WEBVTT - #1953 Not Afraid To Be Afraid - Jim Murphy 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:02.400 I'll get our team. Welcome to another installment of the 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:06.640 You Project. Jim Murphy, Welcome to the land down Under, 0:00:07.120 --> 0:00:08.880 if not literally virtually. 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.800 How are you? I'm great? Thanks Cregil. 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:17.480 Ha ha. I knew I shouldn't have told you that. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:20.319 I was telling everyone before we went live. I was 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:24.160 telling Jim everyone that about how Australians tend to mutilate 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:26.799 names and chuck a Y on the end or an 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:30.000 O on the end, or abbreviate your surnames. So I'm 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:32.920 going to be calling you Jim Bow throughout the whole podcast, 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:36.519 just to get back at you. Tell my listeners where 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:39.800 you are and what time is it over there? It's 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:43.879 in the PM right, yeah, Sarah Creigil, I am in 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.120 New York City. Just I say New York City right now. 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:48.519 I've done here yesterday from Chicago. 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:51.320 Okay? Perfect? 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:55.560 And how's the how's the meteoric rise to fame and 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:58.200 recognition and attention. 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.520 It since I mean early this year? 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:02.720 I think we'll talk about it because most of Australians 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.920 won't know the story and with respect. 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:07.280 Won't know you, but a lot of them will. 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:11.520 Now, how's it been having a big kind of shift 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:12.399 in your reality? 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:19.959 From a public perspective, it's been amazing, you know, right 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:23.520 off the bat, the first week January twelfth is when 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:27.119 everything started with aj Brown and being reading the book 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.640 on the sidelines and being filmed, and that week it 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:35.000 was it was It's been an incredible change in my 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:38.560 life since then, with the message of inter excellence going 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:40.120 around the world. It's going to be in twenty five 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:44.759 languages this coming year. But the main message of interactionence 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:47.720 is what's important, not Jim Murphy and the messages, is 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:50.520 that cling to your life and lose it and give 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:53.440 up your life for others and gain it selfless is fearless. 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:56.120 And this is the most important thing, not not what 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.760 happens to this guy here. 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:03.080 It isn't I mean, one hundred percent, and I love that. 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:08.799 But also it's been great that this attention and recognition 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:12.840 and as the kids would say, brand awareness. You know, 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.720 you're a brand, Jim, brand awareness. I mean, it gives 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:18.480 you a platform to share these ideas and your ideology 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:22.079 and philosophy, you know. So it is really about the message, 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:25.440 not the messenger. But it must be great to have 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:29.960 the capacity to intersect and interact with millions of people, 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:30.920 not thousands. 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:36.640 Yeah, incredible gifts from God that I can hopefully be 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:40.440 a part of someone's lives, someone's lives and help them 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:42.000 have a transformed heart. 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:46.600 So could you just tell I mean, I know the story, 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:48.720 but my listeners who don't know the story. So you 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:53.480 wrote a book. Jim's book is called Inner Excellence Achieve 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.680 Extraordinary Business Success through Mental Toughness. 0:02:56.680 --> 0:03:00.680 Did I get all of that? Correct? Yeah, that's exactly 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.520 what it was from two thousand and nine, the book 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.400 that was first published by McGraw hill, and then I 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.640 got to write in twenty eighteen and I self published 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:11.280 in twenty twenty. So the book that Aj Brown read 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.280 on National TV and during the Super Bowl was any 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:17.640 Excellence train your mind for extraordinary performance in the best 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:20.400 possible life. Correct. 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:22.680 Sorry, I've got that underneath my other night. I should 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:25.640 have read that, not to self. So just give my 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:30.640 audience a quick insight into January twelve this year. So 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:34.640 what for those who don't know the story, let us 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:35.400 know what happened. 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:41.800 Yeah. Sure. There's an NFL football player named AJ Brown 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.560 and he plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. He's, if not 0:03:45.600 --> 0:03:48.040 the best wide receiver in the NFL, one of the 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:52.520 best in the NFL. And he was filmed during a 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.480 playoff game, the Wildcard game, which is the first round 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:58.600 of the playoffs, reading the book during the game. And 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:00.880 so they asked him afterwards, you know, you know, the 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:03.320 announcers zoomed in on it and said, wow, what's going 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.119 on here? This is very unique. They interviewed him after 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:08.760 the game and they said, you know, why were you reading? 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:11.280 Were you frustrated or what's going on? And he said, oh, 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.000 I bring that book in Excellence with me to every 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.440 single game. I use it to get prepared and centered 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:18.680 before the game. I read it after every drive during 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:21.440 the game. It gets me centered and that's why I 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.920 read it. And he said to you know, my teammates 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:27.039 call it the recipe. And so that was the start 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:29.680 in January twelfth, and then then they filmed them reading 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:31.760 it every game in the playoffs and including during the 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:37.240 Super Bowl. And have you subsequently met with him? Yeah, 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:41.919 amazing guy, very humble, gentle guy. And so it was 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:45.479 it was wonderful to get to speak with AJ. So 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:50.840 what's his royalty cat? Thirty percent? Has that work? Well? Yeah, 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:54.320 I mean I'm so grateful that AJ. See what AJ did, 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:58.960 was he he stayed true to himself. You know, you know, 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:00.279 if you're going to be reading a book, look on 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.320 the sidelines during the game, people are going to question you. 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:06.279 And what he did is he said, Hey, what I 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:08.600 want to do and show the world. You know, whether 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:10.240 the world likes it or not, I know they may 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:11.920 judge me, but that's up to them. I just want 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:14.120 to be true to myself and this book helps me 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:16.560 stay centered and focused. And so I'm going to do 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:18.840 that regardless of what the world says. It's going to 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:21.640 make me a better teammate, a better person, and a 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:23.520 better player. And so I'm going to do it even 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.560 though it may look awkward. And I think that's one 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.080 thing he showed us that that to be great, you 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.239 need to take risks, and you know, risk what people 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:32.880 think about you. And he also showed us that we 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:37.360 all have time to read. Yeah, yeah, did you when 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:40.919 you met with him? How does he like? 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:46.600 Does he does he have certain paragraphs or certain messages 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.600 that are highlighted that he just goes back and rereads 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.320 like a bit of a mantra, or like, clearly he's 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:54.920 not just browsing through the book on the sideline. 0:05:55.400 --> 0:06:00.240 How did it work? Yeah, there's big sections that he 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:03.120 has highlighted almost every sentence early on in the book 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.760 in the first chapter that was really important to him. 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:09.600 And so inter Excellence is really about understanding that self 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:11.440 centered This is the biggest challenge that we face. It 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.640 leads to fear and when you're a wide receiver in 0:06:13.680 --> 0:06:18.080 the NFL, you can't be focusing on your what you 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:21.599 want but can't control, and you've got to have this 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.880 sort of fearlessness and got to be willing to take 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.400 risks and to fail and put yourself out there if 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:29.240 you want to be a great receiver, which he is. 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:33.120 And so the book helps him stay centered and do that. 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.200 What's your understanding of all, Like if you had to 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.520 try to explain, like my page day is literally in 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:45.400 the mind, right, and if even for meta and not 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:47.240 that I'm a journius, but even for me to try 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:51.000 to explain self awareness and the self regulation and understanding 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:54.559 the mind and metacognition and metaperception and all this stuff, right, 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:58.240 try to understand the self that's in the middle of me. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:02.960 You know, how do you explain the mind to people? 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:05.640 Because part of the toddle of your book is trying 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:09.000 your mind. So if we don't understand our mind, we 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.800 can't try and it rot. How do we understand ourselves 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:17.720 knowing that our perspective of everything is a subjective one. 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:21.040 The first thing that understand is that you are not 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.920 your mind. Your mind is a part of you that 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:28.160 you need to train. And if you don't understand this, 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:30.239 and this is not something that we're taught in school, 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:32.520 that I am not my mind, then you're going to 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.680 fuse with your thoughts. The problem with fusing with your 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.440 thoughts is you're going to get a lot of thoughts 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:39.640 that come from the environment that are really negative and 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:42.880 maybe even horrible thoughts that come into your mind. And 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.200 if you don't understand that I am not my mind, 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:47.920 then you're going to think, oh, I just thought a 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:51.040 terrible thought. I am a terrible person. And this is 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:54.920 absolutely not true. The most compassionate, loving people in the 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:57.960 world have terrible thoughts that come into their head from 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.960 the environment and so sore and understand that you are 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:03.160 not your mind, but it's part of you that needs 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:04.000 to needs training. 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:09.720 Yeah, and it's I mean that awareness that in the 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:13.120 moment awareness that you're talking about, which is spot on. 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:17.840 It's like realizing that this isn't me. And this doesn't 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.960 mean I'm a bad person or even a good person necessarily. 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.160 It just means that I'm having this thought in this 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:26.720 moment and to be able to lean into that like 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.960 I'm always interested what's the origin story of this? Like 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:31.280 why is this here now? 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:33.000 This thought? Where did this come from? 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:36.080 And you know, for me, over the years, it's usually 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:40.240 been about insecurity or self doubt or imposter syndrome or 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:45.360 a myriad of other negative emotional kind of triggers, and 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:50.440 being able to perhaps have a thought like I'm not 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:54.560 good enough while actually knowing at the same time I 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:55.400 am good enough. 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.000 Do you know what I mean? It's almost this juxtaposition. 0:08:58.559 --> 0:08:59.440 So I do a lot of. 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:02.720 I'm sure you stand in front of a lot of groups, 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:05.959 but I do a lot of speaking, and I can simultaneously, 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:10.480 you know, I did a speaking gig yesterday in Queensland, 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:12.760 which is up the top of Australia. We're down the bottom, 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:17.360 and as I was being introduced, I often have this feeling, 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:19.360 you know, this is the day that you're going to 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:21.320 crash and burn. They won't like you know, all this 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.640 stuff right, It's not overwhelming, but it's just there. This 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:27.240 could be the last time, you know. But I've got 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:30.280 all this knowledge, I've got all this data that says, well, Craig, 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:34.160 you're not terrible at this. You're not terrible. So there's 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.319 these two things that can coexist. One is this fear 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.920 that I'm useless. The other is the knowledge that I'm 0:09:39.960 --> 0:09:40.680 not useless. 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:45.160 Right, yeah, And so what inter Excellence says is, let's 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:48.400 get out of that whole game altogether, that whole idea altogether. 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:52.200 As I am useless, i am not useless. I'm good enough. 0:09:52.280 --> 0:09:54.800 I'm not good enough. I can do this, I can 0:09:54.920 --> 0:10:00.320 do this. Let's get out of that altogether and be completelyelfless. 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.920 Because when you're selfless, you're fearless. And so if I 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:06.600 was thinking that I'm the one that's doing this, that 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:09.680 I wrote this book, that people are loving all around 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:13.600 the world, and that I'm making a difference in people's lives, 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.440 then it would be very stressful for me. But I 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:20.440 don't think I'm doing it. I'm not. I'm just well, 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:23.040 First of all, the book is just this compilation of 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:26.480 ideas that I didn't create. I just put them together 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.440 and God helped me put them together. And every good 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.120 thing I've ever done was God gave me this gift 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.440 that I've been sharing and being able to be a 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:39.880 part of. And so I don't want any self confidence whatsoever. 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:42.240 I don't even want to think about Jim at all. 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:46.440 I want to be completely selfless and therefore fearless. I 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:49.400 want to be trusting God, not Jim, the creator of 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:52.520 the universe, not me, and so I don't want to 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:53.640 be in the picture of whatsoever. 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:59.080 I love that kind of like I'm not the solution. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:01.640 I'm just pointing to the solution. And I love that 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:05.960 you said that none of these ideas or none of 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:09.320 the wisdom comes from you, it comes through you, kind 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:11.280 of thing, right, which I think is so true. 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:12.760 And it's funny. 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:17.480 I talk about often the like the wisdom that comes 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.400 out of in your case, that comes out of the 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:24.280 Bible specifically, probably more relevant a New Testament for most 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:26.400 of us, but the Old Testament as well, but even 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:29.640 you know the Stoics and all of these insights and 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.760 all of this wisdom. It's it's like Socrates said two 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:36.120 and a half thousand years ago, the beginning of wisdom 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:38.720 is to know thyself, right, And I'm like, well, that's 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:42.920 literally part of my research. There's nothing new here, Like 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.400 we've been trying to figure ourselves out for millennia for 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:49.360 probably you know, millions of years, I guess, but or 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:52.800 millennia let's go six and a half thousand years biblically. 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:56.600 But you know, trying to understand why I am the 0:11:56.640 --> 0:12:01.000 way I am and where do I finish and where 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.760 does the other stuff start? You know's the what's me? 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:05.640 What's not me? 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:10.280 And yeah, that's kind of It's a really interesting thought, 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:10.720 is to. 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:16.360 Not take pride in what you're doing or not to 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.200 be proud in that negative sense. 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:20.720 Yeah, I can share a little bit more about that, 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:26.680 Craig if you like. So as a performance coach, professional 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.360 athletes and Olympic athletes come to me to perform better, 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:31.679 and one thing that they often want is more confidence. 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:35.600 It was surprised to me when I first started working 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.840 with elite athletes that are some of the best in 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:40.600 the world. For a top ten player in the world 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:43.760 on the PGA Tour or whoever, saying they want more 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.840 confidence seems strange because they're, you know, already one of 0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.600 the best. And what I found in my experience is 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:52.640 that there's something that's that's much more powerful than confidence. 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:54.560 And like I said, I don't even want to be 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:59.280 self confident. What's more powerful than confidence is presence. And 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.760 if you fully engaged heart, mind and body and attached 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:06.400 to what you're trying to do, then I'll take that person. 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.439 If we have two people of equal talent, I'll take 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:12.880 that person every time over someone who's confident, because because 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:15.079 when you're confident, you can be careless. But when you're 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:17.800 fully engaged, fully present in the moment, then you're going 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.319 to see way more opportunities and there's no fear in 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.360 the present moment. Fear is in general a self focused 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:26.160 future thing of what's going to happen to me. And 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:29.640 so that's how I think about confidence and presence. 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:32.760 How do we I know this nine to three step 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.920 plan neither is there with pretty much anything. 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:40.960 But how do we how do we be more present? 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:45.120 How do we I agree with you, but just telling 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.760 somebody don't be nervous, don't be fearful, is not a solution. 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:53.360 It's like somebody is fearful, somebody who is overthinking, Like 0:13:53.440 --> 0:13:55.520 telling them to not overthink in a solution. 0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:59.520 So how do we move towards interaxcellence? Really the whole 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.800 system of inner excellence. You know, the book is like 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:05.559 three hundred pages or something. It's really about that, answering 0:14:05.600 --> 0:14:08.320 that question, how do I become fully present in a 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:10.280 world with so much out of my control, like my 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:12.760 careers on the line. How can I be fully present? 0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:16.360 In fact, that was the question that I asked sports 0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:19.160 psychologists when I first started off on this quest with 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:21.840 You know, I spent five years full time writing and researching, 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:24.280 fifty to sixty hours a week for five years in 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.680 a row, two and a half years in the desert 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.000 give away. Over half my possessions went to go live 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.760 a life of solitude, got rid of my TV. And 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.400 that question was how can an Olympic athlete train for 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:36.480 four years from an event that may last less than 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.960 a minute and have peace and confidence in that situation. 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:44.840 And that's what inter excellence is in one sense, largely about, 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:48.080 is how do we do that? And there's many aspects 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.960 to that, but it's really getting down to understand human 0:14:51.000 --> 0:14:56.840 behavior and human optimization and human behavior is understanding that 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:58.440 the heart is the key to your life. And this 0:14:58.560 --> 0:15:01.040 is the first thing, the first major breakthrough that I 0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.960 learned in the five years of writing and research is 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:06.160 that if you want to make a difference in your 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:08.240 life or in anyone's life, you have to get far 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:10.600 more than your mind. We have to get to the heart. 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:12.960 And when I say heart, I mean your spirit and 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:17.160 your will and you doing your PhD in neuropsychology correct. 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:22.160 I think this is the number one thing that as 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:25.880 you continue to study, is to really add to your 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:29.800 research is the heart and your will and your spirit 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:33.480 and heart. I use some swords interchangeably, and it's how 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.720 do we train the heart? Because when you squeeze, what's 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.400 in your heart comes out, just like when you squeeze 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.560 an orange, what comes out is orange juice. Your heart 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:45.000 is the source of everything you think, say and do 0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:47.800 in concert with your subconscious mind. And so we want 0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:51.760 to get that heart to love most what's most empowering. 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.400 And this is what inter excellence is. And then when 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.480 you as you continue to do that every day, the 0:15:56.560 --> 0:15:58.320 number one goal with inter excellence is to learn and 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:01.280 grow every day. A big part of self awareness and 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:03.560 the number one thing of that self awareness are One 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:06.120 of the number one things is to understand that my 0:16:06.320 --> 0:16:09.680 greatest need as a human is for love and acceptance. 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:16.360 And similarly, the greatest fear is to not get that 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:20.680 love and acceptance, to get rejection, rejected, And so that's 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:23.160 why there's so much anxiety. A big reason why there's 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.080 so much anxiety in the world today is because if 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.320 I fail, if I look foolish, I'm going to get 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.680 judged in a huge way because everyone can see it 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:33.880 on social media, is going to get replayed over and over, 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:36.280 and then I'm going to get rejected, which is the 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:41.280 biggest fear. Do you think sometimes I love that? Thank you? 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.240 Do you think sometimes in our quest for love and 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:50.120 acceptance and belonging and connection, we perhaps insert ourselves into 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:53.480 the wrong relationship or the wrong group because some connections 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:54.400 better than none. 0:16:56.160 --> 0:16:59.600 Oh? Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. We're constantly like this is our 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:03.320 greatest motivator is to get that love and acceptance. And 0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:06.400 so we're looking at our world of circumstances and results. 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:08.879 What's going to get me the most love and acceptance 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:12.200 from everybody? And so in the book, I talked about 0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:17.000 the acronym palms, possessions, achievements, looks, money, and status. And 0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:20.880 so if I can increase any, hopefully all or any 0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.639 of those five things, then I can get more of 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:26.400 that love and acceptance. But the problem is so much 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.040 of this oide of my control. And so then we 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:31.400 start really grasping and reaching and hoping people will will 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:34.840 love and accept them. So we're going to try and 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:37.199 come off in a way that you think better of 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:42.000 me when I talk. And so hopefully when we're talking, 0:17:42.040 --> 0:17:43.880 I might slide in some things that make me look 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:46.359 good in a certain way so that you will say 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:48.480 some things that I'll feel better about myself, because that's 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:51.679 ultimately what I'm hoping for as a human. And so 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:56.119 if you don't have that sense of deep love, the 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:58.400 ideal is to be fully known and fully loved by 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.800 someone of great importance. If you go out into the 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.639 world without that, then you're going to do whatever you 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:05.960 can to get that from whoever you're interacting with throughout 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:07.159 the day. 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:12.560 Can you tell me about you're quite unique? I love that, 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:18.080 I love how how this is not the right word, 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:20.320 but it's all that comes to mind, how love focused 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:24.720 you are, and how much how much your beliefs, your 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:29.240 faith drives what you do, and that kind of I 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:31.200 know it's not an idea. I know it's a lived 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:35.679 experience of selflessness and kindness. Tell me about the intersection 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:40.600 of your faith and the science and the research and 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:44.320 the practical kind of outworking of doing what you do. 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.119 Yeah, so when I was in the desert, that's a 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:50.600 great question. I learned that the heart is the key 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:55.320 to your life. And so then the big question is, well, 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:58.080 what do I do with that information? How do I 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:02.040 train the heart? Like I've never heard anyone say this before. 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:06.119 And so what I learned, like I shared, is that 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:08.160 that we want to teach train the heart to love 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:12.640 most what's most empowering. And you know this is this 0:19:12.720 --> 0:19:15.440 is this is a challenge. It's a big challenge because 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:20.600 as humans, we're constantly wanting instant gratification. I just want 0:19:20.600 --> 0:19:23.880 to feel better right now. And the reason we don't. 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:28.920 Most people get stuck is that they come to these 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:31.919 uncomfortable places in their life. They get these feelings that 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:35.159 they don't like, and they try to get rid of 0:19:35.160 --> 0:19:38.280 the feeling. And this is where addiction happens. Addiction is 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:40.840 anything that stops your growth. And so if we look 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.080 at the cell phone, for example, the cell phone is 0:19:43.760 --> 0:19:46.160 this it can be this addiction that stops your growth 0:19:46.160 --> 0:19:48.800 because we get these uncomfortable feelings and we've all done 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.320 it where I'm really uncomfortable. Right now, I'm going to 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:53.440 grab my phone and so I'm going to look at 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:56.240 things that will take my mind away from it and 0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:57.760 I can get some relief, just you know, just like 0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:01.879 watching TV. And so. But in excellence is the number 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:04.320 one goal every day is to learn and grow. And 0:20:04.359 --> 0:20:06.840 that's learning grow and self awareness and learn and grow 0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:11.240 and love with some encourage. So because who you're becoming 0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:13.760 is the most important thing about you, not what you're achieving. 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:16.919 Because what you're achieving you may think is the greatest 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:18.800 thing in the world. But what I thought was the 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:20.920 greatest thing in the world when I was nineteen is 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:25.920 very different than what I think it is now. And so, yeah, 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:27.040 do you think that. 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:31.520 Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Like in our 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:35.320 culture in Australia, I'm sure in the States, I'm sure 0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:42.600 most places, like success is in the world, it's framed 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:45.600 as stuff. What you have, what you earn, what you 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:47.520 are and what you drive, where you live, what you 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:50.760 look like, what people think, you brand, bank balance, it's 0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:54.199 all that external. I can see that stuff, right, And 0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:56.879 you and I both know, I'm sure we both know 0:20:57.000 --> 0:21:01.080 lots of people who are richly rich, rich, successful, and 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.880 from the outside looking in, it's all Hollywood and glamour 0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:10.480 and razzle dazzle, But the inside out is sometimes psychological, emotional, 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:14.520 and spiritual bankruptcy. Right, So from the outside looking in 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:18.919 ace from the inside out a terrible experience. Talk to 0:21:18.960 --> 0:21:24.679 me a little bit about success and navigating what the 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:29.720