaker 1: to trust their word, trust in them, believe in them,

556
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: and also be patient with their journey as well. And

557
00:22:43,721 --> 00:22:47,201
Speaker 1: you're very accommodating to all of that until you weren't. Yeah,

558
00:22:47,201 --> 00:22:51,161
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't myself. I wasn't showing him all

559
00:22:51,201 --> 00:22:53,161
Speaker 1: of myself. And if I had, and if I had

560
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: been all of myself from the get GOAT probably wouldn't

561
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,241
Speaker 1: have lasted as long as it did.

562
00:22:56,321 --> 00:22:58,640
Speaker 2: True. But I think the reason why the dynamic lasted

563
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,521
Speaker 2: as long as it did, even though we didn't have

564
00:23:01,201 --> 00:23:03,360
Speaker 2: like their sexual intimacy and all of those things, was

565
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,441
Speaker 2: because I was overly accommodating. I was being a people pleaser,

566
00:23:06,561 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 2: and I think I was always making myself readily available

567
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,481
Speaker 2: for him. I made his work more important than my own.

568
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,561
Speaker 2: So it was like when he was busy and I

569
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,880
Speaker 2: had to slot into his schedule and work around his

570
00:23:17,001 --> 00:23:18,321
Speaker 2: work and stuff like that, I was like, Oh, it's

571
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 2: all good. I can be flexible, it's totally fine. And

572
00:23:20,921 --> 00:23:23,761
Speaker 2: so it was like my life became based on him,

573
00:23:23,761 --> 00:23:26,561
Speaker 2: and I would keep my calendar open to make sure

574
00:23:26,561 --> 00:23:28,281
Speaker 2: that I could see him. If I could see him

575
00:23:28,321 --> 00:23:30,401
Speaker 2: because I knew how busy he was. Don't get me wrong,

576
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,761
Speaker 2: he would make time for me and all the things,

577
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,321
Speaker 2: but we would still have to like be at his

578
00:23:33,360 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 2: house while he was working and stuff like that. And

579
00:23:35,321 --> 00:23:37,521
Speaker 2: it wasn't really like plugged in quality time. It was

580
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,360
Speaker 2: just I just want you to hear while I'm working

581
00:23:39,441 --> 00:23:41,681
Speaker 2: kind of thing. And so I would literally not say

582
00:23:41,761 --> 00:23:44,321
Speaker 2: yes to friends stuff, not really go out do anything else,

583
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,360
Speaker 2: just be working all the time. And then I would

584
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,041
Speaker 2: kind of like wait for him to be like, oh, hey,

585
00:23:48,281 --> 00:23:50,281
Speaker 2: do you want to come over tonight or something like that,

586
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,521
Speaker 2: you know, And so that's when I really started to

587
00:23:52,561 --> 00:23:54,081
Speaker 2: even my mom started to notice it too.

588
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,761
Speaker 1: Actually, so you didn't have sex in the first eight

589
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: months and then you did have sex, did that change

590
00:23:59,721 --> 00:24:00,401
Speaker 1: things for you?

591
00:24:00,761 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 2: It did, like temporarily, only because we didn't consistently have

592
00:24:04,521 --> 00:24:07,201
Speaker 2: sex after Like it wasn't like we had sex once

593
00:24:07,241 --> 00:24:09,561
Speaker 2: and then we continued to be intimate after that. It

594
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,561
Speaker 2: was like we had sex a couple of times that

595
00:24:11,681 --> 00:24:13,801
Speaker 2: was super intimate, which was really beautiful, and then it

596
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:15,481
Speaker 2: kind of gave me hope of like, oh, wow, Okay,

597
00:24:15,481 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 2: we're solidifying our relationship, We're cementing things now, and then

598
00:24:18,801 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 2: it would go back to like having a couple of

599
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 2: months apart and not having sex anymore, and then me

600
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 2: feeling like I was like almost like begging him for sex,

601
00:24:26,281 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 2: you know, begging him to be intimate, to create that

602
00:24:28,241 --> 00:24:32,041
Speaker 2: emotional connection, to create that like closeness with my intimate partner,

603
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 2: to separate, you know, a friend from in the connection

604
00:24:35,681 --> 00:24:39,801
Speaker 2: that I wanted with him. And it's interesting because every

605
00:24:39,801 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 2: single month, the same problems would kind of arise, you know.

606
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,440
Speaker 2: It was like I wanted more from him, he couldn't

607
00:24:44,481 --> 00:24:47,241
Speaker 2: give it. You know. He actually vocalized a few times

608
00:24:47,281 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 2: towards the end that like he just can't give me

609
00:24:49,281 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 2: what I was needing. But I didn't hear it as that.

610
00:24:51,801 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 2: I heard it as like just wait, like wait a

611
00:24:54,721 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 2: bit of time. I need you to wait. And also

612
00:24:56,201 --> 00:24:58,961
Speaker 2: he did vocalize that like he did often ask me

613
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 2: if he could have more time, and like if I

614
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,761
Speaker 2: could wait and if I could just give him a

615
00:25:03,801 --> 00:25:05,761
Speaker 2: little bit more patience and stuff like that, because of

616
00:25:05,761 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 2: the season of life and work that he was in

617
00:25:07,521 --> 00:25:10,281
Speaker 2: that he just couldn't give me the emotional connection and

618
00:25:10,321 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 2: capacity that I really required from him. He knew that

619
00:25:13,681 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 2: and he knew that he couldn't give that to me,

620
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,641
Speaker 2: but it was something that I was willing to wait

621
00:25:17,681 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 2: for because I was like, you know what, it'll be

622
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 2: worth it in the end. And I just also thought, like,

623
00:25:22,281 --> 00:25:23,881
Speaker 2: you know, because I felt the way that I did

624
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,601
Speaker 2: with him, I thought like, this is what I have

625
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 2: to do as a good partner. Yeah, it's like stick

626
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,160
Speaker 2: by him, compromise, sacrifice some of the things that I needed.

627
00:25:32,481 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 2: But I didn't realize to the extent how much I

628
00:25:34,521 --> 00:25:37,321
Speaker 2: was sacrificing and how much I was trying to compromise

629
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 2: to make it work and do what I thought was

630
00:25:40,281 --> 00:25:42,761
Speaker 2: everything that I possibly could to make this relationship work,

631
00:25:42,801 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 2: even though it felt one sided.

632
00:25:44,281 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: Yes, I remember when things started to this is like

633
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,161
Speaker 1: recently when I had started to come into your life

634
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,880
Speaker 1: and we just started to talk about it. Then I

635
00:25:50,961 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 1: remember there was a stage that hit and you guys

636
00:25:53,120 --> 00:25:55,681
Speaker 1: did some like online tests and stuff to see your compatibility,

637
00:25:55,801 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 1: and you started to have discussions around why you're a

638
00:25:58,201 --> 00:26:00,041
Speaker 1: good fit and all that kind of stuff. But then

639
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: it hit a bit of a point and I think

640
00:26:02,281 --> 00:26:04,241
Speaker 1: you both agreed to do like a two week trial

641
00:26:04,281 --> 00:26:05,321
Speaker 1: of you moving in with him.

642
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,001
Speaker 2: That was like, right, towards the end, when I told

643
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:08,721
Speaker 2: him that I was going.

644
00:26:08,721 --> 00:26:10,841
Speaker 1: To leave, What made you realize, Shit, I don't think

645
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:11,441
Speaker 1: I can do this.

646
00:26:11,961 --> 00:26:14,161
Speaker 2: I just was like emotionally tapped up by this point

647
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,241
Speaker 2: because I think for the prior, like six to eight

648
00:26:16,281 --> 00:26:19,041
Speaker 2: months before that, I felt like I had to beg

649
00:26:19,041 --> 00:26:20,561
Speaker 2: to ask for dates. We didn't go on a date

650
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,201
Speaker 2: for like eight months, you know, even though we would

651
00:26:22,241 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 2: go and get food and things like that, it was

652
00:26:23,721 --> 00:26:25,481
Speaker 2: more just like after work and then go to bed,

653
00:26:25,481 --> 00:26:27,281
Speaker 2: and that sort of thing just got to a point

654
00:26:27,281 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 2: where I feel like every single month I was asking

655
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:30,961
Speaker 2: him for the same things and for him to meet

656
00:26:31,001 --> 00:26:32,561
Speaker 2: me more, and he just couldn't. We would have the

657
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 2: same conversation literally six or eight times, like we just

658
00:26:36,201 --> 00:26:37,761
Speaker 2: same thing again, and I would come to him and

659
00:26:37,801 --> 00:26:39,721
Speaker 2: I would cry, and I would be like I need

660
00:26:39,761 --> 00:26:41,201
Speaker 2: you to do this, I need you to meet me here,

661
00:26:41,241 --> 00:26:43,201
Speaker 2: like I need this from you otherwise I just don't

662
00:26:43,241 --> 00:26:45,561
Speaker 2: feel secure in this relationship. And I would literally cry

663
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 2: in his arms and he'd be like it's okay, it's

664
00:26:47,201 --> 00:26:49,281
Speaker 2: all good, like you know, and then we'll talk about

665
00:26:49,321 --> 00:26:50,921
Speaker 2: it and then he'd be like, Okay, just need time

666
00:26:50,961 --> 00:26:53,001
Speaker 2: to like implement these things now, and at the moment

667
00:26:53,041 --> 00:26:55,041
Speaker 2: he wouldn't do one of those things. It was like

668
00:26:55,041 --> 00:26:57,201
Speaker 2: it sent me into a spiral feeling like, oh my god,

669
00:26:57,201 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 2: the same thing's just gonna happen all over again. I

670
00:26:59,801 --> 00:27:02,081
Speaker 2: just remember getting to a point where I would get frustrated,

671
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,001
Speaker 2: like i'd cry, and then I'd get angry, and then

672
00:27:04,001 --> 00:27:05,521
Speaker 2: I get frustrated at him. I'm and I'd be like,

673
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 2: fuck this relationship, and then I come back and I

674
00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:10,481
Speaker 2: do it all over again. And so that point when

675
00:27:10,521 --> 00:27:11,761
Speaker 2: I said that I was done, I was kind of

676
00:27:11,761 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 2: like emotionally checked out. At this point. I was just like,

677
00:27:13,681 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 2: I actually don't know what to do anymore, and I

678
00:27:15,681 --> 00:27:17,801
Speaker 2: don't know who I am anymore. I feel lost, I

679
00:27:17,801 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 2: feel so confused. I'm so consumed by this relationship. I

680
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 2: don't even feel like I have capacity for my work

681
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,881
Speaker 2: anymore because it's taking over. That's when he suggested that

682
00:27:26,201 --> 00:27:27,761
Speaker 2: I come and stay at his house and kind of

683
00:27:27,761 --> 00:27:30,161
Speaker 2: like temporarily like move in to see if we can

684
00:27:30,241 --> 00:27:32,961
Speaker 2: resolve the lack of time, the lack of connection, the

685
00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 2: lack of intimacy, and all of that sort of stuff

686
00:27:34,681 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 2: and kind of give it like a trial period of

687
00:27:36,721 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 2: being able to do that, and like, to me, that

688
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 2: was like him meeting me where I needed him to

689
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,601
Speaker 2: meet me, And so part of me was like so

690
00:27:42,681 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 2: hopeful of like, fuck, this is going to be the

691
00:27:44,441 --> 00:27:47,521
Speaker 2: thing that solves the relationship, and like maybe gives us,

692
00:27:47,561 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 2: like in our relationship, one more chance. I lasted a

693
00:27:51,041 --> 00:27:53,281
Speaker 2: few hours in the house. Oh really, I packed my

694
00:27:53,321 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 2: bag for two weeks. I told my parents what I

695
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,441
Speaker 2: was doing, and they were like, you know, you gotta

696
00:27:56,481 --> 00:27:57,640
Speaker 2: do what you gotta do. If this is what you

697
00:27:57,681 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 2: want to do, just let this be the thing that

698
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:01,401
Speaker 2: you trial and then at least if it doesn't work

699
00:28:01,441 --> 00:28:03,321
Speaker 2: from there, you can walk away saying you did everything

700
00:28:03,321 --> 00:28:07,120
Speaker 2: that you could. I went to house. Something had happened

701
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 2: that day. I was walking on fucking thin ice, like

702
00:28:09,321 --> 00:28:12,321
Speaker 2: there was little things honestly were sending me over the edge.

703
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,801
Speaker 2: I just I couldn't bear it any more. Emotionally. I

704
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 2: was so tapped out and so done. But I was like,

705
00:28:16,921 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 2: you know what, fuck it, I'm gonna give it one

706
00:28:18,241 --> 00:28:21,441
Speaker 2: more chance. And I went to his house and I

707
00:28:21,521 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 2: unpacked and got ready and he wasn't home, so he

708
00:28:23,681 --> 00:28:26,001
Speaker 2: let me and gave me the keys and stuff, and

709
00:28:26,041 --> 00:28:29,161
Speaker 2: then something happened through our communication by a text message

710
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 2: that had happened, and it was like we had a

711
00:28:31,241 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 2: bit of a tear for a bit of argument or

712
00:28:32,721 --> 00:28:34,121
Speaker 2: something like that. And I was sitting in his house

713
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,400
Speaker 2: and I was just like, I actually can't do this.

714
00:28:36,521 --> 00:28:38,241
Speaker 2: I can't stay here for two weeks. And I remember

715
00:28:38,321 --> 00:28:40,401
Speaker 2: voice messaging you. I was sitting out on his back Andy,

716
00:28:40,401 --> 00:28:41,841
Speaker 2: and I was like crying and I was just like

717
00:28:42,321 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: voice messaging you and I was just like I fucking

718
00:28:44,281 --> 00:28:46,841
Speaker 2: can't do this. And I packed my bags and I left.

719
00:28:47,161 --> 00:28:49,721
Speaker 2: And I remember telling him through a message, right yeah,

720
00:28:50,521 --> 00:28:52,761
Speaker 2: telling him through a message before he got home, and

721
00:28:52,801 --> 00:28:54,601
Speaker 2: I was like gone before he got home, and he's

722
00:28:54,641 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 2: like where are you? And I was like, I actually

723
00:28:56,201 --> 00:28:59,121
Speaker 2: can't do this. I remember the day that we had

724
00:28:59,161 --> 00:29:01,121
Speaker 2: actually had the conversation that we broke up, was in

725
00:29:01,161 --> 00:29:03,081
Speaker 2: his room and I just remember standing up against the

726
00:29:03,081 --> 00:29:05,401
Speaker 2: wall with him and like being like I'm done, Like

727
00:29:05,441 --> 00:29:08,081
Speaker 2: I'm so done. And I remember how sad it was,

728
00:29:08,121 --> 00:29:10,921
Speaker 2: and like all the things, you know, it was a

729
00:29:10,961 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 2: really hard moment because I didn't want to leave, but

730
00:29:13,281 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 2: I knew that I had to, and it was like

731
00:29:15,361 --> 00:29:19,481
Speaker 2: everything in me resisted doing this, like I was fighting

732
00:29:19,481 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 2: with myself. Was like two parts of me existed, like

733
00:29:21,521 --> 00:29:24,161
Speaker 2: a devil and angel, and like every part of me

734
00:29:24,281 --> 00:29:26,041
Speaker 2: wanted to stay and to be with him and to

735
00:29:26,081 --> 00:29:28,801
Speaker 2: create a life with him and to build something beautiful

736
00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:31,081
Speaker 2: with him, because like obviously I thought the fucking world

737
00:29:31,081 --> 00:29:33,881
Speaker 2: of him, you know. And then also this big part

738
00:29:33,921 --> 00:29:35,361
Speaker 2: of me was like, I'm going to live a very

739
00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:38,121
Speaker 2: unhappy life if I stay with this man because of

740
00:29:38,161 --> 00:29:41,801
Speaker 2: how emotionally neglected I felt, because of how undesired I

741
00:29:41,801 --> 00:29:45,321
Speaker 2: felt because of that relationship made me feel like less beautiful,

742
00:29:45,321 --> 00:29:48,161
Speaker 2: It made me feel less valuable, less worthy, less, all

743
00:29:48,201 --> 00:29:51,321
Speaker 2: of the things because of the stacked little micro moments

744
00:29:51,321 --> 00:29:53,921
Speaker 2: of behavior that he did that caused me to feel

745
00:29:54,081 --> 00:29:56,401
Speaker 2: more and more anxious. And I'm not blaming him for that.

746
00:29:56,841 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 2: I also am aware that, like my anxiousness created a

747
00:30:00,321 --> 00:30:02,801
Speaker 2: lot of that too, But I also really do believe

748
00:30:02,801 --> 00:30:05,361
Speaker 2: that his behavior really draw that out in me well,

749
00:30:05,361 --> 00:30:08,081
Speaker 2: and it perpetuated that feeling of anxiousness.

750
00:30:07,521 --> 00:30:08,481
Speaker 1: Because of a safe man.

751
00:30:08,641 --> 00:30:12,161
Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, my life like revolved around him and

752
00:30:12,201 --> 00:30:14,081
Speaker 2: his schedule and his work, and it was like there

753
00:30:14,081 --> 00:30:16,121
Speaker 2: was no room for me in the relationship. He was

754
00:30:16,121 --> 00:30:18,401
Speaker 2: still consistent, showed up, messaged me every morning, called me

755
00:30:18,441 --> 00:30:21,041
Speaker 2: every morning, did all the quote unquote things. Yeah, I

756
00:30:21,041 --> 00:30:23,361
Speaker 2: felt so empty inside and that was a really hard

757
00:30:23,361 --> 00:30:25,641
Speaker 2: feeling to deal with because I loved him so much.

758
00:30:25,721 --> 00:30:27,921
Speaker 2: I was like, I love this man with every fucking

759
00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:30,961
Speaker 2: fiber of my being, and I feel so empty inside

760
00:30:31,361 --> 00:30:33,121
Speaker 2: and I don't feel fulfilled by him. I feel like

761
00:30:33,161 --> 00:30:36,241
Speaker 2: he holds back compliments. I feel like he doesn't want

762
00:30:36,241 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 2: to show that he loves me. Celebrated me in business

763
00:30:39,201 --> 00:30:41,721
Speaker 2: and was like my absolute business mentor don't get me wrong,

764
00:30:41,761 --> 00:30:44,041
Speaker 2: but in terms of being a partner and a future

765
00:30:44,121 --> 00:30:46,321
Speaker 2: husband and all of those things, it was like that

766
00:30:46,361 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 2: aspect didn't feel like it was present.

767
00:30:48,041 --> 00:30:50,281
Speaker 1: That was another thing. Hey, Like you would dress up

768
00:30:50,401 --> 00:30:53,081
Speaker 1: waiting for compliment, he just wouldn't get confidents, or you'd

769
00:30:53,121 --> 00:30:56,001
Speaker 1: send him a photo and he just wouldn't reply, or

770
00:30:56,001 --> 00:30:58,121
Speaker 1: he just double like it. Yeah. Emember this moment, I

771
00:30:58,121 --> 00:30:59,881
Speaker 1: don't know where you were going. You were going somewhere,

772
00:31:00,241 --> 00:31:02,361
Speaker 1: and I was just like, felt like a freaking lesbian.

773
00:31:02,521 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: You were red lipstick me from the car and I

774
00:31:04,321 --> 00:31:07,401
Speaker 1: was like, oh fuck yes, ye oh my god. Like

775
00:31:07,401 --> 00:31:08,921
Speaker 1: I couldn't even look at the screen. I was like

776
00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:12,081
Speaker 1: the fuck me. I remember saying, he must feel like

777
00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:14,961
Speaker 1: the luckiest man alive, Like, holy shit, if I was

778
00:31:15,001 --> 00:31:17,801
Speaker 1: to come home to that every night, damn. Like I

779
00:31:17,841 --> 00:31:20,321
Speaker 1: was just like gassing you up because you looked so amazing.

780
00:31:20,841 --> 00:31:24,001
Speaker 1: I remember afterwards you saying like he doesn't say anything,

781
00:31:24,201 --> 00:31:27,041
Speaker 1: like he doesn't appreciate that. He didn't say I look beautiful,

782
00:31:27,041 --> 00:31:28,641
Speaker 1: And I think it was a big moment for you

783
00:31:28,641 --> 00:31:30,961
Speaker 1: to be like, holy shit, like I'm not even noticed

784
00:31:30,961 --> 00:31:31,961
Speaker 1: in my relationship like that.

785
00:31:32,281 --> 00:31:34,441
Speaker 2: It just felt like he would hold back compliments. Yeah,

786
00:31:34,521 --> 00:31:36,121
Speaker 2: And like I remember I would get dressed up and

787
00:31:36,121 --> 00:31:38,041
Speaker 2: we'd go for dinner and I'd wait, you know, be

788
00:31:38,041 --> 00:31:39,721
Speaker 2: like standing there like in front of him, like waiting

789
00:31:39,761 --> 00:31:41,641
Speaker 2: for him to say something about me, and like every

790
00:31:41,641 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 2: now and again he'd be like, oh you look pretty

791
00:31:43,241 --> 00:31:45,361
Speaker 2: or like something like that, but like nothing why there

792
00:31:45,401 --> 00:31:47,841
Speaker 2: was no energy behind it, there was no like I

793
00:31:47,841 --> 00:31:49,961
Speaker 2: don't know. It felt like he always like held back

794
00:31:50,121 --> 00:31:52,241
Speaker 2: from sharing. That is though, what he used to think

795
00:31:52,241 --> 00:31:53,081
Speaker 2: and feel. I don't know.

796
00:31:53,281 --> 00:31:55,081
Speaker 1: I was trying and understand, you know, try and put

797
00:31:55,081 --> 00:31:56,681
Speaker 1: myself on their shoes or like what might have been

798
00:31:56,721 --> 00:31:59,161
Speaker 1: coming up for him. But it's like word for me

799
00:31:59,201 --> 00:32:00,921
Speaker 1: when you were dressed up, like when your friend dresses

800
00:32:01,001 --> 00:32:02,481
Speaker 1: up and they just look beautiful. You just it's a

801
00:32:02,521 --> 00:32:02,960
Speaker 1: word for me.

802
00:32:03,001 --> 00:32:05,681
Speaker 2: I just it's hard to understand because I I don't know,

803
00:32:06,041 --> 00:32:08,121
Speaker 2: like and I can assume and all the things, but like,

804
00:32:08,161 --> 00:32:09,561
Speaker 2: I don't actually know what came up for him in

805
00:32:09,561 --> 00:32:11,961
Speaker 2: those moments, or maybe it's just not something he thinks

806
00:32:11,961 --> 00:32:13,401
Speaker 2: of doing. I don't even know what was going on

807
00:32:13,441 --> 00:32:13,961
Speaker 2: in his head.

808
00:32:14,001 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: But there was just lots of little moments like that

809
00:32:16,761 --> 00:32:20,681
Speaker 1: where you were like, he just can't meet me, So

810
00:32:20,921 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: you broke up with him, You packed your stuff, he

811
00:32:22,761 --> 00:32:23,281
Speaker 1: went home.

812
00:32:24,041 --> 00:32:27,081
Speaker 2: But it didn't end there, No, No, it happened after that.

813
00:32:27,321 --> 00:32:29,481
Speaker 2: After that, we kind of had like a couple of

814
00:32:29,521 --> 00:32:33,921
Speaker 2: week break and then I remember he messaged me being

815
00:32:34,001 --> 00:32:36,161
Speaker 2: like he's had some time to self reflect and stuff

816
00:32:36,161 --> 00:32:37,641
Speaker 2: and wanted to catch up. And we went for a

817
00:32:37,681 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 2: walk at Springbrook and remember him telling me all the

818
00:32:40,001 --> 00:32:42,161
Speaker 2: things that he realized about what he was doing in

819
00:32:42,201 --> 00:32:44,521
Speaker 2: that dynamic in the relationship, and like what he could

820
00:32:44,561 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 2: have done better and all these things. But then there

821
00:32:46,241 --> 00:32:47,561
Speaker 2: was one point right at the end of the walk

822
00:32:47,601 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 2: where he was like, I still don't know if I'm

823
00:32:49,001 --> 00:32:51,561
Speaker 2: ready to come back to this relationship or not. And

824
00:32:51,601 --> 00:32:54,321
Speaker 2: I just remember feeling so disappointed because I was just like,

825
00:32:54,961 --> 00:32:56,961
Speaker 2: in my head, I had the expectation that he would

826
00:32:57,001 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 2: come back and he'd be like, I love you, I

827
00:32:58,521 --> 00:33:00,601
Speaker 2: want to stay with you. This is worth it. I'm

828
00:33:00,641 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: willing to try, I'm willing to give you what you

829
00:33:02,521 --> 00:33:04,681
Speaker 2: need and all of the things, and like just meet

830
00:33:04,681 --> 00:33:06,721
Speaker 2: you in the level of vulnerability that you actually want.

831
00:33:07,401 --> 00:33:09,801
Speaker 2: And I just remember like having my hopes up thinking

832
00:33:09,841 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 2: that he would do that and say that, and then

833
00:33:11,481 --> 00:33:13,521
Speaker 2: when he said that, I just remember feeling so crushed

834
00:33:14,001 --> 00:33:17,121
Speaker 2: and so disappointed because I was like, Fuck, this man

835
00:33:17,241 --> 00:33:19,961
Speaker 2: is just like not meeting me where I want him

836
00:33:20,001 --> 00:33:22,361
Speaker 2: to meet me, you know, And I'm like, fuck, am

837
00:33:22,401 --> 00:33:24,561
Speaker 2: I really not worth it to you? Like I remember

838
00:33:24,601 --> 00:33:26,921
Speaker 2: thinking that about myself. I got angry. I was just

839
00:33:26,961 --> 00:33:28,321
Speaker 2: like why am I even here?

840
00:33:28,361 --> 00:33:29,921
Speaker 1: Then? Yeah, why did you call me here?

841
00:33:29,961 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 2: Why did you bring me here? Why do you want

842
00:33:31,321 --> 00:33:32,921
Speaker 2: to talk about it? Is this? You just fucking pull

843
00:33:32,961 --> 00:33:34,881
Speaker 2: me right back. You know how to get under my skin,

844
00:33:35,321 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 2: and you know that I love you so much that

845
00:33:37,041 --> 00:33:39,481
Speaker 2: maybe I would come back and just allow the exact

846
00:33:39,521 --> 00:33:41,921
Speaker 2: same thing to happen. All over again, and I remember

847
00:33:41,961 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 2: saying to him, I'm no one's fucking secret, and he's like,

848
00:33:44,721 --> 00:33:46,681
Speaker 2: You're not a secret. He's like, I do choose you.

849
00:33:46,721 --> 00:33:48,721
Speaker 2: I do care about him, Like I don't feel chosen.

850
00:33:49,201 --> 00:33:51,121
Speaker 2: I can feel that you're half in. I can feel

851
00:33:51,121 --> 00:33:53,121
Speaker 2: that you're confused. He didn't even ask me to be

852
00:33:53,161 --> 00:33:54,761
Speaker 2: his girlfriend. And he's like, to me, that's not a

853
00:33:54,761 --> 00:33:56,441
Speaker 2: big thing to me. When I'm spending time with you

854
00:33:56,481 --> 00:33:58,681
Speaker 2: like you are my partner, that is it. There's no

855
00:33:59,121 --> 00:34:02,281
Speaker 2: need to ask. I asked him four separate occasions, and still,

856
00:34:02,321 --> 00:34:04,561
Speaker 2: even then, after telling him how important it was to me,

857
00:34:05,041 --> 00:34:06,921
Speaker 2: did not ask me to be his girlfriend, because to me,

858
00:34:07,121 --> 00:34:09,681
Speaker 2: I wanted to know there was a label here. This

859
00:34:09,801 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 2: was important for you to know that other people know

860
00:34:12,161 --> 00:34:14,681
Speaker 2: that I'm not available and that you're not available either,

861
00:34:15,161 --> 00:34:16,721
Speaker 2: And to me, that was like he wanted to keep

862
00:34:16,721 --> 00:34:18,761
Speaker 2: the door open. He wanted to keep the door open,

863
00:34:18,801 --> 00:34:20,801
Speaker 2: so there was no quote unquote commitment, so there was

864
00:34:20,841 --> 00:34:24,721
Speaker 2: no quote unquote actual relationship barrier and container. And for me,

865
00:34:25,041 --> 00:34:27,241
Speaker 2: that's what created so much uncertainty in me too, because

866
00:34:27,281 --> 00:34:28,641
Speaker 2: I was like, are we just dating? Are we just

867
00:34:28,681 --> 00:34:29,361
Speaker 2: fucking like?

868
00:34:29,721 --> 00:34:29,921
Speaker 1: Oh?

869
00:34:30,041 --> 00:34:33,121
Speaker 2: Kind of not even really that. Am I just company?

870
00:34:33,441 --> 00:34:35,361
Speaker 2: Am I just company to keep for you, to have

871
00:34:35,441 --> 00:34:37,321
Speaker 2: somebody gas you up and make you feel good about

872
00:34:37,361 --> 00:34:39,241
Speaker 2: yourself while you just go and live your life and

873
00:34:39,521 --> 00:34:42,761
Speaker 2: have your own separate life, whilst I just like hope

874
00:34:42,841 --> 00:34:45,161
Speaker 2: and wish that you want me in the same way.

875
00:34:45,881 --> 00:34:48,041
Speaker 2: And it's interesting too, because, like I say, all these

876
00:34:48,041 --> 00:34:49,801
Speaker 2: things right, but a part of me really did believe

877
00:34:49,841 --> 00:34:52,081
Speaker 2: that he was in it. Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't have stayed.

878
00:34:52,241 --> 00:34:54,081
Speaker 2: I really did believe that, and I felt that from

879
00:34:54,161 --> 00:34:56,321
Speaker 2: him in some areas. But then there were also a

880
00:34:56,361 --> 00:34:59,201
Speaker 2: lot of incongruencies in his behavior and little moments like

881
00:34:59,241 --> 00:35:03,161
Speaker 2: what I've been explaining that made me think hugely in

882
00:35:03,241 --> 00:35:06,761
Speaker 2: my head, something about this is not right, something about

883
00:35:06,761 --> 00:35:10,441
Speaker 2: this doesn't add up. There is incongruency between this vision

884
00:35:10,441 --> 00:35:13,001
Speaker 2: that he's painting for you and his behavior and the

885
00:35:13,041 --> 00:35:15,881
Speaker 2: way that he's behaving. Because if he did actually think

886
00:35:15,921 --> 00:35:17,801
Speaker 2: and feel the way that he was explaining and what

887
00:35:17,841 --> 00:35:20,081
Speaker 2: he was telling me about the future he wanted to

888
00:35:20,121 --> 00:35:23,081
Speaker 2: create with me, his behavior would be different. His behavior

889
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:25,521
Speaker 2: would make me feel secure, make me feel reassured, make

890
00:35:25,561 --> 00:35:27,521
Speaker 2: me feel like there is no other woman for him.

891
00:35:27,841 --> 00:35:29,961
Speaker 2: He just didn't create that level of safety for me,

892
00:35:30,041 --> 00:35:32,481
Speaker 2: And like, I'm not here sitting here painting an image

893
00:35:32,561 --> 00:35:33,921
Speaker 2: or like trying to make him the bad guy or

894
00:35:33,961 --> 00:35:37,041
Speaker 2: anything like that. I'm just sharing my emotional experience because

895
00:35:37,161 --> 00:35:38,801
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I do think he's

896
00:35:38,841 --> 00:35:40,961
Speaker 2: a great person. I just think he didn't have the

897
00:35:41,001 --> 00:35:43,601
Speaker 2: capacity to meet me. And the problem with the way

898
00:35:43,601 --> 00:35:47,001
Speaker 2: that I behaved after things ended, and also leading up

899
00:35:47,001 --> 00:35:50,881
Speaker 2: to the end, is that I wanted to make sure

900
00:35:50,881 --> 00:35:54,201
Speaker 2: that I preserved his feelings and how he felt throughout

901
00:35:54,241 --> 00:35:54,921
Speaker 2: the entire thing.

902
00:35:55,081 --> 00:35:56,001
Speaker 1: You're so considerate.

903
00:35:56,121 --> 00:35:59,601
Speaker 2: I enabled his behavior so badly because I didn't speak up.

904
00:35:59,641 --> 00:36:02,481
Speaker 2: I didn't voice what was wrong. I didn't get fiery

905
00:36:02,601 --> 00:36:04,681
Speaker 2: or like fucking passionate about the things that I was like,

906
00:36:04,721 --> 00:36:07,121
Speaker 2: this is, oh fucking right. I think like if I

907
00:36:07,161 --> 00:36:09,601
Speaker 2: had done that, things would have ended either much quicker

908
00:36:09,921 --> 00:36:11,841
Speaker 2: or I would have gotten a much different outcome with him.

909
00:36:12,121 --> 00:36:14,281
Speaker 2: But I enabled him and I allowed him to keep

910
00:36:14,281 --> 00:36:16,121
Speaker 2: doing the things that he was doing because I didn't

911
00:36:16,161 --> 00:36:18,481
Speaker 2: put my foot down. I didn't make a stand. I

912
00:36:18,521 --> 00:36:21,121
Speaker 2: didn't stand up for myself or back myself or believe

913
00:36:21,121 --> 00:36:23,361
Speaker 2: that I was worthy of better behavior from a man.

914
00:36:23,841 --> 00:36:27,361
Speaker 2: And it makes me passionate. Now it makes me frustrated,

915
00:36:27,401 --> 00:36:29,281
Speaker 2: and I have a lot of compassion for that younger

916
00:36:29,361 --> 00:36:32,081
Speaker 2: version of me who just so badly wanted to keep

917
00:36:32,161 --> 00:36:34,681
Speaker 2: him in my life, because my biggest wound came up

918
00:36:34,681 --> 00:36:37,361
Speaker 2: of abandonment, of like, if I do something wrong or

919
00:36:37,361 --> 00:36:38,841
Speaker 2: step out of line, I'm going to lose the man

920
00:36:38,841 --> 00:36:41,201
Speaker 2: that I love forever. I was anxious. I was fearful

921
00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:44,361
Speaker 2: of him leaving. I was trying to preserve and people

922
00:36:44,361 --> 00:36:46,241
Speaker 2: please and do all these things. I didn't even get

923
00:36:46,241 --> 00:36:48,361
Speaker 2: to give him like the real version of me, do

924
00:36:48,401 --> 00:36:49,881
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? I was even my true

925
00:36:49,921 --> 00:36:52,441
Speaker 2: self around him. So I'm like, in that sense, I

926
00:36:52,521 --> 00:36:54,401
Speaker 2: know that that was my role to play, but I

927
00:36:54,441 --> 00:36:58,121
Speaker 2: also did enable him and just allow the behaviors that

928
00:36:58,121 --> 00:37:00,281
Speaker 2: he was doing to persist for such a long time,

929
00:37:00,321 --> 00:37:02,081
Speaker 2: to the point where there was a point of no return,

930
00:37:02,761 --> 00:37:04,321
Speaker 2: Like because I allowed it. At the end of the day,

931
00:37:04,321 --> 00:37:06,721
Speaker 2: I can't get mad at her for wanting to stay

932
00:37:06,921 --> 00:37:09,681
Speaker 2: and you know, staying in this dynamic that wasn't working.

933
00:37:09,721 --> 00:37:12,561
Speaker 2: When why would he not? There were so many benefits,

934
00:37:12,561 --> 00:37:14,681
Speaker 2: so that dynamic and relationship. He's not going to sit

935
00:37:14,721 --> 00:37:16,961
Speaker 2: here and go, oh wow, this person praises me, loves me,

936
00:37:17,321 --> 00:37:19,521
Speaker 2: does everything for me, fucking puts on a show for me,

937
00:37:19,801 --> 00:37:22,321
Speaker 2: Like does all the things that I could possibly want

938
00:37:22,321 --> 00:37:23,921
Speaker 2: in a partner, but I don't have to give her

939
00:37:24,481 --> 00:37:27,121
Speaker 2: the equal in returns, and I still get to receive.

940
00:37:27,321 --> 00:37:28,401
Speaker 2: Why would someone leave?

941
00:37:28,561 --> 00:37:29,201
Speaker 1: That's so true.

942
00:37:29,481 --> 00:37:32,321
Speaker 2: Why would someone leave? It's not on him and I

943
00:37:32,401 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 2: again not sitting here blaming him. We both played our role.

944
00:37:35,481 --> 00:37:36,761
Speaker 2: But I sit here and I look at my own

945
00:37:36,841 --> 00:37:39,801
Speaker 2: behavior and go wow, Like it was my responsibility in

946
00:37:39,881 --> 00:37:42,641
Speaker 2: all of that to look at where the mismatch of

947
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:46,001
Speaker 2: energy and effort and intentionality in that relationship was and go, wow,

948
00:37:46,041 --> 00:37:47,961
Speaker 2: this actually isn't for me because I'm not getting what

949
00:37:48,001 --> 00:37:48,441
Speaker 2: I'm giving.

950
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:51,201
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know that's incredible. Yeah, And I feel like

951
00:37:51,281 --> 00:37:54,641
Speaker 1: when that relationship ended, I'm being so close to you,

952
00:37:54,721 --> 00:37:58,041
Speaker 1: were spending so much time together. Once it ended, it

953
00:37:58,081 --> 00:37:59,761
Speaker 1: was so hard, and you've grieved it for a very

954
00:37:59,761 --> 00:38:02,001
Speaker 1: long time, as you do and as you should a relationship.

955
00:38:02,041 --> 00:38:04,241
Speaker 1: But that's what the first time I use that analogy

956
00:38:04,281 --> 00:38:06,361
Speaker 1: of like your wing being set free, Like I've really

957
00:38:06,361 --> 00:38:09,041
Speaker 1: felt you and saw you fully open up and like

958
00:38:09,361 --> 00:38:12,481
Speaker 1: this bubbly, this playful, this like woman who even like

959
00:38:12,601 --> 00:38:14,441
Speaker 1: business stuff. You would come to me and give me

960
00:38:14,481 --> 00:38:17,001
Speaker 1: this idea and then say oh, but then he said

961
00:38:17,041 --> 00:38:19,201
Speaker 1: dah da da da. And I tried not to interfere

962
00:38:19,241 --> 00:38:21,601
Speaker 1: too much, but I could see that you were totally

963
00:38:21,641 --> 00:38:23,841
Speaker 1: like dismissing what you were thinking, what you wanted to do.

964
00:38:24,081 --> 00:38:25,881
Speaker 1: And the moment that relationship ended, you were like, I

965
00:38:25,921 --> 00:38:27,161
Speaker 1: think I want to do this, and I'm like, you

966
00:38:27,241 --> 00:38:28,281
Speaker 1: wanted to do that for so long?

967
00:38:28,641 --> 00:38:28,961
Speaker 2: Do it?

968
00:38:29,121 --> 00:38:30,961
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then you were like, I'm actually gonna try this,

969
00:38:31,041 --> 00:38:33,921
Speaker 1: and you started to like try an experiment and just

970
00:38:34,041 --> 00:38:36,721
Speaker 1: trush yourself more, listen, more, take more resks, be okay

971
00:38:36,761 --> 00:38:38,641
Speaker 1: to try new things. It's really cool to watch that

972
00:38:38,761 --> 00:38:41,561
Speaker 1: unfold because that was the first day of the rest

973
00:38:41,601 --> 00:38:44,401
Speaker 1: of your life. Like you change as a woman after that.

974
00:38:44,441 --> 00:38:47,361
Speaker 1: And that's the beautiful lessons in going through hardships, every

975
00:38:47,361 --> 00:38:50,561
Speaker 1: hard situation, every relationship. You will take so many lessons

976
00:38:50,601 --> 00:38:51,801
Speaker 1: out of it. And you wouldn't be who you are

977
00:38:51,841 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 1: today if you didn't go through all of that. Yeah,

978
00:38:53,961 --> 00:38:55,681
Speaker 1: would I ever want you to go through that again? Absolutely?

979
00:38:55,721 --> 00:38:57,801
Speaker 1: Fucking not so hard to watch you go through that

980
00:38:57,881 --> 00:39:00,241
Speaker 1: and the heartbreak, and like I just used to get

981
00:39:00,281 --> 00:39:03,241
Speaker 1: so angry because I'm like, what the fuck, man, fuck

982
00:39:03,321 --> 00:39:05,361
Speaker 1: what you have? Like I used to say this Steve,

983
00:39:05,441 --> 00:39:07,921
Speaker 1: like he will never find a girl like her ever again,

984
00:39:08,521 --> 00:39:13,041
Speaker 1: Like she is at ten in all areas internally, externally,

985
00:39:13,081 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: Like you can't get better. Yeah, I think you're sick. You.

986
00:39:16,241 --> 00:39:19,161
Speaker 1: I still to this day, I'm like, man, good luck, Yeah,

987
00:39:19,241 --> 00:39:19,761
Speaker 1: good luck.

988
00:39:19,921 --> 00:39:22,681
Speaker 2: I love you And honestly like that moment, Like, honestly

989
00:39:22,681 --> 00:39:24,401
Speaker 2: it's truly it was the hardest day of my life

990
00:39:24,441 --> 00:39:26,681
Speaker 2: to leave him, because I really didn't want to leave,

991
00:39:26,801 --> 00:39:29,361
Speaker 2: I know, and I like battled myself for so long,

992
00:39:29,481 --> 00:39:31,761
Speaker 2: Like even after that grieving the relationship. It's been over

993
00:39:31,801 --> 00:39:33,361
Speaker 2: a year and a half now and I still have

994
00:39:33,401 --> 00:39:35,521
Speaker 2: moments when it comes down with me. But at the

995
00:39:35,601 --> 00:39:37,481
Speaker 2: end of the day, like that decision to leave was

996
00:39:37,481 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 2: the first day that I chose myself in a really

997
00:39:39,521 --> 00:39:42,441
Speaker 2: long time. And I remember how that felt in my body,

998
00:39:42,441 --> 00:39:44,521
Speaker 2: when I was just like, you know what, fuck this

999
00:39:45,041 --> 00:39:47,601
Speaker 2: the level of sacrifice that I felt like I had

1000
00:39:47,681 --> 00:39:49,601
Speaker 2: all of the things that were important to me, babe,

1001
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,001
Speaker 2: I felt like I had to give up. I was

1002
00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:52,961
Speaker 2: potentially thinking of never having children for him.

1003
00:39:53,081 --> 00:39:54,041
Speaker 1: You're convinced you didn't want to.

1004
00:39:54,041 --> 00:39:55,521
Speaker 2: I was convinced. I was like, fuck it, No, not

1005
00:39:55,561 --> 00:39:57,721
Speaker 2: having children would be worth being with this man. I

1006
00:39:57,761 --> 00:39:59,601
Speaker 2: was likely where I was at, Oh you don't want kids.

1007
00:39:59,881 --> 00:40:02,321
Speaker 2: I thought I'd have to give up public displays of affection,

1008
00:40:02,401 --> 00:40:05,401
Speaker 2: feeling intimate with my partner, not having sex all the time,

1009
00:40:05,641 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 2: you know, my needs always being pushed to the side

1010
00:40:07,481 --> 00:40:09,641
Speaker 2: because there was something grander, a bigger vision that was

1011
00:40:09,681 --> 00:40:11,681
Speaker 2: bigger than us, that was so much more important. And

1012
00:40:11,721 --> 00:40:14,721
Speaker 2: like I reckon, I would have lived a really unhappy life,

1013
00:40:14,961 --> 00:40:17,681
Speaker 2: you know, And whilst there was still love there, I

1014
00:40:17,721 --> 00:40:20,121
Speaker 2: still knew that. I still knew that, and like that

1015
00:40:20,241 --> 00:40:23,081
Speaker 2: moment that I chose myself. Every day after that, my

1016
00:40:23,121 --> 00:40:26,881
Speaker 2: life increasingly got better. Every single day that I stayed away,

1017
00:40:27,361 --> 00:40:28,801
Speaker 2: something better happened in my life.

1018
00:40:28,881 --> 00:40:30,881
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you created space and room for it.

1019
00:40:30,921 --> 00:40:33,761
Speaker 2: I allowed myself to be myself. I chose myself. I

1020
00:40:33,881 --> 00:40:36,881
Speaker 2: chose what I wanted over what he wanted. I chose

1021
00:40:37,001 --> 00:40:39,401
Speaker 2: my ideas over his ideas. I chose my way of

1022
00:40:39,441 --> 00:40:42,161
Speaker 2: doing things for me over his way of doing things.

1023
00:40:42,161 --> 00:40:44,401
Speaker 2: And it was like I had to unlearn all of

1024
00:40:44,441 --> 00:40:46,721
Speaker 2: the things that I learned from being with him. Although

1025
00:40:46,721 --> 00:40:48,041
Speaker 2: there were a lot of good things there were also

1026
00:40:48,041 --> 00:40:49,721
Speaker 2: a lot of limiting things that I had picked up

1027
00:40:49,721 --> 00:40:52,361
Speaker 2: along the way too, And it was about literally like

1028
00:40:52,441 --> 00:40:55,201
Speaker 2: taking the fucking shell off my shoulders and literally like

1029
00:40:55,241 --> 00:40:57,881
Speaker 2: rebirthing and like allowing my wings to like come back,

1030
00:40:58,361 --> 00:41:02,521
Speaker 2: and feeling confident in myself again, learning to trust myself again,

1031
00:41:02,681 --> 00:41:06,041
Speaker 2: learning to walk myself through the grief this relationship, and

1032
00:41:06,121 --> 00:41:08,521
Speaker 2: choosing myself instead of a man who was showing me

1033
00:41:08,561 --> 00:41:10,841
Speaker 2: that he didn't fucking choose me or didn't care in

1034
00:41:10,841 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 2: the way that I deserve to be cared for. And

1035
00:41:13,521 --> 00:41:16,201
Speaker 2: it's funny because I remember thinking like, I feel hard

1036
00:41:16,241 --> 00:41:18,801
Speaker 2: to love, I feel hard to love, I feel like

1037
00:41:19,881 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 2: gross and dirty and like not lovable, and like there's

1038
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:24,241
Speaker 2: something wrong with me, and all the things because of

1039
00:41:24,281 --> 00:41:26,321
Speaker 2: all the things that had unfolded in that relationship, and

1040
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:29,241
Speaker 2: then coming out of that, I was like, no, that's bullshit.

1041
00:41:29,401 --> 00:41:32,401
Speaker 2: That story is a fucking lie, like and then I started.

1042
00:41:32,441 --> 00:41:34,561
Speaker 2: The beautiful thing about hindsight, right when you leave a

1043
00:41:34,601 --> 00:41:37,921
Speaker 2: relationship is that you don't recognize all of the incompatibilities

1044
00:41:38,001 --> 00:41:40,921
Speaker 2: until after you leave, until you have time to reflect,

1045
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:43,721
Speaker 2: until you can look back on the relationship dynamic and go, wow,

1046
00:41:43,961 --> 00:41:45,921
Speaker 2: this thing didn't work, or he did this, or he

1047
00:41:46,001 --> 00:41:47,601
Speaker 2: said this, and then it made you feel like this

1048
00:41:47,681 --> 00:41:51,121
Speaker 2: when that's not true, and you just like dissect the relationship.

1049
00:41:51,121 --> 00:41:53,121
Speaker 2: And the more time I spent apart from him, the

1050
00:41:53,121 --> 00:41:55,641
Speaker 2: more I realized it would have never worked, and I

1051
00:41:55,641 --> 00:41:59,201
Speaker 2: would have been a miserable version of myself, not because

1052
00:41:59,241 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 2: of him, but because of the incompatibility. And no matter

1053
00:42:03,441 --> 00:42:05,641
Speaker 2: how much we said that we were compatible on paper,

1054
00:42:05,961 --> 00:42:07,721
Speaker 2: we just weren't. At the end of the day, I

1055
00:42:07,721 --> 00:42:10,081
Speaker 2: would say to him after we broke up, I think

1056
00:42:10,121 --> 00:42:12,561
Speaker 2: we're so unaligned, and he goes, no, we're so aligned.

1057
00:42:12,561 --> 00:42:14,361
Speaker 2: I think we're so aligned in so many of these areas.

1058
00:42:14,401 --> 00:42:16,121
Speaker 2: I'm like, but why do I feel like this? Then?

1059
00:42:16,641 --> 00:42:19,361
Speaker 2: Why on paper does it feel amazing? And then in

1060
00:42:19,401 --> 00:42:22,081
Speaker 2: reality I'm miserable. I don't feel beautiful and don't feel

1061
00:42:22,081 --> 00:42:23,721
Speaker 2: sexy enough, I don't feel good enough, I don't feel

1062
00:42:23,801 --> 00:42:26,281
Speaker 2: chosen about everyth these things. Yeah, and I was like,

1063
00:42:26,321 --> 00:42:27,401
Speaker 2: why do I feel like this?

1064
00:42:28,041 --> 00:42:28,401
Speaker 1: I think?

1065
00:42:28,481 --> 00:42:31,721
Speaker 2: Like the beautiful thing about like breakups is that sometimes

1066
00:42:31,761 --> 00:42:33,761
Speaker 2: they will bring you to your knees so that you

1067
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:36,481
Speaker 2: can learn something, and like, in this relationship, Don't get

1068
00:42:36,521 --> 00:42:39,241
Speaker 2: me wrong, there's also a lot of beautiful things that

1069
00:42:39,281 --> 00:42:42,441
Speaker 2: I learned about myself, you know, ways of being, ways

1070
00:42:42,481 --> 00:42:44,961
Speaker 2: of thinking, ways of showing up in the world that

1071
00:42:45,081 --> 00:42:47,201
Speaker 2: I learn from being with him and from the way

1072
00:42:47,201 --> 00:42:49,441
Speaker 2: that he does life. And I'm forever grateful for that.

1073
00:42:49,641 --> 00:42:52,521
Speaker 2: I'm also forever grateful for the experience, too, because without

1074
00:42:52,521 --> 00:42:54,521
Speaker 2: that experience, and without having known him or met him,

1075
00:42:54,801 --> 00:42:57,201
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be who I am now. And I honestly,

1076
00:42:57,241 --> 00:43:01,601
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for that because through not choosing myself

1077
00:43:01,601 --> 00:43:04,721
Speaker 2: in that relationship and then having to leave, it literally

1078
00:43:04,761 --> 00:43:07,121
Speaker 2: taught me how to love myself. Probably And I've been

1079
00:43:07,121 --> 00:43:09,801
Speaker 2: on this journey of personal development for ten years and

1080
00:43:09,841 --> 00:43:11,601
Speaker 2: I felt like I was growing, growing, growing, and I

1081
00:43:11,641 --> 00:43:13,841
Speaker 2: felt like this relationship knocked me back, but then it

1082
00:43:13,881 --> 00:43:16,321
Speaker 2: also cut of pulled me ten stories forward to and

1083
00:43:16,401 --> 00:43:18,481
Speaker 2: I think that's what I'm so grateful for. My biggest

1084
00:43:18,521 --> 00:43:21,201
Speaker 2: lesson in this relationship was it literally taught me how

1085
00:43:21,201 --> 00:43:24,281
Speaker 2: to love myself again, because I didn't love myself in

1086
00:43:24,281 --> 00:43:27,641
Speaker 2: the relationship. I didn't choose myself. And it's funny because

1087
00:43:27,881 --> 00:43:30,721
Speaker 2: people say that, like, your relationships are a mirror of

1088
00:43:30,801 --> 00:43:33,081
Speaker 2: what you're doing with yourself, and the people in it

1089
00:43:33,121 --> 00:43:35,601
Speaker 2: reflect you know, your own behavior back to you. And

1090
00:43:35,681 --> 00:43:38,361
Speaker 2: it's funny because I would point fingers at him, and

1091
00:43:38,361 --> 00:43:40,841
Speaker 2: I would judge him and blame him and make him

1092
00:43:40,881 --> 00:43:43,321
Speaker 2: the problem of the relationship when I chose to stay,

1093
00:43:44,481 --> 00:43:46,881
Speaker 2: and it wasn't his fault that I stayed, It was

1094
00:43:46,921 --> 00:43:49,361
Speaker 2: my own. I chose to be there in and amongst

1095
00:43:49,401 --> 00:43:51,801
Speaker 2: all of that, but also the moment that I left,

1096
00:43:52,401 --> 00:43:54,121
Speaker 2: That was the first day of me loving myself for

1097
00:43:54,161 --> 00:43:56,401
Speaker 2: the rest of my life, and ever since then, I

1098
00:43:56,441 --> 00:44:00,081
Speaker 2: have only grown and become a grander, more committed, more

1099
00:44:00,521 --> 00:44:03,481
Speaker 2: certain version of myself who was grounded in myself and

1100
00:44:03,521 --> 00:44:05,841
Speaker 2: my beliefs and my ideas, all of the things that

1101
00:44:05,881 --> 00:44:10,081
Speaker 2: I lacked in that relationship. Without that relationship, I wouldn't

1102
00:44:10,121 --> 00:44:12,801
Speaker 2: have guidelines of what I will and won't allow next time.

1103
00:44:13,281 --> 00:44:15,481
Speaker 2: There's no way in fucking hell that I will ever

1104
00:44:15,521 --> 00:44:18,401
Speaker 2: allow myself to go through that again because of how

1105
00:44:18,601 --> 00:44:22,321
Speaker 2: low I felt in that relationship, even whilst I felt

1106
00:44:22,361 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 2: so happy at the same time. Because that's the really

1107
00:44:24,961 --> 00:44:28,441
Speaker 2: hard thing about relationships, is that it can feel the

1108
00:44:28,521 --> 00:44:30,161
Speaker 2: best and you can be in love with them and

1109
00:44:30,201 --> 00:44:32,641
Speaker 2: love them so much, but be a shell of a

1110
00:44:32,721 --> 00:44:36,761
Speaker 2: human and not prioritize yourself and feel really unfulfilled and

1111
00:44:36,801 --> 00:44:39,401
Speaker 2: feel really insecure. And it's the contrast of those two

1112
00:44:39,441 --> 00:44:42,401
Speaker 2: emotions and that emotional rollercoaster that makes it really hard

1113
00:44:42,441 --> 00:44:44,721
Speaker 2: to leave, because you love them and you want to

1114
00:44:44,721 --> 00:44:45,961
Speaker 2: be with them, and you see the best in them,

1115
00:44:46,001 --> 00:44:47,521
Speaker 2: and you want to think the world of them, but

1116
00:44:47,561 --> 00:44:49,721
Speaker 2: then you're also experiencing all these other things, and you

1117
00:44:49,801 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 2: don't know how to comprehend what's happening in your brain

1118
00:44:52,521 --> 00:44:54,881
Speaker 2: because you're being fed all this dopamine and love and

1119
00:44:54,881 --> 00:44:58,121
Speaker 2: attention and validation and then also all of this insecurity

1120
00:44:58,161 --> 00:45:00,761
Speaker 2: and all of these so it's like a fucking whirlwind

1121
00:45:00,761 --> 00:45:03,721
Speaker 2: of emoment cold It is so confusing. But if there's

1122
00:45:03,761 --> 00:45:05,641
Speaker 2: one thing that I could say to you is if

1123
00:45:05,721 --> 00:45:09,561
Speaker 2: you feel confused in your relationship, in your dating life,

1124
00:45:09,601 --> 00:45:13,121
Speaker 2: in whatever, there's a reason for that, and that confusion

1125
00:45:13,281 --> 00:45:16,161
Speaker 2: is a sign of behavior that's kind of happening and

1126
00:45:16,241 --> 00:45:19,041
Speaker 2: unfolding in the relationship that isn't meant to be happening,

1127
00:45:19,121 --> 00:45:21,761
Speaker 2: because you're not meant to be confused. You're not meant

1128
00:45:21,761 --> 00:45:24,761
Speaker 2: to think and question does this person love me, does

1129
00:45:24,761 --> 00:45:26,801
Speaker 2: this person choose me, does this person care about does

1130
00:45:26,841 --> 00:45:30,561
Speaker 2: this person even like me? You're not meant that. There

1131
00:45:30,601 --> 00:45:32,121
Speaker 2: is supposed to be no doubt in your mind that

1132
00:45:32,201 --> 00:45:34,281
Speaker 2: that is truth. So there are a couple of things

1133
00:45:34,321 --> 00:45:36,081
Speaker 2: that I wrote down that I'd love to share with you,

1134
00:45:36,161 --> 00:45:38,841
Speaker 2: of lessons that I really learned the hard way in

1135
00:45:38,881 --> 00:45:43,561
Speaker 2: this relationship dynamic. They are that you can't love someone

1136
00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:47,161
Speaker 2: into loving you, because no matter how much love you give,

1137
00:45:47,201 --> 00:45:49,841
Speaker 2: if somebody is not willing to reciprocate, you don't have

1138
00:45:49,881 --> 00:45:50,561
Speaker 2: a relationship.

1139
00:45:50,641 --> 00:45:52,881
Speaker 1: That word willing. Hey, yeah, it's just been such a

1140
00:45:52,881 --> 00:45:55,361
Speaker 1: strong word for us the last like twelve months, i'd say.

1141
00:45:55,201 --> 00:45:57,121
Speaker 2: And at the end of the day, like that relationship,

1142
00:45:57,401 --> 00:45:59,681
Speaker 2: he was unwilling to meet me and to do what

1143
00:45:59,721 --> 00:46:02,521
Speaker 2: it took moves through the discomfort of what it would

1144
00:46:02,641 --> 00:46:04,681
Speaker 2: require him of a man to meet me in the

1145
00:46:04,721 --> 00:46:07,401
Speaker 2: depth I needed at all. Don't get me wrong, Like,

1146
00:46:07,561 --> 00:46:09,241
Speaker 2: I know that I can be hard work and that

1147
00:46:09,481 --> 00:46:12,521
Speaker 2: I have high standards. But for good reason, you know,

1148
00:46:12,801 --> 00:46:14,921
Speaker 2: that was my filter, but I didn't see it as

1149
00:46:14,921 --> 00:46:16,681
Speaker 2: a filter. Then I just thought, oh, I have to

1150
00:46:16,681 --> 00:46:19,041
Speaker 2: dim myself for this, And now I realized that I

1151
00:46:19,041 --> 00:46:20,801
Speaker 2: don't have to do that anymore. I don't know, I'm

1152
00:46:20,801 --> 00:46:22,721
Speaker 2: never going to try to love somebody into loving me,

1153
00:46:22,961 --> 00:46:24,801
Speaker 2: because it should just be there. And if it's not

1154
00:46:24,841 --> 00:46:27,281
Speaker 2: reciprocated in the way I can give it and how

1155
00:46:27,321 --> 00:46:29,161
Speaker 2: easily I can give it, then it's not meant to

1156
00:46:29,201 --> 00:46:32,081
Speaker 2: be it. So the next one is that you can't

1157
00:46:32,201 --> 00:46:35,441
Speaker 2: prove your worth no matter how much you try, no

1158
00:46:35,481 --> 00:46:37,561
Speaker 2: matter how much you try to go against your intuition,

1159
00:46:37,681 --> 00:46:40,201
Speaker 2: it will whisper to you until it screams yes.

1160
00:46:40,281 --> 00:46:41,561
Speaker 1: That's so true.

1161
00:46:42,121 --> 00:46:44,601
Speaker 2: When you feel something is wrong, leave the first time

1162
00:46:44,641 --> 00:46:46,761
Speaker 2: that it doesn't sit well with you. And i'm talking

1163
00:46:46,761 --> 00:46:50,081
Speaker 2: about especially if they're not willing, I'm talking about more dating.

1164
00:46:50,321 --> 00:46:52,121
Speaker 2: If there's something that is a big red flag for

1165
00:46:52,161 --> 00:46:54,681
Speaker 2: you or not sit well with you in a non negotiable,

1166
00:46:55,361 --> 00:46:58,681
Speaker 2: don't compromise on those things because it will be something

1167
00:46:58,721 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: you'll become resentful for later.

1168
00:47:00,121 --> 00:47:02,881
Speaker 1: That's right. It's so important to know your values and

1169
00:47:02,881 --> 00:47:05,001
Speaker 1: your standards and your boundaries from the get go. Otherwise

1170
00:47:05,201 --> 00:47:07,561
Speaker 1: it's blurry and you end up being confused, resentful, and

1171
00:47:08,201 --> 00:47:10,521
Speaker 1: arguments happen because it's just like why is this happening?

1172
00:47:10,521 --> 00:47:12,201
Speaker 1: But if you're so clear on all of that going in,

1173
00:47:12,561 --> 00:47:14,001
Speaker 1: you won't bump into those problems.

1174
00:47:14,081 --> 00:47:16,201
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, And if you advocate for those things in

1175
00:47:16,241 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 2: the beginning, then that person's going to understand, oh shit,

1176
00:47:18,521 --> 00:47:21,681
Speaker 2: I actually got to do this. You know, when somebody

1177
00:47:21,761 --> 00:47:23,601
Speaker 2: is showing you that they aren't all in, don't use

1178
00:47:23,641 --> 00:47:25,561
Speaker 2: it as an excuse to try harder and use it

1179
00:47:25,601 --> 00:47:27,921
Speaker 2: as a reason to become disinterested and give them less

1180
00:47:27,961 --> 00:47:31,841
Speaker 2: of your time. We'll leave or leave. Yeah, when you

1181
00:47:31,881 --> 00:47:34,881
Speaker 2: feel confused, it's because their words and their actions don't match.

1182
00:47:35,041 --> 00:47:35,641
Speaker 2: Pay attention.

1183
00:47:36,041 --> 00:47:36,681
Speaker 1: Pay attention.

1184
00:47:37,201 --> 00:47:39,401
Speaker 2: You can love someone and know that they aren't good

1185
00:47:39,401 --> 00:47:43,081
Speaker 2: for you sometimes love is not enough, yes, And also

1186
00:47:43,721 --> 00:47:46,121
Speaker 2: that loving yourself is the most important thing.

1187
00:47:46,441 --> 00:47:47,481
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful.

1188
00:47:47,521 --> 00:47:50,161
Speaker 2: So all of these things are obviously more ways that

1189
00:47:50,201 --> 00:47:52,561
Speaker 2: you can like protect yourself, you know. But at the

1190
00:47:52,601 --> 00:47:55,441
Speaker 2: end of the day, like, these are the hard lessons

1191
00:47:55,481 --> 00:47:57,521
Speaker 2: that I felt like I had to learn in this relationship.

1192
00:47:57,521 --> 00:48:00,681
Speaker 2: And I wouldn't have learned it if I didn't have

1193
00:48:00,761 --> 00:48:02,521
Speaker 2: love for myself at the time. Yeah, you know, it

1194
00:48:02,561 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 2: was like I didn't choose myself. And I was strong

1195
00:48:05,521 --> 00:48:07,681
Speaker 2: enough at the time to leave when I knew that

1196
00:48:07,761 --> 00:48:10,081
Speaker 2: something was wrong. And if I could do it all again,

1197
00:48:10,361 --> 00:48:12,281
Speaker 2: like and I deal with this awareness, I would have

1198
00:48:12,401 --> 00:48:15,361
Speaker 2: left six weeks in when I felt it the lifetime.

1199
00:48:15,961 --> 00:48:18,601
Speaker 2: But also I needed this experience to shape me as

1200
00:48:18,601 --> 00:48:20,681
Speaker 2: a woman and to also be a good leader for

1201
00:48:20,721 --> 00:48:23,001
Speaker 2: all of the women who come into Rise inside, for

1202
00:48:23,041 --> 00:48:25,001
Speaker 2: all of the coaching clients that come into me who

1203
00:48:25,041 --> 00:48:27,401
Speaker 2: deal with relationship stuff. And I can sit on the

1204
00:48:27,441 --> 00:48:29,121
Speaker 2: other side of the screen and go, hey, I've been

1205
00:48:29,161 --> 00:48:30,881
Speaker 2: through it myself. I know what it feels like not

1206
00:48:30,921 --> 00:48:33,161
Speaker 2: to choose myself. I'm not sitting here on my high

1207
00:48:33,201 --> 00:48:35,281
Speaker 2: horse saying that I've never done it before. I'm actually

1208
00:48:35,321 --> 00:48:37,361
Speaker 2: going to show you exactly how to move out of this,

1209
00:48:37,601 --> 00:48:40,201
Speaker 2: how you can learn to love yourself again too. And

1210
00:48:40,281 --> 00:48:43,961
Speaker 2: so I smile like right now because I'm grateful for

1211
00:48:44,001 --> 00:48:46,321
Speaker 2: the experience, and whilst it was the most heartbreaking thing

1212
00:48:46,401 --> 00:48:48,801
Speaker 2: I feel like I've been through. I mean, there's a

1213
00:48:48,841 --> 00:48:52,601
Speaker 2: few things, but I am so grateful. I'm so grateful

1214
00:48:52,601 --> 00:48:54,481
Speaker 2: because of the version that I am today. And I

1215
00:48:54,521 --> 00:48:57,081
Speaker 2: wouldn't take back that experience because it would take back

1216
00:48:57,081 --> 00:48:59,561
Speaker 2: all the lessons I had to learn and how I've

1217
00:48:59,601 --> 00:49:03,201
Speaker 2: had to choose myself at every moment of grief of

1218
00:49:03,241 --> 00:49:06,881
Speaker 2: wanting to go back and not choosing myself, feeling like

1219
00:49:07,161 --> 00:49:09,041
Speaker 2: my life would never be the same without him and

1220
00:49:09,121 --> 00:49:11,321
Speaker 2: choosing to believe a different narrative and go, no, my

1221
00:49:11,321 --> 00:49:14,041
Speaker 2: life is better now because I chose myself as a result,

1222
00:49:14,321 --> 00:49:18,281
Speaker 2: and also believing that what I experienced isn't all that

1223
00:49:18,281 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 2: there is for me. I remember you used to lay

1224
00:49:20,521 --> 00:49:21,881
Speaker 2: in bed at night when I would be with him,

1225
00:49:21,921 --> 00:49:23,561
Speaker 2: and I'd be like, Tianna, this isn't all there is

1226
00:49:23,561 --> 00:49:26,001
Speaker 2: to you, This isn't meant to be it, and I

1227
00:49:26,041 --> 00:49:27,281
Speaker 2: can feel it in my check.

1228
00:49:28,081 --> 00:49:28,361
Speaker 1: I did.

1229
00:49:28,361 --> 00:49:30,081
Speaker 2: I used to like, I remember there was one there

1230
00:49:30,081 --> 00:49:31,601
Speaker 2: was a couple of times where I would literally lay

1231
00:49:31,641 --> 00:49:33,121
Speaker 2: next to him and I would cry, like while he

1232
00:49:33,121 --> 00:49:37,041
Speaker 2: would sleep, because I felt I felt so unloved, babe.

1233
00:49:37,081 --> 00:49:40,241
Speaker 2: I just felt so like unimportant.

1234
00:49:39,761 --> 00:49:42,561
Speaker 1: Like lonely, and they're the person.

1235
00:49:42,401 --> 00:49:45,081
Speaker 2: That's I felt lonely. And I used to say to

1236
00:49:45,161 --> 00:49:46,641
Speaker 2: him like, I feel like I'm the only one in

1237
00:49:46,681 --> 00:49:49,361
Speaker 2: this relationship. I feel like I'm doing this by myself.

1238
00:49:49,681 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 2: And all of the hardships and challenges that you think

1239
00:49:52,001 --> 00:49:55,201
Speaker 2: that you would go through with your partner side by side,

1240
00:49:55,241 --> 00:49:57,761
Speaker 2: holding hands, going I fucking have got you. It was

1241
00:49:57,761 --> 00:49:59,561
Speaker 2: like he was having his own experience over there and

1242
00:49:59,561 --> 00:50:01,481
Speaker 2: I was over here in the corner, like crying myself

1243
00:50:01,521 --> 00:50:04,001
Speaker 2: because I didn't have anybody to lean on. It's so sad,

1244
00:50:04,081 --> 00:50:07,361
Speaker 2: and he was physic there, but emotionally he just was

1245
00:50:07,401 --> 00:50:09,721
Speaker 2: not there, and that was the hardest thing to come

1246
00:50:09,761 --> 00:50:12,921
Speaker 2: to terms with. So I just I share all of

1247
00:50:12,961 --> 00:50:15,521
Speaker 2: this not to shit on him. I still do think

1248
00:50:15,561 --> 00:50:17,801
Speaker 2: the world of him, even through even after all of

1249
00:50:17,841 --> 00:50:20,121
Speaker 2: this pain and heartbreak and all the things. But I

1250
00:50:20,161 --> 00:50:22,121
Speaker 2: share it with you to give you context of like

1251
00:50:22,441 --> 00:50:24,321
Speaker 2: the headspace you can be in when you're in this

1252
00:50:24,361 --> 00:50:28,401
Speaker 2: confusion place in a relationship where you're abandoning yourself and

1253
00:50:28,401 --> 00:50:30,881
Speaker 2: you're not choosing yourself and you feel like somebody else

1254
00:50:30,921 --> 00:50:33,161
Speaker 2: is more important than you. I really just hope that

1255
00:50:33,201 --> 00:50:35,761
Speaker 2: this gives you permission to know that you're not alone

1256
00:50:36,041 --> 00:50:39,041
Speaker 2: and that you're human for going through experiences like this.

1257
00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:41,641
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with you for experiencing things like this,

1258
00:50:42,081 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 2: But it's about how you choose yourself after and what

1259
00:50:45,481 --> 00:50:49,041
Speaker 2: you do after that's really important, and that is going

1260
00:50:49,081 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 2: to make you fall in love with yourself and your

1261
00:50:51,481 --> 00:50:54,521
Speaker 2: life again. So you never have to experience anything like

1262
00:50:54,561 --> 00:50:57,761
Speaker 2: this again, because what you want for yourself is available.

1263
00:50:58,121 --> 00:50:59,841
Speaker 2: You just have to believe it, even if you can't

1264
00:50:59,881 --> 00:51:01,881
Speaker 2: see it, touch it, or feel it. Yet you just

1265
00:51:01,921 --> 00:51:05,921
Speaker 2: have to trust and that intuition will always lead you right.

1266
00:51:06,161 --> 00:51:08,001
Speaker 2: And if there was one thing that I could give you,

1267
00:51:08,041 --> 00:51:10,441
Speaker 2: like a piece of advice, is that, like, I wish

1268
00:51:10,441 --> 00:51:13,281
Speaker 2: I listened to my intuition sooner, and I wish I

1269
00:51:13,321 --> 00:51:16,121
Speaker 2: gave myself the benefit of the doubt to listen to

1270
00:51:16,161 --> 00:51:18,081
Speaker 2: the things that I was telling myself, because it's like

1271
00:51:18,121 --> 00:51:21,281
Speaker 2: my body knew before my mind did, yeah, and my

1272
00:51:21,361 --> 00:51:23,081
Speaker 2: mind just had to catch up. And when it did,

1273
00:51:23,161 --> 00:51:24,841
Speaker 2: I left so beautiful.

1274
00:51:25,161 --> 00:51:27,561
Speaker 1: And I think it's really servedy now witnessing. You know,

1275
00:51:27,641 --> 00:51:29,361
Speaker 1: when you date a man or start to get to

1276
00:51:29,361 --> 00:51:31,561
Speaker 1: know them, it's like, as soon as those red flags

1277
00:51:31,561 --> 00:51:33,321
Speaker 1: are there, or you just know they're not willing to meet,

1278
00:51:33,441 --> 00:51:36,001
Speaker 1: or it's not aligned, or they do life differently, you're

1279
00:51:36,001 --> 00:51:38,161
Speaker 1: so quick to speak about it. And sometimes you'll just

1280
00:51:38,201 --> 00:51:39,681
Speaker 1: say something like, oh, I just said this to him.

1281
00:51:39,721 --> 00:51:42,081
Speaker 1: I'm like wow, Like I've been single for a very

1282
00:51:42,121 --> 00:51:43,761
Speaker 1: long time. But the people, please are all like the

1283
00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:46,161
Speaker 1: scared little girl, and I'm like, I'd be so scared

1284
00:51:46,161 --> 00:51:47,241
Speaker 1: to say that in case they didn't want to be

1285
00:51:47,321 --> 00:51:48,641
Speaker 1: with me, or in case they left, or in case

1286
00:51:48,641 --> 00:51:50,761
Speaker 1: they thought I was too strict or too much, and

1287
00:51:50,801 --> 00:51:53,121
Speaker 1: it's so cool to watch you go through that and

1288
00:51:53,121 --> 00:51:55,121
Speaker 1: even share that with your other single friends because I

1289
00:51:55,161 --> 00:51:57,481
Speaker 1: just feel like you're such a leader in I know

1290
00:51:57,521 --> 00:51:59,481
Speaker 1: what I want. I'm so clear on my values, and

1291
00:51:59,641 --> 00:52:02,001
Speaker 1: if it's not you, then that's okay. Yeah, you go,

1292
00:52:02,081 --> 00:52:04,041
Speaker 1: you live your life. I'll live mine, and I trust

1293
00:52:04,081 --> 00:52:05,721
Speaker 1: that I'm going to attract them that can meet me

1294
00:52:05,761 --> 00:52:07,841
Speaker 1: there and it's going to be so easy and he's

1295
00:52:07,841 --> 00:52:10,201
Speaker 1: going to love me so easily. And it's just it's

1296
00:52:10,241 --> 00:52:12,081
Speaker 1: been so cool to what you go from where you

1297
00:52:12,161 --> 00:52:15,001
Speaker 1: were to where you are now, Babe. Yeah, Like as

1298
00:52:15,041 --> 00:52:16,681
Speaker 1: sad and as heartbreaking as it.

1299
00:52:16,641 --> 00:52:18,841
Speaker 2: Were, it feels good. I'm glad that I can be

1300
00:52:18,881 --> 00:52:20,401
Speaker 2: in this place because the way that I look at

1301
00:52:20,401 --> 00:52:22,441
Speaker 2: it is like, if I can leave the what I

1302
00:52:22,441 --> 00:52:24,801
Speaker 2: thought was the love of my life, I can do anything,

1303
00:52:25,641 --> 00:52:28,401
Speaker 2: because that's a hard thing to do. Yeah, Like literally

1304
00:52:28,481 --> 00:52:31,001
Speaker 2: the man I would have saw myself growing old with. Like,

1305
00:52:31,041 --> 00:52:32,921
Speaker 2: if I can leave him and I can do it

1306
00:52:32,961 --> 00:52:36,761
Speaker 2: and choose myself, like, I'm good because then I know

1307
00:52:37,001 --> 00:52:39,041
Speaker 2: I'm willing to choose myself and what I want to

1308
00:52:39,161 --> 00:52:42,281
Speaker 2: advocate for the life that I want over anyone that

1309
00:52:42,361 --> 00:52:44,761
Speaker 2: I prioritize is so important to me or deemed so

1310
00:52:44,761 --> 00:52:47,161
Speaker 2: important to me in terms of an intimate partner, because

1311
00:52:47,161 --> 00:52:50,041
Speaker 2: that man is going to determine how I am when

1312
00:52:50,041 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 2: I get married. Yeah, he's going to be the person

1313
00:52:51,961 --> 00:52:54,041
Speaker 2: who supports me when my parents die. He's going to

1314
00:52:54,081 --> 00:52:55,921
Speaker 2: be the person who supports me when I give birth

1315
00:52:55,961 --> 00:52:58,001
Speaker 2: in the delivery room. When I think of all those

1316
00:52:58,041 --> 00:53:00,681
Speaker 2: experiences and I think of feeling that empty, I'm fucking

1317
00:53:00,761 --> 00:53:03,721
Speaker 2: out of here. I'm fucking out. There's no fucking way

1318
00:53:04,121 --> 00:53:05,961
Speaker 2: I could not do it, couldn't do it to myself.

1319
00:53:06,001 --> 00:53:08,481
Speaker 2: And so now I'm like, no, I advocate for the

1320
00:53:08,521 --> 00:53:10,121
Speaker 2: things that I want in the beginning. If I don't

1321
00:53:10,161 --> 00:53:11,961
Speaker 2: like it in the beginning, I voice it straight away

1322
00:53:12,121 --> 00:53:13,521
Speaker 2: because I'm not going to let this go any further

1323
00:53:13,521 --> 00:53:14,161
Speaker 2: than you're.

1324
00:53:14,001 --> 00:53:15,321
Speaker 1: Going to meet you or they're that's right.

1325
00:53:15,361 --> 00:53:18,001
Speaker 2: And now I'm not in a position where before I

1326
00:53:18,081 --> 00:53:19,561
Speaker 2: used to get really shitty and be like I need

1327
00:53:19,601 --> 00:53:20,961
Speaker 2: to do this and do this and try to like

1328
00:53:21,001 --> 00:53:24,041
Speaker 2: control almost, whereas now I'm like, no, no, no, I'm going

1329
00:53:24,081 --> 00:53:25,361
Speaker 2: to sit back and let you do what you would

1330
00:53:25,441 --> 00:53:27,801
Speaker 2: rather do, yes, And then I can decide if I

1331
00:53:27,841 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 2: want to stay based or your behavior, so choose wisely. Yeah,

1332
00:53:30,641 --> 00:53:33,481
Speaker 2: you know, it's cool, high standards and I'm not power.

1333
00:53:33,521 --> 00:53:35,401
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you what my standards are, just

1334
00:53:35,401 --> 00:53:37,321
Speaker 2: so you're aware of them. Yeah, but if you decide

1335
00:53:37,361 --> 00:53:39,281
Speaker 2: to do anything outside of that, I'm okay to leave

1336
00:53:39,601 --> 00:53:40,921
Speaker 2: because I would rather fucking not.

1337
00:53:41,041 --> 00:53:42,801
Speaker 1: And it's cool because I think it shows where the

1338
00:53:42,841 --> 00:53:44,681
Speaker 1: man is at too, because there has been one man

1339
00:53:44,681 --> 00:53:46,881
Speaker 1: that you dated and he was almost intimidated by it,

1340
00:53:47,041 --> 00:53:49,241
Speaker 1: and he literally like backed away, and you're like, cool, wise,

1341
00:53:49,281 --> 00:53:51,321
Speaker 1: now you're not it for me, and like you know

1342
00:53:51,401 --> 00:53:53,041
Speaker 1: the man that you're seeing now, it's like, just does

1343
00:53:53,081 --> 00:53:53,681
Speaker 1: it so easily?

1344
00:53:53,721 --> 00:53:54,361
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh?

1345
00:53:54,601 --> 00:53:55,121
Speaker 1: Oh cool.

1346
00:53:55,281 --> 00:53:57,081
Speaker 2: You know what as well? Something that you'll learn in

1347
00:53:57,161 --> 00:53:59,921
Speaker 2: hindsight too, when you go from somebody who was so

1348
00:54:00,001 --> 00:54:03,001
Speaker 2: emotionally charged to you almost like trauma bond vibes. When

1349
00:54:03,041 --> 00:54:04,801
Speaker 2: you go from someone like that and you come into

1350
00:54:04,801 --> 00:54:08,441
Speaker 2: a hell the relationship, you're probably going to want to sabotage,

1351
00:54:08,481 --> 00:54:11,041
Speaker 2: want to run away, find reasons to push that person

1352
00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:14,321
Speaker 2: away because it doesn't feel as intense as the previous person.

1353
00:54:14,721 --> 00:54:16,841
Speaker 2: And this has been something that I've had to really

1354
00:54:16,961 --> 00:54:19,881
Speaker 2: I'm working through now you're aware of I'm aware of it.

1355
00:54:20,041 --> 00:54:23,681
Speaker 2: I'm aware of knowing that what I previously felt was

1356
00:54:23,801 --> 00:54:26,601
Speaker 2: so intense, But I don't think it was a healthy intense.

1357
00:54:26,881 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 2: I think for me, that was my anxiousness coming out

1358
00:54:29,481 --> 00:54:32,601
Speaker 2: and meet trauma bonding with him, and trauma bonding with

1359
00:54:32,641 --> 00:54:35,481
Speaker 2: the addiction of the chaos from that dynamic. As much

1360
00:54:35,521 --> 00:54:37,361
Speaker 2: as I loved him, I know it was there, but

1361
00:54:37,401 --> 00:54:39,881
Speaker 2: I also know that that was the intensity, and I

1362
00:54:39,881 --> 00:54:42,841
Speaker 2: don't think that intensity is healthy. And what I've learned

1363
00:54:42,921 --> 00:54:45,401
Speaker 2: is that when I feel more secure, it feels more

1364
00:54:45,401 --> 00:54:48,321
Speaker 2: of a peaceful energy. And that's what I'm experiencing right now,

1365
00:54:48,521 --> 00:54:51,401
Speaker 2: is I feel at peace with the man who's in

1366
00:54:51,441 --> 00:54:53,841
Speaker 2: my life because of the reassurance that he gives me

1367
00:54:54,201 --> 00:54:56,721
Speaker 2: and how easy it feels for him to love me.

1368
00:54:57,001 --> 00:54:59,521
Speaker 2: You know, it's like anything that I ask for, done,

1369
00:54:59,601 --> 00:55:01,801
Speaker 2: anything that I need, done, anything that I don't like,

1370
00:55:01,921 --> 00:55:06,001
Speaker 2: stops doing. Like He's just so willing, and I don't

1371
00:55:06,001 --> 00:55:08,121
Speaker 2: think I've ever experienced that in my life, and so

1372
00:55:08,241 --> 00:55:11,321
Speaker 2: to experience that now is so beautiful and also sometimes

1373
00:55:11,361 --> 00:55:13,841
Speaker 2: really scary. Yeah, you know, because I'm like, oh shit,

1374
00:55:14,041 --> 00:55:17,121
Speaker 2: like ah, like I feel bad, it feels real, it

1375
00:55:17,121 --> 00:55:19,241
Speaker 2: feels beautiful. It's all the things that I've always wanted,

1376
00:55:19,281 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 2: and so it's you know, I'm still figuring things out,

1377
00:55:21,961 --> 00:55:24,921
Speaker 2: but I'm also willing to learn. And I also just

1378
00:55:25,041 --> 00:55:26,841
Speaker 2: know that what I attract now is going to be

1379
00:55:26,921 --> 00:55:28,921
Speaker 2: vastly different from what I've experienced before. So I'll never

1380
00:55:29,001 --> 00:55:29,641
Speaker 2: let that back in my life.

1381
00:55:29,841 --> 00:55:31,881
Speaker 1: And that's really exciting. It's like I saw a quote

1382
00:55:31,961 --> 00:55:33,721
Speaker 1: or a video and it was like we used to

1383
00:55:33,721 --> 00:55:36,521
Speaker 1: crave like the sparks and the fireworks and the butterflies.

1384
00:55:36,601 --> 00:55:39,121
Speaker 1: Now tell me and it's like, actually, what we really

1385
00:55:39,161 --> 00:55:41,761
Speaker 1: need is someone that calms our nervous system, someone that

1386
00:55:41,801 --> 00:55:44,041
Speaker 1: we feel peaceful around, someone that makes us feel safe,

1387
00:55:44,081 --> 00:55:46,441
Speaker 1: Like it's not about that electric and of course you

1388
00:55:46,521 --> 00:55:49,401
Speaker 1: want that sexually, that sexual chemistry, but there's a difference

1389
00:55:49,401 --> 00:55:51,561
Speaker 1: between that, like when you say that traumpond and that

1390
00:55:51,681 --> 00:55:55,081
Speaker 1: like buyer, but it's almost like anxious energy. It's not

1391
00:55:55,161 --> 00:55:58,081
Speaker 1: like you want someone that just makes you feel totally yourself,

1392
00:55:58,201 --> 00:56:00,441
Speaker 1: totally calm, at peace at home, that you can just

1393
00:56:00,761 --> 00:56:03,041
Speaker 1: be yourself and it just got you. Yeah, that is

1394
00:56:03,161 --> 00:56:04,401
Speaker 1: way more important.

1395
00:56:04,001 --> 00:56:05,841
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And you know what, well, Like when I talk

1396
00:56:05,841 --> 00:56:07,681
Speaker 2: about this relationship, I don't want you to think that

1397
00:56:07,721 --> 00:56:11,081
Speaker 2: I'm just like, you know, talking shit and labeling it

1398
00:56:11,121 --> 00:56:13,041
Speaker 2: all as bad. Like there were obviously a lot of

1399
00:56:13,041 --> 00:56:15,201
Speaker 2: good things that I experienced in that dynamic as well,

1400
00:56:15,241 --> 00:56:17,281
Speaker 2: but I'm also not here to talk about the things

1401
00:56:17,321 --> 00:56:19,041
Speaker 2: that were good. I'm here to talk about like them,

1402
00:56:19,201 --> 00:56:22,481
Speaker 2: the lessons and the experience. And also it's a very

1403
00:56:22,521 --> 00:56:24,561
Speaker 2: relatable thing to go through it. That's what you're sharing

1404
00:56:24,641 --> 00:56:25,521
Speaker 2: common dating.

1405
00:56:25,361 --> 00:56:27,081
Speaker 1: Yeah, is to help women if that in case they're

1406
00:56:27,081 --> 00:56:31,001
Speaker 1: feeling this, going through this, feel stuck, feel like confused, confused,

1407
00:56:31,041 --> 00:56:33,361
Speaker 1: there's no way out, don't never find anyone again, Like

1408
00:56:33,401 --> 00:56:35,161
Speaker 1: that was your intention to share this. It's like, I

1409
00:56:35,241 --> 00:56:37,321
Speaker 1: know women are going through this because I'm not alone

1410
00:56:37,361 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 1: and going through it absolutely, And I think it's something

1411
00:56:39,561 --> 00:56:42,921
Speaker 1: that women don't talk about, oh, especially when you've had

1412
00:56:43,001 --> 00:56:45,001
Speaker 1: a bad experience or one that really hurt you.

1413
00:56:45,521 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 2: We don't really talk in the depths of these things.

1414
00:56:48,041 --> 00:56:49,961
Speaker 2: We don't talk about the little micro moments, how it

1415
00:56:50,001 --> 00:56:52,161
Speaker 2: felt to feel alone while you're sitting next to your partner,

1416
00:56:52,201 --> 00:56:54,801
Speaker 2: you're crying late at night because you feel isolated and

1417
00:56:54,801 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 2: you feel empty inside, and like no one talks about

1418
00:56:57,001 --> 00:56:59,401
Speaker 2: those things. But if you can and know that you're

1419
00:56:59,441 --> 00:57:01,401
Speaker 2: not alone. Then I feel like it will help you

1420
00:57:01,521 --> 00:57:04,721
Speaker 2: heal on your journey to finding yourself again. Yeah, and

1421
00:57:04,761 --> 00:57:07,761
Speaker 2: going through the motions of grief after the relationship too,

1422
00:57:07,801 --> 00:57:09,441
Speaker 2: because it's been a year and a half and I'm

1423
00:57:09,481 --> 00:57:12,161
Speaker 2: still gone through waves. I still have moments now. It's

1424
00:57:12,241 --> 00:57:14,761
Speaker 2: much better than what it was. That first year of

1425
00:57:14,801 --> 00:57:17,801
Speaker 2: breakup was really fucking hard on me. Really, I don't

1426
00:57:17,801 --> 00:57:19,601
Speaker 2: think I felt like myself for a good six months

1427
00:57:19,601 --> 00:57:20,681
Speaker 2: after that relationship ended.

1428
00:57:20,801 --> 00:57:23,081
Speaker 1: Even your body reacted like hell, wasn't the bad.

1429
00:57:23,201 --> 00:57:25,761
Speaker 2: My immune system was shot. Like I literally was having

1430
00:57:25,841 --> 00:57:28,041
Speaker 2: full body rashes all over my body because I was

1431
00:57:28,041 --> 00:57:31,161
Speaker 2: so mentally stressed and just like anxious all the time

1432
00:57:31,281 --> 00:57:33,961
Speaker 2: and just felt like a little bit like dissociated too.

1433
00:57:34,121 --> 00:57:37,721
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was just trying to still do life. Yeah, yeah, Yeah,

1434
00:57:37,761 --> 00:57:39,921
Speaker 1: it was a lot. Yeah, we've done so well. Thank

1435
00:57:39,921 --> 00:57:42,081
Speaker 1: you so much for sharing all the depths. I know

1436
00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:44,201
Speaker 1: it is not easy to share all of that, but

1437
00:57:44,241 --> 00:57:47,801
Speaker 1: your intention behind it was really beautiful. Even behind the scenes.

1438
00:57:47,881 --> 00:57:50,001
Speaker 1: There isn't one moment where you've just been like, oh,

1439
00:57:50,041 --> 00:57:52,281
Speaker 1: it's oh his fould and he's shit and he him.

1440
00:57:52,321 --> 00:57:56,921
Speaker 1: That always taken over responsibility old enough for the role

1441
00:57:56,961 --> 00:57:57,481
Speaker 1: you played.

1442
00:57:57,601 --> 00:57:59,881
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I used to always overly take

1443
00:57:59,921 --> 00:58:01,881
Speaker 2: responsibility because I always thought that there was more that

1444
00:58:01,881 --> 00:58:03,601
Speaker 2: I could do in the relationship. But the more that

1445
00:58:03,641 --> 00:58:05,441
Speaker 2: I come out of the relationship, the more I realize

1446
00:58:05,441 --> 00:58:08,321
Speaker 2: that the relationship didn't breakdown because of me. The relationship

1447
00:58:08,321 --> 00:58:11,081
Speaker 2: breakdown because of him, and he wasn't willing and I

1448
00:58:11,241 --> 00:58:12,561
Speaker 2: was and I was there and I was all in

1449
00:58:12,601 --> 00:58:15,241
Speaker 2: and he wasn't. Yeah, And I don't need to take

1450
00:58:15,241 --> 00:58:17,921
Speaker 2: responsibility for that anymore. And I don't apologize for not

1451
00:58:18,001 --> 00:58:20,441
Speaker 2: doing that. No, Yeah, I just like, am really proud

1452
00:58:20,441 --> 00:58:22,281
Speaker 2: of the person that I am now and the person

1453
00:58:22,401 --> 00:58:24,801
Speaker 2: the woman that I am, and how I lead myself

1454
00:58:24,801 --> 00:58:27,041
Speaker 2: and my life and my relationships and who I am.

1455
00:58:27,081 --> 00:58:28,761
Speaker 2: And I'm really proud of the way that I show

1456
00:58:28,841 --> 00:58:33,601
Speaker 2: up in relationships in terms of communication, willingness, hard conversations,

1457
00:58:34,001 --> 00:58:36,361
Speaker 2: the willingness to do the hard, uncomfortable things that most

1458
00:58:36,361 --> 00:58:37,401
Speaker 2: people aren't willing.

1459
00:58:37,161 --> 00:58:39,361
Speaker 1: To do, avoid or suppress. Yeah.

1460
00:58:39,401 --> 00:58:40,881
Speaker 2: And not to say that I don't have human moments,

1461
00:58:40,961 --> 00:58:42,881
Speaker 2: because I do. I'm not a perfect human, but I

1462
00:58:42,881 --> 00:58:44,521
Speaker 2: am fucking willing and I do think that I am

1463
00:58:44,521 --> 00:58:47,401
Speaker 2: a very I would be a very incredible partner one day,

1464
00:58:47,721 --> 00:58:51,161
Speaker 2: and I'm excited for the day where I am able

1465
00:58:51,161 --> 00:58:54,521
Speaker 2: to meet my equal in that you know, and who

1466
00:58:54,561 --> 00:58:56,321
Speaker 2: knows when that'll be super exciting.

1467
00:58:56,401 --> 00:58:59,321
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh I love it. And yeah that word willingness, Hey,

1468
00:58:59,481 --> 00:59:01,801
Speaker 1: that's just come forward for the forefront. It not even

1469
00:59:01,841 --> 00:59:04,601
Speaker 1: in our discussions, but other friendships as well, like having

1470
00:59:04,641 --> 00:59:07,121
Speaker 1: a part and not even just intimate partner. This can

1471
00:59:07,161 --> 00:59:09,481
Speaker 1: be with your family members, your friendships. Like someone that

1472
00:59:09,601 --> 00:59:13,281
Speaker 1: is willing to have the hard conversations, willing to take responsibility,

1473
00:59:13,561 --> 00:59:15,561
Speaker 1: even willing to just like do their own work, because

1474
00:59:15,601 --> 00:59:18,601
Speaker 1: no one's perfect, No one is perfect. But if you're

1475
00:59:18,641 --> 00:59:21,321
Speaker 1: doing something in a relationship that isn't serving the relationship,

1476
00:59:21,321 --> 00:59:23,761
Speaker 1: that's hurting the relationship, that's hurting the person you love,

1477
00:59:24,121 --> 00:59:26,361
Speaker 1: like that is your responsibility to work on that. And

1478
00:59:26,401 --> 00:59:28,761
Speaker 1: if they're not willing to, nothing's going to change. So

1479
00:59:28,801 --> 00:59:30,921
Speaker 1: then you ask yourself, am I willing to accept this

1480
00:59:31,041 --> 00:59:33,281
Speaker 1: kind of behavior? Am I willing to settle for feeling

1481
00:59:33,401 --> 00:59:35,081
Speaker 1: like this all the time? If the answer is no,

1482
00:59:35,121 --> 00:59:36,881
Speaker 1: and they're not willing to meet you there, then you've

1483
00:59:36,881 --> 00:59:39,241
Speaker 1: got your answer. Absolutely, if you've got someone that's willing

1484
00:59:39,241 --> 00:59:41,721
Speaker 1: to take responsibility and work on it. Then that's worth

1485
00:59:41,881 --> 00:59:44,361
Speaker 1: trying to really look out for.

1486
00:59:44,921 --> 00:59:47,441
Speaker 2: Yeah, that willingness is everything every and you know what

1487
00:59:47,481 --> 00:59:47,961
Speaker 2: you'll feel it.

1488
00:59:48,001 --> 00:59:49,681
Speaker 1: If it's not there, you will feel and you'll see it.

1489
00:59:49,761 --> 00:59:52,481
Speaker 2: You'll see it. It'll feel like you begging that person

1490
00:59:52,561 --> 00:59:53,841
Speaker 2: to keep him what it is that you need.

1491
00:59:54,041 --> 00:59:56,761
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely. Well, thank you so much. I was

1492
00:59:56,801 --> 00:59:59,921
Speaker 1: absolutely beautiful. I think you covered everything so so beautifully.

1493
01:00:00,001 --> 01:00:01,961
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. For a really long time, I

1494
01:00:02,001 --> 01:00:04,001
Speaker 2: didn't want to talk about the relationship in case I

1495
01:00:04,041 --> 01:00:06,721
Speaker 2: ever wanted to go back. And that's the reality. For

1496
01:00:06,761 --> 01:00:08,881
Speaker 2: the first like year or so, that's how I felt.

1497
01:00:09,161 --> 01:00:10,841
Speaker 2: I haven't felt like that for a long time now,

1498
01:00:10,921 --> 01:00:13,601
Speaker 2: but I really wanted to preserve the way that he felt.

1499
01:00:13,601 --> 01:00:15,441
Speaker 2: And I know he listens to the podcast and stuff

1500
01:00:15,481 --> 01:00:17,801
Speaker 2: like that, so I was mindful. I don't know about now,

1501
01:00:17,841 --> 01:00:20,481
Speaker 2: but maybe one day it or hopefully all of this

1502
01:00:20,561 --> 01:00:22,761
Speaker 2: experience has helped him grow as a human too. It's

1503
01:00:22,801 --> 01:00:25,601
Speaker 2: just like it did me. And yeah, hopefully somebody else

1504
01:00:25,641 --> 01:00:26,441
Speaker 2: gets the better of him.

1505
01:00:26,481 --> 01:00:29,561
Speaker 1: Definitely, and also any women out there that are experiencing this,

1506
01:00:29,721 --> 01:00:32,601
Speaker 1: we really hope this allows you to really connect with

1507
01:00:32,601 --> 01:00:34,521
Speaker 1: what's important to you, and if something isn't feeling right,

1508
01:00:34,561 --> 01:00:36,601
Speaker 1: you're getting those nudges and those intuitions and that little

1509
01:00:36,681 --> 01:00:38,521
Speaker 1: voice in your head that's saying something's not right. To

1510
01:00:38,561 --> 01:00:41,441
Speaker 1: actually lean in, Yeah, have the hard conversation, stand up

1511
01:00:41,481 --> 01:00:43,081
Speaker 1: for what you believe in, stand up for what you want,

1512
01:00:43,161 --> 01:00:46,081
Speaker 1: voice what you want, communicator or and make your decisions

1513
01:00:46,121 --> 01:00:46,521
Speaker 1: from there.

1514
01:00:46,681 --> 01:00:50,361
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And don't shame yourself for not having left earlier.

1515
01:00:50,481 --> 01:00:53,641
Speaker 2: There's no benefit to that. You don't benefit to shaming

1516
01:00:53,681 --> 01:00:56,801
Speaker 2: yourself or being like leading yourself out or going, oh

1517
01:00:56,801 --> 01:00:58,601
Speaker 2: my god, I should have known better or I should

1518
01:00:58,601 --> 01:01:00,841
Speaker 2: have done better or whatever. It's like. No, like you

1519
01:01:01,521 --> 01:01:04,001
Speaker 2: needed to experience all of that, and maybe you weren't

1520
01:01:04,001 --> 01:01:04,481
Speaker 2: ready then.

1521
01:01:04,561 --> 01:01:04,961
Speaker 1: Exactly.

1522
01:01:05,281 --> 01:01:07,721
Speaker 2: I wasn't ready until I made that decision then, and

1523
01:01:07,721 --> 01:01:09,801
Speaker 2: that was almost a year and a half in. If

1524
01:01:09,801 --> 01:01:11,761
Speaker 2: you're not ready up until the moment you do, don't

1525
01:01:11,761 --> 01:01:15,081
Speaker 2: preate yourself for not having left to go. That's all

1526
01:01:15,121 --> 01:01:17,681
Speaker 2: that's important is how you feel right now and what

1527
01:01:17,721 --> 01:01:20,041
Speaker 2: you choose moving forward. That's it. Leave the past and

1528
01:01:20,081 --> 01:01:21,801
Speaker 2: the past and move on from it and just be

1529
01:01:21,881 --> 01:01:22,601
Speaker 2: kind to yourself.

1530
01:01:22,801 --> 01:01:25,241
Speaker 1: Doesn't help you with anything. It's a good piece of advice.

1531
01:01:25,321 --> 01:01:28,041
Speaker 1: I think a lot of women do that. Yeah, all right, guys,

1532
01:01:28,081 --> 01:01:30,521
Speaker 1: this is a big conversation. I hope you guys enjoyed it.

1533
01:01:30,601 --> 01:01:32,801
Speaker 1: Any questions, you guys can always pop into Rise in

1534
01:01:32,881 --> 01:01:34,641
Speaker 1: Side or that she raises forum and let us know.

1535
01:01:34,801 --> 01:01:37,041
Speaker 1: But I hope you enjoyed this and it helps you

1536
01:01:37,041 --> 01:01:38,681
Speaker 1: in any way, shape or form. We'll see you guys

1537
01:01:38,721 --> 01:01:39,761
Speaker 1: tomorrow for best advice.

1538
01:01:40,041 --> 01:01:40,801
Speaker 2: Bye bye,