Speaker 1: A little bit of a trigger warning on this episode.
Speaker 1: There is talk of DV domestic violence, So if that
Speaker 1: is something that is not for you right now, this
Speaker 1: episode may not be for you. This is my first
Speaker 1: time I've got someone back, and I'm really excited because
Speaker 1: this wonderful woman, Meghan Pistetto, is a very good friend
Speaker 1: of mine.
Speaker 2: We chat on the phone. It's brilliant.
Speaker 1: We have these in depth conversations, mostly just gossy gossy
Speaker 1: gossip about people that we know, because gossip is a
Speaker 1: good thing. We ended up having a bit of a
Speaker 1: conversation in this one where you could have turned off
Speaker 1: the microphones and we would have just kept going.
Speaker 2: We wouldn't have known. We were just chatting. And I
Speaker 2: think that's brilliant.
Speaker 1: So you are just going to be in on our
Speaker 1: chat and I think you're really gonna like it. So
Speaker 1: here is Megan Pistetto and I having a chat. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you're back. You know, we haven't had any repeat.
Speaker 1: You're our first because I wanted since we started the
Speaker 1: pod cast, and especially since I started going solo, I wanted,
Speaker 1: like after I cannot get my legs, my legs are caught.
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't get them out from where they
Speaker 2: are right now, like seriously, and I'm cramp enough.
Speaker 1: Yes, since I started recording solo interviews, I wanted to
Speaker 1: have a year later, like how were you a little
Speaker 1: bit later? It was time last year, wasn't it? Well? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because ANGREI and I were still recording together this time
Speaker 1: last year, so.
Speaker 2: It would have been so welcome back. You're our first
Speaker 2: return guest of the post.
Speaker 3: I'm glad I'm back because I feel like the last
Speaker 3: interview I wasn't in a good space.
Speaker 2: So yeah, you were very worried about the last one.
Speaker 3: There was just a lot going on, yes, being docks harassed.
Speaker 3: I just was so tired from maths.
Speaker 4: It was just a lot. But I'm feeling better this year.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask you what's burnout like? Because it
Speaker 1: would be real in this kind of thing, because you
Speaker 1: your podcast is your baby, it's your personal business. It's
Speaker 1: your brand, and the boss, the employee, the employer, your everything, everything,
Speaker 1: and so what you make of it is depends on
Speaker 1: how successful you are. So like most people who have
Speaker 1: their own businesses, they have to work so incredibly hard
Speaker 1: to get it to a point where it's you know,
Speaker 1: kind of working on its own and burn it can
Speaker 1: really really happen.
Speaker 2: So does that happen for you? Especially with Maths?
Speaker 3: Yeah, So Maths is kind of like it's like the
Speaker 3: super Bowl, but for me, like that season, I don't
Speaker 3: work on any other shows that intensely a because even
Speaker 3: if I did put out that much content for another show,
Speaker 3: like the audience just isn't there, so you wouldn't get
Speaker 3: the views, it wouldn't pay off for you. So Maths
Speaker 3: it's it's worthwhile to kind of work hard and put
Speaker 3: all of the content out because it's going to pay
Speaker 3: off and the audience is there. So Maps is like
Speaker 3: what feb till April and then there's a bit of
Speaker 3: like flow on effect and then they'll get their Instagram's
Speaker 3: back and then the second round of drama.
Speaker 2: Kick off again.
Speaker 3: So but it's I'm okay now because when Maps is on,
Speaker 3: it's four nights a week. So I'll work like like
Speaker 3: up in the morning, six or seven and work till
Speaker 3: like six at night, have a bit of a break, dinner,
Speaker 3: gym or whatever, and then I work from when the
Speaker 3: show's on like seven, seven thirty till like eleven doing
Speaker 3: socials and stuff. So they're big days, and like some
Speaker 3: of the days were like sixteen hours and I don't
Speaker 3: like have a day off during maths, so I do
Speaker 3: this like intensive period of like NonStop work. And I
Speaker 3: actually felt okay this year. But when I stopped and
Speaker 3: the show was over and I started to like rest
Speaker 3: and like have a normal life, I actually got.
Speaker 4: Like severe burnout.
Speaker 3: And I think it was like when you stop doing
Speaker 3: something like that, your body then crashes because it's so
Speaker 3: used to that high, you know, volume of workload and
Speaker 3: intense periods.
Speaker 2: That it's working at the level.
Speaker 3: Yeah, work at that level that your body just acclimatizes,
Speaker 3: and then when you stop, your body's like oh what
Speaker 3: so I started, I did have really bad burner. I'm
Speaker 3: feeling okay now, but like severe, Like I woke up
Speaker 3: at nine o'clock one morning, after sleeping twelve hours, had breakfast,
Speaker 3: I had to go back to bed.
Speaker 4: Like it was I can't explain it.
Speaker 3: It's like severe just tiredness, fatigue, like crazy. But I'm
Speaker 3: feeling okay now. This season wasn't as as bad as
Speaker 3: last year.
Speaker 1: Yeah, last year was seemed a lot worse, yea. But
Speaker 1: also you're there'd be a match fitness that you're starting
Speaker 1: to get.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: True.
Speaker 2: So every season you know.
Speaker 1: What to look out for, what to not let affect you,
Speaker 1: how to work so you can be at your optimum.
Speaker 3: I think that's what helped me this year because last
Speaker 3: year I didn't block out a lot of outside noise
Speaker 3: and things that were going on, and I not played
Speaker 3: into it, but I got affected by it and I
Speaker 3: let it affect me. This year, there was some stuff
Speaker 3: happening at the start of the year, you know, like
Speaker 3: I had a court case that was ongoing that I
Speaker 3: ended up just not going to because I was like,
Speaker 3: it's either that or maths, and I just weigh up
Speaker 3: what's more important. It's if I go and you know,
Speaker 3: pursue this because legal stuff obviously takes like a lot
Speaker 3: of time and energy. I think the energy is probably
Speaker 3: the biggest thing. I was like, I'm going to flop
Speaker 3: this whole season, and my content's not going to be good.
Speaker 3: So I just chose to focus on that and put
Speaker 3: that as a priority and blocked out some other stuff
Speaker 3: that was happening and really just focused and like didn't
Speaker 3: let anything distract me.
Speaker 1: This year, I noticed that as well, and I thought
Speaker 1: it was really really good because last season we would
Speaker 1: chat throughout and you this season were kind of like,
Speaker 1: I'm not you know, I, once this is over, I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you more of my attention.
Speaker 4: Oh my god. I didn't speak to people for weeks. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but it was like but times for my most period
Speaker 4: at time when.
Speaker 1: You look at the grand scheme of things, and it's
Speaker 1: really important that you did that for yourself, I thought,
Speaker 1: because and if I asked you anything, you would say
Speaker 1: just go and listen to the pod because I can't
Speaker 1: repeat myself because I wrote and I'm thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 1: how many friends must hope that's the same question.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, did you see what I'm like? Can
Speaker 3: you please listen or like even just sleeople in the
Speaker 3: face of the group and stuff. And I got really annoyed.
Speaker 3: I did a post and I was like, guys, I've
Speaker 3: put so much effort into the podcast, please I get
Speaker 3: so annoyed on the group chat when we do the
Speaker 3: episodes each night, when someone's like, oh, I can't believe
Speaker 3: this or that, and I'm like, guys, it was in
Speaker 3: the podcast, and like, I'm not expecting everyone to like
Speaker 3: make my podcast a priority, but it's just kind of
Speaker 3: annoying when it's like you have to repeat yourself because
Speaker 3: it's like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, all there because all the answers, you need to
Speaker 4: do that.
Speaker 1: And that was good because it actually made like, for
Speaker 1: someone who has a podcast, it's hard to listen to
Speaker 1: other podcasts, but yours was really I mean, all podcasts
Speaker 1: are great, but yours had the answers that I was
Speaker 1: asking you personally for and it made a lot more
Speaker 1: sense for me to just do it that way. But
Speaker 1: you know, I thought, oh, we'll just have a conversation
Speaker 1: because we're friends.
Speaker 2: But once I realized.
Speaker 1: That that's but just four more friends, that's like all
Speaker 1: your time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not what I'm like. My podcast is
Speaker 3: so amazing. Everyone needs to listen, But I go there
Speaker 3: and that's why I put it in. Yeah, specifically go
Speaker 3: to effort to think about what people would want to know,
Speaker 3: like what questions are going to pop up when they're watching,
Speaker 3: or what are things that are a bit left unexplained.
Speaker 3: So I do go to that effort to kind of
Speaker 3: answer questions that are going to pop up. So that's
Speaker 3: why I'm like, guys, it's trust me, It'll be in there.
Speaker 3: And then if yeah, if I've got four people asking
Speaker 3: me questions about maths, it's like, I also have twenty
Speaker 3: four contestants that I'm speaking to, and that's probably what
Speaker 3: takes up most of my time. So it's checking in
Speaker 3: with all of them each day. This happened last night,
Speaker 3: Like do you have any more info about it? Or
Speaker 3: what's coming up this week? So it is very hard
Speaker 3: to it's a big job for one person to keep
Speaker 3: in contact with all of these people. Obviously I'm not
Speaker 3: speaking to all twenty four, but yeah, so that's what
Speaker 3: I was going to ask about.
Speaker 1: How do you get to talk to them? So it's
Speaker 1: a bit of a referral system.
Speaker 3: Okay, Yes, So before the podcast, when I was freelance
Speaker 3: and doing this content, but I would sell it to
Speaker 3: different outlets, I would have to find out who the
Speaker 3: contestants were. Either like I'd work with paparazzi and they
Speaker 3: would be shooting and they'd send me a photo like
Speaker 3: and it would be sometimes just a photo and you'd
Speaker 3: have to identify who they are, or you'll get a
Speaker 3: contestant from a previous year that says I know someone
Speaker 3: or someone reached out to me for help and then
Speaker 3: they put me in touch.
Speaker 4: So it's a bit of a referral system.
Speaker 3: But it was quite hard back then because I didn't
Speaker 3: have anything to show them, like it was a bit
Speaker 3: of a trust exercise of like, no, trust me, I'll
Speaker 3: help you and I won't screw you over. And now
Speaker 3: that the pod, so it's quite hard to convince them
Speaker 3: and get them to work with you because it's, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's just based off trust. But now that the podcast
Speaker 3: has been going for so many years, people know it
Speaker 3: and they know me, and they know that I don't
Speaker 3: know reveal my sources, that I can be trusted and
Speaker 3: hopefully that I do a good job. So now they
Speaker 3: kind of come to me, which is good. Or they
Speaker 3: can just listen to the pod and be like, oh, okay, cool,
Speaker 3: that's what she's all about, like getting the story out
Speaker 3: and stuff. So yeah, it's usually a referral like someone
Speaker 3: will know someone this year, like a couple of mutual
Speaker 3: friends that I had with people, and then once you
Speaker 3: kind of talk to one contestant, they're like, oh, I'm
Speaker 3: friends with this person. I'll get them to talk. Can
Speaker 3: you help them as well? Or they'll just reach out
Speaker 3: to you once the show's starting and they start hearing
Speaker 3: your podcast and see the article.
Speaker 1: Villains just reach out to you and say, I think
Speaker 1: I've looks like I've got.
Speaker 2: A bad edit.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm getting screwed over. Help. Usually, what's the reason
Speaker 4: for reaching out all?
Speaker 2: Can you tell?
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's hard if you build up a personal relationship
Speaker 3: with your sources, which you do and I think like
Speaker 3: people kind of criticize that, and it's like, that's how
Speaker 3: journalism works, Like you have to have strong sources and
Speaker 3: you have to have good relationships with them, and they
Speaker 3: they need to trust you and you need to trust them.
Speaker 3: So you do form friendships and you know, good relationships
Speaker 3: with them. So it's kind of like if you've had
Speaker 3: a good experience with them and they seem really nice
Speaker 3: to you, it's it can be a bit confusing to
Speaker 3: them if they start behaving really badly on screen and
Speaker 3: you're like, is that about edit? Or did they do that?
Speaker 3: But you know that's only one side of them. They're
Speaker 3: not always that bad, Like they just had their moments.
Speaker 3: It can be a bit tricky to separate the two
Speaker 3: of like, oh, but I really like them as a person,
Speaker 3: but yeah, they did horrible stuff on the show. So
Speaker 3: it can be tricky, but I usually just ask around
Speaker 3: to like a few other people and I'm like, oh, hey,
Speaker 3: so what did you think. Do you think that person's
Speaker 3: actually getting about it or was that how they were
Speaker 3: And you just get a sense of what other people,
Speaker 3: what their perception of it was.
Speaker 1: Do you get many of them stopped talking to you say,
Speaker 1: can't I can't believe you've said that on the podcast.
Speaker 1: It's not true, even though even if it is, because
Speaker 1: I know that you don't report anything unless you've checked it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, the thing is, it's not it's yes, it's checking.
Speaker 3: So usually I will if I get a story, especially
Speaker 3: if it's something that's quite controversial, I will check it
Speaker 3: in terms of I'll ask another contestant, is this what happened?
Speaker 3: And then it's like you've at least got two sides
Speaker 3: of the story, and it's you know, one source said
Speaker 3: this and one source said that. Include them both, and
Speaker 3: it gives you a bit of a more rounded view.
Speaker 3: But I do reach out to all of the contestants
Speaker 3: at the start of the season and I say, hey,
Speaker 3: here's my number. Let me know if you need anything,
Speaker 3: like if you ever want me to put any stories
Speaker 3: out for you or share your side that's not being shown,
Speaker 3: or if things aren't portrayed accurately, let me know.
Speaker 4: So I do give everyone the chance.
Speaker 3: At the start of the season, for example, I even
Speaker 3: message like Jack and Tory. So then it's like if
Speaker 3: they don't speak to me, and I've only got the
Speaker 3: other side, and I'm putting that out and I've tried
Speaker 3: to get their side and I can't.
Speaker 4: It's like what else can I do?
Speaker 2: Yeah, You've given them the chance, so they're.
Speaker 3: Almost doing a disservice to themselves by not And then
Speaker 3: it's like, I can't force you to speak to.
Speaker 1: So speaking of those two, they didn't you. No, I
Speaker 1: haven't spoken to them. Okay, I think I don't know
Speaker 1: if they're actually speaking to Oh No, I think they're
Speaker 1: speaking to the Daily Mail. Like everyone kind of has
Speaker 1: their personal outlet that they trust and work exclusively with.
Speaker 4: So it is a bit of like a guber competition.
Speaker 3: Well, the funny thing is that you know that Daily
Speaker 3: Mail dude, he always gets the you know, the Jackson
Speaker 3: Harrison's and the Deans and those toxic dudes, and I
Speaker 3: always get the really nice people that are lovely, and
Speaker 3: so I'm always like which team do you want to
Speaker 3: be be associated with that group or do you want
Speaker 3: to be associated with my group?
Speaker 1: Well, I just had someone DM me this morning, a
Speaker 1: woman I've known for quite a while, just through Instagram
Speaker 1: since I was on goggle.
Speaker 2: Box, and she said.
Speaker 1: It's she pointed out how many men like Dean and
Speaker 1: not Jack because she said Jack will probably join them,
Speaker 1: but Dean and Harrison. Oh, because I posted something about
Speaker 1: one of the stories that Harrison did and a guy
Speaker 1: called Will has done a stitch with it and it's
Speaker 1: been brilliant, it's so good. And she said they do
Speaker 1: these things so they'll get just people looking at the
Speaker 1: you know, stories. They just want eyes on, numbers on.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, that's why I never go to
Speaker 1: them directly. I'll watch Will's video instead. She said, Dean
Speaker 1: Wells has just commented on Barbrastriss post because it was
Speaker 1: about a Democrat or something. She said, it's just so
Speaker 1: he will be engaged with a heap of people. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but I never really knew, like I never
Speaker 1: really figured that they are just they're just purely fall
Speaker 1: back and forth as many people as they possibly can.
Speaker 3: They're just trying to get attention, like they are so
Speaker 3: desperate for attention because obviously not getting it in other
Speaker 3: ways because they don't have other stuff to offer, so
Speaker 3: they will just be controversial and offensive because they know
Speaker 3: that will get a reaction from people. So it's the
Speaker 3: same formula they follow every year. Harrison's definitely picked that
Speaker 3: up from Dean because you know, he's seen how much
Speaker 3: attention it's gotten. But I at least once a week
Speaker 3: will get someone sending me a comment from Dean, and
Speaker 3: I actually don't even read them anymore.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I don't care. Everyone knows he's.
Speaker 2: It's a disgust you have to remove.
Speaker 3: I'm just like, I don't need to share everything that
Speaker 3: he says because we all know he is an absolute
Speaker 3: scum of the earth. And same as Harrison. Now, so
Speaker 3: this is what I mean. At the start of the season,
Speaker 3: where I was.
Speaker 2: You know, not.
Speaker 3: Focusing it on kind of ignoring the outside noise, Harrison
Speaker 3: body shamed me and he said these horrible comments about me,
Speaker 3: not even just body shaming, a lot of other stuff,
Speaker 3: and I saved everything in a folder and I was like,
Speaker 3: all right, I'm gonna do an episode about this, and
Speaker 3: I'm gonna respond. And then I sat with it for
Speaker 3: a bit and I was like, I can't be bothered.
Speaker 3: I actually don't even owe this dudent, Like why am
Speaker 3: I even acknowledging something that he said. He's trying to
Speaker 3: get a reaction from me. He's trying to it would
Speaker 3: be giving him one. I'm giving him my platform, I'm
Speaker 3: giving him attention. I'm sharing his disgusting views. I feel
Speaker 3: like we just some people do just agree with. It's
Speaker 3: like he's not even worth acknowledging, And so I chose
Speaker 3: just to I was like, actually, you know what, I'm
Speaker 3: not even going to waste my time answering to you,
Speaker 3: like I actually owe you nothing. So that was what
Speaker 3: I mean, like just getting that noise out. But he
Speaker 3: has continued just to attack women and go on and
Speaker 3: say things. And Lindall came on my pod and she
Speaker 3: kind of she roasted him a little bit, but it was,
Speaker 3: you know, it wasn't that bad. She was just talking
Speaker 3: about her season of Maths and he obviously saw it.
Speaker 3: And then he posted this thing about all the maps
Speaker 3: me and the Maths brides being unmarriable because we're over
Speaker 3: thirty and we're not in a relationship, which is a
Speaker 3: whole you know, I don't even need to explain why
Speaker 3: that's so far, But Tani and Linda they all started
Speaker 3: calling him out and I was like, stop, because that's
Speaker 3: what he wants. He has now gotten a reaction from you,
Speaker 3: He's got an attention, you've shared your platform with him.
Speaker 3: He's probably got more followers. He then got national media
Speaker 3: coverage because every outlet then responded to you know, what
Speaker 3: he had said, and it's then amplified to a large audience.
Speaker 3: And there's some people out there that are going to
Speaker 3: see that and agree. And so I started a group
Speaker 3: chat with them and I'm like, guys, just stop acknowledging him.
Speaker 3: This is what he wants and narcissist like that. The
Speaker 3: thing that annoys them the most is if you don't
Speaker 3: give them.
Speaker 1: Attention, if you staff them of it, let them shout
Speaker 1: off into the abyss. And for anyone listening the oxygen
Speaker 1: right now, if you happen to have followed Dean or
Speaker 1: Harrison or Jack Stop or even Bryce from past seasons,
Speaker 1: and you just go and check whether you're still following them,
Speaker 1: like have you actively unfollowed them? If you haven't, go
Speaker 1: and do it right now. If you got your phone
Speaker 1: near you go and do it right now. Unfollow these
Speaker 1: kind of people because the best thing we can do
Speaker 1: is to take the attention away from them. And if
Speaker 1: they haven't got the followers that they want, that's just
Speaker 1: the beginning. So if there's there's your little public service
Speaker 1: announcement and homework for today.
Speaker 3: Did you see Carrie Bigmore did that amazing video about
Speaker 3: men's violence. He left some comments and everyone's been sending
Speaker 3: it to me. I haven't even read it. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'd never want to know.
Speaker 4: I don't care. Like it's just we know that he's
Speaker 4: just the worst.
Speaker 2: So and you know that.
Speaker 1: Rice was the one of the worst I've ever seen
Speaker 1: on that show, and he's turned out to be the
Speaker 1: least worst of the four of them.
Speaker 3: It's not funny. I mean, he's still I don't follow him.
Speaker 3: I've got him, but I don't follow and don't know
Speaker 3: what he's even.
Speaker 2: I don't know that. But he's, as he says, as
Speaker 2: little as possible.
Speaker 1: He's kind of you know, I don't know whether he's
Speaker 1: still just I mean, this is a long game.
Speaker 2: If he's playing that, I told.
Speaker 3: You, so this is the thing with Jack and Tory.
Speaker 3: I think it's following the Bryce formula in terms of, like,
Speaker 3: I look, I'm not in the relationship. I probably can't judge,
Speaker 3: but I personally think that Bryce stayed with Melissa out
Speaker 3: of spite to prove everyone wrong because there was so
Speaker 3: much backlash. And it's like, if he ever broke up
Speaker 3: with her, then it's we can say we were so
Speaker 3: I told you so, so just saying her because it's oh, what.
Speaker 4: Else can you do?
Speaker 1: Absolutely, the really weird thing is people saying, oh, like
Speaker 1: I even't just said it? Then, could someone be playing
Speaker 1: a long game that high with the life. You've got
Speaker 1: someone who is your slave, someone who's taking care of
Speaker 1: you and doing everything that you want them to do.
Speaker 2: There are so many.
Speaker 1: Relationships like that happening anyway. Yeah, people who are in
Speaker 1: relationships that are you know, I mean this is all allegedly,
Speaker 1: but men who are cheating on their wives but not
Speaker 1: ever leaving them because they get everything that they want.
Speaker 2: They're getting it at home and they're getting it out
Speaker 2: of home.
Speaker 3: Well, these women as well, like just to generalize, you know,
Speaker 3: women that are in toxic relationships sometimes I don't realize
Speaker 3: that they are or like that they're treatment isn't normal,
Speaker 3: that's right, And I think they've also obviously got like
Speaker 3: insecurities that don't want to be alone. And that's the
Speaker 3: whole thing of like it's society thinks it's so bad
Speaker 3: for women over thirty or whatever to be not married,
Speaker 3: and it's like this is a choice, Like we could
Speaker 3: easily find a husband if we wanted to, but like,
Speaker 3: I'm happy being alone and if someone if I'm going
Speaker 3: to be in a relationship, they have to add to
Speaker 3: my life. But then there's some women out there obviously
Speaker 3: that don't want to be alone, like it's the worst
Speaker 3: thing being alone, So they just put up with these
Speaker 3: shitty relationships and treatment, and then I guess turn a
Speaker 3: blind eye to the cheating and the absolute pason.
Speaker 1: Because the you know, we're told from birth really as girls,
Speaker 1: the best thing that you can get when you grow
Speaker 1: up is married and have children, not ever being that's
Speaker 1: the dream, not ever being told it's the nightmare, and
Speaker 1: you get stuck in it, and it's a really hard
Speaker 1: thing to get away from, and if you do, then
Speaker 1: you're going to be crucified by the very people who've
Speaker 1: told you that it's the dream. You're going to end
Speaker 1: up alone and lonely with cats or dogs. It's like,
Speaker 1: don't threaten me with a good time.
Speaker 2: I'm living that life now and I could not be happier.
Speaker 1: I went on someone's pod recently and it's a single
Speaker 1: pod and she was like, you know, did you think
Speaker 1: this for yourself?
Speaker 2: And I said, of course not. Like as a child,
Speaker 2: I remember.
Speaker 1: Having those conversations with my girlfriends of who do you
Speaker 1: think I'm going to marry? Okay, we'll say who you're
Speaker 1: probably going to marry, and how many kids.
Speaker 3: And the thing of like I want to be married
Speaker 3: by the time I'm twenty five, I'm going to have
Speaker 3: three kids.
Speaker 1: Yes, And you know, when I was a two, I
Speaker 1: wanted to have like a medieval style wedding.
Speaker 4: Oh everyone's planning.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've probably still got my like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: a wedding plan from back then, and you pick your kids'
Speaker 3: names out.
Speaker 1: I used to draw medieval dresses with the big high
Speaker 1: oh my lord, with the head, oh maybe with the
Speaker 1: Princess Leiah type hairdoo, and oh could you imagine you.
Speaker 3: Should just have a single like a wedding for yourself?
Speaker 3: Like remember that in the City episode I always think
Speaker 3: of that because me too, I'm like, I think I'm
Speaker 3: going to get to a certain point where I'm going
Speaker 3: to do that and be like, Okay, well I'm not
Speaker 3: going to get married now, or like you know, if
Speaker 3: I haven't found someone or I've decided not to and
Speaker 3: just be like, you know, I'm just going to celebration
Speaker 3: for me.
Speaker 2: Have a registry.
Speaker 1: I love well stupidly Sarah Jessica's carries was it Manolo
Speaker 1: Blanik And there was only one thing on the registry?
Speaker 2: But a registry for a.
Speaker 1: Single woman would be a really great thing, all the
Speaker 1: things that you don't get because you haven't gotten married. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the bit where we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: domestic violence. Just coming in here quickly to let you know.
Speaker 1: If this is something you don't want to listen to,
Speaker 1: just go forward.
Speaker 2: A couple of minutes. Do you ever get scared of
Speaker 2: what of? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Well I get scared. Had to run in my house
Speaker 4: the other night screaming.
Speaker 2: Seriously, No, I want.
Speaker 1: To know, like, especially in the climate we live in
Speaker 1: right now with men's violence, do you ever get scared
Speaker 1: of the men coming after you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because I would. It's a real fear. It's not it's
Speaker 1: a rational fear. It's not irrational at all.
Speaker 3: Well, the thing for me, it's like, I've been to
Speaker 3: the police so many times, you know, with evidence.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's what I was going to say, you've
Speaker 1: got you've got it all reported at least, and they're like,
Speaker 1: it's there, it's somewhere.
Speaker 4: But they don't do anything.
Speaker 3: So no, I go to the police all the time
Speaker 3: and I say, this person's harassing me and doing x
Speaker 3: y zed and they say, just get off Instagram, just
Speaker 3: get off social media. And I'm like, A, I shouldn't
Speaker 3: have to know, and my whole work is on social media,
Speaker 3: so I physically can't. And they said, well, there's nothing
Speaker 3: we can do. They haven't done anything to you yet.
Speaker 3: We can't do anything unless they actually do it.
Speaker 1: Legally they can't, but so they can record everything.
Speaker 3: There need to be protection in place before it gets
Speaker 3: to something happening, not just we're going to be reactive.
Speaker 3: We need to be proactive.
Speaker 1: That's where we don't know what to do. The experts
Speaker 1: don't know what to do. The victims don't know what
Speaker 1: to do, because what do you do about saying to
Speaker 1: the police, I'm scared of this person, and the police
Speaker 1: are like, well have they done anything? No, but I
Speaker 1: know they're going to well what if they don't, we
Speaker 1: have to presume.
Speaker 3: And I know that the police like obviously they are
Speaker 3: answering to laws and there's only so much they can
Speaker 3: do legally in it. That's not their fault. But you
Speaker 3: almost get just pushed off as like she's being dramatic,
Speaker 3: that she's over reacting.
Speaker 2: That's got to change.
Speaker 3: And the thing with the you know, all of these
Speaker 3: murders of women and abuse and stuff that we're seeing lately,
Speaker 3: that's hope, like everyone's talking about, thank God. And it's
Speaker 3: always most of the times a known perpetrator or someone
Speaker 3: who was out on an AVO or like known to police. Like,
Speaker 3: it's always that type of person. And that's what I
Speaker 3: was getting really triggered about recently, because I'm like, is
Speaker 3: it going to take something to happen to me to
Speaker 3: then be like I told you so, well.
Speaker 1: That's that's exactly what's happening. So I'm thinking this is
Speaker 1: me just thinking aloud. Now, if there was a registry
Speaker 1: of say to say to a perpetrator, hey, we've now
Speaker 1: registered you as someone who has done this, and this
Speaker 1: and this from this woman. If this continues and it
Speaker 1: goes again, you're going to be.
Speaker 4: There should be there should be a registry of you.
Speaker 3: People can look up prior offenses because or prior because
Speaker 3: if unless you're like a reporter or you have access
Speaker 3: to court documents, says no way that you can know
Speaker 3: someone's criminal past.
Speaker 4: Ye, So like I could.
Speaker 3: Start dating a guy and not know that, yeah, five
Speaker 3: women have taken AVOs out on him and I'm putting
Speaker 3: myself into danger.
Speaker 2: That would be really good.
Speaker 3: But it's I just don't think it's a coincidence that
Speaker 3: most of these cases, it's like known to police, already
Speaker 3: took an av I already made a report, was already
Speaker 3: fearing for her safety.
Speaker 4: Like it's just what that needs.
Speaker 2: To be done.
Speaker 1: Part there, just that middle bit there. If the police
Speaker 1: could somehow say the registry is now you know you're
Speaker 1: getting I mean, I don't know, like you've got so
Speaker 1: many stars or black stars against your black marks against
Speaker 1: your name that now you're going to start getting fined.
Speaker 2: I mean, people could.
Speaker 1: Take advantage of that. But what I'm saying is what
Speaker 1: happens when then something does happen? Because I just posted
Speaker 1: about this this morning. What if we started charging the
Speaker 1: people who ignore the police, like the judges and the
Speaker 1: lee's who these women go to and don't take it seriously.
Speaker 1: The women end up daring let them off too easy.
Speaker 1: What if they had to go to jail as well
Speaker 1: for not for not? There would be a lot more visits,
Speaker 1: there'd be a lot more we're watching you. We're going
Speaker 1: to start, well, maybe if there's a register of enough
Speaker 1: proof where you've been stalking somewhere, where you've turned up
Speaker 1: and you've harassed them, or you've been sending them really
Speaker 1: bad texts, you have enough black marks against your name,
Speaker 1: you have to start wearing that ankle bracelet.
Speaker 4: A sign on your head.
Speaker 3: What it is that I actually think that because the
Speaker 3: punishment isn't big enough, No, we'll like say, get let
Speaker 3: off so easily that they're not deterred from that's readings, right,
Speaker 3: So I think the punishment needs to be increased and
Speaker 3: it needs to be taken seriously of I think I
Speaker 3: don't know what it is because it's like there's other punishments,
Speaker 3: like even if you are found guilty of like abusing women,
Speaker 3: like sometimes it's like, oh, good behavior bonds exactly has
Speaker 3: to change. They know that they can get away with it,
Speaker 3: and they know that they're probably nothing's going to happen.
Speaker 3: And also it's very hard to prove, like there's just
Speaker 3: so many factors that yeah.
Speaker 2: Is really hard.
Speaker 4: Well that's a crime in the UK now, and.
Speaker 1: It's a crime here is that Yeah, it's just become
Speaker 1: that's good, But it's really hard to prove that. Well,
Speaker 1: that's the thing is that may be an easier one
Speaker 1: to prove simply because you've got text messages, you've got
Speaker 1: bank you know, financial Well, that's the verbal stuff. You'd
Speaker 1: have to start recording. We have to change the law
Speaker 1: of people being allowed to be recorded without their permission
Speaker 1: if they're if they're doing a crime.
Speaker 3: Don't want to say it's ain't really crazy. So I
Speaker 3: was in a domestic violence situation before and I filmed
Speaker 3: the like, I started getting verbally abuse, so I was
Speaker 3: pressed record on my phone to film the video. I
Speaker 3: had a video of this person abusing me verbally physically
Speaker 3: and then smashing my so my they got my phone
Speaker 3: and smashed it on the door into like a thousand pieces.
Speaker 3: There was a witness there with me, so like my
Speaker 3: building manager had come in and I gave that footage
Speaker 3: to the police and the person like when I went
Speaker 3: to court about it, they were charged and found guilty,
Speaker 3: but I then got put up on the stand and
Speaker 3: questioned as if I was the person that had done wrong.
Speaker 3: I got grilled and I was like so nervous, like
Speaker 3: I probably didn't answer the questions well enough because it
Speaker 3: just was so triggering for me. But there was a
Speaker 3: point in the thing where they got let off on
Speaker 3: one charge because they said they couldn't prove it. It
Speaker 3: was the physical assaults. There was, you know, various things,
Speaker 3: but one of the physical assault things are like, we
Speaker 3: can't prove that those bruises were caused from that thing,
Speaker 3: And I was like, I've got a video of them
Speaker 3: hitting me. Well, I didn't do anything else like that
Speaker 3: could have got me bruises like that. And then the phone,
Speaker 3: the smashing of the phone as well, Oh, it could
Speaker 3: have already been smashed. We can't prove that even though
Speaker 3: we've got a video of them smashing it on the wall,
Speaker 3: we can't prove that that damage was because of like
Speaker 3: it's so hard to even if you have that physical proof.
Speaker 4: And I had a witness there.
Speaker 2: So that's where judges have to change. The judges need
Speaker 2: to say it is very clear that.
Speaker 1: You put those bruises on her, and it is very
Speaker 1: clear that you smashed her phone. Well they need to
Speaker 1: start leaving the victims more in that sense.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, these perpetrators don't get convicted because yes,
Speaker 3: they probably did it, and there's proof and stuff, but
Speaker 3: it's not enough to be one hundred percent you did
Speaker 3: this without a doubt, which is hard because it's like
Speaker 3: what more proof can I You don't always have proof.
Speaker 3: You're not always going to be able to prove stuff,
Speaker 3: like to the nth degree. So I think the burden,
Speaker 3: the burden kind of needs to be less. But then
Speaker 3: you don't want innocent people going away.
Speaker 2: But how many.
Speaker 1: Times that's happening anyway? And that's what you know? You
Speaker 1: get a jury, and that's very different. A jury can
Speaker 1: send an innocent person to jail, not with the beyond
Speaker 1: reasonable doubt. They are like, we think he did it,
Speaker 1: we think she did it, So you're in for life mate.
Speaker 1: One judge compared to a heap, like you can't. Humans
Speaker 1: are so fallible, Like how can you give one judge
Speaker 1: all that judgment? How can you give a jury of
Speaker 1: people who have no expertise legal world at all.
Speaker 4: Know that their legal system is an absolute joke?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really is.
Speaker 1: Things have really got to change, you know, and us
Speaker 1: saying what do we do?
Speaker 2: What do we do? Maybe that's where.
Speaker 1: We start changing the legal system, changing the onus of proof.
Speaker 3: You have to prove that you didn't abuse them, Yeah,
Speaker 3: us having to prove that you did.
Speaker 2: I would just like to.
Speaker 1: Say to any young people that are listening, don't get
Speaker 1: into that relationship. If you feel a red flag or
Speaker 1: if someone around you has a really weird feeling for you,
Speaker 1: go with that instead, because your future is really awful.
Speaker 1: And by the time you get to that point of
Speaker 1: clarity of oh my god, I mean way over my
Speaker 1: head here, so many things have been taken from you physically, mentally,
Speaker 1: emotionally that could have really been avoided if we just
Speaker 1: start telling young people how much more they're worth. You
Speaker 1: know that, boys, Oh he hits you because he likes you,
Speaker 1: or mean to you because he really likes you.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's really cute. Stop that.
Speaker 1: Immediately he hits you, get away from him. If he's
Speaker 1: mean to you, get away from him. Don't ever talk
Speaker 1: to him again, until he has respect for you, until
Speaker 1: he's kind to you.
Speaker 2: But you start saying that to young girls. I remember
Speaker 2: being told that as a kid.
Speaker 3: I think as well, like women not that it's our fault,
Speaker 3: because you know, this is just what society has trained
Speaker 3: us to do. But women like excusing men's bad behavior
Speaker 3: or accepting it also like disadvantages the rest of us
Speaker 3: because then the men think that they can also do it.
Speaker 3: But if like we were all like unified and we're like,
Speaker 3: as a whole collective of women, we are not going
Speaker 3: to put up with this behavior, they wouldn't actually be
Speaker 3: able to do it. But then then there's some women
Speaker 3: that are like letting the team down because it's like
Speaker 3: I'm going to accept it. I know a good exact
Speaker 3: that's a pick me yes. So that's like it's just
Speaker 3: making the standard because it's like, oh, well, I'm going
Speaker 3: to find a woman that will accept it. And then
Speaker 3: another thing I think is like believing women like when
Speaker 3: they are brave enough to come forward. Obviously, I recently
Speaker 3: did a story on Ridge from Maps this season and
Speaker 3: two of his eck well, actually there was about six exes,
Speaker 3: but this particular story, there was two x's that came
Speaker 3: forward gave me a statement on the record. They didn't
Speaker 3: want to be named because they were like, I just
Speaker 3: don't want my name out there. I want to be
Speaker 3: I'm a private But they were on the record statements
Speaker 3: of you know, cheating, abuse, all of this stuff, and
Speaker 3: we were doing we put the story out there, and
Speaker 3: people in the comments are going, this is fake.
Speaker 4: I don't believe it. Where's your proof?
Speaker 3: And I was like, I have two women on records
Speaker 3: saying that this happened to them. I don't know what
Speaker 3: other proof do you want, Like unless I was in
Speaker 3: the room when you know they were having sex, like
Speaker 3: and I filmed it. There's like, that's as good as
Speaker 3: it's going to get.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't we believe them?
Speaker 3: It's just our default too, it is we need to
Speaker 3: see proof otherwise why I don't believe a girl. I
Speaker 3: don't believe that a guy would do that. It's like
Speaker 3: a We're seeing it happen so much, why are you
Speaker 3: not believing it? And I just think it's so important
Speaker 3: to believe women when they do speak out. Ridge's girlfriends
Speaker 3: as well. Current girlfriend Jade from the show she Like,
Speaker 3: made a comment slamming this ex that had spoken out,
Speaker 3: and I was so annoyed because I was like, these
Speaker 3: women are help, trying to help you. They are speaking
Speaker 3: out about what happened to them so that you don't
Speaker 3: have to go through what they did, and you're choosing
Speaker 3: not to listen to them.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that feeling of Oxy's tocin love is
Speaker 1: very strong. I mean I remember it as a teenager myself.
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with who I was crushing on, obsessed
Speaker 1: so much so that you know, they could do anything,
Speaker 1: say anything, didn't matter because I was just so in
Speaker 1: love with the good of them, even if it wasn't
Speaker 1: didn't last for very long. I mean, it just happens
Speaker 1: to so many And that's what we've got to get
Speaker 1: him young, because if we don't teach kids, girl kids
Speaker 1: to say no, get away from.
Speaker 4: Me, self love confidence, Yeah, then.
Speaker 1: When do we teach them. I want to end on
Speaker 1: this Believe women, Believe women.
Speaker 3: Yeah, amen, thank you for coming in again, Thank you
Speaker 3: for having me coming to you this time next year.
Speaker 4: Put in the diary regular.
Speaker 2: It'll be after the season, after you've had a bit
Speaker 2: of a sleep.
Speaker 3: No, I'm uncontactable from like unless you're a mass contestant
Speaker 3: from jan to April. I'm like, I don't apply to anyone.
Speaker 2: Well, it's still April. No it's not. It's May. So
Speaker 2: I see you next May.
Speaker 4: Do you have coffee on my face, on your face,
Speaker 4: on my lips?
Speaker 2: No? Do you often get coffee on your face?
Speaker 3: Yeah? The other day I got home and I had
Speaker 3: like a chocolate here, and I was like, walking around, Oh,
Speaker 3: maybe just look like dark liplighter though, and.
Speaker 2: I looked like Pooh. You had Pooh on your face.