WEBVTT - STOP BLAMING, Maybe your the problem? 🥵 OUCH truth hurts sometimes……

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<v Speaker 1>Apodjay Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm Tiana.

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<v Speaker 2>This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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<v Speaker 2>be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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<v Speaker 1>else is too afraid to talk about.

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<v Speaker 2>Get ready for your next level of self.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello everybody, Welcome back to Monday morning with you on

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<v Speaker 1>your way to work on your morning walk. Welcome back.

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<v Speaker 1>I've got a big episode for you. Today's episode it's

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<v Speaker 1>all about playing the blame game, which we're all guilty of.

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<v Speaker 1>We've all done it, we all see people do it.

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<v Speaker 1>But before we get into it, your Share of the week.

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<v Speaker 2>My Share of the Week is actually led them by

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<v Speaker 2>mel Robin.

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<v Speaker 1>The book.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I got it on audiobook the other week and

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<v Speaker 2>I was cleaning up my wardrobe and I was.

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<v Speaker 1>Listening to it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just a really easy read and sometimes it's just

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<v Speaker 2>that little bit of permission to just like let go

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<v Speaker 2>of whatever it is you're holding on to you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, it's so good, isn't it. I'm only telling what

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<v Speaker 1>its in but it's so good.

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<v Speaker 2>I would really recommend it's it's the light read. It's easy,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't have to think too much. You can do

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<v Speaker 2>it while you're doing other tasks around the house if

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<v Speaker 2>you like, or going for a walk. And yeah, just

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<v Speaker 2>if you feel like you're holding onto something and you

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<v Speaker 2>need a little bit of permission, listen.

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<v Speaker 1>To it if you're really worried what everyone else is

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<v Speaker 1>saying or like thinking of you or doing. It's like, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>just let them that's right, let them think that, let

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<v Speaker 1>them make you the villain, let them say that about you,

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<v Speaker 1>let them judge you, let them criticize them, Like, let

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<v Speaker 1>them that's on them. You just got to live your life.

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<v Speaker 1>That's like the whole book in a nutshell. But just

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<v Speaker 1>the way she explains it, the different example she gives,

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<v Speaker 1>it's so good, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>My Share of the week is an Instagram page called

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<v Speaker 1>moon Memes. Oh okay, do you not follow it? No?

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<v Speaker 2>Ah?

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<v Speaker 1>So good. Steve and I are constantly like sending each

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<v Speaker 1>other our horoscopes. It's like daily horoscopes, monthly ones. Ah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>the new moons and what's happening. And I just every

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<v Speaker 1>time I read it, it's so bang on. Yeah, with

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<v Speaker 1>how feeling or if like we're feeling a bit lost,

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<v Speaker 1>little spear of mind, like you might be in a

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<v Speaker 1>really hard stage right now, like you're going to come

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<v Speaker 1>out of it. And yeah, the way they word it,

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<v Speaker 1>it's always exactly what I need to read at the

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<v Speaker 1>right time. Moon memes, Moon means like two point three

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<v Speaker 1>million followers. Wow. Yeah, I've been following them for probably

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<v Speaker 1>ten years. All right, I'm going to go follow them.

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<v Speaker 1>You'll love it and then it'll be like Steve will

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<v Speaker 1>send me something. Libra and Sagittarians are great together because

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<v Speaker 1>da da da like matches the star signs. Just yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>different moons or what's happening in the world. It's really cool.

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<v Speaker 1>Fairy love astrology. Yes down, all right, today, let's get

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<v Speaker 1>into blaming. Yeah, so maybe you're the problem. If I

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<v Speaker 1>definitely am the problem, I'm like also same, I have

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<v Speaker 1>been the problem. We are all the problems. That's that song.

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<v Speaker 1>It's me how the problem with Sunny's with the sunniest peace.

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<v Speaker 1>I've all been there. We play the blame game, and

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<v Speaker 1>we blame everyone else and everything else and don't take

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<v Speaker 1>any responsibility. And let me tell you all it does

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<v Speaker 1>is hold you back. Yeah, it really does. And yes,

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<v Speaker 1>things happen in your life, but you're also responsible with

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<v Speaker 1>how you respond to it and what you do next.

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<v Speaker 1>You can blame whoever for only so long and it

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<v Speaker 1>just doesn't help you progress forward. It's not productive. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's so interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like there's a huge difference between blaming and

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<v Speaker 2>acknowledging inexperience.

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<v Speaker 1>So true, that's a good way to put it.

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<v Speaker 2>But I think sometimes we get caught up with blaming

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<v Speaker 2>being acknowledging the experience, do you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>Like it's like there's a blurred line between that and

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<v Speaker 2>it's really interesting, Like, yes, things happen. Sometimes life feels unfair.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes life is really uncomfortable, and there are things that

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<v Speaker 2>happen that we wish absolutely did not happen because we

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to experience it. But blaming other people for

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<v Speaker 2>your circumstances is a sure fire way to feel like

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<v Speaker 2>the biggest victim in your life. And I can only

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<v Speaker 2>say it because I've done it so many times, guilty

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<v Speaker 2>of it, and it just gets you nowhere. And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>the funny thing is, even when you think you are

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<v Speaker 2>not blaming, you are likely still blaming, Like.

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<v Speaker 1>We catch ourselves all the time, all the.

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<v Speaker 2>Time because you think, but I'm taking a responsibility, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>taking responsibilit how did I part out?

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<v Speaker 1>But then behind closed doors, you're like, why the fuck

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<v Speaker 1>is this still happening?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, you know, that's when you know that you're blaming

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<v Speaker 2>something else outside of you. And when you learn to

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<v Speaker 2>take responsibility for something shit that's happened, It doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 2>that you're taking responsibility for how they showed up. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>you're taking responsibility for how you contributed to getting yourself

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<v Speaker 2>in that situation or how you contributed to that certain scenario.

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<v Speaker 2>Like there have been so many times in my life

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<v Speaker 2>where I have blamed an ex partner for making me anxious,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, my business for not doing as well as

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted it to when I first started, and blaming

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<v Speaker 2>everyone else, like it's everyone else's fault, not me because

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't showing up the way that I needed to,

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<v Speaker 2>Blaming somebody else for my relationship with money, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>being like, oh, but it's hard to make money, or

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<v Speaker 2>it's the government or fucking.

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<v Speaker 1>Tax, or.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the cost of living, not my you know, unhealthy

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<v Speaker 2>spending habit with money because I was emotionally spending.

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<v Speaker 1>Or lack of effort, then you could be doing X

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<v Speaker 1>Y to bring more money in it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, or I was buying designer bags when I should

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<v Speaker 2>have been saving. What do you mean it's somebody else's fault. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I've got a really good example. And I probably have

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<v Speaker 2>told this before in the podcast, so apologies if anyone

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<v Speaker 2>who has listened to it, but I know there's always

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<v Speaker 2>new listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't know if you've heard this story. Probably have.

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<v Speaker 1>But my biggest story of the blame game I did

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<v Speaker 1>for so many years a lot of you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>had a quite abusive stepfather who was not very nice

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<v Speaker 1>to me. Told me I was dumb, I was worthless,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd never make anything of myself, no one would ever

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<v Speaker 1>love me. That I could just fall off the face

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<v Speaker 1>of the earth and no one would even noticed. It

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<v Speaker 1>really made me feel so worthless, and I was so unhappy,

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<v Speaker 1>so depressed. I hated life, and I just blamed it

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<v Speaker 1>all on him. If I had a better father, I

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<v Speaker 1>could make something of myself. Yeah, if I had a

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<v Speaker 1>more supportive dad, I would have done so much better.

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<v Speaker 1>If I had a dad show me the way and

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<v Speaker 1>teach me different things. I'd be able to make more money.

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<v Speaker 1>If I had a dad that showed me how it

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<v Speaker 1>was to be loved, I could love myself more. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>If only he did x y Z, I could be

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<v Speaker 1>x y Z. Yeah. But because of him, I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to always suffer. Yeah, you're always going to miss out,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm so unlucky. Everyone else has it easier than me,

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<v Speaker 1>or everyone else has a nice dad, life's going to

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<v Speaker 1>be so much easy. You've always got that like masculine

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<v Speaker 1>person to fall back on and it can just hold you,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, And I never had that, so my life

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<v Speaker 1>shit literally, Yeah, I would honestly always think that, And

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<v Speaker 1>every time I didn't get a job or something didn't

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<v Speaker 1>go to plant, it's like, oh, well, he's right, he

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<v Speaker 1>could me dumb. It's obviously true. You know, How am

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<v Speaker 1>I supposed to believe anything else when he's told me that. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>of course that's the truth. He must know me better

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<v Speaker 1>than I know myself. He's like brought me up, and

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<v Speaker 1>all I did was hold me back, and then it

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<v Speaker 1>told me back so much that I believed everything he

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<v Speaker 1>said still blamed him, So I was just angry all

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<v Speaker 1>the time that I wouldn't even take opportunities. I wouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>risk things because I already knew the answer. Yeah, he

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<v Speaker 1>told me I'm dumb. Yes, and it's his fault because

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<v Speaker 1>he told me all of that. So I wouldn't take opportunities,

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't try new things. I would just continue to

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<v Speaker 1>play the victim, tell this story over and over again

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<v Speaker 1>about how unfortunate my life was, and then yeah, one

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<v Speaker 1>day I've got the fuck over that, when actually it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to be like that. And yes, he could

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<v Speaker 1>have done all of those things to me, for sure,

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<v Speaker 1>not gonna disvalidate my experience as a little girl and

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<v Speaker 1>as a teenager and a grown woman. But I can

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<v Speaker 1>actually change how this story ends. I can change how

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<v Speaker 1>I show up. Yeah, I can take responsibility and go, well,

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<v Speaker 1>he might have said I'm dumb, doesn't mean I can't

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<v Speaker 1>choose a different career or try something new or give

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<v Speaker 1>it a go, or learn. Am I actually done where

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not interested? I'm actually done more as someone not

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<v Speaker 1>actually taught me the way that I understand. Maybe there's

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<v Speaker 1>a different way to do things. And it was very,

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<v Speaker 1>very hard to push through that, and honestly, it still

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<v Speaker 1>pops up when you just get really hard or I'm

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<v Speaker 1>faced with something new that story pokes is rearhead and

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<v Speaker 1>s like you're too down. But I really had to

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<v Speaker 1>push through that. The moment I took radical responsibility of

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<v Speaker 1>my life, my choices and who I am and what

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<v Speaker 1>I'm doing, my life changed the better, and so many

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<v Speaker 1>doors opened up, and I got to work through the

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<v Speaker 1>fears of trying new things and woking on my self worth,

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<v Speaker 1>knowing that I deserved more then I could have more

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<v Speaker 1>if I chose to. He's not going to give it

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<v Speaker 1>to me. No, as long as I'm playing victim, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to give it to me. No magic

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<v Speaker 1>fairy or night enchining armor is going to come and

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<v Speaker 1>rescue you and sweep me off my feet and make

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<v Speaker 1>everything better. I have to do it. Yeah, nothing changes.

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<v Speaker 1>Of nothing changes. If I was to continue blaming him

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<v Speaker 1>for the rest of my life, how angry I was

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<v Speaker 1>as a teenager and in my early twenties at thirty

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<v Speaker 1>six years old, now I would still be feeling like that.

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<v Speaker 1>So glad I decided to take responsibility and change my

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<v Speaker 1>own life. Like you're in control, and especially things that

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<v Speaker 1>happen when we're a kid, right, It gets to a

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<v Speaker 1>point where like, you have full control of your life now. Absolutely,

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<v Speaker 1>you get to choose how you work through this, how

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<v Speaker 1>you heal it, how would support you get. They're not

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<v Speaker 1>driving the ship anymore.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>As a kid, they kind of do control what you do,

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<v Speaker 1>hang with, what you eat, where you go, what you're

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<v Speaker 1>allowed to do. The little sponges, you're absorbing everything. But

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<v Speaker 1>as an adult, you're free. Now you get to take

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<v Speaker 1>control and make a change.

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<v Speaker 2>And I did, And if you hadn't, you would have

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<v Speaker 2>a very different Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>I would not be sitting here talking to you. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd be in a job that I hate, probably in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship that I hate, or not in a relationship

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<v Speaker 1>because I wasn't worthy of one. Yeah, he told me,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, and that I wasn't lovable, So why would

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<v Speaker 1>anyone want to be with me? You know?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? And so valid for the younger version of you

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<v Speaker 2>to feel like victimized by that situation because it did

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<v Speaker 2>happen to you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like again, like not dismissing your experience or your

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<v Speaker 2>feelings and emotions in that moment because it was true

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<v Speaker 2>for you and that's how it made you feel and

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<v Speaker 2>left your feeling after him saying all of those terrible

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<v Speaker 2>things to you. It's the because he did this now

0:09:38.361 --> 0:09:39.921
<v Speaker 2>I don't get to it's cool.

0:09:40.121 --> 0:09:42.841
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, the moment you take radical responsibility, your life

0:09:42.881 --> 0:09:45.241
<v Speaker 1>will change. So it's cool to check in, like, who

0:09:45.281 --> 0:09:47.201
<v Speaker 1>are you blaming right now? Even if you're in an

0:09:47.281 --> 0:09:50.481
<v Speaker 1>unhappy relationship. I'm sure they play their role, you both

0:09:50.521 --> 0:09:53.601
<v Speaker 1>do this entertango, But where are you projecting all the blame?

0:09:53.681 --> 0:09:55.881
<v Speaker 1>Is it all his fault or her fault or is

0:09:55.881 --> 0:09:58.201
<v Speaker 1>there maybe a part that you're playing. How are you

0:09:58.241 --> 0:10:00.441
<v Speaker 1>speaking to him, what effort are you putting in? Where

0:10:00.441 --> 0:10:02.881
<v Speaker 1>have you tried something different? Where have you suggested something

0:10:03.641 --> 0:10:05.841
<v Speaker 1>like it's not all that one person for sure?

0:10:06.001 --> 0:10:08.761
<v Speaker 2>And that definitely showed up for me in my relationship.

0:10:08.841 --> 0:10:11.281
<v Speaker 2>So my first relationship that I had, we were really

0:10:11.321 --> 0:10:14.441
<v Speaker 2>really young, like really silly and just naive and all

0:10:14.481 --> 0:10:17.321
<v Speaker 2>the things, and I found out that he was cheating

0:10:17.361 --> 0:10:20.201
<v Speaker 2>on me throughout the relationship, like multiple times, so over

0:10:20.321 --> 0:10:21.841
<v Speaker 2>like a span of a year and a half. But

0:10:21.881 --> 0:10:23.921
<v Speaker 2>I didn't find out until after we had broken up,

0:10:23.921 --> 0:10:28.041
<v Speaker 2>so I didn't know. And I remember after that the

0:10:28.081 --> 0:10:31.321
<v Speaker 2>relationships that I got into, I remember blaming him for

0:10:31.361 --> 0:10:33.521
<v Speaker 2>the way that I showed up in relationships after that,

0:10:33.761 --> 0:10:35.721
<v Speaker 2>because I used to think, well, it's his fault that

0:10:35.801 --> 0:10:38.441
<v Speaker 2>I have trust issues. It's his fault that I don't

0:10:38.441 --> 0:10:40.961
<v Speaker 2>trust men. It's his fault that I think that all

0:10:41.001 --> 0:10:42.681
<v Speaker 2>men are going to do the same thing. But the

0:10:42.681 --> 0:10:45.841
<v Speaker 2>reality of it is that's absolutely not the case. It

0:10:45.921 --> 0:10:48.361
<v Speaker 2>was my responsibility to choose how I showed up in

0:10:48.361 --> 0:10:51.561
<v Speaker 2>those relationships after the fact. But in the moment, I

0:10:51.601 --> 0:10:54.961
<v Speaker 2>was like, well, that person is making me anxious. They're

0:10:54.961 --> 0:10:57.681
<v Speaker 2>making me feel this way. Their behavior is the reason

0:10:57.681 --> 0:11:00.841
<v Speaker 2>why I'm questioning what they're doing. And there probably could

0:11:00.841 --> 0:11:03.361
<v Speaker 2>have been truth to that, right, there's truth to everything. However,

0:11:03.881 --> 0:11:06.961
<v Speaker 2>I didn't take responsible at the time for the fact

0:11:07.001 --> 0:11:09.561
<v Speaker 2>that I was the one who was feeling anxious. I

0:11:09.761 --> 0:11:12.321
<v Speaker 2>had trust issues come up for me. I was assuming

0:11:12.361 --> 0:11:15.281
<v Speaker 2>the worst case scenario about what they were doing, and

0:11:15.321 --> 0:11:19.401
<v Speaker 2>so it left me feeling so disempowered in my relationships

0:11:19.601 --> 0:11:21.961
<v Speaker 2>because I was constantly blaming my partner for the way

0:11:21.961 --> 0:11:25.201
<v Speaker 2>that I felt based on wounds that I had previously had.

0:11:25.601 --> 0:11:27.761
<v Speaker 2>So not only did I blame my ex for like

0:11:27.881 --> 0:11:31.401
<v Speaker 2>giving me trust issues, I blamed my current partners for

0:11:31.641 --> 0:11:34.361
<v Speaker 2>evoking that feeling in me, and I just felt like

0:11:34.441 --> 0:11:36.681
<v Speaker 2>such a victim in my relationships, and I was like,

0:11:37.041 --> 0:11:40.441
<v Speaker 2>this is fucking terrible. I don't want to feel like this.

0:11:40.921 --> 0:11:43.121
<v Speaker 2>But it was only the moment that I actually started

0:11:43.121 --> 0:11:47.481
<v Speaker 2>to acknowledge that anxiousness and the fear of trusting people

0:11:47.641 --> 0:11:50.361
<v Speaker 2>and the fear of putting my faith in people, was

0:11:50.401 --> 0:11:53.121
<v Speaker 2>I able to start learning how I could internally soothe

0:11:53.201 --> 0:11:56.481
<v Speaker 2>that feeling regardless of what had happened in the past. Yeah,

0:11:56.521 --> 0:11:58.401
<v Speaker 2>Like I could have so taken that story and still

0:11:58.441 --> 0:12:00.401
<v Speaker 2>to this day been like, every single man that I

0:12:00.481 --> 0:12:02.081
<v Speaker 2>meet is going to cheat on me, every single man

0:12:02.241 --> 0:12:04.641
<v Speaker 2>is going to want someone better, like all the things.

0:12:05.041 --> 0:12:06.521
<v Speaker 2>And don't get me wrong, I am a human. I

0:12:06.561 --> 0:12:11.201
<v Speaker 2>have insecurities, I'm jealous as fuck, right, I naturally have

0:12:11.601 --> 0:12:14.121
<v Speaker 2>this territorial energy about me when it comes to the

0:12:14.121 --> 0:12:17.241
<v Speaker 2>people that I love. But it also doesn't mean that

0:12:17.281 --> 0:12:19.601
<v Speaker 2>I have to blame everyone else for what comes up

0:12:19.641 --> 0:12:19.841
<v Speaker 2>for me.

0:12:20.081 --> 0:12:21.441
<v Speaker 1>I love that so much.

0:12:21.761 --> 0:12:23.601
<v Speaker 2>That was the most empowering thing that I ever did

0:12:23.641 --> 0:12:28.601
<v Speaker 2>for relationships, was like, just take responsibility for what had happened,

0:12:28.881 --> 0:12:31.401
<v Speaker 2>the fact that it had happened, and what I get

0:12:31.441 --> 0:12:35.081
<v Speaker 2>to choose to do with how I feel moving forward.

0:12:36.001 --> 0:12:38.841
<v Speaker 1>I'd love to see you guys listening. Also, I feel

0:12:38.841 --> 0:12:43.161
<v Speaker 1>like you went from blaming to taking over responsibility. Yeah,

0:12:43.241 --> 0:12:45.041
<v Speaker 1>won't talk about it now because it's a whole conversation,

0:12:45.161 --> 0:12:47.441
<v Speaker 1>but please let us know in our DMS or in

0:12:47.441 --> 0:12:49.601
<v Speaker 1>the Facebook forum if you would like a conversation around that,

0:12:49.721 --> 0:12:51.721
<v Speaker 1>because there's been a few times where I've kind of

0:12:51.761 --> 0:12:54.081
<v Speaker 1>picked you up on that. I'm like, this is not

0:12:54.161 --> 0:12:56.281
<v Speaker 1>all your fault. Yeah, like they have played their role

0:12:56.281 --> 0:12:58.081
<v Speaker 1>as well. You don't have to own all of that,

0:12:58.801 --> 0:13:00.481
<v Speaker 1>own your part and things that have come up for you,

0:13:00.561 --> 0:13:02.601
<v Speaker 1>but they've also played their role for sure. It's like

0:13:02.801 --> 0:13:05.001
<v Speaker 1>not blaming all the other person, but also not overtake

0:13:05.241 --> 0:13:08.441
<v Speaker 1>responsibility a fear of them leaving. Yeah, it's like understanding

0:13:08.441 --> 0:13:11.121
<v Speaker 1>both have their experience, both have their truth, and to

0:13:11.161 --> 0:13:13.641
<v Speaker 1>be able to navigate that together as the ultimate goal

0:13:13.641 --> 0:13:13.921
<v Speaker 1>because I.

0:13:13.921 --> 0:13:16.761
<v Speaker 2>Think when you go from sometimes a victim to responsibility,

0:13:16.921 --> 0:13:19.481
<v Speaker 2>you go the opposite end. Yeah, and I definitely do

0:13:19.481 --> 0:13:21.561
<v Speaker 2>do that. So yeah, that'd be a really cool conversation, So.

0:13:21.601 --> 0:13:22.681
<v Speaker 1>Let us know if you'd like that.

0:13:22.841 --> 0:13:25.161
<v Speaker 2>Cool. I think the biggest thing around when you're in

0:13:25.161 --> 0:13:27.681
<v Speaker 2>this phase of wanting to take ownership for your life

0:13:28.241 --> 0:13:30.081
<v Speaker 2>is being able to look at all of the things

0:13:30.121 --> 0:13:32.601
<v Speaker 2>that actually give you the biggest dick in your life.

0:13:32.881 --> 0:13:35.601
<v Speaker 2>So the things that feel the most uncomfortable, the things

0:13:35.641 --> 0:13:38.001
<v Speaker 2>that you really don't enjoy, the things that you were

0:13:38.001 --> 0:13:42.241
<v Speaker 2>the most frustrated about. It's going directly to those things

0:13:42.681 --> 0:13:45.961
<v Speaker 2>and going, Okay, where am I actually not taking responsibility

0:13:46.001 --> 0:13:49.001
<v Speaker 2>for this experience? And again, you don't have to like

0:13:49.401 --> 0:13:53.081
<v Speaker 2>blame yourself, However, you do have to take responsibility for

0:13:53.161 --> 0:13:56.641
<v Speaker 2>knowing that for some way, shape or form, you have

0:13:56.721 --> 0:14:00.601
<v Speaker 2>contributed to getting yourself in this situation and contributing to

0:14:00.681 --> 0:14:03.681
<v Speaker 2>this happening and entertaining it now in your life. So

0:14:04.041 --> 0:14:07.401
<v Speaker 2>the question is where are you not taking responsibility? How

0:14:07.401 --> 0:14:10.041
<v Speaker 2>can you take more responsibility? And who are you blaming?

0:14:10.761 --> 0:14:15.761
<v Speaker 1>I love that. I think taking responsibility is shameful. Sometimes

0:14:15.801 --> 0:14:19.121
<v Speaker 1>you feel shameful sometimes because you're admitting you're at fault. Yeah,

0:14:19.161 --> 0:14:21.841
<v Speaker 1>And if you've hurt someone else or you've contributed to

0:14:21.841 --> 0:14:24.681
<v Speaker 1>the relationship breaking down or the business not going well

0:14:24.801 --> 0:14:28.321
<v Speaker 1>or whatever has happened, that's hard. It is really it's

0:14:28.321 --> 0:14:31.201
<v Speaker 1>hard to be like, hey, I fucked up there, like

0:14:31.241 --> 0:14:33.841
<v Speaker 1>I fully own that. And it's hard depending on who

0:14:33.881 --> 0:14:35.761
<v Speaker 1>you're doing it with too, because some people would be like,

0:14:35.841 --> 0:14:38.201
<v Speaker 1>it's all good, we all do it, comeing out, we're

0:14:38.241 --> 0:14:40.161
<v Speaker 1>in this together, and I'll be like, yeah, you fucked up,

0:14:40.161 --> 0:14:42.801
<v Speaker 1>like you ruin this opportunity for me, or yeah you

0:14:42.881 --> 0:14:44.721
<v Speaker 1>we're in the marriage, or you know, it can be

0:14:44.881 --> 0:14:48.561
<v Speaker 1>really scary thing to confront and to really own yourself

0:14:48.561 --> 0:14:50.721
<v Speaker 1>and then bring that forward in the dynamic city you're in.

0:14:50.841 --> 0:14:53.801
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, you'd feel embarrassed sometimes, I think for sure,

0:14:53.841 --> 0:14:55.521
<v Speaker 1>like I know I have when I've fucked up and

0:14:55.561 --> 0:14:58.441
<v Speaker 1>done the wrong thing and you're taking responsibility.

0:14:57.721 --> 0:14:59.721
<v Speaker 2>And the emotion, like you said, it can be quite

0:14:59.761 --> 0:15:02.401
<v Speaker 2>a shameful experience. It's like sometimes you might feel shameful.

0:15:02.441 --> 0:15:05.281
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes you might feel guilty, yeah, for doing something, and

0:15:05.321 --> 0:15:07.521
<v Speaker 2>that I think people really struggle to sit with those

0:15:07.561 --> 0:15:11.321
<v Speaker 2>really heavy, dense emotions because it just is terrible to feel.

0:15:11.401 --> 0:15:13.161
<v Speaker 1>It feels so much easier to blame point the finger,

0:15:13.201 --> 0:15:13.601
<v Speaker 1>doesn't it.

0:15:13.561 --> 0:15:17.681
<v Speaker 2>Oh absolutely absolutely, because then it's like, yeah, it does

0:15:17.761 --> 0:15:19.921
<v Speaker 2>take when you're venting to a friend, oh, well she

0:15:20.001 --> 0:15:21.481
<v Speaker 2>did this or he did this, it's like just so

0:15:21.561 --> 0:15:23.801
<v Speaker 2>much easier to just put it all on them their

0:15:23.881 --> 0:15:24.521
<v Speaker 2>problem to fix.

0:15:24.841 --> 0:15:27.121
<v Speaker 1>I don't have to do anything. Yeah, good, I'm amazing.

0:15:27.681 --> 0:15:30.081
<v Speaker 2>And also it can be uncomfortable when you admit fault

0:15:30.161 --> 0:15:33.841
<v Speaker 2>as well by being seen as the villain and somebody else. Yeah,

0:15:33.921 --> 0:15:36.921
<v Speaker 2>because we're so concerned about what everybody thinks of us

0:15:36.921 --> 0:15:40.401
<v Speaker 2>that we don't ever want to jeopardize someone seeing us

0:15:40.441 --> 0:15:43.521
<v Speaker 2>and thinking badly of us. So the narrative for the

0:15:43.521 --> 0:15:46.081
<v Speaker 2>most part is if I fuck up, then this person

0:15:46.161 --> 0:15:48.681
<v Speaker 2>might judge me, might think less of me, might not

0:15:48.841 --> 0:15:50.241
<v Speaker 2>be my friend any leave me?

0:15:50.321 --> 0:15:54.401
<v Speaker 1>Yeah me wound? Hello, yeah hello hello?

0:15:55.201 --> 0:15:56.161
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So true.

0:15:56.881 --> 0:15:59.081
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, just think about who you're blaming others for

0:15:59.481 --> 0:16:03.521
<v Speaker 1>blaming circumstances, lifestyle, relationships, with money, your current roles. Just

0:16:03.521 --> 0:16:05.961
<v Speaker 1>say to your marriage, the friendships you have like this

0:16:06.081 --> 0:16:08.321
<v Speaker 1>going to happen in any situation in your life, and

0:16:08.441 --> 0:16:10.921
<v Speaker 1>just like, really be honest with yourself is who you're

0:16:10.921 --> 0:16:14.161
<v Speaker 1>blaming and where it's getting you, because it's probably not

0:16:14.201 --> 0:16:18.241
<v Speaker 1>getting you anywhere but causing more pain and disconnection for

0:16:18.321 --> 0:16:20.881
<v Speaker 1>you and the other people involved in the dynamic. Yeah.

0:16:20.921 --> 0:16:23.161
<v Speaker 2>And a beautiful question to ask yourself, if you want

0:16:23.161 --> 0:16:26.001
<v Speaker 2>to take it one step deeper, is to ask yourself,

0:16:26.161 --> 0:16:30.481
<v Speaker 2>how am I benefiting by blaming somebody else. So think

0:16:30.481 --> 0:16:34.561
<v Speaker 2>about what you get to relieve yourself of by blaming

0:16:34.561 --> 0:16:37.801
<v Speaker 2>somebody else, Like, what's the thing that you're actually avoiding? Yes,

0:16:37.961 --> 0:16:39.841
<v Speaker 2>if you can look at that and you can sit

0:16:39.921 --> 0:16:43.481
<v Speaker 2>with that without judgment, without shaming yourself, without making yourself

0:16:43.521 --> 0:16:46.361
<v Speaker 2>the villain or the bad guy, you will be able

0:16:46.401 --> 0:16:48.401
<v Speaker 2>to actually control it and be able to overcome it,

0:16:48.841 --> 0:16:50.121
<v Speaker 2>and you'll be free in your own.

0:16:50.001 --> 0:16:55.961
<v Speaker 1>Life, being free. So nice, beautiful. Yeah, thanks for joining us, guys, Yeah,

0:16:56.001 --> 0:16:56.961
<v Speaker 1>thank you for joining us.

0:16:56.961 --> 0:16:59.721
<v Speaker 2>And this is just a really cool self reflective kind

0:16:59.721 --> 0:17:02.601
<v Speaker 2>of episode of if you want to overcome something in

0:17:02.601 --> 0:17:04.360
<v Speaker 2>your life and you're feeling like you're struggling or you're

0:17:04.361 --> 0:17:06.281
<v Speaker 2>feeling a bit stafagnant and stuck and in that real

0:17:06.321 --> 0:17:09.600
<v Speaker 2>ikey energy, listen to this episode again, play it back,

0:17:09.721 --> 0:17:12.440
<v Speaker 2>write in your phone notes any notes that pop up

0:17:12.481 --> 0:17:14.801
<v Speaker 2>around what you might not be taking responsibility for, and

0:17:14.801 --> 0:17:16.961
<v Speaker 2>trust me, within a couple of weeks you'll likely find

0:17:16.961 --> 0:17:18.120
<v Speaker 2>the answer to the problem you're in.

0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:22.080
<v Speaker 1>One the flame game gets you nowhere. That's no shame

0:17:22.120 --> 0:17:25.121
<v Speaker 1>because we all do it. Boom boom, thanks for joining us.

0:17:25.521 --> 0:17:27.441
<v Speaker 1>We'll see the next episode. Bye bye,