1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,600
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always

2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:12,840
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey Chicks, I'm out and this

3
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,960
Speaker 1: is two broad Chicks, the show that shares life lessons

4
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:19,280
Speaker 1: and tips to help make you rich in life. Welcome

5
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:23,320
Speaker 1: back for a Cheeky Tuesday. Tuesday with the Chicks, Seeky

6
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,840
Speaker 1: Tuesday with the Cheeks. Half price There ego where the

7
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:32,320
Speaker 1: buy one get one where the event Cinema's deal of podcasts. Today,

8
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,839
Speaker 1: we have a very highly requested episode and it's come

9
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,760
Speaker 1: from a couple of episodes that we've had going over

10
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:43,880
Speaker 1: the last few weeks, and we're talking about whether or

11
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:48,840
Speaker 1: not we're in a friendship epidemic, whether or not friendships

12
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,480
Speaker 1: still hits the same, Is friendships harder than it used

13
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,880
Speaker 1: to be? Why does it feel that way? But of

14
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,840
Speaker 1: course we will end on how to make and keep

15
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:04,119
Speaker 1: strong friendships at whatever age or stage rhyming. She's a poet,

16
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,080
Speaker 1: I'm a rapper. We also put some story polls up

17
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,800
Speaker 1: on Instagram with some to get some data from your chicks.

18
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,000
Speaker 1: Yeah dah and how you guys feel on the last

19
00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:18,480
Speaker 1: frame I had, like any other thoughts, I have never

20
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,680
Speaker 1: seen so many responses to an Instagram story of just

21
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,360
Speaker 1: being like anything. What is your obsession of the week.

22
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,680
Speaker 2: My obsession of the week is Margo Robbie's Wuthering Heights

23
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,640
Speaker 2: press looks.

24
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:33,000
Speaker 3: I love her. They are insane.

25
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,360
Speaker 1: I feel like I only have inappropriate comments.

26
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:36,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, that's it.

27
00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:41,840
Speaker 1: The Jacobal Lordie, Margot Robbie sandwich make me bloonney. Yeah,

28
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,880
Speaker 1: there's slices of bread there. They need a slice of

29
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:46,920
Speaker 1: cheese and they need a little bit of meat. You

30
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,800
Speaker 1: can be the cheese, I can be the ham. And

31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,040
Speaker 1: you know I love a ham sandwich.

32
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I feel like Margo Robbie. And also I'll

33
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:58,560
Speaker 2: say Zendaya too. She's not related to this conversation, but

34
00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,800
Speaker 2: I still want to give her flowers.

35
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,600
Speaker 3: It's due. But they are.

36
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,840
Speaker 2: Really doing the most when it comes to their press

37
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,160
Speaker 2: looks for the tools that they do for whatever project

38
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:06,960
Speaker 2: that they're working on.

39
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,200
Speaker 3: And I'm obsessed.

40
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:12,040
Speaker 1: Margot Robbie is a marketing genius. Should the same thing

41
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:16,800
Speaker 1: for Barbie, Like she knows the power of turning a look. Yeah,

42
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,239
Speaker 1: and how it gets people talking about the movie.

43
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,680
Speaker 2: And look, I haven't seen the film yet. We've only

44
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,320
Speaker 2: seen trailers and some snake peats and whatnot.

45
00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,760
Speaker 3: But why do I feel like the press looks are.

46
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,959
Speaker 2: Better than the actual costumes in the film.

47
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,799
Speaker 3: That black Mini was by Roberto Cavali. Love that the black.

48
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,600
Speaker 2: Mini with the bell sleeves and the trucker and then

49
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:36,440
Speaker 2: like the Mermaid.

50
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 3: It was incredible.

51
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,680
Speaker 2: And then also there was the Scaparelli gown that had

52
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,360
Speaker 2: like a Mermaid kind of tail at the bottom and

53
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:44,440
Speaker 2: it was like black.

54
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,040
Speaker 1: Into red gothic whimsy.

55
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,320
Speaker 3: It's incredible.

56
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,799
Speaker 1: Okay, My obsession of the week is a new hair

57
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,360
Speaker 1: product that I've tried and it's more affordable than a

58
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,680
Speaker 1: previous product in that category that I was trying, and

59
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:03,519
Speaker 1: it's the Garniare curl cream and obsessed. It's a big, fat,

60
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 1: green tub of curl cream, which I'm like, yes, get

61
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:10,079
Speaker 1: that in here, so you get heaps of product with it,

62
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:13,840
Speaker 1: and it literally just gets rid of all the frizze

63
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,920
Speaker 1: in my hair and helps me get like the beechy

64
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,360
Speaker 1: wave curls when I like can't be able to do

65
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,000
Speaker 1: my hair. So if you remember, when we're in Europe,

66
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 1: a lot of people being like, how what product are

67
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,320
Speaker 1: you using? And I spoke about one that was from

68
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,960
Speaker 1: Sephora but that one I think was around like forty

69
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,040
Speaker 1: seven dollars and it's kind of like a tube and

70
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,240
Speaker 1: you don't really get heaps of product, and I it

71
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,480
Speaker 1: still lasted a really long time, like you only need

72
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:36,680
Speaker 1: a small amount, right.

73
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,360
Speaker 3: It was also always sold out.

74
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,560
Speaker 1: I get double the amount with this Garnia air product,

75
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,280
Speaker 1: and yeah, it's just really good. You can get it

76
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,920
Speaker 1: from Chemists Warehouse. They have a whole range. If you've

77
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,000
Speaker 1: got wavy hair that's like frizzy, I find it really helps.

78
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 1: I just literally flip my head upside down, wet it

79
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,320
Speaker 1: and then scrunch it with this and Bobs, your uncle,

80
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,000
Speaker 1: we're gonna do Oceans thirteen and we're just stealing Margo

81
00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,440
Speaker 1: Robbie's wardrobe and we're gonna do it with a Garniac Great.

82
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:01,160
Speaker 3: Amazing.

83
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,119
Speaker 1: On that note, let's get into the episode.

84
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:04,160
Speaker 3: Let's do it.

85
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 1: Why has friendships become so hard? Well?

86
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,440
Speaker 2: I think that there are a lot of different factors

87
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:15,400
Speaker 2: that can contribute to this, and this has been a

88
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,240
Speaker 2: topic of conversation that people have had over the last

89
00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:18,640
Speaker 2: few years.

90
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,040
Speaker 3: I feel like, especially since.

91
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,360
Speaker 2: Lockdown, don't you think When I was doing research for

92
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,720
Speaker 2: the episode, I saw that an article was published by

93
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,640
Speaker 2: the Harvard Kennedy School, and they were talking about a

94
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:34,200
Speaker 2: so called friendship recession. Oh yeah, And they were saying

95
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,839
Speaker 2: that the percentage of US adults who report having no

96
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 2: close friends had quadrupled to twelve percent since nineteen ninety

97
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,680
Speaker 2: Yeah wow.

98
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:45,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

99
00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,760
Speaker 2: So they attributed this to a bunch of different things.

100
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,839
Speaker 2: They said that it could be due to our increased

101
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:56,919
Speaker 2: time in digital spaces lockdown again. Also, a lot of

102
00:04:56,960 --> 00:05:00,640
Speaker 2: people are working from home, and because of the gig

103
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,279
Speaker 2: economy as well, a lot of us view our free

104
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:08,200
Speaker 2: time as opportunities to monetize or have a side hustle

105
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,880
Speaker 2: or so we're not using our free time to socialize

106
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,440
Speaker 2: as much as before because we're looking at it as other.

107
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:19,760
Speaker 1: Opportunities need to be doing something like productivity, which is

108
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:26,000
Speaker 1: really interesting. And I do think that anecdotally we've probably

109
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,800
Speaker 1: seen this a little bit ourselves. You agree, hmmm, one

110
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,120
Speaker 1: hundred percent. As we've gotten older, the more you see

111
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,719
Speaker 1: people getting burnt out, whether it's you know, they have children,

112
00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,039
Speaker 1: whether it's they're working multiple jobs, whether it's just the

113
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,000
Speaker 1: state of the world and they've got news burnout and

114
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,279
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, I want to go crawl

115
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,520
Speaker 1: in a hole and not come back out.

116
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:42,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

117
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:46,400
Speaker 1: I think, especially from my perspective, it's like if you

118
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:50,320
Speaker 1: get time spare time and you're not working, you're like,

119
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:51,679
Speaker 1: I just want to do nothing.

120
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:52,680
Speaker 3: Yeah.

121
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,720
Speaker 1: And I think that also feeds into the fact that

122
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,640
Speaker 1: when you are trying to pursue friendships, it's such an

123
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,800
Speaker 1: act pursued, it's such active time to spend time with

124
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:06,440
Speaker 1: people that it can be like a, Oh, I just

125
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,920
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm up for it. And I think

126
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:14,520
Speaker 1: we've had this like pendulum swing of you know, maybe

127
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:21,680
Speaker 1: like hyper independence and such obsession with the perfect routine

128
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,600
Speaker 1: that I don't know if we've factored human connection into it,

129
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,080
Speaker 1: you know, getting your ten thousand steps a day and

130
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,800
Speaker 1: journaling and drinking your water and meal prepping that in

131
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:38,160
Speaker 1: so many of those routines and advice and productivity lists,

132
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,320
Speaker 1: we don't ever see like spend time with friends in them,

133
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:47,040
Speaker 1: or like embrace human connection. And you'd remember from our

134
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,479
Speaker 1: first episode we did of the Year where we referenced

135
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:52,600
Speaker 1: and a Harvard study that has been going for eighty

136
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:57,279
Speaker 1: five years and is still going, and it measured what

137
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:01,000
Speaker 1: made people the happiest in life. It wasn't how much

138
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,599
Speaker 1: money they earned. It wasn't how fit they were, It

139
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,640
Speaker 1: wasn't you know, how many people thought they were really

140
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,720
Speaker 1: really cool. It was literally the status of their human

141
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,320
Speaker 1: connections and how connected they were to people in their life.

142
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:15,720
Speaker 1: That could be family, that could be friends, that could

143
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,800
Speaker 1: be a lever. But it really shines a light on

144
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,640
Speaker 1: how it falls to the bottom of the list. It

145
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,680
Speaker 1: falls to the b and absolutely, like I know in

146
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,840
Speaker 1: my life that's what happens. Like I'm like, I've got

147
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,240
Speaker 1: to get all these things done, and then if I

148
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,320
Speaker 1: feel like it and I feel up for it, I'll

149
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,960
Speaker 1: spend time with friends, whereas we really should be flipping that.

150
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:39,120
Speaker 3: I think a lot of.

151
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,520
Speaker 2: Us just expect that our friends will stick around and

152
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:47,280
Speaker 2: be there and that the relationships will maintain themselves, whereas

153
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,520
Speaker 2: other priorities such as well.

154
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,120
Speaker 1: Or whatever you know, that will happen. There'll be eras

155
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,800
Speaker 1: of your life where you really can't just spend all

156
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,000
Speaker 1: your time with your friends or you really can't manage it.

157
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,320
Speaker 3: Like if you're a new like exactly, that's hard.

158
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,400
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not saying that you need to be like, no,

159
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to drop all of my responsibilities and just

160
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:12,680
Speaker 1: go get pest with my fatents, which maybe you should.

161
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:13,680
Speaker 1: Maybe you should.

162
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,679
Speaker 3: Like we were saying, this is a highly requested episode.

163
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:18,280
Speaker 3: We get emails and.

164
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:22,200
Speaker 2: Dms from chicks all the time asking how can I

165
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,560
Speaker 2: make friends as an adult?

166
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:24,800
Speaker 3: It's really really hard.

167
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,840
Speaker 2: So we asked you, chicks, do you find friendships overwhelming

168
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,880
Speaker 2: as an adult? And eighty three percent said that they

169
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,600
Speaker 2: do find friendships overwhelming as an adult. So if you

170
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,640
Speaker 2: are feeling this, not only are you not alone, but

171
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,400
Speaker 2: the vast majority of people feel this way.

172
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,920
Speaker 1: Also. I think when you know these things, it also

173
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,199
Speaker 1: helps you get past these things. Yeah, which when we

174
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,199
Speaker 1: were working on this episode, it is really really interesting

175
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:57,120
Speaker 1: because you go, ah, fuck like that. Yep, I see that,

176
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,520
Speaker 1: and I'm going to stop doing that.

177
00:08:58,880 --> 00:08:59,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

178
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:00,880
Speaker 2: One of the things that I found when I was

179
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:04,440
Speaker 2: doing research for this episode is have you heard of

180
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,640
Speaker 2: Mel Robin's concept of the great scattering?

181
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:12,440
Speaker 1: Oh now a Frotha Mele Robins theory. G Amma male

182
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,559
Speaker 1: who doesn't but she's on my manifestation board.

183
00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. On the everyone go to Mel Robin's comments and

184
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,360
Speaker 2: tag two broach chicks.

185
00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:25,439
Speaker 1: They're really really cool. Mel, Please walk me to Australia.

186
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,440
Speaker 1: You should go on the podcast.

187
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, we really want to get her on the pod.

188
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:28,439
Speaker 1: Go on.

189
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,600
Speaker 2: Mel Robins talks about the great scattering in relation to

190
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:35,920
Speaker 2: white is so hard to make and maintain friendships in adulthood,

191
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,960
Speaker 2: and she talks about how when we're children and teenagers,

192
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,040
Speaker 2: there's rules around friendship.

193
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,400
Speaker 3: Right, So we.

194
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,640
Speaker 2: Go to school, we have team sports, we live in

195
00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:46,520
Speaker 2: the same neighborhood.

196
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,160
Speaker 3: We all move as groups together.

197
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,640
Speaker 2: You know, we're doing the same activities, we're celebrating the

198
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:55,440
Speaker 2: same milestones together. We're naturally together by proximity, and that

199
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,600
Speaker 2: does encourage friendship. But then as you get into your

200
00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:05,000
Speaker 2: twent and beyond, everybody experiences a great scattering. So people

201
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,559
Speaker 2: will move to different cities, they'll enter new relationships, they'll

202
00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,920
Speaker 2: start new jobs, I'll start prioritizing new things, and as

203
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,520
Speaker 2: a result, we don't have that proximity that typically keeps

204
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:19,679
Speaker 2: us together. And we've spoken about this on the show,

205
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,800
Speaker 2: but I thought the interesting part of this great scattering

206
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,880
Speaker 2: theory that she has is that she talks about three

207
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:31,800
Speaker 2: pillars of friendship, and she talks about how when this

208
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:36,640
Speaker 2: great scattering happens and when we enter adulthood, you can

209
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:42,079
Speaker 2: no longer expect friendship. Oh yeah, So she says that

210
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:45,959
Speaker 2: friendship is something that you have to put effort into. Ah,

211
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,360
Speaker 2: I get you, and that it isn't necessarily going to

212
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,360
Speaker 2: fall in your lap.

213
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,840
Speaker 1: And I do think did that happen for people in

214
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,520
Speaker 1: high Schoolhi?

215
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,400
Speaker 3: That is something that we should also address.

216
00:10:56,400 --> 00:11:00,439
Speaker 2: Everybody has their own experiences with friendship, but you know, generally.

217
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,319
Speaker 1: Speaking, I'm like, I'm in the opposite of that.

218
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,080
Speaker 2: When she's talking about the three pillars of friendship, she

219
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:12,240
Speaker 2: addresses number one proximity, number two time, and also timing.

220
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:17,559
Speaker 2: So the majority of us spend most of our time

221
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:21,520
Speaker 2: with our work colleagues, right, But unless you work with

222
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,240
Speaker 2: a bunch of people who are in the same stage

223
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,120
Speaker 2: of life as you, they may not end up your

224
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,960
Speaker 2: best friend. In our experience, I think we did have that.

225
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,600
Speaker 2: We made a lot of amazing friendships through our old work.

226
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,040
Speaker 3: But that's because a lot of the people who we.

227
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,800
Speaker 2: Worked with were in their early and mid twenties at

228
00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,280
Speaker 2: the time and we were all sort of on the

229
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,360
Speaker 2: same trajectory together.

230
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 1: Well, I feel like as well, if you look at it, though,

231
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,200
Speaker 1: like obviously we're still we threends and we met at work.

232
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:48,599
Speaker 1: We no longer work at that workplace, right, And I

233
00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:51,120
Speaker 1: would say that there is a very small number of

234
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,840
Speaker 1: people that I still talk to because that proximity and

235
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,760
Speaker 1: timing isn't there anymore. The convenience of it isn't there anymore.

236
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then the third pillar she talks about is energy.

237
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,560
Speaker 2: So that's both in terms of the energy that you

238
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,560
Speaker 2: put into the relationship but also the energy that you

239
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,560
Speaker 2: have as a person. So if your value is aligned,

240
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:13,160
Speaker 2: if your interests align, if your hobby is align, if

241
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:17,560
Speaker 2: they don't, then that doesn't really foster a natural thing

242
00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:18,240
Speaker 2: for friendship.

243
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,600
Speaker 3: Yeap, So I thought that was interesting.

244
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,960
Speaker 1: That is interesting. I feel like it ties in really

245
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:27,440
Speaker 1: well to an article or really a tweet that I

246
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:33,880
Speaker 1: came across crazy Right. Basically, it's the fact of like

247
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,440
Speaker 1: do we need to lower our friendship standards? Like are

248
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:42,439
Speaker 1: we actually expecting like too much from our friendships? And

249
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,800
Speaker 1: this thought came from a viral tweet that reads, being

250
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,000
Speaker 1: annoyed is the price you pay for community. It means

251
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,000
Speaker 1: having guests when you'd rather be alone. It means letting

252
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,600
Speaker 1: someone live with you even when they get on your nerves.

253
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,200
Speaker 1: It means showing up for events that you'd rather not

254
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,959
Speaker 1: go to it means turning the other cheek and this

255
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,560
Speaker 1: really fueled a lot of online discussion. And when I

256
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,760
Speaker 1: was reading it at first, I was like ah, and

257
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:08,720
Speaker 1: then the more I thought about it.

258
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,679
Speaker 3: I was like, oh fuck.

259
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,600
Speaker 1: I was like, I really think this hits the nail

260
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,560
Speaker 1: on the head and it ties into what we were

261
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,640
Speaker 1: talking about earlier of you know, being tired and feeling

262
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,200
Speaker 1: like near about going to things. But also I do

263
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,840
Speaker 1: think the reoccurrence and popularity of therapy speak and red

264
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:32,000
Speaker 1: flags and toxic behavior has actually increased our standards to

265
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:36,080
Speaker 1: a level that I don't think is accurate and to

266
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:40,920
Speaker 1: how we look at friendships. And I think we've moved

267
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:45,200
Speaker 1: into an era where we expect perfection rather than presence

268
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:50,160
Speaker 1: from our friendships. And because no friendship is going to

269
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,640
Speaker 1: be perfect, you're going to piss each other off sometimes,

270
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,280
Speaker 1: Like if you expect to be lifelong friends with someone,

271
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,800
Speaker 1: guess what they're going to annoy you. It's going to

272
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:04,200
Speaker 1: be And I'm not saying this in a way that's like, yes,

273
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,800
Speaker 1: we should always bitch about our friends, or that any

274
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,680
Speaker 1: actual toxic behavior like someone breaching your trust or making

275
00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:15,320
Speaker 1: you uncomfortable or actually having harmful behavior towards you should

276
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,319
Speaker 1: be tolerated. That is not what I'm referencing here. That

277
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 1: is actual toxic behavior, right, Yeah, But what I'm talking

278
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,760
Speaker 1: about is, you know, annoyance is the price you pay

279
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,040
Speaker 1: for community. Is the friend that's always five minutes late,

280
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:31,240
Speaker 1: or maybe they forget to reply straight away, or maybe

281
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,400
Speaker 1: they're a little bit flaky, but when they're there, they're there. Yeah,

282
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,120
Speaker 1: you know, Like it's it's the little things that I

283
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:40,000
Speaker 1: think we've started to being like, oh, this is just

284
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,000
Speaker 1: the worst, Like maybe they interrupt you when you speak

285
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 1: because they got excited. It's these tiny things that we've

286
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,359
Speaker 1: started thinking that everything needs to be perfect.

287
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, well we focus on the flows rather than their

288
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,440
Speaker 2: great values and attributes as a friend.

289
00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:01,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I do think people will feel differently about

290
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:05,680
Speaker 1: this because everyone has different experiences with friendship. If you've

291
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,200
Speaker 1: been the friend that always and consistently puts in more

292
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,480
Speaker 1: effort than others, you probably wouldn't align to this as

293
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,960
Speaker 1: much as someone who hasn't had that experience, Like everyone

294
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,040
Speaker 1: has had different experiences in friendships, that this would probably

295
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,040
Speaker 1: hit harder for some and not as much for others.

296
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,000
Speaker 1: But there was a journalist who discussed the topic in

297
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,440
Speaker 1: an article for Time Magazine. I really think they put

298
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,600
Speaker 1: it together perfectly and summarized it perfectly, and they said, ultimately,

299
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,280
Speaker 1: this debate about what we owe the members of our

300
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,040
Speaker 1: communities and the price we should pay to be a

301
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,359
Speaker 1: part of a community should be focused on how important

302
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:46,560
Speaker 1: these relationships actually are to us. We shouldn't consider preparing

303
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,720
Speaker 1: meals for a sick friend or walking someone's dog as

304
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:54,040
Speaker 1: an annoyance, because these annoyances, what we might consider the tough,

305
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:58,280
Speaker 1: boring or mundane moments, become the foundation of our connections

306
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,160
Speaker 1: to each other and ultimately what it means to be

307
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:04,560
Speaker 1: part of a community. So, yeah, you don't have to

308
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:09,440
Speaker 1: tolerate annoyances from every single person you meet. Yeah, but

309
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 1: it means if that person means a lot to you,

310
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,880
Speaker 1: if you really love that person, then you tolerate it.

311
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,320
Speaker 1: Annoyances is part of it.

312
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, speaking of community.

313
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,520
Speaker 2: Another thing that can be really hard about friendship is

314
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 2: feeling left out. Yes, especially if you are a part

315
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 2: of a group or a trio or whatever it made.

316
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 1: And we went to Disneyland and we had our friend Helena,

317
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 1: and there would be like the pear Rides and we'd

318
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,120
Speaker 1: be like fuck, are we like rotated? Yeah, the pair

319
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,240
Speaker 1: luckily you would sit next to each other.

320
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,080
Speaker 2: We were all happy to be like, we'll just do like, yeah,

321
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:45,320
Speaker 2: we'll take it in turn.

322
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, well who has to sit by themselves?

323
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:48,479
Speaker 3: Yeah?

324
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, trios are hard.

325
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:50,760
Speaker 3: They are hard.

326
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,000
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of shame to bring it

327
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,200
Speaker 2: up or express that you are feeling left out when

328
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,760
Speaker 2: you're an adult, because it feels like maybe an immature

329
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 2: thing to bring our or it's embarrassing. We put this

330
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,960
Speaker 2: up as a poll on the story as well, because

331
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,920
Speaker 2: I wanted to see what the consensus was and if

332
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 2: we were all aligned on this, and I was pleasantly surprised.

333
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,679
Speaker 2: Eighty three percent of chicks feel that it's normal to

334
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:20,240
Speaker 2: be left out in friendships always or to an extent,

335
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,399
Speaker 2: And I thought that was a really refreshing take. Yeah,

336
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:29,520
Speaker 2: because I personally think there is a difference between being

337
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 2: left out and excluded. I think those two things are

338
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:37,120
Speaker 2: different things. Yeah, being left out is a feeling.

339
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:44,159
Speaker 1: Being excluded is like a conscious decision from other people

340
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,960
Speaker 1: in my mind, like.

341
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,159
Speaker 3: There's malice behind one.

342
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, being excluded is like a purposeful decision, whereas being

343
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 1: left out is kind of a feeling.

344
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 3: Yeah.

345
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,800
Speaker 2: And this has been a topic of conversation on the

346
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,480
Speaker 2: Internet recently because of the article that was published in

347
00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:04,080
Speaker 2: The Cut in January by Ashley Tisdale Yes under the

348
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 2: headline breaking up with my Toxic Mum group and the

349
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,880
Speaker 2: group included some fellow celebrity mums like Hillary Duff, Meghan

350
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 2: Trainer and Mandy Moore. And in this article slash personal essay,

351
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,359
Speaker 2: tis I was talking about how she originally joined the

352
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 2: group shortly following the birth of her first baby, which

353
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 2: I know is a very isolating period for a lot

354
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,199
Speaker 2: of people, which is why they do join groups like

355
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,639
Speaker 2: mum groups because again, like you're on a similar timeline

356
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 2: and you can share a lot of those experiences that

357
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,359
Speaker 2: otherwise would be quite isolating if you don't have people

358
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,200
Speaker 2: to talk about it with. Originally, she found it really comforting.

359
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,840
Speaker 2: She was really relieved to have the community. But then

360
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:46,720
Speaker 2: after not long she felt like she was being excluded,

361
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,199
Speaker 2: that there were other group chats happening without her, that

362
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,440
Speaker 2: she wasn't being invited to things. She'd go on Instagram

363
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 2: and see that they were all hanging out or at

364
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 2: dinner parties and such. She would be positioned at like

365
00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 2: the shit end of the table away from everyone, and

366
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 2: this kind of divided the internet into, I think, in

367
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,440
Speaker 2: how different people perceived this.

368
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 1: Article, What did you think?

369
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 2: The thing that I had heard was that there were

370
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:16,919
Speaker 2: rumors about potentially Ashley Tisdale's political leanings and maybe some

371
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 2: of her values that didn't align with.

372
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 3: The rest of the group. So that again, these are

373
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,399
Speaker 3: all alleged, these all roomors.

374
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:29,439
Speaker 1: So I'm not exactly the truth of what happened unless

375
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 1: you're there, you know, And then even when you are there,

376
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,680
Speaker 1: there's three sides to every story of their truth, your truth,

377
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,960
Speaker 1: and the thing that actually happened exactly.

378
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, So rather than picking aside, it just made me

379
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 2: think that feeling left out is really hard and it's

380
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 2: an awful feeling. But again that you need to acknowledge

381
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 2: that you can't be invited to everything. Yeah, and you

382
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 2: can't be included in everything, and there's going to be

383
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 2: some scenarios, even if it's, for example, there's a group

384
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,959
Speaker 2: trip happening or night out happening and you're like, oh,

385
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 2: I can't make it.

386
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 3: You can't expect everybody to be like.

387
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: All right, well, we'll shift the schedule so.

388
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 2: That you can come, or if it's you know, somebody's

389
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,000
Speaker 2: going to a show or a gig or something and

390
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 2: it's for a band that a bunch of your friends like,

391
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 2: and you're not really interested, Like you might not be

392
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 2: invited or included in that, and that's okay, and that

393
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 2: there are some situations where you're not going to be

394
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 2: invited or involved, and that that doesn't mean that they

395
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,439
Speaker 2: don't value you as a friend and that you're not

396
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 2: part of the group. But I do think that it

397
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,479
Speaker 2: is a fine line and that you shouldn't put up

398
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,639
Speaker 2: with it if you feel like your friends are having

399
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 2: a separate group chat and maybe bitching about you in it,

400
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,399
Speaker 2: or if they've made the group chat because they're like, oh,

401
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,919
Speaker 2: we don't want Sally to come, so like we're going

402
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 2: to make this separate group chat.

403
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 1: You know, we have quite a large friendship group, Like

404
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,480
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people and there's a lot of

405
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 1: pockets within it. And I have come from like a

406
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 1: background where I would say I had a very anxious

407
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 1: relationship with friendship, Like when you talk about attachment styles,

408
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,240
Speaker 1: I would have like an anxious attachment style because I

409
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 1: was really scared of people not wanting to be my friend.

410
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: So if people hung out without me, I was like,

411
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: oh my god, they hate me. I've done something wrong.

412
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah blah. Now we've definitely moved towards a

413
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:19,399
Speaker 1: more secure attachment style within friendships, Thank you, Sally. But

414
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 1: I think it gives a good perspective to be able

415
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 1: to look at it now, to come from an anxious

416
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:28,679
Speaker 1: attachment style with friendships and a secure one to be

417
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: like it is, I would say most of the time

418
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: in your head, like people are allowed to hang out

419
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,120
Speaker 1: one on one, I get it. I get it. If

420
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 1: it's like a trio thing, or like if there's four

421
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 1: of you and three of them hang out and you're

422
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 1: the one that's not there, and it's constant, and it's constant,

423
00:21:48,480 --> 00:21:51,360
Speaker 1: that I get that is valid and that I do

424
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 1: see why people would raise it and be like, hey,

425
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: like I kind of felt left, that is to me

426
00:21:56,119 --> 00:22:00,200
Speaker 1: excluding someone because it's one person. It's like one thing.

427
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 1: If you've got a group of like six girls, right,

428
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: six chicks or six boys or whatever it is, and

429
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 1: two people hang out and four people don't go, that's

430
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: not a pointed thing, right, Yeah. Yeah. I always take

431
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,840
Speaker 1: the note of you know, whenever we're doing something. There's

432
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 1: no harm in extending invites, Like there's a difference between

433
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,719
Speaker 1: quality time and then just being like, you know what,

434
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,360
Speaker 1: I'll just chuck them the invite and just if they

435
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 1: want to come. It's why an invitation means a lot,

436
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,880
Speaker 1: because whether or not you're busy or you can't go right.

437
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,479
Speaker 1: Kind of like what you were saying, plans don't have

438
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 1: to change, but the fact that you were thought of

439
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 1: still makes you feel as though you were a part

440
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 1: of a community. Yeah, it makes it not sting. If

441
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,879
Speaker 1: you see an Instagram story that's uploaded, it makes it

442
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: fine that people are hanging out, but you already had

443
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,199
Speaker 1: plans because they still thought of you, they still wanted

444
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 1: you there. And that's kind of the perspective that you know,

445
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 1: I take with things like that. If you know four,

446
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 1: if three out of five girls are doing something, I'll

447
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: truck the other two a message and be like this

448
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 1: is happening, Yeah, just letting you know, no pressure, welcome

449
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 1: to come. Yeah, And I'd like navigating friendships that way.

450
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,199
Speaker 1: Everyone will be different, but I prefer to do it

451
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: that way because I never want anyone to feel excluded

452
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: or left out. And if you do want to just

453
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: hang out with someone one on one, just don't post it. Yeah,

454
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 1: you don't have to post an Instagram story, that's true. Yeah,

455
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: you know, like if you don't want to deal with

456
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 1: people being like I wish I was invited and blah

457
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: blah blah, which like, maybe have the think of being like,

458
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 1: why didn't you want them invited? Like why is that?

459
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: Is there something within the friendship that's missing or falling

460
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 1: apart or maybe that you don't like.

461
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 2: The last thing I wanted to touch on on why

462
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 2: it's so hard to maintain or make friendships in twenty

463
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:55,399
Speaker 2: twenty six is a concept of fr inflation. Is it

464
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 2: too expensive to have friends in twenty twenty six? Yes,

465
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 2: that is the right question, So if you've never heard

466
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 2: of it, tranflation refers to the rising cost of socializing

467
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 2: and how hard it can be to afford friendships in

468
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 2: the cost of living crisis. I was reading an article

469
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 2: from the Fashion Journal that was talking about this, which

470
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:16,480
Speaker 2: has shown that while the cost of living has skyrocketed,

471
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: the frequency with which we catch up with our friends

472
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,920
Speaker 2: has declined. And while they said that these two statistics

473
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 2: don't necessarily causation, doesn't equal correlation, but I don't think

474
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 2: it's too much of a leap to assume that it

475
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 2: has had an impact on how often we hang.

476
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 3: Out with our friends.

477
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 2: And I also wonder that in the age of social media,

478
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 2: has hanging out become another form of consumption because we

479
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 2: see birthday parties that are worthy of Pinterest boards, where

480
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: it's like big themes and you have a long table

481
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,360
Speaker 2: full of candles and matching dinnerware and everybody.

482
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 3: Wears an aesthetic outfit.

483
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 2: Or Hen's trips that become this huge event that costs

484
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: heaps of money, or even something like hosting a dinner

485
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 2: party or going on a picnic.

486
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: Just going to a friend's birthday dinner it's expensive, yeah, which,

487
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 1: like there's that whole debate of being like if you

488
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: have a birthday dinner.

489
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 3: Who pays exactly?

490
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 1: Ye pay because it's your birthday and people are coming

491
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: to celebrate you, or do people pay for you?

492
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 2: M Yeah, and the like going out for dinner is

493
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 2: an expensive exercise. Then you have like group presence and

494
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 2: the list goes on. And then there's also different income

495
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,679
Speaker 2: brackets and values for money within friendships, so you know,

496
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 2: you could have a friend that is really happy to

497
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 2: spend a lot of money on a big girls trip

498
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 2: interstate or overseas holiday, and then you have another friend

499
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 2: that's like that doesn't really sit within my budget, or

500
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,679
Speaker 2: I have different financial values at the moment, or you

501
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 2: could be at different stages or income levels as well,

502
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 2: where yeah, buying expensive tickets to a concert doesn't necessarily

503
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 2: align with you and you can't afford that. So I

504
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 2: think that can also sometimes pose some contention in a friendship.

505
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I feel like that's a part of you know,

506
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,359
Speaker 1: potentially those annoyances or disagreements that doesn't get considered. Like,

507
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,879
Speaker 1: let's run with that example, right, it being like you

508
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: want your friend to come to the Harry Styles concert

509
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: with you and they say no, And it's like, well,

510
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 1: I asked her to hang out, she doesn't want to

511
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,720
Speaker 1: hang out. I asked it to come to Harry Start

512
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, that ticket is four hundred dollars

513
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,280
Speaker 1: and she actually hasn't listened to them since they put

514
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,880
Speaker 1: out dragged me Down. You want direction, which.

515
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 3: What a fucking hit.

516
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: But it's like that's not really the case here, Like

517
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 1: there's certain variables, but it's not about spending time with you.

518
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 1: It's about the fact that they don't want to pay

519
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: that money. It's not about whether or not someone can

520
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: afford something, it's about whether or not they want to

521
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 1: afford it exactly.

522
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 2: Even if you think that your friend can afford it,

523
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 2: if it doesn't align with their money values, that doesn't

524
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,239
Speaker 2: mean they have to do it. And I think that

525
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 2: is such an important part of friendship and the conversations

526
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 2: that you have in friendship is both being more flexible

527
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 2: and unders standing towards that, but also if your friend

528
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 2: is being like, let's go to this amazing restaurant blah blah,

529
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 2: and it's very expensive, or they want to go on

530
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:08,919
Speaker 2: a trip.

531
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: Or like a festival for their birthday, Yeah, boat party things,

532
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 1: and they're like, the boat's actually three thousand dollars, so

533
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 1: but divided by four, thank you, and it's a white

534
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 1: parties and everyone has Oh no, it's some random thing

535
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:25,399
Speaker 1: of seventies disco sparkle aesthetic as I saw it on Pinterest.

536
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: We'd be all right with that, though, Yeah, I'd be

537
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: like done, I'm there. Yeah, but that's fine because like,

538
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: but you can't get upset when other people don't want

539
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: to do that.

540
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 2: And I do also think that if you are in

541
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,159
Speaker 2: a friendship where somebody is always suggesting things that you

542
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 2: feel like are either out of your budget or you

543
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 2: just don't want to spend that much money on, you

544
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 2: also can suggest alternatives. Yeah, so if you're like, actually,

545
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 2: do you want to just come over for dinner and

546
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 2: we can have a little pot luck and we both

547
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:58,199
Speaker 2: can make something, or let's make coffees at home and

548
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 2: watch an episode of something, or we can just chat

549
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 2: at home or go for a walk. Like, there's so

550
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 2: many free or low cost things that you can do.

551
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,719
Speaker 1: Is the answer to that question, yes, Like is it

552
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 1: too expensive to have friends?

553
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 2: I know, I don't think right answer it is in

554
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 2: the way that we just discussed it. But like we said,

555
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 2: there are so many low cost or no cost activities

556
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 2: that you can do with friends, and moving it away

557
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 2: from activities for the gram and making it for activities

558
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 2: that are going to enrich your friendship.

559
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 1: What happened to just sitting at home being ugly and

560
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 1: watching in two thousands roum come.

561
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 2: Work for us, works for us, and look at us.

562
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: But moving into more positive waters of how to actually

563
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: make but also keep friends. Part of the equation that

564
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 1: gets spoken about a lot more is the how to

565
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 1: make friends part right, but we don't go into keeping

566
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: them as much, which is really important to also get into.

567
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 1: So we put a pole up and we said what

568
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 1: period of your life was the hardest to make friends?

569
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: Teens was seventeen percent, twenty to thirty was fifty five percent,

570
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: thirty to forty was twenty five percent, and forty plus

571
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: was three percent, which I think really closely correlates to

572
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 1: a lot of what we discussed earlier with The Great

573
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: Scattering ye wa a title by the way, I know,

574
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 1: but it also ties into a concept that I found

575
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 1: while we were doing our research called the friendship market.

576
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 1: So this was an article in the New York Times.

577
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: I believe I'll link in the show notes. I can't

578
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: remember anything. And basically it's that most of us can

579
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: pinpoint a time period when making friends was easier, and

580
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 1: it's because of the friendship market. Essentially, the friendship market

581
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 1: is basically a place where a majority of people in

582
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: a particular setting a interested in buying or selling friendship.

583
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 1: AKA when you're in primary school, moving to high school,

584
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: when you're going to a mother's group, when you're going

585
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 1: to your first unit at university, when you're starting a

586
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: new job, like these are places where the friendship market

587
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: is open and bustling, which is popular. There's people coming

588
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: in and out of the friendship market all the time.

589
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: As we get older, we spend more time in weaker

590
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: friendship markets, more close friendship markets. And it reminded me

591
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 1: of a theory that we wrote about in our book

592
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: Finding Your People, and it's the cab light theory. This

593
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: draws on sex and the city when Miranda talks about

594
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,480
Speaker 1: men and how it goes into dating, and that when

595
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: a man decides they want to be in a relationship,

596
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: they just turn their cab light on and the first

597
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: person to get in the cab is the person that

598
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 1: they date, mary have babies with, and that it's all

599
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: about timing right. And while I don't necessarily subscribe to

600
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: that entire nocean, I do think it introduced and relates

601
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: to all relationships that people have to be open to

602
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: friendship like they have to have their cab light on,

603
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: and in you know, strong friendship markets. It's because majority

604
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: of people have their cab light on, they're open and

605
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,280
Speaker 1: interested in making friends and they're welcoming it, whereas other

606
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: people they might have their cab light off. Maybe they,

607
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: you know, are having a hard time, they're stressed, they

608
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: feel like their cup is full. They don't really they're

609
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: not looking for more friendships, and that's okay. You don't

610
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: have to be open to having new friendships at all

611
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: times in life. It doesn't make you a bad person.

612
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: I think it's a more comforting thing to know that

613
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: just because someone doesn't want to be your friend doesn't

614
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 1: mean there's anything wrong with you. It just means that

615
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: person's cab light is off, and you can redirect your

616
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 1: energy to someone who has their cab light on.

617
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

618
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's why I like that theory, because a

619
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: lot of the time we can feel like it's us

620
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: and we can be like, I've just people don't want

621
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: to be friends with me. I'm not like, maybe my

622
00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 1: breath stinks, whatever it is, And it's not that. There

623
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: is a notion that you know, if you do constantly

624
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: feel like you're falling out of friendships, going through friendships, breakups,

625
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: and that's a reoccurring thing within your life, there may

626
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: be some work to do there. Maybe it's wondering and

627
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: getting feedback as to why that happens and doing something inner.

628
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 2: Work yeah, like, could it be something that, yeah, you

629
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 2: need to work on within yourself or is it even

630
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: the sort of people that you're looking for friendship exactly?

631
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: Is there like a misalignment there?

632
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 3: Yeah?

633
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 1: But I really liked this because I think it really

634
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: does help to identify where to put your energy. If

635
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: you are constantly messaging a friend to hang out and

636
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 1: they're like, also, I'm busy, and then they never have

637
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: an like another time to do so their cab light's

638
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: probably like a medium on. Like you've got to find

639
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: the people that have their cab light on. And once

640
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 1: you do that, then it's about being proactive in those friendships.

641
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: It's about ensuring you keep those chips. And I found

642
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: an article that was how to keep lifelong friends according

643
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,959
Speaker 1: to a psychologist hit me and I was reading this

644
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, we are the best because

645
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: I was like, are we going to get an able?

646
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 1: We get like an a fucking plus in this if

647
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: I do.

648
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 2: Say so, my soreal, Oh my god, I'm so excited.

649
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, So number one, they reply like a human

650
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 1: not a robot. You know that friend who sends a

651
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: voice note when they when a text could do or

652
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: adds a line of context, saw this and thought of

653
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 1: you instead of just dumping a link. That's the vibe.

654
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 1: It's not performative, it's not formal. It's just yapping yep.

655
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 1: Number two. They keep a friendship file in their head

656
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: or notes app I know I felt so seen.

657
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 3: Wow, I didn't know anybody else did this.

658
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: Literally so quick question what's your best friends? Go to coffee?

659
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: Order their current career goal the name. People who keep

660
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: lifelong friends remember small details and they actually use them.

661
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 1: So it's about like knowing what your friend is doing

662
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:10,960
Speaker 1: on the week and being like, what are you doing?

663
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,959
Speaker 1: You don't have to It's doesn't have to be about

664
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: hanging out yeah, but it's like about knowing things.

665
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 2: We are, having interest in their life, yeah.

666
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 1: And remembering it. That was such a key part in it.

667
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: There's a viral video where a girl was talking. It

668
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 1: was in the context of romantic relationships, but she was

669
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: discussing how to be loved is to be remembered and

670
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,120
Speaker 1: how she had a boyfriend who I think was the

671
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: next partner at the time of this video, going out

672
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 1: and she was saying how like he loved her, but

673
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 1: he didn't remember things about her, And then she went

674
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 1: back into contact with someone she'd previously dated, and maybe

675
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: they went on a couple of dates and he picked

676
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: her up a coffee and he brought her her coffee

677
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,399
Speaker 1: order and she was like and he goes, oh, yeah,

678
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,760
Speaker 1: I remembered you like this, or maybe it wasn't coffee,

679
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 1: it was something like that, and he was like, I

680
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: remembered you like it with oat milk or something like that.

681
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:05,919
Speaker 1: And it was like, that is.

682
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:07,799
Speaker 3: That is too true.

683
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: It's like to be loved is to be remembered, to

684
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: remember the little things, or like even the other day

685
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: when you sent me that phone case because you're like,

686
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 1: you will fucking froth this. Like that is to be loved.

687
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: That is to have friendships, to know and see something

688
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,919
Speaker 1: being like you love this, Oh my.

689
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 3: God, like I saw this and thought of you.

690
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, like this reminds me of you. Love language

691
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 1: ten out of ten. Okay, number three. They invest in

692
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 1: unsexy maintenance. So whether it's the fifteen minute call when

693
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: you're really really tired, or whether their birthday falls on

694
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: a Monday and you're like, I don't want to go

695
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: to dinner even when it's not the convenient time, or

696
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 1: the sexy time for you to hang out with a friend,

697
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: you show up for the uncensed, un sexy maintenance. They

698
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:58,879
Speaker 1: say the awkward thing before it festers, So before if

699
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: something is annoying you, they address it, They get through it.

700
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: They say, hey, when you said this, it did kind

701
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 1: of hurt my feelings. Yeah, or you know, I didn't

702
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: actually mean it this way. I'm really sorry for that happening. Yeah,

703
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: whatever it is. They don't let an awkward thing fester

704
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 1: and build up and essentially lead to a friendship breakdown.

705
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, having the uncomfy convos for the sake of the friendship.

706
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 1: They accept seasons and are just not quit. So, for example,

707
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,720
Speaker 1: you know, if your friend has a baby, they're probably

708
00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:31,919
Speaker 1: not going to be as available, not even probably they're

709
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: not going to be as available to you.

710
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 3: Just informing as they were.

711
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: Or if you were both single geels and you would

712
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,960
Speaker 1: hit the tune together, and then they get into a relationship,

713
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: they're not going to have as much time to spend

714
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 1: with you because they're splitting their time between two people. Now.

715
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: They celebrate generously and specifically, so celebrating monumental moments that

716
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,439
Speaker 1: aren't necessarily big to you, but is big to them.

717
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:58,879
Speaker 1: Or just not even big to society, like your friend

718
00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: getting a promotion exactly. They maintain a high responsibility to

719
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 1: blame ratio.

720
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, so like.

721
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: Your friends will mess up, you will mess up, and

722
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: being able to be like, fuck, sorry, I know I

723
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 1: was fifteen minutes late. That's my bad. Or I'm really

724
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: sorry I didn't call you for your birthday. I had

725
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 1: a really crazy day yesterday, but that's no excuse. Can

726
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 1: I make it up to you whatever. That looks like

727
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:28,839
Speaker 1: it's accepting responsibility within your relationships. And then number eight,

728
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: they create small shared rituals. Well, that is a wrap

729
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 1: for today's episode. Chicks. Thank you for having us in

730
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 1: your ear holes. We love to be here.

731
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:37,480
Speaker 2: We do.

732
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: See you next time, Chiky Bye,