WEBVTT - IS WATCHING PORN CHEATING?

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<v Speaker 1>I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.

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<v Speaker 2>She how do I put this?

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<v Speaker 3>Isn't a fan of my kissing.

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<v Speaker 1>Style boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.

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<v Speaker 2>He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable.

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<v Speaker 4>Catching them up.

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<v Speaker 3>I love being love.

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<v Speaker 2>I love love.

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<v Speaker 1>On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are

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<v Speaker 1>lucky to have Hailey Michelle Andrews and her partner Sam

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<v Speaker 1>join us to talk all things relationships, passion, pleasure, and porn.

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<v Speaker 1>Hailey is a feminine empowerment coach who shares her wisdom

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<v Speaker 1>through her followers and is an advocate for self love

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<v Speaker 1>and self discovery. We are excited to hear what advice

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<v Speaker 1>Hailey and Sam have for us when it comes to

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<v Speaker 1>watching porn in relationships.

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<v Speaker 3>Stay tuned to hear how you can rev up your

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<v Speaker 3>engines in your sex life.

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<v Speaker 1>Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all

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<v Speaker 1>things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.

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<v Speaker 3>This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,

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<v Speaker 3>intimate details, advice, and much more. All right, guys, thanks

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<v Speaker 3>for coming. It's a pleasure to have you here.

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<v Speaker 5>Hey guys, Hi, thank you so much.

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<v Speaker 2>So excited.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we're so excited to have you. I told you before.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually stumbled across your Instagram Hailey, and oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>it was just so unique, like your content is so individual.

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<v Speaker 1>It just really drew me in and I immediately followed you.

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<v Speaker 1>But then I was just so interested in what both

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<v Speaker 1>of you were posting. I saw that you are a

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<v Speaker 1>divine feminine sacred sensuality embodiment coach, which is just number one.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a very long, a very long title bit super interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>Can you tell us a bit about that?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah? Wow, okay, So the feminine embodiment is all about

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<v Speaker 5>to me, is finding our fullness and our safety in

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<v Speaker 5>our sexuality, in our sensuality. It's about coming back into

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<v Speaker 5>that feminine space of magnetism, of creating our life through

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<v Speaker 5>being through really just I guess, tapping into all these

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<v Speaker 5>spaces that we've lost along the way, and to reclaiming

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<v Speaker 5>our power, to reclaiming our sensuality and our sexuality. And yeah,

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<v Speaker 5>I mean it's a long title because it is a

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<v Speaker 5>forever expanding mission.

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<v Speaker 4>There is so much to delve into.

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<v Speaker 2>Is there a lot of women?

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<v Speaker 5>I am a lot of.

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<v Speaker 4>I need a big citer, So yeah, there's a lot

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<v Speaker 4>to it.

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<v Speaker 1>And Sam, you are a breath work tanenteric facilitator, empowerment coach.

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<v Speaker 1>Can you just give us kind of like a brief

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<v Speaker 1>overview of what that means?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, sure, absolutely so. I think as soon as people

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<v Speaker 2>hear this word tant they instantly think about sex. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>And where it's like tantra for me is it's about

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<v Speaker 2>seeing the divine and everything almost seeing like God and

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<v Speaker 2>everything and each other and ourselves and our environment. And

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<v Speaker 2>so much of my journey has been a mixture of

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<v Speaker 2>delving deep into the science of things and then deep

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<v Speaker 2>into the spirituality. And so I've traveled the while I

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<v Speaker 2>spent eight years traveling around the world, I spent forty

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<v Speaker 2>days in the desert in Egypt doing a tantric shraumatic initiation.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's all about energy management, you know. It's all

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<v Speaker 2>about knowing our energy and harnessing our energy and understanding

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<v Speaker 2>that energy, like sexual energy is energy, but it's just

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<v Speaker 2>condensed intense energy, and how we can use that energy.

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<v Speaker 2>Because for me, it's like I've always had so much,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's like, how how can I then channel that

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<v Speaker 2>energy and use it? Not not just for sex, but

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<v Speaker 2>you know, for creative endeavors or how can I use

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<v Speaker 2>that in my everyday life? So so much what I

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<v Speaker 2>do and coming to the breath. Wok, it's about the

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<v Speaker 2>living consciously and so the thing is, it's about using

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<v Speaker 2>this sexual energy, this energy that we have, and consciously

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<v Speaker 2>applying it to our life. That's what so much my

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<v Speaker 2>journey has been about. I'm locking that within myself and

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<v Speaker 2>now I'm locking that within others as well.

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<v Speaker 1>You guys are just fascinating, Like, I just have so

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<v Speaker 1>many questions right now, like because honestly, I think everyone

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<v Speaker 1>needs these types of coaches. We all struggle so much

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<v Speaker 1>with this and I think there's so much value in this,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's not spoken about enough. Do you guys feel that?

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely?

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<v Speaker 5>Definitely. I feel like, well, I guess our bubble of

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<v Speaker 5>life it is spoken about a lot, yeah, in general terms.

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<v Speaker 5>Not enough. Yeah. And you know, this is something that

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<v Speaker 5>has really been suppressed within us all because it's our power.

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<v Speaker 5>It's our power, our sexuality, our sensuality, it's our fucking power.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's happening right now within our world with our

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<v Speaker 2>society because so much the suppression comes from keeping us small.

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<v Speaker 2>So so much of the suppression has come from religion.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, so much of like sexual suppression, like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>feeling guilty about masturbation or you know, sex outside of marriage,

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<v Speaker 2>all of these things. And it's like if we look

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<v Speaker 2>back at ancient culture, if we look back at the Egyptians,

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<v Speaker 2>you know so much the ancient Egyptians practice tantrau as

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<v Speaker 2>well because they realize this sexual energy is this is

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<v Speaker 2>life force energy.

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<v Speaker 5>It's where we were created, like we are created from sex,

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<v Speaker 5>and it has been so shunned upon. It's been so

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<v Speaker 5>shunned upon, but it is life force energy. It is

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<v Speaker 5>so much more than what it is perceived to be.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly what society has. It's been able to be aware

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<v Speaker 2>of that and how to use that, so not to

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<v Speaker 2>be overrun by this energy and this power, not to

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<v Speaker 2>be controlled by it, but being able to use that

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<v Speaker 2>in a healthy way. And that's what so much of

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<v Speaker 2>our work is about, is like not suppressing our sexuality.

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<v Speaker 2>Has been so much suppression of sexuality in our society.

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<v Speaker 2>And this is where I feel like so much of

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<v Speaker 2>life for me. I work with a lot of brothers,

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<v Speaker 2>and I have so much love in terms of bringing

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<v Speaker 2>that awareness because there's so much and I hear there's

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<v Speaker 2>like toxic masculinity on mainstream media, and well, I can

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<v Speaker 2>understand where there's been abuse of masculine power. For me,

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<v Speaker 2>it's something so close to my heart because I see

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<v Speaker 2>all these brothers who just you know, they're confused, they

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<v Speaker 2>don't know what to do, they don't have that identity,

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<v Speaker 2>and there's so much power in this and I think

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<v Speaker 2>that negativity only really occurs when there's resistance, and so

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<v Speaker 2>when we suppress our power and we suppress our energy,

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<v Speaker 2>then it can leak out in unhealthy ways. So it's

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<v Speaker 2>about how to cultivate that and how to bring that

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<v Speaker 2>back into our truth and then how to express that

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<v Speaker 2>in a healthy way. Wow.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think there's definitely so much shame around sex.

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<v Speaker 1>I've definitely felt it, and it becomes is like in

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<v Speaker 1>a struggle that you face and you're like, oh, but

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<v Speaker 1>I want to be open. I'm embarrassed. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>that's why you guys are so necessary, because you're shy,

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<v Speaker 1>light upon it and you're so open that it makes

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<v Speaker 1>people feel way more comfortable and way more comfortable than

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<v Speaker 1>you know. I mean, I've never seen a page on

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram like both of your pages and it's empowering to see.

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<v Speaker 3>I was fascinated what you're saying, Sam about how like

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<v Speaker 3>you're very sexual and you have a lot of sexual

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<v Speaker 3>energy and you've used that, like channeled it for different ways,

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<v Speaker 3>because I find myself very like sexual and very high

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<v Speaker 3>intent of that sort of stuff. Yeah, And I found

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<v Speaker 3>it fascinating how you use it for other stuff. Can

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<v Speaker 3>you explain that, like what you mean?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, absolutely, And I think this is something that's

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<v Speaker 2>so important. This has been such a such a journey

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<v Speaker 2>in my life of like been open to that sexuality.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think especially for us men, I mean women,

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<v Speaker 2>you've had it suppressed for such a long time. There's

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<v Speaker 2>been so much control around that, and I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>there's there's been this shift, there's been this movement, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's so beautiful to watch women now being more

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<v Speaker 2>open and speaking into this. I think it's so powerful.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm seeing a bit of a knee jerk reaction

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<v Speaker 2>here and where now there's sort of almost a pression

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<v Speaker 2>of the masculine energy and the masculine power. And so

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<v Speaker 2>for me, when I when I see this, I think

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<v Speaker 2>it's so important for us as men to not feel

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<v Speaker 2>ashamed or guilty around having the sexual designs of how

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<v Speaker 2>to really express them in that healthy way. And so

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<v Speaker 2>this is where a lot of our work, and this way,

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of my work with Tantra has come into

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<v Speaker 2>because I think, again, you know, we'll speak into this letter.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sure around porn, but like around how we're conditioned

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<v Speaker 2>to what sex is. And I think this is here

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<v Speaker 2>when we look at this and when we look at

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<v Speaker 2>like sensuality and sexuality. So a lot of men, in

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<v Speaker 2>my experience, they think sex and they just think of

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<v Speaker 2>this like you know, like jackhammering, and it's like it's

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<v Speaker 2>it's very sexual, and it's and it's almost it's done.

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<v Speaker 2>And the way I describe this is that we look

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<v Speaker 2>at the energy centers and so we have this, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>this beautiful heart center, and then we've got our sexual center.

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<v Speaker 2>This is more the sacrel in the root. And when

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<v Speaker 2>when we do this, when we look at this, a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of men in the past and have been a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more closed off in the heart and more

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<v Speaker 2>open sexually. And when women and it's not all women

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<v Speaker 2>or all men, but they tend to be the opposite.

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<v Speaker 2>We have a bit more open in the heart. They

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<v Speaker 2>need that emotional connection, and they tend to be more

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<v Speaker 2>closed sexually, and so a lot of the work in

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<v Speaker 2>Tantra is about opening both of these channels. So for men,

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<v Speaker 2>opening our hearts and having this flow of energy, like

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<v Speaker 2>having this flow and this is what we do it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's something called the microcosmic orbit within Tantra and breathe

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<v Speaker 2>into this energy. So for men and using this sexual

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<v Speaker 2>energy that we have, but doing it from a space

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<v Speaker 2>of having an open heart, and then we can start

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<v Speaker 2>to channel this energy and then use it for I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>it's creation, it's creative energy. So it's like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe you're like, Okay, I'm feeling like I want to

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<v Speaker 2>go and have sex or whatever it might be. And

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<v Speaker 2>then you can use that energy and you can channel it.

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<v Speaker 2>A lot of this is through the breath and through

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<v Speaker 2>moving that energy, and then you can put that energy

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<v Speaker 2>into creation, into creation like I'm in here with it

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<v Speaker 2>some DJ dex and you know, and when we can

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<v Speaker 2>put that into music instead of like you know, where

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of guys my defaults like oh I feel

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<v Speaker 2>this surge of energy, I need it, I need it.

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<v Speaker 2>I need to go and have a way do I

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<v Speaker 2>need to go watch porn or something like that, and

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<v Speaker 2>they waste that and.

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<v Speaker 5>Let that energy like out into the world rather than hey,

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<v Speaker 5>let's like sublimate that energy and let's direct it into

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<v Speaker 5>something else exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, So we're going to be talking a lot about

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<v Speaker 1>porn in relationships in this episode. Pre meeting each other,

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<v Speaker 1>did you both watch porn individually?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, well, I personally was very conditioned through porn.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay.

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<v Speaker 5>I guess my whole experience with sex was revolved around

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<v Speaker 5>porn from a very young age. And this is I

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<v Speaker 5>think where we're so passionate about it is because there

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<v Speaker 5>is no education around sex. So my sexual education was porn,

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<v Speaker 5>was pornography, and my first sexual experience was at age

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<v Speaker 5>twelve because I was so conditioned around that porn and

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<v Speaker 5>finding out through that.

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<v Speaker 4>And so for me, yeah, there.

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<v Speaker 5>Has been a journey through the whole stages.

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<v Speaker 4>Like in regards to porn.

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<v Speaker 5>Just before I met Sam, No, I wasn't currently watching porn.

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<v Speaker 4>Your story is a little bit different than my love.

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<v Speaker 2>There was more of a yeah, yeah for sure, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's like yeah, yeah, for sure. And then

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<v Speaker 2>coming back to like speak more word about before about

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<v Speaker 2>this really sexual energy and craving that, you know. And

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<v Speaker 2>so it's like for me, I've always had so much

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<v Speaker 2>sexual energy, but then I'd be like I'd be looking

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<v Speaker 2>for an outlet for that, and that's why I would

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<v Speaker 2>turn to porn. And for me, I guess I've moved

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<v Speaker 2>through so much in my life and I'm someone who

0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.160
<v Speaker 2>I always see myself as like like I don't have

0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.280
<v Speaker 2>an addictive person, you know, it's like I just for me,

0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.240
<v Speaker 2>it's so I can just give anything up at the

0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.960
<v Speaker 2>drop of a hat, no problem with virtually everything. There

0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:00.600
<v Speaker 2>was there was a time where I uestion if other

0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:02.760
<v Speaker 2>sex addicts, like there was a time where I actually

0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:05.520
<v Speaker 2>sort out like coaching and like around that and I

0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:07.959
<v Speaker 2>and they're like, no, no, that's good, that's healthy. You know,

0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.000
<v Speaker 2>that's that's just got a lot of energy. You know,

0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:14.199
<v Speaker 2>that's fine. But porn, I would say that porn has

0:12:14.200 --> 0:12:15.959
<v Speaker 2>been the only thing I've really ever been addicted to

0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:16.600
<v Speaker 2>in my life.

0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:19.920
<v Speaker 3>Wow, when you say addicted, what are we talking to, Like,

0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:21.000
<v Speaker 3>what do you mean by addiction?

0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.720
<v Speaker 2>So for me, addiction on a on a very simple level.

0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:26.160
<v Speaker 2>And I work a lot with addiction, with people with addictions.

0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:30.840
<v Speaker 2>But it's like when I would choose porn over something

0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.080
<v Speaker 2>else that's better for me, you know. So it's like

0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.240
<v Speaker 2>I would I would choose porn even when I knew

0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:39.040
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't the right thing to do. So it might

0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:41.400
<v Speaker 2>be for example, I was my mates wanted to catch up,

0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:43.000
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, I'm just going to stay at home

0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:45.240
<v Speaker 2>and what's some porn and you know, like masturbate for

0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:47.240
<v Speaker 2>a few hours or you know, I was like to

0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:51.240
<v Speaker 2>this point of like needing that pleasure, Like I was

0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:54.000
<v Speaker 2>chasing that pleasure and building so deep into it, like

0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:59.240
<v Speaker 2>delving into the understanding what's happening chemically within the brain.

0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.840
<v Speaker 2>And like so it's like why we like fruit and

0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.400
<v Speaker 2>why fruit are all different colors because we like variety.

0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:08.959
<v Speaker 2>And so porn plays on this, you know, porn plays

0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:10.439
<v Speaker 2>on this. And that's like you know, like having one

0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:12.920
<v Speaker 2>tab open and opening another one and like you know,

0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:14.960
<v Speaker 2>like getting deeper into it and it's like, oh that's

0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:17.880
<v Speaker 2>boring now, Like I neat way something else, and it's like,

0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:19.040
<v Speaker 2>so this is this is what's.

0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:22.680
<v Speaker 5>Happening, programming the brain to be stimulated, the body to

0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:24.680
<v Speaker 5>be stimulated through something new.

0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:28.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, And I think this is there's so many

0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:31.560
<v Speaker 2>different levels of like what's something like with dopamine, what's

0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.040
<v Speaker 2>happening with that release? And then and then there is

0:13:34.080 --> 0:13:37.000
<v Speaker 2>that pleasure you know, and it's like really connected. So

0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:40.160
<v Speaker 2>for me, I mean, it wasn't it wasn't a huge

0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:43.439
<v Speaker 2>issue before we met, but there was definitely times in

0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:45.760
<v Speaker 2>my life, and I was when I was younger especially,

0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:47.960
<v Speaker 2>and There'll be times where I'm like, oh, well, maybe

0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 2>it's easy like I'm you know, I'm feeling I'm feeling horny,

0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:52.960
<v Speaker 2>and I could go out on I could just watch

0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:55.160
<v Speaker 2>some porn, you know, like and and so for me,

0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:58.520
<v Speaker 2>a big part of it as well was because when

0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:02.480
<v Speaker 2>I do connect with someone, there's a lot of emotional connection.

0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:04.959
<v Speaker 2>My background is like kind of like coming from that

0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:06.520
<v Speaker 2>space of a woman to heal of not wanting to

0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:09.840
<v Speaker 2>hurt people. But it was especially when I was younger

0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:13.600
<v Speaker 2>and I wasn't as conscious around the communication. I had

0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.920
<v Speaker 2>that struggle sometimes where people like really fall in love

0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:18.320
<v Speaker 2>and it was almost like Pawn was like, well, no

0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:19.760
<v Speaker 2>one's going to fall in love with me, you know,

0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:23.160
<v Speaker 2>like I can get Yeah, it's easier, you know. So

0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:24.640
<v Speaker 2>it was like for some pople, I think it's more

0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:26.240
<v Speaker 2>of like, oh I could just do this because I

0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:27.760
<v Speaker 2>don't have to go out and get it. But that

0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.440
<v Speaker 2>wasn't really the issue I had. My issue was kind

0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:32.280
<v Speaker 2>of like, you know, try and like having it, but

0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:35.040
<v Speaker 2>then like having that distance from it. Yeah. So yeah,

0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.960
<v Speaker 2>and it's something that's so so common I find this.

0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:40.680
<v Speaker 2>Like I'd say, like ninety nine percent of my clients

0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:44.280
<v Speaker 2>have had some form of porn addiction.

0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:48.440
<v Speaker 1>Well, look, let's jump into all things pawn and porn

0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:50.200
<v Speaker 1>in relationships next.

0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:55.920
<v Speaker 3>All right, Sam, So, I feel like you've been saying

0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:58.320
<v Speaker 3>a lot of stuff that resonate with me, and like,

0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:00.560
<v Speaker 3>I just want to be completely honest and open here

0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 3>with ya. So you said that you were addicted to

0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.520
<v Speaker 3>pawn in the past. I feel like I might be

0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.920
<v Speaker 3>struggling myself because I normally have to wait once when

0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 3>I wake up in the morning, once when I get

0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:12.920
<v Speaker 3>home from work, and then once before I go to

0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.640
<v Speaker 3>sleep or else. I've saying before, I feel real tense,

0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:18.840
<v Speaker 3>and I feel real like yeah, like my energy and

0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:21.480
<v Speaker 3>real anxious. I've even been called by some of my

0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:24.280
<v Speaker 3>mates a sex addict, and it's been thrown around a lot.

0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:26.040
<v Speaker 3>I've thought about it as well myself, so I can

0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:28.600
<v Speaker 3>resonate with you on that, like, do you have any

0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.040
<v Speaker 3>tips or anything that like what I can do?

0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:36.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, what's happening here is we're looking for a release. Yeah,

0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:39.480
<v Speaker 2>that's there's of course there's the pleasure and that side

0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:42.560
<v Speaker 2>of things and the variety. But quite often when especially

0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:44.400
<v Speaker 2>from it sounds like from what you're seeing, it it's

0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.560
<v Speaker 2>like the it's like the ejaculation, it's the release. And

0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:50.880
<v Speaker 2>this it's almost like escapism in a sense, because you're

0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:54.320
<v Speaker 2>you're getting relief, you know, you're getting relief from everything else.

0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.400
<v Speaker 2>Like you said, it's like this this old face, you know,

0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.280
<v Speaker 2>there's close to God and so your your mind is

0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:02.840
<v Speaker 2>switching up. And often, so often what's happening here it

0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.800
<v Speaker 2>can be a number of things. And this is why

0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:09.680
<v Speaker 2>again why the breath is so important and the breath work,

0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:12.520
<v Speaker 2>but so so much of our work and what we

0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:18.000
<v Speaker 2>do is around working with emotions and understanding emotions, and

0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:21.280
<v Speaker 2>so quite often what's happening here and what we've experienced

0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.360
<v Speaker 2>in our society today is there's been a lot of

0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:30.360
<v Speaker 2>suppression of emotion, especially for the masculine and especially in

0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:35.000
<v Speaker 2>Australian culture. Like I had the benefit of traveling around

0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.040
<v Speaker 2>the world for eight years. I lived in Germany for

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.360
<v Speaker 2>quite some time. I was in Europe, so I got

0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:42.640
<v Speaker 2>to experience different cultures and how things were I was.

0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.440
<v Speaker 2>I was twenty three when I left Australia and a

0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:48.640
<v Speaker 2>big part of the reason I left Australia was due

0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 2>to kind of not really feeling like feeling something was missing,

0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.440
<v Speaker 2>feeling like I didn't really fit in. You know, a

0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.640
<v Speaker 2>lot of my friendships were based around he was like,

0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, going out talking about girls, you know, like

0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.040
<v Speaker 2>do amount of the footy, you know, like it, and

0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.720
<v Speaker 2>it was all like a lot of banter, and I

0:17:04.920 --> 0:17:08.480
<v Speaker 2>I was lacking like this deeper connection. Yeah, And I

0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:10.120
<v Speaker 2>sort of found that a bit more in Europe, where

0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:11.840
<v Speaker 2>guys are a bit more open and it was a

0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:15.440
<v Speaker 2>different way of framing things. So I feel like in Australia,

0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.480
<v Speaker 2>especially in a lot of other cultures, but there's this

0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:22.600
<v Speaker 2>idea of masculinity, this idea of like the much shown man,

0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:26.520
<v Speaker 2>the man who doesn't cry, who doesn't feel, because that's

0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:29.359
<v Speaker 2>what strength is, and men should be strong, you know.

0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:32.560
<v Speaker 2>And it's like coming back to Yeah, there was a

0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.199
<v Speaker 2>time for millennia and I've I've had these flashbacks of

0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:38.040
<v Speaker 2>like Axe in hand and the battlefield, and like there

0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:39.960
<v Speaker 2>wasn't really a time and space for emotion, like, oh,

0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:42.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to hack my brother now, like then

0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:47.000
<v Speaker 2>you're did, So there was really a time for suppressing emotions. Yeah,

0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:51.119
<v Speaker 2>that's what sort of led to almost it's stunted our

0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:55.560
<v Speaker 2>evolution of this suppression of emotion. And so what's happening

0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:58.640
<v Speaker 2>quite often then is that we're looking for an escape.

0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:01.760
<v Speaker 2>So when these emotions come up, we actually don't want

0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:04.359
<v Speaker 2>to face them. We don't want to go into that

0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:08.080
<v Speaker 2>because it can be painful or it can be uncomfortable.

0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:11.200
<v Speaker 2>And so what we're doing then quite often is we're

0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:13.880
<v Speaker 2>looking for an escape. We're looking how can I avoid

0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:15.560
<v Speaker 2>feeling this thing?

0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:16.320
<v Speaker 1>Wow?

0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:18.320
<v Speaker 2>And that's where that's where a lot of men are

0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:21.639
<v Speaker 2>then turning to sex or to pawn. So they're suppressing

0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.840
<v Speaker 2>their emotions and they're looking for something they can be

0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:25.720
<v Speaker 2>distracted with.

0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:28.320
<v Speaker 1>It's interesting you say that because Matt and I were

0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:33.080
<v Speaker 1>on a TV show and Matt was actually quite heavily

0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:37.760
<v Speaker 1>bullied by the Australian public foreshowing emotion and crying a lot,

0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:40.919
<v Speaker 1>and it wasn't accepted. And I think even like in

0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:44.160
<v Speaker 1>the past two years, people have become more open, more accepting.

0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.320
<v Speaker 1>But it's interesting hearing you say that because that was

0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:50.640
<v Speaker 1>my immediate reaction to that. Yeah.

0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:52.919
<v Speaker 3>I was always taught to show my emotions, like with

0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:55.000
<v Speaker 3>my heart and my slave and not be ashamed of it.

0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:57.680
<v Speaker 3>So yeah, I went on national television and cried and

0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:00.200
<v Speaker 3>cop t heaves a slack for it.

0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:03.239
<v Speaker 2>But what, I'm sorry, sorry that you experienced that.

0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:05.280
<v Speaker 3>Well, how I found the best way to deal with

0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:07.520
<v Speaker 3>it was I owned it. I was like, that's me,

0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:09.760
<v Speaker 3>That's who I am. I have no shame in it.

0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:10.960
<v Speaker 3>I cry all the time.

0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:15.160
<v Speaker 5>That's who I Authenticity.

0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:20.320
<v Speaker 2>Authenticity, This is like authenticity is sexy, someone being themselves

0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:23.399
<v Speaker 2>and earning that rather than trying to fit into the mold,

0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:26.480
<v Speaker 2>really honoring in that respect.

0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:28.080
<v Speaker 3>Thanks, Yeah, that's just me.

0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:32.320
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So when did you guys first start discussing porn

0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:35.320
<v Speaker 1>in your relationship Because you mentioned before Hailey you weren't

0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:38.359
<v Speaker 1>watching porn actively at the time when you guys first

0:19:38.400 --> 0:19:41.760
<v Speaker 1>met Sam you were. How did that conversation come up

0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:46.520
<v Speaker 1>and kind of if you could explain the evolution of

0:19:46.680 --> 0:19:48.360
<v Speaker 1>stopping watching porn.

0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, for sure, I mean, like I said, I think

0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:55.080
<v Speaker 2>even by the time we were by that stage of

0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:57.680
<v Speaker 2>us meeting, like I'd done so much work on myself

0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:00.760
<v Speaker 2>where it actually overcome that addiction. So it was something

0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:04.560
<v Speaker 2>that I'd already moved through myself quite some time before.

0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:06.560
<v Speaker 2>So there's kind of like in context, when I thought

0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:09.080
<v Speaker 2>I was addict to the porn, it was quite some

0:20:09.160 --> 0:20:10.960
<v Speaker 2>time before that, but there was there was still definitely

0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:14.240
<v Speaker 2>some overhang of that, so to speak, like I still

0:20:15.000 --> 0:20:18.440
<v Speaker 2>occasionally watching porn when we met. I mean, like I said,

0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:20.760
<v Speaker 2>it was just because it was it was such a habit.

0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:23.040
<v Speaker 2>It was a habit, and it was just, yeah, sometimes

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.880
<v Speaker 2>it was easier than going through any sort of emotional

0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:28.640
<v Speaker 2>conflict that I might experience when I was like saying

0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.040
<v Speaker 2>to women like I'm you know, I'm not really interested

0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:37.640
<v Speaker 2>in a partnership or a relationship, but ultimately with porn.

0:20:38.560 --> 0:20:40.960
<v Speaker 2>The first time we spoke about it, I mean, I

0:20:41.000 --> 0:20:42.680
<v Speaker 2>didn't think it was I didn't think it was really

0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:43.720
<v Speaker 2>straight away, Like.

0:20:43.720 --> 0:20:44.720
<v Speaker 4>No, it definitely wasn't.

0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:48.000
<v Speaker 5>It came up because we spent that night apart and

0:20:48.080 --> 0:20:50.560
<v Speaker 5>you said that you watch porn, and that was when

0:20:50.600 --> 0:20:51.920
<v Speaker 5>the conversation came about.

0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:53.840
<v Speaker 4>And that was probably a few months in.

0:20:53.880 --> 0:20:55.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, a few months in before And.

0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:00.960
<v Speaker 1>How did you feel about that, Hayley, when you did

0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:02.879
<v Speaker 1>spend a night apart and you knew that Sam had

0:21:02.920 --> 0:21:03.480
<v Speaker 1>watched porn.

0:21:03.960 --> 0:21:08.240
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, Like, for me, I feel like porn has been

0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:13.280
<v Speaker 5>it's like this tunnel vision of what sex is. It's

0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:16.640
<v Speaker 5>a very small, minute part of what sex is, and

0:21:17.280 --> 0:21:20.840
<v Speaker 5>for me it really kind of puts down the feminine

0:21:20.920 --> 0:21:23.639
<v Speaker 5>in a way. I opened this discussion with him that

0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:26.719
<v Speaker 5>it felt to me like although we hadn't spoken about it,

0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:29.560
<v Speaker 5>so it wasn't a boundary that had been crossed. But

0:21:29.600 --> 0:21:31.560
<v Speaker 5>for me, I realized that it was a boundary of

0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:37.000
<v Speaker 5>mine that I don't want you spending any energy on this,

0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:39.639
<v Speaker 5>like on other people's sexual energy.

0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:41.119
<v Speaker 4>I don't want you receiving that.

0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:44.240
<v Speaker 5>I don't want you, yeah, being involved in that because

0:21:44.280 --> 0:21:47.600
<v Speaker 5>and I realized in that moment that became my boundary

0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:49.040
<v Speaker 5>because it didn't feel good.

0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:52.840
<v Speaker 1>How did that feel for you, Sam, hearing that that

0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:56.240
<v Speaker 1>was now becoming a boundary in your relationship?

0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.200
<v Speaker 2>For sure? It was definitely it was a paradigm shift

0:21:59.240 --> 0:22:02.920
<v Speaker 2>for me. Even though my views on porn, like, I

0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:05.119
<v Speaker 2>never really thought it was healthy. I didn't think, as

0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:07.200
<v Speaker 2>I say so bad earlier, but I never thought it

0:22:07.240 --> 0:22:10.000
<v Speaker 2>was really good and so so much My experience was

0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:13.440
<v Speaker 2>already that idea around porn not seen as as a

0:22:13.440 --> 0:22:16.040
<v Speaker 2>as a great thing. But all of a sudden, like

0:22:16.119 --> 0:22:18.399
<v Speaker 2>I had never ever in my life considered porn to

0:22:18.440 --> 0:22:21.080
<v Speaker 2>be cheating, you know, like I'd never that that had

0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:23.800
<v Speaker 2>not come into my field at all. I'm just watching porn, Like,

0:22:24.800 --> 0:22:26.679
<v Speaker 2>what do you mean? You know, I'm not I'm not

0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:29.800
<v Speaker 2>sleeping with someone else, like And I think so that

0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:35.639
<v Speaker 2>for me was a paradigm shift of how I viewed porn.

0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:37.960
<v Speaker 2>And even though I'd done so much work, and I

0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:40.680
<v Speaker 2>remember working when I was doing my tantric for facilitation

0:22:40.720 --> 0:22:42.800
<v Speaker 2>and working like with my my my guru, and he

0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:45.919
<v Speaker 2>was he was always like, no, porn, porn is terrible,

0:22:45.960 --> 0:22:49.040
<v Speaker 2>like do not go near porn, you know. And I

0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:50.679
<v Speaker 2>think it's like for me when I look at porn

0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:53.520
<v Speaker 2>and I see like the fact that porn is free,

0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:56.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, the fact that porn is free. If you're

0:22:56.080 --> 0:22:58.760
<v Speaker 2>not paying for it, then you're the product, you know,

0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:01.680
<v Speaker 2>And this is think about it. You got a subscription

0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:05.040
<v Speaker 2>for Netflix, you got a subscription for all of these things.

0:23:05.400 --> 0:23:08.760
<v Speaker 2>But the fact that porn is so readily available online,

0:23:09.080 --> 0:23:10.720
<v Speaker 2>you know that that for me is straight away a

0:23:10.720 --> 0:23:17.480
<v Speaker 2>bit of a red flag. There is a subscription unless yeah,

0:23:17.560 --> 0:23:18.200
<v Speaker 2>I wanted.

0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:19.960
<v Speaker 3>To watch a video and it's like side off and

0:23:19.960 --> 0:23:21.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm free.

0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:24.720
<v Speaker 2>Exactly of course, now like only fans now you know,

0:23:25.040 --> 0:23:27.760
<v Speaker 2>there's different there's different sides of that. But I think

0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:30.119
<v Speaker 2>ultimately for me it was it was a paradigm shift

0:23:30.160 --> 0:23:32.879
<v Speaker 2>in terms of even though I'd done that work of

0:23:32.960 --> 0:23:36.280
<v Speaker 2>understanding sexual energy and like when I'm having sex with someone,

0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:40.040
<v Speaker 2>sure there's an energy exchange, but there was another layer

0:23:40.320 --> 0:23:42.720
<v Speaker 2>which unraveled to me and like going, oh, yeah, that's

0:23:42.760 --> 0:23:45.119
<v Speaker 2>that's actually true. Like and even though I was watching

0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:48.760
<v Speaker 2>more because I am so empathetic and I feel people

0:23:49.240 --> 0:23:53.320
<v Speaker 2>so intensely, Like the porn I was watching was not

0:23:53.520 --> 0:23:55.639
<v Speaker 2>just your run of the mill mainstream point. It was like,

0:23:55.840 --> 0:23:58.760
<v Speaker 2>I can't watch pawn like I for me, at least,

0:23:59.080 --> 0:24:02.320
<v Speaker 2>I can really tell when a woman's actually enjoying it. Yeah,

0:24:02.320 --> 0:24:04.600
<v Speaker 2>and I can't watch porn if she's not enjoying it,

0:24:04.680 --> 0:24:10.600
<v Speaker 2>Like I have to feel that she wants that whatever's happening. Yeah,

0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:13.320
<v Speaker 2>So I think a lot of porn is not necessarily

0:24:14.080 --> 0:24:18.080
<v Speaker 2>fallen under that category. So even though like the porn

0:24:18.160 --> 0:24:22.480
<v Speaker 2>I was watching wasn't necessarily completely unconscious or mainstream porn.

0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:25.600
<v Speaker 2>But even then to realize that, yeah, if I'm watching porn,

0:24:25.600 --> 0:24:28.760
<v Speaker 2>even if it's conscious porn, it's still an energy exchange.

0:24:29.520 --> 0:24:33.200
<v Speaker 2>It's still something that I'm experienced. And even if I'm

0:24:33.240 --> 0:24:37.639
<v Speaker 2>not physically having sex with someone, there's still an exchange

0:24:37.640 --> 0:24:38.119
<v Speaker 2>of energy.

0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:42.080
<v Speaker 1>So just to clarify in both of your relationship, you

0:24:42.119 --> 0:24:44.760
<v Speaker 1>would classify watching porn as cheating.

0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:48.160
<v Speaker 2>This is a good one, and we've discussed this at length,

0:24:48.240 --> 0:24:53.400
<v Speaker 2>and I guess ultimately again it comes back to those

0:24:53.520 --> 0:24:56.720
<v Speaker 2>boundaries that we set and because we hadn't had conscious

0:24:56.720 --> 0:24:59.960
<v Speaker 2>communication around this at all, Yeah, it certainly wasn't something

0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:03.600
<v Speaker 2>that was perceived as cheating. And I think even when

0:25:03.600 --> 0:25:08.320
<v Speaker 2>we speak about this, it's not necessarily cheating, but it's

0:25:08.520 --> 0:25:13.439
<v Speaker 2>the conscious understanding of For example, if Hayley doesn't like

0:25:13.480 --> 0:25:16.240
<v Speaker 2>me watching porn, then that's something that I need to

0:25:16.240 --> 0:25:18.760
<v Speaker 2>honor and respect. And if I'm doing something that she

0:25:18.840 --> 0:25:22.199
<v Speaker 2>doesn't like me doing, then you know, what's what's actually

0:25:22.240 --> 0:25:25.919
<v Speaker 2>going on there, What's what's deeper behind that. I personally

0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:28.960
<v Speaker 2>don't consider it to be cheating, but it's also a

0:25:29.080 --> 0:25:33.600
<v Speaker 2>deeper level of understanding of what's actually involved in watching

0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:35.960
<v Speaker 2>porn and that in that exchange of energy.

0:25:36.240 --> 0:25:40.639
<v Speaker 1>Hayley, do you feel like Sam watching porn is cheating if.

0:25:40.440 --> 0:25:43.640
<v Speaker 5>There is a boundary in place where we've discussed it

0:25:44.119 --> 0:25:48.280
<v Speaker 5>and he then goes beyond that boundary. I wouldn't call

0:25:48.320 --> 0:25:51.639
<v Speaker 5>it cheating, but it's definitely a boundary that's been crossed.

0:25:51.720 --> 0:25:51.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:25:53.040 --> 0:25:55.439
<v Speaker 3>Is it because he's watching other naked women?

0:25:56.000 --> 0:25:59.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Yeah, And I guess it's what we spoke about

0:25:59.560 --> 0:26:01.560
<v Speaker 2>as well. It's like, if I'm watching porn, it's like

0:26:01.560 --> 0:26:01.960
<v Speaker 2>what am.

0:26:02.160 --> 0:26:05.119
<v Speaker 4>What is missing in the relationship? And that's deeper.

0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:09.080
<v Speaker 5>That's where we go deeper, because there is something missing

0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:12.439
<v Speaker 5>in this container if you need to find that fulfillment

0:26:12.520 --> 0:26:15.320
<v Speaker 5>outside of our container, and this is where we need

0:26:15.359 --> 0:26:16.000
<v Speaker 5>to be first.

0:26:16.520 --> 0:26:19.480
<v Speaker 3>So say that a couple one of the partner doesn't

0:26:19.560 --> 0:26:23.199
<v Speaker 3>like the other one watching porn, but their sexual energies

0:26:23.200 --> 0:26:26.120
<v Speaker 3>don't link up at the same What do I say,

0:26:26.200 --> 0:26:31.960
<v Speaker 3>vibrate libidos are the what do you suggest then for

0:26:32.119 --> 0:26:34.679
<v Speaker 3>instead of watching porn, Because there's obviously like one of

0:26:34.680 --> 0:26:36.600
<v Speaker 3>them needs to get off but the other one doesn't

0:26:36.640 --> 0:26:39.640
<v Speaker 3>as much. What can you implement then into the relationship.

0:26:40.880 --> 0:26:42.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, multifaceted.

0:26:42.520 --> 0:26:44.440
<v Speaker 4>It is very multifaceted. Yeah.

0:26:44.520 --> 0:26:47.800
<v Speaker 5>Look, I mean, first of all, it is about like

0:26:48.119 --> 0:26:52.840
<v Speaker 5>really delving deeper into what those sexual urges are and

0:26:52.960 --> 0:26:55.920
<v Speaker 5>going on your own journey. But two, one hundred percent,

0:26:55.960 --> 0:26:58.320
<v Speaker 5>if two people's libidos don't match up and someone is

0:26:58.320 --> 0:27:01.320
<v Speaker 5>wanting to come into that pleasure are more often than

0:27:01.320 --> 0:27:04.000
<v Speaker 5>the other, well then yeah, there is nothing wrong with

0:27:04.040 --> 0:27:06.520
<v Speaker 5>self pleasure. Yeah, there is, one hundred percent. I'm an

0:27:06.560 --> 0:27:09.520
<v Speaker 5>advocate for self pleasure. Yeah, so yeah, there would be

0:27:09.560 --> 0:27:12.320
<v Speaker 5>then using your imagination, yeah, I think.

0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:14.679
<v Speaker 2>It's as well. It's like the first thing I would suggest,

0:27:14.760 --> 0:27:17.160
<v Speaker 2>like like how I says, like looking at what's the root?

0:27:17.359 --> 0:27:19.960
<v Speaker 2>Cause you know, like what's actually behind it? So why

0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:24.919
<v Speaker 2>is there actually a discrepancy in the libido or is

0:27:24.960 --> 0:27:28.840
<v Speaker 2>there more going on behind that where perhaps your partner

0:27:29.040 --> 0:27:31.880
<v Speaker 2>isn't in her truth where she's dealing with things where

0:27:31.920 --> 0:27:34.000
<v Speaker 2>she actually has a sexual higher libido than she is

0:27:34.320 --> 0:27:37.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, actually expressing, or like we said before, of

0:27:37.720 --> 0:27:41.160
<v Speaker 2>where maybe the other partner, like the man in this example,

0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:45.359
<v Speaker 2>is maybe then distracting or using that, you know, as

0:27:45.520 --> 0:27:47.920
<v Speaker 2>leverage for something else. So I think it's like first

0:27:47.960 --> 0:27:51.399
<v Speaker 2>and foremost delving deeper into finding out where is the

0:27:51.480 --> 0:27:55.360
<v Speaker 2>discrepancy with the libido? Is there one or is there

0:27:55.400 --> 0:27:57.560
<v Speaker 2>more of a like an emotion like does the partner

0:27:57.600 --> 0:28:00.160
<v Speaker 2>maybe perhaps have some sort of trauma around sex where

0:28:00.200 --> 0:28:02.520
<v Speaker 2>she doesn't feel fully open and free exactly?

0:28:02.600 --> 0:28:04.640
<v Speaker 5>And what I just wanted to actually say about that

0:28:04.800 --> 0:28:07.920
<v Speaker 5>is if a woman's heart isn't open, her sex center

0:28:07.960 --> 0:28:10.119
<v Speaker 5>is not going to be opened, and that's where the

0:28:10.160 --> 0:28:13.040
<v Speaker 5>discrepancy can take place, because it's like more easier for

0:28:13.080 --> 0:28:13.800
<v Speaker 5>men to get.

0:28:13.600 --> 0:28:15.520
<v Speaker 4>Aroused and turned on without their heart open.

0:28:15.840 --> 0:28:19.960
<v Speaker 5>So if there is a misalignment within that sexual container

0:28:20.040 --> 0:28:22.440
<v Speaker 5>of the libido, one being low and one being higher,

0:28:22.600 --> 0:28:26.880
<v Speaker 5>I'd be looking at is this woman actually being opened

0:28:26.880 --> 0:28:29.119
<v Speaker 5>in the heart space? Is this woman is she actually

0:28:29.160 --> 0:28:33.600
<v Speaker 5>getting turned on first and foremost through her heart through

0:28:33.640 --> 0:28:35.680
<v Speaker 5>the love? Are you taking time?

0:28:35.760 --> 0:28:36.520
<v Speaker 4>Does she feel safe?

0:28:36.560 --> 0:28:39.960
<v Speaker 5>Are you taking time to actually explore the sexual container

0:28:40.000 --> 0:28:42.320
<v Speaker 5>in a deeper way, not just like hey, yes, wambam,

0:28:42.400 --> 0:28:44.680
<v Speaker 5>thank you, ma'am, I got one off. Yeah, of course

0:28:44.720 --> 0:28:47.120
<v Speaker 5>there's going to be a sexual discrepancy there exactly.

0:28:47.320 --> 0:28:50.120
<v Speaker 2>Is your focus on, like you said, is that focus

0:28:50.280 --> 0:28:53.040
<v Speaker 2>on the end result, on the orgasm and releasing and

0:28:53.080 --> 0:28:55.880
<v Speaker 2>getting off or is the focus actually on her pleasure

0:28:56.040 --> 0:28:57.600
<v Speaker 2>and that connection.

0:28:58.040 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 1>Look, there's a lot of people, I think in our

0:29:00.840 --> 0:29:05.240
<v Speaker 1>society that would probably disagree with you, guys. I actually

0:29:05.280 --> 0:29:07.880
<v Speaker 1>can't think of anyone I know that doesn't watch porn.

0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:09.840
<v Speaker 1>And I don't know if that's my circle, who knows,

0:29:10.000 --> 0:29:12.200
<v Speaker 1>But I'm just saying I think like everyone I know

0:29:12.360 --> 0:29:15.520
<v Speaker 1>watches porn. But what you guys who are saying is

0:29:15.680 --> 0:29:19.959
<v Speaker 1>so almost profound, Like I think I've just never really

0:29:21.040 --> 0:29:24.000
<v Speaker 1>thought of porn as an energy exchange because it's a

0:29:24.040 --> 0:29:28.520
<v Speaker 1>screen and screens, like there's a disconnection. Yeah, what would

0:29:28.520 --> 0:29:30.960
<v Speaker 1>you say to people who disagree with you and think

0:29:31.000 --> 0:29:33.400
<v Speaker 1>that porn is part of a healthy relationship?

0:29:33.880 --> 0:29:36.800
<v Speaker 2>First and foremost is like a caveat, is like, yeah,

0:29:36.880 --> 0:29:39.400
<v Speaker 2>this is definitely just our opinion, and it's like everything

0:29:39.480 --> 0:29:41.520
<v Speaker 2>we say is just the way we think about things.

0:29:41.720 --> 0:29:44.320
<v Speaker 2>I think such an important thing is that everybody's entitled

0:29:44.320 --> 0:29:46.240
<v Speaker 2>to their own opinion. And you know, I think this

0:29:46.320 --> 0:29:48.000
<v Speaker 2>is why there's been so many problems in our world

0:29:48.040 --> 0:29:49.880
<v Speaker 2>today of like this ego of like I'm right, you're

0:29:49.920 --> 0:29:53.240
<v Speaker 2>wrong totally, So first and foremost, I think that just

0:29:53.280 --> 0:29:55.760
<v Speaker 2>really and it's because I you know, we are both

0:29:55.840 --> 0:29:58.200
<v Speaker 2>very passionate. I'm very passionate about the way I think

0:29:58.240 --> 0:30:01.480
<v Speaker 2>about things. But it's awesome. So with full disclosure that

0:30:01.520 --> 0:30:04.240
<v Speaker 2>this is just my opinion and it's not gospel by

0:30:04.280 --> 0:30:07.760
<v Speaker 2>any stretch of the imagination for me, of that understand

0:30:07.920 --> 0:30:12.239
<v Speaker 2>like I honestly now with my level of understanding and

0:30:12.400 --> 0:30:15.600
<v Speaker 2>research and delving deeper into it, it's like, I honestly

0:30:15.640 --> 0:30:18.320
<v Speaker 2>think porn is a weapon. I think porn is a

0:30:18.360 --> 0:30:23.120
<v Speaker 2>weapon against masculinity especially, And it's almost like I almost

0:30:23.120 --> 0:30:25.320
<v Speaker 2>see it's like almost like a weapon might be hard,

0:30:25.360 --> 0:30:28.760
<v Speaker 2>almost like a test of like how can the masculine

0:30:28.800 --> 0:30:32.479
<v Speaker 2>evolve to not take what's just there on offer and

0:30:32.520 --> 0:30:35.200
<v Speaker 2>to do the more challenging work and then rather to

0:30:35.240 --> 0:30:37.600
<v Speaker 2>take the easy option. And so that's for me is

0:30:37.600 --> 0:30:40.360
<v Speaker 2>one like just understanding of what's happening chemically to the

0:30:40.400 --> 0:30:43.920
<v Speaker 2>body in terms of the release of the chemicals, the

0:30:43.920 --> 0:30:46.080
<v Speaker 2>pleasure of the variety in all of these things. So

0:30:46.120 --> 0:30:48.720
<v Speaker 2>it's like it's kind of teaching us exactly. So it's

0:30:48.720 --> 0:30:52.160
<v Speaker 2>like understanding on top of the energy exchange, of top

0:30:52.200 --> 0:30:56.080
<v Speaker 2>of like the relationship that then builds between the masculine

0:30:56.080 --> 0:31:00.800
<v Speaker 2>and the feminine collectively that there's a all of these

0:31:00.960 --> 0:31:04.440
<v Speaker 2>opinions at these have come based on quite a lot

0:31:04.440 --> 0:31:09.800
<v Speaker 2>of research and deep understanding and exploration. So first and foremost,

0:31:09.880 --> 0:31:12.360
<v Speaker 2>that's kind of why I think porn is unhealthy, And

0:31:12.320 --> 0:31:15.920
<v Speaker 2>there's a number of reasons why. For me personally, I

0:31:15.960 --> 0:31:18.920
<v Speaker 2>think there's not space for it in my life. And

0:31:18.960 --> 0:31:22.040
<v Speaker 2>that's for me personally. That's not to say that you

0:31:22.120 --> 0:31:25.440
<v Speaker 2>can't have a healthy relationship with porn. Yeah, and that's

0:31:25.480 --> 0:31:27.200
<v Speaker 2>not especially conscious porn exactly.

0:31:27.800 --> 0:31:31.719
<v Speaker 5>Like to see the whole picture, to see what sex

0:31:31.920 --> 0:31:35.800
<v Speaker 5>really is, what love making really is, what pleasure really is.

0:31:36.120 --> 0:31:40.120
<v Speaker 1>How do you think porn is affecting our society? Like

0:31:40.200 --> 0:31:43.000
<v Speaker 1>obviously you guys have your own clients. Do you see

0:31:43.040 --> 0:31:44.960
<v Speaker 1>a lot of fractured relationships?

0:31:45.920 --> 0:31:48.960
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely? Yeah, I think it'd be one like unrealistic expectation.

0:31:49.840 --> 0:31:53.400
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and like painting that picture of what pleasure is like,

0:31:53.480 --> 0:31:57.400
<v Speaker 5>you know, have you ever just been in a relationship

0:31:57.400 --> 0:32:00.760
<v Speaker 5>where the sex is just like jack Hama, let's go, yeah, done, get.

0:32:00.560 --> 0:32:02.640
<v Speaker 2>It off like that, come in place.

0:32:02.760 --> 0:32:03.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm in place.

0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:06.920
<v Speaker 5>It's like, yes, I love it hard and faster, not

0:32:07.000 --> 0:32:09.680
<v Speaker 5>if there's no like heart involved, you know, like.

0:32:09.720 --> 0:32:13.200
<v Speaker 2>Exactly exactly, and that's like it's the understanding of having

0:32:13.240 --> 0:32:16.120
<v Speaker 2>that open heart and then the animal came to and

0:32:16.160 --> 0:32:16.480
<v Speaker 2>that it.

0:32:16.480 --> 0:32:20.720
<v Speaker 5>Actually takes a woman like at least forty five minutes

0:32:20.760 --> 0:32:25.280
<v Speaker 5>to really warm up, like really be able to reach

0:32:25.360 --> 0:32:27.440
<v Speaker 5>these fucking orgasmic states.

0:32:28.160 --> 0:32:31.360
<v Speaker 4>It takes a while. Yeah, well look that's just the

0:32:31.440 --> 0:32:32.080
<v Speaker 4>clid orgasm.

0:32:32.160 --> 0:32:33.160
<v Speaker 2>I can do that in a second.

0:32:33.240 --> 0:32:34.480
<v Speaker 4>But when we're talking.

0:32:34.240 --> 0:32:37.640
<v Speaker 5>About g spot and sobicle orgasm, it's the whole other story.

0:32:38.000 --> 0:32:39.920
<v Speaker 2>And I think it's like, also, I understand that it's

0:32:39.960 --> 0:32:41.200
<v Speaker 2>it's everyone's individual.

0:32:41.360 --> 0:32:42.480
<v Speaker 4>Everyone is individual.

0:32:42.520 --> 0:32:46.080
<v Speaker 5>But what Paorn actually does is it paints this really

0:32:46.200 --> 0:32:48.000
<v Speaker 5>narrow vision around what sex is.

0:32:48.680 --> 0:32:52.160
<v Speaker 1>Do you have any tips for our listeners who have

0:32:52.360 --> 0:32:54.480
<v Speaker 1>listened to you guys and they're just like, oh my god,

0:32:54.520 --> 0:32:57.960
<v Speaker 1>I want to have a sex life, like Hayley and Sam.

0:32:58.280 --> 0:33:02.080
<v Speaker 1>How can people spice things up in the bedroom, make

0:33:02.160 --> 0:33:05.080
<v Speaker 1>things more intimate? You know, I know this is a

0:33:05.080 --> 0:33:09.560
<v Speaker 1>big one, but like have more open hearted sex and really, you.

0:33:09.520 --> 0:33:13.200
<v Speaker 2>Know, yeah, I think it's actually really simple. I think

0:33:13.240 --> 0:33:17.600
<v Speaker 2>it's actually about listening, you know. I think it's about

0:33:17.640 --> 0:33:22.360
<v Speaker 2>really opening the space to have conscious communication and to

0:33:22.560 --> 0:33:24.680
<v Speaker 2>ask our part or what they want and to really

0:33:24.760 --> 0:33:27.840
<v Speaker 2>listen to that, you know. And I think this is where,

0:33:28.560 --> 0:33:30.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, my dad always said, we have two ears

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:32.880
<v Speaker 2>in one mouth and to use them in that ratio.

0:33:33.080 --> 0:33:36.200
<v Speaker 2>And and I think especially around something like sex, because

0:33:36.200 --> 0:33:38.600
<v Speaker 2>there has been so much taboo or you know, and

0:33:38.640 --> 0:33:42.360
<v Speaker 2>people aren't necessarily really opening that conversation. And this is

0:33:42.400 --> 0:33:45.120
<v Speaker 2>but so much like the sexual work of tantries about

0:33:45.240 --> 0:33:49.360
<v Speaker 2>like before we connected, before we eat, we care, we kissed,

0:33:49.880 --> 0:33:53.160
<v Speaker 2>but before we before we had sex, there's a ritual

0:33:53.280 --> 0:33:55.240
<v Speaker 2>that that we go through it and it's like it's

0:33:55.240 --> 0:33:59.480
<v Speaker 2>like a ceremony almost where we really speak into our

0:33:59.600 --> 0:34:03.200
<v Speaker 2>boundary and our desires, like what we like and what

0:34:03.240 --> 0:34:07.360
<v Speaker 2>we want, and it's to understand that everyone's so different,

0:34:08.160 --> 0:34:12.359
<v Speaker 2>like we're all so different, especially especially women, with how

0:34:12.440 --> 0:34:15.120
<v Speaker 2>you are turned on with what you do like, and

0:34:15.160 --> 0:34:16.840
<v Speaker 2>it's like you could be with one woman who just

0:34:16.960 --> 0:34:20.040
<v Speaker 2>loves loves this, and then the next one's like what

0:34:20.080 --> 0:34:20.600
<v Speaker 2>the fuck.

0:34:22.719 --> 0:34:23.000
<v Speaker 5>With that?

0:34:24.000 --> 0:34:26.719
<v Speaker 3>I couldn't agree more? And then especially like you go

0:34:26.800 --> 0:34:29.480
<v Speaker 3>off like body language and mannerisms, and then some women

0:34:29.480 --> 0:34:31.600
<v Speaker 3>don't give you that and you're sort of like, what

0:34:31.600 --> 0:34:32.400
<v Speaker 3>what do I do?

0:34:32.480 --> 0:34:35.200
<v Speaker 2>You know exactly and not and not all men have

0:34:35.400 --> 0:34:39.680
<v Speaker 2>necessarily nurchured and developed their emotional intelligence to a stage

0:34:39.719 --> 0:34:42.360
<v Speaker 2>high enough where they can tune into the body language.

0:34:42.640 --> 0:34:44.799
<v Speaker 2>And so this is why it's like, there's a great

0:34:44.840 --> 0:34:48.479
<v Speaker 2>book called the for Agreements, the Four Agreements, and they

0:34:48.560 --> 0:34:51.000
<v Speaker 2>talk one and big one about this is talking about

0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:56.480
<v Speaker 2>not making assumptions. And even even when we're where we're like, yeah,

0:34:56.560 --> 0:35:00.600
<v Speaker 2>I think, well, I feel like you like this, but

0:35:00.680 --> 0:35:03.439
<v Speaker 2>it's to be really clear about it. It's like do

0:35:03.520 --> 0:35:07.080
<v Speaker 2>you like this, Like is this something you enjoy? Because

0:35:07.640 --> 0:35:10.080
<v Speaker 2>maybe because you know this, maybe the way.

0:35:09.880 --> 0:35:12.200
<v Speaker 4>We've been conditioned for women is just to bend over,

0:35:12.280 --> 0:35:14.440
<v Speaker 4>make a certain sound. Oh do I look good? Okay,

0:35:14.480 --> 0:35:15.799
<v Speaker 4>he's having fun. It's all good.

0:35:15.880 --> 0:35:18.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and exactly like faking organisms or things like this

0:35:18.440 --> 0:35:22.480
<v Speaker 2>so that they and this this ability to then change

0:35:22.480 --> 0:35:24.440
<v Speaker 2>that situation. So I think it's it comes back to

0:35:24.560 --> 0:35:28.000
<v Speaker 2>listening and really clear communication.

0:35:28.440 --> 0:35:32.160
<v Speaker 5>Just communication is the grounds to everything kind of especially

0:35:32.320 --> 0:35:33.320
<v Speaker 5>to better sex.

0:35:33.280 --> 0:35:37.239
<v Speaker 2>And speaking your truth, speaking your truth, like you know,

0:35:37.360 --> 0:35:40.000
<v Speaker 2>this is what I like, this is what I don't like.

0:35:40.239 --> 0:35:42.680
<v Speaker 5>And then we can go into the realms of self

0:35:42.680 --> 0:35:45.280
<v Speaker 5>pleasure for women and how important it is to actually

0:35:45.320 --> 0:35:47.800
<v Speaker 5>know what we like and know what we want, Yeah,

0:35:48.239 --> 0:35:50.000
<v Speaker 5>know what we desire, I know what turns us on

0:35:50.360 --> 0:35:52.839
<v Speaker 5>because it isn't just what porn has told us.

0:35:52.960 --> 0:35:56.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and for men as well to develop that relationship

0:35:56.160 --> 0:35:59.080
<v Speaker 2>with their bodies, with themselves, Yeah.

0:35:59.400 --> 0:36:03.879
<v Speaker 5>It's really under standing being union with your cock exactly.

0:36:05.680 --> 0:36:09.439
<v Speaker 2>The cock tell the story my work. That the prime

0:36:09.520 --> 0:36:11.640
<v Speaker 2>of my work is connecting the hearts of the cock,

0:36:11.840 --> 0:36:15.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, having that relationship and to realize that, yes,

0:36:15.400 --> 0:36:18.080
<v Speaker 2>there is a powerful tool. Yes, I mean most men

0:36:18.320 --> 0:36:22.239
<v Speaker 2>we love our cock. But it's like having that healthy relationship.

0:36:22.280 --> 0:36:23.200
<v Speaker 4>Who's in control?

0:36:23.480 --> 0:36:28.919
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, exactly, And there was a time the cock there's

0:36:28.920 --> 0:36:32.240
<v Speaker 2>the blood flowing. So and it's about having that healthy

0:36:32.320 --> 0:36:36.400
<v Speaker 2>relationship with within the self first and foremost. I really

0:36:36.480 --> 0:36:39.600
<v Speaker 2>nurtured and developing that relationship. And it's like I've met

0:36:39.640 --> 0:36:42.359
<v Speaker 2>so many men who have yeah, because of pawn. They've

0:36:42.360 --> 0:36:45.360
<v Speaker 2>then got insecurities about the size of their deck, you know,

0:36:45.719 --> 0:36:47.560
<v Speaker 2>like and it's like you can be you can be

0:36:47.600 --> 0:36:49.480
<v Speaker 2>hung like a horse and still have that you know,

0:36:49.560 --> 0:36:51.160
<v Speaker 2>you can still be like, oh but it's not it

0:36:51.160 --> 0:36:53.560
<v Speaker 2>could be bigger, you know. And then it's understanding, like

0:36:53.760 --> 0:36:58.600
<v Speaker 2>that's not all it's about. Some women maybe they like

0:36:58.760 --> 0:37:01.560
<v Speaker 2>that but not all. You know, it's understand we're also

0:37:01.640 --> 0:37:04.920
<v Speaker 2>individual and we're all so unique and taking that step

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:08.960
<v Speaker 2>back because that's what I find what I've really noticed

0:37:08.960 --> 0:37:10.360
<v Speaker 2>in a lot of my clients as well as that

0:37:10.520 --> 0:37:14.520
<v Speaker 2>experience of insecurity and what that leads to because so

0:37:14.600 --> 0:37:17.799
<v Speaker 2>much of sex it is happening up here, like so

0:37:17.880 --> 0:37:20.279
<v Speaker 2>much of it is creating that safe space. So much

0:37:20.280 --> 0:37:22.719
<v Speaker 2>of it is like not well, not being up here,

0:37:23.000 --> 0:37:25.680
<v Speaker 2>so not thinking about these things, but being fully in

0:37:25.680 --> 0:37:27.640
<v Speaker 2>the body we are.

0:37:28.440 --> 0:37:31.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and that is the That is one of the

0:37:31.040 --> 0:37:34.920
<v Speaker 5>main things that porn has conditioned us, is that it

0:37:35.040 --> 0:37:36.560
<v Speaker 5>is just about the end result.

0:37:36.800 --> 0:37:39.960
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you know, it's not about the journey. It's about

0:37:40.000 --> 0:37:41.360
<v Speaker 4>getting somewhere.

0:37:41.320 --> 0:37:44.040
<v Speaker 2>And that's so relative of life.

0:37:43.880 --> 0:37:46.160
<v Speaker 5>And that is really right.

0:37:46.520 --> 0:37:49.880
<v Speaker 4>But that is also why women do things like fake orgasm.

0:37:49.560 --> 0:37:52.680
<v Speaker 5>Because porn tells the man that if the woman doesn't

0:37:52.719 --> 0:37:55.960
<v Speaker 5>have an orgasm, he hasn't done his job. Yeah, so

0:37:56.120 --> 0:37:58.520
<v Speaker 5>that is where women are like, Okay, I don't want

0:37:58.520 --> 0:37:59.960
<v Speaker 5>my partner to feel bad, so I'm just going to

0:38:00.120 --> 0:38:02.319
<v Speaker 5>fake it in this moment, and then we end up

0:38:02.320 --> 0:38:06.680
<v Speaker 5>in this cycle of neither of us really being satisfied.

0:38:06.800 --> 0:38:09.560
<v Speaker 2>And exactly it's because then someone is afraid to speak

0:38:09.560 --> 0:38:14.120
<v Speaker 2>their truth, like actually, what you're doing there, it isn't good.

0:38:15.000 --> 0:38:18.160
<v Speaker 2>I just want you to finish so we can so

0:38:18.239 --> 0:38:22.440
<v Speaker 2>we can stop this. So they instead they lie, they

0:38:22.480 --> 0:38:25.919
<v Speaker 2>fake something and they lie and they're not enjoying it,

0:38:26.320 --> 0:38:27.600
<v Speaker 2>and to so they.

0:38:27.480 --> 0:38:29.920
<v Speaker 4>Can finish conscious communication, concious.

0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:34.360
<v Speaker 2>Communication, like look, you know that's that's cute, but please

0:38:34.400 --> 0:38:40.000
<v Speaker 2>don't really having this really create that safe space. And

0:38:40.040 --> 0:38:42.440
<v Speaker 2>this is something even before and like I said, before,

0:38:42.480 --> 0:38:46.959
<v Speaker 2>we connected of dropping into that and speaking around these

0:38:47.000 --> 0:38:49.279
<v Speaker 2>things about what are what what do we like? What

0:38:49.440 --> 0:38:51.359
<v Speaker 2>don't we like? What are the boundaries?

0:38:52.080 --> 0:38:54.520
<v Speaker 5>And then like experimenting as well, and like you know,

0:38:54.600 --> 0:38:57.080
<v Speaker 5>for a couple that has never you know, been in

0:38:57.120 --> 0:39:01.719
<v Speaker 5>a love temple or understands this kind of work, you know,

0:39:02.040 --> 0:39:06.080
<v Speaker 5>create the space like have candles, like you know, maybe

0:39:06.120 --> 0:39:09.480
<v Speaker 5>have some some pleasure toys whereas like feathers and you know,

0:39:09.560 --> 0:39:12.680
<v Speaker 5>other means before just penetration, you know, what else can

0:39:12.719 --> 0:39:15.839
<v Speaker 5>you bring in to bring pleasure in? Because it's not

0:39:16.120 --> 0:39:19.600
<v Speaker 5>just about the sex, it's about.

0:39:19.160 --> 0:39:22.000
<v Speaker 4>The whole experience. So how can we be in more

0:39:22.000 --> 0:39:23.680
<v Speaker 4>pleasure throughout the whole time?

0:39:25.480 --> 0:39:27.400
<v Speaker 2>I love what you say here just about the senses

0:39:27.440 --> 0:39:29.920
<v Speaker 2>as well. You know, like this isn't how to make

0:39:29.960 --> 0:39:34.960
<v Speaker 2>sex better. Focus on the senses. Candles, soft lighting, sound,

0:39:35.120 --> 0:39:39.680
<v Speaker 2>nice music, like the fuses, good smell, like these things.

0:39:39.719 --> 0:39:42.040
<v Speaker 2>The senses are important, guys.

0:39:42.560 --> 0:39:46.759
<v Speaker 5>Just to bring it back to balance. Every time Sam

0:39:46.800 --> 0:39:48.719
<v Speaker 5>and I have sex, it is not always a love

0:39:48.800 --> 0:39:51.160
<v Speaker 5>temple and candles, and you know, sometimes it is a

0:39:51.239 --> 0:39:53.120
<v Speaker 5>quickie in the kitchen and that's fucking hot.

0:39:53.280 --> 0:39:55.600
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but it's the balance.

0:40:00.000 --> 0:40:02.440
<v Speaker 1>We have a lot of female listeners, and I know,

0:40:03.120 --> 0:40:06.359
<v Speaker 1>like as you said, Haley, a lot of women get

0:40:06.440 --> 0:40:09.840
<v Speaker 1>stuck in their own head during sex, whether that's I

0:40:09.880 --> 0:40:12.080
<v Speaker 1>need to suck in my stomach. I don't want to

0:40:12.120 --> 0:40:16.440
<v Speaker 1>show cellulite. You're doing so much to please. I know

0:40:16.520 --> 0:40:19.080
<v Speaker 1>for me, when I was younger and I used to

0:40:19.160 --> 0:40:22.160
<v Speaker 1>have sex, I couldn't orgasm until I finally learned to

0:40:22.239 --> 0:40:23.880
<v Speaker 1>get out of my head and then it was like

0:40:23.880 --> 0:40:27.640
<v Speaker 1>a piece of cake. But how do women start that

0:40:27.800 --> 0:40:30.640
<v Speaker 1>journey of getting out of their head during sex.

0:40:31.239 --> 0:40:35.560
<v Speaker 4>M Yeah, it's a big one. It is a big one. Yeah,

0:40:35.560 --> 0:40:37.400
<v Speaker 4>But the first step.

0:40:37.040 --> 0:40:39.960
<v Speaker 5>Would be coming into their own self pleasure practice. And

0:40:40.000 --> 0:40:43.600
<v Speaker 5>when I work with any woman, it's always about do

0:40:43.640 --> 0:40:47.080
<v Speaker 5>you have a self pleasure practice, okay, or is it

0:40:47.160 --> 0:40:50.120
<v Speaker 5>just masturbation you know? Are you just rubbing one out

0:40:50.239 --> 0:40:52.920
<v Speaker 5>getting it off like a lot of people are. So

0:40:52.960 --> 0:40:57.520
<v Speaker 5>it's coming back into sex as an entire experience and

0:40:57.600 --> 0:41:01.920
<v Speaker 5>knowing your body, knowing what turns you on, right, And

0:41:01.960 --> 0:41:04.480
<v Speaker 5>it's about coming out of the mind and into the body.

0:41:04.640 --> 0:41:07.600
<v Speaker 5>So we have to do that first and foremost with ourselves, because,

0:41:07.640 --> 0:41:10.279
<v Speaker 5>like we said, everything is in external reflection of the

0:41:10.280 --> 0:41:13.239
<v Speaker 5>internal world. So first of all, yeah, coming into that

0:41:13.360 --> 0:41:17.719
<v Speaker 5>space of self pleasure within yourself. Yeah, And then it

0:41:17.760 --> 0:41:20.520
<v Speaker 5>could even be a conversation as well with a partner.

0:41:20.320 --> 0:41:24.480
<v Speaker 4>Like, Hey, this is my history. I feel like I'm

0:41:24.520 --> 0:41:26.880
<v Speaker 4>in my head a lot. I worry about what I

0:41:26.960 --> 0:41:28.200
<v Speaker 4>look like, I'm worried.

0:41:27.960 --> 0:41:30.600
<v Speaker 5>About how I'm sounding, and this is something that's really

0:41:30.640 --> 0:41:33.400
<v Speaker 5>alive for me, and I want to work on this.

0:41:33.520 --> 0:41:35.880
<v Speaker 5>Can we work on this together? And then your partner's

0:41:35.920 --> 0:41:39.279
<v Speaker 5>on board and your partner knows okay, baby, Yeah, I

0:41:39.280 --> 0:41:40.799
<v Speaker 5>can feel that you're in your head right now. Just

0:41:40.840 --> 0:41:44.880
<v Speaker 5>relax like that's when it comes into this beautiful union

0:41:45.040 --> 0:41:46.760
<v Speaker 5>of healing together.

0:41:47.120 --> 0:41:48.680
<v Speaker 4>You don't have to do it on your own. It's

0:41:48.680 --> 0:41:51.880
<v Speaker 4>about being conscious about what is.

0:41:51.760 --> 0:41:54.239
<v Speaker 5>Going on internally for you and then communicating that with

0:41:54.360 --> 0:41:55.480
<v Speaker 5>your beloved.

0:41:55.840 --> 0:41:58.799
<v Speaker 1>Wow. Yeah, And I guess that just comes back to

0:41:58.840 --> 0:42:02.400
<v Speaker 1>holding a space for each other and being able to.

0:42:02.000 --> 0:42:05.080
<v Speaker 3>Communicate, make a safe space for you guys to chat about.

0:42:05.560 --> 0:42:08.040
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I'm not being scared to speak your true The

0:42:08.040 --> 0:42:09.040
<v Speaker 5>power of vulnerability.

0:42:09.480 --> 0:42:12.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is one that you're always holding on about that.

0:42:12.880 --> 0:42:16.000
<v Speaker 2>You know, vulnerability is connection, you know exactly once where

0:42:16.000 --> 0:42:18.319
<v Speaker 2>you let down, like let down the armor, let down

0:42:18.360 --> 0:42:21.120
<v Speaker 2>the defenses, like we're safe, you know where here we

0:42:21.160 --> 0:42:24.400
<v Speaker 2>feel we feel safe with it's trust. Then one like

0:42:24.480 --> 0:42:27.400
<v Speaker 2>it's the opening. And this is what I think especially

0:42:27.400 --> 0:42:29.120
<v Speaker 2>for men to understand as well as women. But it's

0:42:29.160 --> 0:42:32.920
<v Speaker 2>like to really understand, it's like it's not just the opening,

0:42:33.200 --> 0:42:38.000
<v Speaker 2>it's the emotional opening. There's there's the energetics of this.

0:42:38.080 --> 0:42:40.400
<v Speaker 2>It's not just the penis and the vagina. You know,

0:42:40.480 --> 0:42:43.320
<v Speaker 2>this is not sex. This is this element of sex,

0:42:43.680 --> 0:42:46.640
<v Speaker 2>but there's an energetic side of when you penetrate, when

0:42:46.680 --> 0:42:51.000
<v Speaker 2>you enter into someone, there's an emotional connection as well,

0:42:51.400 --> 0:42:53.960
<v Speaker 2>and so for them to be open, it's like, I mean, yeah,

0:42:54.040 --> 0:42:55.880
<v Speaker 2>a woman can be turned on, she can be wet,

0:42:56.080 --> 0:42:58.840
<v Speaker 2>all of these things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that

0:42:58.880 --> 0:43:01.400
<v Speaker 2>she's open from this space of the heart, that she's

0:43:01.440 --> 0:43:04.680
<v Speaker 2>emotionally ready and available. And once we can have that

0:43:04.760 --> 0:43:08.719
<v Speaker 2>connection once, once she is, then we can really get

0:43:08.719 --> 0:43:09.560
<v Speaker 2>into the fund.

0:43:09.360 --> 0:43:10.720
<v Speaker 4>Then men, it's enlightenment.

0:43:11.040 --> 0:43:16.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, talking to God. I just I think it's just

0:43:16.040 --> 0:43:19.160
<v Speaker 2>important for men. I have to understand that because I

0:43:19.200 --> 0:43:21.120
<v Speaker 2>think a lot of men in the past have had

0:43:21.120 --> 0:43:25.239
<v Speaker 2>this negative attachment to emotions. But it's like this is

0:43:25.440 --> 0:43:27.480
<v Speaker 2>this is a beautiful thing, this is it's all one,

0:43:27.520 --> 0:43:29.239
<v Speaker 2>it's all part of the process. And the more we

0:43:29.280 --> 0:43:32.279
<v Speaker 2>can be open to emotions, the more pleasure there's going

0:43:32.320 --> 0:43:33.800
<v Speaker 2>to be on a physical side as well.

0:43:34.560 --> 0:43:36.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's all linked. It's all connected.

0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:37.840
<v Speaker 2>Guys.

0:43:38.320 --> 0:43:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so like, from the bottom of my heart,

0:43:42.080 --> 0:43:44.799
<v Speaker 1>thank you so much for coming on our podcast. This

0:43:44.960 --> 0:43:48.799
<v Speaker 1>has been the most powerful episode we've ever had. I

0:43:48.880 --> 0:43:51.359
<v Speaker 1>have learned so much, Matt.

0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:54.319
<v Speaker 3>I'm sure it's been amazing. I've actually like opened my

0:43:54.320 --> 0:43:56.080
<v Speaker 3>eyes to a lot of things. I've Why have you

0:43:56.120 --> 0:43:58.600
<v Speaker 3>been sitting here talking, I've just been like thinking about

0:43:58.640 --> 0:44:02.680
<v Speaker 3>stuff chicking. I don't know if you could see they're

0:44:02.719 --> 0:44:04.160
<v Speaker 3>definitely speaking some truths here.

0:44:04.360 --> 0:44:06.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you again

0:44:06.920 --> 0:44:09.759
<v Speaker 1>for coming on. It's been amazing and we hope to

0:44:09.800 --> 0:44:10.680
<v Speaker 1>talk to you again soon.

0:44:10.840 --> 0:44:13.799
<v Speaker 4>Appreciate Thank you, guys, Thank you so much for having us.

0:44:13.840 --> 0:44:14.560
<v Speaker 5>It's been a pleasure.

0:44:17.960 --> 0:44:24.040
<v Speaker 1>Bye. Okay, guys, this conversation was too good. We only

0:44:24.120 --> 0:44:26.720
<v Speaker 1>expected to do one part, but we've had to divide

0:44:26.719 --> 0:44:30.920
<v Speaker 1>it into two separate parts because it's been so eye opening.

0:44:31.320 --> 0:44:33.399
<v Speaker 1>So in part two we're going to talk all things

0:44:33.520 --> 0:44:36.840
<v Speaker 1>jealousy and relationships. I know this is a huge one.

0:44:37.239 --> 0:44:39.040
<v Speaker 1>It's a huge one for me, so we're going to

0:44:39.120 --> 0:44:44.640
<v Speaker 1>dive into that in the next episode. Until next time, Bye,