Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to separate bathrooms. We would like to
Speaker 1: acknowledge the gadagor people of the Eur nation and give
Speaker 1: respects to their elders both past. And I'm Ali Daddo.
Speaker 2: I'm Cam Dado. Hi, Hi, Hi, how are you.
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 2: We're recording this from our home studio.
Speaker 1: Yes, today we're at home.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm just loving the lens that I'm on. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's kind of got that Hollywood.
Speaker 1: It's old Hollywood, Vassaline.
Speaker 2: Vassoline on the lens, and I'm feeling like this is
Speaker 2: this is a pretty good thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you look at least five years younger.
Speaker 2: Five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that takes you down to like thirty five.
Speaker 2: There you go. Thirty five is the new fifty nine, No, the.
Speaker 1: New fIF fifty nine is your midlife still.
Speaker 2: Fifty nine fifty nine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great age.
Speaker 2: Crowding sixty eight, crowding money. Yeah. There are moments when
Speaker 2: I do mind.
Speaker 1: I know, oh, I know.
Speaker 2: What was I looking at the other day someone was
Speaker 2: talking about I know who it was. It was Hamish Blake.
Speaker 2: He was talking about if you could have your time again,
Speaker 2: would you have be a billionaire in your time again?
Speaker 2: Or would you want your time again. And I think
Speaker 2: the question was asked of Richard Branson, and Richard Branson said,
Speaker 2: I can always make the money. I want my time again, right,
Speaker 2: I'll give up the billionaire because I could do that again.
Speaker 2: I've already done that one.
Speaker 1: That's confidence, isn't it to know that you've done it
Speaker 1: so you can make your money again.
Speaker 2: And to have the time again too. And I think
Speaker 2: I've been thinking about that for myself, just going it
Speaker 2: would be interesting to go back and have that time again.
Speaker 1: I would love it.
Speaker 2: We live that, Yeah, yeah, I'd love it. Why would
Speaker 2: you love it?
Speaker 1: Because I'd love to have the time with the kids
Speaker 1: again when they were little. Yeah, that's that's it, Like
Speaker 1: that's everything the main reason. Yeah, so fun. Do you
Speaker 1: know we thought we would today we do something a
Speaker 1: little different. So obviously, you know, this is a relationship podcast,
Speaker 1: and we're always sort of researching, you know, what makes
Speaker 1: relationships tick, what's good advice relationships? How can we bring
Speaker 1: that into a discussion or great questions to ask your
Speaker 1: spouse or your partner. So we it's just the two
Speaker 1: of us today, so we actually thought we would share
Speaker 1: some of the research and questions that we have discovered
Speaker 1: over the years and see if this helps you guys out.
Speaker 1: So if you want to grab a patten pencils at
Speaker 1: school something, yeah, message as.
Speaker 2: You're walking, you know, just grab your iPhone, go to
Speaker 2: the notes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or share it with your spouse, share this podcast
Speaker 1: with your spouse and say, hey, listen to this. This
Speaker 1: is some stuff we could do to help our relationship,
Speaker 1: because I think there's some pretty good bits and bobs
Speaker 1: in here. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So one of the ways that we share information is
Speaker 2: by sending each other Instagram posts. And I was never
Speaker 2: I mean, how would send me? Like sometimes there'd be
Speaker 2: ten sitting there waiting for me, and I'd be like,
Speaker 2: I got to look at these Instagram posts? Do I
Speaker 2: really have time for this? But then I think you
Speaker 2: sent me one of those instagrat posts was about their
Speaker 2: pebbles or their breadcrumbs, and they are helping me understand
Speaker 2: or you are helping me understand you better by sending
Speaker 2: me what interests you.
Speaker 1: I send it. And I sent that same that same
Speaker 1: information to the kids as well as like, this is
Speaker 1: like a little love note to you that I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about you. And here's a little video that I thought
Speaker 1: you might find interesting because I don't find stuff that
Speaker 1: I find like I will send you golf videos or
Speaker 1: I'll send river baking videos or you know. So it's
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's a little it's a little love note
Speaker 1: pebble that I send your way to go here go.
Speaker 1: I thought you might enjoy this.
Speaker 2: Well, it's changed my perception of those posts now. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I look at every single one and most of them
Speaker 2: are funny. Yes, and then I obviously am reciprocating and
Speaker 2: sending them back to you. Yeah, not those ones back,
Speaker 2: but the ones that I'm finding are curiously funny.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: And it's a great dialogue, yeah, that we're having so
Speaker 2: often these As Al said, these posts are maybe ideas
Speaker 2: for topics of discussion for us to talk about with
Speaker 2: you on separate bathrooms. So where do you want to start.
Speaker 1: Well, I've got the list of questions and things and
Speaker 1: topics that we can just run through and share them
Speaker 1: out and see if any of these resonate with the listener.
Speaker 2: Our furnish me with this list just prior to rolling
Speaker 2: on this and so I'm looking at these questions for
Speaker 2: the first time.
Speaker 1: That's some good ones. Yeah, it's just sort of like
Speaker 1: questions to get, you know, to create more intimacy.
Speaker 2: Okay, so here's question one. Yeah, here's question one. What's
Speaker 2: your favorite weird habit of mine?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I'm already stomped a favorite weird habit?
Speaker 2: Well, is there a weird habit? Let's have to do favorite.
Speaker 1: So many habits, weird habits, weird habits.
Speaker 2: While you're thinking, I can give you one of me. Yeah,
Speaker 2: what's the first one that came to mind?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Your your particular way of making a cup of tea. Oh,
Speaker 2: some would say that's a weird habit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably, But is it a favorite of yours?
Speaker 2: Well, it's become that because I've watched you so many
Speaker 2: make so many cups of tea that I try to copy.
Speaker 1: That you do, and you've done well.
Speaker 2: Now it's changed, though, hasn't it. It's only been in
Speaker 2: the in the last six months.
Speaker 1: It's brilliant.
Speaker 2: I'm making you proper cups of the best, the best.
Speaker 1: You've learned from, You've learned from the master to make
Speaker 1: the best.
Speaker 2: The tea snob. We call it tea snob.
Speaker 1: I wear that label proudly.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm glad, I'm glad. I'm glad you dig in
Speaker 2: my cups. I'm making you.
Speaker 1: I think the first thing that comes to mind for
Speaker 1: me isn't and I've said I think I shared this
Speaker 1: in the last podcast. Actually, and it's it's wild that
Speaker 1: I'm now being able to say this because it's shifted.
Speaker 1: Is it's the habit of how your brain works, like
Speaker 1: I'm actually it is now my favorite thing now that
Speaker 1: I understand it, of how your brain functions, I can
Speaker 1: and I know your how your train of thought goes.
Speaker 1: It's actually become a bit of a favorite thing about you.
Speaker 1: For me. It's like I is so weird, but it's
Speaker 1: so interesting. It's so like, wow, I don't know anyone
Speaker 1: else that thinks like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, now I've established my My brain's like a
Speaker 2: flow chart. It's literally like year nine maths, a flow chart.
Speaker 2: Things go yes, no, oh, follow that one, follow this one. Oh,
Speaker 2: there's a track, I'll go over that way. That's how
Speaker 2: I end up on those.
Speaker 1: Weird I think you would have failed miserably if that
Speaker 1: was the flow chart you hand it into your math teacher,
Speaker 1: because it is a flow chart that goes.
Speaker 2: You know, maths. My mates when we play golf just goes.
Speaker 2: Don't give him the school.
Speaker 1: Don't give him this.
Speaker 2: Don't let daddo keep score.
Speaker 1: Now, okay, question, here's another good one if I lost
Speaker 1: my memory, What would be the first thing that you
Speaker 1: would tell me about us?
Speaker 2: About us? Yeah, oh wow, I would say that, believe
Speaker 2: it or not, we have been married for over thirty years. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and we have three of the most amazing children. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that would be the first thing I would tell you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so before you know, just know that as I come
Speaker 2: up to you and go to hug you, yeah, right,
Speaker 2: that we've actually done this for a long time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, amazing.
Speaker 2: Yes, And what would you tell me about us?
Speaker 1: I would say, you are married to the most incredible
Speaker 1: human ever to walk the face of the earth. And
Speaker 1: I try to convince you of that.
Speaker 2: You mean I couldn't see that, I can see it.
Speaker 1: I would probably say.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Those would be the first things. That we've been married
Speaker 1: for a long time time, we have three children, and
Speaker 1: that we've lived in other countries. This isn't you know,
Speaker 1: This isn't we've lived in Yeah, many, We've traveled to
Speaker 1: a lot of places and seen a lot of things
Speaker 1: and been through some really really hard times and come
Speaker 1: out the other side.
Speaker 2: It's nice. Yeah, this is a great question. How do
Speaker 2: you think I've changed since we first met?
Speaker 1: Look, I don't intrinsically, you are absolutely the same person.
Speaker 1: Like you're very, very similar to when I first met you,
Speaker 1: except for one thing, which I think is what's the
Speaker 1: biggest thing. There's other things that have changed as well,
Speaker 1: in small ways perhaps, but you have become a way
Speaker 1: better listener and more curious about other people.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's something I've been working on.
Speaker 1: I know, and you've you're succeeding.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's good. I want to be a better human. Yeah,
Speaker 2: ask me the question now.
Speaker 1: Oh god, I don't know if I want to ask you?
Speaker 1: How do you think I've changed since we first met?
Speaker 2: I don't think much the same way. I don't think
Speaker 2: you've really the innate you has changed. You've always been loving,
Speaker 2: You've always been kind, playful, love a laugh. I think
Speaker 2: the most important and biggest change that you've made is
Speaker 2: you're not as much as a is. You're not the
Speaker 2: people pleaser that you were.
Speaker 1: Right back in the day, and I've been working on that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you you have no issues standing up for what's right,
Speaker 2: you know, it's that moment it's that thing of don't
Speaker 2: mistake my kindness for weakness. And I think that definitely
Speaker 2: that's how you've changed, because when I first met you,
Speaker 2: you were not like that. Yeah, to bend over backwards,
Speaker 2: to do whatever, absolutely absolutely agreed. Agreed. Good, some good
Speaker 2: evolution there.
Speaker 1: So, if there's one thing you wish people knew about me,
Speaker 1: what would it be?
Speaker 2: One thing people knew about you? I think they're starting
Speaker 2: to get to know you, how delightful you are, yeah,
Speaker 2: and how much you care, how deeply you care. I
Speaker 2: think that it's very easy to when we do it,
Speaker 2: you know, make these broad assumptions about someone after we've
Speaker 2: only seen them or met them. Ah, yeah you know
Speaker 2: that person's a model, or yeah she's pretty. She would care. Though.
Speaker 2: I think people who get to know you really understand
Speaker 2: how you appreciate and are grateful for a depth of friendship.
Speaker 1: Oh that's lovely.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I want people to know you in how deeply
Speaker 2: you feel and how much you yeah, appreciate friendships. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: What about if there's one thing you wish people knew
Speaker 2: about me? What would it be? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think it would be that you're a lot more
Speaker 1: spiritual and a deeper thinker than people realize. Like I
Speaker 1: think you come you're laughing.
Speaker 2: Do I come across as just flighty?
Speaker 1: Not flighty, but sometimes a bit fluffy, maybe a bit
Speaker 1: sort of light and fluffy, you know, Cameron, Dodo Smooth
Speaker 1: or them, you know, like, you know, just like light.
Speaker 1: But that's part of your charm as well. You can
Speaker 1: process sort of you know, light and fluffy sometimes and
Speaker 1: there's a whole other side to you. That's a good thing.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I don't know
Speaker 1: how often you share your deep thoughts with a lot
Speaker 1: of people, or you know that your spirituality with people.
Speaker 1: I think that that's something that you keep fairly you know,
Speaker 1: sacred and to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yes, well I'm a pasties Yeah. Yeah, so I'd swim
Speaker 2: in deep water.
Speaker 1: Oh there you go. There's some depth for you all
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: No, I think that's very kind of you to say
Speaker 2: that and to acknowledge that. Yes, I do think deeply
Speaker 2: about things, sometimes a little bit too much. Yeah, do
Speaker 2: often share it? Maybe not.
Speaker 1: I really loved those questions. I pulled them from the Internet.
Speaker 1: I thought I'd never ever thought about those questions to
Speaker 1: ask and to sort of see them written down. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I really want to ask those questions of you. So
Speaker 1: I loved those ones particularly. Then I just took some
Speaker 1: information about travel because we've had a couple of short
Speaker 1: but sweet trips of late, and they've just been so
Speaker 1: lovely to get away with you. And I've just got
Speaker 1: some facts about travel. You want to share some of that.
Speaker 1: There's a seven percent increase in life satisfaction if you
Speaker 1: travel more.
Speaker 2: That makes sense, Yeah, because you're gaining experience, Yeah, broadening yourself.
Speaker 2: All right, what about this one?
Speaker 1: This is important.
Speaker 2: Women who take vacations frequently are less likely to become depressed,
Speaker 2: and I'm more satisfied with their relationships. Would you agree
Speaker 2: with that.
Speaker 1: I did not make that up. That that was a
Speaker 1: fact from Instagram, and Instagram is never wrong.
Speaker 2: It must be true.
Speaker 1: I actually don't know where they these facts are coming.
Speaker 2: From, but I thought it wouldn't makes sense.
Speaker 1: It makes sense because I know that for myself, and
Speaker 1: I know that for my girlfriends that that little time
Speaker 1: away from hubby or partner or kids can really just
Speaker 1: do a big reset. I'm sure for the fellows as well.
Speaker 1: You know, but women do tend to be the deep
Speaker 1: homemakers of the partnership and sometimes they got to have
Speaker 1: that break.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, from a fellow's perspective on that, I think boys'
Speaker 2: trips like a golf trip or surfing trip or fishing trip,
Speaker 2: weekend away is hugely beneficial as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but is it beneficial to the relationship.
Speaker 2: Depends on the fellas you go with exactly. You know
Speaker 2: what you're getting up to. But I, in my experience,
Speaker 2: the way it is when I have my annual trip
Speaker 2: with my mates from Madaliza, the guys I grew up
Speaker 2: with and went to school with, I think I come
Speaker 2: back better in our relationship because I've had an opportunity
Speaker 2: to sometimes blow off with those guys, just talk about
Speaker 2: stuff and probably more importantly, hear what they're going through
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: Well, it wasn't They didn't say that on Instagram, So
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's true. I only know it's
Speaker 1: best for women.
Speaker 2: Of course, So see I'm dealing with.
Speaker 1: All right. Fifty one percent of traveling couples have more
Speaker 1: love in a one week vacation than they do in
Speaker 1: eight weeks at home.
Speaker 2: Well that makes of course, that's the way because you're
Speaker 2: not surrounded by all the minutia of home, and you're
Speaker 2: in some hot hotel room designed by a forty year
Speaker 2: old dude who wants to be a little colored glass
Speaker 2: and sexy, and you're are you talking about when you
Speaker 2: go away for that weekend? That one week.
Speaker 1: Away you're in every camping in a tent?
Speaker 2: That is crazy. But I'm just saying from one perspective,
Speaker 2: that's a weird perspective. But don't you think though, Not
Speaker 2: that we've stayed in many boutique hotels, but but a
Speaker 2: lot of them are these days kind of like feel
Speaker 2: like they've been designed by by a young architect, you know,
Speaker 2: with sliding panels and case in point, the hotel we
Speaker 2: stayed out last week and with its sliding petition, one
Speaker 2: slide side went across to the covered up the toilet,
Speaker 2: but then that was opening up the shower and the
Speaker 2: other side was open, closing the shower but opening up
Speaker 2: the toilet.
Speaker 1: It's sort of but I don't sit there going this
Speaker 1: young architect guy with groovy glasses on, has.
Speaker 2: Design this thing to get that is stimulated for a
Speaker 2: hot weekend. No hotel, you don't think.
Speaker 1: So, No, I don't think that that's.
Speaker 2: That's that's how my brain works. Yeah, it's the colored
Speaker 2: glass and the low lighting.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let's go next fact, keep it moving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: ninety four percent of couples who travel together feel very
Speaker 1: close to one another, compared to eighty six of couples
Speaker 1: who don't.
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is Well, it's the same.
Speaker 1: Thing, isn't it Like you're experiencing something together, often for
Speaker 1: the first time. If you're traveling to a new country,
Speaker 1: you're eating at a new place, you're seeing new things.
Speaker 2: So you know, you've still leaning on each other as well,
Speaker 2: aren't you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, forward facing together. You know. It's so it's such
Speaker 1: a great thing. It's such a great thing for couples
Speaker 1: to if they can get away question for you, then
Speaker 1: even staycation like.
Speaker 2: They're the best. Yeah, you know, it's just a little
Speaker 2: breather and take some time away. I love traveling with you,
Speaker 2: that's the point.
Speaker 1: And I love traveling with.
Speaker 2: I would do a great escape like going through all
Speaker 2: that because I mean just the stories you would have
Speaker 2: would be awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's kind of that's it on travel. So
Speaker 1: then I found ten check in questions for you and
Speaker 1: your partner that you can do at the end of
Speaker 1: each week you set aside, like, you know, half an hour,
Speaker 1: thirty minutes. And this is from this one particular relationship
Speaker 1: instagram that I follow, And this is this husband and
Speaker 1: wife who've come up with these ten questions. I don't
Speaker 1: think we should answer them for ourselves, but these are
Speaker 1: just the questions that they suggest have worked for them
Speaker 1: really well.
Speaker 2: All right, well here's this is question number one of
Speaker 2: check in question for you and your partner. What's something
Speaker 2: you appreciate me for this week?
Speaker 1: I think that's really lovely. I think that's so nice
Speaker 1: to ask that.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, number two, what's something you're proud of yourself for
Speaker 1: this week? So beautiful?
Speaker 3: Ye?
Speaker 2: Is there anything left unsaid? So let's finish it?
Speaker 1: That's a ripper.
Speaker 2: That's a good question.
Speaker 1: Oh I love this one too. What have you been
Speaker 1: trying to tell me that I haven't been hearing?
Speaker 2: Yes, that's a great question.
Speaker 1: Yeah. This would also be really good for the kids,
Speaker 1: you know, to ask your kids.
Speaker 2: Do you need to see boundaries around or parameters around
Speaker 2: how you're answering these questions? I mean, because there's some
Speaker 2: of them, you could get pretty pointed and might end
Speaker 2: up in a bit of a barney buy well, I.
Speaker 1: Think you'd have to No, I would hope not. I'd
Speaker 1: hope that you would be if the goal is to
Speaker 1: create more intimacy and closeness, than I would hope that
Speaker 1: the other partner would understand that in those questions that
Speaker 1: it would be you'd be aligned in that.
Speaker 2: I think listening is that is eighty percent of the
Speaker 2: equation here, because you're asking the question, you want to
Speaker 2: listen to the answers. Do you have needs that are
Speaker 2: not getting met that I can do something about? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Nice?
Speaker 2: Shall I answer that? No?
Speaker 1: Number six, what's going well in our relationship?
Speaker 2: I can answer that.
Speaker 1: That's nice. Let's have a positive.
Speaker 2: How did you know that question five wasn't going to
Speaker 2: be a positive answer? That's okay? Yeah, what are you
Speaker 2: committed to this week?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great question, I know, because it could
Speaker 1: go all sorts of places. There's another one. Number eight
Speaker 1: is how are we prioritized as in intimacy this week?
Speaker 2: Very important? So question nine is more about sort of
Speaker 2: a logistical question. What are the planning and logistical things
Speaker 2: do we have to do this week? Because it's always
Speaker 2: good to have a plan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's what we always ask each other what
Speaker 1: have you got this week? So I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people share their calendar as well, which I think
Speaker 1: is really smart, so you can see what all the
Speaker 1: moving pieces and you're not sort of planning things when
Speaker 1: the other partner's got stuff to do.
Speaker 2: We share our calendar and it is literally a calendar
Speaker 2: hanging on the hall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so smart, Like this year is from Ireland?
Speaker 2: Are we are we ever going to go into iCal
Speaker 2: or one of those.
Speaker 1: Sort of you don't use that you you write in
Speaker 1: an actual Still, I still have a diary.
Speaker 2: I still use my big, big old diary that ends
Speaker 2: up looking like and Dog's Breakfast by the end of
Speaker 2: the year.
Speaker 1: But ten is how can I support you this week?
Speaker 2: It's a great question, It's lovely.
Speaker 1: So I loved all of those and they're easy questions
Speaker 1: to ask, you know, when they just gets you deeper
Speaker 1: with your partner, especially when you feel like you're you know,
Speaker 1: when you feel like you're just two floating people in
Speaker 1: the house and not you've lost the connection. And we've
Speaker 1: had a lot of I can't say a lot, but
Speaker 1: we have had some listeners write in about that, saying
Speaker 1: that we've been married for this long lost connection I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on. How do we get back?
Speaker 1: It's it's it's you know, as always, it's communication. And
Speaker 1: if these questions help, I think that's really good.
Speaker 2: I think they will. I think they will. And where
Speaker 2: are we going next? If you plan to be married
Speaker 2: a long time? And who doesn't stand at the altar
Speaker 2: with your with your love? Yeah, and not planned to
Speaker 2: be married a long time, I don't know that anyone
Speaker 2: would bother, would they? Aside from if we were doing
Speaker 2: it when we were ninety years old? Oh? True?
Speaker 1: But even then you'd be like till the end of
Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I would think that
Speaker 1: everyone would be planning to stay.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So if you plan to be married a long time,
Speaker 2: get more comfortable saying these things correct. Number one, you're right,
Speaker 2: I didn't get that done as i'd promised. I know
Speaker 2: it was important to you, and I'm gonna get it
Speaker 2: done today. Yeah that's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: That's good right. Number two, I'm sorry I got defensive
Speaker 1: and didn't hear you out. Can you share that again
Speaker 1: so I can understand what you need?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a beauty. Number three, I realized I was
Speaker 2: snappy and short with you. I have some other things
Speaker 2: I'm overwhelmed by and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: So yeah, there's a lot of that art of apology
Speaker 2: happening here. To get comfortable saying, get comfy apologizing.
Speaker 1: And then number four, I know you have been working
Speaker 1: so hard lately, and I want you to know I
Speaker 1: see and appreciate everything you are doing for our family.
Speaker 2: That's a big one.
Speaker 1: When I read that one, I was like, that's a
Speaker 1: Cameron Dado love language one. You like that, you like it?
Speaker 2: I do? I know I do, because you put a
Speaker 2: lot of time and effort and you know, and in
Speaker 2: this crazy entertainment business, there's a lot of thinking time
Speaker 2: that looks like you're doing nothing, but you're kind of
Speaker 2: conceiving and dreaming. And yeah, so that's that's a nice one.
Speaker 2: We all like to be seen.
Speaker 1: And also, you know, just to shout out to you know,
Speaker 1: working hard also means being a stay at home mum.
Speaker 2: Correct.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that you're in the office working long hours.
Speaker 1: It can mean you are work king twenty four to
Speaker 1: seven hours, being at home with your babies.
Speaker 2: Taking care of the treasures.
Speaker 1: Plus, and you got the working mums who are also
Speaker 1: raising kids. So it's like, yeah.
Speaker 2: You always bring that perspective in and it's very much
Speaker 2: appreciated by I'm sure by the people that are going
Speaker 2: through it and also to be reminded of it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, as someone who's being important. I feel like
Speaker 2: I just need to vent about some things I'm overwhelmed by.
Speaker 2: Oh this is this is the important part here. Could
Speaker 2: you just listen to me vent for a few minutes.
Speaker 1: Yep, we do this. It's so helpful. It is so helpful.
Speaker 2: And then the addendum to that one is what do
Speaker 2: you want me to give you a solution or do
Speaker 2: you just want me to be a listen?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's a greater addendum. I noticed that I've
Speaker 1: been more critical and nitpicky lately, and that's not enjoyable
Speaker 1: at home. I'm going to focus more on the positive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: ringing true, don't say I know, don't say I know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I'm guilty of it too, are guilty of
Speaker 2: getting nitpicky.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I know, we can I know I can
Speaker 1: get about that. I can get.
Speaker 2: I'll bust my I'll bust my bust myself. As you know, well,
Speaker 2: those longtime listeners will know that I've spent quite a
Speaker 2: bit of time away from home, and when I come home,
Speaker 2: I have been guilty of being nitpicky about how the
Speaker 2: state of the house yeap, or what's not done and
Speaker 2: that's taking me years to get with and to not
Speaker 2: do it yeah, and just to go no, it's okay,
Speaker 2: everything is okay, and to not pick the crap out
Speaker 2: of stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, and I think there's yeah, I think
Speaker 3: there's usually definitely an underlying issue that's going on, Like
Speaker 3: if you're feeling overwhelmed and out of control, if I'm
Speaker 3: if I'm feeling overwhelmed and out of control with stuff,
Speaker 3: then you try to control.
Speaker 1: I try to control something. So it might be like, oh,
Speaker 1: don't do it like that, do it like this? Or
Speaker 1: why did you buy pink Lady apples instead of jazz
Speaker 1: when you know the jazz are the best apples right now?
Speaker 2: To you, to you, I still stand by the pink Ladies.
Speaker 1: No, they're not at the moment, they're not. They're soft
Speaker 1: at right now. This is important.
Speaker 2: This. This is also what happens if I haven't if
Speaker 2: I'm missed out on a job that I've wanted, an
Speaker 2: auditioned hard for it, or something what's the first thing
Speaker 2: that I do after I have not had the control
Speaker 2: over that outcome? What do you think that I do?
Speaker 1: Ah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Come on, this is this is the game show question.
Speaker 2: This is the well I.
Speaker 1: Know, I know sometimes you come home and you get
Speaker 1: mad at the kids. That was something you used to do.
Speaker 2: Well, that's awful. Yeah, guilty of that occasionally, hopefully not
Speaker 2: too often.
Speaker 1: Oh you go and clip the bushes?
Speaker 2: Correct?
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, you go outside with the pruning sears. I
Speaker 1: just had the whole visual and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like that tree. That's true.
Speaker 1: Another one is, I know we've been so busy lately
Speaker 1: and haven't made time for us. Let's plan qual time
Speaker 1: this week.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a beauty.
Speaker 1: It's a ripper.
Speaker 2: We should do that. Plan some quality time this week.
Speaker 1: I know we are well after this, we're going out
Speaker 1: for lunch.
Speaker 2: Remember we are we are all right. As a couple's therapist,
Speaker 2: Oh this is someone I'm just going I'm reading a head.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, go ahead, Okay, so as a couple's therapist,
Speaker 2: but you are not so another am I? So this
Speaker 2: has come out of where?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, this is an actual therapist who's posted this.
Speaker 2: Okay, so a therapist posted this as a couple's therapist.
Speaker 2: I noticed seven patterns in couples who made it the
Speaker 2: first pattern, so this is positive. They have boundaries with family,
Speaker 2: they're good friends. Okay, they've been through really dark times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think that's how obviously, how you come
Speaker 1: out of it. You know, there's more to it than that, obviously.
Speaker 1: But yeah, they let each other be themselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's that's a really important one. They had
Speaker 2: difficult conversations. Yep, I reckon, We've been through some questions
Speaker 2: here that might create some difficult conversations.
Speaker 1: Do you think between us?
Speaker 2: No, No, No, they're pretty good at it. I think
Speaker 2: we're actually pretty good at it. Yeah, but there's always
Speaker 2: difficult conversations. That's the thing I'm understanding more about these days,
Speaker 2: that that we there's always some kind of crap to
Speaker 2: go through. Even when things are going really great, there's
Speaker 2: still there's still crap. There's always going to be crap. Yeah,
Speaker 2: So it's just like just accept it and go, yeah,
Speaker 2: oh this is what I'm dealing with today. Yeah. Other
Speaker 2: than instead of saying oh why me, or why this again?
Speaker 2: Or why it's like no, this is here to teach us. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's difficult conversation.
Speaker 1: And one of the patterns in couples who is also
Speaker 1: that they fight, which you kind of go, await what,
Speaker 1: But she says, they get on each other's nerves. They fight,
Speaker 1: they're frustrated with each other at times, but they know
Speaker 1: how to navigate conflict and they bounce back and move forward.
Speaker 1: And that is so true. I think that there's a
Speaker 1: big difference between when people say we never never never fight,
Speaker 1: which is which. And there's a lot of couples that
Speaker 1: don't and it's awesome and they get on like a
Speaker 1: house on fire. But there's the couples that don't fight
Speaker 1: because they don't address things that doesn't you know, all
Speaker 1: that stuff that gets swept under the carpet. Or they
Speaker 1: fight and they fight ugly and it's nasty.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The seventh one, the seventh pattern is they made
Speaker 2: light of each other's quirks.
Speaker 1: We excel at that.
Speaker 2: I'm a bit flowery, I'm a bit.
Speaker 1: Loopy feet fluffy fee darling.
Speaker 2: Flowering, either of them. They all smell good. Hey, just
Speaker 2: before we go. Something that I found It was a
Speaker 2: list from the Cleveland Academy of Medicine and it was
Speaker 2: written in the nineteen thirties, and it was about mental
Speaker 2: health rules thirty nineteen thirties. So that's almost creeping up
Speaker 2: to one hundred years ago. And we think we've evolved,
Speaker 2: we think we've moved on, But these mental health rules
Speaker 2: written in the nineteen thirties are still very similar to now.
Speaker 2: Of course they are. So the first one, have a hobby,
Speaker 2: share your thoughts, face your fears. And the one that
Speaker 2: I love, which is the last one, is trust in time,
Speaker 2: be patient and hopeful. Time is a great therapist. That's beautiful.
Speaker 1: They were smart back then.
Speaker 2: Smart back then, smart now. Yeah, and you're smart for
Speaker 2: listening to separate bathrooms.
Speaker 1: Oh look, there's been some gems in there someway, even
Speaker 1: if it's just one of those questions that might sort
Speaker 1: of create a little spark for you at home with
Speaker 1: you know, your partner, your child, your best friend, your mum, whoever.
Speaker 1: But I think that there's some rippers in this. Hopefully
Speaker 1: you've gleaned something from it.
Speaker 2: I'm keeping the list. Yeah, ready to go have some lunch.
Speaker 2: We'll ask each other three questions. You can choose three
Speaker 2: questions from all the questions while we eat lunch. Okay, great,
Speaker 2: I love spending time with you.
Speaker 1: Oh thanks.
Speaker 2: I love having these conversations. They're really fun. They have fun.
Speaker 2: We'll catch up with you next time our separate bathrooms.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening.