Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Carly Taylor here for this week's My Joe Monday.
Speaker 1: So today we are going to be talking about a
Speaker 1: subject which I am very very close to you, so
Speaker 1: I'm excited to talk to you about this, and that
Speaker 1: is around building confidence. So confidence is something that I
Speaker 1: had personally struggled with, and I actually remember being confident
Speaker 1: as a child, and I would always be the first to,
Speaker 1: you know, enthusiastically put my hand up to recite a
Speaker 1: poem in front of the class, or I would audition
Speaker 1: for the school play. And then slowly, over time the
Speaker 1: other kids started to be critical of this enthusiasm and
Speaker 1: I entered into my teenage years and the need to
Speaker 1: fit in and the awareness of what other people were
Speaker 1: thinking of me starting to chip away at both that
Speaker 1: enthusiasm and also the confidence that I had in myself,
Speaker 1: and I started to shy away from I guess the
Speaker 1: spotlight being the kind of center of attention, and that
Speaker 1: memory of feeling confident or being confident, I think really
Speaker 1: highlights how powerful the teenage years are in shaping us.
Speaker 1: And I have actually kept journals from when I was
Speaker 1: seven years old, so I have this documented narrative from
Speaker 1: my childhood through my teenage years and into adulthood, and
Speaker 1: I can see how my lack of confidence in different
Speaker 1: areas of my life played out, particularly in social situations
Speaker 1: and also in work. But the difference now is that
Speaker 1: I understand that I don't need to feel confident to
Speaker 1: do the things that I really want to do. And
Speaker 1: of course my mind tells me don't do it because
Speaker 1: it's way too risky. But you actually have to do
Speaker 1: the thing you're not confident about to gain the confidence.
Speaker 1: And this is where competence comes in because competent. Being
Speaker 1: competent is about what you can do. It's your skills
Speaker 1: and your knowledge. Confidence, on the other hand, is trusting
Speaker 1: your ability to not only use those skills, but to
Speaker 1: accept the risk that it may not work out the
Speaker 1: way you want it to. So the Latin meaning of confidence,
Speaker 1: so this is really interesting. So the Latin meaning of
Speaker 1: confidence is with trust. So con is with and fdare
Speaker 1: is trust. So confidence is with trust. So you think
Speaker 1: about someone you know who you have confidence in. You
Speaker 1: trust they are going to do the things they say
Speaker 1: they're going to do. You have trust that they have
Speaker 1: the experiences, the training, the expertise, or the good character.
Speaker 1: So I'll give you an example. So my son had
Speaker 1: major surgery last year where he had a tumor removed
Speaker 1: from his peturitory glands, which is at the base of
Speaker 1: the brain, So pretty major surgery, and we had two surgeons.
Speaker 1: We had a neurosurgeon and an E and T surgeon,
Speaker 1: and we had confidence in them because the neurosurgeon had
Speaker 1: done the same surgery only six months prior, despite this
Speaker 1: being an incredibly rare disease in children. So we had
Speaker 1: that hope, that trust in him because of his competency.
Speaker 1: Along with all the anxiety and the fear and everything
Speaker 1: that came up in it, we still had confidence in
Speaker 1: his ability. So how do we then develop the confidence
Speaker 1: in ourselves? How do we approach ourselves with trust? And
Speaker 1: how do we do the things that scare us with
Speaker 1: trust in ourselves? We have to work at our competence. So,
Speaker 1: for example, if you want to be good at public speaking,
Speaker 1: you have to put yourself out there and do it.
Speaker 1: There's no other way to build that confidence, that trust
Speaker 1: in yourself. The only way to do that is to
Speaker 1: build your competence. If you're not confidence with say small
Speaker 1: talk in a social setting, which is such a common
Speaker 1: thing for people. The only way you're going to trust
Speaker 1: yourself to experience the small talk is practice it, and
Speaker 1: then over time the confidence will grow. So the magic
Speaker 1: happens when confidence and competence work together. So when you
Speaker 1: tap into that courage, you trust yourself enough to try,
Speaker 1: and in turn, you are growing. You are developing the
Speaker 1: skills to grow stronger, and you're training yourself in your confidence. Otherwise,
Speaker 1: what's the alternative. You live in your comfort zone, which,
Speaker 1: let's face it, doesn't end up very comfortable, because we
Speaker 1: know you can only grow from moving through discomfort in
Speaker 1: the service of what is important to us, our goals,
Speaker 1: our connections with people, and our experiences. And if that
Speaker 1: inner voice pipes up, which it no doubt will, what
Speaker 1: if I'm not good enough? What if I fail? You
Speaker 1: thank your mind knowing that confidence doesn't come from knowing everything.
Speaker 1: It doesn't come from everything being perfect. You don't have
Speaker 1: to have your environment, your situation perfect before you start.
Speaker 1: You don't have to have complete certainty of the outcome.
Speaker 1: It grows. Your confidence grows when you take action, when
Speaker 1: you learn, you train yourself and your competency, and you
Speaker 1: keep showing up. So I invite you this week to
Speaker 1: dip your toe outside of your comfort zone. You can
Speaker 1: start small and choose one task, one task that kind
Speaker 1: of brings up that inner discomfort, that brings up that
Speaker 1: inner voice that says, oh, I don't know, you should
Speaker 1: maybe shouldn't do this, and then prepare yourself as best
Speaker 1: you can, build that competency, and then do it. And
Speaker 1: what's important is that you don't celebrate the outcome. You
Speaker 1: celebrate the effort because you gave it a go, you
Speaker 1: showed up, and each attempt builds that competency and with it,
Speaker 1: your confidence will grow. And remember, confidence is a journey,
Speaker 1: it's not a destination. And you are exactly as you
Speaker 1: are right now. So now take that next step. So
Speaker 1: I want to wish everyone a merry Christmas, and I
Speaker 1: hope you get to have a little break over the
Speaker 1: Christmas period and I will catch you before the new year.
Speaker 1: I'll catch you next week. Sia