Speaker 1: La la la la la. Hi Yah.
Speaker 2: Hello, how lucky he is feeling today?
Speaker 1: Lucky? You're feeling like a lucky Are you going to
Speaker 1: go out and get yourself a tat's ticket? Yeah, ticket
Speaker 1: to Dream. It's Mel and Monty. Thanks for listening, and
Speaker 1: if you're new to the pod, thanks for joining us.
Speaker 1: We always love when new people listen, and also, of
Speaker 1: course our old trusty reliables. How funny is this? The
Speaker 1: other day I was messaging a friend and of course
Speaker 1: we were having a little bit about somebody, and she
Speaker 1: wrote back, He's a weasel, And I'm like, what a
Speaker 1: great word. I'm like, weasel, I haven't heard that in
Speaker 1: so long, And how offensive to be called a weasel?
Speaker 2: Yeah, A conniving but spineless that's what I think.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, a weasel, I'm just like that to me
Speaker 1: is one of the worst things it can be called.
Speaker 1: What a weasel? Really untrustworthy?
Speaker 2: A weasel is an animal.
Speaker 1: It's like a little like a loafer. No I would
Speaker 1: have thought I thought a weasel was. Oh no, I
Speaker 1: gotta think. Yes, the things that go into your into
Speaker 1: your food and they become such a fucking punish a weavil,
Speaker 1: a weavil calling someone a weavil is also a good
Speaker 1: insult because they're so annoying. What's a weasel?
Speaker 2: A weasel sort of looks a little bit like a
Speaker 2: meer cat ah sort of thing. Oh and it looks
Speaker 2: it looks exactly as you would imagine a person who
Speaker 2: is a weasel would.
Speaker 1: Just like like a little just I just love that anyway,
Speaker 1: I thought, bring back the weasel, because yesel, that's a
Speaker 1: good it's a good insult. But so I spoke about
Speaker 1: it the other day with the leaning book. No sorry,
Speaker 1: let them book. I always let them too confused, So
Speaker 1: let them what's the author's name again, Mel Robins? Mel Robins,
Speaker 1: And she's got this podcast, this book that's just taken
Speaker 1: the world by storm, which essentially is like letting people
Speaker 1: do what they want. You can't control them, so just
Speaker 1: let them be. You know, if somebody doesn't want to
Speaker 1: invite you somewhere, let them, which is very hard to
Speaker 1: just do. But then the second part of it is
Speaker 1: let me, And it's like, well, what can I control?
Speaker 1: Maybe you haven't reached out to that friend in a while,
Speaker 1: maybe you haven't been making the effort. Maybe you know,
Speaker 1: there could be a million different reasons what is it
Speaker 1: that you can control? Let them do what they're going
Speaker 1: to do, and you do what you've got to do. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I love it in principle and I'm trying to do
Speaker 1: it a lot. The other day, somebody cut me off
Speaker 1: and I was just like, let them, let them, let them,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to fucking kill him. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: so hard. And my friends sitting next to me as well,
Speaker 1: we're both going to let them, let them, let them,
Speaker 1: But I'm like, how I really want to. I'm really
Speaker 1: frustrated right now, even with a guy cutting me off,
Speaker 1: I couldn't let them.
Speaker 2: I think it's just catching yourself. Just even being aware
Speaker 2: of it means something. But it also I don't think
Speaker 2: it means not being able to get upset or totally about.
Speaker 1: Things, still having your feelings for surely.
Speaker 2: Can they all just seem like different iterations of the
Speaker 2: same concept, like put your fucks where you really want
Speaker 2: them to go, total, don't put them into the shit
Speaker 2: that doesn't matter, which is shit like other people's opinions
Speaker 2: and whatever.
Speaker 1: Stuff like that, which is but it is so much
Speaker 1: easier said than done, because we do care about people's opinions,
Speaker 1: but it is there a lot of time is wasted
Speaker 1: and a lot of energy, and it is again going
Speaker 1: you can't change people. And I realize how much I
Speaker 1: try to control my kids and certain situations. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like because I think with my health, I feel
Speaker 1: so wildly out of control of that that I try
Speaker 1: and control other things and other people and anyway, So
Speaker 1: I'm finding this book actually really helpful. So I listened
Speaker 1: to the audio book, which I just found a bit
Speaker 1: easier than reading it. I've absorbed it more than I
Speaker 1: thought I. But they've got a whole chapter on friendship,
Speaker 1: Like one of the whole things is friendship. Have you
Speaker 1: heard of Did you have you read it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, So I found this really interesting. That apparently to
Speaker 1: have a casual friendship, so somebody that becomes a bit
Speaker 1: more than an acquaintance, and somebody you enjoy their time
Speaker 1: and you, you know, you want to do things with
Speaker 1: it takes seventy hours until you can until you become
Speaker 1: a casual friend, seventy hours of spending together. And this
Speaker 1: is like backed up by data. And then to become
Speaker 1: good friends with somebody it takes two hundred hours, I know,
Speaker 1: isn't that wild?
Speaker 2: And even then they can double cross you.
Speaker 1: You have totally assholes. But she's like, that's why school.
Speaker 1: It's just kids clock up so many hours with each
Speaker 1: other that they become you know, within two weeks you've
Speaker 1: got the two hundred hours essentially, or within three weeks
Speaker 1: you've got the two hundred hours. So kids form friendships
Speaker 1: a lot easier, same as when you're high school and
Speaker 1: possibly UNI. And she's like, and then you get to
Speaker 1: your early twenties and the whole social scene changes, and
Speaker 1: she said, you can often find yourself lonely because you
Speaker 1: don't have your whole situation changes. You're not doing the
Speaker 1: exact same things as people are doing at the exact
Speaker 1: same time. You don't have the exact same holiday time.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you're so right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the loneliness. There are times where I would
Speaker 2: say I feel lonely in that way because it's almost
Speaker 2: like I don't have time. Yes, I don't have time.
Speaker 2: And then I feel guilty because I know I'm being
Speaker 2: a shit friend. Yes, because I'm not making the effort
Speaker 2: that I know I should and I know I need it. Yes,
Speaker 2: The awareness of yeah, I know I know I need it.
Speaker 2: It's hard to manage your time. And everyone talks about balance,
Speaker 2: but sometimes there is no balance. There can be periods
Speaker 2: of just no balance.
Speaker 1: Totally, and it is can be hard to have all
Speaker 1: of them spinning at once, you know, like your career.
Speaker 1: You're like speaking to a friend the other day and
Speaker 1: she had a SYC session and she said, they literally
Speaker 1: set up chairs in the room around and one of
Speaker 1: them was family, you know, kids, one of them was motherhood,
Speaker 1: one of them was health and fitness, the other one
Speaker 1: was career and purpose. And she said, all of them,
Speaker 1: she said, it's very hard to have them all balanced
Speaker 1: at the same time. But they can, to an extent
Speaker 1: be balanced. It's when one of them's really out that
Speaker 1: it can cause quite a lot of unhappiness in your life.
Speaker 1: And she said to her, like she's had very successful
Speaker 1: businesses but sold them. She said, her purpose the purpose
Speaker 1: chair was nearly empty for her. So every other area
Speaker 1: was great, but the purpose chair was so empty that
Speaker 1: she's finding herself bored. And I was like, yes, I
Speaker 1: totally get that, because you get so much purpose from
Speaker 1: your work that if that's not there, it's a very
Speaker 1: odd feeling as an adult to not have much purpose
Speaker 1: and your kids can't give you all your purpose, that's
Speaker 1: all shit.
Speaker 2: They can't give you all your purpose. But then it's
Speaker 2: also hard, you know, people like you know, the key
Speaker 2: to happiness or whatever is identifying your purpose. I feel
Speaker 2: pretty okay with the fact that I never will. I
Speaker 2: don't think anything.
Speaker 1: Your purpose has to be something like astronomical. The fact
Speaker 1: that you get up every day and you do work
Speaker 1: and you have some you have stuff that you've got
Speaker 1: to do and keep your mind busy. That's purpose. If
Speaker 1: you didn't have that, you would feel really purposeless.
Speaker 2: But on the flip side, there's purpose, and then there's
Speaker 2: also necessity. Yeah, so maybe your purpose might be, oh,
Speaker 2: I can pick and choose how much work I do.
Speaker 2: But when it becomes oh no, hang on, but we've
Speaker 2: got to pay these bills. I have to do this
Speaker 2: amount of work to make the money to do that,
Speaker 2: it becomes a drain too. It becomes a drain. And
Speaker 2: also like and then you're you can also get into
Speaker 2: a trap of the other things are sliding. Yes, what
Speaker 2: you'd probably say, the more important things, Yeah, yeah, because
Speaker 2: you don't get the time. It's everything comes down to time.
Speaker 2: And it's like with your kids, you don't get the
Speaker 2: time back.
Speaker 1: No, you don't, I know, and also saying that that
Speaker 1: you don't have purposes if you don't work, like a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't work and still would have huge purpose.
Speaker 1: I think that is me. That's me projecting and the
Speaker 1: fact that I if I don't have work going on,
Speaker 1: I do feel quite purposeless, Like I don't get enough
Speaker 1: purpose from doing, you know, running the family life. I
Speaker 1: don't get enough purpose from that. I also find it
Speaker 1: really hard when you don't have set work to do
Speaker 1: it self. Motivated routine is extremely challenging, and I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people thrive off having a bit of
Speaker 1: a routine. I know I do, that's for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. And it's also I think what you see
Speaker 2: as success. So maybe for you you've always seen success
Speaker 2: is around career, someone who is happy. I'm just going
Speaker 2: to use the term housewife. I don't know if that's outdated, yeah, outdated,
Speaker 2: But someone who stays at home and is a caretaker
Speaker 2: for the family and that's what they do, then they
Speaker 2: get that's the most important thing to them, that's where
Speaker 2: they get their value. So I think it's trying to
Speaker 2: match those things up totally.
Speaker 1: And it is of course it's so individual, but it is.
Speaker 1: I think like even quite a few of my friends
Speaker 1: who have raped and are still raising the children and
Speaker 1: not working do say that they do feel quite purposeless,
Speaker 1: especially when the kids start to go are in school,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: what's my purpose now? You know, I think I feel
Speaker 1: a bit like that because you know, two years ago
Speaker 1: my contract stopped, and you know, my kids are getting older.
Speaker 1: It's a very weird stage to be and I feel
Speaker 1: like the early forties is an extremely weird stage for
Speaker 1: women because your kids are getting older, you're too old
Speaker 1: to kind of start your career again. It feels like
Speaker 1: which I know you're not, but it does feel like that.
Speaker 1: And then you're too young to not be working, and yeah,
Speaker 1: your kids are at this older getting at this older
Speaker 1: stage where they don't need you as much. It's a
Speaker 1: very weird time.
Speaker 2: It is a very it is a very very weird time.
Speaker 2: And you know, they call it the sandwich generation because
Speaker 2: often is it, Well, a lot of people are sandwiched
Speaker 2: in that thing of maybe they have aging parents and
Speaker 2: plus they're also.
Speaker 1: Raising your children.
Speaker 2: Yes, of course, you know, I guess the midlife crisis
Speaker 2: thing too, is a crisis of your identity. What am
Speaker 2: I a mom? Yes, you know, a podcast whatever. You
Speaker 2: sort of lose who you are totally, you do because
Speaker 2: maybe all your eggs have been in one basket for
Speaker 2: a long time.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it. Anyway, it's interesting.
Speaker 1: But I did find that friendship thing really fascinating, and
Speaker 1: there was there's also was she was saying that there's
Speaker 1: kind of three pillars to a good friendship, and one
Speaker 1: of them is proximity. And I was like, that's so true,
Speaker 1: Like you've got your old friendships that have absolutely are
Speaker 1: so beautiful and you need to nurture. But she said,
Speaker 1: if you have, like somebody who lives close by to you,
Speaker 1: by simply by them being close to you, often you
Speaker 1: will form a closer friendship with them because you do
Speaker 1: get those hours up. It's also timing. It's easier timing
Speaker 1: in your life, like you will form a closer friendship
Speaker 1: if you're in the same stage of life, so you're
Speaker 1: kind of doing the same things, your kids are the
Speaker 1: similar age. And then effort is the last thing, of course,
Speaker 1: where it's like the amount of effort that you put
Speaker 1: in to a relationship of friendship.
Speaker 2: Imagine imagine being friends with someone in their twenties, Like,
Speaker 2: how jealous you'd be, Totally. I'm just going out tonight.
Speaker 2: Want to come?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no, sorry I can't. I don't meet up
Speaker 2: at eight am totally.
Speaker 1: So just restricts it, just kind of your friendship can
Speaker 1: get to a certain level. But Sam Well I said
Speaker 1: to Sam, and he's like, I just like he's got
Speaker 1: some great to a single that he goes to music
Speaker 1: festivals with and stuff like that. I'm like, yeah, see,
Speaker 1: and they're younger than him. I'm like yeah, So, I
Speaker 1: mean it's not a hard and fast rule, but it
Speaker 1: does make sense to me when it's like the people
Speaker 1: who are in front of you the most, the people
Speaker 1: who are similar age and similar place in your life.
Speaker 1: And then I get, yeah, the amount of effort you
Speaker 1: put in to see them, they're all in.
Speaker 2: They're all in different categories. You've got your good time friends. Yeah,
Speaker 2: You've got your friends that you know that you pick
Speaker 2: up the phone and they're there in a second totally,
Speaker 2: whether that's they're available to you or they're actually therefore you.
Speaker 2: You've got your friends. You talk shit like it's all
Speaker 2: just different levels.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know what I mean, totally yeah, anyway, fascinating.
Speaker 1: All right, y'all that's us for our today's lucky dip,
Speaker 1: A bit of a different one. Sometimes we just never
Speaker 1: know where they're going to go, do they. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I got these things about friendship, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden we're talking about career and purpose.
Speaker 1: That's lucky hippop. Yeah, exactly, that's what you never know
Speaker 1: what you're going to get. All right, Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1: Make sure you get in touch with the shontell on
Speaker 1: Mine is where you can find us. If you can
Speaker 1: give us a rating wherever you listen or share this
Speaker 1: with your friend, that would be fabulous. Bye for now,
Speaker 1: Love you