WEBVTT - #2130 It's Hard Until It's Easy - Bobby Cappuccio 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:00.920 O good. 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:03.680 A team, it's a project. That's you, It's Bobby, it's Tiffany, 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:05.800 and it's me Craig Anthony. We're going to start with 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:08.760 tiff because she's been crooked. Are you on the men? 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:09.559 How are you? 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.959 I'm feeling much better, but I've got that raspy, ridiculous 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:17.319 horse cough that incidentally, How good is laughing when you 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:20.880 have that wheezy, weird kind of thing. I just think 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:22.560 laughing so much more fun. 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:23.439 You know what? 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:27.639 It makes you sound like a dirty old man? See 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:30.840 there it is there, It is dirty old man. 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:31.240 Laugh. 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:37.440 Hell, that's you. Dude, like a flannel shirt and a 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:40.279 packet of winning blues in your pocket and you just 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:42.840 tag your hand on your crotch while you're doing that laugh. 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:43.520 That's you. 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:45.920 I've got a flanny shirt here, actually. 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:48.599 Yeah, put it on listening. 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:49.319 You know who? 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:53.560 You sound like that cartoon character Muttley. Do you remember Mutley? Bobby? 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:53.760 Think? 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.000 I'm like, I know there's a cannoon that sounds like this. 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:58.520 Yeah, Muttley Bobby? Did you ever watch. 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:01.480 What Is with You? 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:03.680 I was going to say, when they let you out 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:04.319 of the basement, what. 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.360 Are you laughing at? Your dirty old man. 0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:11.120 Oh fuck, listen to that. That's worse than I thought. 0:01:11.880 --> 0:01:16.120 Oh that, we'll just call you Ralph. 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:18.240 Somebody take her cigarettes away? Please? 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:25.039 Oh god god, we'll just call you Muttley from from now. Bobby, Hi, 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:26.320 how are you? 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:30.680 Ohis wow? I'm doing a lot better than Tiffany's laugh. 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:31.479 I'll tell you that. 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:36.119 There you go. I reckon, you should keep that. Yeah, 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:38.720 I like it. I like it. I don't know that 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:40.720 the listeners are going to like it. But oh, she's 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:43.400 muted herself, and the fucking don't we wish she did 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.920 that more often? That's now half my listeners are gone. 0:01:46.920 --> 0:01:48.520 Why don't you mute yourself? You can't. 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:52.720 I'm like, all right, that's exactly what I was thinking. 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:56.960 I was like, don't you ever mute yourself? And Greg, 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:02.640 well you said it. I speak for the audience now. 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.200 I concur I get sick of my own voice, and 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:07.880 I think I think too. I regularly get you know, 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:10.640 can you shut the fuck up a bit? I'm like, okay, 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:14.000 but then other people seem to like it, so I'll 0:02:14.040 --> 0:02:17.680 solder on try and self regulate. Bobby, what's news? Give 0:02:17.760 --> 0:02:20.480 us one bit of news on planet Capuccio before we 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:22.760 dive in today's topic that you don't know what. 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.640 Is I'm moving to Wayne Country. 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:31.200 Ah, and you're you're partial to wine, so that that's 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:31.920 a nice fit. 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:37.720 Yeah yeah, I mean if I was pursuing like complete sobriety, 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:39.919 this would be an interesting move from me. It's kind 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:43.600 of like the famous gangster John Dillinger when they said, John, 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.920 why do you do it? Why do you rib banks? 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:48.800 So because that's where the money is, so kind of 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:49.440 like the same thing. 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:55.760 Yeah, Oh god, there's Martley just firing up again. Hell, 0:02:57.120 --> 0:03:00.760 it builds like a fan star, you know, when it 0:03:00.840 --> 0:03:05.560 just starts and then just kind of hits a fucking crescendo. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:14.480 Oh dear, all right, I want to talk about the 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:19.160 idea today of Tiff talks a lot about doing hard 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:24.320 in her presentations, and I think we're obviously we talk 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:26.600 about it a bit, but the benefit of doing hard 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:32.680 things and the subjective experience of hard versus an objective 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:37.280 global reality of hard because one person's hard thing will 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.920 be someone else's easy thing and so on. But if 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:45.000 we look at this conversation through the lens of us 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:49.840 the listener, or ask the hosts as what is easy? Well, 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:52.000 what is hard? For me that I would like to 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:55.000 make part of my routine and hopefully make it easier 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:59.520 over time. I guess the very obvious comparison being we 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:02.440 go to the gym, Initially it's very hard, and then 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:06.880 it becomes less hard than it becomes somewhat comfortable, and 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:09.120 then somewhat easy, and then we have to up the 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.600 weights or the sets or reps, or the intensity or 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:16.280 the level of commitment to find some new hard so 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:22.200 that we keep growing. Do you think that stepping away 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:26.160 from the physiological kind of practice of progressive overload in 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:32.480 fitness and strength and flexibility and individual specific sport training, 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:38.520 can we apply that principle to our emotional system and 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:42.279 our mind in terms of choosing to do things that 0:04:42.320 --> 0:04:47.679 are hard in order to change ourselves so that we're 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.520 more resilient or capable. And now the hard thing has 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:54.400 become easy. Is that a reasonable idea? 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:57.960 I mean, we're sitting here talking about it, so it 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.520 has to be. I mean what I mean that is 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:05.240 throughout most of human history, even going back not even 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:09.360 a century ago, hard was a necessity for survival. So yeah, 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:13.680 obviously we can do that. I mean, we evolved into 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:17.600 the people we are today. Because our ancestors did very, 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:20.320 very hard things, and I would imagine most of them 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.799 failed at it and we're taken out of the gene pool. 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:26.640 Others were successful, and you know nature selected for that perhaps, 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.800 But I really think that hard has a needs to 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:35.360 fire its pr manager. We need to reframe our definition 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:41.400 around what hard is, because I mean, if you look 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:44.600 at the most rewarding things in our lives and the 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:49.200 things that exhilarate us and give us challenge, I think 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:51.960 it's around things that are hard, It's around things that 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:58.120 are difficult but sometimes meaningful, right, So I mean our 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:06.040 whole dopaminergic pathway are designed around effort and pursued. So 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:10.880 I mean, if you're talking about motivation and the reward 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:14.080 associated with that, that requires heart. TIF and I had 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:18.240 a podcast years ago. I can't remember the exact episode 0:06:19.120 --> 0:06:22.120 because that would be insane if I did, but we 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:25.479 were talking about doctor Victor Frankel in man Search for Meaning, 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:29.000 a book we've discussed on this show, and doctor Victor 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:32.400 Frankl had a brilliantly insightful quote where he said that 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:38.480 despair is suffering in the absence of meaning. And I've 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:43.080 always had the question, what then is suffering in the 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:48.960 presence of meaning. So I think like anything that's anything 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:52.720 that's worth getting, is worth enduring for I think that's 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:55.359 where a lot of rewards come from. And I don't 0:06:55.839 --> 0:07:00.159 personally believe that we're all that happy when we're not 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:04.720 growing and going through the associated growing pains that comes 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:08.719 with any situation that puts us in an environment where 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:11.560 we can readily do that. Even if you look at 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:13.800 self determination theory, you know, a lot of times you 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:16.640 talk about intrinsic motivation and the elements that make up 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:22.000 intrinsic motivation, but there's also something called integrated motivation, where 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:25.320 I might not love what I'm doing at the moment, 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:29.400 like for me going to the gym. I mean recently, 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:33.760 I've experienced this because I have injuries. Now that's really 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:38.000 changed my relationship with exercise. But in the past it's 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:39.840 not like, oh, I got to motivate myself to go 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.200 to the gym. There's no place I'd rather be, So 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:46.360 I would work out if there was no physical benefit, 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:48.160 just for the way it made me feel in the moment. 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:53.160 So the payoff is in the process, and that's intrinsic motivation, 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:58.920 but in integrated most motivations where I might not really 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:01.680 elect to do that if I could do something else, 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:07.840 but the meaning that this represents causes me to engage 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:10.840 in it and struggle through the hard anyway. And there's 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.960 a like think about a parent waking up three, four 0:08:14.040 --> 0:08:16.119 or five times in the middle of the night because 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:20.600 they have a sick kid. Very few parents roll over 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:24.360 and ignore the needs of a sick child. It happens 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:27.480 so infrequently that there's a special name for them. We 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:31.680 usually call them inmates because society frowns upon stuff like that. 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.240 But why do we do that even though it's painful. 0:08:35.360 --> 0:08:38.880 It's the meaning that that child represents. So when we 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:42.559 talk about effort, a lot of times there is this 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:47.840 I feel like self congratulatory undertone where I put in 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.560 all the effort because I'm that type of person, but 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.800 other people I don't believe. I really struggle with that. 0:08:55.480 --> 0:09:00.400 I think that when there is enough importance and when 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:04.960 there's enough confidence, people do engage in the heart and 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:10.960 it's extremely rewarding. I feel like sometimes people don't do 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:16.600 very well in kind of cross examining hard in one 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:20.280 area of their life versus another. Do you know what 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:20.680 I mean? 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:34.720 Yeah, I think you know, because hard. Hard can be physical, financial, emotional, social, practical, psychological, cognitive, academic. Like, 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.680 there's so many different kinds of hard. What do you 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:41.079 think determines whether or not you know? There are some 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:44.640 things that I could do that are hard, but they're 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:49.640 stupidly hard and I'm just not that Like, it doesn't 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:52.480 matter that much to me. Could I do certain things? 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:54.080 Like I got asked, do I want to do a 0:09:54.120 --> 0:10:00.400 postdoctoral study? No? Could I do it? Yep? 0:10:01.640 --> 0:10:01.720 What? 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:07.000 I may be enjoyed that maybe, but no. You know, 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:09.360 so like what are the variables? That is it just 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:12.960 about how much it matters to us? Because we get 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:17.920 the opportunity to choose hard every day, multiple hearts. Maybe, 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:25.280 how do we know when that's worth stepping into or confronting? Yeah, 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:27.440 based on our needs or our wants. 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:30.679 I think there's a lot of complexity and there's two 0:10:30.880 --> 0:10:36.080 variables that intersect here. Coach Margaret Moore talks about this 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:40.959 in her new book and Leader on Leadership. Margaret Moore 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.200 is probably one of the top executive coaches in the world, 0:10:43.240 --> 0:10:46.719 and she talks about the intersection of importance and confidence. 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.880 How important is this to me? And I would add 0:10:49.960 --> 0:10:54.480 in some cases, enjoyment is a variable. So I might 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:59.360 enjoy something but it's not fundamentally important to me. Like 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:03.280 I might really enjoy watching a Netflix show, but it 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:07.200 doesn't produce I mean, some shows really produce meaning. But 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:10.040 if I miss something, who cares? So they and then 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:13.679 other things might not be terribly enjoyable, but they're meaningful. 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:18.920 And then there's confidence. So if I feel that no 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:23.160 matter how hard I try, I'm never gonna quite get this, 0:11:23.440 --> 0:11:25.920 and I have that level of low efficacy, I think 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:31.400 that frames how hard something is. Like for me, simple 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:35.120 things are extremely difficult because of the way I was raised. 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:36.880 And I don't want to I don't want to hash 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:38.720 this out too much on the show. We've done it 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:42.560 like a lot before. But I learned how to tie 0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:46.000 my shoes in a brutal environment. So my stepfather, who 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:47.760 I barely knew at the times, like, all right, I'm 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.000 gonna teach you how to tie your shoes, and he 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:51.880 would show me a step and I would do the 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:54.280 stet and all right, now do this, and if I 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.600 got it wrong, he would just haul off and hit 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:01.240 me hard, like very hard. And then if I did 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:04.280 that too many times in a row, because Weirdly enough, 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.800 when you're terrified and being beaten, it doesn't increase cognitive 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.760 function when you're trying to execute a series of steps. 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.199 So then it wasn't like getting hit hard for missing 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:17.959 a step. It was a full on beating and getting 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.560 thrown around the room. And then after five minutes, let's 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:24.400 try this again. So I could put together a piece 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:27.959 of Ikea furniture and have a meltdown missing a couple 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:32.040 of steps because that's my conditioning. Well, then putting together 0:12:32.080 --> 0:12:36.800 I keya furniture for me would rank as extremely hard, 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.839 right because it is very very important. Maybe, but it's 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:46.040 furniture low sense of self efficacy and that conditioning where 0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:50.040 my wife might look at it as I'm gonna pull 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.040 myself a glass of wine and this is a puzzle. 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:54.920 If I miss step, I'm just gonna go back and 0:12:54.960 --> 0:13:00.320 retrace it. So that level of enjoyment and that sense 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:02.400 of self efficacy that if I just take my time 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:06.120 with this, I know I can get it, it decreases 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:10.760 her perception of hard. So there's the intersection of confidence 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.960 and importance, and you can kind of tell where somebody 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:18.640 is within their stages of change in the trans theoretical 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.559 model by where those two points intersect, and I also 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:27.520 think it's an eight interests. Victor Frankel also talked about this, 0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:33.720 where a clue around what you value and what you're 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:37.120 meant to do, what you're engineered for, can be found 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.880 in what is it that's pretty hard for other people 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:43.439 to learn? And it's also really hard for them to do, 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:47.640 but for you, it is much easier for you to learn, 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.960 and it's a lot easier for you to do now 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:56.120 if you add meaning and enjoyment to that, I think 0:13:56.280 --> 0:14:01.920 that that's a clue as to what you're uniquely suited for. 0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:04.920 And when you're engaging in something that's hard but you're 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:09.839 uniquely suited for it, it becomes invigorating, engaging, and rewarding. 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:15.600 When you lack those elements, it becomes redundant. It could 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:19.800 become quite torturous. That's what yeah. 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:22.680 And I think the ever present reality too is that 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:26.840 most of us, because our brain is kind of wired 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:34.560 for safety and security and predictability and comfort and instant gratification, 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:38.640 is that it's way easier to go yep, I'm going 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.320 to do that now because that's no risk, there's no 0:14:41.400 --> 0:14:45.000 adversity in this, this is not uncomfortable, this is not hard. 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:47.680 I'm going to do this easy thing because I'm going 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:51.040 to get this immediate payoff, and I'll do the hard 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.880 thing tomorrow. And then that becomes a five year internal 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:58.320 conversation that never ends. And I think that that's stepping 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:04.520 off and being fully committed, I guess. But then even 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:08.240 with that, I think, like I know lots of people, 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:10.440 even clients that I work with over the years where 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:14.360 they would stop and start the same process or a 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.960 version of the same process ten times, and depending on 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:22.040 the attitude or the talk that went into that. Initially, 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:27.320 I wouldn't say it, but I would feel they're not 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:29.440 going to do it, just because there was something about 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:31.960 the energy or the level of commitment or lack of commitment. 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.640 And then invariably not all the time, but a lot 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:39.840 of times, it's like something happened, they had an event 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:43.920 and experience and awakening, a light bulb, something would and 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.120 then they're like, oh, I'm doing it. I'm like, oh, 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:49.080 they're going to do it. They're actually doing it this time, 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:52.920 like something has changed where now this is not something 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:56.720 they want to do, this is something they are going 0:15:57.120 --> 0:16:01.400 to do. And I like is a different energy, there's 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:04.720 a different attitude. It's like I don't have more resources 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:08.800 or different biology or physiology or potential. It's all the same, 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:13.160 but something in their thinking, attitude, whatever has shifted, and 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.200 it's like invariably they go and do it. 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:21.000 Yeah, there's that element of readiness, I think, and it's 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:25.600 not around use these words because it produces this action. 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:30.680 It's observe your conversation and your dialogue. So if you 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.880 take a look at motivational interviewing Ronald Nick and Miller, 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:38.080 there are different levels of readiness that are represented within 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:43.520 linguistic patterns. It's really interesting. And the acronym darn cat 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:51.040 represents them well. And darn staves for desire, ability, reasons, 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.680 and need. So when you're talking to someone or you're 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:58.360 in a conversation and you're the one who's expressing something, 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:01.480 you might talk about out something you want to do 0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:04.080 in terms of desire. I really want to do this 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:07.440 or I feel like I'm able to do this because 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:12.119 or you know, here's why, here's the reasons why I 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:15.159 think I should do this, and then maybe it's like 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:18.240 need where oh, well, here's what happens if I don't 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:23.639 do this? So that that's representing need in that linguistic pattern, 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.480 and a lot of people think, well, that's readiness, right. Oh, 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:30.480 when people start talking about I've heard motivational speakers talk 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:35.560 about shifting your language from I should to I want to, 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:40.120 there's nothing magic there. It's not shifting your language. It's 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:44.880 observe your language because all of those the desire, the ability, 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:51.520 the reasons, and the need reflect readiness getting ready to 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.880 get ready. It doesn't mean that you're going to do 0:17:54.960 --> 0:18:00.359 something that's represented in the cat acronym where C is comment, 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.520 and that's when the language changes. When you start shifting 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:07.080 from I want to to I will, that's a much 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:11.840 deeper level of commitment. And the A is activation. That's 0:18:11.840 --> 0:18:15.280 when people say like I'm ready, Like you're talking about like, yeah, 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.359 I will, you know I want to do this. It's like, no, 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:22.040 I'm ready to do this. And then the greatest predictor 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:26.480 that someone will take action or you'll take action is 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:31.520 the t where you speak about yourself in the frame 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:34.159 of an identity of someone who's already engaged in it, 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:37.080 which is kind of like when someone's trying to make 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:41.440 a dietary change. There's a couple of approaches right where 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:44.879 someone can say, well, I'm not going to eat pizza anymore, 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:49.120 pizza is bad. Well, first of all, I don't know 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:53.200 if an extreme relationship with food like that is sustainable 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:56.439 or it's healthy and food is not bad. You know, 0:18:56.480 --> 0:18:58.399 I never saw a pizza commit a crime, and I 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.600 never saw it even be rude to someone on the 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:05.879 checkout queue. But it's a lot easier to talk about 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:07.639 what you're going to do rather than what you're not 0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:10.960 going to do. So you could look at it as okay, 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:12.800 you know, for a week, I'm going to eat the 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:16.680 same foods that I've typically eaten, but I'm going to 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:19.119 add a lot more whole foods to it. I'm going 0:19:19.160 --> 0:19:21.040 to add a lot more plans to it. I'm going 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:23.800 to bring in a lot more nutrients that support a 0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:28.160 healthy microbiome and do something like that. Because even though 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:31.080 that's a very small step, what starts to happen after 0:19:31.160 --> 0:19:33.680 a week or two, Well, if your diet's really bad, 0:19:33.720 --> 0:19:36.160 you'll probably start to feel a lot better and you'll 0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:39.040 be better at emotional regulation, because a lot of emotional 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:44.520 regulation depends on our diet. Right, So if you have 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:48.239 a healthier if you have a healthier microbiome, You're going 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:52.560 to produce more serotonin. Serotonin helps with emotional regulation, it 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:56.240 helps with a feeling of satisfaction. So all of these 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:59.640 things start happening in your favor, and so you're more 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:04.560 a to engage in greater dietary changes. But what's really 0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:07.080 important is you start to see yourself as someone who's 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:10.720 already doing it. I am already doing this. It's not 0:20:10.800 --> 0:20:15.119 like someday or next week or my New Year's resolution 0:20:15.359 --> 0:20:18.200 is or Monday. It's like, no, I'm doing it now. 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:23.159 And that is very critical to pay attention to those things, 0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:28.600 because the question becomes what brings your desire to an action? 0:20:28.760 --> 0:20:32.520 Like I really want to do this? Well, what is 0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:35.840 if I really want to do this, how can I test? 0:20:36.040 --> 0:20:39.240 What would be one thing that I could do today 0:20:40.160 --> 0:20:43.160 that would enable me to act on that desire or 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:45.480 what would need to happen or what would I need 0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:50.919 to believe to bridge that gap between an intention and 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:52.840 a measurable behavior? If that makes sense. 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:57.600 H I love that I was thinking about. Are there 0:20:57.640 --> 0:21:02.840 any circumstances where all that kind of thinking and attitude 0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:08.040 and readiness and self talk and blah blah blah that 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:12.840 becomes redundant. And I think there is one situation where 0:21:13.840 --> 0:21:17.920 it's not about transformation change, doing the hard thing. Is 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:21.119 not about how mentally or emotionally ready you are, but 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:25.560 what happens. And so I was thinking about my friend 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:29.240 and I think, oh, also Tip's friend Joel Sardi, who 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:33.720 spends life in a wheelchair, who was a soldier, went 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:36.520 on I think multiple deployments, came back and had an 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:38.960 accident while he was on leave and broke his back 0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:44.680 and became a quadriplegic. And it's like, all of a sudden, hey, Joel, 0:21:44.720 --> 0:21:46.800 you're going to do life in a wheelchair. By the way, 0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:50.320 you can't do this, this, this, this, this, this and this, 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:55.520 and you can't reject this like this is you now. 0:21:55.960 --> 0:21:59.040 So whether or not you feel ready to be a quadriplegic, 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:03.080 it doesn't fucking matter. You are. And so people get 0:22:03.080 --> 0:22:08.400 in situations where life fucks them over and now they 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:12.280 just have to be a different version of themselves. Like 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:14.640 readiness doesn't come into it. I'm sure in a way 0:22:14.680 --> 0:22:17.040 it does, But you know what I'm saying, where and 0:22:17.119 --> 0:22:19.280 I look at him. He's such a great dad, he's 0:22:19.280 --> 0:22:21.840 such a great husband, he's such a great speaker. He's 0:22:21.840 --> 0:22:25.880 a fucking amazing human. He's all about solutions, not problems. 0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:32.000 He's like, who knows, who knows? How you know able 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:35.240 bodied Joel versus current Joel would be in terms of 0:22:35.280 --> 0:22:39.520 performance and outcomes and happiness. Maybe, Like it's a weird 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:42.159 thing to say that maybe his current version is happier 0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:45.440 or more productive or whatever than the other version might 0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:48.160 have been. We don't know, but it's like, and then 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:52.600 that brings me back to this, Oh, we can change 0:22:52.640 --> 0:22:55.760 in a fucking instant if we don't have a choice, 0:22:56.920 --> 0:23:02.639 Like we can adapt today. We can behave differently today 0:23:03.119 --> 0:23:05.919 when we don't have the choice of behaving how we 0:23:05.960 --> 0:23:12.320 did yesterday because something fucking monumental has shifted. And now 0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:16.720 I'm this is my reality now. Wasn't my reality yesterday, 0:23:16.760 --> 0:23:20.600 but now it is, so I have And I'm sure 0:23:20.640 --> 0:23:23.720 people go through massive peaks and troughs dealing with stuff 0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:27.920 like that. But it's that we spoke. I don't know 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:30.040 if Tiff and I or I spoke at least a 0:23:30.119 --> 0:23:34.040 couple of times recently about this idea. In psychology, they 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:37.600 call a performance capacity gap. You know, so performance what 0:23:37.640 --> 0:23:40.920 you're currently doing and capacity what you're capable of doing, 0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:44.960 you know, like what you what is your absolute capacity? 0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:48.359 Like what could you if you're if you a jol 0:23:49.160 --> 0:23:52.240 could you survive? Could you thrive? Could you adapt? Could 0:23:52.240 --> 0:23:55.359 you improve? Learn, grow, evolve? Could you be a better 0:23:55.560 --> 0:23:58.120 version of you in a chair than out of all that? 0:23:58.600 --> 0:24:02.479 All those kind of amazing questions. It's like, imagine if 0:24:02.520 --> 0:24:05.600 we didn't have to wait to get into the right state, 0:24:05.680 --> 0:24:08.200 but we just went I'm doing it because I don't 0:24:08.200 --> 0:24:10.760 have a choice. But nobody wants to get put in 0:24:10.760 --> 0:24:11.520 that situation. 0:24:12.480 --> 0:24:14.960 No, but there are choices though, like most of the 0:24:15.000 --> 0:24:17.920 time it's not that dire. But you bring up something 0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:22.040 that's very important in terms of behavior change. And my 0:24:22.200 --> 0:24:29.760 disclaimer is pain and situations and difficulty. It's all relative, right, 0:24:29.880 --> 0:24:32.960 Like if your capacity is not where someone else's capacity is, 0:24:33.000 --> 0:24:36.280 that that doesn't mean that you're broken. That's okay. I 0:24:36.280 --> 0:24:40.200 mean we all talk to Charlie Plumb, right, and you 0:24:40.280 --> 0:24:44.719 know it's like, well, if I haven't spent several years 0:24:44.760 --> 0:24:49.200 as a prisoner of war the Hanoi Hilton, Well, what 0:24:49.280 --> 0:24:51.560 right do I have to complain that, you know, my 0:24:51.680 --> 0:24:52.879 partner broke up with me? 0:24:53.440 --> 0:24:53.600