1 00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:01,880 Speaker 1: I get a team. 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 2: Bobby Capuccio is well's it's my little brother. He's a wido, 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:11,360 Speaker 2: his brother from another mother. He's here every week. He's 4 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 2: part of the fabric of typ Of course, he has 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 2: all of his own things going on. We'll explore those later. 6 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 2: But hi, mate, welcome back, Good. 7 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: To see you. 8 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 3: Good to see you again. Greg. 9 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 2: What's the it's ten thirty seven here? What does that 10 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 2: make it in the AM here? So five thirty seven 11 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 2: in the PM? 12 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly exactly what it is. You 13 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 3: know your time zones. We talked about this last time. 14 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:41,160 Speaker 1: Today. 15 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 2: I thought, well, I didn't think taken no credit for that. 16 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:51,600 Speaker 2: You have the idea of talking about failure, and I 17 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 2: think it's a good chat. But let's start with like 18 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 2: a definite a definition. Do you think what is failure 19 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 2: if you or what is when we're talking good? Is 20 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,839 Speaker 2: it just like because my failure could be your lesson 21 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:09,200 Speaker 2: right or vice versa. So is it really just a 22 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 2: subjective label we give stuff or is it an absolute. 23 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 3: I mean, I could talk from my own perspective. I 24 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,960 Speaker 3: think failure means different things based on different interpretations. But 25 00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,319 Speaker 3: for me, it's just to have an expectation about how 26 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,119 Speaker 3: something's going to work out, and it doesn't work out 27 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 3: that way, and sometimes it's quite shocking, So not really 28 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 3: a failure at all. But one of the things that 29 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 3: happened earlier is I was reading the evows from a 30 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,279 Speaker 3: presentation that I had given turned out to be pretty 31 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:44,840 Speaker 3: large presentation, and one of the comments about the presentation 32 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 3: was disrespectful and completely distasteful, and I thought, oh, wow, 33 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 3: that's that's kind of interesting. And as I as I 34 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 3: was reading through it, it's like, this was despicable, this 35 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 3: was offensive, was this was done in extremely poor taste. 36 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, Like did my mom 37 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 3: like write this? This is like kind of weird. And 38 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 3: then it turns out that I had utilized the story 39 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 3: or an example that I had pulled from research Christakis 40 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 3: and Fowler's book Connected, which I've used one hundred times, 41 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:28,079 Speaker 3: and the person was really offended to the point they 42 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 3: thought I was making, which I was absolutely not making, 43 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 3: and they were offended that I even use that example 44 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:38,359 Speaker 3: because it was not positive and there are positive examples 45 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 3: that you can use, and that's not like that's not 46 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,679 Speaker 3: like I'm a traditional failure, but a lot of people 47 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 3: would look at that as a failure because it's not 48 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 3: the feedback I wanted. It's not what I expected, and 49 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 3: it was quite shocking, like I had no way, shape 50 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 3: or form expected this, and I so that's one thing 51 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 3: that happened. But like I think data day, it's it's 52 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:06,079 Speaker 3: these little failures that we don't examine that are probably 53 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 3: more valuable over time than our successes. I could just 54 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 3: be completely reframing that because I have so many more 55 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 3: failures than successes and I'm just like trying to make 56 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 3: myself feel bad about it, but I think that they're 57 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 3: they're extremely valuable. And I think if you're not constantly 58 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 3: falling on your face and doing something where it's like, damn, 59 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 3: that was stupid, I kind of wonder how much you're 60 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 3: putting yourself out there. 61 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's when you get feedback. 62 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 2: That's one of the you know, I heard a guy 63 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,120 Speaker 2: talking this morning and he said, you know, the number one. 64 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,640 Speaker 2: I don't know if it really is, but it's I 65 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 2: guess it's up there. The number one fear is public speaking, 66 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 2: and he said, but it's not. It's not really like 67 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 2: the fear is not so much public speaking as it 68 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 2: is rejection and judgment, you know. And that's the thing 69 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 2: because the moment that you're on stage, like it or not, 70 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 2: you're being evaluated by whoever's looking at you, and even 71 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 2: the people who are not an inverted commas judgmental. Like, 72 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 2: it's virtually impossible to not judge things because we spend 73 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 2: our life evaluating, which is another word for judging or 74 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 2: labeling or ascertaining safety or you know, it's what we 75 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 2: do all the time. But the word judgment has a 76 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 2: negative connotation, you know. But you know, when you're crossing 77 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 2: the road, you're trying to judge when it's safe to go. 78 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 2: In that context, we don't care. And you know, if 79 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 2: you're looking at the fruit, you go, these bananas look 80 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 2: better than those that's a judgment call, right, But I 81 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 2: think it's hard when like, in your situation, let's say 82 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 2: you've got one hundred people and one person's like your shit, 83 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 2: ninety nine people are somewhere between. That was pretty good 84 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 2: and really good to not invest your energy or to 85 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,480 Speaker 2: not go down the rabbit hole of the one. 86 00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's how we evaluate it. If that's how 87 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 3: I have evaluated, they're like, oh, that was amazing, Well 88 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 3: that was the presentation that was disgraceful. Well that's me, 89 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,120 Speaker 3: that's personal. I mean, for the most part, the rest 90 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 3: of the evils were really good, you know. I mean 91 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 3: you get like, oh, could have been you know, love 92 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,560 Speaker 3: the stories, could have got more takeaways around soft skills. 93 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 3: One person's like, I was in the back and you know, 94 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 3: he whispers a lot, which I thought, do I really 95 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 3: am I a whisperer? Because people who whisper it's a 96 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 3: common thing lately where they're talking, like you hear it 97 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:34,480 Speaker 3: a lot, like on YouTube and someone speaking in a whisper, 98 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,919 Speaker 3: I'm like, you are freaking me out. I'm like, I 99 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 3: hope I'm not turning into one of those whisper people, 100 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,360 Speaker 3: because I can't let myself go in that direction. That 101 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 3: is very creepy. So I'm just wondering about that. 102 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 2: So, I mean, like, let's just call up failure what 103 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 2: we would typically call failure, which is, you know, we 104 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 2: wanted something to happen, or we tried something, we didn't 105 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 2: get the result we want. Let's not get caught up 106 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 2: in the semantics of what is and what isn't, but 107 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 2: in the general general understanding that we have of failing. 108 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,720 Speaker 2: You know, we played a game and we wanted to win, 109 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 2: but we didn't, So we lost or we failed or 110 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 2: and without kind of weaponizing the term too much, but 111 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 2: what's the upside of failure? 112 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:19,800 Speaker 1: What's the like what? 113 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 2: Because it's inevitable, like we're not going to navigate life 114 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 2: being a constant winner. So how do we how do 115 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 2: we lean into it, and how do we use it 116 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 2: to our advantage? 117 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,680 Speaker 3: Well, one, it's an outcome. I think all outcomes are feedback. 118 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,599 Speaker 3: So you had something that you thought was going to happen, 119 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,359 Speaker 3: you expected to happen, and it either happens or it 120 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 3: didn't happen. Both of those have a lot of information 121 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,279 Speaker 3: that are really useful. So if we take the emotion 122 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 3: out of it, it's like I did something, there was 123 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,520 Speaker 3: an action, and that action caused a reaction. Okay, what 124 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 3: can I readily observe? What can I take away from this? 125 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 3: So I was on a virtual conference call this person 126 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,800 Speaker 3: going through like we talked about this a couple of 127 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,279 Speaker 3: episodes ago, and I thought, that's like, oh God, I 128 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 3: wish we dived into this a little bit more because 129 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 3: I feel it's really important. She was talking about complete 130 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 3: radical accountability, and she said that she had gone in 131 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 3: for lunch and she had chosen a burger, and because 132 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 3: she had eaten the burger and then had the fries, 133 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 3: She's like, well, that's a fail outright fail. And I 134 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 3: was like, I really appreciate the accountability and the ownership, 135 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,760 Speaker 3: but I was like, hold on, what is she taking 136 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 3: away from that? I feel like there when we accountability 137 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 3: is the first step. If you're not taking accountability or 138 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 3: you're not acknowledging what happened, well you're not observing all 139 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 3: of the variables, you're not going to learn anything. But 140 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 3: I thought, is that all that happened that week? Because 141 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 3: she said, yeah, that was that was bad that week, 142 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 3: that was a failure. I was like, Okay, let's say 143 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 3: you had twenty one meals, three meals on average a 144 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 3: day time. Seven and one out of twenty one was 145 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 3: not the meal that you would planned to have, but 146 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 3: twenty was a win. 147 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: Yeah. 148 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 3: It was like, you know, if anyone had that level 149 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 3: of success in anything, I wrote a book, I wanted 150 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 3: to be a bestseller. Like you know, over ninety five 151 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 3: percent of the time, it is like they would study you, 152 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 3: like they wouldn't even just build statues about you, write 153 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 3: books about you. Like you'd be walking down the street 154 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 3: one day and they'd put a hood over your head 155 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,280 Speaker 3: and like next thing you know, you'd wake up in 156 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 3: some lab like in some Marvel sci fi film and 157 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 3: they'd run experiments on you. So it's like, what is 158 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:44,320 Speaker 3: your expectation and if it's like five percent of the time, 159 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,959 Speaker 3: whatever I intend to happen for a lot of different 160 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 3: variables is not going to happen and your expectations, that's 161 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 3: not acceptable. Man, You're gonna be really disappointed in life. 162 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 3: You might even stop trying at some point because your 163 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 3: barrier for success is so bloody high. But look at 164 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 3: all the other variables there, Like what happened the rest 165 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 3: of the week that allowed you to have twenty meals 166 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 3: on point? What were the points of differentiation? What were 167 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 3: like we have a lot of questions we can ask 168 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 3: what was the environment? Were you more isolated, like working 169 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 3: from home so you didn't have interference. Were you around 170 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 3: people so you weren't eating out of loneliness? Did you 171 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 3: plan your meals the day before? 172 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 2: Was? 173 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 3: What was your emotional state? Were you exhausted? And when 174 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 3: it came to discipline, you just couldn't be asked, So 175 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 3: what were all the variables that led to twenty successes. 176 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 3: Now you have that, what's the contrast. Let's take a 177 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 3: look at what happened not at lunch, what happened for 178 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 3: the time you woke up leading into lunch with environment 179 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 3: emotional state? Right? What was the intensity of that emotional state. 180 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,680 Speaker 3: All of these things are teaching you what happens when 181 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 3: you do really, really well, what happens when you miss 182 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 3: the mark, and that gives you preparatory strategies. It's like 183 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 3: I would have asked myself, you know what percentage of 184 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 3: success and this is completely subjective, would I give myself 185 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 3: in a week like that? And it doesn't matter because 186 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 3: if things are like I succeeded or I failed, and 187 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 3: there's no information, there's no learning. Like We've also talked 188 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 3: about flow states where skill and challenge are at equal measure, 189 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,520 Speaker 3: where if your skills far above your challenge, I'm bored, 190 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,199 Speaker 3: like I can't do this, But if the challenge is 191 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 3: too far above your skill, I'm frustrated, I'm overwhelmed. Eventually, 192 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 3: I'm probably not going to engage in this. What can 193 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 3: I do to level out those two variables to keep 194 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 3: me engaged in moving and a lot of times I 195 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 3: could get overwhelmed if I don't have information that comes 196 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,560 Speaker 3: to me as feed back. So once I have what 197 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 3: happened on my worst day, what happened on my best day, 198 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 3: and what about everything in between? If I have a 199 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 3: percentage of success, I can go okay, well, arbitrarily, why okay, 200 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 3: that was a Let's say that was a ninety percent 201 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 3: success rate, or in a different week it's twenty percent. 202 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 3: What would twenty five percent look like? Not like one 203 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:23,200 Speaker 3: hundred percent, but if that was twenty five percent, what 204 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 3: would what would thirty percent look like? And now I 205 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 3: have a gauge, and I keep pushing that and making 206 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 3: micromodifications as I go, getting better and better and better, 207 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:37,559 Speaker 3: or until I level out where what I'm putting in 208 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 3: and what I'm getting in return, even if it's like 209 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 3: consistently eighty percent success, that's where I want to be 210 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 3: right now. So it was kind of interesting how when 211 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 3: we internalize failure, you know, not as a single isolated event, 212 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 3: but as a reflection of who we are as a 213 00:11:54,480 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 3: person's an identity it I think it contributes in a 214 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:06,439 Speaker 3: lot of ways to how we rationalize or talk ourselves 215 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 3: out of things that would otherwise engage us and help 216 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:10,479 Speaker 3: us grap. 217 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that reframe on the one out 218 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 2: of twenty one meals. I did not see that coming 219 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 2: and I was starting to think, yeah, well, is it 220 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 2: a failure or is it a choice? I mean, you 221 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,760 Speaker 2: chose the burger, you know, and then you fucking opened 222 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 2: the twenty and I went, that is such a good 223 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 2: that is such a good point. And what if the 224 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 2: same person who ate twenty one meals twenty of them 225 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 2: were how they should be or how they would hope 226 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 2: to be healthy and tick all the micro and macro 227 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 2: boxes or whatever, And what if they they what if 228 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 2: their protocol or their story is well, one meal a week, 229 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna eat whatever the fuck I want. 230 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: I'm gonna let my hair down, and it's. 231 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: Not going to be healthy, and it's not going to 232 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 2: be you know, it's but that's what I'm doing because 233 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,720 Speaker 2: it tastes fucking great and I'm going to let my 234 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:03,319 Speaker 2: head down and that's okay. So this is not a failure. 235 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 2: This is actually part of my plan. And for me, 236 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting everyone does it, but for me to 237 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,559 Speaker 2: have that one cheeseburger and some chips and a coke 238 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 2: once a week for me, I fucking love it and 239 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,000 Speaker 2: bibby Bobby boot that's it. 240 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: Then there's no failure at all. 241 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I found this out. I don't know if you 242 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 3: if you've experienced this, but we're a couple of reform 243 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 3: meatheads and pack in my youth, I would just be 244 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,440 Speaker 3: on this all or nothing like that is it? I am? 245 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,719 Speaker 3: I am done, Like I am eating this, I am 246 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 3: never eating that. And what I started to notice, because 247 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 3: I made such a big deal with food, I started 248 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 3: having kind of like a weird relationship with it. And 249 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 3: I noticed like one day where it's like, no matter 250 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 3: what conversation I was in, I was trying to somehow 251 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:08,080 Speaker 3: cleverly integrate the subject of bagels into it. And I 252 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 3: was like, what's wrong with me? Like all day, like 253 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 3: one of my team would come in, it's like I 254 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 3: got to talk to you, and at some point in 255 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,480 Speaker 3: the conversation we'd be talking about bagels, and then like 256 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 3: I'd be chatting with my girlfriend and like bagels would 257 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 3: come up, and then my ball, I'm like, Okay, what's 258 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 3: going on? This is kind of weird. And I started 259 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 3: to realize that the less of a big deal I 260 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 3: made about food, like letting myself have it within measured amounts, 261 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 3: especially when you're planning so you don't fall prey to 262 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,280 Speaker 3: what happens when there's no space between stimulus and response. 263 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 3: It wasn't that big of a deal. It was in 264 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,760 Speaker 3: that like, this is like a completely forbidden food for me. 265 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 3: It became so enormous in my mind that all I 266 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 3: was doing was thinking about it. It's like trying to 267 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 3: not think about like a polka dot pink and bla 268 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,720 Speaker 3: flying elephant. The more you try to not think about it, 269 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 3: the more it appears in your head, and it's like, God, 270 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 3: it's not it's not that big a deal. If you 271 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 3: step back and say, Okay, there are going to be 272 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 3: certain behaviors and outcomes, and I'm capable of getting better. 273 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 3: I have evidence of that, but if something happens, I 274 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 3: don't tell myself. This is what we were talking about with 275 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,680 Speaker 3: Kristin Neff's work with self compassion, because if it's like, 276 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 3: oh my god, you bagel eating disgusting cow, and I 277 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 3: say that to myself, not saying I would, not saying 278 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 3: I haven't, but well, I start to reinforce a pattern 279 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 3: of beliefs that perpetuates that behavior pattern rather than looking 280 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,880 Speaker 3: back and curiosity and going, well, what happened there? Was 281 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 3: that a choice. It could have been a deliberate choice, 282 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 3: like right there was like okay, yeah, I want that, 283 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 3: or it could have been I was solo in blood sugar. 284 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 3: I had zero, zero discipline mechanisms at work. Did you 285 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 3: ever read Bowmster's research on the cookies versus the radishes? No, oh, 286 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 3: it's it's fascinating. So Bowmeister brought in the radishes, by 287 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 3: the way, Oh it's disgusting, but listen to what happened. 288 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 3: So he brought all these students in and they were 289 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 3: doing an experiment and they thought they were doing an 290 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 3: experiment on food memorization and how like tactile texture of 291 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 3: different foods affected like what you remember about the food. 292 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 3: And one group was divided into the cookie people, where 293 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 3: it's like, all right, go over to that table, and 294 00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 3: what we have for you is freshly baked, hot piping 295 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 3: chocolate chip cookies. So they got to just like and 296 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 3: it was like, just just take your time, eat slowly, 297 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 3: but you can eat as many biscuits as you want. 298 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 3: So these people are like, wow, glad I signed up 299 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,480 Speaker 3: for this the other people. It's like, Okay, radishes have 300 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:09,239 Speaker 3: a very distinct texture. So your job is you can 301 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 3: eat as many of these cold, disgusting, bland radishes as 302 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 3: you want, but you're not allowed to have any cookies. 303 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,040 Speaker 3: We just need you to stick with one type of food. 304 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 3: So like, right now, I think like the radish people 305 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,439 Speaker 3: are regretting their decision not to mention they hate the 306 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,160 Speaker 3: cookie people. And at the end of that, it was like, well, 307 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 3: you know, since you're already here, we're running another experiment, 308 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 3: would you mind solving some some like mathematical problems or 309 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 3: I think there were word problems. Anyway, solving some problems 310 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 3: and they were extremely difficult to solve. 311 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 2: Well, what's happening is something that required a high ish 312 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: level of cognitive function. 313 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, and not only cognitive function, but you had to 314 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,880 Speaker 3: have enough discipline and stick to itiveness. The people who 315 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 3: were eating the cookies worked on these problems over twice 316 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,240 Speaker 3: as long as the people who were eating the radishes, 317 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 3: because they had to utilize so much glucose and discipline 318 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 3: to not just rock up to the cookie table. The 319 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 3: other people didn't have to use anything. So it was 320 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 3: kind of interesting because let's say I'm walking home from 321 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 3: work and I've made a series of decisions. I've been 322 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,119 Speaker 3: in like really difficult meetings all day, and oh my goodness, 323 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,359 Speaker 3: there's a bake shop and normally I don't do that, 324 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 3: and I pop into that bake shop and I get, 325 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 3: you know whatever, let's say a couple of cookies. If 326 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,600 Speaker 3: I don't have any self compassion, and it's like, no, 327 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 3: you don't do that normally, and no, you're not an 328 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 3: undisciplined person, you just happen to be. Really, I'm not 329 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 3: likely to engage in the reflection that would teach me 330 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 3: the lessons that would mitigate the occurrences of that type 331 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 3: of thing in the future. And that's the problem that 332 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 3: I have with not examining what didn't go the way 333 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 3: you expected, because it's like, oh my goodness, one I'm 334 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 3: like really spent I fall prey to at the behaviors 335 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 3: I can't even walk past that big shop. Or maybe 336 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 3: I need to bring healthier snacks into the office. Let's 337 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 3: get to the root cause of the problem. But if 338 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,719 Speaker 3: I don't have self compassion, I'm not going to evaluate failure. 339 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,640 Speaker 3: If I don't evaluate failure, I'm not going to learn 340 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 3: anything from it. If I'm not going to learn anything 341 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 3: from it, I'm going to perpetuate the same mistakes that 342 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:30,359 Speaker 3: are avoidable. 343 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 1: Yeah. 344 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think when you get an outcome that you 345 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:42,360 Speaker 2: don't want, it's it's easy to default to the emotional 346 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 2: kind of system of disappointment or frustration or anger or 347 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:51,440 Speaker 2: embarrassment or anything in that kind of spectrum. Like when 348 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 2: I I recently did a gig and it went pretty well, 349 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,919 Speaker 2: and the people that I did it for didn't know 350 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 2: that I had an issue. But I have this thing, 351 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 2: you station tube dysfunction ETD, right, where sometimes one of 352 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 2: my ears just blocks, and it is it sounds like 353 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,879 Speaker 2: not a problem, it's like and there's no pain or anything. 354 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,919 Speaker 2: It's just that one ear blocks, and it's like somebody 355 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: has walked up to me and put an aluminum can 356 00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 2: or a steel can over my head and it's so 357 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:34,040 Speaker 2: distracting that I can't think clearly. And for the last 358 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 2: ten minutes of this presentation, I have this bin over 359 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 2: my head in inverted commas. 360 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,159 Speaker 1: And they didn't know. 361 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 2: And I finished it and I got good feedback, but 362 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,640 Speaker 2: I know I could have done better. I was so 363 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: angry at my body. I was so angry at myself 364 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 2: for letting myself get angry, and I'm like, and it's 365 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 2: so funny with all of my alleged fucking whatever, right, 366 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 2: I just I didn't capitulate, which was good, but yeah, 367 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 2: I get part of me felt like it was a 368 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 2: failure and it wasn't really, but I felt like it 369 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 2: and in that moment, so this is my humanity, this 370 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:17,680 Speaker 2: is my flaw, one of my many flaws. But yeah, 371 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,960 Speaker 2: I find it in that immediate, you know, aftermath, whether 372 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,959 Speaker 2: or not that's five or ten minutes. I find it 373 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 2: extremely challenging when I feel like I have failed or 374 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 2: fucked up. I find it really challenging not to hate 375 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 2: myself for five or ten minutes. And I know that's 376 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,679 Speaker 2: bad and I understand it, but I just do and 377 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 2: I get so fucking angry at myself because I want 378 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 2: to be great for them. I want it to be great. 379 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 2: I want it to be a great experience. And yeah, 380 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,720 Speaker 2: in that moment, there's no logic going on. I know 381 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:59,840 Speaker 2: it's not my fault. I didn't create it. They probably did, 382 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,199 Speaker 2: they even notice, but yeah, I find it hard not 383 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 2: to go down that emotional rabbit hole. But then I 384 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 2: guess conversely, when other things happen. I get outcomes I 385 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:16,040 Speaker 2: didn't want, maybe because my identity isn't so intertwined with 386 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: what I think that outcome is. I can dissect it 387 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 2: a little bit more logically and go, you know, well, 388 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 2: what can I learn? But yeah, I don't know. 389 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 3: I did a seminar for just local government here not 390 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 3: too long ago, and we were talking about negative emotions, 391 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 3: and my position was, there is no such thing as 392 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 3: a negative emotion. There are negative responses, interpretations, and enduring 393 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 3: patterns to emotions, but there are no negative emotions. Now, 394 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 3: I know what that feels like. And I'm very hesitant 395 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,920 Speaker 3: to say I know exactly how you feel. I'm not you. 396 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 3: I don't know exactly how. But I do the same thing. 397 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,439 Speaker 3: And if I feel like I have, and it's not 398 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:13,440 Speaker 3: a matter of failure. If it's a personal failure, it's 399 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 3: one thing. If I feel like I have failed a 400 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:20,000 Speaker 3: group of people or another person, yes, sim I don't. 401 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:25,040 Speaker 3: I don't deal with that very well. And I'm Bernie 402 00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 3: Siegel had the phrase name to tame, and it's it's 403 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 3: since you know, it's known, you know a few different ways. 404 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:37,919 Speaker 3: But you can call it affective labeling. And what I 405 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 3: find is emotions are kind of like that bake shop. 406 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 3: It's okay to go there, Yeah, don't don't live there, 407 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,600 Speaker 3: don't make it a thing, and don't hang out in 408 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,639 Speaker 3: their old day. And the premise is for for a 409 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:57,399 Speaker 3: lot of reasons, neurobiologically as well as psychologically, When you 410 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:03,119 Speaker 3: lean into that pain, it becomes really valuable. One, it 411 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 3: stops you from engaging in dysfunctional behavior patterns like I'm 412 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,239 Speaker 3: just gonna repress it. I'm just going to ignore it, 413 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,959 Speaker 3: and then it resurfaces in non constructive ways, or one 414 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,600 Speaker 3: of the things I do is I browt about it. 415 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 3: I think about it forever, like Okay, I'm having this 416 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,680 Speaker 3: really bad experience in twenty fifteen, I'll be thinking about 417 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,680 Speaker 3: this in like twenty twenty two. Still, that's not really constructive. 418 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,880 Speaker 3: But when you lean into it, it's like, Okay, how 419 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,959 Speaker 3: do I feel? Am I angry? Or is it something else? 420 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 3: Am I? Do I feel betrayed by my body? Or 421 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 3: like what exactly is the nuance of that emotion? It 422 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 3: decreases the intensity, And once it decreases the intensity, you 423 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 3: can evaluate it because for you, there's a value there, 424 00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:56,399 Speaker 3: like you wouldn't get so angry about that if it 425 00:24:56,640 --> 00:25:02,119 Speaker 3: wasn't threatening something that you valued deeply, and for you 426 00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 3: being on stage in front of people doing that thing, 427 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,679 Speaker 3: it probably it's connected to your highest values. 428 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,120 Speaker 1: Yeah that's true. 429 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 2: Yeah it's not making sense, but I mean okay, so 430 00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 2: just unpack this with me, Like to understand the emotion 431 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:28,399 Speaker 2: and to understand my emotional response to that outcome or 432 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 2: that experience is one thing. How do we how do 433 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,639 Speaker 2: we change that emotion? How do we you know, it's like, 434 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,360 Speaker 2: you know, when people are worried and someone says to them, 435 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 2: don't worry, Well, that's not at all helpful. 436 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 3: No, I can't stand I can't stand those people. It's 437 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,320 Speaker 3: like talk about things that make you angry right there. 438 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,080 Speaker 3: You know, there's there's a few things. One affect of 439 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 3: labeling in and of itself is a strategy because we 440 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:02,240 Speaker 3: so explain that like effectively. Is weird? 441 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 1: Practical example for someone. 442 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:10,879 Speaker 3: Okay, you just gave a presentation and something was not 443 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 3: at your standard for what you want to deliver, and 444 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,480 Speaker 3: it could be because of a physical impediment or anything, 445 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:24,520 Speaker 3: and you're really angry. Name it. Okay, I am angry 446 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:29,680 Speaker 3: right now, but go deeper. It's not just like I'm angry. 447 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,320 Speaker 3: I feel I betrayed myself and my audience, which in 448 00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,480 Speaker 3: your case in this story is not like appropriate. It 449 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,680 Speaker 3: could be your body betrayed you, or you know, I 450 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,720 Speaker 3: feel I feel resentful because I was up late last 451 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,639 Speaker 3: night working on a project that I didn't need to 452 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 3: be on and I didn't sleep, and now I delivered 453 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,959 Speaker 3: in a way that is not my standard of what 454 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,919 Speaker 3: those people deserve. Like really get into that. When you 455 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 3: start to get into that, a couple of things start 456 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,639 Speaker 3: to happen in your brain that mitigate the entity that 457 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,360 Speaker 3: emotional state where you start telling yourself stories about how 458 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 3: horrible you are and things that are not true, not constructive. 459 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,320 Speaker 3: One is the upregulation of the prefrontal lobes when you 460 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,640 Speaker 3: start leaning into analysis, like what exactly am I feeling 461 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:20,639 Speaker 3: right now? And why, your prefrontal lobes increase in activity, 462 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 3: which lowers the activity in the AMIG deals just modulating 463 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:28,040 Speaker 3: that emotional state. Two, you're starting to put words and 464 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 3: language to a feeling. When that starts to happen, you're 465 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,920 Speaker 3: bringing in your left temporal lobes, so you're getting more 466 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 3: whole brain integration. Because if you're thinking about when I'm 467 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:44,359 Speaker 3: really angry. You're going to have a disproportionate amount of 468 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,160 Speaker 3: activity in the right prefrontal cortex and the right side 469 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 3: of the brain overall. So now you're starting to integrate 470 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 3: those hemispheres by bringing in your language center because they 471 00:27:55,760 --> 00:28:01,719 Speaker 3: reside in the left temporal lobes. So biologically you're starting 472 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:06,080 Speaker 3: to reduce that intensity. So step number one is name it, 473 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,040 Speaker 3: like what exactly am I faan? And you don't have 474 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,959 Speaker 3: to be accurate, You just have to lean in and 475 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 3: ask the question and pursue the answer. What do you 476 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:20,880 Speaker 3: think caused that? Right? And then once that emotion subsides, 477 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 3: what's the value that this is threatening? Because now you 478 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,239 Speaker 3: start to learn more about what drives you. Because if 479 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:30,560 Speaker 3: you were standing up in front of a room and 480 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 3: all of a sudden, like you got this incredible mental clarity, 481 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,639 Speaker 3: like your brain just had a cup of coffee, you 482 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,719 Speaker 3: wouldn't walk out of that room. And I'm so angry 483 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 3: right now because nothing you cared about was threatened. As 484 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,480 Speaker 3: a matter of fact, something aligned with one of your values, 485 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 3: you might walk out of them. I don't know what happened. 486 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 3: I was feeling okay, but halfway through, like the lights 487 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,720 Speaker 3: went on, and I feel I really connected with the audience. 488 00:28:54,440 --> 00:29:04,400 Speaker 3: Another question is what human need? Is this threatening or 489 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:08,600 Speaker 3: is going unmet? Because maybe maybe the reason why you're 490 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 3: angry is I need appreciation, I need acceptance. I don't 491 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 3: think I got it from my audience. Okay, everybody needs 492 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:20,320 Speaker 3: appreciation and acceptance. Could that possibly be getting in the 493 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,840 Speaker 3: way of how I deal with problems when they occur 494 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:28,680 Speaker 3: on stage? Could my motivation in the moment be something 495 00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 3: that's creating a blind spot that's causing me a respond 496 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 3: this way? So you're learning more about yourself, and the 497 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 3: more you're learning about like where you are and where 498 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:39,720 Speaker 3: you want to be, you have you have greater possibilities 499 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 3: around strategies and ways to prepare or ways to adapt, 500 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 3: so that becomes highly constructive. I mean, that's that's one 501 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 3: area where having Taret's helps me. Is like a turning turning, 502 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,920 Speaker 3: turning rumination into constant reflection. 503 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,959 Speaker 2: I feel for me, like and maybe for a lot 504 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:05,080 Speaker 2: of people, but for me, you know that, And that's 505 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,720 Speaker 2: not like I'm angry as in fucked off at the world. 506 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,840 Speaker 2: I'm angry at myself right and I'm frustrated and all 507 00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 2: of these things periodically not. I think for the most part, 508 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,160 Speaker 2: I don't go there too often, but when I do, 509 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,040 Speaker 2: and as you're talking about it there, I'm thinking. 510 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: Okay, so. 511 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 2: What what's driving that emotional response to that particular not 512 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,240 Speaker 2: not great outcome on or not great outcome as. 513 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: Perceived by me? Right? 514 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 2: And I think it's fear. I think all of those 515 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,240 Speaker 2: emotions come back to fear. It's like, oh, I fear. 516 00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 2: I'm fearful that I won't be able to do this anymore. 517 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 2: I won't get any more work, they won't think I 518 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 2: was any good, they won't love me, they'll say bad 519 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,680 Speaker 2: shit about me, They'll like all of these insecure, fear 520 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,960 Speaker 2: based fucking emotions, you know. 521 00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 1: And it's it's, yeah, where you're trying to. 522 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:01,440 Speaker 2: Trying to understand the the you know, they're not particularly 523 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:06,440 Speaker 2: desirable emotional response that I'm having to this, and to 524 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:10,240 Speaker 2: be it's so funny to realize, I don't know for me, 525 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 2: like I still sometimes have this moment of awareness that 526 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,400 Speaker 2: isn't a good moment of awareness, but it's awareness nonetheless, 527 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 2: and it's like, oh, I'm actually still quite insecure. I'm like, 528 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 2: I'm I'm really about three percent better than I was 529 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:33,560 Speaker 2: thirty years ago. You know, it's like I'm not a 530 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 2: work in progress. I'm pretty much a work in stagnation. 531 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: You know. It's like I'm fucking. 532 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 2: Treading water in an emotional sea of fucking mediocrity. 533 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:50,480 Speaker 3: Not to be one of these people. But I think 534 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:56,640 Speaker 3: a useful questions like what is good about that? You know, 535 00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,760 Speaker 3: like what's good about that? Because we know what can 536 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 3: be bad about that? And there could be a lot 537 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 3: of maladaptive behaviors associated to that one. There's there's honesty there, 538 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 3: there's openness because you're not only self aware and honest 539 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:16,720 Speaker 3: enough with yourself to say that, but you're vulnerable enough 540 00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:20,960 Speaker 3: to say that, like on a podcast talking to countless 541 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:25,560 Speaker 3: numbers of people. So just even that conversation reveals a 542 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 3: lot of attributes that you have that could be leveraged. 543 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:34,760 Speaker 3: But what is good about that feeling of insecurity? Because again, 544 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,080 Speaker 3: I think everything has a light in a dark side, 545 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 3: depending on what dose you're taking at it. 546 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:46,400 Speaker 2: Right, I actually quite I like that question. I've thought 547 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:50,479 Speaker 2: about that, I've this is this is my explanation. But 548 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 2: the insecurity and fear and all of the you know, 549 00:32:55,920 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 2: like there's not generally speaking, there's not much self life loathing. 550 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 2: I don't, you know, I don't think I'm a piece 551 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 2: of worthless shit, none of that. But I don't think 552 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,680 Speaker 2: highly of myself. And I'm definitely not saying that to 553 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 2: garner any praise or whatever. But what I do like, 554 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,920 Speaker 2: for me, the upside of insecurity is that it makes 555 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:23,320 Speaker 2: me keep working hard, it makes me keep trying it. 556 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 2: Kind of It's like I never you know, people might 557 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,320 Speaker 2: not believe this, depending on how they perceive me, but 558 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 2: I never think, fuck, I'm amazing at this. 559 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:35,560 Speaker 1: I never have that. 560 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:36,880 Speaker 3: You know. 561 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 2: It's like when people comfortably call themselves an expert, I'm 562 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 2: I'm simultaneously impressed with them and curious because I go. 563 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,440 Speaker 3: How how do you say that? 564 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,960 Speaker 2: So like, and I don't think they necessarily should or shouldn't, 565 00:33:55,040 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 2: but I feel too embarrassed, too insecure to tell the world, Ah, 566 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,560 Speaker 2: listen to me, I'm an expert, right, and I think 567 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,560 Speaker 2: I've got as much knowledge and experience as many of 568 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,879 Speaker 2: the people who say that. But nonetheless, on no level 569 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:12,680 Speaker 2: do I feel like an expert. 570 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,160 Speaker 1: So I think for. 571 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,120 Speaker 2: Me that you know, well, you don't want it to 572 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:25,040 Speaker 2: be debilitating or controlling or overwhelming, but me feeling while 573 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 2: knowing that I have potential and I have some skills, 574 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 2: and I can string a few words together, and I 575 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,000 Speaker 2: have a you know, like, I've got evidence to tell 576 00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:33,759 Speaker 2: me that I'm not terrible at what I do. I've 577 00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 2: got data, I've got outcomes. Right, So that's nice, that's 578 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:42,440 Speaker 2: just logic, but also that underlying insecurity for me anyway, 579 00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 2: I think it keeps me grounded, and it keeps me hungry, 580 00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 2: and it keeps me curious, and it keeps me. I 581 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 2: think it keeps me relatable. I think it keeps me 582 00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:57,880 Speaker 2: so people go, ah, he's a bit like he's a 583 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,239 Speaker 2: bit fucked up, like me, cool, you know. 584 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: So I don't think it's a bad thing. 585 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:08,480 Speaker 3: So there are a lot of benefits to something that 586 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:13,960 Speaker 3: because I mean, I think when it comes to collective truths, 587 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:19,279 Speaker 3: we double down way too much on our collective illusions 588 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 3: as a society about like this is good, that's bad. 589 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,840 Speaker 3: I mean, there are some things that are just like okay, 590 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,480 Speaker 3: just really bad, and then there are some things that 591 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,640 Speaker 3: are obviously really good. But it's like, oh, you should 592 00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:33,719 Speaker 3: always feel really good about yourself. Well, what if I 593 00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,440 Speaker 3: feel so good about myself that I'm always certain so 594 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,280 Speaker 3: I have zero self awareness, zero self reflection. I don't 595 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,840 Speaker 3: modify my behaviors. I do tons of damage to people, 596 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:48,080 Speaker 3: but don't give a shit about that. It has to 597 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:53,920 Speaker 3: be them, can't be me, And I never honestly evaluate myself. 598 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 3: It's like I was in I was in a situation 599 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 3: probably a year ago, where I'm leading this team of 600 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:05,480 Speaker 3: people and it's not working out very well. Now my identity. 601 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,800 Speaker 3: It's like some of the people that I have loved 602 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:10,200 Speaker 3: the most, that have been closest to me, that have 603 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,239 Speaker 3: added so much of my world are people that I've 604 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,200 Speaker 3: worked with and people that have been on my teams 605 00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:21,040 Speaker 3: reporting into me, because like, if you report into me, 606 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,640 Speaker 3: my job is to serve you. Not at the expense 607 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:28,680 Speaker 3: of the mission, but my job is to serve you. Yeah, 608 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 3: And I was just allowing a lot of things, and 609 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:36,839 Speaker 3: it was just evolving and evolving and evolving, and it's 610 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,879 Speaker 3: like what if I would have been like, well, it's 611 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,560 Speaker 3: not me, it's them. And I was so sure myself. 612 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 3: I kept asking myself, Okay, what am I doing here? 613 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 3: It's got to be It's not totally my fault, obviously, 614 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:55,719 Speaker 3: because there's a lot of factors in a team dynamic, 615 00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 3: but I'm leading the team. This is overall my response. 616 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:04,560 Speaker 3: The responsibilities on me too. There has to be things 617 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:09,240 Speaker 3: that I am doing to create this, and I cared 618 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:13,719 Speaker 3: enormously about the people on the team, So there were 619 00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 3: certain actions I should have taken, but I didn't take 620 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 3: them because I was like, I'm doing something and there's 621 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,960 Speaker 3: something that I don't know, like something you know, like 622 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:27,799 Speaker 3: where you're like, something just doesn't feel right. And then 623 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 3: I find out, you know, after the fact, I'm a 624 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,240 Speaker 3: no longer like on this team anymore, that there were 625 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:37,800 Speaker 3: things that I absolutely did not know, and it's like, oh, 626 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,359 Speaker 3: that doesn't completely explain it, but that makes a lot 627 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:47,240 Speaker 3: more sense. And had I handled it a different way, 628 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,160 Speaker 3: I might have injured somebody that I really cared about, 629 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 3: And that, to me, is a lot worse than being 630 00:37:56,280 --> 00:38:01,239 Speaker 3: in a managerial position and kind of not being a 631 00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 3: great fit. I can live with that. I don't look 632 00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 3: at myself as a manager, never have. To me, leadership 633 00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:11,720 Speaker 3: is far more important for me, not not saying leadership 634 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,239 Speaker 3: is more important than management, I don't think it is. 635 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 3: I think those things are both incredibly important in any organization, 636 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 3: but you have to be careful about feeling so good 637 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:29,560 Speaker 3: about yourself that it creates devastating blind spots because you 638 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,440 Speaker 3: might think you're right in everything or other people of 639 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 3: the problem. You might not work on things that need 640 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,680 Speaker 3: attention and that could go un check for about five 641 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,120 Speaker 3: years until people you really want in your life disappear 642 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 3: from your life. And now that hurts. 643 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:46,759 Speaker 2: So yes, yeah, yeah. 644 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:51,359 Speaker 1: What what is a if there is one? 645 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,000 Speaker 2: A memorable for one of a better term, a memorable 646 00:38:55,080 --> 00:39:00,640 Speaker 2: failure that you experienced that ended up being something more 647 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 2: of a positive or at the very least, you know, 648 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:06,680 Speaker 2: a growth kind of experience. 649 00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:15,719 Speaker 3: Oh my days. Okay, well, don't want to talk about Australia. 650 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:22,200 Speaker 3: That was big, not not like your country. Your country 651 00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,200 Speaker 3: is great. I'm talking about a specific situation in Australia. 652 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:36,879 Speaker 3: Besides Australia wasn't my failure, So I'll talk about I'll 653 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:41,800 Speaker 3: talk about PTA Global, Sure, that was that was massive. 654 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:47,439 Speaker 3: So what had happened was I had put together this 655 00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:52,799 Speaker 3: company as a co founder with people I really cared about, 656 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:58,160 Speaker 3: really respected, loved working with, and then we brought on 657 00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:05,240 Speaker 3: we brought on some other people as co founders after 658 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:11,439 Speaker 3: and I think looking back, it was one of the 659 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,520 Speaker 3: best times in my life and then it all went away. 660 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,080 Speaker 3: So I had lost my place in a company that 661 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:22,759 Speaker 3: had a very large role in creating and that led 662 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,880 Speaker 3: to a couple of other things that happened in my 663 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:31,480 Speaker 3: life around the same time. And it was just absolutely devastating. 664 00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:35,600 Speaker 3: I mean, probably the most devastating event in my adult life, 665 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,200 Speaker 3: not just because of the loss of what I considered 666 00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:43,400 Speaker 3: my home, my girl, my company, a couple of my mates. 667 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:51,239 Speaker 3: But I think it turned out to be it turned 668 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:56,080 Speaker 3: out to be incredible for me because I learned a 669 00:40:56,120 --> 00:41:03,120 Speaker 3: lot of lessons, one of about what my motivations were. 670 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,680 Speaker 3: I was very dishonest with myself at that period of 671 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:12,320 Speaker 3: my life about what I really wanted out of business, 672 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,400 Speaker 3: what I wanted out of that company. I wanted all 673 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,080 Speaker 3: the things you would traditionally want out of a business, 674 00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:23,800 Speaker 3: you know. I wanted to make a livelihood, create something 675 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,600 Speaker 3: of value that endures. But I was also looking for 676 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:27,200 Speaker 3: a family. 677 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:29,840 Speaker 1: Yes, And. 678 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:35,680 Speaker 3: When you're doing that with business partners, that's kind of 679 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:40,120 Speaker 3: interesting because and we would all use the term, oh, 680 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:44,360 Speaker 3: we're brothers and everything, and to me, we were I 681 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,279 Speaker 3: don't want people to take this the wrong way. I 682 00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:50,120 Speaker 3: think sometimes when you're on a team, there is a 683 00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:54,040 Speaker 3: closeness that is greater than your family. And I'm not 684 00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:56,400 Speaker 3: saying these people are more important than your family at all, 685 00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:00,600 Speaker 3: But what I'm saying is you choose one another and 686 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:06,800 Speaker 3: you come together based on a common mission and values. Yeah, 687 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,880 Speaker 3: where with your family it's like, Okay, you're born into 688 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,319 Speaker 3: that or adopted into that, and you don't have to 689 00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:17,680 Speaker 3: say for me, I was looking for I think that 690 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:24,840 Speaker 3: void and that's not something that is fair for people 691 00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 3: when you enter into that and they don't know that, 692 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,360 Speaker 3: and it's not fair for you because you'll start making 693 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:37,600 Speaker 3: decisions that are that are kind of skewed towards fulfilling 694 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,040 Speaker 3: an emotional need rather than what is the best decision 695 00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:45,680 Speaker 3: for the business right now. And so I learned a 696 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,319 Speaker 3: little bit about what I need and what drives me 697 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,719 Speaker 3: that I that I don't think I I led with. 698 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:58,960 Speaker 3: And that level of clarity helped me structure my life 699 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:03,720 Speaker 3: quite different. And I think it kind of really helped 700 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:11,359 Speaker 3: me when I met Amy, to be fair, because I 701 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:15,000 Speaker 3: was in I was in this state where I don't 702 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:19,520 Speaker 3: I don't need relationships, relationships. I'm fine, I'm totally fine. 703 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,719 Speaker 3: And I had these views on dating and all that 704 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,879 Speaker 3: was was anger and pain. Yes, And when I met her, 705 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,239 Speaker 3: I was at the tail end of that, and that 706 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:32,440 Speaker 3: clarity about what I wanted, what I was looking for, 707 00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:37,360 Speaker 3: allowed me to see something that I probably wouldn't have 708 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:42,320 Speaker 3: seen beforehand. So that's a very long winded answer because 709 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 3: I just had to work that out in my head. 710 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:45,920 Speaker 3: It wasn't like right there, it was like because it 711 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:47,040 Speaker 3: was a really big question. 712 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:49,840 Speaker 2: Well, this is the beauty of an organic conversation. I 713 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,080 Speaker 2: might I've got to go. We've got I've got more 714 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:55,160 Speaker 2: stuff to do, and you've probably got more stuff to do. 715 00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:58,840 Speaker 2: It's probably twenty past six on planet U. It's heading 716 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,799 Speaker 2: towards dinner time. Are you making the lovely? Are you 717 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:05,360 Speaker 2: making her dinner? Are you taking her out for dinner? 718 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:06,880 Speaker 2: Are you having dinner together? 719 00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:12,919 Speaker 3: We are having dinner together. So she'll make one part 720 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:16,360 Speaker 3: of it. I'll make another part of it. We like 721 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,680 Speaker 3: to split the t It's a good it's a very 722 00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:20,680 Speaker 3: good time to wrap this up because otherwise, like with 723 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:22,560 Speaker 3: these questions where they're going, I would have to like 724 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:26,760 Speaker 3: lay down on a sofa and continue this conversation. Greg. 725 00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:30,399 Speaker 3: Always love talking to you. Thank you listeners. 726 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:32,839 Speaker 2: Thanks a lot tell everyone where they can find your 727 00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:33,680 Speaker 2: mate before you go. 728 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,000 Speaker 3: I am currently on K Street in downtown San Diego. 729 00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,440 Speaker 3: But if that's like too much of an ask, you 730 00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:48,040 Speaker 3: can just find me at robacacuccio dot com or thesouth 731 00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:49,919 Speaker 3: Albad dot com. 732 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:51,839 Speaker 1: All right, buddy, thanks Mike talk. 733 00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:53,360 Speaker 3: She is met. Bye bye,