Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Risers podcast. I'm Ashy
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment.
Speaker 3: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
Speaker 3: authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to Shoe Guysers with your favorite hosts,
Speaker 1: Ashley and Tiana. Hello. Today's episode is all about relationships.
Speaker 1: We are diving deep. We are exposing ourselves. We are
Speaker 1: letting you know that our gal is single.
Speaker 2: I'm single gal.
Speaker 1: But before we get into all the tea, what's your
Speaker 1: share of the week?
Speaker 3: My share of the week is simply just a perspective shift.
Speaker 3: If you don't use it.
Speaker 2: You lose it.
Speaker 1: Oh so true.
Speaker 3: And this applies to everything in life, whether it be
Speaker 3: your confidence, whether it be you're going to the gym,
Speaker 3: whether it be your ability to be consistent in your work, in.
Speaker 1: Your anything, really anything.
Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, if you you can just consistently work towards
Speaker 3: the things that you're working towards you will always feel better,
Speaker 3: you'll always feel more consistent. But if you stop doing it,
Speaker 3: you're going to lose it. You're not gonna feel as confident.
Speaker 3: So just remember that you haven't fallen off.
Speaker 2: You've just walked into another room.
Speaker 1: It feels hard, right if you stop it. Consistency is
Speaker 1: key for everything. Yeah, really is mine? Is just a
Speaker 1: quote that I saw on Jay Shetty's Instagram. You lose
Speaker 1: nothing by wanting everyone to win, and you win nothing
Speaker 1: by wanting everyone to lose.
Speaker 3: Oh cool, Yeah, that's a cool perspective.
Speaker 2: It's so true. It doesn't take much to just like
Speaker 2: want good for other people.
Speaker 1: You win wanting everyone to win, and then it doesn't
Speaker 1: benefit you. Nothing takes away from you with other people winning.
Speaker 1: Even in this competitive space of business, there's room for everyone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the right customers for you're going to connect with what
Speaker 1: you do and love what you do, and if not,
Speaker 1: they'll go elsewhere.
Speaker 2: That's so true.
Speaker 1: Yes, there's competition, but I just think there's room for everyone,
Speaker 1: and you just have to stand out and be different
Speaker 1: and stay in your own lane.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, Blinder is on.
Speaker 1: Love it all right, let's get into it. So it's
Speaker 1: a big episode. Like we said before, we are diving
Speaker 1: deep into all things relationships. We're going to talk about
Speaker 1: how we show up a relationship, things that we carry
Speaker 1: shame for. I'm going to talk very vulnerably about how
Speaker 1: you used to treat step in certain ways. But first
Speaker 1: of all, the elephant in the room, no more silver Fox,
Speaker 1: you're single?
Speaker 2: No more silver Fuck?
Speaker 1: What the fuck happened? Tell all?
Speaker 2: What do you want to know?
Speaker 1: I want to know everything, because obviously you have spoken
Speaker 1: a little bit about your relationship the last couple of months,
Speaker 1: and it was kind of new, and you did dive
Speaker 1: deep in with him. What happened?
Speaker 3: I know that I've spoken quite highly of him on
Speaker 3: the podcast, and again I'm not going to come on
Speaker 3: here and not speak highly of him. But there were
Speaker 3: things in the relationship that just weren't working out, and
Speaker 3: things that I missed from the very beginning that I
Speaker 3: wish I had paid attention to more that my intuition
Speaker 3: was saying, Hey, you need to look at this like
Speaker 3: this isn't something that you want in a partner. And
Speaker 3: it's not to shit on him as a person whatsoever,
Speaker 3: but it's just from the very beginning, I remember one like.
Speaker 2: I wasn't ready.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I knew that and I felt that, and
Speaker 3: I actually ended things before they had even started, and
Speaker 3: then we came back into contact and then it kind
Speaker 3: of went from there. But I became a person that
Speaker 3: I'm not proud of. The relationship evoked in me, like
Speaker 3: a version of myself that I don't want to be.
Speaker 1: Can you give you an example what came out in
Speaker 1: you in the relationship that you were like, Oh, wow,
Speaker 1: this is not bringing out a good side of me.
Speaker 3: I yelled at him out the front of a restaurant.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I yelled at him.
Speaker 1: So out of character for you. You're just not an
Speaker 1: angry person. And when you communicate, it's always delivered so
Speaker 1: respectfully and kindly and calmly. So that's really out of
Speaker 1: character for you.
Speaker 3: I got up from the table at a restaurant at
Speaker 3: ten o'clock in the morning, surrounded by people, got up,
Speaker 3: left the table when we had already ordered our food,
Speaker 3: and walked out, and he followed me out and I
Speaker 3: yelled at him to get away from me. All I
Speaker 3: needed was a minute, to take a minute, because I
Speaker 3: was so disregulated at what he was fighting with me about.
Speaker 3: It was like something that had been delayed from you know,
Speaker 3: a couple of days. So it was a up and
Speaker 3: a build up of things. We were both bickering at
Speaker 3: each other at and I remember like yelling at him,
Speaker 3: being like, I need you to leave me alone.
Speaker 1: It just pushed a bit too far.
Speaker 3: He pushed and I just needed to regulate myself, but
Speaker 3: he wouldn't give me the space. And it was like
Speaker 3: so overwhelming in the moment. But what I noticed throughout
Speaker 3: the relationship and something that I spoke to him often about,
Speaker 3: he would antagonize me. Don't get me wrong, he was
Speaker 3: a great human as a beautiful man. He's a beautiful
Speaker 3: man and like I truly truly believe that, but when triggered.
Speaker 1: I can't hold it for each other.
Speaker 2: We can't hold it for each other.
Speaker 1: It was really cool throughout this process though, because Tianna
Speaker 1: and I talk a lot about attachment styles, and if
Speaker 1: you haven't learned about them, highly recommend it because it
Speaker 1: is game change and once you understand your attachment style
Speaker 1: and other people's and also how you can flip depending
Speaker 1: on the person. And you noticed in this dynamic he
Speaker 1: was more of anxious and in your last relationship, you
Speaker 1: were more anxious. Yeah, so you had a lot of
Speaker 1: compassion for where he was at. And you can see
Speaker 1: how you shut up in your last lifelationship, and it
Speaker 1: was really cool for you to be like, WHOA, I
Speaker 1: can really see how this is playing out and how
Speaker 1: he feels how I felt, And it was really cool
Speaker 1: to like see the dynamic switch. You found that really interesting.
Speaker 3: It was a really eye opening experience for me because,
Speaker 3: like what you mentioned, in my last relationship, I did
Speaker 3: fall on the more anxious side, but in this relationship
Speaker 3: I went to the complete opposite end. And I can
Speaker 3: tend to do that like I have it what they
Speaker 3: call like a disorganized attachment. So what happens is you
Speaker 3: experience both. You can lean both anxious and you can
Speaker 3: lean both avoidant, depending on the situation that you're in.
Speaker 3: So for me in this relationship, I felt to the
Speaker 3: more avoidant side. And what that evoked that dynamic.
Speaker 1: It was like a push and pull.
Speaker 3: Dynamic of me leaning out or in his words, not
Speaker 3: caring as much and him being the one that was
Speaker 3: pouring two hundred percent to the relationship, but I was
Speaker 3: only pouring in one hundred and those were his words.
Speaker 1: And when the avoidant avoids, the anxious leans in more,
Speaker 1: which makes the avoidant lean out more. And it's this
Speaker 1: vicious cycle. We've all played it, everyone has to, even
Speaker 1: I have played that dynamic. We've switched roles. Everyone that
Speaker 1: is listening. You can understand it's not one person's bad
Speaker 1: or it's wrong. It's true, not at all. Different dynamics
Speaker 1: will bring out different attachments.
Speaker 3: True, different things, right, Because in this relationship dynamic, whenever
Speaker 3: he would lean in, I would be like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: I need space. I feel like I'm not getting enough space.
Speaker 3: And also for him, he wanted me to be more
Speaker 3: of like the stay at home mum and to be
Speaker 3: taken care of and all that stuff. And don't get
Speaker 3: me wrong, I love all of that and think there's
Speaker 3: anything wrong with that. But for me, I would always
Speaker 3: press the point of like being independent and wanting my
Speaker 3: own money and wanting to be able to provide for
Speaker 3: myself and all of those things, because I think women
Speaker 3: should have that. I think every woman should know how
Speaker 3: to be able to provide for themselves, make their own money,
Speaker 3: and to be able to support themselves financially, and then
Speaker 3: if they want their partners to come and do that
Speaker 3: on top, like it's a bonus, right, because then it
Speaker 3: comes from a protecting place. It comes from I'm going
Speaker 3: to provide for you, but not I need to rely
Speaker 3: on you financially to support me.
Speaker 2: And for him, he didn't.
Speaker 3: Really love that, Like he didn't love that I wanted
Speaker 3: to be more independent, and it would cause fights between us. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and so I would need space and want to pull away,
Speaker 3: and then he would come closer, and then I would
Speaker 3: get even further away. It's really interesting when you have
Speaker 3: more awareness, you're aware of what you're doing, but in
Speaker 3: the moment it's so triggering that you need the space.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. And I think from what I've heard
Speaker 1: from you too, and you can put it in your
Speaker 1: own words, but he really wanted it to be you
Speaker 1: two against the world, solid team. Not that you didn't
Speaker 1: want a team, but just you two and no one
Speaker 1: else mattered. He really wanted that in a relationship. Obviously
Speaker 1: values that and that's fine. But for you, it's like,
Speaker 1: I've also got girlfriends, I've also got passion projects, I've
Speaker 1: also got hobbies. I've also got a big family. You
Speaker 1: had so many other things going on in your life,
Speaker 1: So if you would decline hanging out with him or
Speaker 1: doing something with him because you had other things planned.
Speaker 1: He then was like, but I want to be with you.
Speaker 1: We should be doing this together. Why would you want
Speaker 1: to go on a girls ship? Like, let's do that together.
Speaker 1: So it was that valuing different things and wanting different
Speaker 1: things that also can cause a bit of conflict or
Speaker 1: just friction of like, oh, are we wanting different things?
Speaker 2: It was a bit of friction.
Speaker 3: And I think also us being at different stages of
Speaker 3: life as well, like he was I feel very ready
Speaker 3: to settle down, get married, have children, and that was
Speaker 3: something that he very much vocalized that he wanted within
Speaker 3: the dynamic and relationship because he was that very like
Speaker 3: it's us against the world kind of Bonnie and Clyde
Speaker 3: kind of relationship. And that's so beautiful, and you know what,
Speaker 3: he is a beautiful man, and he did treat me
Speaker 3: so beautifully and always wanted me to be happy and always,
Speaker 3: you know, made sure that you know, he was always
Speaker 3: checking like are you happy? Like are you this at?
Speaker 3: Like what do you want? And he would intuitively do
Speaker 3: things that he would know would make me happy, you know.
Speaker 3: But then also on the flip side of that there
Speaker 3: was also this aspect of our relationship where it was
Speaker 3: very turbulent as well, Like I remember coming to you
Speaker 3: and saying all the time, I'm exhausted from doing this
Speaker 3: dance with him because he's like gets so emotionally upset
Speaker 3: at everything that I do. I feel like nothing that
Speaker 3: I do is good enough because there's always something that's
Speaker 3: a problem.
Speaker 1: I felt like a dimmed your light a little bit
Speaker 1: because you were almost like if I do that, I
Speaker 1: hope that doesn't upset him, or if I say this,
Speaker 1: oh gosh, I wonder how he responded that I book this, Oh,
Speaker 1: but I just need to check with Lee. And it's
Speaker 1: from a caring place, but from an outside it made
Speaker 1: you not be as free to just be your authentic
Speaker 1: self because you didn't want to upset him.
Speaker 3: To some degree, I felt that there was a certain
Speaker 3: image that he wanted me to uphold, because he would say, like,
Speaker 3: I'm quite a conservative person, and don't get me wrong,
Speaker 3: like so am I too, but there are levels to it, right,
Speaker 3: and so obviously my level was different to his level,
Speaker 3: and he wanted me and to show people on the
Speaker 3: outside of like a certain image and like I so
Speaker 3: get that, like there's nothing wrong with that, but for me,
Speaker 3: it felt like it put a lid on my expression
Speaker 3: and my personality and who I actually am that I
Speaker 3: was starting to question and go, okay, can I do this?
Speaker 2: Am I allowed to do this?
Speaker 3: Like for thinking, what's it called like when you foresee
Speaker 3: the future of like, yes, okay, this is going to
Speaker 3: upset him, I shouldn't say that. Walking on eggshells, I
Speaker 3: started to like limit myself and from.
Speaker 1: A considerate place, because you're a very considerate.
Speaker 3: Pros from a considerate place, like there were you know,
Speaker 3: many times where I would post something on the podcast
Speaker 3: so you'd be like, I don't like this, this doesn't
Speaker 3: feel good for me. And like, as a team, I
Speaker 3: understand why he would say that. And then also as
Speaker 3: a partner, of course, I want to be able to
Speaker 3: show up for you and make you know as my
Speaker 3: partner that I'm going to do those things for you.
Speaker 3: But there's also where's the line in that, where's the
Speaker 3: line of like compromising versus shutting down your expression? And
Speaker 3: I think especially when we would fight and argue, it
Speaker 3: would escalate so quickly that it would be like he'd
Speaker 3: be threatening We'll just like leave them. You know, and
Speaker 3: for me, I've said this to Ashley so many times.
Speaker 3: All I've want in a partner is someone who can
Speaker 3: be still respectful regardless of how mad they are. And
Speaker 3: within this relationship, I felt like I wasn't listening to
Speaker 3: what I needed because I could see that it was turbulent.
Speaker 3: I could see that we were arguing and fighting and
Speaker 3: it was getting more frequent.
Speaker 2: Even when we went to Byron.
Speaker 3: Right before I came to Byron to hang out with
Speaker 3: everyone for New Years, we had a fight in the car.
Speaker 3: I was late for like hours because we were arguing
Speaker 3: in the car, you know, And it's just I was like,
Speaker 3: what is happening like for somebody who's been in this
Speaker 3: for three months or how long it was, that we
Speaker 3: are bickering and arguing so intensely that this is not okay,
Speaker 3: Like something about this is not right. And there's a
Speaker 3: difference between arguing.
Speaker 1: And growing together and growing together.
Speaker 3: Being able to hold each other's triggers to oh wow,
Speaker 3: this actually doesn't feel right with relationships.
Speaker 1: My personal opinion, you want it to be peaceful on
Speaker 1: your nervous system. Doesn't mean there's not going to be
Speaker 1: turbulent times, but being able to navigate that together, but
Speaker 1: fewers like Hi, Hi, lo low, It's gonna happen.
Speaker 3: It was, It was so if, so much emotional whiplash.
Speaker 3: It was so confusing, and especially when it comes to
Speaker 3: like being intimate. Any woman who's listening knows what this
Speaker 3: feels like, and his knows exactly what I'm about to say.
Speaker 3: When you have that turbulent kind of emotional whiplash where
Speaker 3: you're going high highs and low lows, you don't want
Speaker 3: to have sex with them, No, like you don't because emotionally, yeah,
Speaker 3: your body closes up energetically and physically, and the last
Speaker 3: thing that you want to do after just having gone
Speaker 3: at each other for three hours is to literally just
Speaker 3: have sex in order to repair the relationship. Whereas, like
Speaker 3: for him, physical touch and being physical is.
Speaker 2: How you repair.
Speaker 3: It's like the final way back to normal. But for me,
Speaker 3: I'm like, well, now I need two days.
Speaker 1: I need to feel safe, I need to connect, I
Speaker 1: need you to feel my pain, need to feel validated.
Speaker 1: We need to solve this, we need to make sure
Speaker 1: this doesn't happen again. There's so much connection and safe
Speaker 1: you need.
Speaker 3: Unred percent and even something that I've never wanted to
Speaker 3: actually allow in a relationship is like disrespect.
Speaker 2: But he did in some way, do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean?
Speaker 3: Like there was a moment where we were having an
Speaker 3: argument and he told me to fuck off because of
Speaker 3: something that I said. And that was the moment for
Speaker 3: me where I was just like, this is not it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was like my future husband would fucking never speak
Speaker 3: to me like that. And it was just this pivotal
Speaker 3: like oh my god, yeah, this is not it for me,
Speaker 3: and I actually I'm done.
Speaker 1: Some things can't be undone. Yeah, don't forget how someone
Speaker 1: made you feel in that moment. And then I just
Speaker 1: remember you saying to me like, this is going to
Speaker 1: happen this moment what happens when we have kids and
Speaker 1: we go through really hard times together, Like is this
Speaker 1: is a noutial reaction that I'm going to have to
Speaker 1: like bear and hold the rest of my life. I
Speaker 1: can do that, That's right.
Speaker 3: And when that moment did happen, I remember saying to
Speaker 3: him like, I just feel really unsafe at the moment,
Speaker 3: like he was trying to touch and repair and all
Speaker 3: the things. I was like, I just need a minute,
Speaker 3: Like I know you didn't mean what you said. But
Speaker 3: I still feel unsafe in my body and I just
Speaker 3: need a moment to recoup so that I can come
Speaker 3: back to you and know that I'm going to be
Speaker 3: able to communicate with you in a way that's not
Speaker 3: aggressive or defensive or anything like that, because you know,
Speaker 3: obviously I'm not perfect in this relationship as well, Like okay,
Speaker 3: I don't know, I mean pretty close like and don't
Speaker 3: get me wrong, like I'm so capable of being a
Speaker 3: bitch and being defensive and passive aggressive in all the things,
Speaker 3: but it brought out that side of me that I'm
Speaker 3: not proud of being, and it's not someone that I
Speaker 3: want to be on a day to day basis. So again,
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that I'm perfect in this relationship. And
Speaker 3: I didn't contribute, because I absolutely did. And when we
Speaker 3: were in those fights and arguments, yes, I was getting
Speaker 3: defensive because of I felt like I had my backup
Speaker 3: against a wall, and obviously so did he, right, So
Speaker 3: it was like we just were not clashing in the
Speaker 3: way that we were meant to, and just for some
Speaker 3: reason us together just triggered each other's wounds. And it
Speaker 3: wasn't something that I thought.
Speaker 1: It was in a productive way. It wasn't productive in relationships,
Speaker 1: you know that you're going to be triggered and they
Speaker 1: are your biggest teachers vitally.
Speaker 3: As time went on and I started listening to more
Speaker 3: to my intuition, and I had more evidence that we
Speaker 3: were fighting all the time. And then I was, you know,
Speaker 3: future projecting into the future. What happens if we get married?
Speaker 3: Then what what happens if I have a baby? And
Speaker 3: then we're bickering in the way that we are now,
Speaker 3: Like what happens when we're not having sex? Then? You know,
Speaker 3: because for him, like a lot of closeness again was
Speaker 3: us repairing, And like when the sex was there, it
Speaker 3: was like the relationship is good, But when the sex
Speaker 3: wasn't there, it was like the relationship was on eggshells.
Speaker 3: Took place, he took it personally, it couldn't be stable
Speaker 3: without the sex element. And don't get me wrong, I
Speaker 3: also understand that sex is you know, it ties a
Speaker 3: relationationship in, but it's not the only thing.
Speaker 1: So many women listening will be like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: so been there, so felt that, so relatable. So thank
Speaker 1: you for being so honest and vulnerable, And I feel
Speaker 1: like you are so good at always cleaning up your
Speaker 1: own lane and taking responsibility. This is only all the nutshell,
Speaker 1: but there's been a lot of conversations and you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: I can really see how I need to work on this.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, that weren't still there. Oh that crept up again.
Speaker 1: I'm going to really work on that. You know, you
Speaker 1: take so much responsibility and really admire you for that.
Speaker 1: And relationships are not easy, No, they really are not,
Speaker 1: because I feel like you are someone who wants to
Speaker 1: do the work and you're so more than prepared to
Speaker 1: do that, but you do need the safe part and
Speaker 1: to be able to do that, and the personalities do
Speaker 1: need to mesh in some sort in some way.
Speaker 3: I think at the end of the day, it's just
Speaker 3: about me knowing that like it wasn't my person, yes,
Speaker 3: and like not putting pressure on myself to be like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, like it wasn't my person yeah.
Speaker 1: And also no regrets, because I remember you saying to
Speaker 1: me one comment it was like, you know, my intuition
Speaker 1: was there at the start, I shouldn't have gone into
Speaker 1: this relationship. I was like, I can see how you feel.
Speaker 1: But also no regrets, do you know, unless you try yes,
Speaker 1: I don't know. True, And you've learned so much in
Speaker 1: this relationship about how you want to be treated, what
Speaker 1: you can and can't have, the different parts you still
Speaker 1: need to work on. That's incredible. That's a part of
Speaker 1: your journey. It's a chapter that's closed. Yes, it's a
Speaker 1: chapter that taught you so much. So anyone listening, don't
Speaker 1: be like use that language of I shouldn't have gone there,
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have done that, because it was a part
Speaker 1: of your chapter. And now you're here and you get
Speaker 1: to take those lessons and use them moving forward. And
Speaker 1: that's beautiful.
Speaker 3: It's so true, and it is it's so beautiful. And
Speaker 3: it's something I've said to you before. And what I
Speaker 3: truly believe is that every relationship that I have, it
Speaker 3: increasingly gets better. So like I said to actually after
Speaker 3: I had broken up with him, I was like, I
Speaker 3: don't feel in lack. Like I don't feel in lack
Speaker 3: because I know that one. I've learned so much. I'm
Speaker 3: so grateful for it. I've learned more things about myself,
Speaker 3: about other people, how to be a better partner, what
Speaker 3: I don't want, what I don't want to do. And
Speaker 3: then also from there it's like, Okay, cool, well it's
Speaker 3: either this or something better. Yes, you know, it's either
Speaker 3: this or something better. And knowing that you know, now
Speaker 3: with this newfound awareness that I've had in this dynamic,
Speaker 3: I can then take that and grow and be better
Speaker 3: in the next one as well, which you can too.
Speaker 3: So I think that's a really powerful perspective to have,
Speaker 3: especially if you are in the dating world. It can
Speaker 3: be really easy to fall into that, like that lack
Speaker 3: mindset of like, oh, well it didn't work out. It
Speaker 3: must be because of me, or it didn't work out
Speaker 3: because something's wrong, or whatever reason you might have. But
Speaker 3: just being able to shift the perspective into is either
Speaker 3: this or something better? And with every relationship, I'm going
Speaker 3: to grow and become a grand eversion of myself.
Speaker 1: Love us So cool. All right, let's talk about exposing ourselves.
Speaker 1: So we just think there's so many valuable lessons in
Speaker 1: being vulnerable and sharing the not so pretty parts about
Speaker 1: ourselves that we may have carried shame for. And even
Speaker 1: on the way up here when we were talking about
Speaker 1: this episode, I was like, oh, I just I have
Speaker 1: guilt for different ways I've shown up to Steve and
Speaker 1: how I've treated him, how I've spoken to him, and
Speaker 1: how I've dealt with conflict, and even you talking about
Speaker 1: your most recent partner, I'm like, I used to do
Speaker 1: that to Steve, pull my weapons out or put him down,
Speaker 1: or I felt like I was hurting so much from
Speaker 1: something that I wanted him to hurt as well. And
Speaker 1: it's definitely not how I've shown up this last year.
Speaker 1: And I was saying to Tiana've got a lot of
Speaker 1: gratitude for our friendship once again, because I just feel
Speaker 1: like you have helped me really learn how to communicate
Speaker 1: in a better way. And there's been certain situations this
Speaker 1: last year that have really rattled me. I've really looked
Speaker 1: at myself and gone, how do I want to show
Speaker 1: up in this How do I want to treat people,
Speaker 1: especially my husband, the one person who I love more
Speaker 1: than anything in this whole entire world. And sometimes the
Speaker 1: people closest to us, it's easy for them to be
Speaker 1: our punching bags, but it's not right, and we always
Speaker 1: have a choice how we treat someone. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: thought we'd talk about the ways we have shown up
Speaker 1: that we're not so proud of. And for me, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would pull weapons out. If I felt hurt or
Speaker 1: not heard, I would pull a weapon out, not a
Speaker 1: physical weapon, feel metaph Yeah, I would say something that
Speaker 1: I know would hurt him because I was hurting so
Speaker 1: much I wanted to bring him down to my level.
Speaker 1: And this was not a conscious thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now I look back, I'm like, oh, that was not
Speaker 1: productive at all. And the way I've kind of moved
Speaker 1: through that is learning more about communication, practicing it and
Speaker 1: not with him. It was with someone else that I've
Speaker 1: really had to practice my responses, my tone, my language,
Speaker 1: And it comes down to a lot of how regulated
Speaker 1: your nervous system is. If you are constantly like disregulated,
Speaker 1: you will be on hairline trigger to react and respond
Speaker 1: in a way that you're not proud of. The more
Speaker 1: I've focused on that, the more I can actually take
Speaker 1: a breath and be able to respond in a way
Speaker 1: that I'm proud of. So yeah, that was my biggest thing,
Speaker 1: is dropping the weapons and reminding myself too, like we
Speaker 1: are on the same team, we both want the same things.
Speaker 1: I don't win by being right, I don't win by
Speaker 1: putting you down. I don't win by highlighting your shit
Speaker 1: or the things that you've done it doesn't get you anywhere.
Speaker 1: It actually disconnects you more and gets you further away
Speaker 1: from what you want. What we want here is to
Speaker 1: be in love. What we want here is to be connected, valued, validated,
Speaker 1: and heard. So it's being able to sit with the
Speaker 1: discomfort of them being able to tell us what they're
Speaker 1: feeling or what we've done. I'm being able to work
Speaker 1: through that together. And a lot of the time, you
Speaker 1: know what, both experiences can be different, but both really true.
Speaker 1: How I felt and how you felt in that might
Speaker 1: be completely different, but it's both our experiences and being
Speaker 1: able to hold that and learn from that and say, Okay,
Speaker 1: well next time, what did I say that really upset you? Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: I can do that again because I love you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And my goal here is to be in love and
Speaker 1: be connected. So it's been really cool to practice that.
Speaker 1: It's crazy, after seventeen years how much this relationship still
Speaker 1: challenges me, but to be better. It's so cool and
Speaker 1: not to compare, but I'm excited for you to find
Speaker 1: someone that you can do that dance with because the
Speaker 1: one thing I've learned from you too. If you wanting
Speaker 1: someone that can be angry and still respectful. That is, Steve,
Speaker 1: and it's really nice. I don't think I would cope. Well,
Speaker 1: I wasn't respectful. So having two people that are not
Speaker 1: respectful to the arguments, thank you, Steep. But it is
Speaker 1: really important to be able to hold each other's pain
Speaker 1: and hear each other but still be kind in those
Speaker 1: moments of triggers.
Speaker 2: So important.
Speaker 1: It's so important because if you don't over the years,
Speaker 1: you're cutting that wound and you're going to make it
Speaker 1: bleed even more to one day it's unrepairable.
Speaker 2: Death by a thousand cut.
Speaker 1: That's what I was thinking of. And yeah, I look
Speaker 1: back and reflect in the last seventeen years, I'm like
Speaker 1: far out. I definitely contributed to a lot of pain
Speaker 1: and disconnection, and I can just take so much responsibility
Speaker 1: in the disconnection in different chapters of our relationship. But
Speaker 1: I feel like this last year it's just changed and
Speaker 1: grown so much. We're in such a good place because
Speaker 1: of all that work. Hate when people say, oh, you're
Speaker 1: so lucky that you've got a good relationship or a
Speaker 1: good husband, It's like, it's not luck. There's been so
Speaker 1: much work and so much consciousness and taking responsibility to
Speaker 1: get to a place where you can navigate things like
Speaker 1: that so beautifully.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not luck like you have consciously every single
Speaker 3: time that you guys would have had a fight or
Speaker 3: an argument, or when you were both triggered or when
Speaker 3: something had you know, hit the fan or whatever, consciously
Speaker 3: choosing in that moment to choose to repair in whatever
Speaker 3: way that you do.
Speaker 2: That's good.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It takes a long time to rewhy your brain too,
Speaker 1: because I can still feel sometimes if we have a moment,
Speaker 1: like my initial reaction is to do what I used
Speaker 1: to do because I've always done that. That's my pattern,
Speaker 1: that feels natural. So I have to actually stop and
Speaker 1: like have that internal dialogue with myself like, hey, you
Speaker 1: could say this, or you could say this, you could
Speaker 1: take space, you could take a breath, like go over
Speaker 1: all the options. Yeah, I take the moment to choose
Speaker 1: what's going to be best. And if I don't know
Speaker 1: in that moment, I'll say I just need time. Go
Speaker 1: have you up to you get some advice, or just
Speaker 1: take some time and nature and actually just regulate and
Speaker 1: calm my body. And then I've got clarity to be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what do I want here? Yeah? How am I going
Speaker 1: to choose it.
Speaker 3: Is there any like previous daggers from like years and
Speaker 3: years ago, when you maybe like unconscious ashy that were
Speaker 3: like your go to without actually knowing it was your
Speaker 3: go to.
Speaker 1: There wasn't much repairing when I was really younger. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we would just sweep and you can imagine over the years.
Speaker 2: That would build up. It's easy to do that.
Speaker 1: I think it would be my tone and my words.
Speaker 1: I would say words that I know would upset him.
Speaker 1: It's been a long time, I think since I've pulled
Speaker 1: out a weapon. Because we've been together seventeen years. I'm
Speaker 1: talking when I was like twenty. I'm sure there was
Speaker 1: a few comments. I can't remember exactly what I would
Speaker 1: have said, but I'm sure there's a few comments about
Speaker 1: past relationships that I would like bring in, Yeah, to
Speaker 1: gain control of the conversation, or to prove that I
Speaker 1: was right, like to win the argument, to win an argument. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't remember specifically, but so it would have been
Speaker 1: something along the lines of, oh, we did your ex
Speaker 1: you used to get upset about this too. Is this
Speaker 1: a pattern? Yeah, noah, no, wonder this happened. If you
Speaker 1: did this, then I'm put this pointing the thinker, like,
Speaker 1: this is your fault.
Speaker 3: Pass forward to like the other day, you know when
Speaker 3: you saw Steve's X in the gym.
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, so I used to be super super jealous,
Speaker 1: like super jealous and maybe still a bit now. I
Speaker 1: fully laugh about it now. So back in the day, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd be so jealous that I would give full cold shoulder.
Speaker 1: I would ask a million questions, I would sulk, I
Speaker 1: would just use not nice words. And you taught me
Speaker 1: that thing. What is it? Retroactive jealousy.
Speaker 3: Retroactive jealousy. You're jealous of the person's past. You're jealous
Speaker 3: of the person's past ex partners.
Speaker 1: That was me. Could not handle them, could not handle
Speaker 1: any of it. And yeah, the other day, on one
Speaker 1: of my trainer's stories, we do this booty class and
Speaker 1: I watch her stories every now and again because she
Speaker 1: posts a lot of her client's training. And she posted
Speaker 1: this girl and I was like, she's really familiar. I
Speaker 1: was like, have you seen that sound of the funny movie?
Speaker 1: I had that initial jealousy, and then I was giggling
Speaker 1: about it, and I went to Steve. I was like,
Speaker 1: guess who's training at my gym. He's like, and I
Speaker 1: was like, bitch, they what are there? Why is she
Speaker 1: at my gym? You know that was seventeen years ago,
Speaker 1: Bay probably actually eighteen. I was like, I know, I
Speaker 1: shouldn't like her. I'm still my man? Are you still
Speaker 1: my man?
Speaker 2: No one touched, no one looks.
Speaker 1: We talk about it often. Yeah, those intrusive thoughts or visuals.
Speaker 1: It just makes me feel sick to my stomach, the
Speaker 1: thought of him fucking someone else, Like, no, that is
Speaker 1: my man? How dare you? It just makes you feel
Speaker 1: so good?
Speaker 3: Do you have a life before me?
Speaker 1: Literally? I just can't. Yeah. And now I laugh about it. Yes,
Speaker 1: I have a little moment, but it's laughable and we
Speaker 1: joke about it and it's playful, and it almost like
Speaker 1: brings us closer because I'm like, my man, come here,
Speaker 1: Whereas back in the day, I would almost take it
Speaker 1: out on him, sulk, pull out the weapons and just
Speaker 1: make him feel shit for it.
Speaker 2: Why.
Speaker 1: I don't know why you.
Speaker 2: Talk about this often?
Speaker 3: You always say with Stephen, I've heard you both say
Speaker 3: it where you talk about like healthy jealousy.
Speaker 2: Yes, like we have that, Okay, bring it in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it's like knowing that your partner is still,
Speaker 3: of course still desirable, even after being together.
Speaker 2: For seventeen years.
Speaker 3: It's like that a fun, a playfulness.
Speaker 1: I really don't ever get a yucky jealousy now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's fun, playful and it turns me on.
Speaker 2: It's so cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you had those sex dreams about that, Brunette
Speaker 1: Yes said on a previous episode, it made me so towy.
Speaker 1: It was like my man did made me really jealous,
Speaker 1: but in like a fun, playful way. I was like,
Speaker 1: come here, yes, you're my man. Yeah, it's really cool,
Speaker 1: like even in your dreams, your mind. Yeah, literally, hear me, Steve,
Speaker 1: It is really cool though. I love the growth.
Speaker 2: I think that's really cool.
Speaker 1: It's easier now to communicate with Steve and bring hard
Speaker 1: conversations in because we're both regulated and it just feels
Speaker 1: more natural and nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The implementing of it, though, isn't it.
Speaker 3: It's like you can talk about it, you can read
Speaker 3: all the books, you can do all the personal development stuff,
Speaker 3: but unless you're actually actioning it in the moments where
Speaker 3: it feels really hard, then you're not going to be able.
Speaker 2: To progress in that area.
Speaker 3: Definitely, a lot of the times we think, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: on a good day, I feel really really good, and
Speaker 3: then i'm, you know, the person I want to be.
Speaker 3: But what about like on the bad days, what about
Speaker 3: when you haven't been fed, or you're really tired, or
Speaker 3: the kids are stretching you and you are really pushing you.
Speaker 3: But like, it's about who you choose to be in
Speaker 3: that moment, and you've just constantly been able to.
Speaker 2: Do that, which is beautiful.
Speaker 1: And the repairing is super important too. So back in
Speaker 1: the day, I wouldn't repair. I would avoid, I would
Speaker 1: punish for weeks. I would sult for weeks. I would
Speaker 1: pull away love, I would pull away sex. I would
Speaker 1: do all the things that was just so fucking damaging
Speaker 1: to a relationship. Now it's repairing with vulnerability, yeah, and
Speaker 1: just fully owning it. Or it's repairing playfully, which I love.
Speaker 1: Something you taught me it was with a past part
Speaker 1: of your the jealousy one. It was like when you
Speaker 1: felt jealousy, instead of going to him and being like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, why have you done this on social media,
Speaker 1: it was like, I'm feeling jealous.
Speaker 3: I went, yes, I went to him, and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm feeling a little jealous.
Speaker 1: But when you told me the story. It was with
Speaker 1: these beautiful puppy dog eyes, your hands were around your chin.
Speaker 1: It was like, I'm feeling jealous and I was like,
Speaker 1: how can any man be angry at you? Yeah, when
Speaker 1: you bring that playfulness to it, they just want to
Speaker 1: grab you up in your arms. And I tested it.
Speaker 1: I tested it one day. Wasn't about jealousy. It was
Speaker 1: about attention. Yes, I was like needing more love, like
Speaker 1: this insecure kitten, like he was just like grab me
Speaker 1: and loved on me. And then I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: but in all seriousness, I do feel you know, work's
Speaker 1: been quite consuming lately and I'm just needing it more love,
Speaker 1: just a little bit more touched, maybe a couple more words.
Speaker 1: And it was like I can do that. But I
Speaker 1: used to go in with criticism, Oh you're working so much?
Speaker 1: Am I even here? Hello my invisible see yeah, oh
Speaker 1: your phone's more important to me.
Speaker 2: You're going to book a date night soon?
Speaker 1: Or it was just little stabs, little backhanded, passive, aggressive
Speaker 1: comments doesn't achieve anything. Yeah, So bringing vulnerability in softness
Speaker 1: and playfulness game changer? Yeah, well absolutely, change of relationship.
Speaker 1: It really does, it really does.
Speaker 3: It changes the dynamic, and you also just get a
Speaker 3: much better response out of there. Say if the roles
Speaker 3: were reversed, if your partner came to you and said, hey, babe, like,
Speaker 3: this is really hard for me to talk about, but
Speaker 3: you know, can you just hold me in this for
Speaker 3: a second. This is really vulnerable and uncomfortable. But you know,
Speaker 3: I'm feeling a little bit jealous. Or when X y
Speaker 3: Z happened, it like I noticed this thing in me,
Speaker 3: you'd be like, I want to love on you.
Speaker 1: So hard, right, I'm not doing that again on a no.
Speaker 3: But when someone comes at you with daggers and they're
Speaker 3: like you're doing this and there are you think that's
Speaker 3: bad and that I'm like, oh, show you Tatiana. That
Speaker 3: was my warmup baby, right yeah, I was just getting started.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it's so different, isn't it? Okay? Enough exposing
Speaker 1: of me?
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm darn put the camera on hat.
Speaker 1: Oh can you tell me? What do you do?
Speaker 3: Absolutely so a common theme for me. So it is
Speaker 3: it's a pattern. It's a pattern to me, at least
Speaker 3: in my relationship that just passed. And also I noticed
Speaker 3: this in the relationship before that. I got really jealous,
Speaker 3: like I really noticed within intimate relationships, I can get
Speaker 3: quite insecure because you know, I had a partner cheat
Speaker 3: on me when I was like fifteen, and I think
Speaker 3: maybe it just like as left a mark where I
Speaker 3: had this underlying fear of like betrayal.
Speaker 1: An abandonment, an abandonment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so this like feeling comes up for me
Speaker 3: when like things get really good and it gets really
Speaker 3: safe and you know, things are working where I start
Speaker 3: to question and my mind starts to wander and I
Speaker 3: start to go. It's when the anxious meat is present.
Speaker 3: When I'm grounded, Tiana, I'm like, cool, calm, collected, I
Speaker 3: feel really good. I'm like, oh you do you? I
Speaker 3: do me would do I thing together. But when I'm insecure, Tiana,
Speaker 3: I'm wondering what they're doing getting.
Speaker 1: Into the text messages. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3: Yes, Specifically for me, what comes up is like around
Speaker 3: other women, like when they have other women in their
Speaker 3: life who are really important to them. And granted, there
Speaker 3: were a couple of occasions where I had reason to
Speaker 3: feel that way, like there was a valid reason for
Speaker 3: me to be like, oh, I don't like this situation.
Speaker 3: But in those moments, I start to get a bit insecure,
Speaker 3: and I notice I pick fights. So if I'm feeling insecure,
Speaker 3: I notice I will test. I didn't do that as
Speaker 3: much in this relationship, but my previous one I did
Speaker 3: that where I would test, and I would test to
Speaker 3: see how much they love me by like pushing and
Speaker 3: being almost like emotionally erratic and like, you know, doing
Speaker 3: all these crazy, like kind of emotionally erratic things to
Speaker 3: test to see how much they love me and make
Speaker 3: sure that they'll stay, you know, because for me, I
Speaker 3: get jealous and it's almost like, you know, maybe this
Speaker 3: other woman's a threat if they're spending time with them,
Speaker 3: or anything that feels outside of the my relationship boundaries
Speaker 3: that maybe dips outside of that, I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 3: that's not okay, and then immediately my fear of rejection
Speaker 3: comes up.
Speaker 1: So how would you test? What would you do? How
Speaker 1: would I test?
Speaker 3: An example of doing this in my last relationship, I
Speaker 3: noticed my ex had like a female cleaner, and she
Speaker 3: was like beautiful, right, she's beautiful, but she.
Speaker 2: Would always be around and like flirty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she was a bit flirty with him, and like
Speaker 3: I remember one time he called her a good girl
Speaker 3: and I was like the fuck, like, how dare you?
Speaker 2: Like I'm the only good girl here?
Speaker 1: Called in the bedroom right, And.
Speaker 2: So I remember it like triggering me.
Speaker 3: And he had this conversation with her on the phone
Speaker 3: while I was there, and something about the conversation triggered me,
Speaker 3: And I remember in that moment like wanting to suppress it.
Speaker 3: I find myself wanting to shut down when I noticed
Speaker 3: jealousy and insecurity come up.
Speaker 2: I noticed the anxious part of me.
Speaker 3: Come out so shameful around that of feeling jealous and insecure. Yeah,
Speaker 3: one hundred percent. It feels like, oh, I don't want
Speaker 3: this person to see this at me. And then so
Speaker 3: I'll suppress it a little bit. But then what will
Speaker 3: happen is It'll come out more, you know, and then
Speaker 3: I'll start.
Speaker 2: To ask questions, Yes, sogate, why did you say this?
Speaker 2: Why didn't you want to have that conversation?
Speaker 1: Instead of being direct saying hey, I fucking felt a
Speaker 1: bit jealous there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do these little like picks and ask a
Speaker 3: little question.
Speaker 1: In an aggressive tone.
Speaker 3: No, just like a little subtle random question where that
Speaker 3: person might be like, why should just ask me that question?
Speaker 1: You know, you can feel there's underlying anxiousness there, there's
Speaker 1: underlying anxiousness, but there's no context. I don't give any context.
Speaker 2: I'm like, why did this happen? Or why did you
Speaker 2: say that?
Speaker 1: Or why did you say that?
Speaker 3: And then I will leave it, and then five minutes
Speaker 3: later I'll ask another question. So I pick right, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's almost like causes a fight because what
Speaker 3: that energy gives in my assumption is that I'm assuming
Speaker 3: that that person is doing wrong.
Speaker 2: By yes, I'm assuming that.
Speaker 3: That person is maybe has wrong intentions, is cheating, is
Speaker 3: doing something deceitful, is doing something that is sly, is
Speaker 3: doing something that would break the integrity of our relationship.
Speaker 3: And so I've noticed that trigger is a really bad
Speaker 3: response in partners where they're like, you're questioning my integrity
Speaker 3: And Lee said that, he was like, you're questioning my integrity, Tiana,
Speaker 3: don't fucking do that. And I'm like, don't fucking speak
Speaker 3: to you, you know. So, yeah, that's definitely come up
Speaker 3: for me in the past. And that was still even
Speaker 3: when I was like avoidan Tiana. When I was anxious Tiana,
Speaker 3: I would go to like full blown panic attacks. I
Speaker 3: would come into you and I would cry about it
Speaker 3: and be like, I'm feeling so anxious because my fear
Speaker 3: of rejection right now is being so triggered that I
Speaker 3: can't hold it in this moment and it feels overwhelming
Speaker 3: that I'm like, it's like, oh my god, the fear
Speaker 3: of abandonment was so strong that I thought that if
Speaker 3: I were to be abandoned, I wouldn't be able to
Speaker 3: handle it. Like you know, when you think that you
Speaker 3: want to hold someone so tight because they mean so
Speaker 3: much to you that you think that your world would
Speaker 3: crumble without them. But then what I learned with time
Speaker 3: and even now I feel like such a contrast from
Speaker 3: that relationship to now is that I can handle my
Speaker 3: anxious attachment and my fear of being abandoned so much
Speaker 3: more than what I could in the past. Is now
Speaker 3: the mindset that I have around it is even if
Speaker 3: somebody leaves, like so what, I know, you know, even
Speaker 3: if they do, I was okay before them, and I'll
Speaker 3: be okay after them as well. And it allows you
Speaker 3: to kind of like soften the fear around oh my god,
Speaker 3: I need to hold onto them so tight otherwise they're
Speaker 3: going to run away. You actually allow that person to
Speaker 3: choose to be with you, yes, instead of going. I
Speaker 3: need you to stay, and if you don't stay, I'm
Speaker 3: going to be lost without you. Yeah. It's almost like
Speaker 3: a force energy. And I've definitely shown up as somebody
Speaker 3: who has forced people to stay out of fear of
Speaker 3: them leaving.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that about cheating too, and I haven't
Speaker 1: been cheated on, so I don't have a wound of cheating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but in my head, if Steve was to cheat, he's cheated. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a choice he's made. Yeah, Okay, I would fully
Speaker 1: unpack it all what happened, Where did I play my role?
Speaker 1: I'd want to know who was with and all the
Speaker 1: questions whatever. But it's like, okay, that's fucking done. Yeah
Speaker 1: that you know what I mean. I don't fear it
Speaker 1: because I'm not going to put myself through that situation
Speaker 1: one hundred times not even happened, but yeah, it was
Speaker 1: to happen. Something is done, right, I don't know.
Speaker 3: And it's important to have that mindset around it as well,
Speaker 3: because the anticipation of something is almost worse than the
Speaker 3: actual of it happening. You're creating pain for yourself, especially
Speaker 3: when you're anxious now when something hasn't even happened. So
Speaker 3: you're anticipating something that you haven't experienced yet. But then
Speaker 3: you almost become a self fulfilling prophecy that you create
Speaker 3: that dynamic and outcome because you're assuming, thinking, feeling as
Speaker 3: if that experience has already happened. And so in the
Speaker 3: moments in relationships where I have become that very insecure
Speaker 3: like kind of assuming the worst of my partner, I
Speaker 3: often tend to get not so good outcome, like why
Speaker 3: did that happen? Well, I didn't assume the best of
Speaker 3: that partner. How can I get the best out of them?
Speaker 3: If I'm assuming that they're not a good person, they
Speaker 3: have bad intentions, they're doing something sneaky and deceitful behind
Speaker 3: my back, Like, of course they're not going to respond
Speaker 3: well to that. I wouldn't respond well to that if
Speaker 3: someone did that to me, I'd be like, I get it,
Speaker 3: and I get your wound, But that's not who I am.
Speaker 3: You've got to give me the ability to show you
Speaker 3: that I am trustworthy, that I have so much evidence
Speaker 3: of me treating you in a way where you don't
Speaker 3: have to worry about who I am. So it's also
Speaker 3: just remembering if the shoes on the other foot, Like
Speaker 3: would you be okay if someone were doing that to
Speaker 3: you as well?
Speaker 1: I love that putting yourself in their shoes. Hey, And
Speaker 1: how would I respond if they were coming at me
Speaker 1: like this. It's just a cool tool to have in
Speaker 1: your toolbox before you go and attack them and accuse
Speaker 1: them and assume things. You're like, fuck, how would I
Speaker 1: feel if he came to me and question that, asked
Speaker 1: to go through my phone, assumed that I was doing
Speaker 1: this when I was actually doing that. I feel fucking shit.
Speaker 1: I feel like, like, how dare you? That's offense if
Speaker 1: you think I would do that to you.
Speaker 3: Like I'm literally just eating ice cream at home with
Speaker 3: my best friend, Like, yeah, you have nothing to worry about.
Speaker 3: Like it's cool to see the contrast of that version
Speaker 3: of me to like more aware version of Tier because
Speaker 3: she can communicate really well, you know, like I'm very calm, cool, collected.
Speaker 3: I can see both sides. I make sure that I
Speaker 3: communicate from a place that's going to diffuse conflict and
Speaker 3: take responsibility, and so even in moments like that where
Speaker 3: I want to pick and fight, I'll do a quick
Speaker 3: recovery and come back and be Okay, this is what's
Speaker 3: actually coming up for me if I'm being fully honest
Speaker 3: and transparent, lead with vulnerability and courage and go Okay,
Speaker 3: that's not going to get me the outcome that I want.
Speaker 3: How can we work as a team to communicate and
Speaker 3: just like get everything off each other's chest so that
Speaker 3: we can find the same direction again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, another language shift too, which we've spoken about heaps too.
Speaker 1: Instead of going to your partner or anyone and being like,
Speaker 1: you know, you did this and it made me feel
Speaker 1: like this, changing it to be I'm only assuming and
Speaker 1: I could be totally wrong. Yes, but what I'm feeling
Speaker 1: is when you did this, your intention was this. But
Speaker 1: can you help me understand yes, instead of just assuming
Speaker 1: that that's what they've done and get curious on it
Speaker 1: and go in with curiosity. Oh that's a we other side,
Speaker 1: I feel that we could talk about relationships often. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's such a high value of ours relationships, connection, love, passion, pleasure,
Speaker 1: all the beautiful things. That's something we talk about all
Speaker 1: the time. So I think we'll keep bringing in and anything,
Speaker 1: even if it is exposing ourselves a being were vulnerable.
Speaker 1: We hope that there's one thing in this episode that
Speaker 1: landed for you or made you awaken something within you,
Speaker 1: made you look in the mirror and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can see how I do that too. Always room
Speaker 1: for growth and improvement, and even it's one percent better
Speaker 1: every single day, over a year span, you'll be a
Speaker 1: whole different person and your relationship could be completely transformed
Speaker 1: for the better.
Speaker 3: That's so true, and I think just with the relationships,
Speaker 3: it's really important to be able to have these conversations
Speaker 3: because there's so much gross and learning in relationships. It's
Speaker 3: they are such our biggest teachers, and if you can
Speaker 3: use the lessons that you learn from all of the
Speaker 3: discomfort that comes up, you'll be such a better version
Speaker 3: of yourself for it.
Speaker 2: And that's why we wanted to.
Speaker 3: Normalize this conversation of just knowing there's nothing to be
Speaker 3: shameful about around any behavior that you've done in the
Speaker 3: past that has come up, but utilize it as a
Speaker 3: way to go, hey, this is data on how I
Speaker 3: show up in the moments I'm triggered, so that you
Speaker 3: can go next time, Okay, who do I want to
Speaker 3: be in the moment, Because it's in those moments where
Speaker 3: you're going to become the woman that you say that
Speaker 3: you want to be, but not actually just say it,
Speaker 3: you'll actually embody her.
Speaker 2: And that's ultimately where where we want to help you.
Speaker 1: Get one hundred percent. Now, Also, one more thing before
Speaker 1: you the podcast, So if you guys haven't seen on
Speaker 1: our social media, we are now going to be uploading
Speaker 1: four times a week Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. And
Speaker 1: a new segment is like a bestie's advice section. We
Speaker 1: found with Freaki Friday, we were getting quite a few
Speaker 1: submissions that were more women asking for help. What would
Speaker 1: you girls do? Can you help me with this? What's
Speaker 1: your perspective? I need best the advice and that kind
Speaker 1: of led to this new segment being born. So if
Speaker 1: you are going through something in your relationship and you're
Speaker 1: in a situationship, or you're struggling with something and you
Speaker 1: want our best advice, this is what this segment's for.
Speaker 1: You can go to the link and our Instagram Buiyo
Speaker 1: will also link it in the description box below and
Speaker 1: you could submit an anonymous question that you want help
Speaker 1: for give us much context as you can please the
Speaker 1: better and we're not relationship experts, where two best is
Speaker 1: sitting on a couch and how we give advice to
Speaker 1: each other is what we'll be doing in that segment
Speaker 1: every Tuesday.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's going to be really raw, off the cast
Speaker 3: kind of advice, but again, that's exactly what we would
Speaker 3: do for each other. And especially if you don't have
Speaker 3: anybody to lean on at the moment, you feel like
Speaker 3: the people around you are too close to the situation,
Speaker 3: or maybe you don't even want them to know about
Speaker 3: the situation that you're dealing with.
Speaker 2: It can be really challenging to go through those things alone.
Speaker 3: So we just want to bring in a place where
Speaker 3: you can come, you feel safe bring it in. And
Speaker 3: also it's anonymous, so we can't even see who brings
Speaker 3: it in, so you'll be completely.
Speaker 2: Protected in that way.
Speaker 3: But we want you to have a place to come,
Speaker 3: bring it in and feel safe enough to talk about
Speaker 3: So beautiful.
Speaker 1: I feel like even sometimes you have friendships that you love,
Speaker 1: but they don't give the best advice. Yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: I've got different friends for different reasons. Some I'm like,
Speaker 1: if I want my ego stroke or go to her
Speaker 1: to be challenged, I'll go to her, you know, and
Speaker 1: all beautiful, but knowing that you can just come here,
Speaker 1: you're safe, there's no judgment. We're just giving out honest
Speaker 1: advice that we would literally give to each other. It's cool.
Speaker 1: We get to learn along the way, we get to
Speaker 1: share our perspectives and maybe help you see things from
Speaker 1: a different light. Yeah, that also starts next week. So
Speaker 1: today's Monday, it'll.
Speaker 2: Be next Tuesday, yay.
Speaker 1: Otherwise, we'll see you Wednesday. Bye guys. Babe,