Speaker 1: I'll get a team. It's it's the next year, it's
Speaker 1: the year after the last year, it's this year, it's
Speaker 1: twenty twenty six, it's Tiff, it's Jumbo, it's us, it's you,
Speaker 1: It's the fucking the whole kit and kaboodle. And I'm excited.
Speaker 1: I'm just building up to a crescendo, but I'm pretty
Speaker 1: excited about this year. A bit of mayhem going on
Speaker 1: right now, but I hope. I know this is not
Speaker 1: our first showback, but I hope Chrissy was good for you,
Speaker 1: or at the very least not horrible and chaotic. I
Speaker 1: know for a lot of people, Christmas and New Year
Speaker 1: and or New Year can be a time that isn't
Speaker 1: so much fun, that isn't doesn't bring so much joy,
Speaker 1: and for some people even is somewhat traumatic. So I
Speaker 1: hope you got through it okay, and I hope this
Speaker 1: year is amazing for you. Speaking of amazing, she is
Speaker 1: she is.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be presumptuous, but I don't feel
Speaker 2: like that was a calling.
Speaker 1: I wasn't even thinking about you, but all right, hello,
Speaker 1: this is amazing. I'm miss amazing. I should say, how
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 2: Very good? Thank you very good. I'm ready for twenty
Speaker 2: twenty six.
Speaker 1: Now have you done well? We haven't done one since
Speaker 1: last year. We haven't done one for probably a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks or a week and a half at least.
Speaker 1: Have you done one of yours? Or is this your
Speaker 1: first one back?
Speaker 2: This is my first one back, and I's been a
Speaker 2: few at least two, if not maybe three weeks. I
Speaker 2: would say. I December was a little bit not the best,
Speaker 2: so I pulled up stumps earlier than what was planned
Speaker 2: on recording podcasts. Yeah, wait till the joy seeped back
Speaker 2: into my world.
Speaker 1: And was it good to have a little bit of
Speaker 1: I don't know, time away from the microphone and the
Speaker 1: studio and to regroup a little.
Speaker 2: It really was, And not not that it always is.
Speaker 2: I just think given what had gone on in my world,
Speaker 2: it very much was because I wasn't in a great
Speaker 2: space to use my mind and really engage and love
Speaker 2: the process of conversation at that time.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so yeah, but it's been nice.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It was funny, like I work through Christmas. I don't
Speaker 2: really have an attachment to holidays or breaks or anything,
Speaker 2: but something about ticking over new year's into twenty twenty
Speaker 2: six just had this freshness and excitement about it that
Speaker 2: I didn't have before and for no reason. So I
Speaker 2: find that interesting.
Speaker 1: Hey, yes, yes, I don't know. It's funny, like the
Speaker 1: psychology of time and the psychology of dates and days
Speaker 1: on calendars. And you know, I heard Tim Ferriss talking
Speaker 1: this morning and he goes, no matter what day you start,
Speaker 1: it's the start of a new year, right, And I
Speaker 1: was thinking, so, like today's January five, Well, it's the
Speaker 1: start of a new year, because one year from now
Speaker 1: to be January five, that's a whole year. That's a
Speaker 1: you know, but we have all of these stories which
Speaker 1: are not bad, but they're good to reflect on, you know,
Speaker 1: thinking about thinking metacognition, you think, oh, why do I
Speaker 1: think that? And I know of this is an old
Speaker 1: chestnut I've banged on about too many times, but it
Speaker 1: is an interesting reflection when you genuinely think that your
Speaker 1: chances are better of succeeding if you start on a
Speaker 1: Thursday rather than a Monday, because the Thursday in your
Speaker 1: head on this year happens to be January one or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And so you have a story that
Speaker 1: this is the right day and the other day is
Speaker 1: not the right day, when in actual fact, it's got
Speaker 1: so little to do with the fucking date, like essentially nothing,
Speaker 1: and perhaps your belief about the date or your idea
Speaker 1: about the date, or your intention around what you're going
Speaker 1: to do when that date, but even then, it isn't
Speaker 1: actually about the date. It's about psychology. It's about your
Speaker 1: preparedness and readiness to do the thing that you say
Speaker 1: you want to do and haven't done for maybe the
Speaker 1: last ten January ones or whatever it was, but that
Speaker 1: you know, just that I'm and this is how I think, right,
Speaker 1: and I'm not really surprised, but part of me is
Speaker 1: surprised that people don't realize what a crock of shit
Speaker 1: resolutions on January one are for the majority, Like if
Speaker 1: it was a drug, it would never get approved by
Speaker 1: the FDA or whoever, right, because most of the time
Speaker 1: when you take that drug in infurt commas, you don't
Speaker 1: get the result you want. You don't get better, or
Speaker 1: you don't improve, or you don't get healthy or you know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't. And it's not that it's a bad day,
Speaker 1: it's just the psychology around this is so fucking silly.
Speaker 1: And so irrational even when people going.
Speaker 2: Part of this psychology that works for it though, because
Speaker 2: it's because there's a break in routine, and the problem
Speaker 2: is where routine habitual creatures. So it's really hard to
Speaker 2: start something new in the middle of the sameness of
Speaker 2: work and this and that, and there's no time or space.
Speaker 2: So in a way, unbeknownst to us, we get out
Speaker 2: of our normal operating system. And that's when those thoughts
Speaker 2: come in. I'll do this differently this time, because something
Speaker 2: about right now feels different, and that.
Speaker 1: Sounds good in theory, right, but if we look at
Speaker 1: the evidence, it doesn't work. Like most people who start
Speaker 1: about to work. No, no, it's no. You can't blame
Speaker 1: work because then you're attributing your failure to something beyond
Speaker 1: your control. Right, what you're saying makes sense in that Yep,
Speaker 1: it's different. We're not at work. We're in a different space,
Speaker 1: either geographically or mentally or emotionally. And it's a new year,
Speaker 1: so mentally it's a new start. I get all of that,
Speaker 1: and I agree with you all of those points are true.
Speaker 1: But when you stand back and you look at the
Speaker 1: data or the forget opinions and ideas and beliefs. Just
Speaker 1: look at the evidence. The evidence is that most people
Speaker 1: who say they're going to change their life beginning on
Speaker 1: January one don't. That's just true. That's not an idea.
Speaker 1: So you now, does that mean people can't change on
Speaker 1: January one? No, not at all, not at all. But
Speaker 1: you can change on January five. You can change on
Speaker 1: December twenty five. You know. It's just that. But I
Speaker 1: thought we might talk about this a little bit, like
Speaker 1: without doing the whole what are we going to do
Speaker 1: this year? And how are we? You know, I think
Speaker 1: it's been well. I just think you know me, and
Speaker 1: I think my audience knows me, and you of course,
Speaker 1: I think kind of rah rahring people up. It doesn't work,
Speaker 1: and it's good. You know. We talk about the value
Speaker 1: and the lack of value of motivation. We talk about
Speaker 1: discipline and self control and focus and structure and planning
Speaker 1: and timeline and strategy, and we talk about all the things.
Speaker 1: But you know, at some stage we have to go.
Speaker 1: And this ain't a popular thing to say, but we
Speaker 1: have to go. I'm the problem because I'm not doing
Speaker 1: the work, Like the only one who can change my
Speaker 1: life is me, you know, and if my plan is
Speaker 1: that I accidentally succeed or someone's going to save me
Speaker 1: or rescue me, then I'm in trouble. Now. That doesn't
Speaker 1: mean people can't love you or support you or help you.
Speaker 1: Of course they can. But ultimately, ultimately what's going to
Speaker 1: make my life better is my choices and my behaviors,
Speaker 1: and my resilience and my mental toughness, and my ability
Speaker 1: to do the things that I said I would do
Speaker 1: without the cheersquad, without the fans, without the clapping, without
Speaker 1: the recognition, without the approval, without any attention, it still comes,
Speaker 1: you know. And we can slice it and dice it
Speaker 1: a thousand ways, and we can do all the fucking
Speaker 1: self help programs and books and videos and podcasts and
Speaker 1: even including this one. Right, I don't think this is
Speaker 1: the answer to anything, Like I think, like what a
Speaker 1: lot of self help tells you is that we have
Speaker 1: the ten steps, or we have the five steps, or
Speaker 1: we have the model, or we have the structure or
Speaker 1: the process, and all you need to do is follow this.
Speaker 1: And yeah, that the point is to follow this is
Speaker 1: the problem that the do this well, nobody can do
Speaker 1: that except the human in the middle, you know. So
Speaker 1: if you've got fucking Tony Robbins in your corner and
Speaker 1: Oprah in your corner and the Dalai Lama and Jesus
Speaker 1: cheering you on, you still need to figure out what
Speaker 1: you're going to eat for breakfast. You still need to
Speaker 1: figure out whether or not you're going to go to
Speaker 1: the gym and not fucking give up. You still need
Speaker 1: to figure out whether or not you're going to make
Speaker 1: smarter decisions.
Speaker 2: What do you think it's missing and where do you
Speaker 2: think people can look and find that? Because a protocol
Speaker 2: is good because you don't have to think, you get
Speaker 2: something to do, you get the thing that works. What's
Speaker 2: the missing piece of the puzzle? It's because this I mean,
Speaker 2: obviously this is easily applied to fitness, but you can
Speaker 2: apply it to anything in life, any behavior change.
Speaker 1: I think the missing piece of the puzzle is that
Speaker 1: we are not willing to do shit that we don't
Speaker 1: want to do. Yeah, like, well, the problem is it's
Speaker 1: like and people can jump up and down right a
Speaker 1: zen pic. So I was talking to somebody the other day. Right,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying don't take a dude, I'm not saying anything,
Speaker 1: but I'm saying, all right, well, how does the zenpic work. Well,
Speaker 1: it works on a range of levels, and it mitigates
Speaker 1: hunger and it reduces if you do. But ultimately, how
Speaker 1: does it, like, how do people actually reduce? Like, what's
Speaker 1: the mechanism. Well, the mechanism fucking sit down, batten down
Speaker 1: the hatches is less calories? Fuck me drunk?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: And it's because people eat less? Right? And I'm not
Speaker 1: saying again, but well, is it possible that people just
Speaker 1: eat less? Well, yes it is, but it's uncomfortable. But
Speaker 1: ozenpic makes it easier and more comfortable. So I'm not
Speaker 1: anti or pro I'm saying it horses for courses. But
Speaker 1: what I am saying is here's what I know. When
Speaker 1: I do something that is hard, that is also effective
Speaker 1: and also strategically intelligent, then what I like. For example,
Speaker 1: let me give a so we're not talking about fat
Speaker 1: and weight loss and people getting emotional, and I'm not
Speaker 1: going to talk about the you project. I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk about your podcast. What number are you up to?
Speaker 2: Nine seventy eight, maybe.
Speaker 1: Let's say a thousand, So you're up to the best
Speaker 1: part of a thousand podcasts. You've done years, right, and
Speaker 1: you've done good shows, not so good shows. You've had
Speaker 1: interviews where you went, I fucking killed it where I
Speaker 1: don't know, by the way, I'm just correct me if
Speaker 1: I'm wrong, where you fucked up, or you could have
Speaker 1: done it better. Where you look back at things in
Speaker 1: like I had no idea what I was doing and
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. But I developed and I learned and
Speaker 1: I evolved. And now you're a thousand shows in and
Speaker 1: you did a lot of shit that was hard, and
Speaker 1: you produced it, and you got guests, and you reach
Speaker 1: out and you got rejected and you got accepted, and
Speaker 1: you sat on the microphone and you asked dumb questions
Speaker 1: and you asked good questions, and you got better and
Speaker 1: you developed. You went through fucking years and a thousand
Speaker 1: episodes of doing shit that now nobody can take from you.
Speaker 1: You have got this intellectual property, you have got this skill,
Speaker 1: You have got this knowledge and understanding and capacity that
Speaker 1: you could never get through a fucking podcast version of ozepic. Right,
Speaker 1: So you did the work. Now you know now if
Speaker 1: you started another podcast tomorrow, your first podcast would be good.
Speaker 1: The first one would be good, right, because you did
Speaker 1: the things now, so too, with building a business or
Speaker 1: building a good relationship, or losing weight or building strength.
Speaker 1: We keep looking for the way to get the outcome
Speaker 1: without hurting. Yep, and it's in the hurting. I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about reckless you know, pain. I'm talking about strategic discomfort,
Speaker 1: like progressive overload in the gym, progressive resistance training. You know,
Speaker 1: you go in and you do something and it's painful.
Speaker 1: It hurts a bit, but in a week or two
Speaker 1: it hurts less, and then it hurts less, and then
Speaker 1: you lift more and it hurts again, but you adapt again,
Speaker 1: and over time, the thing that used to be painful
Speaker 1: now is painless. And the thing that used to create
Speaker 1: a negative hormonal response or biochemical response stress response in
Speaker 1: your body now gives you a dopamine response because you
Speaker 1: fucking love it. Right, So you, the same human being,
Speaker 1: have changed your relationship with this thing in this example
Speaker 1: weight training, you in the podcast example, you've changed your relationship, knowledge, understanding,
Speaker 1: skill capacity, and attitude about stuff. So now you can
Speaker 1: walk into anywhere and you could teach most people on
Speaker 1: the planet how to set up, how to develop, how
Speaker 1: to do a podcast, how to interview all these things right,
Speaker 1: and so at the same time, I'm not against shortcuts
Speaker 1: or if they're healthy and not ridiculous, but I just
Speaker 1: think this aversion that we have to doing the work,
Speaker 1: like we want the reward without the work. And I've
Speaker 1: said it, you know, we want the top of the mountain,
Speaker 1: we just don't want to fucking climb. So it's it's,
Speaker 1: you know. And I'm all for rah rah and dick
Speaker 1: jokes and encouraging people and being silly and I'm all
Speaker 1: for you know, having fun and taking the piss. But
Speaker 1: you know, I was up at full thirty this morning
Speaker 1: and before my coffee, I walked eight kas, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm not going aunt I great at all, because
Speaker 1: I'm not great. In fact, the reason I do that
Speaker 1: is because I'm not great. The reason I do that
Speaker 1: is because I get fat as fuck. If I don't
Speaker 1: do it, if I'm not eating well, moving well, lifting weights,
Speaker 1: managing my last style well, making good decisions, doing smart things,
Speaker 1: I would be a morbidly obese sixty two year old
Speaker 1: or a dead sixty two year old. That's absolutely true.
Speaker 1: So what do I do well? Do you want to
Speaker 1: be dead or morbidly obese or unhealthy? No? I don't, Okay,
Speaker 1: what needs to happen. Well, create you need an operating
Speaker 1: system that works for you, and you either do the
Speaker 1: thing or you don't do the thing. And so often
Speaker 1: it comes down to most people just won't do the
Speaker 1: thing because you can always rationalize, oh yeah, but like
Speaker 1: my last six years full time work, full time study,
Speaker 1: you know, full time research, full time work, work, seven
Speaker 1: typically seven podcasts a week, in state, travel, regularly, aging, parents,
Speaker 1: lots of shit going on. And I'm not saying I'm terrific.
Speaker 1: In fact, I'm telling you all the time I'm far
Speaker 1: less than terrific. But what I do is I go, well,
Speaker 1: here's the problem or challenge. How do I solve the problem?
Speaker 1: How do I meet the challenge? What is the best
Speaker 1: thing for me to do? What is the best question
Speaker 1: for me to ask? The best question is not, oh,
Speaker 1: why does all this shit happen to me? It's so unfair.
Speaker 1: The best question is, all right, well this shit has happened.
Speaker 1: How do I navigate this?
Speaker 2: What do you reckon? We have an issue also just
Speaker 2: admitting shit. It's not important to us, Like if we're
Speaker 2: not doing it, it's not a priority. It's not important
Speaker 2: to Why can't we just say that thing that society says,
Speaker 2: is great health or whatever it is or success doesn't
Speaker 2: rank for me because I'm not doing what I should
Speaker 2: be doing.
Speaker 1: That is a really smart question. So you wouldn't have
Speaker 1: asked that in the first episode. You would have gone,
Speaker 1: what color is that T shirt? No? Sorry, I apologize.
Speaker 1: That's a good question. I thought about that the other day.
Speaker 1: That is very insightful because I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people say, you know, when we go, oh, what a values?
Speaker 1: Values are the things that are important to you? Okay,
Speaker 1: so hey, everyone in the room, put up your hand.
Speaker 1: If health is one of your top three values, all
Speaker 1: the hands go up. Yeah, maybe seventy percent of the
Speaker 1: people in the room are not living in a healthy manner.
Speaker 1: And you go, well, why'd you put your hand up,
Speaker 1: because clearly it's not important to you because you're living
Speaker 1: a lifestyle which is inconsistent with, or perhaps the antithesis
Speaker 1: of reducing healthy outcomes. Again, no judgment, no hate, no
Speaker 1: just observation. I said, who's and you put up your hand?
Speaker 1: And also, you know, so I think that we like
Speaker 1: to present ourselves in a way which makes us look
Speaker 1: best or better to the rest of the world, including me.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying, oh, humans do this, but Craig doesn't
Speaker 1: because Craig's fucking outstanding. Craig's a dickhead and insecure. By
Speaker 1: the way, please love me, still an only child. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's like I and I've spoken about this
Speaker 1: before when I went through a stage where I owned
Speaker 1: three gyms at the time, I was in my early thirties,
Speaker 1: and I went through a period of about a year
Speaker 1: where I was just eating like a fucking maniac, even
Speaker 1: though I was educated, even though I was knowledgeable, even
Speaker 1: though I was helping people get in shape, even though
Speaker 1: I was working with elite teams and athletes, even though
Speaker 1: I knew what to do. It was like I was
Speaker 1: an alcoholic who picked up booze again and I just
Speaker 1: opened the door and I just gained thirty kilos. You know,
Speaker 1: think about this. This is just a little aside. So
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I've got a fair bit of muscle.
Speaker 1: I weighed seventy nine. I weighed myself this morning, seventy nine.
Speaker 1: And when I was in that phase there, I weighed
Speaker 1: one one seven tiff thirty eight kilos. Well, you know
Speaker 1: how big Brad is, you know, six foot four fucking
Speaker 1: bigger than me, bigger than He's about that, right, So
Speaker 1: I was, yeah, and I just my solution was done,
Speaker 1: change the way you eat. Get a bigger tracksuit, bro,
Speaker 1: you know, get some, get them, get some. You know,
Speaker 1: don't wear a singlet because you look like a fucking
Speaker 1: potato in a training out. So just get yourself some big, baggy,
Speaker 1: pucking hoodies. And yeah, it's but I think that, I
Speaker 1: think that, and this is hard to do. But you know,
Speaker 1: over time, when we just really own up to our bullshit,
Speaker 1: and it takes a while to get ready, you know,
Speaker 1: because sometimes it's you know, you don't want to be embarrassed,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be humiliated. I get it. But
Speaker 1: it's like, but is it true though, Craig did you?
Speaker 1: Were you telling people to do one thing and behind
Speaker 1: closed doors doing another? Yeah? I was, I was right.
Speaker 1: But what makes me more comfortable to say this is one,
Speaker 1: it's true, and it aligns with one of my values
Speaker 1: to be as authentic as I can without being inappropriate.
Speaker 1: And two, I've worked with tens of thousands of people
Speaker 1: one on one in this process of physical, emotional, psychological change,
Speaker 1: and virtually everyone lies about something at some stage. The
Speaker 1: amount of people who for my at least the first
Speaker 1: twenty years of my pteen career, all of my clients
Speaker 1: would fill out diaries in the old days before apps,
Speaker 1: so either like a spiral bound book, like a page
Speaker 1: by page diary which would have food, exercise, sleep, you know, coffee, tea, booze, water, supplements,
Speaker 1: you know, medication, blah blah blah. So they'd record everything
Speaker 1: that would have some kind of impact on the outcome.
Speaker 1: I would say ninety percent of my clients lied. Not
Speaker 1: all the time, but I would look at what was
Speaker 1: in that fucking book and I'd look at them. I'm like, hey, Pinocchio,
Speaker 1: what the fuck is this? This is not what you're eating?
Speaker 1: I go, are you promising me? And they'd look at me.
Speaker 1: I go, look in my fucking eyes and promise me
Speaker 1: that this is what you are eating and there's nothing else.
Speaker 1: And they couldn't because they knew that, because they would
Speaker 1: write what they thought I wanted to hear or read.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what I want is the truth, because when
Speaker 1: we deal with the truth, then we can create a
Speaker 1: real plan and a real strategy. But when I'm training
Speaker 1: you and I'm doing everything that I can do for you,
Speaker 1: and then you're not losing weight or fat and you're
Speaker 1: shrugging your shoulders and saying, but I'm eating perfectly when
Speaker 1: you're not, Then what you're trying to do is make
Speaker 1: it my fault, not yours.
Speaker 2: It's a very funny process, isn't it like that when
Speaker 2: you think about that process. I remember my nutritionists. She's
Speaker 2: one of my best mates. I literally just went and
Speaker 2: had coffee with her, and years ago I got her
Speaker 2: I did a food diary I wanted to gain weight
Speaker 2: for boxing, and I showed her the diary and she goes, wow,
Speaker 2: this is very very detailed. I'm like, do not. She goes, no,
Speaker 2: people lie. I'm like, who pays for a nutritionist and
Speaker 2: then tells lies? You don't? How do you get there?
Speaker 2: How do you get the information you need if you're
Speaker 2: lying about what's happening? This is a funny process to go. Well,
Speaker 2: obviously already in then in your mind you have to
Speaker 2: go to yourself, well, don't you already have some answers
Speaker 2: if you address those first and then just showed up
Speaker 2: with what you say you're already doing, and then you
Speaker 2: might already have a result happening.
Speaker 1: Do you remember my story about the doctor that I
Speaker 1: used to train in the ice cream No, no, okay,
Speaker 1: so this is a true story, and nobody knows who
Speaker 1: this person is, right, so it doesn't matter. And I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure this person is not a doctor anymore. So
Speaker 1: I was about twenty eight, so i'd been working in
Speaker 1: gyms for ten years. So I didn't know everything, of course,
Speaker 1: but I knew a fair bit. I trained a lot
Speaker 1: of people, maybe I was thirty and so I used
Speaker 1: to train this GP a lady, and she was quite
Speaker 1: what's the word at the start. We ended up with
Speaker 1: a really good relationship, but at the start quite challenging
Speaker 1: and quite By the time she got to me, she'd
Speaker 1: tried a bunch of thems, she'd had a dietitian, and
Speaker 1: she'd had another trainer before me, even though there weren't
Speaker 1: many trainers around then, and she'd I don't know, she'd
Speaker 1: done all this stuff, and I'm like, well, what happened
Speaker 1: with all that? And she goes, none of it worked.
Speaker 1: I'm like, none of it worked? Like it didn't work.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's interesting. So anyway, she didn't want to
Speaker 1: fill out a diary because I think she thought, you know,
Speaker 1: by the way. She just saw me as a glorified
Speaker 1: gym instructor, which was fair, and she was a medical
Speaker 1: doctor with a six year degree, so what the fuck
Speaker 1: would the buff ed with the big arms? No, right,
Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm like, okay, So I convinced her to well,
Speaker 1: I made that a condition because I was already busy,
Speaker 1: and I said, I'm not going to train you if
Speaker 1: you don't fill it out, because you know all the shit.
Speaker 1: I you say, you see me three times a week,
Speaker 1: so you're not with me for one hundred and sixty
Speaker 1: five of the one sixty eight so most of the
Speaker 1: time you're not with me. And all of the things
Speaker 1: that you do when you're not here, you know, incidental
Speaker 1: occupational activity, supplements, food, sleep, booze, socializing, all of those
Speaker 1: things have an influence on the outcome, not just three
Speaker 1: workouts with me, so just to give me insights, so
Speaker 1: that blah blah blah, all the shit, right. So I
Speaker 1: started training her, and I was training her well. I
Speaker 1: was training her as well as I could with my resources,
Speaker 1: skill knowledge. I was training and I really fucking tried
Speaker 1: hard because she was a doctor and I was a
Speaker 1: bit intimidated. And six months in six weeks into it,
Speaker 1: she had put on a kilo and I kept looking
Speaker 1: at he a diary, which, by the way, you know
Speaker 1: when people you can tell they sat in the car, well,
Speaker 1: I can tell they sat in the car sixty seconds
Speaker 1: before they walked in the door, and just scribbled some
Speaker 1: stuff in the book like it's not real. And I
Speaker 1: used to look at it. I'm like, I know she's lying.
Speaker 1: I know this is not real. And then I thought,
Speaker 1: I'm to give it a few weeks. And then over
Speaker 1: six weeks she got fitter and she got stronger. But
Speaker 1: and maybe the one kilo was maybe it was a
Speaker 1: bit of muscle, or maybe it was a bit of fluid.
Speaker 1: But anyway, the bottom line was there was very little progress,
Speaker 1: next to no progress other than the strength and fitness.
Speaker 1: But her main reason she was there in her words.
Speaker 1: I won't say what her words were because someone will
Speaker 1: find a reason to get mad at me, but it
Speaker 1: had you know, she didn't want to be an fat doctor.
Speaker 1: That's what she said to me, right, And I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 1: And then so we're going back. I'm like, are you
Speaker 1: sure and she's like, yep, don't question me. And Aaron
Speaker 1: may are you I'm like, all right, anyway, one day,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is bullshit and this is going backwards.
Speaker 1: And so she gave me a diary and I got it.
Speaker 1: I said, I just want to have a chat with you.
Speaker 1: And she was really straight away on the defense and
Speaker 1: she's like, what about. I'm like, well, I don't want
Speaker 1: to have the chat here. Well we can have it here.
Speaker 1: What about? And I'm like, oh god. You know when
Speaker 1: people are like that, You're like, I'm on your I'm
Speaker 1: on your side. Do you know what I want? I
Speaker 1: want you to get in shape, you know what I
Speaker 1: want to help you, you know what I want to
Speaker 1: understand you. So anyway, I go in in a rare
Speaker 1: moment of fucking courage, I said to her, I said,
Speaker 1: this might be the start of something great, or this
Speaker 1: might be our last session. I said, And you can
Speaker 1: get mad at me, and you can whatever you want.
Speaker 1: I said, but I know that what you're putting in
Speaker 1: this diary is not what you're eating. I said, I know,
Speaker 1: absolutely no. And I said I know because even by then,
Speaker 1: i'd work with over a thousand people. And I said,
Speaker 1: I've worked with whatever a thousand people. And I go,
Speaker 1: you know, because you're the one doing it, and I
Speaker 1: know the only thing that's not happening is you won't
Speaker 1: tell me the truth. Now, I'm not mad at you.
Speaker 1: I'm not disappointed in you. I'm not judging you. I
Speaker 1: just want to fucking help you. But I can't help
Speaker 1: you really on this psychological, emotional and physiological journey if
Speaker 1: you can't acknowledge what you actually do. And then there
Speaker 1: was a bit of defiance, and anyway, the flood of
Speaker 1: tears came, this flood of tears, and I said, just
Speaker 1: tell me what you do and then I can work
Speaker 1: with you. And I said, by the way, I've got
Speaker 1: all the fucking food issues and all of this and
Speaker 1: the body image and body dysmorphia and shit self. I go,
Speaker 1: I get it. I get it academically and scientifically, and
Speaker 1: I get it experientially. I just want to help, right Anyway,
Speaker 1: one of the things that she and she would eat
Speaker 1: nothing all day, which is quite very little all day,
Speaker 1: and that would be true. You know, she'd get up
Speaker 1: and have a coffee and she's like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be so good today. Then she would get home after
Speaker 1: work stressed and neat a lot of food. And then
Speaker 1: when her kids and husband would go to bed. She
Speaker 1: would often drive to the supermarket at like nine or
Speaker 1: nine point thirty and get two Leaders of ice cream
Speaker 1: and sit in the car. She'd take a spoon and
Speaker 1: she'd sit in the car and eat two Leaders of
Speaker 1: ice cream and then drive home crying. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: like there's no like, I'm like, thank you, thank you
Speaker 1: for being honest. I go, now that we know what's
Speaker 1: going on, I go, No one else's you know, and
Speaker 1: no one knows who she is. But I go, we
Speaker 1: can deal with it. And I said, that's all I want.
Speaker 1: That's all I want because now I know and I
Speaker 1: can talk to you about that. And by the way,
Speaker 1: have I made one thousand million stupid choices around food? Yes,
Speaker 1: I have the way. I understand that emotional and psychological
Speaker 1: urge to numb out with food. Fuck. Yes, I'm the
Speaker 1: chairman of the club, right. But that's one of those things, Tiff,
Speaker 1: is where somebody's got to go, Okay, I'm part of
Speaker 1: the problem.
Speaker 2: And well, also I think, why do we carry so
Speaker 2: much shame?
Speaker 1: And and.
Speaker 2: I would say ownership, but I know we have ownership.
Speaker 2: But also we've got these biological bodies that respond to things.
Speaker 2: We've got this layer of unconscious psychology that's running running programs,
Speaker 2: and then we have behaviors that happen, and then from
Speaker 2: the outside we look in at ourselves and we hold
Speaker 2: shame and we hate on ourselves and doing that when
Speaker 2: we can't fix anything, if we can't be a little
Speaker 2: bit compassionate about you know what, I've got this ship behavior.
Speaker 2: I have it a lot all of the time. I
Speaker 2: eat too much junk at times, and sometimes I'm really
Speaker 2: impulsive with it, and I go, fuck, that's a that's frustrating.
Speaker 2: I wish I wouldn't do that. But also, ah, there's
Speaker 2: I have to find the reason I do. That's the
Speaker 2: what's that behavior? About? What triggers? That's it? That's just
Speaker 2: a curious thing to ask. And I don't have to
Speaker 2: hate me about it. I can hate me a little
Speaker 2: bit sometimes because fucking I do you know? I do
Speaker 2: ride that bus every now and then. But just think
Speaker 2: we have so much, so much unnecessary shame around the
Speaker 2: stuff we haven't explored in our own mind and body.
Speaker 1: Correct, great, great, beautiful summary. And one the shame is
Speaker 1: understandable because we live in a culture that lends itself
Speaker 1: to that, you know, fat shaming, et cetera. Right, and
Speaker 1: you know I was the kid who got called jumbo.
Speaker 1: I basically my name was my fat body, right, So
Speaker 1: I get it. But you know, but also we can
Speaker 1: have that awareness of I'm making bad decisions and doing
Speaker 1: things which are at odds with my own health. That's
Speaker 1: we can have that awareness without having without having the
Speaker 1: self loathing. It's like I do do this, not like
Speaker 1: I'm a useless fuck with I'm no good, I'm this
Speaker 1: no one can ever love me, you know all that,
Speaker 1: but just being able to acknowledge, like you can't change
Speaker 1: what you can't acknowledge, you know, like whether or not
Speaker 1: you know, like I had to realize I had to
Speaker 1: learn like, for example, when I started my PhD. Oh,
Speaker 1: I can't sit like say Melissa, unlessa can sit for
Speaker 1: an hour looking at something that's not that fucking interesting
Speaker 1: and stay captivated and look because she I'm like a
Speaker 1: dog with three dicks. I'm eight minutes in, I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about lunch. I'm like no especially, so I needed to
Speaker 1: figure out, all right, how do I read academic journals
Speaker 1: and papers in a way that works for me, and
Speaker 1: the way that worked for me Initially, and this sounds
Speaker 1: fucking hilarious, is five minutes five minutes I just started,
Speaker 1: I go five minutes. I literally put my clock down.
Speaker 1: I'd set a five minute alarm and then I'd read
Speaker 1: and go off. Then I'd fuck around five minutes. Then
Speaker 1: I'd come back and sometimes fuck around fifteen minutes, come back, right.
Speaker 1: But eventually I got to the point where like, now
Speaker 1: I can I think also because I understand what I'm
Speaker 1: reading better and my language is better, and my my
Speaker 1: you know, I've evolved somewhat, and my academic I guess
Speaker 1: resilience has evolved, but you know it's still for me.
Speaker 1: Half hour is like I'm tapping out, you know. But
Speaker 1: then if it's something creative and something fun and something
Speaker 1: that I'm just fucking making up and writing and conceptualizing,
Speaker 1: and I could go down a rabbit hole for four
Speaker 1: hours and it feels like twenty minutes. But either way,
Speaker 1: you need to realize, Okay, well I need to get
Speaker 1: this research done or this study done or this so
Speaker 1: how do I do it? Like how Melissa does it
Speaker 1: or how Tiff does it? That doesn't work for me,
Speaker 1: And like even you and I have spoken because you're
Speaker 1: more a pro academic than an academic, which is not
Speaker 1: to say you're not intelligent. You're intelligent, but your intelligence
Speaker 1: and your curiosity and your learn happens in a different
Speaker 1: way to most of the people that I'm doing my
Speaker 1: PhD with, Like they're more what you would call typical academics,
Speaker 1: you know, which is not good or bad, if there
Speaker 1: is such a thing as a typical, But at that level,
Speaker 1: at that PhD level, there's a fair bit of similarity.
Speaker 1: Like they're really fucking good and they're really like in
Speaker 1: that little world of research and stuff. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's like their natural habitat. I feel like I'm still
Speaker 1: the fucking the outlier. Six years later.
Speaker 2: Was talking about this just this week, that idea around
Speaker 2: what like this we think that knowledge, stuff we know
Speaker 2: is our intellect. And there were subjects at school that
Speaker 2: I just downright fucked around in and maybe because of
Speaker 2: the classroom I was in and the people or the
Speaker 2: teacher I didn't resonate with. And so I as an
Speaker 2: adult when I moved to Melbourne. If you have passed
Speaker 2: me in the street said is Europe and America? Are
Speaker 2: they the same place? I couldn't have answered you because
Speaker 2: I paid no attention to any geography or any of
Speaker 2: that line of study. And then then, even though I
Speaker 2: knew that was a choice, eventually that I figured it
Speaker 2: and I was like, well, you just chose not to
Speaker 2: pay attention. That doesn't mean you're dumb. You just didn't
Speaker 2: You didn't pay attention and learn it. But now when
Speaker 2: someone breaches that conversation, broaches that conversation, you feel dumb,
Speaker 2: like I thought I was. I was like, you're so dumb.
Speaker 2: You don't even know the capital cities of places that
Speaker 2: everybody knows.
Speaker 1: It's funny, yes, Well, intelligence is one fluid, it's two dynamic,
Speaker 1: and it's three. It's a spectrum. So somebody like the
Speaker 1: crab that you know everyone. One of my best mates,
Speaker 1: my training partner, is at least as intelligent as me,
Speaker 1: maybe I would guess, depending well, maybe more intelligent. And
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm a genius anyway, so that's not
Speaker 1: a big compliment for him. But he's a guy who
Speaker 1: finished school at year nine. Who you know. But depending
Speaker 1: on the context or the challenge or the problem to
Speaker 1: be solved, or the room that we're in, I can
Speaker 1: be a fucking idiot, And he's a genius, and there
Speaker 1: are many times where I've had to default to his brain,
Speaker 1: like his brain works better with this kind of problem.
Speaker 1: So there are some people who quizzically are very knowledgeable
Speaker 1: but not very intelligent. And there are other people who
Speaker 1: don't have vast acquired kind of pigeonholed knowledge that they've done,
Speaker 1: that they've acquired over any academic formal process, but rather
Speaker 1: they've got a lot of experience and a lot of
Speaker 1: innate wisdom and intellect that can help them navigate life
Speaker 1: better than the dude or the dude at with nine PhDs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like the ability to problem solve and understand
Speaker 2: or sense make something new. I think about me in maths.
Speaker 2: I was a weapon in maths, but I paid no attention.
Speaker 2: So I got excellent marks, but I retained no knowledge.
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell you now what half mathematical equations are
Speaker 2: because it was I'd look at it, get taught that
Speaker 2: makes sense, tick tick tick, disrupt the class, and then
Speaker 2: you know, a year down the track, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know what that is. I can't remember. So
Speaker 2: there's people that can retain knowledge really well, but maybe
Speaker 2: it took them a very long time to go over
Speaker 2: it and over and over and a lot of hard
Speaker 2: work to just ingrain it and get it in, but
Speaker 2: it never made sense the same way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that, you know, even as grown ups,
Speaker 1: we think we're dumb or we think where I think
Speaker 1: very few people are stupid, very few. Everybody just has
Speaker 1: different kinds of intelligence. And yeah, Like I've been in
Speaker 1: some weird environments like prisons and stuff where I've worked,
Speaker 1: and you're like, you would think, oh, they're just going
Speaker 1: to be buffheads and bogans, and you know, and you're like,
Speaker 1: I know, these these motherfuckers are super smart. They have
Speaker 1: figured so many things out, you know, and they're not
Speaker 1: necessarily smart in the way that we think it, although
Speaker 1: some of them are, but they've just learned how to
Speaker 1: not just survive but thrive in this horrible environment and
Speaker 1: how to you know, socially and financially and practically navigate
Speaker 1: this system and this culture and this And you're like, Wow,
Speaker 1: if you put me in that environment and just threw
Speaker 1: away the keys, I'd be fucked in a day and
Speaker 1: a half, right, I'll be fucking wearing a dress and
Speaker 1: being spooned by some big motherfucker. So you know, that
Speaker 1: could be all right, I'm not sure, but you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it's it's it's a it's a kind
Speaker 1: of like Chris, who's my senior supervisor, who you know,
Speaker 1: you know he's got he's a professor. He's a full
Speaker 1: blown professor at Monash. He's only forty one or two.
Speaker 1: He speaks seven languages, he's got two PA and he
Speaker 1: is real deal intelligent as well as knowledgeable. But he's
Speaker 1: come to a few my gigs where I'm speaking and
Speaker 1: he shakes his head and he's like, I could never
Speaker 1: do that. He's like, how on earth do you do that?
Speaker 1: How do you stand up there for three hours with
Speaker 1: no notes? You know? How do you read the room?
Speaker 1: How do you build rapport? How do you make people laugh?
Speaker 1: How do you know what say and what not say?
Speaker 1: And obviously you don't get it all perfect, but yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, yeah, it's it's like i have
Speaker 1: a kind of intelligence and skill and knowledge and aptitude
Speaker 1: that I've developed over thirty five years of doing the
Speaker 1: same thing or a version of the same thing. So
Speaker 1: then you build on your innate ability and capacity, and
Speaker 1: you develop lots of knowledge and skill over time, and
Speaker 1: then hopefully you get somewhere close to what we colloquially
Speaker 1: call mastery, you know, but I would you know, there's
Speaker 1: not many things that I'm very good at. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good at a few things. Okay at some stuff,
Speaker 1: and shit ouse at most, you know, so, but it's
Speaker 1: just that thinking about, like, in terms of what I
Speaker 1: want to achieve, even back to the new year, this year,
Speaker 1: what do I need to get better at this year?
Speaker 1: Like what what if I could just pick one thing
Speaker 1: that I need to do better and maybe conversely, one
Speaker 1: thing that I should stop doing. What would those two
Speaker 1: things be?
Speaker 2: You know what would they be?
Speaker 1: Well? For me? One hundred percent And this is so cliche,
Speaker 1: but one hundred percent social media, Like I waste so
Speaker 1: much time and I don't even mean scrolling, I mean conceptualizing.
Speaker 1: I might spend an hour and a half conceptualizing one post,
Speaker 1: and I'll write and rewrite and rewrite because I realized
Speaker 1: I've got a lot of well it depends on what
Speaker 1: a lot is, but for me, I've got a lot
Speaker 1: of followers on Instagram, where I'm mainly you know, sixty
Speaker 1: two and a half thousand or something, and so you
Speaker 1: know that if fair people are going to fait. Few
Speaker 1: people are going to look at it. And but I'll
Speaker 1: write and rewrite and sometimes I'll send it to you
Speaker 1: and I'll go any good. You might go yeah, it's
Speaker 1: shit or it's great, or it's because I want to
Speaker 1: try and get and I send it to Melissa. I
Speaker 1: want to try and get someone else's perspective. But I
Speaker 1: just spend way too much time on that.
Speaker 2: But I think the nature of that, so you can
Speaker 2: look at it that and go, yeah, that's a lot
Speaker 2: of time for a bloody social media post, bro, But
Speaker 2: the nature of how you are doing that is a
Speaker 2: part of you developing your mind and your understanding of
Speaker 2: the content you deliver. Overall, You've evolved so much and
Speaker 2: so differently, and that's what I see when I see
Speaker 2: how you develop your online presence. Now it has changed
Speaker 2: how you communicate and how you share messages. So that's
Speaker 2: that's productive.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Look, I think
Speaker 1: as a as a podcaster, as an educator, as a
Speaker 1: professional speaker, as whatever else I am, Like, my my
Speaker 1: main skill is communication, and then under communication is you know,
Speaker 1: building trust and respect and rapport and understanding how people
Speaker 1: perceive and experience me, which is my PhD, and then
Speaker 1: understanding this moment in time for them right now, is
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about to this group of people making
Speaker 1: sense or is it confusing? What level are they at intellectually, academically,
Speaker 1: sociologically so that I can share the message in a
Speaker 1: way which is optimal for them in terms of value.
Speaker 1: You know. So if I talk to a bunch of
Speaker 1: you know, blokes on a construction site, or blokes and
Speaker 1: women on a construction site, and I talk to them
Speaker 1: like their PhD students, that won't work. And again it's
Speaker 1: not that they're dumb, it's that they're different. They're smart
Speaker 1: in a different kind of way. Conversely, if I talk
Speaker 1: to at Brain Park, Monash, where I'm studying, if I
Speaker 1: go into the boardroom and I talk to them like
Speaker 1: they're all fucking builders laborers, that won't work either, especially
Speaker 1: when I say count the first three times, so you know,
Speaker 1: like it's like, but the funny thing is you can
Speaker 1: be sharing essentially the same message. Like I've told this
Speaker 1: story probably ten times, but literally ten years ago now
Speaker 1: it would have been I spoke in two days in
Speaker 1: a row. I spoke at Port Phillip Prison on one
Speaker 1: day and the next day I spoke at the Royal
Speaker 1: Australian College of Surgeons. So I spoke to three hundred
Speaker 1: surgeons in a room at Lawn at the Cumberland in Lawn,
Speaker 1: and the day before I was talking to violent criminals.
Speaker 1: And but on both occasions I was trying to help
Speaker 1: them to help themselves. How do we think better, do better?
Speaker 1: Be better? What's working, what's not. There's similar themes, but
Speaker 1: the style and the language and the energy and the
Speaker 1: delivery were nothing alike because the group was nothing alike.
Speaker 2: You know, even just preparing for that, like the energy
Speaker 2: you bring into that space dictates how they respond. So
Speaker 2: having an awareness on even just that component, I think
Speaker 2: is I feel like that the time I'm at now
Speaker 2: when it comes to speaking is going on now when
Speaker 2: I speak, it's not it's not familiar rooms or familiar environments.
Speaker 2: And that is a really new variable because in the
Speaker 2: past everything's come from networking or relationships that I already
Speaker 2: had so comfortable, and now I'm like, oh, there's I
Speaker 2: don't get that luxury anymore. And then there's a there's
Speaker 2: no expectation that I'm familiar with that they might have
Speaker 2: of me. And who I am and how I am.
Speaker 1: That's hard, yes, yeah, but imagine this. I said to you, Haytiv,
Speaker 1: can you do me a favor. My friend's kid is
Speaker 1: in grade six down the road. It's thirty grade six.
Speaker 1: Is they just want someone to talk to them for
Speaker 1: thirty minutes about health and fitness, just whatever you want.
Speaker 1: They're all eleven and twelve. Health fitness like a bit
Speaker 1: of fun, a bit of whatever. You would go in there,
Speaker 1: you would crush it. You'd talk for thirty minutes. You'd
Speaker 1: think about who they are and how they are and
Speaker 1: the right language and the right level of messaging, and
Speaker 1: you do it. Now, I could give you the same directive,
Speaker 1: but say it's to a bunch of eighty year olds
Speaker 1: in a nursing home. But I want you to talk
Speaker 1: about essentially the same stuff. So immediately you're going to
Speaker 1: communicate differently, plan differently, and the examples or stories or
Speaker 1: language or cadence all going to vary. And you will
Speaker 1: do that without thinking, like you won't go, oh, I
Speaker 1: bet make sure I don't talk to them like they're
Speaker 1: twelve year olds. You just get in and you do it.
Speaker 1: So this is you know, it's like when you talk
Speaker 1: to a three year old who runs up to you
Speaker 1: and you go, oh, hello, what's your Oh what's that?
Speaker 1: That's a big boat? Oh my wow? Kind of boat
Speaker 1: is that? But imagine saying that to a twenty four
Speaker 1: year old. It's like, what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1: You know? Imagine if I went up to a blokeout
Speaker 1: in the front of the Hampton's who was on a motorbike,
Speaker 1: and I went, oh, hello, what's your name. That's a
Speaker 1: big motorbike. That's a big throubber between your legs. Look
Speaker 1: at you. Oh sure, name Barry. Hello Barry, what a
Speaker 1: big motorbike you've got.
Speaker 2: You know, I just had the You just reminded me
Speaker 2: when I went for coffee with my friend was up
Speaker 2: with Mara and Beane, and I was walking up the
Speaker 2: roads of the Sunshine. It's beautiful, the sky is blue,
Speaker 2: it's amazing. And then this old man was walking towards
Speaker 2: me and he stopped and he goes, I just want
Speaker 2: to say to you. So I stopped and listened.
Speaker 1: He's yes, yes, I want.
Speaker 2: You to have a beautiful day. And I was like, oh, thanks,
Speaker 2: And then I spent five minutes or so. He goes,
Speaker 2: I just love talking to strangers and I love making
Speaker 2: people laugh. And he told me some jokes and then
Speaker 2: I gave him a hug, and I like, I was
Speaker 2: so lovely. I don't know what made me think of that.
Speaker 1: I should have done you should have got his number
Speaker 1: and taken him out to a movie. I'm kidding about that.
Speaker 1: I was going to say something much more hilarious, but when.
Speaker 2: It was so nice, right, like he goes, there's so
Speaker 2: much bad news and there's never good news, and there's
Speaker 2: a lot of good people around, and I was like,
Speaker 2: you what fucking lovely dude.
Speaker 1: Bless that old dude. Well, it's been a fun chat
Speaker 1: Tiffany and Cooks, followers, friends, typ family. I hope you
Speaker 1: have a great year. Reach out to us if there's
Speaker 1: something that We've got a whole bunch of guests. This
Speaker 1: year is going to be I would like to say
Speaker 1: an improvement on last year. I don't think last year
Speaker 1: was terrible, but last year, twenty twenty five was a very,
Speaker 1: very busy year for me, and I don't think I
Speaker 1: did my best work. I think I did some okay
Speaker 1: work regarding the podcast. My intention this year is I'm
Speaker 1: not sure how many we're going to do per week
Speaker 1: just FYI. Some weeks it'll be seven, some weeks it'll
Speaker 1: be four or five. But I really want to get
Speaker 1: some great people, some new people, have some great interviews,
Speaker 1: have some different conversations. I know we're always circling around
Speaker 1: personal growth and development and self help and human behavior
Speaker 1: and self optimization. I get that. But if you've got
Speaker 1: any suggestions, and not your brother in law who's a
Speaker 1: fucking trainer in Epping, we don't want him. But if
Speaker 1: you've got any suggestions for guests or shout out to
Speaker 1: all our trainers in all topics or conversations you would
Speaker 1: like us to have, just hit us up on the
Speaker 1: Facebook page. If you're not a member of that, come on, bro, Sophine,
Speaker 1: get the fuck on do You Project Podcast Facebook page.
Speaker 1: It's been real Tiff, good to see you again. Oh
Speaker 1: just a quickie. Are we still in love? Or have
Speaker 1: you ditched him? Sorry? I almost got through the whole party.
Speaker 1: You can cut this out though.
Speaker 2: Still going strong, has still going strong? Thank you very much?
Speaker 1: Right, have no, I'll leave it at that. That's that's
Speaker 1: what I won't even know. So many funny things I
Speaker 1: could say for the benefits of the listeners, I'll refrain.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: We'll talk off here, but thanks. It's been real