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Speaker 1: O good.

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Speaker 2: A team, it's a project. That's you, It's Bobby, it's Tiffany,

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Speaker 2: and it's me Craig Anthony. We're going to start with

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Speaker 2: tiff because she's been crooked. Are you on the men?

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm feeling much better, but I've got that raspy, ridiculous

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Speaker 3: horse cough that incidentally, How good is laughing when you

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Speaker 3: have that wheezy, weird kind of thing. I just think

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Speaker 3: laughing so much more fun.

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Speaker 1: You know what?

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Speaker 2: It makes you sound like a dirty old man? See

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Speaker 2: there it is there, It is dirty old man.

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Speaker 1: Laugh.

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Speaker 2: Hell, that's you. Dude, like a flannel shirt and a

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Speaker 2: packet of winning blues in your pocket and you just

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Speaker 2: tag your hand on your crotch while you're doing that laugh.

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Speaker 2: That's you.

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Speaker 3: I've got a flanny shirt here, actually.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, put it on listening.

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Speaker 1: You know who?

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Speaker 2: You sound like that cartoon character Muttley. Do you remember Mutley? Bobby?

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Speaker 1: Think?

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I know there's a cannoon that sounds like this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Muttley Bobby? Did you ever watch.

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Speaker 1: What Is with You?

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Speaker 2: I was going to say, when they let you out

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Speaker 2: of the basement, what.

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Speaker 1: Are you laughing at? Your dirty old man.

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Speaker 2: Oh fuck, listen to that. That's worse than I thought.

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Speaker 2: Oh that, we'll just call you Ralph.

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Speaker 1: Somebody take her cigarettes away? Please?

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Speaker 2: Oh god god, we'll just call you Muttley from from now. Bobby, Hi,

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Speaker 2: how are you?

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Speaker 1: Ohis wow? I'm doing a lot better than Tiffany's laugh.

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you that.

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Speaker 2: There you go. I reckon, you should keep that. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I like it. I like it. I don't know that

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Speaker 2: the listeners are going to like it. But oh, she's

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Speaker 2: muted herself, and the fucking don't we wish she did

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Speaker 2: that more often? That's now half my listeners are gone.

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Speaker 2: Why don't you mute yourself? You can't.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, that's exactly what I was thinking.

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Speaker 1: I was like, don't you ever mute yourself? And Greg,

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Speaker 1: well you said it. I speak for the audience now.

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Speaker 2: I concur I get sick of my own voice, and

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Speaker 2: I think I think too. I regularly get you know,

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Speaker 2: can you shut the fuck up a bit? I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: but then other people seem to like it, so I'll

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Speaker 2: solder on try and self regulate. Bobby, what's news? Give

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Speaker 2: us one bit of news on planet Capuccio before we

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Speaker 2: dive in today's topic that you don't know what.

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Speaker 1: Is I'm moving to Wayne Country.

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Speaker 2: Ah, and you're you're partial to wine, so that that's

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Speaker 2: a nice fit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean if I was pursuing like complete sobriety,

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Speaker 1: this would be an interesting move from me. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of like the famous gangster John Dillinger when they said, John,

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Speaker 1: why do you do it? Why do you rib banks?

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Speaker 1: So because that's where the money is, so kind of

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Speaker 1: like the same thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh god, there's Martley just firing up again. Hell,

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Speaker 2: it builds like a fan star, you know, when it

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Speaker 2: just starts and then just kind of hits a fucking crescendo.

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Speaker 2: Oh dear, all right, I want to talk about the

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Speaker 2: idea today of Tiff talks a lot about doing hard

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Speaker 2: in her presentations, and I think we're obviously we talk

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Speaker 2: about it a bit, but the benefit of doing hard

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Speaker 2: things and the subjective experience of hard versus an objective

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Speaker 2: global reality of hard because one person's hard thing will

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Speaker 2: be someone else's easy thing and so on. But if

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Speaker 2: we look at this conversation through the lens of us

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Speaker 2: the listener, or ask the hosts as what is easy? Well,

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Speaker 2: what is hard? For me that I would like to

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Speaker 2: make part of my routine and hopefully make it easier

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Speaker 2: over time. I guess the very obvious comparison being we

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Speaker 2: go to the gym, Initially it's very hard, and then

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Speaker 2: it becomes less hard than it becomes somewhat comfortable, and

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Speaker 2: then somewhat easy, and then we have to up the

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Speaker 2: weights or the sets or reps, or the intensity or

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Speaker 2: the level of commitment to find some new hard so

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Speaker 2: that we keep growing. Do you think that stepping away

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Speaker 2: from the physiological kind of practice of progressive overload in

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Speaker 2: fitness and strength and flexibility and individual specific sport training,

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Speaker 2: can we apply that principle to our emotional system and

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Speaker 2: our mind in terms of choosing to do things that

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Speaker 2: are hard in order to change ourselves so that we're

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Speaker 2: more resilient or capable. And now the hard thing has

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Speaker 2: become easy. Is that a reasonable idea?

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Speaker 1: I mean, we're sitting here talking about it, so it

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Speaker 1: has to be. I mean what I mean that is

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Speaker 1: throughout most of human history, even going back not even

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Speaker 1: a century ago, hard was a necessity for survival. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: obviously we can do that. I mean, we evolved into

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Speaker 1: the people we are today. Because our ancestors did very,

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Speaker 1: very hard things, and I would imagine most of them

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Speaker 1: failed at it and we're taken out of the gene pool.

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Speaker 1: Others were successful, and you know nature selected for that perhaps,

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Speaker 1: But I really think that hard has a needs to

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Speaker 1: fire its pr manager. We need to reframe our definition

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Speaker 1: around what hard is, because I mean, if you look

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Speaker 1: at the most rewarding things in our lives and the

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Speaker 1: things that exhilarate us and give us challenge, I think

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Speaker 1: it's around things that are hard, It's around things that

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Speaker 1: are difficult but sometimes meaningful, right, So I mean our

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Speaker 1: whole dopaminergic pathway are designed around effort and pursued. So

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Speaker 1: I mean, if you're talking about motivation and the reward

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Speaker 1: associated with that, that requires heart. TIF and I had

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Speaker 1: a podcast years ago. I can't remember the exact episode

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Speaker 1: because that would be insane if I did, but we

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Speaker 1: were talking about doctor Victor Frankel in man Search for Meaning,

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Speaker 1: a book we've discussed on this show, and doctor Victor

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Speaker 1: Frankl had a brilliantly insightful quote where he said that

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Speaker 1: despair is suffering in the absence of meaning. And I've

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Speaker 1: always had the question, what then is suffering in the

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Speaker 1: presence of meaning. So I think like anything that's anything

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Speaker 1: that's worth getting, is worth enduring for I think that's

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Speaker 1: where a lot of rewards come from. And I don't

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Speaker 1: personally believe that we're all that happy when we're not

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Speaker 1: growing and going through the associated growing pains that comes

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Speaker 1: with any situation that puts us in an environment where

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Speaker 1: we can readily do that. Even if you look at

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Speaker 1: self determination theory, you know, a lot of times you

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Speaker 1: talk about intrinsic motivation and the elements that make up

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Speaker 1: intrinsic motivation, but there's also something called integrated motivation, where

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Speaker 1: I might not love what I'm doing at the moment,

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Speaker 1: like for me going to the gym. I mean recently,

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Speaker 1: I've experienced this because I have injuries. Now that's really

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Speaker 1: changed my relationship with exercise. But in the past it's

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Speaker 1: not like, oh, I got to motivate myself to go

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Speaker 1: to the gym. There's no place I'd rather be, So

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Speaker 1: I would work out if there was no physical benefit,

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Speaker 1: just for the way it made me feel in the moment.

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Speaker 1: So the payoff is in the process, and that's intrinsic motivation,

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Speaker 1: but in integrated most motivations where I might not really

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Speaker 1: elect to do that if I could do something else,

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Speaker 1: but the meaning that this represents causes me to engage

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Speaker 1: in it and struggle through the hard anyway. And there's

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Speaker 1: a like think about a parent waking up three, four

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Speaker 1: or five times in the middle of the night because

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Speaker 1: they have a sick kid. Very few parents roll over

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Speaker 1: and ignore the needs of a sick child. It happens

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Speaker 1: so infrequently that there's a special name for them. We

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Speaker 1: usually call them inmates because society frowns upon stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: But why do we do that even though it's painful.

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Speaker 1: It's the meaning that that child represents. So when we

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Speaker 1: talk about effort, a lot of times there is this

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Speaker 1: I feel like self congratulatory undertone where I put in

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Speaker 1: all the effort because I'm that type of person, but

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Speaker 1: other people I don't believe. I really struggle with that.

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Speaker 1: I think that when there is enough importance and when

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Speaker 1: there's enough confidence, people do engage in the heart and

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Speaker 1: it's extremely rewarding. I feel like sometimes people don't do

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Speaker 1: very well in kind of cross examining hard in one

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Speaker 1: area of their life versus another. Do you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you know, because hard. Hard can be physical, financial, emotional, social, practical, psychological, cognitive, academic. Like,

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Speaker 2: there's so many different kinds of hard. What do you

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Speaker 2: think determines whether or not you know? There are some

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Speaker 2: things that I could do that are hard, but they're

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Speaker 2: stupidly hard and I'm just not that Like, it doesn't

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Speaker 2: matter that much to me. Could I do certain things?

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Speaker 2: Like I got asked, do I want to do a

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Speaker 2: postdoctoral study? No? Could I do it? Yep?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: I may be enjoyed that maybe, but no. You know,

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Speaker 2: so like what are the variables? That is it just

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Speaker 2: about how much it matters to us? Because we get

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Speaker 2: the opportunity to choose hard every day, multiple hearts. Maybe,

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Speaker 2: how do we know when that's worth stepping into or confronting? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: based on our needs or our wants.

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Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of complexity and there's two

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Speaker 1: variables that intersect here. Coach Margaret Moore talks about this

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Speaker 1: in her new book and Leader on Leadership. Margaret Moore

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Speaker 1: is probably one of the top executive coaches in the world,

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Speaker 1: and she talks about the intersection of importance and confidence.

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Speaker 1: How important is this to me? And I would add

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Speaker 1: in some cases, enjoyment is a variable. So I might

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Speaker 1: enjoy something but it's not fundamentally important to me. Like

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Speaker 1: I might really enjoy watching a Netflix show, but it

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Speaker 1: doesn't produce I mean, some shows really produce meaning. But

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Speaker 1: if I miss something, who cares? So they and then

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Speaker 1: other things might not be terribly enjoyable, but they're meaningful.

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Speaker 1: And then there's confidence. So if I feel that no

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Speaker 1: matter how hard I try, I'm never gonna quite get this,

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Speaker 1: and I have that level of low efficacy, I think

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Speaker 1: that frames how hard something is. Like for me, simple

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Speaker 1: things are extremely difficult because of the way I was raised.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want to I don't want to hash

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Speaker 1: this out too much on the show. We've done it

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Speaker 1: like a lot before. But I learned how to tie

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Speaker 1: my shoes in a brutal environment. So my stepfather, who

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Speaker 1: I barely knew at the times, like, all right, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna teach you how to tie your shoes, and he

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Speaker 1: would show me a step and I would do the

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Speaker 1: stet and all right, now do this, and if I

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Speaker 1: got it wrong, he would just haul off and hit

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Speaker 1: me hard, like very hard. And then if I did

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Speaker 1: that too many times in a row, because Weirdly enough,

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Speaker 1: when you're terrified and being beaten, it doesn't increase cognitive

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Speaker 1: function when you're trying to execute a series of steps.

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Speaker 1: So then it wasn't like getting hit hard for missing

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Speaker 1: a step. It was a full on beating and getting

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Speaker 1: thrown around the room. And then after five minutes, let's

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Speaker 1: try this again. So I could put together a piece

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Speaker 1: of Ikea furniture and have a meltdown missing a couple

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Speaker 1: of steps because that's my conditioning. Well, then putting together

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Speaker 1: I keya furniture for me would rank as extremely hard,

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Speaker 1: right because it is very very important. Maybe, but it's

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Speaker 1: furniture low sense of self efficacy and that conditioning where

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Speaker 1: my wife might look at it as I'm gonna pull

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Speaker 1: myself a glass of wine and this is a puzzle.

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Speaker 1: If I miss step, I'm just gonna go back and

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Speaker 1: retrace it. So that level of enjoyment and that sense

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Speaker 1: of self efficacy that if I just take my time

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Speaker 1: with this, I know I can get it, it decreases

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Speaker 1: her perception of hard. So there's the intersection of confidence

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Speaker 1: and importance, and you can kind of tell where somebody

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Speaker 1: is within their stages of change in the trans theoretical

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Speaker 1: model by where those two points intersect, and I also

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Speaker 1: think it's an eight interests. Victor Frankel also talked about this,

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Speaker 1: where a clue around what you value and what you're

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Speaker 1: meant to do, what you're engineered for, can be found

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Speaker 1: in what is it that's pretty hard for other people

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Speaker 1: to learn? And it's also really hard for them to do,

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Speaker 1: but for you, it is much easier for you to learn,

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Speaker 1: and it's a lot easier for you to do now

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Speaker 1: if you add meaning and enjoyment to that, I think

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Speaker 1: that that's a clue as to what you're uniquely suited for.

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Speaker 1: And when you're engaging in something that's hard but you're

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Speaker 1: uniquely suited for it, it becomes invigorating, engaging, and rewarding.

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Speaker 1: When you lack those elements, it becomes redundant. It could

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Speaker 1: become quite torturous. That's what yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I think the ever present reality too is that

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Speaker 2: most of us, because our brain is kind of wired

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Speaker 2: for safety and security and predictability and comfort and instant gratification,

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Speaker 2: is that it's way easier to go yep, I'm going

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Speaker 2: to do that now because that's no risk, there's no

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Speaker 2: adversity in this, this is not uncomfortable, this is not hard.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to do this easy thing because I'm going

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Speaker 2: to get this immediate payoff, and I'll do the hard

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Speaker 2: thing tomorrow. And then that becomes a five year internal

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Speaker 2: conversation that never ends. And I think that that's stepping

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Speaker 2: off and being fully committed, I guess. But then even

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Speaker 2: with that, I think, like I know lots of people,

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Speaker 2: even clients that I work with over the years where

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Speaker 2: they would stop and start the same process or a

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Speaker 2: version of the same process ten times, and depending on

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Speaker 2: the attitude or the talk that went into that. Initially,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say it, but I would feel they're not

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Speaker 2: going to do it, just because there was something about

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Speaker 2: the energy or the level of commitment or lack of commitment.

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Speaker 2: And then invariably not all the time, but a lot

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Speaker 2: of times, it's like something happened, they had an event

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Speaker 2: and experience and awakening, a light bulb, something would and

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Speaker 2: then they're like, oh, I'm doing it. I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: they're going to do it. They're actually doing it this time,

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Speaker 2: like something has changed where now this is not something

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Speaker 2: they want to do, this is something they are going

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Speaker 2: to do. And I like is a different energy, there's

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Speaker 2: a different attitude. It's like I don't have more resources

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Speaker 2: or different biology or physiology or potential. It's all the same,

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Speaker 2: but something in their thinking, attitude, whatever has shifted, and

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Speaker 2: it's like invariably they go and do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's that element of readiness, I think, and it's

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Speaker 1: not around use these words because it produces this action.

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Speaker 1: It's observe your conversation and your dialogue. So if you

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Speaker 1: take a look at motivational interviewing Ronald Nick and Miller,

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Speaker 1: there are different levels of readiness that are represented within

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Speaker 1: linguistic patterns. It's really interesting. And the acronym darn cat

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Speaker 1: represents them well. And darn staves for desire, ability, reasons,

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Speaker 1: and need. So when you're talking to someone or you're

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Speaker 1: in a conversation and you're the one who's expressing something,

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Speaker 1: you might talk about out something you want to do

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Speaker 1: in terms of desire. I really want to do this

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Speaker 1: or I feel like I'm able to do this because

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Speaker 1: or you know, here's why, here's the reasons why I

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Speaker 1: think I should do this, and then maybe it's like

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Speaker 1: need where oh, well, here's what happens if I don't

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Speaker 1: do this? So that that's representing need in that linguistic pattern,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of people think, well, that's readiness, right. Oh,

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Speaker 1: when people start talking about I've heard motivational speakers talk

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Speaker 1: about shifting your language from I should to I want to,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing magic there. It's not shifting your language. It's

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Speaker 1: observe your language because all of those the desire, the ability,

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Speaker 1: the reasons, and the need reflect readiness getting ready to

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Speaker 1: get ready. It doesn't mean that you're going to do

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Speaker 1: something that's represented in the cat acronym where C is comment,

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Speaker 1: and that's when the language changes. When you start shifting

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Speaker 1: from I want to to I will, that's a much

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Speaker 1: deeper level of commitment. And the A is activation. That's

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Speaker 1: when people say like I'm ready, Like you're talking about like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I will, you know I want to do this. It's like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to do this. And then the greatest predictor

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Speaker 1: that someone will take action or you'll take action is

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Speaker 1: the t where you speak about yourself in the frame

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Speaker 1: of an identity of someone who's already engaged in it,

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Speaker 1: which is kind of like when someone's trying to make

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Speaker 1: a dietary change. There's a couple of approaches right where

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Speaker 1: someone can say, well, I'm not going to eat pizza anymore,

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Speaker 1: pizza is bad. Well, first of all, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if an extreme relationship with food like that is sustainable

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Speaker 1: or it's healthy and food is not bad. You know,

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Speaker 1: I never saw a pizza commit a crime, and I

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Speaker 1: never saw it even be rude to someone on the

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Speaker 1: checkout queue. But it's a lot easier to talk about

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Speaker 1: what you're going to do rather than what you're not

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Speaker 1: going to do. So you could look at it as okay,

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Speaker 1: you know, for a week, I'm going to eat the

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Speaker 1: same foods that I've typically eaten, but I'm going to

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Speaker 1: add a lot more whole foods to it. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to add a lot more plans to it. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to bring in a lot more nutrients that support a

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Speaker 1: healthy microbiome and do something like that. Because even though

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Speaker 1: that's a very small step, what starts to happen after

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Speaker 1: a week or two, Well, if your diet's really bad,

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Speaker 1: you'll probably start to feel a lot better and you'll

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Speaker 1: be better at emotional regulation, because a lot of emotional

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Speaker 1: regulation depends on our diet. Right, So if you have

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Speaker 1: a healthier if you have a healthier microbiome, You're going

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Speaker 1: to produce more serotonin. Serotonin helps with emotional regulation, it

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Speaker 1: helps with a feeling of satisfaction. So all of these

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Speaker 1: things start happening in your favor, and so you're more

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Speaker 1: a to engage in greater dietary changes. But what's really

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Speaker 1: important is you start to see yourself as someone who's

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Speaker 1: already doing it. I am already doing this. It's not

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Speaker 1: like someday or next week or my New Year's resolution

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Speaker 1: is or Monday. It's like, no, I'm doing it now.

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Speaker 1: And that is very critical to pay attention to those things,

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Speaker 1: because the question becomes what brings your desire to an action?

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Speaker 1: Like I really want to do this? Well, what is

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Speaker 1: if I really want to do this, how can I test?

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Speaker 1: What would be one thing that I could do today

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Speaker 1: that would enable me to act on that desire or

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Speaker 1: what would need to happen or what would I need

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Speaker 1: to believe to bridge that gap between an intention and

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Speaker 1: a measurable behavior? If that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: H I love that I was thinking about. Are there

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Speaker 2: any circumstances where all that kind of thinking and attitude

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Speaker 2: and readiness and self talk and blah blah blah that

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Speaker 2: becomes redundant. And I think there is one situation where

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Speaker 2: it's not about transformation change, doing the hard thing. Is

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Speaker 2: not about how mentally or emotionally ready you are, but

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Speaker 2: what happens. And so I was thinking about my friend

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Speaker 2: and I think, oh, also Tip's friend Joel Sardi, who

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Speaker 2: spends life in a wheelchair, who was a soldier, went

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Speaker 2: on I think multiple deployments, came back and had an

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Speaker 2: accident while he was on leave and broke his back

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Speaker 2: and became a quadriplegic. And it's like, all of a sudden, hey, Joel,

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Speaker 2: you're going to do life in a wheelchair. By the way,

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Speaker 2: you can't do this, this, this, this, this, this and this,

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Speaker 2: and you can't reject this like this is you now.

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Speaker 2: So whether or not you feel ready to be a quadriplegic,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't fucking matter. You are. And so people get

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Speaker 2: in situations where life fucks them over and now they

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Speaker 2: just have to be a different version of themselves. Like

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Speaker 2: readiness doesn't come into it. I'm sure in a way

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Speaker 2: it does, But you know what I'm saying, where and

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Speaker 2: I look at him. He's such a great dad, he's

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Speaker 2: such a great husband, he's such a great speaker. He's

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Speaker 2: a fucking amazing human. He's all about solutions, not problems.

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Speaker 2: He's like, who knows, who knows? How you know able

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Speaker 2: bodied Joel versus current Joel would be in terms of

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Speaker 2: performance and outcomes and happiness. Maybe, Like it's a weird

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Speaker 2: thing to say that maybe his current version is happier

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Speaker 2: or more productive or whatever than the other version might

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Speaker 2: have been. We don't know, but it's like, and then

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Speaker 2: that brings me back to this, Oh, we can change

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Speaker 2: in a fucking instant if we don't have a choice,

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Speaker 2: Like we can adapt today. We can behave differently today

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Speaker 2: when we don't have the choice of behaving how we

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Speaker 2: did yesterday because something fucking monumental has shifted. And now

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Speaker 2: I'm this is my reality now. Wasn't my reality yesterday,

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Speaker 2: but now it is, so I have And I'm sure

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Speaker 2: people go through massive peaks and troughs dealing with stuff

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Speaker 2: like that. But it's that we spoke. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if Tiff and I or I spoke at least a

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Speaker 2: couple of times recently about this idea. In psychology, they

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Speaker 2: call a performance capacity gap. You know, so performance what

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Speaker 2: you're currently doing and capacity what you're capable of doing,

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Speaker 2: you know, like what you what is your absolute capacity?

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Speaker 2: Like what could you if you're if you a jol

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Speaker 2: could you survive? Could you thrive? Could you adapt? Could

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Speaker 2: you improve? Learn, grow, evolve? Could you be a better

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Speaker 2: version of you in a chair than out of all that?

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Speaker 2: All those kind of amazing questions. It's like, imagine if

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Speaker 2: we didn't have to wait to get into the right state,

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Speaker 2: but we just went I'm doing it because I don't

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Speaker 2: have a choice. But nobody wants to get put in

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Speaker 2: that situation.

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Speaker 1: No, but there are choices though, like most of the

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Speaker 1: time it's not that dire. But you bring up something

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Speaker 1: that's very important in terms of behavior change. And my

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Speaker 1: disclaimer is pain and situations and difficulty. It's all relative, right,

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Speaker 1: Like if your capacity is not where someone else's capacity is,

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Speaker 1: that that doesn't mean that you're broken. That's okay. I

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Speaker 1: mean we all talk to Charlie Plumb, right, and you

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Speaker 1: know it's like, well, if I haven't spent several years

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Speaker 1: as a prisoner of war the Hanoi Hilton, Well, what

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Speaker 1: right do I have to complain that, you know, my

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Speaker 1: partner broke up with me?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 1: No, is it the same thing. No, but is it devastating? Yes,

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Speaker 1: and you should sit with that. So I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: do the comparison, but when we have people like a

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Speaker 1: Joe or a Charlie and say, wow, that's an extraordinary circumstance.

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Speaker 1: What are the attributes that this person is displaying that

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Speaker 1: I admire? I mean, Albert ben dur and social cognitive

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Speaker 1: theory talked about that in terms of vicarious experience. Where Okay,

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Speaker 1: if I were to emulate in a very small way

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Speaker 1: one of those attributes that Joe demonstrates with courage and

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Speaker 1: with joel il, I'm sorry, So what would what would

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Speaker 1: be one small way that I can demonstrate that? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and go out and test that. So I think looking

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Speaker 1: at people who you know, we might not have gone

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Speaker 1: through what they went through, right, we might not be

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Speaker 1: where they are in their journey, But being able to

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Speaker 1: utilize them as an example of vicarious experience and model

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Speaker 1: some of their behaviors I think is one a great

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Speaker 1: framework too. It's kind of psychological distancing, you know, it's like, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: well this isn't me and I've done that. Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: let's take a look at this person here. If you

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Speaker 1: were to do this? What made you adapt as a behavior?

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Speaker 2: I know this is an unanswerable question to feel free

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Speaker 2: to have an opinion as well, But Bobby, to what

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Speaker 2: extent do you think like we need to Like let's

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Speaker 2: say you said to me, Harps, I want to set

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Speaker 2: up a personal training center. Can I do an hour

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Speaker 2: consult with you and you walk me through peaks and

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Speaker 2: troughs and challenges and bullshit you dealt with. And in fact,

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Speaker 2: let's do five sessions. So we do five hours of

431
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:53,199
Speaker 2: me coaching you on you know, how to maybe do

432
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 2: or not do certain things and build this business that

433
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 2: I built multiple times? Right, and you go, well'll be

434
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 2: good to talk to. Great because it was not bad

435
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:05,159
Speaker 2: at that. How much can we learn through that? And

436
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 2: I guess it varies, but versus just starting with a

437
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 2: blank sheet and just trial and error and you doing

438
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 2: it yourself experiences through someone else or your own experience

439
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 2: or both.

440
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: Well, if you're I think both matters. And here's why

441
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: I'm saying that, because if you're going to do something

442
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: you've never done before, but somebody else has been very successful,

443
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,959
Speaker 1: and I think the key point here it's not like, Okay,

444
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 1: I started this business and this is what I've started

445
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 1: multiple businesses, and here's a history of successes. I want

446
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: to learn from that person, Like I want to talk

447
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: to that person because they obviously understand a lot about

448
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 1: what they're doing and what I need to do or

449
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 1: the mistakes that I'm very likely to make that I

450
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 1: need to look out for. But there's also how I

451
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 1: approach things in the world. So in one sense, what

452
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: works for another person, especially if it's procedural, could probably

453
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 1: work for me. But in terms of what inspires people,

454
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: what motivates people, you know, how they approach doing anything.

455
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of space for uniqueness there.

456
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 1: And I'm still going to have to go out and

457
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 1: do trial and error to want to learn from myself

458
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,439
Speaker 1: to test what works for me. I'm a big fan

459
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: of going out and just wandering about a little bit

460
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 1: in life. Not you don't have direction, but it's almost

461
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: like if you're on a ship and you've got a compass,

462
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 1: instead of sailing in a straight line, kind of like

463
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: letting the current of the waves take it in and

464
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: out a little bit, because I think you'll find that

465
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: you'll find out a lot about yourself by putting yourself

466
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:06,479
Speaker 1: in different situations, different contacts. I think a lot of

467
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 1: that is critical for self discovery. So my answer would

468
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: be both.

469
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: You've done. If you've done both, you've had a fair

470
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 2: bit of coaching, but you've also set up two gyms,

471
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 2: and you've managed people and led people and had to

472
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 2: go through the fucking all the mayhem of money and

473
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 2: books and partnerships and development and brand And what are

474
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 2: your thoughts on that?

475
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was thinking, and I find it difficult to

476
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 3: answer that question because I think there are a lot

477
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 3: of variables in what comes into it being who you are,

478
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 3: how you think and learn and function, and how you

479
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 3: execute ideas. One of the biggest things I remember banging

480
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 3: on about after starting the podcast was the lesson for

481
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: me that naivety was a gift. If I was not

482
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 3: so naive about how podcasts worked, how sponsorship worked, how

483
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 3: getting guests worked, I wouldn't have taken action on any

484
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 3: of them. I had sponsors within eight weeks. But I've

485
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 3: made it up, and I made and I created a

486
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 3: way to offer value and out there in the world

487
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 3: of people doing the same thing as me. I would

488
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 3: join groups and I would read people asking how to

489
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 3: and other people saying don't bother. You can't rah rah.

490
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,480
Speaker 3: So I think, yeah, it depends who you're looking at,

491
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 3: how you think, and how somebody else's coaching or lessons.

492
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 3: And this is why I took so long to dive

493
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 3: into a speaking course. How is that going to affect

494
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 3: what you're naturally talented at and what you're already doing

495
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 3: well based on someone else's opinion?

496
00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 2: Were you doing right now until recently? Both? Right, you're

497
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 2: in a course being coached on speaking, but you're also

498
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 2: separate to that out there speaking like you're doing the job.

499
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: You're already doing it. You're already on a stage in

500
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,959
Speaker 2: front of humans, sharing thoughts, insights, messages, building rapport, connection

501
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,960
Speaker 2: and staining all the shit that you do. And over

502
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 2: here you're being trained. So you can do a direct comparison.

503
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 2: Do you get more value from just doing it? And

504
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 2: I know this is not global, this is just you,

505
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 2: but do you get more valuable, more value and more

506
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 2: I don't know, benefit from the courses and all the

507
00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 2: talking you and I have talked a lot, or from

508
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: just being on the stage and doing it.

509
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 3: I want to say yes, more from doing it, But

510
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 3: I also have an awareness that that's my bias opinion,

511
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 3: and that's my experience, Like, what don't I see? So

512
00:31:55,440 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 3: I think maybe it's both, but I do think I

513
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 3: do think it's really important to just get out there

514
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 3: and get hands dirty.

515
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, Bobby, we're going to wind up. I was just

516
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 2: going to say, so, somebody's got to they're listening to

517
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:14,239
Speaker 2: this and they're hard. Could be something completely unrelated to

518
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 2: what we've spoken about today, a completely different challenge. And

519
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 2: again there's no global answer, individual answer to this very

520
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: broad question. But how do we know where to start? Like,

521
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 2: is there any advice for somebody just going?

522
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: Fuck? I?

523
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 2: It all makes sense, but I'm so overwhelmed. It's so

524
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 2: big this thing that I do not know where to start.

525
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 1: We'll want to start small and over the past year

526
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: looking at values that people have. One value that I've observed,

527
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: and if it's not innatly for you, then it won't work.

528
00:32:56,120 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: But one value I've observed in people that's a superpower's curiosity.

529
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 1: What am I curious about? It's overwhelming. Yeah, there's probably

530
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 1: one hundred steps to it. What is one thing that

531
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: I'm curious about experimenting with this week and just seeing

532
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: what happens? Because I think curiosity in a lot of

533
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: ways is an antitude to overwhelm unless sure, well then yeah,

534
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: it's very risky. Don't want to use up any of

535
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 1: those nine lives from that. But yeah, because it's like

536
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 1: I think when you when you take things and break

537
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: it down in terms of experiments, they're fun and the

538
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: whole idea of an experiment is not like, Okay, did

539
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: I accomplish this thing? Did I fail? Did I succeed?

540
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: What did I learn? What do I learn from this?

541
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: And how does that learning inform my next step? So

542
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 1: curiosity takes things from the oh, this is huge, and

543
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:04,400
Speaker 1: am I going to succeed at this? Can I do this?

544
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: Am I going to fail? That doesn't make a difference,

545
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what am I going to learn? Because if

546
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: it's what am I curious about? What's one small step

547
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 1: I could take? And what what have I learned from it?

548
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 1: There's no waste of time?

549
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, And what will I do next time?

550
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 2: And what won't I do next time? You know, it's

551
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 2: like just taking practical shit away. Thank you both. Tiffany

552
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: and Cooque has a podcast. She might be interested. It's

553
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: called Roll the Punches. She's done a thousand episodes as

554
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 2: she keeps on fuck and banging on. I've done a

555
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 2: thousand episodes. All right, good, well done. Ah, No, she's amazing.

556
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 2: It's amazing. Bobby hasn't done a thousand episodes, but he's

557
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:55,240
Speaker 2: probably done ten thousand on other people's shows. The self

558
00:34:55,239 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 2: help Antidote is his amazing podcast, Robert Capuccio dot on

559
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 2: the interwebs, and you can find him on LinkedIn and

560
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 2: all dodgy bookstores, and Muttley you can find in a

561
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,800
Speaker 2: bar leaning over a flagon of something wrapped in brown

562
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 2: paper with a fucking dodgy, old, stinky, old flannel on,

563
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 2: just looking shifty as fuck in the corner. Did I

564
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 2: miss anything?

565
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: You just listed all of my life's aspirations.

566
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,800
Speaker 2: Oh fucking Muttley's going to finish the show, so

567
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 1: Bye,